1
00:00:49,413 --> 00:00:53,493
In a few seconds, we'll have the biggest
hospital disaster in recent times.
2
00:00:53,613 --> 00:00:56,653
Give me back my child!
3
00:00:56,773 --> 00:00:59,933
The sun turned so red, Mom
4
00:01:00,053 --> 00:01:02,693
the night turned very black.
5
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:08,133
Little Brother's dead, Mom,
and Mona may not come back.
6
00:01:08,253 --> 00:01:14,613
Åge roams the world, Mom,
we lock up every door.
7
00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:21,173
The wind blows on my pillow, Mom,
will the Kingdom be as before?
8
00:01:28,013 --> 00:01:31,853
How can they peddle
such half-baked hooey?
9
00:01:33,213 --> 00:01:35,533
That's no ending.
10
00:01:50,093 --> 00:01:52,133
There's...
11
00:01:53,493 --> 00:01:56,453
Little Brother.
12
00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,093
Mrs. Drusse.
13
00:02:42,053 --> 00:02:44,133
The Kingdom isn't well yet!
14
00:02:52,053 --> 00:02:54,013
What are you doing?
15
00:03:04,253 --> 00:03:07,853
You can easily untie those granny knots.
16
00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:18,253
Little Brother is calling.
17
00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:22,613
Can't you hear him?
18
00:03:22,733 --> 00:03:26,133
Or couldn't you care less as always?
19
00:03:26,933 --> 00:03:29,493
But I do care.
20
00:03:32,093 --> 00:03:34,773
What is Little Brother saying?
21
00:03:37,853 --> 00:03:42,013
He says he's drowning.
22
00:03:42,133 --> 00:03:44,933
Little Brother is drowning.
23
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,493
I didn't order a taxi.
24
00:04:32,613 --> 00:04:34,933
Don't worry.
Everything's taken care of.
25
00:06:40,013 --> 00:06:46,173
Lars von Trier presents.
26
00:06:46,293 --> 00:06:49,973
The ground underneath the Kingdom
is an old swamp.
27
00:06:50,093 --> 00:06:53,093
The bleaching ponds used to be here.
28
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:57,853
Once, the bleach men rinsed their linens
in the shallow water -
29
00:06:57,973 --> 00:07:00,253
to get them bleached.
30
00:07:00,373 --> 00:07:05,693
The vapor enfolded the area
in a permanent fog.
31
00:07:05,813 --> 00:07:09,333
Later, the Kingdom was built here -
32
00:07:09,453 --> 00:07:12,853
and the bleach men were replaced
with doctors and scientists -
33
00:07:12,973 --> 00:07:17,613
and the country's sharpest minds
and impeccable technology.
34
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:24,253
And to crown the achievement
the place was named the Kingdom.
35
00:07:24,373 --> 00:07:26,813
Life would be defined -
36
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:32,573
and ignorance and superstition
would never again challenge science.
37
00:07:33,493 --> 00:07:36,253
Perhaps the arrogance
has become too great -
38
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:40,133
just as the consistent denial
of the spiritual -
39
00:07:40,253 --> 00:07:45,333
for it appears, the chill and the damp
have returned.
40
00:07:46,693 --> 00:07:49,893
Small marks of fatigue
are emerging -
41
00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:54,693
on the otherwise sturdy
and modern buildings.
42
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:57,093
So far, none among the living knows -
43
00:07:57,213 --> 00:08:02,213
but the gate to the Kingdom
is opening up once again.
44
00:08:06,373 --> 00:08:10,613
THE KINGDOM
45
00:09:05,373 --> 00:09:08,893
Part 9 Halfmer.
46
00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:17,733
I'd like to speak to Mrs. Drusse.
47
00:09:17,853 --> 00:09:22,693
We haven't had anyone enquiring
about Mrs. Drusse in a long time.
48
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,853
Get it into your head:
Mrs. Drusse doesn't exist.
49
00:09:25,973 --> 00:09:30,373
That bloody TV show has damaged
the Kingdom's reputation irreparably.
50
00:09:30,493 --> 00:09:33,973
It's a figment of that blundering fool
Trier's imagination.
51
00:09:34,093 --> 00:09:37,533
Mrs. Drusse is fiction.
52
00:09:37,653 --> 00:09:39,933
Then I'd like to talk to Little Brother.
53
00:09:41,613 --> 00:09:43,893
He's in trouble, you see.
54
00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:47,853
I'm afraid he's drowning.
55
00:09:47,973 --> 00:09:49,893
See yourself out.
56
00:10:36,813 --> 00:10:41,413
How can you be sure
that all this is real?
57
00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:44,253
Well, I can't.
58
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:50,653
You don't remember a thing anyway
when you wake up.
59
00:10:50,773 --> 00:10:53,613
It varies.
60
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:58,373
Sometimes nothing at all
but usually a little bit.
61
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:37,293
Why, isn't it Hook?
62
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,453
Isn't it Hook?
63
00:11:41,573 --> 00:11:45,093
Shut up, you ugly old hag!
64
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:49,053
THE TOADS
65
00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:57,333
Sod-turning at the Kingdom
DO NOT TOUCH.
66
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,333
You're nervous.
67
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:38,213
Because of that idiot Trier's old show?
68
00:12:41,373 --> 00:12:43,493
No, it's the little bird.
69
00:12:44,653 --> 00:12:49,053
What is it?
Is it a bird of passage?
70
00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:55,413
No, it's gone.
71
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:58,213
I can't see it.
72
00:13:00,373 --> 00:13:02,733
I don't know if it's a bird of passage.
73
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,573
Forget about the bird.
74
00:13:07,693 --> 00:13:10,093
It's not important.
75
00:13:25,533 --> 00:13:28,533
Ogier the Dane...
76
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:40,133
"Vide et disce.
Exodus anceps ferrum est."
77
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,333
See and heed.
78
00:13:42,453 --> 00:13:48,533
Exodus is a double-edged sword.
79
00:13:57,973 --> 00:14:00,933
There's a big helicopter incoming.
80
00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:04,693
Hell yes.
81
00:14:04,813 --> 00:14:07,973
He hasn't identified himself.
82
00:14:08,093 --> 00:14:10,653
That's against the rules.
83
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:14,613
It's a goddamn Swede.
84
00:14:16,693 --> 00:14:18,293
HMS 30-82.
85
00:14:18,413 --> 00:14:22,093
Any special procedure concerning
the patient? We've not received any data.
86
00:14:22,213 --> 00:14:25,453
You don't have any data,
because we don't have any patient.
87
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,293
I don't understand.
88
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:32,813
Rejoice, Danes. We're bringing
one of Sweden's very best doctors.
89
00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:52,293
Take me to your leader.
90
00:14:57,453 --> 00:15:01,933
The two have finally arrived,
and Exodus has commenced.
91
00:15:02,053 --> 00:15:03,493
Exodus?
92
00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:08,093
Exodus is the big departure.
93
00:15:08,213 --> 00:15:13,413
The evil and the good spirits will be led
out through the gate to the Kingdom -
94
00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:16,693
but everything must be done right.
95
00:15:16,813 --> 00:15:18,893
When?
96
00:15:19,013 --> 00:15:22,773
It's happening at Christmas.
97
00:15:22,893 --> 00:15:26,253
It's happening at Christmas.
98
00:16:30,013 --> 00:16:31,133
Yoo-hoo.
99
00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:36,373
- Yoo-hoo!
- The Elevator Goblin.
100
00:16:36,493 --> 00:16:40,373
- I want to chat with my old neighbor.
- Neighbor across the street.
101
00:16:40,493 --> 00:16:44,013
You always liked to party.
And we danced.
102
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:49,133
And you were a member of the
rappelling club. You had guts back then.
103
00:16:49,253 --> 00:16:53,133
Look, what do you want from me?
104
00:16:53,253 --> 00:16:56,573
- I'm just a wretched doctor.
- I just want to talk.
105
00:16:59,213 --> 00:17:03,653
How come that no matter which
elevator I take, you're always in it?
106
00:17:04,653 --> 00:17:08,053
Why must you be such a grump?
107
00:17:08,173 --> 00:17:13,253
I'd really like to tell you
about my interesting operations.
108
00:17:13,373 --> 00:17:15,013
You see...
109
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:19,333
Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
110
00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:38,373
- Hospital Director, sir.
- I'm so glad you came.
111
00:17:38,493 --> 00:17:45,093
My computer's bust. Why do we buy
this crap? Now I need a new one again.
112
00:17:45,213 --> 00:17:47,813
Have you got a problem with your foot?
113
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:52,773
I didn't ask for a diagnosis. The damned
computer needs to be diagnosed.
114
00:17:52,893 --> 00:17:58,973
Helmer Jr., good morning. New attending
physician and professor at Neuro.
115
00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:01,133
My credentials.
116
00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:07,173
It seems we're to share the
administrative duties, Pontopidan and I.
117
00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:09,413
Why the hell are you laughing?
118
00:18:09,533 --> 00:18:12,653
I've been told -
119
00:18:12,773 --> 00:18:19,173
that Danes and Swedes have
somewhat strained relations.
120
00:18:19,293 --> 00:18:21,413
So I've decided to laugh a lot -
121
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:26,453
like the Danes themselves do wantonly
whenever and wherever.
122
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,813
Nobody laughs in this office.
123
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:33,453
May I?
124
00:18:33,573 --> 00:18:38,733
As a man from a big country
to a man from a small country -
125
00:18:38,853 --> 00:18:44,293
the basic rule of patience is that
you put black on red and vice versa.
126
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:56,453
- Well, that explains a lot.
- Indeed it does.
127
00:18:56,573 --> 00:18:58,413
Today of all days -
128
00:18:58,533 --> 00:19:03,613
the Ministry of Health is publishing its
quality report on Danish super hospitals.
129
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:08,213
Up to now, we've ranked first,
but I have my doubts this time.
130
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:11,973
Now that Skejby got
the damned proton accelerator.
131
00:19:12,893 --> 00:19:19,013
I see that parts of the building
are exposed to direct sunlight.
132
00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:20,973
To hell with the sunlight.
133
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:26,053
The new buildings look like shit!
Like something out of an amusement park!
134
00:19:42,813 --> 00:19:45,813
Here comes the Swede!
135
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:55,653
Sweden! Sweden! Sweden!
136
00:20:10,973 --> 00:20:12,733
Bah!
137
00:20:12,853 --> 00:20:16,813
Good morning, all,
all creatures great and small.
138
00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:20,053
There's the new guy.
139
00:20:40,653 --> 00:20:43,413
Who the hell was that faggot?
140
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:47,293
Chief Physician Pontopidan,
your new partner.
141
00:20:50,973 --> 00:20:55,133
Don't forget to be amiable.
Laugh, goddammit.
142
00:21:05,613 --> 00:21:09,653
Hello. My name is Helmer,
the new professor.
143
00:21:09,773 --> 00:21:13,533
The oldest son
of the late Stig G. Helmer.
144
00:21:13,653 --> 00:21:16,813
I humbly request the key to my office.
145
00:21:16,933 --> 00:21:21,453
I recognized the name instantly
when I saw it on the boxes.
146
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:28,573
I've been wondering like mad what
the G stands for in your father's name.
147
00:21:28,693 --> 00:21:31,453
My father's name was Stig Gustav Helmer.
148
00:21:31,573 --> 00:21:34,973
Gustav after King Gustav Vasa.
149
00:21:37,733 --> 00:21:40,653
Christian the Tyrant and all that.
150
00:21:40,773 --> 00:21:44,733
I think Danes only remember Gustav Vasa
for introducing mulled wine.
151
00:21:48,413 --> 00:21:53,053
Pardon me, but as an employee
of Swedish origin...
152
00:21:53,173 --> 00:21:56,893
This hateful attitude
towards my country...
153
00:21:57,013 --> 00:21:59,413
I can tell by your lips -
154
00:21:59,533 --> 00:22:05,053
that you only just refrained
from mentioning the ship Vasa -
155
00:22:05,173 --> 00:22:10,253
which sank on her maiden voyage
due to a technical glitch.
156
00:22:10,373 --> 00:22:11,973
A glitch?
157
00:22:12,093 --> 00:22:16,453
The lower gun deck
was below the waterline -
158
00:22:16,573 --> 00:22:21,773
and the maiden voyage
amounted to all of a few meters.
159
00:22:21,893 --> 00:22:24,893
Here's the key.
160
00:22:25,773 --> 00:22:28,773
- What the hell is this?
- It's a key.
161
00:22:28,893 --> 00:22:32,133
- No, it isn't.
- It's a key.
162
00:22:32,253 --> 00:22:35,533
A key?
I asked for the key to my office.
163
00:22:35,653 --> 00:22:40,613
Oh, a door key?
We don't lock the doors around here.
164
00:22:40,733 --> 00:22:45,533
It's Chief Physician Pontopidan's idea -
165
00:22:45,653 --> 00:22:49,973
and we call it
"The Open Doors Extensive Policy".
166
00:22:50,093 --> 00:22:56,173
By the way, this bill from IKEA
is to be paid right away. Privately.
167
00:22:58,133 --> 00:22:59,893
Good grief.
168
00:23:00,013 --> 00:23:05,453
I don't carry any Danish currency on me
out of principle.
169
00:23:05,573 --> 00:23:08,893
Please call a staff supervision meeting
in an hour.
170
00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:11,653
- Of course.
- Thank you.
171
00:23:13,413 --> 00:23:16,773
Helmer Attending Physician.
172
00:23:17,893 --> 00:23:19,653
IKEA!
173
00:23:21,453 --> 00:23:24,213
Excellent.
174
00:23:31,413 --> 00:23:34,213
A SWEDISH TIGER
175
00:24:07,653 --> 00:24:10,973
- Who the hell are you?
- I'm an orderly.
176
00:24:11,093 --> 00:24:13,613
Everyone calls me Bulder
for some reason.
177
00:24:13,733 --> 00:24:17,413
I was born in the country,
where you have to pitch in.
178
00:24:17,533 --> 00:24:20,333
Spare me the details. Come here.
179
00:24:24,653 --> 00:24:27,773
Here. Take over here.
180
00:24:29,173 --> 00:24:30,853
Carry on.
181
00:24:43,453 --> 00:24:46,053
Good morning.
182
00:24:46,173 --> 00:24:48,253
Good morning.
183
00:24:48,373 --> 00:24:52,893
- Good morning. Hi.
- Hi. Good morning.
184
00:24:59,613 --> 00:25:03,053
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
185
00:25:06,093 --> 00:25:08,253
Good morning.
186
00:25:11,973 --> 00:25:16,973
My name is Professor Helmer, and...
187
00:25:24,053 --> 00:25:26,053
Like...
188
00:25:26,173 --> 00:25:27,533
the joy...
189
00:25:27,653 --> 00:25:29,333
of...
190
00:25:29,453 --> 00:25:31,373
yuletide laughter...
191
00:25:31,493 --> 00:25:33,173
a light...
192
00:25:33,293 --> 00:25:35,213
is lit...
193
00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:37,813
with...
194
00:25:37,933 --> 00:25:39,093
Halfmer.
195
00:25:39,213 --> 00:25:41,053
Thank you.
196
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:44,293
Very kind,
but my name isn't Halfmer.
197
00:25:44,413 --> 00:25:47,693
I know, I know,
but the rhyme was tricky.
198
00:25:47,813 --> 00:25:52,373
Somehow it made sense
that if your illustrious father -
199
00:25:52,493 --> 00:25:57,093
was a whole Helmer,
you, his son, had to be -
200
00:25:57,213 --> 00:25:59,733
Halfmer.
201
00:25:59,853 --> 00:26:02,693
Whole and half.
202
00:26:02,813 --> 00:26:04,973
Said affectionately.
203
00:26:10,573 --> 00:26:14,733
Naver is on his way and he's had
a major row in the cafeteria.
204
00:26:14,853 --> 00:26:18,053
Did he do the eye thing?
I hate when he does the eye thing.
205
00:26:28,013 --> 00:26:29,013
Bah!
206
00:26:32,893 --> 00:26:36,653
Let's change the subject.
207
00:26:36,773 --> 00:26:41,213
I gather you're not all that keen
on the Open Doors Policy?
208
00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:48,053
I accepted this position
with mixed feelings, to put it mildly.
209
00:26:48,173 --> 00:26:53,733
You don't just up and leave
the Karolinska Institute.
210
00:26:53,853 --> 00:26:57,813
But I felt compelled to go to the
country that drove my father crazy -
211
00:26:57,933 --> 00:27:02,333
to understand
and if possible continue his work.
212
00:27:02,453 --> 00:27:06,293
Complete Dad's mission
to raise the Danish standards.
213
00:27:06,413 --> 00:27:09,173
Albeit not to the Swedish level.
214
00:27:09,293 --> 00:27:13,093
No white man can accomplish that.
215
00:27:13,213 --> 00:27:16,333
But I see an opportunity -
216
00:27:16,453 --> 00:27:18,733
with minor, precise initiatives -
217
00:27:18,853 --> 00:27:23,653
to help you out of the dust
so you can look to the sun.
218
00:27:23,773 --> 00:27:25,773
That is my true calling.
219
00:27:28,373 --> 00:27:33,133
Does anyone know
what's on the menu today?
220
00:27:34,173 --> 00:27:38,253
If I were to look around at this
small group, which I'd rather not -
221
00:27:38,373 --> 00:27:43,653
it's clear that the level of
ethnic diversity is beneath contempt.
222
00:27:43,773 --> 00:27:47,773
Beneath contempt.
223
00:27:47,893 --> 00:27:50,413
Yes... well, yes.
224
00:27:50,533 --> 00:27:55,053
That's just because
everyone isn't here yet. What a mess.
225
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:58,853
Please go and get Joseph and...
226
00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:02,853
Amira?
227
00:28:02,973 --> 00:28:06,573
Dr. Joseph and Dr. Maria... or Amira.
228
00:28:12,613 --> 00:28:14,973
Danish break?
229
00:28:15,093 --> 00:28:19,933
A break? They aren't doing a thing!
230
00:28:21,013 --> 00:28:25,773
And yet it is one of the most
important days in their lives.
231
00:28:31,133 --> 00:28:34,493
Joseph and Amira, come with me.
232
00:28:43,293 --> 00:28:45,813
Put it on.
233
00:28:54,773 --> 00:28:59,533
Remember, goddammit, to smile.
234
00:29:02,813 --> 00:29:08,293
There you are.
This is Dr... Anderson.
235
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,613
Just sit there like always.
Just like always.
236
00:29:11,733 --> 00:29:15,653
And Dr... Mogensen.
237
00:29:19,853 --> 00:29:25,733
I gather they are also foreigners -
238
00:29:25,853 --> 00:29:32,413
and probably have another culture
around punctuality than we have -
239
00:29:32,533 --> 00:29:35,093
if I'm not mistaken?
240
00:29:35,213 --> 00:29:39,653
- All the way under the bed...
- And the toilet, if there's time.
241
00:29:39,773 --> 00:29:41,173
I see.
242
00:29:42,973 --> 00:29:43,813
Damn.
243
00:29:43,933 --> 00:29:45,933
I'd like to thank you.
244
00:29:46,053 --> 00:29:49,973
Thank you for gracing this meeting
with your presence.
245
00:29:50,093 --> 00:29:55,173
Thank you, even if you are
from a nation without clocks.
246
00:29:57,813 --> 00:30:01,653
There you have it.
What's on Naver's mind?
247
00:30:06,533 --> 00:30:12,613
I will either fly into a rage
and dig my eye out with this teaspoon -
248
00:30:12,733 --> 00:30:15,253
or we can do it this way:
249
00:30:15,373 --> 00:30:20,013
I'll be nice and amenable
like a spring chicken.
250
00:30:22,533 --> 00:30:24,733
Bah!
251
00:30:24,853 --> 00:30:28,413
Are spring chickens
particularly amenable?
252
00:30:28,533 --> 00:30:31,773
Nah... I don't really know anything
about chickens.
253
00:30:31,893 --> 00:30:37,693
I'm a little uncertain as to
whether that was a trick statement -
254
00:30:37,813 --> 00:30:42,893
but without reflection
I'll choose the spring chicken.
255
00:30:47,053 --> 00:30:51,253
Since we for some strange -
256
00:30:51,373 --> 00:30:56,493
and to me incomprehensible reason
co-head this department -
257
00:30:56,613 --> 00:31:02,293
I'd like your approval to implement
the hirification right away.
258
00:31:02,413 --> 00:31:05,133
Hirification? Now?
259
00:31:05,253 --> 00:31:11,413
Hirification to prevent gender bias.
260
00:31:11,533 --> 00:31:14,013
The gender-neutralisation -
261
00:31:14,133 --> 00:31:19,453
of patients and staff.
262
00:31:19,573 --> 00:31:21,893
Excellent... excellent.
263
00:31:22,813 --> 00:31:25,213
Hand me somebody's record.
264
00:31:25,333 --> 00:31:28,373
Just anyone...
Does anyone have...
265
00:31:28,493 --> 00:31:33,213
Here we have Astrid Hansen,
social security no. 090256.
266
00:31:33,333 --> 00:31:38,053
The procedure is simply
to erase all gender identity.
267
00:31:38,173 --> 00:31:41,413
I suggest we refer to an A. Hansen -
268
00:31:41,533 --> 00:31:45,173
social security no. 090256-137 -
269
00:31:45,293 --> 00:31:50,093
erasing the last digit
as this represents the gender.
270
00:31:50,213 --> 00:31:53,693
Distrust and hatred -
271
00:31:53,813 --> 00:31:57,693
not to mention discrimination -
272
00:31:57,813 --> 00:32:03,013
have soiled our world for too long.
273
00:32:03,133 --> 00:32:05,133
That's great, I think.
274
00:32:06,213 --> 00:32:09,893
Baby steps, I know.
275
00:32:10,013 --> 00:32:13,413
But by making these
minor personal-data modifications -
276
00:32:13,533 --> 00:32:15,853
we go straight to the source.
277
00:32:16,813 --> 00:32:22,933
Thank you. The patient
is no longer a him or a her -
278
00:32:23,053 --> 00:32:26,093
but, as I implied earlier, a hir.
279
00:32:26,213 --> 00:32:29,373
- What about Hansen?
- What?
280
00:32:29,493 --> 00:32:34,693
This seemingly gender-neutral surname
implies some male involvement.
281
00:32:34,813 --> 00:32:37,733
Historically, Hansen is a simplification
of "his son".
282
00:32:37,853 --> 00:32:40,093
Oh dear, a double masculine.
283
00:32:40,213 --> 00:32:44,933
Why not emasculate it, do away with
the surname, to add to the confusion?
284
00:32:46,693 --> 00:32:52,653
Have this procedure implemented
throughout the department.
285
00:32:52,773 --> 00:32:55,173
As of today.
286
00:32:55,293 --> 00:32:59,213
Trivia, I know.
287
00:33:00,013 --> 00:33:05,213
And I know that hirification may lead
to all kinds of misunderstandings.
288
00:33:06,733 --> 00:33:07,733
Bah!
289
00:33:13,013 --> 00:33:16,333
MIDDLE-FINE PEAS
290
00:33:36,093 --> 00:33:40,693
Speaking of trivia,
on behalf of the department -
291
00:33:40,813 --> 00:33:44,813
I'd like to challenge the professor
on another type of trivia.
292
00:33:44,933 --> 00:33:49,293
It's tradition in the group
to elect a Kingdom representative -
293
00:33:49,413 --> 00:33:52,813
to engage in a competition
with any new professor.
294
00:33:52,933 --> 00:33:57,333
Do you accept this challenge,
Professor Helmer? Hir against hir.
295
00:33:59,053 --> 00:34:02,253
When in Rome, do as the Romans.
296
00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:08,853
Although I'd far prefer
to actually be in Rome -
297
00:34:08,973 --> 00:34:11,493
I accept.
298
00:34:11,613 --> 00:34:13,533
Great!
299
00:34:13,653 --> 00:34:17,173
I don't think it's fair
to challenge Professor Helmer -
300
00:34:17,293 --> 00:34:22,293
without informing him
of the competition's simple nature.
301
00:34:22,413 --> 00:34:27,213
I'm sure the professor is ready to take on
a century-old Kingdom tradition -
302
00:34:27,333 --> 00:34:32,813
and brave enough to take
whatever we throw at him. Am I right, doc?
303
00:34:32,933 --> 00:34:36,573
- Sounds fine.
- Great.
304
00:34:36,693 --> 00:34:42,493
As the Kingdom is the challenger,
it's hirs right to choose weapons.
305
00:34:43,533 --> 00:34:46,733
I choose... O.P. Anderson.
306
00:34:46,853 --> 00:34:49,133
Great choice.
307
00:34:51,533 --> 00:34:52,853
Voilà.
308
00:34:53,973 --> 00:34:59,373
- Voilà.
- Are the rules understood?
309
00:34:59,493 --> 00:35:03,653
The Kingdom is the challenger,
so Bulder starts.
310
00:35:03,773 --> 00:35:05,613
Hans Christian Andersen.
311
00:35:05,733 --> 00:35:08,693
Approved.
312
00:35:09,853 --> 00:35:13,413
Then I'll say Astrid Lindgren.
313
00:35:13,533 --> 00:35:18,253
- Nah. Not on par.
- No match for Hans Christian Andersen.
314
00:35:18,373 --> 00:35:21,813
- So I have to drink?
- You have to drink.
315
00:35:30,733 --> 00:35:32,013
Thank you.
316
00:35:38,653 --> 00:35:40,773
August Strindberg.
317
00:35:44,733 --> 00:35:46,773
Bulder.
318
00:35:47,653 --> 00:35:49,933
- Søren Kierkegaard.
- There we go!
319
00:35:50,053 --> 00:35:54,213
Kierkegaard defeats Strindberg, so
Halfmer drinks to the next level: 20 cl.
320
00:35:54,333 --> 00:35:59,453
- It's the rules, Helmer.
- Do you give up?
321
00:35:59,573 --> 00:36:03,773
He's gonna buy another round,
another round, another round...
322
00:36:15,053 --> 00:36:19,493
- Let him have a sip of water.
- No water, sorry.
323
00:36:20,653 --> 00:36:24,933
Anna, please step away from
the competition zone.
324
00:36:25,053 --> 00:36:27,533
What the hell's the matter with you?
325
00:36:27,653 --> 00:36:31,453
Why so serious all of a sudden?
326
00:36:31,573 --> 00:36:35,613
Danes are said to be such jolly people.
327
00:36:36,933 --> 00:36:41,213
Alcohol! Which I usually don't drink.
328
00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:44,973
A damned potent product for abase.
329
00:36:45,853 --> 00:36:49,693
Am I talking nonsense? No...
330
00:36:49,813 --> 00:36:51,253
- A bit.
- Yes.
331
00:36:51,373 --> 00:36:55,853
Not already.
I'm just imagining things.
332
00:36:55,973 --> 00:36:58,213
I'm imagining... abase...
333
00:36:58,333 --> 00:37:01,453
Abuse, is what I wanted to say.
334
00:37:02,573 --> 00:37:06,013
- Bulder's turn.
- Carl T.H. Dreyer.
335
00:37:06,133 --> 00:37:09,293
- Not approved.
- Come on, Bulder.
336
00:37:09,413 --> 00:37:12,653
- 20 cl. For Bulder.
- Carl T.H. Dreyer.
337
00:37:12,773 --> 00:37:17,693
Who's he? Incredibly boring films
that no one could be bothered with.
338
00:37:17,813 --> 00:37:20,253
Well done!
339
00:37:21,453 --> 00:37:25,613
Ingmar Bergman.
No barrel of laughs either, but still.
340
00:37:25,733 --> 00:37:28,333
Not approved. Double punishment.
341
00:37:28,453 --> 00:37:31,013
Halfmer, don't do it.
342
00:37:31,133 --> 00:37:33,373
Please drink. That's the rules.
343
00:37:34,493 --> 00:37:38,133
- No, it's dangerous.
- Nobody's forcing him.
344
00:37:38,253 --> 00:37:40,813
You have a choice.
345
00:37:40,933 --> 00:37:45,813
10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
346
00:37:45,933 --> 00:37:49,533
Are you in? Raise your hand!
347
00:37:58,653 --> 00:38:00,093
Time!
348
00:38:00,213 --> 00:38:05,133
For he's a jolly good fellow...
349
00:38:07,773 --> 00:38:10,933
They ought to be nice to him.
350
00:38:11,893 --> 00:38:15,533
Yes, even Swedes are humans, too.
351
00:38:16,853 --> 00:38:18,933
It's time for her to wake up.
352
00:38:19,053 --> 00:38:23,413
It's far too easy for them to get to her
while she's asleep.
353
00:38:24,013 --> 00:38:27,933
- Yes, wake up now, Karen.
- Wake up, Karen!
354
00:38:50,693 --> 00:38:53,813
Do you want to take your coat off,
Professor Helmer?
355
00:38:55,093 --> 00:38:58,813
- Oh dear!
- I've got the schnapps.
356
00:39:00,773 --> 00:39:03,453
- He doesn't want help.
- Remove the door.
357
00:39:06,933 --> 00:39:08,853
Halfmer.
358
00:39:12,653 --> 00:39:14,933
Ire...
359
00:39:15,053 --> 00:39:18,853
I see ire... ire.
360
00:39:18,973 --> 00:39:23,253
- I don't quite follow...
- Are you angry? He's angry.
361
00:39:24,973 --> 00:39:29,253
- Is it my turn?
- Yes, the new category is hospitals.
362
00:39:30,173 --> 00:39:32,733
- Karolinska.
- Approved.
363
00:39:34,453 --> 00:39:37,253
Skejby!
364
00:39:38,093 --> 00:39:40,093
- Skejby.
- Yes, Skejby.
365
00:39:46,773 --> 00:39:50,333
Bulder! Great sportsmanship!
366
00:39:53,093 --> 00:39:56,973
The animals in Africa are hungry
until eating.
367
00:39:57,093 --> 00:40:01,413
Or so it says in all the papers
Africans are reading.
368
00:40:01,533 --> 00:40:03,453
Molac molac mac mac mac!
369
00:40:10,973 --> 00:40:14,013
Oh no, he's falling.
370
00:40:17,053 --> 00:40:20,133
Oh dear. Up you go.
371
00:40:22,373 --> 00:40:24,613
Give him a hand!
372
00:40:31,653 --> 00:40:34,493
What are you doing?
373
00:40:34,613 --> 00:40:37,813
- Bye bye.
- Bye bye, Sweden.
374
00:40:39,093 --> 00:40:42,133
What are you doing? That tickles.
375
00:40:42,253 --> 00:40:44,293
It's the address.
376
00:40:44,413 --> 00:40:46,693
What's that?
377
00:41:01,533 --> 00:41:05,613
Skejby... Skejby was unanimously
voted the no. 1 hospital in Denmark.
378
00:42:40,533 --> 00:42:43,093
Hello.
379
00:42:46,733 --> 00:42:49,853
Hello. You can't lie here.
380
00:42:51,333 --> 00:42:54,093
It's too cold to lie here.
381
00:42:54,813 --> 00:42:59,133
The corridor is bricked up.
You won't get any further.
382
00:43:00,413 --> 00:43:03,093
Hang on.
383
00:43:19,173 --> 00:43:22,453
Careful... there you go.
384
00:43:35,333 --> 00:43:36,733
I'm thirsty.
385
00:43:43,533 --> 00:43:47,093
- Here you go, dear.
- Who are you?
386
00:43:54,733 --> 00:43:56,293
I'm thirsty.
387
00:44:29,093 --> 00:44:31,613
The cup...
388
00:44:32,973 --> 00:44:34,973
moved across the table.
389
00:44:35,093 --> 00:44:38,373
Oh well, I know.
390
00:44:38,493 --> 00:44:40,693
After my worst nightmares -
391
00:44:40,813 --> 00:44:44,013
my bedroom is always a mess.
392
00:44:44,893 --> 00:44:48,573
I never quite understood why,
but it makes sense.
393
00:44:48,693 --> 00:44:51,493
I move things around.
394
00:44:51,613 --> 00:44:55,413
I've read about it.
It's telekinesis.
395
00:44:55,533 --> 00:44:59,853
Most people could do it
if they put their minds to it.
396
00:45:01,173 --> 00:45:04,493
Does that mean -
397
00:45:04,613 --> 00:45:09,973
I could sit here and move patients
around without having to get up?
398
00:45:10,093 --> 00:45:12,213
I'm an orderly, you see.
399
00:45:13,293 --> 00:45:16,173
Well, that would be smart.
400
00:45:16,973 --> 00:45:20,053
- My name is Karen.
- Mine's Bulder.
401
00:45:21,613 --> 00:45:26,413
- But you're not Bulder.
- They named me that on my first day.
402
00:45:26,533 --> 00:45:29,493
It seems I look like a guy from TV.
403
00:45:29,613 --> 00:45:33,973
My real name is Balder,
but everyone calls me Bulder -
404
00:45:34,093 --> 00:45:39,453
because the old Bulder died while
donating his bone marrow to Bondo.
405
00:45:39,573 --> 00:45:42,533
- But it went wrong.
- Because of the power outage.
406
00:45:42,653 --> 00:45:46,613
How do you know about that?
It's a secret.
407
00:45:48,293 --> 00:45:52,373
I saw it on DVD.
Hook switched off the power.
408
00:45:53,693 --> 00:45:55,853
I don't know anything about that.
409
00:45:55,973 --> 00:45:58,573
You shouldn't meddle in things
you know nothing about.
410
00:46:07,093 --> 00:46:09,493
We have to find Little Brother.
411
00:46:11,053 --> 00:46:12,813
I don't know him.
412
00:46:21,493 --> 00:46:24,813
Somebody seems to know something.
413
00:46:28,053 --> 00:46:30,533
It's a spirit.
414
00:46:30,653 --> 00:46:33,573
Please help me find the spirit.
415
00:47:01,173 --> 00:47:05,133
- What are you doing, Bulder?
- Trying my hand at telekinesis.
416
00:47:05,253 --> 00:47:09,453
After I've seen you do it,
it doesn't seem that hard.
417
00:47:21,093 --> 00:47:22,653
Hi, Bulder.
418
00:47:24,333 --> 00:47:26,933
Hi there.
419
00:47:27,053 --> 00:47:30,573
How do you know there are spirits here?
420
00:47:31,613 --> 00:47:34,213
I dreamt it.
421
00:47:35,413 --> 00:47:38,333
The spirits will gather
in large numbers tonight.
422
00:47:38,453 --> 00:47:43,053
I dreamt they flew up and down
the elevator shafts -
423
00:47:43,173 --> 00:47:45,693
sounding like this.
424
00:47:49,133 --> 00:47:52,533
That's a rather stereotypical depiction.
425
00:47:52,653 --> 00:47:55,933
Well, I'm the one who believes in them,
so I'm right.
426
00:47:56,053 --> 00:48:02,053
They landed on top of the elevators
and fell asleep in a huge pile.
427
00:48:02,173 --> 00:48:05,013
Can you take me to elevator 3?
428
00:48:05,133 --> 00:48:09,813
That's where Mary rang her bell
so Mrs. Drusse heard her.
429
00:48:13,333 --> 00:48:16,333
You have a bell, too.
430
00:48:16,453 --> 00:48:20,533
It's because I'm a sleepwalker,
so people can hear me coming -
431
00:48:20,653 --> 00:48:23,773
and I don't bump into them.
432
00:48:25,293 --> 00:48:28,893
- But what a great idea, Bulder.
- It is?
433
00:48:29,013 --> 00:48:31,373
To use the bell like Mary.
434
00:48:37,293 --> 00:48:39,813
I think this is it.
435
00:48:51,693 --> 00:48:54,493
They're on top of the elevator.
436
00:48:57,093 --> 00:49:00,733
This is no good, Bulder.
I need to get near the ceiling.
437
00:49:00,853 --> 00:49:04,133
The acoustic panels absorb the sound.
438
00:49:05,733 --> 00:49:09,333
Wasn't there a ladder out there?
Bulder.
439
00:49:14,893 --> 00:49:17,693
The acoustic panels absorb the sound...
440
00:49:49,493 --> 00:49:51,333
Are you awake?
441
00:49:55,253 --> 00:49:57,813
Do you hear that?
442
00:49:59,693 --> 00:50:02,693
It sounds like a growling stomach.
443
00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:08,733
You spirit who is awake.
444
00:50:08,853 --> 00:50:12,333
You whose stomach is growling.
445
00:50:12,453 --> 00:50:14,293
Why can't you sleep?
446
00:50:20,813 --> 00:50:24,573
The spirit put its hand
into the paint.
447
00:50:36,893 --> 00:50:39,013
I...
448
00:50:40,453 --> 00:50:42,133
Come on.
449
00:50:45,253 --> 00:50:47,493
I am -
450
00:50:47,613 --> 00:50:51,733
the last -
451
00:50:51,853 --> 00:50:57,013
to fall asleep...
452
00:50:59,093 --> 00:51:01,733
when I -
453
00:51:01,853 --> 00:51:05,173
am s...
454
00:51:09,533 --> 00:51:11,733
starving.
455
00:51:11,853 --> 00:51:14,573
Starving.
Well, that goes without saying.
456
00:51:16,893 --> 00:51:19,853
What is your name?
457
00:51:22,093 --> 00:51:23,973
Salomon.
458
00:51:24,093 --> 00:51:28,053
Let's go, Bulder.
Oh, I can walk.
459
00:51:28,173 --> 00:51:30,173
Why didn't you say so before?
460
00:51:31,693 --> 00:51:36,373
We are all fasting -
461
00:51:36,493 --> 00:51:40,413
in the final days.
462
00:51:40,533 --> 00:51:43,133
What do you mean, Salomon?
463
00:51:47,573 --> 00:51:50,493
He's fallen asleep, too, now.
464
00:51:53,453 --> 00:51:55,933
Neurosurgical.
465
00:51:56,053 --> 00:52:00,253
I should have known.
This is where Drusse was admitted.
466
00:52:00,373 --> 00:52:05,253
If anyone knows anything
about Little Brother, they'll be in here.
467
00:52:05,373 --> 00:52:07,813
We can't go this way.
468
00:52:08,613 --> 00:52:11,013
But I know a shortcut.
469
00:52:11,973 --> 00:52:16,133
It's very hard to get admitted
to Neurosurgical.
470
00:52:16,253 --> 00:52:17,733
But not hard enough.
471
00:52:17,853 --> 00:52:21,773
I bet Karen will get in
although she'll put herself in danger.
472
00:52:21,893 --> 00:52:26,413
Danger?
Oh no, no more danger at the Kingdom.
473
00:52:26,533 --> 00:52:29,013
I can't stomach danger.
474
00:52:30,173 --> 00:52:32,573
I know one of the hackers. Kalle.
475
00:52:33,413 --> 00:52:37,093
All the illegal IT activities
take place down here.
476
00:52:37,213 --> 00:52:40,413
- Hi, Kalle.
- What can I do for you?
477
00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:45,413
My name is Karen Svensson,
and I'd like to be admitted.
478
00:52:45,533 --> 00:52:48,733
Okay, but don't blame me afterwards.
479
00:52:50,293 --> 00:52:53,813
Down here, we ensure that
everything bypasses the Health Platform -
480
00:52:53,933 --> 00:52:58,933
an American computer program
they forced upon us. Fucking useless.
481
00:52:59,053 --> 00:53:02,213
Which department do you want to go to?
482
00:53:03,493 --> 00:53:06,013
My dream is to go to Neurosurgical.
483
00:53:07,493 --> 00:53:09,533
I'd really like that.
484
00:53:09,653 --> 00:53:13,613
Admitted by Santa Claus.
485
00:53:13,733 --> 00:53:19,133
What diagnosis have you concocted?
486
00:53:21,653 --> 00:53:26,733
Somnambulism and noctiphobia.
487
00:53:31,093 --> 00:53:35,333
That's sleepwalking and fear of night.
488
00:53:38,493 --> 00:53:42,813
- There you go.
- That's mighty Swedish of you.
489
00:53:53,453 --> 00:53:57,413
- The director just won his patience.
- Great.
490
00:53:57,533 --> 00:54:02,733
Don't say that. Soon he'll come running
to complain it's too easy.
491
00:54:07,693 --> 00:54:11,413
We must meet immediately.
492
00:54:26,933 --> 00:54:31,013
If Little Brother is drowning -
493
00:54:31,133 --> 00:54:34,093
there must be water involved.
494
00:54:35,253 --> 00:54:38,933
- Where might that be, Bulder?
- I don't know.
495
00:54:39,933 --> 00:54:45,053
I vaguely remember shapes and smells.
496
00:54:45,173 --> 00:54:49,413
And some kind of statue.
497
00:54:49,533 --> 00:54:54,413
"See and heed.
Exodus is a double-edged sword."
498
00:54:55,333 --> 00:55:00,093
I just can't think... It's strange.
499
00:55:10,813 --> 00:55:13,733
- What's that?
- We're in Radiology.
500
00:55:13,853 --> 00:55:17,573
The med students have been permitted
to use a machine.
501
00:55:17,693 --> 00:55:22,573
As it just so happens,
they're from Neurosurgical.
502
00:55:34,653 --> 00:55:38,053
- Is this Neurosurgical?
- Yes.
503
00:55:39,533 --> 00:55:41,373
It's very hard to get admitted here.
504
00:55:41,493 --> 00:55:44,613
It's very hard to get admitted here.
505
00:55:45,533 --> 00:55:50,733
I know it's a repeat
but it's the right repeat, I think.
506
00:55:52,173 --> 00:55:55,773
- Are you sure you want to go here?
- Oh yes.
507
00:55:55,893 --> 00:55:59,293
Things are starting to take off now.
508
00:56:40,573 --> 00:56:43,893
What the hell is that?
509
00:56:45,333 --> 00:56:47,973
Have they managed -
510
00:56:48,093 --> 00:56:51,533
to build a bridgehead?
511
00:56:51,653 --> 00:56:54,573
But that must have required -
512
00:56:54,693 --> 00:56:59,453
a certain degree
of education and discipline.
513
00:57:00,133 --> 00:57:02,573
Obviously -
514
00:57:02,693 --> 00:57:06,333
Danes want to set foot
on Swedish soil -
515
00:57:06,453 --> 00:57:09,733
to escape stupidity.
516
00:57:09,853 --> 00:57:15,413
Who has the capacity
for such grand thinking?
517
00:57:18,533 --> 00:57:20,973
That nickname wasn't random.
518
00:57:21,733 --> 00:57:26,053
I am but a half Helmer. Halfmer.
519
00:57:27,373 --> 00:57:30,973
I thought I was an eagle.
520
00:57:31,093 --> 00:57:36,373
But remember that the nobility
inherent in every Swede -
521
00:57:36,493 --> 00:57:39,973
you'll never take that!
522
00:57:40,093 --> 00:57:42,733
Danish scum!
523
00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:55,373
I bet you thought you'd be spared the
director's traditional wise ass remarks.
524
00:57:55,493 --> 00:58:01,133
I've retired a bit physically
so I won't really appear on screen.
525
00:58:01,253 --> 00:58:06,693
Why, you might ask?
Honestly speaking, out of vanity.
526
00:58:06,813 --> 00:58:11,533
The 24 years that have passed since
the old episodes have left their mark.
527
00:58:11,653 --> 00:58:16,613
And I can't compete with the
unbearably cocky young Lars von Trier -
528
00:58:16,733 --> 00:58:20,453
and yet vanity is the true killer.
529
00:58:20,573 --> 00:58:25,133
With this bad excuse
I'll haste to segue to this episode -
530
00:58:25,253 --> 00:58:28,453
before the credits are through.
531
00:58:28,573 --> 00:58:32,733
Vanity seems to drive almost all
the characters of "The Kingdom".
532
00:58:32,853 --> 00:58:38,813
Nothing wrong in that. The same goes
for the real world that surrounds us.
533
00:58:38,933 --> 00:58:44,013
I've done my best and everyone is
bound to demand more. Much more.
534
00:58:44,133 --> 00:58:49,093
That's only fair as the short came out
too short and the long too long.
535
00:58:49,213 --> 00:58:53,493
I'll end by resorting to the old cliché
of encouraging everyone -
536
00:58:53,613 --> 00:58:56,253
to take the good with the evil.