1 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,368 What the hell? 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:09,249 No! This is not happening. 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,522 Didn't you get the memo? It's Stairmageddon. 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,204 Come on, Stanley! 5 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,011 Dwight is having maintenance done on the elevator today, 6 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:17,724 and he was really on top of it. 7 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,610 Weeks ago, he started the Stairmageddon Awareness campaign. 8 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:25,011 The idea was to get us prepared both mentally and physically 9 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,926 for a day that hopefully comes once in a hundred years. 10 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,128 It's a mageddon! 11 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,927 Come on! Come on, Stanley! Stay in it! 12 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,688 I put 17 damn years into this company, 13 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,331 and now they're making me climb Stair Mountain? 14 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,726 Come on! 15 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:47,203 Our office has an unusually large number of unusually large people. 16 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,687 This is an abomination! 17 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:50,761 Come on, you got this! 18 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:54,083 OSCAR". So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, 19 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,403 and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, 20 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,131 we have to compare it to the end of time. 21 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,447 Red alert, red alert! 22 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,410 The reviews are in! I repeat, the reviews are in! 23 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,323 What? I just got a text from my brother. 24 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,370 ScrantonTimesTribune.com. There's a review of the documentary. 25 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,566 What does it say? 26 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:22,921 I don't know, Phyllis! 27 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,367 I just got the text and started screaming red alert! 28 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,290 Well, the alert was already set to red, because of Stairmageddon. 29 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,731 Do you think I should set it to double red? 30 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,366 I think we should. 31 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,524 "The Office: An American Workplace 32 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,080 "airing on PBS next month is a documentary 33 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,443 "following the employees of Scranton's own Dunder Mifflin paper company!" 34 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,570 "In the series, which will air starting in May, 35 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:52,089 "we get an in-depth look at many interesting local people. 36 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,807 "There's Kevin Malone, the Falstaffian accountant, 37 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,121 "Dwight Schrute, the head salesman, 38 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:02,524 "forever chasing a manager position he will never get." 39 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,325 What does Josh McAulliffe know about the paper business? 40 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,643 He works for a news... Thing. 41 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,609 "Andy Bernard. 42 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:15,129 "The rudderless trust fund child/middle-manager 43 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,964 "whose incompetence is emblematic 44 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,849 "of a declining American economy." 45 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,769 Ouch. Sorry, Andy. Thafs“. 46 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,566 It's okay. 47 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,290 What the hell does he know? 48 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,364 "A possible explanation for his lack of career focus 49 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,001 "is his surprising musical talent." 50 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,923 I want you to print that out for me. I will. 51 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,480 Now that this documentary is coming out, 52 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,962 my days at Dunder Mifflin are probably limited. 53 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,485 And you know what? Good! 54 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,404 Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life. 55 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,131 I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb. 56 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,687 "Though it mostly focuses on the daily realities of office life, 57 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,765 "a lurid subplot reveals the hypocrisy of a local public figure 58 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,287 "embroiled in a gay affair while preaching family values." 59 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,045 Oh... Which public figure? 60 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,124 I bet it's Katie Couric. I've been saying this for years. 61 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,683 No, I think they mean more like a politician. 62 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,528 You own the building. 63 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,171 Why can't you fix the elevator in the middle of the night? 64 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,766 Who do I look like, Jackie Joyner-Kersee? 65 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,810 Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience. 66 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,770 You should have called me from downstairs. We could've met in the lobby. 67 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:26,887 It's time to go out on a sale. 68 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,889 Here we go. Son, you lost your mind. 69 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,691 I'm not going anywhere until you fix my elevator. 70 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,444 The buyer is your sister's friend, 71 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,570 this is the printing paper for the entire school district of Lackawanna. 72 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,086 You are coming, and that's an order! 73 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,766 You are not my damn boss and you never will be! 74 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:47,402 Guess what? Never going to happen! Pete. Iced tea! 75 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,925 Three sugars, five creams! 76 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,846 Your morning 3x5 coming right up. 77 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,330 Well, we won't be late. I love you, Mom. Thanks. 78 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,282 Oh, your mom's watching the kids tonight. So what are you two up to? 79 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,849 Oh, um, Embassy Suites, 80 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,251 Do Not Disturb sign on the door, 81 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:07,401 Mommy and Daddy are on the floor. 82 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,642 I wish. What then? 83 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,921 Oh, nothing that exciting. 84 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,085 Marriage counseling. 85 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,447 Mmm. 86 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,526 Did you know, that is the only kind of counseling I've never had. 87 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,369 You know, Jim's kind of nervous about it, 88 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,568 but I think it could really help. Mmm. 89 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,723 If we're having issues, it can't hurt to talk about them, right? 90 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,441 Hey, Toby. Um... I wanted to ask you a question. 91 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,567 Oh, sure. 92 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,330 It's a little, uh, personal. 93 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,004 Let's do it. Let's get personal. 94 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,209 I wanted to talk to you about your divorce. Whoa. 95 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,521 Sorry. I... No, no, no. What I meant... 96 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,290 What I meant actually, was... No. It's okay, 97 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,404 I can handle it. Uh... So? 98 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,050 You guys obviously went through some tough times 99 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,690 leading up to it. 100 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,761 Okay- 101 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,611 I was wondering if you ever did any couples counseling? 102 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,887 Oh sure, lots of times, yeah. 103 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,489 Wait, you and Pam aren't in couples counseling, are you? 104 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:15,561 Oh, God! 105 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:20,407 No, no. We're just starting couples counseling. 106 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:21,681 Uh... 107 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,882 Which doesn't sound any better. 108 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,324 Even you GUYS- 109 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,721 Kelly called it. 2013. 110 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:35,490 Hey! Hey, hey. No. No. Get out of here. Clark, get out of here. 111 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,483 My mistake. TOBY: Yes, it is your mistake. 112 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,643 He's lingering, so annoying. 113 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,006 I'm going to kill him. 114 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,731 How can I help? I'm here. That's all right. 115 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,529 Hello, William Morris Agency? 116 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,090 I need to speak with your best agent 117 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,328 who represents your biggest stars. 118 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,846 Yes, I'll hold. 119 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,890 I'm sorry, I misunderstood. Goodbye. 120 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,922 Thank you, Stan. 121 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,082 Oh, honey. 122 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:13,045 Look, I just want our life to get back to normal. 123 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,764 Ribbon cuttings, charity balls. 124 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:18,162 Don't worry. I've scheduled a press conference for later today. 125 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,811 We just need to face the cameras together, 126 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,690 a beloved public servant and his devoted wife. 127 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,489 And move on. 128 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,722 All right. lfl have to be the good wife, 129 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,404 I'll be the best damned wife there is. 130 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,723 Correction, best darned wife. 131 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,882 Sorry, I'm a better wife than that. 132 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,243 Andy, I need to talk to you. 133 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,802 Yeah. Come on in. I'm just on hold with another talent agency. 134 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,122 Ifsinsane. This promo with me playing banjo 135 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,850 has 250 views already. 136 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,924 And every time I click, there's more. 251. 137 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,764 252. I can't even keep up! 138 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,649 Stanley is refusing to go out on a sales call. 139 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,649 I hate people. 140 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,484 Why do they never do what you need them to do? 141 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,891 Stanley has to go, that's final. 142 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,246 So what I'm hearing you say is, 143 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,846 make Stanley go out on this sales call by whatever means possible? 144 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,490 Yes! 145 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,764 I'm sorry I'm being curt. It's just, 146 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,604 I'm about to land a top talent agent. 147 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,761 Mmm-hmm. 148 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,524 Good luck. 149 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,762 Directory. 150 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,368 Movie Star Department. 151 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,681 Back. Directory. 152 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,445 For five years I've held my instincts in check, 153 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,204 because I wanted to be made manager. 154 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,888 Maybe it's time for me to just let that thought go. 155 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,442 It's kind of painful, but it's also freeing, in a way. 156 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,490 Now it's all about my instincts. 157 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,446 Hey, Dwight. Stanley. 158 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,682 One way or another, you are going to come with me 159 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,807 to make this sale. 160 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,211 Pass. 161 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,244 Hey, can you just let me out of here before whatever comes next? 162 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,970 Don't worry, it's just a bull tranquilizer. 163 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,326 Nothing to be alarmed about, 164 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,767 it's just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a co-worker. 165 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,406 Dwight, you do not learn, do you? 166 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,561 For a threat to be credible, you have... 167 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,170 Holy 168 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,843 No, you didn't. I'm sick of you and your... 169 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,243 It's all right. Andy approved it. 170 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,921 Man, he is really in twinkle town now. 171 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,042 Is he going to be okay? 172 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,691 I mean, weren't those darts intended for an animal, like, 173 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,888 two to three times larger than him? 174 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,009 Okay, this dosage was meant for a very small bull, 175 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,684 and Stanley's got way more body fat than they do. 176 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,928 You gave him three shots. 177 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,444 We've got about 45 minutes 178 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,522 to get him to the client before he comes to. 179 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,602 Grab his feet. 180 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,923 Let's go! Move it! All right. 181 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,650 One, two, three! 182 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,211 He's like a manatee. 183 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,328 Ready? Let's go again. Come on. 184 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,248 We can do this. One, two, three! 185 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,288 Oh, God. 186 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,681 No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain. 187 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,529 We got to get a wheelbarrow or something. 188 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,041 Yes. 189 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,246 Okay, we're good. We're good. 190 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,010 Let's go. Oh, my God. 191 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,447 Push! lam! 192 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,245 Any big weekend plans? 193 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,606 I might see a movie. 194 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,808 Nice. What about you? 195 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,406 Uh, I don't know yet. I was thinking about... 196 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,051 Just go right to the top of the stairs, okay? 197 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,566 And then what? 198 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,563 Okay, listen. 199 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,005 I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, 200 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,526 but I've never actually done this before. 201 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,446 Well, if I may, you're a natural. 202 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,167 Thank you. 203 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,005 I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head, like, a thousand times, but... 204 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,122 That's a little weird. 205 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,362 I know, Evel Knievel. 206 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,130 Okay, that's about as good as that's going to be. 207 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,929 Okay, now here's the plan. 208 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,371 I'm going to launch him. I need you to go down 209 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,601 to the bottom and catch him. 210 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,011 Catch? Yeah. 211 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,809 I can't catch him. He's like, 250 pounds. 212 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,366 Use your hands and just blunt his descent. 213 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,249 Okay? He's going to be moving slowly... Blunt? 214 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:18,723 It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45 degree angle. Get set in your haunches. 215 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:19,881 It's like you're catching a medicine... 216 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,325 Dude, the size of my haunches... 217 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,247 Okay, good call. 218 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,606 He would have put a hole in your chest, 219 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,011 same as he put a hole in that wall. 220 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,651 We should probably call a doctor or something, dude. 221 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,401 You Okay? 222 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,761 So, how does it work? 223 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,683 Is it like, you know, the action of talking 224 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,331 to a third party breaks up the logjam, or... 225 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,084 You're really there to talk to each other. 226 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,563 I'd say the therapist is more of a facilitator. 227 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,080 Mmm. 228 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,648 He might start by asking each of you, 229 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,245 "Why do you think you're here?" 230 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,204 He took this job in Philly without telling me. 231 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,328 He bought our house without telling me. 232 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,051 At a certain point, he shouldn't be rewarded for that. 233 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,363 If I didn't do certain things without telling Pam, 234 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,091 she'd be married to Roy. 235 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,401 I feel like he's always making these decisions for the family, 236 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,323 and then I'm left playing catch up. 237 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,725 If she can just hang on for a little while longer... 238 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,723 This will be so huge for our family. 239 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,922 Well, what's a little while? 240 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:29,168 What do you mean? I mean, what's the end date? 241 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,971 I mean, it must be really hard for her to sign on to be unhappy, 242 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,441 if she doesn't know when it's going to end. 243 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,245 That's kind of an impossible question. 244 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,530 Oh, guys, it's starting, hurry! 245 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,888 Oh, there's Angela! 246 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,086 I work with her! 247 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,400 Yeah. 248 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:55,161 I mean, I'm happy Angela's the first one getting famous, but... 249 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,405 That's a little weird, no? I mean, she can't sing or act, 250 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,643 so it's actually kind of insane, if you think about it. 251 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:03,966 Her hair looks beautiful. 252 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:07,642 Yeah, we get it, Phyllis! She looks like a freaking movie star! 253 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:15,681 I would just like to start by saying there have been some rumors 254 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:20,084 about my personal life that I would like to settle once and for all. 255 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,766 As my long-suffering wife can attest, 256 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,285 I am gay- 257 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,806 Senator, were you always gay, or did your wife turn you gay? 258 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,325 Question for the Senator's beard. 259 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:41,767 I'll say it again for mis amigos latinos. Yo soy homosexual! 260 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,126 Poor Angela. 261 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,641 Yeah, poor Angela. 262 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:49,731 I once believed that a gay person could be somewhat straight. 263 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:53,327 It wasn't until my marriage to Angela 264 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:59,123 that I realized how charmless I find the female body. 265 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,601 Ooh! Always hurts to hear that one. 266 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:07,084 There is someone else I need to thank. His name is Oscar Martinez. 267 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,770 Come on! 268 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:13,209 Oscar is the one who opened my eyes to who I really am. 269 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,642 For the first... Oscar is with the Senator, too? 270 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,202 Yes! And I knew it the whole time! 271 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,729 I kept a secret, I kept a secret so good! 272 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,691 You didn't know, and you didn't know, and you didn't freaking know. 273 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,410 But I knew! 274 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,811 He knew! Yes. 275 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:32,961 We did it! 276 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,206 You did it, Kevin. 277 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,645 Yes! 278 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,201 Oh! 279 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,762 I did it. Oh, I did it. 280 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,928 And with my new self-awareness, 281 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,210 I was finally able to find love at long last, 282 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:52,605 with my amazing Chief of Staff, Wesley Silver. 283 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,087 What? Wesley Silver is gay? 284 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:56,961 Whoa! 285 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,445 They make a nice couple. 286 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,241 Almost there, almost there. 287 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,685 Okay. We're running late, let's get him inside. 288 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,001 We can't just leave him bubble wrapped like this. 289 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,360 Are you kidding me? 290 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,521 The bubble wrap is the only thing 291 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,364 that's stopping his suit from getting wrinkled. 292 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,727 These meetings are all about presentation. 293 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,689 That's actually really smart. Thank you. 294 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,922 God, if only there was any other use 295 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,650 or situation for that kind of knowledge. 296 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:27,807 Let's get him inside. 297 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,724 Carla Fern is not just an actor's agent. 298 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,361 She does writers, directors, travel and real estate. 299 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,721 Actor? 300 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,691 Oh, no. 301 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,889 Well, I have an act. Dog-Cat-Mouse. 302 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,803 Yeah, wow. Cool. 303 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,366 Is it hard to train them to do that? 304 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,323 Mmm... You go through a lot of mice. 305 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,051 It started by accident, actually, as these things tend to do. 306 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,366 You know, I was setting down my cat 307 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,010 and I accidentally put her on top of my dog, 308 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,761 and I was, like, so mad at myself at first. And then I was, like, wait. 309 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,842 Wait a second. 310 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,886 Does anything go on top of the mouse? 311 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:04,721 Yeah. 312 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,645 A little hat. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. 313 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,091 What's the mouse's name? 314 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,004 You know, it really doesn't make sense to name the mice. 315 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,888 They're kind of like cannon fodder, you know? 316 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:20,169 You're not one of those PETA guys, are you? 317 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,083 Well... Oh, great. 318 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,607 Wait, wait. How are we doing this? 319 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,011 Well, I'll grab the forelegs, and you push his hindquarters. 320 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,560 Just say arms and legs, okay? That's just... 321 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,165 That's the vernacular that I'm comfortable with. 322 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,651 Fine. Let's go. 323 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,531 Hoist his shank! On three! 324 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,364 What's a shank? It's by the tenderloin. 325 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,967 Roll him. Roll him. Okay, good, good. 326 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,168 Okay, careful. He's slouching. Okay. 327 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,890 Can you slouch him into the seat? 328 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,684 Here, go around, get the seatbelt. 329 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:49,881 All right. 330 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,965 Got it? Yeah. 331 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,485 Y9K)- 332 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,371 Get in the back. 333 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,209 What? Get in the back. 334 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,282 Oh, come on! Get in. 335 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,487 Damn it. 336 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:17,169 Okay, Stanley, do you understand what we're about to do? 337 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,241 Hello. 338 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:19,367 Okay. There's nobody there. 339 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,761 Hey, listen, listen. 340 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,407 We are going to go discuss paper contracts 341 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,404 for City of Lackawanna Public Schools, okay? 342 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,086 Pigeons. Oh, God. This is bad. 343 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,527 Looks like we've got no choice. 344 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,171 You, my friend, are going to have to be Stanley Hudson. 345 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,606 Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister? 346 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,964 New plan, okay? 347 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,407 We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan. 348 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,289 Let's go. Give me a hand. 349 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,084 Here we go! Come on, Stanley! 350 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:54,370 Here we go! Upsie-doozy, there we go. Okay, all right. 351 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,727 Come on, big guy. You can walk, right? 352 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,121 Yeah, what a pretty smile. Let's go. 353 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:03,285 I'm sure Athlead will be a huge success, 354 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,964 but I don't want him to do it anymore, 355 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,565 and I don't want to give him an ultimatum, 356 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,041 but I am not moving our family to Philly. 357 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,204 Well, if Pam says she won't go, 358 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,602 then we're going to need a lot more than counseling. 359 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,370 That was exhausting. 360 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,283 Blah, blah, blah. 361 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,641 Jim. 362 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,364 Well, they deserve each other. They do. 363 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,921 That they do. That they do. That is for sure. 364 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,766 And for your... Oh! Whoopsie daisy! There. 365 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,922 Stanley, what is going on here? 366 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,321 He's fine. He gets carsick really easily. 367 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,601 The drive. It was a long drive. 368 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,170 He was in the back seat. 369 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:45,844 But right now, we're talking to Mrs. Davis 370 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,928 about the full range of the products that we offer, 371 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,241 and our competitive rates. Right, Stanley? 372 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,805 Ooh! Look at that baby! 373 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,927 Stanley. 374 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,286 Oh... 375 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,281 That's Benji in the middle. 376 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,762 That's Benji. Oh, he's precious. 377 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,922 That's a healthy looking baby. 378 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,246 A very special little boy. 379 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,367 Mmm... 380 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,802 Look at him! I've never seen such a beautiful child! 381 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:12,927 He has a funny sense of humor. 382 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,445 If you push his nose, he'll go, llEee-ll 383 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,010 Like this? Watch... Eee! 384 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,281 Like that. 385 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:19,691 A beautiful family. 386 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,087 Right? Come on! 387 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,168 Come on! DWIGHT: Yeah? Maybe I'll never be manager. 388 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,370 But I just managed to get our most stubborn salesman 389 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,807 to close a sale with one of our biggest clients. 390 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,089 And I must say, it's the most pleasant I've ever seen Stanley. 391 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,605 I think we should consider injecting him 392 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,688 with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis. 393 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,684 So, what can you do? 394 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,930 Well, what can't I do, right? 395 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,480 I can sing, I can dance, 396 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,961 I can play the banjo, innit? 397 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:57,568 And if you hadn't noticed, I got a pretty good British accent. 398 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:58,806 Can you drive a car? 399 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,963 At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here. 400 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:06,728 Why do you have a high school musical here on your resume? 401 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,201 What are you, like, 40, 45? 402 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,647 My exact age is 28 to 34, 403 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,006 so basically just send me out 404 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,684 on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on. 405 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:20,241 Gyllenhaal, got it. Can you juggle and crap? 406 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,971 Yes, and yes. 407 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:27,249 Would you dress up as say, a birthday clown, 408 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,290 and go to a kid's party and let them throw pies atyou? 409 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:38,129 Whereas that is not why I have entered show business, 410 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,285 I do understand that you have to build credibility. 411 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,247 I'm all for it. 412 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,607 Well, Mr. Bernard, I'll be honest with you. 413 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,889 Well, at least I tried. Thank you very much. 414 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,607 Oh. No. We're going to take you on as a client. 415 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,326 You are? 416 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,931 Yes! Yes! 417 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,727 Are you being for real right now? 418 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,325 Oh, man. 419 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:09,640 Ah. Yes! 420 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,285 I need this so bad. 421 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:15,410 I really think this is what could fix me. 422 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:21,010 We are extremely excited to be working with you too, sir. 423 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,487 Pay Todd on your way out. 424 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,763 Most talent agents take 10% of whatever jobs they get you. 425 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:34,041 But with Carla, you pay a flat rate of $5,000 up front. 426 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,566 And that includes headshots. 427 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,051 Oh, it doesn't include headshots. 428 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,565 Itdoesn% include headshots. 429 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,962 Well, of course not, because that would be insane if it did. 430 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,690 I'm still getting a bargain, though. 431 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,604 So I just smiled and complimented her grandkids 432 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,444 and we closed it? 433 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,885 You earned yourself a nice, fat commission 434 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,804 and you didn't even know it. 435 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,491 I'll go tell Andy the good news. 436 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,528 Oh, silly me. 437 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,450 Got to take the stairs. Oh, no. I'm not doing that again. 438 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,522 You got me down, you got to get me back up. 439 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,290 No, no. 440 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,488 We need a winch and a hoist.