1 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:04,920 14, 15, 16, 17, 18... 2 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,760 A film by 3 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,360 I am... 4 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:30,920 52 years... 5 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,280 I'm 52 years old? 6 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,080 Isn't that so? 7 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,920 I am a woman... 8 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,520 - And is it "with" or "from"? - I don't know. 9 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,080 I am a 52 year old woman 10 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:52,120 and I come from what the Dutch they call it Eastern Europe. 11 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:56,800 How can I say: "I'm a good citizen"? 12 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,200 This is strange. 13 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,200 I do everything like the Dutch, 14 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,440 but even so, 15 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:11,040 I feel like there is an invisible wall that separates them from me. 16 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,120 - What. - There is a... 17 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,200 That "you" separates you from me, perhaps. 18 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,400 Like you're feeling it deep into the heart and bones. 19 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,360 FRAGMENTS OF BELONGING 20 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,920 It's already dawn. 21 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,320 Loulou, no. Wait! 22 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,240 Give mom a kiss. 23 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,640 She's already gone. 24 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,320 - I love you. Go, win! - Yes. 25 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,840 Go there. 26 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,920 I am a citizen of the world. 27 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:05,480 Okay, maybe not in the world, but a citizen of Europe. 28 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,120 I have to get down first. 29 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,480 Wait. 30 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:15,200 I've never lived in any country more than ten years. 31 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,680 When I was 15, my family moved from Croatia 32 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,960 which at the time was part of Yugoslavia, to the Soviet Union. 33 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,160 The phrase... 34 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,000 In the Soviet Union there is no sex! 35 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,640 Ten years later I moved to London. 36 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,640 Then after a few years in Zagreb, I came to Amsterdam 37 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,240 and I had a child with a Dutch man. 38 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,720 I think we need to go to therapy. Do you have something... 39 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,800 No therapy, please! 40 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,200 Now, I'm stuck with the infamous ones suburbs of Amsterdam, 41 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,840 with my zucchini, Waldemar. 42 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,320 ...um, now. 43 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,480 Even if I felt like it moving, I wouldn't. 44 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,000 Go Pro, stop recording. 45 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:05,920 He has a Dutch father in the city, school, friends, activities, 46 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,840 so I'm content with my role more satisfying 47 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,120 and less valued. 48 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,200 Relax. Feel the good you know... 49 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,200 But I miss it living with adults. 50 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:22,280 Congratulations to you... 51 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,480 Congratulations to you... 52 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,040 This is from when the mother I was making a film in Istria. 53 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,400 - This is you. - Yes. 54 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,200 - This was in London, my mother. - Your mother? 55 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,480 This was another time in Riga. 56 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:42,320 This was again in London. Moscow. 57 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,840 This is Saša and my group of friends. 58 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:50,160 - This is my friend Igor. - Was that your boyfriend? 59 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,520 No, he's gay. Now he lives in Switzerland. 60 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,640 All your friends are far away. 61 00:04:55,720 --> 00:05:00,440 Where are your friends from Amsterdam or the Netherlands? 62 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,600 Of course I tried to make friends with my neighbors. 63 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:13,280 Neighbor, my birthday is today. I brought you a slice of cake. 64 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:17,120 - Congratulations! - Thanks. Goodbye! 65 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,880 But I was never invited to anything. 66 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,800 So I thought I'd invite some people to come to our house. 67 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,840 And I had the fantastic idea 68 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,640 opening a small hotel in my son's room. 69 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,800 Yes, it was a genius idea. 70 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,080 Hello. 71 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:43,720 Welcome. 72 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,960 To what extent do we need... 73 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,640 ... of revelation. 74 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,960 It's about Chinese philosophy. 75 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:01,720 Now I'm making a film about my loneliness. 76 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,200 I'm a director. 77 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:09,440 Now I'm making a film about my story. 78 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,960 - Director? - Yes, I'm a film director. 79 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,440 Are you a director? 80 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,560 - Yes. - Wow, director... 81 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,720 Director. 82 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,120 I feel very good, very good. 83 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,960 - Very good? - Very good. 84 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,080 She's very friendly. 85 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,360 No, but he was also really nice. 86 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:33,960 It touched my face. He greeted me in a friendly way. 87 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,040 She's a charming girl. 88 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,400 Do you think we got a guest can I fix the tap? 89 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,040 Or will we have to wait until you're grown up? 90 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,080 Second option. 91 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,000 I searched for a long time. 92 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,680 I can help. 93 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,280 - Loulou, get out of there. - It has to close there. 94 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:09,360 - How do I close it? - I don't know. There is a tap here. See? 95 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,760 But it doesn't have a head. 96 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,240 My career as a freelance documentary filmmaker 97 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,320 I needed, of course, a strategy solid financial. 98 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,760 Teach, guide and now the guests 99 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:26,560 who, without knowing it, became part of my great survival plan. 100 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,840 But I gained much more. 101 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,200 Friends who helped me with several things. 102 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:37,040 We have apricots and hazelnuts. 103 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,160 With my guests, it was like if I had gone back to my childhood. 104 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,440 When I was a girl and I was hungry, 105 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,680 could play anyone from the doorbells in our building 106 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,360 that one of the mothers he always gave me fresh bread: 107 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,800 aunt Boçza, Ljubica 108 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,000 or my mother, Zdenka. 109 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,600 My parents' best friends they were their neighbors. 110 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,720 And even if the neighbors didn't like us, 111 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,680 we knew they would take care of us. 112 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,280 Let's see if it's dry. 113 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,000 The pants are still wet. 114 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:39,240 Maybe I have to expand the house. 115 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,960 And buy the house next door. 116 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,400 It would be amazing. 117 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,480 You have to make time for the things you like. 118 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,520 She likes me, so... 119 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,520 My guests understood me. 120 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:57,120 Maybe I couldn't figure it out Dutch society or mentality. 121 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,240 I don't want a relationship, I don't want to fall in love 122 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,160 and I don't want to feel alone. 123 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,960 I don't know if I miss you of some people 124 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,920 or if I want to be someone who people miss you. 125 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,560 This is very interesting. 126 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,720 Sometimes I feel What guests think: 127 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,240 "When will she shut up?" 128 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,640 Wait, wait... 129 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,200 How do you feel, boys? They are fine? 130 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,400 It's a motherly question. 131 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,640 Said this morning that I am very maternal. 132 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:25,600 - This morning and yesterday. - I said that too. 133 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,240 Goodnight. 134 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,880 The mother thinks the guests They are her friends. 135 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,160 - Are we friends? - No, we are not. 136 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,720 So what are we? 137 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,800 I didn't sell to my guests just the room. 138 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,480 Let's go to the next one. 139 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,360 But also my heart, my family. 140 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,880 Mom, it's strange for you to say that you are selling your family. 141 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,960 It's my room. 142 00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,720 The one where I sleep? 143 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,880 Thank you for having me your room available. 144 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,240 But best of all is that Waldemar I loved them too. 145 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,560 - It was good talking to you, kid. - Yes. 146 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,320 There are always stupid guests here at home. 147 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,000 They come here home, they sleep in my room. 148 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:28,040 My room always stinks we are strange. 149 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,960 It always has a different smell. 150 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,600 I don't like that at all. 151 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,120 What's your question, Tatjana? 152 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:11,880 I feel like I don't belong anywhere. 153 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,040 What are you looking for? 154 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,480 - Union. - Union. Yes. 155 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,200 Find someone who represents you in the constellation. 156 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,880 You find someone that represents your mother. 157 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,040 Is this your mother's mother? 158 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:18,920 Tatjana... 159 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,040 - Is that your mother's mother? - Yes. 160 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,760 Position your father in the constellation. 161 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,800 How do you feel? 162 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,960 This environment 163 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:13,920 makes it harder to feel that I belong to the Netherlands. 164 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,960 That there is... 165 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,920 - Who do you want to belong to? - I don't know. 166 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,960 Exactly. It's a difficult question. 167 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,880 Are you happy? 168 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,720 - Are you happy? - Yes. 169 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,400 You organized very well his Dylan Dog comics. 170 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:58,240 Can you take this? 171 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,760 So, I can now open... 172 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,440 That was the end of my little hotel. 173 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:09,320 I pulled myself together and decided to blend in with the locals. 174 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,080 I joined them when a large furniture store 175 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,320 organized a breakfast to the neighborhood. 176 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,000 Is this breakfast? 177 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,080 - Not that? - That's separate. 178 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,080 Right. 179 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:26,600 We can't take this. Breakfast is there, ready. 180 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,240 We already have something. 181 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,280 I thought this would be my chance to meet some people. 182 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,320 But no one approached me. 183 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,840 When I found out there was an association a few minutes from my house, 184 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:51,360 I imagined us holding hands, looking in each other's eyes, in unity. 185 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,280 This is our chapel. 186 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,160 The configuration is very individual. 187 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,880 Kneel facing that way. 188 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,560 You don't need to look for each other. 189 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,600 So you can focus on yourself. 190 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,720 I didn't give up. 191 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,480 And, for extra points, I joined a group of cyclists. 192 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,520 I dream of returning home from my grandmother. 193 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,440 A house full of people who were there always doing things together. 194 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,480 My grandfather played the tamburica. 195 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:06,920 And my grandmother was always there take care of me. 196 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,200 Here, everything is different. 197 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,760 Here, I am free. 198 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,920 I called my father, who told me: 199 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,960 "Look at our family. We live in seven different countries. 200 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,240 No one stayed in the village where we were born. 201 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:42,320 We all found our place. What's wrong with you?" 202 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,400 When my cousin Andja went to Germany in 1968 203 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:30,720 the first thing he did was change the name for Angela, a German name. 204 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,680 As soon as he got married with Heinz, from Welzheim, 205 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,640 Angela rarely visited us in Yugoslavia. 206 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,680 Once, they made us a quick visit 207 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,800 and my sister dropped it a glass of water 208 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,880 because Angela shot her down with the look. 209 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,920 We thought it was very western. 210 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,480 Her sister, Marica, she also married a German, 211 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,480 and he even knew how to say a few words in Croatian: 212 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,640 hello, good morning, thank you. 213 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,120 When they spoke to us, Angela and Marica 214 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,920 added random words in German 215 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,360 your Croatian every time more macaronic: 216 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,920 Grüß Gott, also... 217 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,720 It was obvious to the whole family: the sisters had become Schwaben, 218 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,440 a word that we in the Balkans we use it to designate all Germans. 219 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,040 She sewed adirndlhere. 220 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,200 - Look at my father! - That's what I told you. 221 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:45,240 He's making a movie! Karlovac, it should have been all of us. 222 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,600 All the gifts, everything we have, 223 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:57,320 We owe it to You, Lord. We thank You for them. Amen. 224 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,560 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 225 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,600 - Enjoy. - This is a German salad. 226 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,600 It has cucumber, cheese and sausage. 227 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,120 - How do you say "essig"? - Vinegar. 228 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,400 Heinz told me that I should learn German. 229 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,880 Instead of teaching children Croatian. 230 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,120 They think their women Did they integrate well? 231 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,560 I would say yes. 232 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,840 - Normal. - Normal? 233 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,440 They get worse as they go who get older. 234 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,400 - This happens to everyone. - He's criticizing you. 235 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,000 When we were with Bosnians, 236 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:42,280 if I was around, she never spoke Croatian. 237 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,000 I like going there. 238 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,840 But I would be unable to live there. 239 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,800 When we went there on St. Nicholas Day, me, my aunt and my mother, 240 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,720 there was nothing except darkness and death. 241 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,480 Nothing, nothing. No one was there. 242 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,280 But I like going when there are more people. 243 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:07,240 In these times, there is life, joy... 244 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,800 I already like that. 245 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,640 I was born in Germany. 246 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,360 My children were born in Germany. I married a German. 247 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,160 We consider ourselves Germans, 248 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,800 but I also know what are my origins? 249 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,040 It's a mother tongue, you would eventually learn. 250 00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:28,440 My son learned Croatian because I was persistent. 251 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,640 If he said "confusion", I would tell him: "Mom doesn't understand." 252 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,880 He had to communicate with me. He ended up giving in. 253 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,920 We spoke German. 254 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,920 - It has everything to do with the context. - Yes. 255 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,680 - You were alone. - When mom came here... 256 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,360 There was the father, the grandmother, the mother-in-law... 257 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,120 All Germans. 258 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,000 When I came to Amsterdam for love to Waldemar's Dutch father, 259 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,040 I thought it would be my change easiest of all. 260 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,920 I just had to learn to be direct and wear my skates. 261 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,800 Am I integrated enough yet? 262 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,760 That's great, honey. You are doing very well. 263 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,360 But when I became a single mother, 264 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,720 the fact that I did well was fading away. 265 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,400 I became an immigrant 266 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,920 instead of a foreigner charming. 267 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,040 Just a single immigrant mother. 268 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:41,200 You say you're not a child, but rather a teenager. 269 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:46,520 A young man. But a young man He never stops being a child. 270 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,440 - And truth. - I'm 11 years old. 271 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:53,560 I will stop being a child when you're 18, right? 272 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,040 It's normal for mothers to be preparing breakfast! 273 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:05,120 About a million children foreigners live in Germany. 274 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,120 Many were born, like me, in Türkiye, in Greece, 275 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:12,240 in Yugoslavia, Italy or Spain. 276 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:18,200 In Hanover, one in four babies born last year 277 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,040 he was a little foreigner. 278 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:24,200 But where do we belong? What is my home? 279 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,000 I don't know how to answer these questions. 280 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,200 When I was a child, in the 70s and 80s 281 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,560 I proudly counted how many of mine relatives lived abroad. 282 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,560 There were so many. 283 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,760 The first to emigrate it was my uncle Boçzo. 284 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,040 I remember he drove an orange car. 285 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,680 After all, the car was beige. 286 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,800 At the time, I thought everything what was western was colorful. 287 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,720 There were six buses who only went to Odçzak. On vacation. 288 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,080 Six buses. 289 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,800 Each carried 50 passengers. You can already see what a crowd it was. 290 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:21,240 And these were the ones who came from Vienna. Imagine the rest. 291 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,880 Everyone had someone in the family which was a "gastarbeiter". 292 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,040 My grandmother sighed: "The life of an emigrant is lonely." 293 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:35,080 About a million people of Yugoslavia packed their bags, 294 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,400 left their families 295 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:41,360 and went to Switzerland, Austria and Germany, to make money. 296 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,440 They consider us second-class citizens. 297 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,840 We accepted to be second-class citizens, in a way. 298 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,680 I didn't accept it because I wanted to, 299 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:56,120 but because this country It never belonged to me completely. 300 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,600 While my uncle Boçzo worked in Vienna 301 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:04,160 your son Josip, my favorite cousin, 302 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,040 lived in Bosnia with his mother and brothers, 303 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:12,280 surrounded by the goods his father sent go home on your Austrian salary. 304 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,400 I was going to visit him during school holidays. 305 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,640 As a reward, if we studied and tried, 306 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,280 he let us come on vacation for 15 or 20 days. 307 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,720 To Austria. As a reward. 308 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,640 They never intended to bring families here. 309 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:36,240 It was temporary, to make money to build a house. 310 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,920 He came for a month to buy a motorcycle. 311 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,040 But he stayed 36 years. 312 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,200 Close your fists. Squat. 313 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,800 Get up. 314 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:32,000 Josip took me to his cafe patriotic favorite in Vienna. 315 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,680 These men knew a lot about what it means to belong. 316 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,920 You have to know who you are, what you are and where you come from. 317 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,080 How come you don't feel at home, here? 318 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,880 - You'll find out too. - Are you Orthodox or Catholic? 319 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:52,880 As soon as I receive my pension, I won't stay here another day. 320 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,800 - I'm going back to my homeland soon. - So, you don't like Austria? 321 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,520 I like Austria! It's a very nice country. 322 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,760 So what was it like to live for 30 years with this idea...? 323 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,080 - I was wrong! - Wrong. 324 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,040 Regret having passed your life here? 325 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,160 Yes. 326 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,800 My feeling of belonging It's not as clear to me as yours. 327 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,320 That's what makes us special. 328 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,880 This feeling of belonging It also controls us. 329 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,640 It doesn't let us do what we want. 330 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,400 Our identity is sometimes narrow-minded. 331 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,480 Maybe she's too aggressive. 332 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:32,160 But for us, it has a lot of meaning. 333 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:37,600 Because the people of our land They don't know how to live as individuals. 334 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,280 Somewhere other than here Drank ruby-colored wine 335 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:45,080 Somewhere other than here I was happy with another woman 336 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,880 And you, and you 337 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,280 You were waiting for me 338 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:56,480 Somewhere other than here Drank ruby-colored wine 339 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,600 Somewhere other than here... 340 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,760 It's like a drug to me. 341 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,600 Singing in cafes from the suburbs of Vienna 342 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,520 the same songs I hated when I was a child. 343 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,120 - I'll be back! - Of course. You have to come back! 344 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,640 It's the biggest! 345 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,200 Are you sorry? Are you sorry? 346 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:22,080 Oh, friends, are you sorry? 347 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,960 I start to hallucinate. 348 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,760 I think to myself: "What was the problem anyway?" 349 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:37,920 It's time to say goodbye! 350 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,000 We grew up in a society 351 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,840 and with a mentality 352 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,520 in which the individual was irrelevant. 353 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:24,920 Totally irrelevant. 354 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:32,520 Currently, in the Western world, only the individual matters. 355 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:37,120 But, by highlighting the individual, we destroy communities 356 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,520 and thus the individual ceases to have meaning. 357 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,480 It is a wandering being. 358 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,760 You have nothing left to hold on to. To what? 359 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,320 There is no group not a community. Nobody. 360 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,360 You are always alone. You have all the rights, but you are alone. 361 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:09,080 We called those phone booths. 362 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:13,440 But the mother didn't have a phone. How could we talk? 363 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:17,120 We sent telegrams or we wrote letters. 364 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,240 And the letter took a long time three weeks coming. 365 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,000 We had a tradition, when we left for Germany. 366 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,880 All the neighbors came to say goodbye. 367 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,680 They all came to say goodbye. 368 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,600 It was a tradition. We were always together. 369 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,400 Neighbors helped each other always each other. 370 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,080 Now there is no one left. 371 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,560 We were 19, 20 years old. 372 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,000 We miss our mother, the house, everything... 373 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,680 We needed a week to calm down. 374 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,760 Then we ended up forgetting. 375 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,800 My tears ran throughout the trip to Slovenia. 376 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,120 Those times were really... 377 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,680 It was difficult to leave my mother. She cried a lot. 378 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,600 She cried and said: 379 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,440 "My daughter, have a good trip. I don't know if we'll see each other again." 380 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,400 She always said that. 381 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:13,160 He waved and blessed us while saying goodbye. 382 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:26,440 It said: "My daughters, stay together. I would very much like it to be like that. 383 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,400 One day, I will die, and you can support each other." 384 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,520 It was like that. We live five minutes away away from each other. 385 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:38,200 We are sisters, friends. We talked to each other... 386 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,520 It would be good for Tanja also have a sister nearby. 387 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,320 Me and my sister Sandra we started living together 388 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,440 when she was six and four of me. 389 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,360 Before that, she stayed with our parents in Croatia, 390 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,680 while I lived with our grandparents in Bosnia. 391 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,640 I don't know what else to say anymore. 392 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:25,760 I just would like for you to come visit me... 393 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,520 And so it seems... Yes. 394 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,440 It feels like I'm pressuring you. 395 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,240 15 years ago I invited you to visit me. 396 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:38,240 I keep asking you to come, and you never come. 397 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,800 Only I will visit you, once a year, 398 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,680 and you won't even be home. 399 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:48,640 And now you're mad at me why ask you this? He is well! 400 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,440 I would really like my sister come visit me. 401 00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,360 I could show him my house, my garden, 402 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,200 my street, my city. 403 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:07,080 As if, like this, all this became more like home to me. 404 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:27,400 Blanca once said: "Tatjana, I would like to be your friend." 405 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:28,840 Tatjana, you're not doing this. 406 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,640 You're just touching me gently in the hand. 407 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,240 I knew immediately that she could be my sister here. 408 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,040 This will take forever, Tatjana. 409 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,600 Like many other expats, 410 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,760 Blanca couldn't decide where to live 411 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,160 since everything was possible. 412 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,240 To help her, I quickly had it a fantastic idea: 413 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,000 invite her to live with us. 414 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,040 No, I don't think this is fair... 415 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,720 Eight, seven... 416 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,760 Three, two, one... here I come. 417 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:16,080 - Picture, yes? - Drawing, drawing. 418 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,200 Oh please! 419 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,640 This time, I consulted Waldemar. 420 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:21,840 Three, two, one... here I come. 421 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:23,280 And he approved Blanca. 422 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,120 I want you clean the house tomorrow. 423 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,120 - No, we can refuse. - We can say no, once. 424 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,240 I have exams. 425 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,000 - You have exams, can't you, and you? - No. 426 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,760 - I'm going out with friends. - Okay, what a shame. 427 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:40,400 - I'm sorry. - He doesn't regret anything. 428 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,240 We just needed to build another room 429 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,280 and then we would be a happy little family. 430 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,840 Look. Now I can work. 431 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,680 - Sexy. - Sexy? 432 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:53,880 Very Dutch. 433 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,040 - Are you serious? - That's very Dutch. 434 00:33:58,560 --> 00:33:59,560 No? 435 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,520 Do you know what I think? I think it has a Slavic touch. 436 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,320 Are you from Spain? 437 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,240 - From Madrid? - No, from Zaragoza. 438 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,000 Zaragoza. 439 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,080 And what are you doing in this shitty country? 440 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,440 I am not sure. 441 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,440 - Like this? - I don't know if I'll be back or not. 442 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,600 He is well. 443 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,400 But why? Do you like it here or what? 444 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:35,560 I like... bikes, I like riding a bike. 445 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,960 And it's not that noisy like in Spain. 446 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,080 Blanca is a free bird, a first-class foreigner. 447 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,040 Thanks to your international work, 448 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:45,960 even after 10 years in the Netherlands, 449 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,160 can do without language learning 450 00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:50,640 and the difficulty with the Dutch "G". 451 00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:54,840 Blanca, I'm just thinking, Would it be a good idea to do this? 452 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:55,960 Yes. 453 00:34:56,040 --> 00:35:00,280 - Why? - To put the windows there. 454 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:03,600 You can park here. 455 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:07,320 Can you help? Then we could have a beer together. 456 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,960 - Of course! - They are very kind! 457 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:15,320 In the Netherlands, we always help each other. 458 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,760 Yes? 459 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,840 Maybe it's still difficult establish a connection. 460 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,720 I have the prejudice that people have prejudices towards me, 461 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:28,120 because I'm from Eastern Europe. That's how people see me. 462 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:33,920 It's because he has a frank character. 463 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,520 The Dutch have closed-minded in this regard. 464 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,200 - Maybe a glass of water. - Water. 465 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:40,640 - I'm thirsty. - Yes yes. 466 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,800 Blanca brought a lot new people for our home. 467 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:52,880 - It's homemade. - May contain 50% alcohol. 468 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,400 - Health! - Health! 469 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,400 Health! 470 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:15,240 If I were an expatriate, everything would be much easier. 471 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,520 Like my friend Igor. 472 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,960 In Zagreb, we used to live together, 473 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,840 but we both feel like outsiders there. 474 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,520 Since then, he found your home here, in Zurich. 475 00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:40,120 It was fascinating. 476 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:43,560 I started seeing people. Got it... 477 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:48,040 You didn't go through socialism. You didn't go through the war. 478 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,800 When I realized that people had normal childhoods, 479 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:56,720 when I saw how people They are calm and stable inside... 480 00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:00,160 That was the biggest shock. 481 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,960 "Where did I live? How did I spend my 20s?" 482 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,680 Here, people are thirsty for life. They think, “What’s next? 483 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,600 What's the next adventure?" 484 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,320 It was so strange for me. 485 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,840 It's just that you don't wake up asking: "Who's going to screw me today?" 486 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:23,720 I have to try a lot harder to reach the same level. 487 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:27,760 It's interesting that you have five master's degrees, 488 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,520 that you are highly qualified... 489 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,120 Me too. 490 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:37,800 And still, we carry this inferiority complex. 491 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,400 Just because we have... Bosnian origins. 492 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:42,480 Yes. 493 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,320 In fact, I never felt 494 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,440 completely at home nowhere. 495 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,480 It could be even worse. 496 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:27,360 You could be from India. And you look like an Indian. 497 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,760 You came here and it would be much more difficult 498 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,480 find your way in the Netherlands. 499 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:39,960 You dare say "screw you" to people. 500 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,320 And I feel... 501 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:50,520 I feel like I'm not allowed to do that. Because I am... 502 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,040 ...foreign. 503 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:55,640 - Foreigner? - Yes. 504 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:02,320 But you are a human being, aren't you? Foreign... 505 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,120 I'll look at the camera with half-closed eyes. 506 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:15,400 - Three, two, one, zero. - Do we just need to be quiet? 507 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,920 - Quiet, please. Blink. - Don't blink. 508 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,760 You may blink. Three, two, one and zero. 509 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:28,560 There is no balloon saying: "Croatian". 510 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,080 - "Eastern Europe"! - "Idiot from Amsterdam". 511 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:34,600 Only two people can be seen. 512 00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:46,720 How is mom? 513 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,520 Since grandma is in the constellation. 514 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,040 Yes? 515 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,360 How is grandma? 516 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,280 You gave this child away. 517 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,200 I think it was like this... 518 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,360 It's spring. 519 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,160 My mother is 21 years old. 520 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,200 She dresses me well. 521 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,000 Kisses me on the eye. 522 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,320 Then the other. 523 00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:49,320 She hands it to me, like a little one wrap for her mother, 524 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,160 my grandmother Lela. 525 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,040 And my grandmother is happy. 526 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:13,040 No... You want me be ashamed of yourself? 527 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:16,200 Do you hate me? Do you hate me? 528 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,400 Because you would be ashamed of your mother like this? 529 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:24,200 - Blanca, look at this. - Blanca, is it shameful? 530 00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,160 But you're not covering your ears, that's the most important thing. 531 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:29,480 Does this cover anything? 532 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,840 - Yes, here. - No, but it just seems... 533 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,960 But it's worth it, cover it... 534 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:38,520 Don't take his side. 535 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,760 - I think it's worth it. - Thanks. 536 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:44,560 I can do it like this and no one sees me. Is that okay? 537 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:45,640 Yes. 538 00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:49,640 - I can walk like this too and... - That's the best. 539 00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:51,680 And I don't say anything so as not to be ashamed of myself. 540 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,400 That would be great, thanks. 541 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,600 We can't buy a house in a better place 542 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,480 because the houses are very expensive. 543 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,480 They are expensive because of all these expatriates. 544 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,120 What is an expatriate? 545 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:08,960 Rich foreigners. The immigrants they are poor foreigners. 546 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,640 You wouldn't say you're half-half. 547 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,720 Dutch and Croatian. 548 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,800 Would you say that you are original from the Netherlands or Croatia? 549 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:22,960 My homeland... 550 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,040 So, what is your hometown? 551 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,880 I don't know. 552 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:44,480 The same. In Croatia, I'm much more different. 553 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,480 Are you different there? Different how? 554 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,560 I don't fit in so well. 555 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:53,440 But how? 556 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,000 - Enter the circle. - How? 557 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,120 You can dance however you want. 558 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:03,200 - Let him dance. - I don't want. 559 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,880 I don't want to dance. 560 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,200 I always wanted Waldemar became a Westerner, 561 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:33,320 a tall Dutchman, but with a South Slavic heart. 562 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:36,720 Let you feel this collective spirit. 563 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,400 A family wedding in Vienna was an introduction to my mother's roots. 564 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,360 Will there be any Austrian at the wedding? 565 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,120 No. 566 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:56,080 See? Things are just like that. 567 00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:01,360 - Do you think this is a problem? - Not for me. 568 00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:05,040 Austrians always comply strictly the law. 569 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,520 None of us do this to the letter. 570 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,320 We always find a way to get around the situation. 571 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:13,280 I think these genes remain in us. 572 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,360 I don't know what it's like with this younger generation, 573 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,760 for example, children who were born here... 574 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,960 - Yes. - How do they face this? 575 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:28,120 Your son was practically born here, He came here very little. 576 00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:32,880 Yes, my Bojan accepted everything, everything that is Austrian. 577 00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:38,960 But did you see that there is still something... A Balkan gene in him. 578 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,720 - Have you ever had an Austrian boyfriend? - No. 579 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,400 Why? 580 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:13,920 I don't find them attractive. I don't like their mentality. 581 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,120 Are they cold in love? 582 00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,840 You have to know who the man is and who is the woman? 583 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:25,680 If you betrayed an Austrian, He would get over it and continue to love you. 584 00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,920 For me, this is not a real man. 585 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:33,960 With Bojan, I know how things are. 586 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:45,520 Your daughter will grow up here. What generation do you belong to? 587 00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:49,760 Bojan's father is here and his grandfather too. 588 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,000 You were born here. 589 00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:56,480 How do you want your daughter Don't be a little Austrian? 590 00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,520 It will be, for the most part, Austrian. 591 00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:03,160 But we won't raise her the same that our parents raised us. 592 00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:07,440 She needs to integrate here. We don't want you to end up like us. 593 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,080 I'm Serbian, he's Croatian, and that's it. 594 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:11,840 We want it to integrate, 595 00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:15,040 that is a little native too, since you were born here, 596 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,960 with citizenship and everything. 597 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:30,920 The family is here to help each other. 598 00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,560 When we need something. 599 00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:42,520 To be with us when we sing and when we cry, as they say. 600 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:43,720 Yes. 601 00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,520 - You don't have that. - No. 602 00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:53,480 This family that knows when you sing and when you cry, 603 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,160 in your case it is your son. 604 00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,480 - I am scared. - There is no reason to be afraid. 605 00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,640 I'll take care of it. Hello! 606 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:05,080 I'm trapped. 607 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,640 - You have to climb one more step. - Hey! 608 00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,040 - It's fucking hot. - Come on! 609 00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,160 Don't swear, mom! 610 00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:39,200 - Are we happy? - So good. I'm so happy. 611 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:43,440 - Tonight, we're going to have dinner here. - No way. Not in my room. 612 00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:48,560 - Can I take it off? - Take it off. 613 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,440 - Do you want half? Or... - Antonio, divide you. 614 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:55,160 - Blanca. - Blanquita. Come here,girl. 615 00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:57,400 - How did you meet? - I didn't say anything. 616 00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,200 Now... It's no secret. 617 00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,160 She was my therapist for eating disorder. 618 00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:05,440 - For what? - Eating disorders. 619 00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:09,400 - A few years ago. - Right. 620 00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,320 We kept in touch. 621 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:15,680 - Great. - Very good. I am really happy. 622 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,520 But that has already been five years ago, right? 623 00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:36,120 I said to my grandmother Lela: 624 00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:40,040 "Grandma, you are my Bogo and my Tito." 625 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:45,680 Bogo was our nickname for God, and Tito... it was simply Tito. 626 00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:54,520 My grandmother was 23 when you buried your baby. 627 00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,240 A few days later, your son five-year-old also died. 628 00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:07,200 In 1945, in the post-war chaos in Bosnia, her husband was killed. 629 00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,040 Then she was kicked out of the house. 630 00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:23,280 When the husband dies and there are no children, 631 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,360 the wife loses all rights. That's the old rule. 632 00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:31,480 The inheritance passes through the family lineage. 633 00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:34,000 As she has no ties through her husband, 634 00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,560 dead husband, dead children, she becomes a stranger. 635 00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:37,680 Yes. 636 00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:42,960 A few years after the death of the children and her first husband, 637 00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:45,240 my grandmother married my grandfather 638 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:50,080 and, in 1950, they had my mother. 639 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:57,240 When my mother was six years old, they had a son, Perica. 640 00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:02,560 Perica also died. He was two months old. 641 00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:05,120 Just like me, when my mother left me with my grandmother. 642 00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:13,360 Dad, did mom tell you about Perica? What do you know about him? 643 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:16,600 She told me she had a brother. He died young. 644 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,560 - She found him dead. - She found him dead? 645 00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:24,440 Yes, he found him dead. She saw him dead. 646 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,560 It was traumatic for her. 647 00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:48,080 My grandmother was infinitely kind to me. 648 00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:51,200 I received a lot of love. 649 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,160 But she wasn't kind with my mother. 650 00:50:53,240 --> 00:50:56,120 - Wasn't she kind to your mother? - No. 651 00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:03,040 My mother had to be "good" because of the three dead children. 652 00:51:04,240 --> 00:51:08,040 A mother disappears when your child dies. 653 00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:13,960 What's that like for grandma? 654 00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:18,400 - It's too heavy. - Heavy, yes. 655 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,440 When she handed me the children, I was confused. 656 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:26,680 Because she is my daughter, and not Tatjana. 657 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:33,440 She is confused. She thinks you're her daughter. 658 00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,680 When I was about four years old, my parents picked me up 659 00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:42,640 to live with them in Croatia. 660 00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,280 In kindergarten I was the strange child 661 00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:51,440 who ate the greasy bacon that the other kids didn't even play. 662 00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:57,560 And I cried and cried... 663 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,000 Sometimes while chewing that bacon, 664 00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,360 or because I had peed in underwear 665 00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:07,920 while trying to keep up with her sister older who I knew little about 666 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,760 and your carefree spirit. 667 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:17,560 But most of the time I cried I miss my grandmother Lela. 668 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:22,880 I was looking for Perica's grave. Because I feel like... 669 00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,120 Because I feel like... 670 00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:29,200 As if the mother... I don't think she even knew. 671 00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:31,840 I asked him a million times: 672 00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,720 "Because you left me with grandma and grandpa?” 673 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,480 Mom never wanted to talk about it. 674 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:41,160 I asked him, He was always pestering her... 675 00:52:41,240 --> 00:52:42,880 I don't know what the reason was. 676 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:46,280 Maybe she felt some kind of guilt or anything else. 677 00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:50,760 I didn't understand why Sandra I could stay with you and I couldn't. 678 00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:52,120 Of course. 679 00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:57,880 You compared yourself and you couldn't understand the reasons. 680 00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,240 But they always said: "Back then, that was normal." 681 00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:06,440 - Or not? - When mom started working... 682 00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:11,720 The problem was what to do with two children. 683 00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,200 The grandmother said, "I'll take care of her." 684 00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:17,880 We gladly accept, problem solved. 685 00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:22,880 But we also think that Grandma Lela needed someone, 686 00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:24,200 something to keep her busy. 687 00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,440 Sandra stayed with you, therefore, it was the "good" one. 688 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,120 I always felt that it wasn't good enough, 689 00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:32,600 that it had to be better, the best. 690 00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:38,080 You're saying, "I didn't belong neither to your grandparents nor to you." 691 00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:43,040 When we are young, We don’t problematize these things. 692 00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:46,680 We are guided by survival and for the lack of effort. 693 00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:49,040 And as long as it works, great. 694 00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:52,840 What's behind it, who suffers, that doesn't even occur to us. 695 00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:16,280 My uncle Boçzo now lives alone in a ghost village in Bosnia. 696 00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:19,320 - When did you move to Austria? - When Josip was born. 697 00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,400 He was one month old. 698 00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:28,680 We're talking about what it was like for me while you were in Austria. 699 00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:32,240 - How it was? - You know how it was. 700 00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,720 - He was at school. - He's a little dumb. 701 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,600 His task was to go to school. 702 00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:42,920 If your mother told you to do something, he did it. 703 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:46,720 There was nothing special about it. 704 00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:50,440 The question is: Did Josip miss you? 705 00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:55,680 What did he expect When were you coming home? 706 00:54:55,760 --> 00:55:01,440 We didn't crave the sweets and for the bananas you brought. 707 00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:04,200 We needed something else. A father. 708 00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,520 - We had our mother every day. - I know that. 709 00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:11,040 When they were children, they had that mythical father 710 00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:14,440 who lived far away, who brought things... 711 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,720 Exactly, it wasn't because the bike... 712 00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:23,720 The only thing important to them was to get a car. 713 00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:25,640 I just wish they would be careful. 714 00:55:25,720 --> 00:55:29,440 On weekends, they disappeared, They never stopped at home. 715 00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,440 He didn't say anything. 716 00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:35,960 This was different. I was already a boy. 717 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:40,400 He had other interests. I was looking for a girlfriend. 718 00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:42,600 But as I grew up, 719 00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:47,600 he came on the weekends, brought us chocolates, 720 00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:49,800 cookies, bananas... 721 00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:53,000 We had everything: bicycles, BMX... 722 00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,600 Pony bikes. We were the first to have them. Skis... 723 00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:01,280 Everyone else had skis made with barrel boards. 724 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,840 We had real ski boots and real skis. 725 00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,600 We had everything. But my father wasn't there. 726 00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,280 Where is my father? I needed my father. 727 00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,720 He thought that if you bought us things, 728 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:15,440 we wouldn't have to go abroad. He wanted to prepare everything for us. 729 00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:19,960 Those huge buildings, big plans for agriculture. 730 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:21,920 But then came the war. 731 00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:26,960 Matches were lit and everything burned. 732 00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:29,880 Life turned to ashes. Everything he had worked for. 733 00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:33,400 I mean, in the material sense. 734 00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,840 But there was a scar on the soul, of a different type. 735 00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,600 It was difficult. My wife cried, my mother cried. 736 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:59,320 My son was playing in the street. I passed him. 737 00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:05,080 He said, "Daddy, I didn't give you a kiss." And he ran after me. 738 00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:07,320 I gave him a kiss. 739 00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:10,080 If you knew it would be so difficult, 740 00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,720 I would never have gone abroad. 741 00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:43,200 So we hope the storm keep roaring. 742 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,520 We hope the storm keep roaring, 743 00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:49,080 for Blanca to stay. 744 00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:53,360 - I want her to go away. - Do you want her to leave? 745 00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:54,440 Yes. 746 00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:58,920 - To go to Spain. - No. She won't stay. 747 00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:02,600 - She doesn't want to stay anymore. - He doesn't like us anymore. 748 00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,800 - That's not true. - And truth. 749 00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:11,040 - That's not true. Do you believe that? - No. 750 00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:13,080 No. 751 00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:23,960 - Great, go away. - No, I don't think it's good. 752 00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:28,160 I completely agree that it was wrong the way I acted, 753 00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:31,920 and the way I communicated, 754 00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,800 the way I avoided have this conversation. 755 00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,640 I wish I had said clearly that I want to spend more time in Spain. 756 00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:50,680 And that's how I learned from you. 757 00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,560 Maybe I didn't say that I miss you, 758 00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:01,880 But yes, that feeling... 759 00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:04,880 Now you have a boyfriend, so you say goodbye. 760 00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:10,080 I'm too optimistic. I really thought this would work. 761 00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:12,560 I was also taking advantage of this situation. 762 00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:16,640 I thought, "Wow, how wonderful! I'm not alone anymore." 763 00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:24,600 I think... 764 00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:30,800 I feel like we didn't have a good basis for a friendship. 765 00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:31,880 No. 766 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:43,200 Having to replace someone costs a lot. 767 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,000 This is very difficult. 768 00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:54,720 You were a stranger. You weren't like your sister. 769 00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:58,240 His sister was with his mother. You were a stranger. 770 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:09,680 This doesn't mean that there was no love. 771 01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:12,640 But when you're a child, We don't have that perspective. 772 01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:18,120 Tell your mother, "This belongs to me. 773 01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,640 These two things belong to me. 774 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:24,240 My longing and this feeling of not belonging." 775 01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,880 - It's done. - Tatjana... 776 01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,360 See you later. 777 01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:50,040 Thank you for everything. Thank you very much, Guillaume. 778 01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:53,920 - Take good care of her. - And we'll see each other again. 779 01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:57,160 - Yes. - Bye. 780 01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,240 Goodbye! 781 01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:51,400 - My mother hasn't arrived home yet. - Where is she? 782 01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:55,120 - Dead. - This could still be home. 783 01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:03,960 But she died on the same date and the same illness as her mother. 784 01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:10,040 Both were 56 years old. I'm 52 now. 785 01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:16,240 I want a different destiny. 786 01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:18,320 Look at your mother. 787 01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:28,120 Go slowly, with feeling, even your parents. 788 01:02:29,440 --> 01:02:32,240 You see how they are looking at you, Tatjana? 789 01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:51,960 A little to the side, like this. 790 01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:54,560 Now, it's all falling apart. 791 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,000 This will never straighten out. 792 01:02:58,080 --> 01:02:59,560 Okay, like that. 793 01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:03,800 - Is that the one? - Yes. 794 01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:09,680 - Come, sit here. - That's an empty coil, dad. 795 01:03:09,760 --> 01:03:12,360 Wait, wait. Where is this? 796 01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:14,600 I was thinking exactly in the same thing. 797 01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:16,680 - How? Like this? - There must be another... 798 01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:18,160 - This little support? - Not that! 799 01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:20,040 - Can I? - Strength. 800 01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:25,240 Maybe we can connect it now. 801 01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:32,320 Look how dad is standing. 802 01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:38,840 At that time, the father was looking for us and we disappeared. 803 01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,840 Where were we? Up there in the hills? 804 01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:49,320 Look at your father. 805 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:57,720 - I want to feel at home. - I want to feel at home. 806 01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,120 - That is my wish. - That is my wish. 807 01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:11,560 - I want to feel at home in this life. - I want to feel at home in this life. 808 01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:22,600 Whenever someone asks me: "Where are you from?" 809 01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:26,640 I feel like I'm being pushed away. - It's the worst question. 810 01:04:26,720 --> 01:04:28,360 I'm floating somewhere and I don't know what to say, 811 01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:31,560 and I start to think: "What do I answer now?" 812 01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:33,880 In the first place, I left because of the war. 813 01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:38,200 We had to go back and we continued to migrate to the next country. 814 01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:40,920 After eight years in Switzerland, I thought to myself: 815 01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:42,680 "It's time for me to move." 816 01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:46,560 - Because I felt... - A restlessness. 817 01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:50,360 It just said: "Let's go somewhere else." 818 01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:55,600 But our son was at the age to start going to school, 819 01:04:55,680 --> 01:04:58,480 and everything changed. In fact, our whole life changed with it. 820 01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:03,280 I lived here for 12 or 13 years until I get a passport, 821 01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:08,240 and I always had this burden of being Yugoslav, 822 01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:12,640 a complex of being second class citizen. 823 01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:14,920 As soon as I got my passport... 824 01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:18,720 The Swiss have the Heimatort concept. 825 01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:22,400 And suddenly, they simply say:"Z rich." 826 01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:25,240 My Heimatort is"Z rich." 827 01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:30,960 As for the rest, there is no place of birth, they... 828 01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:34,680 When we had the interview with the City Council, 829 01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:35,920 the hardest part for me, 830 01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,960 and I couldn't sleep for months, was the question: 831 01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:41,960 "Why do you want to be Swiss?" 832 01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:44,400 And I thought, "What am I going to say?" 833 01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:48,200 I don't want to lie, I want to be honest, but what will I say? 834 01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:51,280 I just wanted to be Swiss 835 01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:54,640 because I wanted my son, my husband and I 836 01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:56,400 we had a common passport. 837 01:05:56,480 --> 01:06:00,960 So I thought, "I'll give Max the home I didn't have." 838 01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:04,800 He should have a home, should have a feeling of belonging, 839 01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:08,240 and be able to answer the question If someone asks you, with pride: 840 01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:10,040 "I'm Swiss." 841 01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:18,160 I wish this would stay with me, not to pass it on to him. 842 01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:21,120 - You don't want to pass it on to your son. - Yes. 843 01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:26,440 - It has to be with S. - I don't know the alphabet. 844 01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,520 Buzzcocks! 845 01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,360 I love the Buzzcocks. 846 01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:41,640 I think his life is better now. 847 01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:48,240 But he feels that I don't feel at home. 848 01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:54,600 - Tell him: "I'm going to let you go." - I'll let you go. 849 01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:56,680 - "For your father." - For your father. 850 01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:59,880 - "For your half-brother." - For your half-brother. 851 01:06:59,960 --> 01:07:01,800 - "For your friends." - For your friends. 852 01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:05,560 - "For Dutch society." - For Dutch society. 853 01:07:05,640 --> 01:07:07,600 - "I'll let you go." - I'll let you go. 854 01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,880 "You don't have to carry my burden." 855 01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:14,160 You don't have to carry my burden. 856 01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:17,880 - "I carry my own burden." - I carry my own burden. 857 01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:25,600 Waldemar, look at "Hunky Dory". This here is the disc... 858 01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,760 I already have this one. 859 01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:31,520 - Isn't it fantastic? - We already have ten Bowie albums. 860 01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:36,280 - But this is a fantastic album. - If you love Bowie, buy it for yourself. 861 01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:54,160 When we met, he didn't put himself the question of going to Croatia. 862 01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:58,000 You had another child, it was natural for me to move here. 863 01:07:58,080 --> 01:08:00,560 I came here for you and Waldemar. 864 01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:05,680 No, that's not true. You came for me and Waldemar, 865 01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:08,680 but also because you liked this country. 866 01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:09,840 At that moment. 867 01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:23,360 With an open hand. 868 01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:34,520 I mean, there were several factors in the situation you found yourself in. 869 01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:37,880 The location, the money, your son. 870 01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:42,920 And I, when we were copals, 871 01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:47,360 or not so much, in your opinion, or at least part of the time. 872 01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:50,840 You are very involved with Waldemar, 873 01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:52,520 and you are always there for him. 874 01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:55,000 And then you can say, "Yes, of course." 875 01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:02,200 If you're that involved, this has consequences. 876 01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:07,240 You moved so far away partly because of your beautiful house. 877 01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:10,200 But the consequence is: you live far away. 878 01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:12,960 Do you want to be present for your son, you have a beautiful house, 879 01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:14,680 but you live isolated. 880 01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:30,160 My first reaction at that moment 881 01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:33,480 was saying there was something wrong with society. 882 01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:35,280 Yes, and with me. 883 01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:37,760 But there was really something wrong with you. 884 01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:47,480 You blame me for not being careful enough from Waldemar, 885 01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,480 so you didn't have time for nothing else. 886 01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:54,840 This idea that I, as a woman, 887 01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:56,720 who took care of more than one child, 888 01:09:56,800 --> 01:09:58,880 I had to abandon my creative profession... 889 01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:01,200 But do you understand what I'm saying? 890 01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:04,120 Yes, but now we dig one more layer. 891 01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:07,520 - Yes, that's not right! - We could have, you know... 892 01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:11,840 Even from a practical point of view, we should have stayed together. 893 01:10:13,120 --> 01:10:14,440 Too late! 894 01:10:14,720 --> 01:10:16,560 Seriously! 895 01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:23,000 I mean, that's... It's such a general truth, 896 01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:25,080 and I don't know if you realize that, 897 01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:28,960 but people who get divorced fall into a poverty trap. 898 01:10:29,040 --> 01:10:33,080 But I'm in a better situation. I took less care of Waldemar, 899 01:10:33,160 --> 01:10:35,760 and I'm Dutch, so I'm less isolated. 900 01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:38,120 I live here in the city center, or close to the city center, 901 01:10:38,200 --> 01:10:40,120 So I'm in a better situation. 902 01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:46,640 It's Waldemar. Our son. So I will answer. 903 01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:49,920 - Hello, Waldemar! - Hello, Waldemar! 904 01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:52,080 - Hello, mom. - Hello! 905 01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:53,760 I'm here too. 906 01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:57,960 How did math class go? 907 01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:03,200 What? Turn up the volume! 908 01:11:03,600 --> 01:11:04,880 - Good. - Well? 909 01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:11,080 I'm here with him and I have a date later. 910 01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:13,520 A date? 911 01:11:14,200 --> 01:11:17,240 What kind of parents does this kid have it? 912 01:11:17,920 --> 01:11:20,920 How can he grow like this? 913 01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:25,360 I ask the same thing. Now that you mention it... 914 01:11:25,440 --> 01:11:28,360 Yes. They don't regulate. 915 01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:32,080 Mothers need it too to have a life, you know? 916 01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,520 I hope we don't have to pay for all this in 20 years. 917 01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:40,040 - Probably, yes. - Not for our love life, 918 01:11:40,120 --> 01:11:42,640 but by another kind of behavior, without a doubt. 919 01:11:46,360 --> 01:11:49,480 A choice always has a price. 920 01:11:49,560 --> 01:11:52,640 If you want a relationship, if you want to integrate, 921 01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:57,760 both sides have to give up something to make the new possible. 922 01:11:58,080 --> 01:12:01,360 You have to give up something. 923 01:12:01,440 --> 01:12:05,240 The Dutch also have to give up something 924 01:12:05,320 --> 01:12:08,920 if they really want an inclusive society. 925 01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:13,320 Which is actually ideal, 926 01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:18,440 and this constitutes the next evolutionary step of humanity. 927 01:12:21,240 --> 01:12:25,680 May we see each other like our brother or sister, 928 01:12:25,760 --> 01:12:29,760 daughter, granddaughter, father and mother. 929 01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:40,600 You don't need to hold my hand. 930 01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:46,320 Are you 52 years old? 931 01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:49,160 Like this? 932 01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:52,840 "But with an accent." An accent! 933 01:12:52,920 --> 01:12:57,160 "My son is half Dutch, therefore, going back is not an option. 934 01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:02,760 I want to feel part of this society. How can I feel at home here?" 935 01:13:04,480 --> 01:13:06,160 "It's up to you." 936 01:13:08,280 --> 01:13:10,400 "Dear compatriot... 937 01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:13,200 "It's a shame that we still don't feel at home. 938 01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,360 I have lived in the Netherlands for 30 years. 939 01:13:15,440 --> 01:13:19,040 Even though I came here as a refugee, 940 01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:23,640 I never felt inferior. And much less rejected. 941 01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:26,840 I speak Dutch fluently, also with an accent. 942 01:13:27,160 --> 01:13:31,520 I'm well integrated. 943 01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:37,520 The Netherlands It has an individualistic culture." 944 01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:39,200 I already noticed that. 945 01:13:39,280 --> 01:13:44,280 "Most of the friendships here is formed in youth." 946 01:13:44,360 --> 01:13:48,480 So basically, people They're saying it's my fault. 947 01:13:48,560 --> 01:13:49,560 Yes. 948 01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:53,840 I don't think you're trying be like the Dutch. 949 01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:55,320 - No? - No. 950 01:13:55,400 --> 01:13:57,960 It's like you like not belonging. 951 01:13:58,320 --> 01:14:02,920 Maybe that's it. Maybe actually you don't want to belong, 952 01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:05,640 Maybe you like being an outsider. 953 01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:09,960 Because if you can't feel at home nowhere, 954 01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:14,040 Maybe the problem is with you. 955 01:14:14,640 --> 01:14:16,480 I don't think any of us 956 01:14:16,560 --> 01:14:21,000 truly feel at home nowhere. 957 01:14:21,400 --> 01:14:24,360 Perhaps this is impossible. 958 01:14:24,440 --> 01:14:26,280 Maybe people 959 01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:30,240 have simply learned to live with this feeling, 960 01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:35,240 that sometimes, simply they don't feel at home. 961 01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:37,560 Everyone goes through this. 962 01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:41,720 Maybe it's harder for you than for others. That could be it. 963 01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:56,360 I imagine my mother and grandmother, 964 01:14:56,880 --> 01:15:01,000 sitting somewhere up there, together, watching me. 965 01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:07,880 And they tell me: 966 01:15:08,720 --> 01:15:12,320 "Taja, you are not a wanderer uprooted. 967 01:15:13,000 --> 01:15:15,120 Home is where the heart is." 968 01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:20,640 "And if the heart is in many places?" I ask. 969 01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:31,200 And so... I don't know. I can't hear them. 970 01:15:34,360 --> 01:15:36,400 And the two continue simply smiling. 971 01:15:54,600 --> 01:15:57,680 When are you coming? Come on, Loulou! 972 01:16:00,280 --> 01:16:03,840 - When are you coming back, dear? - When you finish skating. 973 01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:08,560 - Around nine, ten. - Okay. 974 01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:12,320 - Buy something to eat. - Okay. 975 01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,000 Loulou! 976 01:16:17,920 --> 01:16:21,360 Loulou! She left. Give mom a kiss. 977 01:16:22,960 --> 01:16:24,000 I adore you. 978 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:27,160 Goodbye! Have fun. Where is that dog? 979 01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,160 Loulou! 980 01:16:47,280 --> 01:16:48,920 Loulou, come here. 981 01:16:51,360 --> 01:16:53,160 Look who came to visit us!