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Previously
on "I'm Dying Up Here"...
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00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:07,440
Tourists?
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Comics. From Boston.
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What do you think of the place?
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We'll take it.
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And listen, this is the closet
to my room out here.
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So, if I'm in there
with Maggie...
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- Who's Maggie?
- She's my girl.
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By the way, hands off.
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Took my kids to the circus,
the Mexican circus.
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You know who Edmund Hillary is?
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He risked everything
to reach the summit,
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and when he finally
stood on top of the world,
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do you know how long it was for?
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Fifteen minutes.
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Guys, I'm trying to hear Clay.
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- Come on over.
- He got the couch.
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I'm jealous. Every Merv, Johnny,
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or Dinah fucking Shore
appearance
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another comic makes is one more
that we didn't get.
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That's a motherfucking
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2:30 in the morning
pancake speech right there.
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Fuck you, and fuck you.
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Without you even realizing it,
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life just bends you over and
tucks it straight up your ass.
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Johnny feels bad,
but I just think we need
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to book some more established
comics for a little while,
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see how it all shakes out.
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I been doing open mic
for over a fucking year now.
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You want Carson? You got
to mingle for Christ's sake.
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I said I know who you are.
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Why don't you quit
while you're ahead, huh?
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Think I should
try to book a church?
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Fuck, no. We're in one.
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♪ Jazz music ♪
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♪
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Are you having
a good time, ma'am?
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Really? All right.
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Tell your face.
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Guys, Vietnam's
coming to an end.
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That means what?
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Comedians are coming home...
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from Canada.
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I used to do
a lot of handyman work,
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growing up.
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Mostly because my dad
was in the business...
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of breaking shit.
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Well, what are you
doing in here?
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That hooker in the trunk
ain't gonna bury herself.
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All right, thank you, folks.
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You've been a...
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slightly above average crowd.
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♪ Donny Hathaway's
"Voices Inside" plays ♪
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♪
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This room is toast.
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♪ Let's get down now ♪
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♪ I hear voices ♪
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Yeah.
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♪ I see people ♪
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♪ I hear voices ♪
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♪ Of many people ♪
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♪ Oh, yeah ♪
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♪ I see people... ♪
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Ooh.
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My fellow Americans,
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let's make one thing
perfectly clear.
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His sister was so ugly
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people went out on Halloween,
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dressed as her.
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That was
Nixon insulting my sister.
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♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
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Hey. You cutting it close.
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- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Come on.
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♪ I see people ♪
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♪ I hear voices... ♪
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Anybody here like magic?
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Oh... oh, my time's up.
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♪ I hear voices ♪
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Thank you, Mr. President.
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Come on.
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All right, coming to
the stage next,
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a regular here at the open mic,
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give it up for Mr. Adam Proteau.
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- Twinkle.
- Mm.
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Whoo!
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Yes, that's right,
I am a professional amateur.
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I used to do a lot
of handyman work growing up,
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mostly because my dad
was in the business...
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of breaking shit.
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"What the hell's wrong
with this toaster?"
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Well, Dad, did you try
to plug it in
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before you threw it
against the wall?
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It's just a question.
It's just a...
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Where the fuck did you
get another toaster?
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Like, my dad used to
break everything,
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not just normal stuff,
everything...
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Appliances,
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TVs,
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laws.
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But it's okay, you know,
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'cause now I know
how to fix everything.
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How to fix a door
that's been kicked in.
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I can plaster up a hole that's
been punched into a wall.
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Fix a pane of glass that my head
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may or may not have been
pushed through.
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One thing I can't fix
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is the relationship with my dad.
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Hey!
How about a shine, my brotha?
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"How about a shine"?
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Okay, are we talking about
your shoes or your dick, sir?
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Your mama took care of my dick.
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I gave her 50 cents.
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Well, seeing as how she only
charges 25 cents an inch,
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I wouldn't scream out that
dumb shit too proudly, you know?
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Now, if your mama sucked my dick
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for 25 cent an inch,
she'd have enough money
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to send your ass
to Yale, Harvard,
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and Shut The Fuck Up School,
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which is on the corner
of I Need To Be Noticed
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and My Date Thinks
I'm An Asshole.
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Fucking dick.
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Hey, you can't
let 'em get to you.
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This is seven-card stud.
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Low spade in the hole
splits the pot.
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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
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Shit, and shit!
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Jesus, is this a game of chance
or no chance?
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Don't let the sun
catch you crying, baby.
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Mm-hmm.
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So I heard Johnny had
Rickles on the other night.
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That's fresh.
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Oh, Christ, don't get her riled.
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Get me riled? What? I love Don.
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Yeah, doesn't exactly
sound like all the calls
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I've been getting
from you lately.
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You say don't get her started,
then you get her started.
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Come on, R-Rickles, Hackett,
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Professor Irwin Corey,
I love 'em.
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But you can't get any
more "dog bites man" than that.
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I told you.
We're bringing the kids back.
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Oh, papers cleared Clay
over a month ago.
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Be nice if you guys could keep
up with yesterday's news.
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We just need to leave
the window open a little longer.
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Send 'em our way.
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We love the kids
at Midnight Special.
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I tried calling
your producer... Butterman.
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Yeah, said he can't be reached.
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He's fly-fishing,
for two months.
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We're fly-fishing now?
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I think it's a euphemism
for invading Syria.
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Thank you for making the world
right side up again.
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Whatever it's a euphemism for,
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I'm having lunch with him
tomorrow at noon.
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Expect a call around one.
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Well...
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just for that, Bob,
I'm gonna tell you...
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Mitch here has a pair of aces.
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You're a real asshole, Goldie.
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What, it's my fault you got
the wingspan of a condor?
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00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,980
Hold your cards closer
to your vest next time, huh?
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What's up, my man?
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Mm.
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No, I wouldn't want your job,
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not for all
the bananas in China.
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My girlfriend dragged me here.
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Some douchebag at her office
thinks he's Rich Little.
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Got to cut these guys
some slack, man.
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It's open mic, all newbies.
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No shit?
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Good thing I'm here.
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Liven this motherfucker up.
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It's hard.
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You know, comedy's
all about timing,
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which takes a while to learn.
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Bullshit.
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You're either funny,
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or you're not.
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Now, Bill Cosby...
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00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:57,200
he's a funny spook.
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Yeah.
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00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,410
But that spook got funny
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00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:03,370
by learning timing.
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00:08:03,370 --> 00:08:05,920
Know your audience!
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00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,750
Know when to wait for a laugh.
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00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:13,010
Timing is motherfucking
everything!
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Now, see?
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00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,300
Half hour ago, this
wouldn't have been funny to me.
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But now it's
motherfucking hysterical.
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Hey, floor's wet.
190
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,440
Hey. You want to buy some weed?
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00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:07,440
Tweety?
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00:09:25,540 --> 00:09:26,870
♪ Rock music ♪
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All right, let me hear it.
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Hear what?
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You only smile like that
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00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,380
over brownies,
blow jobs, or a new bit.
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00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:39,180
And since we're all out
of brownies and blow jobs...
198
00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:41,680
Why are we always
running out of blow jobs?
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00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:42,760
Why can't we run out
of Wheat Thins or yogurt?
200
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,520
It's always stuff that I like.
201
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,190
Joke, please.
202
00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,270
You know that Picasso
just died, right?
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00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:52,610
Good.
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00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:54,070
What do you got against Picasso?
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00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:56,360
Four of the women he was with...
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00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:56,990
Two committed suicide,
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00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,820
and two he drove insane.
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00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:00,570
So you're saying
the guy has a type.
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00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:03,120
Can I continue?
210
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:03,950
So I'm reading Pablo's obit.
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00:10:03,950 --> 00:10:05,700
You know, the guy's
a famous artist.
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00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:08,540
He's got nothing to prove,
213
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,540
except, apparently,
how much pussy he got.
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00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:11,960
Listen to this.
215
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,920
"Picasso, 91, died
in a villa in France
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00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,720
and leaves behind a wife
almost half his age."
217
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,050
Okay, you've got my attention.
218
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:22,510
"In addition to his wife,
he leaves four children...
219
00:10:22,510 --> 00:10:24,350
One son born to his first wife,
220
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:26,220
the dancer Olga Khokhlova."
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00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:28,310
Not just a dancer, the dancer.
222
00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:29,560
Right?
223
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:30,730
"And daughter born
to his mistress,
224
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:32,230
Marie-Thérèse Walter."
225
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:34,230
Since when have mistresses
been put in obits?
226
00:10:34,230 --> 00:10:37,110
"And another son and daughter
both the children
227
00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:39,070
of Françoise Gilot,
another mistress,"
228
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:41,870
for those of you
keeping score at home,
229
00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:46,620
"who is now the wife
of biologist Dr. Jonas Salk."
230
00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:48,750
Fuck you, Jonas Salk.
231
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:51,540
You cured polio?
I fucked your wife.
232
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:52,420
That's not an obit.
233
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:54,460
That's a press release
for his dick.
234
00:10:58,630 --> 00:11:00,470
♪ Baby... ♪
235
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:02,090
♪
236
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:05,970
It's nice having a comedian
as a girlfriend.
237
00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:08,270
♪
238
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:14,110
♪
239
00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:16,480
You've never
called me that before.
240
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,650
♪
241
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:22,490
Is that what this is?
242
00:11:22,490 --> 00:11:24,370
I mean, "two people
who fuck intermittently"
243
00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:25,950
just sounds so long.
244
00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:26,700
Plus, we've been dating
for four months.
245
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:29,120
Oh, "dating," wow.
246
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,580
Well, you're just
giving away labels today.
247
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:32,960
Ladies and gentlemen,
248
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,290
the downside of having
a comedian as a girlfriend.
249
00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:38,300
♪
250
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:39,630
Hey!
251
00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:40,800
Hey!
252
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,680
Jesus fucking Christ!
253
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,890
♪ Jazz music ♪
254
00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:46,220
Come on!
255
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:49,520
♪
256
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,480
Hey, hey!
257
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,980
This is my laundry.
258
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:53,980
Asshole! Men's clothes!
259
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,610
So, unless
there's a Mr. Prostitute,
260
00:11:55,610 --> 00:11:58,480
you can go fuck...
261
00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,480
For fuck's sake.
262
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:00,650
Give me the fucking bag back.
263
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:01,690
All right, all right.
Help! Help!
264
00:12:01,690 --> 00:12:02,990
She's got a fucking knife!
265
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,370
She's got a fucking knife! Fuck!
266
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:06,370
Fuck!
267
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,500
F... all right, just take it!
Fucking take it!
268
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:15,040
♪
269
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,290
Shit.
270
00:12:16,290 --> 00:12:17,790
Oh, you motherfucker.
271
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:20,170
Hey, big guy, get her!
272
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:22,510
Hey! Come on!
273
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:25,840
♪
274
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,850
Why are these wet?
275
00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,850
I didn't have enough quarters.
276
00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:36,100
What'd you get us for lunch?
277
00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:40,400
Space food sticks?
278
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,610
The clerk was watching me
like a hawk.
279
00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:44,820
Was it retarded Ringo Starr?
280
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:47,490
No, it was the Asian guy
with the mustache
281
00:12:47,490 --> 00:12:49,530
that looks like
a 12-year-old's pussy.
282
00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:50,870
We're lucky I got these.
283
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,710
Hey, in zero gravity,
284
00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:56,580
would this or would this not
look like a floating turd?
285
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:58,500
Really?
286
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,420
You're gonna ruin my appetite
for the only food we have?
287
00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:02,090
Hey, I know what
will cheer you up.
288
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:04,550
We got 34 bucks,
and rent's due next week.
289
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:07,510
Fuck!
290
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:10,140
My parents are gonna be so
pissed if I ask for more money.
291
00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:13,270
Well, if your mom
had blown your dad
292
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:14,730
instead of fucking him
the night you were conceived,
293
00:13:14,730 --> 00:13:15,770
they wouldn't be in this mess,
294
00:13:15,770 --> 00:13:18,350
so maybe look in the mirror,
Mr. and Mrs. Zeidel.
295
00:13:18,350 --> 00:13:22,150
Mm, can you please not talk
about my mother giving head?
296
00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:25,740
Yeah, but you just made it
the elephant in the room.
297
00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:30,160
You should be
cleaning the toilets, Edgar.
298
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,290
Since when did Midnight Special
start doing showcases?
299
00:13:32,290 --> 00:13:34,370
Since I got a producer
to come and see
300
00:13:34,370 --> 00:13:37,460
if one of you assholes is ready
for national television.
301
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:41,750
Kay, no food in the audience
during the showcase, huh?
302
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,090
How drunk do you want 'em?
303
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,710
I want them focused
on the comics,
304
00:13:44,710 --> 00:13:47,630
not whether or not their
cheese sticks are hot enough.
305
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:56,180
What the fuck?
306
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:59,600
This is it? These are the times?
307
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:00,730
Is there a problem?
308
00:14:00,730 --> 00:14:01,650
Yeah, why you got me
going first?
309
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:03,190
I got to compete
with the drink orders.
310
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,820
I'd rather open than close.
311
00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:06,440
You're not closing,
you're headlining.
312
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,240
Okay, that load of crap.
Let's call it what it is.
313
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,660
I'm going last... I'm like
the guy sweeping up
314
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:12,200
after the elephant
at the end of the parade.
315
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,910
No, Gabe's going after Ralph.
316
00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:15,830
He's sweeping up
after the elephant.
317
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:17,210
Uh, Goldie,
318
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:18,620
Uh-huh?
319
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,170
Why am I, uh, not on the list?
320
00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:22,040
Sully, I need you to emcee.
321
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,340
No, what? No.
Come on, that's total bullshit.
322
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,840
You know I'm just as good
as these guys.
323
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,130
We've talked about this.
324
00:14:26,130 --> 00:14:29,130
You don't have a tight 15 yet.
325
00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,640
You're mostly crowd work.
326
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,850
Uh, I can do a tight 15.
327
00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:36,100
I said "yet." I know you can,
and you will, just not now.
328
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,520
- Are we done here?
- Uh, just one question.
329
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,810
Do Gabe and I
have to blow Bill, too,
330
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:41,810
or just set the stage for him?
331
00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:42,440
Your meaning?
332
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,480
Meaning, we warm him up,
333
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,150
and Bill here
reaps all the benefits.
334
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:48,150
I don't have the best spot.
Gabe does.
335
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:49,570
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
336
00:14:49,570 --> 00:14:50,570
I got spot where
everybody goes to the bathroom
337
00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:52,660
because they don't got food
with their drinks.
338
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,950
Hey, Gabe, that is not
how a bladder functions.
339
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:56,660
Shut up, Edgar.
340
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,370
I'm Jewish, you're Mexican,
341
00:14:58,370 --> 00:14:59,750
which automatically
makes me closer
342
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:00,790
to being a doctor than you.
343
00:15:00,790 --> 00:15:02,880
But if it's any consolation,
I will defer to you
344
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,170
with any questions about selling
bags of oranges by the highway.
345
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:06,670
Listen to you guys.
346
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:09,970
You sound like a bunch of hens.
Shut the fuck up!
347
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:12,180
If you don't like
where you're placed,
348
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,510
you know that Argus or Mule Deer
349
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:17,520
would be happy to take
any one of those spots.
350
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,060
We're just saying, shouldn't it
be some sort of pecking order
351
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:22,810
based off time
put in at the club?
352
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:24,520
Oh, there is a pecking order.
353
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,070
It goes me, you.
354
00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:28,190
You got your lineup, ladies.
Out.
355
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:30,950
That's some bullshit.
356
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,990
Stop saying "we're just saying,"
when it's you just saying shit.
357
00:15:33,990 --> 00:15:35,910
Oh, like you like this lineup?
358
00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:38,540
Now, either all these guys
have the same handwriting,
359
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:42,670
or somebody signing
their friends up for open mic.
360
00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:45,880
Wish I could find that guy and
tell him to sign me the fuck up.
361
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,040
I was the exact same way.
362
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,260
I was on that list every week
363
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:50,470
and now look at me.
364
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,760
I got the main room
whenever I want it.
365
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,010
As long as it's
ten minutes before closing.
366
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:56,850
Yeah.
367
00:15:56,850 --> 00:15:58,350
Goldie wants to see you
in her office.
368
00:15:58,350 --> 00:16:00,730
Wait, Goldie wants
to see me? Why?
369
00:16:00,730 --> 00:16:02,890
She said something
about liking your shoes.
370
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:04,520
My shoes?
371
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,560
Wait. Really?
372
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,560
Just go see her.
373
00:16:08,690 --> 00:16:09,900
Well, I feel like I'm going
to the principal's office
374
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,110
or some shit now.
375
00:16:12,110 --> 00:16:13,610
Wish I had an apple to give her.
376
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:15,870
Goldie doesn't get apples.
She gives them.
377
00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:17,120
Ooh, like Eve. Got it.
378
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,910
Or the witch in Snow White.
379
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:21,200
Pick your poison.
380
00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:27,750
Yep?
381
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:29,840
Hey, you wanted to see me?
382
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,460
Oh, hey, come in.
383
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:37,760
Caught your act the other night.
384
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,390
Yeah?
385
00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,060
Funny.
386
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:46,100
Thank you. I mean, it was
a rough night, but I thought...
387
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:49,230
That handyman bit... is it true?
388
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,610
Yeah.
389
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,440
I mean, I think
all the best comedy
390
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:53,820
comes from a core of reality...
391
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:54,700
That's great.
I have some work for you
392
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:58,030
at the the house
if you're interested.
393
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:04,370
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of...
of course.
394
00:17:04,370 --> 00:17:05,460
Great.
395
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:07,500
Monday morning,
bright and early.
396
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,380
Arnie'll give you the address.
397
00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:10,130
All right.
398
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:13,970
♪ Pensive music ♪
399
00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:17,010
♪
400
00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:18,680
So we need jobs
401
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,970
if we're gonna keep enjoying
this extravagant lifestyle
402
00:17:21,970 --> 00:17:25,350
of living in a closet
and eating stolen snack food.
403
00:17:25,350 --> 00:17:27,650
Do you... do you know of anything
404
00:17:27,650 --> 00:17:30,310
or maybe something
at your work or...?
405
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:30,900
Mm...
406
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,980
not really.
407
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:33,900
No.
408
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:37,950
Mm, I can keep
my ears open, though.
409
00:17:37,950 --> 00:17:38,820
Where you...
410
00:17:38,820 --> 00:17:41,330
Where do you work,
again, exactly...
411
00:17:41,330 --> 00:17:43,450
that I would like to work also?
412
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:47,120
Stefan Hatos-Monty Hall
Productions...
413
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,210
The people who do
Let's Make a Deal.
414
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:50,670
I'm an usher currently,
415
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,800
but I'm hoping to
one day be a presenter.
416
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,460
And what would that entail?
417
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,800
So say that Monty is
telling a contestant
418
00:17:58,800 --> 00:17:59,590
that they won a refrigerator.
419
00:17:59,590 --> 00:18:02,350
When Jay is giving
all the details,
420
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:05,350
Carol Merrill, who is the
nicest person in real life,
421
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:09,650
she presents the item,
like so...
422
00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:13,270
What do you think?
423
00:18:13,270 --> 00:18:15,190
I think...
424
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:16,030
I think you got to raise
your arms up higher,
425
00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:18,610
because the freezer...
426
00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:20,620
that's what people
really care about.
427
00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:21,700
So like...?
428
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,410
Perfect.
429
00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,870
♪ Lively funk music ♪
430
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:32,500
♪
431
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,210
Bill, what material
you doing tonight?
432
00:18:34,210 --> 00:18:36,710
Why don't you watch me and see?
433
00:18:36,710 --> 00:18:38,220
I just think it sucks
you can't do your A stuff.
434
00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:41,050
The abortion bit kills,
435
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,100
but, you know, TV, right?
436
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,850
Not that I don't like
your family stuff, it's good.
437
00:18:45,850 --> 00:18:47,430
It's a solid B.
438
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:48,770
♪
439
00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:51,940
Sully, is that what they're
wearing on the bench?
440
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,070
Jesus.
441
00:18:54,070 --> 00:18:56,400
♪
442
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,690
Gabe... let's go get stoned.
443
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:00,280
Why the fuck
would I want to get stoned
444
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,240
- before I go up?
- Whoa!
445
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,870
No need to take my head off.
446
00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:04,530
I just know you're
under a lot of pressure,
447
00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:06,870
and I want to help you out.
448
00:19:06,870 --> 00:19:09,660
You know your shit does not
play well when you're like this.
449
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,750
One fucking word, Edgar,
450
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:17,920
and you'll be sipping your
next burrito through a straw.
451
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,170
So Goldie wanted you
to come up to her house
452
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:22,640
so you could do
some handyman work?
453
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,100
And I'm up here thinking
she gonna
454
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,140
give me The Cellar or some shit.
455
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:26,560
- Right.
- Nope.
456
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,270
Coo-coo-catchoo,
Mrs. Jackie Robinson.
457
00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:30,430
Okay, it's not like that. Is it?
458
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,690
Well, maybe it's like
an audition.
459
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,150
For your cock.
460
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:34,940
No, she already said
you were funny, right?
461
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,770
Now she's trying to see
how funny.
462
00:19:36,770 --> 00:19:39,110
She's all buddy-buddy
with these shitheads.
463
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:39,780
And maybe that's how
she does it.
464
00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:41,610
- Go wow her.
- Mm.
465
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:42,110
With your cock.
466
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:44,070
What the fuck?
467
00:19:44,070 --> 00:19:45,120
Were you including me
468
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,080
when you were talking
about those shitheads?
469
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,450
Because, frankly,
I would love to be promoted
470
00:19:49,450 --> 00:19:51,120
from peon to shithead.
471
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,790
Well, you know Goldie and I
are on a first-name basis now.
472
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:55,170
Yeah.
473
00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:55,920
Of course, she thinks
that name is "Freddie."
474
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,670
Wait. Your name isn't Freddie?
475
00:19:57,670 --> 00:19:59,630
Not to interrupt
your mutual attempts at banter,
476
00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:01,380
but there appears to be
a shithead in distress
477
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:05,140
waving you over as we speak.
478
00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:08,970
Excuse me.
479
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,020
Hey.
480
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:14,310
Hi.
481
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:15,730
I'm going with the Picasso bit.
482
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:17,110
What? Why?
483
00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:17,820
Because Edgar said
my family shit is lame,
484
00:20:17,820 --> 00:20:20,070
and he's right... it is lame.
485
00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,440
And the Picasso bit is raw,
but that doesn't even matter.
486
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,650
- Okay, stop...
- No, listen...
487
00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:23,740
- No. Stop.
- Listen...
488
00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:27,200
You know the only word
I heard you say was "Edgar."
489
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,700
You know Edgar.
490
00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,080
He makes his living
messing with people's minds.
491
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,210
The Picasso bit
is gonna be great,
492
00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:34,670
but it's a work in progress,
493
00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:36,500
and you always kill
with your family stuff.
494
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,630
And you're gonna
kill it tonight.
495
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:47,010
Fucking Edgar.
496
00:20:47,010 --> 00:20:48,140
You're right.
497
00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:53,180
It's nice having a girlfriend
who's a comedian.
498
00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:55,270
Hey, fuck off. Have a good set.
499
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,860
I can't get used to
the size of things out here.
500
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:03,570
I went to this
Beverly Hills public pool.
501
00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:06,160
Big pool, not crowded...
502
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,200
also, not public.
503
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,370
Turns out I was
in someone else's backyard.
504
00:21:12,370 --> 00:21:16,040
They had me arrested
for trespassing.
505
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,290
But where I'm from,
if you got a yard that big,
506
00:21:18,290 --> 00:21:20,710
you already in jail.
507
00:21:22,250 --> 00:21:23,460
You know, I admire
the Civil Rights movement.
508
00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,970
I don't know how they did it.
509
00:21:25,970 --> 00:21:28,800
You know, could you imagine
Jews rioting?
510
00:21:29,930 --> 00:21:32,060
Oh, all that fire, the heat.
511
00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:33,680
Ugh.
512
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,390
Throw a couple German Shepherds
in there,
513
00:21:35,390 --> 00:21:37,690
not exactly a breed
we gravitate to.
514
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,520
Ugh, but protesting
on the other hand.
515
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,230
Protesting is something Jews
might actually excel at,
516
00:21:43,230 --> 00:21:45,690
because protesting...
517
00:21:45,690 --> 00:21:47,660
Basically organized complaining.
518
00:21:48,570 --> 00:21:49,740
You know? What do we want?
519
00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:51,870
Freedom. When do we want it?
520
00:21:51,870 --> 00:21:53,910
I don't know. I'm just worried.
521
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:56,540
I'm not married.
522
00:21:56,540 --> 00:21:58,170
I don't like the idea
of marriage, you know?
523
00:21:58,170 --> 00:22:00,380
I find the anniversary gifts
a real turnoff.
524
00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:01,250
First year, paper.
Second year, cotton.
525
00:22:01,250 --> 00:22:03,590
Third year, leather.
526
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:04,622
Sounds like a suicide kit.
527
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:08,050
Paper to write
the suicide note with.
528
00:22:08,050 --> 00:22:09,930
"Thanks for the cotton
last year, honey,
529
00:22:09,930 --> 00:22:12,220
and this year for the belt
to hang myself with."
530
00:22:13,140 --> 00:22:15,600
I think we need to
update this list, right?
531
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,770
First year, peace.
Second year, quiet.
532
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:20,060
Third year, fix me up
with your sister.
533
00:22:21,310 --> 00:22:24,280
Don't fuck me on this intro.
Just keep it short and sweet.
534
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:25,900
"Very funny man,
Edgar Martinez."
535
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:27,780
Yeah, I'm not really big
on lying to the public.
536
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:29,110
Okay, just do what I ask,
and I'll do you the favor
537
00:22:29,110 --> 00:22:32,070
of swatting away all the pigs
that fly out of Goldie's ass
538
00:22:32,070 --> 00:22:34,080
- when you get your big break.
- That's my time.
539
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,620
- Thank you guys so much.
- Douche.
540
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,130
Bill Hobbs, ladies
and gentlemen, Bill Hobbs!
541
00:22:41,130 --> 00:22:43,540
Are you guys having
a good time tonight, huh?
542
00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:44,500
Whoo!
543
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:46,340
Good, good, good, good!
544
00:22:46,340 --> 00:22:48,300
I know this guy is,
'cause, wow, look at his date.
545
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,470
She is gorgeous. And he is not.
546
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:53,050
Whoo-ah! God, the power
of Christ compels you.
547
00:22:53,050 --> 00:22:54,600
Don't look straight
into his eyes.
548
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,970
When I look at this couple,
I-I feel that
549
00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:57,350
a short straw somehow
played a role in this.
550
00:22:57,350 --> 00:22:58,810
Did you lose a bet?
551
00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:01,770
Are you... are you...
Is there a gun under the table?
552
00:23:01,770 --> 00:23:02,810
Guys, don't feel bad for her.
She charges by the pound.
553
00:23:02,810 --> 00:23:04,900
She's doing great.
554
00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:08,360
Is this your daughter,
or... or are you just rich?
555
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:09,400
- Both.
- Both! Nice!
556
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,570
Well, a follow-up question...
Are you single?
557
00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:13,280
Because I'm looking
for a sugar daddy-in-law.
558
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,240
Yeah? She's not answering.
She'll tell me later.
559
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:15,950
All right, guys, let's move on.
560
00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:17,870
We have got a guy coming up.
561
00:23:17,870 --> 00:23:19,620
He is Mexican.
That's his act. Good night.
562
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,290
No, I'm kidding, kidding.
563
00:23:22,290 --> 00:23:23,460
Seriously, uh,
this guy is great.
564
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:25,000
If life is a potluck,
he only brought the guacamole.
565
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,170
He's straight out of
the mean streets of Brentwood,
566
00:23:27,170 --> 00:23:31,930
here to tell you how Mexicans
are different, Edgar Martinez!
567
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,800
- You are a dead man.
- Blow me.
568
00:23:38,770 --> 00:23:39,350
Hey.
569
00:23:39,350 --> 00:23:42,350
We are.
570
00:23:42,350 --> 00:23:44,730
We are...
We are different, right?
571
00:23:44,730 --> 00:23:47,400
For example, when Mexicans
go to the store,
572
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,280
we bring the whole family.
573
00:23:51,610 --> 00:23:52,910
Uh...
574
00:23:52,910 --> 00:23:53,610
We want to br... buy
some cottage cheese,
575
00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:57,410
we put it up to a vote.
576
00:23:57,410 --> 00:23:59,040
And everybody
can only get one thing,
577
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,330
'cause we don't have
much room in the car.
578
00:24:02,330 --> 00:24:05,000
Right, everybody's
holding one grape.
579
00:24:07,540 --> 00:24:09,420
Then we got to go back,
580
00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:11,840
get some more stuff.
581
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,720
You don't do crowd work
during a showcase.
582
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:15,220
Hey, hey, hey!
583
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:17,510
Unwritten rule number seven,
written right here!
584
00:24:17,510 --> 00:24:18,510
I got laughs! You didn't!
585
00:24:18,510 --> 00:24:20,270
I should have had
your fucking spot, man!
586
00:24:20,270 --> 00:24:21,730
Yeah?
Fucking insulting the comic
587
00:24:21,730 --> 00:24:24,060
you're bringing up,
you motherfucker!
588
00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:30,280
Is this still a fight?
589
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,360
It's starting to look like
how babies are made.
590
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:33,400
Yeah, this was my shot.
591
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,160
You never had a shot, Edgar!
Ha ha!
592
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,410
Because you fucked it up!
593
00:24:36,410 --> 00:24:39,080
Get the fuck off of him!
594
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,290
What the...
595
00:24:40,290 --> 00:24:41,700
What the hell was that
out there?
596
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:42,450
I was just amping 'em up.
597
00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:44,540
More like fucking him up.
598
00:24:44,540 --> 00:24:46,420
Thank you, Goldie.
599
00:24:46,420 --> 00:24:48,540
D...
600
00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:49,960
Bill, Monday morning,
601
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,420
Ten a. m. Butterman's office.
602
00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:54,550
Are you shitting me?
603
00:24:54,550 --> 00:24:57,260
Congratulations, Billy.
604
00:24:57,260 --> 00:24:58,180
Okay!
605
00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:00,430
Okay, all right.
You two settle down.
606
00:25:00,430 --> 00:25:03,180
Holy shit. Holy shit.
607
00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:04,940
This isn't over, asshole.
608
00:25:04,940 --> 00:25:06,100
You punch like it's the
second day of your period.
609
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:08,060
- Yeah, fuck you.
- Easy.
610
00:25:11,110 --> 00:25:12,480
Congratulations.
611
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:13,900
Fucking...
612
00:25:13,900 --> 00:25:16,320
No.
613
00:25:29,790 --> 00:25:33,630
What, are you
coming from church?
614
00:25:33,630 --> 00:25:36,470
N-no, no, no, I have
a T-shirt on under this.
615
00:25:36,470 --> 00:25:37,300
I just wasn't sure of what...
616
00:25:37,300 --> 00:25:41,100
The dress code?
617
00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:44,220
You're painting a room,
not taking it out to dinner.
618
00:25:48,650 --> 00:25:52,730
All this pink, I want it gone.
619
00:25:52,730 --> 00:25:54,320
We're going olive.
620
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,490
My little sister's room
used to look just like this.
621
00:25:56,490 --> 00:26:00,160
My daughter's room.
622
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,490
Little girls and pink.
623
00:26:03,490 --> 00:26:04,330
This is probably
the first time, huh?
624
00:26:04,330 --> 00:26:06,120
What?
625
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:09,170
I was just thinking that it's
probably the first time
626
00:26:09,170 --> 00:26:12,000
that a white woman
has ever wanted a black man
627
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,460
in her daughter's bedroom.
628
00:26:18,470 --> 00:26:19,510
So your daughter likes
olive now, huh?
629
00:26:19,510 --> 00:26:20,840
Hates it.
630
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,510
You'll find what you need
in the garage.
631
00:26:23,510 --> 00:26:25,060
Anything you want to eat, you
help yourself in the kitchen.
632
00:26:25,060 --> 00:26:27,480
I'll be down at the club,
you need me.
633
00:26:34,730 --> 00:26:35,820
What do you think?
634
00:26:35,820 --> 00:26:38,860
Well, that depends.
635
00:26:38,860 --> 00:26:41,820
Are you going skiing
or gonna blow Dick Cavett?
636
00:26:41,820 --> 00:26:43,200
Oh, Dick and I
were gonna ski first,
637
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:43,870
but I do usually
blow him when we're done.
638
00:26:43,870 --> 00:26:45,910
Well, then you look great.
639
00:26:45,910 --> 00:26:47,290
So that's a no
to the turtleneck.
640
00:26:47,290 --> 00:26:50,370
Well, actually, that's
a fuck, no, but I'm a lady.
641
00:26:50,370 --> 00:26:52,290
You still haven't told me
what Butterman said.
642
00:26:54,090 --> 00:26:55,880
"I saw your 15.
Now do your best six.
643
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,630
Buy a suit.
644
00:26:57,630 --> 00:26:59,220
You look like you play
for a women's softball team."
645
00:26:59,220 --> 00:27:01,090
And then some quick story
about how he one time
646
00:27:01,090 --> 00:27:02,890
saw Joni Mitchell peeing
outdoors while standing up.
647
00:27:02,890 --> 00:27:05,510
- Way to bury the lede.
- Mm.
648
00:27:05,510 --> 00:27:06,600
Also, Dionne Warwick is hosting.
649
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,560
And apparently she finds
excessive eye contact crass.
650
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,400
Well, I'm still
very happy for you
651
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,432
despite your many hurdles.
652
00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,780
My dad and my sister
are coming out.
653
00:27:17,780 --> 00:27:19,240
Wow.
654
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,530
I'm kind of excited
to meet your dad.
655
00:27:22,530 --> 00:27:24,580
Yeah, I don't know
why I told them.
656
00:27:24,580 --> 00:27:25,450
Because this is your moment,
657
00:27:25,450 --> 00:27:27,620
and you want the people
that matter most
658
00:27:27,620 --> 00:27:29,910
to be there for you.
659
00:27:29,910 --> 00:27:31,920
Oh, you're gonna be there, huh?
660
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:32,960
I'll think about it
if you lose that turtleneck.
661
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,250
What you need is a groovy shirt.
662
00:27:36,250 --> 00:27:38,420
♪
663
00:27:38,420 --> 00:27:39,420
I'm gonna take the suit,
664
00:27:39,420 --> 00:27:42,800
but I'll need the alterations
done quickly.
665
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,930
I got Midnight Special.
666
00:27:44,930 --> 00:27:47,260
Uh, the suit's not on special.
667
00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:48,600
Sorry.
668
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,730
No, uh, it's a...
669
00:27:51,730 --> 00:27:52,600
It's a television show,
Midnight Special.
670
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,650
I'm gonna be on it.
671
00:27:54,650 --> 00:27:57,570
Oh, I don't watch television.
672
00:27:57,570 --> 00:27:58,980
Right.
673
00:28:00,610 --> 00:28:02,860
I think we can just put it
on the... like, the cuff here.
674
00:28:02,860 --> 00:28:04,700
It has to make...
Be, like, flashy, make noise.
675
00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:07,030
- It's itchy. It's itchy.
- Okay, this one you don't need.
676
00:28:07,030 --> 00:28:08,790
What, you got kin
coming up from Tennessee?
677
00:28:08,790 --> 00:28:10,830
No, dude,
Maggie pulled some strings
678
00:28:10,830 --> 00:28:12,370
and got us on Let's Make a Deal.
679
00:28:12,370 --> 00:28:13,620
Jobs?
680
00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:14,540
Even better... contestants.
681
00:28:14,540 --> 00:28:16,630
- What?
- Yeah, and I got you costumes.
682
00:28:16,630 --> 00:28:18,130
People just leave them in
the Dumpster behind the studio.
683
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:20,800
Yeah, you smell like
desperation and mouse urine.
684
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,630
No, Z, this could be big, okay?
685
00:28:22,630 --> 00:28:24,550
We're on the trading floor.
All we got to do is get picked.
686
00:28:24,550 --> 00:28:25,430
Wait. We... we got to get picked?
687
00:28:25,430 --> 00:28:26,470
Yeah.
Do you even watch the show?
688
00:28:26,470 --> 00:28:29,140
No.
689
00:28:29,140 --> 00:28:30,220
Well, then you don't know
how incredible this is.
690
00:28:30,220 --> 00:28:31,640
You could win a dining-room set
691
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,480
or patio furniture.
692
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,650
Oh, great.
693
00:28:35,650 --> 00:28:36,360
We can be comfortable
while we starve.
694
00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:38,400
No, dude, a-anything we win,
695
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,820
we're gonna sell
and use to buy food.
696
00:28:39,820 --> 00:28:41,650
It's all about the cash value.
697
00:28:41,650 --> 00:28:43,530
Yeah, and don't forget
to bring a hard-boiled egg.
698
00:28:43,530 --> 00:28:44,530
What? Why?
699
00:28:44,530 --> 00:28:45,990
Because Monty's gonna
ask you for random shit,
700
00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:48,620
and then give you
50 bucks for it.
701
00:28:48,620 --> 00:28:51,580
And hard-boiled eggs
are his go-to item.
702
00:28:51,580 --> 00:28:54,620
This is a fucking
ridiculous plan.
703
00:28:55,710 --> 00:28:58,500
These people,
dressed as they are,
704
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:02,170
come from all over
the United States to make deals.
705
00:29:02,170 --> 00:29:04,840
Here in the market place
of America,
706
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,640
Let's Make a Deal!
707
00:29:11,140 --> 00:29:15,690
And now
here's America's top trader,
708
00:29:15,690 --> 00:29:17,690
TV's big dealer,
709
00:29:17,690 --> 00:29:21,730
Monty Hall!
710
00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:26,860
Thank you.
711
00:29:26,860 --> 00:29:27,530
Me make-em big deal.
712
00:29:27,530 --> 00:29:30,030
Yay.
713
00:29:30,030 --> 00:29:31,790
I have some
reservations about this one...
714
00:29:31,790 --> 00:29:33,700
Unless you want space food
sticks for dinner, get excited.
715
00:29:33,700 --> 00:29:36,040
Monty only chooses
excited people.
716
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:37,080
Like I already don't
hate myself enough.
717
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,750
The yolk's on you, my friend.
718
00:29:39,750 --> 00:29:42,420
All right. Let's see.
719
00:29:42,420 --> 00:29:43,380
What do we have here?
What do we have here?
720
00:29:43,380 --> 00:29:47,680
What's that?
"Not scared to crow for a deal."
721
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,140
I'm not, Monty.
722
00:29:49,140 --> 00:29:50,140
All right.
723
00:29:50,140 --> 00:29:51,720
Ron Shack. Good name.
724
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,100
Uh, Ron Shack,
will you crow for me?
725
00:29:54,100 --> 00:29:56,270
Caw, caw!
726
00:29:56,270 --> 00:29:57,690
Not bad. Come on.
727
00:29:59,060 --> 00:30:01,400
We just moved here from Boston.
728
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:02,900
I mean, I'm originally
from Tennessee,
729
00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:04,740
but we moved there
when I was, like, 15.
730
00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:06,820
Okay, you and the...
Uh, the sunflower?
731
00:30:06,820 --> 00:30:08,410
No, no, he's...
732
00:30:08,410 --> 00:30:10,700
He was... the sunflower
was always from Boston.
733
00:30:10,700 --> 00:30:11,740
All right.
And who do we have here?
734
00:30:11,740 --> 00:30:14,620
Uh, Eddie...
735
00:30:14,620 --> 00:30:15,750
Show him your thing.
736
00:30:15,750 --> 00:30:16,410
Uh, Eddie Zeidel.
Is that correct?
737
00:30:16,410 --> 00:30:18,710
That's close enough, Monty!
738
00:30:18,710 --> 00:30:19,880
All right.
739
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:20,580
Well, Ron and Eddie from Boston
740
00:30:20,580 --> 00:30:22,130
and formerly from Tennessee,
741
00:30:22,130 --> 00:30:24,000
do either of you
have a hard-boiled egg?
742
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,420
We do! We do, Monty.
743
00:30:25,420 --> 00:30:27,880
Give him the egg.
744
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,930
I ate it. I ate it.
745
00:30:29,930 --> 00:30:31,350
What?
746
00:30:31,350 --> 00:30:34,060
I didn't think
that was a real thing.
747
00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:36,100
Monty, we had an egg, I promise.
748
00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:37,640
I'm so sorry, but he ate it.
749
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:38,890
All right, well...
750
00:30:38,890 --> 00:30:41,190
Well, don't worry because
I have something else planned.
751
00:30:41,190 --> 00:30:44,820
Jay, let's bring down
the register.
752
00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:47,610
Thank you, Jay.
753
00:30:47,610 --> 00:30:49,780
Now, Ron, would you
like to push a button?
754
00:30:49,780 --> 00:30:50,780
Yes, absolutely, Monty!
755
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,410
Whoo!
756
00:30:54,410 --> 00:30:56,040
Two hundred dollars!
757
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,460
That's right, $200.
758
00:30:58,460 --> 00:31:01,250
What do we have here?
759
00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:02,710
One, two...
760
00:31:02,710 --> 00:31:05,630
♪ upbeat rock music ♪
761
00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:07,630
♪
762
00:31:07,630 --> 00:31:09,800
Hey.
763
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,050
You want this?
764
00:31:12,050 --> 00:31:15,560
Ah, no such thing
as a free lunch, my friend.
765
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:20,560
♪
766
00:31:26,150 --> 00:31:27,900
I'm not too sure
about what I'm eating,
767
00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:29,820
but it's good.
768
00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:33,280
It's liverwurst.
769
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:34,907
I think that's what
my granddad died from.
770
00:31:39,910 --> 00:31:43,210
Because he...
He used to drink and...
771
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,680
So why do you have
an empty birdcage?
772
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,800
Bird died.
773
00:31:56,380 --> 00:31:57,380
Oh.
774
00:32:02,690 --> 00:32:06,190
Had it eight years.
775
00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:09,690
It was a birthday gift
to my daughter, for her ninth.
776
00:32:14,030 --> 00:32:17,030
So what did you do with it?
777
00:32:17,030 --> 00:32:18,700
What, the parakeet?
778
00:32:18,700 --> 00:32:20,120
Flushed it. What else
do you do with a dead bird?
779
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:23,500
Right.
780
00:32:36,260 --> 00:32:39,220
So why are you painting
your daughter's room
781
00:32:39,220 --> 00:32:41,560
a color that she doesn't like?
782
00:32:43,730 --> 00:32:45,650
Not her room anymore.
783
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:55,450
Did she go off
to college or something?
784
00:33:11,590 --> 00:33:12,590
Hello?
785
00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:17,090
Do not tell me
that shit is still going on.
786
00:33:17,090 --> 00:33:19,260
Jesus Christ.
787
00:33:19,260 --> 00:33:22,390
I-I-I'll be right there.
788
00:33:22,390 --> 00:33:24,940
Fucking kids.
789
00:33:29,110 --> 00:33:31,730
Sully, you are telling me
that Edgar
790
00:33:31,730 --> 00:33:34,190
had a bum shit in your car?
791
00:33:34,190 --> 00:33:36,910
One of the waitresses saw Edgar
literally open the door
792
00:33:36,910 --> 00:33:38,410
and allow the bum into my car!
793
00:33:38,410 --> 00:33:39,950
How does she know
I wasn't letting him out?
794
00:33:39,950 --> 00:33:41,280
- Shut up.
- Enough.
795
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,870
Let's get to the bigger point.
796
00:33:43,870 --> 00:33:45,830
Why the fuck are you
involving me in this?
797
00:33:45,830 --> 00:33:46,710
Don't you think I have
my own shit to deal with?
798
00:33:46,710 --> 00:33:48,630
Well, it happened
in your parking lot,
799
00:33:48,630 --> 00:33:50,130
so I assume it's
under your jurisdiction.
800
00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:51,290
Well, I think the burden
of proof is on Sully.
801
00:33:51,290 --> 00:33:54,090
I mean, I deny
ever telling a bum
802
00:33:54,090 --> 00:33:55,880
to shit in his front seat.
803
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,680
I am willing to agree
to the lesser charge
804
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,970
of just feeding a bum
Dinty Moore Beef Stew
805
00:34:01,970 --> 00:34:03,010
and pointing him
towards his car.
806
00:34:03,010 --> 00:34:05,180
This fucking guy! See?
Right there? He's saying it.
807
00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:06,560
That is enough. Stop.
808
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,400
Sully, you brought this
on yourself.
809
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:09,560
Uh...
810
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:10,190
"He's a Mexican, that's his act"
811
00:34:10,190 --> 00:34:13,110
is not an introduction.
812
00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:14,730
Edgar is a goddamn lunatic,
813
00:34:14,730 --> 00:34:15,990
- and you know it.
- Hey.
814
00:34:15,990 --> 00:34:16,860
What'd you think
was gonna happen?
815
00:34:16,860 --> 00:34:20,240
- I'm the victim here!
- No, I am.
816
00:34:20,240 --> 00:34:22,990
And I don't want to hear
another word about this.
817
00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:26,580
Here's Ron and Eddie,
Ron and Eddie.
818
00:34:26,580 --> 00:34:27,790
Yeah, Monty!
819
00:34:27,790 --> 00:34:30,000
Tell me, boys,
do you still have that $200,
820
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:30,710
or did Eddie here eat it?
821
00:34:30,710 --> 00:34:32,500
No, no, no, we still have it.
822
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:33,000
Yeah, no, I didn't
eat that, Monty.
823
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,340
All right.
824
00:34:35,340 --> 00:34:36,920
Well, would you like to trade
that 200 bucks for
825
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,182
what's behind the curtain where
Carol Merrill is standing?
826
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,680
Ron, we already have $200,
827
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,140
and somebody just won
a baby elephant,
828
00:34:45,140 --> 00:34:47,390
so let's just...
Let's just pack it in,
829
00:34:47,390 --> 00:34:48,520
call it a day.
830
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,190
We'll take the curtain, Monty.
831
00:34:50,190 --> 00:34:52,610
All right, for Ron and Eddie,
what do we got?
832
00:34:54,940 --> 00:34:55,730
We have a billiard table.
833
00:34:55,730 --> 00:34:57,900
Jay?
834
00:34:57,900 --> 00:35:00,360
That's right.
It's a brand-new billiard table,
835
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,450
featuring a burn-resistant
cloth surface,
836
00:35:02,450 --> 00:35:04,030
high-speed rubber cushions...
837
00:35:04,030 --> 00:35:05,790
Where are we putting that?
838
00:35:05,790 --> 00:35:07,200
Retail value.
839
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,210
We sell that baby,
we can eat for months.
840
00:35:09,210 --> 00:35:12,000
Manufactured
in Costa Mesa, California,
841
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,880
this beautiful billiard table
retails
842
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,050
for $1,895!
843
00:35:18,050 --> 00:35:22,090
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yes.
844
00:35:22,090 --> 00:35:23,600
Yes! Yes!
845
00:35:28,350 --> 00:35:30,690
- I'll get that.
- Thanks.
846
00:35:32,730 --> 00:35:35,400
- You finally made it.
- Oh, you finally made it.
847
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:36,860
This is big, Billy.
848
00:35:36,860 --> 00:35:38,740
Yeah, it's not The Tonight Show,
849
00:35:38,740 --> 00:35:39,400
but if Dionne Warwick's
doing it,
850
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,740
it's got to mean something.
851
00:35:41,740 --> 00:35:44,240
That's all Dad's been
talking about the whole trip...
852
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:46,160
Dionne Warwick.
853
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,910
She's a fine Negro singer,
much better than the other one.
854
00:35:47,910 --> 00:35:50,750
I promised I would get
her autograph for your mom,
855
00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:51,750
who sends her love, obviously.
856
00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:55,750
Yeah, uh, Cass,
this is my dad, Warren,
857
00:35:55,750 --> 00:35:57,000
my sister, Susan.
858
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,800
Hi, nice...
Nice to meet you both.
859
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,260
Nice to finally meet you.
860
00:36:00,260 --> 00:36:02,010
Bill goes on and on
about you constantly.
861
00:36:02,010 --> 00:36:04,050
Is that so?
862
00:36:04,050 --> 00:36:05,850
It's not constantly.
863
00:36:05,850 --> 00:36:07,060
Bill...
864
00:36:07,060 --> 00:36:09,220
where are you manners?
865
00:36:09,220 --> 00:36:10,270
Uh, right, this is Sparky.
866
00:36:10,270 --> 00:36:12,480
And, uh, my dad brought him,
even though I told him
867
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,270
my apartment doesn't allow pets.
868
00:36:14,270 --> 00:36:15,940
Well, hell, what,
you didn't think
869
00:36:15,940 --> 00:36:17,270
he would come to Hollywood
to see his big-shot brother
870
00:36:17,270 --> 00:36:19,190
going up on the doodad show?
871
00:36:19,190 --> 00:36:21,570
He's not my brother.
872
00:36:21,570 --> 00:36:23,860
And it's, uh, Midnight Special.
873
00:36:23,860 --> 00:36:25,280
It's not the doodad show.
874
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,120
Well, I actually
just wanted to come and say hi.
875
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,450
But I got to get to Goldie's.
876
00:36:29,450 --> 00:36:31,250
You're leaving?
I ordered Chinese food for us.
877
00:36:31,250 --> 00:36:33,120
I know, but I'm
going up tonight,
878
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,670
and, you know, I got my three
pairs of jeans to go through...
879
00:36:35,670 --> 00:36:38,130
Faded, really faded,
and practically obscene.
880
00:36:38,130 --> 00:36:41,090
Goldie's is the comedy club
where Bill practices.
881
00:36:41,090 --> 00:36:42,130
Performs.
882
00:36:42,130 --> 00:36:45,180
You a waitress, sweetie?
883
00:36:45,180 --> 00:36:47,260
I'm a comedian.
884
00:36:47,260 --> 00:36:48,300
Oh, I-I thought
you were his girlfriend.
885
00:36:48,300 --> 00:36:51,640
She is. She's both.
886
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,140
Well, can we come see you?
887
00:36:54,140 --> 00:36:55,650
I'm not on till really late.
888
00:36:55,650 --> 00:36:57,650
I don't... I don't get
the good time slots yet.
889
00:36:57,650 --> 00:36:59,650
I'm... I'm still working
my way up to where Bill is.
890
00:36:59,650 --> 00:37:01,610
Hmm.
You sure that's the direction?
891
00:37:01,610 --> 00:37:03,820
Just busting your grapes, Billy.
892
00:37:03,820 --> 00:37:06,820
Anyhow, it was
very nice to meet you both.
893
00:37:06,820 --> 00:37:08,200
Yeah, and we'll see you
at the show...
894
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,330
Bill's show, I mean.
895
00:37:09,330 --> 00:37:12,120
Yeah, the doodad show.
896
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:13,790
Definitely.
897
00:37:13,790 --> 00:37:14,960
Bye.
898
00:37:18,670 --> 00:37:21,210
She seems
like a really sweet girl.
899
00:37:21,210 --> 00:37:24,550
I never had a Jew.
900
00:37:31,180 --> 00:37:34,680
Now, who wants to participate
in our Big Deal of the Day?
901
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,060
Where you can trade in
an earlier deal
902
00:37:37,060 --> 00:37:39,560
for a chance
at a really big prize.
903
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,070
Me! Me, Monty, me and Eddie!
904
00:37:41,070 --> 00:37:42,530
No, we're good!
We're good, Monty!
905
00:37:42,530 --> 00:37:44,900
Hey, you, scarecrow,
listen to me.
906
00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:46,360
We need to quit
while we're ahead.
907
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,360
We have a billiard table
already.
908
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,160
Let's just sell it and eat.
909
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:50,530
Jeez, would you stop
being such a pussy?
910
00:37:50,530 --> 00:37:53,200
I'm not being a pussy!
I'm just...
911
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:54,080
Why take the risk?
912
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,620
Are you serious?
913
00:37:56,620 --> 00:37:58,370
We're out here because
we're taking a risk.
914
00:37:58,370 --> 00:38:00,590
I mean, every morning we get up,
everything we do...
915
00:38:00,590 --> 00:38:02,750
Moving here was a fucking risk.
916
00:38:02,750 --> 00:38:04,550
I think that's a yes.
917
00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:06,510
You're right. Fuck it.
918
00:38:06,510 --> 00:38:09,260
Monty! Over here! Caw! Caw!
919
00:38:09,260 --> 00:38:10,550
Don't caw. You're a flower.
920
00:38:10,550 --> 00:38:12,010
You sound like a fucking idiot.
921
00:38:12,010 --> 00:38:13,560
She wants door number three.
922
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,187
Let's see what's behind
door number three.
923
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:17,770
A new car!
924
00:38:17,770 --> 00:38:20,230
Ride in style
to your next poker game
925
00:38:20,230 --> 00:38:23,400
in a brand-new Cadillac.
926
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:24,820
This El Dorado's loaded
with all of Cadillac's
927
00:38:24,820 --> 00:38:29,070
famous power accessories,
plus air conditioning...
928
00:38:29,070 --> 00:38:30,740
The ultimate in luxury
929
00:38:30,740 --> 00:38:32,660
from Casa de Cadillac
in Sherman Oaks, California,
930
00:38:32,660 --> 00:38:34,040
with tax and license included.
931
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:35,250
It sells for
932
00:38:35,250 --> 00:38:38,580
$10,413.
933
00:38:38,580 --> 00:38:41,080
Are you fucking kidding me?
934
00:38:42,590 --> 00:38:44,380
Monty! Over here, Monty!
935
00:38:44,380 --> 00:38:45,920
Pick us! Pick us!
936
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,550
- Monty, we're ready.
- Pick us, Monty!
937
00:38:47,550 --> 00:38:48,470
- He loves us... Monty.
- I know, I see him, I see him.
938
00:38:48,470 --> 00:38:52,180
Ron and Eddie, Ron and Eddie.
939
00:38:52,180 --> 00:38:54,100
You guys have
a billiard table worth
940
00:38:54,100 --> 00:38:58,060
$1,895.
941
00:39:00,310 --> 00:39:03,270
Which door do you choose?
942
00:39:03,270 --> 00:39:05,360
Two! Two!
943
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,950
We want door number one.
944
00:39:08,950 --> 00:39:10,974
Okay, door number one...
Let's see what's behind it.
945
00:39:12,700 --> 00:39:14,990
Oh.
946
00:39:14,990 --> 00:39:16,870
That's what happens
when you gamble at pool.
947
00:39:16,870 --> 00:39:19,960
Hey, guys,
your ride home is here.
948
00:39:21,540 --> 00:39:22,630
Say, Jay, just so they don't
go home empty-handed,
949
00:39:22,630 --> 00:39:24,960
what else do we have for them?
950
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,760
Hee-haw, it's a year's supply
of Rice-A-Roni,
951
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,340
the one you sauté and simmer
to flavor perfection.
952
00:39:31,340 --> 00:39:34,640
The San Francisco Treat!
953
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:35,810
Yes.
954
00:39:35,810 --> 00:39:37,310
Yes! Yes! Yes!
955
00:39:37,310 --> 00:39:38,310
Yes!
956
00:39:41,140 --> 00:39:43,150
We did it.
957
00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:44,480
I love having kids.
958
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,230
Best part about being a dad,
959
00:39:46,230 --> 00:39:48,400
I only have to see them
every other weekend.
960
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,150
My wife's new husband...
He's great.
961
00:39:51,150 --> 00:39:52,490
He even taught me
how to throw a football.
962
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,070
You guys are a hot crowd,
963
00:39:55,070 --> 00:39:56,080
not like my ex-wife...
964
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:59,830
Cold, drunk, and
out at two in the morning.
965
00:39:59,830 --> 00:40:01,370
Hey.
966
00:40:01,370 --> 00:40:02,790
Hey, what are you doing here?
It's late.
967
00:40:02,790 --> 00:40:05,340
Can't a guy support
his girlfriend?
968
00:40:05,340 --> 00:40:08,340
Um, that's sweet, but...
969
00:40:08,340 --> 00:40:10,550
please go home.
970
00:40:10,550 --> 00:40:12,680
Do we have a problem?
971
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,840
Problem?
Why would we have a problem?
972
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,680
My father and my sister show up,
973
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,470
and you couldn't
get out of there fast enough.
974
00:40:18,470 --> 00:40:20,430
No, I just...
I was going up tonight,
975
00:40:20,430 --> 00:40:21,390
and I just needed
time to prepare.
976
00:40:21,390 --> 00:40:24,440
You needed five hours?
977
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:25,860
You'd flip if I pulled
this shit on you
978
00:40:25,860 --> 00:40:28,520
right before you were
gonna go on.
979
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,530
Have you seen this crowd?
980
00:40:30,530 --> 00:40:32,200
This crowd is no different
than any other crowd.
981
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,660
- They're not even listening.
- So make them listen.
982
00:40:36,410 --> 00:40:38,910
You know, you're being
kind of an asshole right now.
983
00:40:38,910 --> 00:40:40,700
You haven't played 2 a. m.
In a long time,
984
00:40:40,700 --> 00:40:42,710
and sometimes
it's just a sucky crowd.
985
00:40:42,710 --> 00:40:44,370
Then give me
five of your minutes,
986
00:40:44,370 --> 00:40:45,420
and I'll turn 'em around.
987
00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:48,000
Is this a test?
988
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,050
A test?
989
00:40:49,050 --> 00:40:50,130
Yeah. Are you testing me?
990
00:40:50,130 --> 00:40:53,260
Yeah, I am. I'm being
a dedicated boyfriend, okay?
991
00:40:53,260 --> 00:40:54,180
And... and unlike
you as a girlfriend,
992
00:40:54,180 --> 00:40:56,390
I think I'm passing
with flying colors.
993
00:40:56,390 --> 00:40:58,550
Well, I guess that depends
on what your definition is.
994
00:40:58,550 --> 00:41:00,350
And what's
your definition, Cass...
995
00:41:00,350 --> 00:41:01,390
Carrying a torch for a dead guy?
996
00:41:01,390 --> 00:41:04,230
All right. Up next...
997
00:41:04,230 --> 00:41:05,440
♪ somber music ♪
998
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:06,810
Who we got? Um...
999
00:41:06,810 --> 00:41:09,400
They asleep back there?
Who's next?
1000
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,690
Cassie?
1001
00:41:11,690 --> 00:41:13,190
I can't believe you
would do this to me
1002
00:41:13,190 --> 00:41:14,400
right before I fucking go on.
1003
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:15,070
If you can't handle it,
1004
00:41:15,070 --> 00:41:17,030
I'll warm 'em up for you.
1005
00:41:17,030 --> 00:41:17,910
No, I don't need you to do that.
1006
00:41:17,910 --> 00:41:20,160
Bill, I don't need you
to do that.
1007
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,410
Oh, all right, we got
a last-minute substitution.
1008
00:41:23,410 --> 00:41:25,250
Uh, he's a regular
on The Main Stage,
1009
00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:27,210
you're gonna see him
on Midnight Special very soon.
1010
00:41:27,210 --> 00:41:28,580
My man, Mr. Bill Hobbs!
1011
00:41:33,380 --> 00:41:35,510
All right. Good morning.
1012
00:41:35,510 --> 00:41:37,840
Wow, what are the odds
of an entire front row of people
1013
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,890
who all had their dogs
put down on the same day, huh?
1014
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,270
Uh, I'm not married.
Don't like the idea of marriage.
1015
00:41:44,270 --> 00:41:46,940
The whole anniversary gifts
is a real turnoff to me.
1016
00:41:46,940 --> 00:41:48,400
You know, first year, paper.
Second year, cotton.
1017
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:49,770
Third year, leather.
1018
00:41:49,770 --> 00:41:51,110
Sounds like a suicide kit,
doesn't it?
1019
00:41:51,110 --> 00:41:56,150
You know, it's...
1020
00:41:56,150 --> 00:41:57,280
The paper to write
the suicide note with, you know?
1021
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,950
Like, "Oh, thanks for
the cotton last year, babe,
1022
00:41:59,950 --> 00:42:01,910
and now the, uh,
belt to hang myself with."
1023
00:42:03,660 --> 00:42:04,540
I feel like we should
amend that list, you know.
1024
00:42:04,540 --> 00:42:06,120
It needs to be updated.
1025
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,370
It's one of those things
where it's, uh...
1026
00:42:08,370 --> 00:42:09,710
That company
is gonna fall apart.
1027
00:42:09,710 --> 00:42:10,590
A new... uh-uh, hey. Excuse me?
1028
00:42:10,590 --> 00:42:12,460
Hi. Yeah, you, talking.
1029
00:42:12,460 --> 00:42:13,800
I'm... I'm talking to you.
1030
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,720
Uh, who else would I
be talking to?
1031
00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:18,010
Um, I'm up here working,
1032
00:42:18,010 --> 00:42:19,300
so if you don't mind
shutting the fuck up...
1033
00:42:19,300 --> 00:42:20,680
Whoa!
1034
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:21,890
I'd be, uh, forever grateful.
1035
00:42:21,890 --> 00:42:24,310
- Thank you.
- Just ignore me, okay?
1036
00:42:24,310 --> 00:42:27,690
Uh, ignoring you is probably
easy for everyone in your life,
1037
00:42:27,690 --> 00:42:30,480
but, uh, this is my job.
1038
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:32,230
So I'm up here, doing my job,
1039
00:42:32,230 --> 00:42:33,730
my job is to stand here,
talking,
1040
00:42:33,730 --> 00:42:36,150
and yours is to sit
with your mouth shut,
1041
00:42:36,150 --> 00:42:37,360
listening, okay?
1042
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,240
Be nice. We got laid off today.
1043
00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:40,990
You got laid today?
1044
00:42:40,990 --> 00:42:42,580
Judging by the expression on
your face, it wasn't that good.
1045
00:42:42,580 --> 00:42:45,160
Our whole department
got laid off today.
1046
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:46,750
Oh, really?
1047
00:42:46,750 --> 00:42:48,330
Then why the fuck did you
come to a comedy show?
1048
00:42:48,330 --> 00:42:50,170
Huh?
1049
00:42:50,170 --> 00:42:52,000
Oh, Jesus, lady, you think
just 'cause your life is shit,
1050
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:53,670
you need to come here
and share the wealth?
1051
00:42:53,670 --> 00:42:55,130
You know how fucking hard
this is?
1052
00:42:55,130 --> 00:42:56,670
No, you have no idea
1053
00:42:56,670 --> 00:42:58,510
what it's like
to put yourself out there.
1054
00:42:58,510 --> 00:43:00,720
I'm... I'm sure it's a lot harder
than whatever widget factory
1055
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,470
you and the traveling mausoleum
got shit-canned from today.
1056
00:43:02,470 --> 00:43:03,640
Oh, great. Okay.
1057
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,430
- Okay.
- Thanks.
1058
00:43:05,430 --> 00:43:06,600
Oh, oh, you taking off?
Now you gonna leave, huh?
1059
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,520
Fuck off. Go.
1060
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,690
Unemployment office isn't open
for another couple hours, girls.
1061
00:43:11,690 --> 00:43:13,440
You're an asshole.
1062
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,464
Yeah, I am an asshole.
Don't ever fucking come back.
1063
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,400
Fuck it.
1064
00:43:21,530 --> 00:43:24,120
Everybody, Bill Hobbs!
1065
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:28,540
Keynote speaker
at the next feminist convention.
1066
00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:43,390
Hello?
1067
00:43:43,390 --> 00:43:45,510
Had a colleague
at your club last night,
1068
00:43:45,510 --> 00:43:47,680
said your Hobbs guy
put on quite a show.
1069
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,440
Ugly, with a capital U.
1070
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,900
Well, I have no fucking idea
what you're talking about.
1071
00:43:53,900 --> 00:43:54,730
We're dropping your boy.
1072
00:43:54,730 --> 00:43:57,110
Dropping him?
1073
00:43:57,110 --> 00:43:57,780
Well, that's fucking insane.
1074
00:43:57,780 --> 00:44:00,820
He wasn't even scheduled.
1075
00:44:00,820 --> 00:44:02,610
We just want to wait a bit.
1076
00:44:02,610 --> 00:44:04,280
We'll revisit the situation
in a couple of months.
1077
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,490
Art, I give you my word,
Bill's a pro.
1078
00:44:07,490 --> 00:44:08,870
♪ Somber jazz music ♪
1079
00:44:08,870 --> 00:44:11,620
Comics go off on people
all the time.
1080
00:44:11,620 --> 00:44:13,750
Maybe he had
too much to drink, huh?
1081
00:44:13,750 --> 00:44:16,420
According to my guy,
he didn't just go off.
1082
00:44:16,420 --> 00:44:17,670
He went ballistic.
1083
00:44:17,670 --> 00:44:19,760
Look, we already got
Robert Klein.
1084
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,590
Let's talk
in a couple of months.
1085
00:44:22,590 --> 00:44:27,100
♪
1086
00:44:27,100 --> 00:44:28,930
What, I-I'm an idiot
all of a sudden?
1087
00:44:28,930 --> 00:44:30,560
I don't know my own kids?
1088
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,940
♪
1089
00:44:32,940 --> 00:44:34,060
Did I tell you I gave up coffee?
1090
00:44:34,060 --> 00:44:37,690
The caffeine... made me anxious,
1091
00:44:37,690 --> 00:44:39,320
made me say things
in a way that was,
1092
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,950
let's just say,
not as I'd intentioned.
1093
00:44:42,950 --> 00:44:45,570
Ended up burning
a lot of bridges.
1094
00:44:45,570 --> 00:44:46,530
Not me.
1095
00:44:46,530 --> 00:44:49,200
I love my coffee.
1096
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:50,620
But you go ahead...
1097
00:44:50,620 --> 00:44:52,790
You enjoy your fucking tea.
1098
00:44:54,370 --> 00:44:59,670
♪
1099
00:45:09,010 --> 00:45:10,720
Hello?
1100
00:45:10,720 --> 00:45:12,270
Hey, Goldie, what's up?
1101
00:45:38,330 --> 00:45:39,130
I picked up your suit
1102
00:45:39,130 --> 00:45:43,300
because that's
what girlfriends do.
1103
00:45:46,180 --> 00:45:47,680
Someone was there
from Midnight Special
1104
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,850
when I...
1105
00:45:50,850 --> 00:45:54,270
And, uh, I'm not...
1106
00:45:54,270 --> 00:45:57,690
They cancelled.
1107
00:45:57,690 --> 00:45:59,310
Is that Carrie?
1108
00:46:02,690 --> 00:46:05,110
Well, is she coming in or not?
1109
00:46:06,820 --> 00:46:08,860
Um, I'm...
Thank you, Mr. Hobbs, but...
1110
00:46:08,860 --> 00:46:11,120
She can't stay, Dad.
1111
00:46:16,660 --> 00:46:19,670
Did this just happen?
1112
00:46:19,670 --> 00:46:21,960
Yeah, Goldie just hung up.
1113
00:46:26,050 --> 00:46:30,600
I'll call you
later tonight, okay?
1114
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:31,930
Okay.
1115
00:46:40,610 --> 00:46:43,400
You're okay, right?
1116
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:43,900
Yeah.
1117
00:46:43,900 --> 00:46:46,570
Thanks for...
1118
00:46:57,710 --> 00:46:59,290
Now what'd you do?
1119
00:47:13,890 --> 00:47:15,600
The paint's looking good.
1120
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,640
Oh. Thanks.
1121
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,390
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
1122
00:47:22,610 --> 00:47:24,650
Can I ask you a question?
1123
00:47:24,650 --> 00:47:28,110
Sure.
1124
00:47:28,110 --> 00:47:29,420
How are you
at putting up shelves?
1125
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:34,870
Fine.
1126
00:47:34,870 --> 00:47:35,830
'Cause I'm thinking
about putting some up
1127
00:47:35,830 --> 00:47:39,960
where the bureau was...
1128
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:41,790
making this into an office.
1129
00:47:41,790 --> 00:47:42,790
I don't have one up here.
1130
00:47:42,790 --> 00:47:44,790
I do all my work
at the dining-room table.
1131
00:47:44,790 --> 00:47:46,130
I got four bedrooms.
1132
00:47:46,130 --> 00:47:48,550
It's crazy, huh?
1133
00:47:48,550 --> 00:47:50,050
Yeah.
1134
00:47:50,050 --> 00:47:52,890
Yeah.
1135
00:47:52,890 --> 00:47:54,050
So your...
Your daughter's gonna sleep
1136
00:47:54,050 --> 00:47:57,810
in one of the other rooms?
1137
00:47:57,810 --> 00:48:00,730
My daughter.
1138
00:48:00,730 --> 00:48:04,110
My daughter took off
six months ago.
1139
00:48:04,110 --> 00:48:07,820
Van pulled up,
some droopy-eyed stoner got out.
1140
00:48:07,820 --> 00:48:10,900
She shoved everything that
mattered into a pink suitcase
1141
00:48:10,900 --> 00:48:12,320
I bought for her
when we went on a trip
1142
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:16,330
to the Grand Canyon
when she was six.
1143
00:48:16,330 --> 00:48:18,620
And that, as they say, was that.
1144
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,580
- Did she call or...?
- No.
1145
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,500
I was on my own when I was 17,
1146
00:48:28,500 --> 00:48:31,420
so same difference, I suppose.
1147
00:48:31,420 --> 00:48:34,800
I mean, clearly, she can
come home if she wants.
1148
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,220
Clearly, she doesn't want.
1149
00:48:38,930 --> 00:48:41,390
Yeah, you love 'em,
you feed 'em,
1150
00:48:41,390 --> 00:48:45,730
try to protect 'em...
Mostly from themselves.
1151
00:48:45,730 --> 00:48:48,820
At least that's what
you tell yourself.
1152
00:48:48,820 --> 00:48:51,490
Ah, well,
world keeps spinning, right?
1153
00:48:52,900 --> 00:48:55,950
You miss her?
1154
00:48:57,910 --> 00:49:00,240
Uh... uh, I'm sorry.
1155
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,800
She wore these slippers.
1156
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:16,220
They made this sound
when she walked...
1157
00:49:16,220 --> 00:49:20,720
like someone sanding wood.
1158
00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:21,890
I miss that...
1159
00:49:21,890 --> 00:49:25,900
that sound.
1160
00:49:25,900 --> 00:49:29,360
I didn't need to talk.
I didn't need to see her.
1161
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:32,900
That sound,
that... that was enough.
1162
00:49:32,900 --> 00:49:36,450
The shelves are in the garage.
1163
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,920
It's not your fault.
1164
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,630
You know that, right?
1165
00:49:53,630 --> 00:49:57,300
It's just, it's... it's
some kind of Hobbs curse.
1166
00:50:06,940 --> 00:50:09,860
Your grandfather was, um...
1167
00:50:09,860 --> 00:50:13,440
a cobbler, right?
1168
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:14,150
And he made
1169
00:50:14,150 --> 00:50:16,860
the most beautiful men's shoes.
1170
00:50:17,950 --> 00:50:22,870
He saved up the money
and opened up his own shop.
1171
00:50:22,870 --> 00:50:25,750
And then the Depression hits.
1172
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:30,710
Oh, people don't need
fancy shoes.
1173
00:50:30,710 --> 00:50:32,840
They need a piece of bread,
1174
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:36,590
a bowl of soup.
1175
00:50:36,590 --> 00:50:39,130
It's not his fault.
1176
00:50:39,130 --> 00:50:43,180
He died working for some bum
1177
00:50:43,180 --> 00:50:45,430
who treated him like dirt.
1178
00:50:48,350 --> 00:50:52,400
He worked
until he was almost 70.
1179
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:55,820
This guy yelling at him like...
1180
00:50:55,820 --> 00:50:59,530
Like he was some teenager
working there after school.
1181
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:02,990
The man fought in the
Battle of Belleau Wood,
1182
00:51:02,990 --> 00:51:08,000
for Christ's sake.
1183
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:09,920
And me...
1184
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:12,420
It's Jap cars
cutting into Detroit...
1185
00:51:12,420 --> 00:51:13,840
Ten years from my retirement.
1186
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:17,840
Fuck.
1187
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:21,430
God's got it out for the Hobbs,
that's all I know.
1188
00:51:24,050 --> 00:51:26,020
Your grandfather
1189
00:51:26,020 --> 00:51:30,020
compared us Hobbs to cavemen
throwing rocks at the moon,
1190
00:51:30,020 --> 00:51:34,860
trying to knock it
out of the sky.
1191
00:51:34,860 --> 00:51:39,900
So try to think of it
as some sort of a...
1192
00:51:39,900 --> 00:51:43,240
rite of passage...
1193
00:51:43,240 --> 00:51:46,990
'cause you never stood
a chance, son.
1194
00:51:46,990 --> 00:51:49,040
Just throwing rocks at the moon,
1195
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,790
like the rest of us.
1196
00:51:59,050 --> 00:52:00,220
- Edgar.
- Hmm?
1197
00:52:00,220 --> 00:52:02,720
This guy look familiar to you?
1198
00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:05,970
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, it's your dad, right?
1199
00:52:05,970 --> 00:52:08,270
He admitted that
you told him to shit in my car.
1200
00:52:08,270 --> 00:52:10,560
Oh, my God, Edgar,
what did you do?
1201
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:13,520
I just fed a hungry man
Dinty Moore Beef Stew,
1202
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,520
and what he did after that
was his business.
1203
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,530
- Huh, literally.
- Right.
1204
00:52:23,740 --> 00:52:25,700
Oh, shit.
1205
00:52:27,620 --> 00:52:29,750
You have five seconds
to bust my balls,
1206
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:33,790
or I'm gonna kick the fuck out
of each and every one of you.
1207
00:52:33,790 --> 00:52:36,500
I think this just became
a Midnight After-school Special.
1208
00:52:36,500 --> 00:52:38,000
Uh, the only special Bill's
gonna be shooting on Thursday
1209
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,380
is a .38.
1210
00:52:40,380 --> 00:52:42,010
I don't know what's rustier,
1211
00:52:42,010 --> 00:52:44,930
that suit, your pubes,
or your act.
1212
00:52:44,930 --> 00:52:47,180
What do you got, old man?
1213
00:52:47,180 --> 00:52:48,760
You said there'd be olives
for me if I...
1214
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:50,270
Come on, Dad, let's get you fed.
1215
00:52:50,270 --> 00:52:54,100
That was the best one.
1216
00:52:54,100 --> 00:52:56,440
Bill, I'm really sorry...
1217
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,900
that you can't return that suit.
1218
00:52:58,900 --> 00:53:00,900
Oh.
1219
00:53:00,900 --> 00:53:03,400
You own it?
1220
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:07,160
Got to love the comedian.
1221
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,120
But to be honest, I was kind of
hoping for the girlfriend.
1222
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,960
♪ Rock music ♪
1223
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:17,960
♪
1224
00:53:22,460 --> 00:53:23,840
Well, the shelves are up,
1225
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,550
and, um, all the painting
is finished.
1226
00:53:26,550 --> 00:53:28,800
Thank you, Adam.
1227
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,930
Come back tomorrow.
I'll have more work for you.
1228
00:53:39,860 --> 00:53:41,610
Goldie, why am I here?
1229
00:54:01,590 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaking Yiddish
1230
00:54:09,010 --> 00:54:10,550
One morning,
1231
00:54:10,550 --> 00:54:14,140
while she was making
their breakfast,
1232
00:54:14,140 --> 00:54:16,350
Yussel walked up
to his wife, Hette,
1233
00:54:16,350 --> 00:54:18,350
and pinched her on the tuchus.
1234
00:54:18,350 --> 00:54:21,150
And he said, "You know,
1235
00:54:21,150 --> 00:54:22,520
if you firm this up,
1236
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,690
we could get rid
of your girdle."
1237
00:54:24,690 --> 00:54:29,530
Now, Hette thought this was
a terrible thing to say.
1238
00:54:29,530 --> 00:54:33,870
But she refrained
from responding.
1239
00:54:33,870 --> 00:54:35,250
Next morning,
1240
00:54:35,250 --> 00:54:38,870
Yussel wakes Hette up
by squeezing her breast.
1241
00:54:38,870 --> 00:54:41,590
He says, "You know,
if we firm these up,
1242
00:54:41,590 --> 00:54:44,170
you could get rid of your bra."
1243
00:54:44,170 --> 00:54:49,130
Now, Hette thought this
was unacceptable...
1244
00:54:49,130 --> 00:54:52,850
and had to respond this time.
1245
00:54:52,850 --> 00:54:54,060
So...
1246
00:54:54,060 --> 00:54:56,230
she rolled over
1247
00:54:56,230 --> 00:54:57,390
and grabbed him by his dick,
1248
00:54:57,390 --> 00:55:00,690
and with a strong grip,
1249
00:55:00,690 --> 00:55:03,610
she said, "You know,
if you firm this up,
1250
00:55:03,610 --> 00:55:07,190
we could get rid of the postman,
the butcher, and your brother."
1251
00:55:18,500 --> 00:55:21,630
That is so fun...
1252
00:55:39,100 --> 00:55:40,190
Oh, shit.
1253
00:55:40,190 --> 00:55:41,770
Whew.
1254
00:55:41,770 --> 00:55:44,860
I'm still not...
Not sure why I'm here, though.
1255
00:55:46,900 --> 00:55:50,490
I guess it's because you know
when to shut the fuck up.
1256
00:55:50,490 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaking Yiddish
1257
00:55:55,660 --> 00:56:00,370
♪ Jon Brion's "So Now Then"
plays ♪
1258
00:56:00,370 --> 00:56:03,420
And now a guy
who made his national TV debut
1259
00:56:03,420 --> 00:56:06,000
this week, almost.
1260
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:11,260
Let's get some pity applause
for Mr. Bill Hobbs.
1261
00:56:14,050 --> 00:56:19,060
♪
1262
00:56:27,110 --> 00:56:29,990
I'm not married. I'm, uh,
not into the idea of marriage
1263
00:56:29,990 --> 00:56:32,490
I find the anniversary gifts
a real turnoff.
1264
00:56:32,490 --> 00:56:33,490
You know, first year, paper.
Second year, cotton.
1265
00:56:33,490 --> 00:56:34,870
Third year, leather.
1266
00:56:34,870 --> 00:56:38,450
Sounds like a suicide kit.
1267
00:56:38,450 --> 00:56:40,660
Paper to write the suicide note
with, you know.
1268
00:56:40,660 --> 00:56:42,500
"Thanks for the cotton
last year, honey,
1269
00:56:42,500 --> 00:56:44,366
oh, and the belt this year
to hang myself with."
1270
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:47,290
I feel like we should
update this list
1271
00:56:47,290 --> 00:56:48,250
just a little bit, don't you?
1272
00:56:48,250 --> 00:56:51,130
Yeah, first year, peace.
Second year, quiet.
1273
00:56:52,510 --> 00:56:54,970
Third year, fix me up
with your sister.
1274
00:56:55,430 --> 00:56:57,720
The cans on her.
1275
00:56:57,720 --> 00:57:00,350
I'm half Irish, half Italian.
1276
00:57:00,350 --> 00:57:02,270
You know, this is what happens
when a little Italian woman
1277
00:57:02,270 --> 00:57:03,421
wants to get back at her dad.
1278
00:57:04,390 --> 00:57:06,650
She goes, and she sleeps
with the biggest Mick in town.
1279
00:57:06,650 --> 00:57:10,360
And out pops
a full-sized leprechaun.
1280
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,240
Whoo!
1281
00:57:15,240 --> 00:57:20,580
♪
1282
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:24,000
Oh, fuck.
1283
00:57:27,380 --> 00:57:30,210
Fuck.
1284
00:57:32,210 --> 00:57:34,380
Four?
1285
00:57:34,380 --> 00:57:36,390
Dinty Moore, four for a buck.
1286
00:57:39,300 --> 00:57:42,980
Peace?
1287
00:57:42,980 --> 00:57:44,230
Peace.
1288
00:57:47,350 --> 00:57:50,400
Want a ride home?
1289
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:51,270
Yeah. Thanks, Sully.
1290
00:57:51,270 --> 00:57:56,610
♪
1291
00:57:58,410 --> 00:57:59,200
♪ Rice-A-Roni ♪
1292
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:00,410
♪ The San Francisco Treat ♪
1293
00:58:00,410 --> 00:58:04,450
♪ Ding ding ♪
1294
00:58:04,450 --> 00:58:06,420
Don't know the second verse.
1295
00:58:06,420 --> 00:58:07,750
- There's a second verse?
- Mm.
1296
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaking Yiddish
1297
00:58:15,090 --> 00:58:18,180
♪ Dionne Warwick's
"Walk On By" plays ♪
1298
00:58:18,180 --> 00:58:19,890
♪
1299
00:58:19,890 --> 00:58:23,180
♪ If you see me
walking down the street ♪
1300
00:58:23,180 --> 00:58:28,100
♪ And I start to cry
each time we meet ♪
1301
00:58:28,100 --> 00:58:30,810
♪ Walk on by ♪
1302
00:58:30,810 --> 00:58:32,610
♪
1303
00:58:32,610 --> 00:58:37,110
♪ Walk on by ♪
1304
00:58:37,110 --> 00:58:38,070
♪ Make believe ♪
1305
00:58:38,070 --> 00:58:40,870
♪ That you don't see the tears ♪
1306
00:58:40,870 --> 00:58:43,870
♪ Just let me grieve
in private ♪
1307
00:58:43,870 --> 00:58:47,580
♪ 'Cause each time I see you ♪
1308
00:58:47,580 --> 00:58:49,290
♪ I break down and cry ♪
1309
00:58:49,290 --> 00:58:51,500
♪
1310
00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:55,050
♪ Walk on by ♪
1311
00:58:55,050 --> 00:58:56,300
♪ Don't stop ♪