1
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,437
That magic show
was awesome.

2
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:11,206
I loved when the magician
pulled money
out of Jessie's nose.

3
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,446
(SNEEZES)

4
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,381
(COINS CLINKING)

5
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,446
Hey, I'm one head cold
away from getting
those boots I wanted.

6
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:24,328
So far, I fail
to see the magic
in these magic rings.

7
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,598
Jessie! Rosslings!
Check out my new dolly.

8
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,128
I can carry luggage,
schlep garbage,

9
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,434
I can even ride it.
Watch me catch air.

10
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,143
Whoo-hoo!

11
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,241
Oh! X Games,
here you come.

12
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,482
Hey, Jessie!

13
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:46,511
I was wondering
if you want to

14
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,481
have an apple?

15
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,350
Thanks, Tony.
I will enjoy this

16
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,164
linty goodness.

17
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,257
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)

18
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,273
Awesome bike!

19
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,596
Awesome roses!

20
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:10,465
Awesome face.
Did I say that out loud?

21
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:15,480
Well, hello.
My name's Brody Winton.

22
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,109
And you are?

23
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:20,345
(GASPING)
Totally available!

24
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,451
Oh, no! She isn't.

25
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,523
Is so.
Every Saturday night,

26
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,252
she veges out
in front of the TV

27
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,457
in a ratty old
Longhorns sweatshirt
covered in food stains.

28
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,230
Which you guys
spilled on me.

29
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,259
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) Kids.

30
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,295
I'm Jessie.

31
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,670
And I happen to look
awesome in that sweatshirt.

32
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:39,699
I'm sure you do.

33
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,502
Allow me, Jessie.

34
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:44,236
Oh, thanks.

35
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,278
He's stealing your
woman and your job!

36
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,511
Do something!

37
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,124
Ow!

38
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,317
Hello? Guys?

39
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,464
I will try the magic word.

40
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,557
Help!

41
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,366
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

42
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:15,169
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

43
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,573
* It feels like a party
every day

44
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:22,206
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

45
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,683
* But they keep on pulling
me every which way

46
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,953
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

47
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,552
* My whole world is changing
Turning around

48
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,316
* They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

49
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:40,287
* But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

50
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:43,528
* And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

51
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:47,204
* Hey Jessie

52
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,635
* Hey Jessie

53
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:54,381
* It feels like a party
every day

54
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:58,348
* Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie *

55
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,622
Can you buzz
Mrs. Winton in 3802?

56
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,218
I'm taking my grandma
to the Giants game.

57
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:11,558
We sit in the owners' box.

58
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:15,602
Take me instead.
When we do the wave,
I won't go, "Oy, my back."

59
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,495
So, Jessie,
I'm free tomorrow night.

60
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,543
Wanna have dinner?
Say, around 7:00?

61
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,399
She can't.

62
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:27,377
My bedtime's 8:00,
and Jessie always
reads me a story.

63
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,578
Guess it wasn't
meant to be. Bye-bye.

64
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,551
Whoa, maybe just this once,

65
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,621
Horton can hear that Who
just a little bit faster.

66
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,416
Does 8:30 work?

67
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,821
Perfect. Until then.

68
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,404
He gave you a rose.
He's such a gentleman.

69
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,771
So, on your date,
try not to chew
with your mouth open.

70
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,568
(LOUD CRASHING)

71
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,776
Tony, I am afraid
I have broken
your awning.

72
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,782
Hey, guys,
I need your opinion.

73
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,288
That vest is too small.

74
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,650
You should trim
your ear hair.

75
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,387
Less is more
with that cologne.

76
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,687
I meant my speech.

77
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,055
You tend to slur your "S's."

78
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,562
Shtop it!

79
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,525
I have to give a speech
at the Butler's Association.

80
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,465
We're going to roast
our colleague
Alfred Pennyworth.

81
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,801
You're going to cook him?

82
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,474
Yes, yes, we are.

83
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,607
Hey, girls,
I need your opinion.

84
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,053
You don't want to
go down that road.

85
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:41,448
Okay. What do you
think about this
for my date with Brody?

86
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,582
It's hideous!

87
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,355
You obviously
have nothing to wear.

88
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,818
Hey! I need
someone to tell me
if this material works.

89
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:53,057
Actually,
it's a little bunchy
around your waist.

90
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,463
No. I'm trying to find out
if my speech is funny.

91
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,796
Now, listen.
(CLEARS THROAT)

92
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,100
Good evening...

93
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,671
(LAUGHING)

94
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,401
"Good evening."
Priceless!

95
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,652
Tony! You have to
tell Jessie that
you like her

96
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,379
before Brody gets here.

97
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,722
Take her for ice cream.

98
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,419
Then bring me ice cream.

99
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,119
I can't compete with Brody.

100
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,363
He's rich, and I'm poor.

101
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,730
He rides a motorcycle,
I ride a dolly.

102
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,358
His grandma lives
in a stately penthouse,

103
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,425
and my grandma lives
in the state penitentiary.

104
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,902
But you and Jessie are
meant to be together.

105
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,574
You're gonna live
happily ever after.

106
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:41,414
Thanks, Zuri, but guys
from my neighborhood
don't get fairy-tale endings.

107
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,852
Although
Grandpa and Grandma
still make it work,

108
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,748
one visiting day at a time.

109
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,393
And that's what I want
for you and Jessie.

110
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:55,660
But without
the bulletproof glass,
the menacing guard,

111
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,429
and the invasive pat-down.

112
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,889
The TV in my room
gets cable.

113
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:01,831
Don't tell Jessie.

114
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,443
(DOOR OPENING)

115
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,772
Ready for your
bedtime story?

116
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,836
Your choice, but since
I'm going out to dinner,

117
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,405
I'd rather not read
Sally Swallows Slugs.

118
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:23,849
No problem. Tonight,
I am going to tell a story.

119
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,924
And I'm feeling
pretty creative,
so get comfy.

120
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,626
Okay, but can we
pretty please
make it quick?

121
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:35,559
Hush, child. Now,
a long, long time ago,

122
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:39,666
lived a beautiful princess
and her lazy lady-in-waiting.

123
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,970
Ahem!

124
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,471
Lady-in-waiting,
I'm waiting.

125
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,738
And I'm trying to
message a friend.

126
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:49,879
(SIGHS)

127
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:50,910
(COOS)

128
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,980
You're way over your limit.

129
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,585
Your carrier plan
is only 15 pigeons a month.

130
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:03,459
That's why I asked
for unlimited pigeons,
but no.

131
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,731
Instead of using up pigeons,
you should post on the wall.

132
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,600
Zounds! Lady Gwenyth's
relationship status

133
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,473
was changed back
to "maiden."

134
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,002
That means
the Earl of Sandwich
is available.

135
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,767
I'm gonna go
ask him to lunch.

136
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:24,211
Alas, if only I could
find my true love,

137
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:27,484
a poetic soul who could
open the door

138
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:28,815
to my heart.

139
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,521
Good morrow,
Your Highness.

140
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,657
An apple a day
keeps the leeches away.

141
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,885
Thank you, kind peasant.

142
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,527
What are those
weird things
on your shoulders?

143
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,933
Epaulets.
I invented them last week.

144
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,795
And this thing that
replaces buttons.

145
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,768
I call it a "microwave."

146
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,942
Don't quit thy day job.

147
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,044
Your Highness, word
on the cobblestones is

148
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,006
there's a fearsome dragon
loose in the village.

149
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:03,646
So you need someone
with cobblestone smarts
to protect you.

150
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,864
Do you know anyone?
All the guys I know
wear tights and play lutes.

151
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,058
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)

152
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,704
Prince Smarming!

153
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:20,074
Yes, it is I,
Prince Smarming,

154
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,800
with my half-wit
squire, Lucas.

155
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:27,636
Hey! That's DJ Half-Wit
Master Flex to you.

156
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:30,635
I'm available for
birthdays, bar mitzvahs,
and witch burnings.

157
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,783
So, Smarms,

158
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,675
what are you doing
back in the realm?

159
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,717
Are you going to slay
that dreadful dragon?

160
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,687
Uh... Sure.

161
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:46,793
But I'm all booked up today
with suit of armor fittings.

162
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,997
I'm headlining
the big joust later. Ha!

163
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:54,569
Oh, really? I hear
the half-time act
is milady Gaga.

164
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:58,312
Care to be my plus wench?
I have back pit passes.

165
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,738
Well, I was gonna go
to a spinning class,

166
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,314
but that little
Rumpelstiltskin guy
kind of creeps me out,

167
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,583
so... Okay.

168
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,654
Great.

169
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:09,749
Oh!

170
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,064
This stinketh.

171
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,163
Oh, wait, that's me.

172
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,601
I should invent
a small, tiled chamber

173
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,674
where you can spray yourself
clean with water.

174
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,113
I shall call it a "toaster."

175
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:38,651
ZURI: The peasant feared
he had lost the fair princess,

176
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:43,149
so he went and found
a sorcerer on Merlin's List.

177
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:47,723
A dash of thistle,
a pinch of mugwort...

178
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,859
Pardon, are you
Ravnik the Weird?

179
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:54,932
No, I am Ravnik the Weird.

180
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:57,827
How may I help you?

181
00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:00,665
I have fallen in love
with a beautiful princess,

182
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,741
but she has fallen
for Prince Smarming,

183
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,910
and I'm stuck in
ye olde friend zone.

184
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,213
I feel ya.

185
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:12,776
So I seek a potion that
will make me irresistible.

186
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,083
I think I have
that in stock.

187
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,652
Would you like
brand-name or generic?

188
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,145
I shovel manure
for a living.

189
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,656
Generic, it is.

190
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,729
Let's see. Invisible,
Irregular, Itchy...

191
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,788
Pustules?

192
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,797
This belongs
on the Plague shelf!

193
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,000
I should fire
that apprentice.

194
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,102
You're fired!

195
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,667
Oh, here it is.
Irresistible.

196
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:44,008
Whoa! When you fire someone,
you really fire 'em.

197
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,954
I know. I felt
kind of bad about that.

198
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,820
I was just trying
to throw him
his last paycheck.

199
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:51,988
Anyhoo...

200
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,123
Drinketh this.

201
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,827
By the way, the side effects
may include

202
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,160
tremors, nausea,
death, and sweaty palms.

203
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,655
(COUGHS)

204
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,735
Wait, did you say "death"?

205
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,938
Yes, but that is only
if you take it
on an empty stomach.

206
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,241
I'm a peasant.
I haven't eaten
in two weeks.

207
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,843
Unless dirt counts.
Does dirt count?

208
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,877
(CHUCKLES)
We will hope for the best.

209
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,984
Hey, I think
I feel something.

210
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,487
The potion is working.

211
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,888
In one moment,
you will be
irresistible.

212
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,160
What did you do to me?

213
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,264
Everybody
loves hamburgers.

214
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,997
But they don't marry them.

215
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:47,983
Oh, man, I think
I got sesame seeds
between my buns.

216
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,278
Well, I guess you must
win the princess
the old-fashioned way.

217
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,811
Enter the joust.

218
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,876
Chicks love jocks.

219
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,745
And then the princess
will marry me?

220
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:59,824
Well, if you live,
probably.

221
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,163
But just in case,
pay me now.

222
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,295
Br(SCREAMS)y!

223
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,199
Brody! Brody! Brody!

224
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,773
Can I ride on
your motorcycle?

225
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:15,942
Please.

226
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,207
Sure. Yeah,
I'll give you a ride...

227
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,169
Sometime.

228
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:25,178
Hey, did I tell you guys
I'm thinking of painting
flames on my dolly?

229
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,220
Brody, Brody,
watch me do
a magic trick.

230
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,050
The Great Ravi will
now pull a snake
out of his hat.

231
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,257
Alakazam!

232
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:43,802
Uh, there might be
a snake loose
in the apartment.

233
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,001
(BERTRAM SCREAMING)

234
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,973
Ta-da!

235
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,383
I haven't seen Bertram
run that fast since...

236
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,183
Ever.

237
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,816
The big jousting tournament
was about to begin.

238
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:11,194
The sky was a brilliant blue,
with a 10-mile an hour wind

239
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,294
blowing from
the north-northeast...

240
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,786
Zuri,

241
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:20,099
this fairy tale is wonderful
and remarkably detailed,

242
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:23,103
but if we don't hurry,
I'm gonna miss my date.

243
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,236
And my youth.

244
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,206
You just made me
lose my place.

245
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,382
(SIGHS)

246
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,910
Once upon a time...

247
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,875
The joust.
You were up to the joust.

248
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,884
Oh, right.

249
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,016
The big jousting tournament
was about to begin.

250
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:42,292
Ugh, I'm only getting
one beak.

251
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,932
Oh, well.
Go tweet this.

252
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,127
Oh, man,
another dropped bird.

253
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,433
Quit it. It's very rude
to pigeon during a show.

254
00:13:56,336 --> 00:14:00,106
JESSIE: Wait, wait, wait.
What's Millie the Mermaid
doing at the joust?

255
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,180
Working her tail off
for a few extra sand dollars.

256
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,046
Don't judge her.

257
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,217
(REVVING ENGINE)

258
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,153
(ALL CHEERING)

259
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,991
Wow, he went over easy.

260
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,102
Smarming dumped Humpty.
He got scrambled.

261
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,173
Oh, it was not that bad.

262
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,244
And now,
on to our main event.

263
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,046
In this corner...
You know him,
you love him,

264
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,952
because if you don't,
he'll send you
to the dungeon.

265
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,345
It's Prince Smarming.

266
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:54,361
Smarming's in the hizzle!
Let's get our joust on!

267
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,996
(SHRIEKING EXCITEDLY)

268
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,040
(SIGHS)

269
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:07,209
Milady, would you grant me
a token of your affection?

270
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,910
What, right here
in front of
the whole kingdom?

271
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,913
You mean
my hanky. Okay.

272
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,118
(SNEEZES)

273
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:20,186
Thanks?

274
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,392
I wish she'd bestow
her affection onto me.

275
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,464
Yes, because nothing says
"I love you" like
a used snot-rag.

276
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,496
And in this corner,
we have

277
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,965
some peasant guy.

278
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,541
(ALLYay!ING)

279
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,707
Get the stretcher ready.

280
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:43,739
Isn't that the peasant
who invented the microwave?
He's kind of cute

281
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,946
in a wretchedly poor,
only takes a bath
once a year kind of way.

282
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,379
(ENGINE REVVING)

283
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,017
(ALL CHEERING)

284
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:07,030
I can't believe it!
I think he actually missed!

285
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,137
(ALL LAUGHING)

286
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,282
Or not.

287
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,310
I don't know if it's
the peasant's bravery,

288
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:22,146
or his unicorn boxers,

289
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,422
but suddenly, I'm rooting
for the poor guy.

290
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,521
Me, too. I think
it's rally cap time.

291
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,433
(CHEERING)

292
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,103
(RUMBLING)

293
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,067
(SCREAMS) The dragon!

294
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,336
(WHIMPERS) Uh-oh.

295
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,309
It looks like
Prince Smarming

296
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,381
has rusted
his metal pants.

297
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,280
(ALL LAUGHING)

298
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,212
You should see what
I had to clean out
of his armor

299
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,776
when he saw that ogre.

300
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,124
Ow!

301
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,479
(SMARMING SOBBING)

302
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,191
Stand back, Princess!

303
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,262
You don't have
to tell me twice.

304
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,325
Um, peasant,
I hate to be
a backseat jouster,

305
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:15,474
but why did you
drop the big
pointy stabby thingy?

306
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,502
Don't you kind of
need that to slay that?

307
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,507
I know what I'm doing.
And if not,

308
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,280
I hope I give him
indigestion.

309
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,053
(ALL CHEERING)

310
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:37,093
You see?
He just wanted
to play fetch.

311
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:41,164
Brave peasant,
please accept this token
of my esteem and affection.

312
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,600
You know what?
Let me wash it first.

313
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,373
ZURI: At this point,
the brave, handsome peasant

314
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:55,073
with the awesome hair
is looking pretty
darn good to the princess.

315
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,450
(CLEARS THROAT)
Where's my lemonade?

316
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,123
I give up. Where?

317
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,253
How did you ever
become a butler?

318
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:10,556
Well, I wanted to be
an obnoxious rich guy,
but the job was filled.

319
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,094
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

320
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,627
(SIGHS)

321
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,403
Caitlyn. Hey, babe.

322
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,402
No, no, no.
Of course I love you.

323
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,165
I'm so sorry I canceled
our date tonight,

324
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:28,475
but I had to take
my grandma
to dance class.

325
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,383
Grandma,
quit popping
and locking.

326
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,312
You're gonna
break a hip.

327
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,423
No, Caitlyn, I am
not seeing any other
woman tonight.

328
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,892
Unless you count
a 95-year-old

329
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,460
who wants to be
Willow Smith.

330
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,531
And the princess discovered
that Prince Smarming

331
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,460
was a two-timing weenie
with a grandma who whips
her hair back and forth.

332
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,565
The end.

333
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,302
You okay, Jessie?

334
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:01,407
I will be.
Right after I go medieval
on Prince Smarming's butt.

335
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,177
Jessie's still not ready?
(SCOFFS)

336
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,424
Any girl that
makes me wait this long

337
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,948
better look
even cuter than I do.

338
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,652
(CHUCKLES)

339
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:17,194
You, sir, are a curry stain
on the tablecloth of humanity.

340
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:20,694
How can such a loser
come in such a totes
adorable package?

341
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,525
You don't deserve
a cool motorcycle.

342
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,765
But I still want a ride.
No, I don't!

343
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,499
(MOUTHING)

344
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,337
What's your problem?

345
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,672
You. You are the problem!

346
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,637
You don't deserve
a girl like Jessie.

347
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,706
She's smart and pretty
and nice and she always
smells really, really good.

348
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,447
Like one of those
fancy air fresheners

349
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,782
you plug in to
an outlet of the wall.

350
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,556
My point is...

351
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,229
Jessie's great
and you're a piece of

352
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,489
moldy lasagna!

353
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:59,397
No, doorman, the point is
that Jessie thinks I'm great.

354
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:01,967
And can you blame her?

355
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,501
The doorman's name is Tony.

356
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,605
And even though
he rides a dolly

357
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,310
and gives out
linty apples,

358
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,412
he's more of a gentleman
than you'll ever be.

359
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,383
And I don't date guys
who are afraid of dragons.

360
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,346
That's a long story.
Which you don't have
time to hear,

361
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,445
'cause you're leaving!

362
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,394
And I'm telling
your grandma that
you're a two-timing loser.

363
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,397
What? No, no, no, no!

364
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,558
Then she won't let me
borrow the private jet.

365
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,527
You have a private jet?

366
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,565
Jessie, have mercy.

367
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:38,844
Snap out of it!

368
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,835
Bye-bye, Brody.

369
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,578
(SCOFFS)
Whatever. Your loss.

370
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,850
(SCREAMS)

371
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,816
Ta-da!

372
00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:59,034
Thanks for sticking up
for me, Tony.

373
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:02,298
And by the way,
you smell nice, too.

374
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,429
Kind of lemony.

375
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,704
Thanks.
It's furniture polish.

376
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,467
I wax my own desk.

377
00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:12,538
HOh.o?

378
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,580
So, Jessie, I was
maybe wondering if you

379
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,651
want to...

380
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,419
I would love to go out
on a date with you, Tony.

381
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,849
YoYeah.ld?

382
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,353
Huh, that was
easier than I thought.

383
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:29,486
Yeah, 'cause I did
all the heavy lifting.

384
00:21:31,358 --> 00:21:32,388
Kids.

385
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:40,398
My wife is so ugly,
even the trolls go, "Ugh!"

386
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:42,768
(GROWLS)

387
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:49,608
I can't believe this guy won
So You Think You Can Jest.

388
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:52,652
Let's ask the Queen
to cut off his head. Or ours.

389
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:54,653
Your Highness.

390
00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:58,491
Sorcerer, is there
anything you can do

391
00:21:58,518 --> 00:22:00,348
to make this jester funny?

392
00:22:00,387 --> 00:22:03,617
I am a sorcerer,
not a miracle worker.

393
00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:06,531
Eh, but I will try.

394
00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:11,896
Before these
awful jokes can fester,

395
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,931
make this fool
a better jester.

396
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:16,772
(ALL GASP)

397
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,513
(EXCLAIMS)
He disappeared!

398
00:22:18,538 --> 00:22:20,868
(IN SQUEAKY VOICE)
I didn't disappear.
I'm down here.

399
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:23,507
Hey, wait! Wait!

400
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,883
Pretend you don't
hear him.

401
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:26,411
(WHISTLING)

402
00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:28,516
Hey, wait! Wait!

403
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:31,448
A druid, a monk,
and a varlet
walk into a tavern...

404
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:32,794
(GROWLING)

405
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,119
(SCREAMING)

406
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:36,794
Hey, I can see
my hovel from here.