1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,440 Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,000 castles, daring knights 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,800 Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,440 Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,040 Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,040 measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,760 8 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,280 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,200 10 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,520 11 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,920 12 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,360 - Horrible Histories presents... 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,240 - Camels, Camels, Camels! 14 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,920 Are you in second-century Egypt? 15 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,560 Do you need a camel? Of course you do. Everyone needs camels. 16 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,240 Camels are the perfect mode of desert transport. 17 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,640 They're strong, reliable, and need less water than your average donkey. 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,680 Ooh, no offence. 19 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:51,680 DONKEY BRAYS 20 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,400 Whoa! 21 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,640 Camels, Camels, Camels has camels for just 600 drachma. 22 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,000 But don't take my word for it. 23 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,240 Here it is, right from the camel's mouth. 24 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,160 - I'll take a camel. - Congratulations. 25 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,440 You've just bought yourself a luxury camel 26 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,000 from Camels, Camels, Camels! - Wahey! 27 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,080 Ugh. - Warning - camels may spit. 28 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,200 Stay away from their mouths. 29 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,320 Er...probably should've mentioned that sooner. 30 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,240 Yes, here at Camels, Camels, Camels, 31 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,240 we've got camels for all your camel needs! 32 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,680 - I need a camel, but they're not cheap. 33 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,240 I'd have to pay permits and fees to take them down certain roads, 34 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,640 and I'd have to pay extra high taxes compared with other animals. 35 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,560 - Well, stop worrying, because here at Camels, Camels, Camels, 36 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,760 you can buy PART of a camel - and I don't just mean the legs. 37 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,560 You'll be sharing it with someone else and you'll save money. 38 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,280 - Great! I'll take half a camel. 39 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,040 - Done! You can share it with Steve. 40 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,480 - Hello. - He's just paid. - Oh! 41 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,800 - Ugh! I love my new camel. 42 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:43,800 - CAMEL GRUNTS 43 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,120 - Ugh! 44 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,040 - Oh, remember to stay away from their mouths. 45 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,760 I really should open with that. 46 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,880 You need camels, we got camels! 47 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,400 But, uh-oh, who's this? 48 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,360 - I work for the governor of Egypt. I've come to take your camels. - Huh? 49 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,880 - I won't be paying you. 50 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,160 - Well, help yourself, 51 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,760 and don't forget to stand right in front of their mouths. 52 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,720 It helps them bond with you. - Ooh, thanks. Good tip. 53 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:04,720 - CAMELS BELLOW 54 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,640 - Huh? 55 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,120 Oh! Ugh! 56 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,160 Oh! 57 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,080 - Camels, Camels, Camels 58 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,400 for buying camels, renting camels, 59 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,960 and, if you work for the governor, 60 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,640 just taking them without paying. 61 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,920 - Ugh! I've got camel glob in my eyes! 62 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:23,200 - So come on down to Camels, Camels, Camels today. 63 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:23,200 DONKEY BRAYS 64 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,680 - Aaargh! 65 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,040 - Don't get the hump. Get a camel! 66 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:28,520 CAMEL BELLOWS 67 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,440 I'm in 43AD, Ancient Rome, 68 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:36,160 where Emperor Claudius has banned the use of carts in towns, 69 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,920 along with all the other transportation, save walking on foot. 70 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,760 Welcome to Fast In The Past. 71 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,240 What's that I hear you say? "No carts? 72 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:54,880 "What's a handsome speed demon like you doing in a place like this?" 73 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,760 Well, the clever folks of Ancient Rome 74 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,040 might have come up with a workaround. 75 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,680 I'm here to review the Roman litter. 76 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,560 Don't be fooled by the name - 77 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,800 this beast is anything but rubbish. 78 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,080 It's a four-person-powered, two-pole, one-seater celebration 79 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,720 of Roman know-how. 80 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,600 It goes to top speeds as fast as these guys can run. 81 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:17,840 And, yes, don't worry... 82 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,480 MOCKINGLY: ..it's ecologically friendly... 83 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,440 ..because the engine is powered on whatever you feed them. 84 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,240 Let's take it for a spin. 85 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:28,560 Well, the makers of the litter claim it can go from zero to walking speed 86 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,160 as long as it takes to takes to say "forward". 87 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,960 - Forward. - Not bad. 88 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:37,160 Now, let's see what this baby's second gear, running, can do. 89 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,360 Lads, put your foot down - fast. - Fast. 90 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,320 - Boom! Cappuccino. 91 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,480 Now, the effort of carrying a litter under the hot sun 92 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:49,480 must be exhausting. Not for me - I'm on this luxurious upholstery, 93 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,400 and I've even got a roof which protects me not only from the sun, 94 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,160 but from any wee or poo thrown from windows. 95 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,480 - I hate my job. 96 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,080 - And check this out - I can control the vehicle 97 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,880 using the simple voice-activated command system. 98 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,000 Stop! - Stop! 99 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,800 - Back! - Back! 100 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,120 - Yep, she's a classy little run-around, 101 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,480 and by classy, I mean that it's used only by the upper classes, 102 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,280 from important people all the way 103 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,560 to the imperial family at the very top. 104 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,840 - Stop! - No, I didn't say stop, I said top! 105 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,520 Forward. - Forward! 106 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,120 - Put your backs into it. - Back! 107 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,520 - No, I didn't say back! Forward! - Forward! 108 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,920 - You're letting yourselves down. - Down! - Stop! - Stop! 109 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,200 - As you can see, the control system can be a little temperamental. 110 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,640 So, to sum up, in a town where carts are banned, 111 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,320 it'll get you from A to B pretty fast. 112 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,320 - Fast! - No, no, no, no! Guys, stop! 113 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,120 We're going in the river! - Going in the river! 114 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:41,120 - Nooo! 115 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,400 SPLASH! 116 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,720 Imagine that - only being able to travel around by walking, 117 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,480 being carried or riding a camel. 118 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:56,200 Before modern vehicles were invented, travelling anywhere would take ages, 119 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,280 unless you were lucky enough to have a sailboat or a horse. 120 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:02,320 It's no wonder that people really looked after their animals. 121 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:07,040 Mind you, one particular man took that to a whole new level. 122 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,320 - Hey, guys. Henry VIII here. 123 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,600 HV-3 in the house! 124 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,400 Or a field. Er, whatever. 125 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,800 Now, you all know that I'm into armour, hunting and food. 126 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:17,960 Nom, nom, nom! 127 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,840 But today, I want to talk about horses. 128 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,960 I'm a horse NERD! 129 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,600 I love horses! They're the only way to travel. 130 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,920 I especially love coming to my Barbary horse stable 131 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:37,120 and hanging out with my horse handler, Hannibal Zinzano! 132 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,880 - Hello. - I love that name... 133 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,800 ..but not as much as I love horses! - DREAMY HARP TRILL 134 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,320 - I'm actually the first monarch to breed horses especially for racing. 135 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,840 Tell them what I did when I was campaigning in France. 136 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,160 - I believe you raced horses. 137 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,600 - And why did I do that? 138 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:49,600 - HE SIGHS 139 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,920 - Because you really love horses. 140 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,160 - SHOUTING: - Because I really love horses! 141 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,200 One time, I bought 300 horses in Holland. 142 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,320 People often say, "Hey, Henry, how many horses do you have?" 143 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,520 And I say, "Not enough! Bring me more horses!" 144 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,560 Super Horse Nerd! 145 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,760 This is where I come to watch the working horses 146 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,560 enjoy a happy retirement. 147 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,800 Oh, there's Canicida and Governator. 148 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,360 Aren't they lovely? - Yes. 149 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,080 - We thank you for your services, horses. 150 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,360 - MILITARY TRUMPET AND DRUM MUSIC 151 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,520 - Zinzano? - Oh, right. Thank you for your service, horses. 152 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:24,640 - Bit better. 153 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,000 Some people say to me, "Oh, Henry, you must love all horses, then," 154 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,920 and to them I say, "No, I do not love all horses!" 155 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,720 Tiny horses enrage me! 156 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,400 That's why I had a law passed saying any horse over the age of two 157 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,040 and shorter than 15 hands is banned. 158 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,640 Hands are a unit to measure a horse's height, 159 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,680 which, if you loved horses as much as me, you'd already know! 160 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,400 Any horse I thought was too short, I had destroyed! 161 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,440 And I had them... - Henry, have you seen my...? 162 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,160 Oh, he's...talking about horses again. 163 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,040 - You knew this about me when you married me, Anne. 164 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,200 - Well, if you love horses so much, why don't you marry one?! 165 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,320 - Well, maybe I will! 166 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,360 That's actually an awesome idea. Zinzano! 167 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,520 Find me a horse bride. 168 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,840 - Neigh! 169 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,200 - Horse Nerd out. 170 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,320 - HORSE WHINNIES 171 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,280 Ooh! Coming through! 172 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,800 Oh, watch out! Excuse me. 173 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,440 Oh, sorry. Don't mind me. 174 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,080 Just driving a vehicle of the future. 175 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,440 Oh, this? It's called the Laufmaschine, 176 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,800 or better known as...my velocipede. 177 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,760 - That's a blooming dandy horse, that's what that is. 178 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,560 - Oi, watch your mouth! 179 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:33,960 I'll have you know that this 180 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,200 is the future 181 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:35,200 of pedestrian acceleration. 182 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,160 HE CHUCKLES 183 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,920 It's all the rage in Frankfurt. SARCASTICALLY: - Ooh, Frankfurt! 184 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,160 - "Ooh!" is the right response. 185 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,120 I bet you're looking for a demonstration, aren't you? 186 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,240 - Not really. 187 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,120 - So what you want to do is get both legs on either side like that, 188 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,640 and then get ready to ride like the wind, baby! 189 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,440 Ooh-hoo! Come on, feel those Gs! Ha-ha! 190 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:54,440 CRACK! 191 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,240 Ooh! - Excuse me... 192 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,040 - I know, I know, it's made entirely of wood. Very perceptive. 193 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,760 It's got a perch with a cushion on it, 194 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,520 you know, for maximum booty comfort. 195 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,760 - No, I was wondering if you could move it. 196 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,440 Your wheel's on my husband's foot. - Argh! 197 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,480 - Of course. It's easy. You just lift it. 198 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,960 CRACK! - Argh! - There we are. Sorry, mate. 199 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,280 - So can it go up hills? - No. 200 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,200 - Can it go down hills? - Most certainly. 201 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,600 If anything, it's too good at that. 202 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,120 Doesn't have any brakes, so, er... 203 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,240 ..there have been one or two crashes. 204 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,880 - Shame there isn't another way of making the wheels turn. - Like what? 205 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,720 - Like some way of giving you some thrust 206 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,720 without having to walk it along. 207 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,920 Now, THAT would be a good invention. 208 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:28,920 - HE LAUGHS 209 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,200 I think you'll find 210 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,520 that THIS is a good invention, thank you very much. 211 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,960 It doesn't need thrusts and brakes. 212 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,680 - All right, get off that thing! - Who, me, on my velocipede? 213 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,000 - His dandy horse. - Oi! 214 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,400 - I don't care what it's called, it's a bloomin' nuisance. 215 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,920 Riding these on the pavement's banned, so I'm going to take you in. 216 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,040 - Oh, dandy horse away! But it's not called that! 217 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,320 CRUNCH! - You're on my husband's foot again! 218 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:53,200 - That's nasty, that. I wouldn't walk on that if I was you. 219 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,080 Do you know what you need? 220 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,240 Dandy horse, mate. Yeah. 221 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,360 - Good morning. Annie Cohen Kopchovsky here. 222 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,160 You find me on day one of my attempt to cycle around the globe, 223 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,800 sponsored by the kind people 224 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,440 at Londonderry Lithia Spring Water Company. 225 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,400 I've even changed my name to Annie Londonderry. 226 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,520 Plus, I've sold advertising on my clothing. 227 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,760 Ah! 228 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,600 And wait till you see my bloomers. 229 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,640 - Ooh! 230 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:21,000 - BIKE BELL PINGS 231 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,720 - So, why am I doing this? 232 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,760 Well, two idiot men had a bet 233 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,000 that no woman could cycle around the world, 234 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,000 so I'm here to prove them wrong. 235 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:35,880 Plus, I will win $10,000 in a wager if I make it - 236 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,720 WHEN I make it. 237 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,360 To be honest, I've never really cycled before, 238 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:44,040 but, er, I'm sure I'll be fiiiine! 239 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:44,040 Argh! 240 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,080 - THUD, CAT YOWLS 241 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,600 BICYCLE BELL PINGS 242 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,040 - I finally made it from Boston to New York 243 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,160 and now all the way here to Chicago. 244 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,720 - So where are you off to next, Annie? 245 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,640 - Oh, well, France. Would you believe? 246 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,600 In fact, I don't suppose you know how to get there 247 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,000 from here in Chicago. 248 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,560 - All you got to do is cycle all the way back to New York 249 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:07,960 and jump on a ship. 250 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,160 - Back? - All the way back to New York. 251 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,480 - Back...? OK. 252 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,600 Thank you, sir. Back to New York. 253 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,440 - See you later. 254 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,320 BIKE BELL PINGS 255 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,240 - Hello from Marseille. This is Pierre. 256 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,680 Say bonjour, Pierre. - Bonjour, Pierre. 257 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,480 - Ah! Him and a couple of his friends tried to rob me, 258 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:26,840 but they soon set me free 259 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,840 when they when they realised I didn't have anything. 260 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,000 Isn't that right, Pierre? 261 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,440 - Oui. I'm kind of regretting that now, but... 262 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,080 - Keep in touch, yeah? 263 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,200 - Annie? 264 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,160 - BIKE BELL PINGS 265 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,080 - I've always wanted to visit Japan and China. 266 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,000 And here in Dalian, I kind of get to do both, 267 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,960 because they're fighting a war over it. 268 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:48,960 - GUNSHOT 269 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,520 - Ooowww! 270 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,600 - BIKE BELL PINGS 271 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:59,040 - Well, you can't cycle across oceans, can you? 272 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,320 - SHE CHUCKLES 273 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,520 - You find me here in Stockton, California, back in the US of A. 274 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,960 - SHE COUGHS 275 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,920 - I had a little scrape with a runaway horse and cart. 276 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,080 Can I leave yet, doc? - DOCTOR: - No. 277 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,720 - What does he know? 278 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:16,720 Ooh! Oh, no. 279 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,400 - THUD 280 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,880 BIKE BELL PINGS 281 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,520 - I made it. 282 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,440 The first woman to cycle around the world. 283 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:25,440 - SHE BREATHES HEAVILY 284 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,960 - Laters, haters. 285 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,000 Oh! Ah! 286 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,720 Can somebody get me a cushion? 287 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,080 I don't know if I'll ever sit down again. 288 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:35,400 - Bicycles? Ugh! 289 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,880 CRASH! 290 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,440 They weren't regal enough. for a queen like me to travel on. 291 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,960 I preferred something a little more grand, 292 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,000 which is why I was actually the first-ever British monarch 293 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,640 to travel by train. 294 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,160 Choo-choo! 295 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:52,720 WHISTLE BLOWS 296 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,040 Albert, I'm having second thoughts. 297 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,760 It's so dangerous. - Don't worry, Victoria. 298 00:11:58,760 --> 00:11:59,840 You're just nervous 299 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,720 because you haven't been on a train journey before. 300 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,280 - Oh, but the speed. 301 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:07,120 - It only goes at...44 miles an hour. 302 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,360 - VICTORIA SHRIEKS 303 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,720 - It's just a short journey from Slough to London and... 304 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:10,720 - WHEELS RATTLE 305 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,440 - Whoa! We're moving. OK. 306 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,360 - Is there a chance that you're 307 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,200 a teensy-weensy bit nervous, darling Albert? 308 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,520 - No. I've taken the train many times. 309 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,880 You know how interested I am in new technology. 310 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,400 Argh! My life flashed before my eyes. 311 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,440 It was all green! - I think that was just a tree, babe. 312 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,040 - Might be worth saying, "Not quite so fast next time, conductor," hm? 313 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,760 - I'm actually rather charmed by it. SHE GASPS 314 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,760 Let's ask the driver if we can go via the seaside. 315 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,320 SHOUTING: Driver! 316 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,320 - I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, dear. 317 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,080 The train is on tracks. 318 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,480 The driver can't simply choose where to go. 319 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,160 - What an extraordinary way to travel! 320 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,480 Oh, look! Lots of people have come out to say hello! 321 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,200 How do you do? How do you do? How do you do? How do you...? 322 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,640 It's not a very good way to meet the public, is it? 323 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,520 SHE GASPS We should ask the driver to go back 324 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,240 so we can speak to them properly. 325 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,520 Driver?! 326 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,040 - At these startling speeds, my dear, 327 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,240 those people are already a mile away. 328 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,520 - Oh, well, we are going to have to go back anyway. 329 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:08,520 I've left the cake at home. 330 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,720 ALBERT SIGHS 331 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,960 Windsor Castle, please, driver! 332 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,080 - Remember, the train is on tracks. 333 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,320 If we wish to go back, we have to go to the end of the line 334 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,880 and turn the train around. 335 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,320 Oh, and please stop talking about food. 336 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,800 - ALBERT'S STOMACH GROWLS Look at the countryside whizzing by! 337 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,880 - Yeah, I'd really rather not. 338 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,640 - OK, fine. I suppose we're nearly there. 339 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,400 I shall have our picnic. 340 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:31,400 STOMACH GROWLS 341 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,160 - Ooh. 342 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,200 - Cow's tongue. 343 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:34,200 COW BELLOWS 344 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,240 - Oh. 345 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,240 - HE RETCHES 346 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,400 - We need to turn around. 347 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,600 - Oh, darling, I'm afraid that isn't how it works. 348 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,840 It's on tracks, you see? 349 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,560 You'll catch on. 350 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,040 - Good day. I'm here in 1863, 351 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,880 where the London Underground has just opened. 352 00:13:59,880 --> 00:13:59,880 - SHE COUGHS 353 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,440 - Oh! 354 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,080 Yes, yes, we've now got special underground tunnels 355 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,040 that can transport people halfway across the city. 356 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,320 Oh! Sadly, we're using the same steam-blowing engines 357 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,400 that we use up in the open air down here in the tunnels. 358 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,640 - SHE COUGHS 359 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,400 - The smell and smoke down here is awful. 360 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,160 So, what did the train guards petition the company 361 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,480 to be allowed to do to protect themselves from the fumes? 362 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,080 Was it...? 363 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,360 The answer is A - the guards asked to be allowed to grow beards. 364 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:39,400 - SHE COUGHS 365 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,640 - Oh, it really is a triumph of engineering. 366 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,400 Just a shame I can't see it through all the smoke. 367 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:44,400 Oh! 368 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,560 - WHISTLE BLOWS 369 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:50,520 Probably the most popular form of transport is the car. 370 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,640 There are over a billion around the world, 371 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,880 and most of them aren't very good for the environment. 372 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,360 They use fossil fuels and release harmful emissions. 373 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,240 HE FARTS AND GASPS 374 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,600 We all do it! 375 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,040 I try to protect the planet whenever I can 376 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,680 by walking or riding a bike instead of driving a car. 377 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,680 Also, people tend to stare when they see a rat driving. 378 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,120 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 379 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,120 Of course, when the first car came out in 1885, 380 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,360 it didn't look much like cars do now. 381 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:24,240 To be honest, I can't believe this thing ever caught on. 382 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,760 - Say guten tag to the Benz First Class. 383 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,400 The very first practical, available-to-buy car. 384 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,560 That's right, I said car, 385 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,240 not caaaart. 386 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,840 The Benz Patent-Motorwagen is a three-wheel, 387 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,400 steering rod-controlled, 388 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:50,320 petrol-driven savage monster of a horseless carriage. 389 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,680 There's nothing green about this beauty 390 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,160 unless it's the colour you're buying it in. 391 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,200 It's a vehicle so new and impressive 392 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:02,520 that inventor Karl Benz's own local newspaper said 393 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:06,840 it was "useless, ridiculous and indecent". 394 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,120 Except they said it in German, which just looks like a cat 395 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:10,120 walked across a typewriter. 396 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,880 - CAT MEOWS 397 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,360 - Needless to say, the Government busy-bodies have insisted 398 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,040 that when using the UK model, you have a chap like this 399 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,000 walking in front of you waving a red flag. 400 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,120 - Guten Morgen. 401 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,880 Hier ist meine rote Flagge. 402 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,120 - Gobbledygook. 403 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:31,920 The Benz Patent-Motorwagen can do speeds of over 9mph, 404 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,360 and can go from zero to 2mph 405 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,560 faster than you can say, "What's that roaring sound?" 406 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,240 - ENGINE ROAR SOUND EFFECT - For my money, this First Class Benz 407 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,720 is the greatest human achievement since, er, 408 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,600 William Wheel created the wheel, probably. 409 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,440 But don't take my word for it - 410 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,960 let's hear it from an expert. This is Bertha Benz. 411 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,000 - Wie geht's? 412 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,640 - Literally means nothing. 413 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,160 - It means "How's it going?", 414 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,520 but you're clearly too ignorant to know that. - Thank you very much. 415 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,280 - My name is Bertha Benz - 416 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,280 the inventor Karl Benz's wife and colleague. 417 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,440 I drove this car on its first 418 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,560 long-distance journey when I travelled over 80km 419 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,160 to visit my mother. 420 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,720 - Well, there you go - a complex machine so simple, 421 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,520 even a rank amateur like her can have a go. 422 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,160 - It's incredibly complicated. 423 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,800 We had to stop at a chemist's along the road to get petrol 424 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,120 because that was the only place that sold it. 425 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,040 And, when the car broke down, 426 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,360 I managed to fix it 427 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,480 with my hairpin and my underwear. 428 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,440 - Probably because you can't use real tools. 429 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,600 So there... 430 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:35,600 - ENGINE TICKS OVER 431 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,360 - So there we have it, 432 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:41,720 the 1885 Benz Patent-Motorwagen. 433 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,760 Er, it may be the first car, 434 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:47,400 but it definitely won't be the last one like it we see on the market. 435 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,240 I'm betting they're going to get sleeker and faster, 436 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,840 but, luckily for now, I can outrun this one. 437 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,480 - Schnell! - Agh! 438 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,800 Anyone know the German for "slow down"? 439 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,600 - DEEP VOICE: I used to go through life walking slow. 440 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,320 Oh, that isn't me. 441 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,640 But that is. 442 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,560 I'm Walter Arnold and I'm a speed demon. 443 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,640 I don't know who that other guy is - just to be clear. 444 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,000 - He must be going at 8mph! 445 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,800 - And I can go one more faster than that. 446 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,600 Now I've got an automobile, 447 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,200 my life's one endless, high-octane road trip. 448 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:33,280 - Oi! You've can't go at that speed in town - the limit's 2mph! 449 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,440 Slow down or I'll charge you with speeding. 450 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,360 - You'll have to catch me first! - Fine. 451 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,480 - Ha-ha-ha-ha! 452 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:40,480 I'm a speed demon. 453 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,640 TYRES SCREECH 454 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:42,640 Hear the roar of my engine. 455 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,240 ROAR SOUND EFFECT 456 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,640 Eat my dust, copper. 457 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,600 - I'm right behind you. 458 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,560 - Dream on, cyclist! 459 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,520 Oh. I thought I was going faster than that. 460 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,400 I was the fastest man of 1896, 461 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,320 but I wasn't fast enough. 462 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,120 Impressive cycling. What's the charge? 463 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,880 - Driving at over 2mph. 464 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,200 - Ha! I'll be back on the street in no time. 465 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,440 - I'm also charging you with 466 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,680 not having three persons in control of the vehicle, 467 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,760 not having your name and address in the vehicle, 468 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,320 and using a locomotive without a horse. 469 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,720 - What?! Are those real charges? 470 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,040 - Yeah, I think so. You're actually the first person 471 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,600 who's ever been charged with speeding. 472 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,120 - Unbelievable! 473 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,120 I'm the first... 474 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,600 ..and I'm furious. 475 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,160 VOICEOVER: The First And The Furious. 476 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,040 Having conquered travel on land and sea, 477 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,840 it's time for some blue-sky thinking. 478 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,600 That's right, I'm talking about flying. 479 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:47,160 And, way before planes, people took to the sky in hot-air balloons. 480 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,440 The first balloon flight was in France in 1783 481 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,640 and the passengers weren't people, 482 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,200 but a sheep, a duck and a cockerel. ANIMAL NOISES 483 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,280 Where was my invite? Tch! 484 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,080 Balloon mania took off 485 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:06,520 and, soon, people were going on big ambitious adventures. 486 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,000 Ooh! 487 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,600 FRENCH ACCENT: There it is, Monsieur Jeffries, the coast of France. 488 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,800 You can feel very proud - your American money 489 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:22,160 has paid for the first cross-Channel hot-air balloon flight in history. 490 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,720 - Thanks to your French expertise, Mr Blanchard, 491 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,240 our names will go down in history. 492 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,080 The first people to fly 493 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,200 from England to France. 494 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,720 - We are the perfect team. 495 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,080 - Yes, we are. 496 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,240 Ah! The skies. 497 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,800 - Yes. - The birds. - Yes. 498 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,000 - And the sea so close you can nearly touch it. 499 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,880 - Yes. Wait! 500 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,960 What do you mean, "close"? 501 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,720 Agh! We're too heavy! 502 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,480 We must get rid of everything that we do not need. 503 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,120 You, jump out! 504 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,040 - How dare you, sir?! 505 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:56,040 - WIND WHISTLES 506 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,640 BOTH: - Whoa! 507 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,920 - Can we lose the wings? - But if we lose the wings, 508 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,960 it won't look anything like a bird. 509 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,480 You're right, they're completely useless. 510 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,600 - Let's lose the wings. 511 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,520 - THEY GRUNT 512 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,520 Oh! - What about the oars? Ah! 513 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,000 - No, we're still too low. 514 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,480 Look! We're going to smash into that cliff. - Agh! 515 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,800 - OK, take off your clothes. - What? 516 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,280 - For the weight! - Oh, right, yeah, yeah. 517 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,640 - It's not enough! - My nerves are making me 518 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,560 need the little balloonist's room. 519 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,560 - That's it! Wee in these bottles 520 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,480 and then throw them over the side. 521 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,840 - Oh, OK. 522 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:34,920 Oh! 523 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,680 - Ah! 524 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,240 - Oh! 525 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:41,800 - Ooh! 526 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,320 Still going. - Mm-hm. 527 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,000 - Ah! - Wow! 528 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,000 - Ah! Two and a half litres of pee-pee. 529 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,680 - Oh. - I didn't know I'd been holding it in for so long. 530 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,680 - Oh, watch out for the fishermen. - Ah, whatever. 531 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,200 MAN: - Sacre bleu! 532 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,440 - We... We did it - we're rising! 533 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,360 Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! 534 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,520 - We really are the perfect team. 535 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,680 - Ha-ha! 536 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,200 - Oh. - Ugh. 537 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:06,360 - WIND WHISTLES 538 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,200 Watch out for those trees! 539 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:08,200 CRUNCHING 540 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,000 Agh! 541 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,480 GROANING 542 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,880 SPITTING AND COUGHING 543 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,840 - Well, Blanchard, we're alive 544 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,040 and we successfully made the crossing. You must be so happy. 545 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,440 - I'd be happier if I hadn't just landed in a fir tree 546 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,320 with no trousers on! 547 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,440 My underwear is all full of needles. 548 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,960 Jeffries, someone's coming. 549 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,640 - And it seems like an angry French fisherman 550 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,720 with two and a half litres of pee-pee. 551 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,120 - You dropped this. 552 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,000 I thought I'd give it back to you. 553 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,600 - Whoa. 554 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,560 Heh. That's a lot of pee-pee. Ha! 555 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,760 - toilet, who ran 556 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,760 so that he can 557 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,520 558 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,080 hide your face 559 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,760 560 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,320 two or one 561 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,480 562 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,880 - Please welcome today's historical figure 563 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,720 who really needs the loo - 564 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:13,720 Amy Johnson! 565 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,200 - AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 566 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,040 SHE FARTS 567 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,160 Greetings friend. - Agh! - Are you Amy Johnson, 568 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,200 famous British pilot from the 1930s and first woman to fly solo 569 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,960 from London to Australia? - Yes, I am, I fly a little... 570 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,600 - SHE FARTS - ..Gypsy Moth biplane I call Jason. 571 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:34,600 - SHE FARTS 572 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,240 - Oh! I'm so sorry. 573 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,600 I really need to unload some cargo. - SHE FARTS 574 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,880 Don't touch that! I don't know what it does. 575 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,200 Not to worry, you're in the right place 576 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,120 because I am... 577 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,240 ..Loo Man! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 578 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,360 During World War II, you flew planes all over Britain 579 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,960 to make sure they were in the right place 580 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,040 for the war effort - an important job, 581 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:54,040 but where do you do your jobs? 582 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,440 SHE FARTS 583 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,080 - Well, when I flew from England to Australia, 584 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,920 I stopped off in Baghdad 585 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,680 and I was so desperate, I just peed on the runway. 586 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,760 - Oh, that doesn't need to happen here... 587 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,800 - Oh! Great. 588 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,560 - ..as long as you answer two questions about your life. 589 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:09,560 It's time for Plop Quiz! 590 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,720 BUZZER FARTS 591 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,600 AUDIENCE APPLAUSE Ow! 592 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,560 Answer questions one and two, and I'll let you do a... 593 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:18,880 WITH AUDIENCE: - ..poo! 594 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,640 - Yes, um...fine, but can we please hurry it along a little? 595 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,440 My tyres are almost touching the runway! 596 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:23,440 - SHE FARTS 597 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,120 Question number one - 598 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:29,160 on your long-distance flights, did you have any proper disasters? 599 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,840 - Well, er, when I was flying across the Atlantic, 600 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,120 we ran out of fuel and landed in a bog. 601 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:34,120 - Bog? As in the toilet? 602 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,360 AUDIENCE CHEERING 603 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:37,960 - Oh, no, no, sorry. 604 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,240 I understand where the confusion came. Er, I mean a swamp. 605 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:41,240 - OK, well, question number two. 606 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,640 AUDIENCE LAUGHTER 607 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,640 Gets me every time! If you're in a plane for a long time, 608 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,680 how do you fit in your toilet time? 609 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,960 - Oh, well, I have something called a pee tube, 610 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:52,960 er, and if I need to go... 611 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,760 - SHE FARTS 612 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,240 - ..I just wee into that... 613 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:56,240 - SHE FARTS 614 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,960 - Ooooooh! 615 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,880 Is this nearly over? I've got a very heavy bomber in there 616 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,080 and it's really pushing on the, er, hangar doors. 617 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,040 - You have done more than enough. You may pass. 618 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:07,040 - Ah! - Solids. - Nooooo! 619 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,960 - AUDIENCE APPLAUSE 620 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,520 Join me next time, when I'll be stopping 621 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,200 more historical celebrities from having a poo 622 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,880 to ask them questions just for you. 623 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:17,880 - Bums away! 624 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,680 - AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS 625 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,520 Amy Johnson was one of the many brave women and men 626 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:31,080 whose courage, imagination and spirit of adventure 627 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,480 helped us take to the skies. 628 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,280 Thanks to her - and the many who came before and after - 629 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:42,560 it wasn't long before the idea of flying was REALLY taking off. 630 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,040 MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF SHAKE IT OFF 631 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,520 - 632 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,120 633 00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:56,840 634 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,800 635 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,320 636 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,600 637 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,720 638 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,560 639 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:15,960 balloon 640 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,960 641 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,080 642 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,880 their lives 643 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,200 rage, rage, rage, rage 644 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,160 stage, stage, stage 645 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,200 page, page, page 646 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,000 - Woo-hoo-hoo! 647 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,160 - scene, scene, scene, scene 648 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,360 steam, steam, steam, steam 649 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:45,280 dream, dream, dream 650 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,600 651 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,360 652 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,320 653 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,560 654 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,600 655 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,440 656 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,280 657 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,440 - Mm-mm 658 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,480 - - Hmm-hmm 659 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,880 - 660 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,960 661 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,680 662 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,440 663 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,240 664 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,120 down, down, down 665 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:30,040 Brown, Brown, Brown 666 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,560 crown, crown, crown, crown, crown 667 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,920 - Woo-hoo-hoo! 668 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,080 - same, same, same, same 669 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,040 plane, plane, plane, plane 670 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,120 aim, aim, aim, aim 671 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,200 672 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,120 space, space, space 673 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:54,240 race, race 674 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,080 place, place, place, place 675 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,920 - Woo-hoo-hoo! 676 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,080 - soon, soon, soon, soon 677 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,200 tree, tree 678 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,520 moon, moon, moon 679 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,720