1
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,988
-Checkmate.
-Aaarggh!

2
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,573
Again?

3
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,743
Obviously, you're not well suited
for three-dimensional chess.

4
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:39,246
Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land
would be more your speed.

5
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,081
Just reset the board.

6
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:45,294
It must be humbling to suck
on so many different levels.

7
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,133
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]

8
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,342
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.

9
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,803
-Get my mail?
-Yeah, right here.

10
00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:58,432
-How was Nebraska?
-Well, better than North Dakota.

11
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:07,149
I guess that joke's only funny
in Nebraska.

12
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,777
From the data at hand,
you can't draw that conclusion.

13
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:13,572
All you can say with absolute certainty
is that that joke is not funny here.

14
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,371
Boy, it's good to be back.

15
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,708
-How's your family?
-Oh, it was the worst trip.

16
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,835
-Everyone got sick over the weekend.
-Sick?

17
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,670
Here we go.

18
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,926
-What kind of sick?
-Oh, the flu, l guess.

19
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,178
I don't need you to guess,
I need you to know.

20
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,806
Now, when did the symptoms
first appear?

21
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:40,224
Maybe Friday.

22
00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,518
Friday. Was that morning or afternoon?

23
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,062
-l don't--
-Think, woman.

24
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,189
Who blew their nose and when?

25
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,025
Sheldon, relax.
She doesn't have any symptoms.

26
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,735
I'm sure she's not contagious.

27
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,862
Oh, please.

28
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,366
If influenza was only contagious
after symptoms appear...

29
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,409
...it would've died out years ago.

30
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:01,870
Somewhere between tool using
and cave painting...

31
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:05,624
...Homo habilis would've figured out
to kill the guy with the runny nose.

32
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,211
Penny, you'll have to excuse Sheldon.
He's a bit of a germaphobe.

33
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,587
That's okay. l understand.

34
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:13,757
Thanks for your consideration.
Now please leave.

35
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:18,137
You'd better go
before he starts spraying you with Lysol.

36
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,222
Okay, well,
thank you for getting my mail.

37
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,724
No, problem. Welcome home.

38
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,560
[CAN SPRAYlNG]

39
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,024
SHELDON:
What?

40
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:04,516
What the hell are you doing?

41
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,562
I'm making petri dishes
to grow throat cultures.

42
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,272
With lime Jell-O?

43
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:14,860
I need a growth medium, and someone
polished off the apricot yogurt.

44
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,488
Here. Swab my throat.

45
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,242
-l don't think so.
-Leonard.

46
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:26,580
If l'm going to get ahead of this, I need
to find out what's growing in my throat.

47
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,500
Sheldon, you are not sick.

48
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:33,962
This is, but you are not.

49
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,881
We have no idea what pathogen...

50
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,634
...Typhoid Penny
has introduced into our environment.

51
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:43,805
And having never been to Nebraska, l'm
certain I have no corn-husking antibodies.

52
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,144
Sheldon, don't you think
you're overreacting?

53
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:53,065
When I'm lying comatose in a hospital
relying on inferior minds to cure me...

54
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,400
...these cultures
and my accompanying notes...

55
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,819
...will give them a fighting chance.

56
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,700
I'm going back to bed.

57
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,828
-Wait, put this in the bathroom.
-What for?

58
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:09,164
I need to measure
my fluid intake and output...

59
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,583
...to make sure
my kidneys aren't shutting down.

60
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,588
I mix pancake batter in this.

61
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,300
No, that measuring cup
has always been for urine.

62
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,221
You had time to make a label
for everything in this apartment...

63
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,847
...including the label-maker...

64
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,643
...but you didn't have 1 0 seconds
to make one that said, "Urine cup"?

65
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,397
It's right here on the bottom.

66
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,485
Huh.

67
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:44,032
I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company
a letter of apology.

68
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,245
[COUGHlNG]

69
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,551
[IN CONGESTED VOICE]
Oh, dear God.

70
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,554
Leonard.

71
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,056
Leonard, l'm sick.

72
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,186
Leonard.

73
00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:14,771
[SHELDON COUGHING]

74
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:17,399
Leonard, l'm sick.

75
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:27,576
Leonard.

76
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:34,750
Leonard, my comforter fell down
and my sinuses hurt when l bend over.

77
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,795
Leonard?

78
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,679
Ow.

79
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,063
LEONARD: Hey.
-Leonard, where are you?

80
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,190
I'm at work.

81
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,567
At 6:30 in the morning?

82
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:02,569
Yes.

83
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,196
On Sunday?

84
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,531
Yes.

85
00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,076
-Why?
-They asked me to come in.

86
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:13,622
-Well, l didn't hear the phone ring.
-They texted me.

87
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:17,834
Well, as I predicted, l am sick.

88
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:21,546
My fever has been tracking up
exponentially since 2 a.m...

89
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,716
...and l am producing sputum
at an alarming rate.

90
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,094
[SHELDON COUGHING]

91
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:30,138
-No kidding.
-Nope. Not only that...

92
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:34,142
...it has shifted from clear
to milky green.

93
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,562
All right, well, get some rest
and drink plenty of fluids.

94
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:42,567
What else would l drink?
Gases? Solids? Ionized plasma?

95
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,486
Drink whatever you want.

96
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,947
-l want soup.
-Then make soup.

97
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,825
-We don't have soup.
-l'm at work, Sheldon.

98
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,077
[DOG BARKlNG]

99
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:57,082
-ls that a dog?
-Yes.

100
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,751
-ln the lab?
-Yes.

101
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,880
They're training dogs
to operate the centrifuge...

102
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:09,469
...for when they need dogs to operate
the centrifuge for blind scientists.

103
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,012
I have to go.

104
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,349
[PHONE RlNGING]

105
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:18,145
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
Howard, it's the phone.

106
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,858
I know it's the phone, Ma.
I hear the phone.

107
00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:28,405
-Well, who's calling at this ungodly hour?
-l don't know.

108
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:32,701
Well, ask them why they're calling
at this ungodly hour.

109
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,329
How can l ask them
when l'm talking to you?

110
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,585
Hello?

111
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,212
Howard, it's Leonard. Code milky green.

112
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:48,633
-Dear Lord, not milky green.
-Affirmative. With fever.

113
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,928
-Who's on the phone?
-lt's Leonard.

114
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:55,557
-Why is he calling?
-Sheldon's sick.

115
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,602
Were you playing with him?

116
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,647
For God's sake, Ma, I'm 26 years old.

117
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,859
Excuse me, Mr. Grownup.

118
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:12,073
-What do you want for breakfast?
-Chocolate milk and Eggos, please.

119
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,701
-Howard, listen to me.
-Hang on. Call waiting.

120
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:18,163
-No, don't-- Don't--
-Hello?

121
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,706
Howard, l'm sick.

122
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:29,841
[IMITATING MRS. WOLOWlTZ]
Howard's sleeping. This is his mother.

123
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,930
Why are you calling
at this ungodly hour?

124
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,015
I need soup.

125
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,726
Then call your own mother.

126
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,436
[LINE BEEPS]

127
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,854
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It was Sheldon.

128
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,106
-l tried to stop you.
-lt's my own fault.

129
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:49,778
I forgot the protocol we put in place
after the great ear infection of '06.

130
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,112
You call Koothrappali.

131
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,908
We need to find a place to lay low
for the next 1 8 to 24 hours.

132
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:58,119
Stand by. Ma, can my friends come over?

133
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:02,457
I just had the carpet steamed.

134
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,043
That's a negatory.

135
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,296
But there's a Planet ofthe Apes marathon
at the Nuart today.

136
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:11,466
Five movies, two hours apiece.

137
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,052
It's a start.

138
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,724
Homeless crazy guy at Table 1 8.

139
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,893
[BLOWS NOSE]

140
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,312
[COUGHS]

141
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,648
No, just crazy.

142
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,819
Sheldon, what are you doing here?

143
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:36,116
-l'm sick. Thank you very much.
-How could you've gotten it from me?

144
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,201
-l'm not sick.
-You're a carrier.

145
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,328
All these people here are doomed.

146
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,956
-You're doomed.
-Shh!

147
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,668
Sheldon, what do you want?

148
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,670
I want soup.

149
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,922
[CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY]

150
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,009
Why didn't you just--?

151
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,177
[CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY]

152
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,638
Why didn't you just have soup at home?

153
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,516
Penny, I have an lQ of 1 87.

154
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,060
Don't you imagine
that if there were a way for me...

155
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:07,188
...to have had soup at home,
I would have thought of it?

156
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,107
You can have soup delivered.

157
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:14,863
I did not think of that.

158
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,367
Clearly, febrile delirium is setting in.

159
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:24,039
Please bring me some soup
while l still understand what a spoon is for.

160
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,957
Okay. What kind of soup do you want?

161
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,668
Well, my mother used to make me
this split-pea...

162
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:32,964
...with little frankfurter slices
and these homemade croutons.

163
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,634
We have chicken, tortilla and potato leek.

164
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:40,639
Can l get any of those with little
frankfurter slices and homemade croutons?

165
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,599
No.

166
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,684
Then surprise me.

167
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,980
[BLOWS NOSE]

168
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,864
Would you call that moss green
or forest green?

169
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:14,631
HOWARD:
Look at this. Everyone went chimp.

170
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,592
RAJESH:
I'd like to point out, l voted for orangutan...

171
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,344
...but you shouted me down.

172
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,805
[CELL PHONE RlNGS]

173
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,142
LEONARD: Oh, hi, Penny.
-Hey, where are you?

174
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:29,604
I'm at work.

175
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,231
You sound funny.

176
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:35,276
Oh, l'm in a radiation suit.

177
00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,278
-What's up?
-Yeah, well, I'm at work too.

178
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,657
And you'll never guess who's here
infecting my entire station.

179
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,534
Sheldon's at the Cheesecake Factory.

180
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,745
-Just tell him to go home.
-Well, he won't leave.

181
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:50,208
He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the
bus and someone will harvest his organs.

182
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:54,212
He's paranoid
and he's established a nest.

183
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,297
Can you please come get him?

184
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,968
Uh, yeah, l'd be happy to, Penny.

185
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,845
[HOWARD lMlTATES ALARM]

186
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,514
LEONARD: Oh, my God,
there's a breach in the radiation unit.

187
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,099
The whole city is in jeopardy.

188
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,811
Oh, my God. Professor Guggenheim
is melting. Gotta go. Bye.

189
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:19,320
-l feel really guilty.
RAJESH: You did what you had to do.

190
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:22,574
HOWARD [lMlTATES CHARLTON HESTON]:
Take your stinking paws off my popcorn...

191
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,660
...you damn dirty ape.

192
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,791
Thanks for bringing me home.

193
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:34,210
Oh, it's okay.
I didn't really need to work today.

194
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:37,255
It's not like l have rent
or car payments or anything.

195
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,466
Good, good.

196
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,719
Okay, well, you feel better.

197
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,221
Wait. Where are you going?

198
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:49,893
Um, home to write some bad checks.

199
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,145
You're going to leave me?

200
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,857
Sheldon, you are a grown man.
Haven't you ever been sick before?

201
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,235
Of course, but not by myself.

202
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,196
Really? Never?

203
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:04,491
Well, once, when l was 1 5
and spending the summer...

204
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,785
...at the Heidelberg lnstitute in Germany.

205
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,580
-Studying abroad?
-No, visiting professor.

206
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,795
Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more
sausage-based than l'm used to...

207
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,088
...and the result
was an internal blitzkrieg...

208
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:23,009
...with my lower intestine
playing the part of Czechoslovakia.

209
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,762
And there was no one there
to take care of you?

210
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:29,390
No, my mom had to fly back to Texas
to help my dad...

211
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:33,269
...because the house had slipped off
the cinder blocks again.

212
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:36,564
-Again?
-lt was tornado season.

213
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,983
And it was an aluminum house.

214
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:44,113
Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty
residence didn't speak any English.

215
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,699
When I finally managed
to convince her I was sick...

216
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:50,245
...she said,
"Mochtest du eine Darmspulung?"

217
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,080
What does that mean?

218
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:55,792
Based on what happened next, I assume
it means, "Would you like an enema?"

219
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:02,173
Okay, sweetie. l'll take care of you.
What do you need?

220
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:06,845
Well, my mom used to give me
sponge baths.

221
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,269
Okay, ground rules:

222
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,981
No sponge baths
and definitely no enemas.

223
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,149
Agreed.

224
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:28,074
Here we go.
Ten and a half hours of apey goodness.

225
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,784
[THX'S "DEEP NOTE"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

226
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,244
[GLASSES CLATTER]

227
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,872
Damn it, my glasses.

228
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,916
Okay, l'm blind here, guys.
Can you help me find them?

229
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,918
-Sorry.
-Okay.

230
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,838
[GLASSES BREAKlNG]

231
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,256
Found them.

232
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,841
[MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]

233
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,969
-Oh, great.
-l'm sorry. Don't you have a spare?

234
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,763
-Yeah, at home.
-lf you leave now, you can be back...

235
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:54,100
...before the gorillas whip
the crap out of Charlton Heston.

236
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,310
Unless Sheldon's there.

237
00:14:55,477 --> 00:15:00,189
You'll be trapped forever
in his whiny, hyper-neurotic snot web.

238
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,574
Hi, Penny?

239
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:13,161
I was just wondering,
is Sheldon still at the restaurant?

240
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:17,248
Okay, that was very nice of you.
Okay, l gotta go.

241
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,710
Got kind of a full-blown
Chernobyl thing here. Gotta go, bye.

242
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,421
He's home. l'm screwed.

243
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:29,761
Ten and a half hours of apey blurriness.

244
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,472
How about Lasik?

245
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,601
-You want me to get eye surgery?
-Would you rather go back...

246
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,897
...and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger
carve out your corneas with a laser beam?

247
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,401
-Well?
-l'm thinking.

248
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,989
Okay, nice and cozy.

249
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:53,451
-Okay, I'll see you later.
-Wait.

250
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,497
Will you please rub this on my chest?

251
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,500
Oh, Sheldon. Can't you do that yourself?

252
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:04,003
VapoRub makes my hands smell funny.

253
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:08,007
-But, Sheldon--
-Please, please, please.

254
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,930
I can't believe l'm doing this.

255
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:23,439
No, no. Counterclockwise,
or my chest hair mats.

256
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:27,276
Sorry.

257
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,445
[SHELDON SlGHS]

258
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,951
Can you sing "Soft Kitty"?

259
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,620
What?

260
00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:40,289
My mom used to sing it to me
when l was sick.

261
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,501
-l'm sorry, honey, I don't know it.
-l'll teach you.

262
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,631
[SINGlNG]
Soft kitty, warm kitty

263
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:52,260
Little ball of fur

264
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,931
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty

265
00:16:57,099 --> 00:17:00,101
Purr, purr, purr

266
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,522
Now you.

267
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,485
[SIGHS]

268
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:14,407
[SINGlNG]
Soft kitty, warm kitty

269
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,703
Little ball of fur

270
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,997
Keep rubbing.

271
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,626
Little ball of fur

272
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:41,893
What do you see? What do you see?
I can't--

273
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:45,313
-Living room appears to be empty.
-Okay, he must be in his bedroom.

274
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:50,902
My spare glasses are in my bedroom,
on my dresser, next to my bat signal.

275
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,196
I'm not going in there.

276
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,406
-Raj?
-No way, Jose.

277
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,452
-But l can't do it. l can't see anything.
-lt's all right.

278
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,246
Wireless mini-cam
and Bluetooth headset.

279
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,874
We'll be your eyes.

280
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,877
-Fine.
-One more thing.

281
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:12,590
This is a sub-sonic impact sensor.

282
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,967
If Sheldon gets out of bed
and starts to walk...

283
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:17,762
...this will register it
and send a signal to the laptop.

284
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,724
At that point, based on the geography of
the apartment and the speed of Sheldon...

285
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:25,436
...you'll have seven seconds to get out,
glasses or no glasses.

286
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,313
Won't my footsteps set it off?

287
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,857
No. You'll be on your hands and knees.

288
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,777
Now, you'll need to get the sensor
close to Sheldon's room.

289
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,571
How do l carry it
if l'm on my hands and knees?

290
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,411
HOWARD:
Stay low.

291
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,372
Bear left.

292
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,582
-Now keep true.
-What?

293
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,919
-lt means go straight.
-Then just say, "Go straight."

294
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:54,257
You don't say, "Go straight," when you're
giving bearings. You say, "Keep true."

295
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,634
All right.

296
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,806
I just hit my head.

297
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,350
Because you didn't keep true.

298
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,355
Okay, turn right.

299
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,983
The picture's breaking up.

300
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,818
Angle your head to the right.

301
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,946
Now, a little more.

302
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,614
Little more.

303
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,659
That's it. Now just keep true.

304
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:28,291
All right, you're close enough
to Sheldon's room. Deploy the sensor.

305
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,294
Now turn it on.

306
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:34,005
-lt wasn't on?
-No.

307
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,132
Then why did l have to crawl?

308
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,510
Oh, l guess you didn't.

309
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:43,848
Okay, it's on.

310
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,768
Good. From this point forward,
you will have to crawl.

311
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,063
I know.

312
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,025
[BEEPlNG]

313
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,902
Hang on,
the sensor's picking up something.

314
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,778
Turn your head back.

315
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,870
You rat bastard.

316
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,582
HOWARD:
Told you the sensor would work.

317
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:11,918
Hi.

318
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,128
You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.

319
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,631
Come on, l had to.
You see what he's like.

320
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,467
SHELDON:
Penny? Penny, l'm hungry.

321
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,802
It's okay, sweetie. Good news.

322
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,721
-Leonard's home.
-No.

323
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,474
-Here you go, good luck, bye.
-Oh, wait, wait.

324
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:31,395
SHELDON: Leonard? I'm hungry.
-Wait. Penny, take me with you.

325
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,485
SHELDON:
Leonard?

326
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:42,865
I want grilled cheese.

327
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:05,179
Do you think Penny will come here
and take care of us?

328
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,517
I don't think Penny's
ever coming here again.

329
00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:15,022
I'm very congested.

330
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,858
Yeah? So?

331
00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:22,822
Can you go to the kitchen and get me
the turkey baster labeled, "Mucus"?

332
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:28,953
If l stand, l'll vomit.

333
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:32,498
Under the sink. Yellow Tupperware bowl.

334
00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,069
[English - US - SDH]