1
00:00:07,678 --> 00:00:10,078
Darla just had
to email me
every detail

2
00:00:10,081 --> 00:00:12,441
about the trip
she and her boyfriend
took to Rio.

3
00:00:12,443 --> 00:00:16,623
The most exotic place
Tony's ever taken me
is The Empanada Garden.

4
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,617
Hey, nothing says
I love you like
a deep-fried meat pillow.

5
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,520
(ZURI CHUCKLING)

6
00:00:23,494 --> 00:00:26,404
Zuri?

7
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:29,057
What are you doing
in the dumbwaiter?
I put you on the bus.

8
00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:30,700
The bus has two doors.

9
00:00:32,603 --> 00:00:36,473
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm playing Oprah and Gayle
with my dollies.

10
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,539
Come here.

11
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,611
Why aren't
you in school?

12
00:00:42,613 --> 00:00:44,753
The more important
question might be,

13
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,315
do my parents know
you both just sit around

14
00:00:47,318 --> 00:00:49,548
when we're not home?

15
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,620
Hey, I am researching
kitchen cleaners!

16
00:00:52,623 --> 00:00:55,433
Your mother hates it
when the stainless steel
gets streaky.

17
00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:57,326
She can't see
herself in the fridge.

18
00:01:00,431 --> 00:01:02,161
Why don't you want
to go to school?

19
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:06,343
Because Ms. Falkenberg
is the meanest teacher
in the world!

20
00:01:06,337 --> 00:01:08,437
How could she be
mean to you?
You're so adorable.

21
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:09,699
I know, right?

22
00:01:10,641 --> 00:01:12,101
Absolutely.

23
00:01:12,103 --> 00:01:14,073
Whatever you say, Oprah.

24
00:01:15,646 --> 00:01:17,846
Zuri, I'm sure
you're exaggerating,

25
00:01:17,848 --> 00:01:20,608
but tomorrow
I start volunteering
as your class aide,

26
00:01:20,611 --> 00:01:22,611
so I'll see for myself
what's going on.

27
00:01:22,613 --> 00:01:25,763
Wait, wait, wait.
So tomorrow I get
the apartment to myself?

28
00:01:25,756 --> 00:01:28,486
I get to play my music
as loud as I want!

29
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:31,159
(CHUCKLES)
The new Mozart
album just dropped.

30
00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:32,422
(HOOTS EXCITEDLY)

31
00:01:34,525 --> 00:01:37,165
Bertram,
you're a wild man.

32
00:01:37,168 --> 00:01:38,668
(CHUCKLES)

33
00:01:38,669 --> 00:01:41,829
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

34
00:01:41,832 --> 00:01:45,742
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

35
00:01:45,736 --> 00:01:49,236
♪ It feels like a party
every day

36
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,710
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

37
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:56,323
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

38
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,587
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

39
00:01:59,590 --> 00:02:03,250
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

40
00:02:03,254 --> 00:02:06,864
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

41
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:10,797
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

42
00:02:10,801 --> 00:02:14,471
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

43
00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:15,805
♪ Hey Jessie

44
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,568
♪ Hey Jessie

45
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:25,182
♪ It feels like a party
every day

46
00:02:25,176 --> 00:02:28,776
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

47
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,332
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

48
00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:36,725
Zuri, Zuri, Zuri. Hi!
Look at your face!

49
00:02:36,727 --> 00:02:39,227
Hi, I'm Zuri's nanny.
That's me.

50
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:42,660
Hi, Ms. Falkenberg.
My name's Jessie...
(CHUCKLES)

51
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,673
I'm your new
classroom aide.

52
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:48,695
Oh, okay. I brought
lunch, a juice box,
and safety scissors.

53
00:02:48,699 --> 00:02:51,239
I think Zuri
has everything
that she needs.

54
00:02:51,242 --> 00:02:53,902
They're for me.

55
00:02:53,904 --> 00:02:57,684
Now, class, while
Ms. Perky Pants is passing
out the worksheets,

56
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:01,348
who here can tell me
a country that borders
Germany.

57
00:03:01,352 --> 00:03:03,912
Why do we need
to know where
Germany is?

58
00:03:03,914 --> 00:03:06,894
That's the Internet's job.

59
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:10,887
Zuri Ross, we have heard
your opinion one too many
times this morning.

60
00:03:12,263 --> 00:03:14,303
(CHAIR DRAGGING)

61
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,965
(SNICKERS)

62
00:03:15,966 --> 00:03:19,296
And I think she had
one too many burritos
for dinner last night.

63
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,670
(KIDS LAUGHING)

64
00:03:22,273 --> 00:03:23,673
It was the chair!

65
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,406
Zuri Ross, that's it.

66
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,238
Once again, you are first
on the Naughty Board.

67
00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:31,541
Not again!

68
00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:32,942
Oh, yes, again!

69
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:35,685
(SIGHS)

70
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:37,386
Zuri.
I'm so sorry.

71
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,348
She's much better
behaved at home.

72
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:43,320
Jessie, I think
we both know
that's not true.

73
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,504
She's mean,
but she's not
an idiot!

74
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,560
Enough, Mrs. Kipling,
I am sick of your
moody behavior!

75
00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:56,244
BERTRAM: Ravi!
What is going on here?

76
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,306
I was deep into
my pre-bedtime nap.

77
00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:02,370
It is not me. Talk to
the irascible reptile.

78
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,283
(GRUNTS)

79
00:04:05,776 --> 00:04:06,946
(GASPS)

80
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,847
(SOBS) My World's
Best Butler mug!

81
00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:16,564
I had to buy it for myself,
but that doesn't make it
any less precious!

82
00:04:18,289 --> 00:04:20,259
What are you two
fighting about?

83
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,560
I merely suggested

84
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,542
Mrs. Kipling cut back
on the crickets to lose
the baby weight,

85
00:04:24,535 --> 00:04:28,635
and suddenly, she comes down
on me like a Mumbai monsoon!

86
00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:30,039
(GROWLING)

87
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,570
You started it.

88
00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:34,583
I've never seen you two fight.

89
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,405
I thought you were
the best of friends.

90
00:04:36,407 --> 00:04:38,347
We used to be.

91
00:04:38,349 --> 00:04:43,309
But 12 kids
really take a toll
on a relationship.

92
00:04:43,314 --> 00:04:46,324
Even four kids
is enough to make
you want to end it all.

93
00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:49,318
Ever since
the babies left,

94
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,760
Mrs. Kipling has been
so moody and snappish.

95
00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:55,334
We need a break.

96
00:04:55,326 --> 00:04:57,996
I am going someplace
where I know I will
feel truly welcome.

97
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,770
Hello, roomie!

98
00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:07,444
Hey, brother,
I am moving in!

99
00:05:07,438 --> 00:05:09,478
Uh, if the lizard smell
has finally gotten to you,

100
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,480
you've chosen
the wrong room
for fresh air.

101
00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:14,313
It is not the cage
that stinks,

102
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,654
it is Mrs. Kipling's
attitude.

103
00:05:16,647 --> 00:05:19,947
(SIGHS) I can no longer
share a room with her.

104
00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:21,750
Luke, please do
for me this solid.

105
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,034
I'd... I'd really love
to have you here,
but...

106
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,855
Great, I would love
to have me here, too!

107
00:05:27,858 --> 00:05:29,598
Oh, thank you, bro!

108
00:05:31,101 --> 00:05:32,761
Am I correct to assume

109
00:05:32,763 --> 00:05:36,373
the standard "no jumping
on the bed rule" does not
apply in here?

110
00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:37,507
Nope!

111
00:05:44,575 --> 00:05:45,915
This is a rule-free zone.
(CHUCKLES)

112
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:51,917
Although clearly,
not a germ-free zone.

113
00:05:51,922 --> 00:05:54,352
Hey! I think
I remember
this birthday!

114
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:55,955
Mmm.

115
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,656
Eh, it's kind of dry.

116
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,858
And fuzzy.

117
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,760
Oh, if you let me
stay, perhaps I can
turn this cake

118
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,443
into an A-plus
science project
for you.

119
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,668
What else do I get?

120
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,870
The infinite joy
of helping your brother?

121
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,953
The time to bond

122
00:06:14,945 --> 00:06:16,675
and find the elusive
camaraderie we have
both been seeking?

123
00:06:18,148 --> 00:06:20,478
Am I correct to assume
you want money?

124
00:06:22,152 --> 00:06:23,452
Bingo.

125
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,490
A gazillion
is not a real number.

126
00:06:34,465 --> 00:06:35,765
Is Ravi in here?

127
00:06:35,766 --> 00:06:37,396
Mrs. Kipling
is in my closet,

128
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,567
cuddling my faux lizard pumps.

129
00:06:39,570 --> 00:06:41,530
Ravi, you have
to come get her!

130
00:06:41,532 --> 00:06:43,632
No, I am giving her
her space.

131
00:06:43,634 --> 00:06:45,744
No, you're giving
her my space.

132
00:06:47,438 --> 00:06:48,608
Please, sister,

133
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:52,409
I need some "guy time"
with my bro, doing
"guy type" things.

134
00:06:54,044 --> 00:06:56,994
Now, Luke, let us
color coordinate
your closet.

135
00:07:01,492 --> 00:07:05,532
So, now that you've seen
Falkenbooger in action,

136
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,896
you get that she's
a nightmare, right?

137
00:07:07,898 --> 00:07:10,428
Yeah, she's not
very good with kids.

138
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,160
Or adults.

139
00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:15,212
Even the class gerbil
was spelling out "help me"
in food pellets.

140
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:21,008
I'll accept my apology
in any of the three Bs.

141
00:07:21,011 --> 00:07:23,741
Bucks, bacon
or bedtime extensions.

142
00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:29,476
Hey, Ms. Falkenberg
may be a pain, but you
were out of line, too.

143
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,080
I was always
the teacher's pet and
I'm gonna teach you

144
00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:33,882
all of my tricks.

145
00:07:33,884 --> 00:07:36,564
So, the bacon's
off the table?

146
00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:45,003
Good morning,
Ms. Falkenberg.

147
00:07:44,995 --> 00:07:46,465
Ooh, what is this?

148
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,596
I thought you deserved
something as sweet as you are.

149
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,640
And speaking
of sweet,

150
00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:54,652
way to rock
that pantsuit.

151
00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:57,875
Oh, why, thank you.
I got it when I bid
on a storage locker.

152
00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:03,582
All right, class.

153
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:07,664
Tell me, what do we see here?

154
00:08:08,659 --> 00:08:10,159
Anyone?

155
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,960
Well, I see Paris,

156
00:08:13,063 --> 00:08:14,703
I see France.

157
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,226
Zuri Ross.

158
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,599
Tell me, what do you see?

159
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:30,206
So help me, you do not
see anyone's underpants!

160
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:34,720
I see a country
known for its
Gothic architecture,

161
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,785
haute cuisine, and
modernist philosophy.

162
00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:40,918
And a vision of loveliness
standing next to it.

163
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,633
Zuri Ross, I don't
know what shenanigans
you're trying to pull,

164
00:08:47,958 --> 00:08:49,598
but it's not going to work.

165
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,100
Excusez-moi?
I am just eager to learn.

166
00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:53,162
Oui, oui?

167
00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:55,243
(GASPS) Toilet talk?
That's it.

168
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,535
Corner, now.

169
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,168
What? Zuri's been
a perfect angel all day!
That's not fair.

170
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,771
Oh, and now it's you
who's being disruptive.

171
00:09:03,774 --> 00:09:06,554
Jessie Prescott,
you're on the Naughty Board.

172
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,876
(GASPS) But... No, wait.
I've never had my name
on the Naughty Board!

173
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,580
All of my teachers loved me.

174
00:09:11,582 --> 00:09:13,182
Well, then you must
have been home schooled.

175
00:09:13,183 --> 00:09:14,633
(GASPS)

176
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:17,055
You! Corner! Now!

177
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,627
But nobody puts
Jessie in the corner!

178
00:09:18,629 --> 00:09:19,829
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Except you.

179
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:26,274
LUKE: I can't believe
you cleaned my room.

180
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,168
Oh, now what
are you doing?

181
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:33,069
Burning sage rids the room
of negative energy.

182
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,713
And hopefully,
that lingering
armpit smell.

183
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,178
Uh, hello?
That is my manly musk.

184
00:09:41,652 --> 00:09:43,652
More like boyish B.O.

185
00:09:45,956 --> 00:09:47,056
(SIGHS)

186
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,060
(CHANTING LOUDLY) Om.

187
00:09:53,764 --> 00:09:55,134
Om.

188
00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:57,726
(CHANTING) Um...

189
00:09:57,728 --> 00:09:59,668
Do you mind?

190
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,801
I'm trying
to read pictures.

191
00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:06,284
Can't you just make up
with Mrs. Kipling?

192
00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:07,776
(CHANTS) No.

193
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,140
RAVI: No.

194
00:10:12,142 --> 00:10:14,612
Oh, great.
Now I lost my place.

195
00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:17,286
(ALARM RINGS)

196
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:18,948
Ah.

197
00:10:18,949 --> 00:10:20,649
(GROWLS)

198
00:10:20,651 --> 00:10:23,891
Now see, Mrs. K.
Isn't this more fun than
hanging out with my shoes?

199
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,955
(SCOFFS) What am I saying?

200
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:29,297
Nothing is more fun
than hanging out with
my shoes. (CHUCKLES)

201
00:10:30,701 --> 00:10:31,701
(GROWLS)

202
00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:35,172
I know! This pink nail
color is supes cute!

203
00:10:35,165 --> 00:10:37,805
I'd lend it to you,
but that would be crazy.

204
00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:39,138
Because you're an autumn.

205
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,911
Well, I really should go
do some homework.

206
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,816
Ooh, you're right!

207
00:10:47,818 --> 00:10:51,018
An animal print belt
would look great
with this robe.

208
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:54,121
Okay, I guess we can
go shopping again.

209
00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:57,794
But, only if you
promise not to eat
any more mannequins.

210
00:10:57,788 --> 00:10:58,828
(GROWLS)

211
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:04,702
So class,
your science project
this afternoon

212
00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:08,095
will be to prove that
the Little Engine
actually couldn't.

213
00:11:08,098 --> 00:11:09,898
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

214
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,070
Lunch!

215
00:11:13,844 --> 00:11:16,054
Jessie, run!
Save yourself!

216
00:11:16,046 --> 00:11:18,446
No! I'm going
to make her like me,

217
00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:21,448
uh, for your sake,
of course.

218
00:11:21,451 --> 00:11:23,811
I trust you've finished
your sentences?

219
00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:26,424
Yes. I wrote "Teacher's aides
should be seen, and not heard"

220
00:11:26,416 --> 00:11:28,456
500 times.

221
00:11:28,458 --> 00:11:31,988
Oh. Even my third-graders
know how to make
a cursive "B."

222
00:11:36,466 --> 00:11:38,696
Hey, why don't
I sweep your classroom?

223
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,698
Put that down!
That's not a broom,

224
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,771
that's my Firebolt
of victory!

225
00:11:44,935 --> 00:11:47,735
And this is
my Dustpan of Doom!

226
00:11:47,738 --> 00:11:49,378
I'm sorry, I don't know
what we're talking about.

227
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,441
I play Muggle Quidditch.

228
00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:57,253
Oh! Oh, right, right.
Firebolt, yeah.

229
00:11:57,247 --> 00:12:01,017
It's been a while
since I hopped on one
of these bad boys.

230
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,491
You... You play?

231
00:12:02,492 --> 00:12:06,732
Uh, yeah. Didn't Zuri tell you
I love Mug Quib... (STAMMERS)

232
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,996
...what you said.

233
00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:11,359
Did you know? I used
to be on an official team,

234
00:12:11,361 --> 00:12:14,731
till everyone started leaving
to play Vampire Baseball.

235
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,314
Don't you hate it

236
00:12:16,306 --> 00:12:18,736
when people don't stay
loyal to their young adult
fantasy sports genre?

237
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,868
Uh...

238
00:12:20,871 --> 00:12:24,311
Uh, It's only my
number one pet peeve!
(CHUCKLES)

239
00:12:24,314 --> 00:12:26,124
To tell you
the truth...
Mmm-hmm.

240
00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:29,376
...ever since the Long Island
Longbottoms disbanded,

241
00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:31,749
I've been in a bit
of a bad mood.

242
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,353
Really?

243
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,164
Yeah, I don't think
anyone noticed.

244
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,927
Hey!
Mmm-hmm.

245
00:12:38,929 --> 00:12:41,129
Would you want to play
Quidditch in the park
this weekend?

246
00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:43,891
Uh, man, I would love to.

247
00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:47,844
But, you know,
I have all these
sentences to rewrite.

248
00:12:47,838 --> 00:12:49,868
Sigh.
Oh, forget
about those!

249
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:52,271
So, I'll see you Saturday?

250
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,082
(CHUCKLES)
Last one there is
a blatching Slytherin!

251
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,975
What? Then I'd better
leave now! (CHUCKLES)

252
00:13:01,351 --> 00:13:03,311
So, you got to help me
get Ravi out of my room!

253
00:13:03,313 --> 00:13:05,093
He won't stop cleaning!

254
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,985
Give him a few years.
He'll give up, like I did.

255
00:13:09,459 --> 00:13:12,559
And Mrs. Kipling
is driving me crazy!

256
00:13:12,562 --> 00:13:14,832
I had to spend all day
with her in the makeup
department,

257
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:18,925
and it's official.
There's no way to match
her scale tone!

258
00:13:18,929 --> 00:13:21,869
We've got to find a way
to get those two crazy kids
back together,

259
00:13:21,872 --> 00:13:24,102
before Ravi makes me
look at paint swatches.

260
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,884
I don't even know
what a swatch is,

261
00:13:25,876 --> 00:13:27,876
and I'd like
to keep it that way!

262
00:13:28,979 --> 00:13:30,539
Come on,
please help us!

263
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:33,110
Fine. But, what's
in it for me?

264
00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:41,489
A gazillion is not
a real number.

265
00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:48,856
Hey, Zuri. Can we talk
about Ms. Falkenberg?

266
00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:51,029
Yeah. I don't know
what you said to her,

267
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,061
but she was in the best
mood all afternoon.

268
00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:57,244
Our only homework
is to watch TV.
(CHUCKLES)

269
00:13:57,237 --> 00:14:00,067
Which, ironically,
makes me not
want to do it.

270
00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:04,142
Yeah. She's been
texting me a lot.

271
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,184
I wanted to get her
to like me, but I think
I may have overdone it.

272
00:14:07,177 --> 00:14:10,577
Don't panic.
Even if she is
a level five clinger,

273
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,520
it's not like she
knows where we live.

274
00:14:12,522 --> 00:14:13,622
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

275
00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:15,233
I found you.

276
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:20,127
Uh-oh. She might
be a level six.

277
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,990
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
How did you get
our address?

278
00:14:22,993 --> 00:14:25,003
Confidential school
records, silly!

279
00:14:24,995 --> 00:14:26,235
(CHUCKLES)

280
00:14:26,236 --> 00:14:28,336
Apparently
not so confidential.

281
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:30,868
Hey, I thought we could
go over some team plays,

282
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,340
so we can dive
right in at Quidditch
practice tomorrow.

283
00:14:33,343 --> 00:14:35,413
Ah.
Hey, star student.

284
00:14:35,405 --> 00:14:37,105
And why aren't
you watching TV?

285
00:14:37,107 --> 00:14:39,377
Oh, all right.
(CHUCKLES)

286
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:41,910
Scamp.

287
00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:46,062
Ms. Falkenberg,
this really isn't
a good time.

288
00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:47,916
I'm so sorry.

289
00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:51,618
I guess I'm just so glad
that I finally found
friend who gets me.

290
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,263
Hey!
Hey.

291
00:14:54,264 --> 00:14:56,104
Do you want to go
to dinner before
practice tomorrow?

292
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,966
Oh... Oh, I would love to,

293
00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,568
I don't like to eat
before a big game.

294
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,230
Oh, that's right.
That's right.

295
00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:03,602
We'll go after.
Okay.

296
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,113
(CHUCKLES)
All right.

297
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,335
Well, see you
tomorrow, bestie!
(CHUCKLES)

298
00:15:07,337 --> 00:15:09,637
Hey, and don't forget to
study those plays tonight.

299
00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:10,909
Try and stop me.

300
00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:15,123
This is working
out great!

301
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,945
Uh, for you!

302
00:15:16,947 --> 00:15:18,087
Ms. Falkenberg and I
don't have anything
in common.

303
00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:19,918
You have me in common.

304
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,519
And if you want
me to keep being
a "star student,"

305
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:26,302
you're going to jump
on that broom tomorrow
and work it like a Pureblood.

306
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,505
Hey, friend!
Hey, friend.

307
00:15:37,507 --> 00:15:41,937
Quick question.
Why does my cape
say "Furtenfurter?"

308
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,371
Oh, I thought
you said that was
your Quidditch name?

309
00:15:44,374 --> 00:15:47,354
No, that was a sneeze.
Oh.

310
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,047
Hey, where are
your other friends?
Oh. What other friends?

311
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,650
Oh.
(IN DEEP VOICE) Oh.

312
00:15:53,984 --> 00:15:57,234
Here. Sorry, you have
to practice with my old
Cleansweep Eleven.

313
00:15:57,227 --> 00:16:01,127
But who knows maybe
one day you'll work your way
up to one of these babies.

314
00:16:01,131 --> 00:16:02,191
(CHUCKLES)

315
00:16:02,192 --> 00:16:03,962
A girl can dream.
(CHUCKLES)

316
00:16:05,135 --> 00:16:07,435
Okay. Now,
remember the rules.

317
00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:11,737
No blagging, blurting,
blatching, haversacking,
or quaffle-pocking.

318
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,172
Obviously.

319
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,654
But if you could
just refresh my...
Brooms up!

320
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:18,006
Uh, okay.

321
00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:19,208
Ow!

322
00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:23,409
Ow! Foul! I think
I've just been blag-boozled
or something!

323
00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:25,123
That was not a foul!

324
00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:27,555
Beaters throw Bludgers
at Chasers to make them
drop Quaffles.

325
00:16:27,557 --> 00:16:30,387
That's only Quidditch 101.

326
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:34,060
Yeah, yeah. Can...
Can we go back to
Quidditch 911?

327
00:16:34,064 --> 00:16:35,774
I think I broke
my furtenfurter.

328
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,197
You know what?
You seem a little rusty.

329
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,129
Hey, why don't you try
playing the Golden Snitch?

330
00:16:42,132 --> 00:16:44,302
(SIGHS) Does that
mean I get to
change clothes?

331
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,409
There, Perfect.

332
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,092
Yeah, this just makes
the whole thing work.

333
00:16:57,047 --> 00:16:59,717
You know what?
I don't want to
talk about it.

334
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,019
Brooms up!
Well, I don't
have a broom.

335
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,121
(YELLS)

336
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,034
I snatched the Snitch!

337
00:17:08,698 --> 00:17:10,758
I can't believe
they let children
play Quidditch.

338
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,130
Is Professor Dumbledore
aware of how dangerous
it is?

339
00:17:14,404 --> 00:17:16,514
You just have
to last until June.

340
00:17:16,506 --> 00:17:20,036
Hopefully my next teacher
will be into something safer,

341
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,339
like cliff diving.

342
00:17:23,113 --> 00:17:24,243
Zuri.

343
00:17:25,575 --> 00:17:27,515
I can't keep being
Ms. Falkenberg's friend.

344
00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:29,147
What? Why not?

345
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,379
Uh, maybe because
she makes me ride
a broom in public,

346
00:17:32,382 --> 00:17:35,232
and yell things like,
"For the glory
of Hufflepuff!"

347
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,526
But Jessie, you saw
what she was like before.

348
00:17:39,529 --> 00:17:41,129
If you break up with her,

349
00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:44,191
I'll have to go back
to slumming it
in the corner,

350
00:17:44,194 --> 00:17:46,544
which is really close
to Gassy Gus!

351
00:17:46,536 --> 00:17:50,266
What is that kid eating?

352
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,600
Look, I just feel
bad about lying
to Ms. Falkenberg.

353
00:17:52,602 --> 00:17:54,602
She's actually
a nice person,

354
00:17:54,604 --> 00:17:58,154
and she deserves a real
best friend who genuinely
shares her interests.

355
00:17:58,148 --> 00:17:59,308
Yeah, yeah.

356
00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:01,679
Can't you just learn
to like Quidditch?

357
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,281
Can't you just learn
to like vegetables?

358
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,683
I see your point.

359
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:09,317
I got your text, roomie.

360
00:18:09,319 --> 00:18:11,819
Did you not understand
the vacuuming schedule?

361
00:18:13,863 --> 00:18:16,633
Mrs. Kipling.
Come on!

362
00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:18,266
(GRUNTS)
Get out here.

363
00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:20,568
What are you
people doing?

364
00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:23,630
I told you, Mrs. Kipling
and I are not talking!

365
00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:26,843
You're not leaving
this room until you talk
through your problems.

366
00:18:26,836 --> 00:18:28,236
(GROWLS)

367
00:18:28,238 --> 00:18:31,238
There is nothing
to talk about.

368
00:18:31,241 --> 00:18:33,511
Mrs. Kipling
and I have just...

369
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,753
Just grown apart.
It is over.

370
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:39,416
Well, maybe you
dodged a bullet, Ravi.

371
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,319
Mrs. Kipling is pretty
needy and clingy.

372
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,552
Yeah, I don't know
how you put up
with her for so long.

373
00:18:44,554 --> 00:18:47,434
Me neither,
it's always
all about her.

374
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:50,257
"I need a walk,
I want my claws filed,

375
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:52,430
"I ordered this rat
medium rare."

376
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,632
She is a terrible friend.

377
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,874
Now just hold on a moment.

378
00:18:56,866 --> 00:19:00,136
Mrs. K has not
been a bad friend.

379
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,239
She has just been
a little down
in the swamps lately.

380
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,153
A little? I asked her
to quit being such a diva,

381
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,675
and she almost bit
my head off, literally!

382
00:19:09,779 --> 00:19:12,619
Yeah, you don't need
to defend her, Ravi.

383
00:19:12,622 --> 00:19:14,222
Lizards be crazy.

384
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,556
Enough!

385
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,658
Mrs. Kipling is the most
loyal, funny, supportive
best friend

386
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,461
there has ever been!
(SIGHS)

387
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,304
Come on, Mrs. K,
we are going home!

388
00:19:31,801 --> 00:19:33,171
ALL: Yes!

389
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,602
(ALL CHUCKLING)

390
00:19:34,604 --> 00:19:36,254
Nice.
It worked!

391
00:19:36,246 --> 00:19:40,246
Bertram, you actually
had a good idea!

392
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:44,280
And after that rutabaga
casserole, you really
needed a win.

393
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:47,694
Well, I felt appreciated
for almost five seconds.
Thanks for that.

394
00:19:49,259 --> 00:19:54,319
BTW, Mrs. Kipling
and I just figured out
what happened in here.

395
00:19:54,324 --> 00:19:55,834
(GROWLS)

396
00:19:55,825 --> 00:19:57,425
And we love you for it!

397
00:19:59,969 --> 00:20:01,599
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

398
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:04,271
Okay, everybody.
Do your homework
if you feel like it!

399
00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:05,844
Okay, no pressure.

400
00:20:07,677 --> 00:20:09,807
Sorry, sorry. Okay.

401
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,439
Hey, friend.

402
00:20:12,642 --> 00:20:15,212
Okay. I'm ready
for practice.

403
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,654
And I know I broke
your Cleansweep Eleven,
so I hope it's okay

404
00:20:17,647 --> 00:20:20,487
that I brought this
Schmutz Buster 5000.

405
00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:23,550
Yeah, um,
about that, uh...

406
00:20:23,553 --> 00:20:26,303
I don't need you
to come to practice today.

407
00:20:26,296 --> 00:20:29,256
But, why? Is my broom grip
not as bad as we thought?

408
00:20:29,259 --> 00:20:32,329
(CHUCKLES)
No, it is.
Okay.

409
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,342
I'm gonna practice
with Mr. Itzel today.

410
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,405
Mr. Itzel?
The librarian?

411
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:39,267
Yes. Can you believe
he was a Beater

412
00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:41,539
for the Central Park
Centaurs! How hot is that?

413
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,453
I'm tingling, but...
(STAMMERING)

414
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:50,346
Honey, no offense,
but, come on,
you're a rotten Chaser,

415
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,450
a horrible Keeper,

416
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,432
and just a few Horcruxes
short of a soul. If you
know what I mean.

417
00:20:55,425 --> 00:20:56,685
I do not.

418
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,388
And I thought I made
a really good Snootch.

419
00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:05,944
Brooms up!

420
00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:08,266
(CHUCKLES)

421
00:21:11,701 --> 00:21:13,901
I can't believe
Ms. Falkenberg
dumped me!

422
00:21:13,903 --> 00:21:15,653
For someone who sunburns
in fluorescent lighting.

423
00:21:16,546 --> 00:21:18,746
I can. I set them up.

424
00:21:18,748 --> 00:21:20,608
You did? Why?

425
00:21:20,610 --> 00:21:22,710
Well, I thought
about how you said

426
00:21:22,712 --> 00:21:25,522
Ms. Falkenberg
deserved a real
best friend.

427
00:21:25,515 --> 00:21:29,285
And when I saw
how unhappy Ravi was
without his best friend,

428
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:33,358
I knew I had to
find Ms. Falkenberg
her Mrs. Kipling.

429
00:21:33,363 --> 00:21:36,603
Oh. But how did
you know Mr. Itzel
would be a perfect match?

430
00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:39,726
He wears little
round glasses,
an owl sweater,

431
00:21:39,729 --> 00:21:43,469
and calls his minivan
the Hogwarts Express.

432
00:21:43,473 --> 00:21:44,933
I took a wild guess.

433
00:21:46,676 --> 00:21:48,676
Oh, that was very
sweet of you, Zuri.

434
00:21:48,678 --> 00:21:51,808
You're not really upset
that you got dumped,
are you?

435
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,481
Nah. Nah.

436
00:21:53,483 --> 00:21:56,693
At least this break-up
didn't involve my birthday
and a jumbotron.

437
00:21:58,017 --> 00:21:59,717
She'll miss me.

438
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,489
They always miss me.

439
00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:10,628
What happened in here?

440
00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:12,500
Surprise!

441
00:22:12,502 --> 00:22:15,672
I wanted to thank you
for letting me crash
at your bachelor pad.

442
00:22:15,665 --> 00:22:17,405
So let me get this straight.

443
00:22:17,407 --> 00:22:19,807
You and Mrs. Kipling
waited for me to leave
the apartment,

444
00:22:19,809 --> 00:22:23,369
then came back in here
and trashed my room
to thank me?

445
00:22:23,373 --> 00:22:24,373
That is correct.

446
00:22:25,815 --> 00:22:28,515
Dude, you are
the best brother ever!

447
00:22:28,518 --> 00:22:29,678
I know, right?

448
00:22:29,679 --> 00:22:32,779
Maybe the three of us
should room together!

449
00:22:32,782 --> 00:22:34,052
Get out.