1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,281 Look at this, 2 00:00:02,282 --> 00:00:04,248 your wedding weekend. I know. 3 00:00:04,301 --> 00:00:06,552 This close to finally having sex again. 4 00:00:06,554 --> 00:00:07,987 It's been forever. 5 00:00:07,989 --> 00:00:09,522 Oh, you and Robin been abstaining? 6 00:00:09,524 --> 00:00:10,489 Talking about you, Ted. 7 00:00:10,491 --> 00:00:12,641 Now here's the deal: every hookup 8 00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:15,477 at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday night drinks. 9 00:00:15,479 --> 00:00:17,113 Get stuck with the wrong girl 10 00:00:17,115 --> 00:00:19,481 tonight, the only action you'll be getting all weekend 11 00:00:19,483 --> 00:00:22,151 is a self-five, and I don't mean the cool kind. 12 00:00:22,153 --> 00:00:24,704 Self-five! That's the cool kind. 13 00:00:24,706 --> 00:00:26,172 Well, that's a big decision. 14 00:00:26,174 --> 00:00:28,124 The biggest. 15 00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:31,460 It brings to mind that religious text 16 00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:33,512 which we hold most sacred: 17 00:00:33,514 --> 00:00:36,983 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. 18 00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:39,685 Remember? They entered a chamber. 19 00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:42,504 Really? I'm the one working with the Nazis? 20 00:00:42,506 --> 00:00:45,725 Ted, just... just... okay? 21 00:00:45,727 --> 00:00:48,010 Yeah. They had to choose 22 00:00:48,012 --> 00:00:50,345 which cup was this special cup. 23 00:00:50,347 --> 00:00:51,864 I forget what it was called, 24 00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:53,699 but it's like the Holy Grail of cups. 25 00:00:53,701 --> 00:00:56,535 It was the Holy Grail. Of cups, exactly. 26 00:00:56,537 --> 00:00:59,705 So the Nazi confederate chose, and... 27 00:00:59,707 --> 00:01:01,991 Please don't make me do that... 28 00:01:01,993 --> 00:01:04,460 Ted, Ted, the confederate Nazi chose, and...? - I... 29 00:01:04,462 --> 00:01:06,045 Okay, okay. 30 00:01:06,047 --> 00:01:07,696 Oh. 31 00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:13,869 And so now I'm gonna explode. 32 00:01:15,256 --> 00:01:17,006 He chose... 33 00:01:17,008 --> 00:01:18,474 poorly. 34 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,561 Then Indy picked a cup, and... 35 00:01:26,549 --> 00:01:28,317 You chose... 36 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:29,718 wisely. 37 00:01:36,676 --> 00:01:38,060 So choose wisely, Ted. 38 00:01:38,062 --> 00:01:41,113 To help you decide, I spent all day yesterday 39 00:01:41,115 --> 00:01:42,531 picking your top three prospects. 40 00:01:42,533 --> 00:01:43,616 And I helped. 41 00:01:43,618 --> 00:01:45,701 It was either that or writing our vows. 42 00:01:45,703 --> 00:01:46,752 Uch! Gag. 43 00:01:46,754 --> 00:01:50,039 Sophia was Robin's college roommate, 44 00:01:50,041 --> 00:01:53,092 and she's apparently "a bit of a screamer" in the sack. 45 00:01:53,094 --> 00:01:54,409 Yeah, mid-sex, 46 00:01:54,411 --> 00:01:56,679 she sounds exactly like a car alarm from the '90s. 47 00:01:56,681 --> 00:02:01,767 You know, whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, ooh-uh, ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah. 48 00:02:01,769 --> 00:02:03,418 Dudes love it. 49 00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:06,522 Cassie is the daughter of my mom's best friend. 50 00:02:06,524 --> 00:02:09,809 Sad story: 12 years ago, her gymnast career 51 00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:13,963 was tragically cut short when her boobs got too big. 52 00:02:14,981 --> 00:02:16,265 Grace is a new coworker. 53 00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:19,285 She's had six different positions at the firm, 54 00:02:19,287 --> 00:02:21,403 and that was just at the Christmas party. 55 00:02:21,405 --> 00:02:22,655 Ooh. 56 00:02:22,657 --> 00:02:24,573 So, Grace doesn't arrive till later, Mm-hmm. 57 00:02:24,575 --> 00:02:27,159 I recommend Sophia. 58 00:02:27,161 --> 00:02:31,914 I strongly feel that you should strongly feel her. 59 00:02:31,916 --> 00:02:33,916 I guess it's decided, then. 60 00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:35,701 Ted, right? Yeah. 61 00:02:35,703 --> 00:02:37,336 I'm Cassie. 62 00:02:37,338 --> 00:02:39,588 Oh... something tells me 63 00:02:39,590 --> 00:02:42,975 that we are gonna have a lot of fun this weekend. 64 00:02:45,178 --> 00:02:47,062 Cassie. I pick Cassie. 65 00:02:49,983 --> 00:02:52,134 You chose... 66 00:02:52,136 --> 00:02:54,103 poorly. 67 00:02:56,145 --> 00:03:00,145 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x06 ♪ Knight Vision Original Air Date on October 21, 2013 68 00:03:00,148 --> 00:03:05,148 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 69 00:03:08,869 --> 00:03:10,319 Hey, there's our minister. 70 00:03:10,321 --> 00:03:12,588 Oh, what a sweet-looking old... 71 00:03:13,456 --> 00:03:15,624 Ah! He looks scary. 72 00:03:15,626 --> 00:03:16,992 Looks can be deceiving, Lily. 73 00:03:16,994 --> 00:03:18,327 But not in this case. 74 00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:19,795 He's a mean old tool. 75 00:03:21,398 --> 00:03:24,383 Oh, he can't be that bad. 76 00:03:24,385 --> 00:03:26,685 I'll get him to come around. Just... 77 00:03:28,004 --> 00:03:29,605 Hi, Reverend, 78 00:03:29,607 --> 00:03:32,141 I'm Lily Aldrin, the maid of honor. 79 00:03:32,143 --> 00:03:33,809 Not too much honor. 80 00:03:33,811 --> 00:03:36,045 You're dressed like a whore. 81 00:03:41,535 --> 00:03:43,669 So what's going on? Why aren't you telling your wife 82 00:03:43,671 --> 00:03:45,004 you got an offer to be a judge? 83 00:03:45,006 --> 00:03:47,506 Lily had her heart set on us moving to Rome, 84 00:03:47,508 --> 00:03:49,341 so I have to tell her in person. 85 00:03:49,343 --> 00:03:51,627 That way, I know that I can convince her 86 00:03:51,629 --> 00:03:53,229 that we need to stay. 87 00:03:53,231 --> 00:03:56,582 In the courtroom, they call me The Convincer. 88 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,500 They really call you that? 89 00:03:58,502 --> 00:04:01,587 I convinced them to call me that. 90 00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:03,272 But you have to prepare for your court cases. 91 00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:05,641 Did you prepare for talking to Lily? 92 00:04:05,643 --> 00:04:06,909 I don't need to prepare, okay? 93 00:04:06,911 --> 00:04:09,545 I can craft a nice... 94 00:04:09,547 --> 00:04:11,080 thingy. 95 00:04:12,349 --> 00:04:14,133 Oh, wow I'm totally... 96 00:04:14,135 --> 00:04:15,601 the twisty metal thingy? 97 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:16,518 You're screwed. 98 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,103 I'm screwed! 99 00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:21,723 I'm sorry, Ted, I don't know. 100 00:04:21,725 --> 00:04:23,859 I'm just so tired of this routine: 101 00:04:23,861 --> 00:04:25,727 we flirt, we have a few drinks, 102 00:04:25,729 --> 00:04:28,080 and then we end the night with meaningless sex. 103 00:04:28,082 --> 00:04:30,199 Oh... 104 00:04:30,201 --> 00:04:32,334 yeah. 105 00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:33,919 Me, too. 106 00:04:33,921 --> 00:04:36,338 Do you want to start the night with meaningless sex 107 00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,623 and then flirt later? 108 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,907 You are a visionary. 109 00:04:40,328 --> 00:04:41,327 Come on. 110 00:04:42,346 --> 00:04:44,630 Oh! Oh! It's work. 111 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:46,749 Should I get it or ignore it? 112 00:04:46,751 --> 00:04:48,583 Or get it? Oh, or ignore it? 113 00:04:48,585 --> 00:04:49,885 Um... Forget it? 114 00:04:49,887 --> 00:04:51,270 You know? Go ahead, get it. 115 00:04:51,272 --> 00:04:52,688 Okay. 116 00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,223 Hello? 117 00:04:55,225 --> 00:04:57,092 You chose... 118 00:04:57,094 --> 00:04:58,327 poorly. 119 00:04:58,329 --> 00:05:00,579 I'm fired? 120 00:05:00,581 --> 00:05:02,481 But teaching there was my dream job! 121 00:05:02,483 --> 00:05:04,566 And you guys are my only friends. 122 00:05:04,568 --> 00:05:07,602 You all hate me? 123 00:05:07,604 --> 00:05:09,989 Can I at least say good-bye to all my kids? 124 00:05:09,991 --> 00:05:13,492 My kids all hate me?! 125 00:05:14,996 --> 00:05:16,195 Oh! 126 00:05:16,197 --> 00:05:18,998 Oh. It's okay. 127 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,669 So, what were we about to do? 128 00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,005 I think it was "meaningless" something? 129 00:05:26,007 --> 00:05:27,423 Meaningless socks? No. 130 00:05:28,492 --> 00:05:30,242 No, it wasn't meaningless socks. 131 00:05:30,244 --> 00:05:32,344 Hey, hi, hi, hi. 132 00:05:32,346 --> 00:05:34,229 Um, so, a little problem. 133 00:05:34,231 --> 00:05:38,267 I was trying really hard not to offend your minister... 134 00:05:38,269 --> 00:05:42,187 So how did you and your husband meet? 135 00:05:42,189 --> 00:05:45,024 Oh, it was our first week of college. 136 00:05:45,026 --> 00:05:47,493 I needed help hooking up my stereo, 137 00:05:47,495 --> 00:05:51,030 so I walked down the hall, and I just knew 138 00:05:51,032 --> 00:05:52,581 I should knock on this one door. 139 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,583 Marshall opened it. 140 00:05:54,585 --> 00:05:55,934 It was destiny. 141 00:05:55,936 --> 00:05:57,953 Hi. Hi. 142 00:05:57,955 --> 00:06:00,673 We've been together ever since. 143 00:06:01,558 --> 00:06:03,175 Excuse me! 144 00:06:04,294 --> 00:06:06,095 What did I do wrong? 145 00:06:06,829 --> 00:06:09,348 What did you do wrong? 146 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:12,051 We really wanted him to marry us. 147 00:06:12,053 --> 00:06:14,353 His church has cute coming out the wazoo, 148 00:06:14,355 --> 00:06:16,505 but when we met with him... 149 00:06:16,507 --> 00:06:18,340 No pets in my church. 150 00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:20,926 No casual attire in my church. 151 00:06:20,928 --> 00:06:24,013 No gum. No sports logos... 152 00:06:24,015 --> 00:06:25,881 Reverend? More like Never-end. 153 00:06:25,883 --> 00:06:28,567 Prayer-five. No shouting. No cell phones. 154 00:06:28,569 --> 00:06:29,618 I'll warn you 155 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:32,855 that I turn down most wedding requests. 156 00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:36,425 Particularly from boozy, promiscuous Manhattanites 157 00:06:36,427 --> 00:06:38,911 who only want me to marry them because 158 00:06:38,913 --> 00:06:43,248 my church has "cute coming out the wazoo." 159 00:06:43,250 --> 00:06:46,502 That is the total opposite of us. 160 00:06:46,504 --> 00:06:49,054 People are like that? 161 00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:50,622 Well, then, how did you two meet? 162 00:06:50,624 --> 00:06:53,642 Oh, um, um... 163 00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:54,709 Um... 164 00:06:54,711 --> 00:06:57,146 Uh, we've been... dating since college. 165 00:06:57,148 --> 00:06:59,848 We met the very first week. 166 00:06:59,850 --> 00:07:02,368 I needed help hooking up my stereo, 167 00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:05,687 so I walked down the hall, and I just knew 168 00:07:05,689 --> 00:07:07,740 that I should knock on this one door. 169 00:07:07,742 --> 00:07:09,575 I opened the door. 170 00:07:09,577 --> 00:07:11,110 And it was destiny. 171 00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:14,763 Hi. 172 00:07:14,765 --> 00:07:16,448 Hi. 173 00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,733 We've been together ever since! 174 00:07:18,735 --> 00:07:21,069 You stole our story of how we met?! 175 00:07:21,071 --> 00:07:23,539 We had to! Your story is so sweet! Mm. 176 00:07:23,541 --> 00:07:25,407 You didn't even kiss till the third date. 177 00:07:25,409 --> 00:07:27,242 By our third date, I'd hit more bases 178 00:07:27,244 --> 00:07:29,945 than Bob Hope on a USO tour. Topical. 179 00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:32,247 Now Reverend Lowell knows that we lied to him. 180 00:07:32,249 --> 00:07:34,500 What if he cancels our wedding? 181 00:07:34,502 --> 00:07:36,218 What? That's ridiculous. 182 00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,519 Barney, Robin, I need to speak 183 00:07:37,521 --> 00:07:39,555 with you in private immediately. 184 00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:42,274 And it's not just losing my job, 185 00:07:42,276 --> 00:07:45,694 my car just got stolen with all my stuff in it. 186 00:07:45,696 --> 00:07:47,629 And now I think I'm getting the flu! 187 00:07:47,631 --> 00:07:49,431 I'm sorry. 188 00:07:49,433 --> 00:07:51,567 I've been talking for, like, a half an hour. 189 00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:53,752 It's fine. 40 minutes. It's fine. 190 00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:56,538 Still, I think I would be able to handle all of this 191 00:07:56,540 --> 00:08:01,577 if my boyfriend Wesley hadn't just broken up with me! 192 00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:12,621 Why don't you tell me about it? 193 00:08:12,623 --> 00:08:15,507 Okay! I should go back to the beginning. 194 00:08:15,509 --> 00:08:17,176 Oh, no, before the beginning. 195 00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:18,560 Winter, 1998... 196 00:08:18,562 --> 00:08:20,128 Man, this girl is a drag! 197 00:08:20,130 --> 00:08:24,233 If I hurry, I bet I still have a shot with Sophia. 198 00:08:24,235 --> 00:08:26,768 Okay, I'll get one more drink with Cassie, then bail. 199 00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:28,353 But where, bar or dining room? 200 00:08:28,355 --> 00:08:30,606 Bar or dining room? 201 00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:32,858 For my fourth date with Wesley, we went... 202 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,028 Cassie, let's get one more drink in the dining room. 203 00:08:36,030 --> 00:08:37,880 You chose... 204 00:08:39,866 --> 00:08:41,033 Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! 205 00:08:41,035 --> 00:08:43,118 Hey! We just ordered appetizers. 206 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,253 Sit down, you two! 207 00:08:45,288 --> 00:08:47,623 ...Ha-poorly! 208 00:08:50,344 --> 00:08:53,017 Marshall, you're walking into the biggest fight of your life. 209 00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:55,602 You have to be prepared. You have to be tough. 210 00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:57,220 I am tough! No, you're not. 211 00:08:57,222 --> 00:08:58,388 You make some good points. 212 00:08:58,390 --> 00:09:00,257 Now, what exactly are you gonna say to Lily 213 00:09:00,259 --> 00:09:01,524 when you walk through that door? 214 00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:03,143 Okay. 215 00:09:03,145 --> 00:09:04,344 Hey, baby. 216 00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:05,862 So, listen, I got this phone call... 217 00:09:05,864 --> 00:09:07,330 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 218 00:09:07,332 --> 00:09:08,565 You haven't seen her in a week. 219 00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:10,901 Where's the "I missed you"? How about a kiss? 220 00:09:10,903 --> 00:09:12,786 Nothing about her new hairstyle? 221 00:09:12,788 --> 00:09:14,237 Hairstyle? I can't actually see... 222 00:09:14,239 --> 00:09:15,322 Start over! 223 00:09:15,873 --> 00:09:17,774 Lily! Hi. 224 00:09:17,776 --> 00:09:19,042 Mmm. 225 00:09:19,044 --> 00:09:20,043 I missed you. 226 00:09:20,045 --> 00:09:22,462 And your hairstyle so much. 227 00:09:22,464 --> 00:09:23,713 I missed you, too. 228 00:09:23,715 --> 00:09:27,150 I can't wait to show you how much in bed tonight. 229 00:09:27,152 --> 00:09:28,418 Okay, that's creepy. 230 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:29,552 Don't break character. 231 00:09:29,554 --> 00:09:31,137 Okay, um... 232 00:09:31,139 --> 00:09:33,957 So, listen, I got this phone call last week, and I... 233 00:09:33,959 --> 00:09:35,342 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 234 00:09:35,344 --> 00:09:37,177 Acknowledge her own views on the matter first. 235 00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:38,595 Start over. 236 00:09:39,363 --> 00:09:40,847 Lily, hi, mwah. 237 00:09:40,849 --> 00:09:42,315 I missed you and your hairstyle so much. 238 00:09:42,317 --> 00:09:43,800 I missed you, too. 239 00:09:43,802 --> 00:09:46,670 Okay, so, I know that you're excited for Rome. 240 00:09:46,672 --> 00:09:48,521 I'm more excited for bed tonight. 241 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:53,109 While I was away, uh, I got a phone call. 242 00:09:53,111 --> 00:09:54,828 To be a judge. 243 00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,012 What the damn hell?! 244 00:09:56,014 --> 00:09:57,146 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 245 00:09:57,148 --> 00:09:59,332 Lily does not say "What the damn hell." 246 00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:00,917 Well, I've never met her but, yes, she does. 247 00:10:00,919 --> 00:10:02,585 You make some good points. Wow. 248 00:10:02,587 --> 00:10:04,387 You are terrible at this. 249 00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:06,823 Why did we lie? 250 00:10:06,825 --> 00:10:08,291 We have to come clean. 251 00:10:08,293 --> 00:10:10,944 Frankly, I am appalled. 252 00:10:10,946 --> 00:10:12,345 I know. I... Your friend 253 00:10:12,347 --> 00:10:15,899 Lily just tried to pass off your sweet story 254 00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:18,852 of how you met as her own. 255 00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:22,639 That lying little tart! I am horrified and relieved! 256 00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:26,609 Does Lily have any... problems that you're aware of? 257 00:10:26,611 --> 00:10:27,861 Drinking. Drugs. 258 00:10:27,863 --> 00:10:31,180 She's been drinking drugs. 259 00:10:31,182 --> 00:10:32,449 Well, 260 00:10:32,451 --> 00:10:34,350 I talked to Barney and Robin, 261 00:10:34,352 --> 00:10:36,369 and, let me say, I'm shocked. 262 00:10:36,371 --> 00:10:37,871 You should be. 263 00:10:37,873 --> 00:10:39,656 Flat-out lying to me like that? 264 00:10:39,658 --> 00:10:41,755 We are not misunderstanding each other. 265 00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:45,263 How dare you pretend their beautiful story is actually your own. 266 00:10:45,363 --> 00:10:47,047 Come again for Lil' Fudge? 267 00:10:47,049 --> 00:10:48,465 I understand the temptation. 268 00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:50,366 They're such a sweet couple. 269 00:10:50,368 --> 00:10:51,885 I mean, the way they call each other 270 00:10:51,887 --> 00:10:54,387 Barnmallow and Robinpad. 271 00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:56,706 Oh. 272 00:10:56,708 --> 00:10:58,374 Yes. 273 00:10:58,376 --> 00:11:00,677 I do steal their stories. 274 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,395 Mm-hmm. But only because 275 00:11:02,397 --> 00:11:03,763 my husband and I 276 00:11:03,765 --> 00:11:06,883 are so ashamed of how we met. 277 00:11:06,885 --> 00:11:09,853 See, we only met because his friend Ted 278 00:11:09,855 --> 00:11:11,187 fell in love with me. 279 00:11:11,189 --> 00:11:12,906 And who could blame him? 280 00:11:12,908 --> 00:11:14,107 Hey, Marshall. 281 00:11:14,109 --> 00:11:15,275 See that girl? 282 00:11:15,277 --> 00:11:16,693 Oh, yeah. 283 00:11:16,695 --> 00:11:18,578 You just know she likes it dirty. 284 00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:19,896 Go say hi. What? 285 00:11:19,898 --> 00:11:21,934 I can't just go say hi. I-I need a plan. 286 00:11:21,935 --> 00:11:22,443 Hmm. 287 00:11:22,468 --> 00:11:23,834 I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom... 288 00:11:23,835 --> 00:11:24,834 Hi. 289 00:11:24,836 --> 00:11:26,536 Have you met Ted? 290 00:11:26,538 --> 00:11:28,071 I'm sorry, 291 00:11:28,073 --> 00:11:30,090 I can't... 292 00:11:30,092 --> 00:11:31,591 And now, after years of lying, 293 00:11:31,593 --> 00:11:32,909 cheating and backsliding, 294 00:11:32,911 --> 00:11:34,227 here we are, married! 295 00:11:34,229 --> 00:11:35,962 But what can I say? 296 00:11:35,964 --> 00:11:37,797 My husband's a sociopath 297 00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:39,265 who's slept with over a hundred women, 298 00:11:39,267 --> 00:11:42,552 and I'm a slut who once let my boss feel me up. 299 00:11:42,554 --> 00:11:43,603 Oh, come on! 300 00:11:43,605 --> 00:11:45,555 I felt him up! It is over 250 women! 301 00:11:45,557 --> 00:11:47,857 If you two want to get married in my church, 302 00:11:47,859 --> 00:11:49,926 you'll stop breaking the ninth commandment. 303 00:11:49,928 --> 00:11:51,644 Uh... no fat chicks? 304 00:11:51,646 --> 00:11:53,146 Thou shalt not lie! 305 00:11:53,148 --> 00:11:55,431 With fat chicks? 306 00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:57,817 You're killing me. You're killing me. 307 00:11:57,819 --> 00:11:58,952 Now that... 308 00:11:58,954 --> 00:12:00,436 was a good dessert. 309 00:12:00,438 --> 00:12:03,289 "Dessert" sounds like "desert." 310 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:06,776 The desert has sand... 311 00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,812 there's sand at the beach... 312 00:12:08,814 --> 00:12:10,880 and Wesley and I 313 00:12:10,882 --> 00:12:13,049 once drove by a beach. 314 00:12:14,052 --> 00:12:15,952 Excuse me. 315 00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:19,789 Now's my chance to leave. 316 00:12:19,791 --> 00:12:21,257 No, I'll wait five more seconds 317 00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:22,675 so I don't seem too eager. 318 00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:23,643 Four... 319 00:12:23,645 --> 00:12:24,677 three... 320 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:25,812 two... 321 00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:27,730 Well, thanks for keeping our daughter company. 322 00:12:27,732 --> 00:12:29,132 Man, she can be a real drag, huh? 323 00:12:29,134 --> 00:12:32,318 We're gonna go have a little fun. See ya! 324 00:12:34,906 --> 00:12:37,657 You're on fire tonight, bro. 325 00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:41,027 But, Lily, being a judge is my dream job. 326 00:12:41,029 --> 00:12:42,529 So your dream job 327 00:12:42,531 --> 00:12:44,114 is more important than my dream job? 328 00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:46,116 Exactly. Now you're getting it. 329 00:12:46,118 --> 00:12:47,534 Nope. 330 00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:48,551 Start over. 331 00:12:48,553 --> 00:12:50,036 So your dream job's 332 00:12:50,038 --> 00:12:51,838 more important than my dream job? 333 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,541 But, baby, you already have the best job in the world: 334 00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:56,009 Mom. Nope. 335 00:12:56,011 --> 00:12:57,076 Start over. 336 00:12:57,078 --> 00:12:58,962 So your dream job's more important 337 00:12:58,964 --> 00:13:00,096 than my dream job? 338 00:13:00,098 --> 00:13:03,166 Hey, I gave up peeing in the shower for you. 339 00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:04,184 Nope. 340 00:13:04,186 --> 00:13:05,218 Start over. 341 00:13:05,220 --> 00:13:06,553 So your dream job's 342 00:13:06,555 --> 00:13:08,388 more important than my dream job? 343 00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:09,505 Of course not. 344 00:13:09,507 --> 00:13:10,740 But this isn't 345 00:13:10,742 --> 00:13:12,475 just about our future. 346 00:13:12,477 --> 00:13:14,060 It's about everyone's. 347 00:13:14,062 --> 00:13:15,061 As a lawyer, 348 00:13:15,063 --> 00:13:16,729 I couldn't stop big oil from polluting, 349 00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,231 but as a judge... 350 00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:19,482 well, maybe I can. 351 00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:21,284 And that's why I took the job. 352 00:13:22,019 --> 00:13:23,186 You've just been "convincered." 353 00:13:23,188 --> 00:13:24,487 Wait. 354 00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:26,372 You already took the job? 355 00:13:26,374 --> 00:13:28,158 Without even talking to your wife? 356 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,859 Start over. 357 00:13:29,861 --> 00:13:31,244 Start over... start over. 358 00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:33,213 What the damn hell?! 359 00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:36,299 Hi, Reverend Lowell? 360 00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:38,301 Whew. Made it through my half. 361 00:13:38,303 --> 00:13:39,869 You're up. 362 00:13:39,871 --> 00:13:41,054 Oh. Uh... 363 00:13:41,056 --> 00:13:43,289 The-the truth is, we-we have 364 00:13:43,291 --> 00:13:45,141 a complicated, messy history 365 00:13:45,143 --> 00:13:46,726 that-that we're not too proud of. 366 00:13:46,728 --> 00:13:48,011 But... 367 00:13:48,013 --> 00:13:49,345 we're sorry that we lied, 368 00:13:49,347 --> 00:13:52,999 and hope that you can forgive us. 369 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,904 Nope, I can't do it. 370 00:13:57,906 --> 00:13:59,939 You're going to have to find a new officiant. 371 00:13:59,941 --> 00:14:01,224 Okay. 372 00:14:01,226 --> 00:14:02,325 Well, these things happen. 373 00:14:02,327 --> 00:14:03,359 And a new church. 374 00:14:03,361 --> 00:14:05,828 What the damn hell?! 375 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,749 This evening could not get any worse. 376 00:14:09,751 --> 00:14:11,618 Whenever you're ready. Crap! 377 00:14:13,721 --> 00:14:14,871 Hey, Ted. 378 00:14:14,873 --> 00:14:16,589 Thanks for being so great. 379 00:14:16,591 --> 00:14:18,608 I'm lucky to have you around this weekend. 380 00:14:18,610 --> 00:14:20,593 Ooh, yeah... 381 00:14:20,595 --> 00:14:22,095 About that... 382 00:14:22,097 --> 00:14:25,014 I should really go see about the, uh... 383 00:14:25,016 --> 00:14:26,883 So, sex? My room is very close. 384 00:14:28,637 --> 00:14:29,903 Sophia. Hi. 385 00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:31,221 Oh, God. Wesley. 386 00:14:31,223 --> 00:14:33,523 Wait. Wait, you're Wesley? 387 00:14:33,525 --> 00:14:35,058 Hey, Cassie. 388 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:37,260 Your parents were just saying you have a new boyfriend. 389 00:14:37,262 --> 00:14:39,646 "Boyfriend" is a little premature. 390 00:14:39,648 --> 00:14:40,980 Though I did pay for dinner. 391 00:14:40,982 --> 00:14:43,432 Ted and I are very happy. 392 00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:44,784 Are we? 393 00:14:44,786 --> 00:14:48,071 Even if... he'll never replace you. 394 00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:53,826 So, Sophia. Hi. 395 00:14:53,828 --> 00:14:54,844 I'm Ted. 396 00:14:54,846 --> 00:14:56,713 Robin's friend. 397 00:14:56,715 --> 00:14:58,447 What do you say we give these two old flames 398 00:14:58,449 --> 00:15:00,383 a chance to... catch up alone, 399 00:15:00,385 --> 00:15:01,968 and maybe you and I could go get a drink. 400 00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:03,386 Are you hitting on me? Dude! 401 00:15:03,388 --> 00:15:04,671 Ted, let's go! 402 00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:10,877 You tip... 403 00:15:12,063 --> 00:15:13,680 ...poorly. 404 00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:20,012 Look, I know. I shouldn't have taken the job 405 00:15:20,013 --> 00:15:21,095 without telling Lily. 406 00:15:21,097 --> 00:15:22,847 Why are you so ticked off about it? 407 00:15:22,849 --> 00:15:25,016 Because I know what she's going through. 408 00:15:25,018 --> 00:15:26,067 I always dreamed 409 00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:28,620 of having a career I could be proud of, 410 00:15:28,622 --> 00:15:30,705 but my husband never supported me. 411 00:15:30,707 --> 00:15:31,890 Eventually, 412 00:15:31,892 --> 00:15:34,676 I had to... make a choice. 413 00:15:34,678 --> 00:15:35,743 Now, every day, 414 00:15:35,745 --> 00:15:36,961 I'm out there, 415 00:15:36,963 --> 00:15:39,130 I'm fighting for the good guys, and I love it. 416 00:15:39,132 --> 00:15:40,398 Doesn't 417 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,916 your wife deserve th, too? 418 00:15:41,918 --> 00:15:46,004 Wow. Um, maybe you're right. 419 00:15:46,006 --> 00:15:49,340 I didn't realize how many sacrifices you'd made. 420 00:15:50,359 --> 00:15:51,976 What is it you do, anyway? 421 00:15:51,978 --> 00:15:53,761 I'm a lobbyist for a big oil company. 422 00:15:53,763 --> 00:15:55,379 What the damn hell?! 423 00:15:57,382 --> 00:15:58,733 You know that I'm an environmentalist! 424 00:15:58,735 --> 00:16:00,384 That's why you don't want me to become a judge. 425 00:16:00,386 --> 00:16:02,219 But you're the reason I have to become a judge! 426 00:16:02,221 --> 00:16:04,689 You're the devil incarnate! And outcarnate! 427 00:16:04,691 --> 00:16:06,891 Every kind of carnate! 428 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:09,644 Please, is-is there 429 00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:10,878 any way you'd reconsider? 430 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,580 No! No, no! 431 00:16:12,582 --> 00:16:14,749 You two are both terrible people. 432 00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:17,819 Who found each other in this crazy world! 433 00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:19,170 Aw! 434 00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:21,739 And who lie about how they found each other. 435 00:16:21,741 --> 00:16:23,958 So, please leave now. Just... 436 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,044 Ugh! Ugh! 437 00:16:26,046 --> 00:16:28,346 You know what? You're right. 438 00:16:28,348 --> 00:16:30,748 We shouldn't have lied about our story. 439 00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:32,850 I love our story. 440 00:16:32,852 --> 00:16:34,802 Sure, it's messy, but it's the story 441 00:16:34,804 --> 00:16:37,188 that got us here, about to get married. 442 00:16:37,190 --> 00:16:39,524 I love it, too. 443 00:16:39,526 --> 00:16:41,492 Every messy chapter. 444 00:16:41,494 --> 00:16:43,978 I love that you slept with over 250 women 445 00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:46,114 before deciding that I was your favorite. 446 00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:47,282 This is killing me. 447 00:16:47,284 --> 00:16:48,833 And I love that we just had 448 00:16:48,835 --> 00:16:50,434 to keep having sex with each other, 449 00:16:50,436 --> 00:16:51,903 even when we were dating other people. 450 00:16:51,905 --> 00:16:53,437 This is really killing me. 451 00:16:53,439 --> 00:16:55,106 And I love that your marriage proposal 452 00:16:55,108 --> 00:16:57,208 involved a strip club, lying to me, 453 00:16:57,210 --> 00:17:01,095 and pretending to bang the woman I hate for two months. 454 00:17:01,097 --> 00:17:02,664 I love that we keep a running tally 455 00:17:02,666 --> 00:17:04,248 of all the different rooms we've had sex in. 456 00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:07,502 I love that two weeks ago, we put this room on that list. 457 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:09,420 Huh? Come on, Rev. 458 00:17:09,422 --> 00:17:11,622 That's got to be worth some kind of reaction, right? 459 00:17:11,624 --> 00:17:13,858 I mean, right where your hymnal is, is where we... 460 00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:16,010 we... 461 00:17:30,242 --> 00:17:33,494 Well, that's not what you want. 462 00:17:38,752 --> 00:17:40,651 Um, are... are you okay? 463 00:17:40,653 --> 00:17:43,955 I think... think maybe seeing your ex was a bit much for you. 464 00:17:43,957 --> 00:17:46,174 No. Not at all. 465 00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:48,176 I want... only you. 466 00:17:48,178 --> 00:17:49,927 Oh, yeah. 467 00:17:49,929 --> 00:17:53,097 I want to... I want to rock your world. 468 00:17:53,099 --> 00:17:55,433 And you're so hot. 469 00:17:55,435 --> 00:17:59,137 I want to ride you like a bronco. 470 00:17:59,139 --> 00:18:01,422 Okay, Cassie. Cassie. 471 00:18:01,424 --> 00:18:03,507 Yeah, we... we can't do this. 472 00:18:03,509 --> 00:18:04,809 I mean, you're crying. 473 00:18:06,062 --> 00:18:07,445 And contagious. 474 00:18:07,447 --> 00:18:08,780 You're-you're having 475 00:18:08,782 --> 00:18:10,148 a really, really bad week. 476 00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:12,150 I think... I think you should just 477 00:18:12,152 --> 00:18:14,752 take it easy. 478 00:18:14,754 --> 00:18:15,870 You're right. 479 00:18:15,872 --> 00:18:18,373 I'm not in a good place. No. 480 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:19,457 Oh, wow. 481 00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:21,459 I probably would have let you do 482 00:18:21,461 --> 00:18:24,195 all sorts of crazy things to me. 483 00:18:27,549 --> 00:18:29,300 Exactly. 484 00:18:29,302 --> 00:18:31,335 I release you. 485 00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:33,638 Go have fun this weekend. 486 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,223 Meet someone else. 487 00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:37,058 Yes! Yes! Be cool. Okay. 488 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:39,060 But I couldn't meet someone else. 489 00:18:39,062 --> 00:18:41,062 Hey, Ted? Yeah. 490 00:18:41,064 --> 00:18:42,213 Everyone here is saying 491 00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:44,515 you and Cassie are the couple of the weekend. 492 00:18:44,517 --> 00:18:45,850 How great is that? 493 00:18:45,852 --> 00:18:47,735 Barney was right. 494 00:18:47,737 --> 00:18:50,605 I'd chosen poorly, everyone had seen us together, 495 00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:52,723 and now the whole weekend seemed lost. 496 00:18:52,725 --> 00:18:55,159 Until... 497 00:18:55,161 --> 00:18:57,561 Hi. I just got here. 498 00:18:57,563 --> 00:18:59,447 Did I miss anything? 499 00:18:59,449 --> 00:19:02,417 Not at all. Grace, right? 500 00:19:02,419 --> 00:19:05,620 I'm Ted. Let's get you a drink before you talk to anyone else 501 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,839 or hear anything. 502 00:19:09,174 --> 00:19:10,858 Hey, guys. How's your night going? 503 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,176 Ugh! Ugh! 504 00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:13,928 Our minister just died. 505 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:15,913 Wh...? We can still use the church, 506 00:19:15,915 --> 00:19:17,765 but we only have two days to find a new officiant. 507 00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:19,133 Unless... 508 00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:20,334 Wedding at Bernie's! 509 00:19:20,335 --> 00:19:21,835 We're not doing Wedding at Bernie's! 510 00:19:21,837 --> 00:19:24,754 Wow. Oh, that's terrible. 511 00:19:24,756 --> 00:19:26,723 Should I make a toast in his honor? 512 00:19:26,725 --> 00:19:28,308 No. 513 00:19:28,310 --> 00:19:29,726 Of course I should. 514 00:19:30,678 --> 00:19:32,128 Everyone? 515 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,763 To Reverend Lowell. 516 00:19:33,765 --> 00:19:35,732 He may have passed away 517 00:19:35,734 --> 00:19:37,133 tonight, but he will always... 518 00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,169 Uncle Robert died?! 519 00:19:39,987 --> 00:19:41,571 Oh, no. 520 00:19:50,032 --> 00:19:51,832 Have a nice weekend. 521 00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:54,784 All that night, I did nothing but choose poorly. 522 00:19:54,786 --> 00:19:56,169 But thanks to Cassie, 523 00:19:56,171 --> 00:19:58,722 I didn't get together with anyone at that wedding. 524 00:19:58,724 --> 00:20:00,040 And if I had, 525 00:20:00,042 --> 00:20:04,127 well, then, your mother and I might never have met. 526 00:20:04,129 --> 00:20:07,997 So, maybe, in a way, I chose wisely. 527 00:20:08,712 --> 00:20:11,692 Boo-uh! Boo-uh! Eee! 528 00:20:11,693 --> 00:20:13,526 Although, it sure as heck 529 00:20:13,528 --> 00:20:14,745 didn't feel like it at the time. 530 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,029 Aah! Aah! Aah! 531 00:20:17,666 --> 00:20:19,532 She chose... 532 00:20:19,534 --> 00:20:20,917 Wesley. 533 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,838 I've been dying to say that one all night. 534 00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:28,625 Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. 535 00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:29,992 The truth is, you're right. 536 00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:32,829 It was wrong of me to take that job without telling Lily. 537 00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,799 I don't need to be tough with her. I need to be fair. 538 00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,434 Thanks, Marshall. Mm. 539 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,552 I should also apologize. 540 00:20:39,554 --> 00:20:41,771 While you were filling the tank, 541 00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:44,357 I may have been so angry, 542 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,544 I texted your wife with the news 543 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:50,213 that you took that judge offer. 544 00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:53,950 Don't forget to compliment her hair. 545 00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:58,952 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man