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Ripped By mstoll
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Genius, that's what it is, sheer genius.
3
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,672
Yeah. "You're first commission," he says.
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"Get that story to me by the end
of the week," he says.
5
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,272
Story? This is a watershed
in English literature.
6
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,433
Ah, yes! It's got everything -
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suspense, poetry, irony,
atmosphere, lust,
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00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,349
philosophy, ambiguity, wit, wildlife,
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profundity, paradox,
good food, decent central heating...
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...long words, short words, adjectives,
full-stops, question-marks.
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All packed into 36 pages.
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Tolstoy took 900 pages to say
that Anna Karenina had the hump.
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Wagner took 26 hours
of music to find a cuff link.
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Ah, what a barnstormer!
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7:15am - bang on deadline.
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Langley Book of Horror here we come.
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Please, please, please, like it, you bastard!
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Here we go.
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Hang on, I'm not sure about this.
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I've never seen them collect
from this box, ever.
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I wonder if they bother collecting
from these side-street boxes?
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Better take it to the main Post Office,
eh? Oh, don't be ridiculous!
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Hang on, there's no number on it.
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It's probably disused.
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Don't be absurd!
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Hold on! Hold on! Hang on!
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Excuse me, the post box back there -
you didn't collect the mail.
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- Well, it's not on our round, mate.
- Oh!
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Oh, there'll be somebody else
coming by, will there?
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Yeah, course.
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00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,994
Erm, you don't ever forget, do you?
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I mean, it being down a side road,
you know, could easily miss it.
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No, it's all on the rota.
We tick 'em off as we go.
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That's right. Mind you, we have
forgotten a couple of times, haven't we?
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- Have we?
- Yeah, remember? That pools coupon.
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- Oh, yeah, that's right.
- Eh...
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- Well, we're only human.
- What?
38
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Actually, let's face it,
sometimes we just can't be fagged.
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You know what they do
with the post in Italy, don't you?
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- What?
- They dump it in the Tiber.
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It's a well-known fact that in Malaysia,
they chop it up with millet
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and feed it to the warthogs.
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You've posted it. There's nothing
you can do, so stop worrying.
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I bet they haven't collected it. I mean, what is
the point in having a national postal service?
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We may as well go back to using pigeons.
Why bother to post at all, eh?
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Let's cut out the middle man.
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Here you are, Mr Langley, here's Colin
Watkins' next masterpiece, hot off the press!
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- Colin?
- What?
49
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- I've just had a brainwave.
- What?
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No.
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Tell me!
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No, it was a momentary malfunction
of the brain. Let's drop it.
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I just can't stand people who sort of dangle
the bait and then fish it back. What?!
54
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It's crazy. Insane.
Totally off-the-wall. Let's just drop it.
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Speak to me, woman!
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How about phoning Langley
tomorrow to check if he's got it?
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Hello? May I speak to
John Langley, please?
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- 'Who's speaking, please? '
- Colin Watkins.
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I'm afraid he doesn't get in until 10:30.
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Oh.
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00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,792
- Oh, is John Langley there, please?
- 'Who's speaking, please? '
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- Colin Watkins.
- 'Just a moment.'
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'I'm afraid he's in a meeting -
any message? '
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Erm, no, no, I'll try a bit later.
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What about tomorrow morning?
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'He's got to go to Thames Television tomorrow.
He's got a meeting there all morning.'
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00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,594
I don't believe it! Sorry, you can't
have your heart transplant right now,
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- the surgeon's in a meeting!
- 'Hello.'
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Dying's a bit inconvenient at the moment,
perhaps we could squeeze it in next Tuesday?
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'Hello? '
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All I wanted to know is whether
he got my story. I sent it on Monday.
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- 'Yes, he has.'
- It was the one about a guy who...
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Yes, I know which one it is.
Out of Commission by Colin Watkins.
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Mr Langley will be in touch
as soon as he's read it. Goodbye.
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One week!
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I mean, why does it take so long?
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Sorry, Mr Watkins, we can't just read your
story straight away - it's not as simple as that.
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First, there's an investiture ceremony...
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then we leave it on a shelf for a while
to harmonise with the atmosphere,
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then we send it to the Swiss Alps for
ten years to be air-cured in a smoking hut.
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Then and only then do we
skip read the first five lines.
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Jesus, it's not off the hook, is it?
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Thank God for that!
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Suppose if he was trying
to get through just then?
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No, no.
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Play it cool, Watkins, play it cool!
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Don't want... don't want to seem
too eager.
88
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Aaaagggh!
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Aaaagh!
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Hello? Hello?
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00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,114
'Colin? '
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00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,992
Oh, Jen, it's you!
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- Was that you just then?
- 'When? '
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- Just now.
- No.
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- Well, who was it then?
- 'How the hell am I supposed to know?
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Look, I haven't got long.
Sarah's just phoned.
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She and Richard have just got back
from Bengal. They flew in yesterday.
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They want to know if we can
go over to dinner tonight.'
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- I can't!
- Well, why not?
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- I'm waiting for the phone to ring.
- 'Wasn't that good enough for you just now? '
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Langley, Langley!
I still haven't heard from him.
102
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'Well, if he can't get through to you
tonight, he'll phone again tomorrow.'
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You have no idea. You haven't got a clue.
You know nothing!
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These guys, they give you one shot
and that's it. They just haven't got the time.
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They've got lots of important
people to ring
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and meetings to be in and Thames Television
to go to. I'm not leaving this phone!
107
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'Colin, I haven't got the energy.
I'll pick you up at 7:30, OK? '
108
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:12,309
Believe it or not, I took this one
with a simple old Hanimex.
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00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,318
Oh, God! I bet Langley's
been trying all evening.
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00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,750
His fingers have probably
got blisters with dialling.
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00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,793
He's probably ringing now,
at this very moment and I'm not in.
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I'm out! I'm here!
113
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...You don't get anywhere else in the world.
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For Chrissake, how much longer
are we going to keep looking at
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this bloody washerwoman
with a pot on her head?
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Just look at those colours. Your magazine's
going to be thrilled with these.
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I can honestly say that this was
my most enjoyable job to date.
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- I mean, look at her - amazing, isn't she?
- What material is her sari made of?
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Bri-Nylon.
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Mulberry silk.
The whole thing's hand-made.
121
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,155
Do they mind having their pictures taken?
122
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Not really. You've got to be careful
with the older women.
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They tend to be a little more
self-conscious.
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Turn that bloody page, woman!
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That really is gorgeous.
126
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,518
Look, there's nothing to dawdle over-
washerwoman, pot. That's it. End of story.
127
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,712
There's not even a view-
she's standing in front of a brick wall.
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Get moving!
129
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,470
Oh, thank God for that!
130
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I don't believe it!
More bloody washerwomen!
131
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- We took quite a few of these.
- Is that gold embroidery?
132
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,829
- Yes, didn't you see it on the woman before?
- No, I think I missed that.
133
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,077
Oh, no! We're going back.
I can't bear this.
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00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,589
Look, look, look, Sarah, Sarah...
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00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,950
your arm must be knackered
after all that page-turning,
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and you haven't had any coffee yet.
Why don't I take over for a bit?
137
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,595
- No, it's all right.
- No, no, please! I insist.
138
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Right. Right, now...
139
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,315
Where were we?
140
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,749
I think we've missed a week.
141
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:58,998
- Ah, now that's the market at Ranigangj.
- Oh, Richard, isn't that Bhagalpur?
142
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,395
Oh, yes, of course. That was the Thursday.
143
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,755
There - first glimpse of the Himalayas.
144
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,509
Ah, now this is the mountain railway,
it starts at...
145
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- Never mind, this one's of the road to...
- Hang on, Colin!
146
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,635
- I think you turned over two pages!
- Colin!
147
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,512
Whoa, Colin!
148
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,838
Sorry. I...
149
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,350
I was... I was just acting
the clown there... Erm...
150
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,596
I'm absolutely shattered, in fact.
151
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,678
Yes, well, we didn't mean to drag you
through all these - you should have said.
152
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,758
It is boring wading through other people's
photos when you don't want to.
153
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,668
Well, no, it's... it's frustrating not to
be able to appreciate them properly.
154
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,711
I'll order you a cab.
155
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,834
Look, er... the pictures were fantastic,
you two. We'll catch up next time.
156
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,393
Jen!
157
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,636
Jennifer!
158
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,037
Oh, God! I don't think
I can take a sulk tonight.
159
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,069
Look, leaving me out on the landing's
not going to prove anything, is it?
160
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,034
If you want to open the door in the morning
to my hideously unshaven face
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00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,833
and snoring body, that's up to you.
162
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,311
Look, this is childish.
163
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,956
The moment you realise there's no more wine
to guzzle or food to stuff down your throat,
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and that you actually
might have to make conversation,
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you just sabotage it
for everyone else.
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Next time, I'll bring a dummy and a rattle.
That is if there is a next time!
167
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I was dying to get away -
he might have phoned.
168
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,429
Oh, I see - number one rules as usual.
169
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,120
Well, thank God they took it
so good-humouredly.
170
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,037
Yes, well, they would, wouldn't they?
171
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,436
They'd never be rude back,
cos they're so bloody perfect!
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00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,233
Anyone with an ounce of decency
would have told me to piss off.
173
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,076
They're just like their house, aren't they?
Nothing awry or out of place.
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00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,919
Did you spot any skid marks
in the toilet bowl?
175
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,474
Or apple cores down the sofa?
176
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,070
And what about that battery of French
saucepans hanging in the kitchen
177
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,715
in ascending order of size!
God! I wanted to jumble them up.
178
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,910
I'm going to bed!
179
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,519
Jen...
180
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,438
Look, I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean
them to take it that way.
181
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:49,199
Look I'll... I'll ring them
in the morning, erm...
182
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,029
Straighten things out. No, no, better still,
I'll go round and see them in person.
183
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,593
Yeah.
184
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,950
Yeah, yeah, that's the plan.
185
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:18,431
Look, about last night, I'm sorry if you got
the impression I was bored with the photos.
186
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,670
I'm sorry if I gave you the impression
that last night had been boring.
187
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,278
Sorry about last night - I hadn't
meant to imply you were boring.
188
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,196
Ah, hello, Sarah.
Sorry you were so boring last night.
189
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,316
She's desperate, Jen.
190
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,513
Look, I really feel for Sarah,
but, I mean, this isn't the first time.
191
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,393
Richard had a "thing" with another student
while he was lecturing in Amsterdam,
192
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:54,991
just after they'd started together and I told
her he'd do it again, but she wouldn't listen.
193
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,396
It's so out of the blue. I mean,
they'd been five years together.
194
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,433
One minute she's lying there in
bed yawning, waiting for breakfast in bed,
195
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:06,712
next minute she sees the note on the kitchen
table. I mean, what a way to start a Sunday!
196
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,150
I get suicidal if they forget
to deliver the colour supplements.
197
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,919
I just don't think it would be a good
idea to have her over tonight.
198
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,031
I mean, she's going to be in a terrible state.
199
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,230
I think it would be better to wait
till she's settled down a bit.
200
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,830
Jen, that girl needs somebody now,
to talk to.
201
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,236
Doesn't seem to have many friends -
they're all through Richard.
202
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,751
Richard! I knew there was
something about him, you know.
203
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,873
All that poise, all that smooth,
charming self-assurance.
204
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,310
You just scratch the surface a bit,
you soon find the maniac.
205
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,477
I know the type. One minute
they're sitting there sipping Sancerre,
206
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,036
looking at their David Hockney prints with
Vivaldi tinkling away in the background.
207
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,232
Next thing you know, they're charging past
the delicatessen counter in Safeway's
208
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,669
wielding a chainsaw!
209
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,354
Now remember, if being alone
in that house is too much for you,
210
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,916
- you can always bed down here.
- I don't know how to thank you.
211
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,600
I was near the brink this morning.
212
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,638
Well, bye. And be tough, hm?
213
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,638
- No phoning Richard. Promise?
- Promise!
214
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,429
Oh!
215
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,870
Oh! Jesus wept! It's three thirty.
216
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,719
Eight and a half hours that took.
217
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,832
I mean, it's a relatively simple concept,
isn't it?
218
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:30,112
He's two-timed her twice before and
therefore is not to be trusted again.
219
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,549
Eight and a half hours!
220
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,036
That's five Cup Finals live in succession.
221
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,833
I could have flown to Nairobi.
222
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,679
Or boiled an egg 623 times!
223
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,552
Oh, well...
224
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,593
At least that's the Sarah Venables'
file closed at last.
225
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,711
Another life sorted out.
226
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,273
Yes...
227
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,833
Colin Watkins -
228
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,350
sage, shrewd observer of mankind,
229
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,756
problems solved,
traumas set in perspective,
230
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,917
healthy philosophical attitudes dispensed.
231
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:07,996
Windows cleaned.
232
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,518
Now, next item on the agenda
for next week.
233
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,995
Mr John Langley.
234
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,270
Right. Now...
235
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,960
He's had the weekend.
236
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,550
Tomorrow. Yup.
That's when he's going to phone.
237
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,236
Wake up - bed!
238
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,033
For you, Col. Personal call.
Didn't recognise the voice.
239
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,832
At last!
240
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,598
Thank you, God.
241
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,109
Hello?
242
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,151
'Colin? It's Sarah.'
243
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,277
Oh! Oh, hi, Sarah.
244
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,790
- 'Ls this a bad moment? '
- Erm, no, no, no, no.
245
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,956
'I phoned Richard.'
246
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,274
What?!
247
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,992
'I had to.'
248
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:07,113
- But, look, I thought we'd agreed that...
- 'I know, but it was so difficult!
249
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,834
I got home and I realised... '
250
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,349
This is the is the toughest stage.
We discussed that.
251
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:16,075
'I had to speak to him.
I wanted to hear his voice.
252
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:21,194
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ring
you at work. It's been so difficult.'
253
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,719
Col...
254
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,400
'Colin, I'm so sorry! '
255
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,989
Get a load of these paps,
like the bleedin' Guns of Navarone!
256
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,518
Come on, Langley! Come on, phone!
257
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,153
Ring! Dial!
258
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,431
Seven digits, seven, lousy numbers,
that's all it is!
259
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,949
It only takes about ten seconds.
260
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,558
- Hello?
- 'Hi, Col! '
261
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,353
Oh, Des! Er... What is it?
262
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,119
- 'Oh, just phoned for a chat really.'
- Well, that's obscene!
263
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,434
'Eh? '
264
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,994
No, it's not - it's morally repugnant.
265
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,872
'Oh, steady on Col. I mean... '
266
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,430
Oh, what has come over me?
267
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,071
Oh... Look, Des, mate, I'm sorry
about that, I don't know what...
268
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,430
'Colin, it's Sarah.'
269
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,630
Oh, hi, Sarah.
270
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:15,709
'I'm terribly sorry I broke down like that today.
I made a complete ass of myself.'
271
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,910
No! No, no...
272
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:23,558
'I hate to ask, but would you mind if I
popped over for a short while tonight? '
273
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:24,749
Erm...
274
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,553
'There are one or two things
on my mind I've just got to get clear.'
275
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,796
No, no, that's... No, that's fine...
276
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,354
'Have you got anything planned? '
277
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,914
Just an early night, that's all.
278
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,235
- 'Lt'll just be for half an hour.'
- Mm.
279
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,555
I suppose what it all boils down to
280
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,911
is that I wished we'd discussed
it together, openly.
281
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,873
God, I feel a yawn coming.
282
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,549
All that time in India I thought
things were going so well.
283
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,717
Work was taking off at last,
we were happy...
284
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,799
And all along he was just waiting
for the moment to break it to me.
285
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:04,356
You can't yawn, Watkins, this girl's
pouring her heart out to you.
286
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,551
He couldn't just come out with it,
could he?
287
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,877
Just like all people who can't face
handling the truth.
288
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,430
It's such a relief to have someone
who listens.
289
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,915
Richard never listened, not properly.
290
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,429
Get a grip, Watkins, for crying out loud!
291
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,473
Sometimes he was shy of emotional
confrontation, other times he'd lose interest.
292
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,670
No, Watkins, no!
293
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,791
Fight it! Beat it down!
294
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,275
I suppose we're just different
types of people.
295
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,518
The number of times I'd be wanting
to thrash things out with him
296
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,676
and all he wanted
was a good night's sleep.
297
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,268
Aah! Thank God for that!
298
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,037
I'd have him back tomorrow, Colin,
on any terms.
299
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,038
Because, whichever way you look at it,
300
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,549
I just can't stop being in love with him.
301
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,038
When I woke up this morning, I was...
302
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,995
...I was in a living hell.
303
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:13,950
I mean, there is a part of me that says,
"Sod it, look after yourself now!"
304
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,117
I mean, the sooner I get back
to work again the better.
305
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,231
Please go away.
306
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,749
If the right sort of work
was coming in at the moment...
307
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,075
"Please, I'm drained.
308
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,714
You've squeezed my last drop
of sympathy out of me.
309
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,276
I'm finished. You're flogging a horse
that kicked the bucket hours ago.
310
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,518
The flies are buzzing round my decomposing
haunches and you're still laying into me.
311
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,676
...the tiniest little objects.
312
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,837
But you're absolutely right,
there is no point in hanging on.
313
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,110
No, so bugger off and leave me alone!
314
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,994
...is his not being able to just sit down
315
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,759
and discuss the whole thing
with me from the start.
316
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:53,589
- Sarah, we've been through this before.
- If we'd talked about it openly...
317
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,314
the two of us, I could have accepted it.
318
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,159
By the way,
I'm not keeping you up, am I?
319
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,395
No.
320
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,476
Yes! My God, yes!
321
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,478
If ever I've been kept up in my life,
it's now.
322
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,114
All the other times pale into insignificance.
323
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:12,028
On a scale of one to ten for keeping
people up you get bloody thousands!
324
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,038
Why couldn't he tell me there and then?
It's just not in him, I suppose.
325
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,596
Look, I'll make a quick coffee. You keep
talking. I can hear you through the hatch.
326
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:24,396
So, I get to hear about it afterwards -
four months afterwards.
327
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,478
Four months of utter pretence!
328
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,239
I mean, why did it take him so long?
329
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,158
He couldn't decide, that's probably why.
330
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:38,229
That's when she butts in - all those
"obvious" messages on the answer-phone.
331
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,079
And, of course, none of
this would ever have happened
332
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,998
if he'd just had the courage to be honest.
333
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,237
Just discuss things together -
is that too much to ask?
334
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,713
Yeeeess!!!
335
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,395
Are you all right, Colin?
336
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,676
Er, I've just, er...
337
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,076
I've just out of milk, that's all.
338
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:08,028
That's why I think it's not going to
work with them. It's not going to last.
339
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,152
'I mean, it's just not capable of lasting.
340
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,909
I mean, they are going to run out of things
to say to each other sooner or later.'
341
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:15,995
Yup.
342
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:19,556
'And the tragedy is,
Richard can't see it for himself.'
343
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:20,669
Yeah.
344
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,270
'Lt's extraordinary. I don't know
if I told you about the time when...
345
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:29,110
It was before that girl in Amsterdam
that I told you about and, erm...
346
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,153
He was going out to dinner.
And he said, "It's a business dinner.
347
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,074
So you stay here. I won't be late.
It won't be a late evening.
348
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,156
It'll be about ten thirty."
349
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:45,876
So at about half past two,
I was still sitting there waiting... '
350
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,797
Yeah!
351
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:56,988
'Anyway, he came in at half past two and the
extraordinary thing was, I didn't say anything.
352
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:01,875
And I realise now that I should
have started challenging him then!
353
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,958
- I mean, if I'd done things like that then... '
- Yeah.
354
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,832
'Lt wouldn't have got to this scale.
355
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:10,111
And, of course, he was smelling
of this extraordinary perfume.'
356
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,470
- Is that Sarah?
- 'I didn't say anything. I realised... '
357
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,353
Colin, this has got to stop!
358
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,596
She is sucking you dry.
359
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,553
I mean, I've done two shifts this
week and that was quite enough.
360
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,513
I mean, it's one thing helping,
it's another being ground to a pulp
361
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,633
by someone who tries to hypnotise
their way out of a truth they can't accept.
362
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,594
Look, as far as she's concerned, the sun
still rises and sets on Richard Venables
363
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,790
and nothing you or I can say
will change her mind.
364
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,196
I know, I know!
But somebody has to listen though.
365
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,875
'... Richard just hasn't got the nerve.'
366
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,355
She is getting a kick out of the whole thing.
367
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,553
I don't see why we should be subjected
to it. Colin, this is for our own sanity.
368
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,229
Stop playing around, put the phone back in,
please. I'm waiting for that call from Langley.
369
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,749
Phone him yourself and get it
over with. You've got his number.
370
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,519
Are you serious?
Me phone Langley at home?
371
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,392
- Well, why not?
- You...
372
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:03,035
You just don't understand, do you?
It's a cast-iron certainty.
373
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,958
I am bound to catch him
at the wrong moment, aren't I?
374
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,959
While he's in the bath or on the toilet,
or talking to somebody important,
375
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,832
or watching his favourite programme...
376
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,916
We take that risk every time
we pick up the phone.
377
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,237
He's really going to love my story then,
isn't he? Eh? Who wrote this?
378
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:21,558
Oh, yes, that pushy, despicable hack who had
the audacity to ferret out my home number
379
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,353
and then vandalise my one
peaceful moment of the week!
380
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:28,029
He'll probably talk about me to other
publishers. I'll be blacklisted! I'll be a leper!
381
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,720
They'll walk pass me in the streets
and start poking me with sticks.
382
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,398
Finished?
383
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,034
- Jen, what are you doing?
- Phoning Langley.
384
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,196
- No, you're not!
- Yes, I am!
385
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,516
Give me that -
I want to phone Langley!!
386
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,596
- You are phoning nobody!
- Give it to me!
387
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,154
Colin!! Come back here!
388
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,430
- Jen, Jen!
- Aagh!
389
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,873
Colin, give me that phone! Colin, Colin!
390
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,399
Colin!
391
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:54,873
Ooh!
392
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:21,429
"Have given up and gone to garden centre.
Trust both you and phone had a nice day."
393
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,229
Now... you listen to me.
394
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:31,956
I've always played ball with you
over the years, phone, me old china.
395
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,720
How about a little bit
of a favour from you, eh?
396
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,990
The next time you ring,
397
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:43,035
I want John Langley on the end
of the phone, not Sarah Venables.
398
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:48,393
Do you get it? John Langley - yes.
Sarah Venables - no.
399
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:54,713
Monsieur John Langley - oui.
Mademoiselle Sarah Venables - non.
400
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,159
Sarah.
401
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,157
Hello, Colin.
402
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,113
I'm sorry to come round like this,
403
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,595
but your phone was out of order.
404
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,836
Colin, I need your help to make a decision.
405
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,110
Well, fire away.
406
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:27,189
Well, you very kindly said that if being
alone in my house was difficult for me,
407
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,756
I could come and stay here
for a while until I'm more settled.
408
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,029
Did I?
409
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:38,757
Well, the thing is, my editor's just phoned.
They're offering me an assignment in Kenya.
410
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:43,158
Somebody dropped out at the last minute
and the flight leaves this afternoon.
411
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:48,832
Well, what do you think, Colin? Should I come
and stay with you or should I go to Kenya?
412
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,957
I'd never have made this flight
if it hadn't been for you.
413
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,437
You've helped me pack, locked the house,
made all those calls to British Airways.
414
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,950
- It was nothing.
- I just hope I've made the right decision.
415
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,674
- Of course you have.
- I don't know.
416
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,678
I'm getting that apprehensive feeling again.
417
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,233
Why?
418
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:17,555
I don't know anyone out there for a start.
419
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,958
But Kenya's full of people, Sarah.
They're a great lot, the Kenya mob.
420
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,990
Mate of mine came back from the Serengeti,
said the partying never stopped.
421
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,830
I mean, you know how
important your work is to you.
422
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:39,636
Well, once you get that professional
stimulus, you know, back in your life,
423
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,512
it'll all fall into place.
424
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,030
You really shouldn't have come all this way.
I could easily have picked up the Airbus.
425
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,196
I wanted to make sure
you got on that plane.
426
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,515
The least I can do.
427
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,950
Now, wait a minute. It can't be Sarah.
I saw her get on the plane meself.
428
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,789
Unless she parachuted out.
Absurd, Watkins!
429
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,434
Jen? No, it can't be Jen,
she's down the garden centre.
430
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,790
Des - he plays football today.
431
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,115
Oh, no! It can't be!
432
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,912
It is!
433
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,070
Aaaah! Aaaah!
434
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,431
It was him! It's so obvious it was him!
435
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:46,913
Oh!
436
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,555
Jen's right!
I'm going to stop pansying about.
437
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,790
I'm going to phone him.
438
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,194
Right.
439
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:56,514
Right.
440
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:12,990
I can't do it! I can't do it!
441
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,760
Now, come on, Watkins.
Come on, work it out.
442
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,831
It's 12:30 on a Sunday.
443
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:25,273
He can't still be in bed. He must be out
of the bath and it's too early for lunch.
444
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,750
Oh, bloody hell!
445
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,440
Now's as safe a time as any.
446
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,394
Who the bugger is it?
447
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,118
Yes?
448
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,949
Oh, hello, John.
It's, er, it's Colin Watkins here.
449
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,150
How are you?
450
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,550
'I'm fine. What is it? '
451
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,319
Erm, well, I just... I just wondered...
452
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,718
I just wondered what you thought of
my story? Erm, you know, the one I sent you.
453
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:08,829
Er...
454
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,918
Look, Colin, it's a bit difficult right now.
455
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:17,318
Why don't you come into my office
next week and we'll discuss it then?
456
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,317
'Yeah, yeah. That'll be fine.'
457
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,590
How about...
458
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,553
...Tuesday?
459
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,558
Eleven o'clock. I'll see you then.
460
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,511
Fine. Bye.
461
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,431
I'm going to be perfectly
honest with you, Colin.
462
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,752
I'm afraid I haven't had
a chance to read it yet.
463
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Ripped By mstoll