1
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:13,261
Back, back, back.

2
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,996
How fucking far back
do you go?

3
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,999
My mom and dad were divorced
before I was two,

4
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,734
and from then on,

5
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:24,238
my father was almost
uninvolved in my life

6
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:28,376
and my mother,
much too involved.

7
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:33,247
She wanted to make up
for all her mistakes
through me.

8
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:37,918
One night, there was something
in my pants, like, blood.

9
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:41,522
My mom said,
"Oh, hell. Your period.

10
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:45,459
This is where
all the trouble starts."

11
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,262
She was right.

12
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:58,306
(* "The Promise"
by Bruce Springsteen*)

13
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:08,382
(* "The Promise"
by Bruce Springsteen*)

14
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:16,924
(* "The Promise"
by Bruce Springsteen*)

15
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,460
Now Mom and Dad
really had something
to fight over -

16
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,429
me.

17
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,398
Then one day,
my dad disappeared.

18
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,834
No number, no letters.

19
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,869
Just gone.

20
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,305
I wrote
to Seventeen magazine,

21
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,706
a long letter about us.

22
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:36,344
They wanted to publish it
as an article but kept asking,

23
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,379
"Your dad going away -
does he come back?

24
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,349
Does it have a happy ending?"

25
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,417
In reality it didn't,
but I thought,

26
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:47,855
"What the hell?
I'll give them what they want."

27
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,325
This is it. Time to go.

28
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,327
Mom, please don't...

29
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,496
No way
are we gonna be late.

30
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,930
We have hours.

31
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,400
Honey, honey,
you've got registration
at four.

32
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:03,036
Come on, now.

33
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,038
Oh, Lizzie...

34
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:07,975
you wanna take your rug.
Mom.

35
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,545
What? Come on.

36
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:14,882
This is
the most important day
of your life.

37
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,485
I thought that's
when you got married.
Ha!

38
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,788
No, honey,
that's the worst day
of your life.

39
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:26,627
Yeah, she is so excited.
Oh, Mom, she looks beautiful.

40
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,397
Pity, I was aiming
for psychotic.

41
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,032
Well, yeah.

42
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,502
Grandma's so excited,
she's crying.

43
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:38,406
It's a journalism scholarship,
Mom. Journalism, yeah.

44
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,841
She wants to be a writer.

45
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,917
The first few days, that's when
everyone makes friends.

46
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:53,020
I know.
It gets harder later.

47
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,055
Mom, I think I'm old enough.

48
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,425
Don't get upset.

49
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,960
I'm not getting upset.

50
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,462
Why are you saying
that I'm upset?

51
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,932
I'm just trying to help.
You know that.

52
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,134
You know how proud
I am of you, Lizzie.

53
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:11,539
You have so much potential,
honey...

54
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,007
Are you listening to me?

55
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,409
Lizzie?

56
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,478
Lizzie, Lizzie,
what are you doing?

57
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:20,614
Come on, let's get this stuff
down to the car.

58
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:24,117
I don't have to go to Harvard
to become a writer.

59
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,456
Lizzie, what are you
talking about?

60
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,559
At Harvard,
you'll meet people.

61
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,561
You'll get contacts,
you'll...

62
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,563
People to help you.

63
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,465
I know what
I'm talking about, Lizzie.

64
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:42,202
I had my whole life
ahead of me.

65
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,639
You don't want
to go to Harvard?

66
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,641
Well, you just wait

67
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:51,044
until you have
no choices left,

68
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,046
where you've got
nothing, no one,

69
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,048
no one
who cares about you.

70
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,017
Then you see how you feel.

71
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,186
Mom, I didn't say
I wasn't going.

72
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:05,058
Dr. Isaacs warned me.
Mom, I said I'm going.

73
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,095
He told me you'd isolate,
stay in your room all day.

74
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,932
I'm not isolating, OK?
I'm not gonna isolate.

75
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,636
I want things to be different.

76
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,642
Well, fine.

77
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,144
That's all you need, then.

78
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,579
That's what I've been
talking about.

79
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,950
You'll see, Lizzie.

80
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,986
It'll be a whole other world
up there.

81
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,963
Young...
God, I was so young.

82
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,732
You be careful.

83
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:48,035
When I think of it,
just a year older than you,

84
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,571
and I was already
a housewife. Oy.

85
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:55,543
God, I was so bored,
I bought a monkey

86
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,545
just to have someone
to talk to.

87
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,548
But then you came along.

88
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,543
Oh, my God.

89
00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:32,212
Lizzie, Lizzie,
it's so...

90
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,514
Harvard.

91
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:43,323
But you're
on the fifth floor.

92
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,626
I know.

93
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,696
Well, how are we
gonna manage, huh?

94
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:51,131
I can do it, OK, Mom?
Don't do anything.

95
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,133
Oh. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

96
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,167
Hi.

97
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:59,172
May I be of assistance?
Could you?

98
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,709
Oh, that's too kind.

99
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,744
My pleasure.

100
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:09,817
Ever since
she was in second grade,
she was always writing...

101
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:13,253
The man has "good catch"
written all over his forehead.

102
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:16,323
Any minute now, she's gonna
ask me to confirm it.

103
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:19,126
(mother) Lizzie.

104
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,762
I've always helped
my mother pick up boyfriends.

105
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,765
The only one
I never got a say in
was the one that mattered -

106
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,365
my dad.

107
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,267
Wow.

108
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,137
Now, that's quality.
That's a father.

109
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:33,340
Could you imagine your father?
We'd still be in Manhattan.

110
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,610
I told him you've already
had things published.

111
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,613
Mom, don't you think
you should be getting
the car back?

112
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,314
It's kinda getting late.

113
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,185
Yeah.

114
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,322
Don't forget to eat.

115
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,201
Bye, sweetheart.
Bye, Mom.

116
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,307
Ever since
I was a little kid,

117
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,609
my mom and I
always hung out together.

118
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,383
I didn't fit in
with most kids in school.

119
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,385
They thought I was strange,

120
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:21,321
so they made me feel
like a stranger...

121
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,393
...and my mother
took advantage of it
from an early age,

122
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,394
throwing me into plays,

123
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:30,798
spelling bees,
studying, writing,

124
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:35,402
museums, concerts
and even more writing.

125
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,938
She convinced me this
would lead to the Holy Grail -

126
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,407
Harvard, a place where
I would finally be surrounded

127
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,244
by people I had something
in common with.

128
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,246
I'm not gonna ask for much.

129
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,849
They don't have to be
a Springsteen fan.

130
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:58,425
Nice meeting you guys.

131
00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,693
Hi.
Hi.

132
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,962
You're Elizabeth, right?

133
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,232
Yeah, I thought
that I recognized you
from the face book.

134
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,801
You know, I read that...
I read that article
that you wrote

135
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:08,836
about your parents' divorce.

136
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,839
That was brilliant.
Thank you.

137
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,440
I'm Ruby.
Hi.

138
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,675
We're gonna be roommates.
Oh, cool.

139
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,848
Seriously,
you don't have any idea
what that article meant to me.

140
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:24,284
You were telling
the full grisly truth
about your parents,

141
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,854
exposing
all their lies.

142
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:30,824
And then meeting
with your father
and reconciling with him -

143
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:34,962
so inspiring.

144
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,166
Do you smoke?

145
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,871
You know, I've never smoked
in the daytime before.

146
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,873
Well,
we're at Harvard now.

147
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,375
We can do
whatever we want to.

148
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,410
Cool.

149
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,983
We'll be like these
beautiful literary freaks,

150
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:59,887
being brilliant
and dark and sexy.

151
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,291
Trouble is,
I'm deadly serious.

152
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,394
( *"Mystery Achievement"
by The Pretenders*)

153
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,837
Boys never used to
notice me before.

154
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,739
I wasn't even
on their list of alternatives.

155
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:29,449
Every day

156
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:33,020
Every nighttime I find

157
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,055
Mystery achievement

158
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,225
You're on my mind,
on my mind

159
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,027
(glass smashes)

160
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,330
Every day

161
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,432
Every nighttime I feel...

162
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,335
Ruby gets it.
She gets me.

163
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,437
If she were a guy,
everything would be perfect.

164
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,820
When Lou Reed
was 17 years old,

165
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:12,492
he was diagnosed
as suffering from mood swings.

166
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:17,464
He was subjected to
electric-shock treatment
three times a week.

167
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:21,268
Each treatment hit him
as a blinding white light,

168
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,403
and therein lies his genius -

169
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,373
to embrace
his own psychic carnage

170
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:29,843
and create some
of the greatest rock-'n'-roll
the world has ever heard.

171
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:30,743
( *"Sweet Jane" by Lou Reed)

172
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:34,014
*That pretty women
never really faint*

173
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,884
*And that villains
always blink their eyes*

174
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:41,521
*And that children
are the only ones who blush*

175
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:45,458
*And that life is just to die

176
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,360
*Oh, oh, oh

177
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,597
*Anyone who's ever had a heart

178
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,300
*Wouldn't turn around

179
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,103
*Wouldn't turn around
and break it*

180
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:59,873
*Anyone who's ever
played a part...*

181
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:03,510
I feel his cold embrace,
his sly caress,

182
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,512
lying in my room
for days on end,

183
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:10,117
everything cold,
dark, silvery.

184
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:13,921
I'm scared he'll take me
back to the depths
of my own twisted desire,

185
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:17,490
to a place I'm too afraid
to go to because maybe
I will never escape.

186
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,127
I bet you've got
thousands at home.

187
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:27,400
Cigarette packs
with tiny little writing on.

188
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,469
Your life story?

189
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,440
Diary? No?

190
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,475
Come on,
this is killing me.

191
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:43,016
It's an assignment.
You're the most conscientious
student at Harvard.

192
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,453
It's a music review.

193
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,687
Ah.

194
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,391
I'm trying
to start a music column
for the Crimson.

195
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,460
That's great.

196
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,431
You wanna do some X?

197
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,636
You've never done X?

198
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,508
Acid goes to your head, right?

199
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:11,611
X goes to your heart.

200
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,481
( *"Perfect Day"
by Lou Reed*)

201
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:17,450
*Feed the animals in the zoo

202
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:21,088
*Then later a movie, too

203
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,156
*And then home

204
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,998
*Oh, such a perfect day

205
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,504
*Feed the animals in the zoo

206
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:41,108
*Then later, a movie, too

207
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,010
*And then home

208
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:50,150
*It's such a perfect day

209
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,687
*I'm glad I spent it with you

210
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,160
*Such a perfect day

211
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:04,431
*You just keep me hanging on

212
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,434
You just keep me hanging on...*

213
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,437
(running water)

214
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,175
Hey.

215
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,577
You OK?

216
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,717
What are you doing in here?

217
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,157
Oh, no.

218
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,558
Do you want to go
back inside?

219
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,700
There's a guy out there.

220
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,470
I think he's looking for you.

221
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:48,575
*You're going to reap

222
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,745
*Just what you sow

223
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:59,719
*You're going to reap
just what you sow*

224
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:12,031
*Oh, what a perfect day

225
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,506
His voice comes to me
under the covers...

226
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,708
"Come here, baby."

227
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,777
He's inside of me
where no one else has been,

228
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,613
in my dark and secret place.

229
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:31,851
I let him take me there,
but then my fear returns.

230
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,087
I want him to stop.

231
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:37,624
How do you think it feels
and when do you think
it stops?

232
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,827
I don't want him in control.
I want him to be gone.

233
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,664
I want him not to exist.
I mean, let's face it...

234
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,799
"Lou Reed should be dead."

235
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,305
It's great.

236
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,582
Are you gonna
sleep with me tonight?

237
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,121
Don't say I didn't warn you.

238
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,123
What's that
supposed to mean?

239
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,659
It means don't say
I didn't warn you.

240
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,297
Great.

241
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:24,237
I've been wanting so badly
for sex to happen
the right way,

242
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:28,708
with the right person,
at the right time,
in the right place.

243
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,680
It wasn't any big deal.
Oh, when is it, though?

244
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,683
It should've been.
Well, at least
he's good-looking.

245
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,853
It was my first time.
Yeah, sure.

246
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,355
No, I'm serious.

247
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,859
Are you kidding me?

248
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,328
It's true.

249
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,230
No way.
I don't believe you.

250
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:54,267
I just figured
I should start having sex
like a normal 19-year-old.

251
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,938
Well, I happen to think
that this calls for
celebration.

252
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,908
We could have a party!
A party?

253
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:10,717
It was meant to be subtle,
but, of course...

254
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,286
Elizabeth, this is great.

255
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,154
It's such a wild idea.

256
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,158
Everyone got it.

257
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,663
Only not everyone
was so pleased.

258
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:26,799
I wish I'd have thought
of something like this.

259
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,636
Thanks.

260
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,385
Hey.
Hey.

261
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,388
How can you take something
that's private and turn it
into something public?

262
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,358
It wasn't private
to begin with.

263
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:54,994
All right, it was good,
it was interesting.

264
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:55,962
Interesting?

265
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,731
I just mean it wasn't
about me, you know?

266
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:02,502
It wasn't special.
It was just sex.

267
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:06,873
OK. That's cool.

268
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,409
You don't
look cool with it.

269
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:20,820
I'd been saving my virginity
for someone who truly loves me,

270
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,390
who really knows
the inside of me.

271
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,958
Noah wasn't it.

272
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,795
He told me afterwards that
in terms of absolute value,

273
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:31,964
sex and drugs were
equally meaningless to him,

274
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,434
just two different ways
to have fun.

275
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:37,404
Which is all well and good...

276
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,507
until a girl tries out
the same approach.

277
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,711
Lizzie?

278
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,947
Hey, have you guys
seen Lizzie?
(both) No.

279
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,516
Lizzie?

280
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,553
Lizzie?

281
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,555
Lizzie?
You got a phone call.

282
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,024
Who is it?
Rolling Stone.

283
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,926
Rolling Stone?

284
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:06,899
The college journalism award
for 1985

285
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:10,303
goes to Elizabeth Wurtzel

286
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:13,540
for her Harvard Crimson piece
on Lou Reed.

287
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:20,447
I want to forget everything
that has happened to me before.

288
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,749
I want to freeze
this moment...

289
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,886
...forever.

290
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,997
Thank you.

291
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,999
That's great.
No, you're great.

292
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,868
Thank you.
You're welcome.

293
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:43,870
I'm just thinking
about all the bands
coming to Cambridge

294
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:45,605
who you could cover.

295
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:49,409
It's very rare we get somebody
who's going to all the gigs,
writing with such clarity.

296
00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:52,879
So, I'm thinking
he's coming on to me,

297
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:55,882
and he's, like, an editor
at Rolling Stone.

298
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,884
And how old is he?

299
00:21:57,917 --> 00:22:00,119
Oh, my God.
What?

300
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,921
That's my dad.
Oh, cool.

301
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:04,457
Look at that.

302
00:22:09,896 --> 00:22:13,433
What? What's the matter?
I haven't seen him
in four years.

303
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:16,536
Wait a minute.
I thought you said in...
I know what I said.

304
00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:29,849
(young Lizzie) Dad,
when are you coming back
to live with us?

305
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,020
Well, I'm not, honey.
You know that.

306
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:37,023
But Mom said
that if you want to,
she wants you to.

307
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:42,462
I'm sure your mom
didn't say that, did she?

308
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,497
She did.

309
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:48,635
Honey, you know, that...
that's just not gonna happen.

310
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:56,142
Which doesn't mean
that I love you any the less.

311
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,457
Who does he think he is?

312
00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:13,960
He disappears
for four fucking years,

313
00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:15,962
and then he thinks
he can come back here

314
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:18,965
and take pictures of
his perfect Ivy-League daughter?

315
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,332
Well, this place
has nothing to do with him.

316
00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:24,103
The least he could do
is have the decency
to understand that.

317
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:26,439
Well, maybe you should
say something to him.

318
00:23:26,473 --> 00:23:27,507
Like what?

319
00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,509
I don't know.

320
00:23:29,542 --> 00:23:33,112
How's your new life?
How's your new
fucking girlfriend?

321
00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:35,114
Lizzie, he's your father.
He loves you.

322
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:36,248
No, you don't know
what it was like.

323
00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:39,919
When I was eight, we went
to see The Last Waltz.

324
00:23:39,952 --> 00:23:41,921
He passed out
on tranquilizers.

325
00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:45,458
I had to sit through the movie
three fucking times
before he woke up.

326
00:23:45,492 --> 00:23:47,927
What kind of a person
does that?

327
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:52,465
I-I didn't realize.

328
00:23:52,499 --> 00:23:56,068
That article,
it was just wish fulfillment.

329
00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:59,138
I was writing about
how I wanted things to be,

330
00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:01,140
and the way
people talked about it,

331
00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:05,211
the way you talked about it,
it made it seem real.

332
00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:07,146
Well, maybe it can be.

333
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:13,586
No. It was just a dream
I held on to for way too long.

334
00:24:13,620 --> 00:24:16,989
I'm happy here.
I don't need him anymore.

335
00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:19,592
We should go.
Are you coming?

336
00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:25,698
No. I promised my editor
that article by next week.

337
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,276
( "Who Is Who"
by The Adolescents)

338
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,279
Friends call me enemy
'cause they're a fucking joke

339
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,649
They'd better
get their act together,
it's time that they awoke

340
00:24:42,682 --> 00:24:44,584
I'm cast out by my relatives
'cause they don't want me round

341
00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:49,255
Just sit in a corner
and I don't make a sound

342
00:24:49,288 --> 00:24:50,657
Not one word

343
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,625
The walls
are closing in on me

344
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:56,062
I don't know what to do

345
00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:57,564
Jesus, Lizzie,
it's 4:00 in the morning.
Do you mind?

346
00:24:57,597 --> 00:25:00,967
I know. I'm sorry.

347
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,569
Music helps me concentrate.

348
00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:12,211
Springsteen's like
this garage-mechanic poet.

349
00:25:12,244 --> 00:25:14,213
You can feel the sweat
in his voice,

350
00:25:14,246 --> 00:25:16,683
the grime in his guitar.

351
00:25:16,716 --> 00:25:19,719
When he sings,
I see steamy streets,

352
00:25:19,752 --> 00:25:21,788
lovers' groping hands,

353
00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:23,790
busted fenders.

354
00:25:23,823 --> 00:25:25,692
The dirt is under his nails

355
00:25:25,725 --> 00:25:27,694
and the clairvoyance
in his eyes.

356
00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:29,696
( "The Promise"
by Bruce Springsteen)

357
00:25:29,729 --> 00:25:31,598
When the promise is broken

358
00:25:31,631 --> 00:25:36,235
You go on livin'
and steal somethin'...

359
00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:39,271
Jesus, Lizzie,
you haven't slept in days.

360
00:25:41,307 --> 00:25:44,243
I had it perfect before.

361
00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:46,545
I know I can get it back.

362
00:25:48,314 --> 00:25:51,584
His words twist and grind
and hammer out a story
for the brain,

363
00:25:51,618 --> 00:25:54,353
but his guitar and voice
go straight for your heart.

364
00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:56,355
Music bellows
from his insides

365
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,592
and out comes
the struggles of the world.

366
00:25:59,626 --> 00:26:02,328
(whispering) Springsteen's like
this garage-mechanic poet.

367
00:26:02,361 --> 00:26:05,665
The music bellows
from his insides...

368
00:26:10,336 --> 00:26:13,305
...and out comes
the struggles of the world

369
00:26:13,339 --> 00:26:16,609
with the knowledge that comes
with some perfect connection.

370
00:26:16,643 --> 00:26:18,377
It's like
he feels with the knowledge
that goes back through the ages

371
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:23,082
to a single core in our brains,
a beacon that can be touched.

372
00:26:23,115 --> 00:26:24,651
He has the powers
of both pure emotion,

373
00:26:24,684 --> 00:26:26,653
emotion so intense,
the body is flooded

374
00:26:26,686 --> 00:26:29,255
and literally
must do something.

375
00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:36,663
(whispering continues)

376
00:26:46,806 --> 00:26:48,641
Fuck.

377
00:26:48,675 --> 00:26:50,643
She still hasn't slept.

378
00:26:50,677 --> 00:26:54,080
(whispering) So we tap
our feet and we cry, we dance,
and the sweat rains off us...

379
00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:56,315
Lizzie.

380
00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:58,651
Lizzie!
(whispering stops)

381
00:26:58,685 --> 00:27:01,721
I don't know how
to say this to you, all right,

382
00:27:01,754 --> 00:27:04,657
but you are
starting to smell.

383
00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:06,793
This is important.

384
00:27:06,826 --> 00:27:10,697
Lizzie, it's not as important
as your health, all right?
You gotta get some sleep.

385
00:27:10,730 --> 00:27:13,199
Will you just fuck off?

386
00:27:13,232 --> 00:27:16,803
I just have to finish this.

387
00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:19,806
I can get you
some downers, OK?

388
00:27:19,839 --> 00:27:23,175
Yeah?
(man) Yeah, yeah, sure.

389
00:27:25,177 --> 00:27:28,247
Noah! Noah, come on,
give it to me. Noah!

390
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,249
Lizzie,
this is just scribbling.

391
00:27:30,282 --> 00:27:32,151
What?! What the fuck?
Asshole!

392
00:27:32,184 --> 00:27:34,353
Stop it! Noah!
Noah, stop that!

393
00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:36,355
Jesus! She's turning into
the Harvard bag lady.

394
00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:39,826
What the hell
do you think you're doing?
(banging on door)

395
00:27:39,859 --> 00:27:41,260
She needs something.
What?

396
00:27:41,293 --> 00:27:44,363
I don't know.
Some kind of medical help.
Ruby!

397
00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,365
...all your papers.
It's OK, Lizzie.

398
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:50,202
I got 'em, I got 'em,
I got 'em, I got 'em.
It's all right.

399
00:27:50,236 --> 00:27:52,839
(whispering)

400
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,848
Lizzie. Lizzie.

401
00:28:01,881 --> 00:28:04,216
You gotta calm down, OK?

402
00:28:04,250 --> 00:28:06,786
That's not what you said
when I had your dick
in my mouth.

403
00:28:15,995 --> 00:28:18,397
Have you had any drugs
in the last 24 hours?

404
00:28:18,430 --> 00:28:19,631
No.

405
00:28:19,665 --> 00:28:24,236
Well, I guess
I snorted some coke
and smoked some pot,

406
00:28:24,270 --> 00:28:27,439
but, you know, that was
just to make the ecstasy
last longer.

407
00:28:27,473 --> 00:28:29,876
Sure you're not
forgetting anything?

408
00:28:29,909 --> 00:28:32,211
Maybe a few beers?

409
00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:35,381
Did you ever think you might
have a substance-abuse problem?

410
00:28:35,414 --> 00:28:38,284
The only substance problem
I have right now

411
00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:40,853
is that I need you
to give me some tranqs

412
00:28:40,887 --> 00:28:43,389
so I can come down
off this fucking coke.

413
00:28:43,422 --> 00:28:44,456
And then what happens?

414
00:28:46,558 --> 00:28:51,764
So, you don't like coming here,
and you don't want to talk.

415
00:28:51,798 --> 00:28:53,332
You don't have to talk.

416
00:28:53,365 --> 00:28:56,035
You don't have to say anything
you don't want to say.

417
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:59,271
But if you don't say anything,
if you don't talk to me,

418
00:28:59,305 --> 00:29:00,873
I can't help you.

419
00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:05,411
You know, if you're gonna
suggest therapy, don't.

420
00:29:05,444 --> 00:29:07,446
I'm living proof
it doesn't work.

421
00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:09,448
So what are you
doing here, then?

422
00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:12,885
My friends brought me here.

423
00:29:12,919 --> 00:29:15,421
It had nothing
to do with you?

424
00:29:15,454 --> 00:29:18,224
Are you gonna
give me something, doctor?

425
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:21,460
No. Not today.

426
00:29:32,538 --> 00:29:34,506
I'm falling.

427
00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:38,010
I can't even
finish my article.

428
00:29:38,044 --> 00:29:41,013
Maybe Noah's right.
It's all scribble.

429
00:29:41,047 --> 00:29:44,817
I don't really have
anything original to say.

430
00:29:44,851 --> 00:29:46,853
Writing can't save me.

431
00:29:46,886 --> 00:29:49,956
Even Harvard can't save me.

432
00:29:49,989 --> 00:29:53,960
How can I escape
from the demons in my head?

433
00:29:53,993 --> 00:29:56,495
So, what? Did she blow you,
or did you go... wh-what?

434
00:29:56,528 --> 00:29:59,365
Yeah, she fuckin' blew me,
all right? But I was...

435
00:29:59,398 --> 00:30:02,501
You fucking shithead.
How fucking could you?

436
00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:05,304
How fucking...
I...

437
00:30:05,337 --> 00:30:06,105
Lizzie!

438
00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:10,109
Lizzie, stop!
(horn honks)

439
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:11,510
Lizzie!

440
00:30:11,543 --> 00:30:14,080
Lizzie, I'm gonna
fucking kill you.

441
00:30:14,113 --> 00:30:16,415
I'm gonna fucking
kill you, you bitch.

442
00:30:16,448 --> 00:30:19,018
Sam told me.
He told me everything.

443
00:30:19,051 --> 00:30:21,888
Losing your virginity,
was that just some
motherfucking lie?

444
00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:23,990
You don't understand, OK?

445
00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:26,325
You don't understand.
It was an accident.

446
00:30:26,358 --> 00:30:29,361
An accident? You call that
a fucking accident?

447
00:30:29,395 --> 00:30:32,932
It was...
It was sort of, you know...

448
00:30:32,965 --> 00:30:35,567
Come on, what?
An accidental blow job.

449
00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:38,537
Oh, fuck you.

450
00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:40,539
I could fucking kill you,
Lizzie.

451
00:30:40,572 --> 00:30:43,309
(fading) I swear to God,
I could fucking kill you.

452
00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:45,044
How could you do that?

453
00:30:45,077 --> 00:30:48,047
(silence)

454
00:30:52,551 --> 00:30:55,421
Hemingway
has his classic moment
in "The Sun Also Rises"

455
00:30:55,454 --> 00:31:00,492
when someone asks Mike Campbell
how he went bankrupt.

456
00:31:00,526 --> 00:31:05,164
All he can say is,
"Gradually, then suddenly."

457
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:06,565
That's how depression hits.

458
00:31:06,598 --> 00:31:10,569
You wake up one morning afraid
that you're going to live.

459
00:31:13,439 --> 00:31:16,408
(mother) I can't believe
we're back to this.

460
00:31:16,442 --> 00:31:17,543
You think I want
to be like this?

461
00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:22,348
I don't know.
I don't know, Lizzie.

462
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:26,052
I thought everything
was gonna be OK.

463
00:31:26,085 --> 00:31:29,155
I was so proud of you
at Harvard.

464
00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:34,426
Is it because I haven't come
to see you?
No, Mom.

465
00:31:34,460 --> 00:31:36,428
I thought all this
was behind us,

466
00:31:36,462 --> 00:31:38,430
then I get a phone call
to come...

467
00:31:38,464 --> 00:31:39,631
Mom, this has nothing
to do with you.

468
00:31:47,606 --> 00:31:50,642
I mean,
it's nothing you've done.

469
00:31:56,082 --> 00:31:57,483
Why did they move you here?

470
00:31:57,516 --> 00:31:59,618
I asked for a single room.

471
00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:02,454
Why?

472
00:32:02,488 --> 00:32:03,655
Reasons
of mental instability.

473
00:32:03,689 --> 00:32:08,227
I told them
I just... I can't live
with other people.

474
00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:10,696
You told them...

475
00:32:10,729 --> 00:32:12,464
You said that?

476
00:32:12,498 --> 00:32:14,533
Oh, Lizzie.

477
00:32:14,566 --> 00:32:16,535
Your education.

478
00:32:16,568 --> 00:32:19,405
This opportunity.

479
00:32:20,706 --> 00:32:23,075
I'm sorry, Mom.

480
00:32:26,212 --> 00:32:29,515
You know, I just can't
cope with this.

481
00:32:29,548 --> 00:32:32,251
It's just all too much.

482
00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:35,021
It's all so crazy.

483
00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:39,558
I am not going
to do this anymore!

484
00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:47,566
No, you listen to me.

485
00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:49,768
I raised her!

486
00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:53,505
I raised her all by myself
with no help from you!

487
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:54,806
No help from me?

488
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,476
I'm the one
that does everything,
and I never get credit!

489
00:32:57,509 --> 00:33:00,546
You put yourself as the one
who makes all the decisions,

490
00:33:00,579 --> 00:33:02,648
and they blow up in your face,
do they not?

491
00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:06,118
What are you talking about?!
You do nothing for her!

492
00:33:06,152 --> 00:33:09,655
You do nothing for her!
You never even see her.

493
00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:11,690
You don't take her
on vacations,

494
00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:14,026
you don't take her
on the weekends.

495
00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:15,627
What the hell do you ever do
for her, Donald?

496
00:33:15,661 --> 00:33:19,098
I'm her father.
I put her in the clinic,
and what do you do?

497
00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:20,499
You're looking in Manhattan.

498
00:33:20,532 --> 00:33:22,601
You son of a bitch!
Goddamn, I hate you!

499
00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:27,173
I hate you, I hate you,
you son of a bitch!

500
00:33:27,206 --> 00:33:30,176
Aah!

501
00:33:32,178 --> 00:33:33,612
What is wrong with you?

502
00:33:33,645 --> 00:33:35,481
Nothing.

503
00:33:36,515 --> 00:33:39,518
Oh, God. You're not...

504
00:33:39,551 --> 00:33:43,055
Pregnant? No, Mom.
I'm not pregnant.

505
00:33:43,089 --> 00:33:46,058
Anyway, it's the '80s.
That would hardly be a problem.

506
00:33:46,092 --> 00:33:48,794
Please, Lizzie,
don't speak like that.

507
00:33:48,827 --> 00:33:50,762
What, then?

508
00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:02,241
I don't understand you,
Lizzie.

509
00:34:09,248 --> 00:34:12,718
This place is filthy.
I'll help you clean it up.

510
00:34:12,751 --> 00:34:13,652
Mom, no.

511
00:34:15,621 --> 00:34:20,058
I don't have
a simple solution, OK?

512
00:34:22,628 --> 00:34:26,765
I don't know
what to do, Lizzie.

513
00:34:26,798 --> 00:34:30,202
I've taken
a couple days off work.
No, you can't.

514
00:34:30,236 --> 00:34:32,771
I wanna help.

515
00:34:32,804 --> 00:34:35,307
God knows
I can't afford it, but...

516
00:34:35,341 --> 00:34:38,877
I'm much better
by myself, OK?

517
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:40,679
If I'd known
you'd react like this...

518
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:47,186
Look, I have to study.

519
00:34:47,219 --> 00:34:51,123
You know, I've been working
really hard, and I just...

520
00:34:51,157 --> 00:34:53,125
I've been having
a difficult time.

521
00:34:53,159 --> 00:34:55,294
I just needed a few days.

522
00:34:56,828 --> 00:34:59,131
I'm so worried about you,
Lizzie.

523
00:34:59,165 --> 00:35:01,400
I promise
I'll take care of myself.

524
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,835
OK?

525
00:35:03,869 --> 00:35:05,671
And I'll come and see you.

526
00:35:05,704 --> 00:35:08,674
(laughs)
I've seen enough already.

527
00:35:08,707 --> 00:35:11,643
We'll spend time together
in New York.

528
00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:13,679
Please? I promise.

529
00:35:13,712 --> 00:35:18,684
I just have all this work
I have to finish here.

530
00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,919
Maybe for your birthday.

531
00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:24,256
Hmm?
Yeah.

532
00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:26,925
I promise I will be home
for my birthday.

533
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,927
We can celebrate.

534
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,298
We'll have a party.
OK.

535
00:35:32,331 --> 00:35:36,168
I'll make those pear tarts
that you like.

536
00:35:36,202 --> 00:35:37,669
That would be great.

537
00:35:37,703 --> 00:35:40,606
( rock)

538
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,710
Hey.

539
00:35:49,415 --> 00:35:50,949
(glass shatters)

540
00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,618
Lizzie, I love you dearly,
really, I do,

541
00:35:52,651 --> 00:35:55,387
but you can only hang out
in my room

542
00:35:55,421 --> 00:35:57,389
if you don't drink
or do drugs.

543
00:35:57,423 --> 00:35:59,691
Come on, you can't be serious.

544
00:35:59,725 --> 00:36:00,426
Totally.

545
00:36:00,459 --> 00:36:03,329
Just say no.

546
00:36:04,863 --> 00:36:08,234
But, Noah, there's no reason
to be in your room sober.

547
00:36:13,772 --> 00:36:16,442
I want to explain to Noah
how exhausted I am,

548
00:36:16,475 --> 00:36:18,677
even in my dreams,

549
00:36:18,710 --> 00:36:21,747
how I wake up tired,

550
00:36:21,780 --> 00:36:24,416
how I'm being drowned
by some kind of black wave,

551
00:36:24,450 --> 00:36:27,319
but I can't write

552
00:36:27,353 --> 00:36:30,789
and he doesn't really
want to know about it, anyway.

553
00:36:43,502 --> 00:36:45,971
(man) There you go.
Thank you.

554
00:36:46,004 --> 00:36:48,807
Hi.

555
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,376
Hi.

556
00:36:57,983 --> 00:37:00,686
Ruby, this is crazy.
We have to talk.

557
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:04,890
You know,
I'd really rather not.

558
00:37:04,923 --> 00:37:07,393
I'm sorry. You know that.

559
00:37:07,426 --> 00:37:11,297
And I have no excuse.

560
00:37:11,330 --> 00:37:13,399
So then why?
Why'd you do it?

561
00:37:13,432 --> 00:37:17,936
You know,
I'm just really fucked up.

562
00:37:17,969 --> 00:37:20,406
I'm like a defective model,

563
00:37:20,439 --> 00:37:22,408
and you don't know that

564
00:37:22,441 --> 00:37:25,711
until you've been
around me a while.

565
00:37:25,744 --> 00:37:28,780
You know,
some days I wake up

566
00:37:28,814 --> 00:37:31,817
and I just feel
so flat-out fucked

567
00:37:31,850 --> 00:37:34,019
that I'll do anything
to feel different.

568
00:37:34,052 --> 00:37:35,421
Lizzie, when we're together,
you're fine.

569
00:37:35,454 --> 00:37:39,291
You're fun, you're...
I'm faking it.

570
00:37:39,325 --> 00:37:40,759
Well, everybody does that.

571
00:37:40,792 --> 00:37:41,727
Not like me.

572
00:37:43,462 --> 00:37:47,366
Look, we all have bad days.

573
00:37:47,399 --> 00:37:49,435
This is what people say
in situations

574
00:37:49,468 --> 00:37:51,470
when they don't know
what else to say.

575
00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:54,373
Fuck.

576
00:37:54,406 --> 00:37:56,508
I don't know what
to suggest, either.

577
00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:00,812
People care about you,
Lizzie.

578
00:38:01,513 --> 00:38:04,450
What I want
is for someone
to understand,

579
00:38:04,483 --> 00:38:06,352
but they don't, really,

580
00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:07,553
and that makes the platitudes
harder to bear.

581
00:38:07,586 --> 00:38:10,055
They do. People
want to help, all right?

582
00:38:10,088 --> 00:38:13,425
I want to help you,
but I don't know what to do.

583
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,895
You know, I don't really need
the company line right now, OK?

584
00:38:18,464 --> 00:38:19,865
OK.

585
00:38:19,898 --> 00:38:23,602
Jesus. Listen to me.

586
00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:26,472
All I see
is the dark side
of everything.

587
00:38:26,505 --> 00:38:29,875
Poor Ruby.

588
00:38:29,908 --> 00:38:32,043
I kill her joy.

589
00:38:32,077 --> 00:38:34,613
Look at her
sad, discouraged face.

590
00:38:34,646 --> 00:38:36,782
Lizzie, I don't know
what to say.

591
00:38:38,984 --> 00:38:42,554
How about, "Shit. Call in
the professionals"?

592
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:56,468
So I guess
this is the Freud part,
where I don't say anything,

593
00:38:56,502 --> 00:38:58,470
and then you don't
say anything.

594
00:38:58,504 --> 00:39:00,439
All of a sudden, it's...

595
00:39:00,472 --> 00:39:03,542
(German accent)
"Obviously you wish to sleep
with your father."

596
00:39:03,575 --> 00:39:07,078
So I'm to take it
you don't wish to sleep
with your father?

597
00:39:07,112 --> 00:39:08,346
(normal voice) No.

598
00:39:11,417 --> 00:39:13,952
And I don't want to talk
about my childhood, either.

599
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:20,526
I don't know why I'm here.

600
00:39:20,559 --> 00:39:23,562
Why might you be here?

601
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:28,667
I can't write.

602
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:32,003
What do you write about?

603
00:39:32,037 --> 00:39:35,607
I write stories,
poems, articles.

604
00:39:35,641 --> 00:39:37,576
I'm here
on a journalism scholarship.

605
00:39:40,612 --> 00:39:44,550
I'm writing forever.
I have to.

606
00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:48,554
How long has it been
since you stopped writing?

607
00:39:48,587 --> 00:39:52,458
About a month.

608
00:39:52,491 --> 00:39:55,461
Do you remember
the first thing
you wrote?

609
00:39:55,494 --> 00:39:56,962
A poem.

610
00:39:56,995 --> 00:39:59,465
A poem. About what?

611
00:39:59,498 --> 00:40:00,932
My dad.

612
00:40:00,966 --> 00:40:03,435
Can you remember
anything that it said?

613
00:40:03,469 --> 00:40:06,137
I told you, I don't want
to talk about my childhood.

614
00:40:09,608 --> 00:40:11,577
I just... I feel so stupid
sitting in therapy.

615
00:40:11,610 --> 00:40:14,580
A lot of people have much harder
childhoods than mine.

616
00:40:14,613 --> 00:40:17,616
But we're not talking
about other people.
We're talking about you.

617
00:40:17,649 --> 00:40:21,019
I'll give her that much.

618
00:40:21,052 --> 00:40:22,521
I'm the problem.

619
00:40:24,556 --> 00:40:27,926
I worry about
being in therapy.

620
00:40:27,959 --> 00:40:30,028
I worry about
not being in therapy.

621
00:40:30,061 --> 00:40:33,632
I even worry I'm not
entertaining enough
for Dr. Sterling.

622
00:40:33,665 --> 00:40:37,503
I just keep thinking
that if I could just
be normal...

623
00:40:37,536 --> 00:40:41,507
You know, if I could just
get out of bed in the morning,
everything would be OK.

624
00:40:41,540 --> 00:40:44,510
OK, well, what do you think
normal is?

625
00:40:46,044 --> 00:40:48,213
Most people, you know,
they cut themselves,

626
00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:50,949
they put a Band-Aid on,
they keep going.

627
00:40:50,982 --> 00:40:54,486
Mm-hmm, and what do you do?
I just keep bleeding.

628
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:56,488
So you think that being normal

629
00:40:56,522 --> 00:40:59,024
is having a wound,
putting a patch on it

630
00:40:59,057 --> 00:41:00,025
and then just go on
with your life?

631
00:41:00,058 --> 00:41:03,128
Isn't that what functioning is?

632
00:41:03,161 --> 00:41:06,031
Isn't that what living is?

633
00:41:06,064 --> 00:41:09,100
You know, you keep going,
no matter what happens to you.

634
00:41:09,134 --> 00:41:11,670
Is that the way
you want to live?

635
00:41:37,796 --> 00:41:38,964
Mom.

636
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:44,069
Aw, come on, now, honey.

637
00:41:44,102 --> 00:41:46,538
Why don't you tie up
your hair anymore, huh?

638
00:41:46,572 --> 00:41:48,607
Your face is so pretty.

639
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,743
(doorbell ringing)

640
00:41:51,777 --> 00:41:54,012
Here they are.

641
00:41:56,582 --> 00:41:59,585
OK. Phew.

642
00:41:59,618 --> 00:42:01,687
Come on, now, Lizzie.

643
00:42:07,726 --> 00:42:09,595
Oh!

644
00:42:09,628 --> 00:42:12,130
Honey! Oh!

645
00:42:13,865 --> 00:42:15,734
Hi, Daddy.

646
00:42:15,767 --> 00:42:17,569
Is she home, dear?

647
00:42:17,603 --> 00:42:20,271
(mother) Come in.
Yes, she's home.

648
00:42:26,211 --> 00:42:27,613
I need someone
to shut off my brain

649
00:42:27,646 --> 00:42:31,216
and turn on my heart.

650
00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:36,021
Well, I have long brown hair,
dark eyes...

651
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:39,124
But, hey, you probably
meet tons of girls
in the men's bathroom.

652
00:42:39,157 --> 00:42:42,360
(Rafe) Oh, yeah.
The ecstasy goddess.

653
00:42:42,393 --> 00:42:44,362
Yes. I can't believe
you remember that.

654
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:47,265
(knock at door)
Lizzie.

655
00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:54,072
Can you hang on a sec?

656
00:42:54,105 --> 00:42:56,241
Grandma and Grandpa
are here.

657
00:42:56,274 --> 00:42:58,610
Yes, I heard.

658
00:42:58,644 --> 00:43:01,379
(softly)
You know, the only reason
I threw a birthday party

659
00:43:01,412 --> 00:43:03,682
was to make you happy.

660
00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:08,353
I don't understand
how you can treat me like this.

661
00:43:08,386 --> 00:43:12,323
Mom, can I have
some privacy, please?

662
00:43:14,660 --> 00:43:17,796
(slams)

663
00:43:21,099 --> 00:43:22,333
That was my mother.

664
00:43:22,367 --> 00:43:27,105
It's my birthday,
and she's throwing
this big party for me.

665
00:43:27,138 --> 00:43:28,640
Cool.

666
00:43:28,674 --> 00:43:31,710
Well, no, actually,
it's not.

667
00:43:31,743 --> 00:43:34,780
It's just me and my mother
and my grandparents.

668
00:43:34,813 --> 00:43:36,782
I haven't even been
out there yet.

669
00:43:36,815 --> 00:43:38,650
Aren't they missing you?

670
00:43:38,684 --> 00:43:41,152
Well, now you sound
like a nice Jewish boy.

671
00:43:41,186 --> 00:43:45,090
Well, I might,
if I was Jewish.

672
00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:47,392
Well, I just wanted
to call and say hi.

673
00:43:47,425 --> 00:43:50,395
Well, let's meet up
when you get back to school.

674
00:43:50,428 --> 00:43:52,664
OK. That'd be great.

675
00:43:52,698 --> 00:43:56,702
Hey, um, happy birthday.

676
00:43:59,170 --> 00:44:00,706
Thank you.

677
00:44:02,841 --> 00:44:04,910
Rafe didn't seem to realize

678
00:44:04,943 --> 00:44:07,746
he'd just been appointed
to save my life.

679
00:44:09,715 --> 00:44:13,184
Rolling Stone magazine.

680
00:44:13,218 --> 00:44:15,386
It's the music magazine.

681
00:44:15,420 --> 00:44:19,691
That's wonderful, honey!

682
00:44:19,725 --> 00:44:22,761
They want her
to work for them. Yeah.

683
00:44:22,794 --> 00:44:24,896
Paid work for Rolling Stone.

684
00:44:24,930 --> 00:44:26,865
They'll pay her!

685
00:44:33,772 --> 00:44:37,709
I think she was up writing
late last night.
Ah.

686
00:44:37,743 --> 00:44:40,211
Were you up writing
late last night, honey?

687
00:44:40,245 --> 00:44:43,982
I haven't written anything
in months.

688
00:44:44,015 --> 00:44:46,151
She's always working
on something.

689
00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,419
She just doesn't like
to talk about it.

690
00:44:48,453 --> 00:44:51,356
Oh, like you've
ever read any of it.

691
00:44:55,761 --> 00:44:58,496
Lizzie, this isn't
very nice.

692
00:44:58,529 --> 00:45:00,398
You want one?

693
00:45:09,507 --> 00:45:13,812
What's wrong with her?

694
00:45:13,845 --> 00:45:16,481
Nothing! Ma, nothing's
wrong with her.

695
00:45:16,514 --> 00:45:19,417
She's drunk.
'Course I'm drunk.

696
00:45:19,450 --> 00:45:20,518
She's just tired.

697
00:45:20,551 --> 00:45:22,788
She's as skinny as a ghost.

698
00:45:22,821 --> 00:45:25,757
She's overtired.
They work so hard up there.

699
00:45:25,791 --> 00:45:28,927
Lizzie.
Is she on drugs?

700
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,297
Oh, I wish I was on drugs.
Lizzie.

701
00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:34,265
Did she say that she...

702
00:45:34,299 --> 00:45:36,534
No, Ma. It's OK.
Everything is OK.

703
00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:39,905
Mom, believe me,
if I was on drugs,
I'd tell you.

704
00:45:39,938 --> 00:45:43,041
People don't behave this way
if they're not on drugs.

705
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:45,844
I fucking do.

706
00:45:56,888 --> 00:45:58,957
I'm so sorry, Mama.

707
00:46:09,067 --> 00:46:11,536
I dream about all the things
I wish I'd said,

708
00:46:11,569 --> 00:46:15,506
the opposite
of what came out of my mouth.

709
00:46:15,540 --> 00:46:19,310
I wish I'd said,
"Mom, please forgive me.

710
00:46:19,344 --> 00:46:20,478
"Please help me.

711
00:46:20,511 --> 00:46:25,416
I know I have no right
to behave this way."

712
00:46:26,584 --> 00:46:29,888
(phone ringing)

713
00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:40,065
Hello.
(man) Hey.

714
00:46:40,098 --> 00:46:43,401
Hi.
How's my birthday girl?

715
00:46:43,434 --> 00:46:45,570
You're late.
You're a day late.

716
00:46:45,603 --> 00:46:48,406
What can I say?
You know how it is.

717
00:46:48,439 --> 00:46:49,707
Anyway, you know what?

718
00:46:49,740 --> 00:46:51,977
I thought I'd have
to be dealing with
your secretary by now,

719
00:46:52,010 --> 00:46:54,079
you're such
a big-shot journalist

720
00:46:54,112 --> 00:46:55,546
writing for Rolling Stone.

721
00:46:55,580 --> 00:46:57,548
Did you read it?

722
00:46:57,582 --> 00:47:00,351
You know, I want you
to remember this, honey -
they're lucky to have you.

723
00:47:00,385 --> 00:47:04,122
These guys,
well, they're smart.
They're really smart.

724
00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:06,491
They know what they're doing,
and they can see talent.

725
00:47:06,524 --> 00:47:08,994
You know, I'm probably
gonna get assignments
all over the country,

726
00:47:09,027 --> 00:47:11,930
so I could
maybe come visit you.

727
00:47:11,963 --> 00:47:15,400
Who are you talking to,
Lizzie?

728
00:47:15,433 --> 00:47:16,434
It's no one.

729
00:47:16,467 --> 00:47:18,003
Who is it?

730
00:47:18,036 --> 00:47:20,438
Mom, it's no one.
Don't listen to her.

731
00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:22,640
Please, Mom.
(chuckles)

732
00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:25,110
Look at you, the two of you.

733
00:47:25,143 --> 00:47:27,045
Go on. You're
so in love with him.
Mom.

734
00:47:27,078 --> 00:47:29,881
Can you hear that?
Do you hear why I don't call?

735
00:47:29,915 --> 00:47:32,017
Where was he
your whole childhood?

736
00:47:32,050 --> 00:47:33,885
Where?
Stop it! Just stop it!

737
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:38,523
I just wanted
to talk to him.

738
00:47:38,556 --> 00:47:43,428
You know, Lizzie,
I'm at the end of my rope.

739
00:47:43,461 --> 00:47:45,496
I've been
working extra hours,

740
00:47:45,530 --> 00:47:50,035
I never go out,
I never buy clothes.

741
00:47:50,068 --> 00:47:54,072
I spend all our money
on your therapy.

742
00:47:54,105 --> 00:47:55,573
All our money?
Daddy pays, Mom.

743
00:47:55,606 --> 00:47:59,978
You think he pays?

744
00:48:00,011 --> 00:48:02,580
You think he's paying?

745
00:48:02,613 --> 00:48:05,917
He doesn't pay one cent.

746
00:48:05,951 --> 00:48:10,055
Not one single red cent!

747
00:48:10,088 --> 00:48:11,622
That's not true.

748
00:48:13,091 --> 00:48:16,494
You want me to show you?
Huh? You wanna see?

749
00:48:16,527 --> 00:48:20,198
You want to see
how much I'm paying,

750
00:48:20,231 --> 00:48:24,069
still paying
on your last term bill? Huh?

751
00:48:24,102 --> 00:48:26,104
Here. Here. Look at these.

752
00:48:26,137 --> 00:48:27,505
Look at these.
There. Look at that, Lizzie.

753
00:48:27,538 --> 00:48:31,042
I'm sorry, Mom.
Look at that last one.

754
00:48:31,076 --> 00:48:34,112
You want to see how much
I'm paying this Dr. Sterling?

755
00:48:35,113 --> 00:48:37,182
I'm sorry.

756
00:48:37,215 --> 00:48:41,152
No, you're not going
to talk your way out of this,
Lizzie. Ask her who pays her!

757
00:48:43,654 --> 00:48:48,493
You know, it's my fault
for spoiling you the way I did.

758
00:48:48,526 --> 00:48:50,628
I kill myself
to get you to Harvard,

759
00:48:50,661 --> 00:48:52,998
and you come back
looking like a zombie.

760
00:48:53,031 --> 00:48:56,968
I know. I'm sorry.

761
00:48:57,002 --> 00:48:57,668
I'm so...

762
00:48:57,702 --> 00:49:00,571
Why won't he? (sobbing)

763
00:49:03,008 --> 00:49:06,177
Why won't he?
I know. I know, honey.
I know.

764
00:49:06,211 --> 00:49:11,649
Oh, and I hate myself.
I hate the things I do.

765
00:49:11,682 --> 00:49:16,121
Lizzie, Lizzie, it's all right.
It's all right.

766
00:49:16,154 --> 00:49:18,256
It's awful.

767
00:49:18,289 --> 00:49:23,094
It's awful.
It's so awful.

768
00:49:23,128 --> 00:49:26,464
And I... I hurt the people
who love me.

769
00:49:26,497 --> 00:49:29,234
But when he calls...

770
00:49:35,773 --> 00:49:38,009
My God, a party?

771
00:49:38,043 --> 00:49:41,246
And your stupid pear tart.

772
00:49:47,785 --> 00:49:49,254
Why do you do this, Lizzie?

773
00:49:49,287 --> 00:49:53,458
'Cause I'm not
your goddamn monkey!

774
00:49:58,563 --> 00:50:02,567
(sobbing) I'm sorry, Mom.
I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

775
00:50:03,301 --> 00:50:07,072
I didn't mean it.

776
00:50:07,105 --> 00:50:08,673
I'm sorry.

777
00:50:16,647 --> 00:50:21,319
(Dr. Sterling) She threw
the party for herself?

778
00:50:21,352 --> 00:50:23,088
I guess for Grandma.

779
00:50:23,121 --> 00:50:25,623
Why would she
want to do that?

780
00:50:28,293 --> 00:50:31,762
To show her
what a good little girl
she was.

781
00:50:31,796 --> 00:50:35,066
That must really hurt.

782
00:50:35,100 --> 00:50:39,737
Look at her. This isn't
a breakthrough, darling.

783
00:50:39,770 --> 00:50:44,542
My Mom pays
$100 an hour for this.

784
00:50:44,575 --> 00:50:47,745
This is the same bullshit.
Insight time.

785
00:50:47,778 --> 00:50:50,081
It's like that stuff
with that guy Rafe.

786
00:50:50,115 --> 00:50:53,251
I don't have to be Freud to know
I have a fear of rejection.

787
00:50:53,284 --> 00:50:56,221
And I know where it comes from.
I know it's from my dad.

788
00:50:56,254 --> 00:51:00,658
But it doesn't change anything.
I still can't go out with him.

789
00:51:00,691 --> 00:51:02,527
Why not?

790
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:04,529
I just told you.

791
00:51:07,132 --> 00:51:10,135
You didn't tell me anything
about Rafe.

792
00:51:10,168 --> 00:51:12,737
Has he ever given you
any reason to believe
that he would reject you?

793
00:51:21,679 --> 00:51:26,251
Do not show him
how crazy you are.

794
00:51:26,284 --> 00:51:28,619
A monkey?
Called Percy.

795
00:51:28,653 --> 00:51:31,822
I know, it beats me.
She said she needed
someone to talk to.

796
00:51:31,856 --> 00:51:34,792
Well, she had you.
No, no. This was before.

797
00:51:34,825 --> 00:51:37,695
Are you listening?
God, yes.

798
00:51:37,728 --> 00:51:39,730
I'm not boring you?

799
00:51:39,764 --> 00:51:43,768
Please, Lizzie,
I met you in a men's room.
You're anything but boring.

800
00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:45,370
What am I?

801
00:51:46,604 --> 00:51:47,672
Scary.

802
00:51:50,775 --> 00:51:55,146
So, are we gonna go
to this gig?

803
00:51:55,180 --> 00:51:58,583
I'm not sure.
I don't really know
where it is.

804
00:51:58,616 --> 00:52:03,321
You came to see a gig,
and you don't know where it is?

805
00:52:03,354 --> 00:52:07,225
I said
I came to see the gig.

806
00:52:07,258 --> 00:52:09,660
Uh-huh.

807
00:52:09,694 --> 00:52:10,428
You know.

808
00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:13,364
What?

809
00:52:13,398 --> 00:52:16,167
OK, now you're
just being cruel.

810
00:52:16,201 --> 00:52:18,836
No, no. You said...

811
00:52:18,869 --> 00:52:22,707
I said I came
to see the gig, but...

812
00:52:22,740 --> 00:52:23,608
I came to see you.

813
00:52:46,264 --> 00:52:49,367
Waiting,
waiting, waiting.

814
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:53,871
Waiting for him
to make the move.

815
00:52:56,974 --> 00:52:58,443
Doesn't he know?

816
00:52:58,476 --> 00:53:02,179
He's gotta be my salvation.

817
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:16,694
It's lovely that he's
caring, compassionate
and politically correct,

818
00:53:16,727 --> 00:53:18,796
but I need him to kiss me.

819
00:53:18,829 --> 00:53:20,731
Right now.

820
00:54:07,445 --> 00:54:08,479
Ruby!

821
00:54:10,014 --> 00:54:11,382
Ruby!

822
00:54:17,488 --> 00:54:18,489
Hey.

823
00:54:18,523 --> 00:54:20,791
Hey.

824
00:54:20,825 --> 00:54:22,793
I didn't know you'd
moved room. I thought you
were still in here.

825
00:54:26,331 --> 00:54:31,969
Ruby was just telling me
all about those articles
that you're planning to write.

826
00:54:32,002 --> 00:54:34,739
That stuff's
always been easy for me.

827
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:41,512
Dr. Sterling
must have called him.

828
00:54:41,546 --> 00:54:44,749
Why else would he be here?

829
00:54:44,782 --> 00:54:47,852
Probably to see
how dire the situation is,

830
00:54:47,885 --> 00:54:50,488
see if his little girl
can get through the day still.

831
00:54:50,521 --> 00:54:52,790
Or...

832
00:54:52,823 --> 00:54:56,293
maybe he really did
finally miss me.

833
00:54:57,528 --> 00:54:58,896
That's my girl.

834
00:55:01,999 --> 00:55:04,001
Dad, you know
those medical bills?

835
00:55:04,034 --> 00:55:07,372
The ones for
the psychiatric treatment?

836
00:55:07,405 --> 00:55:08,373
Uh-huh.

837
00:55:08,406 --> 00:55:10,875
They keep
sending them to Mom.

838
00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:13,511
So I guess you haven't paid.

839
00:55:13,544 --> 00:55:16,614
I can't even believe
you're asking me this.
Oh, you have paid?

840
00:55:16,647 --> 00:55:19,850
You're all
cold and distant,

841
00:55:19,884 --> 00:55:23,388
and now you're
asking me what?

842
00:55:23,421 --> 00:55:25,556
What are you talking about?

843
00:55:25,590 --> 00:55:26,991
If you don't know...

844
00:55:27,024 --> 00:55:31,429
No. No, I don't know.
You made a promise.

845
00:55:31,462 --> 00:55:35,533
You haven't written me.
You never call me.

846
00:55:35,566 --> 00:55:37,535
It's like
I don't even exist.

847
00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:38,636
Who do you think
you're talking to?

848
00:55:38,669 --> 00:55:43,140
I even come and visit you.
Fuck you.

849
00:55:43,173 --> 00:55:44,509
You watch that language.
No.

850
00:55:44,542 --> 00:55:45,610
Is that any way
to talk to your father?

851
00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,645
Listen to me.
You're the one who left.

852
00:55:47,678 --> 00:55:50,648
You're the one
who walked away
for four years.

853
00:55:50,681 --> 00:55:53,384
You think I don't know that?

854
00:55:53,418 --> 00:55:55,553
Is that what you think?
You think I don't feel it?

855
00:55:55,586 --> 00:55:57,588
Do you think that
it's easy for me,

856
00:55:57,622 --> 00:55:59,590
away from you?

857
00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,660
I hated the effect
it had on you -

858
00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:06,063
your mother and myself.

859
00:56:06,096 --> 00:56:08,633
I hated watching you
get trapped right in the middle
of everything,

860
00:56:08,666 --> 00:56:09,634
in between the two of us.

861
00:56:09,667 --> 00:56:10,868
Dad, please.
You know...

862
00:56:10,901 --> 00:56:12,537
Please!

863
00:56:12,570 --> 00:56:18,075
You're my father
and you won't even pay
my medical bills,

864
00:56:18,108 --> 00:56:21,546
even though it won't
cost you anything.

865
00:56:21,579 --> 00:56:23,380
All you have to do
is sign the papers.

866
00:56:27,452 --> 00:56:31,055
It's 10%.
It's, like, nothing.

867
00:56:31,088 --> 00:56:32,289
No.

868
00:56:32,322 --> 00:56:34,692
I lost my apartment,
everything,
when we got divorced.

869
00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:38,496
It won't
cost you anything.

870
00:56:38,529 --> 00:56:40,465
Sorry, Lizzie.

871
00:56:40,498 --> 00:56:43,033
It's your mother's
responsibility.

872
00:56:45,536 --> 00:56:47,472
What do you want me to do?

873
00:56:47,505 --> 00:56:50,641
You want me to slit my wrists
so that I'll qualify
as a trauma case...

874
00:56:50,675 --> 00:56:54,512
This is killing me, too.

875
00:56:54,545 --> 00:56:58,048
This is killing me.
I mean, I feel so powerless.

876
00:56:58,082 --> 00:57:02,019
I look back at all
the mistakes that I made,
I made a lot of mistakes,

877
00:57:02,052 --> 00:57:04,455
and there's
really nothing I can do.

878
00:57:04,489 --> 00:57:06,156
What am I gonna do?

879
00:57:12,730 --> 00:57:14,431
Hey, you.

880
00:57:15,733 --> 00:57:16,901
Hi.

881
00:57:28,045 --> 00:57:30,648
Guess who.

882
00:57:30,681 --> 00:57:32,983
What are you doing?

883
00:57:33,017 --> 00:57:36,654
Nothing. Just walking.

884
00:57:36,687 --> 00:57:39,089
Walking with somebody.

885
00:57:39,123 --> 00:57:42,560
Don't be ridiculous. I could
be walking with a girl.

886
00:57:42,593 --> 00:57:44,595
OK, fine.
You're right, it's a boy.

887
00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:48,633
He's tall.

888
00:57:48,666 --> 00:57:51,736
Very tall.

889
00:57:51,769 --> 00:57:54,171
Of course he's taller than me.

890
00:57:54,204 --> 00:57:57,141
How tall are you?

891
00:57:57,174 --> 00:57:58,776
Tall enough.

892
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:01,646
I'd say 6 feet.

893
00:58:01,679 --> 00:58:06,183
Long lashes, brown eyes.

894
00:58:06,216 --> 00:58:09,720
He's kinda got that
sexy-intellectual-preppy thing
going on.

895
00:58:13,758 --> 00:58:16,994
What? Oh, cool.
Yeah, I will.

896
00:58:17,027 --> 00:58:19,263
I'll ask him
as soon as I hang up.

897
00:58:19,296 --> 00:58:20,965
All right. OK.

898
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:22,700
Bye. Bye.

899
00:58:22,733 --> 00:58:28,205
Well? Who now thinks of me
as a sexy intellectual?

900
00:58:28,238 --> 00:58:29,574
My mom.

901
00:58:29,607 --> 00:58:31,141
Oh.

902
00:58:31,175 --> 00:58:32,710
She wants us to come visit
over the holidays.

903
00:58:32,743 --> 00:58:35,680
She just moved.
I'm going, anyway.

904
00:58:35,713 --> 00:58:37,615
( "Das Testament des
Dr. Mabuse" by Propaganda)

905
00:59:16,220 --> 00:59:20,157
Why does it hurt
when my heart misses the beat?

906
00:59:26,731 --> 00:59:30,635
He's devoted to the devil,
fascinated by crime

907
00:59:30,668 --> 00:59:36,206
Glamorous death
is his destination

908
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:39,276
Eternal passion

909
00:59:39,309 --> 00:59:41,178
His gain

910
00:59:43,881 --> 00:59:48,085
Sell him your soul,
sell him your soul,
sell him your soul

911
00:59:48,118 --> 00:59:49,186
Never look back

912
00:59:54,358 --> 00:59:58,295
Every time I'm with him,
I see myself doing these
horrible things.

913
00:59:58,328 --> 01:00:00,898
And I hate myself for it,
but I just... I can't stop.

914
01:00:00,931 --> 01:00:04,334
OK, let's say that you could.
What would you do differently?

915
01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:12,777
So when I saw you with her,
I just... I don't know.

916
01:00:12,810 --> 01:00:14,879
I mean, I know it's crazy,

917
01:00:14,912 --> 01:00:16,914
but, uh...

918
01:00:16,947 --> 01:00:19,717
I can't help it.
I just have these feelings.

919
01:00:23,353 --> 01:00:25,690
I'm sorry. I didn't...

920
01:00:25,723 --> 01:00:27,291
I didn't realize.

921
01:00:29,326 --> 01:00:31,662
Hey, it's gonna happen.

922
01:00:31,696 --> 01:00:34,631
Beautiful women
just throw themselves at me.

923
01:00:44,742 --> 01:00:47,211
It's Earl Grey.
Shit. Sorry.

924
01:00:47,244 --> 01:00:49,213
I'll get you another.
It's OK. Forget it.

925
01:00:49,246 --> 01:00:51,248
No, it's no problem.
I said I don't want it.

926
01:00:51,281 --> 01:00:53,317
Could we get another Earl Grey
over here, please?

927
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:55,119
I said I don't want it.

928
01:00:55,152 --> 01:00:58,222
Would you relax, Lizzie?
It's just a goddamn
cup of tea, OK?

929
01:00:58,255 --> 01:01:01,225
Don't yell at me.
Just don't
be ridiculous, OK?

930
01:01:02,292 --> 01:01:04,428
You fucked her,
didn't you?

931
01:01:04,461 --> 01:01:06,430
What? Are you crazy?

932
01:01:06,463 --> 01:01:07,531
Don't yell at me.

933
01:01:07,564 --> 01:01:09,934
You know, I really don't know
what the problem is.

934
01:01:09,967 --> 01:01:13,738
Why don't you
just keep fucking her,
if that's what you want?

935
01:01:19,276 --> 01:01:20,845
Just go away!
Lizzie!

936
01:01:23,848 --> 01:01:28,385
Hey, Lizzie, listen.
Lizzie. Come on.

937
01:01:28,418 --> 01:01:30,721
I'm sorry, OK?

938
01:01:30,755 --> 01:01:34,859
I'm s... I'm sorry.
I didn't understand
how upset you are.

939
01:01:34,892 --> 01:01:40,865
It's not your fault, right?
It's my fault.

940
01:01:40,898 --> 01:01:43,267
You're gonna leave me,
aren't you?

941
01:01:43,300 --> 01:01:44,835
No, I could never...

942
01:01:49,306 --> 01:01:50,707
I love you.

943
01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:53,710
Why?

944
01:01:59,817 --> 01:02:03,253
There's nothing you feel
that...

945
01:02:03,287 --> 01:02:07,324
that you don't feel right down
to the bottom of yourself.

946
01:02:07,357 --> 01:02:09,359
You're incredible.

947
01:02:23,808 --> 01:02:26,743
I understand now
how people sometimes
want to kill their lovers...

948
01:02:30,380 --> 01:02:32,817
eat their lovers,

949
01:02:32,850 --> 01:02:36,486
inhale the ashes
of their dead lovers.

950
01:02:37,988 --> 01:02:41,458
It's the only way
to possess another person.

951
01:03:04,048 --> 01:03:06,984
My mom's gonna love you.

952
01:03:11,321 --> 01:03:13,523
You want juice?
Sure.

953
01:03:18,395 --> 01:03:21,365
Lizzie, listen.

954
01:03:21,398 --> 01:03:24,835
I'm not gonna be able
to make it back with you
for the holidays.

955
01:03:24,869 --> 01:03:28,805
There's something that
came up with my mom,
and I need to go home.

956
01:03:30,540 --> 01:03:32,509
But it's the holidays.

957
01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:33,844
I need you to be with me.

958
01:03:33,878 --> 01:03:35,612
And I wish I could be.

959
01:03:35,645 --> 01:03:41,385
I just... I can't be
in two places at once.

960
01:03:41,418 --> 01:03:45,389
OK. I'll come with you.
I'll help you with your mom.

961
01:03:45,422 --> 01:03:48,458
It's totally
the right thing to do.
My mom'll understand.

962
01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:50,627
Your mom
just moved apartments,
Lizzie.

963
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:53,998
But I want to be with you.

964
01:03:54,031 --> 01:03:57,567
But right now,
your mom needs you.

965
01:04:01,605 --> 01:04:04,608
It's just... It's a really
complicated situation.

966
01:04:04,641 --> 01:04:08,312
Lizzie, my mom,

967
01:04:08,345 --> 01:04:12,950
she isn't real easy
with strangers, OK?

968
01:04:12,983 --> 01:04:15,085
Look, I am right in the middle
of some shit here

969
01:04:15,119 --> 01:04:17,387
that is not
making me happy, Lizzie.

970
01:04:17,421 --> 01:04:19,423
I know. I know.

971
01:04:19,456 --> 01:04:23,427
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

972
01:04:23,460 --> 01:04:26,430
I just... I love you,
and I wanna help.

973
01:04:26,463 --> 01:04:30,034
No, you are. Lizzie,
you are helping me.

974
01:04:30,067 --> 01:04:31,135
Just...

975
01:04:31,168 --> 01:04:34,538
Just knowing that
I'm gonna see you...

976
01:04:34,571 --> 01:04:38,542
We'll have all next term
together, OK?

977
01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:40,444
OK?

978
01:04:40,477 --> 01:04:41,545
OK.

979
01:04:42,812 --> 01:04:46,917
So he asked me to help him,
you know, to be strong for him,

980
01:04:46,951 --> 01:04:50,087
and I said OK.

981
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,389
But I really did, you know?
I did the whole thing.

982
01:04:52,422 --> 01:04:55,993
I kissed him goodbye,
I made it so easy for him,

983
01:04:56,026 --> 01:04:58,595
and it actually
made it easier for me.

984
01:04:58,628 --> 01:05:00,597
And we're both
really happy.

985
01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:02,599
Well, that's great.

986
01:05:33,163 --> 01:05:34,431
Oh!
Hi.

987
01:05:39,003 --> 01:05:40,004
Wow.

988
01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:45,509
Did you get everything
moved in OK?

989
01:05:45,542 --> 01:05:48,412
Sure. I mean,
it's not too much.

990
01:05:49,646 --> 01:05:51,681
You know, it's
a south-facing apartment.

991
01:05:51,715 --> 01:05:54,051
I get light all day long.

992
01:05:56,286 --> 01:05:59,723
And it's so much easier
to clean, you know?

993
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,062
I think
you'll like your room.

994
01:06:10,034 --> 01:06:11,535
Oh, yeah.

995
01:06:11,568 --> 01:06:16,006
So I'll just, you know,
put my things away.

996
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:19,443
I haven't made you
any dinner, honey.
That's OK.

997
01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:26,650
I'll pay her back one day.

998
01:06:26,683 --> 01:06:30,454
I swear I will.

999
01:06:31,288 --> 01:06:34,191
(phone ringing)

1000
01:06:46,536 --> 01:06:48,605
You said that your friend...
He had a family emergency.

1001
01:06:48,638 --> 01:06:53,543
Oh. But he was
going to come?

1002
01:06:53,577 --> 01:06:55,645
Yes. He just...

1003
01:06:55,679 --> 01:07:00,184
He had to go back to Texas
'cause... I don't know.

1004
01:07:00,217 --> 01:07:02,286
His name's Rafe.

1005
01:07:05,089 --> 01:07:06,490
That's a nice name.

1006
01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:11,328
You'd really like him.
He's good-looking and kind.

1007
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:13,630
And he's Jewish.
Oh!

1008
01:07:13,663 --> 01:07:16,666
And, you know, he works
really, really hard.

1009
01:07:20,104 --> 01:07:22,306
Well, maybe next time.

1010
01:07:22,339 --> 01:07:24,308
Yeah. He wanted to meet you.

1011
01:07:24,341 --> 01:07:27,144
He has a very close relationship
with his mother.

1012
01:07:27,177 --> 01:07:29,779
That's nice.

1013
01:07:29,813 --> 01:07:31,715
(piano plays
"Deck the Halls")

1014
01:07:36,686 --> 01:07:40,524
I gotta make a call.

1015
01:07:40,557 --> 01:07:43,193
Lizzie, don't. It's, like,
the tenth time today.

1016
01:07:43,227 --> 01:07:45,162
So?

1017
01:07:45,195 --> 01:07:49,766
So, so you'll drive him crazy
and piss him off.

1018
01:07:49,799 --> 01:07:54,738
You don't know
what you're talking about.
And fuck you for saying that.

1019
01:07:54,771 --> 01:07:57,641
Hello, Mrs. Stevenson?
Hi, this is Lizzie.

1020
01:07:57,674 --> 01:08:01,578
Lizzie.
I'm a friend of Rafe's.

1021
01:08:01,611 --> 01:08:03,380
Is he there?

1022
01:08:03,413 --> 01:08:07,717
Oh, he's busy? Well, could you
tell him it's urgent?

1023
01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:11,121
OK. Bye.

1024
01:08:11,155 --> 01:08:12,088
(hangs up)

1025
01:08:12,122 --> 01:08:13,757
Why won't he
pick up the phone?

1026
01:08:17,294 --> 01:08:20,164
I would never
do this to him.

1027
01:08:23,233 --> 01:08:25,902
So how is he?

1028
01:08:25,935 --> 01:08:28,138
I don't know. He was out.

1029
01:08:34,811 --> 01:08:37,714
I wonder if he lays awake
at night missing me

1030
01:08:37,747 --> 01:08:39,849
the way I miss him.

1031
01:08:45,722 --> 01:08:49,593
You ever love anybody, Ruby?

1032
01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:52,296
I mean really love somebody?

1033
01:08:52,329 --> 01:08:54,731
Are you kidding? Sure.

1034
01:08:54,764 --> 01:08:58,735
You think you have.
You have no idea.

1035
01:09:00,804 --> 01:09:03,373
I suppose that you do?

1036
01:09:06,376 --> 01:09:10,314
Real love is total.

1037
01:09:10,347 --> 01:09:12,382
It's like life or death.

1038
01:09:12,416 --> 01:09:18,455
Like you know you're
gonna die when you're apart,
because the need is so pure...

1039
01:09:18,488 --> 01:09:21,258
so complete.

1040
01:09:23,327 --> 01:09:25,862
All you know is sex.

1041
01:09:25,895 --> 01:09:28,198
Christ.

1042
01:09:28,232 --> 01:09:29,733
You gave me a hard time
about Sam.

1043
01:09:29,766 --> 01:09:32,802
You never loved Sam.
How could you?

1044
01:09:37,407 --> 01:09:39,643
Ach... Oh, was I mean?

1045
01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:43,813
You can't take it?
The happening chick
that you are.

1046
01:09:46,783 --> 01:09:51,855
Lizzie, I'm not crying
'cause you're mean.

1047
01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:54,758
I just can't imagine
how incredibly painful
it must be to be you.

1048
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:12,809
Listen. I'm at the airport.

1049
01:10:17,281 --> 01:10:22,218
No. No, I mean I'm here
at the Austin airport.

1050
01:10:24,754 --> 01:10:28,825
Oh, my God. I've become
the ultimate nightmare
girlfriend.

1051
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:33,363
Maybe you should
call your mom,

1052
01:10:33,397 --> 01:10:36,800
let her know you're OK.

1053
01:10:36,833 --> 01:10:38,435
I can't.

1054
01:10:41,438 --> 01:10:44,341
Lizzie...

1055
01:10:44,374 --> 01:10:46,776
Look, you remember I told you

1056
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:51,014
you coming here
wasn't such a good idea?

1057
01:10:51,047 --> 01:10:54,284
If you loved me enough...

1058
01:10:54,318 --> 01:10:55,852
All right, look.

1059
01:10:55,885 --> 01:11:00,524
There's something
that I haven't told you about.

1060
01:11:00,557 --> 01:11:03,560
Oh, Christ. Don't look at me
like that, Lizzie.

1061
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:05,562
Just tell me.
It's not what you think.

1062
01:11:05,595 --> 01:11:08,565
Bastard. Cheat bastard.

1063
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:13,269
It's my sister.
It's my sister, all right?

1064
01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:24,814
So you're from New York
originally?

1065
01:11:24,848 --> 01:11:26,883
Manhattan. I grew up
on the Upper West Side.

1066
01:11:37,361 --> 01:11:39,429
Rafe showed me copies
of your articles.

1067
01:11:39,463 --> 01:11:42,332
That's quite an achievement
for a first year.

1068
01:11:42,366 --> 01:11:44,434
(groaning)

1069
01:11:44,468 --> 01:11:49,906
Ellen. Ellen. Hey. Stop.
Come on, please. Hey.

1070
01:11:49,939 --> 01:11:51,575
Let's eat, OK?
(groans)

1071
01:11:54,844 --> 01:11:58,047
You promised me.
You promised me
you'd go to bed, OK?

1072
01:11:58,081 --> 01:12:00,517
Good. Come on.
That's it. Come on.

1073
01:12:00,550 --> 01:12:02,552
Hey, come on. Come on.
(Ellen screams)

1074
01:12:02,586 --> 01:12:05,121
Stop it.
(Ellen groans)

1075
01:12:05,154 --> 01:12:07,591
Ellen, you go to bed,
and we'll go to the park
tomorrow, OK? Come on.

1076
01:12:07,624 --> 01:12:09,593
Come on, please.
Just... Please?

1077
01:12:09,626 --> 01:12:13,830
Hey, do you want to go
to the park tomorrow? Huh?

1078
01:12:13,863 --> 01:12:15,565
(whimpering)

1079
01:12:19,869 --> 01:12:23,640
(Ellen wails)

1080
01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:26,543
We might have to take her
to the doctor.

1081
01:12:26,576 --> 01:12:29,012
If this carries on
much longer,

1082
01:12:29,045 --> 01:12:31,014
I don't know
what we're gonna do.

1083
01:12:31,047 --> 01:12:32,882
What is it?

1084
01:12:36,453 --> 01:12:38,522
You get off on this.

1085
01:12:42,859 --> 01:12:45,529
What?

1086
01:12:45,562 --> 01:12:48,565
This does it for you.

1087
01:12:54,504 --> 01:12:55,872
What are you talking about?

1088
01:12:55,905 --> 01:12:58,007
You hid her from me.

1089
01:12:58,041 --> 01:13:00,877
Don't you think
there's a reason for that?

1090
01:13:00,910 --> 01:13:03,079
Don't you think
that tells me something?

1091
01:13:03,112 --> 01:13:04,113
Oh, Christ.

1092
01:13:04,147 --> 01:13:06,683
You're some kind
of creepy voyeur.

1093
01:13:06,716 --> 01:13:09,052
You like
other people's misery.

1094
01:13:09,085 --> 01:13:10,920
You're sick.

1095
01:13:10,954 --> 01:13:13,423
You're really...
You're really sick.

1096
01:13:13,457 --> 01:13:16,159
Tell me it's not true.
(squealing)

1097
01:13:16,192 --> 01:13:19,028
(Mrs. Stevenson)
Rafe, please!

1098
01:13:19,062 --> 01:13:20,497
I'll get the car.

1099
01:13:25,101 --> 01:13:27,437
(car starts)

1100
01:13:36,112 --> 01:13:37,681
Mom? How have you been?

1101
01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:41,485
How do you think I've been?

1102
01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:42,886
Christ, Lizzie,
don't you ever think?

1103
01:13:42,919 --> 01:13:45,455
I'm sorry. I just...

1104
01:13:45,489 --> 01:13:48,992
I had to get to
the airport right away.
I would have told you.

1105
01:13:49,025 --> 01:13:50,894
We've been
having some problems.

1106
01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:53,997
It's just been really hard,
but we're patching things up.

1107
01:13:54,030 --> 01:13:56,533
Yeah, he loves me.
I know he does.

1108
01:13:56,566 --> 01:13:58,702
It's just...

1109
01:13:58,735 --> 01:14:00,970
He's just got all this
weird family stuff.

1110
01:14:01,004 --> 01:14:04,608
And he's trying to help them
and me and...

1111
01:14:04,641 --> 01:14:06,710
He's got to help himself first.

1112
01:14:06,743 --> 01:14:10,914
And when he does,
everything's gonna be OK.

1113
01:14:10,947 --> 01:14:12,015
I'm sure.

1114
01:14:12,048 --> 01:14:14,484
I know we'll be fine.

1115
01:14:14,518 --> 01:14:16,753
I know that.

1116
01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:19,623
Do you think?

1117
01:14:19,656 --> 01:14:23,727
I'm no real help to you
there, Lizzie.

1118
01:14:24,728 --> 01:14:25,662
I know. I know.

1119
01:14:25,695 --> 01:14:28,665
Mom, I'm sorry
you had to move.

1120
01:14:31,735 --> 01:14:32,669
I know, sweetheart.

1121
01:14:35,672 --> 01:14:38,041
I'm going to go now, OK?

1122
01:14:38,074 --> 01:14:39,075
Mom?

1123
01:14:39,108 --> 01:14:40,744
You call me...

1124
01:14:45,682 --> 01:14:46,650
Mom?

1125
01:14:49,152 --> 01:14:50,654
...when you've...

1126
01:14:53,690 --> 01:14:56,660
...seen Dr. Sterling.

1127
01:14:56,693 --> 01:14:57,727
Mom?

1128
01:14:57,761 --> 01:15:00,530
Bye, honey.
Mom!

1129
01:15:13,610 --> 01:15:17,080
I should've listened to him.

1130
01:15:17,113 --> 01:15:21,050
He told me not to come here.

1131
01:15:21,084 --> 01:15:22,752
I'm more trouble
than I'm worth.

1132
01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:31,327
Well, what about your reading?

1133
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,597
No, no.

1134
01:15:33,630 --> 01:15:36,265
Honey, you gotta
get some work done.

1135
01:15:39,703 --> 01:15:43,272
Lizzie, this isn't working.

1136
01:15:43,306 --> 01:15:45,041
I know, I know, I know.

1137
01:15:45,074 --> 01:15:47,276
As soon as I get back,
I'll get your exam schedule
for you.

1138
01:15:47,310 --> 01:15:50,814
No, there's no need, OK?
There's no need.

1139
01:15:58,622 --> 01:16:00,624
Well, then, I'll call you.

1140
01:16:00,657 --> 01:16:03,793
No! No calls!
No calls, OK?

1141
01:16:03,827 --> 01:16:05,061
(sobbing)

1142
01:16:05,094 --> 01:16:07,764
Look, this is not working,
all right?

1143
01:16:07,797 --> 01:16:10,734
This is not my life.
I don't want this anymore.

1144
01:16:10,767 --> 01:16:13,670
(laughing)

1145
01:16:14,403 --> 01:16:15,872
What do you want?

1146
01:16:15,905 --> 01:16:20,143
Oh, you just woke up
and decided that you wanted
to fuck freshman girls

1147
01:16:20,176 --> 01:16:23,212
and do lots of drugs?

1148
01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:25,314
Is that what you want?

1149
01:16:27,751 --> 01:16:28,752
Yeah.

1150
01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:31,320
Yeah...

1151
01:16:31,354 --> 01:16:33,657
that's exactly
what I want.

1152
01:16:33,690 --> 01:16:38,261
I want to party.
I want to have some fun.

1153
01:16:54,811 --> 01:16:58,314
You're the one who told me
to trust somebody.

1154
01:16:58,347 --> 01:16:59,749
Look what happened!

1155
01:16:59,783 --> 01:17:03,119
You trusting Rafe
has nothing to do...

1156
01:17:03,152 --> 01:17:07,190
No. All I want
is for Rafe to come back,
and you're talking about pills.

1157
01:17:07,223 --> 01:17:09,793
Because things
are more difficult
for you right now,

1158
01:17:09,826 --> 01:17:11,795
I think you could
use some help.

1159
01:17:11,828 --> 01:17:13,262
You said that
I was making progress.

1160
01:17:13,296 --> 01:17:16,199
Sometimes things
are more painful
before you feel...

1161
01:17:16,232 --> 01:17:18,401
You said that all this
would amount to something,

1162
01:17:18,434 --> 01:17:21,104
all this fucking pain!

1163
01:17:21,137 --> 01:17:23,840
And I am still saying that.

1164
01:17:25,742 --> 01:17:30,780
I can't believe
you're pushing drugs
after all of this.

1165
01:17:30,814 --> 01:17:33,817
I'm recommending
that you try this medication

1166
01:17:33,850 --> 01:17:37,220
so that you can
gain some perspective
and not spin out of control.

1167
01:17:40,289 --> 01:17:42,892
Lizzie, isn't that
what you want?

1168
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:54,871
(Dr. Sterling)
It takes two to six weeks
before your system responds.

1169
01:17:56,873 --> 01:17:59,776
I know you don't feel it,

1170
01:17:59,809 --> 01:18:02,378
but I can see it working
already.

1171
01:18:02,411 --> 01:18:07,216
(phone ringing)

1172
01:18:07,250 --> 01:18:10,920
Your mother's been calling.
She wants to come and see you.

1173
01:18:16,760 --> 01:18:20,830
(man) The engine's beginning
throttling down now at 94%.

1174
01:18:20,864 --> 01:18:23,800
Normal throttle
for most of the flight - 104%.

1175
01:18:23,833 --> 01:18:26,803
The three engines
are running normally.

1176
01:18:26,836 --> 01:18:30,439
Three good fuel cells.
Three good APUs.

1177
01:18:30,473 --> 01:18:32,441
Velocity
2,257 feet per second...

1178
01:18:32,475 --> 01:18:35,444
Hey! Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing.

1179
01:18:35,478 --> 01:18:37,413
Trying to steal my purse.

1180
01:18:37,446 --> 01:18:38,982
(mission control)
Challenger, go at throttle up.

1181
01:18:39,015 --> 01:18:40,750
(pilot) Roger,
go at throttle up.

1182
01:18:40,784 --> 01:18:44,420
(reporter) The
space shuttle Challenger
exploded in a ball of fire

1183
01:18:44,453 --> 01:18:46,856
shortly after it left
the launching pad today.

1184
01:18:46,890 --> 01:18:47,891
(reporter
...which the fragments

1185
01:18:47,924 --> 01:18:49,458
from the STS-51-L

1186
01:18:49,492 --> 01:18:50,659
(reporter)
Officials are saying
that there is no evidence

1187
01:18:50,693 --> 01:18:54,497
to indicate that any of
the seven astronauts...

1188
01:18:54,530 --> 01:18:56,232
(reporter

is promising to continue...

1189
01:18:56,265 --> 01:18:59,202
(Reagan) ...honored us
with the manner in which
they lived their lives.

1190
01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:00,736
(reporter
from the scattered craft
is reported to be...

1191
01:19:00,770 --> 01:19:03,773
(reporter
...the worst accident
in the history...

1192
01:19:03,807 --> 01:19:08,277
(Reagan) ...which Lincoln
called "the last best hope
of man on Earth,"

1193
01:19:08,311 --> 01:19:11,247
was built on heroism
and noble sacrifice.

1194
01:19:13,950 --> 01:19:14,884
Ruby?

1195
01:19:14,918 --> 01:19:16,920
Ruby?

1196
01:19:16,953 --> 01:19:20,023
Jesus! Lizzie, hold on,
hold on, all right?

1197
01:19:20,056 --> 01:19:23,026
Ruby, come on.
This is serious.

1198
01:19:23,059 --> 01:19:24,560
What?

1199
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:29,799
My mother's been mugged.
I have to go to New York.
You've gotta come with me.

1200
01:19:29,833 --> 01:19:32,869
No.

1201
01:19:32,902 --> 01:19:36,840
Ruby, come on.
I am asking for your help.

1202
01:19:36,873 --> 01:19:39,943
Lizzie, I'm done helping.

1203
01:19:39,976 --> 01:19:40,877
You're done?

1204
01:19:40,910 --> 01:19:45,314
How can you...?
I can't.

1205
01:19:45,348 --> 01:19:49,318
I've had it. All right?
I can't do it anymore.

1206
01:19:49,352 --> 01:19:54,457
This has got to end.
Next week, it's just gonna
be some other crisis.

1207
01:19:57,560 --> 01:19:58,862
One for the road.

1208
01:20:15,945 --> 01:20:19,082
She refused
the intravenous Demerol.

1209
01:20:19,115 --> 01:20:22,385
She refuses
painkilling drugs?

1210
01:20:22,418 --> 01:20:25,554
Can we possibly be related?

1211
01:20:25,588 --> 01:20:30,559
Looks like she's gonna
be here for a few days,
but she'll be just fine.

1212
01:20:30,593 --> 01:20:34,898
She'll need some help
when she gets back home,
but everything will be OK.

1213
01:20:39,568 --> 01:20:40,736
It's scary.

1214
01:20:40,769 --> 01:20:45,308
For the first time,
I'm being deprived of my tears.

1215
01:20:50,579 --> 01:20:53,549
I don't know
what I'm doing.

1216
01:20:55,618 --> 01:21:01,557
I mean, let's face it,
me being here to help
is like a cruel joke.

1217
01:21:14,437 --> 01:21:17,073
Not even heights
freak me out anymore.

1218
01:21:21,477 --> 01:21:24,080
You look a lot better.

1219
01:21:24,113 --> 01:21:26,082
That's what everybody says.

1220
01:21:30,119 --> 01:21:32,588
You know, Lizzie...
(clears throat)

1221
01:21:32,621 --> 01:21:34,423
I'm fine.

1222
01:21:34,457 --> 01:21:37,927
And there's
no reason why you can't
go back up to Cambridge.

1223
01:21:37,961 --> 01:21:42,131
Mom,
I've spoken with the nurses,
and they say that you need...

1224
01:21:42,165 --> 01:21:45,501
Honey, you've got exams
coming up.

1225
01:21:47,436 --> 01:21:50,573
You have to have somebody
with you, even if it's
just for a few days.

1226
01:21:50,606 --> 01:21:53,576
I can take care of myself.
I always have.

1227
01:21:55,211 --> 01:21:57,713
You're not going home alone.

1228
01:21:57,746 --> 01:21:59,949
It's the other cupboard, Ma.

1229
01:21:59,983 --> 01:22:02,986
Oh, I don't know.

1230
01:22:03,019 --> 01:22:04,988
Grandma, I'll get it.

1231
01:22:18,601 --> 01:22:22,071
I don't know what
I would have done
without Lizzie here.

1232
01:22:24,707 --> 01:22:27,043
None of this
would have happened...

1233
01:22:27,076 --> 01:22:28,744
Shh, Ma, don't say that.

1234
01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:30,946
...if it hadn't
been for her.

1235
01:22:48,031 --> 01:22:50,033
They're gone.

1236
01:22:50,066 --> 01:22:51,634
Yeah.

1237
01:22:51,667 --> 01:22:54,703
I didn't really feel like
saying goodbye.

1238
01:23:01,744 --> 01:23:06,449
After all this time,
I never asked you about Rafe.

1239
01:23:14,557 --> 01:23:17,560
Well, that's over.

1240
01:23:17,593 --> 01:23:21,664
He... He never wants
to see me again.

1241
01:23:26,735 --> 01:23:29,004
You know,
when Donald left me...

1242
01:23:32,575 --> 01:23:34,677
...it seemed so incredible.

1243
01:23:34,710 --> 01:23:37,780
I just couldn't believe it.

1244
01:23:48,824 --> 01:23:50,793
I think I just forgot
about you, Lizzie.

1245
01:23:52,661 --> 01:23:53,696
You know?

1246
01:23:56,099 --> 01:23:57,666
You were just a child.

1247
01:23:57,700 --> 01:24:01,304
So little.

1248
01:24:06,209 --> 01:24:07,743
But you needed me.

1249
01:24:10,313 --> 01:24:14,117
And that forced me
to pay attention again.

1250
01:24:14,150 --> 01:24:15,684
You know what I mean?

1251
01:24:18,754 --> 01:24:21,124
I had to take care of you.

1252
01:24:23,692 --> 01:24:28,097
And in a way,
you brought me back to life,

1253
01:24:28,131 --> 01:24:30,833
and you became
everything for me.

1254
01:24:32,701 --> 01:24:35,771
I was so wrapped up in you.

1255
01:24:41,277 --> 01:24:46,249
But, God, you were so full
of promise, Lizzie,

1256
01:24:46,282 --> 01:24:50,786
and I wanted so much for you
in your life.

1257
01:24:52,855 --> 01:24:57,293
And I couldn't see
that it wasn't good for you.

1258
01:25:01,830 --> 01:25:04,667
You just...

1259
01:25:04,700 --> 01:25:09,205
You know, you wanted me
to be everything,

1260
01:25:09,238 --> 01:25:10,839
and I can't be.

1261
01:25:15,844 --> 01:25:18,181
I can't be.

1262
01:25:26,855 --> 01:25:29,692
Look, Lizzie.

1263
01:25:29,725 --> 01:25:32,695
You don't have to be
anything for me.

1264
01:25:32,728 --> 01:25:36,699
You don't have to be
well for me.

1265
01:25:36,732 --> 01:25:37,733
You understand?

1266
01:25:41,337 --> 01:25:43,839
You don't have to pretend.

1267
01:25:47,776 --> 01:25:50,012
I'm gonna be OK, Mom.

1268
01:25:53,882 --> 01:25:55,618
I'll be OK.

1269
01:25:56,752 --> 01:25:58,187
I promise.

1270
01:26:09,465 --> 01:26:11,634
I'll be OK.

1271
01:26:13,736 --> 01:26:15,804
And there's a reason.

1272
01:26:28,751 --> 01:26:32,755
I call this the crackhouse
where I come to score.

1273
01:26:32,788 --> 01:26:35,324
Dr. Sterling is my dealer.

1274
01:26:36,859 --> 01:26:42,298
Seems like everyone's doctor
is dealing this stuff now.

1275
01:26:42,331 --> 01:26:46,235
Sometimes it feels like
we're all living in
a Prozac nation -

1276
01:26:46,269 --> 01:26:49,204
the United States
of Depression.

1277
01:26:52,775 --> 01:26:57,880
I don't know
who I am anymore.

1278
01:26:57,913 --> 01:27:00,916
I have this personality,

1279
01:27:00,949 --> 01:27:05,721
and it's fucked up,
but it's me.

1280
01:27:05,754 --> 01:27:09,425
And I see myself
becoming this person
who does the right thing,

1281
01:27:09,458 --> 01:27:13,862
who says the right thing,
but that's not me.

1282
01:27:13,896 --> 01:27:17,300
You feel different, don't you?
Of course I feel different.

1283
01:27:17,333 --> 01:27:18,767
I'm on medication.
That's the whole point,
isn't it?

1284
01:27:18,801 --> 01:27:21,937
Yeah, that was the point.

1285
01:27:21,970 --> 01:27:25,541
You're not comfortable with
who this new person is yet.

1286
01:27:25,574 --> 01:27:27,410
But I can't be this person
without taking pills.

1287
01:27:27,443 --> 01:27:29,812
The pills are giving you
breathing space.

1288
01:27:29,845 --> 01:27:33,782
This feels like everything's
just being covered up.

1289
01:27:33,816 --> 01:27:36,885
I recommend that you
stay on the medication,
but it's not my choice.

1290
01:27:36,919 --> 01:27:38,387
It's your choice.

1291
01:27:42,558 --> 01:27:44,327
Do you want to
get off the pills?

1292
01:28:45,153 --> 01:28:48,957
Oh, sweetheart, come here.
Come here. It's OK.

1293
01:28:48,991 --> 01:28:50,526
It's OK.

1294
01:29:17,853 --> 01:29:21,624
(sobbing)

1295
01:29:21,657 --> 01:29:25,628
If only my life could be
more like the movies.

1296
01:29:25,661 --> 01:29:28,497
I want an angel
to swoop down to me

1297
01:29:28,531 --> 01:29:30,098
like he does to Jimmy Stewart
in It's a Wonderful Life

1298
01:29:30,132 --> 01:29:32,868
and talk me out of suicide.

1299
01:29:32,901 --> 01:29:35,638
I've always waited
for that one moment of truth

1300
01:29:35,671 --> 01:29:39,141
to set me free
and change my life forever,

1301
01:29:39,174 --> 01:29:42,411
but he won't come.

1302
01:29:42,445 --> 01:29:44,613
It doesn't happen that way.

1303
01:29:46,949 --> 01:29:48,951
All the drugs,
all the therapy,

1304
01:29:48,984 --> 01:29:54,657
fights, anger, guilt,
Rafe, suicidal thoughts,

1305
01:29:54,690 --> 01:29:58,494
all of that was part of
some slow recovery process.

1306
01:29:58,527 --> 01:30:00,629
The same way I went down,
I came back up -

1307
01:30:00,663 --> 01:30:05,067
gradually and then suddenly.

1308
01:30:08,904 --> 01:30:11,640
The pills weren't a cure-all,
God knows,

1309
01:30:11,674 --> 01:30:13,909
but they gave me
breathing space

1310
01:30:13,942 --> 01:30:16,912
which allowed me
to start writing again,

1311
01:30:16,945 --> 01:30:20,883
only this time,
it wasn't as if my life
depended on it.

1312
01:31:02,591 --> 01:31:04,192
*Love

1313
01:31:04,226 --> 01:31:09,698
*Is a thousand churches
burning*

1314
01:31:14,537 --> 01:31:16,204
*Love

1315
01:31:16,238 --> 01:31:21,243
*Is a frozen heart
left yearning*

1316
01:31:22,778 --> 01:31:25,748
*For blood

1317
01:31:25,781 --> 01:31:30,753
*'Cause nothing
comes for free*

1318
01:31:30,786 --> 01:31:34,957
*If I survive another fall

1319
01:31:34,990 --> 01:31:40,529
*You can take
what's left of me*

1320
01:31:50,172 --> 01:31:52,608
*Love

1321
01:31:52,641 --> 01:31:59,114
*Is a handsome scar
left hurting*

1322
01:32:01,083 --> 01:32:05,120
*And love

1323
01:32:05,153 --> 01:32:10,525
*Is a broken engine turning

1324
01:32:11,594 --> 01:32:15,063
*And turning

1325
01:32:15,097 --> 01:32:18,734
*Searching for a spark

1326
01:32:18,767 --> 01:32:22,838
*If you can find me
in the dark*

1327
01:32:22,871 --> 01:32:28,844
*You can take
what's left of me*

1328
01:32:28,877 --> 01:32:32,715
*We are holy whores

1329
01:32:32,748 --> 01:32:37,820
*We're walking wounded
over distant shores*

1330
01:32:37,853 --> 01:32:43,826
*Only love will comfort me

1331
01:32:43,859 --> 01:32:49,832
*Only love can comfort me

1332
01:32:49,865 --> 01:32:52,801
*'Cause love is heat

1333
01:32:52,835 --> 01:32:55,771
*Love is cold

1334
01:32:55,804 --> 01:32:58,741
*Love is peace

1335
01:32:58,774 --> 01:33:02,144
*Love is war

1336
01:33:02,177 --> 01:33:04,847
*So if you find me
on the floor*

1337
01:33:04,880 --> 01:33:11,620
*You can keep
what's left of me

1338
01:33:17,826 --> 01:33:21,329
*You can keep
what's left of*

1339
01:33:23,766 --> 01:33:27,703
*You can keep
what's left of*

1340
01:33:28,904 --> 01:33:36,211
*You can keep
what's left of me*