1
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,537
Hey, why are you touching
my utensils?

2
00:00:08,539 --> 00:00:10,239
They only like me
to touch them!

3
00:00:12,283 --> 00:00:13,313
Their rules, not mine!

4
00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:16,416
Bertram, we're
making you breakfast

5
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,147
because it's your
birthday weekend.

6
00:00:18,149 --> 00:00:19,789
Oh, thanks,
but I already have
a reservation

7
00:00:19,790 --> 00:00:21,250
at Pancake Palace.

8
00:00:21,252 --> 00:00:22,392
ALL: Yay!

9
00:00:22,393 --> 00:00:23,453
It's for one.

10
00:00:23,454 --> 00:00:25,334
ALL (DISAPPOINTED): Aw.

11
00:00:26,797 --> 00:00:28,327
On that festive note...

12
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,329
What are you all giving
Bertram for his birthday?

13
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,531
A gently used lip balm.

14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,212
Free hug.
My profound admiration.

15
00:00:35,406 --> 00:00:36,566
This salt shaker.

16
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,369
Guys! Put in
a little effort.

17
00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:43,512
I got Bertram the most
thoughtful gift ever.

18
00:00:43,514 --> 00:00:44,824
Foot deodorant?

19
00:00:46,617 --> 00:00:48,577
No, but you can get him
that for my birthday.

20
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,221
Look, Bertram hasn't
seen his mother in years.

21
00:00:53,224 --> 00:00:55,294
So I asked your parents
to fly Mrs. Winkle in

22
00:00:55,286 --> 00:00:57,226
for his party as
a surprise!

23
00:00:57,228 --> 00:01:00,228
Ooh, I cannot wait to meet
Bertram's mother.

24
00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:03,191
Yeah! She's got a lot
of explaining to do.

25
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,766
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

26
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:12,439
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

27
00:01:12,443 --> 00:01:16,113
♪ It feels like a party
every day

28
00:01:16,107 --> 00:01:19,507
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

29
00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:23,280
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

30
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:26,424
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

31
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:30,187
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

32
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:33,821
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

33
00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:37,504
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

34
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:41,168
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

35
00:01:41,172 --> 00:01:42,272
♪ Hey Jessie

36
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,275
♪ Hey Jessie

37
00:01:48,239 --> 00:01:51,679
♪ It feels like a party
every day

38
00:01:51,682 --> 00:01:55,252
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

39
00:02:01,252 --> 00:02:03,152
Where did all these eggs
come from?

40
00:02:03,854 --> 00:02:05,134
(CRACKING)

41
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:09,357
Just my luck.
It's raining hens,
not men.

42
00:02:11,662 --> 00:02:12,762
Sorry, Jessie.

43
00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:15,573
We're doing
an egg drop competition
for science class.

44
00:02:15,566 --> 00:02:17,436
We must build
a contraption

45
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:20,268
which will protect
an egg dropped
from a great height.

46
00:02:20,271 --> 00:02:22,641
What do you do
for extra credit?
Toilet paper someone's house?

47
00:02:23,814 --> 00:02:24,824
That would be more fun.

48
00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,745
Ravi shut down
my best idea.

49
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,847
Dropping the egg
while it's still
inside the chicken.

50
00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:34,262
When you speak,
it makes me sad.

51
00:02:36,687 --> 00:02:38,787
Hey, Luke, maybe let Ravi
take the lead on this.

52
00:02:38,789 --> 00:02:40,329
Science is his thing.

53
00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:42,531
After all, he wouldn't
tell you how to dance

54
00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:44,473
or play sports,
or be cool.

55
00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:46,365
Thank you, Jessie.

56
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,897
Wait a moment...

57
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,440
Hey, I could be
good at science.

58
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:52,842
I just choose
to be popular.

59
00:02:54,545 --> 00:02:55,875
I'm beginning to feel
your sadness.

60
00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:02,309
Bertram! We have
a great birthday surprise
for you.

61
00:03:02,313 --> 00:03:04,793
You're moving back to Texas
and taking the kids with you?

62
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:05,855
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

63
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,517
Surprise, birthday boy!

64
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,773
Mom, what are you
doing here?

65
00:03:14,765 --> 00:03:16,965
Wondering why
you're still not married.

66
00:03:18,569 --> 00:03:20,869
And we're off.

67
00:03:20,871 --> 00:03:22,831
Hi, Mrs. Winkle,
I'm Jessie.

68
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,513
Hi. So nice to meet you!

69
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:29,236
You have this
little angel to thank
for me being here.

70
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,280
(STRAINED)
Thanks, Jessie.

71
00:03:31,942 --> 00:03:34,252
How is my little
Ber-tootchka?

72
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,886
Ber-tootchka?
(ALL LAUGHING)

73
00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:41,650
I'm fine... Mom-moochka.
Aw.

74
00:03:41,652 --> 00:03:43,652
(LAUGHING)

75
00:03:43,654 --> 00:03:46,934
Oh, look at these
sweet children.

76
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,797
You're like the Von Trapps,
without the lederhosen.

77
00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:52,462
Do they sing?

78
00:03:52,463 --> 00:03:56,273
No, but they can whine
in four-part harmony.

79
00:03:56,267 --> 00:04:00,007
Hello, Mrs. Bertram's mommy.
I am Ravi,
and these are my siblings

80
00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:03,270
Emma, Luke and Zuri.
Welcome to our home.

81
00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:06,854
Oh, aren't you the sweetest
little things?

82
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,977
You're nice.

83
00:04:07,978 --> 00:04:10,378
Are you sure
you gave birth to that?

84
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:12,952
You betcha.

85
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,693
It was the second
greatest day of my life.

86
00:04:15,686 --> 00:04:17,526
It wasn't the first?

87
00:04:17,528 --> 00:04:20,658
I'm sorry, sweetie,
but numero uno
will always be

88
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:24,801
the night that I got
a standing ovation
opening for Frank.

89
00:04:24,795 --> 00:04:26,835
You opened
for Frank Sinatra?

90
00:04:26,837 --> 00:04:28,297
No, Frank Stallone.

91
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,600
So my birth ranks behind
Rocky's brother?

92
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:34,614
Aw.

93
00:04:34,605 --> 00:04:37,845
To be fair, you were
a 12-pound breech.

94
00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:42,310
Well, it was no picnic
on my end either.

95
00:04:43,654 --> 00:04:46,794
Speaking of picnics,
you could skip a few.

96
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,718
Give the ants a chance.

97
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,821
Who wants candy?

98
00:04:52,823 --> 00:04:54,473
Oh! Me! Me! Me!
Oh, I do!

99
00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,995
No!
Ow!

100
00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:00,867
So, Mrs. Winkle, how long
has it been since you've
seen Ber-tootchka?

101
00:05:00,871 --> 00:05:02,071
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

102
00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:04,003
Too long.

103
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:07,944
I would come more often,
but it's so far...

104
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,510
The resemblance is uncanny.

105
00:05:14,585 --> 00:05:16,845
Do not worry, my spring
cushioned egg container

106
00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:18,687
will get us a top grade.

107
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,950
Grade?

108
00:05:20,951 --> 00:05:23,891
I thought
this was for money!

109
00:05:23,894 --> 00:05:28,504
If knowledge is money,
then yes, we shall be rich.

110
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,100
You make me sick.

111
00:05:35,466 --> 00:05:36,466
(THUDDING)
(WHOOSHING)

112
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:37,937
(GASPS)

113
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,440
(CRACKING)

114
00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:44,624
(LAUGHS)

115
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:47,947
Suddenly, I feel better.

116
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,481
Okay, I need
to get a pinata
for Bertram's party.

117
00:05:53,484 --> 00:05:55,434
Do you think
he'd like to whack a burro?

118
00:05:55,426 --> 00:05:58,886
Because I checked,
and they don't have anything
that looks like Luke.

119
00:05:58,889 --> 00:06:01,059
You know they
sell candy in stores.

120
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:04,941
You don't have to
beat it out of an animal.

121
00:06:04,935 --> 00:06:08,095
I think Bertram would rather
smack the Scooter Bars
out of his mom.

122
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,370
He obviously
can't stand her!

123
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,941
Maybe he was just moody
this morning.

124
00:06:12,943 --> 00:06:14,783
He's way beyond moody.

125
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,105
At lunch, he
gave our mini-pizzas
pepperoni frowns!

126
00:06:18,949 --> 00:06:21,849
It was like eating cheesy,
thin crusted rage.

127
00:06:23,614 --> 00:06:25,894
Okay, maybe things are
a little tense,

128
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,056
but Bertram's mother
is my present to him,

129
00:06:28,058 --> 00:06:31,058
and I'm going to
make him like it
if it's the last thing I do!

130
00:06:31,061 --> 00:06:33,791
That's what you said about
those three-fingered gloves
you knitted us.

131
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,965
BTW, we're not
cartoon characters.

132
00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:40,069
I ran out of wool!

133
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:43,670
Look, the point is,
I'm sure I can
smooth things over.

134
00:06:43,674 --> 00:06:46,414
Wanda seems like
a perfectly lovely lady.

135
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,706
I just had a brainstorm
on the toilet!

136
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,811
I hope she didn't use
my bathroom.

137
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,854
I think what
Bertie's party needs
is a big dance number!

138
00:06:57,848 --> 00:06:59,948
Like a real show stopper!

139
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:00,820
That's a great idea!

140
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,491
You know,
I don't want to brag,

141
00:07:02,493 --> 00:07:04,093
but I was on drill team
in high school.

142
00:07:04,094 --> 00:07:07,064
Oh, well,
I do want to brag.

143
00:07:07,057 --> 00:07:10,157
I was a Rockette
in New York City.

144
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,900
That's a drill team
for dancers who are good.

145
00:07:14,665 --> 00:07:15,735
I was good.

146
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:20,608
Actually, a dance number
might cheer Bertram up.

147
00:07:20,611 --> 00:07:23,041
Yeah, have you noticed
he seems a little grumpy?

148
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,583
When he was a kid
and he was crabby

149
00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:28,946
it meant he had
an extra painful pimple
on his tushy.

150
00:07:31,882 --> 00:07:33,982
I'm not checking for that.

151
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,930
Bertram, do you have
a big pimple on your tushy?

152
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,204
What? No!

153
00:07:45,195 --> 00:07:47,135
So it must be a problem
with his mom.

154
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,698
But what could it be?

155
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:53,100
She's warm, and funny,
and upbeat...

156
00:07:53,103 --> 00:07:56,053
Frankly,
it's hard to believe
you share the same DNA.

157
00:07:56,046 --> 00:07:59,876
Oh, we do.
I paid for the test myself
when I was 12.

158
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,610
Did you two not notice
her insulting me?

159
00:08:02,613 --> 00:08:05,093
Plus, she always needs
to be the center of attention.

160
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:08,085
What's wrong with that?

161
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:11,688
Everything.
My whole life,
it's always been about her.

162
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,602
It can't be that bad.
Not that bad?

163
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,595
At my elementary
school graduation,

164
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,667
she gave
the valedictorian speech
on my behalf.

165
00:08:19,670 --> 00:08:21,830
Aw, were you too nervous?

166
00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:23,732
No, she just beat me
to the podium!

167
00:08:24,735 --> 00:08:26,605
Okay...

168
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,137
But you're both here now,
thanks to my lovely
birthday gesture,

169
00:08:29,139 --> 00:08:30,139
you're welcome,

170
00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:33,082
so why don't
you just talk to her?

171
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:35,593
I've been trying ever since
I learned to talk,

172
00:08:35,586 --> 00:08:37,116
but she never listens!

173
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,747
You try being
Wanda Winkle's son!

174
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:41,990
You know what? I will.
Let's role-play.

175
00:08:41,992 --> 00:08:43,552
I'll be you,
and you be your mom.

176
00:08:43,554 --> 00:08:45,134
And I'll be Emma.
Good choice.

177
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,728
Okay. Here we go.

178
00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:53,632
(AS BERTRAM)
Mom, I love you,

179
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,844
but, sometimes I think
you can be a bit critical.

180
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,706
(AS WANDA)
I am not, you loser!

181
00:08:57,708 --> 00:09:00,908
I gave up a fabulous career
on the stage for you.

182
00:09:00,911 --> 00:09:03,011
But I still have
dancers' legs.

183
00:09:03,013 --> 00:09:06,753
(CHUCKLES) Remember
when I used to stand
outside in your kiddie pool

184
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,617
and make you shave them?

185
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,580
Jessie, I'm scared.

186
00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:15,193
Run. Save yourself.

187
00:09:15,185 --> 00:09:19,685
And since you were born,
I've had to go to the bathroom
every 10 minutes!

188
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:20,690
Time's up!

189
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,162
What are you guys
talking about?

190
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,874
Actually, you.

191
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,336
My favorite topic.

192
00:09:29,139 --> 00:09:31,069
Bertram has something
he'd like to say to you.

193
00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:37,153
Okay, Mom... The truth is...

194
00:09:37,147 --> 00:09:41,277
When I'm around you,
sometimes it's
a little frustrating

195
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,081
because...
I know.

196
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,163
Because you wanted to
be a dancer, like me,

197
00:09:45,155 --> 00:09:48,655
but you just didn't
have the gams for it.

198
00:09:48,659 --> 00:09:50,689
You have chicken legs
like your father.

199
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,092
See?

200
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:57,774
I, on the other hand,
have calves like rocks.

201
00:09:57,768 --> 00:09:59,198
Come over here, feel.

202
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,029
Come on.

203
00:10:02,032 --> 00:10:05,082
Okay, I promise
this one will work.

204
00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:06,935
Three... Two...

205
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,040
Welcome to Fail City.
Population Ravi.

206
00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:18,046
Why will nothing work?

207
00:10:18,048 --> 00:10:19,148
(SOBBING LOUDLY)

208
00:10:21,752 --> 00:10:23,792
Luke! Did you chase Ravi
up onto the island again?

209
00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:25,234
You know he can't
get down by himself.

210
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,230
I didn't do anything!

211
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:36,142
Ravi's just frustrated
because his stupid scientific
ideas aren't working.

212
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,836
Well, maybe you should let
Luke take the lead
on this project.

213
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,669
You need an outside
of the box thinker.

214
00:10:40,671 --> 00:10:43,171
And Luke is so outside,
he doesn't know
where the box is.

215
00:10:44,775 --> 00:10:45,915
Well, thank you.

216
00:10:47,678 --> 00:10:50,178
But science is my thing.

217
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:52,980
Well, socks with sandals
can still be your thing.

218
00:10:55,185 --> 00:10:56,925
I do make it work.

219
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:03,430
Kick, ball change.
Kick, ball change.
Eye-high kick!

220
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:07,243
Ow!
Did you say eye high
or thigh-high?

221
00:11:07,237 --> 00:11:11,137
That's what happens
when you don't space
yourself properly.

222
00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:14,341
Jessie, you really
should've been here
when we started rehearsing.

223
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,006
Look, I'm sorry
I showed up late,

224
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,448
but I was at
the party supply store,

225
00:11:19,449 --> 00:11:22,179
returning everything
I bought because
someone didn't like it.

226
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,162
Oh. Who was that?
Because I thought
they were lousy, too.

227
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,717
I was talking about y...

228
00:11:28,719 --> 00:11:31,189
Never mind,
apology accepted.

229
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,091
Now, let's take it
from the top!

230
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:36,733
This time, with some pizazz!

231
00:11:36,727 --> 00:11:38,267
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)

232
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,430
You see, there's that
poor spacing again.

233
00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:46,814
Did anyone on your
drill team survive?

234
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,038
Girls, be nice.

235
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,180
Jessie can't help it if
she has the grace
of a manatee with vertigo.

236
00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:57,745
Thank you?

237
00:11:57,748 --> 00:12:01,418
You know, Jessie,
it's not fair of us to ask
you to do the dance

238
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,861
and set up all
the decorations,
so...

239
00:12:04,855 --> 00:12:08,095
So... You want me out
of the dance number?

240
00:12:08,098 --> 00:12:10,228
If you insist.

241
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,800
Oh! Oh, right, 'cause you
wouldn't want too many people
in a Rockettes routine!

242
00:12:13,804 --> 00:12:15,944
All the great kick lines
were three girls or less.

243
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,407
I knew you'd come around.
(CHUCKLES)

244
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:21,239
Now, could you
go around over there, please,

245
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,971
because you're
in my kick-zone!

246
00:12:22,973 --> 00:12:25,053
(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)

247
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:29,045
And, five, six,
seven, eight!

248
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:33,049
Fine, I'll go. But I want
you to know, you've
really hurt me in here.

249
00:12:37,988 --> 00:12:39,958
And now... Up here.

250
00:12:48,498 --> 00:12:52,338
Bertram, why are you
dressed like a waiter
at El Taco Grande?

251
00:12:54,945 --> 00:12:56,245
I'm going to Cabo!

252
00:12:56,246 --> 00:12:58,176
Tell my mom I'll send her
a chimichanga.

253
00:13:01,311 --> 00:13:05,261
Bertram, I see Wanda
isn't the easiest person
to be around,

254
00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:08,355
but she's still your mom,
and you can't run away
from your problems.

255
00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:11,358
Maybe not in these sandals,
but I got a change of shoes
in my bag.

256
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,234
Look, I know what
it's like to have problems
with a parent.

257
00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:19,127
My dad was really tough.

258
00:13:19,129 --> 00:13:22,029
In fact, we didn't really
bond until I overcame
that last hurdle.

259
00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:23,232
And what was that?

260
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:25,243
The last hurdle.
Of the obstacle course.

261
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,277
When I finally cleared it,
he stopped wishing
I was a boy.

262
00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:34,341
I'm glad to hear it.
Meanwhile, I'm in
boarding group A, so, uh...

263
00:13:36,947 --> 00:13:39,387
Bertram,
I know it's my fault
that your mom is here,

264
00:13:39,389 --> 00:13:41,249
but you might as well
take advantage of it.

265
00:13:41,251 --> 00:13:43,921
You know, you're right.
It is your fault.

266
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:50,095
Okay,
we've assigned blame,
let's move on.

267
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,600
My point is, your mom
is not going to be
around forever,

268
00:13:52,602 --> 00:13:54,532
so you should tell her
how you feel!

269
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,074
And who's going to tape
her mouth shut
so I can do that?

270
00:13:58,568 --> 00:14:00,138
I'm not going to let you go.

271
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,570
Oh, yeah?
How are you gonna stop me?

272
00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:02,571
Is that your passport?

273
00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:08,024
Wha... No! No! Oh!
(SOBBING)

274
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,850
(MUFFLED)
You'll thank me later.

275
00:14:16,226 --> 00:14:20,126
I am ashamed I failed
at accomplishing
this scientific task.

276
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:23,630
Now I know how you feel
when you walk
out of every audition.

277
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:28,636
Well, I was going to try
and make you feel better,

278
00:14:28,638 --> 00:14:30,298
but now I'm going to go
buy a bag of nuts.

279
00:14:32,142 --> 00:14:34,302
I'm so sorry, Jessie.

280
00:14:34,304 --> 00:14:39,314
I am just upset because
Luke has completely cut me
out of our project.

281
00:14:39,309 --> 00:14:42,579
Good luck, Luke!
Break an egg!
(CHUCKLES)

282
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,592
Uh, Jessie, the entire point
of the project is not to
break...

283
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:46,585
It was a joke!

284
00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:49,888
Not if you
have to explain it.

285
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:57,125
Is it a viscous disaster?

286
00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:03,301
(APPLAUSE)

287
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,373
Ba-boosh!

288
00:15:06,176 --> 00:15:08,976
It actually worked!
Luke succeeded in science.

289
00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:11,980
It is snowing in Hades.

290
00:15:14,084 --> 00:15:17,454
I told you
I had mad scientific skills!

291
00:15:17,447 --> 00:15:19,347
I got us an A!

292
00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:22,520
Congratulations, brother.

293
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:27,102
When you win the Nobel Prize,
will you at least
invite me to the after-party?

294
00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:31,157
Only if I get a plus one,
and you're
the last person on Earth.

295
00:15:31,161 --> 00:15:33,131
Thank you, brother!
(GRUNTS)

296
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:38,136
Okay, Luke,
I'm no Einstein,

297
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:41,168
but I'm pretty sure
this is a hard-boiled egg.

298
00:15:41,171 --> 00:15:43,641
Hey, the project was
to drop an egg
without breaking it.

299
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,023
And that's what I did.

300
00:15:45,015 --> 00:15:46,715
So you cheated?

301
00:15:46,716 --> 00:15:49,176
No, I thought
outside the box.

302
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,720
Jessie, do you know
what this means?

303
00:15:52,722 --> 00:15:54,992
Yes. Luke is
going to confess.

304
00:15:54,985 --> 00:15:58,185
Which, I'm afraid,
means you're probably
both gonna get an F.

305
00:15:58,188 --> 00:16:00,588
Who gives two soggy samosas?

306
00:16:00,590 --> 00:16:04,330
This means I am
still better than Luke
in science!

307
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:08,504
Oh, I am happier than
an ion sharing its
valence electron!

308
00:16:08,498 --> 00:16:11,268
I have no idea what
you're talking about.

309
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,641
I know!

310
00:16:12,642 --> 00:16:14,242
(SCREAMING GLEEFULLY)

311
00:16:23,653 --> 00:16:24,753
Thank you.

312
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,059
Jessie, why did you hire
so many waiters?

313
00:16:32,062 --> 00:16:34,562
Oh, I didn't.
They're Bertram's
butler buddies.

314
00:16:34,564 --> 00:16:37,174
I wish they would eat the food
instead of just offering it
to each other.

315
00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:41,299
Thanks for the great party,
Jessie.

316
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,371
Now, if my mother
doesn't show up
to embarrass me,

317
00:16:43,373 --> 00:16:45,183
it'll be perfect.

318
00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:48,405
Bertram, give her a chance.
Maybe she'll surprise you.

319
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:52,038
After all,
she's older now, and wiser...

320
00:16:52,042 --> 00:16:53,142
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

321
00:16:58,248 --> 00:17:01,318
Happy birthday,
Ber-tootchka!

322
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,321
...and she's jumping
out of a cake.

323
00:17:05,155 --> 00:17:06,425
Kill me now.

324
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:07,756
(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

325
00:17:13,503 --> 00:17:15,643
Hey, aren't you guys
supposed to be dancing, too?

326
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:19,735
Wanda said we weren't good
enough, so she kicked us
out of the act.

327
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,609
Literally kicked us!

328
00:17:21,611 --> 00:17:23,511
Those ex-Rockettes
don't mess around.

329
00:17:25,315 --> 00:17:28,515
I've never been so sad
in a sparkly tutu.

330
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,280
Okay, that's it!

331
00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:34,682
Nobody kicks my kids
out of a gaudy, over the top
dance routine!

332
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,285
(MUSIC STOPS)

333
00:17:37,287 --> 00:17:40,527
Hold it right there,
and on behalf
of that boa, ew!

334
00:17:41,691 --> 00:17:43,531
I'm dancing here!

335
00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:47,273
So? Zuri and Emma
were supposed to
be dancing, too!

336
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,597
They worked
really hard at this,

337
00:17:48,598 --> 00:17:50,668
and they were looking
forward to it.

338
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,100
Well, it's not my fault
they can't hack it.

339
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,354
Okay, that is it!

340
00:17:56,346 --> 00:18:00,206
Mom, I'm going to talk,
and for once
you are going to listen!

341
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:03,450
Okay, gladly,
but right after
my big dance number.

342
00:18:03,453 --> 00:18:07,793
No! I am tired of you
taking over my birthdays
and ruining them!

343
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,387
I don't do that!

344
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,859
Oh, really?

345
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:13,390
On my sixth birthday,
you canceled the clown

346
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,303
and insisted on doing
your stand-up act.

347
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,426
What's wrong with that?

348
00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:20,597
A, prop comedy is not funny,

349
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,200
and B,
you charged everyone
a two juice box minimum!

350
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,884
That's how they get you.

351
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,477
On my 10th birthday,
you canceled the magician,

352
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,740
and insisted on sawing
me in half yourself.

353
00:18:33,743 --> 00:18:35,353
I still have the scar!

354
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,216
And we never did find
Timmy Schwartz

355
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,848
after he stepped into
the Box of Mystery!

356
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:42,190
He'll turn up.

357
00:18:42,192 --> 00:18:44,252
It was 40 years ago!

358
00:18:44,254 --> 00:18:46,204
Well,
get over it already!

359
00:18:46,196 --> 00:18:48,356
I'm sure Timmy has...
Wherever he is!

360
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,600
I can't get over it,
because you keep doing it!

361
00:18:53,603 --> 00:18:55,243
And I let you,

362
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:59,365
but I draw the line
when you start hurting
the people I love!

363
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:01,369
What am I, chopped liver?

364
00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:07,715
Just stop shouting at me!

365
00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:10,677
This is why
you're all alone!
(ALL GASP)

366
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,380
Bertram's not alone!
He has us!

367
00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:17,364
Yeah! Even when
he wants to be alone,
we won't let him!

368
00:19:18,688 --> 00:19:20,788
Because he's our best friend!

369
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:23,590
What other butler would
have a tea party with me?

370
00:19:23,593 --> 00:19:25,943
Or play paintball with me
in the park?

371
00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:28,865
Or listen to my endless,
boring, boyfriend stories?

372
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,168
Or, as I consider them,
cautionary tales.

373
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,651
Or not get mad
when I use him as
a human science experiment?

374
00:19:39,609 --> 00:19:41,609
Thanks, guys.

375
00:19:41,611 --> 00:19:44,451
Ber-tootchka,
why didn't you just tell me
you felt this way?

376
00:19:44,454 --> 00:19:47,224
Well, he tried,
but you started talking
about your gams!

377
00:19:47,217 --> 00:19:49,317
Because they're fantastic!

378
00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:51,459
Who wants to feel?
Come on, kids, line up.

379
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,623
I'm scared again.

380
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,365
Wanda! Focus!

381
00:19:59,629 --> 00:20:01,199
Go ahead, Bertram.

382
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:07,213
Mom, I love you,
but it can't always
be about you!

383
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,936
Once in a while,
you have to give
someone else the spotlight.

384
00:20:09,939 --> 00:20:12,739
Yeah, I never got
my pizazz on.

385
00:20:13,843 --> 00:20:17,293
I'm so sorry.
I feel just terrible.

386
00:20:17,287 --> 00:20:19,787
And I mean like
Jessie's dancing terrible.

387
00:20:21,251 --> 00:20:23,351
Okay, I was the captain
of that drill team!

388
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,263
Jessie,
this is not about you.

389
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:33,358
Look, Ber-tootchka,
I realize now that I made
a lot of mistakes,

390
00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,003
but I must've done
something right,

391
00:20:35,004 --> 00:20:38,574
because obviously
these kids really love you.

392
00:20:38,568 --> 00:20:39,808
We do.
Absolutely.

393
00:20:39,809 --> 00:20:40,869
Yeah.
Indeed.

394
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:42,440
Love is a strong word.

395
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,383
And who loves you the most?

396
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:50,346
Me, and I always will.

397
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:54,450
Oh, Mom-moochka!
Oh, Ber-tootchka.

398
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:58,294
Oh, this is
the longest hug
we've ever had.

399
00:20:58,288 --> 00:20:59,958
I'm licking icing
off your shoulder.

400
00:21:01,531 --> 00:21:02,691
Whatever works.

401
00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:08,844
Okay, Ber-tootchka!
Are you ready for
a big dance number?

402
00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:11,338
I guess so.
Why aren't you in it?

403
00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:14,271
Oh, because
a little Bertie told me

404
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,053
that not everything
has to be about me.

405
00:21:17,507 --> 00:21:18,977
Good for you, Mom-moochka.

406
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,780
Although I did do
the choreography,

407
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,682
and the costumes,
and the make-up, and...

408
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:25,864
Hit it, Mrs. Kipling!

409
00:21:25,855 --> 00:21:27,015
(GROWLING)

410
00:21:27,016 --> 00:21:29,356
(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

411
00:22:00,089 --> 00:22:02,089
Happy birthday, Bertram!

412
00:22:02,091 --> 00:22:03,091
You'd better be
enjoying this,

413
00:22:03,092 --> 00:22:04,952
'cause I think
I just pulled my hammy.

414
00:22:06,756 --> 00:22:10,456
We hope you like this weird
American dance
old people seem to enjoy.

415
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:15,371
Ravi, it's rude to call
old people old!

416
00:22:15,365 --> 00:22:17,835
I prefer
country line dancing.

417
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,907
Where's Rascal Flatts
when you need them?

418
00:22:22,111 --> 00:22:25,781
Oh, guys, this is
the best birthday ever!

419
00:22:25,775 --> 00:22:27,775
But did anybody
buy me an actual present?

420
00:22:33,923 --> 00:22:35,863
Happy birthday.
Ber-tootchka!