1 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,652 SELINA: Did you see that caption 2 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,932 underneath the photo of me from the Hennessey fundraiser? 3 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:26,358 "Who's the real First Lady?" Sexist bullshit. Can't get drawn into it. 4 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:29,061 Comparing our clothing budgets and our stylists, 5 00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,923 like that's all we care about? 6 00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:34,316 And that Mark Rivera called me a diva in his column. 7 00:00:34,384 --> 00:00:36,184 Stupid fucking midget. 8 00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:39,655 Clearly he hasn't heard you sing. The guy's a dick. 9 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,585 Hey, Gary, did you find me a dog yet? 10 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:43,753 Yeah, I've selected a few candidates. 11 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,589 Or should I say canine-didates? (LAUGHS) 12 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,045 AMY: No, you shouldn't say that. 13 00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:48,725 Let me see. What do you think of that? 14 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,160 A terrier? Yeah. 15 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:53,702 No way. A terrier is a diva dog. Forget it. 16 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,320 I don't need a ball of yappy hair 17 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,155 shitting its body weight every 30 minutes. 18 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,968 Do you want a cat? I can get you a cat. 19 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:01,037 No, no. I feel like a bad mom, you know? 20 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,773 'Cause I never let Catherine get a dog when she was little. 21 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:06,815 So this is a fresh start for us. It's parental ground zero. 22 00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:08,767 Oh, wow! 23 00:01:09,386 --> 00:01:11,186 Look at this. 24 00:01:11,254 --> 00:01:12,648 Twenty years in DC. Congratulations. 25 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,406 Thank you. 26 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,719 I didn't think you guys would eat the pineapple. 27 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,253 Listen, you're a dog person, right? 28 00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,454 What kind of dog do you have? 29 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:19,789 I have a real dog. Uh-huh. 30 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,613 Simon, black Labrador. 31 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,949 SUE: Simon? What an unbelievable name. 32 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,979 I guess he just looked like a Simon. 33 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,402 Go on, get the photo out, Mike. 34 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,698 I don't think we need to see the photo. 35 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,606 Oh, I'd love to see a photo. 36 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,407 Sure. Let me see. 37 00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:34,192 Such a shiny coat, no? 38 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,939 How do you get that coat so shiny, Mike? 39 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,864 Uh, keep him hydrated. Lots of water. You know? 40 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,567 To drink or applied directly to the coat? 41 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,518 Ha! Leave my fake dog alone. 42 00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:45,467 You know, I was just thinking, 43 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,317 maybe we should get a rescue dog 'cause it'll play great. 44 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:50,575 As long as it's not one of those animals with three legs and a wheel. 45 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,277 Yeah. 46 00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,723 Four legs, good. Three legs, bad. I got it. 47 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,448 "Whassup," as they say in the late '90s? 48 00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:59,245 Hey, Jonah. Did the President cancel the Chinese Premier 49 00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:00,313 to come to my 20th party? 50 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,137 No, ma'am. 51 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:03,549 Although I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world 52 00:02:03,573 --> 00:02:04,985 if it weren't for the fact that he runs the world. 53 00:02:05,009 --> 00:02:06,324 (MOCK LAUGHTER) 54 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:07,804 I'm sure his absence has nothing to do 55 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,672 with your rift with the First Lady. 56 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:13,097 What? There is no rift. 57 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,845 It was one tiny, little disagreement 58 00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:17,469 and everyone's making it out like we had a catfight 59 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,103 in the Map Room or something. 60 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,250 She'd be a rough fighter, though. 61 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,390 She's got big shoulders. Those aren't pads. 62 00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:24,754 Oh, ma'am, POTUS also wanted to know when you would be announcing 63 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,157 the oil guy that's gonna be going on the Clean Jobs Task Force. 64 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,713 This bozo Mike's on it. 65 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,249 So today? Tomorrow? 66 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,477 Blink if you understand me, Mike. 67 00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:32,701 Ha, ha. 68 00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:34,163 And as regards to the rift rumors, 69 00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,432 I'll keep my ear to the ground for you. 70 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,696 Be careful your ears don't pop on the way down. 71 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,285 Okay, can everybody come in here, please? 72 00:02:39,309 --> 00:02:40,725 Sure. Come on. 73 00:02:40,778 --> 00:02:42,321 Right, we're gonna have to shut down this story 74 00:02:42,345 --> 00:02:43,995 about me and the First Lady. 75 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,026 I mean, it means we're gonna have to undiva my party. 76 00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:48,533 We're gonna have to lose those huge photos of me. 77 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,430 No, I like those. I know, they're great photos. 78 00:02:50,454 --> 00:02:52,098 I know, but there's no way we can have them. 79 00:02:52,122 --> 00:02:53,366 It's a good idea. We don't want you to look like... 80 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:54,923 Stalin. 81 00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:56,570 I was gonna say Eva Peron. 82 00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:59,094 Yeah, I prefer that comparison. Less of a mustache. 83 00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,191 And you know what, actually, she was kind of chic. 84 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,626 Gorgeous. Mmm-hmm. Looks like Madonna. 85 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,450 Yeah. Hmm. 86 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:07,952 Uh, Mike, have you announced Chuck yet? 87 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,783 I'm still working on it, Amy. Oh, come on. 88 00:03:09,807 --> 00:03:11,034 This is not the Hoover Dam. 89 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,107 Yeah, it is the Hoover Dam. Filled with shit. 90 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,194 And when we announce Chuck Furnam, an ex-oil guy, 91 00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:16,462 on the Clean Jobs Task Force, 92 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,630 do you know what happens with all that shit, Amy? 93 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:22,383 Uh, does it get used in a clumsy and unpleasant analogy by you? 94 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,852 Look, Amy, oil already hates me 95 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,332 'cause we're closing their tax loopholes 96 00:03:25,356 --> 00:03:26,688 and making them pay for cleanup, 97 00:03:26,756 --> 00:03:28,101 so now I'm eating everyone's shit. 98 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,458 I'm like the last guy in a human centipede with this. 99 00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:31,655 And there it is. 100 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,312 We just got to put one guy on Clean Jobs. 101 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,309 Chuck's oily, but he's not evil oily. 102 00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,699 He's ex-oil. 103 00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:39,301 Yeah, you put it out today. 104 00:03:39,369 --> 00:03:42,070 Today? Half of DC is at Senator Reeves' dedication ceremony. 105 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,217 Well, then you put it out there. 106 00:03:44,241 --> 00:03:46,352 I thought it might be disrespectful, but you're right. 107 00:03:46,376 --> 00:03:50,745 He was Rapey Reeves. When was that guy ever respectful? 108 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:53,254 AMY: Okay, your daughter gets here in two hours. 109 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,211 God, today feels like the perfect storm, doesn't it? 110 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,868 Yeah, Hurricane Selina. 111 00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,304 Yeah. Uh-oh, wait a minute. 112 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,439 Does that exist? Hurricane Selina? 113 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,503 Oh, I don't... Can we run a check on that? 114 00:04:03,527 --> 00:04:06,645 GARY: I'm binging it. 115 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,292 Too full. Dan and Jonah, out, please. 116 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,993 And just so you know, this is also what would happen 117 00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,212 if we were in a lifeboat. 118 00:04:12,236 --> 00:04:13,763 You're not gonna believe this. 119 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,765 Selina is on next year's list of hurricanes. 120 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,355 Oh, shit! 121 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,636 What if it hits and we get headlines saying, 122 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,793 "Selina causing large-scale devastation?" 123 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,507 People won't equate you with a natural disaster, ma'am. 124 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,610 Really, Amy? 'Cause I've met some people, okay? 125 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,144 Real people, and I've got to tell you, 126 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,029 a lot of them are fucking idiots. 127 00:04:30,053 --> 00:04:31,252 (SIRENS BLARING) 128 00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:37,436 MIKE: Oh, my God. Do you see this? 129 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:39,372 The Senator Reeves Recreation Center. 130 00:04:39,396 --> 00:04:41,658 Did you know old Grandpa Fumblepants couldn't even swim? 131 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,065 Mmm-hmm. 132 00:04:43,133 --> 00:04:44,811 He would just hang out in the shallow end and stare. 133 00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:45,875 (LAUGHS) 134 00:04:45,936 --> 00:04:47,669 You know what his favorite stroke was? 135 00:04:47,738 --> 00:04:48,978 Uh, was it dick stroke? 136 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,105 It was dick stroke. 137 00:04:50,174 --> 00:04:51,254 (BOTH LAUGHING) 138 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,924 Widow, widow, widow. 139 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,225 He was such a wonderful man. 140 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,534 Thank you so much, Selina. 141 00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:59,097 Oh, look at him here. He is so happy. 142 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,716 I'm sorry about your feud with the First Lady. 143 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,585 Oh, you know... 144 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,670 Is it true that she stole your stylist? 145 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,316 No. You know, the newspapers just make all this stuff... 146 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,624 Sorry, ma'am. This is the President calling. 147 00:05:09,693 --> 00:05:11,621 It just can't wait. Oh, I have to take this. 148 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,855 Will you excuse me? Go ahead. 149 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,530 Hello? Yes. Hi, Mr. President. 150 00:05:15,599 --> 00:05:17,210 FYI, ma'am, the President is not calling. 151 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,533 FYI, Gary, no shit. 152 00:05:18,602 --> 00:05:19,602 Okay. 153 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:24,689 Is Chuck announced yet? 154 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,535 I'm waiting for the perfect time, okay? 155 00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:29,127 You are like a... 156 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:32,697 Earlobe, you're just there, just wobbling. 157 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,394 Doyle is right there. I know. 158 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:35,578 Do it now. I will. 159 00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,163 Senator Doyle. (LOW) Stop. 160 00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:39,170 Mike wanted a word, if you don't mind. 161 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,372 Mike McLintock. 162 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,268 You are well? Yes, sir. Very good, sir. 163 00:05:42,292 --> 00:05:44,592 Oh, holy shit. These mushrooms are amazing. 164 00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:45,838 What is it, Mike? 165 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,406 Must be ricotta or something in there. 166 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,075 Oh, that's funny. Yeah. 167 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,676 Goody, I love humor. Yeah. 168 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,495 I have a hypothetical for you. Okay. 169 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,813 What would you say if we announced 170 00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:56,404 Chuck Furnam to the Clean Jobs Task Force? 171 00:05:56,473 --> 00:05:58,222 Furnam? Yeah, Chuck. 172 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,059 Well, that would be a betrayal from the Veep. 173 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,811 Not necessarily. 174 00:06:02,879 --> 00:06:05,324 So I imagine that I would mix ape shit with bat shit, 175 00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:07,093 raise it to a whole new level of fury, 176 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,129 then I'd probably rip your face off 177 00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:13,188 and use your eye sockets as a sex toy. 178 00:06:13,257 --> 00:06:15,741 It's just a hypothetical like yours. 179 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,242 Chuck would just be token oil. 180 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,960 Oil would think he's their Trojan horse, 181 00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:20,311 he'd be a hollow horse. 182 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,531 Not a hollow horse. That's a Trojan horse. 183 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,916 He'd be a hollow Trojan horse, sir. 184 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,369 I was promised no one from oil. 185 00:06:27,437 --> 00:06:29,237 Chuck's not oil. He retired a year ago. 186 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,488 Yeah, from oil. 187 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,168 Now I fucking want to speak to the Vice President. 188 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,407 Okay. 189 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,761 Hurricane forecast is looking good, 190 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,340 and your daughter's just arrived at the office. 191 00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:38,590 Great, that's our cue. 192 00:06:38,614 --> 00:06:40,448 Hallowes, Hurricane Hallowes. 193 00:06:40,517 --> 00:06:41,999 Hi. Hello. 194 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,751 Barbara. Hello. 195 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,798 I am so sorry, Senator Hallowes. 196 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,784 The President is calling. Oh, dear. I'm sorry. 197 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,235 Excuse me just for one second. 198 00:06:49,259 --> 00:06:51,159 Listen, while you take your fake phone call, 199 00:06:51,228 --> 00:06:52,861 is it okay if I steal Dan for a second? 200 00:06:52,930 --> 00:06:54,529 Or should I say steal Dan back? 201 00:06:54,597 --> 00:06:56,159 Could you hold on just one second? 202 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,211 You know what? Actually, this phone call is not fake. 203 00:06:58,235 --> 00:07:01,119 And Dan is his own man. He can go wherever he wants. 204 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,603 Okay. This way, Dan. 205 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,883 I'm sorry to keep you holding, Mr. President. 206 00:07:03,907 --> 00:07:05,147 You know who's a fucking diva? 207 00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:07,368 That's a fucking diva. That one. 208 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:08,926 So how's college? 209 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,778 It's good. 210 00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:13,193 You know, except for the whole Secret Service detail, I think I'm actually... 211 00:07:13,217 --> 00:07:14,277 Office of the Vice President. 212 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,617 Starting to blend in. 213 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,153 No, at lunchtime she eats lunch. Goodbye. 214 00:07:19,122 --> 00:07:21,562 Have you chosen a new dog yet? 215 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:23,141 What dog? 216 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,021 Your mom is getting a dog. Apologies if that was a secret. 217 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,127 (PHONE RINGING) 218 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,074 Office of the Vice President. 219 00:07:28,098 --> 00:07:31,933 You dumped my daughter by text and didn't even apologize. 220 00:07:32,002 --> 00:07:35,503 Oh, no, I did. I signed off with colon open brackets. 221 00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,283 Listen, is Selina really trying to appease 222 00:07:37,307 --> 00:07:39,385 the oil lobby with Chuck Furnam? 223 00:07:39,409 --> 00:07:41,259 I suppose Chuck could be viewed as a gesture. 224 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,256 Chuck is a gesture all right. 225 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,541 Do you know what these oil wise guys call him? 226 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:48,511 They call him, "Who the fuck is Chuck Furnam?" 227 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,895 Chuck Furnam's at 12:15. Now he's at 12:00. Now he's here. 228 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:51,986 Madam Vice President. 229 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:54,155 Chuck! How are you? 230 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,668 I was promised movement on the Clean Jobs. 231 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,609 Yes. 232 00:07:57,677 --> 00:08:01,796 Between us, we might possibly make your announcement today. 233 00:08:01,865 --> 00:08:03,748 Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. 234 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:04,899 Oh, my. 235 00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:06,034 Fantastic. 236 00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:07,479 Thank you, ma'am. And, you know, 237 00:08:07,503 --> 00:08:09,649 I've been thinking ever since I saw them, 238 00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:11,534 your grandchildren, Marion and... 239 00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:12,957 Richard. 240 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:16,127 Yes, Richard. And I have some Vice Presidential MandMs 241 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,073 that I would love for them to have. 242 00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:20,276 You see the seal right there? Except we'll need another one 243 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,095 because there are two grandchildren. 244 00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:23,696 I'm out. You're out? 245 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,031 I'm out. Oh! Hmm. 246 00:08:25,055 --> 00:08:26,320 Well, that's a shame. 247 00:08:26,389 --> 00:08:28,507 I don't know how that happened. Okay. 248 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:29,575 Thank you so much. 249 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,670 You're so welcome. 250 00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:32,588 Wake up, Dan. This is oil. 251 00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,912 You nominate Chuck Furnam, and these guys will 252 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,825 fucking take his head off with a shovel. 253 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,594 Selina needs to find somebody else. 254 00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,195 I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. 255 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,553 Carol Hallowes, hi. 256 00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:45,473 Oh, Mrs. Reeves, I am so sorry for your loss. 257 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,642 Your husband was a massive player. 258 00:08:47,710 --> 00:08:49,510 Politically speaking, of course. 259 00:08:49,579 --> 00:08:51,023 I'm Jonah. (CRYING) 260 00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,730 I work at the White House. 261 00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,399 Are you okay, ma'am? 262 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,412 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even realize. Are you okay? 263 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,219 Would you please get me a glass of water? 264 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,272 You know what? There aren't any waiters, at least that I've seen... 265 00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:04,225 Jonah, would you please get her a glass of water? 266 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,110 Absolutely. Of course. Of course. 267 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,162 I guess all those tears must be dehydrating. 268 00:09:08,231 --> 00:09:09,692 I don't think it works like that. 269 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,665 You know, I'll just get the water, okay? 270 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:14,552 Cock-blocking widow. 271 00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,449 Senator Doyle went "black swan" over Chuck. 272 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,201 He says we promised him no oil. 273 00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,326 I implied to Chuck that we would announce today. 274 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,639 Shit. Is he senile enough to forget? 275 00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,341 Hey. Hey, how was Hallowes? 276 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,910 "Dan, hi. I hate Chuck Furnam." Wait, what? 277 00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,963 Yeah, she's predicting all kinds of backlash from oil. 278 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,119 How could oil not like Chuck Furnam? 279 00:09:32,189 --> 00:09:33,833 He's not oily enough. Oh. 280 00:09:33,857 --> 00:09:35,118 Unconnected. For all the reasons 281 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,819 that we loved him, they hate him. 282 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:41,629 Okay, so now we have two catch-22 situations simultaneously. 283 00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:43,564 Is there even a name for that? 284 00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:45,444 How about catch-44? Gary. 285 00:09:45,468 --> 00:09:47,828 Okay, I'm gonna run it by an oil lobbyist. 286 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,615 Sidney Purcell is right there. Oh, good. 287 00:09:49,639 --> 00:09:50,822 Do that, Amy. Go. 288 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,189 Okay. 289 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,026 Well, most of the party photos need to be removed. 290 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,073 I don't know. Use your instincts 291 00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,125 and your eyes, then your hands and arms. Thank you. 292 00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:02,684 It's really nice that my mom's getting a new dog. 293 00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:04,035 I always wanted a dog. 294 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,364 Hey, Catherine, you want some more coffee? 295 00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:07,155 No, I'm still drinking this one. 296 00:10:07,224 --> 00:10:09,190 You know, you don't have to entertain me. 297 00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:10,486 I'm cool with my own thoughts. 298 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,676 Oh, thank God. 299 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,185 'Cause I'm getting e-mails like every other heartbeat. 300 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,641 (SOFTLY) Yeah. (TYPING) 301 00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:17,649 Oh, hi, Sidney. How are you? 302 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,400 Oh, good. You know, full of free shrimp. 303 00:10:19,469 --> 00:10:21,736 Hey, here's the thing, Clean Jobs. 304 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:25,222 Clean Jobs, yeah. What's going on there? You guys got a name yet? 305 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,625 You too afraid of wrecking the Earth's resources 306 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:28,994 to print up a press release? 307 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,007 I was actually gonna run a name by you. 308 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:34,265 Don't say Chuck Furnam. Do not say Chuck Furnam. 309 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:38,453 If you say Chuck Furnam, I will go into anaphylactic fucking shock. 310 00:10:38,521 --> 00:10:40,450 I'm saying Chuck Furnam. Fucking hell! 311 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,685 Are you kidding me? Chuck Furnam? That's fucking official? 312 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,829 Chuck is oil. 313 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,293 No. No, no, hey. I'm sorry, no. 314 00:10:45,362 --> 00:10:48,263 He's not oil. He's a fucking fossil, but he's not oil. 315 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,381 We need somebody who is plugged in. 316 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,718 The only thing that Chuck is plugged into is his fucking piss bag. 317 00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,386 Your comments are noted. 318 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:58,039 Oh, good. I love being noted. Thank you. 319 00:10:58,108 --> 00:10:59,952 He said, "Fuck Chuck." Oh, my God. 320 00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:02,656 Okay, Chuck is dead and we're gonna just have to keep him quiet 321 00:11:02,712 --> 00:11:05,291 because this whole place is swarming with bored reporters 322 00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:06,893 who are on pervert memorial duty. 323 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:10,518 So your job, Mike, is to keep him in your sight 324 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:11,836 until we find a replacement. 325 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,087 Okay, where'd he go? 326 00:11:13,156 --> 00:11:14,884 He must be in the bathroom. That prostate of his. 327 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,173 Get in there, Mike. Go. 328 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,003 This in no way will be demeaning. 329 00:11:18,027 --> 00:11:20,239 Just pretend you're picking him up, you know, and he's blind. 330 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,241 Mayday at 10 o'clock. Senator Doyle is approaching. 331 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:23,915 Sidney Purcell, too, five o'clock. 332 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,612 Hallowes is in quadrant three right behind you, right behind you. 333 00:11:26,636 --> 00:11:28,081 We've got to get out of here. Widow walk. 334 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:29,631 People don't shout at you when you're standing 335 00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,034 next to the dead man's grieving widow. 336 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,106 That's very good. 337 00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:33,474 Mrs. Reeves. 338 00:11:33,543 --> 00:11:35,204 Dan Egan, I'm with the Vice President. 339 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,822 I just wanted to tell you how much I thought of your husband. 340 00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:39,681 Well, thank you. What a handsome young man. 341 00:11:39,749 --> 00:11:41,059 Quite the WILF yourself. You're back. 342 00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:42,650 Yes, I'm back. 343 00:11:42,719 --> 00:11:44,863 Unfortunately we're just about to leave. But I wanted to say... 344 00:11:44,887 --> 00:11:46,966 But if you could perhaps walk the Vice President out to her car... 345 00:11:46,990 --> 00:11:50,052 Delightful. It will give us a chance for some juicy gossip. 346 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,420 Okay. Now is it true 347 00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,412 that the First Lady calls you Creepy Veepy? 348 00:11:56,066 --> 00:11:57,966 I'm very excited about it. Goodbye. 349 00:11:58,034 --> 00:11:59,133 (DOOR OPENS) 350 00:11:59,202 --> 00:12:00,712 What are you excited about, Chuck? 351 00:12:00,736 --> 00:12:02,732 Are you the new face of Louis Vuitton? 352 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,234 Have you been telling people about your appointment to Clean Jobs? 353 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,640 What's the problem? 354 00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,876 The Vice President told me it's as good as announced. 355 00:12:08,944 --> 00:12:11,304 As good as announced is not announced. 356 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:15,015 You are as good as dead, but you're not actually dead. Not yet. 357 00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:16,317 (SIRENS BLARING) 358 00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:18,986 Okay, Doyle and the party hate me because of Chuck 359 00:12:19,055 --> 00:12:21,356 and oil hates me because of Chuck. 360 00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:22,968 First Lady hates you because you're prettier. 361 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,409 Yeah, that's not what we're talking about right now, okay? 362 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,178 (MOUTHS) (MOUTHS) 363 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,948 I need time. Do I have time? Get me more time. 364 00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,777 You're supposed to be having lunch with Catherine. 365 00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:33,785 Shit! Gary, call Sue. 366 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,453 What do you want me to tell her? 367 00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:37,767 Tell her that I'm canceling the lunch that was supposed to prove 368 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,368 there's nothing more important than Catherine 369 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,893 because something more important than Catherine has come up. 370 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,240 Hi, Sue. That's okay, Gary. I got all that. 371 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,329 Okay. 372 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,838 Your mom should be here momentarily. 373 00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,373 Oh, she's... 374 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,091 Oh, there's my girl! 375 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,526 My college girl. 376 00:12:58,595 --> 00:12:59,960 Hi, Mother. 377 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,563 Hi, darling. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, baby. 378 00:13:02,632 --> 00:13:03,993 I'm sorry. It's okay. 379 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,266 I was just bonding with Sue. 380 00:13:05,334 --> 00:13:06,534 Oh, good. 381 00:13:06,603 --> 00:13:09,103 Oh, Sue, did the President call? 382 00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:12,607 No. No. 383 00:13:12,676 --> 00:13:16,344 Um, okay. Well, come. Step into my crib. We can hang. 384 00:13:16,412 --> 00:13:18,045 (LAUGHS) 385 00:13:18,114 --> 00:13:20,848 You guys ditched me at a pervert's memorial. That's some cold shit. 386 00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:22,417 Catherine, hey. 387 00:13:22,485 --> 00:13:23,685 Hey, buddy. 388 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,054 We need to talk. So I have to have a little meeting 389 00:13:27,123 --> 00:13:30,525 to find out what the "F-word" is going on around here. 390 00:13:30,594 --> 00:13:32,471 Okay. We'll do this quick. That's right. 391 00:13:32,495 --> 00:13:34,540 Dan, why don't you look after Catherine 392 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,942 while we attend to this urgent policy matter? 393 00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:39,478 Dan, you've never met Catherine. Have you met Catherine? 394 00:13:39,502 --> 00:13:41,414 No. No, you haven't. Come here. Come here. 395 00:13:41,438 --> 00:13:45,005 Come, come. Catherine, this is Dan. 396 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,140 Hi. 397 00:13:46,209 --> 00:13:47,553 He works in yo mama's office. 398 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,954 Hi. Hi. 399 00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:54,048 So why don't you tell Dan about the, you know... 400 00:13:54,117 --> 00:13:56,417 Experimental theater course? 401 00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:01,634 Uh, sure. Yeah. You can talk to him about that. 402 00:14:01,658 --> 00:14:03,741 You can talk about anything. 403 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,022 DAN: Anything. Anything. (LAUGHS) 404 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,379 Talk, talk, talk. 405 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:12,083 Now that we have the permission to talk about anything... 406 00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,951 (DOOR CLOSES) 407 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:17,088 Have you ever read Faulkner before? 408 00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,256 Um... 409 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:20,666 A little bit. 410 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,194 Chuck Furnam leaked. 411 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,174 Now what are our options, Mike? 412 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,166 Look, I don't know, okay? It's like a fucking Rubik's Cube. 413 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:29,511 I mean, it's impossible at this point. 414 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,775 What, Mike? 415 00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,748 A Rubik's Cube is not impossible to solve. 416 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,339 I saw a Chinese kid do it in like 10 seconds. 417 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,857 Ten seconds, Mike. 418 00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:39,188 Let me just have a deep think, okay? I need some me time. 419 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,328 Just let me get deep. 420 00:14:41,397 --> 00:14:43,781 He's not wrong. We are in a tight corner. 421 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,727 That's the nature of the job, I guess. 422 00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:48,364 Ooh, I'm not complaining. I am glad to be off dogs and hurricanes 423 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,483 and back in a good old Washington shit storm. 424 00:14:50,507 --> 00:14:53,285 Speaking of dogs, what's happening in that department? 425 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,176 I'm on it. Okay. 426 00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:58,896 Have you reached a dog verdict yet? 427 00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:01,232 Your mom said your decision is final. 428 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,383 Yeah, this one. 429 00:15:02,852 --> 00:15:03,951 (LAUGHS) 430 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,736 Yeah, it looks astonished. 431 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,473 Like it's attached to jumper cables or something. 432 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,685 I think he's cute. 433 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,403 Okay, yeah. Yeah. Hey, guys. 434 00:15:11,427 --> 00:15:13,271 Honey, you've got to change. 435 00:15:13,295 --> 00:15:15,640 Or you're wearing that. Are you wearing that? 436 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,526 Yeah, I was planning on it, unless... 437 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:18,932 Great. Cool. Fantastic. 438 00:15:20,069 --> 00:15:22,603 Can we have just a quick second to chat? 439 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:23,705 Yes, sure. 440 00:15:23,773 --> 00:15:25,013 Thank you. 441 00:15:25,608 --> 00:15:26,852 Oh... I will get out. 442 00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:29,961 Amy, if I could just talk to you for a quick sec. 443 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,941 If I could. Okay. Yeah. 444 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:32,965 Not a problem. 445 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:34,272 Thank you, darling. 446 00:15:35,385 --> 00:15:37,295 What is that skirt? Is it a rug? 447 00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:39,097 No, I don't think so. I think they do that now. 448 00:15:39,121 --> 00:15:40,788 How is she? Is she good? 449 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:44,525 Well, you know, yeah. She's her normal self. 450 00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:46,438 Really great. Oh, good. 451 00:15:46,462 --> 00:15:49,079 So do we have a plan to solve this Rubik's Cube? 452 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,298 I've been going over... 453 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,632 DAN: Here's an idea. 454 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,579 We announce the dog. It's soft wash, 455 00:15:53,603 --> 00:15:55,581 breakfast news, but we tease it out. 456 00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:56,932 We say we're looking for a name. 457 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,634 An ocean of ideas comes pouring in. 458 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,978 Meantime, we're buying time to figure all the other shit out. 459 00:16:03,079 --> 00:16:05,196 That's kind of a great idea. 460 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:06,264 AMY: Okay. 461 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,365 Did she choose a dog? 462 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,947 Woof. (AMY LAUGHS) 463 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,517 You got to be fucking kidding me. I hate these animals. 464 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:18,125 This thing is... Unbelievably cute. 465 00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:19,827 Ma'am, Senator Doyle just arrived 466 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,657 and he has a face like he's been stabbed in the groin. 467 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,109 Um, okay. I can't talk to him 'cause I'm with my daughter right now. 468 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:25,210 Perhaps the widow walk? 469 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,434 Oh, the widow walk. 470 00:16:26,502 --> 00:16:27,979 Madam Vice President. You're the widow. 471 00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:29,882 Come, honey. Why are you ignoring me, ma'am? 472 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,917 We're gonna just pretend... Darling, don't turn around. 473 00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:33,902 Just keep your head towards me. I've been here. 474 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:37,105 Just pretend like you're talking seriously to me. 475 00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:38,441 Wait, Mom, what's wrong with your face? 476 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,275 No, nothing, darling. I'm pretending to talk to you. 477 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,399 But we are talking. 478 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,595 No, no, I mean, it's a pretend... 479 00:16:43,619 --> 00:16:45,136 (SIRENS BLARING) 480 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:48,906 I was given your word, ma'am, 481 00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:51,893 that nobody from oil was gonna be on the task force, 482 00:16:51,961 --> 00:16:54,611 and now I've got this Chuck bullshit. 483 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,682 Andrew, this whole thing is so nuanced. 484 00:16:57,751 --> 00:17:01,001 And I have a ton of interests that I have to square... 485 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:05,372 Twenty years ago, you had no power, but you had balls. 486 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,690 Now look at you. 487 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,059 Yeah, now look at me. 488 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:11,362 I have a dick and balls, okay? 489 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,431 Can we not have this... 490 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,518 No, please. Don't stop because of me. This is really interesting. 491 00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:20,871 (SIRENS BLARING) 492 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,653 Hi, I don't think we've had the chance to meet, 493 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,439 but I'm thrilled that you're here. 494 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:27,829 Congrats on 20 years in DC. 495 00:17:27,897 --> 00:17:29,330 Madam Vice President. 496 00:17:29,399 --> 00:17:32,132 The Vice President has decided to adopt a rescue animal. 497 00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,634 What kind of animal? 498 00:17:33,703 --> 00:17:35,386 Um, it's a dog. 499 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,855 A dog? What, like your dog, Mike? 500 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,223 Thank you very much. 501 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,837 Andrew Miller, program director at Rainforest Conservancy. 502 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,193 Plays the trumpet. 503 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,929 What important work you do. 504 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,531 And that's not just the high notes. 505 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,360 I have a recital coming up. Okay. 506 00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:49,416 (CAMERA CLICKS) 507 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:50,595 You could have said, "Don't blow it." 508 00:17:50,619 --> 00:17:51,697 No, I'm not gonna say that. 509 00:17:51,721 --> 00:17:53,671 Look at Gary go. 510 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,835 He's like a human teleprompter for small talk. 511 00:17:55,859 --> 00:17:57,658 He calls this Gary-oke. 512 00:17:57,727 --> 00:17:59,059 It's so weird. 513 00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:01,728 It's like he's the horse whisperer or something. 514 00:18:01,797 --> 00:18:03,764 Not that I think your mother's a horse. 515 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,161 Jim Wiseman, United Laminates and guest. 516 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,314 Wife, not his daughter. Wife, not daughter. Jim. 517 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:09,881 Madam Vice President. Good to see you. 518 00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:11,133 Oh, it's so good to see you. 519 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,540 Mom's smile is starting to crack. 520 00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:15,971 It's like her divorce face. 521 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,679 Oh, hey, I come from a broken home, too. 522 00:18:18,748 --> 00:18:22,049 I found that the turmoil made me more focused, 523 00:18:22,118 --> 00:18:24,685 more passionate, more determined to get the things I want. 524 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:28,539 I'm Jonah, by the way. I work at the West Wing of the White House. 525 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,008 As opposed to what, the West Wing of Graceland? 526 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,554 Yeah, I can get you a tour if you'd like. 527 00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:34,173 Yeah, I've seen it before. (PHONE RINGING) 528 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:35,996 Jonah, West Wing. 529 00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:37,576 So how'd the dog announcement go, buddy? 530 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,116 Uh, like a bacon burka. 531 00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:41,552 What does that mean? Bacon burka? 532 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,554 Nothing. Just if burkas were made of bacon... 533 00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:45,486 See, it's kind of an open secret in Washington 534 00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:47,491 that Mike has an imaginary dog. 535 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,593 Why? 536 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,688 Gets him out of staying late for work. 537 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:50,962 We call it his bullshit-tzu. 538 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,797 That's kind of genius. 539 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:53,948 Thanks, Todd. 540 00:18:54,016 --> 00:18:55,716 Problem? Problem? 541 00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:56,850 Hey! 542 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,004 Last two on the deck of the Titanic, huh? 543 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,252 Yeah, I think I might jump. 544 00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,975 (CHUCKLES) 545 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,373 You know, I can see right through your shirt. Is it designed that way? 546 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,229 Ma'am. We have an issue. Yes? 547 00:19:09,298 --> 00:19:12,500 The White House says that they would like a, quote, 548 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,301 Sidney Purcell-type figure 549 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,403 involved on Clean Jobs. 550 00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:17,738 The person. 551 00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:19,273 What a fistful of fucks. 552 00:19:19,342 --> 00:19:21,725 You put Sidney Purcell on Clean Jobs, it's over. 553 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,389 It's done. No one's gonna stomach that. 554 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:24,962 Well, what do you got? 555 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,275 I kind of want to call them out on their bluff. 556 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,065 I got something. What... 557 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,446 Mr. Purcell. Hi, Dan Egan, Vice President's office. 558 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,169 Hi, Dan. 559 00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,449 The Vice President would love to have you on the Clean Jobs Task Force, 560 00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,068 but we both know that would look fucking horrible. 561 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,636 Thank you. So what we're proposing is this. 562 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,271 Chuck will stay on. Oh, really? 563 00:19:39,295 --> 00:19:41,240 Okay, so you came over to tell me that 564 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,308 you're disappointing the shit out of me. 565 00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:45,560 I didn't know that. You should have led with that, buddy. 566 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:49,253 But you will have a private channel to the Veep 567 00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:50,954 on all Clean Job-related issues. 568 00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:53,727 You'll have more influence over policy than the fucking task force. 569 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,504 I'm gonna go talk to Catherine. 570 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,906 She just got a new roommate. 571 00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:59,129 I don't need factoids about my daughter, Gary. 572 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,927 Hi, honey. Look at you. You're standing all by yourself. 573 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,450 I'm fine, Mom. 574 00:20:05,221 --> 00:20:07,532 Are you hungry, love? Do you want food? 575 00:20:07,556 --> 00:20:09,256 Uh, no. It's okay. I already ate. 576 00:20:09,324 --> 00:20:11,258 Okay. 577 00:20:11,327 --> 00:20:12,771 Oh, look here. They want to take a picture. 578 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,055 Oh, God. Let's do that. 579 00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:15,708 Yeah, put your drink down, babe. 580 00:20:15,732 --> 00:20:16,842 Mom, I really hate pictures. 581 00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:18,009 No, honey, you're pretty. 582 00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,444 You just smile, now. Smile. 583 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,412 Catherine, I'm really serious. Smile, okay? 584 00:20:21,436 --> 00:20:23,248 There you go. (CAMERA CLICKING) 585 00:20:23,272 --> 00:20:26,273 Oh, that's gonna be good. That's gonna be sweet. 586 00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:32,246 (CLEARS THROAT) 587 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,755 I heard you have a new roommate. 588 00:20:35,384 --> 00:20:36,416 Uh-huh. 589 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,251 Dilka. What? 590 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,154 Dilka. Dilka? 591 00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:42,473 I think her dad's Iranian. 592 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,957 Iranian? 593 00:20:44,027 --> 00:20:46,054 Ah, Senator. Just wanted to let you know that your noise 594 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,878 about Chuck Furnam did the trick. 595 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:48,963 He's off. Yeah. 596 00:20:49,032 --> 00:20:50,297 Well, that is great. 597 00:20:50,366 --> 00:20:51,631 How did that happen? 598 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,200 Well, oil was so pissed 599 00:20:53,269 --> 00:20:55,314 that we tried to put lightweight Chuck onto the task force 600 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,516 that they forced the President to go with somebody else, 601 00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:58,772 Sidney Purcell. 602 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,375 Sweet hairy fuck. 603 00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:04,935 I need to speak to the Vice President. 604 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,676 That's great. Thank you so much. 605 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,745 Hurricane Selina, they say they can change the name. 606 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,034 Oh, you're kidding me. 607 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,304 That is incredibly great news. Well done. 608 00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:15,222 You're changing the name of a hurricane? 609 00:21:15,291 --> 00:21:17,974 Yeah. There was gonna be a Hurricane Selina, 610 00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:21,545 and that would have been a disaster for us. 611 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,047 Yeah, naturally. It's amazing. 612 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:28,034 You're trying to control the weather. You are not fucking Thor, Mom. 613 00:21:28,103 --> 00:21:29,536 I'm just gonna go do my homework. 614 00:21:29,605 --> 00:21:31,188 No, Catherine, listen. 615 00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:33,535 It's a much more complicated and nuanced situation. 616 00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:37,762 No, it's really not. Don't you yes-men ever say no to her? 617 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:38,896 Of course they do. 618 00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:40,297 Yeah, we do. Yeah. 619 00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:41,843 Exactly. All right, you know what? 620 00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,111 You're a little bit out of control. 621 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,763 Come with me. Out of control? 622 00:21:44,787 --> 00:21:47,199 Ow! Yes. No, don't say, "Ow." You know that didn't hurt. 623 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:49,734 Get into here. I need to talk to you for a second. 624 00:21:49,758 --> 00:21:52,142 Not everything is always about you. 625 00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:56,463 I know that everything isn't always about me. I know that. 626 00:21:56,531 --> 00:21:58,777 You're changing the name of a hurricane, Mom. 627 00:21:58,801 --> 00:22:00,584 This is how it works. 628 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,487 This is real life. This is complicated. 629 00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,033 This is nuanced. You need experience. 630 00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:06,273 Nuanced? 631 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,109 Mom, stop talking to me like a fucking politician. 632 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:12,329 I've been trying, Catherine. I've been trying to talk to you this whole day. 633 00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:14,259 About what? About everything. 634 00:22:14,283 --> 00:22:17,034 I didn't even know that you had a new roommate. 635 00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,203 What's-his-ass had to tell me. 636 00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:23,474 I know. Gary told you. All you have to do, Mom, is ask. Seriously. 637 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:24,741 (SIGHS) 638 00:22:27,964 --> 00:22:30,781 Okay. How about this? 639 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:34,330 Um, listen. We are not gonna change the name of the hurricane. 640 00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:35,994 Sure. Thank you, Mom. 641 00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:37,849 I'm sorry I got so upset before. 642 00:22:37,873 --> 00:22:38,984 Oh, look at her apologizing. 643 00:22:39,008 --> 00:22:40,040 Not a problem. 644 00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:41,336 Isn't she good to apologize? 645 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,438 Madam Vice President. We need to talk. 646 00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:45,146 Okay. What can I do for you? 647 00:22:45,214 --> 00:22:48,654 Well, you need to put Chuck Furnam back on the task force. 648 00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:52,703 Wait, I'm confused, because now you're begging me 649 00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:55,038 to put back onto the task force 650 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:59,943 the same person you were begging me to take off of the task force. 651 00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:03,096 When you say it out loud, you know, it does sound... 652 00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:04,748 Kind of idiotic. 653 00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:08,552 Well, but it's not as idiotic as the current filibuster system. 654 00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,465 You know what? I can find a way to get Chuck Furnam 655 00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:11,934 on the task force for you, no problem. 656 00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:13,340 Super. Super. 657 00:23:13,409 --> 00:23:15,154 Thank you, ma'am. You betcha. 658 00:23:15,178 --> 00:23:17,178 (LAUGHS) How about that? 659 00:23:17,246 --> 00:23:19,046 Way to go, Dan. 660 00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:20,530 Catch-44, he caught it. 661 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,832 Pow! 662 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,178 Oh, I'm sorry. Are you guys all good on Clean Jobs? 663 00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:26,236 Chuck Furnam is on and what? 664 00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:30,657 And Sidney Purcell will stay on as an advisor in an unofficial capacity. 665 00:23:30,726 --> 00:23:32,359 All right. Tick it. 666 00:23:32,428 --> 00:23:33,705 We can pick up the dog tomorrow. 667 00:23:33,729 --> 00:23:35,540 Great. I'm sorry. What are you guys talking about? 668 00:23:35,564 --> 00:23:37,593 We're getting a dog. It's no big deal. 669 00:23:37,617 --> 00:23:39,115 Why wasn't I told about this? 670 00:23:39,184 --> 00:23:40,979 (LAUGHS) Why would you be told about that? 671 00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:42,920 The thing is, ma'am, FLOTUS is currently 672 00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:44,905 procuring a canine for herself. 673 00:23:44,973 --> 00:23:47,591 The first dog, or FDOTUS, has been planned for weeks. 674 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,180 We simply can't allow the possibility 675 00:23:49,228 --> 00:23:50,689 that your dog will overshadow FDOTUS. 676 00:23:50,713 --> 00:23:51,862 Stop saying FDOTUS. 677 00:23:51,914 --> 00:23:53,058 Ma'am, you need to kill the dog. 678 00:23:53,082 --> 00:23:54,359 Not literally, but, I mean, yeah, 679 00:23:54,383 --> 00:23:55,627 if it comes to it, then literally. 680 00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:57,234 No! Kill the dog? Our dog? 681 00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:58,513 No, honey. 682 00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:00,604 Where is Mike? Where is he? 683 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:03,290 Back to his tits and dip. 684 00:24:03,358 --> 00:24:05,192 You guys, are we seriously gonna let the guy 685 00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:07,894 with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do? 686 00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:10,614 Oh, this rapist face gets eights. 687 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,428 Consensually, I might throw in. 688 00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:14,463 Why are we killing the dog? I just announced it. 689 00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:17,299 Because the First Lady is getting one, so now I can't get one. 690 00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:18,500 Why don't I know this? 691 00:24:18,524 --> 00:24:19,940 Because you're incompetent. 692 00:24:20,008 --> 00:24:22,242 Here's an idea. Mike's already got a dog. 693 00:24:22,310 --> 00:24:23,877 He's got the whole setup for one, 694 00:24:23,946 --> 00:24:25,240 the blankets, the crate, the balls, 695 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:26,697 all the little toys and stuff. 696 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,376 Why doesn't he take the pooch? That's a great idea. 697 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,228 No, no. That'd be great solution. Great solution. 698 00:24:30,252 --> 00:24:32,064 (ALL LAUGHING) Simon is an alpha male. 699 00:24:32,088 --> 00:24:33,732 Actually, I think that is a good idea. 700 00:24:33,756 --> 00:24:34,916 Why are you guys laughing? 701 00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,073 Stop, Mom. 702 00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:38,525 Seriously, Mike has a fake dog. 703 00:24:38,594 --> 00:24:41,128 You're like the only one here who doesn't know that. 704 00:24:41,613 --> 00:24:43,046 What? 705 00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:45,382 Yeah, he uses it to get out of stuff like if he's late. 706 00:24:45,451 --> 00:24:47,184 It's called a shit-bull terrier. 707 00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:48,334 It's a bullshit-tzu. 708 00:24:48,403 --> 00:24:49,403 Bullshit-tzu. 709 00:24:50,672 --> 00:24:51,938 Is this true, Mike? 710 00:24:52,007 --> 00:24:53,385 It got a little out of hand. 711 00:24:53,409 --> 00:24:55,487 You carry a picture of it in your wallet, Mike. 712 00:24:55,511 --> 00:24:56,922 I just got it from Google images. 713 00:24:56,946 --> 00:24:58,778 I'm sorry, ma'am. I thought you knew, ma'am. 714 00:24:58,847 --> 00:25:00,325 Otherwise I would not have been laughing. 715 00:25:00,349 --> 00:25:01,514 Gary knew? 716 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,950 Even fucking Gary knew? Okay. 717 00:25:04,019 --> 00:25:05,718 You are getting the dog. 718 00:25:05,788 --> 00:25:11,792 You are getting this little rat-faced, repulsive, yappy, 719 00:25:11,878 --> 00:25:13,543 decrepit-looking terrier. 720 00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:16,680 Wow, I'm glad that you were so honest 721 00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:18,448 about liking the one that I chose. 722 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,962 Catherine, I didn't... Okay, now I've got to deal with that situation. 723 00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:22,352 So thank you. 724 00:25:22,421 --> 00:25:23,536 Catherine. 725 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:25,926 Maybe I've got a real excuse now. 726 00:25:26,391 --> 00:25:28,291 Sue's pretty wasted. Yeah. 727 00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,045 And arguably a nine. 728 00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:36,311 Hey, Sue. Jonah. 729 00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:39,403 You got a convenient opening I can slide into? 730 00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:41,572 Open up a slot for Jonah? 731 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,641 There's not enough alcohol in the world, Jonah. 732 00:25:46,245 --> 00:25:48,111 Didn't say no. No! 733 00:25:49,431 --> 00:25:50,808 Hey, ma'am, can I get you a glass of white wine? 734 00:25:50,832 --> 00:25:52,360 Yeah. Okay. 735 00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:54,518 Amy, would you please... 736 00:25:54,587 --> 00:25:56,064 Get the hurricane name changed. Already done it. 737 00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:58,121 Good. 738 00:25:58,190 --> 00:26:01,157 It's not too diva-like, this party, is it? 739 00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:03,293 No, I think we got just the right tone. 740 00:26:03,362 --> 00:26:04,511 Yeah. 741 00:26:04,579 --> 00:26:06,419 People definitely aren't having too much fun. 742 00:26:06,448 --> 00:26:07,614 Mmm-hmm. 743 00:26:07,683 --> 00:26:09,283 Okay, here we go. 744 00:26:09,351 --> 00:26:10,850 There. 745 00:26:10,919 --> 00:26:12,599 Thank you. Bottoms up. 746 00:26:22,465 --> 00:26:23,664 (SIGHS) 747 00:26:23,733 --> 00:26:25,065 So, you want to mingle? 748 00:26:25,534 --> 00:26:26,534 Yeah. 749 00:26:26,602 --> 00:26:28,918 Let's go mingle the shit out of 'em. 750 00:26:28,987 --> 00:26:31,187 Ernest Lainchbury, Lifeboat Association. 751 00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:32,455 He's got a glass eye. 752 00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:33,690 I... 753 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:36,392 Am so happy you're here. 754 00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:38,778 Jenny Armitage, Disabled Sports of America. 755 00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:40,580 Just had triplets. 756 00:26:40,649 --> 00:26:42,315 Oh, triplets. Wow. 757 00:26:42,384 --> 00:26:45,669 That must have hurt. Unless you had a C-section. 758 00:26:45,721 --> 00:26:48,755 Carlos Esquerra, CEO of The NASDAQ OMX Group. 759 00:26:48,823 --> 00:26:50,240 I got nothing. Use your Spanish. 760 00:26:50,309 --> 00:26:51,975 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 761 00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:56,546 Robert Van Der Merkle, Head of Gambling Commission. 762 00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,131 Pro-gambling. Loves to kill. 763 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,767 Hey, there. (IMITATES GUNSHOT) 764 00:27:00,835 --> 00:27:03,636 Corey Wilk, special advisor to The Supreme Court of Michigan. 765 00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:06,823 He's got a brother in Rage Against The Machine. 766 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:10,060 (CAMERA CLICKING) 767 00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:11,539 (LOW) Tell your brother I love his music. 768 00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:13,763 Carrie Stringer, Center for Social Action. 769 00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:15,498 He's a triathlete. 770 00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:16,700 No, he's not. 771 00:27:17,386 --> 00:27:18,518 Hello. 772 00:27:18,587 --> 00:27:19,953 WOMAN: Liam Miller, NASA. 773 00:27:20,021 --> 00:27:22,101 Okay, that's an acronym for National Aeronautics... 774 00:27:22,157 --> 00:27:23,374 I... Stop it. Okay. 775 00:27:23,442 --> 00:27:25,041 It's so late. 776 00:27:25,110 --> 00:27:27,727 The Reverend Terrance Clark, Church of the Living Christ. 777 00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:30,146 GARY: He's a baker. 778 00:27:30,215 --> 00:27:31,615 SELINA: Christ has risen. 779 00:27:31,684 --> 00:27:33,428 WOMAN: Hyun-Joo Lee, Urban Placemakers Forum. 780 00:27:33,452 --> 00:27:34,651 GARY: He's Korean.