1 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,299 Freudian slip. 2 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,160 I mean, he's become part of the vocabulary. 3 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:16,219 I can't get over the fact that, I mean, truck drivers will say, I'm anal, but 4 00:00:16,219 --> 00:00:18,100 that's Freud. He invented anal. 5 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:25,860 And I love his sexual digging into sex and 6 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,940 mommy and daddy, you know. 7 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:35,080 But I have no clue. 8 00:00:55,690 --> 00:00:58,190 So are you still picketing the major cosmetic companies? 9 00:00:58,470 --> 00:01:03,510 Oh, well, yeah, but, you know, the problem is I just look like hell. 10 00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:05,290 I mean, look at this. 11 00:01:05,670 --> 00:01:06,670 Look at this. 12 00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:10,030 And, you know, when you notice it when you're opening up the car door and you 13 00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:15,490 see it in the window, the reflection, and it's just, I mean, I disgust myself. 14 00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:19,050 That's great, Dr. Nichols. We'll call you. Okay, thanks. Bye -bye. Bye. Bye. 15 00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,440 Dr. Nichols, what did he want? Yes, he wants to take you out to lunch. All 16 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,160 right, he wants to take me to lunch. Well, actually, he said that you should 17 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,800 pick a place. Oh, I pick a place. That means I ought to take him. 18 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:29,320 That's great news. 19 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:33,280 I think I'm on the board. Have you stopped plucking your pubic hair? 20 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,300 I don't want you to repeat that to anyone. 21 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,680 It's not a problem in terms of self -mutilation to pluck the pubes, but what 22 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,660 happens when you eat them is that you create a hairball. 23 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,120 Do you think he wants me to pay? Do you think I should pick up the tab? 24 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,340 I don't think he really... Well, I mean, did it sound like he was taking me to 25 00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:58,880 lunch or he wanted me to pick, so... Yeah, he asked me to lunch, but I was 26 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,800 wondering who... Many times in my field, when somebody wants to be hairless, 27 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,680 they want to get back to a prenatal state. 28 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:06,140 Well, look. 29 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:11,120 See, this is... That's my little friend. Are you identifying with the baby? 30 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,500 Oh, to be held in someone's arms and... And have nice skin? 31 00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:20,850 I have nice skin with no scabs and no gagging. Do you think Barbie exists in 32 00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,450 nature? Oh, she's very natural. 33 00:02:23,450 --> 00:02:24,470 Why don't we celebrate? 34 00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:27,690 How about a drink? No. You and me, go for a drink. No. 35 00:02:28,490 --> 00:02:30,250 Dinner? No. Dinner and drinks? No. 36 00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:31,670 Coffee? No. 37 00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:33,990 How is your relationship with your neighbors? 38 00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:35,510 Is it better? 39 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:37,870 The one who's suing us? 40 00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:39,830 For defecating on their lawn? 41 00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:42,850 I had to go. 42 00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:47,670 Jane, if you leave a sock with your name tag in it... I want to go back to what 43 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:53,390 we were talking about earlier, about the beauty fixation, and I know that you 44 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:57,990 broke all the mirrors in your house, and that's fine. A lot of people that have 45 00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:02,890 appearance deficit disorder do do that. The important thing for you to know is 46 00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:05,110 you cannot perform your own liposuction. 47 00:03:06,350 --> 00:03:07,990 You need to have an anesthesia. 48 00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,250 That pain is... 49 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:12,520 So divine. 50 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,060 Are you still eating your scabs? 51 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,620 Only when I run out of pubic hair. 52 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,200 Rick, what brings you to therapy today? 53 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,660 I've been dealing with some stuff. 54 00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:43,310 Yeah? Retirement hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. 55 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,190 How tall are you? 56 00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:52,750 About 6 '6". And you're single now, right? 57 00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:57,150 Yeah. Are you dating anybody now? 58 00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:01,030 No. I mean, dating, yeah. 59 00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:02,510 Let's talk about that. 60 00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:05,550 Do you like blondes? 61 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:08,490 Blondes are good. 62 00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:10,010 Are you hot? 63 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,480 I'm sorry, I don't know. 64 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:17,019 It's a little warm. Yeah, yeah, look at you. We do a lot of stuff called role 65 00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:21,160 -playing, okay? I try to become somebody maybe that you have a relationship 66 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,140 with, and it's a way for you to say things to somebody that you're unable to 67 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:28,380 in your real life. Who are you attracted to? Just name somebody you're attracted 68 00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:33,180 to. Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey. Yeah. Okay, so just pretend I'm Mariah Carey. 69 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,240 Okay. And what do you want to say to Mariah? 70 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:40,290 Just... Pretend I'm Mariah and we're shooting a movie together. What do you 71 00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:43,850 to say to Mariah? Well, Mariah. Anything you want. 72 00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:46,050 You're not that bad an actor. Oh. 73 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:48,190 You really are. 74 00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:51,890 We're doing role play. I was just wondering if you might be able to find 75 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:54,350 me. Go ahead, Rick. 76 00:04:54,610 --> 00:04:55,610 A baseball. 77 00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:59,550 Lola, while you're out there, can you hold my call and lock the door? 78 00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:00,930 Look at those hands. 79 00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:03,430 Have you ever seen such hands? No. 80 00:05:03,790 --> 00:05:05,090 I haven't. Okay. 81 00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:09,870 All right. Thank you, Lola. That'll be all. Lock the door. Oh, look at you. 82 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:11,290 And you're so dark. 83 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:15,830 Dr. Good? 84 00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:18,030 Lola, it's Dr. Good. Listen. 85 00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:20,790 Oh, hello, Dr. Good. I want you to stop work. 86 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:23,610 What? I want you to put the answering machine on, go home, take a shower, 87 00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:25,930 because us girls are going out. Going out? 88 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:27,830 Out! Wonderful! 89 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,470 Thank you for calling the offices of Dr. Good and Dr. 90 00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:35,050 Finkelstein. Please leave your message at the... 91 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:37,750 Lola, yes. 92 00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:40,710 Oh, this is Tom Sizer. I was calling regarding Dr. 93 00:05:40,910 --> 00:05:41,910 Good's availability. 94 00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:45,070 I was wondering if she might be able to kick my teeth in next Wednesday at 2 95 00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,069 .30. 96 00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:47,070 Hello? 97 00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:51,350 Well, here's to experimenting with eye makeup. 98 00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:54,690 Oh, my God. 99 00:05:56,410 --> 00:05:59,170 But I want to thank you so much for everything you're doing in the office. 100 00:05:59,470 --> 00:06:02,910 It's really running like a well -oiled machine, and I think it's not so 101 00:06:02,910 --> 00:06:03,910 depressed. 102 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,740 He's not so depressed, but still not quite fun enough to bring out with us. 103 00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:10,340 Anyway, I'm really glad it's just you and I and it's a girl's night. Oh, it's 104 00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:11,340 girl's night. Yeah. 105 00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:15,000 I know you're strapped for time, so I thought this would be a good idea. My 106 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,440 assistant fixed this up. 107 00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,560 It's kind of unusual. It's a little later than I thought it was going to be. 108 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,780 Park in the dark. Yes. 109 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:26,860 Oh, God, I love getting drunk. I'm just... Oh, I was counseling so much AA 110 00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:28,340 that I never did it myself, but it's fun. 111 00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:29,800 Why stop drinking? 112 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,880 Oh, they're pretty loud over there. 113 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:33,700 Oh, God. 114 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:35,100 Oh, here we go. 115 00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:37,480 Middle -aged crisis. Got to stay home. 116 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,440 I'll tell you, Dr. Fink -of -Seen, I'm thinking the board at this point. 117 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:45,720 Very persuaded by your pro bono work? That's great. 118 00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:51,560 Now, are you prepared to take on the volume of referrals that are going to 119 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,820 once you're on? Yeah, volume. I'll take families. 120 00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:57,540 Entire family. I can take families. Hi, my name is Lola Buckingham. What is it? 121 00:06:57,620 --> 00:06:58,840 Lola Buckingham. Lola. 122 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,820 Yeah. How are you, Lola? I'm fine, thank you. This is my boss, Dr. Elizabeth 123 00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:03,820 Goode. Hi. 124 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:08,000 What kind of doctor? Is there anything I can do to expedite this? 125 00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:10,540 As a matter of fact... 126 00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:15,350 We've got one curmudgeon, Tompkins, and perhaps next week the three of us? 127 00:07:15,630 --> 00:07:16,630 Oh, yeah, yeah. 128 00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:18,250 Someplace more traditional? 129 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:19,530 Sure. Hi. 130 00:07:20,030 --> 00:07:21,710 Nice to meet you. 131 00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,790 So, Stephen, have you ever been in therapy? 132 00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:26,130 It's actually Sean. Okay. 133 00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:30,910 Have you ever been in therapy before? I appreciate that, but no, I don't need 134 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:31,950 therapy. Thank you. 135 00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:35,010 But is it funny? It's funny. 136 00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:46,810 Please leave your message at the beep. 137 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:52,510 I said kick in my teeth at 2 .30. That is a specific instruction. 138 00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:55,570 Does she have any time next week to see me? I'm losing my mind, I think. 139 00:07:57,250 --> 00:08:00,830 Let's pretend I'm somebody at a bar that you're interested in pursuing. 140 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:04,590 What would you say to me? Hi, Sean Hayes. 141 00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:10,010 I'm an attractive, single, educated, STD -free woman. 142 00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:11,690 How are you? 143 00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:15,060 The kind of people that come into our office are really the sort of people 144 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:18,580 you probably hang out with. I mean, I probably can't say their names for my 145 00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:23,180 in here, but... Is it you actually hitting on me now? No, I'm just... Are 146 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,280 pretending to be somebody else? I am your perfect person. 147 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,980 What do you say to them to engage them in some kind of an intimate scenario? 148 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,159 Oh, um, what do you do for a living? 149 00:08:32,539 --> 00:08:34,460 It was great being a boss with Michael Mann, although he would say things 150 00:08:34,460 --> 00:08:37,460 like... Well, why did you want to be an actor? 151 00:08:38,699 --> 00:08:39,980 We're going to do this here in the restaurant? 152 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,700 It's hard for me to stop. I'm sure you're acting right now. 153 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,200 Wow. Yeah. 154 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,740 I'm not. Well, have you ever thought of having a therapy? Because if you did, we 155 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,600 have secret entrances out. We have a back entrance that you could use if you 156 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,580 feel sort of back injured. That sounds a little kinky, doesn't it? 157 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,600 Well, maybe you do need to come in. 158 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,740 But anyway, hi, it's Tom Sizemore. 159 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,000 Sean, right? 160 00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:04,980 Oh, you got it right. Yes, I did. I have another drink. You're from Alaska? 161 00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,440 Actually, I'm from Chicago. 162 00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:07,820 Oh. 163 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,440 Because you have an Alaskan accent. 164 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:12,620 Cheers. 165 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,040 I love sake. 166 00:09:15,340 --> 00:09:17,200 Oh, you've got a bit blotchy, Miles. 167 00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:19,660 Oh, I guess I have, huh? I think it's fine. 168 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:23,800 Yeah? Well, as long as you don't see. No, I mean, you know. Was your mother a 169 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:28,780 whore? Um, no, my mom. My mom wasn't a whore. She had five kids. 170 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,340 That's kind of whore -y. 171 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:33,800 I guess so, huh? 172 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,100 Sounds kind of cakey, actually. 173 00:09:39,140 --> 00:09:42,280 Lovely. I just wanted to try it. 174 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:45,820 You should warn me about that. Bye, Curie. 175 00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:47,940 Oh, don't tell me that. 176 00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:52,160 I'm not saying your life is superficial. 177 00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:57,540 I'm just saying that at the end of the day, when you're in your deathbed, are 178 00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:00,000 you really going to say, oh, thank God I was in Will and Grace. 179 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:02,600 Thank God I worked with Cher. I got an Emmy. 180 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,600 Ooh, did you see the guest stars during sweeps? I mean, come on, Sean. 181 00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:13,460 Yeah. Do you come here often? I will more, you know, if you do. 182 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,400 You know what I say? 183 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,860 I say, sell your Beamer. 184 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,880 Sell your house in Rancho Cucamonga. 185 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,800 Just sell it all. 186 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,120 Just enough with materialism. 187 00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:29,720 Enough. Well, where do I go? 188 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,840 You know where you go? 189 00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:37,390 Right in here. I have to see her next Wednesday at 2 .30. I have to. 190 00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:38,710 Lola, please. 191 00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:44,530 Thank you for calling me. Yeah, maybe, you know, you're right. I mean, 192 00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:46,830 everything you're saying is so impactful. 193 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:48,570 I cry when I masturbate. 194 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,190 Wow. 195 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,190 That's a lot of information. 196 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,540 I had a celebrity patient once. Did you? Yes, I did. 197 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,280 Pat Nixon's friend. 198 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,200 Who's Pat Nixon? 199 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:51,660 That's your time. 200 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,180 Okay. 201 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:55,740 Thank you. 202 00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:57,960 That was really good. 203 00:11:58,220 --> 00:11:59,220 Thank you. 204 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,820 Well, thank you for these, Jane. 205 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,740 I have a whole closet of stuff you've given me. And, you know, the ointment 206 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:23,540 gave me last week is only for burn victims, so I would use that very 207 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,960 But it's very good with the pain. 208 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,080 I understand that. How are you feeling? 209 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:29,300 Pain. 210 00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:34,060 I feel lots and lots of pain. I notice you've been injecting your hands as 211 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,160 I'm soaking in it. Yes. 212 00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,180 I don't think you can tell. 213 00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,820 Have you read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein? 214 00:12:44,819 --> 00:12:45,840 I don't think so. 215 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,140 Oh, Jane, you look gorgeous. 216 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:37,120 I'm having a good day. 217 00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:38,420 There we go. 218 00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,360 Just put a file, Jane.