1 00:00:03,658 --> 00:00:05,318 - I'm really glad we're doing this show again. 2 00:00:05,522 --> 00:00:07,352 When we started, we were just kids having fun, 3 00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:08,973 but now we can make a real impact. 4 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,149 You know, push culture forward. 5 00:00:10,389 --> 00:00:11,489 - Can you help me take this off? 6 00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:12,250 - Yeah. 7 00:00:14,186 --> 00:00:15,876 There we go. 8 00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:18,046 Wow, you're already getting a ton of likes 9 00:00:18,087 --> 00:00:19,537 on your bunny makeup tutorial. 10 00:00:20,917 --> 00:00:22,467 - I'm not doing this for likes. 11 00:00:22,505 --> 00:00:24,325 I'm doing this to connect with people. 12 00:00:24,369 --> 00:00:26,099 To lift up, to inspire. 13 00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:28,581 It's not about me. 14 00:00:28,994 --> 00:00:29,934 But what are they saying about me? 15 00:00:31,859 --> 00:00:33,759 - "Fire," "Straight fire," "That's lit," 16 00:00:34,137 --> 00:00:36,927 "I love fire," "Burn everything"...wait. 17 00:00:37,589 --> 00:00:39,039 - Are there any that aren't about fire? 18 00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:41,902 - Yeah, here's one, but you know what? 19 00:00:42,111 --> 00:00:43,321 I'm not gonna read it. 20 00:00:43,353 --> 00:00:44,703 - What is it? Just tell me. 21 00:00:44,734 --> 00:00:47,434 - Don't freak out, but it looks like your hater is back. 22 00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:49,571 - iHateCarly57. 23 00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:50,953 - There's always gonna be haters 24 00:00:50,981 --> 00:00:51,981 that try to tear you down, 25 00:00:52,017 --> 00:00:52,947 but you know what I say to them? 26 00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:55,609 I say, "Mom, I'm doing my best!" 27 00:00:57,436 --> 00:00:59,086 - I can handle the haters. 28 00:00:59,128 --> 00:01:00,918 I've had haters since I was 12. 29 00:01:01,268 --> 00:01:03,548 But this person is relentless. 30 00:01:03,994 --> 00:01:06,724 They make fun of what I wear, what I eat, what I drink. 31 00:01:07,481 --> 00:01:09,661 I'm starting to second-guess everything. 32 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,170 Do you think my walk is funny? 33 00:01:11,761 --> 00:01:13,281 - For a bunny or a person? 34 00:01:15,144 --> 00:01:16,664 - And the worst part is, 35 00:01:16,904 --> 00:01:18,294 at the end of all of their comments, 36 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:19,389 they say, "Do better." 37 00:01:19,424 --> 00:01:20,984 - Ugh. - It's like, "Do better? 38 00:01:21,184 --> 00:01:22,364 How about you do better?" 39 00:01:23,186 --> 00:01:24,076 - At least they're not threatening 40 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,148 to break into your bedroom 41 00:01:25,188 --> 00:01:26,878 and braid your hair like that other weirdo. 42 00:01:27,535 --> 00:01:29,915 - Yeah, but in all fairness, that hair braiding Instagram 43 00:01:29,951 --> 00:01:31,191 is, quite frankly, spectacular. 44 00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:35,794 - Ooh, y'all doing, like, a furry thing? 45 00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:36,918 - Yep. - No. 46 00:01:37,269 --> 00:01:38,269 - Don't worry, I'm not here 47 00:01:38,305 --> 00:01:39,815 to kink-shame your fursona. 48 00:01:40,376 --> 00:01:41,546 - Hey, aren't you supposed to be on a brunch date? 49 00:01:41,756 --> 00:01:43,586 - Oh, no, I didn't go. He gave me the ick. 50 00:01:43,827 --> 00:01:46,347 - What's the ick? - The ultimate turn-off. 51 00:01:46,382 --> 00:01:47,902 You can be totally into someone, 52 00:01:47,935 --> 00:01:50,135 then you see one bad improv show... 53 00:01:50,179 --> 00:01:51,839 - Or they're way too into theme parks. 54 00:01:52,733 --> 00:01:54,113 - Or fiscal irresponsibility. 55 00:01:57,462 --> 00:01:59,362 - Listen to us. We sound awful. 56 00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:02,023 There's just too much negativity in the world. 57 00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,295 Which is why I'm going to respond 58 00:02:04,331 --> 00:02:06,571 to this iHateCarly57 person 59 00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:08,511 with love and light. 60 00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:09,512 - Love and light? 61 00:02:09,543 --> 00:02:12,133 I'm more of a block and report guy myself. 62 00:02:12,649 --> 00:02:14,619 - I'm going to embrace them, 63 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,519 not physically, but spiritually. 64 00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:20,167 Their profile picture's the Space Needle, 65 00:02:20,209 --> 00:02:20,969 so they're local. 66 00:02:21,348 --> 00:02:22,348 Maybe we'll even meet up. 67 00:02:22,383 --> 00:02:25,393 - Yeah, nice afternoon at the farmers' market, 68 00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:26,911 picking out artisanal jam 69 00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:27,629 with someone who can't stand you. 70 00:02:27,664 --> 00:02:28,184 [phone dings] 71 00:02:28,389 --> 00:02:30,809 - Oh, they already replied. 72 00:02:31,427 --> 00:02:33,387 With "Do better." 73 00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:36,225 To my olive branch. 74 00:02:37,122 --> 00:02:38,192 Oh, I'll do better. 75 00:02:38,779 --> 00:02:40,709 I'll lodge that branch so far up-- 76 00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:42,681 - Ah, yes, love and light. 77 00:02:44,578 --> 00:02:48,818 - "Skybucks, today, 2:00 p.m. 78 00:02:48,858 --> 00:02:49,548 "Be there. 79 00:02:50,722 --> 00:02:52,032 "Unless it's inconvenient for you, 80 00:02:52,068 --> 00:02:53,238 in which case we can reschedule." 81 00:02:56,106 --> 00:02:58,206 - ♪ I know you see 82 00:02:58,247 --> 00:03:00,767 ♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪ 83 00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:04,221 [together] ♪ And be so wonderful 84 00:03:04,253 --> 00:03:08,193 - ♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪ 85 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:09,882 [together] ♪ It's your time to be 86 00:03:09,913 --> 00:03:12,883 - ♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪ 87 00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:15,506 ♪ And the time to see the brighter side ♪ 88 00:03:15,540 --> 00:03:18,780 ♪ Of every situation 89 00:03:18,819 --> 00:03:20,439 ♪ Some things are meant to be ♪ 90 00:03:20,476 --> 00:03:25,306 ♪ So give me your best and leave the rest to me ♪ 91 00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:27,693 [upbeat music] 92 00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:30,384 - All right, I've got eyes on the entrance. 93 00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:32,447 - Why are you talking into your sleeve? 94 00:03:32,729 --> 00:03:34,079 - Why are you wearing a fake mustache? 95 00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,350 - I like the mystery. 96 00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:41,637 - You seem really excited to just be at a coffee place. 97 00:03:41,945 --> 00:03:45,115 - Yeah, because I can't wait to meet the person 98 00:03:45,155 --> 00:03:47,155 who always tells you to, "Do better." 99 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,328 So good. 100 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,513 - It could be any of these people. 101 00:03:52,922 --> 00:03:54,612 - Don't worry, any sign of trouble, 102 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,370 I brought a taser and some pepper spray. 103 00:03:56,822 --> 00:03:59,202 - That definitely won't be necessary. 104 00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:00,445 We're just gonna talk. 105 00:04:00,999 --> 00:04:02,169 I'm gonna go around and look for him. 106 00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:05,249 Remember, be inconspicuous. - Mm-hmm. 107 00:04:05,555 --> 00:04:06,795 Oh, I got eyes on a suspect. 108 00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:08,012 - Oh, she's shady. - Let's take her down. 109 00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:11,770 - Hey, Harper, have you seen anyone acting suspicious. 110 00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:13,912 - Yeah, those two MENSA candidates. 111 00:04:15,393 --> 00:04:17,743 You know, on the one hand, I'm annoyed 112 00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:19,334 that you're doing this at my place of work. 113 00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:20,979 But on the other hand, thank you 114 00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:22,119 for giving me a front row seat 115 00:04:22,158 --> 00:04:25,268 to something that is sure to be a total disaster. 116 00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:26,473 I'm here for you, 117 00:04:27,197 --> 00:04:28,407 Oh, but that guy's a good tipper. Bye. 118 00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:36,379 - Oh, my God. 119 00:04:36,414 --> 00:04:37,624 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, 120 00:04:37,932 --> 00:04:38,972 It's Nora Dershlit. 121 00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:41,322 - Who's Nora Dershlit? - She's a lunatic! 122 00:04:41,350 --> 00:04:43,280 She kidnapped us and locked us in our basement twice. 123 00:04:43,628 --> 00:04:44,318 Freddie made out with her. 124 00:04:44,594 --> 00:04:45,944 - Nah, she kissed me. 125 00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:47,245 I was an innocent bystander. 126 00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,631 - I will not call her Mom. 127 00:04:51,705 --> 00:04:53,425 - Carly? [gasps] 128 00:04:53,707 --> 00:04:54,467 - Leave it to me! 129 00:04:55,053 --> 00:04:57,993 Aha! [grunts] 130 00:04:58,021 --> 00:04:59,441 Ahh, tingles! 131 00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:05,340 - Oh, I thought that was you. 132 00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:08,236 Hey, Fredward. 133 00:05:08,515 --> 00:05:09,925 Love the flavor saver. 134 00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:13,493 - I should have guessed you were iHateCarly57. 135 00:05:13,761 --> 00:05:14,691 - What? 136 00:05:14,728 --> 00:05:17,658 I don't hate you. I think you're great. 137 00:05:17,696 --> 00:05:21,146 But not in a creepy, stalky, "gonna lock you up 138 00:05:21,182 --> 00:05:23,532 and keep you as my personal prisoner" kind of way. 139 00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:27,954 That was old Nora. New Nora is in a good place. 140 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,191 New Nora really worked on herself. 141 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:33,506 - Ahh! 142 00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:35,646 Say hello to Señor Pepper Spray! 143 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,370 Ahh! 144 00:05:38,407 --> 00:05:39,127 Don't worry! 145 00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:42,575 The salt will neutralize the pepper spray! 146 00:05:44,171 --> 00:05:44,861 Oh, God, I was so wrong! 147 00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:47,733 - Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, right here, right here! 148 00:05:48,175 --> 00:05:49,725 - Your friends have to leave! 149 00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:52,943 - They're not my friends! I don't know these people. 150 00:05:52,973 --> 00:05:53,663 - Sorry, Harper. 151 00:05:54,423 --> 00:05:55,183 - Lucky guess. 152 00:05:57,287 --> 00:05:59,047 - Can I have a banana nut muffin to go? 153 00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:00,812 - Sure. You got the last one. 154 00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:03,117 - Oh, I was gonna order the same. 155 00:06:04,847 --> 00:06:06,747 - Oh, I'm sorry. 156 00:06:07,228 --> 00:06:08,398 You know what? You take it. 157 00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:10,993 - Oh, I can't take your banana nut muffin. 158 00:06:11,336 --> 00:06:13,196 - No, really, take it. 159 00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:14,885 And you can have my coffee too. 160 00:06:14,926 --> 00:06:16,956 And I think I might have some almonds in my purse. 161 00:06:17,238 --> 00:06:18,718 - That's really nice of you, but I'm good. 162 00:06:19,309 --> 00:06:20,759 - Well, at least we can share it. 163 00:06:21,242 --> 00:06:21,732 Here. 164 00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:25,700 - Wow, maybe we could share a table too? 165 00:06:26,282 --> 00:06:27,872 - I really shouldn't be flirting right now. 166 00:06:28,629 --> 00:06:29,669 I'm kind of on a mission. 167 00:06:29,699 --> 00:06:31,459 - Sounds serious. - It is. 168 00:06:31,494 --> 00:06:32,744 I'm trying to find some jerk 169 00:06:33,151 --> 00:06:34,841 who keeps posting mean things about me online. 170 00:06:34,877 --> 00:06:36,837 - Why would somebody post mean stuff about you? 171 00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:37,776 - It's dumb. 172 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,160 I'm Carly of "iCarly." 173 00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:41,818 I have a channel online. 174 00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:43,823 Have you heard of the Internet? 175 00:06:45,094 --> 00:06:46,854 - Oh, you mean the place where I compulsively look 176 00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:48,169 at real estate and convince myself 177 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,370 that I have every disease imaginable? 178 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:49,999 Yes, I'm familiar. 179 00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:52,721 I'm Justin. 180 00:06:52,757 --> 00:06:54,377 Maybe I can help you find this jerk. 181 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,690 - Excuse me, has anyone seen a mustache? 182 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:01,768 Oh, here it is. 183 00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:03,490 I really hope this is my mustache. 184 00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:09,006 - It's definitely that guy. - Oh, no, that's Freddie. 185 00:07:10,257 --> 00:07:11,737 Hey, would you want to hang out sometime 186 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:13,850 when my weird friends aren't there? 187 00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:15,781 - Yeah, I'd like that. - Yeah? 188 00:07:15,814 --> 00:07:17,264 - Yeah. - Okay, here. 189 00:07:17,298 --> 00:07:19,228 If you could just put your number in my phone. 190 00:07:19,646 --> 00:07:20,436 - Carly? Come on! 191 00:07:21,717 --> 00:07:23,097 We're taking Spencer to the emergency room, 192 00:07:23,132 --> 00:07:24,412 and you need to talk him out of driving. 193 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,764 Let's go. - I'll call you. 194 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:26,790 - Okay. 195 00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:30,311 - How's the muffin? 196 00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:32,448 - Do better. 197 00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:41,218 [upbeat music] 198 00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:42,463 - I followed every lead. 199 00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:43,945 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 200 00:07:44,325 --> 00:07:46,085 - Yeah, why do we have so much red yarn? 201 00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:49,256 - Have you ever seen an HBO drama, Harper? 202 00:07:49,848 --> 00:07:50,848 This is how they catch people. 203 00:07:54,232 --> 00:07:55,302 Lookee here, Nora. 204 00:07:55,336 --> 00:07:55,816 Why were you at the coffee shop, huh, Nora? 205 00:07:56,165 --> 00:07:57,125 They're always low on oat milk. 206 00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:58,746 - Yeah, that's 'cause I steal it for you. 207 00:08:00,894 --> 00:08:02,794 Is that a passport photo of Muffin Man? 208 00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:03,717 Why are you putting him up there? 209 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,038 - He brightens up the place. 210 00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:11,731 - Your stalker game, c'est magnifique. 211 00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:12,277 - It's not stalking. 212 00:08:12,699 --> 00:08:13,769 It's research for our date tonight. 213 00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:16,315 You want to see a satellite picture of his back yard? 214 00:08:16,841 --> 00:08:18,601 - Oh, is that a hot tub? 215 00:08:18,636 --> 00:08:19,596 Okay, I'm good with him. 216 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:22,233 You know, my sciatica. 217 00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:24,190 - Plus, he's never even seen "iCarly." 218 00:08:24,434 --> 00:08:27,234 So he has no preconceived notions about how amazing I am. 219 00:08:27,921 --> 00:08:28,921 He gets to discover it. 220 00:08:30,095 --> 00:08:31,225 - Okay. 221 00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:32,339 Well, just look out for the ick. 222 00:08:35,411 --> 00:08:37,381 - Is anyone home? - Yeah, we're right here. 223 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,550 - Ah, I still can't see! 224 00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:41,208 - Too bad. I'm super naked. 225 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,727 - No, you're not. I'd know. 226 00:08:45,973 --> 00:08:48,113 Being without sight has heightened my other senses. 227 00:08:48,148 --> 00:08:50,148 I'm completely in tune with my surroundings. 228 00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:52,285 Did you rearrange the furniture? 229 00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:56,364 Don't say a word. 230 00:08:57,295 --> 00:08:59,015 I'm honing my sensory skills, 231 00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,465 and I need to do this on my own. 232 00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:06,551 Hello, Millicent. 233 00:09:09,203 --> 00:09:09,833 - It's Freddie. 234 00:09:10,619 --> 00:09:11,859 - [whispering] Is Harper naked? 235 00:09:13,725 --> 00:09:16,725 Now, who wants to help guide me until my sight returns? 236 00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:17,703 - Oh, not it. - Can't. Got a date. 237 00:09:19,455 --> 00:09:22,285 - Thanks for volunteering. - I didn't. 238 00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,633 - No, I could sense that you did. 239 00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:26,597 After all, I gave you seed money 240 00:09:26,635 --> 00:09:27,565 for your first start-up. 241 00:09:29,223 --> 00:09:30,263 - [groans] Fine, I'll help you. 242 00:09:31,018 --> 00:09:31,538 - Thank you. 243 00:09:32,226 --> 00:09:34,126 Now, can you describe the sunset? 244 00:09:37,853 --> 00:09:41,133 - Well, the sun is just touching the horizon, 245 00:09:41,511 --> 00:09:44,791 and as it sinks further, the bright, hot gold 246 00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:48,165 gently fades to a warm, soothing pink. 247 00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,655 - You don't truly appreciate 248 00:09:51,694 --> 00:09:54,114 the miracles that happen every day 249 00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:55,940 till they're taken away. 250 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,430 - Mm. 251 00:09:58,459 --> 00:09:59,499 - Now help me pee. 252 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:04,465 ♪ 253 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,640 - Well, right now, I'm working on my passion project, 254 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:10,056 designing this new shelter for kids experiencing homelessness. 255 00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:12,202 But usually I work on more corporate stuff. 256 00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:13,822 Like this chain of taco restaurants 257 00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:15,654 where I can now eat free for life. 258 00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,584 - Okay, what's the guac situation? 259 00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:19,344 If you say endless, you're perfect. 260 00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:21,691 - That's very sweet, but I'm not. 261 00:10:22,104 --> 00:10:22,864 I'm far from it. 262 00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:25,453 A long time ago, I had a big disappointment, 263 00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,766 and I took it really hard. 264 00:10:28,351 --> 00:10:29,871 You would not have wanted to know me then. 265 00:10:29,905 --> 00:10:32,145 But it drove me to be the person that I am today. 266 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:33,246 - What happened? 267 00:10:34,012 --> 00:10:37,672 - Oh, there was this girl once that kind of broke my heart. 268 00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:39,875 - She sounds terrible. 269 00:10:40,847 --> 00:10:41,877 - I thought so too for a while, 270 00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,637 but she's actually pretty great. 271 00:10:44,298 --> 00:10:45,678 - Okay, now I'm getting a little jealous. 272 00:10:46,093 --> 00:10:47,683 [both laugh] 273 00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:48,606 So how's your paella? 274 00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:52,383 - Mine's delicious. 275 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:53,170 - Nora? 276 00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:54,034 - Hi, guys. 277 00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:55,407 What a coincidence. 278 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,967 Oh, I love this place. 279 00:10:58,278 --> 00:11:00,038 It's so romantic. 280 00:11:00,798 --> 00:11:02,728 - Are you here with anybody? - No. 281 00:11:03,214 --> 00:11:05,184 Should I join you? [squeals] 282 00:11:07,425 --> 00:11:10,355 [chair scraping rhythmically] 283 00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:16,298 I wish they had a guy who played violin here. 284 00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:17,952 Oh, I'll just do it. 285 00:11:21,232 --> 00:11:24,132 [singing like a violin] 286 00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:30,656 ♪ 287 00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:34,590 - And that's why a Roth IRA is a better option for you 288 00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:37,524 than a 401[k]. 289 00:11:37,558 --> 00:11:38,698 - Wow. 290 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,292 I never really knew anything about money. 291 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,010 Other than having a lot of it. 292 00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:47,595 - As promised, all of the dinner rolls. 293 00:11:48,846 --> 00:11:50,676 - Oh, I take it that the date went well? 294 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,300 No ick? 295 00:11:51,607 --> 00:11:52,537 - Not with Justin. 296 00:11:52,573 --> 00:11:54,583 He has such positive energy. 297 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:55,720 It's just contagious. 298 00:11:55,991 --> 00:11:57,231 Nothing can bring me down. 299 00:11:58,994 --> 00:12:01,344 [phone dings] 300 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:02,235 Ugh. It's iHateCarly57. 301 00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:06,000 Oh, my God. I can't believe it. 302 00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:08,345 They just posted something nice about me. 303 00:12:08,555 --> 00:12:11,345 - Aww. - Such a betrayal. 304 00:12:12,628 --> 00:12:14,288 - Things are looking up. 305 00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:16,389 I met a great guy, and I'm so talented, 306 00:12:16,425 --> 00:12:17,765 my nemesis did a 180. 307 00:12:18,289 --> 00:12:19,769 I should write a self-help book called, 308 00:12:19,808 --> 00:12:21,978 "If You're Just Nice to People, They'll Eventually Like You 309 00:12:22,017 --> 00:12:24,637 Because Deep Down, All Humans Are Good at Heart." 310 00:12:26,642 --> 00:12:27,682 I'll come up with a better title. 311 00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:33,166 - Okay, everybody, let's Merengue March. 312 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,440 - Oh, there is nothing like working up a sweat to Zumba. 313 00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:37,756 It's not a workout, it's a party! 314 00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:40,620 Hold me tighter so I don't lose balance. 315 00:12:40,656 --> 00:12:41,796 - I'm trying. 316 00:12:42,313 --> 00:12:43,663 Your sweat's making you slippery. 317 00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:45,213 - I call that Zumba Juice. - Oh. 318 00:12:47,145 --> 00:12:49,485 - Cumbia Crawl! 319 00:12:49,527 --> 00:12:51,667 - This is not I imagined my life going. 320 00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:53,152 - Reggaeton Rump-shaker. 321 00:12:53,186 --> 00:12:54,496 - All right, help me shake my rump. 322 00:12:54,532 --> 00:12:56,262 - Nah. Nah, I'm taking a break. 323 00:12:56,948 --> 00:12:59,468 - Al right, fine. Take a beat. 324 00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:01,682 Hey, maybe go pick up my dry cleaning? 325 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,540 - Are you sure you still can't see? 326 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,536 - Not a thing. I'm sure it'll come back soon. 327 00:13:08,684 --> 00:13:10,584 You know, you're a good friend for doing all this, Freddie. 328 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,593 - I'll go get your dry cleaning. 329 00:13:15,415 --> 00:13:17,275 - Thanks. Whew! 330 00:13:17,313 --> 00:13:18,693 Ooh. 331 00:13:20,006 --> 00:13:22,656 Okay. 332 00:13:22,698 --> 00:13:25,558 A seven letter word for divine occurrence. 333 00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:27,881 Hmm... 334 00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:29,120 - Forgot the dry-cleaner ticket. 335 00:13:30,948 --> 00:13:31,978 - I can see! 336 00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:35,371 It's a miracle! That's seven letters. 337 00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:41,060 - I can't believe you used me. We merengued. 338 00:13:41,372 --> 00:13:44,482 - Okay, I'm sorry. My sight came back earlier. 339 00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:47,343 - Oh, that's great, cause now you can see me kill you. 340 00:13:47,378 --> 00:13:48,858 - Oh, come on, you can't say you didn't enjoy it. 341 00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:50,417 We got to be so close. 342 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:52,730 - Yeah, close enough to get pee on my shoes. 343 00:13:53,798 --> 00:13:55,968 - And no one can take that away from us. 344 00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:02,840 - Welcome to Chez Carly. 345 00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:07,018 This is the dining room, and this is the living room, 346 00:14:09,227 --> 00:14:11,567 and this is my murder board. 347 00:14:12,506 --> 00:14:13,676 That I forgot I had your picture on. 348 00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:18,716 I can explain that. 349 00:14:18,754 --> 00:14:19,274 - Actually, maybe I should be the one to explain 350 00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:19,793 Um... - Wait, wait, wait. 351 00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:21,411 Okay, so you're not into bunnies. 352 00:14:22,102 --> 00:14:23,072 No biggie. 353 00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:25,213 You don't have to leave. - I'm sorry, Harper. 354 00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:26,825 I really like you. 355 00:14:27,073 --> 00:14:30,013 You're smart, fun, interesting, beautiful, 356 00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:32,181 but I got the ick. 357 00:14:35,081 --> 00:14:36,571 - Fair. 358 00:14:36,599 --> 00:14:39,049 Live by the ick, die by the ick. 359 00:14:39,085 --> 00:14:39,665 Sup, y'all? 360 00:14:43,952 --> 00:14:44,882 - Um-- - Hey, Carly. 361 00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,579 I know you're feeling down about your hater, 362 00:14:47,852 --> 00:14:49,132 but look at this way. 363 00:14:49,336 --> 00:14:51,336 Your work provoked a reaction. 364 00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:52,996 I wish I had a hater. 365 00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:55,143 That's the true sign of success. 366 00:14:55,964 --> 00:14:58,694 - Oh, Justin, this is Freddie's daughter, Millicent. 367 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,068 She secretly worships me. - False. 368 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,070 - It's nice to meet you. 369 00:15:03,385 --> 00:15:06,795 Uh, is there some place that I can go P-E-E? 370 00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:09,046 - I can spell, you weirdo. 371 00:15:10,564 --> 00:15:11,984 - Yeah, just right through there. 372 00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:14,776 - Okay. 373 00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:17,230 - Let's play a game. It's called "Go Away." 374 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:20,089 - No, reading these old comments about you 375 00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:20,986 is way more fun. 376 00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:22,676 "Is it a rash? 377 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,794 No, it's iCarly. Do better." 378 00:15:25,372 --> 00:15:27,102 Wow, really great stuff. 379 00:15:28,997 --> 00:15:29,757 Like. [phone dings] 380 00:15:30,032 --> 00:15:33,312 "DB, not worth my time to put 'do better.'" 381 00:15:33,346 --> 00:15:34,756 Gotta smash that like button. 382 00:15:37,005 --> 00:15:37,965 [phone dings] Like. 383 00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:39,006 - Wait, do you hear that? 384 00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:40,321 - Like. [phone dings] 385 00:15:40,801 --> 00:15:41,661 I'm just gonna like them all. 386 00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:43,799 Like. Like. Like. [phone dinging] 387 00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:45,839 Like. Like. Like. 388 00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:47,765 - Why is Justin's phone going off every time you hit like? 389 00:15:49,776 --> 00:15:51,296 Unless he's... 390 00:15:51,329 --> 00:15:52,229 both: iHateCarly57. 391 00:15:57,163 --> 00:15:58,823 - Justin is iHateCarly57. 392 00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:00,512 What are we gonna do? 393 00:16:00,545 --> 00:16:02,305 He could murder us right in front of my murder board. 394 00:16:04,032 --> 00:16:05,972 - Not us. He's not iHateMillicent57. 395 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,209 - Oh, you think he's gonna wanna leave any witnesses? 396 00:16:09,175 --> 00:16:11,965 - All right, we need to take this guy down. 397 00:16:12,212 --> 00:16:13,662 I know capoeira. 398 00:16:16,734 --> 00:16:18,534 [yells] 399 00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:19,603 - That's just dancing. 400 00:16:20,427 --> 00:16:21,567 - But you stopped and watched. 401 00:16:21,808 --> 00:16:24,638 - Harper! - What? 402 00:16:24,673 --> 00:16:26,713 I was listening to my rejection playlist. 403 00:16:27,331 --> 00:16:30,021 - Justin is iHateCarly57, and he's in our apartment. 404 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,270 - Oh. 405 00:16:35,304 --> 00:16:36,724 Well, good thing Millicent's here. 406 00:16:36,754 --> 00:16:37,694 She knows capoeira. 407 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:38,270 - This is not a dance-off! Get over here. 408 00:16:38,307 --> 00:16:39,207 Okay, here's the plan. 409 00:16:39,584 --> 00:16:41,314 When he gets out here, we're gonna Michelle Obama him. 410 00:16:41,345 --> 00:16:42,445 You go low, I'll go high. 411 00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:45,004 - Hi. [all scream] 412 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,378 - I know who you are! 413 00:16:46,419 --> 00:16:48,839 Stay back, or the girl will dance toward you! 414 00:16:48,869 --> 00:16:51,489 - I don't want to die in a bunny suit. 415 00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:54,147 - I'm not gonna hurt anybody. 416 00:16:55,497 --> 00:16:56,527 - I know you're my hater. 417 00:16:57,223 --> 00:16:59,023 - Carly, I'm sorry. I can explain. 418 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,812 - Come on, Millicent. Help me tie him up. 419 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,644 - That seems like a waste of good yarn. 420 00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:05,778 - After we met, I realized how wrong I had been about you. 421 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,367 - You lied about seeing the show. 422 00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:10,172 And you lied about being iHateCarly57. 423 00:17:10,374 --> 00:17:11,654 Was anything you said true? 424 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,931 What about the homeless kids? Or the tacos? 425 00:17:15,482 --> 00:17:17,802 - No, no, Carly, I swear, 426 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,619 everything since we met has been real. 427 00:17:20,315 --> 00:17:21,555 - Then why do you hate me? 428 00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:24,042 - I don't. I mean, I did. 429 00:17:24,802 --> 00:17:27,082 Look, when I was 11, my dream was to be on "iCarly." 430 00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:29,841 I loved how you showcased other people's talents, 431 00:17:29,876 --> 00:17:32,876 so I sent you a video, and you never played it. 432 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:34,880 And I've held a grudge ever since. 433 00:17:36,434 --> 00:17:37,714 - "iCarly" was pretty big. 434 00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:39,466 We were, like, the only web show. 435 00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:41,724 We had thousands of submissions. 436 00:17:42,164 --> 00:17:44,484 And Freddie tended to weed out the cute guys. 437 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,098 - Look, it hurt then. 438 00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:49,065 But meeting you in person, I got over it. 439 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,932 And if you think about it, it's kind of a funny story 440 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:52,727 of how we met, right? 441 00:17:52,761 --> 00:17:55,071 It's a hate-cute. 442 00:17:57,006 --> 00:18:00,836 - I'm sorry, Justin, but it's just all too much. 443 00:18:02,219 --> 00:18:03,979 Also, I wish I hadn't apologized just then. 444 00:18:04,013 --> 00:18:04,913 I need to work on that. 445 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:06,777 Now get out of here! 446 00:18:08,673 --> 00:18:10,023 You were right about one thing though. 447 00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:12,259 I can "do better." 448 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,368 - Ooh! 449 00:18:16,405 --> 00:18:17,785 - Flipped it, reversed it, 450 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:19,750 never once rehearsed it. 451 00:18:19,788 --> 00:18:21,928 [upbeat music] 452 00:18:21,962 --> 00:18:23,722 ♪ 453 00:18:23,757 --> 00:18:25,517 - I can't wait to get together tonight. 454 00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:27,972 It was so great meeting you at the eye wash station 455 00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:29,593 at the emergency room. 456 00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,180 But I was thinking, 457 00:18:34,216 --> 00:18:35,246 sure, we could go to some fancy restaurant 458 00:18:35,286 --> 00:18:36,216 and put on a dating persona, 459 00:18:36,253 --> 00:18:37,533 but I'm just not into all that artifice. 460 00:18:37,564 --> 00:18:40,434 You know, I want you to get to know the real me. 461 00:18:41,603 --> 00:18:44,613 Yeah, I was thinking we could hang at my place tonight. 462 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,880 You know, my eyesight is back, 463 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:50,157 so I'm really looking forward to actually seeing you. 464 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,073 [laughs] Okay, I'll see you later. 465 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,380 Buh-bye. 466 00:18:58,551 --> 00:18:59,691 What is this--oh! 467 00:18:59,724 --> 00:19:00,284 No. 468 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:01,620 No! 469 00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:07,699 Oh, I've done it again! 470 00:19:08,112 --> 00:19:08,772 - [sighs] - Uh-oh. 471 00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:10,082 I know what that sigh means. 472 00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:12,254 - No, you don't. - You miss Justin. 473 00:19:12,289 --> 00:19:13,049 - Oh, then yeah, you totally do. 474 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:16,160 - You want to keep dating him? - Why not? 475 00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:19,190 I mean, let's face it, 476 00:19:19,227 --> 00:19:21,087 he still hasn't given me the ick. 477 00:19:21,401 --> 00:19:24,161 And I'm no better than him if I hold this against him. 478 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,577 Life's too short to hold a grudge. 479 00:19:25,888 --> 00:19:28,438 - And yet you won't forgive me for that leggings incident. 480 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,272 - You didn't tell me you could see my whole butt through 'em. 481 00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:33,548 - I thought that's why you bought them! 482 00:19:37,003 --> 00:19:38,423 - Ugh. 483 00:19:38,453 --> 00:19:40,113 I just wish I could go back in time 484 00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,464 and tell 13-year-old me 485 00:19:41,490 --> 00:19:44,460 to put Justin on the show. 486 00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:45,153 Wait a minute. 487 00:19:45,425 --> 00:19:45,935 I can tell 26-year-old me to do it. 488 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:46,807 And she just agreed. 489 00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:56,989 - Freddie! Freddie? - No. 490 00:19:59,267 --> 00:20:00,337 - Wha--come on. 491 00:20:00,371 --> 00:20:00,891 I just want to tell you I love you, man, that's all. 492 00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:02,343 Also, I blinded myself again, and I need you to be my eyes 493 00:20:02,684 --> 00:20:02,864 on a date tonight with a gorgeous woman 494 00:20:03,443 --> 00:20:04,443 who just might be my soul mate, 495 00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:05,199 but it's hard to tell because we only talked 496 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,718 for five minutes at the emergency room. 497 00:20:06,757 --> 00:20:07,617 But I'm a romantic. 498 00:20:07,654 --> 00:20:09,104 We'll see where the night takes us. 499 00:20:09,932 --> 00:20:11,242 - You expect me to fall for this again? 500 00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,069 - Yeah--no, there's nothing to fall for. 501 00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:15,488 I really can't see. 502 00:20:15,524 --> 00:20:16,774 She's gonna be here any minute. 503 00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:20,051 - Think fast. - Oh! 504 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,220 - You might be telling the truth. 505 00:20:23,325 --> 00:20:24,905 - That's my fault. I deserve it. 506 00:20:27,191 --> 00:20:27,671 Can you help me up? Oh, thank you. 507 00:20:30,712 --> 00:20:32,272 Now, listen, this is embarrassing, 508 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:35,340 but I have forgotten hot eye wash lady's name. 509 00:20:35,372 --> 00:20:37,862 All I need you to do is pretend to be my butler, 510 00:20:37,891 --> 00:20:40,311 dig through her purse, and look at her driver's license. 511 00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:41,452 Your hands are really soft. 512 00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:44,454 You're not Freddie, are you? 513 00:20:49,524 --> 00:20:50,184 Oh! 514 00:20:50,214 --> 00:20:50,734 I remember now. It's Sarah. 515 00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:51,659 Sarah, hi. What a funny-- 516 00:20:52,423 --> 00:20:53,183 [sighs] Are you there? 517 00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:56,631 - Thank you so much for doing this. 518 00:20:56,669 --> 00:20:58,289 - I believe in second chances. 519 00:20:58,326 --> 00:21:00,256 I let Millicent cut my hair twice. 520 00:21:01,398 --> 00:21:03,328 - I know it's no excuse, but part of the reason 521 00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:05,225 why it hurt so bad when you rejected my video 522 00:21:06,506 --> 00:21:08,536 is 'cause this piece is really personal to me. 523 00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:10,547 - Well I'm honored that you're sharing it with me. 524 00:21:11,339 --> 00:21:12,619 Is the camera ready, Freddie? 525 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,032 - I literally just press record. 526 00:21:16,896 --> 00:21:21,796 In five, four, three, two... 527 00:21:21,832 --> 00:21:23,252 - Welcome back to "iCarly," 528 00:21:23,661 --> 00:21:26,701 where today, we have a really special guest. 529 00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:29,013 Justin has had this prepared for a long time 530 00:21:32,014 --> 00:21:33,744 and is finally going to bare his soul. 531 00:21:33,775 --> 00:21:34,285 - We stan this vulnerability. 532 00:21:34,534 --> 00:21:34,814 - This is a poem that I wrote 533 00:21:35,604 --> 00:21:36,434 during a really difficult period of my life. 534 00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:38,437 - Well, thanks so much for doing it on the show-- 535 00:21:39,056 --> 00:21:39,706 - Third period. 536 00:21:40,678 --> 00:21:42,338 [snapping] 537 00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:44,060 Homework. 538 00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:46,645 The bane of my exis... 539 00:21:47,823 --> 00:21:49,863 tence. 540 00:21:49,894 --> 00:21:50,764 Pudding cups. 541 00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:55,113 Reward for my persis... 542 00:21:57,695 --> 00:21:58,695 tence. 543 00:21:58,731 --> 00:22:00,601 Biology. 544 00:22:00,629 --> 00:22:01,629 Number one. 545 00:22:03,839 --> 00:22:07,399 Frustration. 546 00:22:07,774 --> 00:22:09,744 Hangry. 547 00:22:09,776 --> 00:22:13,086 Tater tots are my salvation. 548 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,335 Prisoner of school. 549 00:22:20,304 --> 00:22:20,794 Life. 550 00:22:23,583 --> 00:22:25,863 Shh. 551 00:22:25,896 --> 00:22:27,416 - Oh... - My... 552 00:22:29,865 --> 00:22:30,345 - Ick. 553 00:22:33,075 --> 00:22:36,315 [dance music] 554 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,045 - Maybe "RuPaul's Drag Race" can be my boyfriend. 555 00:22:40,289 --> 00:22:41,289 - [laughs] 556 00:22:41,325 --> 00:22:46,015 - [grunting] 557 00:22:46,054 --> 00:22:46,544 Oh. Hey. 558 00:22:51,542 --> 00:22:52,612 What are you doing here? [laughs] 559 00:22:52,647 --> 00:22:53,157 - I live here. What are you doing here? 560 00:22:54,303 --> 00:22:55,553 - Oh, you know, I was just scaling the side 561 00:22:55,581 --> 00:23:00,241 of the building and noticed your window was open, so boop. 562 00:23:00,275 --> 00:23:01,025 [laughs] 563 00:23:01,552 --> 00:23:03,802 - You scaled the building? - Please don't tell my parents. 564 00:23:03,830 --> 00:23:05,350 They think I'm at Cold Stone Creamery. 565 00:23:06,212 --> 00:23:08,462 - You still live with your parents? 566 00:23:08,766 --> 00:23:11,416 That's so...normal. 567 00:23:13,668 --> 00:23:14,628 - I'm sorry. 568 00:23:15,324 --> 00:23:17,194 I hadn't thought of you guys in ages, 569 00:23:17,223 --> 00:23:19,193 but then I got a taste at the coffee shop 570 00:23:19,225 --> 00:23:21,675 and ten years of therapy flew right out the window. 571 00:23:23,540 --> 00:23:25,020 - Look, I'm really sorry to hear that, Nora, 572 00:23:25,058 --> 00:23:26,368 but you need to go. 573 00:23:26,612 --> 00:23:28,582 - [groans] 574 00:23:28,614 --> 00:23:32,554 Can I use your front door? - Yes. 575 00:23:33,342 --> 00:23:36,482 - And can I take this? - No. 576 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:47,432 - Can I take this? - No.