1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,426 (GASPS) Yes! 2 00:00:07,428 --> 00:00:09,928 I just got accepted into an amazing acting class. 3 00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:12,720 Thank goodness, because the process of getting in was totally draining. 4 00:00:12,723 --> 00:00:14,733 Did you have to do a bunch of auditions? 5 00:00:14,725 --> 00:00:17,055 No, the tuition totally drained my bank account. 6 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:19,399 Here you go. 7 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,690 That'll be $10. 8 00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,271 Uh, these aren't what I ordered. 9 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,993 Well, we don't have "organic dragon fruit, humanely harvested bee pollen," 10 00:00:25,986 --> 00:00:28,646 or "unpasteurized yak's milk". So you get blueberry. 11 00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:33,610 Have you ever heard the expression, "The customer is always right"? 12 00:00:33,614 --> 00:00:36,544 Have you ever heard the expression, "Ticking off your server 13 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,037 "is a one-way ticket to loogie town"? 14 00:00:38,709 --> 00:00:39,709 Keep the change. 15 00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:43,752 Hey, Zuri! How about a sweet smoothie 16 00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:45,844 from your smooth sweetie? (CHUCKLES) 17 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:48,627 You're not my sweetie, Stuart. 18 00:00:48,629 --> 00:00:51,839 Just because I said I'd meet you in the park doesn't mean we're a couple. 19 00:00:51,842 --> 00:00:54,312 (STUTTERS) I think you're reading too much into this simple gesture. 20 00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:59,345 Really? Then why does it say, "Mrs. Stuart Wooten" on the side of my cup? 21 00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:03,100 Are you suggesting I take your last name? How progressive. 22 00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:06,815 I once dated a guy who took my last name. 23 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,277 And my first name. He was an identity thief. 24 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,860 Long story short, I put someone named Marvin through beauty school in Colorado. 25 00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:17,745 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 26 00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:20,698 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 27 00:01:21,292 --> 00:01:24,922 ♪ It feels like a party every day 28 00:01:24,915 --> 00:01:28,665 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 29 00:01:28,669 --> 00:01:31,589 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 30 00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:35,482 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 31 00:01:35,476 --> 00:01:38,716 ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around 32 00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:42,599 ♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 33 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,823 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 34 00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:50,107 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 35 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,690 ♪ Hey Jessie 36 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,834 ♪ Hey Jessie 37 00:01:56,907 --> 00:02:00,697 ♪ It feels like a party every day 38 00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:04,631 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪ 39 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:11,960 Wow! The photos online make this place 40 00:02:11,962 --> 00:02:13,672 look a lot less... Haunted prison-ish. 41 00:02:13,674 --> 00:02:15,854 (CHUCKLES) It's so disgusting, 42 00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:18,056 I saw a family of rats moving out. 43 00:02:18,058 --> 00:02:20,808 Seriously, they had little suitcases made of cheese and everything. 44 00:02:20,811 --> 00:02:22,101 (BOTH LAUGH) 45 00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:23,222 I'm Jessie. 46 00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:24,984 Abbey. Nice to meet you. 47 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:26,895 So, let me guess... 48 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,567 You're a Libra? 49 00:02:28,859 --> 00:02:30,149 Yeah! How did you know? 50 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,610 Well, you're obviously artistic, and friendly... 51 00:02:33,614 --> 00:02:35,494 And your birth date is on your emergency contact form. 52 00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:38,618 Psst! (CLEARS THROAT) 53 00:02:40,371 --> 00:02:41,871 Word on the street is, 54 00:02:41,872 --> 00:02:46,172 River Stevens, our acting teacher, is a total weirdo. 55 00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:51,249 So, how do you know so much about him, random scruffy dude? 56 00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:54,513 Because I am not a fellow student. 57 00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:56,715 Oh! Did you sneak in here without paying? 58 00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:58,057 Man, I wish I knew that was an option! 59 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,219 I am Stevens, comma, River! 60 00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:06,272 And I will guide you through the art of being. 61 00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:10,858 Someone should guide him through the art of bathing. 62 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,873 Bathing is for television actors. 63 00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:15,865 (SPITS) 64 00:03:20,581 --> 00:03:22,741 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 65 00:03:36,797 --> 00:03:40,217 So, am I in? Do I got the moves like Jagger or what? 66 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,430 Better! 67 00:03:41,432 --> 00:03:42,762 That guy's, like, 90. 68 00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:45,444 Welcome to the team, Shane! 69 00:03:45,436 --> 00:03:48,186 Our next performance is going to be a benefit in the park this weekend. 70 00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:50,688 That sounds great. What's the worthy cause? 71 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,061 I think it's to help homeless whales... 72 00:03:55,195 --> 00:03:56,855 Can't they just live in the ocean? 73 00:03:56,857 --> 00:03:58,357 You should bring that up at the next meeting. 74 00:04:01,452 --> 00:04:02,782 Oh, shopkeep! 75 00:04:04,415 --> 00:04:08,205 We will have one Pomegranate Passion smoothie with two straws. 76 00:04:08,629 --> 00:04:11,369 It's both romantic and sanitary. (CHUCKLES) 77 00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:17,763 Stuart, you gotta stop turning every time we hang out into a romantic date. 78 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,678 It's disturbing. 79 00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:19,679 I know, right? 80 00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:23,510 Who would go there? That would be a stupid place to go! 81 00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,646 Don't take it personally, 82 00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:29,978 I'm just not looking for a guy right now. 83 00:04:31,852 --> 00:04:36,202 Whoa, look at that guy! Mama like! 84 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,531 This is great. 85 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,742 My horoscope said I was going to make a new friend today. 86 00:04:43,744 --> 00:04:47,504 I'm just glad it's you and not that lady in the park who was marrying a tree. 87 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,668 Don't judge. You try dating in New York for a few years, 88 00:04:50,671 --> 00:04:52,541 see what you end up settling for. (LAUGHS) 89 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,423 (SHRIEKS) (GROWLING) 90 00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:59,466 Oh, don't worry, Abbey. Mrs. Kipling hasn't tried to eat a guest in, like, a week. 91 00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:01,631 I'm not scared. 92 00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:07,062 I've just never seen an Asian water monitor in person before! 93 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,387 She's gorgeous! 94 00:05:08,929 --> 00:05:10,139 Compared to what? 95 00:05:10,891 --> 00:05:15,531 I will have you know, water monitors were voted the second most attractive reptile 96 00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:16,856 in Lizard Lovers Monthly. 97 00:05:16,857 --> 00:05:20,777 Behind iguanas. Apparently, they are the reptilian George Clooney. 98 00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:24,032 I have a pet chameleon named Brando. 99 00:05:24,034 --> 00:05:26,794 He's brilliant! He can blend into anything. 100 00:05:26,787 --> 00:05:28,787 Except camouflage, which is odd. 101 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:33,370 It is so exciting to meet a fellow lizard enthusiast! 102 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,344 So, what does your little one like to eat? 103 00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:36,626 Cockroaches. 104 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,917 Oh! Are cockroaches nutritious? 105 00:05:38,919 --> 00:05:41,669 I don't know, but they're free and my apartment is crawling with them. 106 00:05:42,963 --> 00:05:45,813 Oh! Remind me never to wear open-toed shoes at your place. Hmm. 107 00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:51,138 Okay, guys. Let's get warmed up and then take it from the top. 108 00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,351 I know what'll get you warmed up. 109 00:05:53,814 --> 00:05:55,944 A nice foot massage. 110 00:05:57,438 --> 00:06:00,688 You don't wanna do that. I haven't changed my socks in a week. 111 00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:02,821 It's like a swamp down there. 112 00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:06,704 Well then, just call me Bayou Betty! 113 00:06:08,579 --> 00:06:10,659 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Excuse us for a second. 114 00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:13,452 Zuri. 115 00:06:13,454 --> 00:06:15,464 We really need to focus here. 116 00:06:15,456 --> 00:06:18,756 Oh, I'm focused. You can believe that. 117 00:06:21,762 --> 00:06:24,472 Give me a wheatgrass shot and keep 'em coming, sister. 118 00:06:25,305 --> 00:06:26,635 I am down in the dumps. 119 00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:30,007 If you're looking to avoid the dumps, I do not recommend wheatgrass. 120 00:06:31,602 --> 00:06:33,642 Girl troubles? It's Zuri. 121 00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:36,114 It appears there's nothing I can do to get her to become 122 00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:38,776 enamored of my winsome, bespectacled visage. 123 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,940 I am so sorry. I think. I'm actually not sure what that meant. 124 00:06:44,785 --> 00:06:45,985 It means she likes that 125 00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:47,906 dancing dimwit more than me. 126 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,328 EMMA: (SIGHS) Stuart. 127 00:06:49,329 --> 00:06:52,949 Zuri likes you. She just doesn't like you, like you. 128 00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,463 You're stuck in the friend zone. 129 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,585 Is that bad? 130 00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:56,746 It's a loveless prison. 131 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,879 I just don't get what she sees in him. 132 00:07:01,842 --> 00:07:03,382 Oh, Shane, your shoelace is untied. 133 00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:04,603 Oh, thanks, bro. 134 00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:07,425 I almost went from a break dancer to a broken dancer. 135 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:11,217 (LAUGHING) Broken dancer! That's hilarious! 136 00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:13,181 Where do you come up with this stuff? 137 00:07:14,394 --> 00:07:15,734 She seems to think he's funny. 138 00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,146 Girls do like funny guys. 139 00:07:17,147 --> 00:07:18,727 I can be funny. 140 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:19,729 On purpose? 141 00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:22,731 You'll see. I'm going to go put on my comedy pants! 142 00:07:27,277 --> 00:07:28,907 Thanks for coming to see me do my thing, Ravi. 143 00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:30,949 You've always been very supportive of my career. 144 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,501 Until you can report it to the IRS, it is hardly a career. 145 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:38,416 Uh... Is Abbey around? I have a book for her. 146 00:07:38,418 --> 00:07:40,668 Oh, Ravi, just because Abbey owns a lizard 147 00:07:40,671 --> 00:07:43,251 doesn't mean that she wants to sit around all day reading about them. 148 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,224 (GASPS) No way! 149 00:07:45,546 --> 00:07:47,796 Is that a first edition Chameleons of Cameroon? 150 00:07:47,798 --> 00:07:50,298 I can't wait to sit around all day reading this. 151 00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:52,972 I stand corrected. 152 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,813 Ravi, we really need to get Brando and Mrs. Kipling together for a playdate. 153 00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:59,017 That is a splendid idea! 154 00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:02,769 It would be great for Mrs. Kipling to have some friends of her own species. 155 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,873 Aw! That makes two of you. 156 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:10,907 I have some exciting news for you, aspiring screen artists! 157 00:08:10,911 --> 00:08:12,781 You've discovered deodorant? 158 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,033 Better. 159 00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:17,794 I'm going to be in an independent film, A Portrait of Sadness. 160 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:22,708 It's a brilliant rumination on man's fragile relationship with mortality. 161 00:08:22,713 --> 00:08:24,423 The director is looking 162 00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:25,684 for his female lead. 163 00:08:25,676 --> 00:08:28,756 He has agreed to audition some of my students. 164 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,839 Either of you would be perfect. 165 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,692 If I get my dad on the phone, would you repeat that to him? 166 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,305 Now I urge you ladies to make bold, 167 00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:41,688 out-of-the-box choices with this character. 168 00:08:41,692 --> 00:08:45,742 For instance, in the film, I will be portraying a dog walker 169 00:08:45,736 --> 00:08:48,196 with a deep, dark secret... 170 00:08:49,359 --> 00:08:51,069 He's really a cat person. 171 00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:54,964 Okay. Good luck, artists! 172 00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,958 Wow, this is going to be awkward. 173 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,500 We're both going up for the same role. 174 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:04,761 I know. Okay, let's make a pact. 175 00:09:04,755 --> 00:09:07,835 We have to promise each other that we will not let our careers 176 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,128 get in the way of our friendship. 177 00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,969 Deal! I never let my career get in the way of my personal life. 178 00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:16,442 Considering your last audition was 10 months ago, it has not exactly been a struggle. 179 00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:21,058 You are making it really hard for me to care about your next "big" chess match. 180 00:09:26,236 --> 00:09:27,776 Bertram, what are you doing? 181 00:09:27,778 --> 00:09:30,648 Just settling in for the night with an American literary classic. 182 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,952 "An Illustrated History of Boy Bands"? 183 00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,825 It came with a free coupon for skinny jeans. 184 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,790 Well, I have a very important guest coming over. 185 00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:45,883 So let me give you one direction. Get out. 186 00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:48,838 Why should I? 187 00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:53,799 Because if you don't, I'll make you do your job, and wait on us hand and foot. 188 00:09:54,384 --> 00:09:55,434 See ya! Have fun! 189 00:09:57,718 --> 00:10:00,018 This is gonna be a night to remember. 190 00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,812 (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) 191 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:08,356 Wow... Okay, this is just wrong. 192 00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:13,899 I know. There were supposed to be doves, but they were all sold out. 193 00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:15,914 Stupid spring weddings. 194 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,327 Hey, Zuri! Have you seen Sha... 195 00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,909 Hey! 196 00:10:21,541 --> 00:10:24,201 What's, uh... What's going on here? 197 00:10:24,705 --> 00:10:26,415 This is not what it looks like! 198 00:10:26,797 --> 00:10:28,587 It looks like Zuri tricked you into 199 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:29,668 coming out here, so she can have 200 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:30,960 a romantic dinner with you. 201 00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:33,421 Oh. Then it's exactly what it looks like. 202 00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:38,755 I told you, Shane is off-limits! Ooh, muffins! 203 00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:44,774 (SIGHS) 204 00:10:45,475 --> 00:10:46,685 Hello, angel. 205 00:10:47,567 --> 00:10:49,607 Stuart, what are you doing here? 206 00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:52,859 I'm here to tickle your... 207 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,244 Funny bone! 208 00:10:57,237 --> 00:10:58,237 Really? 209 00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:01,369 Hang on, hang on, I'm getting a call. 210 00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:03,741 Let me answer it on my... 211 00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:05,344 Bluetooth! 212 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:12,789 Keep it up with the prop comedy, and that'll be the only tooth you have left. 213 00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:16,514 Oh! Oh, come on, don't be a... 214 00:11:16,506 --> 00:11:18,716 Party pooper! 215 00:11:22,262 --> 00:11:23,392 "Billy, 216 00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:24,683 "I need you to be strong. 217 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,646 "Spot got out of the yard..." (GIGGLES) 218 00:11:29,019 --> 00:11:31,479 "...and ran into the street and... 219 00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:34,111 "That poor little guy never even saw that monster truck coming." 220 00:11:34,114 --> 00:11:35,124 (LAUGHING) 221 00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:37,446 And scene. 222 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,819 Jessie. 223 00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:43,030 You do understand that the truck crushed the dog, right? 224 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,503 Right. Well, River said to make (MIMICKING) out-of-the-box choices. 225 00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:47,997 So... 226 00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:50,998 My character, whenever she has to deliver bad news, 227 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,251 she just dissolves into laughter. 228 00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:55,183 Maybe it's her way of softening the blow. 229 00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,256 Jessie! Hmm? 230 00:11:57,257 --> 00:12:01,047 Do you know what happened to my Boyz II Men limited edition collector plates? 231 00:12:02,302 --> 00:12:04,722 Bertram, I need you to be strong. 232 00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:08,105 (GIGGLING) I broke them this morning, while I was cleaning. 233 00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:11,108 (LAUGHING) I know they meant a lot to you and I'm really sorry. 234 00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:17,663 I should be mad, but your laughter really seemed to soften the blow. (CHUCKLES) 235 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,120 Oh, you're good. 236 00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:26,285 Guess what? 237 00:12:26,286 --> 00:12:28,746 Zuri hated my prop comedy. 238 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,748 Shocking. 239 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:35,141 Your problem is Zuri is totally crushing on Shane because he's a great dancer. 240 00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:37,255 Too bad you can't compete with that. 241 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,217 Or can I? 242 00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,550 Get it? Can? Eye? 243 00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:45,354 We're closed. 244 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:52,980 Jessie, Abbey, let's see your audition scenes for the movie. 245 00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:54,773 I dare you to wow me. 246 00:12:56,606 --> 00:12:58,816 You want a little more time, Jessie? I can go first. 247 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,989 Aw, thanks. That'll give me more time to go over it. 248 00:13:00,991 --> 00:13:03,161 Then find a script that's not covered in palm sweat. Yeah. 249 00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:05,584 Do it, Abbey! 250 00:13:05,575 --> 00:13:07,615 You are the greatest actress in this class! 251 00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:13,039 What? You made it very clear you will never take me to Lizard-Con! 252 00:13:14,584 --> 00:13:18,054 Ravi, we've been over this, 12 people does not make a convention. 253 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:20,920 "Billy, 254 00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:23,011 "I need you to be strong." (GIGGLES) 255 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,643 "Spot got out of the yard..." (GIGGLES) 256 00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,266 "...and he ran into the street... 257 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,309 "Poor little guy never even saw that monster truck coming." (LAUGHING) 258 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,863 Brava! 259 00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:39,435 Abbey, what a brave choice, I am wowed. 260 00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:43,572 No. That was my choice! 261 00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,254 Where's a monster truck when you need one? 262 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:52,448 Jessie, Abbey, here's the audition schedule for this afternoon. 263 00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:53,752 Break a leg! 264 00:13:54,414 --> 00:13:57,134 You know, I once broke my own leg, on purpose, 265 00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:00,667 when I auditioned for the role of a cage fighter in League of Blood. 266 00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:04,512 So inspiring. Did you get the part? 267 00:14:04,514 --> 00:14:05,934 No. I couldn't walk. 268 00:14:07,557 --> 00:14:08,767 My leg was broken. 269 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:11,810 Okay, good luck, artists. 270 00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:16,863 Yeah, well, some people don't need luck when they have treachery and deceit... 271 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,816 And split ends. Yeah, I went there. 272 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:23,740 Hey, I'm a Gemini. FYI, we're two-faced. 273 00:14:23,984 --> 00:14:26,874 Yeah, well, does either face remember we said we wouldn't let our careers 274 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,036 get in the way of our friendship? 275 00:14:28,038 --> 00:14:32,368 Sorry, Jessie. Clearly, it was written in the stars that I get this part. 276 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,262 Well, if you use my character in that audition, 277 00:14:35,255 --> 00:14:38,165 it'll just show that you don't have any character. 278 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,338 (CHUCKLING) 279 00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:41,759 That probably didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. 280 00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:44,673 You have bad hair! (CHUCKLES) 281 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,847 Thank you all for coming. Remember, 282 00:14:49,849 --> 00:14:52,929 all the proceeds go to help save homeless whales. 283 00:14:54,684 --> 00:14:57,864 Actually, I found out it's to rehabilitate injured rhinos. 284 00:14:57,857 --> 00:15:00,147 Wow. (CHUCKLES) I wasn't even close. 285 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,651 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 286 00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:39,056 (ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 287 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,561 Hey, Shane! 288 00:15:43,773 --> 00:15:45,033 You and me, pal. 289 00:15:45,565 --> 00:15:46,825 It's go time! 290 00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:52,658 Who are you, and why are you dressed like a hip-hop genie? 291 00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:59,003 I am here to slay you in a dance battle, and win back my boo's heart. 292 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:02,039 Stuart, I am not your boo. 293 00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:04,502 Also... Boo! 294 00:16:05,385 --> 00:16:08,215 All right, Shazam, let's go. 295 00:16:08,798 --> 00:16:10,678 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 296 00:16:23,063 --> 00:16:24,733 (ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 297 00:16:26,406 --> 00:16:29,736 Okay, well, I hope you got some padding in those pants, 298 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,239 because I am about to kick your butt! 299 00:16:34,374 --> 00:16:35,674 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 300 00:16:52,842 --> 00:16:55,012 In your... Uh-oh... 301 00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:58,097 (RETCHING) 302 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,268 Ugh! (LAUGHS) 303 00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:03,020 I actually enjoyed that more than his dancing. 304 00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:04,693 (ALL LAUGHING) 305 00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:09,196 No nibbling until the company gets here. 306 00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:11,199 And no nibbling the company. 307 00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:12,991 (GROWLS) 308 00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,072 Hey, Ravi. 309 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,004 Abbey, Brando! Welcome! 310 00:17:15,995 --> 00:17:18,705 Thanks for having us over, even though things between 311 00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:20,788 Jessie and me are a little tense. 312 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,750 Mrs. Kipling made me pinky swear to keep our playdate. 313 00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,933 And by that, I mean, if I did not, she swore she would bite off my pinky. 314 00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:30,627 Actually, I'm glad that Jessie's not here, 315 00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,300 'cause I wanted to ask you a favor. 316 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,882 Of course, you are my only... 317 00:17:34,384 --> 00:17:37,394 I mean, one of my many, many friends. 318 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,388 And friends help each other, right? 319 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:41,390 I have read that. 320 00:17:41,641 --> 00:17:42,681 So... 321 00:17:43,443 --> 00:17:46,243 Do you think you could help me make sure Jessie doesn't make that audition? 322 00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:48,896 (GASPS) You want me to knock off my nanny? 323 00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:50,779 No! No! 324 00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:54,110 I just wanted you to tell her the audition has been pushed back a few hours. 325 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,794 But remind me never to cross you. 326 00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,076 But I love Jessie! I cannot sabotage her! 327 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:04,329 Ravi, if I get this part, my career will take off. 328 00:18:04,754 --> 00:18:06,634 And what about Jessie's career? 329 00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:08,207 Just think of it. 330 00:18:08,668 --> 00:18:12,838 You, me, Kipling and Brando, 331 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:17,852 slithering down the green, scaly carpet together at Lizard-Con. 332 00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:21,768 Mmm, very well, I shall do it! 333 00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:24,812 I cannot wait to hear the roar of the crowd. 334 00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:28,404 The last time I had people cheer for me was when I quit the basketball team. 335 00:18:31,941 --> 00:18:34,651 Here you go, Stuart. You should really hydrate. 336 00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,744 You lost a lot of fluids up there. 337 00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,736 And there, and over there. 338 00:18:41,951 --> 00:18:42,951 Stuart. 339 00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:46,803 I know this is difficult for you, much like dancing... 340 00:18:47,837 --> 00:18:51,667 But Shane and I are a thing. And you need to accept that. 341 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,712 Whoa, slow your roll. 342 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,515 You freak me out. 343 00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:58,806 What do you mean, snuggle-bug? 344 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,640 That is what I mean! 345 00:19:03,223 --> 00:19:05,983 You follow me around, you tried to give me a foot massage, 346 00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:07,975 and then you sprung that surprise date on me. 347 00:19:08,768 --> 00:19:09,768 Who does that? 348 00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:14,030 Oh, no! Do you know what this means? 349 00:19:14,774 --> 00:19:15,784 I've become... 350 00:19:16,736 --> 00:19:17,826 Stuart. 351 00:19:18,778 --> 00:19:21,118 Is Stuart slang for stalker? 352 00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,451 Sort of. 353 00:19:23,783 --> 00:19:27,713 Listen, pal, you just made the biggest mistake of your life! 354 00:19:28,047 --> 00:19:31,627 Zuri is the sweetest, most beautiful girl in the world. 355 00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:35,302 And maybe I am stuck in the friend zone, 356 00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:38,055 but I'm lucky to have her in my life any way I can get her. 357 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,388 Man, that was really beautiful. 358 00:19:41,391 --> 00:19:42,391 Hmm. 359 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,512 And your breath really stinks. 360 00:19:46,606 --> 00:19:49,856 Aw, Stuart. That was so sweet. 361 00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:51,729 I meant every word, my beloved. 362 00:19:52,021 --> 00:19:54,651 Okay, I'm getting out of here before I throw up. 363 00:19:56,696 --> 00:20:00,026 You know what, Stuart, now that I see what you've gone through, 364 00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:04,740 I think I owe you an apology. And I have something for you. 365 00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:09,875 A mint? Oh, man, is this it? Our first kiss! 366 00:20:09,879 --> 00:20:14,589 No way! Shane was right. Your breath is nasty. 367 00:20:15,925 --> 00:20:16,925 Oh. 368 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:20,338 Aw, come here. 369 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,801 Our first hug! Yay! 370 00:20:25,395 --> 00:20:26,395 Okay. 371 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,019 "Poor little guy never even saw that monster truck coming." (LAUGHS) 372 00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:37,855 Brava, Jessie, very nice work. 373 00:20:37,857 --> 00:20:40,697 Hey! Ravi, you said you'd make sure Jessie was late! 374 00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,450 I would never betray my nanny just to gain a friend! 375 00:20:43,453 --> 00:20:44,863 How pathetic do you think I am? 376 00:20:44,864 --> 00:20:46,424 Do not answer that! 377 00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:49,747 Ravi told me all about your little plan. 378 00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:51,790 Aw, what's wrong, Abbey? 379 00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:55,471 Did your horoscope not mention anything about being tricked by an 11-year-old? 380 00:20:55,925 --> 00:20:57,505 I am 13. 381 00:20:58,177 --> 00:20:59,177 Really? 382 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,880 Abbey, that was quite a gesture, 383 00:21:02,882 --> 00:21:06,152 letting Jessie audition with that character you created. 384 00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:07,975 That's what friends are for. 385 00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:12,558 Unfortunately, the director said it was the worst audition he's ever seen. 386 00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,613 What? You said it was a brave choice! 387 00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:17,445 Yes, apparently too brave. 388 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,237 I believe his exact words were, "What kind of monster laughs 389 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,450 "when telling an 8-year-old his dog has been flattened by a truck?" 390 00:21:25,865 --> 00:21:28,615 Yes! Jessie blew it! I still have a shot! 391 00:21:28,868 --> 00:21:32,668 Actually, Jessie's take on the character was so disturbing, 392 00:21:32,672 --> 00:21:35,002 the director has decided to cut it entirely. 393 00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,465 And start seeing a therapist. 394 00:21:38,378 --> 00:21:39,758 Way to go, hack. 395 00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:41,629 Your acting's so bad, it cost both of us a job! 396 00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:46,602 Sorry, this whole friendship before career thing is gonna be hard for me. 397 00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:47,806 Yeah, I'm picking up on that. 398 00:21:48,728 --> 00:21:51,808 On the bright side, they're casting for a role uptown 399 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,531 that you both would be perfect for. Here's the address. 400 00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,646 See ya, friend. Ravi, stop her! 401 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,858 Do not even try. Nothing can dislodge me. 402 00:22:01,861 --> 00:22:04,441 I am an immovable boulder! 403 00:22:08,247 --> 00:22:09,747 More like a portable pebble. 404 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,500 I never want to see you again, Abbey! 405 00:22:13,503 --> 00:22:15,593 Although Brando is always welcome. 406 00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:18,085 There is no reason for the lizards to suffer. 407 00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:23,629 You've got potential. You should join my class for nine to 11-year-olds. 408 00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,473 I am 13! 409 00:22:29,559 --> 00:22:32,809 See, it's a rear-view mirror! Get it? 410 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,352 ALL: Oh. 411 00:22:35,645 --> 00:22:37,475 This is so bad. 412 00:22:37,737 --> 00:22:40,527 I'd actually rather do my homework. 413 00:22:41,781 --> 00:22:44,861 I'd throw a tomato at him, but I'm afraid he'd use it in his act. 414 00:22:46,696 --> 00:22:48,696 You know, this isn't easy, people. 415 00:22:48,698 --> 00:22:50,578 I am under a tremendous... 416 00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:52,830 Strain up here. 417 00:22:53,953 --> 00:22:57,263 I hope you're happy. You've ruined colanders for me! 418 00:22:58,708 --> 00:23:01,088 I can't believe I apologized to you. 419 00:23:03,262 --> 00:23:06,772 Oh, wait! I just got party pooper! 420 00:23:07,216 --> 00:23:08,216 This is horrible. 421 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,680 Well, thanks for staying, Jessie. 422 00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:15,392 No problem. Your parents are paying me to watch you, right? 423 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,194 Yes. Then on with the show.