1 00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:04,636 - Stop it! It's mine! It's mine! 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:05,671 - That's enough fighting! 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,206 Everybody, that's enough. 4 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,207 We're goin' to church. Come on. 5 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,508 - [groaning] 6 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,677 - All right. Okay, here. Turn that off. 7 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,157 - How come daddy never has to go to church? 8 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:28,560 - Why don't you ask daddy? 9 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:33,365 - [mumbled] I have to work, honey. 10 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:38,370 - See? He's eating his business lunch. 11 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,639 - I am working. There's a big game on today. 12 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,641 - I thought it didn't start until 1:00. 13 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:47,646 - Okay, yeah, but there's a pregame. 14 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:54,520 Look, I don't tell you how to do your job, right? 15 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,688 - All right, everybody, let's go! 16 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,223 Church time! 17 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,192 Chop-chop. 18 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,501 - You usually hide upstairs until we leave. 19 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,074 A little more brazen in your blasphemy. 20 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,477 - Don't tell him how to do his job. 21 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,478 Come on. Let's go. 22 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,146 - Hey, what...? 23 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,448 I don't know why god 24 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,349 Put church and football at the same time. 25 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,752 As a matter of fact, bring that up today. 26 00:01:29,722 --> 00:01:31,423 - Come on, kids! Wait up; wait up, kids! 27 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:45,304 - Unwashed, unshaven, scratching himself. 28 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:48,407 All my love, all my--my caring. 29 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:51,343 I poured my heart into this boy. 30 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,681 This is my one regret as a parent. 31 00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:04,756 - I'm the one goin' to church! 32 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:13,866 [gentle piano music] 33 00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:15,601 - What'd you do there? 34 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,872 - They're coming! 35 00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:25,878 [beethoven's "ode to joy" from "symphony no. 9"] 36 00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,796 [music stops abruptly] 37 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,299 [lock clicks] 38 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,268 [heart beating] 39 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:52,671 [mail slot door squeaking] 40 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,908 [beethoven's "ode to joy" from "symphony no. 9"] 41 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,483 - Hey, ray... 42 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,618 - Hey, debra, look. Look at this. 43 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,886 - What? 44 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,723 - You're in jail. Look at that. 45 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:15,194 - Goin' on ten years now. Yeah. 46 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:22,601 Honey, show daddy your picture. 47 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,737 - Oh...Did you draw this? That's beautiful. 48 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,206 You're quite the little artist. 49 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,340 - Yeah, tell daddy what it is. 50 00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,509 - No, no, no. Let me guess. 51 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,679 Uh, that's a big orange wall. 52 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,947 - It's fire. 53 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,682 - Fire. Yes, of course, it's fire. 54 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,584 It's a big wall of fire, 55 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:39,985 And that must be the fireman. 56 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,721 - Actually, ally told me it's a picture of hell. 57 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,394 - You-- 58 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,698 You mean "heck," right? 59 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,832 Right, ally? 60 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:58,737 So is that the devil? 61 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,006 - Nope. It's you. 62 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:04,810 - Me? I-- 63 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,278 I--I'm... 64 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,414 Why am I in heck, sweetie? 65 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:14,620 - Because that's what grandpa said. 66 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,355 - Grandpa said that? 67 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,557 What? Grandpa told you that I'm going to heck? 68 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:21,760 - He said, "hell." 69 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,961 - Really? 70 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,963 Really? Why did grandpa say that? 71 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,466 - 'cause you don't go to church. 72 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:30,469 - Grandpa said that? 73 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,337 Where were you? 74 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,740 - I was in church. 75 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,344 - Okay, I'm gonna, uh, 76 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,512 I'm gonna go across the street 77 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,281 'cause, uh... 78 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:45,550 If I'm gonna go to heck, I'm takin' him with me. 79 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:06,571 - Marie! 80 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,974 - Go ahead, frank! 81 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:12,778 - [giggles] 82 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,914 She is good for somethin'. 83 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:19,451 Mmm! Mmm. 84 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:20,786 - All right, dad. 85 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,054 Why did you tell ally that-- 86 00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:23,422 - You want some cake? - No. 87 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,857 - Good. 88 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,392 See this picture, dad? 89 00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,461 It's a picture of me in hell. 90 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,762 My seven-year-old daughter drew it 91 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,431 Because her grandpa told her 92 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,699 That's where her father's goin': 93 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:34,866 To hell! 94 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,835 What kind of a mind does that? 95 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:40,972 - Mmm! This cake almost makes marriage bearable. 96 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,574 Hey! 97 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,942 - Why did you tell her that? 98 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,712 - I never told her you were going there. 99 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,113 She asked me what happens to people 100 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,514 Who don't go to church. 101 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,851 I said, "they go to hell, sweetie." 102 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:56,688 She must have put two and two together. 103 00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,692 Smart kid. 104 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,394 - Go--go over there right now 105 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,995 And tell her that I'm not goin' to hell! 106 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,697 - You know, I would love to, 107 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,899 But I don't make the rules. 108 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,772 Oh, you know what? Whipped cream. 109 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,108 - Hey, you really think that I'm goin' to hell? 110 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,909 - I try not to think about it. 111 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,745 - Look, hey, I don't care what you think, all right? 112 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,079 I don't want you talkin' to my kids 113 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,014 About this stuff anymore; you got that? 114 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,617 - Since when do you give me orders? 115 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,619 - Since you crossed over the line. 116 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,888 - Hi, raymond. You hungry? Have some cake. 117 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,857 - I don't want any cake! 118 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,860 - We have whipped cream. 119 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,094 - How about this, marie. 120 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,596 Your son doesn't want me talkin' 121 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,864 To my own grandchildren. 122 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:39,898 - Oh? 123 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,566 - That isn't what I said. 124 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,535 - I'll talk to anyone I want anytime I want. 125 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,772 - Unfortunately, raymond, this is america. 126 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,407 - Mom, I don't want him tellin' ally-- 127 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,908 - Hey, hey! What are you doin'? 128 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,611 Are you talkin' to my wife? 129 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,712 - What? 130 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,113 - Don't talk to my wife. 131 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,783 - All right, all right, dad, don't be cute. 132 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,651 - Hey, hey, hey, you want to be like that, 133 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:00,952 You don't talk to her. 134 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,488 Only I talk to her. 135 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:07,125 Hello, sweetheart. How are you? 136 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,861 - Oh, I'm fine, but, you know, I have a thing that-- 137 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:10,996 - Oh, stop it, mom! 138 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,497 He doesn't care how you are! 139 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,899 - Hey! 140 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,934 You're talkin' to her. 141 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,437 Stop talkin' to her. 142 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,604 - No. It's all right, frank. 143 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:20,939 He can talk to me 144 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,008 Unless you want to talk to me some more. 145 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:26,678 I liked it. 146 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,480 - I was just making a point. 147 00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:34,920 - Dad told ally that I am going to hell. 148 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,855 - Frank. 149 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,857 - He never goes to mass, marie. 150 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,225 It's an open-and-shut case. 151 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,726 - You see? You see, ma? 152 00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,462 - No, you should go to mass, raymond. 153 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,864 - I don't want to go! 154 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,467 - Why do you hurt me? 155 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:53,104 - Look, I don't mean to hurt you, mom-- 156 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,040 - Stop hurting your mother. Go to church. 157 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,875 - No! - Oh! Ooh... 158 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,577 Oh... 159 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,679 - Look what you're doin' to her. Go to church! 160 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,714 - No, no! I don't feel like it. 161 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,115 - "I don't feel like it." 162 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,817 That's the problem with you kids today. 163 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,486 Everything has to feel good. 164 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,855 Do you think world war ii felt good? 165 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,690 Do you think korea felt good? 166 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,659 In my day, nothing felt good! 167 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,994 - Why don't you go back to your day 168 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,964 And stop ruining mine? 169 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,099 - 12 years of catholic school down the toilet. 170 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,235 Go to church! 171 00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:26,538 - Frank, you can't just scream at someone to go to church. 172 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,107 - Well, 40 years of your guilt hasn't worked. 173 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,676 - I need more time. 174 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,779 - Look, I--all I'm sayin' is, from now on, 175 00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,883 If ally asks you something about religious stuff 176 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,785 Or government or minorities, 177 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,621 Please refer her to me! 178 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,122 - How do you think I feel? 179 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,191 It's embarrassing. I'm in church. 180 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,193 People are saying, "how come ray's never here? 181 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,061 Didn't you raise him right?" 182 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,531 - They say that? - Shut up. 183 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,599 - Yeah. 184 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,102 Look, I'm not goin' just to make you look good. 185 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,304 - Go to church! - No! 186 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,072 - Then thou are doomed 187 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,975 To suffer the fires of eternal damnation. 188 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:16,855 - See, now, I would never scream at you like that, raymond, 189 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,324 Because I know that your failures... 190 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,693 Are my fault. 191 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:34,072 [spoon scraping] 192 00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,946 - That's right, the whole thing. 193 00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:43,748 You married a man. 194 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,785 - Hmm. 195 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:50,689 - "24 grams of fat." 196 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,057 Yeah, but don't worry. 197 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:57,028 I'll be burning it off... In hell. 198 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,063 Okay, I'm goin' up. 199 00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,331 - Okay. 200 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:05,170 - You know, I kind of understand how your father feels. 201 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,106 - Okay, good night. 202 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,976 - No, ray. Wait, wait, wait. 203 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,844 - Oh! Eh... 204 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,081 - You still consider yourself catholic? 205 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,849 - What are you talking about? 206 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,985 Uh, yeah, I'm catholic. You can't change that. 207 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,087 It's like being italian 208 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,255 Or--or... 209 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,124 Sexy. 210 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,732 - So why don't you go to mass? 211 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,401 - Come on, look, it's not like I never go, right? 212 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,103 And you go all the time, 213 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,238 And according to this married thing, 214 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,840 We are one. 215 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,177 - Okay, no, you know, 216 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,812 I'm not trying to make a big thing. 217 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,280 I was just thinking about you and your father 218 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,216 And, you know, why you got so angry about it. 219 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,318 - Because it's none of his business. 220 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,819 - Why don't you go to church? 221 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,155 - I don't know. I-- 222 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,691 It's--it's because of the kneeling, really. 223 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,227 It's just--you know I have bad knees. 224 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:07,866 - You know, god can hear you right now. 225 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,036 - Let me finish. 226 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,437 All right? 227 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,974 That's not the only reason. 228 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,443 That's-- that's one of 'em. 229 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,945 All right, listen, when I go-- 230 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,247 When I go there, 231 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,816 I should be thinking about god, right? 232 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:28,053 But instead I'm thinking about some column I'm workin' on, 233 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,888 Uh, "what's up with this guy's scalp? 234 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,123 "oh, that lady sneezed. 235 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,759 I'm not shaking her hand." 236 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,394 I'm not focused. 237 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,897 I feel like I'm just going through the motions, 238 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,833 And that's-- that's not respectful, right? 239 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,068 - Yeah, you're right. 240 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,769 I mean, you shouldn't go 241 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,972 If you're just goin' through the motions. 242 00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,275 - What are you doin'? 243 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,143 - What? I'm agreeing with you. 244 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,079 - No, you're trying to make me feel guilty. 245 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,213 - No, I'm not. 246 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,115 - You're just like my mother. 247 00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:00,118 - Why do you have to insult me? 248 00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,888 We're talking. 249 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:07,258 And, besides, you're the one 250 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,060 That had to eat a whole pint of ice cream. 251 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,496 If you're feeling guilty, it's not because of me. 252 00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:14,499 - Let me tell you something. 253 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,836 I practice being a good person every day, okay? 254 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,838 I'm a decent fellow. 255 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,108 I--I do good things. 256 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,343 I always leave a big tip. 257 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,145 If a squirrel runs in front of the car, 258 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,848 Do I not swerve? 259 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:33,017 I'm considerate of people's feelings. 260 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:36,221 Remember the plumber who came over with the big eye? 261 00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:40,825 I treated him like a completely normal person, okay? 262 00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:43,495 So why do I have to go to church every Sunday 263 00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:44,996 To prove my goodness? 264 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,231 I'm living it. 265 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:52,971 - Well, you know, since you are so good during the week, 266 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:57,041 Maybe on sundays, we should have everybody come over here 267 00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,043 And sit around you. 268 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,449 - Okay, all right. 269 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,985 Why do you go, miss holy... 270 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,854 Moly? 271 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,289 - Why do I go? 272 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,791 - Yeah. 273 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:15,326 - I go, you know, to thank god 274 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,462 For you and the kids 275 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,397 And to pray for the strength 276 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,432 To get through another week with you and the kids. 277 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,201 - Okay. Yeah. 278 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,903 - No. No, really. 279 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:28,072 You know, I go to get re-energized, 280 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,074 To be part of something that's bigger than me 281 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,043 And my little problems. 282 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,344 You know, it reminds me 283 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,313 That I'm not the be-all and end-all. 284 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,916 There's something out there that's greater than me. 285 00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:44,989 - Why do you have to have an answer for everything? 286 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,558 - And you know what else? 287 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,427 I like the feeling of community, the tradition, 288 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:52,430 And I think that's what's bugging your father. 289 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,300 You know, he wanted to pass his faith onto you. 290 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,302 It's probably the only valuable thing 291 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,304 That he thinks he can give you, 292 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:03,174 And you've rejected it. 293 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,044 - Okay, I need more ice cream. 294 00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:10,481 You know, a lot of people 295 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,217 Would have made fun of that plumber, okay? 296 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,118 Big muppet-eye guy. 297 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,327 - Hey, you workin' the church carnival next weekend? 298 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,296 - Yeah, my wife signed me up for the dunking booth again. 299 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,565 She loves seeing me wet. 300 00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:34,305 - Hey, ray's here! [laughs] 301 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:39,510 - And also with you. 302 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,145 - What are you doin' here? 303 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,214 - Nothing. Going to church. 304 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,415 - How come? 305 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,451 - I...Just felt like it. 306 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,319 - Yeah, well, we don't need you part-timers 307 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,121 Dropping by whenever you feel like it. 308 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,990 It screws up the parking. 309 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:57,095 - I'm thinkin' of making this a regular thing. 310 00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:00,031 - Yeah, right. 311 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,666 - No, I'm serious. 312 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,968 - You want to come every Sunday? 313 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,236 - Do they have it every Sunday? 314 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,006 Yeah. Every Sunday. 315 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,375 - Yeah, until your mother's guilt wears off. 316 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,477 - No, no, it wasn't her. 317 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,612 Look, you want to know the truth? 318 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,948 It was you. 319 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:20,485 I want to set an example for my kids, you know, 320 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,520 Like you did. 321 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:26,457 - What are you, being a wise guy? 322 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,494 - No. I mean it. 323 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,629 - Oh, yeah? 324 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:34,265 - Yeah. 325 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,501 - Look at you. 326 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,069 - Mmm! 327 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:41,139 - Us barones, we clean up pretty good, eh? 328 00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,342 - Hey, it's the offertory, people. 329 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:45,543 Where are my ushers? 330 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,945 Let's go. Let's go. 331 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:47,946 Get the lead out. Come on. 332 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,347 Come on. Go, go, go, go! 333 00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,082 - Father hubley, good news. 334 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:55,253 Raymond my son is coming back to the church. 335 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,122 - Really? 336 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,159 - Every Sunday. 337 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,428 - Welcome back, raymond. 338 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,100 Frank, you waiting for an engraved invitation? 339 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,235 Come on. 340 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,178 - Well, well, well, 341 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,613 The prodigal son returns. 342 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,717 Of course, no one applauds a faithful son, 343 00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,186 Because the faithful son never leaves. 344 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:31,723 - The faithful son has nowhere to go. 345 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,994 - So what's your angle, raymond? 346 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,162 - Nothin'. I was thinking about dad and-- 347 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,131 - Oh, you're comin' back because of dad. 348 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,467 - Yeah. Every Sunday. That's right. 349 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,735 - And you're gonna sit in the pews 350 00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:45,136 And be with the family? 351 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,071 - Hey, if dad can do it, I can do it. 352 00:16:47,073 --> 00:16:49,307 - [chuckling] 353 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,541 - What? 354 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,210 - Dad doesn't do it. 355 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:55,279 - What do you mean? 356 00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:56,514 - I do it. 357 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,049 Mom, debra, the kids do it. 358 00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,518 But dad? He's an usher. 359 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,253 - So? 360 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,222 - So that means he spends most of his time out here, 361 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,723 Not in there. 362 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,725 Back here, he doesn't have to listen to all that-- 363 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,328 As he puts it-- "mumbo jumbo." 364 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,665 - God of all creation. 365 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,235 [people chanting] 366 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,636 - That's right, ray. 367 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,338 Oh, yeah, occasionally, he'll go down the aisle 368 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,439 With the collection basket 369 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,707 And wink at the pretty ladies, 370 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,075 And he hustles back 371 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,244 To count the money and clocks out. 372 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,413 It's a beautiful set-up. 373 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,581 Mom can't get on his case for not going to mass. 374 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,484 He's here every Sunday serving the lord. 375 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,754 He's just doin' it from the first-class lounge. 376 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:43,094 - Oh, my god. 377 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,096 Debra told me this was the best part of him. 378 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,365 - Well... 379 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:51,302 - I knew there was no best part of him. 380 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:55,640 Oh, and I just promised in front of god and everybody. 381 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:59,710 - All right, boys, count 'em up! 382 00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,580 - Hey, frank, get a load of roseanne kelly today? 383 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,748 Whoo-ooh. 384 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,216 - Yeah. With the low-cut thing? 385 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,551 I almost gave her a dollar. 386 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,519 [laughter] 387 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:11,222 - Praise the lord! [laughter] 388 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,192 - Looks like I'm ahead here, boys. 389 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:17,662 Ooh, look at this, a $50 bill. 390 00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:20,364 Someone did somethin' to somebody. 391 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,600 - Hold it. Hold it. This is it? 392 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,203 This is what you do every Sunday? 393 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,671 - What? - This. 394 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,539 This--laughin' and-- and talkin' about women 395 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,409 And bettin' on who collected the most money? 396 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,211 Isn't this where jesus is supposed to come in 397 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,213 And turn this table over? 398 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,284 - Since when did you start wearin' sandals? 399 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,788 - [laughs] 400 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,690 - You're so full of it, dad, you know? 401 00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,225 Acting all high and mighty, 402 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,726 Tellin' me that I'm gonna burn in... 403 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,761 You know where, this is it? 404 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,230 This is what you wanted to pass onto me, 405 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,464 Your little sportsman's lodge? 406 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,699 You know what? Forget it. 407 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,300 I'm not goin' to church, okay? 408 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,301 'cause I don't need your hypocrisy. 409 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,503 - "hypocrisy." 410 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,472 - Ooh, hypocrisy. Ooh! 411 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,341 - Who are you to judge? 412 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,443 There's no hypocrisy. 413 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,744 I made a commitment to the lord, 414 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,513 And I'm here every Sunday, helping. 415 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,548 If you want to break your commitment to your family, 416 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,583 To father hubley, and to god, 417 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,252 Go right ahead. 418 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,386 Don't worry. 419 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,889 It's a dry heat. 420 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:20,691 - Fine. All right. 421 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,226 I'm not gonna break my commitment. 422 00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:23,594 I said I'm coming every week, 423 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,929 And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 424 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,500 Not only that, 425 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,936 I would like to volunteer to be an usher. 426 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,371 - What? 427 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,539 - I want to be an usher. Come on, dad. 428 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:35,740 That would be great. 429 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,408 You and me, we could usher together. 430 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,777 - You mean, you wanna be an usher like your old man? 431 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,279 [laughter] 432 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,848 - What? Why? What's so funny? 433 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,616 - You know how long the waiting list is? 434 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:49,687 It took me 20 years to become an usher. 435 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,490 - Oh, oh, well, I could be a fill-in guy, 436 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,358 You know, for when somebody gets sick. 437 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,593 You don't look so good. 438 00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:03,234 - Sorry, kid, I promised that to your brother. 439 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:06,304 - Oh, I hate that guy. 440 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,639 - Look, you already missed half the mass here. 441 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,441 Come on, you better get back in there 442 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,976 If you want this one to count. 443 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,511 - All right, but--but-- 444 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:16,647 - Hey, look, I got a lot of work to do here, son. 445 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,517 Go and join your family. 446 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,489 - All right, I'm here. 447 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,396 - Anybody watch the knicks game last night? 448 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,765 - Yeah. It was great. 449 00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:43,374 - Father, you are holy indeed, 450 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,309 And all creation rightly gives you praise. 451 00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:46,344 - What? 452 00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,745 - Nothing. 453 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,347 This is nice. 454 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,649 - ...Through your son jesus christ our lord. 455 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,651 By the working of the holy spirit, 456 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:54,885 From age to age 457 00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,954 You gather a people to yourself. 458 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,490 So that from east to west... 459 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,894 To the glory of your name. 460 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,897 [sermon continues indistinctly] 461 00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:29,487 - [warbles] 462 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:39,664 - Raymond. 463 00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:49,340 - Peace be with you.