1
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:22,388
Why on earth am I spending
my lunch break at the great
Governor Chung's book launch?
2
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,067
Because it's better
than watching Gary
3
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:26,169
drip that fucking
noodle juice down his chin.
4
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,526
God, I'm gonna snort
a line of tzatziki and go.
5
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,446
I am so mired
in filibuster reform,
I've got no conversation.
6
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,665
Do you know Chung?
Not really.
7
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,651
Hey!
Dan, my man.
8
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,819
Governor.
Good to see you, my friend.
9
00:00:37,888 --> 00:00:39,432
How are you, sir?
I'm very well.
10
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,240
And you must be Amy.
Yes.
11
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,303
So, Dan, how's it
working out with the VP?
12
00:00:43,327 --> 00:00:45,571
'Cause if you ever wanna
step several rungs
down the ladder,
13
00:00:45,595 --> 00:00:47,307
I could always use help
from a fellow Daniel.
14
00:00:47,331 --> 00:00:49,097
Dan only climbs up ladders.
15
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,501
Yes, but sometimes
you have to go down
to go up.
16
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:56,621
I assume the Vice President
would be too busy.
17
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,850
Yes. She sends
her apologies.
18
00:00:57,874 --> 00:00:59,658
She's prepping
for Meet the Press.
19
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,459
I'll be on Face the Nation.
20
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:04,278
But everyone
will be watching her,
so I guess I can just wing it.
21
00:01:04,348 --> 00:01:05,458
Shall I sign a book for her?
22
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,731
No... Okay.
23
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,384
I'd better be
going around myself,
24
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,781
make sure everyone
gets to touch the hem
of my garment.
25
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:12,838
(ALL LAUGHING)
26
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,691
Dan, the man.
(LAUGHS) All right.
27
00:01:15,759 --> 00:01:17,609
"You have to go down
to go up."
28
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,112
What a jerk.
I'm gonna steal that.
29
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,580
Because he who speaks in maxims
30
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,417
can sound wise.
31
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,553
This is good.
This is like cornbread.
32
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,082
(DAN SIGHS)
Hello, children.
33
00:01:30,106 --> 00:01:31,456
Hello, Senator.
34
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,403
You looking for some
fresh backs to stab?
35
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,261
Senator Doyle,
it's all part of the game.
36
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,875
Yeah, well,
I'll tell you, you wanna
play a game, Danny?
37
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,466
Why don't you try working
an iPad with your dick?
38
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:42,718
(LAUGHS)
39
00:01:42,786 --> 00:01:45,020
No, he's already got
carpal tunnel in that area.
40
00:01:45,088 --> 00:01:47,700
You have nothing
constructive
to say to me, Amy?
41
00:01:47,724 --> 00:01:49,424
Is this about Clean Jobs?
42
00:01:49,493 --> 00:01:52,339
Is that what they
call it still with
two oil guys on it?
43
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:56,281
Wow, you're gonna have to
buy a lot of spray cans
to paint that turd gold.
44
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:59,384
Everyone has limits
to their power, Senator,
even the Vice President.
45
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:02,487
Yeah, and I have
the power to withdraw,
46
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,457
which is what
I'm gonna do right now.
47
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,506
When he said withdraw,
he's not talking about
48
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,474
withdrawing from
filibuster reform,
though, right?
49
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,498
No! No!
50
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,760
What do you think
he's talking about?
51
00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:16,435
I assumed it was withdraw
from the conversation.
52
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:19,972
Who uses withdraw
as a fucking verb besides
Catholics and butlers?
53
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,701
Maybe the Israeli military
every once in a while.
54
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,737
Yeah, you think I don't know?
You're fucking with me.
55
00:02:23,761 --> 00:02:25,593
No. Come on,
let's just head back.
56
00:02:25,662 --> 00:02:27,657
No, no. No way.
I'm staying right here.
57
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,459
You gotta network
to get work, baby.
58
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,611
All right?
Chung for change.
59
00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:32,635
(APPLAUSE)
60
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,488
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
61
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,723
SELINA: We've got Jobs.
62
00:02:37,774 --> 00:02:39,385
Clean Jobs.
Clean Jobs.
63
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,926
Filibuster reform.
64
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,822
Yeah, hit that hard.
Right. You know
what we need?
65
00:02:42,846 --> 00:02:44,624
We need some normal,
regular-people stuff.
66
00:02:44,648 --> 00:02:45,947
I got an idea.
67
00:02:46,016 --> 00:02:47,961
You could talk about
how you always get
68
00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:49,896
a sweaty upper lip
underneath studio lights.
69
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,837
That shows you're normal.
70
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,234
I'm really talking
about a different
kind of normal, Gary.
71
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,390
Oh, okay.
72
00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:56,936
Small talk's gonna happen
at the end, right?
73
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,438
Right.
Gregory's a Redskins fan.
74
00:02:58,462 --> 00:02:59,539
He'll probably
bring up football.
75
00:02:59,563 --> 00:03:02,697
Football.
And I am a...
76
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,316
Ravens fan, so...
77
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:07,730
Madam Vice President,
how are your Ravens
doing this year?
78
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,288
My Ravens are gold
and I'll tell you why.
79
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,842
Because we have
Joe Flacco
as our quarterback.
80
00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:15,577
Yes. Yes.
And uh...
81
00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,791
Well, you know,
the Redskins have
a great running game this year
82
00:03:17,815 --> 00:03:20,093
and, honestly,
that receiving
corps over there,
83
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,300
Anquan Boldin,
not looking good for you.
84
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,735
Anquan?
85
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,353
A receiver on the Ravens.
86
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,700
Okay, well, I'm not
gonna remember that.
87
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,052
That's not good.
It doesn't matter.
88
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,176
You wanna bet a beer
that the Ravens will win.
89
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,710
Beer makes me so gassy.
90
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,078
You can talk about that.
91
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,125
About how it always
bloats you, beer.
92
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,627
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
93
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,562
That's a good one. Oh.
How was Chung?
94
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,019
Did he do this thing
95
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,315
where you don't know
if you're supposed to
hug him or crucify him?
96
00:03:43,339 --> 00:03:45,151
Which, by the way,
makes me wanna crucify him.
97
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:47,253
I did not stay
for his speech.
Let me see this.
98
00:03:47,277 --> 00:03:48,688
"The Good Fight."
(MIKE SNICKERS)
99
00:03:48,712 --> 00:03:50,161
I know. The title...
100
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,562
Please! Sue?
101
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,109
Yep.
Handle this for me.
102
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,677
Do you want me
to shred it?
Yeah.
103
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,446
Should I fire up
the shit eater?
Yeah.
104
00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,288
No, no. Wait a second.
He scrawled something
in the front for you.
105
00:04:00,357 --> 00:04:04,276
"To Vice President
Salina Meyer,"
106
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,896
with an "A".
"From an admiring wannabe."
107
00:04:07,964 --> 00:04:10,198
What an E-hole.
108
00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:11,733
Changed the "A" to an "E".
109
00:04:11,802 --> 00:04:13,835
What a bunch of
Washington bullshit that is.
110
00:04:13,904 --> 00:04:17,605
I am so tired of...
Hey, Gary, I...
111
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:20,992
I mean, "wannabe"?
He's obviously
making a joke, right?
112
00:04:21,045 --> 00:04:25,547
He doesn't really think that
he's some sort of credible
Vice Presidential candidate.
113
00:04:25,615 --> 00:04:27,999
Mmm, charismatic war hero.
114
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:32,270
Yeah, but, I mean,
the President always sticks
with the incumbent Veep.
115
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:35,607
Plus, he doesn't wanna
look like he made
a massive error picking you.
116
00:04:37,061 --> 00:04:38,793
Well, that was lovely.
117
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,139
He's stuck with me,
is that what...
118
00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:41,941
I don't mean it like that.
119
00:04:41,965 --> 00:04:43,993
I meant good stuck,
like if your marriage
lasts or whatever.
120
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,728
The President's
not gonna ditch you.
121
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,469
Would you be quiet? What?
122
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,872
Want me to have
Scott put together
a file on Chung,
123
00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:53,074
given the noise?
No. No, no, no, no.
124
00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:55,188
Do not let him know
that you're worried.
Do not make it a thing.
125
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,852
Yeah, Amy, don't make it
a thing, okay?
Okay.
126
00:04:59,015 --> 00:05:00,082
Ame?
127
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:06,337
Although, if those wheels
are in motion anyway,
128
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:09,808
then I would say
go ahead and, you know,
129
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:13,094
put a file together, you know.
130
00:05:13,162 --> 00:05:15,430
You know what I'm sick of?
That stupid story of Chung
131
00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:17,832
supposedly pulling
some guy out of
a burning tank.
132
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:21,786
Come on, why do guys
in the army get
a medal for doing their job?
133
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,300
The guy still had severe burns.
134
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,907
If anything, Chung was too late.
135
00:05:25,976 --> 00:05:27,720
Whoa, whoa.
Your desk is in the back.
136
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,328
This is neutral territory.
137
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,962
Yep. So I'm claiming it.
138
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,975
Sue, would you like
to tell him about
the encroachment rules?
139
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,011
Do I look like
a kindergarten teacher
to you, Mike?
140
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,746
Actually, yes.
Excuse me?
141
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,253
Uh, no, you don't.
Okay, go ahead.
142
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,817
I'm gonna use
your desk in the back.
143
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,541
As what, a pantry?
144
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:43,891
(WHISTLES)
145
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,161
Oh, here we go.
146
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,830
Look who it is, everybody!
It's your favorite Jonah.
147
00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:51,394
AMY: You're not even
your mom's favorite
Jonah, Jonah.
148
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:54,247
Don't be changing
the talking points for
my Meet the Press thing.
149
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,721
Okay? I am prepped.
150
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,723
I come bearing
a very minor request
from the President.
151
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,904
Does he want to operate me
by remote control?
152
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,344
No. That's not
technologically possible.
153
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,097
Um...
154
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:09,450
POTUS would appreciate it
if you didn't go too hard
on filibuster reform.
155
00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:10,697
What are you talking about?
156
00:06:10,721 --> 00:06:13,338
That's my defining
Vice Presidential crusade.
157
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:16,324
The administration
is totally focused
on the economy.
158
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,220
SELINA: Have a great
weekend, okay?
Ma'am.
159
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,438
SUE: Thank you,
ma'am, you, too.
Yeah, thank you very much.
160
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,007
Ma'am.
I need to
gather my things.
161
00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:22,608
I'll tell you something else,
these need water, okay?
162
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,244
SUE: Got it.
Okay.
163
00:06:24,268 --> 00:06:26,712
So, ma'am,
POTUS would like your
new chosen subject
164
00:06:26,736 --> 00:06:28,503
to be immigration reform.
165
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:31,439
Americans losing jobs
to illegals, et cetera.
166
00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:35,977
I spoke in favor of
immigration amnesty all
during my primary campaign.
167
00:06:36,046 --> 00:06:37,857
Hey, how's it going?
Well, with respect, ma'am,
168
00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:41,549
do you think anybody's
gonna remember
your primary campaign?
169
00:06:41,952 --> 00:06:43,284
Ooh.
170
00:06:43,353 --> 00:06:45,820
In spite of your preface,
I did not detect
171
00:06:45,889 --> 00:06:48,170
a whole lot of respect
in that question.
172
00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:51,810
You know, I meant that
more as a slight against
173
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,712
the power of recollection
of the electorate
174
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,214
and not as an attack
on the potency of
your campaign.
175
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,483
Well, why didn't you
say that, then?
176
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,798
Oh, because you have
the social skills of someone
who was raised by wolves.
177
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,506
Oh, and pump up China
as a trading partner.
178
00:07:04,575 --> 00:07:07,091
We gotta keep nudging
that one along.
179
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,171
I gotta get back
to the White House.
180
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,945
God, I love saying that.
181
00:07:12,082 --> 00:07:14,582
Well, God bless
the President, you know.
182
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,184
I mean, he's really a great man,
183
00:07:16,253 --> 00:07:19,370
but he is busting
my fucking lady balls here.
184
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,757
And pump up China?
185
00:07:22,826 --> 00:07:24,826
Is that some sort of dig
about Chung?
186
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,323
Okay, so I guess
we're not going home.
187
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,581
Yeah. Sue?
We're staying.
Yep.
188
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,730
Aw.
189
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:32,718
Whew.
190
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,150
AMY: Did you have
a good Saturday night?
191
00:07:37,174 --> 00:07:38,273
It was okay.
192
00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:40,458
My zipper on my Leviathan broke,
193
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,827
so I had to drive around
trying to find a replacement.
194
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,946
What did you do?
You know what I did?
195
00:07:45,015 --> 00:07:48,349
I went to bed at 7:00 p.m.
7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night.
196
00:07:48,418 --> 00:07:50,930
Even people who are
dying of malaria
stay up later than that.
197
00:07:50,954 --> 00:07:52,715
Well, they can't sleep
because they're coughing.
198
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,440
Hi, guys. I'm all set.
I'll be there
in just a second.
199
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:56,819
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
200
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,509
I gotta go, but you know what?
201
00:07:58,578 --> 00:07:59,806
Hang out here
as long as you like
202
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:00,907
and I'll call you
afterwards, okay?
203
00:08:00,931 --> 00:08:02,091
MAN: Can't I just
leave now with you?
204
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,881
SELINA: No, I don't
want them to see you.
205
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,161
All these extra rules,
it's kind of weird.
206
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,552
I know, but I am
the Vice President.
207
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,020
MAN: Oh, yes, you are.
208
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:13,058
Hearing you say that
gives me a massive hard-on.
209
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,760
SELINA: Oh, I am
the Vice President.
210
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,580
Oh, baby, I'm ready to launch.
211
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,100
And I'm ready to eat you up.
212
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,481
Oh, second breakfast.
I didn't know
you had it in you.
213
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,289
Oh, God.
Oh, I want it in me.
214
00:08:28,357 --> 00:08:29,637
All right.
SELINA: Bye.
215
00:08:29,693 --> 00:08:32,026
Yeah. I'm gonna
watch your ass move.
216
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,189
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
217
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,741
SELINA: Hi, you guys.
Hey.
218
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,114
You look pretty.
219
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,432
Oh, thank you.
220
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,541
How are you guys?
Great.
221
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:40,980
All set?
You got everything?
222
00:08:41,004 --> 00:08:42,187
Oh, yes.
223
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:43,582
I just have to get my stuff.
224
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,468
How was your Saturday night?
225
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:46,724
Um, it was fine.
226
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,459
Here, I'll get that.
Thank you.
227
00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:52,063
Mike!
228
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,397
Oh, hey.
229
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,333
I was just visualizing you
kicking ass on Meet the Press.
230
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,937
Why are you so tired?
You don't do anything.
231
00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:00,321
(SIRENS BLARING)
232
00:09:02,758 --> 00:09:05,644
Here's the research
Scott pulled on Chung.
233
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,279
Check out page one.
234
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:11,428
He was born back in China
before his dad got
his citizenship,
235
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:14,636
so he can't be President
or Vice President.
236
00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:17,689
Really? Well,
that's good news.
237
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,619
More good news
for Meet the Press.
Oh, yeah?
238
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,203
David Gregory is ill.
(GASPS)
239
00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:22,711
Sam Finnegan is the fill-in.
240
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:24,929
SELINA: Ho, ho, a virgin.
241
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,866
Oh, God, I'm gonna eat him up.
242
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,054
(SIGHS)
243
00:09:29,452 --> 00:09:30,618
What?
244
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:32,932
Well, that changes
the sports stuff.
245
00:09:32,956 --> 00:09:34,922
MIKE: No panic.
246
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,935
We'll just change
the Redskins to whatever
Finnegan's team is.
247
00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:38,376
What is Finnegan's team?
248
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,639
I'm pretty sure
he's a Bears fan.
It doesn't matter.
249
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,641
Mike, you're pretty sure?
Pretty sure?
250
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,197
Exactly.
That doesn't help.
251
00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:44,910
It doesn't matter
because you're gonna
talk about the Ravens.
252
00:09:44,934 --> 00:09:46,468
I know that I'm a Ravens fan,
253
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:50,338
but, like, what if Finnegan
is a Ravens fan, too,
you know?
254
00:09:50,407 --> 00:09:52,373
A team can't
play itself, can it?
255
00:09:52,441 --> 00:09:54,608
You can in video games.
256
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:59,414
Some people say your
immigration policy is at
odds with your jobs program.
257
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,926
How would you respond to that?
258
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,884
Well, I would respond like this.
259
00:10:02,952 --> 00:10:06,487
I would say that the economy
has changed a great deal
260
00:10:06,556 --> 00:10:08,289
since I made those statements
261
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:13,911
and the President and I
agree that Americans
have to come first.
262
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,908
That's my girl.
Olympic-style back flip.
263
00:10:15,932 --> 00:10:18,333
And I believe very strongly...
264
00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:21,202
That's sweat.
That's lip sweat.
That's shimmer.
265
00:10:21,271 --> 00:10:25,089
You haven't spoken
much today about the
Senate filibuster reform.
266
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,357
Well, I'll say this,
267
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:30,878
in order to reform,
you have to perform.
268
00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:32,363
She got filibuster in!
269
00:10:32,416 --> 00:10:34,260
Just waiting for Jonah.
Here he is.
270
00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:35,550
Oh, yeah?
271
00:10:35,619 --> 00:10:37,463
Hello, penis enlargement clinic.
272
00:10:37,487 --> 00:10:39,754
Mike, who is incompetent,
you or her?
273
00:10:39,822 --> 00:10:42,218
Because she just talked
about filibuster reform.
274
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,408
He asked her.
275
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:47,395
My message is simple,
my message is this. Yes.
276
00:10:47,464 --> 00:10:49,525
Thank you,
Madam Vice President.
Absolutely.
277
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,616
Sam, I just have to ask you,
you're a Bears fan.
278
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,429
Is that right?
Guilty.
279
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,114
She do the sports yet?
She's doing it now.
280
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,905
We're not nervous at all.
With Flacco, forget about it.
281
00:10:57,974 --> 00:11:00,475
I'll bet you a beer
that we win by a TD.
282
00:11:00,544 --> 00:11:03,010
What about Ray Rice?
Hell of a lead runner.
283
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,278
(LAUGHS)
284
00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:06,347
Ray Rice, Ray Rice, Ray...
285
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:09,651
Well, he... Ray Rice,
he play nice.
286
00:11:10,053 --> 00:11:11,352
Ooh.
287
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,661
SAM: Vice President.
Thank you so much.
288
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:17,792
We'll be back next week,
because if it's Sunday,
it's Meet the Press.
289
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,727
(MUSIC PLAYING)
290
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,841
Will you be watching
Danny Chung on
Face the Nation?
291
00:11:21,865 --> 00:11:26,433
Uh, you know, I would,
but I've got a game of
solitaire going on,
292
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,002
so I think
I'll give that a skip.
293
00:11:28,071 --> 00:11:31,350
Long-term beltway
money's on him as
Presidential material.
294
00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:32,974
Oh, really?
295
00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:36,244
Well, I'd be surprised
because technically
he's not an American.
296
00:11:36,312 --> 00:11:39,297
I mean, because
he wasn't, um, born here,
297
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:43,334
you know,
not because he's half...
298
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,635
(STAMMERING)
299
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,265
'Cause his parents...
Well, I've gotta go.
300
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,867
Okay.
But it was a pleasure
talking to you.
301
00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:50,024
Thank you so much.
Did you get it?
302
00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:51,573
I got it.
Oh...
303
00:11:52,996 --> 00:11:54,262
Um...
304
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,208
Listen, they wouldn't
have recorded that, right?
305
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:58,210
I mean, I had the mic on,
but I don't think it was hot.
306
00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,179
Do you think that it was on?
I hope to God they didn't.
307
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:04,205
I didn't say he was bad
because he's part Chinese.
308
00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:06,119
No, no.
It's not bad to be Chinese.
309
00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:07,886
Can you go speak
to the sound guy?
310
00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:09,939
I can't do it because
it'll make it look like
a thing.
311
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,807
I don't wanna make it
look like a thing,
312
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,543
so maybe I can...
I'll do it.
313
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,977
No, no, no.
Gary, Gary, Gary.
314
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:16,779
Gary, come.
I'll do it.
315
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,131
I think actually he should
go talk to the sound guy.
316
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,788
Yeah.
Okay.
317
00:12:20,857 --> 00:12:22,418
Do you have any ideas
on what I should say?
318
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,270
You offered to do this.
What was your plan?
319
00:12:24,294 --> 00:12:25,972
That was my plan,
was to go over there,
320
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,039
walk over there,
I just need some
ideas on what to say.
321
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:29,308
Gary, just give it
a light touch.
322
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,732
No import to it.
Okay.
323
00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:33,151
What does that mean?
324
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,437
Just talk to him
like working guy
to working guy.
325
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,683
It's casual.
Got it.
326
00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:39,374
Mano a mano.
327
00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:41,742
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
328
00:12:41,811 --> 00:12:45,930
Even in Spanish, you know,
it doesn't sound like
it's gonna work.
329
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,232
It totally might have
just been me,
330
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:53,521
but kind of, didn't it sound
a little glitchy in the end
or anything like that?
331
00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:54,989
You saying I can't do my job?
332
00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:56,373
No. Oh, God, no.
333
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,675
It's bad?
334
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,156
Well, he just went
from a smiley guy
to a frown-y guy.
335
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:03,397
I just need to know
if everything's okay,
you know.
336
00:13:03,466 --> 00:13:06,800
Working guy to
working guy, you know.
337
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,065
Listen, working girl.
Okay.
338
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,489
Yeah. I didn't hear
any glitches.
339
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:15,977
All I heard was
the sound of a fuck-up, okay?
340
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,290
Sending Gary
over there was crazy.
Yeah.
341
00:13:18,314 --> 00:13:20,159
He was completely
out of his element.
Yeah.
342
00:13:20,183 --> 00:13:23,184
I agree. I agree.
343
00:13:23,252 --> 00:13:25,130
Hey, we're getting
some press interest
in this already.
344
00:13:25,154 --> 00:13:26,954
Oh, God.
Where? Where?
345
00:13:26,990 --> 00:13:29,140
It's still non-narrative.
No momentum yet.
346
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,621
Ma'am, I thought you might
want me in the office,
given the circumstances.
347
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,255
How do you know about
the circumstances?
348
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,124
Well, I'm Sue.
It's my job to know
everything, Amy.
349
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,425
So it's definitely
out there, out there?
350
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,249
No, no, it's not
out there, out there.
351
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,429
I heard about it, Dan,
so it sort of is
out there, out there,
352
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,048
that's why I'm in here,
in here, Dan.
353
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,349
Jonah's coming.
Jonah's coming.
354
00:13:43,373 --> 00:13:45,493
Fuck! All right,
what do I do?
355
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,370
What if he doesn't know
that it's not definitely
out there, out there?
356
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,009
Should I tell him that?
357
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,422
You don't wanna give
a loaded gun
to that walking silo.
358
00:13:50,446 --> 00:13:51,674
Don't make it a thing
until it's a thing.
359
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,263
Do you have any...
360
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,599
Bad news, everyone.
361
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:55,995
This hasn't hit
the mainstream media yet...
362
00:13:56,019 --> 00:13:57,635
It was out of context.
363
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,344
But a crane has
collapsed onto a ship
at Portsmouth, Virginia.
364
00:14:00,389 --> 00:14:03,458
Oh, thank... God,
how horrible.
365
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,559
Wait, what was out of context?
366
00:14:05,629 --> 00:14:09,097
Um, we thought you were
gonna give me shit
about filibuster reform.
367
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:11,850
Oh, well, the White House
is very much
under the moon about that,
368
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,751
but let's reboot.
369
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,653
The President is stuck
in economic talks.
370
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:16,770
We need a VPVP.
371
00:14:16,839 --> 00:14:17,879
A what?
372
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,707
A Vice Presidential
visual presence.
373
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,237
You can't just make up
acronyms, Jonah.
374
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,304
Somebody has to, Mike.
375
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,862
No, they don't.
376
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,641
Okay, well, then,
we should head on
down there.
377
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,993
Let's get the ball rolling.
Let's get there
as soon as possible.
378
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,433
AMY: Yeah.
We've got it handled.
379
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,936
Oh, Jonah,
that's a good look for you.
380
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,883
What do you call that?
Bi-casual?
381
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,684
Thanks, Mike, but it's Sunday.
382
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,176
I work hard, I work fast,
and I get hot legs.
383
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:39,655
I say let the whale hang loose.
384
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,540
Who am I offending?
Show of hands.
385
00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:43,030
Right here.
386
00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:47,618
Okay, well, I think
that worked out
pretty good.
387
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,031
(ALL SIGH)
Just confirmed.
388
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,556
Two fatalities,
24 injured so far.
389
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,325
I didn't mean it like that.
390
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,704
Dan, we're going to a hospital.
391
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,522
Do you have a suit
that you can change into?
392
00:14:57,546 --> 00:14:58,546
I have five.
393
00:14:58,614 --> 00:15:00,281
Okay.
394
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:02,695
Do you have something
that could fit
the McLintock shape?
395
00:15:02,719 --> 00:15:04,185
That's not a Santa suit?
396
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,420
I got something.
397
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:10,324
We're going to a hospital.
We're not going
trick-or-treating.
398
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,376
(SIRENS BLARING)
399
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:19,094
Hi, Ashley.
Mike McLintock,
Vice President's office.
400
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,729
Oh, hi.
Madam Vice President...
401
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,331
Yes.
this is Ashley,
the hospital administrator.
402
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,449
Ashley.
Thank you
so much for coming.
403
00:15:24,473 --> 00:15:25,718
It really means a lot.
Thank you.
404
00:15:25,742 --> 00:15:26,986
Well, let me tell you something,
405
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,286
being here for
the American people
406
00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:29,771
is one of the privileges
of this job.
407
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,523
It's a sad privilege,
of course.
Yes.
408
00:15:31,547 --> 00:15:33,748
But it's a privilege
nonetheless.
409
00:15:33,816 --> 00:15:36,116
Ma'am, I don't know
if all these people
are bereaving,
410
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,197
so just converse
generally, okay?
Right.
411
00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:40,332
Converse generally?
What about? The weather?
412
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,788
Not about the weather.
413
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:44,069
It is unseasonably warm,
though, okay?
Mmm-hmm.
414
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:46,527
So, Madam Vice President,
if you'll just come with me,
415
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:48,540
I'll show you to
some of our families.
416
00:15:48,564 --> 00:15:51,110
Oh, well, however
I can be of service.
How do you do, sir?
417
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:53,133
Oh, my goodness,
you got so hurt.
418
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,598
Well, it's a great
hospital, isn't it?
Yes, ma'am.
419
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,383
Oh, dear, look at your neck.
420
00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,473
Hi, sir.
Don't turn your head.
421
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,504
I'll give you a little
squeeze on your hand.
422
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,160
Well, you seem just fine.
423
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:04,528
I'm not really.
424
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,331
Internal.
Internal. Hmm.
425
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:10,601
ASHLEY: This is a family.
They're waiting to hear
about their son.
426
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,481
Hold on. No, no, not yet.
This is a private moment.
427
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,649
This is not a photo op.
428
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,640
It's amazing
how the world changes.
429
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:16,974
Mmm.
430
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,311
One minute, you're enjoying
this amazing sunshine...
431
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,648
Well, it's unseasonably warm.
432
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:26,801
And the next,
your whole world's
gone to pieces.
433
00:16:26,869 --> 00:16:27,963
Oh, gosh.
434
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,064
This is his surgeon.
435
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,105
How do you do, sir?
Dr. Greybear.
436
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,907
Any news, Doctor, about our son?
437
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,926
Sam's going to make it.
(ALL GASP)
438
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,063
Okay, guys, I got
a little sound bite for y'all
to nibble on right here.
439
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:41,498
Oh, that is just fantastic.
MIKE: Very good.
440
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,096
Doctor, we appreciate
your hard work.
MIKE: Good news.
441
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,537
I just wanna say
how grateful we are
442
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:51,108
to all of our
most capable
doctors and nurses.
443
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,860
So grateful.
444
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,529
And I'd also like to say if,
for some reason,
445
00:16:55,598 --> 00:17:00,367
we find out that
there was negligence
that caused this accident,
446
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,903
those who are responsible
447
00:17:02,972 --> 00:17:06,791
are gonna have
the White House
to answer to.
448
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,493
That's right.
449
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,506
WOMAN: Thank you
for being here,
Madam Vice President.
450
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,770
You are a good woman.
451
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,297
Yeah!
452
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,733
And you're not afraid
to say what's on your mind.
453
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,067
REPORTER: Danny Chung...
454
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:20,605
I always try to speak
as honestly as I can.
455
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,952
WOMAN: I heard
what you said
about those people.
456
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,237
You'd get my vote.
And my vote.
457
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,506
SELINA: 'Cause technically
he's not an American.
458
00:17:27,530 --> 00:17:29,229
I mean...
459
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,727
They're taking over our ports.
It's like they've invaded us.
460
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:35,035
Yeah, and now they think
they can be President? No way!
461
00:17:35,104 --> 00:17:37,432
Come on, this is
the White House,
not the Yellow House.
462
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,905
Come on, Selina!
463
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:40,174
(CHEERING)
464
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:43,494
(CHANTING) USA! USA! USA!
465
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:47,364
USA! USA! USA!
466
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:50,051
You have to get Chung
on the phone right away, Amy.
467
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:51,246
Shut this thing down, Amy.
468
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:52,536
Yeah, dialing now.
469
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,989
Here, he's picking up.
What? I...
470
00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:58,098
Oh, hello. Hi.
Yes, I have the
Vice President for you.
471
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,296
Governor? Hi. How are you?
472
00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:06,367
I don't... I don't know
if you saw
the footage today
473
00:18:06,435 --> 00:18:10,053
from Meet the Press,
474
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:13,106
but, you know,
that is not what I meant
475
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,009
and it certainly
isn't what I think.
476
00:18:15,077 --> 00:18:16,739
Gary, the belt can wait.
Let's just put it this way...
477
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,029
What I was trying to say was...
478
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,782
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God!
479
00:18:22,618 --> 00:18:23,851
God.
480
00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:26,787
Gary, that was my fucking
flesh that you just...
481
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,056
Hello?
Trapped in there.
482
00:18:29,124 --> 00:18:31,987
Voice mail.
Keep trying.
I'm so sorry.
483
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,243
All right, that's enough.
484
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,045
Okay.
485
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,626
All I am saying is
that if Senator Doyle
pulls that meeting,
486
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:41,285
there is not gonna be
a lot of availability
for a while.
487
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,299
Jennifer, quite frankly,
I had more windows
in my first apartment
488
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,524
than the VP currently has
in her schedule.
489
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,404
What's going on?
Well, you know what?
490
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,077
If Governor Chung
doesn't call back,
491
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,696
I can just take him down
for disrespecting the office.
492
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,242
How about that?
Yes.
493
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:56,595
We just lost the numbers
on filibuster reform.
494
00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:58,196
What did you just say?
Yeah, yeah.
495
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,871
Senator Doyle has just
withdrawn his support.
496
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,902
Something Amy said
at Chung's book launch.
497
00:19:02,926 --> 00:19:06,611
He was still upset
about Clean Jobs,
which is on you, Dan,
498
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,356
because you put
Sidney Purcell
on the task force.
499
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,780
Oh, sure! You know what?
I blame George Washington.
500
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,262
If he hadn't started this
whole form of government,
then we wouldn't...
501
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,619
Okay. Okay,
stop squabbling!
502
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,506
What am I supposed
to do now? Tell me that.
503
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:22,559
I'm supposed to call Doyle
and beg him to come back?
504
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:25,508
I'm the Vice President
of the United States,
you stupid little fuckers!
505
00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:28,716
These people should be
begging me!
506
00:19:28,784 --> 00:19:30,501
That door should be
half its height
507
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,515
so that people can
only approach me in my office
508
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,354
on their goddamn
motherfucking knees.
509
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,841
I can't lose Doyle.
Who else has
a bucketful of senators?
510
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,160
Cut Doyle loose, all right?
Call his bluff.
511
00:19:40,229 --> 00:19:42,875
We reach across the aisle
to the immigration
reform caucus.
512
00:19:42,899 --> 00:19:44,309
What?
You want to break out
513
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,711
the white, pointy
hoods, too, ma'am?
514
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,980
Look, we throw them
a few commitments
to their cause
515
00:19:48,004 --> 00:19:51,244
in exchange for support
on filibuster reform.
This is easy.
516
00:19:51,307 --> 00:19:52,751
Once you go down
that dark country road,
517
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,686
the lights go out
and the scarecrows
come to life.
518
00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:56,443
Yeah, anyone hear
the banjo music?
519
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,089
Look, Mike, that's what
you always hear
520
00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,992
because mentally
you're in a fucking
hammock on a back porch.
521
00:20:00,016 --> 00:20:01,727
Dan, this isn't
fantasy politics.
522
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:03,217
Stop it! Stop it!
523
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,519
This is a win for you
on Senate reform
524
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:09,000
and it's also another big win
for you with the President
on immigration, all right?
525
00:20:09,024 --> 00:20:11,092
Win big, win big.
526
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,360
I don't know,
maybe you and Dan should
go down and talk to...
527
00:20:15,164 --> 00:20:16,164
God damn it...
528
00:20:16,232 --> 00:20:17,631
The senator from Arizona.
529
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:20,262
The one who wants
to random search
people in ponchos?
530
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,880
Oh, Bill.
O'Brien. Yeah.
531
00:20:21,904 --> 00:20:25,071
Yeah. He's got a lot of sway
with the pro-Caucasian caucus.
532
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:28,992
All right, so we get
O'Brien, who brings us
McCaulay and Cunliffe.
533
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,739
Is McCaulay the one
with the nose hair problem
534
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,590
like he's got
two raccoons
in his nostrils?
535
00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:35,866
That's seven to Doyle's five.
I mean, this is
a filibuster slam dunk.
536
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,880
Chung is on TV live.
What?
537
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,414
Get it on. Get it on.
Where's the remote?
538
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,598
It's in the bowl.
The remote's in the bowl.
539
00:20:42,091 --> 00:20:43,357
Sue, where's the clicker?
540
00:20:43,425 --> 00:20:46,444
Where's the clicker?
Guys, it's in the credenza.
541
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:47,840
Get it. Quick,
quick, quick.
542
00:20:47,864 --> 00:20:49,824
What channel? Channel?
Any live TV.
543
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,582
Mike... No, Mike.
Don't touch that remote.
544
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,734
You're gonna launch
a nuke or something. Sue?
545
00:20:53,802 --> 00:20:57,048
REPORTER: a few brief
words about the comments
that were made earlier today.
546
00:20:57,072 --> 00:21:00,512
Despite what is said
in some dark corners
of the Internet,
547
00:21:00,543 --> 00:21:02,760
when I was born, both my parents
548
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,696
were fully naturalized
American citizens.
549
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,076
What? He's Captain
fucking America?
550
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,228
What's happening here?
Good job, Amy.
It's not...
551
00:21:10,252 --> 00:21:13,920
That is not the information
I was given by Scott.
552
00:21:13,989 --> 00:21:15,567
A quiet word with
one of her staff
553
00:21:15,591 --> 00:21:18,225
regarding the thoroughness
of their research techniques.
554
00:21:18,293 --> 00:21:20,889
DAN: What did Scott use
as a research tool,
the fucking Drudge Report?
555
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,775
Second-generation
Chinese-American...
556
00:21:22,799 --> 00:21:24,298
MIKE: That and bathroom walls.
557
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,111
Proud enough to risk
my life for this country.
558
00:21:26,135 --> 00:21:27,880
I've got a Purple Heart
on my chest,
559
00:21:27,904 --> 00:21:31,788
but the one that
beats inside of me
is red, white, and blue.
560
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:33,907
No, he didn't.
He didn't say that.
561
00:21:33,976 --> 00:21:35,587
He is seizing his moment.
562
00:21:35,611 --> 00:21:37,789
And that's why
this is the greatest
country on Earth.
563
00:21:37,813 --> 00:21:41,114
I am gonna throw up a leg.
564
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:45,102
And then I'm gonna
take that leg and I'm gonna
beat Scott to death with it.
565
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,915
Scott!
Ah!
566
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:48,633
I'm gonna go draft
a letter of apology
567
00:21:48,657 --> 00:21:51,341
to the king of Minnesota,
Governor Chung.
568
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:52,988
SELINA: Here's what
we're gonna do.
569
00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:56,480
Mike, big fat apology
to Chung,
Amy, fuck Doyle.
570
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:58,623
I want this bill.
571
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:02,519
You guys talk to O'Brien
and get that border caucus.
572
00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:04,871
Amy, put on your dancing shoes
573
00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:06,852
and head for
the border right now.
574
00:22:06,876 --> 00:22:08,653
Go on.
No, I'm not doing it.
575
00:22:08,677 --> 00:22:10,443
Get a move on.
576
00:22:10,512 --> 00:22:11,611
(SIGHS)
577
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,631
This is them.
578
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,133
Here we go.
579
00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:18,814
Hi, Senator O'Brien.
I'm Dan Egan.
580
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,665
We spoke on the phone.
A pleasure to meet you, sir.
581
00:22:20,689 --> 00:22:22,456
Well, I have no idea
who you are,
582
00:22:22,525 --> 00:22:24,445
so I don't know whether
it's a pleasure or not.
583
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:26,989
Okay.
584
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:28,562
This is Jack.
585
00:22:28,631 --> 00:22:30,025
Hi, Jack.
Hi.
586
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,044
Amy Brookheimer,
Vice President's
Chief of Staff.
587
00:22:32,068 --> 00:22:33,417
Chief?
588
00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:34,719
Shouldn't that be chiefess?
589
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:35,886
(LAUGHS)
590
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:37,822
Relax, missy.
I'm just yanking your chain.
591
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:39,790
Absolutely.
592
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:41,191
(GRUNTS)
593
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,560
This place looks nice, huh?
594
00:22:42,628 --> 00:22:45,023
Looks like they do
a mighty fine
plate of ribs,
595
00:22:45,047 --> 00:22:47,181
but before we do any ordering,
596
00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:51,268
I'd like to know
if you're going to offend us
with some chicken-shit deal
597
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,871
that means we have to leave
before the food comes.
598
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,190
You're fine to order.
599
00:22:57,526 --> 00:22:59,259
I feel so horrible.
600
00:22:59,328 --> 00:23:02,229
You know, it's like
I've ordered
a hit on somebody.
601
00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:05,549
I'm just waiting
for the call to say
that it's done.
602
00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:08,385
It's done.
603
00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:11,338
Do you want a glass of wine?
You want some water?
604
00:23:11,406 --> 00:23:12,550
You want some
hand sanitizer?
I want quiet.
605
00:23:12,574 --> 00:23:14,575
Quiet.
606
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:18,362
So long, Scott.
You are professionally dead.
Have a nice evening.
607
00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:21,098
Up here on the eastern seaboard,
608
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:24,635
it's easy to forget
what a big slice
of our country
609
00:23:24,687 --> 00:23:28,789
rubs shoulders
with a failed state
by the name of Mexico.
610
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,537
Now, if you had bad neighbors
611
00:23:32,561 --> 00:23:34,639
who came into
your yard every night
612
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:40,467
to crap a butt-full
of drugs and beans
on your flowers,
613
00:23:40,535 --> 00:23:42,281
you might think about
building a fence.
614
00:23:42,305 --> 00:23:44,955
You're not gonna get
a border fence, all right?
615
00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:47,057
You're talking about
a 3,000-mile-long fence.
616
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:48,370
Great for the
construction industry.
617
00:23:48,394 --> 00:23:50,828
Yeah, but ironically,
the only affordable option
618
00:23:50,897 --> 00:23:52,162
would be immigrant labor.
619
00:23:52,215 --> 00:23:55,148
Well, my constituents are fed up
620
00:23:55,218 --> 00:23:57,668
with feeling outnumbered
in their own country.
621
00:23:57,737 --> 00:24:00,587
Fellas, we shouldn't
have a problem
622
00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:04,191
working to preserve
a certain kind of
American identity.
623
00:24:04,927 --> 00:24:06,526
Yes.
624
00:24:06,595 --> 00:24:08,557
Now you keep talking
like that, sweetheart,
625
00:24:08,581 --> 00:24:11,009
and we'll be having cigars
at the end of this dinner.
626
00:24:11,033 --> 00:24:12,166
Just not Cuban ones.
627
00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:13,300
(LAUGHS)
628
00:24:14,987 --> 00:24:16,153
Hey.
629
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,154
Oh, my God,
630
00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:21,024
I am having
the shittiest day.
Yeah?
631
00:24:21,077 --> 00:24:22,960
You got anything
to make me feel better?
632
00:24:23,028 --> 00:24:24,778
I do indeed.
633
00:24:24,846 --> 00:24:26,375
What is it?
Well...
634
00:24:26,399 --> 00:24:29,967
It's about seven inches,
hangs between my legs...
635
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:31,035
(LAUGHS)
636
00:24:31,670 --> 00:24:33,136
The thing.
637
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:34,983
I like to call him Sergeant Ted.
638
00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,958
Okay, well,
you tell Sergeant Ted
639
00:24:38,027 --> 00:24:41,295
I would like him very much
640
00:24:41,363 --> 00:24:45,265
to drill me in my Oval Office.
641
00:24:45,334 --> 00:24:49,503
In fact, I need him
to put the finger
on the button
642
00:24:49,572 --> 00:24:52,606
and come into my Rose Garden.
643
00:24:52,675 --> 00:24:54,909
The sergeant is
standing at attention.
644
00:24:54,977 --> 00:24:59,329
You know what,
I'm coming over there,
like, right away.
645
00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,209
Uh, you know,
when you come over,
646
00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:03,311
can you try and
sneak in incognito?
647
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,531
I got Korean neighbors
and I don't think they'd like
the idea of me dating you.
648
00:25:06,555 --> 00:25:08,282
Is that some kind of
a joke or something?
649
00:25:08,306 --> 00:25:10,385
It's not funny at all.
Fuck off, Ted.
650
00:25:10,409 --> 00:25:12,889
I mean, I don't know
why you would say...
651
00:25:17,282 --> 00:25:19,082
You were on the phone?
Mmm-hmm.
652
00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:20,362
Oh, I didn't hear anything.
653
00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:21,919
You better not have
heard anything.
654
00:25:21,987 --> 00:25:23,654
I didn't say anything.
655
00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:24,871
Oh, my God.
656
00:25:26,075 --> 00:25:28,542
Oh, for fuck sakes.
Hey, Jonah.
657
00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:29,988
What happened to your hot pants?
658
00:25:30,012 --> 00:25:32,323
Oh, the hot pants picked up
some negative traction.
659
00:25:32,347 --> 00:25:34,626
I realize now they're
unbecoming of my office.
660
00:25:34,650 --> 00:25:37,234
I'm just coming in to see
if the misunderstanding
661
00:25:37,302 --> 00:25:38,714
with Governor Chung
has been resolved.
662
00:25:38,738 --> 00:25:42,706
Yeah. It's all fine
and dandy and fabulous.
Excellent.
663
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:45,308
Well, then, I'm gonna
go enjoy what's left
of my Sunday.
664
00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:47,656
I got the latest
Grisham on the go
and it's just awesome.
665
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,979
You should read...
666
00:25:49,048 --> 00:25:50,747
As well as the funding request,
667
00:25:50,816 --> 00:25:53,445
we can offer a commitment
that the Vice President
will oppose immunity
668
00:25:53,469 --> 00:25:57,504
for any illegal immigrants
who have been here
for more than five years.
669
00:25:57,573 --> 00:26:01,792
Well, now you're
singing a tune
that we may dance to.
670
00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:03,805
Well, we just...
And she will
lobby the President
671
00:26:03,829 --> 00:26:05,996
and express public support
for your position.
672
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:09,733
All right, I'm going home.
673
00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:12,453
I'm getting fucked
every which way.
674
00:26:12,521 --> 00:26:13,903
Sue, did the President call?
675
00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:15,973
No.
676
00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:19,253
If you can deliver that,
I will appear to love
filibuster reform
677
00:26:19,277 --> 00:26:22,262
as much as I appear
to love my idiot son.
678
00:26:22,331 --> 00:26:23,913
And for my wife's sake,
679
00:26:23,982 --> 00:26:27,067
I appear to love that
wretched shitnit a lot.
680
00:26:27,135 --> 00:26:28,385
(LAUGHS)
681
00:26:29,455 --> 00:26:31,099
Good night.
Let's go, Jack.
682
00:26:31,123 --> 00:26:34,302
Good to see you guys
could learn a new word
today, compromise.
683
00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:36,794
What do you say?
Meet me halfway?
684
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:41,198
(LAUGHS)
685
00:26:44,402 --> 00:26:45,669
Whew!
686
00:26:45,737 --> 00:26:47,532
I'm not gonna be able
to sleep tonight.
687
00:26:47,556 --> 00:26:48,988
That was fucking dark.
688
00:26:49,058 --> 00:26:50,835
You've gone up 10 levels
in my estimation, by the way.
689
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,692
Which means
I've gone down
100 in my own.
690
00:26:52,761 --> 00:26:55,545
Sometimes you've gotta
go down to go up.
691
00:26:57,083 --> 00:26:58,715
I am taking the credit for this.
692
00:26:58,784 --> 00:27:00,361
I tunnelled
through the shit,
I get the dirty glory.
693
00:27:00,385 --> 00:27:02,025
It is me who
tells Selina
the good news.
694
00:27:06,642 --> 00:27:08,242
Where is the Vice President?
695
00:27:08,310 --> 00:27:10,171
She has gone home
for the evening.
696
00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:11,561
Why?
697
00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:14,381
Something about
"getting fucked
every which way."
698
00:27:14,450 --> 00:27:15,749
Direct quote.
699
00:27:15,817 --> 00:27:17,529
Oh, God, yeah.
I heard something
on the phone.
700
00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:19,152
Oh, God. Oh, God.
701
00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:22,366
How many times
can she be
underneath that?
702
00:27:22,390 --> 00:27:25,192
She's got such a little body
and he seemed like a big man.
703
00:27:25,260 --> 00:27:26,927
Who? Who's he?
704
00:27:26,995 --> 00:27:29,574
Hey, hey,
somebody talk about
something else? Anything.
705
00:27:29,598 --> 00:27:30,975
Yeah, I gotta get these
images out of my head.
706
00:27:30,999 --> 00:27:32,177
Can we talk about, I don't know,
707
00:27:32,201 --> 00:27:33,745
our favorite band
or something, please?
708
00:27:33,769 --> 00:27:36,603
Yes. Who else
are you into, Mike,
apart from the Eagles?
709
00:27:36,671 --> 00:27:38,171
Grateful Dead.
710
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,501
That's the name of
your favorite
whorehouse, too, right?
711
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:42,909
Can't wait to get home
and burn my clothes.
712
00:27:42,978 --> 00:27:44,594
Don't fuck up that suit, Mike.
713
00:27:45,731 --> 00:27:46,774
All right, good night, Sue.
714
00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:47,858
Good night, Gary.
715
00:27:47,882 --> 00:27:49,682
Good night, Dan.
716
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:51,218
Jesus Christ.
717
00:27:53,956 --> 00:27:56,751
Dan, you have
about 10 seconds
to stop distracting me,
718
00:27:56,775 --> 00:27:58,853
or the next thing
that they'll find
at the back of that couch
719
00:27:58,877 --> 00:28:00,760
are your remains.
720
00:28:00,829 --> 00:28:03,007
If you like,
I can go sit in the
Vice President's office.
721
00:28:03,031 --> 00:28:04,431
Excuse me?