1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,701 ( Madonna's "Open Your Heart" playing ) 2 00:00:03,701 --> 00:00:05,601 CHRIS: Out of all the girls I liked growing up, 3 00:00:05,601 --> 00:00:07,067 the one that got to me the most... 4 00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:09,000 ( laughs ) ...was Tasha. 5 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,534 Boy, you so crazy. 6 00:00:10,534 --> 00:00:12,667 She was cute, she liked my jokes, 7 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:14,634 but the most important thing about her 8 00:00:14,634 --> 00:00:16,667 was that she was the girl next door. 9 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:17,868 I'll see you later. 10 00:00:17,868 --> 00:00:19,400 Yeah, see you. 11 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,734 Like real estate, Tasha's biggest selling point 12 00:00:21,734 --> 00:00:24,400 was location, location, location. 13 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,934 I think I'm going to get Tasha to be my girlfriend. 14 00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:28,434 Wow, what a coincidence. 15 00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:29,968 How's that? I think I'm gonna get 16 00:00:29,968 --> 00:00:31,767 Janet Jackson to be my girlfriend, 17 00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:33,467 and once we both achieve the impossible, 18 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,901 we can go on a double date. 19 00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:36,267 We'll go to the Playboy Mansion. 20 00:00:36,267 --> 00:00:37,901 And the girls will leave with Pauly Shore. 21 00:00:37,901 --> 00:00:39,634 I'm serious, man, I don't care what it takes. 22 00:00:39,634 --> 00:00:40,767 I'm going to get her. 23 00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,767 That line was spoken by many people, 24 00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:44,300 most notably O.J. Simpson. 25 00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,634 I mean, I don't know why I've been running all around town 26 00:00:46,634 --> 00:00:48,767 when there's a girl right next door ready to be plucked. 27 00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:50,367 What if she doesn't want you to pluck her? 28 00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,634 Somebody's got to pluck her. 29 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,334 What if somebody else already plucked her? 30 00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:55,667 I don't care who's plucked her. She's gonna get plucked by me. 31 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,200 I wish there was somebody I could pluck. 32 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,000 Thank goodness these guys are good with enunciation. 33 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,634 I don't know why I waited so long. 34 00:01:01,634 --> 00:01:03,033 I don't know, maybe there's a reason 35 00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:04,267 you haven't gotten with her. 36 00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:06,234 Maybe you're just not supposed to be together. 37 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,234 That's impossible. 38 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,234 All right? 39 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,601 She kissed me on New Year's Eve. 40 00:01:10,601 --> 00:01:11,767 We were together for Easter. 41 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,667 She even got jealous when I kissed that other girl 42 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:16,033 while we were playing spin the bottle. 43 00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:19,000 As far as I'm concerned, all the signs are saying "go." 44 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,367 But they don't say where to. 45 00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,601 What if she says no? 46 00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:23,334 Then I'll be back here with you, 47 00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:26,400 but I'm going to have her in my life or out. 48 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,367 Oh, I can't imagine how this might turn out. 49 00:01:42,901 --> 00:02:03,601 * Oh, make it funky now * 50 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:07,634 ( The Police's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" playing ) 51 00:02:07,634 --> 00:02:09,334 Tasha, wait up. 52 00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:11,167 Since Tasha was right next door, 53 00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:13,834 it was easy to find the right time to make my move. 54 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:14,834 Hey, Chris. 55 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,267 Look at you, looking all cute. 56 00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,934 What you got, some girl you're trying to impress? 57 00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:20,601 Yeah... you. 58 00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,567 ( laughing ): Boy, you so crazy. 59 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:24,267 Oh, I'm crazy all right. 60 00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:26,601 Tasha, I'm not crazy. 61 00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:28,934 I'm serious. 62 00:02:28,934 --> 00:02:30,367 * I just lose my nerve * 63 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:31,834 I want to say something to you, 64 00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:33,501 but I want to make it very, very clear. 65 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:34,534 Okay. 66 00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:35,701 What is it? 67 00:02:35,701 --> 00:02:37,133 I want you to be my girlfriend. 68 00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:39,701 I'm already your girl friend. 69 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:43,834 No, not in like a friend who just so happens to be a girl 70 00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:45,834 or like "Hey, girlfriend." 71 00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:49,801 No, I want you to be my girlfriend. 72 00:02:49,801 --> 00:02:51,367 One word, not two. 73 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:52,534 Girlfriend, as in 74 00:02:52,534 --> 00:02:54,734 "Chris and Tasha are boyfriend and girlfriend." 75 00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:57,534 You want me to be your girlfriend? 76 00:02:57,534 --> 00:02:58,801 Exactly. 77 00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:01,100 Hmm... 78 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,901 Let me think about it. 79 00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:06,601 I'd have a much better chance if she didn't think about it. 80 00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,868 Superior Court of New Jersey? 81 00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:10,801 While I was getting things out in the open, 82 00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:14,901 my mother found a skeleton in the closet. 83 00:03:14,901 --> 00:03:18,434 Julius... married... Tawny... what?! 84 00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:19,934 Can't nobody stand you 85 00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:21,667 'cause you're a liar and you won't shut up. 86 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,033 Shut don't go up, prices do, 87 00:03:23,033 --> 00:03:24,534 so take my advice and shut up, too. 88 00:03:24,534 --> 00:03:25,534 You shut up, I grow up. 89 00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,000 Every time I see your face, I throw up. 90 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,167 Shut up. 91 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,567 The Junior Varsity Sugar Hill Gang. 92 00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:30,767 Will both of you shut up? 93 00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:31,934 I swear. 94 00:03:31,934 --> 00:03:33,367 That doesn't rhyme. 95 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:36,200 Y'all couldn't be quiet if somebody paid you. 96 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,634 I could. No, you couldn't. 97 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,133 You couldn't shut up to save your life. 98 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:40,734 Quiet! Here. 99 00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,934 Here's your allowance for this week. 100 00:03:42,934 --> 00:03:44,467 Okay? 101 00:03:44,467 --> 00:03:46,501 The next one that talks loses theirs. 102 00:03:46,501 --> 00:03:47,567 Winner gets it all. 103 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,868 While Drew and Tonya were keeping their mouths shut, 104 00:03:57,868 --> 00:04:00,467 back at school I was waiting for the word. 105 00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:03,300 And then I said that would involve kissing and touching-- 106 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:04,501 well, I ran it down. 107 00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:07,133 Oh, man, you are going to be so in there. 108 00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:08,567 I can't believe you ran it down. 109 00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:09,601 I would have just ran. 110 00:04:09,601 --> 00:04:11,334 What'd she say? 111 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,634 She said she'll think about it. 112 00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:13,667 Well, what does that mean? 113 00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:16,000 It means "Let me check every option, 114 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,634 "see if I can get someone I want, 115 00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:19,601 and if not, I'll go out with you." 116 00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:23,334 And when she said every option, she meant every option. 117 00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,267 She checked blind guys. 118 00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:26,834 Do you have a girlfriend? 119 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,968 Yeah, girl. 120 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,000 What are you, blind? 121 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,234 She checked dangerous guys. 122 00:04:32,234 --> 00:04:33,567 Do you have a girlfriend? 123 00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:34,634 Yeah, he does. 124 00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:36,634 Now, give me your money. Don't move. 125 00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:38,367 She even checked guys who were girls. 126 00:04:38,367 --> 00:04:40,701 Do you have a girlfriend? 127 00:04:40,701 --> 00:04:44,367 I'm my own girlfriend. 128 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,234 While I was waiting to get my woman, 129 00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:48,367 my father's woman was waiting to get him. 130 00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:49,801 Hey, baby. 131 00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:52,634 Why didn't you tell me you were married to someone else? 132 00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:56,934 Huh? 133 00:04:56,934 --> 00:04:58,534 Now would be a good time to run. 134 00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:01,267 Don't "huh?" me. 135 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,234 Tawny Reynolds? 136 00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:05,100 Does the name ring a bell? 137 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,701 You better say something. 138 00:05:06,701 --> 00:05:08,000 She might have a gun. 139 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,000 Yeah. 140 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,334 Um... 141 00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,734 It was a long time ago. 142 00:05:14,734 --> 00:05:17,067 It was a long time before I even met you. 143 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,300 I was 17 in Atlantic City, 144 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,501 and we were drunk. 145 00:05:22,501 --> 00:05:24,334 We got married. 146 00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:26,167 Four days later, we were divorced. 147 00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:28,868 Story of Britney Spears' life. 148 00:05:28,868 --> 00:05:30,901 Well, not according to this. 149 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,467 "Complaint for divorce"? 150 00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:38,534 ( laughing ): That's crazy, huh? 151 00:05:38,534 --> 00:05:41,000 I mean, because how could somebody divorce you 152 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,634 unless you're married to them? 153 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,934 This has got to be a mistake. 154 00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,367 What marriage isn't? 155 00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,334 You know, Julius... 156 00:05:49,334 --> 00:05:52,200 you know how much a lightbulb costs per watt. 157 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,601 How can you not know 158 00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:57,701 that you have another wife?! 159 00:05:57,701 --> 00:05:59,834 Because those things are less complicated. 160 00:05:59,834 --> 00:06:01,934 I do not have another wife. 161 00:06:01,934 --> 00:06:03,434 Yes, you do! 162 00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:06,567 Look, look, look, it says so right there! 163 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,567 You know what? 164 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,200 What I want to know is: 165 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,567 if she's your wife, then what am I? 166 00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:12,567 You're my wife. 167 00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:14,767 No! 168 00:06:14,767 --> 00:06:17,167 I'm your concubine! 169 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,234 This is silly. 170 00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,234 ( sighs ) 171 00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:20,834 Is she white? 172 00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:21,868 What? 173 00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:22,868 No. 174 00:06:22,868 --> 00:06:23,868 Can she get the house? 175 00:06:23,868 --> 00:06:25,767 Rochelle... Is she white? 176 00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:26,767 Stop it. 177 00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:27,901 Do you have a kid with her? 178 00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:28,901 Is she white? 179 00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:29,901 No. 180 00:06:29,901 --> 00:06:31,267 Is the kid light-skinned? 181 00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,734 No. Ha! 182 00:06:32,734 --> 00:06:35,434 So you admit that you have a kid! 183 00:06:35,434 --> 00:06:37,834 Oh, God, I'm going to be sick! 184 00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,434 There is no kid. 185 00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:41,467 How do you know, Julius? 186 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,968 You didn't even know that you didn't have a divorce! 187 00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,734 Oh, my God. 188 00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:48,767 W--W--W--W--W--What's going to happen to this family 189 00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:52,100 if it turns out there's another one? 190 00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:56,734 Kids, I'd like to introduce you to your new mother Tawny 191 00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:59,367 and your new brother Julian. 192 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:02,667 Girl, you just wasted $2.17 worth of white meat. 193 00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,467 JULIUS: My boy. 194 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,834 What am I going to say to my children? 195 00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,467 The kids are going to be all right. 196 00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:13,467 Look, look... 197 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,801 Oh... don't touch me! 198 00:07:15,801 --> 00:07:17,834 We'll leave them out of this. 199 00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:20,334 Listen, I-I'm gonna sign these papers 200 00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:22,467 and take these to the courtroom myself 201 00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:23,701 and get this straightened out. 202 00:07:23,701 --> 00:07:25,434 You do that. 203 00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:26,834 Because if you don't straighten out 204 00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,601 what's going on in these papers, 205 00:07:28,601 --> 00:07:30,267 you're going to get a set of papers 206 00:07:30,267 --> 00:07:33,067 that look just like them. 207 00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:38,501 And she better not be white. 208 00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:43,534 While my father tried to explain 209 00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:44,868 why he had two women, 210 00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:47,767 I wanted to find out if I had one. 211 00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,267 Hey, Chris. 212 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,734 Oh, hey, Tasha, listen about what I said yesterday... 213 00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:52,934 I thought about it. 214 00:07:52,934 --> 00:07:53,934 Yes. 215 00:07:53,934 --> 00:07:55,634 Yes, what? Yes, 216 00:07:55,634 --> 00:07:56,834 I will be your girlfriend. 217 00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:59,701 And I get to touch you? Yes. 218 00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:02,000 In an 8:00 p.m. sitcom kind of way. 219 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,133 And I get to kiss you? 220 00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:06,300 Yes. Ask for more, ask for more! 221 00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,534 In front of other people-- 222 00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:09,334 not just strangers, even people we know? 223 00:08:09,334 --> 00:08:10,834 Yes. And if anybody asks me, 224 00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:15,334 I can say, "Yes, Tasha is my girlfriend"? 225 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:16,834 Yes. 226 00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,100 All right. 227 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:20,567 I need you to sign this. 228 00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,567 I need your thumbprint there. 229 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,300 All right, now, turn that around. 230 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,334 Smile. 231 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,667 Thank you. 232 00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:33,734 Who's this? 233 00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:35,534 She's notary public. 234 00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:38,167 There. 235 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,167 Here you go. 236 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:40,701 It's official, Chris. 237 00:08:40,701 --> 00:08:43,100 Tasha is your girlfriend. 238 00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,267 Somebody record this 239 00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:49,634 so she can't lie and say it didn't happen. 240 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,133 After years of walking out my door feeling down, 241 00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,467 with Tasha right next door, 242 00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:00,100 I was walking out and getting felt up. 243 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,100 Happy anniversary. 244 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,601 Anniversary? 245 00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:05,634 Yes, we've been together a week. 246 00:09:05,634 --> 00:09:07,901 Here, I made you this bookmark with our names on it. 247 00:09:07,901 --> 00:09:10,667 Oh... thanks. 248 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,367 ( sighs nervously ) So what'd you get me? 249 00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:17,067 A big box of nothing. 250 00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,701 Nothing. 251 00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:20,901 I didn't know we celebrated one-week anniversaries. 252 00:09:20,901 --> 00:09:23,868 Oh... that's okay. 253 00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:25,501 What she really meant was... 254 00:09:25,501 --> 00:09:26,968 MAN: Oh, my God. 255 00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:30,934 This is the worst catastrophe. 256 00:09:30,934 --> 00:09:33,567 CHRIS: I found out pretty quickly that getting a girlfriend 257 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,834 was a lot easier than keeping her happy. 258 00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:38,534 Hey, you want to get together later and watch some videos? 259 00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,234 I loved watching videos with Tasha. 260 00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,534 * I got a paper and pencil * 261 00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:46,434 * Thinking of rhymes like mental... * 262 00:09:46,434 --> 00:09:48,334 Nah, that's okay. 263 00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:50,467 I also learned that before we did what I liked to do, 264 00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:53,100 we had to something she liked to do. 265 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,801 Come here, girl, you know I'm just playing. 266 00:09:55,801 --> 00:09:57,234 I got a surprise for you later. 267 00:09:57,234 --> 00:09:58,968 You do. What is it? 268 00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:00,567 It's a surprise to me, too. 269 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,300 Well, I wanted to wait until later, 270 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,601 but, you know, after I get home from school, 271 00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:05,834 I wanted to celebrate with you. 272 00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,000 I'll bring your present then. 273 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,100 Good one. 274 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,467 Ooh, and then we can go to Mr. Woo's 275 00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:10,901 and get some Chinese food. 276 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,334 Oh, and then I can tell you 277 00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:14,400 all about what this crazy girl said to me at school 278 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,934 and then we can talk about what we're... 279 00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:17,501 Another thing I learned quickly 280 00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:21,000 is that, much like Bin Laden, girlfriends like to make plans, 281 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,400 and those plans did not include Greg. 282 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,901 Hey, what happened to you yesterday? 283 00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,501 We were supposed to go see Lethal Weapon. 284 00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:30,133 Oh, I was out with Tasha. 285 00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,234 Oh. 286 00:10:31,234 --> 00:10:32,601 Well, do you want to go see it today? 287 00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:33,834 I can't. 288 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,000 Why, you got to go to work? 289 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,667 No, me and Tasha are going down to Al B Square 290 00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:37,901 to get matching T-shirts made. 291 00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:39,234 More like matching blouses. 292 00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:41,200 Then we're going to the photo booth to get pictures 293 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,834 and then we're gonna get something to eat. 294 00:10:42,834 --> 00:10:44,601 I knew this was going to happen. 295 00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:46,267 What? Don't you see? 296 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,634 She's taking over your life. 297 00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,634 She's got you running around in matching clothes. 298 00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,300 It's like you're a life-size Ken doll. 299 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,100 I have one thing Ken doesn't. 300 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:54,100 So what? 301 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,133 Okay, I got a girlfriend. 302 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,167 What are you, jealous? 303 00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:57,400 Of course, I'm jealous. 304 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,067 But this isn't about me; it's about you. 305 00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:00,734 I thought you were gonna be so in there. 306 00:11:00,734 --> 00:11:02,133 Turns out you can't get out of there. 307 00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,634 It's like you're a puppet and she's got 308 00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:05,267 her hand stuck up your... Hey. 309 00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,133 ( indistinct whispering ) 310 00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,701 She did? 311 00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:13,167 Yeah. 312 00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:14,868 Twice. 313 00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:18,200 Meanwhile, Drew and Tonya 314 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,734 continued their war of no words. 315 00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:29,934 Drew went to the Ike Turner School of Sign Language. 316 00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:33,767 To save his marriage, my father had to get a divorce. 317 00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:38,067 How could you not know that you're not divorced? 318 00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:40,200 I signed the papers and sent them back to her. 319 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,033 How was I supposed to know she didn't file them? 320 00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,667 Because you didn't get your final decree. 321 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,367 I didn't know I needed a final decree. 322 00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,033 Well, you should have. 323 00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,334 Who knows what this woman 324 00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:49,767 might have been doing in your name? 325 00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,267 She could have been holding up banks, 326 00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:52,567 taking out loans. 327 00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:53,601 Invading Iraq? 328 00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:54,601 Did you have 329 00:11:54,601 --> 00:11:56,000 any kids with her? No. 330 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,601 Is she white? 331 00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:59,467 No, she is not white. 332 00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:01,434 Hmm. Listen, 333 00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:04,033 let me throw a hypothetical situation at you. 334 00:12:04,033 --> 00:12:05,367 This should be good. 335 00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:06,501 Say there was a person 336 00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:07,734 who thought he was divorced... 337 00:12:07,734 --> 00:12:08,934 A person? 338 00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:11,467 A person... and that person 339 00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:13,434 went and got married again and had some kids. 340 00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:15,934 Then, he got some papers that said he was still married 341 00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:17,701 to another person. Hypothetically. 342 00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,701 Hypothetically. Well, 343 00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:23,400 that person could be arrested and hypothetically sent to jail 344 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,434 as a bigamist. 345 00:12:24,434 --> 00:12:25,968 Or just move to Utah. 346 00:12:25,968 --> 00:12:28,767 Does this mean that person's current marriage is not valid? 347 00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:30,968 Hypothetically, no, 348 00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:34,300 but between you, me and your hypothetical friend, 349 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,734 as long as he files these papers 350 00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:38,167 and gets his final decree 351 00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:40,601 and everyone here stays lazy, he'll be fine. 352 00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:42,634 ( sighs ) That's good news. 353 00:12:42,634 --> 00:12:43,901 Hypothetically. 354 00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:45,934 Mm-hmm. 355 00:12:45,934 --> 00:12:48,167 Can I ask you a hypothetical question? 356 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,267 Yeah. 357 00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,300 Is she white? 358 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,234 No, she is not white. 359 00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:56,868 We'll mail the divorce decree in a few days. 360 00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:02,634 When a guy has a girlfriend, he wants to get her alone. 361 00:13:02,634 --> 00:13:03,901 You want to get together tonight 362 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:04,968 and watch some videos? 363 00:13:04,968 --> 00:13:06,467 But when a girl has a boyfriend, 364 00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:07,801 she wants to show him around. 365 00:13:07,801 --> 00:13:09,033 Can we go to Yvette's first? 366 00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:11,634 I want you to meet her and Angela. 367 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,133 When I got with Tasha, 368 00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:14,801 I thought I couldn't get enough of her. 369 00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:16,334 So, we watching videos tonight? 370 00:13:16,334 --> 00:13:17,801 Can I bring Rene and Tina? 371 00:13:17,801 --> 00:13:21,200 What I found out was I could barely get to her. 372 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,634 While my father was waiting for his final decree, 373 00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:26,834 my mother was acting like it was over. 374 00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,100 Hey, baby. 375 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,300 Does your wife know 376 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,734 that you're hugging up to another woman? 377 00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:35,267 ( sighs ) 378 00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:36,267 What are you doing? 379 00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:37,701 Looking for apartments. 380 00:13:37,701 --> 00:13:40,400 The kids and I need a place that we can call our own. 381 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,100 Rochelle, this is your place. 382 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,367 Really? 383 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,634 Well, how do I know that if you die right now, 384 00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:47,133 some white woman wouldn't come 385 00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,300 and take your Social Security, the house, 386 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,601 the car, and me and the kids be on the street? 387 00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:53,367 Who does she think he is, James Brown? 388 00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,467 Look, I filed the papers. 389 00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:56,567 This should all be over soon. 390 00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:57,567 Well, until then, 391 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:58,701 you can sleep on the couch. 392 00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:05,334 After a few days of no luck with getting it on, 393 00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:07,200 I decided to take a day off. 394 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,000 Hey, you want to go see Lethal Weapon? 395 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,567 You're kidding me, right? 396 00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:11,667 When? 397 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:12,834 Now. 398 00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:14,267 Don't you have to go meet more 399 00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:15,334 of Tasha's girlfriends? 400 00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:17,634 Nah, man, I'm done with that. 401 00:14:17,634 --> 00:14:20,834 So, uh, you guys check out any videos? 402 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,133 I wish. 403 00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:24,400 Look, until we start doing something that I want to do, 404 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,267 I'm gonna do stuff that I want to do. 405 00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,000 I'm gonna call Doc and tell him I'm gonna 406 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,367 come in tomorrow instead of today. 407 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,667 Surprise! 408 00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,834 Hey, honey. 409 00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:34,067 Hey, Greg. 410 00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:35,300 What are you doing here? 411 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,200 I was thinking we could go to the movies, you know, 412 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,200 maybe see Fatal Attraction with Yvette and Rhonda. 413 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,033 I got to work. 414 00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:42,234 No, you don't. 415 00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:43,701 I told Doc you weren't coming in today 416 00:14:43,701 --> 00:14:44,934 because I had plans. 417 00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:46,567 What? You can't just go to my job 418 00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:47,968 and tell them I'm not coming in. 419 00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:49,267 Why not? 420 00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:51,000 'Cause I can't just go to your school 421 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,133 and say, "She's not coming in because I got plans." 422 00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,634 What are you trying to say? 423 00:14:54,634 --> 00:14:56,767 Why is it that whenever I want to do something, 424 00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:58,834 it has to wait till tomorrow, but whenever you want 425 00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:00,701 to do something, it has to happen right now? 426 00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:02,701 What does that have to do with anything? 427 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,334 Welcome to Women's Logic 101. 428 00:15:05,334 --> 00:15:07,267 I just don't want you running my life. 429 00:15:07,267 --> 00:15:08,734 You're the one who said 430 00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:10,767 you wanted me to be your girlfriend. 431 00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:12,300 Well, maybe I was better off alone. 432 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,968 Are you saying you're breaking up with me? 433 00:15:13,968 --> 00:15:16,033 Let me make this perfectly clear. 434 00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:17,634 Yes. 435 00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,901 I want to break up with you. 436 00:15:19,901 --> 00:15:20,968 What? 437 00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,567 You think you can just say good-bye, 438 00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:23,901 walk away and it's over? 439 00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:25,100 Yeah. 440 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,467 Watch. 441 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,868 Bye. 442 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,567 The best thing about the girl next door 443 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,000 is she's right next door. 444 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,834 And the worst thing is that she's right next door. 445 00:15:39,834 --> 00:15:42,100 I will not be ignored, Chris. 446 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,801 I'm lucky I don't have a pet rabbit. 447 00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:51,167 CHRIS: Since I was playing the game of love, 448 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,100 I decided to get advice from a real player. 449 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,467 No, you got to move. 450 00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:55,667 Why? 451 00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:57,667 She lives right next door, Chris. 452 00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,868 Where are you gonna go? 453 00:15:58,868 --> 00:16:00,434 You'll never get away from her. 454 00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:01,634 We broke up. 455 00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:03,033 You broke up. 456 00:16:03,033 --> 00:16:04,667 That's like telling the IRS 457 00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,100 you don't owe them any money. 458 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:09,000 It ain't over till they say it's over. 459 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,534 Ask Wesley Snipes. 460 00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:11,934 I can't move. 461 00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:13,701 Well, you better get back together. 462 00:16:13,701 --> 00:16:15,467 See, I don't get this. 463 00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,000 How is it that she's the one acting crazy 464 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,667 and I have to be the one to work things out? 465 00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:21,300 Because she started acting crazy first. 466 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,534 She's using your reason against you. 467 00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:25,701 You know that makes no sense, right? 468 00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:28,567 Welcome to Women's Logic 201. 469 00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:31,167 Before I had a chance to confront my problem, 470 00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,200 my problem confronted me. 471 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,400 Hey, Chris. 472 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,634 ROCHELLE: Where have you been? 473 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:37,367 JULIUS: You invited Tasha over for dinner, 474 00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:38,934 and you got the girl waiting on you? 475 00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:40,400 Well, if anybody knows what it's like 476 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,267 to have a girl waiting on them, you do. 477 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,701 Tasha, can I talk to you for a minute? 478 00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:44,934 Sure, honey. 479 00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:48,234 And by "minute", I mean "never again." 480 00:16:48,234 --> 00:16:50,067 Tasha, go home. 481 00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:51,267 It's over. 482 00:16:51,267 --> 00:16:54,033 I put the last few weeks of my life into you, 483 00:16:54,033 --> 00:16:56,267 and I'm not gonna let you throw it all away 484 00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:57,367 over a little fight. 485 00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,267 I just said it's over. 486 00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,000 You wanted me, you got me. 487 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,601 You're my boyfriend until I say you're not. 488 00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:04,734 Got that? 489 00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:07,367 And that is a love TKO. 490 00:17:08,934 --> 00:17:10,567 What's going on with you and Tasha? 491 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,000 I tried to break up with her, 492 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,033 but she wouldn't let me. 493 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,601 Well, there's no such thing 494 00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,200 as trying to break up with somebody. 495 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,133 That's like being a little pregnant. 496 00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:20,033 Either you're broken up or you're not. 497 00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:22,267 But if you do want to break up with her, 498 00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:23,400 let her know that. 499 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,033 If you don't, make sure she knows that. 500 00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,033 Don't have her running around here 501 00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:30,067 thinking you're together and you're not. 502 00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:32,434 One minute y'all having a little fight, 503 00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:34,033 and the next thing you know, 504 00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:35,534 you're married with a wife and kids 505 00:17:35,534 --> 00:17:36,901 and she's trying to take your house. 506 00:17:38,968 --> 00:17:41,534 It seemed like my problems were just beginning, 507 00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:44,067 but my father's were finally ending. 508 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:46,767 I got the final divorce papers. 509 00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:48,567 Really? 510 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,133 Baby, I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. 511 00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,767 You're the only woman in the world I want to be with. 512 00:17:53,767 --> 00:17:55,200 Mm-hmm. 513 00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,501 And I was wondering... 514 00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,300 will you marry me? 515 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,734 You're not married to anyone else, are you? 516 00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:04,033 No, I'm not. 517 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:08,100 Then, yes, I'll marry you. 518 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,501 * Glory halle-stupid! * 519 00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:14,567 Yeah, bobbas, uh, yeah. 520 00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:18,033 Now, do you, Julius, take Rochelle 521 00:18:18,033 --> 00:18:20,701 to be your... 522 00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:22,767 rhinestone rock star monster of a doll baby bobba? 523 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,801 I do. 524 00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:29,434 And Rochelle, do you take Julius 525 00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:33,634 to be your rhinestone rock star monster of a man? 526 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,167 I do. 527 00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:36,868 With all the powers invested 528 00:18:36,868 --> 00:18:39,868 in me and the blasters of the universe, 529 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,667 along with the mother ship connection... 530 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,767 ...I now pronounce you... 531 00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,968 man... 532 00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:50,868 and wifey. 533 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,167 Now... 534 00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:53,734 go funk her up. 535 00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:56,701 He said "funk", kids, with an "N." 536 00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:58,067 ( sighs ) 537 00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,400 Funk her up. 538 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,334 * Do you want to get funked up? * 539 00:19:01,334 --> 00:19:04,334 * Funk, yeah, funk her up * 540 00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:06,667 * Don't you want to get funked up? * 541 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,200 While Bootsy and my parents got funky, 542 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,234 Drew decided to play dirty. 543 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,767 Oh, my God, Drew! 544 00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:14,901 What happened? 545 00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:16,901 "Oh, my God, Drew, what happened!" 546 00:19:16,901 --> 00:19:19,000 ( chuckles ) Ketchup-- I win. 547 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,234 Cheater! 548 00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:23,634 After everything I'd been through with Tasha 549 00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:26,934 and as crazy as she acted, she really did have a point. 550 00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:29,300 Breaking up over one fight wasn't worth it. 551 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,767 And if she didn't think it was over, then it wasn't over. 552 00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:35,067 Oh, Chris. 553 00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,334 Hey. 554 00:19:36,334 --> 00:19:38,334 I was mad earlier. 555 00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:39,501 I noticed. 556 00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,634 It's not that I want to break up with you. 557 00:19:41,634 --> 00:19:44,267 I just think we need to get clear about some things. 558 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,767 Like what? 559 00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,033 First of all, 560 00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:49,434 you cannot cancel my work so we can go hang out. 561 00:19:49,434 --> 00:19:50,901 Okay. 562 00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:53,100 And I'm sorry that I overreacted. 563 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,367 I'm new to this relationship stuff. 564 00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,901 Okay. 565 00:19:57,901 --> 00:19:59,634 Good. 566 00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:01,367 What's wrong? 567 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,801 I am breaking up with you. 568 00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:07,801 I thought you said that we were still together. 569 00:20:07,801 --> 00:20:10,167 Until I said we were breaking up. 570 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,801 We're breaking up. 571 00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:18,167 See ya, wouldn't want to be ya. 572 00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:19,367 Me, either. 573 00:20:20,901 --> 00:20:23,501 * Everybody hates Chris * 574 00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,534 * Ah, make it funky now. *