1 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,588 Scientific rivalries are a fact of life. 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,508 When two competing scientists work on a project, 3 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,302 it can devolve into an intellectual boxing match. 4 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,514 Over the years, there's been a few classic heavyweight bouts. 5 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,140 Newton and leibniz... 6 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,808 Tesla and Edison, 7 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,853 and, in a lesser known but equally brutal bout... 8 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,731 Link/etter versus sturgis! 9 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,067 The tussle with no muscle. 10 00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,737 Let's see how they stack up in the tale of the tape. 11 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:33,283 In the wire-framed glasses, the Eureka from Topeka, 12 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,661 Grant linkletter. 13 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,331 IQ.“ 159. 14 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,833 Papers published: 272. 15 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,336 Bedtime: 8:30. 16 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:48,882 And his opponent, in his favorite sensible shoes, 17 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:55,097 the brain from Maine, John burgess sturgis. 18 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,141 IQ.“ 162. 19 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,936 Papers published: 221. 20 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:06,066 Bedtime: 7:45 on weekdays, 9:00 on Saturday nights. 21 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:10,571 Fasten your thinking caps and let's get it on! 22 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,907 The free-streaming length of the axion istoolong. 23 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,701 It will erase the fluctuations. 24 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:19,121 You're completely forgetting that it is non-relativistic dark matter. 25 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:22,541 You'll never have the resolution to see microkelvin features. 26 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,460 I think your brain is as smooth as the top of your head. 27 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,170 Low blow, Grant! 28 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,634 He's right, gentlemen, let's keep it to science. 29 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,553 You'll never have the resolution to see microkelvin features. 30 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:59,328 I cannot work with that creepy little know-it-all one more day. 31 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,789 I'm sorry, but are we talking about Sheldon or sturgis? 32 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,959 Sturgis. Well, both, but mostly sturgis. 33 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,296 He's not interested in anyone else's input. 34 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,590 Uh, I'm sorry, Sheldon or linkletter? 35 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,885 - Linkletter. - Ah. Got it. Continue. 36 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,218 Well... 37 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:19,181 But I thought you wanted Dr. Sturgis on this project. 38 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:23,185 I'll admit John has been useful, but now he's just slowing us down. 39 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,437 Well, he keeps Sheldon happy, 40 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,023 and when Sheldon's happy, he's not in this office. 41 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,609 Well, when he's not in your office, he's in my office. 42 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,694 Them's the breaks. 43 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:37,240 I was brought in to help, but Dr. Linkletter doesn't value my input. 44 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,160 I hear you. That must be tough. 45 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,789 Ever since he was brought back, he contradicts everything I say. 46 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,667 I hear you. That must be tough. 47 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,145 There was a time when their arguing brought out the best in them 48 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,754 but now it's just hindering our work. 49 00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,964 I hear you. That must be tough. 50 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,550 - Thank you for understanding. - And between us... 51 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,596 I am counting on you being in charge. 52 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,097 Excellent. 53 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,433 You're the Alpha dog on this project. 54 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:04,558 Very good. 55 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,312 But shouldn't we tell everyone? 56 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,482 Oh, no, no, no, no. I can't be seen as playing favorites. 57 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:14,403 But what's important is that I know and you know. 58 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,486 Smart. 59 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,031 Not as smart as you. 60 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,826 Which is why, uh, just between us, 61 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:25,080 I am counting on you to keep the train on the tracks. 62 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,542 I appreciate the vote of confidence and the sweet train metaphor. 63 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,877 Oh, good. I just want you to be happy. 64 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,492 I guess, in a way, I'm kind of like the son you never had. 65 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,006 Sure. 66 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,634 Which is nice because you're far too old to have children now. 67 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:41,054 And you make me feel okay about that. 68 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:42,514 Wait. 69 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,893 Twenty on pump four, please. 70 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,018 You got it. 71 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,230 Here you go. 72 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,026 - What's this? - Promotion for the new lottery. 73 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,945 Every ten gallons, you get a free scratcher. 74 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,947 Oh, I don't believe in gambling. 75 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,073 Great, I'll take it. 76 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,451 Oh, I don't believe you should be gambling either. 77 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,202 - So you don't want it? - No. 78 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,371 - Then I'm scratching it. - Sorry. 79 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,789 Not on my watch. 80 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,751 You can thank me in heaven. 81 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,340 What's this formula? 82 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,884 This wasn't here yesterday. 83 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,094 Dr. Linkletter added it after you left. 84 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,054 Was he trying to be funny? 85 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:26,641 He was giggling at your "feeble-minded math," his words. 86 00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,395 He's trying to approximate the cosmic background radiation 87 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:34,024 by setting it at one rydberg over z 88 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,570 and my math is feeble-minded? 89 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:40,989 What do you think you're doing? 90 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:46,661 I'm changing the estimate to Robert dicke's value of 45 kerin. 91 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,539 I wasn't here the last time he went off his rocker. 92 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,832 Is this what it looked like? 93 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,334 I'm perfectly sane, 94 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,545 and I'm telling you, dicke's estimate is the way to go. 95 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,673 And I'm telling you, we need to use one rydberg over z, 96 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,426 - and that is final. - Oh, is it? 97 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,513 - You albino bean pole. - Dr. Sturgis. 98 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,599 He impugned my mental stability! 99 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,601 Fair enough. Your insult stands. 100 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,228 Thank you. 101 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,479 Bean pole. 102 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,036 Ooh. 103 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,331 Oh, man. 104 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,792 God, I swear I'll never ask for anything again. 105 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,544 Just one more 500. 106 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:36,627 Thank you. 107 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,506 Melissa Cooper, what are you doing with that? 108 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:40,714 I found it. 109 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,593 Well, it is mine, and I threw it away for a reason. 110 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,263 It's mine now, and I might win 500 bucks. 111 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,181 Oh, no, you won't. 112 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,016 - I'll split it with you. - No. 113 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,643 Why are you being so lame? 114 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,687 Because money does not buy happiness. 115 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,648 Fresh prince seems pretty happy. 116 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,025 It is not his money. It's his uncle Phil's. 117 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,300 {935951 -half of that's mine. I prayed for it. 118 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,176 Go to your room. 119 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,556 You're wasting valuable time. 120 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,016 I'm not. You are. 121 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,709 Gentlemen, if we could please keep this train on the tracks. 122 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,538 It will be on track if we follow my plan. 123 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,272 So I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist. 124 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:40,150 Insist? You're not the Alpha dog around here. 125 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,233 I agree. 126 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,820 This may be hard for both of you to hear, 127 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,947 but president hagemeyer put me in charge. 128 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:50,619 I know for a fact that isn't true because she put me in charge. 129 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,204 We may have a problem. 130 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,540 What can I say? 131 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,666 I tried something. 132 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,983 So you really thought you could tell us we were all in charge 133 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,207 and we wouldn't figure it out? 134 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:10,305 Well, in my defense, I said to each of you, "let's keep this between us." 135 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,100 I'm a little disappointed that you broke my trust. 136 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,269 That is true. We're sorry. 137 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,813 Don't apologize for that. We're being manipulated. 138 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,899 You were the one who blabbed first. 139 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,610 That's because you kept slowing us down with your outmoded ideas. 140 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,373 Gentlemen, if we can just follow my plan... 141 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,490 Well, I hope that you're starting to see 142 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,576 the challenge I face putting any of you in charge. 143 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,426 - You're right. We're sorry. - Stop that! 144 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,453 Sorry. 145 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,166 Well, we can't move forward until the project leader is chosen. 146 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,584 He's right. I'll do it. 147 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,586 - You're a child. - You're a child. 148 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,879 Oh, you're all children. 149 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,880 Sorry. 150 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:44,964 Sorry. 151 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,425 Well, who's it going to be? 152 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,053 Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Carol Lee, 153 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,098 director of the new experimental cosmology center. 154 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,475 What makes you qualified to lead our project? 155 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,060 - Yeah. - Yeah. 156 00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,522 Well, I have a phd in physics from Berkeley. 157 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:05,276 I worked at IBM's Watson research center as lead of the materials research group, 158 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,445 and I raised three little boys, 159 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,781 which I understand you've been acting like. 160 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:13,994 Sounds like she can handle it. 161 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,263 Dear lord, please forgive me. 162 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,707 I shouldn't have finished that scratcher. That was wrong. 163 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,753 But now that I have the money, my family could really use it. 164 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,340 I know, gambling is a sin. 165 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:32,804 Although, I didn't buy the scratcher. So is that even gambling? 166 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,848 Why's missy saying we're rich? 167 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,228 I suggest we mount a radio telescope on the roof 168 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,857 so that we could get a good read on the fluctuations in radiation. 169 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,399 Excellent. 170 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,069 We'll pick a small region of the sky and drill down. 171 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,280 Whoa, whoa. Pump your brakes. 172 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,034 We need at least a 45 square degree sector of the sky 173 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,286 in order to take any meaningful readings. 174 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,996 That's ridiculous. What we need to do 175 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,248 is cut a single linear section across the horizon. 176 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,500 No, if we don't focus, we won't get any useful data. 177 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,878 I suggest 20 arc minutes Max. 178 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,713 The trick is to pick a good spot. 179 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:07,881 You want a trick? 180 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,549 Go see David Copperfield. 181 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,051 How about I make you disappear? 182 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,095 Do I need to separate you, 183 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:20,060 or can we try to put our minds together for the advancement of science? 184 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,854 The second one. 185 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,648 I know you're new here, ma'am, but this is our process. 186 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,484 They argue, I swoop in and save the day. 187 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,403 It may seem unorthodox to you, however... 188 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,864 The... the second one. 189 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,825 And I'll tell you right now, we can't keep it. 190 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,495 It's not a puppy, Mary. 191 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,913 It's 500 bucks. 192 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,556 It is gambling. 193 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,017 Then why'd you buy the ticket? 194 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:43,958 I didn't buy it. 195 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,419 They gave it to me at the gas station. 196 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:47,921 Okay, well, 197 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,757 that sounds like a gift from god, and we don't wanna make him mad. 198 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,051 That is not how god works, George. 199 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,637 What if he wanted you to have it to give to the church? 200 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,848 - Well... - Based on that, 201 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,184 what if he wanted you to have it so we could buy stuff? 202 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,895 - George. - All I'm saying is we work hard. 203 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:04,978 We're good people. 204 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,356 Maybe we deserve this. 205 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,861 I guess a dishwasher might be nice. 206 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:12,821 There you go. 207 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:14,030 Get a dishwasher. 208 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,241 I don't know. I'll think about it. 209 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,617 What's to think about? 210 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,536 Have some fun for once. 211 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,263 Ooh. We getting something fun with the money? 212 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,705 We're talking about a dishwasher. 213 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,541 When did your dreams die? 214 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,043 - When we had kids. - George. 215 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,256 I was carrying pulsers, 75 feet up 216 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:34,843 a wet metal ladder when there was an earthquake. 217 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,388 So, I am hanging on for dear life... 218 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:41,099 Ooh, we should set up several radio telescopes 219 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,059 on different rooftops in an array. 220 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,148 You speak mandarin? 221 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,576 I heard my name. What are they saying? 222 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:00,618 I don't speak mandarin. 223 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:01,828 Just a little French. 224 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,454 Oh? Really? 225 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,049 Well, does anyone here speak klingon? 226 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,435 Dr. Lee? 227 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,980 - Sheldon. - May I have a moment of your time? 228 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,023 Of course. 229 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,024 Come in. 230 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,235 Sit. How can I help you? 231 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,364 I feel like my contributions aren't being taken seriously. 232 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,743 Oh. Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, 233 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,579 but I'm listening to everyone's contributions. 234 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,206 But you're not taking any of mine. 235 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:50,001 No. But doctors linkletter and sturgis seem happy 236 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,544 with the direction we're headed. 237 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:56,716 Well, I think it's because you're using your feminine wiles. 238 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,719 And what exactly do you think that means? 239 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:03,181 I'm not sure. But you are wearing lip gloss and seem to have good hygiene. 240 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,934 If you're trying to use them on me, it's not going to work. 241 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,187 Sheldon, I assure you 242 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,522 that I'm just trying to do what's best for the project. 243 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,607 Excellent. 244 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,026 Then you'll want to set up several telescopes in an array. 245 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,071 I hear you, but... 246 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,366 Wait, that's "no" in klingon. Do you speak klingon? 247 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,135 I looked up that one word. 248 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,786 I had a feeling it would come in handy. 249 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:35,129 Ooh, look at the ultra-clean two. It's got five washin' cycles. 250 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,506 I don't know, George. 251 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,966 These are really expensive. 252 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,717 You won the money. 253 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,302 Spend it. 254 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,639 Maybe we should just get a more affordable one. 255 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,891 Everything we do is affordable. 256 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,978 - Splurge for once. - It's so extravagant. 257 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,790 You'd think we were talking about buying a party boat. 258 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,899 It's a dishwasher, for crying out loud. 259 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,569 But the way we got the money, it just doesn't feel right. 260 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,782 So you're telling me you're never okay with bending the rules once in a while? 261 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,201 That's not how being a Christian works. 262 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,161 Good to know. 263 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,123 What are you doing? 264 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,001 Just helping you be a good Christian. 265 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,757 Dr. Lee had commandeered the project 266 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,343 and doctors linkletter and sturgis were okay with it. 267 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,555 Everyone was being mean, and I was out of my depth. 268 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,141 I needed advice on how to proceed. 269 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,270 Thankfully, I was mere feet away from the person who had been mean to me 270 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,605 since she tried strangling me with her umbilical cord. 271 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:35,814 What? 272 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,901 So this Dr. Lee is turning your friends against you? 273 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,612 - Essentially. - Classic move. 274 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,407 Most girls you find crying in the school bathroom, that was it. 275 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:45,824 What do I do? 276 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,370 Well, you're in a tough spot because your personality is... ugh. 277 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,307 There's enough people being mean to me right now. 278 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,416 - Sorry. - Can you help me or not? 279 00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,835 It's you against a bunch of college professors. 280 00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,527 I don't think you can win this one. 281 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,467 Oh, do any of them have pimples? 282 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,596 Too bad. I've done a lot of damage with pizza face. 283 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,476 He just took the ticket and stormed off. 284 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,145 I don't know why he cares so much about a dishwasher. 285 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,230 Maybe it ain't about the dishwasher. 286 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,899 Well, what is it then? 287 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:18,900 Mary, I love you, 288 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,612 but sometimes it's kind of like you're waging a war on fun. 289 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,823 Why? Because I have values? 290 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,326 Well, too bad, because they're not going away. 291 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,703 Oh, and fun is down for the count. 292 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,747 Five hundred bucks? 293 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,999 I guess drinks are on you. 294 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,877 Fine, but is that all you got from my story? 295 00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,296 It's called lightening the mood, George. 296 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,672 Sorry. 297 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,634 But I do think you're overreacting. 298 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:50,181 Come on. Would it kill her to loosen up once in a while? 299 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,266 Maybe that's just not who she is. 300 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,977 What if it is, just not with me? 301 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:56,979 Well, what does that mean? 302 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:02,527 The other night I drove by the church and saw Mary and that new youth pastor 303 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:05,488 just hangin' out on the curb, laughing and smokin' cigarettes. 304 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,450 Yeah? And? 305 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,701 Well, that's not enough? 306 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,745 Is smoking even a sin? 307 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,873 'Cause I still light up after a roll in the hay. 308 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:21,838 The point is she's capable of bein' fun, just not with me. 309 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,507 It's not like I don't want to be fun, 310 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,344 but I feel like I am the only one holding the family together. 311 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,971 Mary, can I point out 312 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,182 that you weren't exactly like this when y'all got married? 313 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,602 - So I'm not allowed to grow? - Apart? 314 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:37,894 Okay. 315 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,315 What made you and your wife call it quits? 316 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,926 George, let me tell you something. 317 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,111 Getting divorced sucks. 318 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,696 - I know. - You don't. 319 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,158 If you think you're upset about a $500 scratcher, 320 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:53,161 try sittin' home alone with half your money gone. 321 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,890 Thought you were going to say something about love and vows. 322 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,499 Half, George. 323 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,418 And it wasn't a lot when it was a whole. 324 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,086 I said I'd buy your drinks. 325 00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:03,253 Well, thank you. 326 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,965 Wings wouldn't hurt either. 327 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,843 My sister thought I was in an unwinnable situation, 328 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,638 but I knew someone else who faced a no-win scenario and prevailed. 329 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,599 One James tiberius kirk. 330 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,311 The kobayashi maru was a simulation designed to be unbeatable, 331 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,606 but kirk snuck in and reprogrammed it so he could win. 332 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,609 All I needed to do was put my scanning coordinates 333 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,570 into Dr. Lee's radio telescope to prove I was correct. 334 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,490 It was time for my sneaky face. 335 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,080 -Hey. 336 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:41,625 This is yours. 337 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,684 And if you don't feel right spending it, 338 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,880 then you should do whatever you want with it. 339 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,882 Thank you. 340 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:57,558 You know, I've been thinking that maybe it isn't the end of the world 341 00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,894 if we spend it on something fun. 342 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,021 - Really? - Yeah. 343 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,981 Something the family could enjoy. 344 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,986 We haven't been on a vacation in a long time. 345 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,405 Oh! 346 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,991 We could go to Houston, see the ice capades. 347 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,244 Let's keep thinking. 348 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,748 The next evening, I put my plan into action. 349 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,667 I was just like captain kirk... 350 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,753 If captain kirk had to bum a ride from his meemaw. 351 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,506 All I needed to do was get into Dr. Lee's office 352 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,007 and swap the coordinates. 353 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,092 Nothing could stop me. 354 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,469 Dang it. 355 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:39,141 Here's to male egos and all the fun that comes with them. 356 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,688 You've had to deal with that a lot, huh? 357 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,981 First month I was here, 358 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,900 people kept assuming I was the president's secretary. 359 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:49,860 Did you correct them? 360 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,507 No, I just told them that the president was too busy to see them. 361 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,074 And then I cut their funding. 362 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,535 That must have felt good. 363 00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,080 It was like taking off my bra at the end of a long day. 364 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,207 - Mm-hmm. - I don't have to tell you. 365 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,003 Can you believe there were only three women in my major? 366 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,981 Well, at least you had each other. 367 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:12,550 - Those bitches? Pass. - And what about the guys? 368 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,387 Either too scared to talk to me or trying to talk me into being horizontal. 369 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,639 - Oh, yeah, I hear that. - Mm. 370 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:21,851 I've even had projects sabotaged just to make me look bad. 371 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,686 - You're kidding. - Nope. 372 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,910 Well, what did you do? 373 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,332 Eventually I realized I'm an experimental physicist. 374 00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:47,084 I can build anything I want to protect my work. 375 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,635 And thanks to my kids, 376 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,721 I am very familiar with the movie home alone. 377 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,744 After a lot of apologizing, 378 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,270 a little begging, and a note from my mother, 379 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,356 I was allowed to keep my role on the team. 380 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,150 When captain kirk faced the no-win scenario, 381 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,402 he didn't have blue and yellow snot for a week. 382 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,321 Ew. 383 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,580 - Sounds like the ocean. - Very relaxing. 384 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,458 Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy. 385 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,419 Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor. 386 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,503 What's that? 387 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,939 It makes sure the water is heated 388 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,758 to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning and drying results. 389 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,843 Ooh. 390 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,721 Where you going? You're going to miss the rinse cycle. 391 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,166 I'm not missing anything. 392 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,434 Ooh, it beeped. Look up "beep."