1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:08,720 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,879 Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats: All The Best Bits 4 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,679 from... Tom Allen... 5 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,959 ..Johnny Vegas... 6 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,239 ..Paisley Billings... 7 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,159 ..Fred Sirieix... 8 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:34,639 ..Anna Richardson... 9 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,919 ..Liam Charles... 10 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,959 ..Suzi Ruffell... 11 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,839 ..Joe Swash... 12 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,599 ..Russell Kane... 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,639 ..Judi Love... 14 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,439 ..Finn Taylor... 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,279 ..Ed Gamble... 16 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,279 ..and Rob Beckett, their team captain. 17 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,999 And facing them tonight, 18 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,639 Stacey Solomon... 19 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,319 ..Alex Brooker... 20 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,759 ..Natasha Demetriou... 21 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,639 ..Richard Osman... 22 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:03,999 ..Dotty... 23 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,279 ..Rylan Clark-Neal... 24 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,599 ..Kiri Pritchard-McClean... 25 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,519 ..Nish Kumar... 26 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,439 ..Tom Read Wilson... 27 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,079 ..Daisy Adams... 28 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,359 ..Sophie Duker... 29 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,199 ..Angela Barnes... 30 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,919 ..Catherine Bohart... 31 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,199 ..and their guest team captains, 32 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,079 Katherine Ryan... 33 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,359 ..Sara Pascoe... 34 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,079 ..Kerry Godliman... 35 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,759 ..Josh Widdicombe... 36 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,479 ..and Aisling Bea. 37 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,199 Now, welcome your host... 38 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:38,759 ..Jimmy Carr! 39 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,759 CHEERING 40 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,679 Hello and welcome to the 8 Out Of 10 Cats: Best Bits, 41 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,119 a show about surveys, statistics and the best bits from the last series. 42 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,719 Did you know, for example... 43 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,079 ..one in four Americans didn't read a book last year? 44 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,439 Probably because they were too busy reading other stuff - 45 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,760 like menus. 46 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,719 One in five women talk to their mum at least once a day. 47 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,639 And not just women. I talk to your mum at least three times a day. 48 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,880 Although £3 a minute is expensive. 49 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,679 And 17% of Brits have had sex on a dining table. 50 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,960 Turn over. It's time for pudding. 51 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,040 Right, let's get started. 52 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,399 What Are You Talking About? That is the name of our first round. 53 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,919 It is our panellists' job to guess the British public's top three 54 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,479 most popular talking points. 55 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,279 Rob's team, what do you think the nation has been talking about this week? 56 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,079 Well, it must be the new Brexit developments. 57 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,599 I don't know much about this, 58 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,840 but I think this might go down as one of the worst Brexits ever. 59 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,919 The extensions... All I hear is extension this, extension that. 60 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,959 I'm so annoyed with it. I don't even go in my conservatory any more. 61 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,919 It's an extension. 62 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,039 I think Donald Tusk, who I can only assume is a cartoon elephant, 63 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,039 he called it flextension. 64 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,599 And the flextension is meant to be till June 30th, and that just 65 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,439 doesn't work for me, because it's my birthday and Cheryl Cole's birthday. 66 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,799 And people will be having barbecues. 67 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,159 The next day no-one is going to be in any fit state to 68 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,760 fight for diabetes medicine in Dover. It's not a good day! 69 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,119 June 30th is also when Glastonbury ends, 70 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,639 which I think is a really good time, 71 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,119 because I think it will make the transition easier, 72 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,959 because you'll just have been living in a tent, shitting in the woods, 73 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,559 eating out of tins, and then you go to no-deal Brexit, which will be exactly the same, 74 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,080 except you won't have to listen to George Ezra. 75 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,159 Listen, Jimmy, just between you and me, right, 76 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,439 I've said some real bad stuff about Brexit, 77 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,999 cos I think it's a really bad idea. 78 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,279 And I'm a bit worried now that it's happening 79 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,639 they're going to deport me. 80 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,079 I basically need to roll some of that back. 81 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,879 Leave means leave. I hate all European food. 82 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,839 I just want to eat sausage and mash and fish and chips, 83 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,039 and I just want it to get all bunged up in my bowels, 84 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,959 and I just want to feel blockages, 85 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,559 cos there should be no freedom of movement, whether it's goods 86 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,479 and people across the border 87 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,680 or faeces coming out of my anus! 88 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,679 Can we just take a moment there to enjoy the punch line - 89 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,520 "faeces coming out of my anus"? 90 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,719 Do you reckon they might row about whether it's Brecksit or Breggsit? 91 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:22,439 I always say Brecksit. Yes, but a lot of politicians say Breggsit. 92 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:23,639 What do you call it? 93 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,600 Fucking huge mistake. 94 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,999 OK. What else are people talking about? Buzz in. 95 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,519 BUZZER What have you got? 96 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,159 Is it Notre Dame burning? 97 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:41,359 I happen to know you were in France last week? Yes, I was in Paris. 98 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,400 Well done. I smoked one blunt under the spire... 99 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,559 It's not my fault they don't have an ashtray. 100 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,919 It isn't even that old. That spire... 101 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,919 "Oh, my God, history is burning down!" 102 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,279 It was rebuilt in, like, 1973! It's like... No... 103 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,039 No, it's bollocks. I'm having it out now. 104 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,879 But... they keep going, "All this history!" 105 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,600 It is like Trigger's broom. They keep rebuilding it! 106 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,999 It's had about 15 spires! 107 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,359 JIMMY GUFFAWS He's gone! 108 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,719 Oh... It's so... It's like we've turned up the South London 109 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,120 this week somehow. 110 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,559 SOUTH LONDON ACCENT: "Notre Dame? Think it's old, do you? 111 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,919 "Trigger's broom, mate. 112 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,760 "Those stained glass windows? I sold 'em that double glazing!" 113 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,559 Suzi, what age were you when you moved out? 114 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,319 I was 18 as well. And never moved back? 115 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,359 No, I go back a bit now, but every time I go home now, 116 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,799 my mum's like, "Oh, you treat this place like a hotel." 117 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,279 And so I did what any of us would have done - 118 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,679 I left a bad TripAdvisor review. 119 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,240 Two stars. "The maid was very rude." 120 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,559 Do you know what I do in hotels? Yeah. I... 121 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:52,080 I'm revealing too much today. I don't know what's happened - I've had truth juice. 122 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,680 If I'm in a hotel, I will trim my pubes there. 123 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,959 What?! 124 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,839 Oh, mate! 125 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:06,239 So, do you bring the scissors or do you order down to reception? 126 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,679 No, I've got a beard trimmer. What? 127 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,959 If I do it at home it's a bit of a mess 128 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,799 and you can never clear it all up. 129 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,159 A bit of wind, it's everywhere, innit? 130 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,519 If your mum walked in and you're trimming your pubes, 131 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,239 that can't be great. No, it's not ideal. 132 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,199 At least she knows you're tidy. 133 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,840 When your mum says, "Go upstairs and have a tidy round..." 134 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,559 ..I don't think she means that. 135 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,919 And if she does, definitely move out. 136 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,199 Do you manscape, Josh? I don't, actually. 137 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,999 Do you think I should get into it? 138 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,879 Well, I just think... I'm looking at your hair. 139 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,560 I'm imagining downstairs is... 140 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:42,160 I imagine it's like a pistachio in a... in a bird's nest. 141 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,599 You've never...? You've never trimmed your pubes? 142 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,959 No, but I'm gonna as soon as I get home. You're gonna... 143 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,319 It's gonna be... It's a whole new world for you, mate. 144 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,679 So, where do you start? 145 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,959 Well, wherever there's hair. 146 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,160 So, you just go full skinhead? 147 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,279 No, you can do as much as you want off, like. 148 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,839 You've got to be careful of the nuts, though, because... 149 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,719 ..sometimes they fall between the teeth of the blade. 150 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,960 How small are your nuts?! 151 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,680 Teeny little... 152 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,599 Rob, what do you think the nation have been talking about? 153 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,959 Is it Julian Assange? Oh... 154 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,799 I do like that name. I like saying it. 155 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,399 Ass-annnnge. 156 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,919 Basically, he's been arrested. 157 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,919 He's been removed from the Ecuadorian embassy. 158 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,639 They had to get rid of him. 159 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,479 Imagine, like, getting a job at the embassy. 160 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,199 It's your first day. They are like, 161 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,679 "OK, so, there's a photocopier there. That's the kitchen. 162 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,119 "Oh, yeah, see that bloke there? 163 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,839 "Don't worry about him - he's just rubbing shit on the walls 164 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,199 "and he's been accused of sexual assault. 165 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,119 "He lives there. It's fine, it's fine." 166 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,159 Do you think, while Assange was in there, 167 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,839 like obviously they took his Wi-Fi away, didn't they, so he couldn't 168 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,279 get involved in any of that? 169 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,639 I wondered if he needed to get his whistle-blowing fix. 170 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,999 If he was like leaving Post-it notes on the fridge, 171 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,439 like, "It was Barbara who stole your milk, Dave." Just to... 172 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,640 You really know those Ecuadorian names. 173 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,119 Barbara and Dave. You know, the Ecuadorians. 174 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,919 OK, Aisling's team. 175 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,199 What have the nation been talking about this week? 176 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,839 Oh, it must be Extinction Rebellion. 177 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,199 All of the stuff that's going on with climate change. 178 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,839 I know you're not too worried about it, Jimmy. 179 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,639 You'll never biodegrade. But... 180 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,759 ..people are finally waking up to what is going on in the environment. 181 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,719 And it was... It has gone on for quite a while in terms of being a protest. 182 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,839 It started off with people like, "Oh, what is this?" 183 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,919 Then people got annoyed. "You're getting in the way. I'm trying to get to work." 184 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,959 Then people were like, "Maybe they have a point. 185 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,999 "Here's a 16-year-old girl. What's she saying?" And now people are so into it. 186 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,359 It's very much the same emotional journey I go on 187 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,479 when I eat monkey nuts on Halloween. I can't have enough of it. 188 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,479 I'm so obsessed by it. Why do you have monkey nuts on Halloween? 189 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,999 Everyone has monkey nuts on Halloween. 190 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,479 Pumpkins and sweets - sure. 191 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,199 Monkey nuts - never heard of it. 192 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,879 This feels like some weird Irish thing that you didn't realise... 193 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,559 I've only just discovered that. 194 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,439 Because of the silence of the audience 195 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,799 when I said, "Monkey nuts on Halloween." 196 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,519 What you mean by monkey nuts? Do you mean...? 197 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,560 Those little ones that look like you feed 'em to elephants. 198 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,479 Guys, I know climate change is pressing, 199 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,839 but now it feels like there's a bigger issue here at play. 200 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,559 Stacey, you doing your bit for climate change? What are you doing? 201 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:17,959 Yeah, we recycle, 202 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,160 and we try and wear the same clothes all the time. 203 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,279 You've got kids. Are you worried about the next generation? 204 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,119 Yeah, of course. Yeah. 205 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,320 I mean, what kind of question is that, Jimmy? 206 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,919 APPLAUSE 207 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,839 We had an answer. 208 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,320 CHEERING 209 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,999 Rob's team, what do you think are the best things Europe has given us? 210 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,639 I mean, food's got to be up there. 211 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,999 Do you like European food? What's your favourite? 212 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,559 I'm not a big fan of European food. I prefer British food. 213 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:52,759 What sort of thing? 214 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,280 Nando's, Cafe Rouge. Zizi's... 215 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,439 Proper stuff. Yeah, proper stuff. 216 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:00,999 European food, what do you think? 217 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,559 No disrespect, but too many cheeses in France. 218 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,879 Too many cheeses? We've got cheddar. We've got... the orange one. 219 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,319 Dairylea. Dairylea. 220 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,159 Cheestrings. Laughing Cow. Wotsits. 221 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,799 The one with the cow, yeah. Quavers. Quavers. 222 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,399 We don't need all the other ones. 223 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,600 Brexit means Brexit! 224 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,319 Now, we all like pizza, right? We all like pizza. 225 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,760 There's some unusual ways of eating it. Take a look at this. 226 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,079 Until he turned round I thought it was going straight through 227 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,239 the back of his head. Passing it through. 228 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,519 Could you do that? Could I do that? I could do that. 229 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,119 Excellent. Hang on. I've got pizzas. No... Oh, my God. 230 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,399 Pass it over. Lovely. 231 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,320 APPLAUSE 232 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:52,799 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, that's massive! I don't like... 233 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,839 Hang on... Oh, my... Is this like a proper Italian? 234 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,719 I think someone's left it in the garden, Jimmy. 235 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,640 You're taking the veg off?! 236 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,439 Oh, you are so South London! 237 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,719 If it was any good, 238 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,079 they would have chopped it up and put it in the sauce. 239 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,359 I've got to try and do this in one go? 240 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,560 You've got to try and get that in one. 241 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,559 Oh, my God. Hang on. 242 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,199 I think he can do it. 243 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 244 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,920 Oh, my God! 245 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,040 That's it for part one. See you after the break. 246 00:11:43,945 --> 00:11:46,304 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 247 00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,184 Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats, where we are still trying to guess 248 00:11:49,185 --> 00:11:51,544 our favourite thing to do on a mobile phone. Rob's team, 249 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,904 what do you think Britain likes to do on its mobile phone? 250 00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:56,944 Is it messaging people there? WhatsApping? 251 00:11:56,945 --> 00:11:58,544 Yeah, WhatsApp's a big... Messenger. 252 00:11:58,545 --> 00:12:01,264 The worst thing on a WhatsApp is, when you are in, like, 253 00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:04,344 a stag do group, and then it comes up, the no-name numbers. 254 00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:06,104 And all you know about them, no name, 255 00:12:06,105 --> 00:12:09,224 but just a picture of them holding a massive carp. Yeah. 256 00:12:09,225 --> 00:12:10,704 Oh, no! 257 00:12:10,705 --> 00:12:13,105 These girls are all just pointed to this lad when you said that. 258 00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:17,984 I'm in a WhatsApp group that was called the Three Musketeers. 259 00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:19,464 It was with my two best friends. 260 00:12:19,465 --> 00:12:21,944 And then it was called Two Musketeers And One Dick 261 00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:24,145 after a night out that I don't remember. 262 00:12:25,865 --> 00:12:28,624 I think administrators have too much power in a WhatsApp group. 263 00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,384 Because it is a brutal place. "Hey guys, it's my birthday!" 264 00:12:31,385 --> 00:12:33,145 And it's like, "Rob left." Oh. 265 00:12:35,945 --> 00:12:38,584 The only thing worse than being added into a WhatsApp group 266 00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:40,304 is finding out there's one you're not in, 267 00:12:40,305 --> 00:12:42,824 which means they're slagging you off. Yeah. The side group. 268 00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:45,224 Terrifying. Are you in the female comedians WhatsApp? 269 00:12:45,225 --> 00:12:46,385 That is a loaded question. No! 270 00:12:48,905 --> 00:12:50,784 So there's a female comedians WhatsApp. 271 00:12:50,785 --> 00:12:52,985 I know, I know, I'm in it, but I'm deep undercover. 272 00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,984 Hang on, hang on, who's in this group, then? Like, everyone... 273 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,344 Just all the really funny female comedians. 274 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,864 All the really funny female comedians that Sarah's friends with 275 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,664 who are in the group, and then there's you. Look, you're going to 276 00:13:04,665 --> 00:13:06,304 get added and you're not going to like it. 277 00:13:06,305 --> 00:13:08,584 I don't want a pity add. 278 00:13:08,585 --> 00:13:09,944 I'll add you, and I'll be like, 279 00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:12,304 "guess who was really great on TV tonight?" 280 00:13:12,305 --> 00:13:14,664 And I'll say, "New number, who's this? 281 00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:17,464 My thing with social media is, I do think it's making us 282 00:13:17,465 --> 00:13:19,064 slightly more anxious. 283 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:22,264 So it's hard to do this, but try to live your life - 284 00:13:22,265 --> 00:13:24,624 just try it for a day by this maxim - 285 00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:27,424 if I did it in real life, what would the consequences be? 286 00:13:27,425 --> 00:13:29,184 So you wouldn't draw back your curtains 287 00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:31,864 and show your baby in the bath to a street full of strangers and go, 288 00:13:31,865 --> 00:13:33,424 "You, man with your hand in the pockets, 289 00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:34,664 "would you like my baby?" 290 00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:37,024 Girls, you wouldn't run into Asda and go, 291 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,384 "Everyone stop shopping! look at my smoky eye." 292 00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,864 No, of course not. That's somebody who needs counselling. 293 00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:44,344 Tagging yourself into hospital without explanation 294 00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,704 is one of the cruellest things I've ever seen. 295 00:13:46,705 --> 00:13:48,905 "Russ is at Southend Hospital." "Why?" Guess! 296 00:13:51,105 --> 00:13:53,504 do you know what I can't bear, as well? The fake boasting. 297 00:13:53,505 --> 00:13:55,144 Oh, I'm so happy with my new sofa. 298 00:13:55,145 --> 00:13:57,664 And it's nothing to do with the sofa. She is in a bikini. 299 00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,024 It's like, "Who likes my new sofa? Oh, my God." 300 00:14:00,025 --> 00:14:02,384 My flap's come out, I can't believe it. Oh, no. 301 00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:04,264 A cartoon dog face on... HE BARKS 302 00:14:04,265 --> 00:14:07,224 If you've got a cartoon dog face and your fanny out on the internet 303 00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,584 and you're 35, get help! 304 00:14:09,585 --> 00:14:11,304 Or get paid for it. 305 00:14:11,305 --> 00:14:13,945 LAUGHTER That's what I was thinking! 306 00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:18,984 OK, fingers on buzzers. One more thing to get. 307 00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:21,784 What else are people talking about this week? Tom Allen. 308 00:14:21,785 --> 00:14:24,144 Sorry, I felt like I was touching your penis. That's fine. 309 00:14:24,145 --> 00:14:26,424 That's the sound it makes! Is it? 310 00:14:26,425 --> 00:14:27,745 BUZZER SOUND 311 00:14:29,465 --> 00:14:32,544 I recover quick, though. Yeah. 312 00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,745 I imagine your wife is a lights-out person. 313 00:14:36,785 --> 00:14:39,745 APPLAUSE 314 00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:45,304 She's more of an "I've got a headache" person. OK. 315 00:14:45,305 --> 00:14:46,664 Tom, what do you think? 316 00:14:46,665 --> 00:14:49,624 Is there a news that there's a fear that the UK may face 317 00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:52,145 a water shortage in 25 years? Shit, sorry! 318 00:14:54,905 --> 00:14:57,264 Sorry? Is it? How embarrassing. I didn't know! 319 00:14:57,265 --> 00:14:59,664 They said one of the ways you can save water is by turning 320 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,424 the tap off when you brush your teeth. 321 00:15:01,425 --> 00:15:02,744 I mean, yours'll rust up. 322 00:15:02,745 --> 00:15:04,945 LAUGHTER 323 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:15,184 Little dig for no reason there! No reason. You've got a lovely face. 324 00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:17,425 Stupid teeth, but lovely... 325 00:15:19,905 --> 00:15:23,184 How is the UK making fun of Rob's beautiful teeth? 326 00:15:23,185 --> 00:15:25,144 Like you guys know teeth in any way. 327 00:15:25,145 --> 00:15:27,984 Have any of you ever been to a dentist? 328 00:15:27,985 --> 00:15:31,184 Also, you're not running out of water. Hello? It's the UK. 329 00:15:31,185 --> 00:15:34,104 It rains more here than in a Seal video. Get a bucket! 330 00:15:34,105 --> 00:15:36,704 Leave Rob alone! 331 00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:40,184 I can't believe... people are genuinely worried about this, 332 00:15:40,185 --> 00:15:43,184 but it's a water shortage in 25 years' time. Rich, are you worried? 333 00:15:43,185 --> 00:15:45,144 What, 25 years' time? No, not really. 334 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:50,185 Every time it rains, I'm getting at first, so I'm fine. 335 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,144 I'm excited about the hot weather, Jimmy, 336 00:15:54,145 --> 00:15:57,584 because I'm regularly seen in a bikini in my garden passed out, 337 00:15:57,585 --> 00:16:00,225 but in when it's hot out, fewer people call child services. 338 00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:06,424 See, I'm going to be skinning out. As soon as the sun comes out... 339 00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:07,904 Skinning out? Skin is out. 340 00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:10,344 Oh, skinning out! So the sun comes out, the skin comes out? 341 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,704 Yeah. OK, I've never heard the expression skinning out! 342 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,064 It's derived from patois, right? Right. 343 00:16:15,065 --> 00:16:18,104 There's a song, it's like a popular bashment song, 344 00:16:18,105 --> 00:16:21,384 and the artist screams, "Skin out mi pum-pum!" 345 00:16:21,385 --> 00:16:24,104 Basically meaning that she's going to get her genitals out. 346 00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:25,424 And I don't mean it like that. 347 00:16:25,425 --> 00:16:27,184 I just mean I'm going to be skinning out. 348 00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:29,464 Not skinning out my pum-pum, just, skinning out. 349 00:16:29,465 --> 00:16:30,824 Oh, good, because I misunderstood. 350 00:16:30,825 --> 00:16:33,424 I thought you were skinning out your pum-pum. Yeah... 351 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,625 You know me. I'm old school like that. 352 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:39,424 Time now for a bonus round, so Rob, Sarah, join me in the middle. 353 00:16:39,425 --> 00:16:41,625 We're going to play Haye, Who's On The Phone? 354 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,304 OK, we're going to play Haye, Who's On The Phone? 355 00:16:51,305 --> 00:16:52,985 Can we have some dramatic lighting, please? 356 00:16:56,305 --> 00:16:59,704 Oh, yeah. OK, Sarah, if you dial the last number on this phone, 357 00:16:59,705 --> 00:17:01,384 you may or may not connect with 358 00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:04,064 former heavyweight world champion David Haye. 359 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:07,304 Rob, you've just got to guess if David Haye is on the phone 360 00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:08,824 or if she's bluffing. 361 00:17:08,825 --> 00:17:11,544 Oh, OK. OK. So, dial the last number on this phone. 362 00:17:11,545 --> 00:17:12,904 We know each other quite well. 363 00:17:12,905 --> 00:17:15,864 I'm going to get you to turn around so you can't see each other. OK. 364 00:17:15,865 --> 00:17:19,544 So he's just got to listen to me? How do I... How do you use a phone? 365 00:17:19,545 --> 00:17:22,024 Got it, I've got it. He's just going to listen to me, is he? 366 00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:24,024 He's not going to see my face? You can see my face. 367 00:17:24,025 --> 00:17:26,824 No, he's looking away. I can't see anything. He can't see anything. 368 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,584 (I don't know anything about boxing.) 369 00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:30,864 You do? Rob, you're allowed to ask questions. 370 00:17:30,865 --> 00:17:32,144 Are you speaking to David Haye? 371 00:17:32,145 --> 00:17:33,624 Not to... Oh, sorry. 372 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:35,904 That's a great first question, though. 373 00:17:35,905 --> 00:17:38,664 Oh, hello, David Haye, the boxer. 374 00:17:38,665 --> 00:17:42,264 How are you? Oh, oh, you first. Fine, thank you. 375 00:17:42,265 --> 00:17:45,465 Where is he? Ask him where he is. Where are you? 376 00:17:47,105 --> 00:17:48,665 He's in a hotel in London. 377 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,025 OK. So what's your favourite thing about being a boxer? 378 00:17:54,705 --> 00:17:57,264 He likes to hurt people. He likes to hurt people? 379 00:17:57,265 --> 00:17:59,144 Rob's going to ask you another question, 380 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,784 but he's thinking of something to ask. 381 00:18:00,785 --> 00:18:03,104 Who did he beat to win the world heavyweight title? Shit! 382 00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:04,584 LAUGHTER 383 00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,944 Have you got Google on you? What's the question? 384 00:18:06,945 --> 00:18:09,464 Who did you beat... To be the heavyweight champion of the world. 385 00:18:09,465 --> 00:18:11,944 ..to be the heavyweight champion of the world? 386 00:18:11,945 --> 00:18:13,664 Oh, it's a nice memory, is it? OK. 387 00:18:13,665 --> 00:18:15,865 LAUGHTER 388 00:18:17,345 --> 00:18:21,145 Right, it's a Russian guy. We know that much. (Do you know it?) 389 00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:24,224 Sarah, Sarah... 390 00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:27,384 The biggest heavyweight ever in the history of boxing? So you beat him? 391 00:18:27,385 --> 00:18:30,504 Congratulations. It's a bit odd you haven't remembered his name, David! 392 00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:33,545 Well, in fairness, he has taken a lot of blows to the head! 393 00:18:34,705 --> 00:18:39,584 And was it a long match? Long match? Do you call them matches or games? 394 00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,985 They're fights, normally. 395 00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:50,744 Oh, dear. Sarah really knows her boxing. She could be bluffing. 396 00:18:50,745 --> 00:18:53,544 How tall's David? Ask how tall David is. All right, ask how tall... 397 00:18:53,545 --> 00:18:54,984 How tall is David Haye? 398 00:18:54,985 --> 00:18:58,465 I mean, how tall are you?! I mean, how tall are you! 399 00:18:59,665 --> 00:19:02,504 Definitely over 6 foot. Definitely over 6 foot! 400 00:19:02,505 --> 00:19:06,904 OK, so, Rob, I would like to know if you think David Haye 401 00:19:06,905 --> 00:19:08,544 is on the phone or not? 402 00:19:08,545 --> 00:19:11,904 Well, I think everything Sarah said was wrong. What?! 403 00:19:11,905 --> 00:19:14,304 But I think she may be bluffing me, 404 00:19:14,305 --> 00:19:16,664 and I think she's talking to David Haye 405 00:19:16,665 --> 00:19:19,024 and pretending not to know the answers. 406 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,584 So I think David Haye's on the phone. 407 00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:22,264 You think David Haye's on the phone. OK. 408 00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:23,824 Let's see if David Haye is on the phone. 409 00:19:23,825 --> 00:19:25,224 Turn round. 410 00:19:25,225 --> 00:19:26,464 Let's reveal. 411 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,904 It's David Haye! 412 00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,944 CHEERING 413 00:19:30,945 --> 00:19:33,304 David Haye, everyone! Heavyweight boxing champion. 414 00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,824 Some excellent acting skills, but Rob gets the point. 415 00:19:35,825 --> 00:19:38,544 Round of applause for David Haye. Thank you very much, David Haye. 416 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,825 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wave goodbye, David. 417 00:19:43,545 --> 00:19:45,904 I'll leave this on, if you want to watch the rest. 418 00:19:45,905 --> 00:19:48,944 Yeah, go on, let me see what's going on. I'm enjoying it so far. 419 00:19:48,945 --> 00:19:51,384 Can you hold this so he can watch the rest of the show? 420 00:19:51,385 --> 00:19:53,664 LAUGHTER 421 00:19:53,665 --> 00:19:55,304 APPLAUSE 422 00:19:55,305 --> 00:19:56,465 Hold that so he can watch? 423 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,406 APPLAUSE 424 00:20:09,766 --> 00:20:11,525 Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats. 425 00:20:11,526 --> 00:20:13,565 Our next round is Pick of the Polls. 426 00:20:13,566 --> 00:20:16,565 Catherine, Richard, Katherine, what do you like the look of? 427 00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:18,925 I like the look of Richard Osman. 428 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,365 OK, you've picked Richard, host of Child Genius, 429 00:20:21,366 --> 00:20:23,126 so we asked our studio audience... 430 00:20:26,966 --> 00:20:29,325 That's such a tough one because people who were popular are 431 00:20:29,326 --> 00:20:31,205 obviously going to say popular and people who were academic 432 00:20:31,206 --> 00:20:32,606 are going to say popular. 433 00:20:34,686 --> 00:20:37,085 What were you like at school? Were you popular? Were you academic? 434 00:20:37,086 --> 00:20:39,445 I mean, I was popular with the important people, which is 435 00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:42,046 to say I was academic, so the teachers. 436 00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:45,805 I learned a rap that helped me memorise all the 50 states 437 00:20:45,806 --> 00:20:49,045 and capitals of America. Oh, brilliant. Let's do it. Would you like to hear it? 438 00:20:49,046 --> 00:20:50,485 Yes, please. No! Here it goes. 439 00:20:50,486 --> 00:20:52,405 Indianapolis, Indiana 440 00:20:52,406 --> 00:20:54,125 Ohio 441 00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:56,485 Helena, Montana 442 00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:58,365 Boise, Idaho 443 00:20:58,366 --> 00:21:01,645 Boston and Albany, New York 444 00:21:01,646 --> 00:21:03,485 and Washington DC 445 00:21:03,486 --> 00:21:05,845 and Nashville, Tennessee 446 00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:07,685 there's Lincoln in Nebraska... 447 00:21:07,686 --> 00:21:10,085 It goes on and on and on. I WAS very smart! 448 00:21:10,086 --> 00:21:12,485 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 449 00:21:12,486 --> 00:21:16,885 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Are you not doing the whole thing? 450 00:21:16,886 --> 00:21:19,245 I can't do the whole thing. You can't include the whole thing. 451 00:21:19,246 --> 00:21:21,765 Why not? Listen, I've got one for countries, too. 452 00:21:21,766 --> 00:21:24,565 Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru... 453 00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:25,646 Please don't! 454 00:21:29,406 --> 00:21:31,405 Dotty, what were you like at school? 455 00:21:31,406 --> 00:21:34,365 I was the one that got kicked out of the class quite a lot. 456 00:21:34,366 --> 00:21:35,645 Oh, right, OK. 457 00:21:35,646 --> 00:21:37,605 I think they weren't challenging me. 458 00:21:37,606 --> 00:21:38,925 LAUGHTER 459 00:21:38,926 --> 00:21:41,285 What kind of challenge did you want? 460 00:21:41,286 --> 00:21:44,245 I just felt like, I don't need this stuff, do you know what I mean? 461 00:21:44,246 --> 00:21:46,725 When am I going to use this? All the time. 462 00:21:46,726 --> 00:21:49,725 Yesterday I was with a mate and we had seven apples... 463 00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:52,005 LAUGHTER 464 00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:52,846 Right. 465 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:59,885 And he said to me, "I want a third of them. 466 00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:02,165 "How are we going to work this out?" 467 00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:03,286 But I don't remember. 468 00:22:04,726 --> 00:22:07,445 I can use a Bunsen burner. But when have you ever had to use that? 469 00:22:07,446 --> 00:22:09,045 Do you know what I mean? All the time! 470 00:22:09,046 --> 00:22:12,645 Friend'll come round, cup of tea, pop on the Bunsen burner, 471 00:22:12,646 --> 00:22:14,046 blue flame... 472 00:22:15,446 --> 00:22:18,165 Shall we test who got the most out of school? 473 00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:21,005 Let's have our very own spelling bee. Nice! 474 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,285 Come on. Come on up. 475 00:22:23,286 --> 00:22:25,725 APPLAUSE 476 00:22:25,726 --> 00:22:29,405 OK. I've never watched a spelling bee in my life. Spelling bee. All right, you stand there... 477 00:22:29,406 --> 00:22:32,085 We're not American! B-E-E! 478 00:22:32,086 --> 00:22:33,565 CHEERING 479 00:22:33,566 --> 00:22:35,925 Face each other. Sorry. OK. 480 00:22:35,926 --> 00:22:38,285 Now, we've upped the ante a little bit... Yeah. 481 00:22:38,286 --> 00:22:41,445 ..so if you answer incorrectly, I will give you an electric shock. 482 00:22:41,446 --> 00:22:43,285 Oh, God. 483 00:22:43,286 --> 00:22:47,046 You'll be fine, don't worry about it. OK. I do really need a wee. 484 00:22:48,726 --> 00:22:51,006 Imagine if I just pissed myself here. 485 00:22:52,566 --> 00:22:55,605 You'd all be, like, "No, we won't tell anyone." 486 00:22:55,606 --> 00:22:57,205 Argh! Fuck off! 487 00:22:57,206 --> 00:22:59,645 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 488 00:22:59,646 --> 00:23:01,965 Fucking hell! Does it really hurt? 489 00:23:01,966 --> 00:23:04,166 It's like a badger going up me arse! 490 00:23:05,366 --> 00:23:08,085 Does it really hurt? No, it's fine. It ain't nice. 491 00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:10,286 Owwww! 492 00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:15,566 I didn't like that at all! I thought you'd be into it. OK. 493 00:23:17,246 --> 00:23:19,805 Can we have some tension lighting, please? I've pissed myself. 494 00:23:19,806 --> 00:23:20,966 DRAMATIC MUSIC 495 00:23:23,886 --> 00:23:26,965 OK, Tom. You're up first. 496 00:23:26,966 --> 00:23:29,526 Can you spell the word facetious? 497 00:23:37,126 --> 00:23:38,325 BUZZER 498 00:23:38,326 --> 00:23:39,286 Aaaargh! 499 00:23:40,726 --> 00:23:42,486 Oh, make it stop! Jimmy, no! 500 00:23:43,726 --> 00:23:47,166 That is incorrect. The correct spelling of facetious is... 501 00:23:50,006 --> 00:23:52,285 There's no way there's a T in there, is there? What did I say? 502 00:23:52,286 --> 00:23:53,925 You want to try again? No... 503 00:23:53,926 --> 00:23:55,445 LAUGHTER 504 00:23:55,446 --> 00:23:58,126 OK, next one. Rob. Yeah? Manoeuvre. 505 00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,085 Ooh... 506 00:24:01,086 --> 00:24:03,965 Don't fucking give it that, like you know what's going on! 507 00:24:03,966 --> 00:24:07,205 I love the fact even Rich Osman went, "Ooh..." Yeah. 508 00:24:07,206 --> 00:24:08,526 Good luck, Rob. Manoeuvre. 509 00:24:11,366 --> 00:24:13,206 APPLAUSE 510 00:24:14,806 --> 00:24:16,205 Take it, Rob. 511 00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:17,845 BUZZER 512 00:24:17,846 --> 00:24:18,806 Aaargh! 513 00:24:24,006 --> 00:24:27,006 That was like Back To The Future when Biff got angry! 514 00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:29,886 Manoeuvre is... 515 00:24:32,926 --> 00:24:35,285 Ohhh... You should have just read it off the autocue. 516 00:24:35,286 --> 00:24:36,766 I was going to say, it's right there! 517 00:24:38,766 --> 00:24:42,205 OK, next one. Easy one. Spell pterodactyl. 518 00:24:42,206 --> 00:24:44,406 Ah, fuck off... 519 00:24:49,046 --> 00:24:50,165 P?! 520 00:24:50,166 --> 00:24:51,405 Oh, yeah... 521 00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:53,606 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 522 00:25:13,286 --> 00:25:14,565 BUZZER 523 00:25:14,566 --> 00:25:15,646 Owww! 524 00:25:18,846 --> 00:25:21,566 OK. You were doing really well. It was... 525 00:25:25,886 --> 00:25:27,845 You missed out the C. 526 00:25:27,846 --> 00:25:31,166 Oh, well, I was very worried about getting electrocuted in the arse. 527 00:25:32,846 --> 00:25:35,285 They're like those things they used to advertise that you 528 00:25:35,286 --> 00:25:37,285 put on your tummy and got a six-pack. 529 00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:40,526 Yeah. I'm going to have an amazing six pack. Just on my arse. 530 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:44,046 If you play your cards right later... 531 00:25:47,126 --> 00:25:48,246 Jimmy! 532 00:25:49,486 --> 00:25:54,406 Rob. I feel so sad. I've got the posture of a dog at Battersea. 533 00:26:00,486 --> 00:26:02,286 Easy one for you, Rob. 534 00:26:04,566 --> 00:26:05,726 Rhythm. 535 00:26:09,006 --> 00:26:10,166 Great start. 536 00:26:14,966 --> 00:26:16,845 Correct! Yes! APPLAUSE 537 00:26:16,846 --> 00:26:20,286 So Rob is the winner! You've won the spelling bee! 538 00:26:23,326 --> 00:26:24,646 Aaargh! Ow! 539 00:26:26,446 --> 00:26:27,806 Argh! Get off! 540 00:26:32,206 --> 00:26:35,965 A survey recently revealed that 15% of pet owners love their pet 541 00:26:35,966 --> 00:26:38,606 more than their partner, so we asked... 542 00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:44,005 All I know about dogs is poodles are getting a lot of action at 543 00:26:44,006 --> 00:26:46,965 the moment cos they're all crossed with a poodle, innit? 544 00:26:46,966 --> 00:26:50,205 Cockapoo, cavapoo, do-a-poo, need-a-poo, had-a-poo... 545 00:26:50,206 --> 00:26:53,005 All the poo. It's true. 546 00:26:53,006 --> 00:26:55,605 There's so many different types of dog now. 547 00:26:55,606 --> 00:26:58,005 When I was a kid, I swear there was three. 548 00:26:58,006 --> 00:27:00,646 There was, like, Dulux dog, Andrex dog, Blue Peter dog. 549 00:27:02,086 --> 00:27:03,245 That was all the dogs. 550 00:27:03,246 --> 00:27:06,525 There was dogs with balls, working-class dogs. Yep. 551 00:27:06,526 --> 00:27:09,365 Dogs without balls, middle-class dogs. 552 00:27:09,366 --> 00:27:12,445 Dogs with jackets, upper-class. 553 00:27:12,446 --> 00:27:15,165 Kiri, what have you got? I've got a cat and dog. 554 00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:18,405 OK, so what about names, what have you called them? OK, Oh, God. 555 00:27:18,406 --> 00:27:23,725 Er, so the dog is called Ci, which is Welsh for dog. 556 00:27:23,726 --> 00:27:25,205 Fair enough. 557 00:27:25,206 --> 00:27:27,045 Just straight to the point. Does he know that? 558 00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:29,885 He doesn't know anything, he's thick as fuck. 559 00:27:29,886 --> 00:27:32,525 Then I've got a cat who's a rescue. 560 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:35,085 I really like him, except he insists on watching me 561 00:27:35,086 --> 00:27:36,885 and my partner bang. 562 00:27:36,886 --> 00:27:39,645 I'll think he's out the room, I've cleared everything, 563 00:27:39,646 --> 00:27:42,005 and then we'll be at it and I'll just sort of, we'll move round, 564 00:27:42,006 --> 00:27:45,005 and there'll be just a pair of eyes watching me. 565 00:27:45,006 --> 00:27:46,725 I can't have sex if the dog's watching 566 00:27:46,726 --> 00:27:48,926 and that's why I always hold it like that. 567 00:27:54,086 --> 00:27:56,925 What's tasteful about Naked Attraction, Anna, 568 00:27:56,926 --> 00:28:01,445 is that they're always flaccid. Not always, Katherine. Oh, what?! 569 00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:06,165 Have you had incidents? We do have to stop the show quite often... 570 00:28:06,166 --> 00:28:08,525 When it's...? We'll just say to the fellas, 571 00:28:08,526 --> 00:28:11,485 "Look, can you just go and sort yourself out and then pop back?" 572 00:28:11,486 --> 00:28:14,685 What?! "Sort yourself out"? They've gone and...? 573 00:28:14,686 --> 00:28:18,485 I don't know what they do! I don't know what they do. 574 00:28:18,486 --> 00:28:21,845 I don't know, I've never had an erection on telly before. 575 00:28:21,846 --> 00:28:24,445 I've got one right now and things are fine. 576 00:28:24,446 --> 00:28:28,125 Is it fellas that are just trying to give themselves a little, 577 00:28:28,126 --> 00:28:30,485 you know, like, a little jump-start... Yeah. 578 00:28:30,486 --> 00:28:32,845 ..just to get, kind of, halfway there? Yeah, exactly that. 579 00:28:32,846 --> 00:28:36,845 The best thing to do is wank and then leave it and go on stage. 580 00:28:36,846 --> 00:28:38,606 How big is your penis, Katherine?! 581 00:28:39,686 --> 00:28:42,045 There's a proper thunk. 582 00:28:42,046 --> 00:28:43,565 You've done the show for quite a while now. 583 00:28:43,566 --> 00:28:45,565 What is the perfect penis? What are we looking for? 584 00:28:45,566 --> 00:28:48,965 Well, as every woman knows, you want girth, not length. 585 00:28:48,966 --> 00:28:50,246 Yes! But... 586 00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:53,166 Oh, sorry. 587 00:28:55,926 --> 00:28:59,525 You say girth, not length, do you mean no length whatsoever? 588 00:28:59,526 --> 00:29:03,445 I'll be honest, hands up - mine's like a can of tuna. 589 00:29:03,446 --> 00:29:04,645 Fishy? 590 00:29:04,646 --> 00:29:08,525 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 591 00:29:08,526 --> 00:29:10,005 That's what they're after? 592 00:29:10,006 --> 00:29:11,925 As long as it doesn't smell like a can of tuna, I think 593 00:29:11,926 --> 00:29:13,925 we're going to be OK. GROANING 594 00:29:13,926 --> 00:29:16,126 It's spring water, not brine, don't worry. 595 00:29:17,446 --> 00:29:20,446 Can I just say, don't say to a girl, "My penis is like a can of tuna." 596 00:29:21,646 --> 00:29:22,726 Hockey puck? 597 00:29:24,686 --> 00:29:27,565 Now, before we carry on, as a tribute to Naked Attraction, 598 00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:30,685 we're going to play Carrot In A Box: Naked Attraction Edition. 599 00:29:30,686 --> 00:29:32,126 Rob, Katherine, come on down. 600 00:29:34,926 --> 00:29:40,765 OK. Regular viewers will be familiar with Carrot In A Box. 601 00:29:40,766 --> 00:29:42,165 The rules are simple. 602 00:29:42,166 --> 00:29:46,045 You each get a box. One of the boxes contains a naked penis. 603 00:29:46,046 --> 00:29:49,125 The aim of the game is to end up with a dick in the box. 604 00:29:49,126 --> 00:29:50,086 Bring on the boxes. 605 00:29:52,086 --> 00:29:53,726 If you just step back a little bit. 606 00:29:55,406 --> 00:29:57,765 Yes, it's a game of bluff in the buff. 607 00:29:57,766 --> 00:30:01,166 OK, in a moment, I'll ask Rob to look in his box. Why me?! 608 00:30:02,446 --> 00:30:04,805 If Rob doesn't see his chap's chap, 609 00:30:04,806 --> 00:30:07,565 then he'll have to bluff Katherine into giving him her box. 610 00:30:07,566 --> 00:30:09,925 Ultimately, Katherine gets to choose 611 00:30:09,926 --> 00:30:12,645 whether she keeps her box or swaps with Rob. 612 00:30:12,646 --> 00:30:15,205 OK, Rob, so you want a cock, Katherine, you want a cock - 613 00:30:15,206 --> 00:30:18,725 no change there - but there's only one cock. 614 00:30:18,726 --> 00:30:21,246 Let's say Carrot In A Box: Naked Attraction Edition. 615 00:30:24,446 --> 00:30:27,565 Rob, can you look in your box. Ugh... 616 00:30:27,566 --> 00:30:30,485 Katherine, you're not allowed to look inside your box. 617 00:30:30,486 --> 00:30:34,285 You want a proper... You don't want to miss a thing. 618 00:30:34,286 --> 00:30:35,845 Oh, for fuck's sake. 619 00:30:35,846 --> 00:30:37,605 LAUGHTER 620 00:30:37,606 --> 00:30:39,246 I don't know what I was expecting! 621 00:30:43,046 --> 00:30:46,685 Little beauty, innit? Have a little look. I've had a look. 622 00:30:46,686 --> 00:30:48,045 Do we keep looking? 623 00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:51,285 Do you want to keep your box or do you want to swap with Katherine? 624 00:30:51,286 --> 00:30:54,445 I'm going to keep it. There's a dick there, Katherine. 625 00:30:54,446 --> 00:30:56,285 There's a dick in your box? 626 00:30:56,286 --> 00:30:58,966 That's the closest I've ever been to one that's not mine. 627 00:31:00,846 --> 00:31:02,085 That's a lie. 628 00:31:02,086 --> 00:31:03,646 LAUGHTER 629 00:31:06,006 --> 00:31:08,846 Do you think Rob's bluffing? Was it cut or uncut? 630 00:31:12,366 --> 00:31:15,045 I can't give you a firm answer on that. 631 00:31:15,046 --> 00:31:18,125 Speaking of firm, is he pleased to see you are not? 632 00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,885 OK, er... 633 00:31:19,886 --> 00:31:20,846 Get down! 634 00:31:22,166 --> 00:31:25,326 Softer now. Softer now. You just blew on his dick! Yeah. 635 00:31:28,086 --> 00:31:31,725 It looks like it's retreating. I think it's panicked. 636 00:31:31,726 --> 00:31:34,845 Are there any distinguishable features on the dick? 637 00:31:34,846 --> 00:31:37,565 He's drawn a face on it... 638 00:31:37,566 --> 00:31:39,206 ..and it moves when he laughs. 639 00:31:41,046 --> 00:31:43,725 OK, so do you think he's bluffing, do you think there's 640 00:31:43,726 --> 00:31:46,245 a dick in the box, or do you think you've got a dick in the box? 641 00:31:46,246 --> 00:31:49,405 I think Rob is bluffing because he's gone back to look at the dick 642 00:31:49,406 --> 00:31:53,365 so many times and Rob is a respectable family man, 643 00:31:53,366 --> 00:31:56,605 I don't think he'd be so thirsty for the cock. 644 00:31:56,606 --> 00:31:58,285 I'm getting into it! 645 00:31:58,286 --> 00:32:01,046 OK, so it's time now for the blindfolded taste challenge. 646 00:32:04,246 --> 00:32:07,445 OK, so what do you think, you think he's bluffing? 647 00:32:07,446 --> 00:32:10,365 I think that there's a dick in MY box. I think that Rob is bluffing. 648 00:32:10,366 --> 00:32:13,205 I mean, there's a point for whoever wins this so, gentlemen, 649 00:32:13,206 --> 00:32:16,125 if you could face forward and... Ooh! 650 00:32:16,126 --> 00:32:20,366 ..Katherine's man, we would like you to open your box. 651 00:32:22,366 --> 00:32:24,205 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 652 00:32:24,206 --> 00:32:26,125 Oh, no! 653 00:32:26,126 --> 00:32:28,485 So that's a point for you, Rob. 654 00:32:28,486 --> 00:32:32,125 I mean, it's worth saying, you did look a lot at that dick. 655 00:32:32,126 --> 00:32:34,045 You kept going back for more. 656 00:32:34,046 --> 00:32:37,085 I thought, you know, it's a nice dick, why not have a look at it? 657 00:32:37,086 --> 00:32:40,565 It's not very often you get to see a dick that much. 658 00:32:40,566 --> 00:32:43,245 I'm relaxed, I'm a comfortable guy, I'm comfortable with my sexuality. 659 00:32:43,246 --> 00:32:46,085 If I want to look at a dick, I'll look at a dick. 660 00:32:46,086 --> 00:32:48,766 Yeah, Rob! That's beautiful! 661 00:32:52,086 --> 00:32:54,326 And just to prove we were not lying... 662 00:32:56,286 --> 00:32:57,965 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 663 00:32:57,966 --> 00:33:00,445 That's a point to Rob, everyone! Point to Rob! 664 00:33:00,446 --> 00:33:02,646 We'll see you after the break! 665 00:33:10,875 --> 00:33:13,315 APPLAUSE 666 00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:18,994 Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats. 667 00:33:18,995 --> 00:33:21,274 And The Winner Is, is the name of our final round. 668 00:33:21,275 --> 00:33:22,155 Here is your question. 669 00:33:23,595 --> 00:33:25,954 What do you think? BUZZER 670 00:33:25,955 --> 00:33:28,314 I'd love to be invisible, but I wouldn't do anything. 671 00:33:28,315 --> 00:33:30,914 I would just lay on my sofa at home and be left alone. 672 00:33:30,915 --> 00:33:33,434 I'd just lay there and not be told to do anything. 673 00:33:33,435 --> 00:33:35,954 Oh, I can imagine the thing you would do. What would I do? 674 00:33:35,955 --> 00:33:37,314 You'd go around. 675 00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:39,994 Go where? Go around in this audience. Doing what? 676 00:33:39,995 --> 00:33:41,994 You'd be doing stuff. 677 00:33:41,995 --> 00:33:43,714 I know what you mean, Fred. 678 00:33:43,715 --> 00:33:48,114 Really the question is, what is the SECOND thing I would do? 679 00:33:48,115 --> 00:33:50,315 They'd think the ladies changing rooms were haunted. 680 00:33:51,995 --> 00:33:54,554 If you did do that, right, which is obviously very creepy, 681 00:33:54,555 --> 00:33:57,514 but when you're invisible you can still bump into people. 682 00:33:57,515 --> 00:33:59,314 Because after a while they'd be like, 683 00:33:59,315 --> 00:34:02,754 "There's something wrong in that changing room. I keep falling over." 684 00:34:02,755 --> 00:34:06,035 And just every so often we hear... HE MOCKS JIMMY'S LAUGH 685 00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:16,874 Natasha, what superpower would you have? 686 00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:19,234 If I could work out some sort of superpower 687 00:34:19,235 --> 00:34:21,794 where I didn't have to go to the toilet any more, 688 00:34:21,795 --> 00:34:24,835 I could just, like, ingest it somehow, without it poisoning me. 689 00:34:26,515 --> 00:34:28,154 I just need it all the time. 690 00:34:28,155 --> 00:34:31,074 I'm a toilet woman. I honestly... NISH LAUGHS 691 00:34:31,075 --> 00:34:34,074 I wake up in the morning sometimes and think, today is not about 692 00:34:34,075 --> 00:34:37,074 what I have to do, it's where my piss wants to go. 693 00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:39,795 That's called a urine infection, babes. 694 00:34:41,795 --> 00:34:43,714 My dad, I was at home for Christmas. 695 00:34:43,715 --> 00:34:47,314 And I came on my period, and my mum was like, 696 00:34:47,315 --> 00:34:49,674 "Can you go out, when you go to the shops, 697 00:34:49,675 --> 00:34:51,394 "can you get some sanitary towels for Tash?" 698 00:34:51,395 --> 00:34:54,194 And he brought me back TENA Lady, 699 00:34:54,195 --> 00:34:55,634 because he just saw them. 700 00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:58,034 But honestly, the best thing I've ever been given. 701 00:34:58,035 --> 00:34:59,634 The best gift you've ever received. 702 00:34:59,635 --> 00:35:01,994 So he bought them by mistake and you just leant into it? 703 00:35:01,995 --> 00:35:03,994 "Well, I'll use these." It was just like... 704 00:35:03,995 --> 00:35:06,274 You can't fully let go because it's too scary, 705 00:35:06,275 --> 00:35:07,875 but you can a little bit. 706 00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:12,914 You just didn't let it all hang out? 707 00:35:12,915 --> 00:35:15,514 When it's like, "I'll just let that out," and then I have some time 708 00:35:15,515 --> 00:35:17,835 before I have to run to the toilet. 709 00:35:19,195 --> 00:35:21,914 There is a fine line between just a little bit and self-loathing. 710 00:35:21,915 --> 00:35:24,314 I haven't got anyone. I'm not in a relationship, 711 00:35:24,315 --> 00:35:26,314 I do what I bloody want. 712 00:35:26,315 --> 00:35:29,314 I think I wouldn't give up my power to use... 713 00:35:29,315 --> 00:35:31,674 I do a lot of my best thinking on the toilet. 714 00:35:31,675 --> 00:35:34,194 I have sit-down wees, I don't mind admitting to it. 715 00:35:34,195 --> 00:35:36,194 Oh, come on. Do you hear that? 716 00:35:36,195 --> 00:35:40,074 They judged you more than Natasha pissing herself. 717 00:35:40,075 --> 00:35:42,114 Whoa, whoa. Let's press pause on all this. 718 00:35:42,115 --> 00:35:44,114 What do you mean you have sit-down wees? 719 00:35:44,115 --> 00:35:46,394 Sometimes I have a sit-down wee. I treat myself... Why? 720 00:35:46,395 --> 00:35:47,994 Because I'm not an animal. 721 00:35:47,995 --> 00:35:50,874 I treat myself to a sit-down wee. Why should ladies have all the fun? 722 00:35:50,875 --> 00:35:52,434 Oh, I do that, too. 723 00:35:52,435 --> 00:35:54,794 That's right, because you don't have to concentrate. 724 00:35:54,795 --> 00:35:56,714 Exactly! You just sit down and relax. 725 00:35:56,715 --> 00:35:59,874 Concentrate? I don't need to concentrate. It's hard having a wee. 726 00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:03,274 Like, I don't want to get into the mechanics of it, but first thing 727 00:36:03,275 --> 00:36:06,394 in the morning, try and have a piss - it goes everywhere. 728 00:36:06,395 --> 00:36:09,315 You have to aim! It's like the mouth of your dick's yawning. 729 00:36:10,795 --> 00:36:13,714 Whoa! Fucking hell! 730 00:36:13,715 --> 00:36:16,154 And sometimes it goes like that. 731 00:36:16,155 --> 00:36:19,195 It goes like that. I can't do that, I think that's a French thing. 732 00:36:26,475 --> 00:36:29,834 Sometimes on a night out, you know when there's like 15 in a row, 733 00:36:29,835 --> 00:36:32,754 I will try and piss in all of them. 734 00:36:32,755 --> 00:36:34,354 Like, hold it and go. 735 00:36:34,355 --> 00:36:37,914 Has someone ever walked in as you're doing a weird crab walk across? 736 00:36:37,915 --> 00:36:39,234 You've just got to own it. 737 00:36:39,235 --> 00:36:41,515 You go, "Mind out, mate, I'm doing the full set." 738 00:36:49,075 --> 00:36:50,114 What do you think? 739 00:36:50,115 --> 00:36:51,714 People looking for employment now 740 00:36:51,715 --> 00:36:53,994 have to take all of their pics off-line. 741 00:36:53,995 --> 00:36:55,554 Because I hire baby-sitters, 742 00:36:55,555 --> 00:36:58,634 and my first thing is to go straight to their Instagram 743 00:36:58,635 --> 00:37:00,395 and see how big of a slut they are. 744 00:37:02,355 --> 00:37:03,834 Pick the slutty baby-sitters? 745 00:37:03,835 --> 00:37:06,314 I pick the sluttiest baby-sitter. I don't want her leaving me 746 00:37:06,315 --> 00:37:07,714 for a better job. JOHNNY SNEEZES 747 00:37:07,715 --> 00:37:10,074 No, I have a lovely baby-sitter. 748 00:37:10,075 --> 00:37:12,034 Johnny, have you sneezed on your jumper? 749 00:37:12,035 --> 00:37:13,514 Come here. 750 00:37:13,515 --> 00:37:14,995 ALL: Urgh! 751 00:37:16,275 --> 00:37:19,074 I did not want to interrupt the conversation over there, 752 00:37:19,075 --> 00:37:21,834 so I was going, "Ahh... choo!" 753 00:37:21,835 --> 00:37:24,194 I was doing such a half-sneeze. 754 00:37:24,195 --> 00:37:27,595 You've never not wanted to interrupt a conversation in your life. 755 00:37:29,115 --> 00:37:31,474 I got a sneezing fit. I apologise. 756 00:37:31,475 --> 00:37:34,834 I just was turning round and going, "Blaahh..." 757 00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:36,754 And not trying to make a noise. 758 00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:39,034 Anna. Yeah? Starting a new job... 759 00:37:39,035 --> 00:37:41,555 No, hang on! I had a sneezing fit. 760 00:37:42,875 --> 00:37:45,234 I had a genuine sneezing fit. 761 00:37:45,235 --> 00:37:47,754 I was turning round, trying to sneeze quietly, 762 00:37:47,755 --> 00:37:52,554 I did it more on the left, the right is still quite heavily congested. 763 00:37:52,555 --> 00:37:55,834 But there's nothing I can do about that. 764 00:37:55,835 --> 00:37:57,555 I don't know why it came on. 765 00:37:59,475 --> 00:38:01,875 Just wanted to be part of the team. 766 00:38:03,755 --> 00:38:06,114 Anna. Yes? Anna... 767 00:38:06,115 --> 00:38:07,914 It's all right, I'll take my inner T-shirt 768 00:38:07,915 --> 00:38:10,234 and blow my fucking nose. KATHERINE: No, don't... 769 00:38:10,235 --> 00:38:12,195 ALL: Urgh! 770 00:38:15,075 --> 00:38:18,234 Well, that must be... You've now got some sort of chest oyster. 771 00:38:18,235 --> 00:38:20,435 No, it's all right. I'm back in the game. 772 00:38:23,755 --> 00:38:26,154 ROB: Is it holding in a fart? 773 00:38:26,155 --> 00:38:28,915 Yeah. Sorry, do you need me to pull your finger? 774 00:38:32,035 --> 00:38:33,994 I... I vouch for that. Especially... 775 00:38:33,995 --> 00:38:36,354 Do you know what a Dutch oven is? Yes. 776 00:38:36,355 --> 00:38:38,114 I feel like I really don't want that to be a recipe 777 00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:40,114 in your new book, Liam. 778 00:38:40,115 --> 00:38:42,034 I like a good fart, especially, like, 779 00:38:42,035 --> 00:38:45,154 the loud ones that have loads of depth of, like, smell and that. 780 00:38:45,155 --> 00:38:46,434 So I can't... 781 00:38:46,435 --> 00:38:48,834 It's honestly like you're describing a loaf right now. 782 00:38:48,835 --> 00:38:50,714 This is the idea. OK, please go on. 783 00:38:50,715 --> 00:38:53,474 Yeah, so I normally like top and tail with my pals or whatever 784 00:38:53,475 --> 00:38:54,714 if they stay at mine, 785 00:38:54,715 --> 00:38:57,514 so I can't really fart that much if they stay in my bed. 786 00:38:57,515 --> 00:38:59,834 When your friends stay over, you top and tail? Yeah. 787 00:38:59,835 --> 00:39:01,195 That's called a 69, Liam. 788 00:39:05,235 --> 00:39:07,874 Because my bed is pretty big, innit, so I'm not like, 789 00:39:07,875 --> 00:39:09,274 "Oh, you can stay on my sofa," 790 00:39:09,275 --> 00:39:11,034 because my sofa's a bit tired now. 791 00:39:11,035 --> 00:39:12,754 Have you not got a floor? 792 00:39:12,755 --> 00:39:14,594 Yeah, but who wants to sleep on the floor? 793 00:39:14,595 --> 00:39:17,794 I'd rather that than your stinky arse in my face. 794 00:39:17,795 --> 00:39:19,314 How does your sofa get tired? 795 00:39:19,315 --> 00:39:22,955 I mean, what does it do all day? LAUGHTER 796 00:39:29,595 --> 00:39:31,514 Holding it in does hurt as well. 797 00:39:31,515 --> 00:39:33,354 Holding it... I went on a flight once 798 00:39:33,355 --> 00:39:35,634 with somebody that I didn't know very well 799 00:39:35,635 --> 00:39:37,394 and I held it in the whole flight. 800 00:39:37,395 --> 00:39:39,754 I got there and I thought I was dying. 801 00:39:39,755 --> 00:39:42,274 I genuinely was doubled over in pain from the wind 802 00:39:42,275 --> 00:39:44,554 that I'd accumulated whilst in the air. 803 00:39:44,555 --> 00:39:46,554 Are you sure you're pregnant? 804 00:39:46,555 --> 00:39:49,634 When you first start seeing someone and you're staying over, 805 00:39:49,635 --> 00:39:51,914 you don't really want to fart in bed with them. 806 00:39:51,915 --> 00:39:52,795 Like, you have to hold it in. 807 00:39:52,796 --> 00:39:54,714 I remember I tried to hold it in for hours and hours 808 00:39:54,715 --> 00:39:57,074 and it was, well, I'm going to have to go to the toilet. 809 00:39:57,075 --> 00:39:59,354 It was a flat share, but she had an en-suite room and I was like, 810 00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:00,394 "How am I going to do this?" 811 00:40:00,395 --> 00:40:02,194 So what I did, and I still use it to this day, 812 00:40:02,195 --> 00:40:04,594 if you just pull your arse cheeks open, 813 00:40:04,595 --> 00:40:06,795 it just sort of whistles out of you. 814 00:40:08,195 --> 00:40:12,035 It feels like you're deflating, like "Sssssssss..." 815 00:40:14,035 --> 00:40:15,674 It went on for ages. 816 00:40:15,675 --> 00:40:18,795 I nearly woke her up and go, "You're going to have to listen to this!" 817 00:40:22,435 --> 00:40:24,714 OK, top superpower, what do you think? 818 00:40:24,715 --> 00:40:26,514 I'd like to suddenly be white. 819 00:40:26,515 --> 00:40:29,594 Like, cos... sometimes you go to parts of the country 820 00:40:29,595 --> 00:40:32,074 and everyone's looking at you and you'd just like to be able to 821 00:40:32,075 --> 00:40:34,315 press a button and be like, "Hi, Nick Cooper." 822 00:40:37,075 --> 00:40:40,354 I work in accounts and wear red socks. 823 00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,715 Ha ha ha ha! Let's play bridge. 824 00:40:46,435 --> 00:40:47,674 BUZZER 825 00:40:47,675 --> 00:40:48,955 Smelly helmet? 826 00:40:52,275 --> 00:40:54,914 I was going to say burping. That is outrageous! 827 00:40:54,915 --> 00:40:56,714 That mime's amazing! 828 00:40:56,715 --> 00:40:59,235 Well, I suppose the equivalent for boys is disco fanny. 829 00:41:02,355 --> 00:41:05,514 I heard someone describe it once as being a bit gamey. 830 00:41:05,515 --> 00:41:07,914 Gamey?! 831 00:41:07,915 --> 00:41:09,675 Not mine! Not mine! 832 00:41:10,995 --> 00:41:13,554 TOM: Have you ever seen the Great Wall Of Vagina? 833 00:41:13,555 --> 00:41:15,554 Yes! Isn't it beautiful? 834 00:41:15,555 --> 00:41:18,594 It's a wonderful work of art, I think my favourite, actually, 835 00:41:18,595 --> 00:41:22,914 where about 70 vulvas are cast in stone. Yes. 836 00:41:22,915 --> 00:41:24,034 Do you know what, Tom? 837 00:41:24,035 --> 00:41:26,474 If somebody had asked me to guess your favourite work of art, 838 00:41:26,475 --> 00:41:28,114 that would not have been...! 839 00:41:28,115 --> 00:41:29,474 LAUGHTER 840 00:41:29,475 --> 00:41:31,834 You know, I think it's curious, I think it's because 841 00:41:31,835 --> 00:41:34,635 I'm so familiar with the other, I want to see it. Mm-hmm. 842 00:41:35,755 --> 00:41:37,315 Just, he keeps on giving! 843 00:41:38,835 --> 00:41:40,314 Do you know, whenever... 844 00:41:40,315 --> 00:41:43,394 Like, cos as women, we get our bits looked at all the time, don't we? 845 00:41:43,395 --> 00:41:46,994 Like, nurses, gynaecologists, fuck it, I'll let the window cleaner have a look! Everyone. 846 00:41:46,995 --> 00:41:48,754 LAUGHTER 847 00:41:48,755 --> 00:41:52,034 Every time a nurse or a gynaecologist has looked at my bits, 848 00:41:52,035 --> 00:41:54,394 they've told me I've got a lovely cervix. 849 00:41:54,395 --> 00:41:57,914 I don't know what that means, but I do know that in my life, 850 00:41:57,915 --> 00:41:59,914 I've been told my cervix is lovely 851 00:41:59,915 --> 00:42:02,115 way more than I've been told my face is. 852 00:42:03,835 --> 00:42:05,394 Do they say that? 853 00:42:05,395 --> 00:42:08,314 "That's a lovely one. You could eat your dinner off that!" 854 00:42:08,315 --> 00:42:11,034 I think it just means that it's got good blood flow 855 00:42:11,035 --> 00:42:12,594 and it's sort of shiny. 856 00:42:12,595 --> 00:42:14,954 I used to be a nurse. You can tell, can't you? 857 00:42:14,955 --> 00:42:17,234 You used to be a nurse? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. 858 00:42:17,235 --> 00:42:18,834 I didn't know that. How fascinating. 859 00:42:18,835 --> 00:42:21,194 Have you seen a lot of... a lot of them, then? 860 00:42:21,195 --> 00:42:24,274 Quite a lot, yeah. The most disturbing thing I've ever seen is, 861 00:42:24,275 --> 00:42:26,714 it can happen sometimes, when people get old, 862 00:42:26,715 --> 00:42:29,074 things get a little bit... change place... I... 863 00:42:29,075 --> 00:42:31,594 I've seen a woman shit out of her vagina, that's what... 864 00:42:31,595 --> 00:42:33,874 Oh! 865 00:42:33,875 --> 00:42:35,395 Katherine Ryan! 866 00:42:36,875 --> 00:42:39,075 Look, they got what they pay for. 867 00:42:40,395 --> 00:42:42,674 That wins. That's worse than smelly helmet. 868 00:42:42,675 --> 00:42:44,514 LAUGHTER 869 00:42:44,515 --> 00:42:47,154 Funny story, that's how it got smelly! 870 00:42:47,155 --> 00:42:49,274 LAUGHTER AND GROANS 871 00:42:49,275 --> 00:42:52,154 PAISLEY: Are you serious?! I thank you. 872 00:42:52,155 --> 00:42:53,875 APPLAUSE 873 00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:57,594 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience 874 00:42:57,595 --> 00:43:00,394 and to all of you watching at home. That's it from us. Goodnight. 875 00:43:00,395 --> 00:43:03,434 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 876 00:43:03,435 --> 00:43:06,395 Subtitles by Red Bee Media