1 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,960 You're probably wondering why my best pal, Jock, 2 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,280 has a smartphone stuck in his mouth. 3 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,000 It all started with Star's sixth birthday. 4 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,720 Call me a fuddy-duddy, but I don't think you should be throwing 5 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,880 a birthday party for a six-year-old in a drug dealer's house. 6 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:27,920 It's... 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,960 Hi, Craig. Hiya. 8 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,920 It is not a drug dealer's house. 9 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,440 It's Tony and Mairead's house. 10 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,560 And Conor was not a drug dealer, he was a drug mule. 11 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,080 The only difference between a drug dealer and a drug mule 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,160 is one is stupider than the other. 13 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,400 My tummy's fair sticky today. 14 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,040 That's probably from that fish gut that landed in your mouth earlier. 15 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,080 Ugh. 16 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,240 Come here. My phone's ringing. 17 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,400 Get that there, will you? 18 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,480 Just get it, will you? 19 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,960 All right, Orla? How's Linda? 20 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,400 Hi, Conor. 21 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,840 I'm grand, thanks for asking. 22 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,720 Oh, sorry. How are you, Orla? 23 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,560 Well, to be honest, Conor, I'm up the walls with... 24 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,840 How's Linda? 25 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,240 Couldn't be better. 26 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:09,360 Mad preparing for the wedding because she's getting married... 27 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,080 ..to someone else. 28 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,200 Yeah, I know that. Jesus Christ. 29 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,480 Do you? 30 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,040 Yeah, yeah, I knew that. 31 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,320 Sap. 32 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,400 All right, Orls, what's up? 33 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,080 I'm ringing to ask a favour. 34 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,120 I'm having the kitchen redone - 35 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,280 quartz countertops, dark navy shaker cabinets. 36 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,480 Nothing too elaborate, but they're now saying it'll be another 37 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,040 two weeks before they're finished. 38 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,000 Yeah? So, what, you want me to help you paint it or something? 39 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,480 No, no, nothing like that. 40 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,840 It's just I won't be able to throw Star's party here. 41 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,640 Any chance we could have the party in your house? 42 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,640 Oh, Jesus! 43 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,400 What, have you never seen someone get sick before? 44 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,680 That's mank! 45 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,240 Jeez, I fucking hate her. 46 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,040 This is a bad idea! 47 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:55,040 Just throw the party in a couple of weeks when your place is ready! 48 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,320 Erm... Sorry, girls. 49 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,200 Yeah, erm... 50 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,920 Yeah, grand, grand, grand, we can have it in our house. 51 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,320 We'll see all Saturday, all right? 52 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,480 Mairead, you are a life-saver! 53 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,600 I owe you. 54 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,520 Crisis averted, lads! Crisis averted! 55 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,160 You OK? I don't know. 56 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,440 That was gross. 57 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,040 Ugh, it tastes like shit. 58 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,160 Everybody in school is talking about their daddies. 59 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,320 You think I could see mine on my birthday? 60 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,520 No, Star, and stop asking. 61 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,680 I told you, he's gone away for a long, long time, 62 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,600 and he's never coming back. 63 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,040 Go on. 64 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,240 Tough love. She's going to flippin' hate you 65 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,800 for cutting her father out of her life. 66 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,080 Jock will come out of prison in a few years, and you're going 67 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,160 to have to deal with it, Siobhan. 68 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,840 No, I won't, cos when Jock gets out of prison, he'll just fuck up - 69 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,840 again - and then he'll disappear out of Star's life. Again. 70 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,800 Then she'll realise why I didn't want him around in the first place. 71 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,240 Besides, I know something that all kids love more than their dad. 72 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,960 Hey, Star... 73 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,360 Do you want to get ice cream? Yay! 74 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,080 Hmm. Hmm. Come on. 75 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,440 Right, lads, this is the first time that Star has been allowed in our 76 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,880 home since Jock got locked up. 77 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,640 Maybe Jock could say a quick hello at the party. 78 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,680 Ah, Jesus, no, Con. That's just way too much. 79 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,960 If we suggest that Siobhan's not going to trust us, then Star 80 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,480 will never be allowed to come here again. OK. 81 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,800 I spent an absolute bomb on this stuff. 82 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,920 Do you think I got enough? 83 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,120 What about proper food? 84 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,320 What do you mean, "proper food"? 85 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,000 Like, proper adult food? 86 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,800 Wedges, chips, little pizzas. 87 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,320 Oh, Jesus, I didn't even think of that. 88 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,560 All right, I'll sort it out. Give me an hour or so. 89 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:32,920 OK, thanks. 90 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,800 Erm... Where do I even...? 91 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,720 What was that? 92 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,760 Condoms. 93 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,920 "Condoms"? Mm-hm. 94 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,320 I didn't know women as old as you could get pregnant. 95 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,440 Ow! Go sort the food out! 96 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,880 I wish. 97 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,840 Come on, Con, come on... 98 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,880 Come on, Con. 99 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,520 I don't have any money to transfer! 100 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,200 Piss off! Con, Con, Con! 101 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,680 Can you hear me? Con! 102 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,040 Jock? Is that you, boy? 103 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,760 How'd you get your hands on a video call? 104 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,720 I'm renting a burner phone for the day, boy. 105 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,520 It's costing me my dessert for the next year. 106 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,120 Ah, you look great! Your hair's gas-looking! 107 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,560 Tell me, what's Colombia like? 108 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,840 You know, is the weather good? 109 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,440 I think it's pretty sunny outside, 110 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,320 but we don't really get to see the sun. 111 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,200 But we can feel it. It's hot. 112 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,600 Is the beaches nice and, like...? 113 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,800 The beach? Erm, there's not really a beach either. 114 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,040 Like, it's prison. 115 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,280 Oh, yeah. 116 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,360 It's pretty grim, actually, if I'm being honest with you. 117 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,560 Ah, sorry, bud. I didn't mean to... 118 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,320 A fella got killed yesterday. 119 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,760 Oh, nice. Heh! 120 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,720 Here, I need you to help me with something, boy. Hey, you! 121 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,120 Promise. Huh? 122 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,480 Boy, you speak Mexican now? 123 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,520 How do you say, "All right, lads, what's the craic?" 124 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:07,800 "Hola, amigos." 125 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,000 That's fucking class! 126 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,280 You'll have to teach me when you get back! 127 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,640 Enchilada! Taco, por favor. 128 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,120 Hola, amigos! Hola, ami... 129 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,400 Come on. Here, listen, listen. 130 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,000 Sorry, sorry, yeah, continue. Go on. 131 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,520 Star's birthday's coming up, yeah? 132 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,680 Yeah. You need to help me wish her a happy birthday, boy. 133 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:22,720 Are you doing anything for it? 134 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,080 We're actually having Star's birthday in our gaff. 135 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,400 You're having a party for her? 136 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,400 That's perfect, boy! 137 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,080 I need you to help me video-call her so I can wish her a happy birthday. 138 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,200 I said to Mam earlier and she said not a chance. 139 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,600 She thinks if the party goes well, then Star will be able to come 140 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,360 around more often, and you'll have a better chance 141 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:38,400 of speaking to her then. 142 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,320 What are you on about, "she said no"? That's my daughter! 143 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,080 You know, Siobhan's never going to let that happen, ever. 144 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,640 I've been begging her for the last three years to let me speak to Star 145 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,000 and she won't even respond. 146 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,440 Well, maybe if we just kind of explain it more to Siobhan 147 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,480 and make her see reason. 148 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,200 Yeah, that's a good idea, boy, yeah. Make her see reason? 149 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,880 We'll explain it to her and make her see reason. 150 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,280 That's a good idea. 151 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,040 Thanks, boy. Yeah. Yeah. 152 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:02,560 Hey... 153 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,320 Is this one of them times where you say the opposite of what you meant? 154 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,840 What do you think? 155 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:08,760 Boy, I don't know. 156 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,360 It's the worst idea I've ever heard, boy. Hey, "Yock-o"! 157 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,640 Gracias. Heh. 158 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,040 Sh. Sh. Sh. 159 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,320 Boy, of course she can't know, 160 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,560 but Siobhan's about as reasonable as a horny bull. 161 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,120 Yeah, of course not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 162 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,880 But it's bullshit, boy, and it's killing me, like, please, boy. 163 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,600 Fuck... All right. Come on, Con, you know I'd do anything for you. 164 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,480 Fuck it, Jock, I can help you, boy. 165 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,040 Anything for you, all right? Love you, boy. Ha-ha! 166 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,920 Gringo! "Gringo"? 167 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,440 I have to go, Con. 168 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:45,720 Con, I need to go. 169 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,400 Gringo, can you hear me? Gringo! 170 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,560 Fuck. 171 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,920 All right, I can do this. 172 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,560 I can do this. Come on. 173 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,920 I'm here for you, Jock. 174 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,040 Who saved the day? I saved the day. 175 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,920 What's this? Grown-up food. 176 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:02,960 Oh... 177 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,400 For eating. Are they hot? 178 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,840 No, it's frozen. I think you've got to cook it to make it hot. 179 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,680 She means, "Is it stolen?" 180 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,560 Why is it always the first thing in your head 181 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,560 just always has to be if I've done something illegal? 182 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,520 What shop did you get it from, son? 183 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,360 Erm... Not exactly a shop. 184 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,640 It was...the back of a fella's van, but it really did look like a shop. 185 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,520 I can't turn a blind eye to this if these are stolen goods. 186 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,720 Tony, if you confiscate our party food, you'll be sleeping 187 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,800 on that couch for a month. 188 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,920 Hmm... 189 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,920 OK, well, if anyone asks, maybe it's better if you say 190 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,560 that I wasn't here for this conversation. 191 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,800 Hmm. What's "chocken"? 192 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,720 You legally have to change a letter if they're not entirely sure 193 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,560 what animal the meat is from. 194 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,000 Oh... Ugh. Ew. 195 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,440 All right, we need to clean this place from top to bottom. 196 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,200 It is clean. It's US clean. 197 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,480 It's not Orla Walsh clean. 198 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,400 Needs to look like we actually give a shit. 199 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,120 Does anyone know what this is? What's it say on the front? 200 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,440 "Sterilising fluid". 201 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,320 That's for sterilising fluid. 202 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,360 Oh. 203 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,000 Oi! 204 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,200 Just throw it back over in a few hours! 205 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,360 That's pretty. 206 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:51,920 Ow! Fuck! 207 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,360 Oh, jeez! 208 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,000 Erm, Tony, can I talk to you for a sec? 209 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,680 There's... There's something I want to show you. 210 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,840 No, no, I double-flushed it the last time I was in there. 211 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:30,920 That must have been Conor. 212 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,520 No, no, it's not that. It's just, I... 213 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,400 I heard a woman screaming. What's going on? 214 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,640 Just... OK, promise me that you won't get stressed out. 215 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,520 I'm getting stressed out thinking about it, so what is it? 216 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,840 Er, there's a big, fucking... 217 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:47,880 A big fucking what?! 218 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:48,920 Big fucking rat! 219 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,040 Tony! W-w-where is it? 220 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,200 It's in the house somewhere! 221 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,360 It's, like, the size of a small dog! 222 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,520 Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! 223 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,880 Just fucking brilliant! 224 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,200 "Brilliant"? 225 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,520 Oh, I thought you'd think it was a bad thing. 226 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,680 It is a bad thing! 227 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,200 Today, of all days, he decides to come back, like. 228 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,480 "Come back"? You mean it's been here before? 229 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,960 Well, yeah, like, I mean, I saw him last week and then he left, 230 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,480 and then I just thought no more of it. 231 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,880 How do you know that it left? 232 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,640 Because I hadn't seen him in ages. 233 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,280 He didn't leave and that means we've been living with a rat for at least 234 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,960 the past week, and in the meantime, it probably told all its rat buddies 235 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,160 that we like living with rats! 236 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,320 Chill out, all right? It's just a mouse with longer legs, all right? 237 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,320 Yeah, and pointier teeth and more diseases. 238 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,560 Yeah, the famine. 239 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:33,760 The plague. What? 240 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,880 Will I call Billy? We need a real man. 241 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,160 Billy? Well, are YOU going to do it? 242 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,720 Are you? 243 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,360 Call Billy. 244 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,360 The thing you need to know about rats is that they're all connected. 245 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,160 What do you mean, "all connected"? 246 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,640 All connected like the way mushrooms are connected 247 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:02,480 or those blue, alien plant thingies from Avatar. 248 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,200 OK, rats are just rodents with small brains. 249 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,640 That's true, but they're also part of this bigger network 250 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:14,120 that forms this huge rat brain. 251 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,000 Well, Billy, that's a very interesting theory. 252 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,760 It's a true, interesting theory. 253 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,040 If you tell one rat a story... 254 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,160 ..then all the rats know it. 255 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,400 If you hurt one rat, then you hurt them all. 256 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,360 Oh, this is bullshit. 257 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,440 I was once bitten by a rat. 258 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,640 Oh, my God. 259 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,320 So... 260 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,680 ..when I kill this rat... 261 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,560 ..the rat that bit me... 262 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,360 ..is going to suffer. 263 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,880 OK, Billy, enough of the shit-talk. 264 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,120 How long is this going to take? 265 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,960 That depends on whether you want the quick service 266 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,160 or the slow service. 267 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,680 Well, obviously, I want the quick service. 268 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,000 They're going to be here any minute. 269 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,960 Well, let's say 100 euros. 270 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,760 100 euro, my hole! 271 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,000 I tell you what, I'll give you all the leftover party food. 272 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,320 Deal. 273 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,160 Oh, bollocking shit. Oh, my God, they're here! 274 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,560 Hello, Mairead? Just go, will you? 275 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,200 Oh, bollocking shit! Hello? 276 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,200 I can hear someone in there. What did you want to talk to me about? 277 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,600 You need to be discreet, OK? You're doing maintenance work. 278 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,240 No-one needs to know there's a rat here, all right? 279 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,960 Mairead, when I was mopping, what did you want to say? 280 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,160 Do I look like I have time to talk to you now? 281 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,800 Welcome to the party, pal! 282 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,240 First you want to talk, then you don't want to talk. 283 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,320 Welcome to my humble abode. 284 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,840 Oh, she got the "humble" part right. 285 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,720 You remember my mam, Joy? 286 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,440 Of course. So lovely to see you again. 287 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,800 Yes. 288 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,600 I thought maybe you and I could have a few drinks later on, 289 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,920 seeing as there are so many adults to watch Star. 290 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,360 Ah, yeah. 291 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:45,880 Well, shall we come through? 292 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,680 Oh! Oh, er, we shall! 293 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,000 I'll show you into the kitchen and, 294 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,480 er, Tony and Conor are in the, erm... 295 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,320 ..lounge. Lovely. 296 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,920 "Lounge"? 297 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,120 Mirrors are such awful 298 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,800 dust collectors, aren't they? 299 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,560 "Yeah, they're such awful dust collectors!" 300 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,160 Mairead, have you any traps? 301 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,320 Trap? Traps? For what? 302 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,520 Er, traps, traps, these are the muscles under your arms, 303 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,200 right, Billy? That's what you're talking about, right? 304 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,760 Yeah, I-I'm... I'm getting big into my anatomy. 305 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,960 Billy does some, er, maintenance for us. 306 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,160 What sort of maintenance work does he do? 307 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,360 What's with all the questions? 308 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,760 That's between myself and Mairead. 309 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,120 Er, just, er, maintenance. 310 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,240 Just general maintenance around the house so we can maintain it, 311 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,400 just so it doesn't become unmaintained. 312 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,600 I'll follow you through through the kitchen. 313 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,280 Billy! 314 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,440 What part of "discreet" do you not understand? 315 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,000 Well, I thought I was being discreet, 316 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,640 you know, I didn't say "rat trap". 317 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,400 From now on, when people are around, you don't talk, all right? 318 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,240 All right. Just find that furry fucker! 319 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,200 All right! 320 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,880 Oh, shit. 321 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,960 Ah, the place is lovely... 322 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,800 Hi, Bar. Hi, Mairead. 323 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,120 Is Joy here? Oh, yeah. I'm so glad she could make it. 324 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,480 You don't have to lie to me, Mairead. 325 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,000 She's be my mother-in-law for the last 20 years. 326 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,320 Just remember, there's a lot riding on this, OK? 327 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,960 So try to be as polite as you can. 328 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,040 All right. Just follow my lead. 329 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,800 Orla. Tony. Lovely to see you. 330 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:13,920 Mwah! 331 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,680 And this must be your sister. 332 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,440 People say that all the time. 333 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,400 I'm actually her mother, Joy. 334 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,480 "Joy." 335 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,800 A name that matches your face. 336 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,920 And this is, uh, Conor. 337 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,120 How's it hanging? 338 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,920 Or how are these hanging, I suppose I should say? 339 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,120 Um... 340 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,960 Not that that matters, because I love them all, 341 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,880 all shapes and sizes... 342 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,200 So you're looking well anyway. 343 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,360 Hello. 344 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,920 Don't worry... 345 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,880 ..it's clean. 346 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,880 Yeah. Interesting choice of tattoo. 347 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,280 Oh, thanks. 348 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,640 Yeah. When I was going out 349 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,440 with your great-granddaughter, 350 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,120 she had nothing but great things to say about you. 351 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,120 Oh! What was it she said? 352 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,160 That you're posh as fuck. 353 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,520 Orla, can I take your coat? 354 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,960 That would be lovely, Tony. 355 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,280 Thank you. 356 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,360 Eh, give me your bag. No. 357 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,200 Jesus Christ. 358 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,480 I like to keep it close. 359 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,000 Sure. 360 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,480 Hiya, Conor. Tony. 361 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,200 Barry. Hey, hey... 362 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,560 ALL THREE: I'll get it. 363 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,640 No, no, no, no... You stay here and enjoy yourselves. 364 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,320 I'll get it. 365 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,960 Barry, you look awful. 366 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,080 Thanks, Joy. 367 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,840 Lovely to see you, too. 368 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,880 Hiya, princess. 369 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,360 Oh! 370 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,120 My mummy got me a new bike for my birthday. 371 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,040 Oh, it's a beauty. 372 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,280 Sorry we're late, Mairead, we would have been here earlier, 373 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,360 but Siobhan wanted to put on a fourth layer of make-up. 374 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,080 Yeah, well. It's cold outside, and it keeps me warm. 375 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,520 Look, thanks for playing host, Mairead. 376 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,360 Oh, my pleasure, love. 377 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,440 All right. 378 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,760 OK, let's get this party over. 379 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,720 I mean started, started. 380 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,920 Thanks again for doing this, Mairead. 381 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,920 Oh, sure, it's my pleasure. Anything for Star. 382 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,720 I just thought I'd let you know, 383 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,880 the guests are getting a little peckish. 384 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,480 But there's plenty of nibbles. 385 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,840 Cola bottles are not nibbles. 386 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,760 Sure that child's sugar levels are going to be through the roof 387 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,040 by the end of the day. 388 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,560 Nan, it's her birthday only once a year, so just let her enjoy herself. 389 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,360 Sure, look, here comes our savoury dishes now. 390 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,600 Oh. Da-da-da-da! 391 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,800 They look lovely. 392 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,680 Do you have any normal food? 393 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,480 What do you mean "normal food"? That is normal food. 394 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,920 Of course it's normal. 395 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,720 Who doesn't love a sausage? 396 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,960 Yes, but I can't eat greasy food. 397 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,280 I'm sure it's fine. 398 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,480 Lovely for people who built up a, you know, a tolerance, but I... 399 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,120 Oh, do you remember those lovely vol-au-vents we had last year, Orla? 400 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,200 Oh, they were lovely. 401 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,840 I could give you the recipe, Mairead. 402 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,080 No, thanks. Conor won't eat anything you can't pronounce. 403 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,240 Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of the old voodoo vonts. 404 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,320 Ah... 405 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,320 Excuse me, it's just my, eh, parole officer. 406 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,000 These are delicious. 407 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,880 My cellmates are asleep. 408 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,720 They're not the most sympathetic of fellas. 409 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,400 So the sooner I get to speak to Star, the better. 410 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,800 It's not going to be that easy, boy, 411 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,000 there's a lot of people buzzing around here. 412 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,600 If Siobhan sees me talking to you, she's going to knee me in the balls 413 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,240 and whip Star out of the house faster than you can say... 414 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,640 415 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,120 Sakes, boy. 416 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,600 Wish I got someone more understanding pregnant. 417 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,000 Holy shit, boy, was that her? 418 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,040 Yeah. 419 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,400 I wish I was there. 420 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,120 Well... 421 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,600 Well, I've got an idea. 422 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:53,920 Wait. 423 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,120 Interesting that you're OK 424 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,920 with Star being here. 425 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,280 Oh, Nan. Don't start. 426 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,200 I'm not saying anything. 427 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,840 I'm just saying that Jock will find a way to worm his way back 428 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:08,000 into her life. Well, then I'll just cut the worm's head off. 429 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,080 But the thing about worms is that if you cut the head off, 430 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,800 it just multiplies. 431 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,280 And before you know where you are, 432 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,080 everyone's got worms. 433 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,920 Conor, can you hear me? 434 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,160 Right, Jock, can you see this now? 435 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,040 That's perfect, boy. 436 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,240 It's like I'm... It's like I'm inside you. 437 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,000 Oh, my God, class. This way you get to see... 438 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,640 You're at the party, and then when the time is right, 439 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,400 I'll find a way of getting you to speak to her. 440 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,320 Oh, you're a genius guy, Con. 441 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,720 It's like being in a James Bond movie. 442 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,240 Yeah. It's like Call of Duty, isn't it? 443 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,680 Get down, get down! 444 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,200 Bang-bang, bang-bang. 445 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,960 The zombies are coming! 446 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,000 Zombies are coming! 447 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,880 The zombies are coming. 448 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,680 Fuck you! Get out of my fucking house, 449 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,920 you Nazi bastards! 450 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,720 Remember? 451 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,080 Oh, like you're here, boy. 452 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,480 It's like you're here. 453 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,400 Drainpipes are like a network of tunnels, built the perfect size 454 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,360 for rats so they can go undetected in and out of our houses. 455 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:19,480 What dumbass thought it was a good idea to put them in every house 456 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,720 in the country? Sorry. 457 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,640 Did you see a rat around here? 458 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,600 Only the one I'm looking at. 459 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,000 Good one. 460 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,040 Hey, Jock, do you read me? 461 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,480 Yeah, boy, I read you loud and clear. 462 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,560 I'm going to show you around. 463 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,480 Now the new uniforms, in terms of being aerodynamic, 464 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,560 the top speeds I'm getting, they're crazy. They're scary. 465 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,000 Really? 466 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,600 Oh, what the fuck? Everyone look so much older, boy. 467 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,280 Are they waterproof? Somewhat. 468 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,440 They're kind of water-ish-proof. 469 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,320 There's my girl, boy. She's beautiful. 470 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,320 Look at the size of her. 471 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,760 I think you look absolutely handsome, in them, though. 472 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,400 Just be careful there, now, Star. 473 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,600 I think you accidentally hit me with your sword. 474 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,200 There she is. Can you see her? 475 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,880 Ow! OK, that one seemed a bit less accidental. 476 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,720 Ah, she's only having a laugh, aren't you, Star? 477 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,880 Yeah... 478 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,040 Ow. OK. 479 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,560 Well, it looks like Star's after taking a shine to you, Tony. 480 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,360 So thank you so much for agreeing to be childminder for the day. 481 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:31,560 Thanks. ..sake. 482 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,080 You better behave yourself cos he's a guard. 483 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,960 I'm not scared of stupid guards. 484 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,600 Ah, you must be proud, boy. 485 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,080 She's having great craic, isn't she? 486 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,200 I wish I was there. 487 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,720 I tell you what's stupid, 488 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,040 is somebody starting a life of crime at your age. 489 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,280 Mm. 490 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,400 You're on your last warning now, OK? 491 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,320 Anyway, weren't you getting out on early release? 492 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,880 No, boy, two years is best-case scenario is what they're saying. 493 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,200 Ah, two years won't be long going by at all, boy. 494 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,080 To be honest, you're not missing much, like, 495 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,280 life's pretty boring. 496 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,720 You could end up like Con, 497 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:06,880 you could be in prison. 498 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,920 OK, Tony. That's a bit heavy handed with the child. 499 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,080 No, I'll tell you what's heavy handed as well, it's that sword. 500 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,040 To be honest, I'd actually rather be there with you if I could, like. 501 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,440 Yeah, that'd be some craic. 502 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,000 You and me in here? 503 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,720 We'd run the place. 504 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,880 "It's ours." Exactly. 505 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,880 We'd have our own business and all, boy. 506 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,040 We'd be taking in contraband for all the prisoners. 507 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,320 Yeah, like smuggling, 508 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:32,720 bottles of tequila for all the lads and cigars and, yeah... 509 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,360 "Which one of ye lads ordered a new pair of socks?" 510 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,400 Boy, we'd have the prison guards eating out of our hands, 511 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,480 like in Shawshank. 512 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,320 Yeah, we'd be up on the roof just drinking beers. 513 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,040 Me, you and Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman. 514 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,760 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 515 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,360 Stop, boy. 516 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,320 Stop, Jock, stop. 517 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:54,960 I'll stop. 518 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,840 I miss you, boy. 519 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,120 I'd like to be there with you if we could, like. 520 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,520 I don't know about that, boy. 521 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,800 Don't get me wrong, like, I'd love the company, but... 522 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,400 I wouldn't wish this on anyone. 523 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,280 Definitely not my best friend. 524 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,320 It'll probably be after we've eaten 525 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:20,200 by the time I get you talk to Star, is that OK? 526 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,640 Huh. 527 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,080 Yeah, nice one. Everyone's quite busy... 528 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,840 What the... Sh! Sh! 529 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,760 What the fuck are you up to? 530 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,880 Don't tell Siobhan. 531 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,240 All right, just give me... 532 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,640 Give me two minutes. 533 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,320 Fuck sake, Con. 534 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,720 Hey, Gringo. 535 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,880 Sorry. 536 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,120 Sake, Con, come on, will ya? 537 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,600 No, no, no, no, no. 538 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,760 Mm-hm. 539 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,240 Oh, what? 540 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,720 My hand? 541 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,720 Wh...why? 542 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,800 Where are you from? 543 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,320 C... Cork. 544 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,360 Cork. More. 545 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,680 Cork city. 546 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,160 It's the capital of Ireland. 547 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,880 So, erm... 548 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,120 Patrick's Hill, like. 549 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,640 Do... Do you know... Do you know Patrick's Hill? 550 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,560 Mm. You can see the whole of Cork up there. 551 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,280 Erm, we have Murphy's, 552 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,560 Beamish 553 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,360 and Roy Keane, he's from there. Do you know Roy Keane? 554 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,440 Mm-mm. Do you know Cillian Murphy? 555 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,800 Mm. You know him? Mm? Yeah. 556 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,560 Mm-hm. He's from Cork. Ah-ha. 557 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,840 Peaky Blinders. Si. 558 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,560 The River, River, R-River Lee. 559 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,240 Leisure, Leisureplex. 560 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,760 Barry's tea, Tanora... 561 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,560 Jesus... 562 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,240 Erm... 563 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,520 You just need to relax. 564 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,200 Deep, deep breaths. Si, yeah. 565 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,440 Let it just fall out of you. 566 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,640 PLOP! 567 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,040 I don't have to wait for a boom, do I? Ah! 568 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,640 Ah! 569 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,040 You're so cute! 570 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:37,480 Ah! 571 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,840 Where are you going, Star? 572 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,680 If you want to go to work 573 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,440 If you want to go to work... 574 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,080 575 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,880 Tony, stop slacking off. Go on. 576 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,160 Tony, she could go out on the roads. Are you just going to sit there? 577 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,560 Are you going to let her run onto the M8? 578 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,920 I'd keep an eye if I was you. 579 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,200 Good man, Tony. 580 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,560 Fair play to him. 581 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,000 He'd be a great dad someday. 582 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,160 Do you know he would? He would. 583 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,400 Whoa! Where did you...? 584 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,520 Mairead, I wouldn't eat that meat that I left under your pillow. 585 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,640 I look just like you now. 586 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,000 Star... 587 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,360 where did you get that mask from? 588 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,000 Come on, Star, you can tell me.