1
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:07,500
Guys, there are actual
stewardesses out there,

2
00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:09,860
and one of them talked to me.

3
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:12,380
I made this joke about
how they just flew in...

4
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:15,500
And their arms must be tired.

5
00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:18,460
Yeah, great.

6
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:22,620
Kelso, their neckerchiefs are undone.

7
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,580
You can see their necks.

8
00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:28,620
Look, I don't have time
for stewardess neck.

9
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,780
I gotta study.

10
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,860
They're really riding me down at the
police academy and I don't know why.

11
00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:35,260
I know why. It's fun.

12
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,780
They even chose me last to
work on the c.P.R. Dummy,

13
00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:43,340
so everybody's spit was all over it.

14
00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:45,060
Yo, even Johnson's spit,

15
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:47,620
and he's got a monster cold sore.

16
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,540
I know why they're doing that.

17
00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:51,180
I bet you're the stooge.

18
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,580
What?

19
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:53,660
Every year the police academy

20
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,260
lets one guy in they know will fail out.

21
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:57,220
They use him to scare the other cadets.

22
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:00,460
I know 'cause my brother was a stooge.

23
00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:03,100
All right, fine. It was me.

24
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:05,620
Oh, man, I'm the stooge!

25
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,900
Hey, come on. Kelso, if that were true,

26
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,540
you'd have had to have been
a screw-up your whole life.

27
00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:14,540
I mean, sure, you've fallen
off the water tower...

28
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,580
Every year... since junior high.

29
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,460
And you broke your arm wrestling a dog.

30
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:25,180
And, heck, no one's eaten
more change than you.

31
00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:27,140
All right, I gotta
say, you guys are making

32
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,260
a pretty good case that I'm the stooge!

33
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,580
Well, if you're not,

34
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,180
there's a guy who's
about to step on a rake

35
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,860
that I really want to meet.

36
00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,340
Hello, Wisconsin!

37
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:15,780
I can't believe I'm the stooge!

38
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,500
Michael, it's just the
way some people are, okay?

39
00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,780
Some people are lazy.
Some people are clumsy.

40
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,860
Some people are stooges.

41
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,020
You're lucky enough to be all three.

42
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,780
Kelso, keep in mind you're
being called a stooge

43
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,420
by a stooge

44
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:36,580
while a third stooge sits idly by.

45
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:39,940
Compliment... accepted.

46
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:51,260
Now, listen, you nincompoops.

47
00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:54,660
These pies are for some
very important clients.

48
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:56,660
Nothing should happen
to these pies. Got that?

49
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,180
Sure thing, boss.

50
00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:04,660
Nice going, you knucklehead.
Now we gotta wash 'em.

51
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,780
Want to give me a hand?

52
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:10,660
Bravo! Bravo!

53
00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:14,380
Ah, so we got a wise guy, huh?

54
00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:27,820
Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!

55
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:40,940
Oh, yeah?

56
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,420
Take this!

57
00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:45,500
How's it going with those...

58
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:50,580
Pies?

59
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,460
Ugh. The three stooges have such bad hair.

60
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:01,460
You know, I wish I could go back in time

61
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:04,860
for just 10 minutes and
hand out combs and brushes.

62
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,580
Guys, can we focus here?

63
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,540
I gotta figure out if
I'm the stooge or not.

64
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:12,980
Well, why don't you just, like,
ask your Captain or something?

65
00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:16,540
He won't tell me. That's the whole point.

66
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:19,340
I gotta get a look at my file,

67
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:22,180
which means I gotta break
into the police academy.

68
00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:26,740
Okay, you see how you took
something that made sense

69
00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:28,860
and then made it weird?

70
00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:31,660
That's part of the problem.

71
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:33,100
That's what I like about you, kelso.

72
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,340
You can make a mess out of anything.

73
00:04:35,420 --> 00:04:36,660
I'm in.

74
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,140
Yeah, well, not me. Breaking into a place

75
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,060
where they train people to shoot you

76
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,780
if you break into a place...

77
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:47,540
Come on, Eric. We're a team.

78
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,900
Yeah, Michael's the
looks. Steven's the brain.

79
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:52,740
And you, your house has food.

80
00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:56,820
Hey, remember when we
shoplifted those baseball cards?

81
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:59,220
We were 12 years old.

82
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,660
And I didn't shoplift anything.

83
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:04,500
That's right. You went
home and told your mommy.

84
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:07,460
You mama's boy.

85
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:11,140
Well, did you want that
on your permanent record?

86
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:13,820
Yeah, I didn't think so, mister.

87
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,380
Oh, God, I am a mama's boy. I'm in.

88
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:24,460
Now, the secret to really good Fudge

89
00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:27,100
is a tiny bit of Kahlua.

90
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,780
You must make a lot of Fudge,

91
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,980
'cause the bottle's almost empty.

92
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:38,420
Well, it's a tiny bit
of Kahlua for the Fudge,

93
00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:40,340
a tiny bit for the chef.

94
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,940
Ha ha ha ha!

95
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:45,780
That's how you make cooking fun.

96
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:50,020
Apparently, it also works
for sewing and laundry

97
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,900
and sitting around watching tv.

98
00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:57,700
Okay, the I.N.S. Called. I have to go in

99
00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:00,260
for a final review before
I can pick up my green card.

100
00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:02,820
I bet they give you a
test on U.S. history.

101
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,580
See, America is strict
about who we let in here

102
00:06:05,660 --> 00:06:08,420
'cause we have stuff
that people want to steal.

103
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:11,620
Unlike your lesser countries,
like Canada and France.

104
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:18,660
See?

105
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,940
This is when a Bobby pin comes in handy.

106
00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:24,220
Why do you have a Bobby pin?

107
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:27,260
I'm training my hair, okay?

108
00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:30,700
I want more wave, less fluff.

109
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,300
Guys, this is serious.

110
00:06:32,380 --> 00:06:34,500
Let's just find my file
and get out of here.

111
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:35,900
Hey, what's in here?

112
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,340
It's the k-9 training room.

113
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,540
It's where they keep all the samples

114
00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:42,300
to teach the police
dogs what to sniff for.

115
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,980
Oh, man, these samples

116
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:49,700
are way better than our samples.

117
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:52,140
Did you see how quickly
I sniffed them out?

118
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:54,580
I could so be a police dog.

119
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,020
Cool. Training collar.

120
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,820
You know, I still don't get how
they could think I'm a stooge.

121
00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:02,740
I'm, like, so on top of everything.

122
00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:04,340
What's this thing do?

123
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,460
Oh!

124
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,860
Give me that, kelso!

125
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,500
You're gonna hurt yourself.

126
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:14,660
Quit it, Hyde. That really hurts.

127
00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,580
Okay, do it one more time.

128
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,260
Okay, so this is George Washington,

129
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,300
the father of our country.

130
00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:33,820
Well, George and I have
one thing in common.

131
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:37,100
We both look good in a powdered white wig.

132
00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:42,340
Okay, so, fez, the statue of liberty

133
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,260
was a gift from the French.

134
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:47,060
The French? I didn't know that.

135
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,740
You didn't know that?

136
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:51,220
I really don't think
it's common knowledge.

137
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,460
Okay, I painted my nails
through two semesters

138
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,580
of American history, and even I knew that.

139
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,980
Well, don't I feel like the hillbilly

140
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,780
who wandered into town.

141
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,180
Well, it's no big deal, Mrs. Forman.

142
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:05,100
Oh, I see. It's no big deal

143
00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:07,020
for you smart people who know everything.

144
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,940
But for us hillbillies,

145
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,860
well, we're lucky if we
know how to tie our shoes

146
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,100
and flush the toilet.

147
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:15,580
Okay, Mrs. Forman, please don't get upset.

148
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,980
Okay, here.

149
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,060
Drink some more Fudge.

150
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,820
Okay, so...

151
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,860
The constitution was ratified...

152
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,140
Oh, I know this.

153
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:30,660
1776.

154
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,620
Oh, you're thinking of the
declaration of independence.

155
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:34,980
See, the
constitution was...

156
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,900
I know what the constitution is.

157
00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:38,340
Can you make Fudge?

158
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:39,340
What?

159
00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:42,140
Then can it.

160
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,100
Okay, what if they ask
me about current events?

161
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,820
Tell me about Vietnam.

162
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,820
Okay, so Vietnam was an
illegal war which we lost.

163
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:51,140
What the hell are you teaching him?

164
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,860
You, come with me.

165
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,380
I'll teach you the real American history.

166
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:00,300
First of all, we didn't lose the war.

167
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,020
It was a tie.

168
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,260
Besides, they're grateful.

169
00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:07,740
They have McDonald's now.

170
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,100
Here's my file.

171
00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:14,980
It doesn't say "stooge" anywhere.

172
00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:19,300
Oh, good picture, but that's no shocker.

173
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,340
But this is...

174
00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:24,020
Aah!

175
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,700
I think the batteries are starting to go.

176
00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:27,180
That one didn't hurt as much.

177
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:29,860
You better let me hold on to this file.

178
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,300
I don't leave any fingerprints,

179
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,940
thanks to my cool new black gloves.

180
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:38,220
Man, if only these shot webs.

181
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,300
Aren't those your mom's isotoners?

182
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,780
All right, guys, I gotta figure out

183
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,980
if I'm in trouble or not.

184
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:52,540
What the hell is going on in here?

185
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:57,180
I'm gonna go with you're in trouble.

186
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:08,340
Cadet kelso, do you
know what the penalty is

187
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,100
for breaking into the academy office?

188
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:12,700
No, sir, officer Kennedy, sir!

189
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,140
There are none,

190
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,900
because nobody's been
stupid enough to do it!

191
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,740
All right! You're first in your class.

192
00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:27,300
Is that a dog training
collar around your neck?

193
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,900
Oh, um, you're probably gonna want this.

194
00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:35,260
It's the red button.

195
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,020
Look, sir, I think you should know

196
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,620
that at the last police charity auction,

197
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,940
my family bought one of your
Christmas tree ornaments...

198
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:43,900
Santa driving a cop car.

199
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:47,500
Funniest thing on the tree. It was.

200
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,500
Anyway, please don't call my mom and dad.

201
00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:51,100
Thanks.

202
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:52,700
What's your name?

203
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,940
They call me fez.

204
00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:00,100
Officer Kennedy, sir, I broke in

205
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:03,060
to find out if I was
the stooge or not, sir.

206
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,460
You're not the stooge.
Johnson's the stooge.

207
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,620
Yes.

208
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,900
But you're the stooge now.

209
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:16,140
Okay, I think that we've
been reviewing long enough.

210
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,380
Let's see what you've learned.

211
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,500
I'll start you off with an easy one.

212
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,300
Where do you live?

213
00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:24,140
Ame-dee-ca.

214
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:27,860
It's pronounced America.

215
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:30,060
That's what I
said. Ame-dee-ca.

216
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,860
America!

217
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:35,100
Ame-dee-ca.

218
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,780
Why do we celebrate the 4th of July?

219
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:41,020
Because we are damn glad not to be a bunch

220
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,140
of British tea-drinking
nancy-pants.

221
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:47,100
Nobody's gonna argue with that answer.

222
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,460
A-mer-I-ca!

223
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:56,300
A-me-dee-ca!

224
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,820
America!

225
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,060
Ame-dee-ca!

226
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,980
What was president

227
00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:06,700
Dwight d. Eisenhower's
greatest achievement?

228
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,620
He led the allies to
victory in world war ii

229
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,740
and sent those jackbooted
Nazi bastards home

230
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:13,100
to cry in their Sauerkraut.

231
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:17,980
I didn't understand a word you said,

232
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:21,180
but I heard "nazi bastards,"
and that's good enough for me.

233
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,460
America!

234
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,380
Ame-dee-ca!

235
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:33,860
Look, there is no damn "d" in "america"!

236
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:38,500
Say my son's name.

237
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,500
Eric.

238
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:46,580
Great.

239
00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:48,460
Now...

240
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,460
America.

241
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,900
Ame-dee-ca.

242
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,220
Just forget it.

243
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,300
Just say "united States."

244
00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:02,300
United States...
Of ame-dee-ca.

245
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:09,180
Guys, I'm really screwed
down at the police academy.

246
00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:11,100
Officer Kennedy told me
he's looking for any reason

247
00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:12,540
to kick me out.

248
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:15,260
Okay, but did he say anything
about calling my parents?

249
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:20,180
I was so freaked out
that I completely blew

250
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:22,020
this exam this morning.

251
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,620
I'm sure you did fine.

252
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,620
Roy, the first question

253
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:28,740
was "stop in the name of the blank."

254
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,540
And I wrote "love."

255
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:32,860
God!

256
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,940
I don't care what they say, kelso.

257
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:39,860
Love is always the right answer.

258
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,780
So you screwed up a test, man.

259
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,220
You know what you have to do.

260
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:45,860
Yeah, yeah, study more next time.

261
00:13:45,940 --> 00:13:48,460
What are you, Forman?

262
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,780
You gotta break in there
and change the answers.

263
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:54,140
I can't break in there again.

264
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,740
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

265
00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:59,980
That's why they'll never expect it, man.

266
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,740
Look, they don't know
you got a friend like me

267
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:06,100
to talk you into doing something
so fundamentally moronic.

268
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:09,660
That's true.

269
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:11,620
You know what? I'm in, too.

270
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,460
I know it's dangerous, but...

271
00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:16,780
I just really like wearing that outfit.

272
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:18,700
Trust me, it'll work.

273
00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:20,580
How do you think I got through chemistry?

274
00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:22,500
Hey, you told me you
blackmailed the teacher

275
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,740
'cause you caught him
smoking up behind the gym.

276
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,820
Oh, yeah.

277
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,500
How do you think I got through biology?

278
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,780
Fez, relax. You're gonna pass the test.

279
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,820
No, this could be my
last day in the country.

280
00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:45,860
We should probably make love.

281
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,980
What?

282
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:50,580
Don't worry. It'll be
over before you know it.

283
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:54,180
So, on the way back from the bathroom,

284
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,340
I got proposed to 3 times.

285
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,780
I must look more gorgeous than usual.

286
00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:01,380
Jackie, the only reason
they want to marry you

287
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:02,980
is so they can stay in the country.

288
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,580
Jealous.

289
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,380
Okay. Here I go.

290
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:14,180
I'm here for my test.

291
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:15,620
Where do I sign in, or should I say,

292
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,780
where do I put my John hancock?

293
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:23,020
Actually, I will sign my name.

294
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,260
That's just a common expression.

295
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,540
I know so much history,

296
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,980
I just drop it into everyday conversation.

297
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,260
There is no test.

298
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,900
I just need to see that
you are who you say you are

299
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:33,820
and that you're in the country to be

300
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,500
with your wife Laurie Forman.

301
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,820
No test? So that's it?

302
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,140
I'm truly really a citizen
of this great country?

303
00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:42,060
Just as soon as I stamp this paper.

304
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,300
Oh, this is great.

305
00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:44,740
You and I should go celebrate.

306
00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,660
Let's start out with a couple
of drinks and some lovemaking

307
00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:49,020
and see where it goes from there.

308
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,860
I don't date married men.

309
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:55,300
Well, let's just say that as
soon as I get my green card,

310
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:56,900
I will be single.

311
00:15:56,980 --> 00:16:01,020
Then you can explore the country of fez.

312
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,940
Hold on. Are you telling me

313
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:04,860
your marriage is a sham?

314
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:06,140
I'm telling you

315
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:08,900
your eyes are like Amber waves of grain.

316
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:12,500
You do realize I haven't stamped this yet.

317
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,660
Actually, I had not.

318
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,860
Oh, he looks happy.

319
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,180
Yeah, I bet he's doing great. Yeah.

320
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:25,980
Shouldn't you stamp my paper now?

321
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:26,980
I don't think so.

322
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:28,260
In a minute? Nope.

323
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,700
After lunch? Unh-unh.

324
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:32,860
Would you like me to stamp it?

325
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,020
Red, do you think I'm smart?

326
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,300
Oh, is that what we're gonna
do today, we're gonna fight?

327
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,860
Great news. I got my green card.

328
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:48,340
I am now officially a yankee doodle dandy.

329
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:51,300
So you passed the test, huh?

330
00:16:51,380 --> 00:16:52,540
No, there was no test.

331
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:53,620
No test?

332
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:57,660
Oh, we're just as bad as Canada.

333
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,940
So, what happened?

334
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,140
Well, you know how sometimes
I come on a little strong

335
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,340
to the ladies?

336
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:06,860
You can be a little handsy.

337
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:08,780
It was touch-and-go
for a while,

338
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,540
but eventually, I won the
I.N.S. Lady over with my charm.

339
00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:13,540
More like you cried until she felt bad

340
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:15,460
and stamped your papers.

341
00:17:15,540 --> 00:17:19,140
Hey, tomato, potato- -
it's all the same thing.

342
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,620
Bottom line is I
have cha-dees-ma.

343
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:24,900
Charisma!

344
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:27,020
Yes,
cha-dees-ma.

345
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:33,420
Man, I love these gloves.

346
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,300
I wish there was some
diamond protected by lasers

347
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,340
I could steal.

348
00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:39,780
Okay, I'm almost done.

349
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:43,260
I just gotta think of
one more misdemeanor.

350
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,140
Oh, breaking into the police academy.

351
00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:48,700
All right, come on. Let's go.

352
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,820
How do you keep finding us?!

353
00:17:57,020 --> 00:18:00,380
I'm wearing all black!

354
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,060
I sleep right next door.

355
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:04,540
What's the problem, trouble with the wife?

356
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:05,740
Shut up.

357
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:09,300
That's it. You're outta here.

358
00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:11,020
Wait. I can explain.

359
00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:15,100
Okay, this whole thing
started because I just...

360
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,140
I can't be the stooge.

361
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,620
Okay? I'm gonna be a dad soon,

362
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:21,540
and no kid is gonna look up to his dad

363
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,420
if his dad is the stooge.

364
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,500
Well, unless the kid's a stooge,

365
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,460
in which case I wouldn't love him anyway.

366
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,340
You're gonna be a father?

367
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,500
Who would breed with you?!

368
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,540
One night stand, both a little drunk.

369
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,580
Look, I know I messed up.

370
00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:47,060
But can't you just... maybe...

371
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:48,980
Give me one more chance?

372
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:51,380
All right. Since you're gonna be a father,

373
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,300
I'm gonna let what happened here slide.

374
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,220
But just so you don't do this again,

375
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,100
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

376
00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,740
There is no stooge.

377
00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,620
What?

378
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,580
That's just a rumor we started

379
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,500
to get the cadets to work harder.

380
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,660
Also... there's no alligator in the lake.

381
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,220
Wait, wait, wait. If there's no stooge,

382
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,660
then how come our friend Roy told us

383
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,060
he got kicked out of the
academy for being a stooge?

384
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,380
Roy keene?

385
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,620
He didn't get kicked
out for being a stooge.

386
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:26,220
He got kicked out for
shooting the police horse.

387
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,260
Look, cadet, all you have to do

388
00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:30,140
is work hard and you'll be fine.

389
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:32,980
Now you clean up this
mess and get outta here.

390
00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:43,580
Well, I think we all learned
an important lesson here.

391
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,620
If you're in trouble

392
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,380
and your back's up against the wall,

393
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,780
just tell 'em you got a kid.

394
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:54,740
People are suckers for a baby.

395
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,940
That is a valuable lesson.

396
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,740
I think we should all reflect on that...

397
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:02,460
In the k-9 training room.

398
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,580
I call shock caller.

399
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,820
I call buttons.

400
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:10,660
Okay, miss smarty-pants.

401
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:13,020
How about... ooh.

402
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,500
Where was the famous tea party?

403
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:16,420
Boston.

404
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,500
Nope.

405
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,420
What?

406
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,660
Got it wrong. Sorry.

407
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,900
It's the Boston tea party.

408
00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:29,340
No. It says right here it's
" the Boston tea party."

409
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:31,620
Oh.

410
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,220
Huh.

411
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,580
I'm gonna have a long island tea party.