0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800
English Subtitles. 
Two and a Half Men S03E15 - My Tongue is Meat - Web-DL [KoTuWa]

1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,587
You know
what I've been thinking about?

2
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,548
- What?
- The death penalty.

3
00:00:08,549 --> 00:00:11,677
Really? That's a...
That's a very complex issue.

4
00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,638
So... So, what are your thoughts?

5
00:00:13,804 --> 00:00:16,641
If you're going to the chair
they give you what you want...

6
00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:18,184
...for your last meal.

7
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,727
I guess.

8
00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:23,814
- I'm gonna order cereal.
- Why?

9
00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:27,985
Because if you keep adding milk
you can make it last forever.

10
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:31,489
And they just gotta wait.

11
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,158
Okay, let's go back a bit.

12
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,328
Why would you be going to the chair
in the first place?

13
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:41,082
I don't know.
My DNA shows up at a murder scene...

14
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:45,503
...because it's planted by a crooked cop
or maybe one of my teachers.

15
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:49,840
- So you'd be wrongly accused?
- Story of my life, Dad.

16
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,678
Remember that water pistol incident
at school?

17
00:00:53,844 --> 00:00:55,596
But that was your water pistol.

18
00:00:55,763 --> 00:00:58,641
Yes, but it wasn't my pee.

19
00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:02,395
Morning.

20
00:01:02,561 --> 00:01:03,854
Oh, hey, how was your run?

21
00:01:04,021 --> 00:01:06,607
Great. We made it
all the way to the pier and back.

22
00:01:06,774 --> 00:01:08,651
Didn't we, honey?

23
00:01:10,194 --> 00:01:11,862
Yeah.

24
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,490
Pier. Back.

25
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,952
Hey, Jake,
you ever seen anybody cough up blood?

26
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,955
- Nope.
- Then pay attention.

27
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:25,042
- Ass.
- Ass?

28
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,961
Kiss.

29
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,338
My.

30
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,049
Sweaty.

31
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:37,805
I think I'll jump in the shower.
Wanna join me?

32
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,640
Can't.

33
00:01:40,182 --> 00:01:41,767
Later.

34
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,686
Maybe.

35
00:01:44,353 --> 00:01:47,189
All right. Well,
you drink your health shake, all right?

36
00:01:47,356 --> 00:01:49,984
- You'll feel better.
- Doubt it.

37
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:57,491
- What's in that?
- I don't know.

38
00:01:57,658 --> 00:01:59,994
Vitamins, minerals, protein.

39
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,581
Whatever it is, it's flushing out stuff
I ate in high school.

40
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:10,171
Hey, do you think they let you
have a last poop after your last meal?

41
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,092
What?

42
00:02:15,259 --> 00:02:17,553
Because as long as you're sitting on
the can...

43
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,139
...technically you're still pooping.

44
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,558
And they gotta wait.

45
00:02:23,684 --> 00:02:24,769
Go get dressed.

46
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:28,647
If they made you hold one in,
that'd be cruel and unusual punishment.

47
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,946
You know, I am impressed
with what you're doing here.

48
00:02:36,113 --> 00:02:39,783
Exercising, eating right,
laying off the cigars and the booze.

49
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:42,119
I mean,
Mia has really done wonders with you.

50
00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:44,288
- Yeah, she's an incredible woman.
- She is.

51
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,123
- And I'm a lucky guy.
- You are.

52
00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:48,375
Why is there
this little voice in my head...

53
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:51,712
...that keeps whispering,
"Kill yourself. Do it now."

54
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:54,798
Don't worry about that. It's common.

55
00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:56,008
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

56
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:59,887
Every man who gets into a long-term,
committed relationship hears that voice.

57
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,515
Mine sounded a little like Alec Baldwin.

58
00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:03,766
I don't know why.

59
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,477
Maybe because I enjoyed him
in that submarine movie.

60
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:09,396
- What was that call...?
- Would you get to the point?

61
00:03:09,563 --> 00:03:12,316
You have to remember that over time
that voice will fade...

62
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,443
...when you realize
what you're giving up...

63
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:16,654
...is nothing compared
to what you're gaining.

64
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:18,614
What exactly am I gaining?

65
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,866
Are you kidding?
You're gaining a soul mate.

66
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:23,244
Someone to walk down life's path
with you.

67
00:03:23,410 --> 00:03:25,913
Someone who'll always be there,
sharing your hopes...

68
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,207
...your joys and your sorrows.

69
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:29,917
You got nothing.

70
00:03:31,877 --> 00:03:34,463
That's what the minister said
at my wedding.

71
00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:39,260
Hunt for Red October.

72
00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:50,604
Be back in a while, honey.
I'm going for a power walk.

73
00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:54,358
- Pace yourself.
- Don't worry.

74
00:04:49,913 --> 00:04:52,833
This is a good pace.

75
00:04:55,419 --> 00:04:57,171
Hey.

76
00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:01,508
What you doing?

77
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:03,427
Nothing. Close the damn door.

78
00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:09,308
You told Mia you weren't gonna smoke
or drink anymore.

79
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:14,021
You told your father you weren't gonna
watch dirty movies on cable anymore.

80
00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:16,815
Don't change the subject.

81
00:05:19,234 --> 00:05:21,528
Mia's gonna be really pissed at you.

82
00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:24,740
Only if she finds out
and she doesn't have to find out.

83
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:27,701
Well, I guess that depends.

84
00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:31,622
What, are you blackmailing me?

85
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:34,458
No. I'm just saying
if you don't give me 20 bucks...

86
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,460
...I'm gonna tell on you.

87
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,671
That's blackmail.

88
00:05:40,714 --> 00:05:42,216
Well, then, yeah.

89
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:51,767
- Oh, hi, Mom, how are you?
- Deeply hurt.

90
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,894
Is this about me or Charlie?

91
00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:55,896
- Charlie.
- Great. Come on in.

92
00:05:59,566 --> 00:06:03,570
Can you explain to me how your brother
can be in a serious relationship...

93
00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:05,781
...and not only
have I not met the woman...

94
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,617
...he hasn't even bothered
to tell me her name?

95
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:10,827
Do you really need an explanation
for that?

96
00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:12,663
Do you want it to be about you?

97
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:16,333
- Her name's Mia. She's in the kitchen.
- Thank you.

98
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,671
Thank God I didn't know Anne Frank.

99
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,175
Hello.

100
00:06:27,344 --> 00:06:28,929
Hello.

101
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:37,104
- I'm Evelyn, Charlie's mother.
- I'm Mia, Charlie's girlfriend.

102
00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:40,732
- So we finally meet.
- So we do.

103
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:43,318
One question.

104
00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:47,114
- I'm listening.
- Can you fix him?

105
00:06:47,864 --> 00:06:49,032
I'm trying.

106
00:06:50,784 --> 00:06:55,455
Fifteen, 16, 17, 18...

107
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:57,249
Jake?

108
00:06:57,499 --> 00:06:59,376
How about a hug
for your grandmommy?

109
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,586
No, thank you.

110
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:04,423
One, two...

111
00:07:13,348 --> 00:07:15,392
What the hell are you doing?

112
00:07:15,559 --> 00:07:17,811
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down.
Keep it down.

113
00:07:17,978 --> 00:07:19,938
Mia thinks I'm taking a power walk.

114
00:07:21,773 --> 00:07:24,735
This is a sad, sad day.

115
00:07:26,528 --> 00:07:29,114
I always figured
you'd be the last guy in the world...

116
00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:31,450
...to end up whipped.

117
00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:34,911
I am not whipped. I'm considerate.

118
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,414
- Considerate?
- Yeah.

119
00:07:37,581 --> 00:07:39,541
See, I love Mia
and want her to be happy.

120
00:07:39,708 --> 00:07:42,377
I happen to know she's not happy
when I smoke cigars...

121
00:07:42,544 --> 00:07:45,088
...and drink and gamble
and stay out all night...

122
00:07:45,255 --> 00:07:49,801
...and eat meat and sugar and grease
and fat and nap and swear...

123
00:07:49,968 --> 00:07:52,054
...and wear shorts
and bowling shirts...

124
00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:55,724
Charlie, you ain't just whipped,
you're roped, saddled and gelded.

125
00:07:55,891 --> 00:07:59,686
They could use you
to give rides at kid's birthday parties.

126
00:07:59,853 --> 00:08:02,773
- I am not whipped.
- Yeah.

127
00:08:03,398 --> 00:08:07,110
Here, might as well take one
of these sacks since yours is empty.

128
00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:09,821
Hang on a second.

129
00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:13,325
- That ain't gonna do it, Alice.
- What?

130
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:16,787
You smell like a beer bottle
that just fell out of Joe Camel's ass.

131
00:08:17,954 --> 00:08:19,539
Well, what am I supposed to do?

132
00:08:19,706 --> 00:08:22,250
Oh, hang on,
let's see if I got anything in here...

133
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:25,170
...that might mask your stench.

134
00:08:25,337 --> 00:08:27,130
Oven cleaner. No.

135
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,175
Ty-D-Bol. No.

136
00:08:30,342 --> 00:08:33,762
How do you feel about taking a whore's
bath with a hunk of blue cheese?

137
00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:38,600
I'm so proud of him. He hasn't had
a drop of alcohol in weeks.

138
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,685
Well, that's one way to go.

139
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:45,232
But I've found that men who drink
tend to talk less and sleep more.

140
00:08:45,982 --> 00:08:48,401
Which, frankly,
becomes increasingly desirable...

141
00:08:48,568 --> 00:08:50,362
...as the years go by.

142
00:08:54,157 --> 00:08:56,284
Oh, this can't be good.

143
00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:59,496
Hello, darling. Wonderful to see you.

144
00:08:59,663 --> 00:09:01,206
Hi, Mom.

145
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,084
Have you been dusting?

146
00:09:05,669 --> 00:09:09,047
- No, why?
- You reek of Lemon Pledge.

147
00:09:10,423 --> 00:09:11,508
You're welcome.

148
00:09:17,514 --> 00:09:19,516
I'll be downstairs.

149
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:21,393
No snacking, Charlie.

150
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,145
We're going to
the best vegetarian restaurant in town.

151
00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:26,856
Oh, boy.

152
00:09:39,077 --> 00:09:41,538
Oh, thank God. Meat.

153
00:09:41,705 --> 00:09:45,041
- I love you, Rose.
- I love you too, Charlie.

154
00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:48,461
And may I say, I would never
try to change you the way she has.

155
00:09:49,004 --> 00:09:51,464
- Her name's Mia.
- I know what her name is.

156
00:09:51,631 --> 00:09:54,217
I also know where she lives,
her employment history...

157
00:09:54,384 --> 00:09:57,929
...and if you want I can get you
photographs of a wet T-shirt contest...

158
00:09:58,096 --> 00:10:03,852
...she entered during spring break 1995
at a college bar called Se�or Frogs.

159
00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:05,854
I forgot who I'm dealing with.

160
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,106
I know you have to hide
to smoke a cigar...

161
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:09,983
...and slam back a warm beer.

162
00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:11,735
What'd you do, bug my garage?

163
00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:13,111
Don't be paranoid.

164
00:10:13,278 --> 00:10:15,447
I have a long-standing arrangement
with Jake.

165
00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:18,783
Charlie, I'm ready.

166
00:10:22,412 --> 00:10:23,580
I'm out here.

167
00:10:23,747 --> 00:10:25,790
Go, go, go.

168
00:10:25,957 --> 00:10:28,793
Okay, I'll go,
but I want you to remember one thing.

169
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,171
- What?
- I'm not gonna wait for you forever.

170
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:39,763
How do I look?

171
00:10:51,858 --> 00:10:52,901
How's your couscous?

172
00:10:54,235 --> 00:10:55,779
Yum, yum.

173
00:10:56,654 --> 00:10:58,823
I had an interesting chat
with your mom today.

174
00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,159
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

175
00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:05,205
I know she comes on a little strong
but her heart's in the right place.

176
00:11:05,371 --> 00:11:09,751
If you mean in a cooler on its way to a
dying man in Tennessee, then we agree.

177
00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:13,755
- You can't possibly mean that.
- I suppose not.

178
00:11:13,922 --> 00:11:16,758
She's too selfish to donate an organ.

179
00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:18,426
Even one she doesn't use.

180
00:11:19,052 --> 00:11:21,429
That's so unfair, Charlie.
Your mother loves you.

181
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:25,225
Really? Did she or did she not say
I was a bitter disappointment?

182
00:11:25,975 --> 00:11:28,103
- Well, she did, but...
- And did she...

183
00:11:28,269 --> 00:11:31,815
...or did she not say that
I'm a lazy-ass schlock jingle writer...

184
00:11:31,981 --> 00:11:35,026
...who wasted 13 years of piano lessons
that she paid for...

185
00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:38,488
...by marrying a series of men
with large wallets and small penises?

186
00:11:39,114 --> 00:11:40,949
Yes, that was mentioned.

187
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:46,371
It's natural for someone who loves you
to want to see you live to your potential.

188
00:11:46,871 --> 00:11:50,667
Do you want to be known as the guy
who writes songs about adult diapers?

189
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,920
Hey, it's better than being known
as the guy who wears them.

190
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:58,341
Charlie, we both know
you can do so much more with your life.

191
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:04,180
Maybe.
But you gotta admire my restraint.

192
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:08,726
Oh, come on, look how much you've
accomplished since we've been together.

193
00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:11,980
You're exercising regularly,
you cut way down on the drinking...

194
00:12:12,146 --> 00:12:13,606
...and you're eating right.

195
00:12:13,773 --> 00:12:16,818
Did you ever think you'd
change your life the way you have?

196
00:12:16,985 --> 00:12:18,570
Never.

197
00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:23,199
It just goes to show, you can do
anything you put your mind to.

198
00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:29,581
I smell meat.

199
00:12:30,498 --> 00:12:31,541
Excuse me?

200
00:12:32,041 --> 00:12:34,419
Your breath. It stinks of meat.

201
00:12:36,629 --> 00:12:40,091
Well, it could be my tongue.

202
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,884
My tongue is meat.

203
00:12:42,051 --> 00:12:44,762
No, you've been eating meat.
I can smell it.

204
00:12:46,681 --> 00:12:50,143
Maybe it's this breast of Tofurky
you smell.

205
00:12:50,727 --> 00:12:54,272
- No, I smell beef.
- Where would I get beef?

206
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:55,607
You tell me.

207
00:12:56,357 --> 00:12:59,485
Well, maybe it's secondhand beef.

208
00:12:59,902 --> 00:13:03,031
- What?
- You know, like secondhand smoke.

209
00:13:03,197 --> 00:13:04,449
Some thoughtless guy...

210
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:07,619
...who's sitting next to you
eating a steak can...

211
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:12,582
Oh, screw it.

212
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:16,919
I paid a slightly disturbed woman
to toss a bag of cheeseburgers...

213
00:13:17,086 --> 00:13:19,380
...onto the deck
while you were getting dressed.

214
00:13:20,006 --> 00:13:24,761
- Oh, Charlie.
- Don't "Oh, Charlie" me, I was starving.

215
00:13:24,927 --> 00:13:27,263
And I'll tell you another thing,
my power walk...

216
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:31,726
...was two quick beers and half a Cuban
cigar while cowering in my own garage.

217
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:33,770
That's why you smelt like
Lemon Pledge.

218
00:13:33,936 --> 00:13:37,523
Well, it certainly wasn't to bring out
the natural luster of my forehead.

219
00:13:37,690 --> 00:13:39,025
So you've been lying to me?

220
00:13:39,525 --> 00:13:42,695
If you mean telling you
I wasn't going to do a bunch of things...

221
00:13:42,862 --> 00:13:47,033
...then doing them anyway and lying
about it, then I've been lying to you.

222
00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:52,455
Well, I suppose I can forgive you.
If you promise it'll never happen again.

223
00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:54,749
Oh, it'll never happen again.
You know why?

224
00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:57,919
Because I am done
with this whole charade.

225
00:13:58,086 --> 00:14:01,214
I'm tired of you trying
to make me over into something I'm not.

226
00:14:01,381 --> 00:14:03,341
I'm a grown man,
not a work in progress.

227
00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:05,802
- Charlie, people are staring.
- Let them stare.

228
00:14:06,803 --> 00:14:08,262
You guys know what I mean.

229
00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:10,765
Why can't women
look at a guy for who he is...

230
00:14:10,932 --> 00:14:12,892
...instead of
who they can turn him into?

231
00:14:13,059 --> 00:14:14,894
- Please, you're embarrassing me.
- Good.

232
00:14:15,061 --> 00:14:16,562
Maybe now you know how I feel.

233
00:14:16,729 --> 00:14:20,691
Sitting in a restaurant eating medallions
of bean curd with lawn mower sauce.

234
00:14:21,859 --> 00:14:22,902
Am I right?

235
00:14:23,402 --> 00:14:27,281
No man should have to eat anything
with the word "curd" in it.

236
00:14:27,615 --> 00:14:29,784
You know,
you're turning into a real ass here.

237
00:14:29,951 --> 00:14:32,912
Well,
then I'm finally living up to my potential.

238
00:14:33,496 --> 00:14:36,666
I'm a big old bourbon-soaked,
cigar-huffing ass...

239
00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:39,377
...as God, in his infinite wisdom,
meant me to be.

240
00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:41,546
As he meant all men to be.

241
00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:54,684
You guys are disappointing God.

242
00:14:59,363 --> 00:15:02,783
Okay,
what if a cannibal was on death row?

243
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,077
I guess for being a cannibal.

244
00:15:05,786 --> 00:15:10,123
And he orders Chinese for his last meal,
does he get to eat a Chinese guy?

245
00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:13,627
No.

246
00:15:14,503 --> 00:15:16,755
What if they
just electrocuted a Chinese guy...

247
00:15:16,922 --> 00:15:18,590
...and the cannibal was next?

248
00:15:19,841 --> 00:15:21,259
No.

249
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:24,596
- He'd already be cooked.
- Stop it.

250
00:15:27,265 --> 00:15:29,768
- Hey.
- Hey, where have you been?

251
00:15:29,935 --> 00:15:32,896
- I had a date with Mia.
- That was two nights ago.

252
00:15:33,063 --> 00:15:36,358
Yeah, well,
I stopped off in Vegas on the way home.

253
00:15:36,525 --> 00:15:38,193
Why?

254
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:42,698
Because that's where you go
after you destroy a relationship.

255
00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:46,326
Oh, now I understand
why Mia's been calling.

256
00:15:46,493 --> 00:15:49,996
- She sounded pretty upset.
- I didn't tell her anything.

257
00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:52,499
But you'd tell Rose, wouldn't you?

258
00:15:52,874 --> 00:15:54,376
Hey, you just paid me once.

259
00:15:54,543 --> 00:15:57,379
Rose has me
on something called a "retainer."

260
00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:02,509
- So, what happened with Mia?
- No big deal.

261
00:16:02,676 --> 00:16:05,262
I just got tired
of trying to be something I'm not.

262
00:16:05,429 --> 00:16:08,223
- A decent, healthy human being?
- Pretty much.

263
00:16:11,268 --> 00:16:13,437
He's back.

264
00:16:13,603 --> 00:16:17,524
You're damn right I'm back.
Mia and I are through.

265
00:16:17,691 --> 00:16:20,986
You schmuck. She was the best thing
that ever happened to you.

266
00:16:21,153 --> 00:16:22,904
But you said I was whipped.

267
00:16:23,071 --> 00:16:25,991
I didn't mean dump her,
I meant grow a pair.

268
00:16:28,493 --> 00:16:30,120
What is "whipped"?

269
00:16:30,287 --> 00:16:33,498
When a man lets a woman take over
his life and tell him what to do.

270
00:16:33,665 --> 00:16:35,667
Oh, so like you and Mom.

271
00:16:39,337 --> 00:16:40,380
No.

272
00:16:45,218 --> 00:16:47,137
Oh, hi, Mother.

273
00:16:47,304 --> 00:16:50,015
No, no, Mia's not here.
He broke up with her.

274
00:16:50,807 --> 00:16:53,852
Yeah, schmuck seems to be
the general consensus.

275
00:16:54,561 --> 00:16:57,355
- What's a "schmuck"?
- Any guy who's not whipped.

276
00:16:57,522 --> 00:17:00,692
- She wants to talk to you.
- Well, I don't wanna talk to her.

277
00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:02,694
Nice catch, schmuck.

278
00:17:07,824 --> 00:17:09,075
Hi, Mom.

279
00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:13,872
Why am I the bad guy here?

280
00:17:14,039 --> 00:17:17,959
Well, did you ever stop to consider
that maybe this wasn't my fault?

281
00:17:18,126 --> 00:17:20,378
I gotta go, Mom,
my meat connection's here.

282
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:28,220
It's just weird. I just think that if the guy's
got a front door, we should use it.

283
00:17:28,386 --> 00:17:30,263
- This is fine.
- Okay.

284
00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:33,308
- Hi, Charlie.
- Hello, Rose. What's going on?

285
00:17:33,975 --> 00:17:37,979
Well, I just wanted to introduce you
to Gordon, my new boyfriend.

286
00:17:38,438 --> 00:17:41,274
Oh, no kidding. Hi, Gordon.

287
00:17:41,441 --> 00:17:42,609
Hello.

288
00:17:42,776 --> 00:17:45,487
Gordon and I
are in a committed relationship.

289
00:17:45,654 --> 00:17:47,197
- Right, Gordon?
- Yeah, I guess.

290
00:17:47,364 --> 00:17:49,824
Look, see,
there's stairs right over there. Just...

291
00:17:49,991 --> 00:17:51,743
Anyway...

292
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:53,703
...I was thinking that you and Mia...

293
00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:57,207
...would like to join us for dinner
one night. You know, double date.

294
00:17:57,999 --> 00:18:00,627
Oh, well, that's nice, Rose,
but I broke up with Mia.

295
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:04,589
Oh, I see.

296
00:18:04,881 --> 00:18:06,591
Well, then goodbye, Gordon.

297
00:18:21,447 --> 00:18:24,033
I think I made a big mistake.

298
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,952
I know the feeling.

299
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:30,206
I once ate an egg salad sandwich
I left in my desk over the weekend.

300
00:18:31,749 --> 00:18:33,751
Huge mistake.

301
00:18:34,419 --> 00:18:35,878
My relationship with Mia...

302
00:18:36,045 --> 00:18:39,090
...was the best thing that happened
to me and I threw it away.

303
00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:42,135
That's what I should have done
with the sandwich.

304
00:18:43,219 --> 00:18:45,513
I wonder if it's too late to fix things.

305
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,473
Call her and find out.

306
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,018
But if I do,
I'll be right back where I started...

307
00:18:50,184 --> 00:18:52,520
...trying to be somebody I'm not.

308
00:18:52,687 --> 00:18:54,564
Okay, then find another girlfriend.

309
00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:57,942
I don't want another girlfriend.
I want Mia.

310
00:18:58,109 --> 00:19:00,069
Then call her.

311
00:19:00,403 --> 00:19:02,196
I can't.

312
00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:05,158
I can't live with her,
I can't live without her.

313
00:19:05,324 --> 00:19:09,996
If your plane crashed in the Andes
and she died, could you eat her?

314
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,011
Mia, it's Charlie.

315
00:19:25,178 --> 00:19:29,557
Look, you win. I'll change.
No more meat, I promise.

316
00:19:32,059 --> 00:19:34,645
Come on, Mia.
Come out and smell me.

317
00:19:36,439 --> 00:19:39,817
Mia's not here.
Do I have to smell you?

318
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:42,236
- Who are you?
- Ginger.

319
00:19:42,403 --> 00:19:43,780
So you're Charlie.

320
00:19:43,946 --> 00:19:47,742
- Yeah, where's Mia?
- Hang on a minute.

321
00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:51,454
She told me to give you this
if you stopped by.

322
00:19:54,373 --> 00:19:56,542
She took a job in New York?
Why'd she do that?

323
00:19:56,709 --> 00:19:58,085
Just read the note.

324
00:19:58,753 --> 00:20:02,048
"I love you too much to try to make you
into something you're not...

325
00:20:02,215 --> 00:20:05,885
...and I love me too much
to settle for who you are."

326
00:20:06,052 --> 00:20:08,554
That's the part
that always makes me cry.

327
00:20:10,473 --> 00:20:12,975
I can change her mind.
I'll fly to New York tonight.

328
00:20:13,142 --> 00:20:15,061
- Do you have her address?
- Come on in.

329
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:18,731
- Can I get you something to drink?
- No, thanks.

330
00:20:19,148 --> 00:20:21,234
Hi, American Airlines,
reservations please.

331
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,736
You sure? I got all my boys here.

332
00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,780
Jack, Johnnie and Jose.

333
00:20:25,947 --> 00:20:29,408
Maybe a poquito Jose.

334
00:20:31,035 --> 00:20:32,578
Are these actual baby back ribs?

335
00:20:32,745 --> 00:20:35,414
- Yeah, help yourself.
- Thanks.

336
00:20:36,958 --> 00:20:40,169
I'd like to make a reservation
on the redeye to New York tonight.

337
00:20:40,336 --> 00:20:43,798
Hey, do you mind if I turn on the TV?
I've got some money on the Lakers.

338
00:20:43,965 --> 00:20:46,133
- You bet sports?
- I'll bet anything.

339
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,886
I had 200 bucks
on my sister's pregnancy test.

340
00:20:50,555 --> 00:20:52,056
How exactly do you know Mia?

341
00:20:52,223 --> 00:20:56,269
Oh, we used to do the ballet thing
together but I didn't have the discipline.

342
00:20:56,727 --> 00:21:00,606
- No kidding.
- I still dance, but just for tips.

343
00:21:02,692 --> 00:21:03,818
I'll call you back.

344
00:21:08,614 --> 00:21:11,158
You know, I'm thinking
she probably needs her space.

345
00:21:11,325 --> 00:21:12,535
Probably.

346
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:15,913
- Mind if I hang out and watch the game?
- Be my guest.

347
00:21:21,836 --> 00:21:25,131
If you got cash,
I could give you a lap dance at halftime.

348
00:21:28,342 --> 00:21:30,344
That'd be swell.

349
00:21:57,288 --> 00:21:59,373
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

350
00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:01,625
[ENGLISH]