1 00:00:40,654 --> 00:00:45,444 - The Chief Whip and Party Chairman to see you. - Take a seat. I'll be right with you. 2 00:00:45,614 --> 00:00:49,209 Bernard, take a seat. I want you here for this meeting. 3 00:00:49,374 --> 00:00:53,083 - Isn't this a party matter? - It's also a government matter. 4 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,849 - It's about our education policy. - The government's or party's? 5 00:00:57,014 --> 00:01:00,802 - It's the same thing. - With respect, they're not the same thing. 6 00:01:00,974 --> 00:01:03,363 - That's why we want the meeting. - It seems... 7 00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:05,809 Bernard... sit! 8 00:01:10,094 --> 00:01:11,686 Stay. 9 00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:15,331 What's the problem? 10 00:01:15,494 --> 00:01:17,928 - Education. - What can I do about it? 11 00:01:18,094 --> 00:01:21,291 - You're the Prime Minister. - Yes, I know. 12 00:01:21,454 --> 00:01:24,173 I have no direct control over education. 13 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:29,692 I don't control the curriculum or exams. I don't control the choice of head teachers. Nothing. 14 00:01:29,854 --> 00:01:33,813 The voters hold you responsible for everything. You do have influence. 15 00:01:33,974 --> 00:01:39,970 I'm fed up with it. When I became PM, I thought I'd have power. And what have I got? Influence. 16 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,932 I've got no power over the police, the rates, 17 00:01:43,094 --> 00:01:48,248 EEC directives, European courts, our courts, the judges, NATO. 18 00:01:48,414 --> 00:01:52,123 - What have I got the power to do? - Lose us the next election. 19 00:01:52,294 --> 00:01:55,127 Which you will if you don't tackle education. 20 00:01:55,294 --> 00:01:59,890 The voters want something done about low academic attainment. 21 00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,773 - Sex education! - I'm not against sex education. 22 00:02:02,934 --> 00:02:08,770 I'm not against children being taught the facts of life in class, but not homosexual technique! 23 00:02:08,934 --> 00:02:13,132 - Or heterosexual technique, come to that. - Where should they learn it? 24 00:02:13,294 --> 00:02:15,762 Behind the bike sheds like we did! 25 00:02:16,774 --> 00:02:18,810 Did you? 26 00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:21,485 Never mind sexual technique. 27 00:02:21,654 --> 00:02:24,851 Some of our schools are teaching more Hindi than English. 28 00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:29,485 I know English is more important, but I daren't say so or I'd be accused of racism. 29 00:02:29,654 --> 00:02:33,852 When I met the Ethnic Awareness Council, I happened to glance at my watch 30 00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:38,849 when a black woman delegate was speaking and I was accused of racist body language. 31 00:02:39,014 --> 00:02:40,606 And sexist. 32 00:02:40,774 --> 00:02:44,972 - I get the message. What do you want me to do? - Get a grip on education. 33 00:02:45,134 --> 00:02:48,331 Get Henry to do something about the Department of Education. 34 00:02:48,494 --> 00:02:50,928 - They've got him house-trained. - Sack him. 35 00:02:51,094 --> 00:02:53,562 I can't have another Cabinet convulsion. 36 00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:57,249 - Then invite the opposition leader's wife here. - What can she do? 37 00:02:57,414 --> 00:03:00,406 Start measuring up for carpets and curtains. 38 00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:06,406 Yes, right, fine. This afternoon? 39 00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:10,533 - Bernard, I believe the PM wants to see me. - Yes, Sir Humphrey. 40 00:03:10,694 --> 00:03:13,891 - What's his problem? - Education. 41 00:03:14,054 --> 00:03:17,649 Well, it's a bit late to do anything about that now. 42 00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:20,806 - No, no, the education system. - I see. 43 00:03:20,974 --> 00:03:25,411 - Bit late to do anything about that either. - He thinks he'll lose the next election. 44 00:03:25,574 --> 00:03:29,852 - Worse things could befall the nation. - He can't ignore facts. 45 00:03:30,014 --> 00:03:34,007 If he can't ignore facts, he's got no business being a politician. 46 00:03:35,134 --> 00:03:38,331 Anyway, Bernard, he's got nothing to worry about. 47 00:03:38,494 --> 00:03:42,089 The education system does all most parents require of it. 48 00:03:42,254 --> 00:03:44,973 Keeps children out of mischief while they're at work. 49 00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:50,413 That paper the Party Chairman had suggests the comprehensive system is breaking down. 50 00:03:50,574 --> 00:03:56,968 Bernard, I never thought to hear such language from a loyal member of the Civil Service! 51 00:03:57,134 --> 00:04:01,286 - Have you been got at by the enemy? - You mean the Russians? 52 00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:07,884 No, Bernard, I mean the Prime Minister's political advisor - that Wainwright female. 53 00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:13,208 - Comprehensive education ought to be validated. - Of course, but not invalidated. 54 00:04:13,374 --> 00:04:16,252 But if it was introduced to improve standards... 55 00:04:16,414 --> 00:04:19,611 Whatever gave you that idea? 56 00:04:20,574 --> 00:04:24,408 - You mean it was to get rid of class distinction? - Precisely! 57 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:26,769 - So that all children... - Children? 58 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,131 - Who mentioned children? - I just... 59 00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:33,684 The Department of Education never mentions children! 60 00:04:33,854 --> 00:04:38,803 No, no, no, no, Bernard. It was to get rid of class distinction in the teaching profession. 61 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:45,085 Improve the living standard of teachers, not the educational standards of children. 62 00:04:45,254 --> 00:04:48,246 Bring the NUT teachers up to the salary level 63 00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:52,885 of their rivals in the National Association of Schoolmasters in the grammar schools. 64 00:04:53,054 --> 00:04:56,046 - But the... - When there is a Labour government, 65 00:04:56,214 --> 00:05:00,207 the Education Department says comprehensives abolish the class system. 66 00:05:00,374 --> 00:05:04,970 When there's a Tory government, they say it's the cheapest way to provide mass education. 67 00:05:05,134 --> 00:05:08,331 To Labour, we explain that selective education is divisive 68 00:05:08,494 --> 00:05:11,930 and to the Tories we explain that it is expensive. 69 00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:19,210 That way, we have a happy relationship with the NUT and we educate our own children privately. 70 00:05:21,214 --> 00:05:24,923 - But if the government wants change... - The teaching unions don't. 71 00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:28,689 Isn't it our job to persuade unions to accept government policy? 72 00:05:28,854 --> 00:05:33,006 No, it is our job to get the government to accept union policy. 73 00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:38,965 Since government change policy all the time and unions never change their policy at all, 74 00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:43,605 common sense requires that the government be brought in line with the unions. 75 00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:48,606 Yes, Prime Minister? Oh, fine. He can see you now. 76 00:05:49,654 --> 00:05:54,853 Sir Humphrey, he's very worried that he seems responsible for something he can't change. 77 00:05:55,014 --> 00:05:58,006 Yes, I'm sure. Responsibility without power - 78 00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:01,291 the prerogative of the eunuch throughout the ages. 79 00:06:01,454 --> 00:06:05,003 - Prime Minister. - Good morning. What were you saying? 80 00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:09,087 Nothing. I understand you're worried about the local education authority. 81 00:06:09,254 --> 00:06:15,363 - No, the Department of Education and Science. - Indeed? I think the DES does a splendid job. 82 00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:20,688 Look what's happened to education. This is a question from a Religious Studies paper. 83 00:06:20,854 --> 00:06:23,812 "Which do you prefer - atom bombs or charity?" 84 00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:27,725 Even maths is politicised. 85 00:06:27,894 --> 00:06:32,046 "If it costs �5 billion a year to maintain Britain's nuclear defences 86 00:06:32,214 --> 00:06:35,809 "and �75 a year to feed a starving African child, 87 00:06:35,974 --> 00:06:38,772 "how many children could be saved from starvation 88 00:06:38,934 --> 00:06:42,483 "if the Ministry of Defence abandoned nuclear weapons?" 89 00:06:44,014 --> 00:06:48,212 That's easy. None. They'd spend it all on conventional weapons. 90 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:52,208 In any case, it's just a sum. Five billion divided by 75. 91 00:06:52,374 --> 00:06:54,888 But children aren't learning to do the sums. 92 00:06:55,054 --> 00:07:01,289 The local education authorities might argue that they don't need to. They have calculators. 93 00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:06,574 They all need to know HOW it's done. We were all taught basis arithmetic, weren't we? 94 00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:10,727 Were we? What's 3,947 divided by 73? 95 00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:15,684 Er... Oh, I'd need a pencil and paper to do that. No, never mind that. 96 00:07:19,734 --> 00:07:23,124 - I could do it when I left school. - Now you'd use a calculator. 97 00:07:23,294 --> 00:07:27,173 That's not the point. Look at Latin. Hardly anybody knows that now. 98 00:07:27,894 --> 00:07:30,886 Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis. 99 00:07:32,374 --> 00:07:33,966 What? 100 00:07:34,974 --> 00:07:38,205 - Times change and we change with the times. - Precisely. 101 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:43,129 - Si tacuisses, philosophus manisses. - What does that mean? 102 00:07:44,294 --> 00:07:48,287 If you'd kept your mouth shut, we might have thought you were clever. 103 00:07:49,374 --> 00:07:53,731 - I beg your pardon? - Not you, Prime Minister. That's the translation. 104 00:07:53,894 --> 00:07:57,603 No one would have thought Sir Humphrey was saying that about you. 105 00:07:57,774 --> 00:07:59,810 Go away, Bernard, please. 106 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:05,883 I can't believe it. You had a strict academic upbringing. Are you denying the value of it? 107 00:08:06,054 --> 00:08:11,890 What's the use of it? I can't even call upon it in conversation with the PM of Great Britain! 108 00:08:12,054 --> 00:08:14,443 Education in this country is a disaster. 109 00:08:14,614 --> 00:08:18,971 We're supposed to prepare children for work. Most of the time they're bored stiff. 110 00:08:19,134 --> 00:08:23,969 I should've thought that being bored stiff was an excellent preparation for work. 111 00:08:25,454 --> 00:08:29,242 The school leaving age was raised to 16, but they're learning less. 112 00:08:29,414 --> 00:08:31,882 We didn't raise it so they'd learn more 113 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:36,650 but to keep teenagers off the job market and hold down unemployment figures. 114 00:08:36,814 --> 00:08:39,408 Are you saying there's nothing wrong with education? 115 00:08:39,574 --> 00:08:43,044 Of course not. It's a joke. It's always been a joke. 116 00:08:43,214 --> 00:08:47,207 By leaving it in the hands of local councillors, it will remain a joke. 117 00:08:47,374 --> 00:08:49,365 Half of them are your enemies 118 00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:53,812 and the other half are the sort of friends that make you prefer your enemies. 119 00:08:53,974 --> 00:08:57,808 - What are you saying? - That education will never get any better 120 00:08:57,974 --> 00:09:01,444 as long as it's subject to all that tomfoolery in the town halls. 121 00:09:01,614 --> 00:09:05,004 Imagine what would happen if you put defence in their hands. 122 00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:07,734 - Defence? - Give councils �100 million each 123 00:09:07,894 --> 00:09:12,684 and ask them to defend themselves, we'd have a civil war in three weeks! 124 00:09:13,774 --> 00:09:17,244 - You're being silly. - Am I? That's what's happened to education. 125 00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:21,965 And why? Because nobody thinks education is serious the way defence is serious. 126 00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:25,410 So that's why civil defence is in local authority hands? 127 00:09:25,574 --> 00:09:28,372 Of course. Because everybody knows it's a joke. 128 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:33,528 You just don't leave important matters in the hands of those clowns! 129 00:09:33,694 --> 00:09:36,288 And as you've left education to them, 130 00:09:36,454 --> 00:09:40,572 one must assume that, until now, you have attached little importance to it. 131 00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:44,010 It is important. It could lose me the next election. 132 00:09:44,174 --> 00:09:45,971 Ah! 133 00:09:46,134 --> 00:09:51,367 In my naivety, I thought you were concerned about the future of our children. 134 00:09:52,094 --> 00:09:55,689 Yes, that too. After all, they get the vote at 18. 135 00:09:55,854 --> 00:10:01,645 Then, Prime Minister, then centralise. Take it away from the local councils. 136 00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:03,452 Put it under the Department of Education, then you could do something about it. 137 00:10:06,614 --> 00:10:10,527 Do you think I could? Grasp the nettle, take the bull by the horns? 138 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,892 You can't take the bull by the horns if you're grasping the nettle. 139 00:10:15,054 --> 00:10:16,806 Oh, really, Bernard? 140 00:10:17,574 --> 00:10:22,887 By grasping the nettle with one hand, you could take the bull by one horn with the other hand, 141 00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:26,046 but not both horns because your hand isn't big enough. 142 00:10:26,214 --> 00:10:31,004 If you did take the bull by one horn, it would be rather dangerous because... 143 00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:38,528 Well, it was just a mixed metaphor and since we were discussing education, I... 144 00:10:38,694 --> 00:10:41,288 - (BUZZER) - Thank God! 145 00:10:42,294 --> 00:10:45,570 Yes? Your political advisor's outside. 146 00:10:45,734 --> 00:10:48,931 - Send her in, Bernard. Humphrey, thank you. - Thank you. 147 00:10:49,094 --> 00:10:53,645 - You've given me much food for thought. - In that case, Prime Minister, bon app�tit. 148 00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:57,652 Dear lady. 149 00:10:58,334 --> 00:11:02,122 - Yes, Dorothy? - My notes for your tour of the north-west. 150 00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,854 Visits to hospitals and factories. 151 00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:08,484 - Drumming up votes in marginal constituencies. - No! 152 00:11:08,654 --> 00:11:12,249 - Why not? - I'm coming with you if it's a government tour. 153 00:11:12,414 --> 00:11:16,532 If it's canvassing marginals, I can't come and the Treasury can't pay. 154 00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:21,688 It's a government visit. It's coincidence that all the stop-offs are in marginals. 155 00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:24,971 - Well, that's all right, then. - That's OK. 156 00:11:25,134 --> 00:11:27,853 What can I do about education? Quickly. 157 00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:32,053 - You mean do or appear to do? - Appear to do. I can't do, obviously. 158 00:11:32,214 --> 00:11:38,005 Well, in the short term, we could get you on TV associated with something good and successful. 159 00:11:38,174 --> 00:11:41,530 - Is there something? - I had thought of this for your schedule. 160 00:11:41,694 --> 00:11:46,484 - You could fit it in. - St Margaret's School Young Enterprise Scheme. 161 00:11:46,654 --> 00:11:52,047 It's set up its own manufacturing company. They make cheeseboards, paperweights, toast racks, 162 00:11:52,214 --> 00:11:56,002 sell them and track the operation in their business-study classes. 163 00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,452 - They involve local businessmen. Parents help. - Does it cost a lot? 164 00:12:00,614 --> 00:12:04,971 - No, it makes a profit. - Isn't it teaching them to be rather grasping? 165 00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:09,332 - No, they give the money to local charity. - Fine, I'll do it. 166 00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:15,091 Make sure the TV crews have plenty of time to cover me... er... cover the event properly. 167 00:12:15,254 --> 00:12:20,044 Write me a speech with a snappy, 20-second piece for the news bulletins. 168 00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:23,012 - That should win back a few seats. - Prime Minister. 169 00:12:23,174 --> 00:12:27,884 Er, give a lead to those responsible for the nation's education, Bernard. 170 00:12:28,054 --> 00:12:30,249 Of course, Prime Minister. 171 00:12:30,414 --> 00:12:33,804 (NEWSREADER) Finally, the PM visited St Margaret's School 172 00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:35,965 on his north-western tour. 173 00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:39,126 The school has set up a manufacturing business 174 00:12:39,294 --> 00:12:43,731 where the children make a variety of goods for sale in the local community. 175 00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:49,014 The children do their own sales and marketing and use the experience they gain 176 00:12:49,174 --> 00:12:53,213 as a basis for their maths and business studies. 177 00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:57,413 The Prime Minister was presented with an example of the school's output. 178 00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:01,122 In conclusion, I must congratulate you 179 00:13:01,294 --> 00:13:05,731 on all the hard work, the discipline and the success of your enterprise. 180 00:13:05,894 --> 00:13:11,366 You've set an example in British education which other schools would do well to follow. 181 00:13:11,534 --> 00:13:17,450 We need more schools like St Margaret's and I shall always treasure your present. 182 00:13:17,614 --> 00:13:21,402 No Prime Minister ever lost a seat if he could help itl 183 00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:27,524 (NEWSREADER) And that was the six o'clock news from the BBC. 184 00:13:30,494 --> 00:13:32,962 - I thought that was OK, didn't you? - Fine. 185 00:13:33,134 --> 00:13:35,932 - My joke went down well. - MY joke! 186 00:13:36,934 --> 00:13:42,088 Better than Channel 4 coverage. They didn't describe it as the PM's tour of the north-west. 187 00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:46,042 They said, "Jim Hacker touring the marginal constituencies." 188 00:13:46,214 --> 00:13:50,332 - That's true, isn't it? - But they shouldn't say it. It's biased reporting! 189 00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:54,043 - Reporting the facts? - Nothing wrong with visiting the marginals. 190 00:13:54,214 --> 00:13:57,968 - What they said was still true. - It was still biased to say it! 191 00:13:58,134 --> 00:14:02,127 I'm not interested in your paranoia. I was interested in that school. 192 00:14:02,294 --> 00:14:06,970 - Parents queue up to get their children into it. - Pity they can't all get in. Coffee? 193 00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:11,173 - Lovely. - Why can't more parents send children there? 194 00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:14,132 - No room. - There is. School numbers are falling. 195 00:14:14,294 --> 00:14:17,206 - That'd mean poaching the other schools. - So what? 196 00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:19,683 The other schools would have to close. 197 00:14:19,854 --> 00:14:22,732 Great! St Margaret's could take over their buildings. 198 00:14:22,894 --> 00:14:25,727 - Darling, that wouldn't be fair. - Who to? 199 00:14:25,894 --> 00:14:31,810 - The teachers in the schools that had to close. - Good ones could teach at the popular schools. 200 00:14:31,974 --> 00:14:35,649 What about the bad teachers? It wouldn't be fair on them. 201 00:14:35,814 --> 00:14:39,853 What about the children, or are the bad teachers' jobs more important? 202 00:14:40,014 --> 00:14:44,804 Darling, it's... it's no good. Who's to say who are the bad teachers? It just wouldn't work. 203 00:14:44,974 --> 00:14:48,364 - Why not? - Well... it wouldn't work. 204 00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:50,570 - Why not? - What do you mean? 205 00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:56,684 Suppose schools were like doctors. In the NHS, you choose which doctor to go to, don't you? 206 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,322 - Yes. - And he gets paid per patient. 207 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:04,484 Why don't we do the same with schools? Have a National Education Service. 208 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:08,533 Parents could choose the schools and the schools get paid per pupil. 209 00:15:08,694 --> 00:15:11,333 - Exactly! - There'd be an outcry. 210 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:15,203 - From the parents? - No, from the Department of Education. 211 00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:18,764 - I see. And who has the most votes? - The DES would block it. 212 00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:21,528 - Fine, get rid of them. - What? 213 00:15:21,694 --> 00:15:25,289 - Get rid of the Department of Education. - I don't understand you. 214 00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:29,891 Get rid of it, abolish it, remove it, expunge it, 215 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,649 eliminate it, eradicate it, exterminate it! 216 00:15:33,814 --> 00:15:37,204 - Get rid of it! - Get rid of it? 217 00:15:37,374 --> 00:15:39,729 - Yes. - I couldn't do that. 218 00:15:39,894 --> 00:15:43,284 - Why not? What does it do? - I could do that. 219 00:15:44,534 --> 00:15:46,923 Local government could administer the lot. 220 00:15:47,094 --> 00:15:51,292 We could have a Board of School Inspectors. The rest could go to Environment. 221 00:15:51,454 --> 00:15:55,242 I could send that house-trained idiot Henry to the House of Lords. 222 00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:57,974 Golly. I wonder what Humphrey will say. 223 00:15:58,134 --> 00:16:01,331 Whatever he says, I want to be there when you tell him. 224 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,567 To witness the clash between the political will and the administrative will? 225 00:16:05,734 --> 00:16:10,205 I think it'll be a clash between the political will and the administrative won't. 226 00:16:13,894 --> 00:16:17,204 - You sent for me, Prime Minister? - Humphrey, come in. Sit down. 227 00:16:17,374 --> 00:16:22,732 I want to bounce an idea off you. I've realised how to reform the educational system. 228 00:16:23,414 --> 00:16:27,123 Excellent, Prime Minister. (CLAPS HIS HANDS) 229 00:16:27,294 --> 00:16:31,731 I'm going to let parents move their children to any school they want. 230 00:16:32,654 --> 00:16:37,364 You mean after application, scrutiny, tribunal hearing and appeals procedures? 231 00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:42,324 - No, just move them whenever they want to. - I'm sorry. I don't quite follow. 232 00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:47,284 This government will let parents decide which schools to send their children to. 233 00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:50,252 Prime Minister, you can't be serious! 234 00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:52,803 - I am. - But it's preposterous! 235 00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:56,444 - Why? - You can't expect parents to make these choices. 236 00:16:56,614 --> 00:17:00,573 How on earth would parents know which schools are best? 237 00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:04,932 - Which school did you go to, Humphrey? - Winchester. 238 00:17:05,094 --> 00:17:07,927 - Was it good? - Oh, excellent, of course. 239 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:11,484 - Who chose it? - My parents, naturally. 240 00:17:13,614 --> 00:17:18,324 Now, that's different, Prime Minister. My parents were discerning people. 241 00:17:18,494 --> 00:17:22,328 You can't expect ordinary people to know where to send their children. 242 00:17:22,494 --> 00:17:25,645 - Why not? - Well, how could they tell? 243 00:17:25,814 --> 00:17:29,409 They could tell if their kids could read, write and do sums 244 00:17:29,574 --> 00:17:31,724 and if the exam results were good. 245 00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:33,930 - Exam results aren't everything. - True. 246 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:38,884 Parents who don't want an academic education for their children can pick progressive schools. 247 00:17:39,054 --> 00:17:43,252 But parents have no qualifications to make these choices. 248 00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:48,807 Teachers are the professionals. Parents are the worst people to bring up children. 249 00:17:49,814 --> 00:17:55,013 They've no qualifications, no training. You don't expect untrained teachers to teach. 250 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,244 The same should apply to parents. 251 00:17:57,414 --> 00:18:01,612 - Before having children, they should be trained? - No, that's no problem. 252 00:18:01,774 --> 00:18:04,572 They've all been trained to HAVE kids. 253 00:18:04,734 --> 00:18:07,931 Sex-education classes have been standard for some years. 254 00:18:08,094 --> 00:18:10,085 Perhaps we could do better. 255 00:18:10,254 --> 00:18:15,044 Before people can have children, we should make them sit exams - written and practical. 256 00:18:15,214 --> 00:18:19,685 Perhaps both. Then they could be issued with breeding licences. 257 00:18:21,814 --> 00:18:25,204 Oh, very droll, Prime Minister. 258 00:18:25,374 --> 00:18:30,209 No, but I'm being serious. It's looking after children that parents are not qualified for. 259 00:18:30,374 --> 00:18:34,526 That's why they have no idea which schools to choose. It couldn't work. 260 00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:39,563 What about the Health Service? People choose their doctor without medical qualifications. 261 00:18:39,734 --> 00:18:41,929 - Ah, yes, well, that's different. - How? 262 00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:46,690 Well, doctors are... The patients aren't parents, dear lady. 263 00:18:46,854 --> 00:18:50,164 Oh, really? What makes you think that, Humpy? 264 00:18:52,414 --> 00:18:55,406 Not as such. In any case, as a matter of fact, 265 00:18:55,574 --> 00:19:00,773 I think letting people choose doctors is a very bad idea, very messy. 266 00:19:00,934 --> 00:19:05,325 Much tidier to allocate people to GPs, much fairer. 267 00:19:05,494 --> 00:19:10,170 Then everyone has an equal chance of getting the bad doctors. 268 00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:14,532 - I see. - In any case, we're talking about education. 269 00:19:14,694 --> 00:19:16,685 With respect, Prime Minister, 270 00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:22,053 I think that the DES will react with some caution to your rather novel proposals. 271 00:19:22,214 --> 00:19:26,366 - You mean they'll block it. - They will give it urgent consideration 272 00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:30,527 and insist on a thorough and rigorous examination of all the proposals 273 00:19:30,694 --> 00:19:34,164 allied to a detailed feasibility study and budget analysis 274 00:19:34,334 --> 00:19:39,362 before producing a consultative document for consideration by all interested bodies 275 00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:43,129 and seeking comments and recommendations to be included in a brief 276 00:19:43,294 --> 00:19:47,367 for a series of working parties who will produce individual studies 277 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:51,527 which will provide the background for a more wide-ranging document 278 00:19:51,694 --> 00:19:57,451 considering whether or not the proposal should be taken forward to the next stage. 279 00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,686 - You mean they'll block it. - Yeah. 280 00:20:01,654 --> 00:20:03,406 - No problem. - We thought you'd say that. 281 00:20:03,574 --> 00:20:05,246 - We have a solution. - Oh, yes? 282 00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:07,166 We'll abolish the DES. 283 00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:12,049 - I'm sorry? - We'll abolish it. 284 00:20:12,214 --> 00:20:14,364 - Abolish it? - Why not? 285 00:20:14,534 --> 00:20:16,843 Abolish Education and Science?! 286 00:20:17,014 --> 00:20:22,407 - That'd be the end of civilisation as we know it! - Only the department. Education will flourish. 287 00:20:22,574 --> 00:20:26,886 - With no government department? Impossible! - Departments are tombstones. 288 00:20:27,054 --> 00:20:30,251 The Department of Industry marks the grave of industry, 289 00:20:30,414 --> 00:20:33,212 the Department of Employment, that of employment, 290 00:20:33,374 --> 00:20:36,571 the Department of Environment, that of the environment. 291 00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:41,603 And the Department of Education marks where the corpse of British education is buried. 292 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,242 What does the DES do? What's its role? 293 00:20:44,414 --> 00:20:47,133 I hardly know where to begin! 294 00:20:47,294 --> 00:20:50,252 It lays down guidelines, it centralises 295 00:20:50,414 --> 00:20:55,613 and channels money into education authorities, University Grants Committee, it sets standards! 296 00:20:55,774 --> 00:20:58,527 - Does it set the curriculum? - It would like to! 297 00:20:58,694 --> 00:21:02,482 - Select and change head teachers? - Maintain school buildings? 298 00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:04,292 - No... - Set exams? 299 00:21:04,454 --> 00:21:07,446 - No... - Does it choose the children? 300 00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:12,483 - How does it affect what a child does at school? - It supplies 60% of the cash. 301 00:21:12,654 --> 00:21:16,203 Why can't the cash go from the Treasury to the schools? 302 00:21:16,374 --> 00:21:19,923 Do we need 2,000 civil servants to funnel money from A to B? 303 00:21:20,094 --> 00:21:24,053 The DES also creates a legislative framework for education. 304 00:21:24,214 --> 00:21:29,493 Not much legislation. Environment could do that. They deal with other local authority matters. 305 00:21:29,654 --> 00:21:31,645 You can't be serious! 306 00:21:31,814 --> 00:21:36,524 Who'd assess forward planning and staffing variations, variations in pupil populations, 307 00:21:36,694 --> 00:21:39,686 density of schooling required in urban and rural areas? 308 00:21:39,854 --> 00:21:43,642 - Who'd make sure everything ran properly? - 2,500 private schools 309 00:21:43,814 --> 00:21:48,012 seem to solve these problems every day without any help from the DES. 310 00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:50,768 They respond to changing circumstances. 311 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:54,324 - Supply and demand. It's easy. - Who would plan for the future? 312 00:21:54,494 --> 00:21:57,486 Education today is what the department planned? 313 00:21:57,654 --> 00:22:00,407 Well, of... No, of course not! 314 00:22:00,574 --> 00:22:04,567 - Is there anything else that the DES does? - Well, it... it... 315 00:22:05,614 --> 00:22:09,209 Well, we don't need it, then, do we? QED. 316 00:22:10,534 --> 00:22:12,729 Quod erat demonstrandum. 317 00:22:15,894 --> 00:22:18,362 I really... Quite unthinkable. 318 00:22:18,534 --> 00:22:24,052 Once they start abolishing whole departments, the very foundations of civilisation crumble. 319 00:22:24,214 --> 00:22:28,924 - Barbarians at the gates. - The return of the Dark Ages. 320 00:22:29,094 --> 00:22:32,882 Did anything like this crop up when you were Cabinet Secretary? 321 00:22:33,054 --> 00:22:38,287 No. We let them amalgamate departments, but that worked very well. 322 00:22:38,454 --> 00:22:41,048 Yes, quite. You keep the existing staff 323 00:22:41,214 --> 00:22:45,412 and you put in an extra layer of coordinating management at the top. 324 00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:51,683 Exactly. But you have to stop the liquidation of the Department of Education, Humphrey. 325 00:22:51,854 --> 00:22:55,051 Have you tried discrediting the person who proposed it? 326 00:22:55,214 --> 00:22:59,651 No point. It was the Wainwright female, so he's passing it off as his own idea. 327 00:22:59,814 --> 00:23:05,252 - Discrediting the facts behind it? - It's a political idea, so facts don't come into it. 328 00:23:07,534 --> 00:23:11,129 - Massaging the figures? - No figures are involved. 329 00:23:11,294 --> 00:23:15,128 But it's hard to get the Prime Minister to see that it's a bad idea. 330 00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:19,890 Of course. It's actually a very good idea. It just mustn't happen. 331 00:23:20,894 --> 00:23:26,048 I wonder if we oughtn't to play along with it - in the interests of the nation's children. 332 00:23:26,214 --> 00:23:30,685 Never mind the nation's children. What about our colleagues at the DES? 333 00:23:30,854 --> 00:23:33,573 - Of course. Sorry. - Let's be clear about this. 334 00:23:33,734 --> 00:23:37,443 The only people who'll like this idea are the parents and the children. 335 00:23:37,614 --> 00:23:40,811 Everyone who counts will be against it. 336 00:23:40,974 --> 00:23:43,329 - Teachers' unions. - Local authorities. 337 00:23:43,494 --> 00:23:47,533 - Educational press. - And, of course, the DES. 338 00:23:47,694 --> 00:23:53,326 - So what's the strategy? - Unions can be counted on to disrupt the schools. 339 00:23:53,494 --> 00:23:57,009 And go on TV saying the government are causing the disruption. 340 00:23:57,174 --> 00:24:03,249 Good. Local councils will threaten to turn the constituency parties against the government. 341 00:24:03,414 --> 00:24:07,407 The Department of Education will delay every stage of the process 342 00:24:07,574 --> 00:24:10,771 and leak anything that embarrasses the government. 343 00:24:10,934 --> 00:24:14,324 We can help with that at the Campaign for Freedom of Information. 344 00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:16,246 Thank you, Arnold. 345 00:24:17,294 --> 00:24:19,091 Ah, thanks. 346 00:24:21,134 --> 00:24:25,685 But what are we actually... Thank you, Billy. What's our argument? 347 00:24:26,334 --> 00:24:31,362 Well, obviously, that this new proposal will destroy our educational system. 348 00:24:31,534 --> 00:24:35,732 - Everybody knows it's destroyed already. - Well, we will say... 349 00:24:35,894 --> 00:24:41,491 Sorry, the press will say that it's government interference in the DES that destroyed it 350 00:24:41,654 --> 00:24:44,327 and that this new plan will make things worse. 351 00:24:44,494 --> 00:24:48,328 - Will that do the trick? - It always has in the past. 352 00:24:48,494 --> 00:24:55,013 - But this time the political pressure is stronger. - You must find a political weapon to fight it with. 353 00:24:56,414 --> 00:24:59,770 What political weapon did you have in mind, Arnold? 354 00:25:00,334 --> 00:25:03,531 I? That is your concern, Humphrey. 355 00:25:03,894 --> 00:25:09,526 Your chance to prove yourself worthy of the high office to which you've been called. 356 00:25:15,774 --> 00:25:18,413 - The PM's ready to see you. - What's it about? 357 00:25:18,574 --> 00:25:22,965 - The abolition of the DES, I'm afraid. - This is going to be bloody. 358 00:25:23,134 --> 00:25:26,729 - There's a minor matter I need your advice... - Is it important? 359 00:25:26,894 --> 00:25:29,283 - Not important but urgent. - What is it? 360 00:25:29,454 --> 00:25:34,050 You know that enterprise school the PM visited, when they gave him that stool? 361 00:25:34,214 --> 00:25:38,253 It's just come to light that the wood they were using was stolen. 362 00:25:38,414 --> 00:25:40,405 Bernard, this is hardly... 363 00:25:43,334 --> 00:25:45,131 Stolen? 364 00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:50,129 Yes, it was government property stolen from a YTS workshop last year. 365 00:25:51,094 --> 00:25:53,085 How shocking. 366 00:25:54,334 --> 00:25:57,929 It was referred to the DES, as the theft came to light at a school. 367 00:25:58,094 --> 00:26:01,245 They don't know whether to prosecute. Sorry to bother... 368 00:26:01,414 --> 00:26:03,803 Don't mention it, Bernard. 369 00:26:06,534 --> 00:26:08,525 Show me in. 370 00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:13,891 Come in, Humphrey. Come in, come in! Sit down. 371 00:26:14,054 --> 00:26:17,933 Only one item on the agenda today - the abolition of the DES. 372 00:26:18,094 --> 00:26:23,043 Actually, if there's only one item, it's an agenDUM. 373 00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:27,685 I don't think the Prime Minister's got as far as the second declension. 374 00:26:27,854 --> 00:26:33,292 I don't mind your scoring cheap debating points since you've already lost the battle of the DES. 375 00:26:33,454 --> 00:26:37,732 - The DES will be very upset. - Does it matter since they'll cease to exist? 376 00:26:37,894 --> 00:26:41,284 The process will take a few years. They'll fight tooth and nail. 377 00:26:41,454 --> 00:26:44,651 - What can they do to me? - They're a formidable department. 378 00:26:44,814 --> 00:26:48,124 - I am a formidable Prime Minister. - Indeed you are. 379 00:26:48,294 --> 00:26:51,092 But you might still need their cooperation. 380 00:26:51,254 --> 00:26:55,964 Cooperation? From the Department of Education? Don't make me laugh! 381 00:26:56,814 --> 00:27:00,807 Fine, fine. I'll tell them to go ahead with the prosecution, then. 382 00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:06,093 - What prosecution? - Oh, it's hardly worth bothering you with. 383 00:27:06,254 --> 00:27:09,485 That enterprise school where you were televised last week. 384 00:27:09,654 --> 00:27:13,647 - Yes? - The profits... A model for other schools... 385 00:27:13,814 --> 00:27:15,805 Yes, yes, go on. 386 00:27:15,974 --> 00:27:21,253 - The profits were the proceeds of theft. - Theft? What do you mean, theft? 387 00:27:22,094 --> 00:27:27,043 I mean removing goods without the knowledge or consent of the owner with the intent of... 388 00:27:27,214 --> 00:27:30,206 I know what theft means. What do YOU mean? 389 00:27:30,374 --> 00:27:32,842 Well, the stool that they gave you 390 00:27:33,014 --> 00:27:36,723 was made from wood appropriated from the local YTS workshops. 391 00:27:36,894 --> 00:27:40,284 - What do you mean? - It was nicked. 392 00:27:40,454 --> 00:27:42,684 By two of last year's pupils. 393 00:27:42,854 --> 00:27:45,812 - A pair of nickers. - Thank you, Bernard. 394 00:27:46,814 --> 00:27:49,123 The YTS want to prosecute. 395 00:27:49,294 --> 00:27:53,572 Now, the Department of Education could stop them. 396 00:27:53,734 --> 00:27:56,771 You know, return the wood and hush it up. 397 00:27:56,934 --> 00:28:00,483 Millions saw me on TV saying that school was an example! 398 00:28:00,654 --> 00:28:03,214 Well, it is a sort of example. 399 00:28:03,374 --> 00:28:05,126 They mustn't prosecute! 400 00:28:05,294 --> 00:28:10,732 I hope the Department of Education won't leak the fact that you're covering up for crooks. 401 00:28:10,894 --> 00:28:14,887 - You must tell them not to prosecute. - That would need their cooperation. 402 00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:20,446 I can just see the newspapers - "Jim's enterprising crooks. 403 00:28:20,614 --> 00:28:26,246 "The Prime Minister has sat on the fence for so long that now he's become one." 404 00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:30,763 Persuade them not to prosecute. 405 00:28:30,934 --> 00:28:36,645 It's very difficult to persuade people to cooperate if they are actually under a death sentence. 406 00:28:36,814 --> 00:28:40,090 - Death sentence? - If you're abolishing the department. 407 00:28:40,694 --> 00:28:42,173 Oh! 408 00:28:42,334 --> 00:28:44,131 Oh, that! 409 00:28:44,894 --> 00:28:48,204 No, that was just... a vague idea... 410 00:28:50,414 --> 00:28:52,405 ...of Dorothy's. 411 00:28:53,614 --> 00:28:55,809 An idle thought. Nothing serious. 412 00:28:55,974 --> 00:28:57,805 - You're sure? - Positive. 413 00:28:57,974 --> 00:29:02,764 Splendid, Prime Minister. Shall we now continue with the agendum? 414 00:29:02,934 --> 00:29:06,324 Agendum? Oh, yes! 415 00:29:06,494 --> 00:29:08,325 We have no agendum. 416 00:29:08,494 --> 00:29:11,691 (RHYTHMICALLY) We have no agendum today! 417 00:29:14,214 --> 00:29:17,251 Business concluded. All right, Humphrey? 418 00:29:18,014 --> 00:29:20,005 Yes, Prime Minister.