1 00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:03,337 Good morning, and happy 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,839 "my second favorite holiday after Christmas" 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,425 Development Day, every-- Ooh, donuts. 4 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,260 Oh, that's nice, but I am cutting today, 5 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,221 so I will just have a yogurt. 6 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,139 Hmm. How am I feeling today, right? 7 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,225 Am I feeling sophisticated, or am I feeling nutty? 8 00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,726 Am I feeling chocolate frosted? 9 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,061 Janine... 10 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,104 Oh, classic. Thank you. 11 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,522 You know me well, Mel-Mel. 12 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,399 Well, six years will do that to you. 13 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,569 Oh. Did you guys hear about the ceiling falling in at Addington? 14 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,863 Mm. And that building was built after ours. 15 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,031 Jacob: Good thing our building's solid. Mm-hmm. 16 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,283 Morning, y'all. I did get finer. 17 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:34,868 We don't have to talk about it. 18 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,495 And thanks to whoever brought in these donuts. 19 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:37,621 I thought you did. 20 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,997 Now, why would I do that? 21 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,165 They were actually here when I came in 22 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,125 to get my coffee this morning. Hmm. 23 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,627 "Donut Worry 'Bouta Thing." 24 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,629 Jacob: Oh, that place is great. 25 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,589 Remember I brought in donuts for the last day of school last year? 26 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,675 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, but none of us got any 27 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,343 because we were all determined to clean out our classrooms 28 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,803 and get the hell out of here before rush hour. 29 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:56,265 [ Laughter ] 30 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,101 [ Laughter subsides ] 31 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,062 [ Spits ] 32 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,065 Mr. Johnson, um... 33 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,067 you cleaned out the kitchen at the end of last year, right? 34 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,069 Yeah. 35 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,529 Wait, did you say last year? 36 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:11,738 Yeah. 37 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,906 Nah. 38 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,575 [ All groan ] 39 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,244 Be kidding. 40 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,162 Guys, this year is still gonna be great. 41 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,539 [ Clatter, body thuds ] 42 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,082 [ All gasp ] 43 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,669 [ Grunting ] 44 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,545 I wasn't living here. 45 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,089 Ooh, donuts. 46 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,593 [ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ] 47 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:42,102 ♪♪ 48 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,397 Janine: A welcome back lolly. 49 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,940 Yay. [ Chuckles ] 50 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,859 Y'all know what time it is. 51 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,694 It's Development Day. [ Chuckles ] 52 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,572 Some of the, uh, "grown-ups" are dreading school starting, 53 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:57,492 but let me be the first to say "Welcome back" with a lollipop. 54 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,161 Here you go. Thank you. 55 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,370 Melissa. 56 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,457 My lolly. 57 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,125 Barbara, you don't want a welcome back lollipop, do you? 58 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,710 I'd love one. 59 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,669 Thank you. 60 00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:10,589 Oh, I'm elated to be back. 61 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,424 At the end of the last school year, 62 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,427 I really found a groove with the music class. 63 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:18,221 So I spent all summer lesson planning 64 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,223 and familiarizing myself with the music 65 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,517 that the students love these days. 66 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,686 I've just been re-energized. 67 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:28,065 It's a new chapter in the book of Barbara. 68 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,151 Can y'all come take a look at something real quick? 69 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,527 Like this? 70 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:37,240 I see we won't be having any fun this school year. 71 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,078 Somehow, the stove got all outta place. 72 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,246 We cannot have the hookups exposed like that. 73 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,748 Not my jurisdiction. 74 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,124 I'll have someone come check it out. 75 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,418 Oh, please. You don't got to call anybody. 76 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:52,172 Step aside. I got this. It just needs a little...love. 77 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,592 The rumors are true. I'm in love. 78 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,552 His name is O'Shon, and he works in tech. 79 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,805 You know, when we first started dating, 80 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,515 everybody was against us. 81 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,724 The district even fired me 82 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,393 to try to break up our relationship. 83 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,895 And Janine tried to keep me from getting my job back. 84 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,899 But in spite of it all, we -- we made it through. 85 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:15,487 ♪♪ 86 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,240 In summary, I go above and beyond, 87 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,784 because I'm in love and O'Shon'd. 88 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,285 Ava, for the dozenth time, 89 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,912 you really shouldn't show us that stuff. 90 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,580 It is an HR violation. 91 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,665 So is your shirt. 92 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,458 Okay. What else? 93 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,460 New counselor coming -- boring. 94 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,711 Oh! 95 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,088 Everyone, please welcome 96 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,507 our new fourth grade teacher, Dominic Clark. 97 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,843 [ Applause ] 98 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,764 Where do I know that name -- I don't know. 99 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,391 Dominic Clark. 100 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,352 Did you star in that new Tyler Perry movie, 101 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,063 "Madea's Destination Wedding"? 102 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,273 No, Mrs. Howard, it's me -- Dominic. 103 00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,316 I was in your kindergarten class. 104 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,320 [ Gasps ] Dominic. How could I forget? 105 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,030 You colored everything red. 106 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,282 Still do. 107 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,783 I'm just playing. I don't do that anymore. 108 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,452 [ Laughter ] 109 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:04,911 It's just an honor to be your new colleague. 110 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,163 My new colleague... 111 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,247 Hi, everyone. 112 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,373 Teacher: Hey. How you doing? 113 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,542 Wow, imagine that. 114 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,795 My kindergarten student of nearly -- whoo -- 20 years ago 115 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,173 is my new colleague. 116 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,423 Which is crazy, Barbara, 117 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,091 because you guys look the exact same age. 118 00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:20,594 Yes, we do. 119 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,928 This is not gonna be good. 120 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,638 This is a minefield, okay? 121 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:27,434 That guy is going to set Barbara back to old grumpy Barb. 122 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,561 Yeah, no. I am on this. 123 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,355 All right. Due to an increase in middle school students, 124 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,192 Ms. Schemmenti will no longer be teaching second grade. 125 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:38,236 She'll be moving up to teach middle school math in homeroom. 126 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,571 [ All murmur ] 127 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,407 No, no, it's all right. I already knew. 128 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,826 And, you know, every app is like sports betting these days. 129 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,703 So I figured this is an opportunity 130 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,039 for me to refresh my percentages skills. 131 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,500 And since there aren't enough second graders for two classes, 132 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,211 Ms. Teagues will now have 40 students. 133 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,421 I, for one, am excited to see if it will break her. 134 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,464 It won't. 135 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,632 It might. 136 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,175 Okay, now you're just doing crowd work. 137 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,468 We're gonna go finish setting up our classrooms. 138 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,137 Yep. Development Day over. Good job, team. 139 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,348 Well, did someone say team? 140 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,641 Who's the suit? 141 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:11,269 Oh, right. This paper skeleton is Craig. 142 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,688 The district sent him for some reason. 143 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,441 Uh, yes. Good morning, Abbott Elementary, 144 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,318 and welcome back. 145 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,028 All right! 146 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,864 There it is. Uh, Principal Coleman is right. 147 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,325 I am here for a reason. 148 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:29,287 The district thinks Abbott is a very special school, 149 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,998 and we wanted to make it more special 150 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,168 by reaffirming some core district principles 151 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,337 and moral guidelines... 152 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,714 through team building. 153 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,508 [ All groan ] 154 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:44,219 This is a result of their no longer trusting us 155 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,096 because of last year's lying. 156 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,639 Extortion of businesses. 157 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,266 Yep, and our annual tradition 158 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,892 of unpermitted shows and festivities. 159 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,769 Maybe. Yes. 160 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,312 So this is a punishment 161 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,814 couched in team-building activities? 162 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,107 Yes. 163 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:59,484 To show we're all one big team 164 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:02,362 and rebuild the trust between the district and Abbott 165 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,864 that you all shattered, 166 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,117 I will be leading everyone in a day 167 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,328 of mandatory team-building activities. 168 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,706 So without further ado, 169 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:17,210 let's all obligatorily scoot to the library! 170 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,920 -Whoo! -I got work to do. 171 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,214 Oh, come on, everybody. 172 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,092 A few team-building games might be fun. 173 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,469 Oh, not games. Activities. 174 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,347 So, when I was in 175 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,891 your kindergarten class 20 years ago -- 176 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,142 Let me stop you right there, Dominic. 177 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,060 Oh. Uh-oh. Here we go. 178 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,438 Um, hey, Dom, you should probably just -- 179 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:37,939 You know, I'm trying to keep my cool... 180 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:42,068 ...but you got me so excited. 181 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,530 My former student is now my colleague. 182 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,116 Oh, what a blessed day to be alive! 183 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,578 Hey, Poindexter, whatever this is, can we hurry it up? 184 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,330 Some of us got real jobs to get back to. 185 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,581 Yeah, okay. 186 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,541 Uh, to start us off, 187 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,336 you're gonna share something people know about you 188 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,670 and something they don't. 189 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,380 So I'll start. 190 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,676 Uh, something people do know about me is that I love my job. 191 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,470 [ All groan ] 192 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,057 Uh, something you don't know is that I wear a cross, 193 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,434 but I don't believe in God. 194 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,937 But He believes in you. 195 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,773 I'm Barbara Howard, 196 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,735 and one thing you all know about me is I have a very strong 197 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:27,697 and loving relationship with God and Gerald. 198 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,200 Oh, but one thing you don't know 199 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,119 is I never used the Lord's name in vain. 200 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,245 Mnh-mnh. 201 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,122 Melissa. 202 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,375 Sweet baby Jesus. It doesn't count 'cause it's a baby. 203 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,001 Melissa: Okay, so, sure. 204 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,587 Uh, something that you know about me 205 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,632 is you already know everything you need to know about me. 206 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,592 Something you might not know about me 207 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,552 is that I will smack you in the mouth. 208 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,389 Okay. Mr. Johnson. 209 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,100 Something you know about me 210 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,727 is I used to work at Chippendales. 211 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,562 Stop. 212 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,648 Something you don't know is I swam an entire triathlon. 213 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,441 Well, that's just an athlon. 214 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,901 Wait, why swam? 215 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,486 Easier than riding a kite. 216 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,654 Oh... I think you mean a bike. 217 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,239 I wouldn't know, never rode one. 218 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,782 That's why I swam the whole thing. 219 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,242 What do you mean you never rode one? 220 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,910 You have a Tour de France trophy in your closet. 221 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:17,038 Yeah, that's for coaching, which you'd know if you... 222 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,748 if you took the time to admire it. 223 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:22,001 I'm sorry to interrupt, but w-what's that smell? 224 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,504 Oh, I love this game. Oh. Yeah. 225 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,381 Uh, it smells like dead squirrel. 226 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,299 No, it's raccoons. It's raccoons. 227 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,260 Oh, no. I-I know what that smell is. 228 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,303 It's Morton! [ Laughs ] 229 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,765 It's not me. Although it does smell like gas. 230 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,768 I told you, a professional needs to look at that stove. 231 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,856 It probably is Morton's nasty ass, but I'll go check it out. 232 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,611 Well, I smell a little somethin' somethin', 233 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,321 but nothing too crazy, right? 234 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,198 [ Gas hissing ] 235 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,325 Right? 236 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,619 [ Thud ] 237 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,623 Oh, damn. 238 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,169 Oh, damn! 239 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,171 Okay, who would like to go next? 240 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,506 Nobody panic, but I'ma need everybody to lead with love... 241 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:09,758 outside. 242 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,718 Immediately. Lovingly. 243 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,886 Did I mention I was in love? 244 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,179 Who else got something to live for? 245 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,388 -What? -Let's go. Come on. 246 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,809 All right, so the district will have someone out here 247 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,561 to fix the gas leak. 248 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,605 But what it won't be able to fix 249 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,858 is the fractured moral infrastructure of this school. 250 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,319 Now, split up into five groups. 251 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,404 Each one will have a different activity 252 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,323 that I will walk you through. 253 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,365 [ All groan ] 254 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,743 Look, the sooner we finish this, 255 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,996 the sooner you'll be able to get back to your day. 256 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,624 All right, so what is this, some kind of metaphor about 257 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,793 how we need to jump-start our school year? 258 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,045 No, I just didn't realize how many people there would be, 259 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,171 and those were in my trunk. 260 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,927 You are welcome to come to me 261 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,638 with any problem or concern, big or small. 262 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,139 I am here to help. 263 00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,599 She does have an office hour, though, 264 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,351 so you might want to, you know, 265 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,186 store a bunch of problems over several weeks. 266 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:07,148 But if I'm in the office, those hours are open. 267 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,983 In fact, let me just give you my cell. 268 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,319 What the heck? Just giving that sucker away for free? 269 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,906 What? You mad 'cause your real mom left you, 270 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,783 and now your fake mom is leaving you, too? 271 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:22,205 No, it's just...Barb's all happy now, which is great, 272 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,833 but this guy is getting the Barb I had to work three years for. 273 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,710 Besides, I'm supposed to be the recipient of her mentorship. 274 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,088 You know, the up-and-comer to her veteran ways. 275 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,965 The Scrappy-Doo to her Scoobs. 276 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,883 Now he's Scrappy? I just... 277 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,053 Ooh. Way to go, hoopers. 278 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:41,057 A fun new wrinkle is to try with your eyes closed. 279 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,726 And what else is left up for grabs in the Mystery Gang, you know? 280 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:48,731 Because Gregory's Fred and Jacob is Velma and Melissa's Daphne. 281 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,316 I'm Daphne. 282 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:53,111 My God, Janine, your perception is damningly awful. 283 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,905 My point is, who am I at Abbott now? 284 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,408 Who am I? 285 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,078 Hey, you know, I was thinking about what you said 286 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,788 about the triathlon. 287 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,666 You really can't ride a bike? 288 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,501 Never had time to learn. 289 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,879 That is wild. You live such a full life. 290 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,047 I just don't know how riding a bike got skipped over. 291 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,049 I worked a lot as a kid. 292 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,928 Well, if you want, I can teach you how to ride a bike. 293 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,471 It's never too late to learn. 294 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,681 What about your group? 295 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,224 They're fine. 296 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:26,269 Gregory, um... which direction do I turn? 297 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,896 Uh, Gregory? 298 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,480 Middle schoolers, huh? 299 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,024 Surprised you didn't mention it all summer, 300 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,775 since, you know, I teach middle school, 301 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:35,486 and, well, we live together, so we see each other every day. 302 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,113 Well, what's to mention? Kids are kids. 303 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,573 The only difference is the math. 304 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,200 I spent the summer learning to do that, so... 305 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,410 [ Chuckling ] Well, there's a lot more to it than math. 306 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:45,204 Okay. Preteens are very different than second graders. 307 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,708 Eh, not really. Just add a few years and puberty. 308 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,585 I talked to the older girls all the time. 309 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,338 Well, talking is great. Talking is fun. 310 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,507 But teaching -- the second you become their teacher, 311 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,384 you become their enemy, right, Morton? 312 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,720 They're gonna eat you alive. 313 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,390 Okay, no offense, but this sounds like a you two problem. 314 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,184 Okay, well... 315 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:09,145 you have no idea what they're capable of. 316 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,856 Yeah. You want a taste? 317 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,650 Uh, gross, but yeah. 318 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,151 Do your worst. 319 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:18,029 Yeah! Craig, we finished in 320 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,490 what I can only imagine is record time. 321 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,075 Craig: Amazing. Yes! 322 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,493 You'll never guess what level two is. 323 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,703 Don't tell me. It's reverse. 324 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,330 It's reverse. 325 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,625 Yeah! Look alive, people! Reverse, reverse! 326 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,419 Okay, so I'm young enough to be the ingenue, 327 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,254 but that's been usurped. 328 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,674 Barbara's doing the optimistic and positive thing. 329 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,217 [ Laughs ] 330 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,135 There's not a grump on the first floor. 331 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,679 I could be the downstairs grump. 332 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,305 Now, see, if you had a better personality, 333 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,890 you wouldn't have to search for one. 334 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,600 You could use that time to find a man. 335 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,895 Okay, you know that I'm dating Gregory. 336 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,438 That's still happening? 337 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,065 Sorry, I haven't been able to keep up 338 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:57,402 ever since I started dating the world's only real man. 339 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,153 O'Shon. 340 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,197 Good for you. No one cares. 341 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,700 That was my attempt at being a grump. 342 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,660 I may have overshot it a bit. 343 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:09,205 All right. I got us a bike. 344 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,999 Okay, Mr. Johnson, get on up here. 345 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,459 Maybe not right now. My knees aren't feeling so good. 346 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,420 You know, it's actually better for your knees than walking. 347 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,380 Well, I forgot my baseball card to put in the spokes. 348 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,176 All right, come on. No excuses. 349 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,637 Okay. I'll even hold on until you get the hang of it. 350 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,973 [ Sighs ] Okay, here we go. 351 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,309 Yeah. There you go. 352 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,602 All right. There it is. 353 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:32,770 Promise not to let go. 354 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,188 I promise. 355 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,027 -Pinky promise? -Well, I can't now. 356 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,403 I'm holding on to the bike. 357 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,988 Ow! 358 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,157 Look, these kids are mean. 359 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,367 One told me, "That's why your bitch left you, bitch." 360 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,494 I think you're overdoing it on the B word. 361 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,496 I don't think he's doing it enough. 362 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,331 Hey, why'd you rat out your brother and get him locked up? 363 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,208 What?! That never happened! 364 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,877 And scene. I was being a kid. 365 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,879 We live in a post-truth landscape, 366 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,630 and these kids hit below the belt. 367 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,466 Which is where you haven't been touched in years, snitch. 368 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,217 [ Gasps ] Unless you count Sweet Cheeks. 369 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,511 You keep my son's name out your filthy mouth. 370 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,472 And don't even think about talking back to them, 371 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,182 or you will get written up. 372 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,683 Every day is like an episode of "Scared Straight." 373 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,101 Take your shoes off! 374 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,145 Okay. Who are we in this scenario? 375 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,188 Everyone. 376 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,858 You still got me? Hey. I got you, I got you. 377 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,152 Jacob: And you have to handle all of this while teaching. 378 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,571 And if even one kid gets the best of you, 379 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,531 that could be a wrap for the period or the year. 380 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,201 Oh, no. Unh-unh, these kids are gonna [bleep] respect me. 381 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,161 Uh-uh-uh! Don't curse. They will report ya. 382 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,412 Yeah, I'll [bleep] report you. 383 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:32,914 He just cursed! 384 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:35,041 He can do that, you see? He's a little boy. 385 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,001 Actually, I'm a little girl. You ain't hard, homie! 386 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,045 Ok-- Yeah, that's right. You ain't hard. 387 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,089 Just keep moving forward! 388 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,632 Dominic: What?! You're doing great. 389 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,300 Eight. Eh, seven. 390 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,219 What are we doing now? Rating you to your face. 391 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,887 Have you ever been called a one 392 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,847 on a day you just knew you were a 10?! 393 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,265 You're a one! One. 394 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,308 One! One. 395 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,893 One! Stop it! Stop! 396 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,521 Stop? No, no, no. D-Don't stop. Walk forward. 397 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,314 -There you go. You got it. -I told you. 398 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,066 -Turn left. -Left? 399 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,692 No, no, no! Go -- Go right. Go right! 400 00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,736 [ Thud, car alarm beeps ] 401 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,821 Aaaahhh! 402 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,406 You promised! 403 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:08,741 You promised you wouldn't let me fall! 404 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,995 [ Sighs ] Looks like we're gonna be here all day. 405 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,622 Mm-mm-mm. 406 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,791 New year, same old Abbott. 407 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,584 Mm-mm. 408 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,795 No, just at the top. Don't have to do it twice. 409 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,134 You an organ donor, Gregory? Why? 410 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,344 'Cause whatever I break, you're gonna donate to me. 411 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,179 And I like those shoulders, Gregory. 412 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:33,015 Well, today was supposed to be about building trust 413 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,435 and working together as a team. 414 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,062 And the only thing you accomplished together 415 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,481 is how to fail in unique ways. 416 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,316 Progress! 417 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,318 And now you get to start over and do it again. 418 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,570 [ All groan ] 419 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,947 Well, I, for one, can't stand this, right? 420 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,783 'Cause this guy sucks. You all suck. 421 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,994 And this whole day sucks. Right, guys? 422 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:56,038 Well, it may suck, but if we don't finish today, 423 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,874 we can always come back on the weekend. 424 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,377 [ All groaning ] No. 425 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,629 Hey, Ava. Listen, um, you know, 426 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,007 I was thinking about this whole grade-switch thing, 427 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,425 and I think it might be better 428 00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,343 if Janine did the swap instead of me, 429 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:12,221 'cause, uh, Sweet Cheeks is afraid of heights, 430 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,266 so, you know, for him, it's ground floor or nothing. 431 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,518 Um, no. Guinea pigs are from the Andes. 432 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,437 They're not afraid of heights. 433 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,230 All right, listen, I... 434 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,775 A change this big, I just don't know 435 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:28,654 if I'm, like, exactly up for it. 436 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,364 [ Sighs ] 437 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,283 [ As Melissa ] "Zero problem whatsoever." 438 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,285 "Bring it on." 439 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,412 "Those kids are about to get a lesson in learning lessons, 440 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,581 and you can quote me on that." 441 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:41,250 That's what you said in June when I asked you about this. 442 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,543 There's no going back. 443 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,253 Here. This'll cheer you up. 444 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,798 That's O'Shon shirtless in Wildwood. 445 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,175 It is. 446 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,677 No, actually, it kinda helps. 447 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,262 It sure does. [ Chuckles ] 448 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,597 Good job. 449 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,558 Hey, Mel. So, about before. 450 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,227 You were totally busting my chops about 451 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,020 how the sixth graders act, right? 452 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,064 I knew it. Mr. Morton: No, we weren't. 453 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,732 And those were just the experiences 454 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,192 that I haven't repressed yet. 455 00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:08,903 Morton... 456 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,988 Sorry. 457 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,907 Janine. I could really use a positive spin on my situation. 458 00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:15,660 You're screwed. 459 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,328 You are not the two. You are the... 460 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,372 One. Girlfriend! 461 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,500 I have seen you handle challenges far more difficult 462 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,835 than a bunch of sixth graders. 463 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,213 You got this. 464 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,799 Thanks, Barb. I appreciate it. 465 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,342 Hey, you wouldn't want to take a shot at the sixth grade 466 00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,552 this year, would ya? 467 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,887 [ Laughs ] 468 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,931 I'd rather retire. 469 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:40,559 I am so lucky to be around such a veteran like Mrs. Howard. 470 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,936 Duh. 471 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,646 She's the greatest teacher ever. Right? 472 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,357 I just wish I could ask her a couple more questions, 473 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,317 but I don't want to keep bothering her. 474 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,529 You think maybe I could text her later? 475 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,115 Oh, my God, we get it. You have her cellphone number. 476 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,081 What'd you want to ask her? 477 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,250 Ah, it's pretty basic. I just, uh... 478 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:08,754 Should I take roll as soon as class starts in the morning? 479 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,340 Oh, no. 10-minute grace period. 480 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,758 A lot of the kids take SEPTA. 481 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,260 It's a whole thing. 482 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,887 I learned the hard way in my first year. 483 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,223 I'm sure I'm gonna have to learn the hard way a thousand times. 484 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,225 Oh, yeah, you definitely will. 485 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,351 And you're gonna want to scream 486 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,020 and contemplate your life choices. 487 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,355 And it's all normal. 488 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,442 If you have any more questions 489 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,653 and -- and Barbara's busy, you can always just ask me. 490 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,530 I appreciate that. 491 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,823 It's what I'm here for. 492 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,702 Janine: That is who I am now. I don't have to be a grump. 493 00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,829 I can be me and be a mentor. 494 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,540 I'm gonna put the "me" in mentor. 495 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,208 Me-ntor. 496 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:50,379 The teacher has become... the teacher. 497 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,256 I need to get out of the sun. 498 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,050 I just can't ride a bike, okay? 499 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,219 Look, they say you fall down seven times, you stand up eight. 500 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,347 I gotta fall six more times? 501 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,390 Hey, how's it going over here? 502 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,975 Bad. 503 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,143 He's scared to get back on the bike. 504 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,270 Okay, well, I could help. 505 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,646 I'm a brand-new me. [ Chuckles ] 506 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,231 What do you mean? You sound the same. 507 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,650 Oh, you missed a whole thing. 508 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,276 I went through a bunch of different personalities. 509 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,986 Landed here. Still sound the same. 510 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,821 Oh, I'll tell you about it later. Okay. 511 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,783 But, Mr. Johnson, I know you can ride the bike 512 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,452 because I believe in you. 513 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,623 I know what to do. 514 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:28,000 Uh, everyone, stop what you're doing and come over here. 515 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,002 Mr. Johnson needs our help. 516 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,797 No, no. Please don't do that, please. 517 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,883 If we don't finish, you have to come in on the weekend. 518 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,803 You look like a guy that loves coming in on weekends. 519 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,054 Monday through Friday -- 520 00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:41,597 the best days of the week to you, huh? 521 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,265 No. My weekends rule. 522 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,350 Yeah, okay. 523 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,477 Janine: All right, let's go, Mr. J. 524 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,354 Yeah, what's the worst that could happen? 525 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,563 I fall over and die. 526 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,024 Well, that's just...fair. 527 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,319 Look, Mr. Johnson, if you fall, 528 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,905 we will catch you, I promise, okay? 529 00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,323 All right. All right. All right, everyone. 530 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,991 Ready to get back up on this horse? 531 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,120 Riding a horse is easy. It's bikes I'm afraid of. 532 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,955 Hey, you got this, all right? 533 00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,915 All right, here we go. Ready? 534 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,875 -Go! -Come on, Mr. J. 535 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,252 -You got it. -Come on, Mr. J. 536 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,463 Come on, you got it. You got it. 537 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:19,301 [ Cheers and applause ] 538 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,386 Yeah! 539 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:25,099 Go, Mr. J! Go, Mr. J! 540 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:28,436 I feel like we're starting to lose focus. 541 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:31,564 You all need to prove your virtuousness. 542 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,773 Craig? 543 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,820 Isn't that what we're doing right here? Huh? 544 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,239 -Yeah. -Yeah. 545 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,742 Well, maybe this qualifies as completion of team building. 546 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,578 Wait, really? Yes. 547 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,038 Also, I have tickets to the Ren Faire this weekend, 548 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,623 so I'm gonna need this to count. 549 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,208 Okay. 550 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,254 Fixed the leak. Good news -- 551 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,173 killed a bunch of mice in your walls. 552 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,592 Bad news -- it ain't my job to get rid of 'em. 553 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,262 Worse news -- I noticed you have HVAC issues. 554 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,805 What you mean, like A/C and heat and stuff? 555 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,182 Yep. 556 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,475 And you're not gonna have any of that 557 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,810 if you don't get a specialist in here. 558 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,437 You got someone to handle this? 559 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,439 Well, I'm sure Mr. Johnson's on top of it. 560 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,483 He's around here somewhere. 561 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,778 [ Screams ] Gregory didn't teach me how to stop! 562 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,654 Just use the handlebar brake! 563 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,781 It's a fixie. Just stop pedaling!