1 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,482 If someone had asked me not long ago... 2 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:52,286 why I thought it was that men left women and never came back, 3 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,955 I would have said this: 4 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,724 "New cow." 5 00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:01,329 The new cow theory was born of a broken heart. 6 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,298 It came to me while reading an article on male behavior... 7 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,467 in the New York Times science section, 8 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:09,537 which chronicled a particularly fascinating study... 9 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:13,307 on the mating preferences of the male cow. 10 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:18,446 First, a bull was presented with... 11 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,048 a cow. 12 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,151 They mated. 13 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:30,958 The next day, the bull was presented with the same cow. 14 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,995 The bull wasn't interested. 15 00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:37,765 He wanted new cow, 16 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:40,201 and this was old cow. 17 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,807 Curious to see if they could trick the bull, 18 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:50,077 the scientists came up with an ingenious ploy. 19 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:55,583 Do not disappoint Daddy. The old cow was smeared with new cow scent... 20 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:59,119 - Doesn't that feel good? - But he was no fool. 21 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,589 This wasn't new cow. 22 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,392 This was just old cow incognito. 23 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,928 Old cow in sheep's clothing. 24 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:11,064 Mutton dressed as lamb. 25 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,273 But I'm getting ahead of myself. 26 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:23,344 To really understand the theory and how it took over my entire existence, 27 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,746 you need to hear the whole story. 28 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,283 When Ray came into my life, 29 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,253 I was booking talent for the Diane Roberts Show, 30 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:36,424 a local New York talk show that had just been syndicated nationally. 31 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,227 The network had given us a small window of opportunity... 32 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,229 in which to make something of ourselves. 33 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,364 We're back with Mary Lou Corkle, 34 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,699 outspoken conservative activist, 35 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:49,637 who's here to talk about her new book The Nest Crisis. 36 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,440 One of your central arguments, Mary Lou, 37 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:56,877 is to blame society's problems on working mothers. 38 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,647 Diane was determined to strike pay dirt with her audience... 39 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:03,116 by appealing to both their understimulated intelligence... 40 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:07,054 and their overstimulated appetite for tabloid television. 41 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,122 Ambition has blinded these women... 42 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,792 to their responsibilities to their families. And so, by your standards, 43 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:16,230 doing what I do makes me unfit for motherhood. 44 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,766 Well, we make our own beds, don't we? 45 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,636 That is true. Just out of curiosity, Mary Lou, 46 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,738 who's been making your kids' beds... 47 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,808 while you've been out selling your book these past three months? 48 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:31,312 My job was to supply a steady diet of raw meat... 49 00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:34,181 to satisfy Diane's Emmy-clad ambitions. 50 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,284 Hi, Donald. Did you hear? We've gone national. 51 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,286 Thanks. Well, it's a new format. 52 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,321 We're just starting up major exposure, 53 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,390 and I think it's right up Hillary's alley. 54 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:45,993 Oh, she'd be among the first. I'm lining up great company. Trust me, everyone wants on. 55 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,762 My only colleague in this quest... 56 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:52,466 was our writer, producer and pathological womanizer Eddie Alden. 57 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,302 How are we doin'? 58 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,537 Publisher's having a coronary. 59 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,272 That good, huh? You book 'em, I cook 'em. 60 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,108 Right on. Yeah. 61 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:04,545 Thank you very much. We are here talking to Mary Lou Corkle. 62 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,247 Any progress with Cuba? 63 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,950 Well, just keep trying. I swear to God. 64 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,686 This Castro thing is gonna kill me. I mean, it is insane. 65 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,122 She will not let it go. Forget Castro. Come on. 66 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:18,258 - I mean, what you want is a more creative angle. - Such as? 67 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:21,395 - Elena Villagolla. - Who? 68 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:25,699 One of the women the C.I.A. hired to try and kill him back in the sixties. 69 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,669 Excuse me. I believe this is a smoke-free building. 70 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:34,207 Blow me. Apparently, the C.I.A. cooked up this death oil that could pass as perfume. 71 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,378 The idea was she'd rub it on, Castro would be kissin' her and lickin' her... 72 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:41,181 Don't editorialize. Sorry. He was supposed to croak right after. 73 00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:45,619 Eddie could find the sex factor in just about any subject. 74 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:48,188 He, of course, considered this a gift. 75 00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:52,292 Nina, you left these earrings in my bathroom. You don't waste any time. 76 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,294 Cynic. Slut. 77 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:58,399 But if Eddie was enough to make me lose hope in all men, 78 00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:00,701 it only took one to bring it back again. 79 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,670 Hey, Rick. How you doin', Eddie? 80 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,856 You are the only one I haven't met yet. I'm Ray Brown. 81 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:10,878 This is our new executive producer. Oh, from Washington. 82 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:14,782 I saw that piece you produced for Newsline. That was brilliant. 83 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,284 Wow. Thank you very much. 84 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,720 We just did a follow-up piece. That's why I'm a little late getting up here. 85 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:22,055 Oh. Well, I better scoot. 86 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:25,362 Jane, you want me to get 'em to turn the A.C. up? You're looking a little flushed. 87 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,662 Okay. 88 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:33,501 Jane Goodale. I know. That's an interesting name. 89 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,704 People must confuse you with the scientist. Yeah. 90 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,607 They're always asking me if I'm into chimps. Are you? 91 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,743 Not really. I mean, maybe Curious George when I was five. 92 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,479 Ah. Curious George was a monkey, not a chimp. 93 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,148 - A man who knows his primates. - Yes, I do. 94 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:52,620 See you around. Oh, I heard Len Chaney's people are giving you a hard time. 95 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,188 Yeah, they're afraid it's gonna turn into an abortion debate and get ugly. 96 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,725 Which is, uh, right. 97 00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,728 Of course. So guarantee Diane won't bring it up, 98 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,564 and we'll plant somebody in the audience to initiate it during QandA. 99 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:06,734 I think you came to the right show, Ray Brown. 100 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,005 So he's cute. Very. 101 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,141 Mm-hmm. Care to elaborate? 102 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:18,979 Pale blue eyes, athletic, sort of, um, J. Crew, but not as preppy. 103 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:22,716 - Oh, that guy again. - Are you going to buy anything or not? 104 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,553 - Sh-Shush! I'm concentrating! - Okay. 105 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,388 Marital status? Girlfriend. 106 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,558 Why are we having this conversation? 107 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,626 You know what? You're right. He's too much work. 108 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,762 And even if I were up to it, with my luck, 109 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,964 he'd probably end up marrying her anyway. 110 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,901 Wow. There's the cynical bitch I know and love. 111 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:44,204 So that's it. Case closed. Leaving this one alone. 112 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,874 You feeling carnivorous? 113 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,543 Absolutely. 114 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,848 So what else do I need to know about you, 115 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,818 apart from your addiction to processed foods, 116 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,820 much to the chagrin of your girlfriend? 117 00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,857 "D." 118 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,294 Whom you've been dating now for... Three years. 119 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,663 Three... 120 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:13,601 Excuse me. Three years. Wow. That's, um... 121 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,904 Huh. More serious than I... 122 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,072 would've guessed, you know, off the cuff. 123 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,175 I guess it is. 124 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:26,213 You think you ever get to the moment where you just know it's the right one? 125 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:30,217 That's it. 126 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,986 That's the person you're meant to be with forever. 127 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,659 Probably. 128 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,995 God, he was cute. 129 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,567 It's me! We're in here. 130 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,636 What's the problem? Just jab it in. 131 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,104 Don't rush me. What is going on? 132 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,641 Dr. Lipshick started your sister on injections. 133 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:57,444 Of orange juice? Fertility drugs, Jane. 134 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,813 The orange is for practice. 135 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,584 For God's sake, Stephen, if you can't stick it into a Valencia, 136 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,452 How are you gonna stick it in my ass? I'm just a little nervous. 137 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:09,089 If this isn't done right, we could lose another whole month. 138 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,595 Oh! 139 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,498 That was supposed to be my job. 140 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,534 I just wanted to show you how easy it is. 141 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,703 You know, this is a very emotional time for us, 142 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,873 and you're sucking the romance out of the entire situation. 143 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:29,877 Oh, come on, sweetheart. I think we've pretty much kissed romance good-bye... 144 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,546 when you started jacking off into a cup once a week. 145 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,247 Leave my sperm count out of it! 146 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:39,620 Chubby Hubby? 147 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:43,523 Come on, sweetie. I'll look at the dirty magazines with you this time. 148 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,759 I don't think you should... Enough about it! 149 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,700 That's great. Just great. 150 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:55,402 Very nice, Nina. Very grown up. 151 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,504 At least one of us is. 152 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,673 Good morning. 153 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:03,443 Don't bother, Eddie. I already know you're an asshole. 154 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,379 Hey, you're always complaining your apartment's too small. 155 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,515 Why don't you move in with me? 156 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,018 You cannot be serious. Why not? 157 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,120 Come on. All I'm meeting are hip, successful types. 158 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,255 I'd much rather have someone like you. Gee, thanks. 159 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:18,291 No, hey. This would be a strictly financial arrangement. 160 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,894 I've got no interest in you that way whatsoever. 161 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,330 What a relief. Come on. Is that a no? 162 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:27,034 Actually, it's a "Thanks, but not if my life depended on it." 163 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,738 * In the dark * 164 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,573 * I can hear * 165 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,909 * You whisper * 166 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,581 * Shadows still * 167 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:44,484 * Move across * 168 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,586 * The distance * 169 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:51,558 - Hello. - You up for a walk? 170 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,761 * What did you say * 171 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,263 * It's okay * 172 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,500 * Mm-hmm * 173 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,303 * Did you miss me * 174 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,141 * Did you miss me * 175 00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,280 * Make it mine * 176 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,083 * Takin' time * 177 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:18,085 What? What? 178 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,354 I was just gonna... 179 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,859 I can't speak. You say something. 180 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:30,063 No, no, no, don't. Do you think I'm insane? 181 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,201 Not at all. 182 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:41,641 I was just thinking how good my apartment looks with you in it. 183 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,645 * Did you miss me * 184 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,718 * Did you miss me * 185 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,725 * You know at times I wonder * 186 00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,928 * If you ever thought of me * 187 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:06,466 * And I wonder if you wanted to be free like me * 188 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,970 * ** 189 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,575 Let's start again. You were eating Cocoa Puffs. 190 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,410 Right. Then a couple cartoons. 191 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:20,613 A Tweety Bird and a Road Runner, I think. Then some more kissing. 192 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,750 Right. Okay, go on. 193 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:26,153 We had to get ready for work, so I walk into the door, and he gave me a... 194 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,188 Morning, Jane. Morning, Les. How are ya? 195 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:32,059 - Big finale-type kiss before leaving? - Exactly. 196 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,128 That's good, good, good. Very good, considering. 197 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,766 - Considering what? - Considering he's already picked out his wife! 198 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:42,602 I told you, Liz, they're having problems. 199 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,705 They're not engaged. Yet! 200 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:49,509 Nevertheless, he does sound like an interesting prospect, so here's what you do. 201 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:54,081 Pretend she doesn't exist. Never mention her name. 202 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,983 If he mentions her, you just nod politely, change the subject. 203 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,018 Why? Because if you bring her up, 204 00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,020 he's gonna feel pushed and resentful. 205 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,022 This way, it's like, "I'm healthy, I'm happy. 206 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,757 No pressure. Getting sex other places." 207 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:07,027 It's gonna drive him nuts. Lizzy, where do you get this stuff? 208 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:10,430 Snagmen.com. It's very informative. 209 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,732 Odd. Read the papers, Jane. 210 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,468 23-year-old women are lying about their age, 211 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:19,072 so excuse me, Miss "I have a crush, so I'm currently in denial." 212 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,208 You gotta get on your game. 213 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,211 You know what I really need to know? What do I do right now... 214 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,880 when I see him in my staff meeting in five minutes? 215 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:30,050 That's easy. Pretend he doesn't exist. 216 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,454 Well, good morning, Eddie. 217 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,763 What is on your neck? I bit myself shaving. 218 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,566 Isn't that why God invented turtlenecks? 219 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,904 - No. That's why God invented Darlene. - You are so gross. 220 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,473 Hey, Eddie. Hi, Jane. Hey, Ray. 221 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,476 Hey, Ray. Mornin'. 222 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,415 You okay? You look a little tired. 223 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,184 Morning, Diane. 224 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:07,087 Straw. Mmm. 225 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,823 Okay. I'm late, I know. I'm sorry. Morning. 226 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:13,961 I locked myself out of the apartment. Keys, wallet, total nightmare. 227 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,762 The only reason I'm standing here right now... 228 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:19,266 is because of Habib, the nicest cab driver in the city of New York. 229 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,135 Okay, now, who saw ABC's 4 a.m. newscast? 230 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,905 I think a lot of us missed that, Diane. 231 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:29,009 There's a big story on how single media outlets aren't cutting it anymore. 232 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,777 Ray, where are we on interactive? 233 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:34,347 The web site should be up and running on Monday. No, not should be. 234 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,584 Will be! We cannot sell this show... 235 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,853 on the pissant advertising budget they've given us. 236 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,822 We need to be streaming 24-7, 237 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,926 and we need to make every show count. 238 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:50,130 - Remember, it is all about the get. - - The get. 239 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,033 We cannot make a splash if we only get... 240 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,235 the gets that everybody's already gotten. 241 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,538 - I need the ungettable get, got it? - Got it. 242 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,573 Good. 243 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,842 Okay, where are we on Fidel? 244 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:06,279 Uh, well, I spoke with Juanita, 245 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,181 his, um, foreign press secretary, 246 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,617 who assured me that the moment... 247 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:16,056 el presidente was back from his fantasy baseball camp... 248 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,425 she would approach him about it. 249 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,193 And what did she say? He might be interested? 250 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,628 Did she discuss his availability? 251 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,664 Tell me, do you think we have a shot here? 252 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:28,268 - Jane? - Sorry. 253 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,638 I said what do you think your chances are of getting this guy? 254 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,042 I think they're good, Diane. 255 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,677 I think they're very good. 256 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,147 Uh, j-just a minute. 257 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,468 Sorry. 258 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:39,106 I thought I'd just, um, do a few sit-ups. 259 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:05,565 The emotion evoked by the prospect of possessing what one desires. 260 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,038 The experience of being carried away... 261 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,473 by an overwhelming emotion or passion. 262 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:23,950 A state of being beyond reason and self-control. 263 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,455 I cannot feel my legs. 264 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:31,424 Tell me again what we're doing here, please. We're coming up for air. 265 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,727 Oh, right. Besides, I owe you a shirt. 266 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,763 Hey, that's a good idea. 267 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,631 Blue? Yeah. 268 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,101 This one's pretty. 269 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,336 You think? With your eyes. 270 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:46,473 Could be risky, given your impatience with buttons. 271 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,475 Well... 272 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,081 I love it. We'll take this one. My treat. 273 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,483 No, no, no. No, Jane. Shut up. 274 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,086 Let me buy you a shirt. Thank you. 275 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:04,191 - Hey, guys. - Eddie, hey! 276 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,559 Wow. We were... I mean, I just, uh... 277 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,861 She's helping me pick out a shirt. Yeah. 278 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,098 - Well, I didn't mean to intrude. - Not at all. You're not. 279 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,366 Not at all. Please! No. 280 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,437 Listen, I gotta go to a thing. 281 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:20,240 I gotta hit this... Great running into you. Okay. 282 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,875 Both of you. My God! I can't even... See you around. 283 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,478 - All right. - Okay. - Yeah. 284 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:30,317 What a coincidence. First I run into Ray, and then we run into you. 285 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,719 I didn't even know he lived around here, and then, boom! 286 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,256 All of a sudden, there he is. Um, so, uh... 287 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:40,827 Wha... Okay, so I am sleeping with him. 288 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,164 Eddie, if you tell anyone at the office, so help me, God... 289 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,733 What are you thinking? 290 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:50,237 I'm... I'm thinking the same thing you are, Jane, 291 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:53,306 that you and Ray are gonna live happily ever after... 292 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,208 with matching Volvos and chocolate labs. 293 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:57,177 See you Monday. 294 00:17:57,244 --> 00:18:00,213 Did you have any friends growing up? 295 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,383 Better hurry. I think he's waiting down the street. 296 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:10,123 * And I never thought I'd feel this way * 297 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:14,194 * The way I feel about you * 298 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,603 * Soon as I wake up every night * 299 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,606 * Every day * 300 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,276 * I know that it's you I need * 301 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,378 * To take the blues away * 302 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,783 * It must be love love, love * 303 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:42,689 * It must be love love, love * 304 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,225 * Nothing more nothing less * 305 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,527 * Love is the best * 306 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:52,599 * How can it be that we can * 307 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,902 * Say so much without words ** 308 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,164 I love you, Jane. 309 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,839 I love you too. 310 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,517 He just came right out and said it, after only six weeks. 311 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:48,555 Oh, my God. Takes most guys like a year to use the "L" word. 312 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,623 When they finally do, they're usually, you know, 313 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,493 on top of you, so it doesn't really count. 314 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,163 What about the "D" woman? He's telling her tomorrow night. 315 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,800 Why didn't he tell her already? He's in a complicated situation. 316 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,002 Anyhow, if he were having second thoughts, 317 00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,904 I hardly think he would've asked me to live with him. 318 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:08,275 He asked you to live with him? Oh, my God. 319 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:12,312 - What did you say? - I must've said yes or something to that effect... 320 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,315 because he started calling realtors, and I gave my landlord notice. 321 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,252 Ohh! Mazel tov! 322 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:22,355 Oh, I can't believe this! 323 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,524 You're getting asked to play house by some guy, 324 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:28,428 and I'm still on the blind date circuit from hell. 325 00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:30,797 I take it last night did not go very well. 326 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:34,066 Awful. Do me a favor. Next time Julian offers to set me up... 327 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:37,470 with one of his straight friends, check me before I say yes. 328 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,739 I'm in a sad state. 329 00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:43,543 And I'm telling you, it's just screaming potential. 330 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,578 H-Hello? 331 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,780 I didn't mean to intrude. No, we're fine. 332 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,816 Didn't you want to see the patio? Come on out. 333 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,385 Isn't it just wonderful? Wait'll you see the view. 334 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,488 It's just spectacular. Right this way. 335 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,924 Right down to the World Trade Center. 336 00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:07,867 It's such a jewel box. 337 00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:13,673 I guess I'll leave you two alone to talk things over. 338 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,445 Oh, my God. It's unbelievable. I love it! I love it! 339 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:21,581 It's amazing. The light is so good! I love you. 340 00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:27,887 I don't know. 341 00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:33,593 Liz, I gotta go. 342 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,828 Oh, my God. He looks like he's been hit by a bus. 343 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,997 I'll call you back. 344 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,869 I feel like I've been hit by a bus. 345 00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:44,904 You told her? 346 00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:50,343 Was it bad? 347 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,979 Not like I thought. 348 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:58,284 I mean, she, uh... She didn't go hysterical or anything like that. 349 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:01,354 She just, uh, was kinda, 350 00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:04,691 you know, eerily calm about the whole thing. 351 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,993 Well, that's good, right? Yeah, yeah. 352 00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:09,896 I just meant, you know, 353 00:22:09,962 --> 00:22:12,899 it wasn't what I expected is all, you know? 354 00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:17,069 What'd she say about us? She just, she just... 355 00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:21,641 I-I didn't tell her. Jane, I just didn't think it was necessary. 356 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:23,776 I mean, to hit her over the head with this thing... 357 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:27,614 after three years, it just seemed so, so awful. 358 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,049 I just told her that it was over. 359 00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:32,218 You know? And I think that's all she needs to know. 360 00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:36,255 Right? S-Sure. 361 00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,758 And she was okay with that? Yeah. I mean, I guess. 362 00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:41,093 I don't know. It was so... It was just weird. 363 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,797 I mean, she just kinda... Whoooh. 364 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,866 You know, she just kinda went cold on me. 365 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:50,202 I mean, sh-sh-she's upset. 366 00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:51,871 She's upset, the poor thing. 367 00:22:51,938 --> 00:22:55,442 She's gotta be upset. She's... You know. 368 00:22:55,508 --> 00:23:00,112 She just didn't seem terribly upset, so... 369 00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:05,685 Well, you're okay with it, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 370 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:09,155 I mean, you're happy. Happy? 371 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:13,125 I am so happy. I mean, this is what I wanted. 372 00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,327 I mean, there's nothing between us anymore, you know, 373 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:20,533 and that's... that's what I was looking for, so I'm happy. 374 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:27,339 How exactly did Ray disappear? 375 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:30,943 Slowly and kind of subtly. 376 00:23:31,811 --> 00:23:34,681 Single pane, double pane? 377 00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,549 Single pane, I believe. Singles. 378 00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:39,686 A lot more sun, I guess, than I had recalled. 379 00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:44,256 This doesn't open? Oh! Well, gotta force it. Oops. 380 00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:46,292 Well, maybe it wasn't so subtle. 381 00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:48,495 Hi, babe. 382 00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:51,598 It's me again. Listen, the realtor called, 383 00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:54,166 and she said that we have to sign the lease by Monday. 384 00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:57,470 I know you wanted your lawyer to have a look at the contract and everything, 385 00:23:57,537 --> 00:24:00,298 but my apartment's been re-rented, and I have got to be out of here... 386 00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:12,118 He is not sleeping with somebody else. What are you talking about? 387 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:14,153 First of all, Ray really isn't like that. 388 00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:16,222 And second of all, the poor guy wouldn't have time. 389 00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:19,025 He's been working until 3:00 in the morning every night for 2 weeks. 390 00:24:19,091 --> 00:24:21,360 Okay, A: There's no such thing as a guy who doesn't have time to mess around. 391 00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:24,731 They always have time for that. If he ain't sleeping with you, 392 00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:27,900 he ain't sleepin' alone. 393 00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:30,002 Right? 394 00:24:30,069 --> 00:24:33,072 Listen, you gotta talk to him. It's better than not knowing. 395 00:24:34,941 --> 00:24:37,677 Sorry. This patch is worth shit. 396 00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:43,516 Throughout the animal kingdom, prey species have developed... 397 00:24:43,583 --> 00:24:47,119 a wide variety of escape behaviors. 398 00:24:47,186 --> 00:24:50,557 Freezing is a common response to predator alarm. 399 00:24:50,623 --> 00:24:56,328 Sensing danger, many animals will assume a rigid, statue-like position. 400 00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:59,666 Fleeing is another popular method. 401 00:24:59,732 --> 00:25:03,069 Some species will simply try to outrun their captors, 402 00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:05,705 while others take an erratic zigzag course... 403 00:25:05,772 --> 00:25:10,176 in the hopes that sudden direction shifts will eventually tire the predator, 404 00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:14,581 causing her to give up the chase. 405 00:25:14,647 --> 00:25:16,616 Smell the bacon, Jane? 406 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:24,691 I'm wondering what's happening here. I mean, 407 00:25:24,757 --> 00:25:26,626 we haven't been alone together in a week. 408 00:25:26,693 --> 00:25:29,862 We lost that great apartment... 409 00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:32,264 because your lawyer supposedly didn't get his act together, 410 00:25:32,331 --> 00:25:34,266 which is okay, I understand. 411 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,402 But as of Saturday, I don't have a place to live. 412 00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:39,238 Ray, what the hell's going on? 413 00:25:41,407 --> 00:25:43,275 I don't think I can do this. 414 00:25:43,342 --> 00:25:46,112 Do what? 415 00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:50,382 This. Us. 416 00:25:50,449 --> 00:25:52,885 What? 417 00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:56,989 Why? 418 00:25:57,056 --> 00:26:01,127 I don't know. What do you mean, you don't know? 419 00:26:01,193 --> 00:26:04,030 There has to be a reason. Just tell me what it is. 420 00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:07,499 Jane, I'm sorry. I-I... You deserve an answer, 421 00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,802 and I don't think I can explain it to you. 422 00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:15,407 I thought we... felt the same way: 423 00:26:15,474 --> 00:26:18,811 incredibly lucky to have... 424 00:26:18,878 --> 00:26:21,580 found th-the thing. I do. 425 00:26:22,815 --> 00:26:25,351 And here you go. I did. 426 00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,858 I... 427 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:36,729 I just think that we both need to take a step back. 428 00:26:38,164 --> 00:26:43,002 I mean we're talking about a very serious move here. 429 00:26:43,069 --> 00:26:47,373 I-I just wanted... I still... 430 00:26:50,142 --> 00:26:52,779 I don't even know what I'm trying to say. 431 00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:56,716 I feel like... such a jerk, 432 00:26:56,783 --> 00:26:59,518 you know, believing that this was, uh... 433 00:26:59,585 --> 00:27:01,220 Listen to me. I love you. 434 00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:05,825 I... want us to be important to each other. 435 00:27:05,892 --> 00:27:08,828 Please don't do that. 436 00:27:17,536 --> 00:27:20,072 Please go. 437 00:27:45,431 --> 00:27:49,435 There are few things sadder in this life... 438 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:53,472 than watching someone walk away after they've left you, 439 00:27:53,539 --> 00:27:57,276 watching the distance between your bodies expand... 440 00:27:57,343 --> 00:28:01,213 until there's nothing but empty space... 441 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,982 and silence. 442 00:28:09,722 --> 00:28:12,391 Remember, 443 00:28:12,458 --> 00:28:15,494 time wounds all heals. 444 00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:28,574 Eddie Alden. Yeah, sure. Hold on. 445 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,777 Hi. 446 00:28:32,611 --> 00:28:34,580 Are you all right? 447 00:28:34,646 --> 00:28:37,116 Why? Don't I look all right? 448 00:28:39,118 --> 00:28:42,221 You look like you hate my guts. I do hate your guts. 449 00:28:42,288 --> 00:28:45,391 That's nice. 450 00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:47,426 I don't blame you, you know. 451 00:28:47,493 --> 00:28:49,733 For what it's worth, this hasn't been easy for me either. 452 00:28:49,762 --> 00:28:52,364 Oh, yeah, you look really... destroyed. 453 00:28:52,431 --> 00:28:54,834 Hey. Hey, Eddie. 454 00:28:54,901 --> 00:28:58,070 Eddie, did you by any chance ever find a roommate? 455 00:28:59,538 --> 00:29:02,441 Well, no, actually. 456 00:29:02,508 --> 00:29:05,077 Because the place I was supposed to move into just suddenly fell apart... 457 00:29:05,144 --> 00:29:07,980 and my apartment's been re-rented... 458 00:29:08,047 --> 00:29:10,682 and I was wondering if the offer's still good. 459 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:12,785 Y-You're moving in with Eddie? Maybe. 460 00:29:12,852 --> 00:29:15,354 What's the apartment like? Uh... 461 00:29:15,421 --> 00:29:19,091 Just a two-bedroom loft, big kitchen, lots of windows, living room. 462 00:29:19,158 --> 00:29:21,994 Sounds amazing. When can I see it? 463 00:29:22,061 --> 00:29:24,964 - You're moving in with Eddie. - How about tonight? 464 00:29:25,031 --> 00:29:28,134 Perfect. Everything is just perfect. 465 00:29:32,771 --> 00:29:34,874 Hey. 466 00:29:36,542 --> 00:29:38,477 You okay? Yeah. 467 00:29:45,818 --> 00:29:48,287 Here it is. It's huge. 468 00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:53,025 Yup. Kitchen, living room, whatever. 469 00:29:53,092 --> 00:29:56,328 Uh, my bedroom, bathroom. 470 00:29:56,395 --> 00:29:58,330 This would be your room. 471 00:30:02,601 --> 00:30:04,370 What happened here? 472 00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:07,273 Yeah, I got the urge to renovate one night, but don't worry. 473 00:30:07,339 --> 00:30:09,942 I'd have it fixed by the time you moved in. 474 00:30:10,009 --> 00:30:13,079 You want a drink? Sure. Some water. 475 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:15,014 We don't have to share a bathroom, do we? 476 00:30:15,081 --> 00:30:17,917 Oh, no, I never, ever use the bathroom. 477 00:30:19,351 --> 00:30:21,187 So how'd you find this place? 478 00:30:21,253 --> 00:30:25,691 My ex-girlfriend worked in an emergency room. 479 00:30:25,757 --> 00:30:28,760 Whenever someone croaked, she'd check out their address, see if it was rent control. 480 00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:30,629 Eventually, we got lucky. 481 00:30:30,696 --> 00:30:32,999 You lived with somebody? 482 00:30:33,065 --> 00:30:36,568 Yeah. For how long? 483 00:30:36,635 --> 00:30:38,804 For... a while. 484 00:30:38,871 --> 00:30:43,775 So what do you think? I think I must be out of my mind. 485 00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:46,612 * They say you stand * 486 00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:48,814 * By your man * 487 00:30:48,881 --> 00:30:50,917 * Tell me something * 488 00:30:50,983 --> 00:30:53,119 * I don't understand * 489 00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:57,289 * You said you loved me and that's a fact * 490 00:30:57,356 --> 00:31:00,392 Hey! Thank you! 491 00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:02,328 Shit. 492 00:31:02,394 --> 00:31:06,966 * Well, some days you can explain away * 493 00:31:07,033 --> 00:31:11,270 * But the heartache's with me till this day * 494 00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:15,807 * Did you stand by me * 495 00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:18,044 * No, not at all * 496 00:31:18,110 --> 00:31:20,579 * Did you stand by me * 497 00:31:20,646 --> 00:31:22,949 * No way * 498 00:31:26,986 --> 00:31:29,255 * All the times * 499 00:31:29,321 --> 00:31:31,757 * That we were close * 500 00:31:31,823 --> 00:31:33,926 * I remember * 501 00:31:33,993 --> 00:31:36,195 * These things the most * 502 00:31:36,262 --> 00:31:40,666 * I've seen all my dreams come tumblin' down * 503 00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:42,834 * I can't be happy * 504 00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:45,437 * Without you around * 505 00:31:45,504 --> 00:31:50,009 * So alone I keep the wolves at bay * 506 00:31:50,076 --> 00:31:53,579 * And there's only one thing I can say * 507 00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:58,817 * You didn't stand by me * 508 00:31:58,884 --> 00:32:01,053 * No, not at all * 509 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,589 * You didn't stand by me * 510 00:32:03,655 --> 00:32:05,591 * No way * 511 00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:09,061 * You didn't stand by me No, not at all * 512 00:32:10,229 --> 00:32:12,664 * You didn't stand by me * 513 00:32:12,731 --> 00:32:14,967 * No way ** 514 00:32:15,034 --> 00:32:17,970 Morphine for the pain. 515 00:32:33,419 --> 00:32:35,521 Hey. 516 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:40,126 It was right after she moved out. 517 00:32:47,033 --> 00:32:50,302 I just took an ax and started hacking away at it. 518 00:32:51,737 --> 00:32:53,605 So I thought opening up that wall... 519 00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:57,576 might make it easier to breathe or something. 520 00:32:57,643 --> 00:32:59,611 I don't smoke. 521 00:33:14,226 --> 00:33:16,495 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 522 00:33:18,897 --> 00:33:20,999 You okay? 523 00:33:22,668 --> 00:33:24,736 Oh, yeah. 524 00:33:27,106 --> 00:33:28,774 What was her name? 525 00:33:34,946 --> 00:33:36,648 Rebecca. 526 00:33:40,219 --> 00:33:42,388 Put your shoes on. We're going downstairs. 527 00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,290 What's downstairs? You'll see. 528 00:33:49,561 --> 00:33:51,763 It's like there are two realities. 529 00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:57,103 First, we're in love, and it's incredible, it's perfect. 530 00:33:57,169 --> 00:33:59,871 And then poof! "Sorry, Jane. 531 00:33:59,938 --> 00:34:01,607 Doesn't work for me anymore." 532 00:34:01,673 --> 00:34:05,844 How is that possible? Easy. You were living in a fantasy. 533 00:34:05,911 --> 00:34:09,981 Romance, true love, soul mates, 534 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:11,983 it's all bullshit. 535 00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:13,885 None of it exists. 536 00:34:13,952 --> 00:34:16,588 Trust me. I speak from experience. 537 00:34:18,457 --> 00:34:23,495 Man, she really did a number on you, didn't she? 538 00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,897 Well, don't shit on my broken heart... 539 00:34:25,964 --> 00:34:30,869 just because you converted to some warped brand of romantic atheism. 540 00:34:30,936 --> 00:34:33,505 Oh, man! Whoo! 541 00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:35,607 It's called self-preservation. 542 00:34:35,674 --> 00:34:39,578 Oh, in other words, you narcotize yourself with casual sex. 543 00:34:39,645 --> 00:34:42,214 No, no, no. See, that implies I'm avoiding reality... 544 00:34:42,281 --> 00:34:44,283 when, in fact, I embrace it. 545 00:34:47,153 --> 00:34:49,121 Don't underestimate casual sex, Jane. 546 00:34:49,188 --> 00:34:52,258 It's very liberating. I'll bet. 547 00:34:58,830 --> 00:35:01,467 I almost feel sorry for her. 548 00:35:01,533 --> 00:35:03,135 What for? 549 00:35:03,202 --> 00:35:05,504 I make no pretenses, okay? 550 00:35:05,571 --> 00:35:07,606 Now, if she wants to put me up on a white horse, 551 00:35:07,673 --> 00:35:09,708 that's her choice. 552 00:35:10,642 --> 00:35:13,445 We're all grown-ups here, Jane. 553 00:35:13,512 --> 00:35:16,215 * You know I love you, baby * 554 00:35:18,083 --> 00:35:21,153 * And I don't want nobody else * 555 00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:26,858 * I can't help wonderin' if I ** 556 00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:32,731 I lay awake that night wondering which was worse: 557 00:35:32,798 --> 00:35:37,269 Guys like Ray who blinded you with charms and promises, 558 00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:42,241 or the Eddies of the world who went right for your pants. 559 00:35:42,308 --> 00:35:45,211 Oh. Excuse me. 560 00:35:45,277 --> 00:35:47,579 And in the end, it didn't matter. 561 00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:52,083 The truth was, they were all cast from the same mold. 562 00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:55,120 But the question remained. 563 00:35:55,187 --> 00:35:57,589 Why? 564 00:35:57,656 --> 00:35:59,991 And then one day by the river, 565 00:36:00,058 --> 00:36:02,261 I found my answer. 566 00:36:03,595 --> 00:36:05,764 Holy shit! 567 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,271 I told them dumb asses it'd never work. 568 00:36:12,338 --> 00:36:15,474 You can't fool a bull, mister. No, sir. 569 00:36:15,541 --> 00:36:18,544 He knows where he's been, and he ain't goin' back. 570 00:36:18,610 --> 00:36:21,213 Hell, I got... I got 93 cows. 571 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,215 Only one of 'em got nads. 572 00:36:23,282 --> 00:36:28,587 Why? 'Cause that one son of a bitch alone can knock up an entire herd. 573 00:36:28,654 --> 00:36:32,023 But once he's done, well, the party's over. 574 00:36:32,090 --> 00:36:35,060 I gotta go over to Ed Hickey's place down the road... 575 00:36:35,126 --> 00:36:37,095 and trade him for a new one... 576 00:36:37,162 --> 00:36:38,964 'cause there ain't a chance in hell... 577 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:41,767 he's ever gonna touch any of them cows again, no, sir. 578 00:36:41,833 --> 00:36:46,938 I figured it out. I'm the old cow. I don't get it. 579 00:36:47,005 --> 00:36:50,642 Remember a couple weeks ago when we were laughing at that graffiti on the subway? 580 00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:52,711 "Baby, I love the toilet you sit on"? No. 581 00:36:52,778 --> 00:36:54,813 "I'm tired of banging the same woman every night." 582 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,982 We thought there might actually be something to that, 583 00:36:57,048 --> 00:37:00,352 like it could be a window into their dark... Schizophrenic behavior. 584 00:37:00,419 --> 00:37:02,454 Well, it is. The new cow theory... 585 00:37:02,521 --> 00:37:04,656 and "I'm tired of banging the same woman every night," 586 00:37:04,723 --> 00:37:06,392 same thing. 587 00:37:06,458 --> 00:37:08,694 This is why men can't commit. 588 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,497 Sooner or later, we all become old cows. 589 00:37:11,563 --> 00:37:14,099 We're identified as already serviced, 590 00:37:14,165 --> 00:37:17,235 so they wanna move on and find less familiar females. 591 00:37:17,303 --> 00:37:21,540 The whole novelty thing, you mean. Neophilia, to be precise. 592 00:37:21,607 --> 00:37:24,743 What do you think? What do I think? I think... 593 00:37:24,810 --> 00:37:27,279 it's always about you, that's what I think. 594 00:37:27,346 --> 00:37:31,417 You fall for some guy, and it's like men are worthy of heroic worship. 595 00:37:31,483 --> 00:37:34,986 You get dumped and suddenly they're shit-sucking, commitment-phobic assholes. 596 00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:37,493 I'm sorry, Jane. The entire universe does not revolve around... 597 00:37:37,556 --> 00:37:39,758 your romantic status. 598 00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:48,300 You're in love. 599 00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:50,569 I'm almost in love. 600 00:37:50,636 --> 00:37:54,873 Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me? 601 00:37:56,975 --> 00:37:59,215 You're having a spectacular mope. I didn't wanna ruin it. 602 00:37:59,244 --> 00:38:03,882 Oh, my God! We met at a work party a couple of weeks ago and... 603 00:38:05,451 --> 00:38:08,854 Just incredible. I mean, he's so... 604 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,657 And I'm so... 605 00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:14,192 Although I appreciated Liz's intoxication... 606 00:38:14,259 --> 00:38:16,294 over her seeming good fortune, 607 00:38:16,362 --> 00:38:19,097 I refused to be derailed. 608 00:38:19,164 --> 00:38:22,200 Now armed with my new cow theory, 609 00:38:22,267 --> 00:38:25,671 I became voracious for information. 610 00:38:53,932 --> 00:38:55,667 What are you doing? 611 00:38:55,734 --> 00:38:58,236 Nothin'. 612 00:38:58,303 --> 00:39:00,572 Hey! Eddie! Whoa! What's this? 613 00:39:00,639 --> 00:39:03,675 "Amygdala, AKA erotic nose brain. 614 00:39:03,742 --> 00:39:07,345 Give it back! "An organ located in the nasal cavity, 615 00:39:07,413 --> 00:39:09,648 "which connects smells to memories. 616 00:39:09,715 --> 00:39:14,019 "Banana slugs, actually hermaphrodites... 617 00:39:15,854 --> 00:39:19,825 While mating, the males chew each other's penises off." 618 00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:27,999 I worry about you, Jane. I really do. 619 00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:54,325 Despite my conviction, 620 00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:58,964 there was the occasional setback. 621 00:39:59,030 --> 00:40:00,899 I want my erotic nose brain removed. 622 00:40:00,966 --> 00:40:03,101 I beg your pardon? 623 00:40:03,168 --> 00:40:06,672 My amygdala, the organ deep inside the nasal cavity, 624 00:40:06,738 --> 00:40:10,108 which processes scent, which then connects to memory. 625 00:40:10,175 --> 00:40:12,043 I'd like it extracted. 626 00:40:12,110 --> 00:40:15,747 But why would you want to voluntarily make yourself anosmatic? 627 00:40:15,814 --> 00:40:18,316 Well, let me see if I can explain this. 628 00:40:18,383 --> 00:40:20,819 Um, I had this boyfriend, okay? 629 00:40:20,886 --> 00:40:25,390 And he smelled really, really good, like soap... 630 00:40:25,457 --> 00:40:30,662 and fresh laundry and vanilla. 631 00:40:30,729 --> 00:40:32,998 And every time I smell any of those smells, 632 00:40:33,064 --> 00:40:36,334 I'm reminded of my boyfriend and how happy we were... 633 00:40:36,401 --> 00:40:38,336 before he dumped me for no good reason. 634 00:40:38,403 --> 00:40:42,207 And I get very sad, and then I get angry. 635 00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:47,546 And then before I know it, I am in the throes of an all-out emotional breakdown. 636 00:40:47,613 --> 00:40:50,148 And so I was just thinking, Dr. Glen, 637 00:40:50,215 --> 00:40:53,251 if I can just short-circuit my nose somehow, 638 00:40:53,318 --> 00:40:57,723 I might actually have a chance of living a semi-normal life someday. 639 00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:00,892 Hey, wait! 640 00:41:44,636 --> 00:41:46,437 Couldn't sleep? 641 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:49,174 No. Me neither. 642 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:52,811 Does that happen to you a lot? 643 00:41:52,878 --> 00:41:55,046 Yeah. 644 00:41:56,014 --> 00:41:57,983 Me too. 645 00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:01,887 Mmm. 646 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,669 Just like eating worms. Yeah. 647 00:42:24,342 --> 00:42:26,778 Talent. Mmm. These are good. 648 00:42:27,979 --> 00:42:29,981 Here. 649 00:42:31,583 --> 00:42:33,752 Head back. 650 00:42:40,626 --> 00:42:42,527 Yeah? Good. 651 00:42:42,594 --> 00:42:44,763 Good. 652 00:42:50,001 --> 00:42:51,837 Cold dumplings. My favorite. 653 00:42:52,838 --> 00:42:57,175 Way to go, Tomcat. Two points. 654 00:42:57,242 --> 00:42:59,177 Tomcat? 655 00:42:59,244 --> 00:43:01,112 Cheerleader. 656 00:43:01,179 --> 00:43:03,414 A what? 657 00:43:03,481 --> 00:43:05,483 I was a cheerleader. 658 00:43:05,550 --> 00:43:07,886 You were a cheerleader? Yes, I was. 659 00:43:07,953 --> 00:43:12,858 Paul G. Blazer Memorial High. Pride and joy of Cincinnati, Ohio, state champs, 1989. 660 00:43:12,924 --> 00:43:15,160 Go, Cats. Go, Cats. 661 00:43:15,226 --> 00:43:16,928 Well, show me. 662 00:43:16,995 --> 00:43:19,097 No. No! Come on! Why not? 663 00:43:19,164 --> 00:43:22,033 I just haven't done it in ten years, Eddie. Come on. 664 00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:25,236 You come on. Show me. You have to do something that merits a cheer. 665 00:43:25,303 --> 00:43:28,239 Like, uh, like, like... 666 00:43:28,306 --> 00:43:31,376 Like three dumplings, left-handed, in a row. 667 00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:34,045 You can't do that. Deal? 668 00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:35,747 Deal. 669 00:43:35,814 --> 00:43:39,317 One, two, three. 670 00:43:39,384 --> 00:43:42,120 Like that? 671 00:43:42,187 --> 00:43:45,056 Come on. Come on. 672 00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:46,825 Come on. 673 00:43:46,892 --> 00:43:51,029 You promise not to laugh? No. Come on. 674 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:02,107 What are those? Pom-poms. 675 00:44:04,943 --> 00:44:07,045 Okay. 676 00:44:07,112 --> 00:44:09,180 I hate you. 677 00:44:09,247 --> 00:44:11,216 It's okay. 678 00:44:16,221 --> 00:44:18,556 Ready? Okay! 679 00:44:18,623 --> 00:44:21,326 The Tomcats are here... 680 00:44:21,392 --> 00:44:23,394 to show... 681 00:44:23,461 --> 00:44:25,864 Whoa. 682 00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:33,805 Ready? Okay! 683 00:44:33,872 --> 00:44:35,640 The Tomcats are here... 684 00:44:35,707 --> 00:44:38,744 to show who's top. 685 00:44:38,810 --> 00:44:40,812 You think can beat us... 686 00:44:40,879 --> 00:44:43,514 but we can't be stopped! 687 00:44:43,581 --> 00:44:45,350 Go, Tomcats! 688 00:44:45,416 --> 00:44:50,055 - Whoo! First and ten and... - Eddie? 689 00:44:51,689 --> 00:44:53,458 Oh. Oh, sh... Um... 690 00:44:53,524 --> 00:44:55,626 Oh, hey, hey. 691 00:44:55,693 --> 00:45:00,165 Um... Hi. I'm, uh, Jane. 692 00:45:00,231 --> 00:45:01,967 Roommate. 693 00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:05,804 Isabel. Isabel, Jane. 694 00:45:05,871 --> 00:45:09,140 You can clean up. It's your turn. Okay. Okay. 695 00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:12,443 Good night. We're a little noisy. 696 00:45:21,987 --> 00:45:24,155 Hi, George. It's Jane. 697 00:45:27,959 --> 00:45:29,694 God, I'm such an idiot. 698 00:45:29,761 --> 00:45:32,663 I mean, I sensed things were a little off when he got back from L.A., 699 00:45:32,730 --> 00:45:36,201 but I just thought that he was just jet-lagged or something. 700 00:45:36,267 --> 00:45:38,336 Then he tells me the France thing isn't such a good idea... 701 00:45:38,403 --> 00:45:40,338 because he's gonna have to work the whole time anyway, 702 00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:42,373 so still, I figure, "Okay, that's no big deal." 703 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,609 So Friday he gets on a plane, he goes over there alone. 704 00:45:44,675 --> 00:45:47,245 Right? Wrong. 705 00:45:47,312 --> 00:45:50,515 An hour ago, I call his hotel room to say good night. 706 00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:52,951 Guess who answered the phone 1:00 a.m. Paris time? 707 00:45:54,619 --> 00:45:57,055 Penelope Pope. 708 00:45:57,122 --> 00:45:59,357 Who's Penelope Pope? I have no idea, 709 00:45:59,424 --> 00:46:01,960 but that's what she said when I said, "Who the fuck is this?" 710 00:46:02,027 --> 00:46:06,264 Oh, God. I don't get it! Liz, I'm sorry. 711 00:46:06,331 --> 00:46:11,937 I mean, why feed me all that romantic crap if he's just gonna cheat on me? 712 00:46:12,003 --> 00:46:14,973 - Copulatory imperative. - Excuse me? 713 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,309 It's the biological urge to spread their seed. 714 00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:22,047 The truth is, less than five percent of all male animals are monogamous. 715 00:46:22,113 --> 00:46:25,050 The other 95% are... 716 00:46:25,116 --> 00:46:27,018 Pucking Penelope Pope? 717 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,296 Hi, Jane. 718 00:46:38,363 --> 00:46:41,900 I, uh, stopped by HandH on the way in, 719 00:46:41,967 --> 00:46:45,136 picked up a sesame seed bagel... 720 00:46:45,203 --> 00:46:47,939 lightly toasted, just like you liked. 721 00:46:54,212 --> 00:46:56,147 Okay. 722 00:47:04,422 --> 00:47:06,691 Ray has a cold. I'm hoping it will turn into pneumonia... 723 00:47:06,757 --> 00:47:10,428 and that weeks of bed rest will cause abdominal muscles to atrophy. 724 00:47:15,533 --> 00:47:18,469 Ben wants to add a column to the magazine for women. 725 00:47:18,536 --> 00:47:21,672 It finally hit him that 20% of our readership is female. 726 00:47:21,739 --> 00:47:23,875 The idea is for it to be about men. 727 00:47:23,942 --> 00:47:25,944 You know, how they're so paranoid... 728 00:47:26,011 --> 00:47:29,114 about going bald and that kind of thing, so... 729 00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:31,950 Forget baldness. The real issue is their behavior. 730 00:47:32,017 --> 00:47:34,519 You know, that stuff like that copulatory impulse... 731 00:47:34,585 --> 00:47:37,088 Imperative. Hey, Bobby, can I get some more hot water? 732 00:47:37,155 --> 00:47:39,224 The point is, I think you should write it. 733 00:47:39,290 --> 00:47:41,659 Are you crazy? 734 00:47:41,726 --> 00:47:44,562 Well, why not? I'm not a writer. I'm not a psychologist. 735 00:47:44,629 --> 00:47:46,264 We don't need a psychologist. 736 00:47:46,331 --> 00:47:48,499 We need someone who's been in the trenches, baby. 737 00:47:48,566 --> 00:47:52,370 Liz, I don't know what I'm talking about. 738 00:47:52,437 --> 00:47:56,074 All I have are a bunch of notebooks filled with ridiculous little factoids. 739 00:47:56,141 --> 00:47:59,344 I mean, this is not a full-time job. This is a hobby. 740 00:47:59,410 --> 00:48:03,014 A sick, twisted, pathetic little hobby. 741 00:48:03,081 --> 00:48:06,084 You get paid to write about something you're already obsessed with. 742 00:48:06,151 --> 00:48:09,187 If you want anonymity, we'll give you a pen name. 743 00:48:09,254 --> 00:48:11,389 I personally think it'd be cathartic for you, 744 00:48:11,456 --> 00:48:15,093 and you'd be doing your dear, sweet, wonderful friend a huge favor. 745 00:48:18,763 --> 00:48:20,665 Pen name, huh? 746 00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:25,703 ** 747 00:48:25,770 --> 00:48:29,507 I'm doing this once. Do you hear me? One time. 748 00:48:29,574 --> 00:48:32,443 Fine. I'm telling you, it's gonna be fun. Fun? 749 00:48:32,510 --> 00:48:35,546 I'm helping concoct the background of a nonexistent scientist... 750 00:48:35,613 --> 00:48:40,185 who's about to publish her delusional theories in the nation's top men's magazine. 751 00:48:40,251 --> 00:48:43,421 You're right. Ha! This is fun. 752 00:48:43,488 --> 00:48:45,790 Okay, try this. Um... 753 00:48:45,856 --> 00:48:49,427 Born in Sussex, 1937. 754 00:48:51,296 --> 00:48:57,035 Cofounder of the Institute of Pathological Narcissism in Vienna. 755 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:14,485 Who is she? The recently deceased Harriet Gould of Astoria. 756 00:49:14,552 --> 00:49:16,988 No surviving relatives. She's perfect. 757 00:49:17,055 --> 00:49:20,458 She even has a bun. That's her. 758 00:49:20,525 --> 00:49:23,194 Dr. Marie Charles. 759 00:49:23,261 --> 00:49:25,663 Oh, my God. 760 00:49:58,963 --> 00:50:01,232 Every bull begins a relationship... 761 00:50:01,299 --> 00:50:04,269 with certain cards up his sleeve... aces. 762 00:50:04,335 --> 00:50:08,573 Tools of seduction by which he lures a new cow. 763 00:50:08,639 --> 00:50:10,875 One of the most notorious examples... 764 00:50:10,941 --> 00:50:12,843 is the current cow sob story. 765 00:50:12,910 --> 00:50:17,315 Allow me to deconstruct the essential elements. 766 00:50:17,382 --> 00:50:20,285 You're so easy to talk to, 767 00:50:20,351 --> 00:50:22,820 not like my current cow. 768 00:50:22,887 --> 00:50:25,523 This is key to understanding the myth of male shyness, 769 00:50:25,590 --> 00:50:27,492 for though you think he is flattering you, 770 00:50:27,558 --> 00:50:29,560 he is actually flattering himself, 771 00:50:29,627 --> 00:50:33,098 showing how open and sensitive and honest he is. 772 00:50:35,266 --> 00:50:39,804 I just try so hard and... 773 00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:43,341 Well, I'm sure she doesn't mean to be such a cold cow. 774 00:50:43,408 --> 00:50:46,844 Just in case you're starting to think he's a coldhearted, home-wrecking womanizer, 775 00:50:46,911 --> 00:50:49,780 he'll throw this in just to prove he's putting his current cow... 776 00:50:49,847 --> 00:50:51,782 out to pasture for good reason, 777 00:50:51,849 --> 00:50:54,919 and that he's actually tormented with guilt at the thought of abandoning her. 778 00:50:54,985 --> 00:50:58,556 What's that thing they always say about the love of a good woman? 779 00:50:58,623 --> 00:51:01,326 That, once offered, it's guaranteed to come back... 780 00:51:01,392 --> 00:51:03,328 and bite her in the ass. 781 00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:05,696 Enter case in point. Hey. 782 00:51:05,763 --> 00:51:08,199 Hey. Thought you were with what's her name. 783 00:51:08,266 --> 00:51:12,403 Didn't work out. You have a little saddle sore on that white horse of yours? 784 00:51:14,372 --> 00:51:17,275 Okay, so what happened? Just lost interest. 785 00:51:17,342 --> 00:51:20,111 What do you mean, you lost interest? 786 00:51:20,178 --> 00:51:22,012 How exactly? 787 00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:26,217 Christ, Jane, do we really have to have another postmortem? 788 00:51:26,284 --> 00:51:29,354 I'm just curious is all. So you went to a movie, 789 00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:32,357 then back to her place? 790 00:51:32,423 --> 00:51:35,660 Then what? 791 00:51:35,726 --> 00:51:37,728 So we're in the kitchen getting a drink, 792 00:51:37,795 --> 00:51:39,764 and suddenly, she starts looking for food. 793 00:51:39,830 --> 00:51:43,268 We had dinner right after the movie, but... I don't know. 794 00:51:43,334 --> 00:51:46,271 She was still hungry. She's always hungry, it seems. 795 00:51:46,337 --> 00:51:49,840 And that's bad, Women who eat? 796 00:51:53,578 --> 00:51:57,615 Okay, so you're in the kitchen, she's hungry again, inexplicably, 797 00:51:57,682 --> 00:51:59,350 then what? 798 00:51:59,417 --> 00:52:02,920 So she takes out a pint of Haagen-Dazs... a pint... 799 00:52:02,987 --> 00:52:06,624 And just starts eating it right out of the container, 800 00:52:06,691 --> 00:52:09,894 and there was just something about it that turned me off. 801 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,198 Was the refrigerator door open? 802 00:52:13,264 --> 00:52:15,833 Why? Answer the question. Open or closed? 803 00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:18,035 It was open, I think. 804 00:52:18,102 --> 00:52:20,171 Would it have made a difference if it were shut? 805 00:52:20,238 --> 00:52:23,208 Would that have made the act of a nonfat woman eating ice cream... 806 00:52:23,274 --> 00:52:24,975 a little less revolting to you? 807 00:52:25,042 --> 00:52:29,013 What if she'd not had dinner? What if she were legitimately hungry... 808 00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:31,949 before she shoved her face into a trough of Haagen-Dazs? 809 00:52:32,016 --> 00:52:34,285 Would it have repulsed you less if she used a dish? 810 00:52:34,352 --> 00:52:37,322 - Good night, you psycho! - Good night, neophiliac! 811 00:52:37,388 --> 00:52:42,560 * Hallelujah Hallelujah * 812 00:52:42,627 --> 00:52:45,230 * Hallelujah Hallelujah * Are you sitting down? 813 00:52:45,296 --> 00:52:48,433 Oprah read the article on her show today. 814 00:52:48,499 --> 00:52:50,568 The audience went so crazy for it, she called us personally, 815 00:52:50,635 --> 00:52:52,475 begging for Dr. Charles to appear as her guest. 816 00:52:52,503 --> 00:52:55,873 What? I told everyone in P.R. a different story. 817 00:52:55,940 --> 00:52:59,410 She's vacationing in Hong Kong. She's at a conference in Tangiers. 818 00:52:59,477 --> 00:53:02,680 Oh, this is bad. No, no, no. This is all good. 819 00:53:02,747 --> 00:53:05,550 Okay? Trust me. I've got it all under control. 820 00:53:05,616 --> 00:53:07,918 This won't come anywhere near you. 821 00:53:07,985 --> 00:53:10,921 "And so, while the male may often seem shy... 822 00:53:10,988 --> 00:53:16,060 "with all his Uriah Heep hand-wringin' and 'aw, shucks' toe-kickin', 823 00:53:16,126 --> 00:53:18,863 "he's actually a narcissist... 824 00:53:18,929 --> 00:53:24,134 "because this apparent shyness belies the more deeply rooted feelings... 825 00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:27,905 "of unworthiness and fear of rejection. 826 00:53:27,972 --> 00:53:32,343 "And this is what compels him to constantly seek attention... 827 00:53:32,410 --> 00:53:38,316 from new cow after new cow ad nauseam, ad infinitum." 828 00:53:38,383 --> 00:53:40,585 This is such great stuff. 829 00:53:40,651 --> 00:53:43,721 It obliterates any sentimentality we might have... 830 00:53:43,788 --> 00:53:45,990 about what noble creatures men are. 831 00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:49,427 This right here is what we've been looking for. It's-It's provocative. 832 00:53:49,494 --> 00:53:52,863 It's clever. It's got mass appeal written all over it. 833 00:53:52,930 --> 00:53:55,700 There's just one problem. Nobody can seem to find this woman. 834 00:53:55,766 --> 00:53:58,168 The Today Show's tried. Oprah's tried. 835 00:53:58,235 --> 00:54:00,338 Yeah, and have you tried? Eddie? 836 00:54:00,405 --> 00:54:03,741 - Uh, well, no. - Well, get on it! 837 00:54:03,808 --> 00:54:06,844 Do you realize what we're talking about here? 838 00:54:06,911 --> 00:54:10,848 The ungettable get? Yes! 839 00:54:10,915 --> 00:54:15,185 I don't care what it takes. You find that Dr. Marie Charles... 840 00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:18,022 and bring her here to my studio. 841 00:54:18,088 --> 00:54:20,725 Let me get this straight. Your best friend works at M magazine... 842 00:54:20,791 --> 00:54:22,960 and she has no idea where this cow doctor is? 843 00:54:23,027 --> 00:54:24,829 That's what she said. 844 00:54:24,895 --> 00:54:27,064 I don't buy that. Why are you holding out on me? 845 00:54:27,131 --> 00:54:29,233 I'm not! I told you she's working on it! 846 00:54:29,300 --> 00:54:31,336 Just give me her number. I'm not gonna give you her number. 847 00:54:31,402 --> 00:54:32,970 Why not? She's working on it! 848 00:54:33,037 --> 00:54:35,440 Besides, you'd never reach her. She's at Jivamukti. Huh? 849 00:54:35,506 --> 00:54:37,475 Yoga. Yoga what? 850 00:54:37,542 --> 00:54:39,910 Jivamukti. Jiv... 851 00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,983 Manhattan. Jivamukti. Eddie! 852 00:54:46,050 --> 00:54:48,453 It's a yoga place. 853 00:54:48,519 --> 00:54:51,021 Eddie, don't be a jerk! 854 00:54:54,825 --> 00:54:57,294 Eddie, come on! 855 00:54:57,362 --> 00:54:59,997 This is so ridiculous. Ohhh! 856 00:55:00,064 --> 00:55:03,000 Hey, hey, you have to leave your shoes in here. 857 00:55:04,234 --> 00:55:06,437 ** 858 00:55:06,504 --> 00:55:09,540 Liz? Excuse me. 859 00:55:09,607 --> 00:55:14,379 Jerk, she is my best friend. I would certainly know if... 860 00:55:14,445 --> 00:55:16,647 Jane? 861 00:55:17,915 --> 00:55:19,517 Stay! 862 00:55:19,584 --> 00:55:23,220 - Bring your leg up higher. - Excuse me, sir, you're gonna have to leave. 863 00:55:23,287 --> 00:55:25,247 Gee. Sorry. I know. I'm just looking for a friend. 864 00:55:25,289 --> 00:55:27,625 Oh. 865 00:55:27,692 --> 00:55:30,395 - Sorry. You okay? - Eddie. 866 00:55:34,665 --> 00:55:37,902 How you doin', Becca? 867 00:55:37,968 --> 00:55:40,371 I'm good. 868 00:55:42,272 --> 00:55:44,074 What are you doing here? 869 00:55:46,544 --> 00:55:49,947 I, uh... I-I don't know. 870 00:55:51,582 --> 00:55:53,350 Come, class. Let's forget about this disturbance. 871 00:55:53,418 --> 00:55:55,285 It's okay. Everyone, let's come on up. 872 00:55:55,352 --> 00:55:58,623 Get back to your spaces and let's prepare for lion pose. 873 00:55:58,689 --> 00:56:02,560 Hey, inhale. Exhale. Open your mouth. 874 00:56:02,627 --> 00:56:04,462 Stick out your tongue. 875 00:56:04,529 --> 00:56:08,298 That was Rebecca? Eddie, talk to me. 876 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,300 There's nothing to talk about. 877 00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:13,771 Hi, Liz. I cannot believe it. 878 00:56:13,838 --> 00:56:16,874 Hey, Janey! Hi! Hi, guys! 879 00:56:16,941 --> 00:56:19,844 Eddie, this is my sister Alice and my brother-in-law Stephen. 880 00:56:19,910 --> 00:56:23,681 - You're... Eddie. - Yeah. Hey. 881 00:56:23,748 --> 00:56:26,116 - Are you two taking yoga class together? - No. 882 00:56:26,183 --> 00:56:30,120 - We were just... I... It-It's stupid. - No, no, it's not stupid. 883 00:56:30,187 --> 00:56:32,690 We don't think it's stupid. No. We just started the pregnancy class. 884 00:56:32,757 --> 00:56:34,792 Oh, yeah. Congratulations. 885 00:56:34,859 --> 00:56:37,828 - Thanks. She's a great breather. - Listen, I gotta go. 886 00:56:37,895 --> 00:56:40,598 Hey, it was really nice to meet you, Eddie. Bye-bye. 887 00:57:19,369 --> 00:57:22,873 Eddie preferred to leave things unsaid... 888 00:57:22,940 --> 00:57:26,777 and went back to grazing in greener pastures. 889 00:57:28,212 --> 00:57:31,616 Merry Christmas. 890 00:57:31,682 --> 00:57:33,618 Merry Christmas, everyone. 891 00:57:33,684 --> 00:57:35,686 Merry Christmas. 892 00:57:35,753 --> 00:57:38,623 I'm getting out of here. Okay. 893 00:57:38,689 --> 00:57:41,091 ** 894 00:57:41,158 --> 00:57:43,594 Uh, two champagnes, please. Yes, sir. 895 00:57:43,661 --> 00:57:47,164 Shouldn't that be a champagne and a Shirley Temple? 896 00:57:47,231 --> 00:57:50,267 Sorry. No, you're not. 897 00:57:50,334 --> 00:57:54,104 - So where'd you meet her? - She's Emily's roommate. 898 00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:57,441 Emily that I made coffee for last Sunday? 899 00:57:57,508 --> 00:57:59,777 Uh-huh. 900 00:57:59,844 --> 00:58:02,212 Isn't that complicated? 901 00:58:02,279 --> 00:58:06,050 It's never complicated, Jane. 902 00:58:06,116 --> 00:58:08,052 Thank you. 903 00:58:24,669 --> 00:58:28,272 Evening, sir. What can I get you? 904 00:58:28,338 --> 00:58:30,340 Scotch, please. Yes, sir. 905 00:58:30,407 --> 00:58:33,978 Did you hear Diane's joke about the reindeer? 906 00:58:35,546 --> 00:58:37,548 Funny! 907 00:58:41,318 --> 00:58:43,387 - Here you go. - Thank you. 908 00:58:52,763 --> 00:58:55,199 I miss you, Jane. 909 00:59:02,539 --> 00:59:05,843 Am I... Am I supposed to walk away now? 910 00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:12,549 No. 911 00:59:12,617 --> 00:59:16,754 Can we get away from this? Can we do something? 912 00:59:16,821 --> 00:59:19,256 Get together for lunch, dinner, Friday night. 913 00:59:22,627 --> 00:59:24,629 Friday is New Year's Eve. 914 00:59:24,695 --> 00:59:28,999 Oh, that's right. That's right. 915 00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:31,168 You probably have some, uh, plans. 916 00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:33,170 Don't you? Yeah. 917 00:59:33,237 --> 00:59:36,306 Yes, I do. Yes, I do. 918 00:59:36,373 --> 00:59:39,777 I have... 919 00:59:39,844 --> 00:59:43,313 No. 920 00:59:43,380 --> 00:59:47,417 I have none. 921 00:59:47,484 --> 00:59:52,790 Could I call you? Would that be okay? 922 00:59:55,392 --> 00:59:58,228 Yeah. 923 01:00:00,164 --> 01:00:03,868 Merry Christmas, Jane. 924 01:00:03,934 --> 01:00:08,105 Yee-haaaw! * Jingle bells Ji-Jingle bells * 925 01:00:08,172 --> 01:00:11,208 Well, you can't stop now. We'll do it together. 926 01:00:11,275 --> 01:00:13,610 You're syndicated in over 300 newspapers. 927 01:00:13,678 --> 01:00:15,512 Talk radio is having a field day with it. 928 01:00:15,579 --> 01:00:18,683 Clearly the world is one giant used-cow lot. 929 01:00:18,749 --> 01:00:22,720 Look, I just want to think about it, okay? What's there to think about? 930 01:00:22,787 --> 01:00:25,255 You don't want to be a post-feminist icon? 931 01:00:25,322 --> 01:00:29,326 Come on. Let's get something great to wear for Julian's New Year's Eve party. 932 01:00:31,295 --> 01:00:35,599 I meant to tell you that... I kind of made other plans. 933 01:00:35,666 --> 01:00:37,902 I mean, it's nothing major. It's not a big... 934 01:00:37,968 --> 01:00:40,404 Well... What are you talking about? 935 01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:44,742 Ray asked me out. Ray? 936 01:00:44,809 --> 01:00:47,845 As in Ray Brown? 937 01:00:47,912 --> 01:00:49,847 As in devil incarnate? 938 01:00:49,914 --> 01:00:52,016 No! No, I forbid it! 939 01:00:52,082 --> 01:00:54,151 I-I-I thought you were over this. 940 01:00:54,218 --> 01:00:57,154 I think I'm having second thoughts. 941 01:00:57,221 --> 01:01:02,727 Oh, so now... Dr. Charles is having them too. 942 01:01:12,837 --> 01:01:15,906 Done yet? You got a hot date? 943 01:01:15,973 --> 01:01:18,642 No, I just have to pee. Be my guest. 944 01:01:18,709 --> 01:01:21,311 What's this, party Viagra? Huh? 945 01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:23,480 No, it's nicotine gum. 946 01:01:23,547 --> 01:01:27,985 When did you quit? Oh, since Daphne told me she wanted to marry a smoker. 947 01:01:28,052 --> 01:01:30,287 Here. 948 01:01:30,354 --> 01:01:32,356 Thank you. 949 01:01:32,422 --> 01:01:34,703 Why don't you put on a dress and come out with me tonight? 950 01:01:34,759 --> 01:01:36,861 Why, so I can trail after your harem? 951 01:01:36,927 --> 01:01:39,529 I'm flying solo. I thought I'd keep my options open. 952 01:01:39,596 --> 01:01:41,631 Yeah? 953 01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:43,567 Although that may be for me. 954 01:01:45,736 --> 01:01:47,237 - Hello. - You're home. 955 01:01:47,304 --> 01:01:48,944 Does this mean you've come to your senses? 956 01:01:49,006 --> 01:01:51,175 No, and I only have an hour to get ready. 957 01:01:51,241 --> 01:01:53,377 So quit worrying about me. Go out. Have a good time. 958 01:01:53,443 --> 01:01:55,379 I'm going to wear that red lipstick you gave, and I'll call you tomorrow. 959 01:01:55,445 --> 01:01:57,214 Okay. Bye. Bye. 960 01:02:04,154 --> 01:02:06,891 Why are you doing this to yourself? 961 01:02:08,692 --> 01:02:11,328 - Doing what? - Ray. 962 01:02:11,395 --> 01:02:14,198 I don't know what you're talking about. 963 01:02:14,264 --> 01:02:17,234 Okay. 964 01:02:17,301 --> 01:02:22,539 Well, if you change your mind, this is where I'll be. Oh, thanks. 965 01:02:22,606 --> 01:02:25,409 I think I'll... jump into my pj's, 966 01:02:25,475 --> 01:02:27,812 probably watch a little TV... 967 01:02:27,878 --> 01:02:30,080 go to bed early... Happy New Year. 968 01:02:30,147 --> 01:02:32,216 Same to you! 969 01:02:51,435 --> 01:02:57,107 Now, back to our special New Year's Eve coverage with Hugh Downs. 970 01:02:57,174 --> 01:02:59,877 To recap, it was less than 48 hours ago... 971 01:02:59,944 --> 01:03:02,212 that Ray Brown called to confirm his plans... 972 01:03:02,279 --> 01:03:04,348 to take Jane Goodale out this evening, 973 01:03:04,414 --> 01:03:06,683 a clear indication that he was, indeed, 974 01:03:06,750 --> 01:03:10,054 regretting his decision to terminate their involvement. 975 01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:13,790 So the question remains, why hasn't he shown up yet? 976 01:03:13,858 --> 01:03:17,761 By all accounts, it would appear that Mr. Brown is sticking firmly... 977 01:03:17,828 --> 01:03:20,297 to his September sanctions. 978 01:03:42,219 --> 01:03:44,288 ** 979 01:04:20,624 --> 01:04:26,063 Nine, eight, seven, 980 01:04:26,130 --> 01:04:31,835 six, five, four, three, two, one! 981 01:04:31,902 --> 01:04:33,938 Happy New Year! 982 01:04:36,373 --> 01:04:38,075 Jane! 983 01:04:48,418 --> 01:04:51,355 Whoo! 984 01:04:55,659 --> 01:04:57,627 Ahh... 985 01:04:59,896 --> 01:05:02,532 Ohh... 986 01:05:13,277 --> 01:05:16,046 Jane! 987 01:05:29,559 --> 01:05:31,928 Happy New Year! 988 01:05:40,137 --> 01:05:43,273 Jane? Don't even bother. 989 01:05:43,340 --> 01:05:46,176 I-I need to talk to you. Shh... 990 01:05:46,243 --> 01:05:49,579 Excuse me. Why didn't you... Why didn't you return my calls? 991 01:05:49,646 --> 01:05:51,781 You mean the calls that came after the call you didn't make? 992 01:05:51,848 --> 01:05:53,883 I... This is not true. 993 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:57,554 It's so true. 994 01:06:02,226 --> 01:06:04,261 Will you stop for just a moment? 995 01:06:04,328 --> 01:06:06,230 Hey, Jane. Listen, I know it was inexcus... 996 01:06:06,296 --> 01:06:08,332 Good morning! Hi, Jane. Ray. 997 01:06:08,398 --> 01:06:11,735 There's a reason I didn't show up that night. I'm sure there is. 998 01:06:11,801 --> 01:06:13,870 And you know what? I couldn't possibly care less. 999 01:06:13,937 --> 01:06:15,739 So let's forget about it. Okay! 1000 01:06:15,805 --> 01:06:18,075 I don't suppose you're interested in hearing me out. 1001 01:06:18,142 --> 01:06:20,177 You know what, Ray? The truth is... 1002 01:06:20,244 --> 01:06:23,013 Hi! You did me a favor. 1003 01:06:23,080 --> 01:06:26,050 Any delusions I may have still had about you, they're gone now. 1004 01:06:27,017 --> 01:06:29,686 It was a gift. You released me. 1005 01:06:29,753 --> 01:06:32,356 For the first time in months, I feel great. 1006 01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:36,126 Staff meeting in my office in two minutes. Okay, be right there. 1007 01:06:38,228 --> 01:06:42,332 Uh, what's wrong? 1008 01:06:42,399 --> 01:06:45,469 Diane's wearing your shirt. 1009 01:06:45,535 --> 01:06:48,505 The shirt I bought you on the sidewalk. 1010 01:06:54,144 --> 01:06:57,347 So, does that mean that the, uh... 1011 01:06:57,414 --> 01:07:01,318 The two of you are... Seeing each other again. 1012 01:07:01,385 --> 01:07:04,788 Yes. That's what I've been trying to explain. Wait. Stop. 1013 01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:07,224 Did you say, "Again"? 1014 01:07:07,291 --> 01:07:10,460 I should have told you a long time ago, 1015 01:07:10,527 --> 01:07:13,297 but Diane insisted on keeping it quiet. 1016 01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:15,432 We got back together right before New Year's and... Oh... 1017 01:07:15,499 --> 01:07:19,403 And we went away for a couple of days, and it was terrible of me to not call, but I... 1018 01:07:19,469 --> 01:07:22,272 Ray, I've got Tony Robbins on line three! 1019 01:07:22,339 --> 01:07:26,310 - Ohh! Go on. - I'm really sorry, Jane. 1020 01:07:46,330 --> 01:07:49,633 Hey, what is it? 1021 01:07:49,699 --> 01:07:52,869 "D... " She's "D." I'm not following. 1022 01:07:52,936 --> 01:07:55,572 Di... Di... "D." Diane is "D." 1023 01:07:55,639 --> 01:07:58,375 Yes. "D" is for Diane. "E" is for Eddie. 1024 01:07:58,442 --> 01:08:01,345 Ray's "D." She's the one! 1025 01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:03,847 I mean, she was... She is the one. I mean, she... 1026 01:08:03,913 --> 01:08:05,815 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. 1027 01:08:05,882 --> 01:08:07,884 Just breathe. Breathe, Jane. Breathe. 1028 01:08:07,951 --> 01:08:10,587 Now, let me get this straight. Ray and Diane are together? 1029 01:08:10,654 --> 01:08:13,157 Back together. Together again. All right. I get it. I get it. 1030 01:08:13,223 --> 01:08:15,525 Let it go. Ray and Diane? Yeah! 1031 01:08:15,592 --> 01:08:17,561 Okay. Shh... It doesn't matter. 1032 01:08:17,627 --> 01:08:19,696 That chapter's over, remember? It doesn't matter. 1033 01:08:19,763 --> 01:08:21,931 Now we got to go in there, so pull it together. 1034 01:08:21,998 --> 01:08:24,334 Do you hear me? Don't cry. 1035 01:08:24,401 --> 01:08:26,870 Don't cry, please. You're gonna be fine. 1036 01:08:26,936 --> 01:08:28,805 Okay. We're gonna go in there. 1037 01:08:28,872 --> 01:08:31,875 Good. You all right? Okay. 1038 01:08:33,543 --> 01:08:36,980 Jane, where are we for next week? 1039 01:08:37,046 --> 01:08:40,717 Uh, we're-we're all set with Gerard Depardieu. Right, Jane? 1040 01:08:40,784 --> 01:08:44,521 Oh, good. New movie? 1041 01:08:44,588 --> 01:08:46,990 Am-Amazing. Amazing. 1042 01:08:47,056 --> 01:08:49,559 I-I actually, uh... I saw it. It's, uh... 1043 01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:52,061 About a man whose whole marriage falls apart and... 1044 01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:54,664 I mean, it's brutal, actually. I mean... 1045 01:08:54,731 --> 01:08:56,933 You know, they show the whole love story first. 1046 01:08:57,000 --> 01:09:00,770 You see that this woman means... everything to this-this man. 1047 01:09:00,837 --> 01:09:03,840 In fact, there's this-this... this one scene... 1048 01:09:03,907 --> 01:09:07,677 where he actually sits in just a... a dark... uhh... 1049 01:09:07,744 --> 01:09:11,815 It's very touching. He's sits in a dark room, and he just... 1050 01:09:11,881 --> 01:09:15,552 You just start to see the-the tears and stuff. 1051 01:09:15,619 --> 01:09:19,456 I mean, the man is completely, you know, broken, and you feel it. 1052 01:09:19,523 --> 01:09:22,003 You really feel it, and it's devastating. It's a devastating... 1053 01:09:24,361 --> 01:09:27,531 Is this a joke? 1054 01:09:28,532 --> 01:09:30,767 N-No. What do you mean? 1055 01:09:33,503 --> 01:09:37,741 I mean... I mean, is this a joke? 1056 01:09:37,807 --> 01:09:42,312 - No, I saw it two nights ago. - What's so funny, Jane? 1057 01:09:42,379 --> 01:09:46,115 Oh, can you believe this guy? I know, I... 1058 01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:48,985 So sensitive... So... 1059 01:09:49,052 --> 01:09:52,989 So devastated when it comes to some chubby French guy, but, oh! 1060 01:09:53,056 --> 01:09:57,060 Stomp on somebody's heart in real life, and where's his sorry-ass pity then, huh? 1061 01:09:57,126 --> 01:10:00,029 Nowhere! Why? Because he doesn't get it! 1062 01:10:00,096 --> 01:10:02,432 He never gets it! 1063 01:10:02,499 --> 01:10:04,568 Someone please explain it to me. 1064 01:10:04,634 --> 01:10:09,138 Because I don't know what you are talking about! 1065 01:10:17,714 --> 01:10:20,550 Evelyn, is she free? Yeah. She is. 1066 01:10:20,617 --> 01:10:22,419 Thanks. 1067 01:10:31,194 --> 01:10:34,998 I'm sorry, Diane. I... I don't know where that came from. 1068 01:10:35,064 --> 01:10:38,668 Well, I do. I know exactly where it came from. 1069 01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:40,570 You do? 1070 01:10:40,637 --> 01:10:43,607 Some guy crushed you under his boot heel, 1071 01:10:43,673 --> 01:10:46,009 and you lashed out at poor Ray as being... 1072 01:10:46,075 --> 01:10:48,312 representative of the prick that did that to you. 1073 01:10:48,378 --> 01:10:52,849 I'm right, aren't I? More or less. 1074 01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:54,718 Well, you can't do it, Jane. 1075 01:10:54,784 --> 01:10:57,587 - I don't care how much it hurts. - I know. 1076 01:10:57,654 --> 01:10:59,654 No, you don't know. Now, sit down and listen to me. 1077 01:11:05,495 --> 01:11:07,731 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 1078 01:11:09,599 --> 01:11:13,503 About six months ago, my boyfriend tried to leave me. 1079 01:11:13,570 --> 01:11:17,073 Well, he did. He left. 1080 01:11:17,140 --> 01:11:22,612 And I was devastated. I was destroyed. Did you see it? 1081 01:11:25,682 --> 01:11:29,519 No. I-I-I didn't. No. Right. 1082 01:11:29,586 --> 01:11:33,790 Do you know why? Because if I fall apart, 1083 01:11:33,857 --> 01:11:36,025 everything around me falls apart... 1084 01:11:36,092 --> 01:11:41,565 Everything that I have worked my entire life for. 1085 01:11:41,631 --> 01:11:44,067 - Do you love him? - Wh-Who? 1086 01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:48,705 - Him. The guy. - I don't know. 1087 01:11:48,772 --> 01:11:52,376 Of course you do. Now, have you talked to him lately? 1088 01:11:52,442 --> 01:11:56,079 No. No. Not ex... Not exactly talked. 1089 01:11:56,145 --> 01:12:00,049 Do it. Do it. Talk to him. 1090 01:12:02,419 --> 01:12:07,290 I used to feel that if I kept my heart to myself, 1091 01:12:07,357 --> 01:12:12,028 If I never let him know how much I needed him, that he would never leave me. 1092 01:12:12,095 --> 01:12:14,864 Well, guess what? He did. 1093 01:12:14,931 --> 01:12:19,569 And I lived in a private, pathetic puddle... 1094 01:12:19,636 --> 01:12:22,105 until I couldn't stand it anymore, 1095 01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:25,174 And so you know what I did? I showed up at his doorstep... 1096 01:12:25,241 --> 01:12:29,045 with two corned beef sandwiches on rye, lightly toasted, 1097 01:12:29,112 --> 01:12:33,783 and I told him that I was lost without him. 1098 01:12:33,850 --> 01:12:35,885 You said that? 1099 01:12:35,952 --> 01:12:40,123 Pretty progressive, huh? And I'm happy. Go figure. 1100 01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,958 I never thought I'd be happy. 1101 01:12:47,531 --> 01:12:49,766 And you believe her? 1102 01:12:49,833 --> 01:12:52,836 This is true love? This is what we all should be looking for? 1103 01:12:52,902 --> 01:12:55,472 That is the most tragic thing I've ever heard. 1104 01:12:55,539 --> 01:13:00,209 We're talking about a woman whose boyfriend was screwing you in order to get away from her. 1105 01:13:00,276 --> 01:13:02,311 And she's the authority on romance? 1106 01:13:02,378 --> 01:13:05,281 The only reason she believes that crap is because she has to. 1107 01:13:05,348 --> 01:13:07,751 She's an old cow. 1108 01:13:07,817 --> 01:13:11,988 Truth is all we need to do is adjust our radar a bit. 1109 01:13:12,055 --> 01:13:14,958 You know, learn to be attracted to men we're simply not attracted to. 1110 01:13:15,024 --> 01:13:18,194 Whoa. Hang on. What are you talking about? 1111 01:13:18,261 --> 01:13:21,297 Well, for example, normally... 1112 01:13:21,364 --> 01:13:24,501 I might be attracted to a guy like you. 1113 01:13:24,568 --> 01:13:28,472 But thanks to Dr. Charles, I've learned to control my passion for testosterone, 1114 01:13:28,538 --> 01:13:30,574 and now I can proudly say... 1115 01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:35,044 that I no longer find you in the least bit desirable. 1116 01:13:35,111 --> 01:13:38,014 Oh, gee. That's swell. 1117 01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:40,183 I need a drink. 1118 01:13:42,018 --> 01:13:45,388 Does she have any idea that she's completely insane? 1119 01:13:45,455 --> 01:13:49,893 No. She's right. Diane is an old cow. He cannot go back to her. 1120 01:13:49,959 --> 01:13:52,428 Okay, that's it. 1121 01:13:52,496 --> 01:13:57,467 Jane, these are people, not cows! 1122 01:14:08,077 --> 01:14:10,046 Hello. 1123 01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:18,888 I should have known you would take his side. 1124 01:14:18,955 --> 01:14:22,492 This isn't about sides, Jane. It's about dealing with reality. 1125 01:14:22,559 --> 01:14:25,328 And you need to get a grip. Oh, that's rich... 1126 01:14:25,394 --> 01:14:28,765 coming from an emotional moron who's whoring his way through Manhattan, 1127 01:14:28,832 --> 01:14:31,434 using women like A.T.M. machines. 1128 01:14:31,501 --> 01:14:34,871 Oh, that's great. I get dumped, sleep around, and I'm a moron. 1129 01:14:34,938 --> 01:14:37,240 You, you get dumped and become the disciple... 1130 01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:40,243 of some crone-slash-quack behavioral scientist... 1131 01:14:40,309 --> 01:14:43,279 who can't tell the difference between quadrupeds and bipeds, and you're normal. 1132 01:14:43,346 --> 01:14:45,982 She is not a crone. And she is not a quack! How do you know? 1133 01:14:46,049 --> 01:14:48,585 Who gives as shit? 1134 01:14:48,652 --> 01:14:52,321 You know, while you were out there buying these theories about the horrors of men... 1135 01:14:52,388 --> 01:14:54,824 and why guys like Ray won't ever come back, 1136 01:14:54,891 --> 01:14:57,226 deep down inside you're hoping he would. 1137 01:14:57,293 --> 01:15:00,830 Men are evil. Men are scum. But please, Ray, won't you make a liar out of me? 1138 01:15:00,897 --> 01:15:03,600 Well, you got what you asked for, Jane. 1139 01:15:03,667 --> 01:15:06,570 He did go back. He just did it with the wrong girl! 1140 01:15:09,105 --> 01:15:11,541 It's over! Over. 1141 01:15:12,742 --> 01:15:15,478 Why can't you just let it go? Because. 1142 01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:17,681 - Because why? - Because I can't. 1143 01:15:17,747 --> 01:15:21,651 Why? Because I was happy. 1144 01:15:21,718 --> 01:15:24,721 Because if this... theory is wrong, 1145 01:15:24,788 --> 01:15:27,724 men don't leave all women, Eddie, they leave me. 1146 01:15:35,464 --> 01:15:38,935 I know what it does to you. I know. 1147 01:15:39,002 --> 01:15:42,471 Maybe that's why we hold on as hard as we do. 1148 01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:47,343 We just can't believe that such a miracle can ever happen to us twice. 1149 01:15:47,410 --> 01:15:52,215 And... 1150 01:15:52,281 --> 01:15:54,217 But it can. 1151 01:15:56,352 --> 01:15:59,923 Someday you'll find it again. 1152 01:15:59,989 --> 01:16:03,793 I promise you. Look at me. 1153 01:16:03,860 --> 01:16:07,597 A mess. I'm looking at you. 1154 01:16:10,066 --> 01:16:13,202 And you're beautiful. 1155 01:16:13,269 --> 01:16:17,273 Hey, you are beautiful. 1156 01:16:19,208 --> 01:16:24,180 - You're intelligent... - and real. 1157 01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:32,088 And Ray is not the last man you're ever gonna love. 1158 01:16:42,398 --> 01:16:45,735 I promise you he's not. 1159 01:16:48,104 --> 01:16:51,007 Shh. Shh... 1160 01:17:43,760 --> 01:17:46,863 Oh, my God. 1161 01:17:56,706 --> 01:18:00,977 Oh... 1162 01:18:18,194 --> 01:18:20,764 Mmm... 1163 01:18:28,071 --> 01:18:31,174 Hmm... 1164 01:18:31,240 --> 01:18:33,309 Hi. 1165 01:18:34,643 --> 01:18:36,612 Hi. 1166 01:18:36,679 --> 01:18:40,383 Uh... listen. 1167 01:18:43,386 --> 01:18:45,321 I... No, no, no. 1168 01:18:45,388 --> 01:18:47,891 No. No. 1169 01:18:47,957 --> 01:18:50,794 No, you're not going to analyze this one, Jane. 1170 01:18:50,860 --> 01:18:55,164 - I'm not? - No. No. 1171 01:18:55,231 --> 01:18:59,335 You're so hell-bent on making sure things fit, you miss out on all the fun when they don't. 1172 01:18:59,402 --> 01:19:01,304 Eh? Oh... Well, I... 1173 01:19:01,370 --> 01:19:05,809 No? Right now you're trying to rationalize last night. 1174 01:19:05,875 --> 01:19:08,444 Yeah? Worrying about what might have happened. 1175 01:19:08,511 --> 01:19:11,280 Me, I'm just getting a kick out of the fact that I, uh, 1176 01:19:11,347 --> 01:19:13,917 spent an entire night with you in my arms, 1177 01:19:13,983 --> 01:19:15,985 and I didn't even cop a feel. 1178 01:19:21,157 --> 01:19:24,160 Well... 1179 01:19:24,227 --> 01:19:27,596 maybe one. 1180 01:19:31,067 --> 01:19:34,637 Whew! What? 1181 01:19:34,703 --> 01:19:38,041 Well, I'm relieved. 1182 01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:41,845 I mean, for a second there, I... 1183 01:19:41,911 --> 01:19:47,183 I thought maybe you thought last night was, um... 1184 01:19:47,250 --> 01:19:52,721 You know, or that you would... think... 1185 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:56,893 That would've really blown your Dr. Charles out of the water, huh? 1186 01:19:58,527 --> 01:20:02,731 Temporarily maybe, but you would have shown your spots eventually. 1187 01:20:02,798 --> 01:20:07,236 My spots. Oh, come on, Eddie. 1188 01:20:07,303 --> 01:20:10,506 Men never fail to do what's in their nature to do. 1189 01:20:15,411 --> 01:20:18,014 And what is that, Jane? 1190 01:20:18,081 --> 01:20:22,085 Disappoint you? Abandon you? 1191 01:20:22,151 --> 01:20:25,288 Hmm? 1192 01:20:25,354 --> 01:20:28,992 What's really behind these theories, huh? 1193 01:20:29,058 --> 01:20:31,827 What are you hiding? 1194 01:20:31,895 --> 01:20:34,998 Nothing. 1195 01:20:38,001 --> 01:20:40,236 Sorry. What you see is what you get. 1196 01:20:40,303 --> 01:20:43,572 Is it? 1197 01:20:46,709 --> 01:20:49,979 You know, this is not about my nature, Jane. This is about yours. 1198 01:21:06,529 --> 01:21:08,764 Hello. Janey? 1199 01:21:08,831 --> 01:21:11,067 Listen, Stephen. Can I call y'all back? 1200 01:21:11,134 --> 01:21:15,371 Your sister's in the hospital. We lost the baby, kiddo. 1201 01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:26,282 Hey, Janey. 1202 01:21:38,962 --> 01:21:42,031 Did you see Stephen? 1203 01:21:42,098 --> 01:21:44,233 I saw him in the hallway... 1204 01:21:44,300 --> 01:21:46,235 getting water. Getting ice. 1205 01:21:46,302 --> 01:21:50,006 Good luck. God love him. 1206 01:21:50,073 --> 01:21:53,509 They break so easily, don't they? 1207 01:22:01,784 --> 01:22:04,487 Last weekend, he woke up in a panic. 1208 01:22:04,553 --> 01:22:08,791 He said that he had to go shopping for the baby. 1209 01:22:08,857 --> 01:22:12,528 You know how anal he is. I thought he was gonna come back with... 1210 01:22:12,595 --> 01:22:16,499 thermometers and baby blankets and safety gates. 1211 01:22:16,565 --> 01:22:21,637 When he walked in the door, all he had was this little, tiny bag... 1212 01:22:21,704 --> 01:22:26,375 and inside was this... 1213 01:22:26,442 --> 01:22:28,944 This perfect little baseball mitt. 1214 01:22:38,654 --> 01:22:42,825 He got it in his head that it was going to be a boy. 1215 01:22:42,891 --> 01:22:45,828 Janey. 1216 01:22:53,936 --> 01:22:56,405 Okay, I've got ice. 1217 01:22:56,472 --> 01:23:01,144 I've got blankets. I've got magazines. 1218 01:23:08,184 --> 01:23:12,155 Look at my wife. 1219 01:23:14,990 --> 01:23:18,761 Have you ever seen anyone more beautiful? 1220 01:23:18,827 --> 01:23:22,498 You're nuts. 1221 01:23:53,996 --> 01:23:56,165 Diane, it's Jane. 1222 01:23:56,232 --> 01:24:01,036 I found Dr. Charles, 1223 01:24:05,974 --> 01:24:09,845 Okay, is everybody ready to have a good time? 1224 01:24:09,912 --> 01:24:12,552 Now, come on. You're going to have to do a lot better than that. 1225 01:24:14,583 --> 01:24:16,919 Okay, let me explain how everything on the show's gonna work. 1226 01:24:16,985 --> 01:24:20,289 It's a really informal show... Yo, Ray! Do we have her on the line yet? 1227 01:24:20,356 --> 01:24:24,127 Two minutes. The magazine's putting her through. 1228 01:24:24,193 --> 01:24:27,496 All right! Two minutes. 1229 01:24:27,563 --> 01:24:31,200 Diane, two minutes. So, Diane's going to come out. 1230 01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:33,869 The first guest is going to come. We have about a 15-minute segment. 1231 01:24:33,936 --> 01:24:37,106 Our first interview is gonna be on the telephone, okay? 1232 01:24:37,173 --> 01:24:39,142 Dr. Marie Charles. 1233 01:24:50,719 --> 01:24:54,923 I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you 100% sure you want to do this? 1234 01:24:54,990 --> 01:24:57,293 I'm sure. I'm sorry to put you in this position. 1235 01:24:57,360 --> 01:24:59,695 Don't worry about me. I just want to make sure you haven't lost your mind. 1236 01:24:59,762 --> 01:25:02,798 Maybe I have. Here she is, Ray. 1237 01:25:02,865 --> 01:25:07,436 Dr. Charles. 1238 01:25:11,540 --> 01:25:15,511 Welcome. Rarely have I had the honor to host... 1239 01:25:15,578 --> 01:25:17,980 such a distinguished and extraordinary guest. 1240 01:25:18,046 --> 01:25:22,185 Today, Dr. Marie Charles speaks out for the first time... 1241 01:25:22,251 --> 01:25:24,587 since the publication of her searing article... 1242 01:25:24,653 --> 01:25:26,889 Network says we've already had 20,000 hits on the web site. 1243 01:25:26,955 --> 01:25:30,526 - Holy cow. - The reclusive Dr. Charles... 1244 01:25:30,593 --> 01:25:34,597 has agreed to an exclusive, live telephone interview. 1245 01:25:34,663 --> 01:25:37,533 And I consider it a rare gift... 1246 01:25:37,600 --> 01:25:42,171 from someone whose work has meant a tremendous amount in my life, 1247 01:25:42,238 --> 01:25:45,274 as I'm sure yours. 1248 01:25:45,341 --> 01:25:48,511 Dr. Marie Charles. 1249 01:25:48,577 --> 01:25:50,713 Hello, Dr. Charles. Are you there? 1250 01:25:50,779 --> 01:25:54,817 Hello, Dr. Charles. Can you hear me? 1251 01:25:54,883 --> 01:25:56,719 I'm getting nothing. 1252 01:25:59,722 --> 01:26:01,624 Where the hell is she? Where's the feed? Excuse me. 1253 01:26:01,690 --> 01:26:04,092 We seem to be having some technical difficulties. 1254 01:26:04,159 --> 01:26:06,795 If you'll just bear with us, I'm sure we'll get it repaired. 1255 01:26:09,498 --> 01:26:11,734 Tell them to patch it through on the other line. 1256 01:26:11,800 --> 01:26:13,936 We can't. We only have one dedicated line. Shit! 1257 01:26:18,574 --> 01:26:20,509 Okay, take us to commercial. 1258 01:26:20,576 --> 01:26:22,845 Uh, she's here. She wants to go on. 1259 01:26:23,946 --> 01:26:26,582 Ho-Hold that. Hold that. Hold that. 1260 01:26:26,649 --> 01:26:29,452 - She's here. - Well, ladies and gentlemen, 1261 01:26:29,518 --> 01:26:32,054 it seems that the reason we've been unable to get through... 1262 01:26:32,120 --> 01:26:33,989 to Dr. Charles telephonically... 1263 01:26:34,056 --> 01:26:36,592 is because at this moment she is right here in our studio, 1264 01:26:36,659 --> 01:26:39,462 having decided to do the interview in person after all. 1265 01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:42,130 - Holy shit. - So let's not waste any more time. 1266 01:26:42,197 --> 01:26:45,234 Join me in welcoming Dr. Marie Charles! 1267 01:26:49,171 --> 01:26:52,475 Makeup? Stop. Stop. 1268 01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:54,843 Show yourself, Dr. Charles. 1269 01:26:57,045 --> 01:27:00,449 Wake up! 1270 01:27:06,289 --> 01:27:08,824 Jane, what's going on? Where's Dr. Charles? 1271 01:27:11,894 --> 01:27:14,263 There is no Dr. Charles. 1272 01:27:14,330 --> 01:27:16,632 There never was. 1273 01:27:18,901 --> 01:27:23,739 I invented her, Diane. 1274 01:27:23,806 --> 01:27:27,810 You... I invented her because... 1275 01:27:27,876 --> 01:27:32,415 I had something to say, and... somehow... 1276 01:27:32,481 --> 01:27:39,322 I thought if... if-if-if it were coming from a 65-year-old Ph.D., 1277 01:27:39,388 --> 01:27:41,557 that you would see it the way I had... 1278 01:27:41,624 --> 01:27:47,463 As a truth, as a legitimate, scientific truth. 1279 01:27:47,530 --> 01:27:51,967 But it isn't. It's completely ridiculous. 1280 01:27:52,034 --> 01:27:56,772 And... 1281 01:27:56,839 --> 01:27:59,308 I lied to you all, and I lied to myself. 1282 01:27:59,375 --> 01:28:03,746 Because the real truth is that... 1283 01:28:07,650 --> 01:28:10,753 I was heartbroken... and lost. 1284 01:28:10,819 --> 01:28:14,590 You know, and I just wanted to understand it somehow. 1285 01:28:14,657 --> 01:28:19,495 I wanted it to be... about them. 1286 01:28:19,562 --> 01:28:22,831 So everything I thought I had figured out was completely upside-down. 1287 01:28:22,898 --> 01:28:25,368 I thought this bull had gone on to another new cow, 1288 01:28:25,434 --> 01:28:28,236 when, in fact, she was an old cow who had become a new cow again. 1289 01:28:28,303 --> 01:28:31,106 I mean, what was I talking about? 1290 01:28:31,173 --> 01:28:34,977 I was comparing men to animals, 1291 01:28:35,043 --> 01:28:38,447 which... okay, let's face it... Sometimes they are. 1292 01:28:40,583 --> 01:28:44,186 But sometimes they are not. 1293 01:28:44,252 --> 01:28:48,090 Sometimes you open the barn door, 1294 01:28:48,156 --> 01:28:50,092 or the hospital room door... 1295 01:28:50,158 --> 01:28:54,930 or the bedroom door and... 1296 01:28:54,997 --> 01:28:58,367 you find the real thing. 1297 01:28:58,434 --> 01:29:02,170 You find a guy who... 1298 01:29:02,237 --> 01:29:05,374 can sit with you when you are at your absolute worst, 1299 01:29:05,441 --> 01:29:08,611 when you are knee-deep in Kleenex, and your face looks like a punching bag, 1300 01:29:08,677 --> 01:29:11,246 and you are a complete and total mess. 1301 01:29:11,313 --> 01:29:14,650 And he... 1302 01:29:14,717 --> 01:29:17,886 can still look at you and tell you... 1303 01:29:17,953 --> 01:29:22,891 that Ray is not the last man you're ever going to love. 1304 01:29:38,106 --> 01:29:42,445 - Eddie! - Oh, my God. 1305 01:29:47,916 --> 01:29:51,019 Hey, are you all right? 1306 01:29:51,086 --> 01:29:54,423 All right. There you go. Late edition. 1307 01:30:01,464 --> 01:30:04,567 * I been searching a long time * 1308 01:30:07,670 --> 01:30:10,706 * For someone exactly like you * 1309 01:30:15,310 --> 01:30:18,213 * I've been traveling all around the world * Eddie! 1310 01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:20,683 Eddie! 1311 01:30:20,749 --> 01:30:25,187 Oh, Eddie! * Waiting for you to come through * 1312 01:30:26,722 --> 01:30:33,496 * Someone like you can make it all worthwhile * 1313 01:30:33,562 --> 01:30:36,765 * Someone like you * 1314 01:30:36,832 --> 01:30:39,502 * Keep me satisfied * Eddie! Eddie! 1315 01:30:39,568 --> 01:30:44,006 Stop. Stop. 1316 01:30:46,475 --> 01:30:48,477 Whew. 1317 01:30:54,883 --> 01:30:57,152 So, what you see is what you get, huh? 1318 01:30:59,722 --> 01:31:03,492 Minus a few gray hairs and a Ph.D., yeah. 1319 01:31:06,662 --> 01:31:09,498 I'm really sorry, Eddie. 1320 01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:14,336 You should have told me. 1321 01:31:14,402 --> 01:31:16,939 I should have told you a lot of things. 1322 01:31:18,073 --> 01:31:19,908 You were right. 1323 01:31:21,844 --> 01:31:24,079 It was about my nature. 1324 01:31:25,280 --> 01:31:28,917 Out of all the things you said to me that night, 1325 01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:32,420 what scared me the most is... 1326 01:31:32,487 --> 01:31:35,591 that I would find it again. 1327 01:31:35,658 --> 01:31:39,094 Because I have. 1328 01:31:44,499 --> 01:31:48,571 Would you please say something? 1329 01:31:51,940 --> 01:31:54,109 No. 1330 01:31:59,815 --> 01:32:03,886 * I have been * 1331 01:32:03,952 --> 01:32:07,956 * All around the world * 1332 01:32:08,023 --> 01:32:11,594 * Marching to the beat of a different drum * 1333 01:32:14,697 --> 01:32:17,933 So you're saying? 1334 01:32:19,434 --> 01:32:22,671 What do we got to lose? 1335 01:32:22,738 --> 01:32:26,441 Everything? Exactly. 1336 01:32:26,508 --> 01:32:30,478 * Someone like you * 1337 01:32:30,545 --> 01:32:33,115 * Can make it all worthwhile * 1338 01:32:33,181 --> 01:32:36,719 * Someone like you * 1339 01:32:36,785 --> 01:32:39,021 * Keep me satisfied * 1340 01:32:39,087 --> 01:32:42,658 * Someone exactly like you * 1341 01:32:44,526 --> 01:32:49,297 * Someone exactly like you * 1342 01:32:52,067 --> 01:32:56,238 * Someone exactly like you * 1343 01:32:58,941 --> 01:33:03,779 * The best is yet to come * 1344 01:33:05,513 --> 01:33:08,784 * The best is yet to come ** 1345 01:33:13,521 --> 01:33:18,661 ** 1346 01:33:18,727 --> 01:33:20,796 * Yeah * 1347 01:33:25,600 --> 01:33:30,205 * How do you do it anyway * 1348 01:33:30,272 --> 01:33:33,642 * Like there ain't nothing to it * 1349 01:33:33,709 --> 01:33:36,712 * To make me stay * 1350 01:33:36,779 --> 01:33:39,948 * No tricks with smoke and mirrors * 1351 01:33:40,015 --> 01:33:42,885 * Not anything up your sleeve * 1352 01:33:42,951 --> 01:33:45,654 * A second look and it can't be clearer * 1353 01:33:45,721 --> 01:33:47,923 * It's no mystery * 1354 01:33:47,990 --> 01:33:53,261 * It's in the way you love * 1355 01:33:53,328 --> 01:33:58,934 * It's in the little things you say * 1356 01:33:59,001 --> 01:34:03,005 * It's in the way you live * 1357 01:34:04,740 --> 01:34:10,813 * And give your heart away * 1358 01:34:10,879 --> 01:34:16,351 * It's in the chance you took * 1359 01:34:16,418 --> 01:34:22,257 * It's in the way you love that view * 1360 01:34:22,324 --> 01:34:28,463 * That sets you a world apart * 1361 01:34:28,530 --> 01:34:33,635 * And makes you who you are * 1362 01:34:33,702 --> 01:34:37,672 * And you are * 1363 01:34:37,740 --> 01:34:39,674 * Beautiful * 1364 01:34:39,742 --> 01:34:41,877 * You are * 1365 01:34:46,782 --> 01:34:52,320 * Pressed on my soul your fingerprints * 1366 01:34:52,387 --> 01:34:57,459 * Goin' where no one's ever been * 1367 01:34:57,525 --> 01:35:01,029 * Well, I don't know how but I know you're in it * 1368 01:35:01,096 --> 01:35:04,066 * My life my world, my dreams * 1369 01:35:04,132 --> 01:35:06,501 * I try but I just can't pin it * 1370 01:35:06,568 --> 01:35:08,737 * Down to one thing * 1371 01:35:08,804 --> 01:35:14,076 * It's in the way you love * 1372 01:35:14,142 --> 01:35:19,147 * It's in the little things you say ** 1373 01:35:19,214 --> 01:35:22,818 ** 1374 01:35:22,885 --> 01:35:27,355 * Fighting fire with fire * 1375 01:35:27,422 --> 01:35:29,357 * Watch out * 1376 01:35:29,424 --> 01:35:31,459 * You might get what you're after * 1377 01:35:31,526 --> 01:35:33,528 * Cool babies * 1378 01:35:33,595 --> 01:35:36,498 * Strange but not a stranger * 1379 01:35:36,564 --> 01:35:40,769 * I'm an ordinary guy * 1380 01:35:40,836 --> 01:35:42,938 * Burning down the house * 1381 01:35:44,506 --> 01:35:49,177 * Hold tight * * Wait till the party's over * 1382 01:35:49,244 --> 01:35:53,281 * Hold tight * * We're in for nasty weather * 1383 01:35:53,348 --> 01:35:58,186 * There has got to be a way * 1384 01:35:58,253 --> 01:36:01,123 * Burning down the house * 1385 01:36:01,189 --> 01:36:03,826 * Here's you ticket Pack your bags * 1386 01:36:03,892 --> 01:36:06,594 * Time for jumpin' overboard * 1387 01:36:06,661 --> 01:36:10,165 * Transportation is here * 1388 01:36:10,232 --> 01:36:15,070 * Close enough but not too far Maybe you know where you are * 1389 01:36:15,137 --> 01:36:18,140 * Fight fire with fire * 1390 01:36:19,574 --> 01:36:21,409 * All wet * 1391 01:36:21,476 --> 01:36:23,778 * Hey, you might need a raincoat * 1392 01:36:23,846 --> 01:36:25,881 * Shakedown * 1393 01:36:25,948 --> 01:36:28,316 * Dreams walking in broad daylight * 1394 01:36:28,383 --> 01:36:33,188 * Three hundred sixty-five degrees * 1395 01:36:33,255 --> 01:36:36,558 * Burning down the house * 1396 01:36:36,624 --> 01:36:41,296 * Here was once upon a place Sometimes I listen to myself * 1397 01:36:41,363 --> 01:36:45,133 * Gonna come in first place * 1398 01:36:45,200 --> 01:36:50,205 * People on their way to work Baby, what did you expect * 1399 01:36:50,272 --> 01:36:54,176 * Gonna burst into flame * 1400 01:36:54,242 --> 01:36:58,881 * I don't know what you expect staring into your TV set * 1401 01:36:58,947 --> 01:37:02,384 * Fighting fire with fire * 1402 01:37:08,390 --> 01:37:10,325 * Burning down the house **