1
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:20,500
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,995
Rajasthan was the biggest let-down.
3
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,076
Couldn't get near the temples for coaches.
4
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,351
Oh, God! It's two fifteen.
5
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,995
So you see, there's no way
we'd go there again in March.
6
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,192
It is so dry and the place
is riddled with tourists.
7
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,436
Oh, belt up!
8
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:45,076
Sarah phoned her design editor in London
and said we're off to Kashmir. Just like that!
9
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,794
Oh, bully for you! Now go.
10
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:54,434
The funny thing about Kashmir was, that though
it wasn't at all what I'd imagined it to be,
11
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,836
I just couldn't stop taking
rolls and rolls of film.
12
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,871
Oh, put a sock in it, woman!
13
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,436
God, what I'd give for
some Polyfilla right now.
14
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:10,270
It was just after the monsoon season,
with those brilliant fresh skies.
15
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:15,235
There was something about the light. I didn't
even have to use a filter. What's more...
16
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,955
Do you realise you came here at six
for dinner, not a package holiday?
17
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,152
Please let me get home to my bed.
18
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,271
Oh, sweet pillow!
19
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,958
Oh, duvet darling!
20
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,229
Colin?
21
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,316
I'll have a duvet, no sugar.
22
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,589
What?
23
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,518
- Sorry. Sorry.
- It's time we were going, I think.
24
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,633
Richard, please don't go. I want to hear more
about the job. I hear it's going really well.
25
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,354
Jen! What are you doing?
26
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,632
Don't any of them realise
the human body actually needs sleep?
27
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:48,309
It's genetically programmed for it.
I mean, don't THEY need it?
28
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,510
I mean, what are they?
29
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,712
Maybe they're organisms
from some insomniac asteroid.
30
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:57,230
...Maybe I'll go to Kenya after all.
I've always wanted the Kenya portfolio.
31
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,351
How about going to Kenya now?
32
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,039
I forgot to tell you. Richard's too modest.
33
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,754
He's swung that lecture tour
in California next year.
34
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,438
Oh, Richard! That's brilliant!
35
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,949
Stuff Richard! Stuff California!
36
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,868
It should be a nice mixture - one or two
seminars, a conference now and then,
37
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,798
the odd weekend in San Francisco.
38
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,911
By the way, what do you do, Colin?
39
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,029
Hm?
40
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,230
I... Erm, I work for British Rail.
41
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,310
Actually, we really must be going now.
42
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,637
Yeah, we're keeping you up.
That was a lovely evening, Jen.
43
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,751
It's ages since you've been over.
44
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,393
British Rail, then? That must be interesting.
45
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,834
Colin's sort of on the, er, PR side.
46
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,474
Yeah, I work in the complaints department,
you know.
47
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,875
You must get lots of funny
stories, I suppose?
48
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,072
No, no. One foul-tempered person
is pretty much like any other.
49
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,954
- Nice to have met you.
- Yah!
50
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,391
"Oh, one foul-tempered person
is much the same as another."
51
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,317
Why should I have to justify myself to them?
52
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,954
These people wittering on
about their wonderful jobs!
53
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,312
"Oh, here comes Sarah looking
quite elegant in her 25,000 a year salary,
54
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,194
her three months annual paid holiday
and her free trip to the Seychelles,
55
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:31,348
with her editorial freedom and creative
carte blanche trailing gracefully behind her.
56
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:36,634
Oh, look! Here comes Richard looking
stunningly suave in a plum university post."
57
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,113
- Yuck!
- They're talented...
58
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,356
- Pushy!
- Talented, creative people,
59
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,677
who've had the initiative to get a job
they want to do and enjoy doing it.
60
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:48,032
Is that a crime? And what's so wrong
if they don't want a tedious, mundane job?
61
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,233
- Yes! What is that supposed to mean?
- It's not supposed to mean anything.
62
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,830
- Yes. My job's tedious and mundane, isn't it?
- Well, you said it, not me.
63
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,791
Look, when will you people ever realise,
64
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,833
it's not jobs that are exciting or boring,
it's people who make them what they are.
65
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,918
I mean, any idiot can have fun
faffing around the Himalayas
66
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,600
taking pictures of elephants' bottoms.
67
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,951
Well, I'm sorry your boredom threshold
didn't extend beyond the gin and tonics,
68
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,071
but she did say she
was a fashion photographer.
69
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,395
All right, so the elephants wear Levis.
70
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:20,275
What I'm saying... What I'm saying is, anyone,
anyone can hold down a glamorous job,
71
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,710
but the nuts and bolts of the daily round,
that's another thing.
72
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,990
That demands true creativity.
73
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,079
I mean, I will go into that job on Monday
morning knowing it's me and me alone
74
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,033
that makes the day worthwhile.
75
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,875
All right, Colin? Good!
76
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,911
Mr Travers! Mr Travers.
77
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,393
- Yes, Colin?
- Um...
78
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,272
You know what you said
about making copies
79
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,437
of all of our customer
correspondence since 1961?
80
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,198
Yes.
81
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,039
Well, there's over 40,000 letters there.
82
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,037
Quite so.
83
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,879
I just thought, if Trevor and Graham
could lend a hand,
84
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,549
- we could do it in shifts, you see?
- No way, Colin. Absolutely not.
85
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,232
- Oh.
- Colin...
86
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,148
I sleep easier at night knowing
the right man is on the job.
87
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:12,353
Between you and me... I find Trevor
and Graham just a wee bit, er,
88
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:17,031
"Bolshevik" in their attitude.
No, Colin, the job is yours.
89
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,393
Thanks!
90
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,913
- Are you going to be long?
- Erm, about a week.
91
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,679
Well, when you get a minute,
can you squeeze this lot in for me?
92
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,429
I want one copy of each
and I'm not in a hurry. Thanks.
93
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,554
Anyone want anything else doing at all?
94
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,070
Drain need unblocking,
bit of hoovering perhaps?
95
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,149
Anyone want to be carried to work in
the morning? I mean, please, feel free!
96
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,832
Oh, come on, Watkins, you've been staring
at this paragraph for the last half an hour.
97
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,949
"We watched, trembling, as the door
to the archives swung slowly open.
98
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:27,392
Jenkins was the first to see it
and started retching, instantly.
99
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:32,230
Mrs Darlington screamed, then, I too,
on the verge of passing out, saw..."
100
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,395
Now come on, Watkins,
what did you see?
101
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,112
Corpse?
102
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,878
Severed head?
103
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,228
An onion bhaji?
104
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,476
Oh, shut up!
105
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,910
I bet Stephen King doesn't have to
plod into work every day.
106
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,759
Probably wrote The Shining in his jacuzzi.
107
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,519
There is only one thing for it - atmosphere.
108
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,718
Oh, God! I'm going bananas!
109
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:30,638
"Mrs Darlington screamed, then I too,
on the verge of passing out, saw...
110
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,271
...the machine.
111
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,358
Grey and menacing in the twilight,
112
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,391
belching copies...
113
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:43,069
in an endless and diabolical stream.
114
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,390
Reduced, enlarged,
115
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,670
A4, quarto.
116
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,917
Spitting its white bile everywhere."
117
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,149
"Toner liquid oozed from its gaping bowels."
118
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,713
No, no, no, no!
119
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,070
"Gushed, lava-like...
120
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,760
from its... gaping bowels."
121
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,075
Everything all right, Col?
122
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,077
Oh, yeah, yeah, delirious, yeah.
123
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:14,910
I spent the entire morning photocopying
complaints from a Mr G W Pemberton.
124
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,600
The entire 1971 file, full of it. Look!
125
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:22,110
Here's one about the 9:45
from Tilbury South.
126
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,993
The 17:45 from Theydon Bois.
127
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,554
The sandwiches on the
eight o'clock to Colchester.
128
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,558
The sausage rolls on
the 10:15 back from Colchester.
129
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,188
No luggage trolleys at Gidea Park.
130
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:38,472
Being called a... fat dildo by
a guard at South Romford.
131
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,992
Oh, yes!
132
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,157
Finding a dead squirrel in his
left-luggage locker at Fenchurch Street.
133
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:49,028
Look at it. Piles of the stuff! Does he own
shares in Basildon Bond or something?
134
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,277
Look, Col, I, er, had a word
with Travers this morning.
135
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,879
- Oh, yes?
- Yeah.
136
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,956
Said you was enjoying this so much
137
00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:00,835
that me and Graham didn't mind if you
hogged all the photocopying from now on.
138
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:03,315
Oh, the wit of Millwall supporters.
139
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,556
Cheer up, Col. Coming down
the Feathers tonight after work?
140
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,638
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm going straight home tonight.
141
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,796
I see. Bloody poof!
142
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,437
Wild horses wouldn't drag me
down that sweat-hole tonight.
143
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,916
No, I've got it all worked out.
No writing tonight.
144
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,076
I'm going to have a bath,
145
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,236
a long, hot bath.
146
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,158
And I'm not talking about
your common-or-garden bath.
147
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,238
I'm talking about an hour-long rim-lapper.
148
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,673
I'm going to lie there and stew
149
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,075
until I'm covered in wrinkles.
150
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,749
Let's see what's on
the old agenda tonight.
151
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,913
World Cup Highlights -
The Past 50 Years.
152
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,349
Have a prawn cocktail with that, I think.
153
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:54,713
Then there's the chicken Kiev, that should see
us through The Return of Sherlock Holmes.
154
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,837
Then the gooseberry fool
with the Marx Brothers at 10:30.
155
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:03,276
And then...
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
156
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:07,439
Yes, if I've got space left,
I'll finish off the truffles during that.
157
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:08,595
Eeh!
158
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,794
Mm!
159
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,558
Mmm!
160
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,436
Bastards!!!
161
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,589
You've seen The Good, The Bad
and The Ugly 12 times!
162
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,711
I wanted to see it a 13th.
163
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,308
Well, I told you we were going
out tonight last Sunday.
164
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,715
Blackheath! Bloody Blackheath!
165
00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:00,436
There is a world out there beyond the bottle
bank at the end of your street, you know.
166
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,472
Oh, but you had Richard and Sarah
over only last week.
167
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,556
They're going away
for three months on Friday
168
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,955
and they wanted to get their
outstanding invites out of the way.
169
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,355
The hate "owing" dinners.
Would you keep still?!
170
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,268
If they hate owing dinners so much,
why don't we just charge 'em then, eh?
171
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,152
They wouldn't owe us anything, would they?
172
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,714
Tenner each and give them a couple
of peppermints on the way out.
173
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,400
Oh, yes, why have any
social intercourse at all?
174
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,592
We could all just gather round a trough
each week and grunt at each other.
175
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,359
- Look, we need some wine.
- Yeah, there's some in the fridge.
176
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,073
Hmm? Yep.
177
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,829
I really love the spontaneity
of your social life, you know.
178
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,799
You should be like the Gas Board.
Send out reminders, you know.
179
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,275
"You'll be owing us dinner shortly.
180
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,789
You'll be owing us dinner very shortly."
181
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,832
And the final demand, "If we don't hear
from you within the next 24 hours,
182
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,633
we'll be on your front doorstep at
seven o'clock on the dot tomorrow night
183
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,070
expecting a ten-course
banquet and witty repartee."
184
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,395
All right, I'll go on my own.
185
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,590
Sorry. It's my fault.
186
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,190
I just fantasised the whole day about
having a nice evening in, that's all.
187
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,834
Look, I don't particularly want to go either,
188
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,838
but it's just that Sarah's been given
this fantastic assignment in Bengal.
189
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,633
I mean, naturally she wants to share
the celebrations with all her friends.
190
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,830
Yeah. What, Richard off as well, is he?
191
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,951
Oh, yes, he's going to take
an unpaid sabbatical.
192
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,794
This trip's a once in a lifetime. How they're
going to afford it, though, I don't know?
193
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,354
They've only just bought
this place in Blackheath.
194
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,869
So what are they going to do in Bengal
for three months, then?
195
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,514
Well, Sarah will be going round
the towns and villages.
196
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,030
Some fashion house wants
Indian themes for its autumn collection.
197
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:36,597
Yes. Off to India, eh?
I do love these crazes, don't you?
198
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,393
Try a vindaloo, see a couple
of episodes of Jewel In The Crown
199
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,990
and they're hanging out the portholes
of every 747 between here and Delhi.
200
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,076
I hope they remember
to have their jabs.
201
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,555
We don't want them catching any
of those "frightful diseases", do we?
202
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,717
It's scorching hot over there, but I've no
doubt they'll find a half-decent wine bar
203
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,512
somewhere in Calcutta.
204
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,792
Yes! Move over, Mother Teresa, here come
the missionaries of Saint Habitat the Faithful
205
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,196
and Saint Benetton the Innocent,
clicking away with their Nikons.
206
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,788
Let's just hope the starving millions
keep their best side to camera.
207
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,036
- Finished?
- No, and...
208
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,957
- I'm worried.
- About what?
209
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,469
Well, their having
a whopping great mortgage
210
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,319
and Richard taking all that time off
to go to India!
211
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,000
I wish there was some way in
which we could help. I've got it!
212
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,712
- What?
- Venables-fam.
213
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:18,955
What are you on about?
214
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,957
You know those cardigans
I was going to take down the Oxfam shop?
215
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,514
We could start a fund for Richard
and Sarah Venables, couldn't we?
216
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:27,872
I could run off some leaflets at work and
shove 'em through doors this evening.
217
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,834
No, no, I think we should pull together
to help them across this really tough stage.
218
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:36,317
It must be awful. I mean, what with the new
conservatory and the Swedish kitchen.
219
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,749
It must be traumatic.
I don't know how they cope with it.
220
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,838
They've probably been
reduced to buying plonk!
221
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,351
I'll get Richard and Sarah to sit in the stocks
and you can pelt them with rotten tomatoes.
222
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,790
And these bloody labels!!
I mean, what do they do with them?!
223
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,798
Use Superglue? Spot-weld them on?
224
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,469
Why don't they just engrave
the bloody price in the glass?
225
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,559
No, better still, Tesco's
could ring up Richard and Sarah
226
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:03,797
and tell them that our bottle
of Frascati cost �1.99!
227
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,277
Colin, shut up! God, you're being
foul tonight. Snap out of it!
228
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,630
Sorry, I've had a bitch
of a week, that's all.
229
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,469
That is why you should get out tonight
and meet some fresh faces.
230
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,593
I am going to be lumbered with a cataclysmic
bore. I can feel it in my bones.
231
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:22,679
You never know, you might actually meet
someone riveting who'll change your life.
232
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,078
Now on a weekday you won't make
South Mimms in under 20 minutes.
233
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:32,273
Saturdays, it's gonna take you half
an hour to get off the Reigate bypass.
234
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,709
Then there's roadworks
all the way from Denham,
235
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,798
and, of course, if you go
anti-clockwise, you get the Dartford Tunnel.
236
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,434
Try that on a Friday evening -
it's murder!
237
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,791
All the way to South Ockendon -
it'll have you slashing your wrists.
238
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:48,232
- No, I'm an A25 man every time.
- I see.
239
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:52,638
Mind you, there's one thing I don't like about
the A25 and that's the mini-roundabouts.
240
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,594
- I've never seen the point of mini-roundabouts.
- No.
241
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,917
All you get is all this white splodge
in the middle of the road.
242
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,157
I don't know why you don't have a
good, solid traffic light, get it over with.
243
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,751
Mind you, you'd need two sets of traffic lights.
One for the traffic going one way...
244
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,678
Why spend millions of pounds on Trident...
245
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:15,794
One for traffic going the other. No, hang on,
you'd need four, wouldn't you? Think about it.
246
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,390
... when this guy could wipe out
half of Leningrad in an afternoon?
247
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,353
- Top-up, Colin?
- Mm? Oh! Thanks, yeah.
248
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,434
Ted?
249
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,030
Er, actually, no.
I'll take a raincheck. Nature calls.
250
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:34,551
Upstairs, second on the right.
If you want any more, Colin, help yourself.
251
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,113
Thanks a lot.
252
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,118
It's not exactly Chateau Lafite,
but with the new kitchen and the trip to India,
253
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,959
we're having to make do with the old plonk.
254
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,957
- I saw you got lumbered with old Ted.
- Yes, he, erm...
255
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,640
He certainly knows his M25, doesn't he?
256
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,799
He's got a heart of gold, actually.
As long as you get him in small doses.
257
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,992
What does he, erm,
what does he actually do for a living?
258
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,116
Oh, he's in the SAS.
259
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,559
Richard!
260
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,033
Coming.
261
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,835
It's a quarter to ten.
When the hell's the food coming?
262
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,836
I saw that.
263
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,669
The greatest kick I get
is looking for fresh talent.
264
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,951
We're desperate for good
short story writers at the moment.
265
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:32,278
There's me bumbling on about stupid
roundabouts! I never asked you what you did.
266
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,472
- Erm, I work for British Rail.
- Yeah.
267
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:40,720
Horror is a totally underrated genre. It's
an art form so few people have mastered.
268
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,637
I wish I could get over to him.
269
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,036
Yeah, well, I'm fascinated by
British Rail. Which department?
270
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,230
- Passenger Relations.
- Wow!
271
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,433
Central are pestering us for someone
to write a series on the macabre.
272
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,836
- I bet you've got a lot of funny stories?
- Erm, not really, no.
273
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,758
It's got to be someone new,
someone with a new angle.
274
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,393
This is agony!
275
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,397
- Tell us one, then.
- Shut up!
276
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,511
- What?
- One of your stories.
277
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,677
For all we know, right here
in this room, at this very moment,
278
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,792
there may be a new
Roald Dahl or Edgar Allan Poe.
279
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,718
I bet the British public's
a real bugger to deal with.
280
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,432
Well, sometimes, yeah...
281
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,710
It's me! I'm over here!
282
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,354
Yes, sure. I've got to go soon, anyway.
283
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,516
He's on his own. Oh, hell!
284
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,995
If you don't want to talk about it,
I'll understand.
285
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,714
- I suppose you're up to here with it all day.
- Ah, no, no, no, no, no...
286
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,435
Ted, you haven't spoken to me all evening?
Have I got the plague or something?
287
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,518
Right, Watkins. Who dares wins.
288
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,635
- Hello there.
- Oh, hello.
289
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,433
You a... You a friend of Sarah's?
290
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,120
- No. Richard.
- Oh! Oh, Richard?
291
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:51,148
- Where do you know Richard from then?
- At the Edinburgh Festival, years ago.
292
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:56,593
He was in some student production
and I gave him the most awful review.
293
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,995
- We've been friends ever since.
- Ah!
294
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,396
Look, I couldn't help overhearing what
you were saying to that woman just now
295
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,717
- about horror writing and the macabre.
- Yeah.
296
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,479
Well... Well, it just so happens...
297
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,989
- John! Your cab's here!
- Good Lord, already?
298
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:17,079
I'm awfully sorry. Had no idea of the time.
Sorry it's been so brief.
299
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,876
I didn't even catch his name.
300
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,754
It was John Langley.
You know, of Langley and Edison.
301
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,270
Langley and Edison the publishers? Strewth!
302
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,632
Well, why don't you phone him, then? I mean,
I could get his number off Richard tomorrow.
303
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,593
- What, phone him? Me? Out of the blue?
- Yes.
304
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,235
Hm. Why don't I just phone up
Rajiv Gandhi while I'm about it?
305
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,352
"Hello, Raj, me old mate. Having
a bit of trouble with the Sikhs, are you?
306
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,392
Fancy popping down the Feathers
for a swift half tonight? Oh!
307
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,193
You don't know me.
My name's Colin Watkins by the way."
308
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,754
So what are you gonna do
with your writing then?
309
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,519
I mean, you can't just spill coffee
over it the rest of your life.
310
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,518
And if you've got it,
you've got to damn well flaunt it.
311
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,791
Oi, more gherkins and stop
pussyfooting with the mayonnaise!
312
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,388
Look, I know what I'll do, I'll write to him.
313
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,274
- I'll send him a copy of The Orchid's Revenge.
- Well, it's the only one you've finished.
314
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:16,190
It'll just sit there for six months gathering
dust along with all the other stuff they get.
315
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,595
Look, there's only one way, Colin.
316
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,870
Look, I can't. I don't know him.
317
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,190
I'll think about it, OK?
318
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,549
Mm!
319
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,148
There we are, Mr Travers. All done.
320
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,875
And, to be honest, it's the most
tedious thing I've done in my entire life.
321
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,638
Yes!
322
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,991
Well done, Colin.
This hasn't gone unnoticed.
323
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,554
Oh, good! I'm going to get
a Blue Peter badge.
324
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,353
Ah, these are the originals here.
325
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,597
And these... these are
the copies over... over here.
326
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,029
And, as you can see,
they're all in alphabetical order.
327
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,354
Yes.
328
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:03,799
Oh!
329
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,753
"Oh?" What's "Oh?" supposed to mean?
330
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,075
What's he tutting for?
331
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,873
He did say photocopy them,
didn't he?
332
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,560
Well, of course he did!
I mean, what else could I do with them?
333
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,353
Take them on a trip
round Windsor Safari Park?
334
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,471
There's a wee problem, Colin.
335
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,636
I want to die!
336
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,878
The whole point of getting you to make copies
was I wanted a separate file for date order.
337
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,150
So we have one alphabetical
and one date order,
338
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,397
starting from January 1961
up to the present day.
339
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,988
One lot's going to have to be
completely refiled.
340
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,788
- What, all of them?
- Yes!
341
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,199
By the way, what do you do, Colin?
342
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:48,233
For all we know, right here
in this room at this very moment,
343
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,989
there might be another
Roald Dahl or Edgar Allen Poe.
344
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,590
If you've got it,
you've gotta damn well flaunt it!
345
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,033
Hello. Jen?
346
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,275
'Colin? '
347
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,119
Look, that guy John Langley.
I've got to meet him.
348
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,869
Oh? Right, I'll get his number
off Richard then.
349
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,353
'No, no, no, no, no! '
350
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,471
That's too out of the blue.
Look, I was thinking,
351
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,875
you couldn't organise one of
your little dinner parties, could you,
352
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,956
and sort of arrange for him to come?
353
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,355
'Yeah, but I hardly know him myself.'
354
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:23,029
Besides, I can't do any entertaining for the
next few weeks. I've got the decorators in.
355
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,513
What, again?
You've only just had it done.
356
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,155
Well, it looked OK on the colour chart.
I've sort of gone off it since.
357
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,397
Thank God she wasn't in charge
of the Sistine Chapel!
358
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,512
"Sorry, Michelangelo,
not quite what we had in mind."
359
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:38,394
Look, I'll tell you what, Colin.
Let's make a deal.
360
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,115
I fix it for John Langley to come to dinner
and you have the dinner at your place.
361
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,118
'Oh, come on, Jen! Be serious.'
362
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,992
Well, I'm being perfectly serious.
363
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:49,350
- Yeah, but I mean, I've never...
- 'Never what? '
364
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,313
- I mean, have a dinner party, me?
- 'Yes.'
365
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,635
You mean... you mean
actually have people over?
366
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,274
Well, you could try
orang-outangs if you like.
367
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,595
- Yeah, but I mean...
- 'But what? '
368
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,073
Er!
369
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,953
There. My tablecloth
makes a hell of a difference.
370
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,355
A prostitute, that's what I am!
371
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,711
Nothing more, nothing less.
It's contrived, it's cheap and I hate it.
372
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:14,755
Look, if anyone's doing the touting it's me.
I mean, as far as John Langley's concerned,
373
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,792
this dinner party is mainly so his
company and mine can renew links.
374
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,911
Renew links, my arse!
375
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:24,352
He'll see it for what it is - an artifice to
set up some hack with delusions of grandeur.
376
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,597
Why don't I just sleep with him
and get it over with?
377
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,393
Avocado salad, fish terrine.
378
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,911
Well, well! This really looks quite good.
There's another side to you, Colin Watkins.
379
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,271
Yes, it's called Marks and Spencer's,
Kilburn High Road.
380
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,234
- I still don't see why you had to invite Des.
- Des is an old friend of mine.
381
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:45,397
I can't have a dinner party at my place
for the first time and not invite Des.
382
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,159
He makes you feel cosier,
that's what it is.
383
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:53,070
I feel easy in his presence, if that's what you
mean. He's genuine. He doesn't have airs.
384
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,033
The moment you're nervous
you have to cling on to something.
385
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,038
It's like Linus and his blanket.
Out comes Des.
386
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,390
You're just anti-Des, aren't you?
387
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:05,069
No, I'm not. It's just that...
Well, it's mixing the wrong people.
388
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:09,751
- I don't see where Des fits in, quite frankly.
- Oh, God! I am dreading this, dreading it.
389
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,038
- I can't go through with it.
- What are you doing?
390
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,232
- I'm ringing up to cancel.
- You can't cancel!
391
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,670
That poor man has come 15 miles
across London to have dinner with us.
392
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,429
Fine. We'll send it over to him in a minicab.
I'm sorry, Jen, I can't go through with it.
393
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:29,235
Do you realise the lengths I've been to
to get him over here? I did it for you.
394
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,875
Because I care. Thanks a lot!
395
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,673
Look, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, Jen.
396
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,950
I didn't, erm... I...
397
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,195
I didn't mean to sound ungrateful.
398
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,313
I mean, it's my fault for suggesting
the whole thing in the first place!
399
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,749
Look, it'll be fine.
400
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,509
Oh, God! It's going to be so stilted,
so awkward.
401
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,718
Oh, well, all aboard the Titanic.
402
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,353
No, no, no. It was our fault entirely.
403
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:08,109
Your company's promotional work
was exactly as we'd briefed you.
404
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,834
We just made the wrong
decision from the start.
405
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,997
Well, as I said, if you feel the need for
a commercial push any time in the future,
406
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:18,113
- do come to us first.
- Of course. This is delicious, by the way.
407
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,629
Can't beat old MandS, can you?
408
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:29,236
I'm awfully sorry, Colin, we've been talking
shop all evening, and in your flat as well.
409
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:31,635
So what about you, then?
410
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,355
Jenny tells me you've been doing
some writing in your spare time.
411
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,710
Well, just a, er...
412
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,115
few doodles, you know,
that sort of thing.
413
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,915
She said you've been having
a go at horror stories.
414
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,996
Did she? Mm!
415
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,157
Well, some people would call
my writing pretty horrific.
416
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,475
I'll get some more mayonnaise...
417
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,431
- I'll give you a hand.
- I'm fine, thanks.
418
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,312
I said, I'll give you a hand!
419
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,951
- What are you playing at?
- It's the...
420
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,514
- Why didn't you say anything about the writing?
- It was the wrong moment!
421
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,949
The wrong moment?
He asked you outright.
422
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,038
It took me by surprise. It came out
of the blue. I wasn't geared up for it!
423
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,152
All you had to do was give
a simple answer to a simple question.
424
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,475
It's tactless to do it
so early in the evening.
425
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,434
Let the poor man have his starter before we
hit him with the real reason he's been invited.
426
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:21,712
"Excuse me, Mr Langley, would you like some
ulterior motive with your prawn cocktail?"
427
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,116
Look, Jen, we've got
the whole evening ahead of us.
428
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,708
Please leave it to me.
I do know what I'm doing.
429
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,195
- Mayonnaise?
- Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
430
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,519
...Then the paperbacks and
then the inevitable omnibus edition.
431
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:40,633
Once it starts, it's a real juggernaut.
Anyway...
432
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,320
my problem right now
is looking for new writers.
433
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,908
You want to see some of the stuff
that ends up on my desk.
434
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:50,352
What I wouldn't give to sit there one morning
and receive a manuscript
435
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,914
that's just that little bit different.
436
00:25:58,400 --> 00:25:59,719
Aah!
437
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,229
Colin, you've got something to say,
haven't you?
438
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,157
Ye... Ye...
439
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,153
There's some little fish bones in there.
They're real little devils.
440
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,840
- Just leave them on the side of the plate.
- No, about writing.
441
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,154
Oh!
442
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,475
I'm sorry, darling.
I'll give you a wipe down.
443
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,192
I bought this sweater only last week.
Look at it!
444
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,039
What the hell's the matter now?
He handed it to you on a plate.
445
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,390
Exactly, the whole moment was
totally contrived. It would have stunk.
446
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,954
Oh, you are the limit, you really are.
Just a wipe-down, by the way, Colin.
447
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,072
- I don't need a bath!
- Look, there is such a thing as subtlety.
448
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,237
Or perhaps I should have hired a rhinoceros
to trample him to death for the evening!
449
00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,954
You realise you're blowing it, don't you?
450
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,233
Look, it wasn't on, Jen, not then.
451
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,238
It's supposed to be a sociable evening,
not the Grand National.
452
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:53,273
Colin, if you don't go out there right now and
broach the subject, I'm going to do it for you.
453
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,073
- No, no! No, Jen, please.
- Right then.
454
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,997
No! Jen! Jen! Jen!
455
00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,749
- Is everything all right out there?
- Ah, fine, thanks!
456
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,111
- If it hadn't been for us I don't know what...
- That's better.
457
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,994
Thank God for the old vino.
Works wonders.
458
00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,793
I could ask him anything now.
459
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,151
Don't fancy casual sex, John, do you?
460
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,158
How are the old bowel movements,
by the way?
461
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,430
Right, come on, Des, stop rabbiting.
462
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,755
...By the time the council had
found a permanent site for them,
463
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,314
the Gypsies' problems
had mostly been solved.
464
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,829
- Unbelievable.
- Sorry to interrupt, John, just going back...
465
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,191
And just think what would have happened
if they'd tried evicting them earlier.
466
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,312
Oh, I am sorry. Am I in the way here?
467
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,556
They would never have
ended up on that estate.
468
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,989
- So you were assigned to them for six months?
- Yeah.
469
00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:43,715
I had to live in at one point.
On one side you had a family who'd lived...
470
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,273
Des!
471
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,834
...all their life and right next door...
472
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,393
Des!
473
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,195
...had spent a lifetime of utter rootlessness.
- Amazing isn't it, Colin?
474
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,312
There are pockets in our society
we simply have no concept of.
475
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,351
Staggering!
476
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,355
Half an hour!
477
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,436
Thirty-one minutes!
478
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,597
I mean, what are they doing -
chatting for charity?
479
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,269
There's been no hiatus whatsoever,
no gap.
480
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,358
Their conversation has been
completely seamless.
481
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:20,031
What am I supposed to say? "Excuse me,
can I pop in after the next semi-colon?"
482
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:21,991
You're in charge!
483
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,156
Perhaps I should just mug him.
484
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,829
Look, go and take the coffee out.
That should break things up.
485
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,273
Fascinating!
486
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,551
So you could compare
both families side-by-side.
487
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,033
Coffee?
488
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,709
Do you think the actual condition of the
houses on the estate has an effect?
489
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,159
Coffee?
490
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,635
Difficult to say. Given a whole year,
we might have been able to tell...
491
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,637
Coffee, tea, anyone?
492
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,753
There were definite signs that both
breadwinners were returning to the fold.
493
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:53,077
- Brandy? Tia Maria? After Eights?
- What, after all that time?
494
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,397
And their wives had started
becoming faithful again.
495
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,398
- Raw plug? Boeing 747?
- In the end the council had no choice.
496
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:01,909
- Brazilian fruit bat?
- They had to give in.
497
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,713
Astonishing!
498
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:09,630
You know, Des, I'm going to
give you my... work number.
499
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,719
If you ever find time to get
your experiences down on paper,
500
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,751
I'd be thrilled to have a look.
501
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:23,032
Well, that was a most enjoyable evening,
Colin. Thanks again.
502
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,037
- Erm, John...
- Yes?
503
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,279
You know the way to the Tube station,
don't you?
504
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,755
Yes, I came that way.
505
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:35,839
Bye!
506
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,272
Great evening, Col.
Nice bloke that John Langley.
507
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,153
Aaah!
508
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,669
- I'm going after him.
- What?
509
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,394
- I'm gonna catch him at the Tube station.
- You're joking?
510
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,954
I'm going up to pretend I'm going
to Victoria for the Sunday papers.
511
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,674
- Want me to come, Col?
- No!!!
512
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,079
I know exactly what he'll do.
513
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,795
He'll sidle up to him on the platform,
get on the train with him,
514
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:20,072
chat all the way to Victoria
about how bad the Jubilee Line is,
515
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,909
and then he'll come back here and
tell me they've run out of Sunday Times.
516
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,198
Well?
517
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,196
No Observers.
518
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:55,100