1 00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:06,006 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:09,313 Narrator: NORTH OF THE NORTH POLE AND SOUTH OF THE STARS LIES 3 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:13,056 A QUAINT LITTLE VILLAGE CALLED STINKY CIGARS. 4 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,362 [SIREN PULSE] 5 00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,712 THE NAME IS SO AWFUL THAT FOLKS PASS RIGHT BY IT. 6 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:19,802 IT'S A TRICK THAT WE USE TO KEEP OUR TOWN QUIET. 7 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:22,544 YOU'LL SEE THAT WE'VE GOT SOME CELEBRITIES HERE-- 8 00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,416 THE GROUNDHOG, COLUMBUS, AND CHINESE NEW YEAR. 9 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,679 THERE'S JACK FROST AND WASHINGTON, 10 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,029 LINCOLN AND CUPID, 11 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:32,162 AND DEAR APRIL FOOL, WHO'S AS SWEET AS HE'S STUPID. 12 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,468 YAHTZEE. 13 00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:34,599 OH! MAN! 14 00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:36,340 Narrator: ST. PAT AND ST. NICHOLAS FILL 15 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:37,298 OUR SAINT QUOTA. 16 00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,212 [IRISH ACCENT] IF YOU'RE LOOKING 17 00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,214 FOR ST. PAUL, CHECK MINNESOTA. 18 00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,606 HO HO! HAR HAR HAR. 19 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,087 Narrator: YOU HAVE TO BE PROUD AND A LITTLE BIT NUTS 20 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,090 TO HONOR A BANNER WITH TWO SMELLY BUTTS. 21 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,918 [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] 22 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:52,052 PLEASE JOIN ME IN OUR TOWN ANTHEM. 23 00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:54,358 ♪ HO HO HO HO 24 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:55,533 ♪ HO HO HO HO HO! 25 00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:59,929 All: ♪ STINKY CIGARS 26 00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:03,454 ♪ STINKY CIGARS 27 00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,717 ♪ THERE'S NO PLACE ON EARTH 28 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,197 ♪ AND NO PLACE ON MARS ♪ 29 00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:11,158 ♪ THAT'S AS HAPPY AS STINKY CIGARS ♪ 30 00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,203 ♪ THE CATS NEVER SCRATCH 31 00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:14,683 ♪ THE DOGS NEVER BITE ♪ 32 00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:17,816 ♪ THE SUN SHINES ALL DAY AND NIGHT ♪ 33 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:21,690 Men: ♪ ALL DAY AND NIGHT 34 00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:24,954 ♪ UH! 35 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,390 ♪ "S" TO THE T-I 36 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,696 ♪ "N" TO THE K-Y 37 00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:29,132 Marshmallow bunnies: ♪ STINKY, STINKY CIGARS 38 00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,787 ♪ UH! LIFE IN THE S-C IS KIND OF A DREAM ♪ 39 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:34,398 ♪ THERE'S A CANDY CANE TREE BY A BUTTERSCOTCH STREAM ♪ 40 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,487 ♪ IF YOUR TEETH ALL GO ROTTEN, WELL, DON'T YOU SCREAM ♪ 41 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:40,839 ♪ 'CAUSE THE DENTIST GIVES FILLINGS OF CHOCOLATE CREAM ♪ 42 00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,667 Marshmallow bunnies: ♪ SWEET 43 00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:45,409 ♪ 44 00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:50,806 All: ♪ STINKY CIGARS 45 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,548 ♪ STINKY CIGARS 46 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,420 Easter Bunny: ♪ YEAH, THE STREETS ARE ALL PAVED ♪ 47 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,422 ♪ WITH CHOCOLATE BARS 48 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:02,034 ♪ THERE'S NO SMOKING IN STINKY CIGARS ♪ 49 00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:05,908 ♪ I PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A PRICELESS RENOIR ♪ 50 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:10,130 Santa: ♪ THAT'S NO PROBLEM IN STINKY CIGARS ♪ 51 00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:13,829 All: ♪ NO ONE'S GOT PROBLEMS 52 00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:22,881 ♪ IN STINKY CIGARS 53 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,976 WELL, THAT KILLED HALF THE DAY. 54 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,457 WE'VE GOT TO GET A SHORTER ANTHEM. 55 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,590 Narrator: IT'S A NICE PLACE TO WORK. 56 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,548 IT'S A NICE PLACE TO GROW UP. 57 00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:39,246 IT'S SUCH A NICE PLACE, 58 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:40,595 YOU JUST WANT TO THROW UP. 59 00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:43,250 Narrator: EVERYONE'S HAPPY, EXCEPT MURRAY WEINER, 60 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,208 OWNER OF MURRAY'S HOLIDAY DINER. 61 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,471 MURRAY IS GROUCHY AND CRANKY AND CRABBY, 62 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:50,039 NASTY AND GHASTLY, OBNOXIOUS AND FLABBY, 63 00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,997 ILL-TEMPERED, ILL-NATURED, MALEVOLENT AND-- 64 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,825 Murray: ALL RIGHT! THEY GET IT. 65 00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,740 YET STILL EVERYONE IN THE HOLIDAY BUNCH 66 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,917 WOULD COME INTO MURRAY'S TO HAVE A GREAT LUNCH. 67 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,223 YOU MIGHT SEE GEORGE WASHINGTON 68 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,269 EATING AND DRINKING ON PRESIDENT'S DAY 69 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,531 WITH ABRAHAM LINCOLN. 70 00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:06,273 AND HOW, YOU MIGHT WONDER, DID SANTA GET THAT? 71 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,274 JUST THANK MURRAY'S 72 00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:09,101 CHOCOLATE-CHIP CHEESECAKE FOR THAT. 73 00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:12,409 HO HO HO! [BURPS] 74 00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:15,499 YOU GET THE BAGELS. YOU GOT THE CHILI. 75 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:19,547 THANKSGIVING TURKEY, STUFF YOURSELF SILLY. 76 00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,724 CUPID, YOU'RE SWEET. I DON'T WANT TO BE PUSHY. 77 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:26,771 BUT GET OFF MY SEAT WITH YOUR BARE-NAKED TUSHY. 78 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,514 [ARROW STRIKES OBJECT] OOH. 79 00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,997 HERE'S YOUR ROAST BEEF, LEPRECHAUN. 80 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,261 THIS IS RARE. I WANT WELL-DONE. 81 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,612 MUCH OBLIGED. 82 00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,353 Narrator: AND BACK IN THE CORNER, ALL BY HIMSELF, 83 00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:46,095 SAT AN ODD LITTLE FELLOW NAMED EDISON ELF. 84 00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:48,140 WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLAYING WITH FOOD? 85 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:50,360 IT'S WASTEFUL AND DIRTY AND TERRIBLY RUDE. 86 00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:54,321 I'M JUST SITTING HERE QUIETLY MAKING A RACKET. 87 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,671 I'M EDISON ELF. I'M A BIT OF A TINKERER. 88 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,891 KID, AS A TINKERER, YOU ARE A STINKERER. 89 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,241 HEY! I INVENTED HORSE SOCKS... 90 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,330 [SNIFFS] TO GO WITH HORSESHOES... 91 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,418 AND A LOUD WATCH ALARM 92 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,942 FOR PEOPLE WHO SNOOZE. 93 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:08,509 [ALARM] 94 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,423 I'M UP! I'M UP! 95 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,554 AND HERE IS A TOY THAT I KNOW 96 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:11,599 KIDS WILL LOVE. 97 00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:12,817 IT'S A JACK-IN-THE-BOX 98 00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,428 WITH A SPRING BOXING GLOVE. 99 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,257 ["POP GOES THE WEASEL" PLAYS] 100 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,912 I CALL IT A JACK-IN-THE-BOXER. 101 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:24,438 BOX, BOXER, GLOVE. IT'S A PUN. 102 00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,309 THIS WOULD AT LEAST GET AN HONORABLE MENTION 103 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:29,573 IF THERE WERE A CONTEST FOR WORLD'S WORST INVENTION. 104 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:30,357 WHAT? 105 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,793 IT'S STUPID. IT'S CLEVER. 106 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,142 IT'S NASTY. IT'S NICE. 107 00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,753 GO SHOW IT TO SANTA AND GET HIS ADVICE. 108 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,799 I WILL. I WILL! 109 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,541 HE FORGOT TO PAY HIS BILL. 110 00:04:43,195 --> 00:04:45,502 [HAMMERING] 111 00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:50,855 All: ♪ OH, WE WORK, WORK 112 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,640 ♪ WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 113 00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,903 ♪ WE WORK WITH GREAT ENDURANCE 114 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,383 ♪ WE NEVER MISS A DAY OF WORK 115 00:04:56,426 --> 00:05:00,517 ♪ 'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE ♪ 116 00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,957 ♪ WE WORK ALL NIGHT, WE WORK ALL DAY ♪ 117 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,177 ♪ WE LOVE OUR JOBS, BUT COME ON, HEY ♪ 118 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:13,791 ♪ WE NEVER GET A DIME OF PAY 119 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,053 ♪ WE JUST WORK, WORK 120 00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:20,145 ♪ WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 121 00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:21,451 Santa: HO HO! 122 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:22,844 NICE WORK, DAVE. 123 00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,106 MY NAME IS CHET. 124 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,021 BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS CHET. 125 00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,022 I'M DOLORES. 126 00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,850 AND YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY. 127 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,766 I'VE BEEN HERE 87 YEARS. 128 00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:33,811 OK, BREAK'S OVER. BACK TO WORK. 129 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:34,943 All: ♪ OH, WE WORK, WORK 130 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,553 ♪ WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 131 00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,512 ♪ WE REALLY BUST OUR HEINIES ♪ 132 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,731 ♪ THEY HIRE ELVES FOR THIS WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 133 00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:44,431 ♪ 'CAUSE WE'RE CHEAPER THAN THE CHINESE ♪ 134 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:47,608 ♪ BUT IT'S STILL ONE OF LIFE'S GREAT JOYS ♪ 135 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:50,175 ♪ TO EARN A LIVING MAKING TOYS ♪ 136 00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,003 ♪ I'M GOING CRAZY 137 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,919 ♪ FROM THIS NOISE 138 00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:58,401 Elves: ♪ HE'S BERSERK, SERK, SERK, SERK, SERK, SERK, SERK ♪ 139 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:03,624 ♪ BERSERK 140 00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,801 WHO WANTS COCOA? 141 00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,019 YES, PLEASE! ME! ME! I DO! 142 00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:10,500 IT'S $8 FOR THE LARGE, 5 BUCKS FOR THE SMALL. 143 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:12,067 Elf: FOR A LOUSY COFFEE? 144 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:12,937 WOW. THAT HURTS. 145 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,331 ALL RIGHT. DOUBLE TIME. 146 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:23,383 ♪ WHAT A JERK, JERK, JERK, JERK, JERK, JERK, JERK ♪ 147 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,775 ♪ SANTA CLAUS CAN BE 148 00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:27,778 ♪ STILL, IT'S NICE TO HAVE SOME WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 149 00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,955 ♪ IN THIS ECONOMY 150 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:39,442 ♪ I GO TO WORK BESIDE MY DAD ♪ 151 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:44,447 ♪ I HAVE THE JOB MY FATHER HAD ♪ 152 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,535 ♪ THIS PLACE 153 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:50,061 ♪ ISN'T ALL THAT BAD ♪ 154 00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,063 ♪ GET TO WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 155 00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,762 ♪ WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK ♪ 156 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,982 HE'S A GREAT GUY OUTSIDE THE OFFICE. 157 00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,942 Narrator: AT SANTA'S WORKSHOP ON CHRISTMAS EVE DAY, 158 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,335 ZILLIONS OF TOYS WERE STUFFED INTO THE SLEIGH. 159 00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:07,078 THERE WERE JACKS AND WAX LIPS AND ALL KINDS OF LOOSE STUFF-- 160 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:08,515 CRUMPUNGLERS, TUMPUZZLERS. 161 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,081 YOU KNOW, DR. SEUSS STUFF. 162 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,996 THERE WERE DOLLS THAT SAID "MAMA" 163 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,215 AND DOLLS THAT SAID "GOO," 164 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,521 DOLLS THAT MADE MUSIC... 165 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:15,913 AND DOLLS THAT MADE POOH. 166 00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,394 THERE WERE DOLLS THAT GREW TALL AT A PUSH OF A BUTTON 167 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,484 AND A DOLL, BEST OF ALL, THAT DIDN'T DO NOTHING. 168 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,268 SANTA WAS READY, ABOUT TO TAKE OFF, 169 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:27,011 WHEN FROM BEHIND HIM, HE HEARD A SMALL COUGH. 170 00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:27,969 [COUGHS] 171 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:28,883 SANTA--AHEM. 172 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,145 COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? 173 00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:32,930 I'D JUST LIKE TO SHOW YOU MY LATEST INVENTION. 174 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,192 YES? 175 00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,977 MY JACK-IN-THE-BOXER BELONGS ON YOUR LIST. 176 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:39,023 IT'S A JACK-IN-THE-BOX WITH A FABULOUS TWIST. 177 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,678 ["POP GOES THE WEASEL" PLAYS] 178 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:47,815 AAAARGGH! 179 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,818 YOU'RE, UH, SUPPOSED TO POINT IT 180 00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,602 AWAY FROM YOUR FACE. 181 00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,648 HO HO! DON'T WORRY, SON. 182 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,563 I'M PERFECTLY SCHNIBBLE 183 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,042 AND READY TO GLIBBLE. 184 00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,088 YOU'RE STARTING TO DRIBBLE. 185 00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:02,090 REALLY? 186 00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,049 Narrator: ALL OF THE TOYS FELL OUT OF THE SLED. 187 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,575 AND THEY BOUNCED ONE BY ONE OFF OF POOR SANTA'S HEAD. 188 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:09,619 [SQUEAK] 189 00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:10,881 MAMA! [SQUEAK] 190 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:14,015 [PPPBBBLLLTT] GAH! 191 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,714 OH, NUTMEG. 192 00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:20,804 [RUMBLING OUTSIDE] 193 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,458 ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT? 194 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,243 [EXCITED CHATTER] 195 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,899 HMM, IT NEEDS WORK. 196 00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,901 [CHUCKLES WEAKLY] 197 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:40,911 GLOBBLE, GLIBBLE, ISH, KIBIBBLE. HEE HEE! 198 00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:43,348 MMM! 199 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,220 APPETITE--GOOD. 200 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,438 Narrator: WHEN SOMEONE IS HAVING 201 00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:47,309 A LESS THAN A JOLLY DAY, 202 00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:48,702 THEY CALL ON THIS MAN. 203 00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,355 HIS NAME IS DOC HOLIDAY. 204 00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,792 DIAPER RASH. 205 00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,445 OOH! OOH! SEASICKNESS. 206 00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:56,361 I'M UNDER SUCH PRESSURE TO SEE MY SHADOW 207 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,059 AND GET WINTER OVER ALREADY. 208 00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:01,453 WHAT IF I DON'T SEE IT? I MEAN, SHOULD I LIE? 209 00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:03,151 DIAPER RASH. 210 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:06,502 AAH! NO... CLAUS-TROPHOBIA. 211 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,809 ONE YEAR I WAS CERTAIN I SAW MY SHADOW, 212 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,202 BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN OIL STAIN 213 00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:12,377 ON THE PAVEMENT. 214 00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:15,903 I CANNOT TELL A LIE. HA HA. YOU'RE FAT. 215 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:19,602 I'M A RODENT, NOT A METEOROLOGIST. 216 00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:22,605 UH, DIAPER RASH. 217 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,694 UH, HOW'S IT LOOK, DOC? 218 00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:26,870 WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THE BAD NEWS FIRST? 219 00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:29,003 I'D RATHER HEAR THE GOOD NEWS. 220 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,613 OH, I DIDN'T SAY THERE'S GOOD NEWS. 221 00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:34,530 HEH HEH. IN LAYMAN'S TERMS, SANTA CLAUS IS SUFFERING 222 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,966 FROM... 223 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:39,448 ♪ SUPERFICIAL FRACTURES OF HIS LITTLE BABY TOESES ♪ 224 00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:40,884 ♪ HIS EARS MOVED SOUTH 225 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:43,974 ♪ AND NOW HIS MOUTH IS PUSHED UP WHERE HIS NOSE IS ♪ 226 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:47,630 ♪ I'M PRESCRIBING ASPIRIN IN SUPER MEGADOSES ♪ 227 00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:51,634 ♪ FOR SUPERFICIAL FRACTURES OF HIS WITTLE, BITTY TOESES ♪ 228 00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,984 WHERE EXACTLY DID YOU GO TO MED SCHOOL? 229 00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,116 COLOMBIA. 230 00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,247 BOGOTA, COLOMBIA. 231 00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,554 ♪ HE'S GOT INFLAMMATION AND ABRASIONS ♪ 232 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,121 ♪ BRUISES AND CONTUSIONS 233 00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,949 ♪ SPINAL FUSION, GREAT CONFUSION ♪ 234 00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:04,821 ♪ MARKED BY WEIRD DELUSIONS ♪ 235 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,736 ♪ I'M A PRETTY LITTLE GIRL ♪ 236 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,651 ♪ MY MOMMY CALLS ME SUSAN ♪ 237 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,610 Holiday: ♪ INFLAMMATION AND ABRASIONS ♪ 238 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,003 ♪ BRUISES AND CONTUSIONS ♪ 239 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,049 Narrator: DOC HOLIDAY NEVER CURED ANYTHING. 240 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:19,183 BUT YOU HAD TO ADMIT, THE GUY SURE LOVED TO SING. 241 00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:23,492 ♪ HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! OY! ♪ 242 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:26,974 STOP. STOP! THIS IS TERRIBLE! 243 00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:30,673 ♪ I DIDN'T MEAN TO FRIGHTEN YOU ♪ 244 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,545 ♪ IT'S JUST A SLIGHT CONCUSSION ♪ 245 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:36,766 ♪ I KNOW THAT YOU FEEL TERRIBLE ♪ 246 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:41,466 ♪ THE BAD NEWS MUST BE CRUSHIN' ♪ 247 00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:47,255 ♪ MAKE SURE HE GETS LOTS OF REST ♪ 248 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:51,041 ♪ SO THERE'S NO REPERCUSSIONS ♪ 249 00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:52,173 I WILL. 250 00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,522 ♪ BUT CHRISTMAS MUST BE CANCELED ♪ 251 00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:57,526 ♪ THAT'S THE END OF THE DISCUSSION ♪ 252 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,834 ♪ CHRISTMAS MUST BE CANCELED ♪ 253 00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:06,927 ♪ THAT'S THE END OF THE DISCUSSION ♪ 254 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,060 [WIND] 255 00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,366 ALL RIGHT. I RUINED CHRISTMAS. 256 00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:14,412 I MEAN, THAT'S NOT THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. 257 00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,718 ACTUALLY, IT IS. 258 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:19,635 I'VE DONE THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. 259 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,724 PEOPLE WILL FORGIVE ME IN TIME. 260 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,988 THEY'LL BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK AT THIS AND LAUGH-- 261 00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:29,210 HA HA--IN SAY 6 BILLION, 8 BILLION YEARS. 262 00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:32,735 SO LET'S REVIEW. I HURT SANTA, BROKE HIS TOYS, 263 00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:36,521 RUINED CHRISTMAS, AND NOW I'M STUCK IN A TRENCH. 264 00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,698 HELP! HELP! 265 00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,743 [BELL ON HAT RINGS] 266 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,745 HMM... 267 00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,617 [ALARM] 268 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,709 [EXCITED CHATTER] 269 00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:54,975 [SAWING] 270 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:56,150 OOF! 271 00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:58,500 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHAT'S ALL THE RUMPUS? 272 00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:02,678 SO LONG, EASTER BUNNY. GOOD-BYE, COLUMBUS. 273 00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:13,602 [CHEERING] 274 00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,474 Narrator: THERE IN THE SNOW STOOD THE HOLIDAY STARS, 275 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,128 EVERY LAST PERSON IN STINKY CIGARS. 276 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,652 THERE WERE EVEN A FEW WHO WEREN'T SO FAMOUS, 277 00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:23,394 LIKE ARBOR DAY AARDVARK AND LABOR DAY AMOS. 278 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,484 YOU ALL SAVED MY LIFE. THANKS GOODNESS YOU CAME! 279 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:30,227 BUT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED, AND I AM TO BLAME. 280 00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:31,446 [CROWD GASPS] 281 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,535 FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW ME, I'M EDISON ELF. 282 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,407 AND I'M AFRAID SANTA IS NOT QUITE HIMSELF. 283 00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:40,672 Santa: HELLO! I'M QUEEN HANNA OF BANANALAND. 284 00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:45,025 BANANAS FOR YOU AND YOU AND ESPECIALLY YOU. 285 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:48,593 YES, YOUR MAJESTY. LET'S GET BACK TO THE CASTLE. 286 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,901 Santa: GENTLY, SIR. BANANAS BRUISE EASILY. 287 00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:55,687 I'M AFRAID IT'S MY FAULT THAT HE'S UNDER THE WEATHER. 288 00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:59,517 AND THERE WON'T BE A CHRISTMAS UNLESS WE PULL TOGETHER. 289 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,955 IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH, AND IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY. 290 00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:05,828 SO LET US UNITE AND WIN ONE FOR ST. NICKY! 291 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,787 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 292 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,919 Edison: ♪ GOT LOTS AND LOTS OF PROBLEMS ♪ 293 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,921 ♪ AND THE TIME IS TIGHT 294 00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:14,445 ♪ GOT TO HAND OUT ALL THOSE PRESENTS ♪ 295 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,099 ♪ BY THE END OF THE NIGHT 296 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:19,799 ♪ WE GOT A WHOLE LOT THAT WE GOT TO ACHIEVE ♪ 297 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:23,846 ♪ BUT YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ON CHRISTMAS EVE ♪ 298 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,630 Men: ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 299 00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:26,980 ♪ WHEN? 300 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,111 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE EXACTLY. 301 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,199 ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE 302 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:30,287 WHAT DAY WAS THAT AGAIN? 303 00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,245 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE 304 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:32,420 WELL, AREN'T YOU GUYS SMART. 305 00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,117 OH, COME ON. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 306 00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:36,119 ♪ WHEN THEY TOLD THE EASTER BUNNY ♪ 307 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,556 ♪ THAT HE HAD TO BRING THOSE EGGS ♪ 308 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,515 ♪ HE SAID, "I CANNOT DO IT" ♪ 309 00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:42,604 ♪ "WITH MY TINY, LITTLE LEGS" ♪ 310 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,867 ♪ THEY SAID, "IF YOU DON'T DO THIS" ♪ 311 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,695 ♪ "THEN THE KIDS ARE GONNA GRIEVE" ♪ 312 00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,739 ♪ AND HE SAID... [CRASH] 313 00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:50,481 ♪ "OH, OH! I GOT TO BELIEVE" ♪ 314 00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:51,743 ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 315 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:52,788 ♪ WHEN? 316 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:53,789 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE 317 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,746 Edison: THAT'S RIGHT. 318 00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:55,704 ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE 319 00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:56,836 I CAN'T HEAR YOU! 320 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:57,880 Men: ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE 321 00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,186 I'M STILL NOT CONVINCED. 322 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,665 Edison: ♪ NO ONE BELIEVED COLUMBUS ♪ 323 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,842 ♪ WHEN HE SAID THE WORLD WAS ROUND ♪ 324 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,800 ♪ BUT HE WENT ON HIS GREAT VOYAGE ♪ 325 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,889 ♪ AND AMERICA WAS FOUND 326 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:07,716 WHOO! 327 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:09,283 ♪ NOW EVERYONE IN TEXAS 328 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,893 ♪ TAIWAN, AND TEL AVIV 329 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:11,894 ♪ THEY SAY 330 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:14,854 ♪ "OH, OH! WE GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 331 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,769 TEL AVIV? IT RHYMES. 332 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:20,033 ♪ GOT TO WRAP THOSE PRESENTS 333 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,425 ♪ GOT TO FIX THOSE TOYS 334 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,036 ♪ GOT TO MAKE A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪ 335 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,734 ♪ FOR THE WORLD'S GOOD GIRLS AND BOYS ♪ 336 00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:27,736 ♪ IT'S BETTER TO GIVE NOW 337 00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:28,737 ♪ THAN TO RECEIVE 338 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:31,435 ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ON ♪ 339 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,046 ♪ CHRISTMAS EVE YEAH! 340 00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,439 ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 341 00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,441 ♪ YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 342 00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,095 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE, GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 343 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,401 ♪ YEAH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 344 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,098 ♪ YOU GOTTA, GOTTA, GOTTA ♪ 345 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:44,840 ♪ AH, GOTTA, GOTTA, GOTTA, GOTTA, GOTTA, GOTTA ♪ 346 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,537 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE 347 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:50,585 ♪ OH, YEAH! 348 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:53,980 [WIND] 349 00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,677 Men: ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 350 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,591 ♪ WHEN? 351 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:57,853 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE EXACTLY. 352 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,376 ♪ OH, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ♪ 353 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:00,900 Edison: WHAT DAY WAS THAT AGAIN? 354 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,292 ♪ ON CHRISTMAS EVE 355 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,946 Narrator: EVERYONE PITCHED IN, EXCEPT MURRAY WEINER, 356 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:07,123 WHO STOOD ALL ALONE IN THE HOLIDAY DINER. 357 00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:09,691 WHY WAS HE GROUCHY? WHAT WAS HIS HISTORY? 358 00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,214 WHAT WAS HIS PROBLEM? 359 00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:13,434 THE MAN WAS A MYSTERY. 360 00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:16,567 ♪ MURRAY'S GOT ANTISOCIAL, CLAUSTROPHOBIC ♪ 361 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,004 ♪ PARANOID NEUROSIS 362 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:22,182 ♪ NARCISSISTIC, GERMOPHOBIC, BORDERLINE PSYCHOSIS ♪ 363 00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:24,706 ♪ HE IS IN "THE GUINNESS BOOK" ♪ 364 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,229 ♪ FOR LONGEST DIAGNOSIS 365 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,231 ♪ ANTISOCIAL, CLAUSTROPHOBIC ♪ 366 00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,930 ♪ PARANOID NEUROSIS 367 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,366 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 368 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:36,196 THEY--HEH HEH--SENT ME TO ORDER DINNER. 369 00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,634 [TAP TAP TAP TAP] 370 00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:43,246 I AM THE MAN TO DELIVER THE TOYS 371 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,987 TO THE GOOD PRETTY GIRLS 372 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,249 AND THE PRETTY GOOD BOYS. 373 00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,513 I'LL SAIL EAST TO GO WEST AND WEST TO GO EAST. 374 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:52,995 THE VOYAGE SHOULD TAKE ME 3 MONTHS AT THE LEAST. 375 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:56,172 SENOR COLUMBUS, YOU HAVE ONE NIGHT AT BEST! 376 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,695 HAVE IT YOUR WAY. 377 00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:59,132 I'LL GO WEST TO GO WEST. 378 00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:01,177 Narrator: HE ASKED EASTER BUNNY TO GIFT-WRAP A TRUCK. 379 00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,701 HIS PAWS WERE TOO SMALL. HE WAS HAVING NO LUCK. 380 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,443 SO HE PAINTED AND DYED IT IN PURPLES AND PINKS. 381 00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:07,879 ON AN EGG, THIS LOOKS GOOD. 382 00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:10,186 ON A TRUCK? WELL, IT STINKS. 383 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,884 TO BYRON BINESKI, FORT CROWDER, NEW JERSEY, 384 00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:16,018 WE SEND YOU OUR LOVE AND THIS POWDER BLUE JERSEY. 385 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:19,152 WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK AND GUMDROPS GALORE. 386 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,850 THEN IT GOES ON FOR 5 PAGES MORE. 387 00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:22,807 HOW MANY GIFT CARDS 388 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,070 WOULD YOU SAY YOU'VE DONE? 389 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,724 WHEN THIS CARD IS FINISHED, I'LL BE UP TO ONE. 390 00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:29,031 [SIGHS] 391 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,380 Man: HEY!AAH! 392 00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:31,816 Narrator: LINCOLN AND WASHINGTON HAD A BIG FIGHT. 393 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,863 HONEST ABE, CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? 394 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:35,951 I'M ON THE PENNY. 395 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,952 I'M ON THE QUARTER. 396 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,171 I'M ALSO MUCH OLDER. 397 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,520 YOU'RE ALMOST MUCH SHORTER. 398 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:42,392 STOP IT, YOU GUYS! YOU'RE BEHAVING LIKE SCROOGES. 399 00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,264 Narrator: THEN THEY ALL STARTED FIGHTING 400 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,656 JUST LIKE THE THREE STOOGES. 401 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,049 Uncle Sam: HERE. HOLD THIS. 402 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,051 [IMITATES CURLY] WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! 403 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:49,965 YAH, YAH, YAH! 404 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,445 HA HA! UH! 405 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,229 Narrator: 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS 406 00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:54,622 AND ALL WAS IN CRISIS. 407 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,016 THE GROUNDHOG HAD EATEN THE "NAUGHTY AND NICE" LIST. 408 00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:59,192 THE APRIL FOOL BUILT A PREPOSTEROUS BIKE, 409 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,977 AND LABOR DAY AMOS HAD GONE OUT ON STRIKE. 410 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,327 Amos and elves: SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT! 411 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,851 WE WILL NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT... 412 00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,114 Woman: LIBERTE! 413 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,899 STOP ALL YOUR SHOUTING. STOP ALL THE NOISE. 414 00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:14,076 THERE'S NO ONE I TRUST TO DELIVER THESE TOYS. 415 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,906 DELIVERY. LINCOLN, HERE'S YOUR HOT PASTRAMI. 416 00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,864 WASHINGTON GETS COLD SALAMI. 417 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,257 COLUMBUS ASKED FOR RIGATONI. 418 00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,780 ST. PAT ORDERED FRIED BOLOGNA. 419 00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:26,088 PIECE OF FISH, SIRLOIN STEAK, MEAT KNISH, CARROT CAKE. 420 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,611 AND APRIL FOOL-- I DON'T KNOW WHY-- 421 00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,918 ORDERED COMPACT DISCS ON RYE. 422 00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,006 YUM! 423 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,096 [LOUD CRUNCHING] 424 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,534 WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE! 425 00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,101 I'M THE WHAT ONE? 426 00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,798 YOU ARE THE ONE TO DELIVER THE TOYS 427 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,758 TO 200 COUNTRIES, TO GOOD GIRLS AND BOYS. 428 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:45,064 JUST PUT ON THIS RED SUIT 429 00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,195 AND GET IN THE SLEIGH. 430 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,197 WHAT ARE YOU, CUCKOO? FORGET IT. NO WAY. 431 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,285 PLEASE. 432 00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:50,373 NO. PLEASE? 433 00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:51,374 NO! PLEASE? 434 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,288 NO... PLEASE... 435 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,724 Narrator: AND SO FOR AN HOUR, 436 00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,030 THESE TWO KEPT ON GOING, 437 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,553 WITH ONE OF THEM PLEASE-ing 438 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:57,685 AND ONE OF THEM NO-ing. 439 00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:58,468 PLEASE? NO. 440 00:17:58,512 --> 00:17:59,904 PLEASE? 441 00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:02,255 NO! WHY IN THE WORLD SHOULD I SCHLEP THROUGH THE SNOW, 442 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,995 BRINGING MILLIONS OF PRESENTS 443 00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,171 TO KIDS I DON'T KNOW? 444 00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,303 WILL ANYONE PAY ME? WILL ANYONE TIP? 445 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,000 WHAT IF I SLIP AND FRACTURE MY HIP? 446 00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,438 LOOK AT THE WEATHER. IT'S COLD AND IT'S SHIVERY. 447 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:14,571 THERE'S NO WAY ON EARTH I WILL MAKE THIS DELIVERY. 448 00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:16,269 [DOOR SHUTS] 449 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,880 BUMMER. 450 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,450 Narrator: MURRAY SPENT EACH CHRISTMAS EVE ON HIS OWN, 451 00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:27,149 REMEMBERING DAYS WHEN HE WASN'T ALONE. 452 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,680 YOU DATED HER? 453 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,726 GET OUT OF MY DELI. GET OFF OF MY LAND. 454 00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,641 WHAT PART OF "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, 455 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:41,859 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO" 456 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,122 DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? 457 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,993 I'LL TELL YOU THE REASON YOU SHOULDN'T SAY NO. 458 00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:48,039 I JUST NEED ONE MINUTE, AND THEN I WILL GO. 459 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,040 ONE MINUTE? 460 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,172 60 SECONDS. 461 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,086 [TICKING] 462 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,174 SO WHAT'S THE REASON? 463 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:56,091 BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS. LIGHTS, PLEASE. 464 00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,311 [LAMP SWITCH CLICKS] 465 00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,834 CHRISTMAS, YOU KNOW, IS THAT ONE SPECIAL SEASON 466 00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,967 WHEN PEOPLE DO GOOD THINGS WITHOUT A GOOD REASON. 467 00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,187 THE GROUCHIEST MEN WILL WEAR MUSICAL TIES 468 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:08,712 AND BUY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR FOLKS THEY DESPISE. 469 00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:12,281 THE CHEAPEST OF CHEAPSKATES WILL SPEND ALL HIS MONEY, 470 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:15,066 AND PEOPLE MAKE FRUITCAKES FROM CONCRETE... 471 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,285 AND HONEY. 472 00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,331 TONIGHT THINK OF OTHERS INSTEAD OF YOURSELF. 473 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,332 [DING] 474 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:23,466 YOUR MINUTE IS UP, MR. EDISON ELF. 475 00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,607 LIBBY, MISTLETOE! 476 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:34,999 [CHUCKLES] 477 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,653 OOH! MURRAY! 478 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,307 HA HA. IT'S OK. 479 00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:41,092 MERRY CHRISTMAS, MURRAY. 480 00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:45,445 I'LL DO IT. 481 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,098 OH, MURRAY! 482 00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:50,145 NO HUGS, NO HUGS, NO HUGS, NO HUGS. 483 00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,234 Narrator: MURRAY PUT ON THE SUIT. 484 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,411 THE BELLY WAS BAGGY. THE SHOULDERS WERE SAGGY. 485 00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:56,760 THE BOTTOM WAS DRAGGY. 486 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,198 I'M PRETTY FAT, BUT I THINK SANTA'S FATTER. 487 00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:00,808 THE CABOOSE IS QUITE LOOSE, 488 00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:02,984 BUT I GUESS IT WON'T MATTER. 489 00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:05,682 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 490 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,076 Columbus: BRAVISSIMO, MURRAY! 491 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,338 I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK. 492 00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:10,992 Cupid: I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 493 00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:12,863 April Fool: MY ZIPPER IS STUCK. 494 00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:14,038 Narrator: THEY HOPPED IN THE SLEIGH 495 00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:15,344 AND SPED OFF LIKE A COMET. 496 00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,564 Murray: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GOING TO VOMIT. 497 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,044 I'VE GOT ONE RULE, BUT, SURELY, IT'S BASIC. 498 00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:23,134 IF YOU GO TOO FAST, I'M GONNA GET SLEIGH-SICK. 499 00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,266 WHY DON'T YOU DRIVE? 500 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,487 ON, DUMBO AND JUMBO. ON, MASON AND DIXON. 501 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,140 ON, COSMO AND KRAMER 502 00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,403 AND RICHARD M. NIXON. 503 00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:32,970 THAT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE. 504 00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:39,368 Narrator: THEY MADE THEIR FIRST STOP, 505 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,978 EDDIE FEARING THE WORST. 506 00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:42,197 MURRAY FELL DOWN THE CHIMNEY 507 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,286 AND LANDED HEAD-FIRST. 508 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,984 OW! OOF. 509 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,553 NOT TERRIBLE. A LITTLE DRY. 510 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:53,077 EGGNOG, HUH? I NEVER HAD IT. 511 00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,428 BLECCH! SO THAT'S WHY THEY ONLY DRINK IT 512 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,690 ONCE A YEAR. 513 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:58,474 Narrator: HE DIDN'T COME BACK 514 00:20:58,518 --> 00:20:59,954 TILL A QUARTER TO 2:00. 515 00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:02,173 MURRAY! I WORRIED. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 516 00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:04,698 DOWN BY THE FIREPLACE, KIDS HUNG UP SOCKS. 517 00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:07,918 SO I LOADED THE SOCKS UP WITH BAGELS AND LOX. 518 00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:08,919 PRESENTS. 519 00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:10,530 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BRING PRESENTS. 520 00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,183 KIDS DON'T LOVE LOX? 521 00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:13,576 Narrator: THEY WENT TO THE NEXT HOUSE. 522 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,882 IT DIDN'T GO BETTER. 523 00:21:14,925 --> 00:21:16,971 MURRAY GOT BIT BY A BIG IRISH SETTER. 524 00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:17,885 [GROWLING] 525 00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:20,148 [CHOMP, CLOTHING RIPS] 526 00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:24,195 [ECHOING] AAH! 527 00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:26,633 Narrator: HE STEPPED ON A TURTLE AT HOUSE NUMBER 3. 528 00:21:26,676 --> 00:21:27,851 [CRUNCH] 529 00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:31,594 IN HOUSE NUMBER 4, HE KNOCKED OVER THE TREE. 530 00:21:31,638 --> 00:21:33,335 [CRASHING] 531 00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:34,989 WHAT WAS THAT NOISE? 532 00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:36,860 MICE. OH. 533 00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:38,079 WAIT. WHO SAID THAT? 534 00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:39,472 [VOICE IN HIGHER PITCH] CAT. 535 00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:43,780 OH. BETTY FRED, GET MY GUN. 536 00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:45,347 [GUN IS LOADED] 537 00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:46,479 [FIRES GUN] 538 00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:49,046 I'VE BEEN BIT BY A DOG AND SHOT BY A GUN. 539 00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:50,439 I MUST TELL YOU, SHORTY, 540 00:21:50,483 --> 00:21:51,875 I'M NOT HAVING FUN. 541 00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,050 I'M OLD AND I'M COLD, 542 00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:54,704 AND THIS SUIT DOESN'T FIT. 543 00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:56,227 IF THE NEXT STOP GOES BADLY, 544 00:21:56,271 --> 00:21:57,359 I'LL JUST HAVE TO QUIT. 545 00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,492 Narrator: EDISON ELF COULDN'T BLAME HIM. 546 00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:00,362 HE TRIED. 547 00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:01,711 I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, MURRAY. 548 00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:04,584 Narrator: THE LITTLE ELF LIED. 549 00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,240 MURRAY JUMPED DOWN THE CHIMNEY 550 00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:11,155 AND LANDED SO HARD... 551 00:22:11,199 --> 00:22:13,375 THE THUD KNOCKED THE SNOW OFF THE TREES IN THE YARD. 552 00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,246 HE GOT TO HIS FEET WITH A... 553 00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:16,509 OOF. AND AN... 554 00:22:16,552 --> 00:22:17,336 OY. 555 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:18,772 AND HE FOUND HIMSELF FACING 556 00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:19,903 A 6-YEAR-OLD BOY. 557 00:22:19,947 --> 00:22:22,732 SANTA CLAUS! SANTA CLAUS! SANTA CLAUS! 558 00:22:22,776 --> 00:22:25,039 WHERE? OH, RIGHT. YOU MEAN ME. 559 00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:27,041 YES, I'M SANTA, I SWEAR. 560 00:22:27,084 --> 00:22:28,259 DO YOUR SANTA CLAUS LAUGH. 561 00:22:28,303 --> 00:22:29,783 PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE? 562 00:22:29,826 --> 00:22:33,221 HUH? SURE. HEH HEH. TEE HEE. 563 00:22:33,264 --> 00:22:35,354 HOO. HA. OH, BOY. 564 00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:36,877 Narrator: MURRAY SNORTED AND SNICKERED 565 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,095 AND CHORTLED AND CHUCKLED. 566 00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,533 AND AS HE CHUCKLED, HIS BELT CAME UNBUCKLED. 567 00:22:40,576 --> 00:22:42,012 HIS PANTS, WHICH WERE LOOSE, 568 00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:43,274 FELL DOWN STRAIGHT TO HIS KNEES. 569 00:22:43,318 --> 00:22:46,495 "MURRAY WEINER" WAS STITCHED ON HIS SILK BVDs. 570 00:22:46,539 --> 00:22:47,931 WELL, I'M GOING TO JAIL. 571 00:22:47,975 --> 00:22:51,195 SANTA CLAUS, PLEASE. WOULD YOU KINDLY EXPLAIN 572 00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:54,721 WHY YOU AND YOUR UNDERPANTS HAVE DIFFERENT NAMES? 573 00:22:54,764 --> 00:22:55,939 Narrator: BETRAYED BY HIS BOXERS, 574 00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:58,638 LET DOWN BY HIS PANTS, HE KNEW A GOOD STORY 575 00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:00,204 WOULD BE HIS BEST CHANCE. 576 00:23:00,248 --> 00:23:01,467 DON'T YOU KNOW MURRAY WEINER IS 577 00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:02,729 A FAMOUS DESIGNER? 578 00:23:02,772 --> 00:23:05,209 CALVIN KLEIN MAY BE FINE, BUT WEINER IS FINER. 579 00:23:05,253 --> 00:23:06,907 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE SANTA? 580 00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:08,430 YOU DON'T HAVE A BEARD. 581 00:23:08,474 --> 00:23:09,953 YOUR SUIT IS ALL BAGGY. 582 00:23:09,997 --> 00:23:11,346 YOU SMELL KIND OF WEIRD. 583 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,044 I SHAVED OFF THE BEARD. MRS. CLAUS SAID IT TICKLES. 584 00:23:14,088 --> 00:23:16,525 AND I WENT ON A DIET-- CLUB SODA AND PICKLES. 585 00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:19,136 THAT SHOULD EXPLAIN WHY I'M BEARDLESS AND BELLYLESS. 586 00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:22,009 THE PICKLES WOULD ALSO ACCOUNT FOR MY SMELLINESS. 587 00:23:22,052 --> 00:23:24,577 SO THERE, I'VE EXPLAINED. I'VE MADE EVERYTHING CLEAR. 588 00:23:24,620 --> 00:23:26,187 Murray: NOW, I SHOULD BE GOING. 589 00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:27,797 WAIT. NAME YOUR REINDEER. 590 00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:29,495 Narrator: MURRAY HEMMED AND HE HAWED. 591 00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:30,844 HE DID NOT KNOW THIS STUFF. 592 00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:33,455 SO HE HUFFED AND HE PUFFED AND PROCEEDED TO BLUFF. 593 00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:34,935 THERE'S BAMBI AND RAMBO 594 00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:36,153 AND DOPEY AND DOC, 595 00:23:36,197 --> 00:23:38,242 SCOTTY AND SULU, UHURA AND SPOCK. 596 00:23:38,286 --> 00:23:39,809 MURRAY LOOKED AT HIM HOPEFULLY. 597 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:40,854 HOW DID I DO? 598 00:23:40,897 --> 00:23:42,769 YOU'RE A BIG PHONY FAKE! 599 00:23:42,812 --> 00:23:45,249 I GUESS SANTA IS, TOO. 600 00:23:45,293 --> 00:23:46,555 [SOBBING] 601 00:23:46,599 --> 00:23:47,643 [SNIFFLES] 602 00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:49,253 SANTA'S NOT PHONY. I'VE GOT THE PROOF. 603 00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:52,692 COME OUT ON THE LAWN, LOOK UP ON THE ROOF. 604 00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:56,043 THAT'S SANTA'S SLEIGH 605 00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:57,740 SITTING THERE IN THE SNOW. 606 00:23:57,784 --> 00:23:58,741 THERE ARE THE REINDEER 607 00:23:58,785 --> 00:24:00,351 WHOSE NAMES I DON'T KNOW. 608 00:24:00,395 --> 00:24:01,614 OH, SANTA IS REAL, KID. 609 00:24:01,657 --> 00:24:02,832 IT'S WRESTLING THAT'S FAKE. 610 00:24:02,876 --> 00:24:04,486 Narrator: AND THAT'S WHEN THE BOY KNEW 611 00:24:04,530 --> 00:24:05,661 HE'D MADE A MISTAKE. 612 00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:07,184 THIS WASN'T JUST SOME SMELLY GUY IN A SUIT 613 00:24:07,228 --> 00:24:10,579 BUT AN HONEST TO GOODNESS SAINT NICK SUBSTITUTE. 614 00:24:10,623 --> 00:24:12,146 AND THEN THE BOY SMILED. 615 00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:13,539 MURRAY FELT A STRANGE TINGLE. 616 00:24:13,582 --> 00:24:18,500 HE KNEW FOR ONE NIGHT THAT HE COULD BE KRIS KRINGLE. 617 00:24:18,544 --> 00:24:20,371 HO HO HO! 618 00:24:20,415 --> 00:24:21,895 [DEER CALLING EXCITEDLY] 619 00:24:21,938 --> 00:24:23,287 WHOO-HOO-HOO! 620 00:24:23,331 --> 00:24:24,506 AAH! OH![THUD] 621 00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,377 Narrator: MURRAY BROUGHT THE BOY IN, 622 00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:27,683 AND HE PATTED HIS HEAD. 623 00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:30,251 AND HE FIXED HIM A LEAN PASTRAMI SANDWICH 624 00:24:30,294 --> 00:24:31,339 WITH COLESLAW 625 00:24:31,382 --> 00:24:32,732 AND A TRIPLE-THICK CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE. 626 00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:35,299 AND HE SENT HIM TO BED. 627 00:24:36,692 --> 00:24:39,608 SO TELL ME, MURRAY, DO YOU FEEL LIKE QUITTING? 628 00:24:39,652 --> 00:24:42,524 QUITTING, QUITTING? YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING. 629 00:24:42,568 --> 00:24:43,960 I LOVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS-- 630 00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,832 THE PURPLE AND ORANGE, 631 00:24:45,875 --> 00:24:46,833 THE YELLOW AND-- 632 00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:48,530 SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH ORANGE. 633 00:24:48,574 --> 00:24:49,444 ENOUGH OF THIS TALK. 634 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:50,967 WE'VE GOT TOYS TO DELIVER. 635 00:24:51,011 --> 00:24:52,012 WE CAN'T SIT AROUND 636 00:24:52,055 --> 00:24:54,405 LIKE 2 LUMPS OF CHOPPED LIVER. 637 00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:59,541 GLIBBLE, GLOBBLE, JULIAN SCHNABEL. 638 00:24:59,585 --> 00:25:01,325 [SNORES ONCE] 639 00:25:04,764 --> 00:25:07,984 MY SUIT. MY SLEIGH. MY TOYS. 640 00:25:08,028 --> 00:25:09,203 MY WORD! 641 00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:12,815 HELLO? SARAH, GET ME THE POLICE! 642 00:25:12,859 --> 00:25:15,209 ["JINGLE BELLS" RINGTONE] 643 00:25:15,644 --> 00:25:17,864 OFFICER BENDER, THE BENDER OF LAWS. 644 00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:19,561 TO WHOM AM I SPEAKING? 645 00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,694 MY NAME'S SANTA CLAUS. 646 00:25:21,737 --> 00:25:23,565 [HANGS UP] WEIRDO. 647 00:25:23,609 --> 00:25:24,697 [RINGTONE] 648 00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:27,830 YOU SAY YOU'RE SANTA. I SAY I DOUBT IT. 649 00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:30,572 IF YOU'RE REALLY SANTA, THEN TELL ME ABOUT IT. 650 00:25:30,616 --> 00:25:32,095 WHEN YOU WERE 2, 651 00:25:32,139 --> 00:25:33,183 I BROUGHT YOU A CRIB. 652 00:25:33,227 --> 00:25:34,881 WHEN YOU WERE 3, YOU GOT A NICE BIB. 653 00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,926 AT 4, I GAVE YOU A BIG TEDDY BEAR. 654 00:25:36,970 --> 00:25:38,537 YOU WERE NAUGHTY AT 5, 655 00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,974 SO YOU GOT UNDERWEAR. 656 00:25:41,017 --> 00:25:43,803 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S BEEN STOLEN? 657 00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,109 EIGHT FLYING REINDEER, SLEIGH IN THE BACK, 658 00:25:46,153 --> 00:25:49,199 6 BILLION TOYS, AND A 50-FOOT SACK. 659 00:25:49,243 --> 00:25:51,114 ANY DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS? 660 00:25:51,158 --> 00:25:52,986 OY. I'M DEALING WITH AN IDIOT. 661 00:25:53,029 --> 00:25:54,857 I GIVE YOU MY WORD AS THE PUBLIC'S DEFENDER, 662 00:25:54,901 --> 00:25:57,773 I'LL TRACK DOWN THIS RAT AND RETURN HIM TO SENDER. 663 00:25:57,817 --> 00:26:00,428 I'LL FIND THIS LITTLE COWARD AND PUT HIM IN JAIL. 664 00:26:00,471 --> 00:26:03,605 I'M OFFICER BENDER, AND I NEVER FAIL. 665 00:26:03,649 --> 00:26:05,868 HUH. WHERE DID I PUT MY KEYS? 666 00:26:05,912 --> 00:26:07,653 [SIREN PULSE] 667 00:26:08,828 --> 00:26:10,220 Narrator: FROM NOME DOWN TO ROME, 668 00:26:10,264 --> 00:26:13,049 FROM MINSK TO ATLANTA, MURRAY BROUGHT PRESENTS 669 00:26:13,093 --> 00:26:16,226 AS QUICKLY AS SANTA. 670 00:26:42,949 --> 00:26:44,472 BAH! 671 00:26:49,216 --> 00:26:51,914 OH, BOY. 672 00:26:53,873 --> 00:26:57,050 [SHUDDERING] 673 00:27:04,187 --> 00:27:06,537 I'M RARING TO GO. IT'S A QUARTER PAST 3:00. 674 00:27:06,581 --> 00:27:07,756 WHERE ARE YOU, SHORTY? 675 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,541 [MUFFLED] YOU'RE SITTING ON ME! 676 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,111 [STAMMERING] 677 00:27:15,155 --> 00:27:17,287 Narrator: SANTA, OF COURSE, DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MURRAY. 678 00:27:17,331 --> 00:27:19,289 HE THOUGHT CHRISTMAS WAS STOLEN, 679 00:27:19,333 --> 00:27:20,726 SO HE HAD TO HURRY. 680 00:27:20,769 --> 00:27:22,118 Santa: IT'S A QUARTER PAST 3:00. I STILL GOT A CHANCE. 681 00:27:22,162 --> 00:27:25,165 I JUST NEED A SLEIGH AND SOME TOYS AND SOME PANTS. 682 00:27:25,208 --> 00:27:28,472 Narrator: HE PUT ON RED LONG JOHNS IN PLACE OF THE SUIT. 683 00:27:28,516 --> 00:27:31,301 INSTEAD OF A CAP, HE WORE A RED BOOT. 684 00:27:31,345 --> 00:27:32,607 PERFECT! 685 00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:35,958 Santa: SLEIGH, SLEIGH? DO I HAVE A SPARE SLEIGH? 686 00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:39,309 MAYBE THERE'S ONE BURIED UNDER THIS HAY. 687 00:27:39,353 --> 00:27:41,877 OOH. ALL THAT I SEE IS A SHOVEL AND RAKE 688 00:27:41,921 --> 00:27:43,879 AND THIS OLD GARDEN HOSE. [RATTLING] 689 00:27:43,923 --> 00:27:45,707 NO, WAIT. THAT'S A SNAKE. 690 00:27:45,751 --> 00:27:48,231 SNAKE! AH! AH! 691 00:27:48,275 --> 00:27:51,191 [LOUD THUD] 692 00:27:51,234 --> 00:27:52,758 THIS COULD WORK. 693 00:27:52,801 --> 00:27:54,107 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 694 00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:57,066 I JUST NEED TO FIND A GIANT TOY STORE 695 00:27:57,110 --> 00:28:02,637 THAT'S OPEN ON CHRISTMAS AT A QUARTER TO 4:00. 696 00:28:05,466 --> 00:28:08,208 Narrator: THEN SANTA CLAUS SAW A MIRACULOUS SIGHT. 697 00:28:08,251 --> 00:28:13,213 IN THE SKY FAR ABOVE WAS A STAR SHINING BRIGHT. 698 00:28:19,349 --> 00:28:20,437 [BELL RINGS] 699 00:28:20,481 --> 00:28:21,438 GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU GOT IN THE STORE! 700 00:28:21,482 --> 00:28:22,613 DON'T SHOOT ME. 701 00:28:22,657 --> 00:28:25,399 [MUZAK PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 702 00:28:26,574 --> 00:28:28,315 WHAT ARE YOU? 703 00:28:28,358 --> 00:28:29,446 I'M VISHIN' YOU... 704 00:28:29,490 --> 00:28:30,665 YOU'RE VISHNU? 705 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:32,449 I'M VISHIN' YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT ME. 706 00:28:32,493 --> 00:28:35,670 I'M NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU. PUT DOWN YOUR ARMS... 707 00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:38,020 ALL OF THEM. 708 00:28:38,064 --> 00:28:40,327 [CLEARS THROAT] TWO MORE. 709 00:28:40,370 --> 00:28:42,111 SO HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 710 00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:43,069 WRAPPING PAPER? AISLE ONE. 711 00:28:43,112 --> 00:28:44,679 CHILDREN'S BOOKS?WE HAVE NONE. 712 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:46,594 ANY TOYS? JUST SOME KNICKKNACKS. 713 00:28:46,637 --> 00:28:49,249 CHRISTMAS CANDY?ONLY TIC TACS. 714 00:28:49,292 --> 00:28:52,687 [CHUCKLES WEAKLY] HO HO HO. 715 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,123 [PUNCHING KEYS ON REGISTER] 716 00:28:54,167 --> 00:28:55,603 COMIC BOOKS, CANDY BAR, 717 00:28:55,646 --> 00:28:57,257 BOBBING HEAD DOLLS FOR YOUR CAR, 718 00:28:57,300 --> 00:28:58,867 PLAYING CARDS, BALLPOINT PEN, 719 00:28:58,911 --> 00:29:01,783 PAPER CLIPS. YEAH! KIDS LOVE THEM. 720 00:29:01,827 --> 00:29:03,393 DVD OF "MIGHTY DUCKS." 721 00:29:03,437 --> 00:29:05,787 THAT'LL BE 8,000 BUCKS. 722 00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,747 DOUGH! DOUGH! DOUGH! 723 00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:14,796 ♪ GOT TO BRING THIS GARBAGE TO THE LITTLE BRATS ♪ 724 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,754 [GROANS] 725 00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:17,712 ♪ AND NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME 726 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,758 [BICYCLE BELL RINGS] HEY! 727 00:29:20,933 --> 00:29:23,544 GLIBBLE-- 728 00:29:25,938 --> 00:29:29,419 [SLEIGH BELLS RING] 729 00:29:29,463 --> 00:29:30,943 WHAT'S NEXT? 730 00:29:30,986 --> 00:29:33,641 YOU'VE BEEN TO ALBANIA, FINISHED ROMANIA, 731 00:29:33,684 --> 00:29:34,903 DONE TRANSYLVANIA. 732 00:29:34,947 --> 00:29:35,948 THAT WAS NO FUN. 733 00:29:35,991 --> 00:29:37,514 DELIVERED TO CHINA, NORTH CAROLINA. 734 00:29:37,558 --> 00:29:40,300 HEY, MURRAY WEINER, YOU'RE FINISHED! YOU'RE DONE. 735 00:29:40,343 --> 00:29:41,910 WELL, THAT WAS EASY. HA HA! 736 00:29:41,954 --> 00:29:45,087 EASY? HOW DID YOU DO IT? YOU MOVE LIKE A PRO. 737 00:29:45,131 --> 00:29:47,829 WHAT IS YOUR SECRET? WE ALL WANT TO KNOW. 738 00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,091 DID YOU EVER GOOGLE ME? 739 00:29:49,135 --> 00:29:50,527 WHAT? YOU'D FIND OUT... 740 00:29:50,571 --> 00:29:51,920 EVERYTHING IN, LIKE, 5 SECONDS. 741 00:29:51,964 --> 00:29:54,531 USE BING. USE GOOGLE. USE BINGLE. 742 00:29:54,575 --> 00:29:58,709 WELL, WELL, WELL. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? 743 00:29:58,753 --> 00:30:00,494 MURRAY WEINER. 744 00:30:00,537 --> 00:30:01,495 ♪ BUP BUP BA BOO 745 00:30:01,538 --> 00:30:03,845 ♪ THINKIN', THINKIN' 746 00:30:03,889 --> 00:30:06,456 OH, HERE YOU GO, PALLY. 747 00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:10,199 Announcer: ...BRINGING YOU 748 00:30:10,243 --> 00:30:11,548 FAST-BREAKING NEWS 749 00:30:11,592 --> 00:30:12,941 FROM AROUND THE GLOBE 750 00:30:12,985 --> 00:30:14,421 JUST WEEKS AFTER IT HAPPENS. 751 00:30:14,464 --> 00:30:15,857 Man on motorcycle: AAH! 752 00:30:15,901 --> 00:30:18,947 Announcer: AUGUST 12th IS HERE, WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN 753 00:30:18,991 --> 00:30:21,515 ONE THING--MILKMAN'S DAY. 754 00:30:21,558 --> 00:30:23,169 THAT'S WHEN WE PAY TRIBUTE TO THE DERRING-DO 755 00:30:23,212 --> 00:30:26,825 OF THE DAIRY MAN, WHO GOES DOOR TO DOOR EACH MORNING, 756 00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,696 BRINGING FRESH MOO JUICE. 757 00:30:28,739 --> 00:30:31,133 AND IT WOULDN'T BE MILKMAN'S DAY 758 00:30:31,177 --> 00:30:35,050 WITHOUT THE ANNUAL PARADE DOWN FIFTH AVENUE. 759 00:30:35,094 --> 00:30:36,008 ♪ ♪ 760 00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:39,925 Men: ♪ HERE COME THE MILKMEN 761 00:30:39,968 --> 00:30:42,057 ♪ BRINGING MILK, BRINGING CHEESE ♪ 762 00:30:42,101 --> 00:30:44,407 ♪ BRINGING ANYTHING YOU PLEASE 763 00:30:44,451 --> 00:30:47,236 ♪ CHEER FOR THE MILKMEN 764 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,456 ♪ HEAR THE DRUM, HERE THEY COME ♪ 765 00:30:49,499 --> 00:30:54,113 ♪ WITH YOUR DAILY CALCIUM 766 00:30:54,156 --> 00:30:55,375 ♪ YUM, YUM, YUM 767 00:30:55,418 --> 00:30:56,767 Announcer: AND HERE'S THE GUY 768 00:30:56,811 --> 00:31:01,076 THE KIDS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR--MURRAY THE MILKMAN. 769 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:02,904 HE'S THE EASTER BUNNY OF BUTTER, 770 00:31:02,948 --> 00:31:06,386 THE KRIS KRINGLE OF CREAM. 771 00:31:06,429 --> 00:31:09,519 Women: ♪ MURRAY THE MILKMAN 772 00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:12,479 ♪ HE IS SMOOTH AS SILK, MAN 773 00:31:12,522 --> 00:31:15,830 ♪ OOH, HE GIVES ME SHIVERS 774 00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,919 ♪ OOH, THE MAN DELIVERS ♪ 775 00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:21,488 ♪ HE'S IDOLIZED BECAUSE HE'S PASTEURIZED ♪ 776 00:31:21,531 --> 00:31:24,839 ♪ HE'S THE MAN FOR ME, GIVES ME VITAMIN "D" ♪ 777 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,362 ♪ MURRAY, MURRAY, MURRAY, MURRAY ♪ 778 00:31:26,406 --> 00:31:27,929 ♪ MURRAY, MURRAY, MURRAY, MURRAY ♪ 779 00:31:27,973 --> 00:31:32,107 ♪ SLING THAT COW JUICE RIGHT TO MY DOOR ♪ 780 00:31:32,673 --> 00:31:34,501 BUT PRETTY SOON, KIDS COULD GET MILK 781 00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:35,632 FROM A STORE. 782 00:31:35,676 --> 00:31:38,113 THEY DIDN'T NEED MILKMEN LIKE ME ANYMORE. 783 00:31:38,157 --> 00:31:38,984 MILK'S JUST AS GOOD 784 00:31:39,027 --> 00:31:41,073 WHEN IT COMES FROM A CARTON. 785 00:31:41,116 --> 00:31:42,204 SO MY WHOLE HOLIDAY 786 00:31:42,248 --> 00:31:44,032 WAS COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN. 787 00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:45,164 FORGOTTEN. 788 00:31:45,207 --> 00:31:47,949 THE PARADES GOT MUCH SMALLER. 789 00:31:47,993 --> 00:31:50,125 AND ONE DAY, THEY STOPPED. 790 00:31:50,169 --> 00:31:52,127 THE FLOATS WERE DISMANTLED. 791 00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:54,173 THE BALLOONS WERE ALL POPPED. 792 00:31:54,216 --> 00:31:56,001 MY WHOLE HAPPY LIFE HAD BECOME 793 00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:57,263 A BAD DREAM. 794 00:31:57,306 --> 00:31:58,960 AND I BECAME SOUR 795 00:31:59,004 --> 00:32:01,876 AS 3-MONTH OLD CREAM. 796 00:32:03,486 --> 00:32:04,923 I GAVE UP MY JOB. 797 00:32:04,966 --> 00:32:05,793 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 798 00:32:05,836 --> 00:32:07,664 AND I GAVE UP MY FRIENDS. 799 00:32:07,708 --> 00:32:10,102 AND I TOLD MY TRUE LOVE 800 00:32:10,145 --> 00:32:13,018 NOT TO SEE ME AGAIN. 801 00:32:16,456 --> 00:32:18,980 Edison: WHY DID YOU DO THAT? 802 00:32:19,024 --> 00:32:20,242 BECAUSE I WAS NOTHING. 803 00:32:20,286 --> 00:32:22,114 I WAS NOTHING, AND SHE WAS A NATIONAL TREASURE. 804 00:32:22,157 --> 00:32:23,811 I PUT THAT WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL. 805 00:32:23,854 --> 00:32:25,639 I MEAN, SHE WAS ALREADY ON A PEDESTAL, 806 00:32:25,682 --> 00:32:26,727 BUT I PUT HER 807 00:32:26,770 --> 00:32:28,076 ON A FIGURATIVE PEDESTAL 808 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:29,817 ON TOP OF THE LITERAL PEDESTAL. 809 00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:32,341 AH! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 810 00:32:32,385 --> 00:32:33,777 YOU'RE NOT NOTHING, MURRAY. 811 00:32:33,821 --> 00:32:34,996 YOU PROVED THAT YOU'RE NOT. 812 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,172 WELL, THANK YOU FOR GIVING THIS GRUMP 813 00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:38,260 ONE LAST SHOT. 814 00:32:38,304 --> 00:32:40,697 Narrator: MURRAY SMILED. EDDIE SMILED. 815 00:32:40,741 --> 00:32:42,569 AND THE REINDEER ALL SMILED. 816 00:32:42,612 --> 00:32:44,092 TONIGHT YOU BROUGHT PRESENTS 817 00:32:44,136 --> 00:32:46,007 TO EVERY GOOD CHILD. 818 00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:48,923 WHAT ABOUT THE BAD KIDS? WHO? 819 00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:51,056 WHY SHOULD WE STOP? WE HAVE TIME. WE HAVE TOYS. 820 00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:54,059 WHY CAN'T WE BRING THEM TO BAD GIRLS AND BOYS? 821 00:32:54,102 --> 00:32:55,190 NO. 822 00:32:55,234 --> 00:32:56,626 PLEASE. NO. 823 00:32:56,670 --> 00:32:57,845 PLEASE? NO! 824 00:32:57,888 --> 00:33:00,717 SO A KID MIGHT BE LAZY. HE MIGHT BE A SLOB. 825 00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:02,023 HE DRIVES HIS FOLKS CRAZY. 826 00:33:02,067 --> 00:33:03,416 THAT'S KIND OF HIS JOB. 827 00:33:03,459 --> 00:33:05,200 Narrator: ED HEARD WHAT HE SAID, 828 00:33:05,244 --> 00:33:06,332 AND HE COULDN'T RESIST. 829 00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,160 THEY BROUGHT TOYS TO THE NAUGHTY, 830 00:33:08,203 --> 00:33:09,857 A VERY LONG LIST. 831 00:33:09,900 --> 00:33:12,381 SOME ICE SKATES FOR KATE, WHO POURED GLUE ON MOM'S CHAIR, 832 00:33:12,425 --> 00:33:15,689 PUT TACKS IN DAD'S SLACKS, AND THEN BELCHED THE LORD'S PRAYER. 833 00:33:15,732 --> 00:33:17,038 [KATE BURPS] 834 00:33:17,082 --> 00:33:18,953 A TOBOGGAN FOR OGDEN, WHO PLAYED SICK FROM SCHOOL 835 00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:22,000 AND DROVE HIS DAD'S PONTIAC INTO THE POOL. 836 00:33:22,043 --> 00:33:24,045 A DOLLY FOR MOLLY, WHO JUST FOR A JOKE 837 00:33:24,089 --> 00:33:27,266 POPPED A BAG BEHIND GRANDPA AND GAVE HIM A STROKE. 838 00:33:27,309 --> 00:33:28,615 [THUD] 839 00:33:28,658 --> 00:33:31,313 MURRAY BROUGHT PRESENTS TO ALL BAD AND GOOD KIDS-- 840 00:33:31,357 --> 00:33:33,054 THE WEIRD AND THE FEARED 841 00:33:33,098 --> 00:33:34,534 AND THE MISUNDERSTOOD KIDS 842 00:33:34,577 --> 00:33:37,145 AND NOT JUST TO CHRISTIANS, HE BROUGHT GIFTS TO HINDUS, 843 00:33:37,189 --> 00:33:40,714 TO BUDDHISTS AND MUSLIMS, TO FAT AND TO THIN JEWS. 844 00:33:40,757 --> 00:33:43,195 AND PEOPLE SAID CHRISTMAS WAS NEVER SO PLEASANT 845 00:33:43,238 --> 00:33:48,200 AS THAT ONE SPECIAL YEAR WHEN THE WORLD GOT A PRESENT. 846 00:33:52,769 --> 00:33:55,076 I'M AFRAID THERE'S NO PRESENTS FOR US 847 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:56,208 IN THE SACK. 848 00:33:56,251 --> 00:33:57,818 I COULD GIVE YOU A HUG, 849 00:33:57,861 --> 00:33:59,950 AND YOU COULD GIVE ME ONE BACK. 850 00:33:59,994 --> 00:34:01,169 OH, MAN! 851 00:34:01,213 --> 00:34:02,518 [ENGINE STARTS] 852 00:34:02,562 --> 00:34:04,346 Bender: FREEZE! 853 00:34:05,217 --> 00:34:07,262 DUDES CAN'T HUG IN THIS TOWN? 854 00:34:07,306 --> 00:34:11,875 YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR STEALING CHRISTMAS. 855 00:34:11,919 --> 00:34:13,616 [STAMMERS] 856 00:34:16,532 --> 00:34:18,578 OFFICER BENDER, STINKY P.D. 857 00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:21,189 I'M SORRY, SIR. I DON'T HAVE MY I.D. 858 00:34:21,233 --> 00:34:22,060 DRIVER'S LICENSE? 859 00:34:22,103 --> 00:34:23,931 I FORGOT IT. PILOT'S LICENSE? 860 00:34:23,974 --> 00:34:26,107 NEVER GOT IT. POETIC LICENSE? 861 00:34:26,151 --> 00:34:27,152 I, UH--WHAT? 862 00:34:27,195 --> 00:34:28,501 IF YOU DON'T HAVE A POETIC LICENSE, 863 00:34:28,544 --> 00:34:30,068 STOP RHYMING. ALL THE POETRY 864 00:34:30,111 --> 00:34:32,113 IN THIS TOWN DRIVES ME CRAZY. 865 00:34:32,157 --> 00:34:33,593 IT TAKES ME 4 HOURS TO DO PAPERWORK 866 00:34:33,636 --> 00:34:35,203 BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND A RHYME 867 00:34:35,247 --> 00:34:36,813 FOR AGGRAVATED ASSAULT. 868 00:34:36,857 --> 00:34:37,988 [SIGHS] UGH. SO... 869 00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:40,730 YOU HAVE NO I.D. ON YOU AT ALL. 870 00:34:40,774 --> 00:34:42,776 WAIT. I DO HAVE THIS. 871 00:34:42,819 --> 00:34:44,473 SEE? SEE? 872 00:34:44,517 --> 00:34:45,474 DROPPING TROU 873 00:34:45,518 --> 00:34:46,997 IN FRONT OF A POLICE OFFICER, SON. 874 00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:48,216 YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF 875 00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:49,870 IN A LOT MORE TROUBLE. 876 00:34:49,913 --> 00:34:50,697 STOLEN SLEIGH. 877 00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:52,220 DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE. 878 00:34:52,264 --> 00:34:54,179 NO CAR SEAT FOR YOUR BABY. 879 00:34:54,222 --> 00:34:55,136 I'M NOT A BABY! 880 00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:56,833 AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TOYS? 881 00:34:56,877 --> 00:35:00,272 THERE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BILLIONS OF TOYS IN HERE. 882 00:35:00,315 --> 00:35:02,056 WE GAVE THEM TO GOOD GIRLS AND BOYS. 883 00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:04,580 AND A FEW REALLY ROTTEN ONES. 884 00:35:04,624 --> 00:35:07,105 WAIT. NOW, HOLD IT. WHAT'S THIS? 885 00:35:07,148 --> 00:35:09,150 TRYING TO HIDE ONE FROM ME? 886 00:35:09,194 --> 00:35:10,978 Edison: I REALLY WOULDN'T DO THAT. 887 00:35:11,021 --> 00:35:13,502 DON'T TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB. 888 00:35:13,546 --> 00:35:14,721 I BEG YOU TO STOP! 889 00:35:14,764 --> 00:35:16,157 I BEG YOU TO SHUT UP. 890 00:35:16,201 --> 00:35:18,464 YEAH. LET THE MAN DO HIS JOB. 891 00:35:18,507 --> 00:35:19,682 AAH! 892 00:35:19,726 --> 00:35:22,468 I WAS WRONG. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD INVENTION. 893 00:35:22,511 --> 00:35:23,991 THANK YOU, MURRAY. 894 00:35:24,034 --> 00:35:25,906 [CRACK] 895 00:35:27,037 --> 00:35:29,736 GLIBBLE? 896 00:35:33,261 --> 00:35:35,089 SO HOW DID IT GO? 897 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,918 I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. 898 00:35:37,961 --> 00:35:40,094 OY. NOT ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER. 899 00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:42,836 DON'T WORRY. IT'S THE FINALE. 900 00:35:42,879 --> 00:35:45,447 ♪ WE BROUGHT THOSE PRESENTS 901 00:35:45,491 --> 00:35:46,927 ♪ WE BROUGHT THOSE TOYS 902 00:35:46,970 --> 00:35:48,929 ♪ WE BROUGHT A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪ 903 00:35:48,972 --> 00:35:51,410 ♪ TO ALL THE GIRLS AND BOYS ♪ 904 00:35:51,453 --> 00:35:53,107 AND SOME REAL LITTLE STINKERS. 905 00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:54,848 ♪ LET'S HEAR IT FOR MURRAY! ♪ 906 00:35:54,891 --> 00:35:56,154 Crowd: ♪ HIP, HIP, HOORAY 907 00:35:56,197 --> 00:35:59,418 ♪ NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ 908 00:35:59,461 --> 00:36:02,029 ♪ OH, IT'S TIME TO PLAY ♪ ♪ WHY? 909 00:36:02,072 --> 00:36:03,422 ♪ IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY 910 00:36:03,465 --> 00:36:04,597 THAT'S RIGHT. 911 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,033 ♪ OH, IT'S TIME TO PLAY ♪ ♪ ALREADY? 912 00:36:06,076 --> 00:36:07,730 ♪ IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY-- 913 00:36:07,774 --> 00:36:08,818 Groundhog: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! 914 00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:10,168 WHAT ABOUT SANTA CLAUS? 915 00:36:10,211 --> 00:36:13,301 OH. I JUST CHECKED ON SANTA. AND HE'S ON THE MEND. 916 00:36:13,345 --> 00:36:17,871 HE'S SPENDING CHRISTMAS AT HOME WITH A FRIEND. 917 00:36:17,914 --> 00:36:20,917 I AM QUEEN HANNA OF BANANALAND. 918 00:36:20,961 --> 00:36:24,834 NO! I AM QUEEN HANNA OF BANANALAND. 919 00:36:24,878 --> 00:36:26,227 NO, I AM! 920 00:36:26,271 --> 00:36:27,750 NO, I AM. 921 00:36:27,794 --> 00:36:29,012 TAKE IT, ELVES! 922 00:36:29,056 --> 00:36:30,492 ♪ ♪ 923 00:36:30,536 --> 00:36:31,667 Elves: ♪ OH, WE PLAY, PLAY 924 00:36:31,711 --> 00:36:32,973 ♪ PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪ 925 00:36:33,016 --> 00:36:34,975 ♪ PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪ 926 00:36:35,018 --> 00:36:37,369 ♪ OH, WE PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪ 927 00:36:37,412 --> 00:36:41,460 ♪ PLAY, PLAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ 928 00:36:41,503 --> 00:36:43,201 WHOO-HOO! YEAH! YEAH! 929 00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:44,289 WHEE! 930 00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:46,726 ♪ IT'S TOO BAD SANTA HURT HIS HEAD ♪ 931 00:36:46,769 --> 00:36:47,857 ♪ AND WE'RE PRETTY HAPPY ♪ 932 00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:49,076 ♪ HE'S NOT DEAD ♪ 933 00:36:49,119 --> 00:36:50,904 ♪ BUT AS LONG AS HE 934 00:36:50,947 --> 00:36:54,647 ♪ IS STUCK IN BED 935 00:36:54,690 --> 00:36:56,910 Elves: ♪ LET'S PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY ♪ 936 00:36:56,953 --> 00:36:58,999 ♪ PLAY, PLAY, PLAY, PLAY 937 00:36:59,042 --> 00:37:01,044 EASTER BUNNY IS IN THE HOUSE! 938 00:37:01,088 --> 00:37:02,045 ♪ AH-HUH-HUH 939 00:37:02,089 --> 00:37:03,090 ♪ CHRISTMAS WITH MY HONEY BUNNY ♪ 940 00:37:03,133 --> 00:37:04,352 ♪ GOT TO SPEND SOME MONEY-MONEY ♪ 941 00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:06,311 ♪ BABY, WON'T YOU BUY ME BLING? ♪ 942 00:37:06,354 --> 00:37:08,965 ♪ BABY, HERE'S AN 18-KARAT RING ♪ 943 00:37:09,009 --> 00:37:10,315 ♪ HA HA! 944 00:37:10,358 --> 00:37:11,794 All: ♪ HIP HOP 945 00:37:11,838 --> 00:37:13,013 YOUR TURN, GROUNDHOG. 946 00:37:13,056 --> 00:37:13,927 OH, NO. NO, I-- 947 00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:15,624 I CAN'T REALLY ENJOY CHRISTMAS. 948 00:37:15,668 --> 00:37:17,365 I MEAN, THE WHOLE TIME I'M THINKING, 949 00:37:17,409 --> 00:37:18,975 TOMORROW, CHRISTMAS WILL BE OVER 950 00:37:19,019 --> 00:37:20,063 AND THEN FOR A MINUTE, 951 00:37:20,107 --> 00:37:23,241 SUDDENLY, CHRISTMAS IS 364 DAYS AWAY, 952 00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:24,938 365 DURING A LEAP YEAR. 953 00:37:24,981 --> 00:37:29,377 AND WHAT? WHAT'S EVERYBODY LOOKING AT? 954 00:37:30,030 --> 00:37:32,075 MY SHADOW! 955 00:37:32,685 --> 00:37:34,643 ♪ I SAW MY SHADOW 956 00:37:34,687 --> 00:37:36,341 ♪ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS 957 00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:37,951 ♪ ALL THIS SNOW IS GONNA GO ♪ 958 00:37:37,994 --> 00:37:40,910 ♪ AND THINGS ARE TURNING GREEN ♪ 959 00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:42,390 ♪ WINTER IS ENDING 960 00:37:42,434 --> 00:37:43,826 ♪ AND SPRING'S ON THE WAY 961 00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:48,527 ♪ BUT TILL THEN, ENJOY THIS CHRISTMAS DAY ♪ 962 00:37:48,570 --> 00:37:49,354 [CHEERING] 963 00:37:49,397 --> 00:37:51,660 OK! MURRAY, BRING IT HOME! 964 00:37:51,704 --> 00:37:53,358 NO. I DON'T LIKE TO SING. 965 00:37:53,401 --> 00:37:54,881 COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT. 966 00:37:54,924 --> 00:37:56,839 NO, I CAN'T. PLEASE? 967 00:37:56,883 --> 00:37:58,363 NO. PLEASE? PLEASE? 968 00:37:58,406 --> 00:38:00,016 NO. Crowd: PLEASE? 969 00:38:00,060 --> 00:38:01,148 NO!PLEASE? 970 00:38:01,191 --> 00:38:03,716 I CAN'T SING, I CAN'T SING. I CAN'T... 971 00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:07,894 ♪ SING! 972 00:38:07,937 --> 00:38:09,330 [LENS BREAKS] 973 00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:12,246 WELL, MAYBE I CAN SING A LITTLE. 974 00:38:13,203 --> 00:38:18,470 ♪ MY LIFE WAS EMPTY AND AT AN END ♪ 975 00:38:18,513 --> 00:38:20,863 ♪ I COULD MAKE A SANDWICH ♪ 976 00:38:20,907 --> 00:38:23,344 ♪ BUT I COULDN'T MAKE A FRIEND ♪ 977 00:38:23,388 --> 00:38:25,955 ♪ BUT THANKS TO THIS GUY ♪ 978 00:38:25,999 --> 00:38:28,044 ♪ I'M FILLED WITH GLEE 979 00:38:28,088 --> 00:38:33,136 ♪ HIS BEST INVENTION WAS A WHOLE NEW ME ♪ 980 00:38:33,180 --> 00:38:34,964 ♪ NOW I'M HAPPY AND GAY ♪ 981 00:38:35,008 --> 00:38:37,750 ♪ WHEN? ♪ ON CHRISTMAS DAY 982 00:38:37,793 --> 00:38:38,925 ♪ YES, I'M EVER SO GAY ♪ 983 00:38:38,968 --> 00:38:41,623 ♪ WHEN? ♪ ON CHRISTMAS DAY 984 00:38:41,667 --> 00:38:43,538 ♪ I'M INCREDIBLY GAY 985 00:38:43,582 --> 00:38:45,888 ♪ GAY AS THE MONTH OF MAY ♪ 986 00:38:45,932 --> 00:38:48,369 ♪ GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY ♪ 987 00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:51,329 ♪ I'M SO GAY 988 00:38:51,894 --> 00:38:54,375 ♪ I DON'T MEAN IN THAT WAY ♪ 989 00:38:54,419 --> 00:38:55,985 ♪ THAT WAY IS OK 990 00:38:56,029 --> 00:38:58,074 ♪ WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY ♪ 991 00:38:58,118 --> 00:39:00,076 ♪ OH, FORGET IT, OY, VEY! ♪ 992 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,861 YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE? 993 00:39:01,904 --> 00:39:02,905 SURE. WHEN? 994 00:39:02,949 --> 00:39:05,081 ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO. 995 00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:11,305 YOU. 996 00:39:12,045 --> 00:39:13,263 YOU LOOK GREAT. 997 00:39:13,307 --> 00:39:16,528 I HAD A BIG RESTORATION BACK IN THE EIGHTIES. 998 00:39:16,571 --> 00:39:18,094 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 999 00:39:18,138 --> 00:39:20,009 I HEARD YOU SAVED CHRISTMAS. 1000 00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:22,055 THAT'S THE MURRAY I USED TO KNOW. 1001 00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:23,926 LIBBY, HOW COULD YOU COME BACK TO ME 1002 00:39:23,970 --> 00:39:25,406 AFTER THE WAY I TREATED YOU, 1003 00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:26,538 AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? 1004 00:39:26,581 --> 00:39:31,978 MURRAY, NO ONE CAN CARRY A TORCH LIKE ME. 1005 00:39:32,021 --> 00:39:33,109 MM! 1006 00:39:33,153 --> 00:39:34,154 I MISSED YOU. 1007 00:39:34,197 --> 00:39:36,548 [SCOFFS] SURE. HER HE'LL HUG. 1008 00:39:36,591 --> 00:39:38,985 I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU. 1009 00:39:39,028 --> 00:39:39,986 AHH. 1010 00:39:40,029 --> 00:39:42,945 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ENOUGH. ENOUGH! 1011 00:39:42,989 --> 00:39:44,773 ALL RIGHT. MAYBE A LITTLE MORE. 1012 00:39:44,817 --> 00:39:45,687 [CRUNCH] STOP! 1013 00:39:45,731 --> 00:39:48,298 STATUE OF LIBERTY, EDISON ELF. 1014 00:39:48,342 --> 00:39:50,692 THE TWO OF YOU SAVED MYSELF FROM MYSELF. 1015 00:39:50,736 --> 00:39:52,825 Statue of Liberty: OH, PLEASED TO MEET YOU. 1016 00:39:52,868 --> 00:39:53,913 BIG FAN. 1017 00:39:53,956 --> 00:39:56,132 NOW, WHO WANTS TO GO ON A SLEIGH RIDE? 1018 00:39:56,176 --> 00:39:58,613 ME! ME! ME! ME! 1019 00:39:58,657 --> 00:40:00,441 Murray: ON, LIPSTICK AND DIPSTICK. 1020 00:40:00,485 --> 00:40:02,138 ON, PIXIE AND DIXIE. 1021 00:40:02,182 --> 00:40:03,618 ON, KRAMDEN AND NORTON 1022 00:40:03,662 --> 00:40:05,490 AND ALICE AND TRIXIE. 1023 00:40:05,533 --> 00:40:07,143 Narrator: AND I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM 1024 00:40:07,187 --> 00:40:08,797 AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT... 1025 00:40:08,841 --> 00:40:11,104 Murray: MURRAY CHRISTMAS TO ALL 1026 00:40:11,147 --> 00:40:13,889 AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! 1027 00:40:17,937 --> 00:40:20,766 Narrator: AND AS MURRAY WEINER SAILED OFF IN THE SKY, 1028 00:40:20,809 --> 00:40:24,117 THE PEOPLE OF STINKY CIGARS WAVED GOOD-BYE. 1029 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,292 AU REVOIR, MON CHERI. 1030 00:40:25,335 --> 00:40:26,902 DON'T BE A STRANGER! 1031 00:40:26,946 --> 00:40:28,338 GRAZIE, MURRAY. 1032 00:40:28,382 --> 00:40:29,557 THANK YOU, LONE RANGER. 1033 00:40:29,601 --> 00:40:32,647 Narrator: EDISON ELF WOULD GO ON TO GET WORK, 1034 00:40:32,691 --> 00:40:35,215 SELLING HIS STUFF ON THE ELF SHOPPING NETWORK. 1035 00:40:35,258 --> 00:40:37,304 Edison on TV: MY LATEST INVENTION GIVES DIAPERS 1036 00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:38,479 A VOICE. 1037 00:40:38,523 --> 00:40:40,133 IT TELLS YOU IT'S WET 1038 00:40:40,176 --> 00:40:41,569 WITH THE SONG OF YOUR CHOICE. 1039 00:40:41,613 --> 00:40:45,704 Recording: ♪ SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT... ♪ 1040 00:40:45,747 --> 00:40:48,489 THAT IS AMAZING! 1041 00:40:48,533 --> 00:40:50,970 [HUMS] 1042 00:40:51,013 --> 00:40:53,973 Narrator: AND MURRAY WOULD START EVERY DAY WITH A SMILE. 1043 00:40:54,016 --> 00:40:56,497 HE BECAME A NEW MAN. WELL, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE. 1044 00:40:56,541 --> 00:40:59,195 WE'D LIKE TO SPLIT A PASTRAMI SANDWICH. 1045 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:00,196 WITH MAYONNAISE. 1046 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:01,371 ON WHITE BREAD. 1047 00:41:01,415 --> 00:41:02,721 Lincoln: AND COULD YOU CUT THE CRUSTS OFF? 1048 00:41:02,764 --> 00:41:05,506 Washington: AND WE GET THE SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT. 1049 00:41:05,550 --> 00:41:07,073 I HAVE A COUPON. 1050 00:41:07,116 --> 00:41:09,554 GET OUT! 1051 00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:11,991 [CHUCKLES] MURRAY. 1052 00:41:12,034 --> 00:41:13,253 [HUMS] 1053 00:41:13,296 --> 00:41:15,777 AND SO ENDS OUR STORY. THAT'S ALL THAT YOU GET. 1054 00:41:15,821 --> 00:41:17,344 Recording: ♪ SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT... ♪ 1055 00:41:17,387 --> 00:41:20,042 I'D LOVE TO SAY MORE, BUT MY DIAPER'S WET. 1056 00:41:20,086 --> 00:41:22,480 HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL. 1057 00:41:39,453 --> 00:41:44,110 ♪ ALLONS ENFANTS DE LA PATRIE ♪ 1058 00:41:44,153 --> 00:41:45,981 ♪ LE JOUR DE GLOIRE EST ARRIVE... ♪ 1059 00:41:46,025 --> 00:41:47,896 [SNIFFLES] 1060 00:41:47,940 --> 00:41:52,510 All: ♪ AUX ARMES, CITOYENS 1061 00:41:52,553 --> 00:41:57,210 ♪ FORMEZ VOS BATAILLONS... 1062 00:41:57,253 --> 00:41:58,254 SHUT UP. SHUT UP!