1 00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,021 Older Ted: Kids, the day you get married 2 00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:06,382 is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. 3 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:09,302 The perfect ending to a perfect love story. 4 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:12,972 My wedding, at least my first wedding, didn't go so well. 5 00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,810 Say that I'm changed 6 00:00:17,894 --> 00:00:19,687 say I'm different 7 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:24,025 maybe I finally understand 8 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,485 say I've let go 9 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,488 it's funny, looking back on it now. 10 00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:32,366 I was so sure Stella was the one. 11 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:35,703 And when she left me, I was so devastated. 12 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,663 But you guys got me through it. 13 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:39,832 And now the painful part's over. 14 00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:43,294 I've come out the other side a little bit stronger. 15 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:47,006 You know, I hardly even think about her anymore. 16 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,592 That's what time does, I guess. 17 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,971 Ted, the wedding was yesterday. 18 00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,766 It's been 24 hours. 19 00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:00,228 I know. And this is me moving on. 20 00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:03,814 A great new chapter of my life began today, and we're gonna celebrate. 21 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,316 Right now, we need two things. 22 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,236 We need kool and we need the gang. 23 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,571 It's jukebox time, huh? 24 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,244 I look at that young man 25 00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,664 popping and locking his way over to the jukebox 26 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:24,252 and I think to myself, "you know, maybe Stella made the right call." 27 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:26,170 Owl pain. 28 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,089 What? How is he dancing right now? 29 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:31,842 He should be smashing up Stella's car with a sledgehammer. 30 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,552 Hypothetical. 31 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,930 Tedisnt pretending to be happy. 32 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,390 Ted really is happy. 33 00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:39,433 He never wanted to get married in the first place. 34 00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:41,352 Ted just pulled off the greatest 35 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,688 train dodge since stand by me. 36 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:47,108 Well, not the first kid, but the other kids. 37 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:50,403 No, he is in bad shape. 38 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,571 What's up? 39 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,157 Really bad shape. 40 00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,743 And we need to be there for him. 41 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,973 Older Ted: But as much as my friends really wanted to be there for me, 42 00:02:00,997 --> 00:02:03,749 I was, by all appearances, fine. 43 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,043 Hey, buddy. Want to hang out? 44 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,379 Guys, I'm fine. 45 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,799 Hey, pal, you want to have a catch? 46 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,384 I'm fine. 47 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,806 Hey, kiddo. 48 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,808 Barney, I'm fine. 49 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:24,186 This is not necessary, and it's actually kind of weird. 50 00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,730 No offense, ladies. 51 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,357 I did not realize you'd be home. 52 00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,110 Ladies, to the stairwell. 53 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,601 Older Ted: Finally, after two weeks, 54 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,419 the inevitable emotions boiled over. 55 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,129 Hey, you guys want to get some dinner? 56 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,380 Oh, shut up. 57 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,716 I'm sorry, sweetie. 58 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,969 It's just, Ted, you've been through something traumatic, 59 00:02:57,053 --> 00:03:00,473 and we're trying to be there for you as friends, but you're not letting us, 60 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:04,977 and it's pissing us off, you selfish bitch. Sorry. 61 00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,914 Look, we're just worried that you're not dealing with this whole Stella thing. 62 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,899 Okay, now, do you remember when Lily left me? 63 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,942 You remember howl held in my feelings? 64 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:17,114 I miss her so much. 65 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,910 Yeah, dude, you were a rock. 66 00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:23,954 Well, I should have been even worse, okay? I should have gotten mad. 67 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,718 I should have taken your advice and set all of Lily's stuff on fire. 68 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,667 Oh. Nice. Thanks, Ted. 69 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,855 But I didn't, and I think that that's why it took me so long to get better. 70 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:35,633 So, now, Ted, I want you to explode. 71 00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,677 Release the berserker. Okay, you ready? 72 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,972 Now! 73 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,433 I'm good. Lily: No. 74 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:47,061 Guys, get off his back. He's happy. 75 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,105 Listen, if Ted were married right now, 76 00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:52,400 he'd be married, he'd be living in New Jersey, 77 00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:55,569 and he'd be married. 78 00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:58,572 He's fine. Now, let's eat. How about flat Michael's? 79 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,449 No, that's 44th and Lex. Can't do it. 80 00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,243 Why not? It's too close to Stella's gym. 81 00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,412 Might run into her. Anywhere else, though. 82 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,080 Okay, how about Hurley's? 83 00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:10,793 Right between Stella's office and her dry cleaners. No, sir. 84 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,878 Well, what about meatloaf Charlie's? 85 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,172 Two blocks from Stella's mother's hairdressers. 86 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,592 Well, jeez, Ted, is there anywhere in Manhattan we can go to dinner? 87 00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:22,346 Of course. Check this out. 88 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,307 What you got there, Ted? 89 00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,435 A little reference map I made for myself. 90 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:30,646 A New York guide to places you might run into Stella zinman. 91 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,440 Red areas are places to avoid. 92 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,109 White areas are safe. Blue is water. 93 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:36,610 That is just ridiculous. 94 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,362 Well, water is blue. 95 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,322 You can't live that way. 96 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:43,033 She leaves you at the altar and you're the one avoiding her? 97 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,660 Yes, I'm avoiding her. 98 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,537 What's the big deal? That's how we do it. 99 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,247 Who's "we"? Gutless weenies? 100 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:52,585 No, "we" is people from the great state of Ohio. 101 00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:57,047 When life gives us pain, we buckeyes take that pain and we push it down. 102 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,025 And if the pain starts to come up again, 103 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,469 we push more pain down on top of it. 104 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,846 Why confront something when you can avoid it, right? 105 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,931 All I have to do is never see Stella again, 106 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:08,267 andlllee along, happylwe. 107 00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:10,036 Now, who wants to get something to eat? 108 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,647 Oh. Somebodyjust told me about a tapas place that's in the white zone. 109 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,357 Great. Let's go there. 110 00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:19,028 You ready to order? Not quite yet. 111 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,339 Can we get some of those almonds for the table? 112 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,698 Certainly. 113 00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:25,743 Nice call, Lily. This place looks great. 114 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:29,121 Who told you about it? You know, I don't remember. 115 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,499 Uh-oh. 116 00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:32,625 What? 117 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,585 I just remembered. 118 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,679 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 119 00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,556 Okay, okay, just be cool. 120 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,186 We're just gonna have to deal with this. Everyone, follow my lead. 121 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:56,899 Oh, you're kidding. Is he serious? 122 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,360 I am not getting under this table. 123 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,862 I'd maybe get under that table. 124 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,448 She's turning around. 125 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:12,414 Think, think, think. Everyone, just stay here. 126 00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:15,626 I'm gonna go take a look. Marshall, go take a look. 127 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,926 And will you need utensils? 128 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,220 No, I'm just going straight home. 129 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,057 She's placing an order to go. 130 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,226 Did she seem happy? Did she say anything about me? 131 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:35,271 I don't care. I don't even care. Where are those almonds? 132 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,897 Gosh, where would Ted's nuts be? 133 00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:40,234 Hey, why don't you check the vise in Stella's garage? 134 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,360 Go yell at her. 135 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:44,405 Ted, you may be from Ohio, but you live in New York now. 136 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,740 We don't push down our feelings in New York. 137 00:06:46,824 --> 00:06:49,827 We take our feelings and we shove them in somebody else's face! 138 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,245 Spare me, Lily. 139 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,431 You'd be doing the same thing if you were in this situation. 140 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,498 That's outrageous. 141 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,002 There is not a person on earth I would hide under a table from. 142 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,671 Really, not a single person? 143 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,132 Not even gasser? 144 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,093 How dare you mention that name to me. 145 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,511 Who's gasser? 146 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:11,056 He's the last person I'd want to see walk through that door. 147 00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:14,310 Michael sasser. He's a guy I went to high school with. 148 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,605 Lily: Michael sat next to me in freshman biology. 149 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,399 He had been a bit of a loser all through middle school. 150 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,109 But the summer before ninth grade, 151 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,945 he grew 12 inches and joined the baseball team. 152 00:07:25,029 --> 00:07:28,449 He was right on the precipice of becoming one of the cool kids. 153 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:29,825 Until one day... 154 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,872 Lily, we've all been there. 155 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,749 When you've ripped one, it's not pretty. 156 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,125 What did you do? 157 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:43,213 Are you kidding? This was ninth grade. I only had one choice. 158 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,884 Oh, my god, sasser. Fart much? 159 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,304 No, it wasn't me. It was her. 160 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,891 Ohl as if, sasser. More like gasser. 161 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:57,144 Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! 162 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,479 Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! Gasser! 163 00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:01,649 I'm on the baseball team. I'm cool. 164 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,900 Gasser! Gasser! 165 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,444 The nickname gasser stuck. 166 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,489 He got teased so much, eventually he had to change schools. 167 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,532 Kids are awesome. 168 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,785 I've always felt awful about that. 169 00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:17,247 But if gasser... Michael walked in right now, 170 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,834 as hard as it would be, I would go up to gasser... Michael 171 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,670 and I would resolve things between us. 172 00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,963 Right, clear the air, as it were. 173 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,465 Oh, man. 174 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:30,219 Those don't come around often. Y'all are welcome. 175 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,223 Hey, are you guys okay? Oh. Yeah. 176 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,909 We're just gonna be eating down here if that's okay. 177 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,601 What? Well, here's your almonds. 178 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,728 Oh. Thanks. You guys have any specials tonight? 179 00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,855 Ted, this is ludicrous. 180 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,941 Ted, I am a person who... 181 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,192 Well, let's just face it. 182 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,528 There are a lot of people I don't want to see, 183 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,239 people of the chicks-i-banged persuasion. 184 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,866 But if any of them were to walk in here, I would stand up 185 00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:55,160 and I would look them right in the eye. 186 00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:57,371 Some of them for the very first time. 187 00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,873 Really, you wouldn't hide from anyone? 188 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:00,958 Uh-uh. 189 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:04,211 Not even, say, Becca delucci? 190 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,213 You son of a bitch. 191 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,840 Who's Becca delucci? 192 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,383 Do you mind? 193 00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:14,555 So, who is Becca delucci? 194 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,682 Becca is just this girl who lives upstate. 195 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,085 I used to visit her now and again. 196 00:09:18,142 --> 00:09:21,103 Mmm-hmm. Where exactly upstate, Barney? 197 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,314 Bedford hills federal penitentiary. 198 00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:28,569 Barne y: And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature. 199 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,613 No. No way, really? 200 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:32,948 Really. 201 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,368 And what I had with Becca was a perfect relationship. 202 00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:40,122 She was only allowed, by law, to call me once a week. 203 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,584 If she ever got clingy, the armed guards stopped her. 204 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,252 And I never had to pay for dinner. 205 00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,588 Well, that's not true. I pay taxes. 206 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,108 Then again, I guess we all paid for dinner. Thanks a lot, guys. 207 00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:53,969 Anyway, the last time I visited, I kind of screwed things up. 208 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:59,099 I know it's hard, baby, but I'm in a prison, too. 209 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,185 A prison of my own heart. 210 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:05,397 Is that room ready yet or what? Can we... tick-tock. 211 00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:09,193 Barney, you're the only thing that's keeping me going here. 212 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,694 That's what I'm here for, baby. 213 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,446 I'm your rock. 214 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,032 I'm... oh, my god. Hello, strange. 215 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,372 Hi, Barney Stinson, attorney at law. 216 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,791 Let's talk about getting you off. 217 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,292 Becca: Oh, hell, no! 218 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,462 Whoa! 219 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,466 Ooh. 220 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:40,015 Now I get letters from Becca and she's all, 221 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,476 "I'm coming to get you the day I get out of here. 222 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,813 "I'm gonna hang your eyes from my rearview mirror." 223 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,606 Women, huh? 224 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:52,110 See? You're scared of Becca. Lily's scared of gasser. 225 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,404 We're staying under the table. 226 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,867 We don't have to. Stella's gone. 227 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,661 Oh, my gosh. 228 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:08,001 There, all done, and that's how we do it Ohio-style. 229 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,312 Problem showed up. We avoided it. 230 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,462 It went away. 231 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:12,089 Now we can enjoy our meal in peace... 232 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,173 She's back. 233 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:21,181 Ted, we all think that you need... 234 00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,599 Wait, where's Barney? 235 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,233 Ted, we all think that you need to go talk to her. 236 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,359 I don't. What? 237 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,504 Yeah, if the last person I wanted to see walked through the door, 238 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,863 I wouldn't say a damn word. 239 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,531 Really? And who's that? 240 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,991 My father. 241 00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:42,536 You guys, that other table is off the hook. 242 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,454 What are we talking about? Robin's dad. 243 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,338 I haven't spoken to him in three years and I don't intend to start now. 244 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,836 Robin: It goes back to the day! Was born. 245 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,130 You give me my son now. Push. 246 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,133 Oh, no. 247 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,052 Oh, no. 248 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,931 He wanted a son and the fact that I was a girl didn't change his plan. 249 00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,808 What do you mean? 250 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:08,312 My full legal name is Robin Charles scherbatsky, Jr. 251 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,440 And it only gets worse from there. 252 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,152 Robin: When I was eight, he took me hunting for the first time. 253 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,945 I don't want to shoot a deer. 254 00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:18,405 Nonsense, r.J. 255 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,741 Shooting deer is the noblest of pursuits. 256 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,743 But they're cute. 257 00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,912 You said the same thing about our rabbits. 258 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:27,331 Remember how delicious they were? 259 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,083 Over the years, as my body developed... 260 00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,835 Hold on a sec. 261 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,379 Sorry, go on. 262 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:38,300 It became harder and harder for him to pretend I was a boy. 263 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,053 Robin: The lowest moment came when I turned 14. 264 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:43,805 My peewee hockey team had just won the squamish invitational 265 00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,891 and everyone came back to my house to celebrate. 266 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:49,686 You lads availed yourself splendidly out there on the ice. 267 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,564 Splendidly. You go on outside. 268 00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:57,027 I'll come back with an assortment of soft drinks and American pretzels. 269 00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,759 Hey, lcant believe you missed that last empty-netter, you hoser. 270 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,827 You're the hoser. No, you're the hoser. 271 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:14,836 What are you doing? 272 00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:18,382 You're teammates, hockey players. 273 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:24,137 Teammates don't kiss! Hockey players don't kiss! 274 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,724 Oh, my god. 275 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,394 I have no son. 276 00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:36,233 You poor thing. 277 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:40,821 To have to grow up in Canada with america right there. 278 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:43,323 That sucks about your dad, Robin, 279 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:46,076 but congratulations on that game. 280 00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:49,830 And Kyle and iweren't even doing anything serious. 281 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,289 We only went to the blue line. 282 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,457 The blue line? 283 00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:54,126 Yeah, you know how when you're a kid, 284 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,603 you put everything into hockey terms? 285 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,838 The blue line is kissing, the red line is getting naked, 286 00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:01,174 and I think "in the crease" speaks for itself. 287 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,135 Anyway, after that, my relationship 288 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,928 with my dad pretty much went north. 289 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:07,264 I moved in with my mom, grew my hair out, 290 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,934 became a Canadian pop star. You know, normal teen stuff. 291 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:14,187 Don't you think it would feel better to talk to him about all this? 292 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:19,317 No, that's the point. It wouldn't solve anything. It's in the past. It's done. 293 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,486 I mean, what would I even say to him? 294 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,530 "I wish you hadn't raised me as a boy? 295 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,991 "I wish you hadn't taught me how to hunt 296 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,410 "and fish and smoke cigars and drink scotch 297 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,328 "because that's not what girls do. 298 00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,265 "And you know, the reason I throw like a girl, dad, 299 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,291 "is because I am a girl." 300 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,338 You've held on to that for a long time, huh? 301 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,506 Yeah. 302 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,176 It really messed you up. 303 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,053 Yeah. 304 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,179 That sucks. I'm sorry. 305 00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,638 That's hot. 306 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,933 Older Ted: And then I realized... 307 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,480 All of my friends were haunted, 308 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,983 but there was a difference between my ghost and theirs. 309 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,110 It wasn't too late for me. 310 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,196 I'm gonna go talk to her. 311 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,279 All right, bud. 312 00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:12,913 She's gone. I'm going after her. 313 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,206 Go, go. 314 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,419 There she goes! Taxi! 315 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,195 Okay, I see her. She's two cabs ahead on the right. 316 00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,470 Just stay with her, okay? 317 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,765 Finally. Finally, you're doing this. You're gonna confront her. 318 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,934 Yes, lanigonnaconfionthef yeah. 319 00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,435 This is so exciting. Totally. 320 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:36,603 What are you going to say? 321 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:41,066 I'm gonna say, "Stella, I'm sorry things didn't work out." 322 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,276 Yes. No! 323 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,040 We're going to talk about this like adults. 324 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,865 She can tell me her side and I'm going to listen. 325 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,968 Probably should have done a little more of that before. 326 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,720 Driver, can you run us into the nearest lamppost? 327 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,371 Everyone, buckle up. Notyou, Ted. 328 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,457 Ted, Ted, you gotta get mad right now. 329 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,459 Come on. Dig deep. 330 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,628 Dude, come on. This isn't about me waving my arms, 331 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,338 stamping my feet, and getting really mad. 332 00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:07,467 This is about Stella and I finally communicating. I mean, clearly, that was... 333 00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:10,554 Stella hated star wars. She lied to you. 334 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,431 Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true. 335 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,767 Well, that's her business. 336 00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:18,895 Come on, Ted. She left you at the altar. 337 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,105 I don't understand! 338 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,857 Ted, in the name of all that is sacred... 339 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,400 Wait, wait, wait! 340 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,026 Where is she going? Her cab just missed 341 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,337 the turn for the Lincoln tunnel. 342 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,988 Why would anybody buy takeout food 343 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,157 and bring it all the way back to New Jersey anyway? 344 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,783 Maybe she's going to her office. 345 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,745 The waiter asked her, "and will you need utensils?" 346 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,989 And then she said, "no, I'm just going straight home." 347 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,459 But if she's going home, why are we still heading... 348 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,919 Oh, my god. 349 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,758 Tony lives downtown. Home is Tony's apartment. 350 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,428 She was gonna make me move to New Jersey, 351 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,514 and then she moves into the city with Tony? 352 00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:59,144 Son of a bitch! Finally. Finally, buddy. 353 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:02,105 I am so angry right now! I know, and I love it! 354 00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,984 Yeah, that is awesome! 355 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:09,571 Sir, we'd be happy to cover the cost of that window crank. 356 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,365 I love angry Ted! So do I! 357 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,952 Let it out, baby. Let it out. 358 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,370 She's stopping. 359 00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:19,372 It is on. It is on! 360 00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,791 Yes, Ted. Go get her, buddy! 361 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,084 Go get rid of your demons! 362 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,252 My leg is asleep! 363 00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,605 Okay, wait, wait, wait. Wait, hold on. 364 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:26,755 Lily, what are you doing? 365 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,174 No, no, no. This is all right, hold on. 366 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:32,636 Look, Ted, it's great that you're angry right now... 367 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,763 It sure is. Yes. 368 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,556 And that you're finally dealing with this, 369 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,184 but you only get one shot here. 370 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:43,897 Let's just take a beat and think about what you're gonna say. 371 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,191 I know exactly what I'm gonna say. 372 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,817 Yeah. 373 00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,662 You picked the wrong guy. 374 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,664 Ted. 375 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,583 You picked the wrong guy. 376 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:10,340 You made a really, really, really bad choice. 377 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,344 What were you thinking? Thatguy? 378 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,805 Are you kidding me? 379 00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:20,058 Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? 380 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,269 You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? 381 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,979 You are going to regret this, 382 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,782 and now there is nothing you can do about it 383 00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,732 because it's too late. 384 00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:34,030 All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life 385 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:38,660 that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. 386 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,246 Goodbye. 387 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,706 Ted, wait. Look, Stella, 388 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,542 I am not here to win you back. 389 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,920 I am here because I need to know that you know 390 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,257 you made the biggest mistake of your life. 391 00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:54,259 I know. 392 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,888 Good. 393 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,476 That's what I'm gonna say. 394 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:06,479 Cold-blooded. Yeah, that's good. 395 00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,981 Go say that. 396 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,110 Stella: Thanks. 397 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,671 Older Ted: So I got out of the cab, 398 00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:17,699 ready to say all of that stuff, ready to explode, but then... 399 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,118 Mommy! Stella: Hey. 400 00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,211 Stella: Hi, sweetie. Tony: Me first. Me first. 401 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,041 Older Ted: It all just went away. 402 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:34,090 And that was it. In that moment, I wasn't angry anymore. 403 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,927 I could see Stella was meant to be with Tony. 404 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,723 Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger 405 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,933 or throw it in someone's face. 406 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,645 But there's a third option, you can just let it go. 407 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,564 And only when you do that is it really gone, 408 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,524 and you can move forward. 409 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:55,904 And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. 410 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,239 It just wasn't mine. 411 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,658 Mine was still out there waiting for me.