1
00:00:05,716 --> 00:00:07,546
I hope Jessie's
audition went well.

2
00:00:07,548 --> 00:00:09,338
Does anyone know
what it was for?
(DOOR CLOSING)

3
00:00:13,094 --> 00:00:14,694
I just had
the worst day ever.

4
00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:16,896
Well, mine just
got better.

5
00:00:16,897 --> 00:00:18,727
(LAUGHING)

6
00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:22,229
Okay, so I thought
I was auditioning
for a local TV commercial.

7
00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:24,363
Then, suddenly they
zip me into this get-up,

8
00:00:24,355 --> 00:00:26,355
and I'm standing on
the street, trying to
get people to eat at

9
00:00:26,357 --> 00:00:27,697
"Dan's Diggity
Dog Delight!"

10
00:00:27,698 --> 00:00:30,198
Which, by the way,
smells worse than
the inside of this costume.

11
00:00:31,242 --> 00:00:33,322
Seriously, who wore this
before me, Big Foot?

12
00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:36,785
ALL: Oh! Whoa!

13
00:00:37,498 --> 00:00:39,538
Why didn't you just
take the suit off?

14
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,750
Although that mustard
brings out your eyes.

15
00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:44,133
Because the zipper
got stuck.

16
00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:45,925
And then the bus driver
said he wouldn't let me on

17
00:00:45,926 --> 00:00:47,586
because food
is not allowed.

18
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,930
It is New York,
I am sure no one noticed.

19
00:00:51,932 --> 00:00:53,052
Oh, yeah?

20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,273
I was chased for
20 blocks by hungry dogs
and angry vegans.

21
00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:57,347
Considering they
don't eat meat,

22
00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,348
those lentil lovers
have a surprising
amount of stamina.

23
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:04,112
Well, I'm just glad
you finally got...
Don't say it!

24
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,275
A big roll!

25
00:01:05,276 --> 00:01:08,066
(BERTRAM AND KIDS LAUGHING)

26
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,189
(GRUNTS)
Hey!

27
00:01:10,191 --> 00:01:11,781
You're a meany weenie.

28
00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:17,325
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

29
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:20,998
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

30
00:01:21,001 --> 00:01:24,511
♪ It feels like a party
every day

31
00:01:24,505 --> 00:01:28,255
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

32
00:01:28,259 --> 00:01:31,669
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

33
00:01:31,672 --> 00:01:35,182
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

34
00:01:35,176 --> 00:01:38,636
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

35
00:01:38,639 --> 00:01:42,389
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

36
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:46,443
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

37
00:01:46,437 --> 00:01:49,567
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

38
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:53,190
♪ Hey Jessie

39
00:01:53,194 --> 00:01:56,704
♪ Hey Jessie

40
00:01:56,697 --> 00:02:00,237
♪ It feels like a party
every day

41
00:02:00,241 --> 00:02:04,671
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

42
00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:12,131
Bertram, I have some
very exciting news!

43
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,172
Great!

44
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:17,515
Get back here or your
fancy new eight-slice
toaster is toast!

45
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,970
Okay, after my whole
hot dog debacle,

46
00:02:21,972 --> 00:02:25,272
I realized I needed to
do something to take
my career to the next level.

47
00:02:25,266 --> 00:02:27,436
Don't you need
a career first?
(CHUCKLES)

48
00:02:28,269 --> 00:02:29,319
Ow!

49
00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:33,480
So I signed up for a
short film competition
called Quick Flicks.

50
00:02:33,484 --> 00:02:35,204
Contestants have
just 24 hours

51
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,276
to write, shoot,
and star in a film!

52
00:02:37,278 --> 00:02:39,078
Oh, so then you can
fail three times!

53
00:02:41,282 --> 00:02:42,242
(GRUNTS)

54
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:44,964
You were saying?

55
00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:48,246
The winner gets
their film shown in a
prestigious film festival.

56
00:02:48,249 --> 00:02:49,419
(BEEPS)

57
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,500
Oh! They just emailed
me my theme.

58
00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:52,842
It's "Love."

59
00:02:52,843 --> 00:02:54,683
Oh, this is perfect!
I know all about love.

60
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,925
So it's going to be
a horror movie?
(LAUGHING)

61
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,348
My next film is going
to be a mystery about

62
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,220
the disappearance
of an annoying butler!

63
00:03:01,602 --> 00:03:03,472
Spoiler alert,
the nanny did it!

64
00:03:07,898 --> 00:03:10,308
So, what do you guys
think of my script?
Be honest.

65
00:03:10,311 --> 00:03:12,311
Unless you hated it,
then be quiet.

66
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:15,323
It is riveting,
Madame Tarantino.

67
00:03:15,986 --> 00:03:19,196
I don't know who
this Zuni character is,

68
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,319
but I find the scene
where she happily

69
00:03:21,322 --> 00:03:23,992
finishes her homework
totally unbelievable.

70
00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:27,245
Am I to assume I will
play the role of Duke,

71
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,208
the suave
ladies' man?

72
00:03:30,631 --> 00:03:32,831
I'm pretty sure
that's me, dude.

73
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,644
But the only other
boy role is Tavi,

74
00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:38,676
the pathetic wretch
whose only friend
is a wizard.

75
00:03:38,679 --> 00:03:40,429
Oh, that's suppose
to say, "Lizard."

76
00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:43,262
Oh! Oh...

77
00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:47,265
Zuri, you are also in
charge of set design.

78
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,808
Great, what's
my budget?

79
00:03:48,809 --> 00:03:49,899
Nothing.

80
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,440
Then that's what
you're getting.

81
00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:53,482
Bertram, you are
craft services.

82
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:54,624
Ooh, what's that?

83
00:03:54,615 --> 00:03:55,945
It means you
feed the crew.

84
00:03:55,946 --> 00:03:57,946
Oh, so basically
what I always do.

85
00:03:57,948 --> 00:04:01,238
Thanks for including me
in your glamorous world
of show business.

86
00:04:02,363 --> 00:04:04,203
Okay, people,
we only have

87
00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:06,254
13 hours to get this
movie in the can.

88
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,366
I better go get Tony a
copy of the script.

89
00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:11,329
Do you really think
Tony wants to re-create

90
00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:13,292
how you met
and fell in love?

91
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,304
Even though you dumped him
and stomped on his heart?

92
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:18,297
Not that I'm
taking sides.

93
00:04:19,219 --> 00:04:22,259
The breakup was mutual,
but maybe you're right.

94
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,102
It might be kind of
awkward to act out our
relationship on camera.

95
00:04:25,095 --> 00:04:27,845
It was awkward enough
for those of us who had
to watch it in real life.

96
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,979
So, who is going
to play "Toby,"

97
00:04:30,981 --> 00:04:33,521
the handsome Jersey
doorman you fall for?

98
00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:36,574
(IN JERSEY ACCENT)
Bada-bing! I got your
doorman right here.

99
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,158
And you can
keep him.

100
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:42,901
Why don't you hire
Nicolas Cage?

101
00:04:42,903 --> 00:04:44,113
He'll do anything.

102
00:04:44,905 --> 00:04:46,615
I can't afford
Nicolas Cage!

103
00:04:46,617 --> 00:04:48,867
Can't even afford
to download
one of his movies.

104
00:04:48,869 --> 00:04:50,709
And I don't have
the time to sit
and audition

105
00:04:50,711 --> 00:04:53,081
tons of young,
good looking guys!

106
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,836
You didn't have
the time, huh?

107
00:04:58,178 --> 00:05:02,298
Hey, casting is a
very important part of
the filmmaking process.

108
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,012
Mmm-hmm.
(ELEVATOR PINGS)

109
00:05:06,136 --> 00:05:07,306
Um, Jessie,

110
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,637
why have so many
good looking guys
been coming up here?

111
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,390
Including,
now, myself.

112
00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:14,232
I'm making a movie
about our relationship.

113
00:05:14,234 --> 00:05:16,444
And these guys are
auditioning to play you.

114
00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:17,397
Oh.

115
00:05:17,398 --> 00:05:19,398
But why didn't you just
ask me to play me?

116
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,860
I mean, I saw that
movie where Lincoln
played himself.

117
00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,213
That wasn't Lincoln.
It was...
Don't bother.

118
00:05:25,205 --> 00:05:28,245
I spent two hours trying
to explain to him
that E.T. was a puppet.

119
00:05:28,539 --> 00:05:29,999
He rode a bicycle!

120
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:35,422
Okay, well, if you're
okay with it, I'd love
to have you play you.

121
00:05:35,416 --> 00:05:37,916
Thanks! I'll make
a great me.
(CHUCKLES)

122
00:05:37,918 --> 00:05:41,378
Oh, Jessie, I just
thought of a way to make
your script better.

123
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,962
Maybe even good!

124
00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:45,974
Your love story
needs a twist.

125
00:05:47,888 --> 00:05:50,388
I don't care that
our two kinds are
forbidden to love,

126
00:05:50,931 --> 00:05:52,271
we belong
together!

127
00:05:52,683 --> 00:05:54,823
(HOWLING)

128
00:05:54,815 --> 00:05:57,235
Oh, Toby, I love it
when you howl
with passion.

129
00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:59,027
That's actually pain.
You're standing on my paw.

130
00:05:59,029 --> 00:06:00,649
Oh, sorry.

131
00:06:01,031 --> 00:06:03,361
And I love you more
than O-positive.

132
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,293
Kiss me! Ugh!

133
00:06:05,285 --> 00:06:07,365
What's wrong?
I just combed my arms.

134
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,747
I know,
and they're lovely,

135
00:06:08,749 --> 00:06:11,249
it's just that you have
a slight flea problem.

136
00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:13,412
Aw, wolfman!

137
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:15,924
This stupid collar was
supposed to be good
for three months!

138
00:06:16,707 --> 00:06:19,047
Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!

139
00:06:19,299 --> 00:06:21,549
Have you guys seen
a sparkly, pink ball,
with teeth marks?

140
00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:23,922
kinda smells
like this...
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

141
00:06:25,175 --> 00:06:27,175
I haven't seen
you at any of
the pack meetings.

142
00:06:27,177 --> 00:06:28,307
What kind of
werewolf are you?

143
00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:29,768
I'm a were-poodle!
(CHUCKLING)

144
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,310
You're not
very scary.

145
00:06:31,311 --> 00:06:32,811
But I'm adorable!

146
00:06:32,813 --> 00:06:34,183
And hypoallergenic.

147
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,725
You have a little
human in your fangs.

148
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,857
(CAT MEWING)
Ooh, cat! (CHUCKLES)

149
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,611
Where's a silver bullet
when you need one?

150
00:06:44,525 --> 00:06:46,325
Okay, even if
I wanted to do that,

151
00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:47,696
which I don't,

152
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:50,868
where would I find
a werewolf costume
on such short notice?

153
00:06:50,871 --> 00:06:52,451
Easy, just shave
Bertram's back

154
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,703
and glue it
all over Tony.

155
00:06:54,835 --> 00:06:57,665
Okay, I can't tell you
how many different ways
that makes me nauseous.

156
00:07:00,631 --> 00:07:04,341
Okay people,
we only have 10 hours
to finish this film.

157
00:07:04,344 --> 00:07:06,264
We need to shoot
the scene where
"Chantal" meets "Toby."

158
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:08,306
Hey, who's this
"Toby" guy?

159
00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:11,218
You! Seriously,
you have the memory
of a goldfish.

160
00:07:12,973 --> 00:07:16,193
So I am "Tavi,"
and Luke is "Duke."

161
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,106
How do you get
"Chantal" from Jessie?

162
00:07:18,398 --> 00:07:19,688
I just always
liked that name.

163
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,730
Where's Zuri?

164
00:07:22,563 --> 00:07:25,533
I'm sorry,
but it took me forever
to get her to wear this.

165
00:07:25,526 --> 00:07:28,236
I don't wear
tutus anymore.

166
00:07:28,238 --> 00:07:29,618
What am I, a kid?

167
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,281
She bites harder
than Mrs. Kipling.

168
00:07:32,282 --> 00:07:35,252
And at least Mrs. K
apologizes by leaving
a rat at your door.

169
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:39,377
Zuri, this is how
you were dressed
when we met.

170
00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:41,789
Now get in position
and no more biting.

171
00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:44,422
Okay, can we finally
get the first shot!

172
00:07:44,424 --> 00:07:46,184
Craft services is
here with lunch!

173
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,346
No, Bertram, no,
we don't have time to eat!

174
00:07:48,348 --> 00:07:50,848
But I worked so hard.
I even chopped stuff.

175
00:07:51,301 --> 00:07:52,851
Okay, fine!

176
00:07:54,014 --> 00:07:55,154
(MUFFLED VOICE)
Happy now?

177
00:07:55,145 --> 00:07:56,645
There were
toothpicks in those.

178
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:58,227
(GAGGING)

179
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,600
Okay.

180
00:08:01,602 --> 00:08:03,362
Do you know
what you have to do?
Of course.

181
00:08:03,363 --> 00:08:05,203
When you fall
to the ground
I say,

182
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:06,815
"Aw, man.
Are you okay?"
Mmm-hmm.

183
00:08:06,817 --> 00:08:08,487
Then help you up,
like when we first met.

184
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,698
Great. And since
I can't afford a cab,

185
00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:12,321
I'm just going to
run and fall.

186
00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:14,412
Okay,
let's do this!

187
00:08:14,414 --> 00:08:15,504
Action!

188
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,376
Whoa!

189
00:08:17,377 --> 00:08:18,667
Aw...

190
00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:20,499
What's my
line again?

191
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,040
"Aw, man!"

192
00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:27,134
Ten bucks says the battery
in the camera dies
before we get this.

193
00:08:27,127 --> 00:08:28,507
(BOTH LAUGHING)

194
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,838
Okay, Tony,

195
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,220
let's try
this again.

196
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:32,842
Action!

197
00:08:33,594 --> 00:08:34,904
Whoa!

198
00:08:34,895 --> 00:08:36,305
Aw, Mom!

199
00:08:37,227 --> 00:08:38,977
Aw, man!

200
00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:41,229
Sorry, Jessie... Chantal...
Whoever you are.

201
00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:45,323
Okay, let's
try 'er again.

202
00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:48,357
Action!
Whoa!

203
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,411
Really?
Hey, I'm still
on the clock!

204
00:08:54,364 --> 00:08:56,874
Jessie, I've
been thinking.

205
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,288
What this movie needs
is some real action,

206
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,661
and a new leading man.
(CHUCKLES)

207
00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:07,376
Thank you so much
for rescuing me

208
00:09:07,377 --> 00:09:09,467
from Dr. Dastardly's
volcano lair.

209
00:09:09,469 --> 00:09:11,379
You saved me
just in time.

210
00:09:11,672 --> 00:09:12,762
I know,

211
00:09:13,263 --> 00:09:15,023
your toes are
still smoking.

212
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,438
And the rest
of you, too.

213
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,440
Why, thank you.
But I don't even
know your name.

214
00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:24,994
Ross.

215
00:09:25,395 --> 00:09:26,395
Luke Ross.

216
00:09:27,027 --> 00:09:28,317
And you are?

217
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,358
Dimples.
Dimples Galore.

218
00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:32,951
(TIRES SCREECHING)

219
00:09:32,953 --> 00:09:34,243
How are we going to
get away from those

220
00:09:34,244 --> 00:09:35,914
evil spies who want to
blow up the world,

221
00:09:35,906 --> 00:09:37,406
even though it means
their death as well?

222
00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:39,247
Which I find to be
kinda counter-intuitive.

223
00:09:40,370 --> 00:09:42,330
I don't know what
that word means,

224
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,972
but you're so cute
I might look it up later.

225
00:09:47,257 --> 00:09:50,297
Now, before I force
those evil spies
off that cliff

226
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,590
with an assortment
of wicked cool gadgets,

227
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,313
how about a
high-speed kiss?

228
00:09:58,769 --> 00:10:00,849
Wow, that is
action-packed.

229
00:10:01,181 --> 00:10:03,521
But I would just make
one small change.

230
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,605
Farewell,
Mr. Ross.

231
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,793
Maybe I should have
thought this through.

232
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:16,195
(TIRES SCREECHING)

233
00:10:16,196 --> 00:10:17,286
(SCREAMING)

234
00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:21,910
There is no way
I'm doing a movie

235
00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:24,882
where women wear
skimpy clothes
and are objectified.

236
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,415
Then you're going to
hate the sequel.

237
00:10:28,048 --> 00:10:29,628
Okay, let's get moving!

238
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,799
But Tony has over
20 lines in this scene.

239
00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:34,303
What are we
going do?

240
00:10:34,304 --> 00:10:35,564
I'll shoot around him.

241
00:10:35,555 --> 00:10:37,345
What does that mean?
I'll fix it in post.

242
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:40,057
Come again?
Oh, just go point the camera
and capture the magic!

243
00:10:43,814 --> 00:10:45,074
Chantal,

244
00:10:45,065 --> 00:10:46,685
you are amazing.

245
00:10:47,187 --> 00:10:50,437
Your eyes remind me
of a full baboon.

246
00:10:51,031 --> 00:10:52,071
Cut!

247
00:10:53,363 --> 00:10:54,993
Again! Tony,

248
00:10:55,275 --> 00:10:58,695
for the tenth time,
the line is,
"A full moon."

249
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:02,079
It's not romantic to say
that my eyes remind you
of a monkey's butt.

250
00:11:02,873 --> 00:11:04,203
Sorry, but

251
00:11:04,204 --> 00:11:06,214
re-living our
relationship
is making me feel

252
00:11:06,206 --> 00:11:07,996
kind of
uncomfortable.

253
00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:11,248
Or it could just be
from eating 10 helpings
of pasta fazool.

254
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:14,092
Back in a minute!
Or an hour.

255
00:11:14,094 --> 00:11:15,644
That fazool
binds you right up.

256
00:11:17,758 --> 00:11:20,928
Jessie, when
you said I was "in
charge of the boom,"

257
00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:23,141
I thought I would
get to blow stuff up.

258
00:11:23,513 --> 00:11:26,733
At least you do not have
to keep peering through
this camera for hours.

259
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,227
My right eye
refuses to open.

260
00:11:30,610 --> 00:11:34,360
And I am tired of
making food with
"Fazool" in the name.

261
00:11:34,364 --> 00:11:36,374
Great, any more
complaints?

262
00:11:36,366 --> 00:11:38,406
Yes. Your movie
is boring.

263
00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:42,409
I meant any complaints
that don't make me sad?

264
00:11:42,412 --> 00:11:45,332
No. But I have an idea
how to spice this up.

265
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:48,497
Wait!

266
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:50,208
No! Let me go.

267
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,682
This is the end of
the line for you,
schoolmarm!

268
00:11:55,675 --> 00:11:58,295
(EAGLE SCREAMING)
Wow, you really don't want
to do your homework.

269
00:11:59,299 --> 00:12:02,679
Who needs to know
geography in
the Wild East?

270
00:12:02,682 --> 00:12:04,812
West! Wild West!

271
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,225
You are a horrible
student! And evil!

272
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,399
I'm a 10-year-old girl
with a mustache.

273
00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:13,481
It tends to make you
a little cranky!

274
00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:16,284
Well, your plan will
never work!

275
00:12:16,276 --> 00:12:18,486
My true love,
the sheriff,
will save me!

276
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,408
You mean
that cowpoke?

277
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,530
(EAGLE SCREAMING)

278
00:12:21,912 --> 00:12:23,072
Howdy!

279
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,075
Okay, maybe your
plan will work.

280
00:12:29,209 --> 00:12:31,539
Zuri, I have to
shoot a love story.

281
00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:34,331
There is nothing
romantic about being
crushed by a train.

282
00:12:34,334 --> 00:12:36,264
Jessie, it's a metaphor.

283
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,836
You're so
one-dimensional.

284
00:12:39,429 --> 00:12:42,719
Jessie, I have some
choices for your clothes
for the next scene!

285
00:12:42,722 --> 00:12:45,732
I went in your closet,
but then I just got
dizzy and depressed,

286
00:12:45,725 --> 00:12:46,885
so...

287
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,187
So I brought you
some of Mom's stuff.

288
00:12:49,189 --> 00:12:50,309
Oh, thanks, Emma,

289
00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:52,060
but I want to wear
the exact outfit
I had on

290
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,942
when I went on my
first date with Tony.

291
00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:56,784
Okay, but no wonder
your relationship
didn't work out.

292
00:13:01,862 --> 00:13:03,952
Wait, you still
need make-up!

293
00:13:03,954 --> 00:13:06,004
I have to make you look
two years younger!

294
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:07,576
FYI, you have way more
worry-lines now

295
00:13:07,577 --> 00:13:09,207
than when you
started working here.

296
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:10,869
I can't imagine why!

297
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,832
Look, If I'm going to
get this film ready
for the contest,

298
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,344
I have to get this scene
where Tony and I
kiss in the teacup!

299
00:13:16,336 --> 00:13:17,626
Now, go get him.

300
00:13:18,258 --> 00:13:19,588
Zuri, where's
my teacup?

301
00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:21,009
Right here!

302
00:13:22,222 --> 00:13:23,382
Ta-da!

303
00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:26,434
It's smaller
than I expected.

304
00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:27,806
And less teacup-y.

305
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,308
And more
cardboard-y.

306
00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:31,810
You get what
you pay for.

307
00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:34,312
How is the audience
supposed to believe that

308
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,284
Toby and Chantal
are trapped in there?

309
00:13:36,276 --> 00:13:39,236
Uh, kneel down.
Problem solved.

310
00:13:39,239 --> 00:13:41,239
I want a producer
credit for that.

311
00:13:42,152 --> 00:13:43,282
Uh, Jessie,

312
00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:45,213
we have a
small issue.

313
00:13:45,205 --> 00:13:46,365
How small?

314
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,710
I'd say about
three sizes.

315
00:13:51,711 --> 00:13:55,131
Who would have
suspected a $15 tux
was dry clean only.

316
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,415
Everyone!

317
00:13:56,416 --> 00:13:58,876
On the bright side,
at least your outfit
matches the teacup.

318
00:13:59,299 --> 00:14:01,629
Now get in, we need
to start the scene.

319
00:14:01,922 --> 00:14:03,722
Ravi, is the water
effect ready?

320
00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:05,393
Why does Ravi
get to do it?

321
00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:07,965
Dousing people
with water is
my specialty!

322
00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:10,888
And yet, the concept
of bathing eludes you.

323
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:13,601
Guys, knock it off.
We need to get going!

324
00:14:14,684 --> 00:14:17,404
Ready, and action!

325
00:14:17,737 --> 00:14:21,477
I cannot believe
we're trapped in this
huge teacup.

326
00:14:22,242 --> 00:14:23,482
(WHISPERING)
Down! Down!

327
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,445
Well, at least
we're finally
alone together, Toby.

328
00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:31,288
And nothing can ruin
this perfect moment.

329
00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:32,201
(CLICKS)

330
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:37,383
I said, nothing can ruin
this perfect moment.

331
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,257
(CLICKING)

332
00:14:38,258 --> 00:14:40,378
Ravi! Ruin this
perfect moment!

333
00:14:41,341 --> 00:14:43,211
It should
be working...

334
00:14:43,593 --> 00:14:45,973
Never mind.
Let's just skip to
the kissing scene,

335
00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:47,426
we're running
out of time!

336
00:14:47,427 --> 00:14:49,267
Oh, Toby...
Um, Jessie...

337
00:14:49,269 --> 00:14:51,849
It's Chantal!
No, I'm talking
to you, Jessie.

338
00:14:52,312 --> 00:14:53,892
I just don't feel
comfortable kissing you,

339
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,233
now that we're
broken up.

340
00:14:55,225 --> 00:14:56,395
It's called
"Acting."

341
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,356
I know it's awkward,
but this movie is really
important to me!

342
00:14:59,359 --> 00:15:01,319
I understand,
but I just can't!

343
00:15:01,321 --> 00:15:02,571
Just think back

344
00:15:02,572 --> 00:15:06,622
to how in love we were
at this incredibly sweet,
romantic moment.

345
00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:08,406
Now kiss me,
you greasy
haired mook!

346
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:10,119
(CLOTH RIPPING)

347
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:15,092
I'm sorry, Jessie.
You'll just have to finish
your movie without me.

348
00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:16,455
It's just too weird!

349
00:15:16,876 --> 00:15:18,746
And now that I've
split my pants,

350
00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:20,589
it's a little
too drafty.

351
00:15:21,341 --> 00:15:23,461
Wait, Tony,
come back!

352
00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:25,353
This is the most
important scene
in the movie!

353
00:15:25,345 --> 00:15:26,545
Who am I going
to kiss?

354
00:15:26,546 --> 00:15:27,846
Me, me!
I'll do it!

355
00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:29,347
(GLASS SHATTERING)

356
00:15:29,349 --> 00:15:33,679
Oh, now I see why
they call it a "Boom."
(CHUCKLING)

357
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,613
Cut. Just cut.

358
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,266
Can't anything
go right?

359
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,401
Well, the water effect
is working.

360
00:15:48,408 --> 00:15:50,448
Jessie, we know
you're upset,

361
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,830
but you can't just
sit around

362
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:54,241
and drown your
sorrows in fro-yo.

363
00:15:54,534 --> 00:15:57,344
Why not? It's the only thing
I've done today without
messing it up.

364
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:00,378
Jessie, that's not true.

365
00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:01,710
Thank you, Zuri.

366
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,711
I was talking
about the fro-yo.

367
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,303
You've got it all
over you.

368
00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:08,676
Oh, man, this was
a designer dress.

369
00:16:08,678 --> 00:16:10,388
This is getting
sadder and sadder.

370
00:16:11,391 --> 00:16:13,641
Okay, guys, I don't
know if you're noticed,

371
00:16:13,643 --> 00:16:17,363
but my acting career
hasn't exactly gone
the way I thought it would.

372
00:16:17,357 --> 00:16:18,307
No.
You're kidding.

373
00:16:18,308 --> 00:16:21,308
I've not noticed.
Your last job
was as a hot dog.

374
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,732
Love you.

375
00:16:25,365 --> 00:16:26,525
Hey, look,

376
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:29,317
I know I've been really
stressed out lately,

377
00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:32,409
and I'm sorry if
I've been a little
too harsh on you.

378
00:16:32,912 --> 00:16:34,322
All I ever wanted
was to do

379
00:16:34,324 --> 00:16:35,674
something creative
with my life,

380
00:16:35,665 --> 00:16:37,915
and I just...

381
00:16:37,917 --> 00:16:40,327
I'm afraid that
this movie is
my last chance.

382
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:43,620
Jessie, you're
an amazingly
talented person.

383
00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:47,594
Yeah, we know
you'll make it if you
just keep trying.

384
00:16:47,587 --> 00:16:51,547
You must continue
the pursuit of your
cinematic aspirations.

385
00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:53,261
He took the words
right out of my mouth.

386
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,143
And made them
big and confusing.

387
00:16:56,226 --> 00:16:57,476
Thank you, guys.

388
00:16:57,477 --> 00:16:58,897
I really appreciate it.

389
00:16:58,898 --> 00:17:01,478
But there's only an
hour until the deadline.

390
00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:04,641
Even if I could manage
to piece together a film
from what we shot,

391
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:06,074
I still don't
have an ending.

392
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:09,316
I know! I have got
the perfect way
to end your movie!

393
00:17:11,411 --> 00:17:12,451
Prince Toby,

394
00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:15,372
I don't care if that
evil mystic did turn
you into a lizard.

395
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:18,075
I will always
love you.
(GROWLING)

396
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,118
Sweetie, you got
a little rat blood.

397
00:17:22,832 --> 00:17:26,432
Princess, I am so
touched by your love,

398
00:17:26,426 --> 00:17:29,086
I shall undo the spell
I cast upon him.
(GASPS)

399
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,089
But first,
we dance!

400
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,341
Wait, why?

401
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:35,012
Because it is the end
of a Bollywood movie.
It is what we do!

402
00:17:35,725 --> 00:17:37,055
When in Ranchipur.

403
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,347
(INDIAN DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

404
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,551
Okay, hold it,
Dances with Lizards.

405
00:18:13,923 --> 00:18:16,183
Flying to India is way
out of my budget.

406
00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:17,766
Along with
waterproof mascara.

407
00:18:19,058 --> 00:18:21,518
There's gotta
be something
you can do.

408
00:18:21,521 --> 00:18:24,981
Thanks, guys, but
this whole thing
was a disaster.

409
00:18:24,984 --> 00:18:26,734
And not only did I
waste all of your time,

410
00:18:26,726 --> 00:18:29,146
but I may have ruined
my friendship with Tony.

411
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:32,279
Not to mention
creating a big pile
of cinematic swill.

412
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:34,863
Oh, sorry.

413
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,044
Were we not compiling
a complete list?

414
00:18:39,239 --> 00:18:41,369
Are you licking
your dress?

415
00:18:42,332 --> 00:18:43,702
Don't judge me!

416
00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:49,507
(LAUGHING)

417
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:53,340
What's so funny?
Everything you shot.

418
00:18:53,343 --> 00:18:54,753
Check it out!
(LAUGHING)

419
00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:01,679
I'm so happy my misery
brings you joy.

420
00:19:01,681 --> 00:19:04,181
Your misery is even
better in slo-mo!

421
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,645
(BERTRAM LAUGHING)

422
00:19:09,269 --> 00:19:12,609
Wow. You can actually
see the exact moment
my soul gets crushed.

423
00:19:12,612 --> 00:19:13,772
(CHUCKLES)

424
00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,284
Wait a minute, that
shouldn't be on film.

425
00:19:16,276 --> 00:19:18,196
That's what I
thought when I
read your script.

426
00:19:19,279 --> 00:19:22,239
No, I mean, I told
Ravi to cut before
that happened.

427
00:19:22,242 --> 00:19:25,292
Well, judging by
the fact that there is
eight hours of footage,

428
00:19:25,285 --> 00:19:27,205
I don't think Ravi ever
stopped the camera.

429
00:19:27,837 --> 00:19:29,287
It's funny
sped up, too.

430
00:19:35,255 --> 00:19:37,345
You know, all
the stuff that
wasn't in your script

431
00:19:37,347 --> 00:19:39,467
is actually
kind of entertaining.

432
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:40,799
Wait a second.

433
00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:43,010
Bertram, that gives
me a great idea!

434
00:19:43,012 --> 00:19:45,402
You're going to quit
showbiz and move
back to Texas?

435
00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:47,105
I may have already
packed your bags.

436
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,227
No, I meant

437
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,019
I know how I'm going
to finish my movie!
Mmm.

438
00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:58,115
That's for
the comments
on my script.

439
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:04,873
That was
just for fun.

440
00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:10,628
So, how's it going?

441
00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:14,920
I'm exhausted,
but I'm done!

442
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,054
I just have to
hit "Send" within
five seconds.

443
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:21,217
Five, four, three...

444
00:20:21,931 --> 00:20:23,681
And, sent.

445
00:20:24,894 --> 00:20:26,614
I want a producer
credit for that.

446
00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:32,349
JESSIE: (ON TV)
Sometimes, the path
to love can be paved

447
00:20:32,352 --> 00:20:33,982
with a lot of bumps
and bruises.

448
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:40,406
And maybe things
don't turn out exactly
how you planned.

449
00:20:44,324 --> 00:20:47,874
But sometimes you find
love in places that
you least expect it.

450
00:20:52,081 --> 00:20:55,131
So even though
I set out to shoot
a movie about romance...

451
00:20:55,795 --> 00:20:58,175
(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

452
00:20:58,177 --> 00:20:59,797
Finding this family
is the greatest

453
00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:01,879
love story
I could ever tell.
(LAUGHING)

454
00:21:01,881 --> 00:21:03,341
(ALL APPLAUDING)

455
00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:08,225
We love you
too, Jessie.
(CHUCKLES)

456
00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:11,188
I do not know what
was more beautiful,

457
00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:14,390
your poetic narration,
or the way I framed
that final shot.

458
00:21:15,815 --> 00:21:19,525
I can't believe you
finished that whole thing
in just 24 hours!

459
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:22,159
Yeah, we never thought
you could pull it off.

460
00:21:22,161 --> 00:21:24,361
But you guys seemed
so supportive!

461
00:21:24,364 --> 00:21:26,254
You know how when
I have a math test,

462
00:21:26,245 --> 00:21:28,825
and you say I can
ace it, but we both
know you're lying?

463
00:21:28,828 --> 00:21:30,908
Yeah.
It was like that.

464
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,961
(SOBBING)

465
00:21:34,674 --> 00:21:36,804
Wow, it even
made Bertram cry.

466
00:21:37,126 --> 00:21:38,546
It's not the movie.

467
00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:42,338
I just wasted 20 bucks
on an "At Least
You Tried" card.

468
00:21:46,225 --> 00:21:48,475
Thanks, Bertram.
Don't worry, we won't
let it go to waste.

469
00:21:48,478 --> 00:21:50,308
Ravi's has his
P.E. final coming up.

470
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,646
Oh, hey, Tony.
Hey.

471
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,360
Here.
Oh, thanks.

472
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:08,366
Good catching up.

473
00:22:09,999 --> 00:22:11,079
Jessie,

474
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,542
I'm really sorry
about quitting
your movie,

475
00:22:14,544 --> 00:22:16,224
and for letting
you down.

476
00:22:16,215 --> 00:22:19,375
It was just awkward
playing romantic scenes
with my ex, you know?

477
00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:21,299
It's okay. It was
weird for me, too.

478
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:22,420
If it makes you
feel better,

479
00:22:22,422 --> 00:22:24,672
I was pretending you
were James Franco
the whole time.

480
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:27,765
You mean during
the filming, or while
we were dating?

481
00:22:29,018 --> 00:22:31,138
Let's not re-hash
the past.

482
00:22:32,231 --> 00:22:35,271
Oh, Tony, this is from
The Quick Flicks Festival!

483
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,566
My film got
accepted!

484
00:22:38,568 --> 00:22:40,528
Congratulations!
(LAUGHING)

485
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,360
Oh, that's...

486
00:22:43,903 --> 00:22:45,663
So, when do we
start filming
the sequel?

487
00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:48,325
Well, I thought it was
awkward for you
playing my boyfriend.

488
00:22:48,327 --> 00:22:50,367
Awkward-schmawkward,
this thing's a hit!

489
00:22:50,990 --> 00:22:52,540
Okay, you can be in it
if you can tell me

490
00:22:52,542 --> 00:22:54,332
just one of
your lines.

491
00:22:56,205 --> 00:22:57,585
Thought so.
(ELEVATOR PINGS)

492
00:22:58,127 --> 00:22:59,207
Aw, man!

493
00:23:00,049 --> 00:23:01,209
That doesn't count.