1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:03,140 ♪ MARTHA REEVES AND THE VANDELLAS: Nowhere To Run ♪ 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:09,120 ♪ Nowhere to run to, baby 3 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,360 ♪ Nowhere to hide 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,600 ♪ Got nowhere to run to, baby 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,480 ♪ Nowhere to hide 6 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,205 ♪ It's not love I'm a-running from 7 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:28,200 ♪ Just the heartbreak I know will come... 8 00:00:28,235 --> 00:00:30,777 One moment, please. 9 00:00:30,812 --> 00:00:33,285 Hi, I'm Sophie Straw. 10 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,760 I'm in The Jim and Barbara Show. 11 00:00:35,795 --> 00:00:37,800 Sophie Straw... Ah, yes. 12 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,960 Would you like to go through? Thank you. 13 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,800 ♪ Nowhere to run to, baby 14 00:00:46,835 --> 00:00:49,160 ♪ Nowhere to hide 15 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,760 ♪ Got nowhere to run to, baby 16 00:00:53,795 --> 00:00:56,445 ♪ Nowhere to hide... 17 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,940 Hello! ♪ I know you're no good for me 18 00:01:00,975 --> 00:01:05,400 ♪ But free of you I'll never be, no 19 00:01:05,435 --> 00:01:08,737 ♪ Each night as I, as I sleep 20 00:01:08,772 --> 00:01:12,005 ♪ Into my heart you creep 21 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,480 ♪ I wake up feeling sorry I met you 22 00:01:15,515 --> 00:01:18,885 ♪ Hoping soon that I'll forget you 23 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,080 ♪ When I look in the mirror to comb my hair 24 00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:27,600 ♪ I see your face just a-smiling there 25 00:01:27,635 --> 00:01:29,605 ♪ Nowhere to run 26 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:33,400 ♪ Nowhere to hide from you, babe 27 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,880 ♪ Got nowhere to run to, baby 28 00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:41,925 ♪ Nowhere to hide 29 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,920 ♪ I know you're no good for me 30 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,640 ♪ But you've become a part of me 31 00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:52,880 ♪ Nowhere to run to, baby 32 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,160 ♪ Nowhere to hide 33 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,080 ♪ Got nowhere to run to, baby... ♪ 34 00:02:00,115 --> 00:02:01,845 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 35 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,300 MAN: Just got that Clive Richardson on the wireless, 36 00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:06,685 The Awkward Squads. WOMAN: He's very easy on the eye. 37 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,560 The first time I ever felt nervous- (ON RADIO) ".. hopeless, though. 38 00:02:09,595 --> 00:02:11,680 That Sophie Straw, or whatever she calls herself. " 39 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,880 "Oh, yeah?" "I've heard she's rubbish. " 40 00:02:13,915 --> 00:02:15,565 Den! Everything alright? 41 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,520 ".. in a summer show in Clacton. " I've never even been to Clacton! 42 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,000 "Don't know how she got the job, she couldn't act for toffee!" 43 00:02:21,035 --> 00:02:22,845 (SLAMS SHUT) 44 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,085 What if I mess it up? (KNOCK ON DOOR) 45 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,885 Hi, Soph. We've got some last-minute script changes. 46 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,920 We've done a tiny rewrite - - on the opening scene. - Right. - Right. 47 00:02:30,955 --> 00:02:33,325 So... I can't learn all that! 48 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,365 Oh, Den, is it too late to recast? What? 49 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,560 Oh, they're kidding, Sophie. Jesus Christ, you two. 50 00:02:38,595 --> 00:02:40,477 This is her first time, so just knock it off. 51 00:02:40,512 --> 00:02:42,360 Sorry, Soph. We just wanted to say break a leg. 52 00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,405 Why? Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no. 53 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,720 No, no. Soph, it's just actor speak for 'good luck'. 54 00:02:47,755 --> 00:02:49,480 Yeah, cos it's bad luck to say 'good luck. ' 55 00:02:49,515 --> 00:02:51,080 (GASPS) Fuck, I just said 'good luck. ' 56 00:02:51,115 --> 00:02:52,885 Oh! Oh! 57 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,805 What if I mess it up? Look, Sophie, darling. 58 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,320 Even if you fluff a line, I'll just make up a little joke 59 00:02:57,355 --> 00:02:59,877 about how it's your first time, - ha-ha-ha. - Right. 60 00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:02,400 Everyone out of Sophie's dressing room, right now. 61 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,240 Er, not you, Sophie. 62 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,765 Oh, Den... 63 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,920 what if you've made a mistake? What if I can't do it? 64 00:03:13,955 --> 00:03:16,600 I haven't made a mistake and you can do it. 65 00:03:16,635 --> 00:03:19,000 And this is all just nerves. 66 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,600 It's quite natural, but you can use it. 67 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,325 You can use the nerves as a sort of fuel. 68 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,480 I don't really know what you're on about, Dennis. 69 00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:29,600 Once you're out there in front of an audience, 70 00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,300 you'll be fine. 71 00:03:32,335 --> 00:03:33,945 Trust me. 72 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,665 You're a natural. 73 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:38,300 You're brilliant. (SNORTS) 74 00:03:38,335 --> 00:03:40,660 You're Sophie Straw. 75 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,280 (EXHALES) Now, there is a... 76 00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:46,340 hair curler, still in your hair. 77 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:50,145 Oh! Yeah. 78 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,665 Now, take a deep breath... 79 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,060 (INHALES) ... and you're ready to go. 80 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:58,505 (KNOCKING) 81 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,580 It's showtime. Yes. 82 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:06,980 You can breathe out. (EXHALES) 83 00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,180 Ooh. 84 00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:18,620 (SIGHS) 85 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,380 So, in this Comedy Playhouse, 86 00:04:27,415 --> 00:04:30,000 Jim works for the Foreign Office. 87 00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:31,765 Ooh! (AUDIENCE OOHS) 88 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,440 And Barbara is his 'cleaning lady from up north'. 89 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,045 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 90 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,120 (WARM UP CONTINUES FAINTLY) 91 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,320 Ah! 92 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,280 Oh, no! 93 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,445 (KNOCKING) 94 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,360 Just a minute! We need you on set, Miss Straw. 95 00:05:00,395 --> 00:05:02,400 (WHIMPERS) 96 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,085 So, after three... three! (LAUGHS) 97 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,005 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) That's wonderful, wonderful, yes. 98 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,160 So, now let's make that laugh a little bit bigger if we can. 99 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,840 Great pep talk Dennis, She's not coming out now. 100 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,240 (KNOCKS) Um, Sophie? 101 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,080 Slight costume issue. 102 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,240 What's happening? A slight costume issue. 103 00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:31,045 Imagine... your mother-in-law... 104 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,685 breaks wind at a wedding. (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 105 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,120 That's it, that's it, very good. Well, now that we... 106 00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:40,017 (ON RADIO) "Haven't got the cast yet, Bert. " 107 00:05:40,052 --> 00:05:41,845 "We need to knock back the recording time. " 108 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,965 WARM UP:.. get to know each other! So, everybody... 109 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,640 Seriously? Who the fuck does she think she is, Shirley Bassey? 110 00:05:47,675 --> 00:05:49,680 Get Polly. 111 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,005 Bollocks to it. No! (SLAM) 112 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,085 Well done, everybody, well done. 113 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,040 Oh, I've got a man there who's showing me how to wind wool. 114 00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:02,177 Oh, no, I think he's saying 'keep going, keep going. ' 115 00:06:02,212 --> 00:06:05,280 Yes, apparently the cast must still be in the bar (LAUGHS) 116 00:06:05,315 --> 00:06:06,805 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) So... 117 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,720 Shit! OK, we haven't got another pair. 118 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,040 I don't know why I've come on. I'm not due for another week. 119 00:06:13,075 --> 00:06:15,165 Just performer's nerves. Your cycle's out of sync. 120 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,160 Oh, I've not used one of them before. What? How old are you? 121 00:06:18,195 --> 00:06:20,400 My Auntie Marie disapproved. Don't ask. 122 00:06:20,435 --> 00:06:22,325 Haven't you got a pad? No. 123 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,040 Just get those trousers off - and shove it up. - Alright. 124 00:06:25,075 --> 00:06:27,080 Sophie, can I help at all? BOTH: No! 125 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,325 I thought this might happen. 126 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,920 She hasn't had drama school training. She's bottled it. 127 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,320 (ON RADIO) "Um, so, still not ready to record. " 128 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,205 Agh! 129 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,600 Where's the fucking talent? 130 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,200 Ow, this thing hurts! Don't ram it up your wee-hole. 131 00:06:47,235 --> 00:06:48,800 Right. 132 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,000 If you don't come out this instant, you little diva, 133 00:06:53,035 --> 00:06:55,560 I will kick the bloody door down. 134 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,880 (GRUNTS) (OBJECTS CRASHING) 135 00:06:59,915 --> 00:07:02,600 (SIGHS) Let's go do a show. 136 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,240 Why is she wearing jeans? 137 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,960 ...maybe I should find out where everybody's from. 138 00:07:17,995 --> 00:07:20,437 So, anyone from Outer London? MAN: Yes! 139 00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:22,656 Oh, you, sir. Very good. (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 140 00:07:22,691 --> 00:07:24,840 Don't suppose you saw the cast there, did you? 141 00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:26,725 (LAUGHTER) I wonder where they are. 142 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,760 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, they are back from their holidays. 143 00:07:29,795 --> 00:07:33,320 Let me introduce Dennis Mahindra, the producer. 144 00:07:33,355 --> 00:07:35,440 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 145 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,960 What the fuck? I'm so sorry. 146 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,560 Well, hello, everyone. Um... 147 00:07:47,595 --> 00:07:49,765 Apologies for the slight delay. 148 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,120 None of us could find the 'on' switch for the cameras. 149 00:07:52,155 --> 00:07:54,440 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) Would you like to meet the cast? 150 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,525 AUDIENCE: Yes! Very good. 151 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,405 So, playing Jim, the political hotshot, 152 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,720 is a man with a glittering career on stage and screen, 153 00:08:02,755 --> 00:08:04,365 the pinnacle of which is, of course, 154 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,640 playing Captain Smythe in The Awkward Squad.(AUDIENCE OOHS) 155 00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:09,685 I give you the one and only... 156 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,160 AUDIENCE: Clive Richardson! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 157 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,640 Who's in charge here? AUDIENCE: You are! 158 00:08:18,675 --> 00:08:20,680 Very good. 159 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:25,040 And playing Barbara, the cleaner with a difference, 160 00:08:25,075 --> 00:08:28,600 introducing our hugely talented newcomer, 161 00:08:28,635 --> 00:08:30,920 Miss Sophie Straw. 162 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,960 (APPLAUSE) 163 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,760 (WOLF WHISTLE) 164 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,800 (LAUGHTER) Hiya! 165 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,560 Good luck. First positions. 166 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,725 Enjoy the show. 167 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,280 MAN: First positions, please. MAN 2: Running camera two. 168 00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:55,657 Hello, boys and girls. 169 00:08:55,692 --> 00:08:57,986 Let's go for a take, then. 170 00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:00,280 (PRODUCTION TEAM CHATTER) 171 00:09:00,315 --> 00:09:02,285 And... Action! 172 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,325 Of course, Cicely, darling. 173 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,925 There is absolutely no other woman in my life. 174 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,800 - - Jim? - Hmm? - Shall I flick it on your knick-knacks? 175 00:09:09,835 --> 00:09:12,417 (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) Cicely, darling, please. 176 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:14,965 My boss and his wife are on their way over here. 177 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,640 Now, I am due a promotion and they're expecting to meet you. 178 00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:21,040 And without you, Cicely, I... (DISCONNECT TONE) 179 00:09:21,075 --> 00:09:23,080 Cicely? 180 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,700 (SIGHS) 181 00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:28,645 Oh, God! 182 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,800 What am I going to do? 183 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,720 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 184 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,880 WOMAN: Shot 62, coming to camera three. 185 00:09:37,915 --> 00:09:40,157 Alright, let's try this one more time. 186 00:09:40,192 --> 00:09:42,365 Hello, I'm Cicely. How lovely to meet you. 187 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,800 (HIGH-PITCHED, POSH) Hello, I'm Cicely. How lovely to meet you. 188 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,377 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) No, no, no, no. I'm Cicely. 189 00:09:48,412 --> 00:09:50,920 Oh, so you're Cicely now? Does that mean I'm Jim? 190 00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:52,525 I think that would be a bit of a stretch. 191 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,040 What? No, no, no. No, no. Can't I just be myself? 192 00:09:55,075 --> 00:09:57,485 No, absolutely not, no. You're from Liverpool. 193 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,480 - Blackpool. - Well, either way, he's not going to understand a word you say. 194 00:10:00,515 --> 00:10:03,240 Look, perhaps it's better if you don't actually speak at all. 195 00:10:03,275 --> 00:10:05,205 Er, just... just make noises. 196 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,165 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) No, not that one. 197 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,245 (SCREAMS DAFTLY) Alright, alright, off you trot 198 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,520 to the kitchen to prepare - the hors d'oeuvres. - The what? 199 00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:14,680 Hmm! (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 200 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,565 (SQUEALING) Mm! 201 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:21,400 Ah! Here she is! The hostess with the mostest. 202 00:10:21,435 --> 00:10:23,520 (SQUEALS POLITELY) 203 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,040 (HUMMING) 204 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,560 (KNOCKS CAMERA) Oh, shit! I mean: 205 00:10:30,595 --> 00:10:32,800 (SQUEALS) shit! (AUDIENCE GUFFAWS) 206 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:37,040 Right! First positions, we'll have to go again. 207 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,205 Ah! (NERVOUS LAUGH) 208 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,400 He says... He says we have to do it again. So sorry, everyone. 209 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,560 They should've splashed out and got a proper actress, hoo-hoo. 210 00:10:46,595 --> 00:10:48,497 (LAUGHTER) 211 00:10:48,532 --> 00:10:50,365 (GIGGLING) 212 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,440 And tell Sophie Straw not to hit the ruddy camera! 213 00:10:53,475 --> 00:10:54,845 (SIGHS) 214 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,980 (SQUEALS) Mm! 215 00:10:57,015 --> 00:10:59,045 Do tuck in, sir. 216 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,285 Is that it? I'm famished! 217 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,680 Oh, come on, sir. That's very nearly a mouthful. 218 00:11:04,715 --> 00:11:06,685 (MILD LAUGHTER) 219 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,725 BILL: Fucking audience! 220 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,725 Wouldn't have hurt them to laugh a bit more. 221 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,440 It's free, for fuck's sake. Just took them some time to warm up. 222 00:11:14,475 --> 00:11:16,645 You'll tell us in a minute they were laughing inside. 223 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:19,560 It didn't help that Sophie was determined to bump into the camera. 224 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,440 Mm, they really laughed at that. 225 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,000 Where is Sophie? Den, mate, what did Ted Sargent say? 226 00:11:26,035 --> 00:11:28,165 Well, he's not here. 227 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,920 He usually sticks his head in if the show went well, so... 228 00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:33,800 That's it, then. We're fucked. Ted Sargent hated it. 229 00:11:33,835 --> 00:11:35,805 Will you all just calm down? 230 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,880 He didn't give anything away at all. 231 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,680 Well done tonight. You were great. 232 00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:44,837 Even managed to upstage Clive. 233 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,960 Not deliberately. (CHUCKLES) 234 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,560 Thanks for saving me. 235 00:11:50,595 --> 00:11:52,405 Here. 236 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,400 Trust me, they are the future. Thank you. 237 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,920 See ya. 238 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,485 Sophie! 239 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,605 Um, we're all in the bar. 240 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,460 I'm sorry, Dennis. I can't stay. 241 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,280 Oh, well. Well done for tonight. 242 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,240 Did Ted Sargent like it? 243 00:12:15,275 --> 00:12:17,560 Bits of it. 244 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,440 Sophie, is everything alright? 245 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,445 My dad was rushed into hospital last night and I... 246 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,880 Oh, my goodness... need to get the last train home in case... 247 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,805 ...well, in case. 248 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,040 Is there anything that I can do? 249 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,080 Don't worry about the show. 250 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,685 Safe journey. I'll... 251 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,760 let you know what happens. 252 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:11,985 Ooh! 253 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:14,700 She came then, did she, her ladyship? 254 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:19,060 The girl who had better things to do than rush to her father's deathbed? 255 00:13:19,095 --> 00:13:22,305 Deathbed? I've had a stroke. 256 00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:25,220 I've already told Dad how sorry I am I couldn't come. 257 00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:27,757 You'd better have a good excuse. 258 00:13:27,792 --> 00:13:30,225 She's going to be on the telly. 259 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:33,380 And I've got a ten-foot tail. Auntie Marie...(SIGHS) 260 00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:35,985 I've been acting in a TV Comedy Playhouse, 261 00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:38,660 and if I'd have come yesterday, I'd have lost my chance. 262 00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:41,505 Is this one of your tall stories, Barbara? 263 00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:45,380 Like when you told everyone your mother had been abducted by aliens? 264 00:13:46,980 --> 00:13:48,980 You did the TV show, then? 265 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,105 And was it worth it? 266 00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:56,420 My dad's poorly, so I'm just here to settle his bill. 267 00:13:57,580 --> 00:14:00,780 Tell Mr Parker it's on the house. 268 00:14:01,860 --> 00:14:03,985 Oh. 269 00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:06,060 Thank you. 270 00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,020 We could have had it all, you and me. 271 00:14:10,055 --> 00:14:12,625 We were golden. 272 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,700 King and Queen of Blackpool. 273 00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:20,820 Right. 274 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,460 (RADIO PLAYS) "Captain Smythe was played by... " 275 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:34,580 SOPHIE AND GEORGE: Clive Richardson! 276 00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,585 (BOTH LAUGH) 277 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:39,300 You two and your radio. (TURNS RADIO OFF) 278 00:14:39,335 --> 00:14:41,945 Oh, Marie, put your feet up a minute. 279 00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:45,625 I haven't got a minute. The whole boarding house is in a state 280 00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:48,460 after that Scottish family left. I swear they had rabbits with them. 281 00:14:48,495 --> 00:14:51,065 There were pellets all over the floor. 282 00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:54,700 Can't believe our little Barbara's going to be on the telly. 283 00:14:54,735 --> 00:14:56,985 (CHUCKLES) 284 00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,380 Here you are, Dad. Do you want the blanket? 285 00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:02,580 Hmm? Yeah, go on, then. It's free. 286 00:15:02,615 --> 00:15:04,145 (CHUCKLES) 287 00:15:04,180 --> 00:15:07,140 Well, he seems much better. 288 00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:10,060 When do they expect him back at work? 289 00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:12,105 They don't. 290 00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:15,660 He won't be going back. He's a liability. 291 00:15:15,695 --> 00:15:17,700 It's harsh, but there we are. 292 00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:19,980 Oh, Auntie Marie, no. 293 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:24,340 I know you think this is all my - fault. - Well, it's not been ideal, 294 00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:27,820 but he's not been right ever since your mother broke his heart. 295 00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:29,305 (SIGHS) 296 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,380 Oh, he gave us a terrible scare. 297 00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:35,660 Terr... (SOBS) 298 00:15:35,695 --> 00:15:37,945 Oh... come on. 299 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,740 I just don't know what to do. (SNIFFLES) 300 00:15:40,775 --> 00:15:42,665 Him sick and you gone. 301 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:46,220 I'm at capacity with everything and I can't split myself in two. 302 00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:49,380 It's alright, Auntie Marie. (CRIES) 303 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:52,900 Have a sip of tea. 304 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,020 My little London adventure's over. 305 00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:00,140 I'm back now. 306 00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,380 (SIGHS) There you go. 307 00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,225 Oh! 308 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,100 You've put in too many leaves. It tastes like soot! 309 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,940 Oh, Barbara. 310 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:22,625 Ooh, maybe not those flutes, Bill. 311 00:16:22,660 --> 00:16:25,900 Sorry. They're a bit of a family - heirloom. - Wow, there's posh. 312 00:16:25,935 --> 00:16:27,740 The only thing I ever inherited was acne. 313 00:16:27,775 --> 00:16:29,785 I hope you like the show, Edith. 314 00:16:29,820 --> 00:16:32,780 Well, a bit late if she doesn't. The show's on TV in... 315 00:16:32,815 --> 00:16:34,105 oh, now. 316 00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,465 Why... Why wouldn't I like it? 317 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,860 Well, be honest, Edith. Is comedy really your thing? 318 00:16:39,895 --> 00:16:42,345 Nonsense. Edith has a great sense of humour. 319 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,820 What was it that really made you giggle the other day? 320 00:16:44,855 --> 00:16:47,705 Oh, when you mispronounced the word 321 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,440 'embourgeoisement. ' (LAUGHS) Easily done. 322 00:16:50,475 --> 00:16:53,140 (TV PLAYS) Right, right, right, right. Shh. 323 00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:57,260 Ooh, is it starting? 324 00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:04,860 What? 325 00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:07,820 It's a special occasion. 326 00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:09,065 (LAUGHS) 327 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:12,060 (ON TV) "Cecily, darling, why? I mean, what's wrong?" 328 00:17:12,095 --> 00:17:13,945 It's our Barbara! Ooh! 329 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:17,585 Oh, my God. My face looks all mad wonky.(GROANS) 330 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:21,060 "Mmm?"Shall I flick it on your knick-knacks?" (LAUGHTER) 331 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:25,620 "Er, just... just make noises. " (BLOWS RASPBERRY)"No, not that one. " 332 00:17:25,655 --> 00:17:27,617 (SILLY NOISES)"Alright, alright. " (LAUGHS) 333 00:17:27,652 --> 00:17:29,580 ".. to prepare the hors d'oeuvres. " "The what?" 334 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:32,985 "Is that it?"(LAUGHS) "I'm famished!" 335 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:36,625 "Oh, come on, sir. That's very nearly a mouthful. " 336 00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:39,540 Could've sworn I got a bigger laugh - than that on the night, no? - Yes, 337 00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:42,437 but we had to use the second take, the audience are always more muted. 338 00:17:42,472 --> 00:17:45,300 Could've nicked the laughter from when Sophie bumped into the camera. 339 00:17:45,335 --> 00:17:48,145 Fuck off. I don't need her laughter off-cuts. 340 00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:51,340 "Oh, you must give me that recipe!" (CHARACTERS LAUGH) 341 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:56,500 "It's so nice to see a young couple so much in love. " 342 00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:02,540 GEORGE: Hey, it's your name. Well, your stage name. 343 00:18:02,575 --> 00:18:05,420 Oh! Well, that's very professional. 344 00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:07,025 Oh, very good, love. 345 00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:10,900 I wasn't sure about all the kissing and cuddling at the end. 346 00:18:10,935 --> 00:18:13,740 They're not married, are they, Jim and Barbara? 347 00:18:13,775 --> 00:18:16,780 That's the point. It's modern. 348 00:18:16,815 --> 00:18:18,665 Hmm. 349 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:22,020 Well, perhaps we should have some of the proper stuff, then. 350 00:18:22,055 --> 00:18:24,780 Ooh, are we having - a celebratory schooner? - Well. 351 00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:28,945 Well, we should make the most of it 352 00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:31,660 because it's probably just a one-off. (LAUGHS) 353 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,380 Well, whatever happens, love... 354 00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:39,140 ...you've made us ever so proud. 355 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,820 What do you think, Den? Will Ted grant us a series? 356 00:18:44,855 --> 00:18:46,777 Well, I think he'll wait for the, er... 357 00:18:46,812 --> 00:18:48,665 ratings and the reviews to come in first. 358 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:51,620 Well, if he doesn't give us a show, fuck him. His loss. 359 00:18:51,655 --> 00:18:54,540 I'm up for a huge part in a film with Julie Christie. 360 00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:59,780 We're trying to do something different here. Give us that chance. 361 00:18:59,815 --> 00:19:01,905 The Comedy Playhouse was that chance. 362 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:05,500 This is a television network and not an experimental theatre group. 363 00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,717 But Tony and Bill, they're not just writing... 364 00:19:07,752 --> 00:19:09,865 a comedy about an odd couple falling in love. 365 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,520 They're challenging expectations. They're just challenging, 366 00:19:12,555 --> 00:19:15,067 according to the press. The reviews are decidedly lukewarm. 367 00:19:15,102 --> 00:19:17,580 Yes, but the one thing they all agree on is Sophie Straw. 368 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,785 Ah. 369 00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:21,740 'In an otherwise underwhelming effort, etcetera, etcetera... 'Yes. 370 00:19:21,775 --> 00:19:24,785 'Newcomer, Sophie Straw, is certainly the one to watch. ' 371 00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:27,400 It would have been helpful if she'd watched where she was going. 372 00:19:27,435 --> 00:19:30,187 First rule of live recording is don't bump into the furniture, 373 00:19:30,222 --> 00:19:32,940 let alone the cameras. Yes, but she scored a laugh off it. 374 00:19:32,975 --> 00:19:35,417 Most other actors would have just crumbled. 375 00:19:35,452 --> 00:19:37,825 She's raw, but she connects with the audience. 376 00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:40,420 Well, she certainly seems to have connected with you. 377 00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,985 She's a find. 378 00:19:44,020 --> 00:19:47,380 Let me direct it. I know what this show can be. 379 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:52,660 (PHONE RINGS) 380 00:19:55,380 --> 00:19:58,100 Hello? 4758. 381 00:19:58,135 --> 00:20:00,140 Yes. 382 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,300 Oh, yes. 383 00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,740 On the mend, thank you, Mr Mahindra. 384 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,580 Yes, yes, just a minute. 385 00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:17,940 Hello? 386 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,260 Yep. 387 00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:27,785 OK. 388 00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:29,860 I understand. 389 00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,820 Yeah. 390 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,500 Thanks for letting me know. 391 00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:48,420 Alright? Mm-hm. 392 00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:55,780 It's probably for the best, love. You couldn't have done it anyway. 393 00:20:56,580 --> 00:20:58,425 Oh! 394 00:20:58,460 --> 00:21:00,820 I'm so sorry, love. 395 00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:11,980 Ted Sargent said yes. 396 00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:16,625 You what? He said yes? 397 00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:19,425 Oh, we've got your hospital check-up next week. 398 00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:23,660 Maybe we should go for a walk on the promenade if you get the all-clear... 399 00:21:23,695 --> 00:21:27,060 and we need some more potatoes, yes. Erm. 400 00:21:27,095 --> 00:21:29,460 Erm. 401 00:21:31,380 --> 00:21:33,865 Listen, 402 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:36,980 if you don't go to London straight away and do that show... 403 00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:40,300 ...I swear I'm gonna have another stroke. 404 00:21:40,335 --> 00:21:42,225 But she's needed here. Marie, no. 405 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:46,100 George, she can't just come and go as she-Just shut it! 406 00:21:52,420 --> 00:21:54,780 Alright? Yeah. 407 00:21:57,380 --> 00:21:59,865 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Oh! (LAUGHTER) 408 00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:02,820 What does a girl gotta do to get a drink around here? 409 00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:05,225 (SHOUTS) (LAUGHS) 410 00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:07,480 It's Sophie Straw - from the television! - Hi, Dennis. 411 00:22:07,515 --> 00:22:09,700 Good to see you. Christ, Den, pump her arm any harder, 412 00:22:09,735 --> 00:22:11,797 water will come out her mouth. (LAUGHS) 413 00:22:11,832 --> 00:22:14,066 Yes, erm, sorry. Ooh, come on, then. 414 00:22:14,101 --> 00:22:16,300 Tell me what's been happening. Well... 415 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,985 So, the good news is 416 00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:21,600 Ted wants the first show on air in just over six weeks. 417 00:22:21,635 --> 00:22:24,180 And the bad news is... Ted wants the first show on air 418 00:22:24,215 --> 00:22:26,225 in just over six weeks. (LAUGHTER) 419 00:22:26,260 --> 00:22:29,280 But this is an opportunity for us to do something original. 420 00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:32,265 - - Mmm. - Yes. - Yeah, we pushed boundaries with the pilot, 421 00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:36,100 and now we can talk about all the - things we want to talk about. - Mmm. 422 00:22:36,135 --> 00:22:38,740 - Poverty and privilege. - Oh, yes. Sexual revolution, 423 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:41,185 gender inequality, absolutely anything we want. 424 00:22:41,220 --> 00:22:44,220 Ooh, just the thought of it gives me a bowel movement.(LAUGHTER) 425 00:22:44,255 --> 00:22:45,625 Ooh, I need that drink. 426 00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:47,900 - Ooh-hoo! - Yeah, you've got some catching up to do. 427 00:22:47,935 --> 00:22:50,105 Get that down you. No, these thugs don't know how 428 00:22:50,140 --> 00:22:53,580 to treat a lady, right? Why don't I get you a nice little cocktail? 429 00:22:53,615 --> 00:22:56,505 Thanks, Clive. (LAUGHTER) 430 00:22:56,540 --> 00:22:58,820 ♪ ASTRUD GILBERTO: Goodbye Sadness (Tristeza) ♪ 431 00:23:00,180 --> 00:23:02,945 Oh! What? Ooh! 432 00:23:02,980 --> 00:23:05,900 What's that? That's a whiskey. (LAUGHS) 433 00:23:05,935 --> 00:23:07,780 Wow. 434 00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:11,700 (APPLAUSE AND SHOUTING) Got it! 435 00:23:11,735 --> 00:23:14,220 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 436 00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:18,300 And not forgetting... Quite right. 437 00:23:21,980 --> 00:23:24,220 (BELCHES) (LAUGHTER AND CHEERING) 438 00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:29,460 - My God, Soph! - Disgusting! I've never seen anything like it! 439 00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:32,140 Could you keep the racket down, please?! 440 00:23:32,175 --> 00:23:34,345 Ah. Oh... 441 00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:37,025 I'm joking. Oh, my God! Oh! 442 00:23:37,060 --> 00:23:39,940 (RELIEVED LAUGHTER) Yes, I didn't even know you were here. 443 00:23:39,975 --> 00:23:42,420 Having a brainstorm with my editorial team. 444 00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:44,625 MEN: Hello! Hello! 445 00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:47,940 Hi, I'm Sophie Straw. Edith. Dennis' wife. 446 00:23:47,975 --> 00:23:50,260 Oh. 447 00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:53,340 Well, congratulations. Oh, yeah, thank you. 448 00:23:53,375 --> 00:23:55,497 Thanks very much. (GIGGLES) 449 00:23:55,532 --> 00:23:57,620 See you tonight, darling. Yes. 450 00:24:00,260 --> 00:24:03,580 BILL: Right, well, I make it you owe me four whiskeys, 451 00:24:03,615 --> 00:24:06,300 two beers and a lady cocktail. Yes. I remember. 452 00:24:06,335 --> 00:24:10,140 (DOOR OPENS) Oh, it's good to be back. 453 00:24:10,175 --> 00:24:12,145 Did you miss me? 454 00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:14,145 It said, 'Newcomer, Sophie Straw, 455 00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,420 who looks like a cross between Brigitte Bardot 456 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,617 and the girl next door. ' Oh. (MIMICS DAFTLY) 457 00:24:18,652 --> 00:24:20,745 Well, your new best mate, Diane, seems to think 458 00:24:20,780 --> 00:24:23,580 you're the next big thing. Well, I didn't bring Diane back 459 00:24:23,615 --> 00:24:25,860 a stick of this, did I? 460 00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:29,145 Am I meant to bite it or suck it? 461 00:24:29,180 --> 00:24:32,380 Well, I'd say that's entirely down to personal preference, Marjorie. 462 00:24:33,380 --> 00:24:35,420 Oh, come on, give us a hug. 463 00:24:35,455 --> 00:24:37,705 Ooh! Get off me. 464 00:24:37,740 --> 00:24:40,260 The first episode's gotta really set its stall out. 465 00:24:40,295 --> 00:24:42,780 Like Den says, it needs to be original, edgy, 466 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,260 politically challenging and satirical. 467 00:24:45,295 --> 00:24:46,985 So, 468 00:24:47,020 --> 00:24:50,260 managed to write any ground-breaking comedy yet? 469 00:24:50,295 --> 00:24:52,425 So far, Tony's come up with a great one. 470 00:24:52,460 --> 00:24:55,860 Barbara and Jim are a couple. You gotta admit it's good. 471 00:24:55,895 --> 00:24:57,620 Television awards all round. 472 00:24:57,655 --> 00:24:59,660 Here we are. 473 00:25:00,820 --> 00:25:02,980 We'd make a great couple, Den. 474 00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:06,100 Chin-chin. 475 00:25:08,460 --> 00:25:10,540 I wish Jim could be queer. 476 00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:13,340 That's a great set-up, right, Tone? 477 00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:15,697 The married homosexual. 478 00:25:15,732 --> 00:25:17,985 That's edgy and original. 479 00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:20,060 Yeah, and it would get us all fired by Ted Sargent. 480 00:25:20,095 --> 00:25:22,500 Yeah, Tony's right. It's a good idea, though. 481 00:25:22,535 --> 00:25:24,940 No, I don't think TV is quite ready. 482 00:25:25,780 --> 00:25:27,905 A Night with Val Doonican! 483 00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:31,480 (LAUGHING) Ooh, that old Irish rocking chair fella 484 00:25:31,515 --> 00:25:35,020 wants to spend the night with me? He's 36 years old. 485 00:25:35,055 --> 00:25:37,025 And don't flatter yourself. 486 00:25:37,060 --> 00:25:41,220 A Night with Val Doonican is only the most successful 487 00:25:41,255 --> 00:25:44,545 TV light entertainment variety show on air! 488 00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:47,540 (SQUEALS) And they want you for a guest appearance. 489 00:25:47,575 --> 00:25:50,500 (LAUGHS) They've got a wonderful idea for a sketch. 490 00:25:50,535 --> 00:25:53,037 Val doesn't understand a word you're saying 491 00:25:53,072 --> 00:25:55,505 because you're Blackpudlian, and (LAUGHS) 492 00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:58,880 you take the mickey out of him because of his Irish brogue! 493 00:25:58,915 --> 00:26:02,220 (LAUGHS) So, basically, we're just making fun of our accents? 494 00:26:02,255 --> 00:26:05,340 - Yeah. - Bill and Tony would say that's a cheap laugh. 495 00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:08,700 Try telling that to Peter Sellers. (CLEARS THROAT) 496 00:26:08,735 --> 00:26:11,905 Now, while those beatnik scribes 497 00:26:11,940 --> 00:26:14,900 pen you a series, I shall single-handedly 498 00:26:14,935 --> 00:26:17,637 mastermind the next step. 499 00:26:17,672 --> 00:26:20,305 Well, here's a thought. 500 00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:23,265 We could confront an issue that, you know, 501 00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:26,740 many people struggle with on their wedding night but won't discuss. 502 00:26:26,775 --> 00:26:29,945 Constipation? No, Tony. Sex. 503 00:26:29,980 --> 00:26:32,880 Isn't that what most people do as soon as the wedding guests have gone? 504 00:26:32,915 --> 00:26:35,780 Cor blimey, Tiger. Revealing yourself there a bit, aren't you, Den? 505 00:26:35,815 --> 00:26:39,180 What do you think, Tony? Barbara and Jim are married 506 00:26:39,215 --> 00:26:42,780 but they haven't had sex. Is that... realistic? 507 00:26:42,815 --> 00:26:45,265 Bill, mate. Because, um... 508 00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:48,860 maybe one of them's got a psychological problem. 509 00:26:48,895 --> 00:26:52,385 Ah, frigid wives have been seen before, Bill. 510 00:26:52,420 --> 00:26:54,740 I don't think it's the wife that's got the problem. 511 00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:59,945 Hm. Interesting. Start typing, Tony. 512 00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:03,380 Now, look here. I don't say this to many of my girls, 513 00:27:03,415 --> 00:27:06,780 but there are times in a career where the tide turns... 514 00:27:07,940 --> 00:27:11,460 ...and pulls you inexorably towards your destiny, 515 00:27:11,495 --> 00:27:13,820 towards stardom. 516 00:27:14,820 --> 00:27:17,185 It happened to me, 517 00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:20,940 and to Patsy too, although obviously to a lesser extent, 518 00:27:20,975 --> 00:27:23,585 and now it's happening to you. 519 00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:27,120 So keep your sails trimmed, your fingers crossed, 520 00:27:27,155 --> 00:27:30,620 and let's hope for green lights all the way, hmm? 521 00:27:30,655 --> 00:27:32,385 (SQUEALS) 522 00:27:32,420 --> 00:27:34,260 Green lights! Green lights. 523 00:27:34,295 --> 00:27:36,425 All the way! (LAUGHS) 524 00:27:36,460 --> 00:27:39,505 Oh, darling, Diane Lewis called for you. 525 00:27:39,540 --> 00:27:42,180 She would love to do another interview with you. 526 00:27:42,215 --> 00:27:44,105 Oh, well, I really like Diane, 527 00:27:44,140 --> 00:27:47,440 but I'm not sure I've got much more to divulge to Cherry magazine. 528 00:27:47,475 --> 00:27:50,740 Oh, well, she's not with Cherry anymore, darling, she's with Nova. 529 00:27:50,775 --> 00:27:53,140 They're billing it as 'a new kind of magazine 530 00:27:53,175 --> 00:27:55,425 for a new kind of woman. ' 531 00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:57,860 What's wrong with the old kind of woman? 532 00:27:58,780 --> 00:28:02,380 Well, anyway, Diane would love to take you shopping later.(GASPS) 533 00:28:02,415 --> 00:28:05,477 Yes, just a relaxed, 'two girls having fun in private' type thing. 534 00:28:05,512 --> 00:28:08,540 Well, with a photographer.(LAUGHS) Oh, you can get a new dress 535 00:28:08,575 --> 00:28:11,100 for the Val Doonican! Shall I let them know it's a yes? 536 00:28:11,135 --> 00:28:13,820 Patsy, get Val on the telephone now. 537 00:28:13,855 --> 00:28:16,740 Yes. (SQUEALS) 538 00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:22,225 Wow. So, this is where you used to work? 539 00:28:22,260 --> 00:28:24,500 This is where my mum gets her girdles.(BOTH LAUGH) 540 00:28:24,535 --> 00:28:26,705 Marje! 541 00:28:26,740 --> 00:28:29,225 This is my flatmate, Marjorie. 542 00:28:29,260 --> 00:28:33,065 Marje, this is the photographer, Ari, and Diane. 543 00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:35,740 It's so great to meet you, Marjorie. I've heard loads about you. 544 00:28:35,775 --> 00:28:38,837 Likewise, yeah. No, I... I won't shake your hand. 545 00:28:38,872 --> 00:28:41,900 No, no, it's just I've had my mitts on feet all day 546 00:28:41,935 --> 00:28:44,780 so they smell like, erm, bum-hole. 547 00:28:44,815 --> 00:28:49,580 (LAUGHS) Let's go. 548 00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:53,020 Hiya. Alright? 549 00:28:53,055 --> 00:28:54,980 (CAMERA CLICKS) 550 00:28:57,460 --> 00:28:59,620 Hello? Excuse me. 551 00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:01,745 What's going on here? 552 00:29:01,780 --> 00:29:04,145 What are you all doing here? 553 00:29:04,180 --> 00:29:07,020 You've got work to go to. (CLAPS HANDS) Shoo! Shoo! 554 00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:17,860 Madam, may I be of service... 555 00:29:17,895 --> 00:29:19,785 Miss Sykes! 556 00:29:19,820 --> 00:29:22,185 Long time, no see. 557 00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:25,700 I see you haven't shifted the badger. (LAUGHS) 558 00:29:26,940 --> 00:29:28,620 How does it look? 559 00:29:32,140 --> 00:29:34,185 Absolutely perfect. 560 00:29:34,220 --> 00:29:36,820 (LAUGHS) You dirty little show-off! 561 00:29:36,855 --> 00:29:39,060 Give it! (GASPING) 562 00:29:39,095 --> 00:29:41,117 I mean it! 563 00:29:41,152 --> 00:29:43,105 Give it! 564 00:29:43,140 --> 00:29:45,225 Get it off your... 565 00:29:45,260 --> 00:29:47,260 What are you gonna do, fire me again? 566 00:29:47,295 --> 00:29:49,517 (GASPS) Oh! (GIGGLING) 567 00:29:49,552 --> 00:29:51,726 Woo-hoo! Security! 568 00:29:51,761 --> 00:29:53,865 Whee! (SCREAMING) 569 00:29:53,900 --> 00:29:55,900 ♪ YMA SUMAC: Malambo No. 1 ♪ 570 00:29:55,935 --> 00:29:58,037 (LAUGHTER, SHOUTING) 571 00:29:58,072 --> 00:30:00,140 (SHOP WORKERS GASP) 572 00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:03,620 Woo! 573 00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:10,340 What are you doing?! (LAUGHS) 574 00:30:20,740 --> 00:30:22,745 (GIGGLING) 575 00:30:22,780 --> 00:30:25,420 (SECURITY GUARD SHOUTS) 576 00:30:28,380 --> 00:30:31,300 ♪ JACQUELINE TAIEB: 7 Heure Du Mat ♪ (CAMERA CLICKS) 577 00:30:31,335 --> 00:30:34,220 So, what are you interviewing women about now, then? 578 00:30:34,255 --> 00:30:36,745 Divorce, careers... 579 00:30:36,780 --> 00:30:38,985 orgasms. (GASPS)(LAUGHS) 580 00:30:39,020 --> 00:30:41,220 Oh, crikey! Oh, that's a bit racy 581 00:30:41,255 --> 00:30:43,385 for an ordinary girl from Blackpool. 582 00:30:43,420 --> 00:30:46,260 If you were an ordinary girl from Blackpool, 583 00:30:46,295 --> 00:30:48,020 you would still be there. 584 00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:52,020 What about this for the Val Doonican Show tomorrow?(GASPS) 585 00:30:52,055 --> 00:30:55,060 Yes, great. Your nan would love it. 586 00:30:55,095 --> 00:30:58,740 Try... this, instead. 587 00:30:58,775 --> 00:31:00,865 Diane! 588 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:03,225 That's basically just a bag of glitter. 589 00:31:03,260 --> 00:31:06,340 I wore more than that when I was fan dancing at the Whiskey Cat Club. 590 00:31:06,375 --> 00:31:08,980 Go on. Dare you. 591 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,125 (APPLAUSE) Our next guest has just wowed audiences 592 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:17,840 in a Comedy Playhouse as beautiful Barbara from Blackpool. 593 00:31:17,875 --> 00:31:21,120 Please welcome the lovely Miss Sophie Straw. 594 00:31:21,155 --> 00:31:23,080 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 595 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,560 Ta-da! (LAUGHS) 596 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,645 Ta-da! 597 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,640 That'd give me wind. 598 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,125 Sardines. (LAUGHS) 599 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,645 I think they're just posh pilchards. 600 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,800 I got them in a delicatessen. Delica-what? 601 00:31:52,835 --> 00:31:56,560 New hair, posh pilchards, 602 00:31:56,595 --> 00:31:58,565 wine for tea? 603 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,640 Nah, you've changed. (MOUTH FULL) You're right. 604 00:32:00,675 --> 00:32:03,405 I really have changed. (LAUGHS) 605 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,720 ".. Miss Sophie Straw. " (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 606 00:32:05,755 --> 00:32:07,160 Come on. 607 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,605 "Sophie, meet TV's Mr Magic. " "Hello. " 608 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,565 "Pretty little thing you are. " (AUDIENCE OOHS) 609 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,800 Oh, my effing God! Could you not afford the other half of the dress? 610 00:32:15,835 --> 00:32:17,405 (LAUGHS) "I may be a magician," 611 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,760 but it is gonna take an absolute miracle 612 00:32:19,795 --> 00:32:22,045 to keep that dress in place. Oh!(LAUGHTER) 613 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,600 Oh, I think we'll be fine as long as I don't sneeze. 614 00:32:24,635 --> 00:32:27,120 (LAUGHTER) Does anyone have any pepper? Pepper? Salt? 615 00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:29,840 "Oh, I think you're salty enough, mate. " 616 00:32:29,875 --> 00:32:31,845 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) 617 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,445 Guess what? I'm interviewing Jacob Bronowski. 618 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,120 Vernon's been grilling me all day on The Identity of Man. 619 00:32:39,155 --> 00:32:41,525 Right. 620 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,925 Sorry. Um... 621 00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,760 It doesn't matter. Go back to your dumb blonde on her variety show. 622 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,725 She's not dumb, actually. 623 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,380 And she's not blonde, actually. 624 00:32:52,415 --> 00:32:55,000 ".. we have a special guest tonight! 625 00:32:55,035 --> 00:32:56,760 Roy Target and Chuffy. " 626 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,640 That was low. Sorry. 627 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,765 Well, it's not like you. 628 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,220 It's not like me to feel threatened. 629 00:33:07,255 --> 00:33:09,640 (ON TV) "Oh!" (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 630 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,085 (GASPS) Fan mail! 631 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,920 I got actual fan mail? 632 00:33:17,955 --> 00:33:19,960 One letter. 633 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,000 When I represented Diana Dors... 634 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,280 ...she got two huge sacks every day. 635 00:33:28,315 --> 00:33:30,637 Mmm. Crikey. On which note, 636 00:33:30,672 --> 00:33:32,925 Mr Magic telephoned, darling. 637 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,320 He was very impressed with you on the Val Doonican Show. 638 00:33:36,355 --> 00:33:38,737 He made an impression on me. 639 00:33:38,772 --> 00:33:41,085 His breath smelled of eggnog. 640 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,760 Oh, well, he would love to take you out. 641 00:33:43,795 --> 00:33:46,685 Hmm! Oh! No. 642 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,605 Alright... we'll politely decline. 643 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,680 I'm sure there's another young starlet who's... 644 00:33:52,715 --> 00:33:55,720 very happy to be dragged to the Vaults of St James. 645 00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,800 I hear it's the grooviest nightclub around. 646 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,565 Maybe I'll check my diary. 647 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,280 ♪ THE CREATION: Making Time ♪ 648 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,440 ♪ Making time 649 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,000 ♪ Shooting lines... ♪ Put your sunglasses on, 650 00:34:14,035 --> 00:34:17,120 because you are about to be blinded. 651 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,160 Evening, boys, snap away. 652 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,000 Hm? 653 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,120 Sorry, sir, you're not on the list. 654 00:34:27,155 --> 00:34:29,725 (LAUGHS) I am... 655 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,045 Mr Magic. Still not on the list. 656 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,000 (CAMERA CLICKS) Oh, that normally works. 657 00:34:34,035 --> 00:34:35,920 PHOTOGRAPHERS: Johnny! Johnny! 658 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,645 Oh, my God, Sophie! Diane! (LAUGHS) 659 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,400 I don't know what this list is, but we're not on it. 660 00:34:44,435 --> 00:34:46,480 Ron, darling, they're with me. 661 00:34:46,515 --> 00:34:49,120 Yes, ma'am. (LAUGHS) 662 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,005 Hm. 663 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,080 (MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY) 664 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,880 May I have the honour? 665 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,120 (LAUGHS SOFTLY) 666 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,320 Of course, it was me who invented the disappearing bra trick. 667 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,565 I whip off the brassiere using only my... 668 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,680 telekinetic powers. Would you like a demonstration? 669 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,840 If you're wearing one. 670 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,160 Hiya. Who's that? 671 00:35:41,195 --> 00:35:43,645 Um, Johnny. 672 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,320 He's totally off his chump, but he wants to say hello. 673 00:35:46,355 --> 00:35:48,645 Oh, right. 674 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,925 Hello! Oh! Ha! 675 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:52,960 It's alright, allow me. 676 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,080 Huh? Hmm? 677 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:00,080 Lots of them. Oh! Goodness. 678 00:36:00,115 --> 00:36:02,685 Hey, babe. 679 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:05,900 We've met before, right? I don't think so, babe. 680 00:36:05,935 --> 00:36:09,045 I checked you out grooving with your grandad. 681 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,280 What did he say? What, what - did you say? - That you're groovy. 682 00:36:12,315 --> 00:36:14,485 Right. Is that a good thing? Yes. 683 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,120 Yes, it's a good thing. Thank you. That's TV's Mr Magic, that is. 684 00:36:18,155 --> 00:36:19,725 Oh! 685 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,840 Well, he should magically make himself disappear, shouldn't he? 686 00:36:22,875 --> 00:36:25,457 Back to 1952. If you'd pick a card... 687 00:36:25,492 --> 00:36:28,005 Hey. We're all heading to a party. 688 00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,520 You should ditch him and come with me. 689 00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:32,525 Er, it's past my bedtime. 690 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,405 I've got something that will keep you up. 691 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,280 Now, don't tell me the card, I shall shield my eyes... 692 00:36:37,315 --> 00:36:39,040 Sniff it. 693 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,200 (COUGHS) Oh, no! (LAUGHS) 694 00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:46,125 Sorry! Fuckin' hell! 695 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,920 What the fuck are you doing?! Come on, come on, let's split! 696 00:36:48,955 --> 00:36:50,960 Come on! (GIGGLES) 697 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,000 And as if by... 698 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:02,920 Show us your magic wand, then. 699 00:37:02,955 --> 00:37:05,565 Fuck off! 700 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,960 Come on, let's get on 'em. (LAUGHS) 701 00:37:08,995 --> 00:37:11,080 (BOTH SCREAM AND LAUGH) 702 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,800 (SLAM) That's pretty good. 703 00:37:14,835 --> 00:37:16,805 I'd buy that. 704 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,000 Sorry I'm late. I got my stiletto stuck in a manhole. 705 00:37:20,035 --> 00:37:21,925 She never disappoints. 706 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,440 Congrats on the Doonican show! (APPLAUSE) 707 00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:26,845 Well done, Soph. Ooh! 708 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,485 Hello, Sophie. Hi, Dennis. 709 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,285 (SNIFFS) BILL: What the fuck, Clive? 710 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,380 Oh, you never heard of the classic script sniff? 711 00:37:34,415 --> 00:37:36,440 I heard Hancock used to do it to grade how funny 712 00:37:36,475 --> 00:37:38,525 a script smelt out of ten. 713 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,200 Ooh, you smell funny. Oh, get off! 714 00:37:41,235 --> 00:37:42,925 This is Brut by Faberge. 715 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,940 More like Shit by Toilet Spray. (LAUGHS) 716 00:37:45,975 --> 00:37:48,885 (SNIFFS) Well, I think you smell nice. 717 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,565 BILL AND TONY: Oooh! Are you literally five years old? 718 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,600 Yes, it'll soon be their nap time. Why don't we get it on its feet? 719 00:37:54,635 --> 00:37:56,640 So... 720 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,040 ...episode one, Trouble Down Below. 721 00:38:00,075 --> 00:38:02,437 ♪ DUANE EDDY: Rebel Rouser ♪ 722 00:38:02,472 --> 00:38:04,636 OK, so back. Let's get the feel... 723 00:38:04,671 --> 00:38:06,765 (BANG) Oh! And I bash me head. 724 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,000 Could do a little, er... has to be dramatic. 725 00:38:09,035 --> 00:38:11,240 Can't see your face. 726 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,320 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 727 00:38:15,355 --> 00:38:17,240 Oh! Very good. 728 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,845 Hooray! Oh! 729 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,320 (SQUEALS) (APPLAUSE) 730 00:38:24,355 --> 00:38:26,760 (LAUGHTER) Very good. 731 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,520 So then, finally, Barbara and Jim are actually in the bed, 732 00:38:31,555 --> 00:38:33,760 and then you emerge from the covers. 733 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,525 'Limp as a noodle'? 734 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,520 Does that mean we're s-Sorry, are we actually saying that I'm impotent? 735 00:38:41,555 --> 00:38:43,685 Well, we're implying that- Er, err! 736 00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:46,560 Barbara is sexually experienced, yeah.(SIGHS) 737 00:38:46,595 --> 00:38:49,365 Sorry, Soph, is that a problem? Bloody hell! 738 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,860 My dad and Auntie Marie and the neighbours will be watching. 739 00:38:52,895 --> 00:38:55,947 Well, you explain to your family that the show isn't real. 740 00:38:55,982 --> 00:38:58,951 Well, I don't think they've quite got the hang of it because, 741 00:38:58,986 --> 00:39:02,033 you know, Barbara is from Blackpool and I'm from Blackpool, 742 00:39:02,068 --> 00:39:05,080 and she's called Barbara, and I'm called Barbara... (LAUGHS) 743 00:39:05,115 --> 00:39:07,400 It's confusing. 744 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,960 It is... You're called Barbara? 745 00:39:10,995 --> 00:39:13,405 Well, I used to be. 746 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,485 What? When? What? When? 747 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:20,160 Er... until the day you met me. (LAUGHS) Why didn't you say anything 748 00:39:20,195 --> 00:39:22,485 when we called your character Barbara? 749 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,760 I didn't know I was allowed to, and you-Excuse me. 750 00:39:25,795 --> 00:39:28,240 Sorry, darling, sorry. Can we just park that 751 00:39:28,275 --> 00:39:29,925 and talk about me just for a second. 752 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:33,420 Are we actually saying that I can't get it up? 753 00:39:33,455 --> 00:39:36,407 Uh, wait, now you're doing it. Jim's not real. 754 00:39:36,442 --> 00:39:39,325 Yes, we are saying that Jim can't get it up. 755 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:43,000 (SCOFFS) Have I ever got it up? Not in our comic universe, no. 756 00:39:43,035 --> 00:39:45,600 OK. So, we're basically saying I'm a virgin? 757 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,445 I mean, people won't buy it. 758 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:54,340 I mean, look at me. Hello. Fuck me! 759 00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:57,165 That should be on your gravestone. 760 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,880 "Clive Richardson, too good-looking to be a virgin. "(CHUCKLES) 761 00:39:59,915 --> 00:40:02,565 Your character has a psychological block. 762 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,520 I could probably sue you for this. I mean, slander, libel. 763 00:40:05,555 --> 00:40:07,525 There must be something. I'd go to trial every day 764 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,160 if that went to court. We're just trying to make it real 765 00:40:10,195 --> 00:40:12,760 for the audience. Lots of couples have problems.(SCOFFS) 766 00:40:12,795 --> 00:40:16,045 Well, I don't. You're not you, you're Jim. 767 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:19,540 (GASPS) Maybe Barbara could be upset and think it's her fault. 768 00:40:19,575 --> 00:40:23,000 No, actually, that is a lot more realistic. Thank you, darling, 769 00:40:23,035 --> 00:40:25,657 thank you. No, no, why should it be her fault? 770 00:40:25,692 --> 00:40:28,245 She's not responsible for your hydraulic failure. 771 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,320 Christ! So that's actually what hydraulic failure actually means. 772 00:40:31,355 --> 00:40:33,600 That he's actually got something wrong with his knob. 773 00:40:33,635 --> 00:40:36,285 With his head. It's psychological. I like it. 774 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,480 I think it's modern. Well, of course you fucking do. 775 00:40:38,515 --> 00:40:40,920 You're not the one with erectile dysfunction. 776 00:40:40,955 --> 00:40:43,365 I like that Jim's upset. 777 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,920 Shows he's not afraid to show his emotional side. 778 00:40:45,955 --> 00:40:47,800 I think that's... 779 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,180 ...sexy in a fella. 780 00:40:51,215 --> 00:40:53,600 (LAUGHS) Is it? 781 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,805 (SIGHS) Anyway, look, what happens next, though? 782 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,280 I mean, he can't just stay limp. What's the solution, chaps? 783 00:41:01,315 --> 00:41:03,920 With my ex, it was a bag of chips and a pickled egg. 784 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,565 Oh... 785 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,605 Well, alright, we'll work on it. Erm... 786 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,120 You two go and have lunch on the production. 787 00:41:13,155 --> 00:41:15,880 Tony and Bill, back to the typewriter. 788 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:18,685 May I, darling? 789 00:41:18,720 --> 00:41:22,400 Yes, you may. (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) 790 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,120 BILL: Pickled gherkins? Got two Ks in it. 791 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:28,805 (LAUGHS) 792 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,600 I've heard about this place. (GASPS) 793 00:41:31,635 --> 00:41:33,725 Doesn't Mick Jagger come here? 794 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,005 Maybe. You know, I hadn't noticed, actually. 795 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,840 I can't believe they just let us walk straight in. 796 00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:41,725 Thank you. (LAUGHS) 797 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,125 When I went to that club with Mr Magic, 798 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:47,520 they weren't interested, and he's a really well-known face. 799 00:41:47,555 --> 00:41:50,240 Ah, well-known farce, more like. (CHUCKLES) 800 00:41:50,275 --> 00:41:52,400 And, um... Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) 801 00:41:52,435 --> 00:41:54,485 Frankly, 802 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,040 well, he's no Clive Richardson. 803 00:41:57,075 --> 00:41:59,560 (SNORTS) (LAUGHS) I'm only joking. 804 00:41:59,595 --> 00:42:01,245 Ah. 805 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,285 Don't look, but over there, 806 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:06,160 it's Terence Stamp and The Shrimp. 807 00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,020 (GASPS) Oh, my God! 808 00:42:12,055 --> 00:42:14,360 She is gorgeous. 809 00:42:16,540 --> 00:42:19,820 Well, you didn't exactly do badly when God was handing out looks. 810 00:42:19,855 --> 00:42:21,917 (LAUGHS) Er... 811 00:42:21,952 --> 00:42:23,980 Well, nor did you. 812 00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:29,185 Erm... So... (CLEARS THROAT) 813 00:42:29,220 --> 00:42:31,705 We're all just looking at that sunrise, 814 00:42:31,740 --> 00:42:34,420 and then the boat rocked, which is impressive given... 815 00:42:34,455 --> 00:42:38,580 Let us toast the beautiful TV lovebirds. 816 00:42:38,615 --> 00:42:41,020 Oh, thank you, Mario. Thank you. 817 00:42:41,055 --> 00:42:43,025 Cheers, darling. 818 00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:45,460 (CLINK) Down the hatch.(LAUGHS) 819 00:42:47,140 --> 00:42:50,020 (CLEARS THROAT) Delicious. 820 00:42:52,780 --> 00:42:56,220 Everybody seems to be staring at us, Sophie Straw. 821 00:42:58,260 --> 00:43:00,980 How about we give them something to talk about, hey? 822 00:43:01,015 --> 00:43:03,020 Follow my lead... (CLEARS THROAT) 823 00:43:09,260 --> 00:43:11,260 (KISSES) 824 00:43:12,260 --> 00:43:14,260 (WOMAN GASPS) 825 00:43:22,420 --> 00:43:24,460 You know, Sophie... 826 00:43:26,340 --> 00:43:28,740 ...I have never met anyone like you. 827 00:43:29,700 --> 00:43:31,465 What, Northern? 828 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:34,260 ♪ MICKEY AND SYLVIA: Love Is Strange ♪ 829 00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:41,100 (DOOR SLAMS) (GIGGLES) 830 00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:44,105 Mmm... 831 00:43:44,140 --> 00:43:46,900 Who's in charge here? Mm, you are. 832 00:43:46,935 --> 00:43:48,660 (BOTH LAUGH) Oh! 833 00:43:50,580 --> 00:43:52,780 ♪ Love is strange... 834 00:43:55,860 --> 00:43:57,865 No complaints, I hope? 835 00:43:57,900 --> 00:44:00,060 No danger of confusing Clive with 836 00:44:00,095 --> 00:44:02,220 poor old Jim and his limp noodle? 837 00:44:02,255 --> 00:44:04,300 Oh gosh, no. (LAUGHS) 838 00:44:05,780 --> 00:44:07,820 What do you think the others will say? 839 00:44:08,900 --> 00:44:11,900 Well, I don't think they need to know about this, do they? 840 00:44:11,935 --> 00:44:16,060 Dennis takes a rather dim view of cast liaisons. 841 00:44:16,095 --> 00:44:17,945 What do you mean? 842 00:44:17,980 --> 00:44:20,500 Oh, no, it's just, you know, something I heard. 843 00:44:21,660 --> 00:44:24,580 (LAUGHS SOFTLY) ♪ Love is strange... ♪ 844 00:44:26,060 --> 00:44:28,905 (TRAIN HONKS) 845 00:44:28,940 --> 00:44:31,220 (PANTING AND MOANING) 846 00:44:31,255 --> 00:44:33,260 (CLOCK CUCKOOS) 847 00:44:34,540 --> 00:44:37,140 (CLOCK CHIMES) (TRAIN HONKS) (GASPS) 848 00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:40,585 Oh, Jim! Oh, my goodness! 849 00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:43,060 I think I preferred you with hydraulic failure.(CHUCKLES) 850 00:44:43,095 --> 00:44:45,740 I can't keep it up. Oh, I can. 851 00:44:45,775 --> 00:44:48,380 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 852 00:44:50,180 --> 00:44:52,060 (AUDIENCE OOHS) 853 00:44:56,180 --> 00:44:58,145 Is it my imagination? 854 00:44:58,180 --> 00:45:01,180 The chemistry is particularly good tonight. 855 00:45:10,980 --> 00:45:12,945 They've fucked! 856 00:45:12,980 --> 00:45:15,340 ♪ FRANK WILSON: Do I Love You (Indeed I Do) ♪ 857 00:45:19,620 --> 00:45:21,225 ♪ Here I am on bended knees 858 00:45:21,260 --> 00:45:23,380 ♪ I lay my heart down at your feet 859 00:45:23,415 --> 00:45:25,980 ♪ Now do I love you? 860 00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:30,500 ♪ All you have to do is ask I'll give until there's nothing left 861 00:45:30,535 --> 00:45:33,140 ♪ Now do I love you? 862 00:45:34,060 --> 00:45:36,060 ♪ As long as there is life in me 863 00:45:36,095 --> 00:45:38,025 ♪ Your happiness is guaranteed 864 00:45:38,060 --> 00:45:41,780 ♪ I'll fill your heart with ecstasy forever, darling 865 00:45:41,815 --> 00:45:43,660 ♪ Do I love you? 866 00:45:45,580 --> 00:45:47,580 ♪ Do I love you? 867 00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:50,780 ♪ Do I love you? ♪