1 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,908 ( crunching ) ( TV playing ) 2 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,577 Who's that? 3 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,978 That's the father. 4 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,181 Why's he running away? 5 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,449 He's not, he's going after that woman. 6 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,817 Why? 7 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,786 Because she thinks their kids are in that house, 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,089 and he doesn't want her to go in there. 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,091 Because it's haunted? 10 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,226 No, because it's on fire. 11 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:29,763 We just watched a whole scene about that. 12 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:30,964 Hey, kiddo. 13 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,300 What're you watching? 14 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,767 This awesome movie. 15 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,903 The fireman, he trapped his kids in a haunted house 16 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:38,106 and he set it on fire. 17 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,874 Matthew, I really don't think he should 18 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,343 be watching this kind of movie. 19 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,712 He's not. I don't know what movie he's watching. 20 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,082 Christine! 21 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,184 What'd she make for dinner? I'm starving. 22 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,985 Oh... no dinner. 23 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,088 She's out with a guy. 24 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,290 On a date? 25 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:59,327 Well, it's not just a date. A fifth date. 26 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,062 Oh. Who's the guy? 27 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,431 Burton. Some attorney. 28 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,766 Drives a Jag. She's way into him. 29 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:09,303 Fifth date. 30 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,739 You're enjoying this, aren't you? 31 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,707 You think I'm going to flip out because my ex-wife 32 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,843 is dating the same guy a couple times. 33 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,812 Not a couple-- five. Five. Five. 34 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,081 Give me what? Five. 35 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:30,057 You know, I was hoping I wouldn't have to bring this up, 36 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,493 but tonight is our fifth-date anniversary, 37 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,696 and I was kind of... looking forward to a gift. 38 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:36,997 ( chuckles ) 39 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,832 I got you something. I got you something, 40 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:39,933 but it isn't wrapped. 41 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,202 Oh, where is it? 42 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,870 In my pants. 43 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,106 ( laughing ): Oh, my God! 44 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,676 You can't give me the same thing 45 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,845 you gave me for our fourth-date anniversary. ( laughs ) 46 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,218 Oh! Hello! 47 00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,953 Wow. I didn't mean to... 48 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,790 Richard... no, we were just... 49 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,858 Yes, I saw. Nice. Yeah. 50 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,294 I'm Burton Schaefer. 51 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,162 Richard Campbell. Christine's husband. 52 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,930 Ex-husband. 53 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,632 Oh, God. Right. 54 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,302 Wonder what the psychiatrists would say about that. 55 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:18,206 They'd say you were leaving. 56 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,840 Well, I should probably head out, too. 57 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,209 Thanks for stopping by. 58 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,476 Let's do this again soon. Richard! 59 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,878 What? Burt can take a joke. 60 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,046 His name's Burton. 61 00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,481 He must hear a lot of jokes. 62 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,551 ( laughs ) That's okay. 63 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,353 No, I-I... we've got a big anniversary tomorrow, 64 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:35,122 so I should probably go home and wrap her gift. 65 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:38,826 ( laughing ) 66 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,362 Nice meeting you. 67 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,701 I like him. 68 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,737 He's a good-looking guy. 69 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,305 Almost pretty. 70 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,708 Good night, Richard. 71 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,076 What? It's a compliment. 72 00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,212 He's a very adorable man. 73 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:04,252 ( phone rings ) 74 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,719 Hello? Hey, it's me. 75 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,388 Look, I'm sorry about tonight. 76 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:08,989 I was just trying to be funny. 77 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,224 Really? 'Cause it wasn't funny. 78 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,260 It was like Benny Hill not-funny. 79 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,262 Benny Hill is hilarious. 80 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,431 I can't have this conversation again. 81 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,767 Hang on, somebody's calling. 82 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,001 Uh... hold on. 83 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,936 Hello? Hey, you got to see this. 84 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,839 A woman's having fat removed, and it fills an entire trash can. 85 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:26,974 Ooh. Channel? 86 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,376 Forty-six. 87 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,944 It's easily the grossest thing I've ever seen. 88 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,847 Oh! That's disgusting! 89 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:37,651 Who would watch this? 90 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,623 I-I got to go. Yeah, me, too. 91 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,093 Hey, sorry, sorry. 92 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,561 Matthew just wanted me to see this show 93 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,196 where they remove people's fat. 94 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,631 Ooh, what channel? 95 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,233 Forty-six. 96 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:55,469 Oh, my God. 97 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,705 Why would they put her fat in a trash can? 98 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,873 Yeah. Does the trash man pick that up? 99 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,876 'Cause I can't even get him to take my old couch. 100 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:03,877 All right, you know what? 101 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,013 I got to get some sleep. Wait, wait. 102 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,582 I called because I felt bad about how I acted. 103 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,619 I was a real jerk, and I'd like to make it up to you. 104 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,355 Fine, give me a trash can to put my ass in. 105 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,689 ( both laugh ) 106 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,326 Listen, Richard, that's very nice of you, 107 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,893 but you don't have to... 108 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,162 Oh! Oh! 109 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:27,335 Wow, that's a powerful vacuum. 110 00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,403 Look, let's go out to dinner, 111 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,904 you and Burton, me and Christine. 112 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,139 I'll buy. 113 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,442 A double date? Ooh, I don't know. 114 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,676 Isn't that kind of weird? 115 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,811 Why? Because we're divorced? So what? 116 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,548 You obviously like this guy. I'd like to get to know him. 117 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,884 I don't know. ( phone beeps ) 118 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,353 Oh, that's Burton. 119 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:48,689 Okay, hang on, don't move. 120 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,990 Hi there. 121 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,360 I know I just saw you, but I had to hear your voice 122 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,328 one more time before I went to bed. 123 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,897 That is so sweet. 124 00:04:56,964 --> 00:05:01,735 Listen, um, I've got kind of a weird proposal for you. 125 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,736 Yes. 126 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,473 ( laughing ): No, no. 127 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,607 Richard's on the other line, 128 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,443 and... he wants to take us to dinner 129 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,679 to sort of make up for being such a jerk tonight. 130 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,481 What do you think? Is that weird? 131 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,049 Uh, it's very friendly. Well, next week we can go 132 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,419 to my ex-wife's for dinner, you know? 133 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,521 Oh, maybe she'll make her famous "I-never-loved-you 134 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,990 "and-your-former-law-partner- is-a-better-lover 135 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,925 than-you'll-ever-be" potpie. 136 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,429 ( chuckles ) We can go to dinner. 137 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,897 Okay, fine, all right. 138 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,399 I'll see you tomorrow. 139 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,367 Night. 140 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,002 Hey, we're on. 141 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,438 Great. I'll talk to Christine and call you tomorrow. 142 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,407 Okay. Sounds like a plan. ( phone beeps ) 143 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,842 Oh, God, this is Matthew again, I got to go. 144 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,143 Bye. 145 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,778 What? 146 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,280 They're removing a 200-pound tumor from this guy's leg. 147 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,418 Ooh. Channel? Sixty-three. 148 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:54,254 ( indistinct conversations ) 149 00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:55,689 Thanks for doing this, honey. 150 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,090 I think it's really gonna be fun. 151 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,426 Do you? 152 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,093 You're not going to feel a little icky 153 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,430 about seeing your ex-wife with a serious boyfriend? 154 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,731 No. Why would I? 155 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,232 If anything, it's a relief. 156 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,834 If Christine pairs up, 157 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,503 then we don't have to feel guilty about our relationship. 158 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,474 You feel guilty? 159 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,543 Did I say guilty? 160 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,210 I meant lucky. 161 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,448 Which is basically the same thing when you're Catholic. 162 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,984 Luckily, you're a better kisser than a liar. 163 00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,756 Hi. 164 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:32,626 ( louder ): Hi. 165 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:33,894 Oh, hi. Sorry. Hi. 166 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,328 We were just... 167 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,264 Yeah, we saw. Very classy. 168 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,299 So, Burton, 169 00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,734 you've met Richard. 170 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,036 This is his girlfriend, New Christine. 171 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,371 Hi. Hi. 172 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,506 Actually, I'm not new. 173 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,840 I've been here for 28 years. 174 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,610 I'm just new compared to her. 175 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,278 Well, let's eat quickly, 176 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,947 'cause I have to get back to the home. 177 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,650 Well, I'm new, too, so I guess 178 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,018 you can just call me New Burton. 179 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,087 New Burton. Isn't that a town in Connecticut? 180 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,422 Yeah. 181 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:06,527 ( all laughing ) 182 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,397 So, Burton, I just want to say sorry 183 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,565 about the other night. 184 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,801 We both said some things we regret. 185 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,403 I don't remember saying anything. 186 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,871 I accept your apology. 187 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,007 Let's just forget about it and have a good night. 188 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,477 Good evening. 189 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,012 Hi. Hi. 190 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,481 I will be back in a moment to take your drink orders. 191 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,149 Thank you. 192 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,089 You okay there? 193 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:40,628 Yeah, it's my... it's my new date night underwear. 194 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:44,698 It just got to fifth base. 195 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:48,201 Really, I want you to feel free to say anything around me. 196 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,577 Christine, you look great tonight. 197 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,045 Oh, thank you. Yeah. 198 00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,847 Your makeup's really doing its job. 199 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,750 So what's everybody having? 200 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:07,454 I'm sorry... my makeup is doing its job? 201 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,523 What... what does that mean? 202 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,891 What? It was a compliment. 203 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,159 You look good. 204 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,663 Richard, you don't compliment a person's makeup. 205 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:16,997 You compliment their face, 206 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,232 not the thing that's covering up their face. 207 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:25,405 That's like... that's like talking about somebody's girdle. 208 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,075 That looks like it's doing its job, too. 209 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:32,680 You know, people in love-handle houses 210 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:35,215 should not throw stones, buddy. 211 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,650 Oh... You guys, stop. 212 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,719 I'm sure you're making Burton uncomfortable. 213 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:39,787 No, no, it's fine. 214 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,821 Actually, I'm very comfortable. 215 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,255 It reminds me of my honeymoon. 216 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,557 ( chuckles ) 217 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,627 Minus the flying ashtrays and Moroccan police. 218 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,895 ( both laugh ) 219 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,664 No, you're right-- I promise we won't 220 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,566 be sniping at each other all night, right? 221 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,602 I'm sorry, too. It's a bad habit. 222 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,637 Can we just start this whole night over? 223 00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:57,738 I like that idea. 224 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:58,639 Yeah. Okay. 225 00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,840 So, Burton... 226 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,408 what sort of law do you practice? 227 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,076 I'm an immigration lawyer. 228 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,646 Mostly Mexico and Central America. 229 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,947 I like it a lot, you know? 230 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,782 Helping people find a better life 231 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,819 and get a little piece of the American dream. 232 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,863 Of course, we still have a long ways to go... 233 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,666 But, anyway, most recently, I've been down in Tijuana, 234 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,534 trying to reunite this family. 235 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:31,038 The mom's been working here, and the kids are down there, and well, she's... 236 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,539 ( laughing ) 237 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:35,809 It's really... it's really sad. 238 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,077 ( laughing ) 239 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,512 I always get a laugh at that part. 240 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,814 No, I'm sorry. 241 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,582 It's just when you said, "Tijuana," 242 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:46,086 it reminded me of this story that Christine and I have. 243 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,122 No, no, Lord, please do not tell that story, okay? 244 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,224 I am trying to make a good impression. 245 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,761 Wait, now I've got to hear the story. No, no. 246 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,963 What is it? We were in this bar. 247 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,698 Christine was drunk-- which, by the way, 248 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,633 is how most of our stories start. Oh, that's lovely. 249 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,668 Thank you. 250 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,935 She stole the waiter's whistle 251 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,136 and started giving everyone shots. 252 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,673 No. I didn't steal the whistle. 253 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,440 Gosh, I bought it... 254 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,310 by showing the waiter my bra. 255 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,511 And? 256 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,546 My underwear. 257 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,882 And? 258 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,919 ( laughing ): The top of my butt. 259 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:23,691 Which, by the way, is how most of our stories end. 260 00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,798 Uncle Matthew... 261 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,033 what does my mom do when she goes out? 262 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:38,371 Uh, what does she tell you she does? 263 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,173 She just says she's going out. 264 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,110 Okay, well, if you have to know... 265 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,913 When your mom goes out, she... 266 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,851 ...she fights crime. 267 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,488 Why does she get all dressed up? 268 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,924 Well, that's her disguise. 269 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,526 She brushes her hair and puts on clean clothes 270 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,095 so no one will recognize her. 271 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,563 Oh. 272 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,965 You know what, Ritchie? 273 00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:08,736 No more questions about your mom. Okay. 274 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,071 What makes some people gay? 275 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:16,076 Your mom's on a date. 276 00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,713 ( laughing ) 277 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,581 And you couldn't say anything, 278 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,884 because he knew... 279 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,052 you were wearing... 280 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,754 ( high-pitched laugh ) 281 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,256 ...his hat. 282 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,859 ( Christine and Richard laugh ) 283 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,098 Yeah, they never run out of stories. 284 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,933 Not ever. 285 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,135 Ever, ever, ever. 286 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,604 Last one had a twist, though. 287 00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,606 They were sober. 288 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,942 I didn't see that coming. 289 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,944 Remember Vermont? 290 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,846 No, Richard, don't. 291 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,848 I think they're... they're mad. 292 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,884 Burton, are you getting mad? 293 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,685 ( laughing ) 294 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,821 Why would I be mad? 295 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:04,157 It's like watching an alcoholic travel show. 296 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,560 Ah, we got to do this again real soon. 297 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,896 I'm at my mother's next week, 298 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,798 so it would have to be the week after that. 299 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,432 Yeah, or never. 300 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,968 Oh, right. Or never. 301 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,806 Wait. You're really mad? 302 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:19,907 No, it's... it's fine. 303 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,274 It doesn't matter, all right? 304 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,343 I'm just... I'm gonna go get the car. 305 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,013 You know, I think I'll go with you. 306 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,416 Uh, well, we'll be right there. 307 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,520 Ass! 308 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,789 Me? 309 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,357 What? You were laughing, too. 310 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,093 At least I didn't do the duck walk for the waiter. 311 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,862 Richard, that got a laugh. 312 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,897 And you know damn well if I'm getting a laugh, 313 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,834 I'm not gonna stop. 314 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:47,801 This is your fault. 315 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,269 How is this my fault? 316 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,972 Because you kept telling those tired, old stories, 317 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,908 and making Burton feel completely left out. 318 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,276 He's a lawyer. 319 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:59,079 I'd think he'd be used to being left out. 320 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,547 Ass! 321 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,282 Christine. 322 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,185 Christine? 323 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,856 Christine? 324 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,991 Christine, wait, wait. 325 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,026 Are you actually mad at me? 326 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,029 You spent the entire evening 327 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,565 trying to sabotage my relationship. 328 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,666 Why would I do that? 329 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,168 I don't know, Richard. 330 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,371 Maybe that's a question you need to be asking yourself. 331 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,775 Richard, I really like this guy. 332 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,912 I feel good when I'm with him. 333 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,381 And he's the first guy that I've met since we broke up 334 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,550 that I can really see myself staying with. 335 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,121 Oh. 336 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,156 Well... 337 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,892 That's good. 338 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,960 That's great. 339 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:50,230 I just hope he forgives me. 340 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,167 ( sighs, clicks tongue ) 341 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,235 Hi. 342 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,870 Hello. 343 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,306 Oh, I am so sorry you had a terrible time. 344 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,942 Well, you know, we've been together for six dates now. 345 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,044 You've got to take the bad with the good. 346 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:06,346 Will you forgive me? I mean, we just... 347 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,481 We get caught up in our old stuff. 348 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,517 Yeah, you know, speaking of that old stuff, 349 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,920 there seems to be a lot of it. 350 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,554 Should I be threatened? 351 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:15,956 Oh, God, no. 352 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,724 It's just a bunch of dumb stories 353 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:20,360 from a million years ago. 354 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,929 I want to make new stories. 355 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,363 With you. 356 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,999 Yeah, then we can take your new boyfriend out to dinner 357 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,067 and rub it in his face. 358 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,702 Oh, please, Burton. 359 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,905 I mean... if you let me, 360 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,474 I promise I can make it up to you. 361 00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,145 How are you gonna do that? 362 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,248 Well, I can think of, uh, five ways 363 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,250 just like right off the top of my head. 364 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,519 The first two you are truly gonna love. 365 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,787 Uh-huh. 366 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,290 And the third is mostly for me. 367 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,961 Well, let's start with the third 368 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,296 and then work our way backwards. 369 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,464 Wow. 370 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,202 ...and so the good news is 371 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,171 Christine really, really likes him. 372 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,472 Well, it is good news. 373 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,340 That's what I said. I'm happy for her. 374 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,942 Yeah. Maybe they'll get married. 375 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,543 Hey, wouldn't that be swell. 376 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:11,811 ( engine revving ) 377 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,647 ( screaming ) 378 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,517 Watch. I'm going to get blamed for this, too. 379 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,190 How is he? What did they say? 380 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,625 We don't know yet, but it looks bad. 381 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:28,761 It might be his toe. 382 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,630 His toe? Oh God. Which one? 383 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:34,234 The one that went to market or the one that ate roast beef? 384 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:39,472 Hey, a toe injury is not funny, Richard. 385 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,509 It's true. I lost the nail on my pinky toe. 386 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,676 It never grew back. 387 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,579 Now I have to paint the skin. 388 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,151 Richard? 389 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,553 Richard, have you seen the medical shows? 390 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:57,024 I mean, toe injuries can lead to very serious complications. 391 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,026 In some cases, death. 392 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:01,328 Oh, forgive me. I didn't realize 393 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,396 I was speaking to a medical professional, Doctor... 394 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,799 Shove It. Janice P. Shove It, M.D. 395 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,401 That's very mature. 396 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,270 Oh, you want to talk about mature? 397 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,938 You just tried to kill my boyfriend. 398 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,241 You know, I was there, and it wasn't... It was an accident. 399 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,109 Oh, there are no accidents, Richard. 400 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,311 I mean, maybe you didn't mean to do it, 401 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,880 but you still did do it unconsciously. 402 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,315 Unconsciously? Like in a coma? 403 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,583 I think she meant... No... 404 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,784 You are unbelievable. 405 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:25,985 Don't you mean sub-believable? 406 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,021 You know what I mean, 407 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,256 you toe-killer. 408 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,091 All right, stop it. That's enough. 409 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,259 I can't take it anymore. 410 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,293 You're not even making sense. 411 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,595 You're just saying words. 412 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,097 You see? 413 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,432 Even your girlfriend thinks you're an ass. 414 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,933 Well, you're an ass, too, Christine. 415 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,535 Me? What did I do? 416 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,438 Well, it's both of you and this messed-up dynamic you have. 417 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,674 You get going and it's like no one else exists, 418 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:48,541 and it's not just tonight. 419 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:49,876 It's all the time. 420 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,280 With the constant phone calls and the daily visits, 421 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,781 the obnoxious reminiscing. 422 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,118 It was only a matter of time before someone got hurt. 423 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,722 You are supposed to be divorced. 424 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,292 Why can't you act like it? 425 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,160 Christine, you have to understand, 426 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,328 we have a kid together. 427 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,796 We're always going to be connected. 428 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,997 Oh, don't pull that. 429 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:12,632 This has nothing to do with your kid. 430 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,135 This is the two of you unable to separate from each other. 431 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,136 I'm leaving. 432 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:17,704 I'll go with you. 433 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,406 No. You stay here, Richard. 434 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,274 I'm serious. You two need to figure out 435 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,709 what your deal is, because until you do, 436 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,178 I don't think there's any room in it for me. 437 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,587 I need the keys. 438 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,166 I need money for parking. 439 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,042 Yes. 440 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,610 Nice work, Dr. Campbell. 441 00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,045 Thanks. 442 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,413 Okay. 443 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,383 "Remove Adam's apple, including the core. 444 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:06,819 You'll end up with money and friends galore." 445 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,656 Well, I'm not really in it for the money and friends. 446 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,291 I'm a healer. 447 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,329 So why does my Mom go on dates? 448 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:20,233 Well, because sometimes grown-ups like to go out 449 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,034 with people their own age. 450 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,604 You're her age. Why don't you date her? 451 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,239 ( buzzer ) 452 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,076 Well, most people like to date 453 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:33,613 outside their immediate family. 454 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,149 And it's a law. 455 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:39,186 A good law. 456 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,687 What do you do on a date? 457 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,022 ( buzzer ) 458 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,557 Well, you, uh, talk. 459 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,026 And you laugh. 460 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:50,563 Sometimes you... wrestle. 461 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,299 Oh. 462 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,033 What's intercourse? 463 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,203 ( buzzer ) 464 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,240 Something to do with golf. 465 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,576 You should ask your mom. 466 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,544 Does Mom golf? 467 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,747 She's been known to hit the links. 468 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,421 Did you get through to Christine? 469 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,088 No. She must've turned off her cell. 470 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,024 Thanks. 471 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,158 So what do you think? 472 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,493 Do you think she's right? 473 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,994 Do we have a weird dynamic? 474 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,396 No. 475 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,165 I mean, sure, we're closer than most divorced people, 476 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,568 but I think that's healthy. 477 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,206 I guess. 478 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,543 But I don't want our old relationship 479 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,345 to get in the way of our new ones. 480 00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:39,412 I don't either. 481 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,747 Maybe we need some boundaries. 482 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,714 Yeah. 483 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,350 Like, I guess I shouldn't call you 484 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,184 every night before I go to bed, huh? 485 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,220 Maybe I shouldn't just drop by unannounced. 486 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,021 And, of course, no running over 487 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:53,025 each other's dates with a car. 488 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,363 Seems a little extreme, but okay. 489 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,630 And we won't call each other 490 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,366 every time there's something gross on TV. 491 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,600 Well, I mean, what if it's 492 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,534 something that concerns Ritchie? 493 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,635 We have to talk then. 494 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,337 Right. Of course. We'll talk then. 495 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,772 But only then. 496 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,541 Yeah, I think that can work. 497 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,176 And you should probably stop thinking of me 498 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,878 when you're having sex with Burton. 499 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,217 Richard, I didn't even think of you 500 00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,953 when I was having sex with you. 501 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,393 I don't want to play with you anymore. 502 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,862 God, this is big, you know? 503 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:33,099 Things are going to change a lot with us. 504 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,368 I know. But it's got to be done. 505 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,103 There are other people now. 506 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,305 Yeah. 507 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,540 And by the way, 508 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,610 I think it did bother me seeing you with someone else tonight, 509 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,812 but it doesn't mean I'm not happy for you. 510 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:49,215 Oh, thank you. 511 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,651 And, about you and New Christine... 512 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:57,624 Thank you for being happy for me.