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Previously on Scream
Queens...
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Once again,
death came to Kappa House.
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I want everything Chanel has,
4
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and that includes you.
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If we're ever gonna find out
what happened to that baby,
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we have to figure out who that woman was.
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That got way out of hand.
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He's got to go.
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I think I figured
out what my problem is.
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I'm way too nice.
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As soon as Chanel
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that their daughter's
dead body had been found,
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they went on a cruise to celebrate.
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That's how much they
hated this dead bitch.
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So when it fell to me
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to host an open casket funeral
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and fulfill her dying
wish of being cremated
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and shot into space, I
was like, "Yeah, okay."
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So stupid.
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This is what happens
to sneaky backstabbers.
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Just so you know,
I took all your clothes.
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It's too bad you had to die...
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before we found out
what ethnicity you are.
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Godspeed, Chanel
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God, I loved porking you so much.
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Dearly beloved,
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we're gathered here today
because a backstabbing
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little bitch got exactly
what was coming to her.
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Chanel
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Whenever I wanted to strut across campus
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or down a long hallway
with the other Chanels,
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she'd always be like, "I have a colonic!"
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So instead of strutting across campus
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in a beautiful diamond formation,
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we were forced to strut across
campus in a triad formation,
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like a bunch of hobos, because Number Two
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didn't think she should
have to walk behind me.
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But whenever I find myself
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descending a staircase in heels,
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you can bet Number Two
was right there behind me
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with a helpful little nudge.
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Oops, sorry, Chanel.
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This dumb dead whore also
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used her high-ponied
wiles to seduce my man
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into rubbing uglies with her.
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So I hope you all grasp the concept
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that this is what happens when
you rub uglies with my man...
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You end up dead!
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So, have fun being dead, Number Two.
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You were a stupid, little trollop,
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and I hope you're
burning in hell right now.
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Amen.
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Amen!
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Now, I'd like to invite
you all out to the driveway
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to the mobile crematorium
for some light refreshments,
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courtesy of our friends
at spaceburial.today.
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Thank you.
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Sync and corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
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Chanel, are you in here?
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Go away!
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We just wanted to make sure you're okay.
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We think it be good for you
to open up and talk things out.
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There's nothing left to talk about.
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Number Two's soul is rotting in hell
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and her remains have been cremated
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and are on their way to Cape
Canaveral! I just can't stop
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thinking about Number
Two and Chad having sex.
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I just find it
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so shocking that Chanel
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would betray you like that.
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Do you?
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Do you find it so shocking?
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Because you also tried to
sleep with Chad, Number Six.
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And you tried to frame me for murder!
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I mean, I went to jail because
of you! I'm so sorry, Chanel.
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I promise to never betray your trust again.
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You most certainly won't
betray my trust ever again,
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because you will never
have my trust ever again!
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Look, we think you need
to contact Number Two,
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and just give her a
chance to do right by you.
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What the hell are you talking about?! How?!
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Well, I found this old talking board
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in the basement. Those things don't work!
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Yes, they do. Didn't you see the movie?
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The movie Ouija? No! No one did!
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Tonight we're having a
Chanel Night, where we heal
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all wounds among the
Chanels, both living and dead.
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We'll order in some duck
sauce for our cotton balls
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and contact Chanel
prove to you that she's sorry.
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What do you say?
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This board looks evil.
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What are you talking about...
It has two dancing demons,
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a dead old lady and cute little pentagrams.
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Okay, so how is this supposed to work?
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We all put our hands on this thing
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called a planchette and
promise not to move it.
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Chanel
move it after we contact her.
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What if Chanel
getting Eiffel-Towered
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by Hitler and Satan?
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Let's just try it, okay?
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Chanel
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It's Chanels
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♪ 1, ♪3, ♪5
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and
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from beyond the grave...
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Are you there, Chanel Number
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Are you there...?
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Oh, my God, it's working!
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We have to ask her a question
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only she would know the answer to.
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Got it.
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Chanel
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does Chanel
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You can't ask her that!
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It's her.
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Also?
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I love this thing.
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Okay, what should we ask her next?
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Are you moving it? No, are you?
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No, are you? I'm not moving it.
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Uh, what's it spelling?
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C...
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H...
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A...
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D.
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Chad.
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Chad?
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I...
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S...
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Is.
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Chad is...
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Cheating...
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On-on you.
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No, that-that can't be true.
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He promised he'd be monogamous.
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It's...
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True.
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It's not true!
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Chad promised!
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Chanel
me from beyond the grave!
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Well, everyone in this
room, sit up and take notice.
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I am going to prove that bitch wrong!
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Hello?
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Who's this?
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No, I'm sorry, I don't
know anyone by that name.
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Yeah, I used to know and
love someone by that name,
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but I've forced myself
to forget that they exist,
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because they continuously let me down.
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Yes, I am talking about
you! What is wrong with you?!
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I told you to get rid of him!
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We are not kidnappers.
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We are murderers, hell bent on revenge.
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I told you this.
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That is our brand, and
if he's messing with it,
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he has to go! No.
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I do not want to hear about
how this is hard for you, okay?
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You know what's hard for me?
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Trying to cook coq Au vin
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while managing this whole
years-in-the-making revenge plan
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without anyone's help!
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And since you guys are
so clearly inefficient
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at killing everyone, I now have to come up
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with an overly elaborate plan
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to get the scent off of us, too.
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Honey, I'm home!
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I have to go.
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Now, will you please go kill some people?
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Hello, best boyfriend ever.
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Hi.
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Oh...
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Who was that on the phone?
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Oh, no one.
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Just some family drama.
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Oh. Shall we eat?
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I feel ridiculous.
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Well, just come out so I can see.
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First of all,
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the waist on these jeans is way too low.
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And I feel like the
jacket needs a fun pattern,
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like something the Fresh
Prince of Bel Air would wear?
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Okay, look, my dad is a mega-dork
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and he's super into you, but I know him,
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and trust me, he's gonna start
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getting bummed about
your clothes eventually.
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Okay, I'm not totally sure
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you understand how fashion works.
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In, like, five years, my clothes
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are gonna be super hip again.
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Probably right,
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but if you really like my dad,
you should be taking advice
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from the girl who knows him
better than anyone in the world.
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Hmm?
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It's pretty, huh?
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Is he still mad at me?
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You know, for not leaving campus?
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Mad? No.
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No, no, no.
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Worried? Yeah.
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Is that what today is about?
200
00:08:05,895 --> 00:08:07,696
Are you trying to get
some Dad Intel from me?
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Kind of.
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Aw, I get it, hon.
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And I'm very touched.
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Not in my, not in my head.
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Touched in my heart.
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Look, I really like your dad.
207
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Like his playlists.
208
00:08:20,844 --> 00:08:24,113
I like the borderline-creepy
way he looks out for you.
209
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I like that he hasn't dated anyone
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in, like, 18 years and
somehow makes it not seem
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really, super weird.
212
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He's kind of the perfect guy.
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And that guy deserves a girl who
doesn't dress like Brenda Walsh.
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Oh, who wears a white T-shirt?
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Everybody... like, literally
everybody wears white T-shirts.
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Well, thanks for being cool with me.
217
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I know this hasn't been easy on you.
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Well, you know, I just like
seeing my dad happy, so...
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Hey, that reminds me,
220
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I know you and, uh, Pete
221
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have been doing some
investigative reporting
222
00:09:03,653 --> 00:09:05,287
for the school paper.
223
00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:06,755
Yeah.
224
00:09:06,790 --> 00:09:09,191
Have you guys looked into Feather McCarthy?
225
00:09:09,225 --> 00:09:11,994
Yeah, she was a sister at
Kappa a couple of years ago
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and ended up leaving the house.
227
00:09:14,364 --> 00:09:16,498
But I remember there being a lot of drama
228
00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:18,801
surrounding her at the central office.
229
00:09:18,835 --> 00:09:22,938
Pretty sure Dean Munsch was involved.
230
00:09:22,972 --> 00:09:24,173
Do you think this girl could have
231
00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:25,307
a vendetta against Kappa house?
232
00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:27,109
Oh, I would be more interested
233
00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:29,545
to know her thoughts about Dean Munsch.
234
00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:32,714
Hey!
235
00:09:32,749 --> 00:09:34,883
You know what would
look great with this top?
236
00:09:34,918 --> 00:09:38,520
Like, a neon leather jacket
with huge shoulder pads!
237
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It's really weird.
238
00:09:44,527 --> 00:09:46,195
I haven't been inside here in a while.
239
00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:47,796
Feather, we wanted to ask you
240
00:09:47,831 --> 00:09:48,964
some questions about Dean Munsch.
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She did it.
242
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Whatever it is, she was involved somehow.
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00:09:52,869 --> 00:09:54,369
That woman is friggin' nuts.
244
00:09:54,404 --> 00:09:56,238
I made the mistake of crossing her,
245
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and it got dark.
246
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What happened?
247
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Well, it was two years ago
248
00:10:01,778 --> 00:10:03,712
that I met her husband, Dr. Munsch,
249
00:10:03,747 --> 00:10:07,082
and we sort of became involved.
250
00:10:07,117 --> 00:10:09,885
He was my Beatles 101 professor.
251
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:20,362
♪ She told me she
worked in the morning ♪
252
00:10:20,397 --> 00:10:24,099
♪ And started to laugh ♪
253
00:10:24,134 --> 00:10:26,268
♪ I told her I didn't ♪
254
00:10:26,302 --> 00:10:31,073
♪ And crawled off to
sleep in the bath ♪
255
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:34,410
♪ And when I awoke ♪
256
00:10:34,444 --> 00:10:38,580
♪ I was alone, this bird had flown ♪
257
00:10:38,615 --> 00:10:41,717
♪ So I lit a fire ♪
258
00:10:41,751 --> 00:10:43,519
♪ Isn't it good ♪
259
00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:45,754
♪ Norwegian wood. ♪
260
00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:50,092
I love that song.
261
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:54,129
Well, normally I don't
perform for my students.
262
00:10:54,164 --> 00:10:57,299
But... Feather,
263
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you are such
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00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:01,136
a strong woman.
265
00:11:01,171 --> 00:11:05,074
I love the way you challenge
me in the classroom.
266
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:14,383
I mean, he wasn't
really attractive at all,
267
00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:17,820
but I mean, he was the Beatles professor.
268
00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:24,493
So we started having sex.
269
00:11:24,527 --> 00:11:26,995
Not all the time.
270
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:29,498
He was in his mid-50s, so
he could only get it up,
271
00:11:29,532 --> 00:11:31,500
like, once or twice a week.
272
00:11:36,973 --> 00:11:38,774
When he broke the news to Dean Munsch,
273
00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:40,809
she went crazy.
274
00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:43,312
Cathy, I want a divorce.
275
00:11:43,346 --> 00:11:45,881
Feather and I are in love.
276
00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:58,093
I knew then that she
was going to come after me.
277
00:11:58,128 --> 00:11:59,962
She kicked Dr. Munsch out of the house,
278
00:11:59,996 --> 00:12:02,131
and he had to move in to Kappa House.
279
00:12:08,471 --> 00:12:10,939
Pink. Tell us something
you learned this week
280
00:12:10,974 --> 00:12:12,441
about what it means to be a woman.
281
00:12:12,475 --> 00:12:13,642
Oh, yes.
282
00:12:13,676 --> 00:12:14,843
Oh, yes.
283
00:12:14,878 --> 00:12:15,811
Um...
284
00:12:25,021 --> 00:12:26,989
Everywhere I'd
go, she'd just be there,
285
00:12:27,023 --> 00:12:29,191
dressed exactly like me.
286
00:12:33,897 --> 00:12:35,564
Dean Munsch pulled some strings,
287
00:12:35,598 --> 00:12:37,499
and got me kicked out of Kappa House.
288
00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:39,835
I couldn't show my face on campus,
289
00:12:39,869 --> 00:12:42,037
so I've been finishing
up my education online.
290
00:12:42,072 --> 00:12:44,406
After the divorce went through,
291
00:12:44,441 --> 00:12:46,008
Steven got his house back,
292
00:12:46,042 --> 00:12:48,410
and he asked me to move in with him.
293
00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:49,845
But listen to this.
294
00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:51,513
A week later,
295
00:12:51,548 --> 00:12:53,382
I was home alone with period cramps,
296
00:12:53,416 --> 00:12:55,351
so I decided to take a bubble bath.
297
00:12:55,385 --> 00:12:58,854
Steven had this old iPod thing
298
00:12:58,888 --> 00:13:02,057
that you plug in, and it
picks up music from the air.
299
00:13:07,864 --> 00:13:09,531
A transistor radio.
300
00:13:09,566 --> 00:13:11,166
That's how the old dean died.
301
00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,569
A transistor fell in her bathtub.
302
00:13:13,603 --> 00:13:14,670
Feather.
303
00:13:14,704 --> 00:13:15,938
Are you saying that you believe
304
00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:18,007
Dean Munsch is capable of murder?
305
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:18,907
Yes.
306
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:22,745
We're now working on a
story about how Dean Munsch
307
00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:25,614
is behind all the murders on campus.
308
00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:27,750
Are you willing to go
on record as a source?
309
00:13:28,952 --> 00:13:30,252
You bet I am.
310
00:13:34,557 --> 00:13:35,924
Baby, I'm home.
311
00:13:35,959 --> 00:13:37,760
I picked up your Metamucil
312
00:13:37,794 --> 00:13:39,928
in that orange flavor that you like.
313
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:42,631
Hey, did you spill ketchup
314
00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,800
in the shape of an arrow on the floor?
315
00:13:52,776 --> 00:13:56,912
♪ But my heart just won't buy it ♪
316
00:13:56,947 --> 00:14:01,984
♪ If I didn't think
it was worth a try ♪
317
00:14:02,018 --> 00:14:07,656
♪ I'd roll up in a big ball ♪
318
00:14:07,691 --> 00:14:08,991
♪ And die ♪
319
00:14:09,025 --> 00:14:11,994
♪ I've been a puppet ♪
320
00:14:12,028 --> 00:14:13,562
♪ A pauper ♪
321
00:14:13,596 --> 00:14:17,132
♪ A pawn and a queen ♪
322
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:20,636
Honey?
323
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:23,072
♪ And I know one thing ♪
324
00:14:23,106 --> 00:14:24,606
Stephen?
325
00:14:24,641 --> 00:14:26,976
♪ I find myself layin' ♪
326
00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:29,345
♪ Flat on my face ♪
327
00:14:29,379 --> 00:14:32,648
♪ I just pick myself up ♪
328
00:14:32,682 --> 00:14:37,253
♪ And get back in the race ♪
329
00:14:37,287 --> 00:14:40,623
♪ That's life, I can't deny it ♪
330
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:46,662
♪ I thought of quittin', but my heart ♪
331
00:14:46,696 --> 00:14:50,666
♪ Just won't buy it ♪
332
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:54,703
♪ If I didn't think
it was worth a try ♪
333
00:14:54,738 --> 00:14:59,341
♪ I'd roll up in a big ball ♪
334
00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:07,182
♪ And die! ♪
335
00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:14,222
Chad! Chad Radwell!
336
00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:16,557
I spoke to dead Chanel
337
00:15:16,592 --> 00:15:19,594
and you and I need to
have a frank conversation.
338
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:20,928
Chad?
339
00:15:22,164 --> 00:15:24,165
Chad, it's me.
340
00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:27,135
Chad?
341
00:15:27,169 --> 00:15:28,803
Chanel, this is not what it looks like!
342
00:15:28,837 --> 00:15:31,806
Are you having sex with a goat?
343
00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:34,142
We had a promise, Chad.
344
00:15:34,176 --> 00:15:35,610
You looked me in the eye
345
00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,412
and promised me you would
try to be monogamous!
346
00:15:37,446 --> 00:15:39,847
Uh, yeah, huh-doi, Chanel,
I have been monogamous.
347
00:15:39,882 --> 00:15:41,015
Yes, I've looked
348
00:15:41,050 --> 00:15:42,617
at a ton of porn, yes,
349
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,319
I've been rubbing one out
every five to ten minutes.
350
00:15:44,353 --> 00:15:45,954
But, no, Chanel, I have not cheated on you.
351
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,121
Liar! Chanel
352
00:15:47,156 --> 00:15:48,323
told me from beyond the grave
353
00:15:48,357 --> 00:15:49,924
that you were cheating,
354
00:15:49,959 --> 00:15:51,926
and then I catch you in
bed with a farm animal!
355
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,027
Hey, she is not a "farm animal."
356
00:15:53,062 --> 00:15:54,462
Her name is Rammy,
357
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,431
and she is a non-human helper companion!
358
00:15:56,465 --> 00:15:57,765
What?
359
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:58,866
I am leaving.
360
00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:00,501
I am breaking up with you.
361
00:16:00,536 --> 00:16:01,669
Good-bye, Chad.
362
00:16:02,738 --> 00:16:04,439
Chanel!
363
00:16:04,473 --> 00:16:05,540
You are gonna close that door,
364
00:16:05,574 --> 00:16:06,641
and you're gonna hear me out.
365
00:16:09,712 --> 00:16:11,379
♪ This is the sound of my soul... ♪
366
00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:13,715
You have 30 seconds.
367
00:16:13,749 --> 00:16:17,852
♪ Always slippin' from my hands ♪
368
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:24,492
My whole life,
369
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,227
I've lived with a secret shame.
370
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,831
And that secret shame is that...
371
00:16:33,335 --> 00:16:35,503
I'm lactose intolerant.
372
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:36,904
This is insane.
373
00:16:36,939 --> 00:16:38,406
No, it's not insane, Chanel.
374
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,308
Lactose intolerance afflicts
375
00:16:40,342 --> 00:16:42,577
around 50% of the human population,
376
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:45,213
who spend their entire lives
walking past Baskin Robbins
377
00:16:45,247 --> 00:16:48,249
knowing that if they even
have a little bit of ice cream,
378
00:16:48,284 --> 00:16:49,984
they're gonna fart a bunch.
379
00:16:50,019 --> 00:16:51,486
And if you weren't so ignorant,
380
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,987
and you cracked a book
every once in a while,
381
00:16:53,022 --> 00:16:55,023
you would know that goat's milk,
382
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,691
it's lactose free.
383
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,027
And if I gently rub Rammy's
belly for eight to ten minutes,
384
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,495
she will relax enough
385
00:17:00,529 --> 00:17:02,697
to allow milking that
could yield up to two liters
386
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,165
of nutritious, lactose free protein
387
00:17:04,199 --> 00:17:07,101
that keeps this bod looking hot, Chanel.
388
00:17:07,136 --> 00:17:10,738
Oh, Chad, I'm so sorry!
389
00:17:10,773 --> 00:17:12,607
I mean, that makes so much sense.
390
00:17:12,641 --> 00:17:14,342
I'm so sorry I doubted you.
391
00:17:14,376 --> 00:17:15,910
I promise I'll never let
dead Number Two's messages
392
00:17:15,944 --> 00:17:17,111
get between us again.
393
00:17:17,146 --> 00:17:18,446
She's clearly trying
394
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,181
to break us up from beyond the grave!
395
00:17:20,215 --> 00:17:22,417
Look, you just can't let
dead people get to you.
396
00:17:22,451 --> 00:17:24,118
Okay, they're super
pissed off they're dead,
397
00:17:24,153 --> 00:17:25,386
so they're coming from a place of anger.
398
00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:26,554
I know.
399
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,456
Look, if it makes you feel any better
400
00:17:28,490 --> 00:17:30,091
we can totally bang if you want.
401
00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:32,794
That would be so nice.
402
00:17:32,828 --> 00:17:34,295
Oh, um,
403
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:35,630
I got to milk Rammy first.
404
00:17:37,399 --> 00:17:38,566
She's super relaxed right now,
405
00:17:38,601 --> 00:17:40,301
and that udder is, like, bursting.
406
00:17:42,304 --> 00:17:45,039
I mean,
407
00:17:45,074 --> 00:17:47,642
I knew I had had one hurricane too many,
408
00:17:47,676 --> 00:17:49,210
but let's be honest,
409
00:17:49,245 --> 00:17:51,379
one hurricane is one hurricane too many.
410
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:53,915
But so drunk that you fall down the stairs
411
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:55,149
in your own apartment?
412
00:17:55,184 --> 00:17:56,651
Wow.
413
00:17:56,685 --> 00:17:58,252
I've been to your apartment.
414
00:17:58,287 --> 00:18:00,455
Uh, you don't have any stairs.
415
00:18:01,657 --> 00:18:04,592
Well, that shows you
416
00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:05,927
how drunk I was.
417
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,395
I hallucinated
418
00:18:07,429 --> 00:18:09,297
a flight of stairs.
419
00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:13,935
Um, this-this is awkward
because, you know,
420
00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,670
we're kind of friends. Oh, no, no, no.
421
00:18:15,704 --> 00:18:18,106
When my mouth has been
where it's been on your body,
422
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,607
I think we can safely say
423
00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:22,010
we are more than kind of friends.
424
00:18:22,044 --> 00:18:23,978
Yeah, of course.
425
00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:26,347
The thing is, you see,
426
00:18:26,382 --> 00:18:29,250
we've been investigating
these murders on campus,
427
00:18:29,285 --> 00:18:30,618
and it's been really hard
428
00:18:30,653 --> 00:18:32,420
for us to connect them
429
00:18:32,454 --> 00:18:34,455
because we haven't been
able to find a real motive.
430
00:18:34,490 --> 00:18:36,291
Oh, well, keep your chin up.
431
00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:38,526
I'm sure you'll figure something out. Ow.
432
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:39,928
Right.
433
00:18:39,962 --> 00:18:41,829
Uh, the thing is, I kind of think we have.
434
00:18:41,864 --> 00:18:43,264
Hmm.
435
00:18:43,299 --> 00:18:44,766
Look, this is super awkward,
436
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,100
but someone killed and dismembered
437
00:18:46,135 --> 00:18:47,368
your ex-husband last night,
438
00:18:47,403 --> 00:18:48,903
and they put his head in a fish tank.
439
00:18:50,806 --> 00:18:52,373
Please tell me they killed
that bitch, Feather, too.
440
00:18:52,408 --> 00:18:54,442
No. She's fine, but me and the guys
441
00:18:54,476 --> 00:18:57,111
down at the station, we're
pretty sure you did it.
442
00:18:57,146 --> 00:18:58,947
I'm sorry?
443
00:18:58,981 --> 00:18:59,948
I mean, you have motive,
444
00:18:59,982 --> 00:19:01,215
no one actually saw you
445
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,884
at the White Stallion last night,
446
00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:04,285
and you have all of the markings
447
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,520
of someone who's been in a fight.
448
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:07,055
And since the murder was so brutal,
449
00:19:07,089 --> 00:19:09,324
it kind of makes sense that you might be
450
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:10,825
behind all the recent killings.
451
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,027
So, like,
452
00:19:13,062 --> 00:19:15,296
I'm sorry, but you're under arrest.
453
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:17,131
Okay.
454
00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,400
Come on.
455
00:19:19,435 --> 00:19:21,536
Now, I'm not playing.
Seriously, you're under arrest.
456
00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:22,704
Yeah, I know.
457
00:19:22,738 --> 00:19:23,905
Come on over.
458
00:19:23,939 --> 00:19:24,973
I'm serious. Stand up.
459
00:19:25,007 --> 00:19:26,874
Come make me.
460
00:19:26,909 --> 00:19:29,344
No, stand up. You're under arrest! Backup!
461
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:30,712
Backup!
462
00:19:32,715 --> 00:19:33,548
What?!
463
00:19:33,582 --> 00:19:35,350
Oh, come on!
464
00:19:36,085 --> 00:19:36,884
Get her, boys.
465
00:19:36,919 --> 00:19:38,486
Come on, seriously?
466
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:39,821
Are you sure
467
00:19:39,855 --> 00:19:41,689
this is really necessary?
468
00:19:41,724 --> 00:19:43,691
If you really are the Red Devil Killer,
469
00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:45,059
then you're exceptionally nuts.
470
00:19:45,094 --> 00:19:47,061
This is for our safety.
471
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,363
I mean, look at this.
She is the only suspect
472
00:20:22,398 --> 00:20:24,632
who could have been at every murder site.
473
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:26,267
The only one that gets tricky is the one
474
00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:28,236
in the house when my dad
and Gigi got attacked.
475
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,771
Yeah, but according to
the Dickie Dollar Scholars,
476
00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:31,139
there were two Red Devils,
477
00:20:31,173 --> 00:20:33,441
so it could have easily been her henchman.
478
00:20:33,475 --> 00:20:35,643
Look, she was involved in
the cover-up 20 years ago,
479
00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:38,580
she has openly stated her hatred for Kappa,
480
00:20:38,614 --> 00:20:40,648
so motive is clearly not an issue.
481
00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:42,317
And there's been no new killings
482
00:20:42,351 --> 00:20:44,118
since they arrested her.
483
00:20:44,153 --> 00:20:47,088
Look, if we use your amazing
chart as art for the story,
484
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:50,325
I feel very comfortable with this headline.
485
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:51,926
I was going to write,
486
00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:53,595
"Hottest Girl in School
Figures Out Who the Killer Is,"
487
00:20:53,629 --> 00:20:55,263
but it was too long.
488
00:21:00,169 --> 00:21:02,303
I mean, I can't believe we did it.
489
00:21:02,338 --> 00:21:04,105
I can't believe this is really over.
490
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:05,974
I mean there are still so
many questions to answer,
491
00:21:06,008 --> 00:21:07,609
you know, like, where is the baby
492
00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:09,811
and why did Dean Munsch
decide to start doing this now,
493
00:21:09,845 --> 00:21:12,113
but I don't know, at least
we know we're all safe again.
494
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,615
Grace.
495
00:21:15,351 --> 00:21:17,919
You know how after the
first time we kissed,
496
00:21:17,953 --> 00:21:20,455
you said we could not keep making out
497
00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:22,790
until we found who the killer was.
498
00:21:22,825 --> 00:21:24,592
That's true. You know,
499
00:21:24,627 --> 00:21:25,760
we couldn't waste time kissing
500
00:21:25,794 --> 00:21:27,095
when people were in danger.
501
00:21:27,129 --> 00:21:30,131
But now they're no longer in danger.
502
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:31,332
I mean, you said it yourself.
503
00:21:31,367 --> 00:21:33,701
Did I?
504
00:21:35,004 --> 00:21:36,137
Well, then, I guess
505
00:21:36,171 --> 00:21:38,907
circumstances have changed.
506
00:21:52,254 --> 00:21:54,522
Um, I...
507
00:21:54,557 --> 00:21:55,823
I should...
508
00:21:55,858 --> 00:21:57,025
Can that just...
509
00:21:57,059 --> 00:21:58,326
Sorry, sorry. Please, yeah, yeah.
510
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,229
Uh, hello?
511
00:22:02,531 --> 00:22:04,299
Oh, um, okay.
512
00:22:04,333 --> 00:22:05,900
Okay. See you soon.
513
00:22:08,671 --> 00:22:11,005
That was Dean Munsch calling
from the mental hospital.
514
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,907
She said she needs to see us tomorrow.
515
00:22:17,444 --> 00:22:19,621
Place is much nicer than I thought it'd be.
516
00:22:19,655 --> 00:22:22,657
We don't show visitors the
gross parts of the hospital.
517
00:22:23,792 --> 00:22:25,059
It's too upsetting for them.
518
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:26,661
Isn't it also
519
00:22:26,695 --> 00:22:27,729
upsetting for the patients?
520
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:28,963
Nah.
521
00:22:28,998 --> 00:22:30,431
They don't care. They're nuts.
522
00:22:30,466 --> 00:22:32,500
Dean Munsch is this way.
523
00:22:37,473 --> 00:22:38,907
Dean Munsch?
524
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:39,974
Ah.
525
00:22:40,009 --> 00:22:42,477
Grace, Peter,
526
00:22:42,511 --> 00:22:44,245
how lovely of you to visit.
527
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,480
Please, pull up a chair.
528
00:22:45,514 --> 00:22:46,948
I was just doing a little sketching.
529
00:22:46,982 --> 00:22:51,085
Designing formal wear
is an old hobby of mine.
530
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,154
With the running of the
school, I just haven't had
531
00:22:53,189 --> 00:22:54,989
a minute to sketch at all.
532
00:22:55,024 --> 00:22:57,759
Look what I've been able to accomplish
533
00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,694
with a little free time.
534
00:22:59,728 --> 00:23:02,130
Wait, you like it here?
535
00:23:02,164 --> 00:23:04,466
Mm. This needs ice.
536
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:07,435
Therapy twice a day.
537
00:23:07,470 --> 00:23:11,606
Plenty of time to rest
and dream again, you know.
538
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,776
No booze, obviously,
but the meds are divine.
539
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,544
The little blue ones
540
00:23:16,579 --> 00:23:20,114
make you feel like your organs
are floating in a warm bath. Mm.
541
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,984
I mean, Picasso over there,
she's been here 30 years.
542
00:23:23,018 --> 00:23:25,386
She can leave whenever she wants.
543
00:23:25,421 --> 00:23:27,455
She knows it doesn't
get any better than this.
544
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:30,425
She likes to paint the patients.
545
00:23:33,095 --> 00:23:35,096
I paint them all.
546
00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:40,802
I'm sorry, I just don't understand
547
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,403
why you called us down here.
548
00:23:42,438 --> 00:23:45,406
Look, I know Detective Chisolm.
549
00:23:45,441 --> 00:23:48,343
And he's a nice man, but he's lazy.
550
00:23:48,377 --> 00:23:51,913
He thinks this case is
solved, but it's not.
551
00:23:51,947 --> 00:23:53,848
And I know you two are
552
00:23:53,883 --> 00:23:56,417
crackerjack investigative reporters,
553
00:23:56,452 --> 00:23:58,853
and if I give you an
acorn, you're not gonna rest
554
00:23:58,888 --> 00:24:01,022
until it is a giant tree.
555
00:24:01,056 --> 00:24:04,392
And I'm not gonna rest until
Feather is hanging from a noose
556
00:24:04,426 --> 00:24:05,827
from its highest branch,
557
00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:07,896
executed by the state for the crime
558
00:24:07,930 --> 00:24:10,231
of murdering my ex-husband.
559
00:24:10,266 --> 00:24:12,000
You think Feather killed him?
560
00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:13,434
Oh, I know she did.
561
00:24:13,469 --> 00:24:15,003
And I wouldn't be surprised
562
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:16,871
if she had something to do with
563
00:24:16,906 --> 00:24:18,740
the other killings going on around here.
564
00:24:18,774 --> 00:24:20,608
The girl is trouble.
565
00:24:20,643 --> 00:24:22,277
She always has been.
566
00:24:22,311 --> 00:24:23,611
You know, I knew she was no good
567
00:24:23,646 --> 00:24:25,680
as soon as I saw her in that bathtub.
568
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:28,583
I don't trust a girl with
a huge bush of pubic hair.
569
00:24:28,617 --> 00:24:30,218
Makes me think she has something to hide.
570
00:24:30,252 --> 00:24:32,053
You mean when you tried to electrocute her?
571
00:24:32,087 --> 00:24:33,621
Here's the thing, Dean.
572
00:24:33,656 --> 00:24:36,891
We already did our story on
the death of your ex-husband,
573
00:24:36,926 --> 00:24:38,860
and it all led to you.
574
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:39,961
And now the story
575
00:24:39,995 --> 00:24:41,729
that we're working on
576
00:24:41,764 --> 00:24:44,032
is about what happened to that baby.
577
00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:46,701
Well, okay.
578
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:49,270
You want to play quid pro quo, Clarice?
579
00:24:50,339 --> 00:24:52,207
Then you run along
580
00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:54,542
and you look into Feather for me.
581
00:24:54,577 --> 00:24:56,077
And when you bring back the dirt on her,
582
00:24:56,111 --> 00:24:58,780
then I'll tell you about the little baby.
583
00:24:58,814 --> 00:25:00,315
Lunchtime.
584
00:25:01,350 --> 00:25:03,084
Really?
585
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,889
Nurse, I specifically told
you I cannot eat deli meats.
586
00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:11,392
The sulfites in them send
me into anaphylactic shock.
587
00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:15,130
No salami and certainly no bologna!
588
00:25:15,164 --> 00:25:16,498
Really!
589
00:25:16,532 --> 00:25:18,633
It's a lawsuit!
590
00:25:20,302 --> 00:25:21,903
So do we have an agreement?
591
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:22,971
We do.
592
00:25:23,005 --> 00:25:24,172
Excellent.
593
00:25:24,206 --> 00:25:27,175
Fine. I'll be your lackey,
594
00:25:27,209 --> 00:25:29,644
but just because we want
that info on that baby.
595
00:25:29,678 --> 00:25:32,647
And I want you to know that
I think you killed them all,
596
00:25:32,681 --> 00:25:35,850
and I hope you get the
electric chair for it.
597
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:40,422
Come on.
598
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:41,856
Pete.
599
00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:49,130
Hey.
600
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:53,968
Oh. Um, wow.
601
00:25:54,003 --> 00:25:55,937
You work fast.
602
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:58,206
I paint them all.
603
00:26:00,009 --> 00:26:01,242
Well, thanks.
604
00:26:05,247 --> 00:26:06,714
Hey.
605
00:26:09,518 --> 00:26:12,453
How did you get Chisolm
to give you all these?
606
00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:16,224
I threatened to file a Freedom
of Information Act suit. Mm.
607
00:26:16,258 --> 00:26:18,660
Doesn't that take a
long time to go through?
608
00:26:18,694 --> 00:26:21,062
Yeah, but I told him it
would mean weeks of paperwork
609
00:26:21,097 --> 00:26:23,031
and a trip or two down to the courthouse,
610
00:26:23,065 --> 00:26:25,700
so he just handed me the
key to his file cabinet.
611
00:26:25,734 --> 00:26:27,402
It's amazing, Dean Munsch is right.
612
00:26:27,436 --> 00:26:29,838
He's seriously the laziest
detective of all time.
613
00:26:29,872 --> 00:26:30,839
Look.
614
00:26:30,873 --> 00:26:32,040
What is that?
615
00:26:32,074 --> 00:26:34,609
Looks like a half-eaten sandwich.
616
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,214
"Investigators found a half-eaten sandwich
617
00:26:39,248 --> 00:26:41,316
"covered in bloody fingerprints
near the lower right leg
618
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:42,851
"of the departed Dr. Munsch.
619
00:26:42,885 --> 00:26:44,252
"Fingerprints were obscured by gloves,
620
00:26:44,286 --> 00:26:45,553
"but considering that
the blood on the bread
621
00:26:45,588 --> 00:26:47,188
"was Dr. Munsch's and that his hand
622
00:26:47,223 --> 00:26:48,823
"was found clear across the room
623
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:50,692
"and without any gloves
on, investigators surmise
624
00:26:50,726 --> 00:26:53,695
that the killer made a sandwich
after murdering Dr. Munsch."
625
00:26:53,729 --> 00:26:57,432
Does it say what kind of sandwich it was?
626
00:26:57,466 --> 00:27:00,568
Um...
627
00:27:00,603 --> 00:27:02,604
Bologna.
628
00:27:02,638 --> 00:27:04,672
Dean Munsch said she'd go
into shock if she ate bologna.
629
00:27:04,707 --> 00:27:06,741
Which means she couldn't have
made and eaten the sandwich.
630
00:27:06,775 --> 00:27:09,444
Which means she couldn't
have killed her ex-husband.
631
00:27:09,478 --> 00:27:11,412
Which means the killer is still out there.
632
00:27:11,447 --> 00:27:13,948
Oh, my God, do you think
she's right and it's Feather?
633
00:27:13,983 --> 00:27:16,417
We need to get some of
Feather's DNA and compare it
634
00:27:16,452 --> 00:27:19,554
to the DNA on the bologna sandwich.
635
00:27:19,588 --> 00:27:20,922
Her toothbrush.
636
00:27:20,956 --> 00:27:22,457
It must still be at the crime scene, right?
637
00:27:22,491 --> 00:27:24,592
Let's go. If she really is the killer,
638
00:27:24,627 --> 00:27:26,428
then she could strike again at any time.
639
00:27:26,462 --> 00:27:27,929
Means none of us are safe.
640
00:27:27,963 --> 00:27:29,297
Let's go.
641
00:27:34,937 --> 00:27:39,808
Chanel
you from beyond the grave.
642
00:27:39,842 --> 00:27:41,142
Again.
643
00:27:41,177 --> 00:27:43,178
Are you there, Chanel
644
00:27:48,184 --> 00:27:50,952
Hi. Chanel
645
00:27:50,986 --> 00:27:52,887
I've frickin' had it with you!
646
00:27:52,922 --> 00:27:54,289
Thanks a bunch for lying and saying
647
00:27:54,323 --> 00:27:56,124
that Chad was cheating on me with a goat,
648
00:27:56,158 --> 00:27:57,926
when in reality, he has a disability
649
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,428
and needs healthful,
lactose-free goat's milk.
650
00:28:00,463 --> 00:28:03,064
Technically, she just
said that he was cheating,
651
00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:05,066
but she never said anything about a goat.
652
00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:07,068
Don't interrupt me when
I'm talking to a dead girl!
653
00:28:07,103 --> 00:28:08,903
Chanel
654
00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:11,940
if this is really you, use
your magical dead powers
655
00:28:11,974 --> 00:28:14,642
to tell me how many
tampons I have in my purse.
656
00:28:17,113 --> 00:28:18,113
Oh, my God!
657
00:28:18,147 --> 00:28:21,282
She is right. She is right.
658
00:28:21,317 --> 00:28:22,584
Why do you have nine tampons?
659
00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:23,952
How big is your cooch?
660
00:28:34,230 --> 00:28:36,865
Chanel
661
00:28:36,899 --> 00:28:39,501
if it's really you, use
your special dead telepathy
662
00:28:39,535 --> 00:28:42,137
to answer a question no one
knows the answer to but me.
663
00:28:42,171 --> 00:28:44,339
When I was two, what breakfast cereal
664
00:28:44,373 --> 00:28:47,776
did I accidentally breathe
into my lungs and nearly die?
665
00:28:47,810 --> 00:28:50,779
Oh, my God, it's moving.
666
00:28:50,813 --> 00:28:52,747
I...
667
00:28:54,750 --> 00:28:55,850
X...
668
00:28:55,885 --> 00:28:57,952
Dix? You choked on Dix?
669
00:28:57,987 --> 00:28:59,354
Kix!
670
00:28:59,388 --> 00:29:00,555
I choked on Kix.
671
00:29:01,691 --> 00:29:03,491
It's real. She knew.
672
00:29:03,526 --> 00:29:06,361
Okay, guys, I really think we should stop,
673
00:29:06,395 --> 00:29:08,396
because this is really,
really freaking me out.
674
00:29:08,431 --> 00:29:09,998
No, hooker! We're not stopping.
675
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:12,867
If this really is Chanel
676
00:29:12,902 --> 00:29:15,136
then she'll know the
answer to the real question.
677
00:29:15,171 --> 00:29:17,772
Chanel
678
00:29:27,750 --> 00:29:29,250
She says you are.
679
00:29:29,285 --> 00:29:31,219
That's it!
680
00:29:31,253 --> 00:29:34,422
I am done with this dead, lying bitch!
681
00:29:34,457 --> 00:29:36,091
I'm done with you, Number Two!
682
00:29:36,125 --> 00:29:39,928
Have fun in hell going to
dinner with Osama bin Laden.
683
00:29:45,267 --> 00:29:46,735
Get in here. Close the door.
684
00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:51,039
Chanel
truth from beyond the grave.
685
00:29:51,073 --> 00:29:53,241
Chanel is the killer.
686
00:29:53,275 --> 00:29:55,443
But, I mean, can we really
trust a satanic talking board?
687
00:29:55,478 --> 00:29:57,245
It knew how many tampons.
688
00:29:57,279 --> 00:29:58,913
Talking boards tend
not to hold up in court.
689
00:29:58,948 --> 00:30:01,116
Even if it did, there's
no jail that can hold her.
690
00:30:01,150 --> 00:30:03,551
Last time we sent her to jail,
she immediately got bailed out.
691
00:30:03,586 --> 00:30:05,020
I mean, yeah, by me, but...
692
00:30:05,054 --> 00:30:07,722
No one is safe. She's onto us.
693
00:30:07,757 --> 00:30:09,791
She is the killer, and
she is gonna come after us.
694
00:30:09,825 --> 00:30:11,259
There's only one solution.
695
00:30:11,294 --> 00:30:12,560
Flee?
696
00:30:12,595 --> 00:30:13,762
No!
697
00:30:13,796 --> 00:30:16,598
We have to kill Chanel.
698
00:30:24,154 --> 00:30:26,155
Okay. So we're all
agreed Chanel has to die.
699
00:30:26,190 --> 00:30:27,657
- Right?
- Right.
700
00:30:27,691 --> 00:30:28,758
Yeah, okay, I guess.
701
00:30:28,792 --> 00:30:30,093
But the question is: how?
702
00:30:30,127 --> 00:30:32,128
We have to be super sneaky about it,
703
00:30:32,162 --> 00:30:34,130
because if we're not, she'll
smell a rat and kill us first.
704
00:30:34,164 --> 00:30:36,299
- I say we poison her bras.
- What?
705
00:30:36,333 --> 00:30:37,867
We soak all of her bras in poison,
706
00:30:37,901 --> 00:30:39,635
and then once they dry and she puts one on,
707
00:30:39,670 --> 00:30:40,970
we're like, "Chanel, there's a new
708
00:30:41,004 --> 00:30:42,972
Barneys Co-op down the street. Hurry."
709
00:30:43,006 --> 00:30:44,974
And then she'll put one on,
and she'll start running,
710
00:30:45,008 --> 00:30:47,276
and she'll start to sweat,
and then the poison will
711
00:30:47,311 --> 00:30:49,312
seep through her nips and kill her.
712
00:30:49,346 --> 00:30:50,980
That's a horrible idea!
713
00:30:51,014 --> 00:30:51,981
Okay.
714
00:30:52,015 --> 00:30:53,049
How about this?
715
00:30:53,083 --> 00:30:54,484
We take all of Chanel's diamonds
716
00:30:54,518 --> 00:30:56,619
and we crush them into a
powder, and then we have
717
00:30:56,653 --> 00:30:58,488
a sugar party where
everyone eats bowls of sugar.
718
00:30:58,522 --> 00:31:00,123
Except Chanel's bowl
isn't filled with sugar,
719
00:31:00,157 --> 00:31:01,991
it's powdered diamonds
720
00:31:02,025 --> 00:31:05,127
that slice open her esophagus
and kill her from the inside.
721
00:31:05,162 --> 00:31:07,497
What the hell is a sugar party?
722
00:31:07,531 --> 00:31:08,798
Okay, who just
723
00:31:08,832 --> 00:31:10,333
sits around eating bowls of sugar?
724
00:31:10,367 --> 00:31:11,968
And how do you even crush a diamond?
725
00:31:12,002 --> 00:31:13,369
It's, like, the hardest substance on Earth.
726
00:31:13,404 --> 00:31:14,370
Shut up, Number Five.
727
00:31:14,404 --> 00:31:16,005
It's a great idea.
728
00:31:16,039 --> 00:31:17,407
You're just pissed you didn't think of it.
729
00:31:17,441 --> 00:31:18,441
Think of what?
730
00:31:21,011 --> 00:31:22,712
What's a great idea?
731
00:31:22,746 --> 00:31:23,913
Nothing, Chanel. We were just talking about
732
00:31:23,947 --> 00:31:25,348
throwing a sugar party.
733
00:31:25,382 --> 00:31:26,682
Oh, where everyone just
eats bowls of sugar?
734
00:31:26,717 --> 00:31:27,683
Yeah, I love those.
735
00:31:27,718 --> 00:31:29,218
Love it.
736
00:31:29,253 --> 00:31:30,386
Has anyone seen my Prunex?
737
00:31:30,420 --> 00:31:32,822
I'm not feeling well.
738
00:31:32,856 --> 00:31:34,323
What's Prunex?
739
00:31:34,358 --> 00:31:36,359
It's a liquid laxative, Number Five!
740
00:31:36,393 --> 00:31:37,727
Some of us with souls, who aren't
741
00:31:37,761 --> 00:31:40,196
friendless psychopaths,
find that the stress
742
00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:41,864
of having a mass-murderer on campus
743
00:31:41,899 --> 00:31:43,666
makes them slightly irregular.
744
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:46,436
Now, I'm taking some
Prunex and I'm going to bed!
745
00:31:47,471 --> 00:31:49,405
Here it is. Hmm.
746
00:31:50,441 --> 00:31:52,442
Good night, sluts.
747
00:31:58,415 --> 00:32:00,516
We're doing it. Tonight.
748
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:02,752
Once the Prunex knocks her out cold,
749
00:32:02,786 --> 00:32:04,754
we're murdering Chanel.
750
00:32:08,125 --> 00:32:10,126
♪ ♪
751
00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:28,411
You.
752
00:32:28,445 --> 00:32:30,079
What are you doing here?
753
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:32,048
Hey, Chanel. It's Chanel
754
00:32:32,082 --> 00:32:33,416
Yeah, I know who you are.
755
00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:34,617
I asked what you're doing here.
756
00:32:34,651 --> 00:32:35,752
I thought you were dead.
757
00:32:35,786 --> 00:32:37,887
I am dead. I'm burning in hell.
758
00:32:37,921 --> 00:32:40,223
I came back from the
grave to apologize to you.
759
00:32:40,257 --> 00:32:42,158
What? Seriously?
760
00:32:42,192 --> 00:32:43,259
That's right.
761
00:32:43,293 --> 00:32:44,460
See, despite what you've heard,
762
00:32:44,495 --> 00:32:46,262
hell sucks; it's not fun.
763
00:32:46,296 --> 00:32:47,663
Yes, there are waterslides,
764
00:32:47,698 --> 00:32:49,132
but they're lined with razor blades
765
00:32:49,166 --> 00:32:51,267
and you splash down into
a pool of boiling pee.
766
00:32:51,301 --> 00:32:52,268
Also,
767
00:32:52,302 --> 00:32:53,336
zero dinosaurs.
768
00:32:53,370 --> 00:32:54,470
There's no dinosaurs?
769
00:32:54,505 --> 00:32:56,105
No. As soon as I got there,
770
00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:57,740
I was like, "Where are the dinosaurs?"
771
00:32:57,775 --> 00:32:59,675
And they were like, "We know.
772
00:32:59,710 --> 00:33:01,010
Jesus broke in and stole them."
773
00:33:02,279 --> 00:33:04,313
Also, do you know what my job is?
774
00:33:04,348 --> 00:33:05,782
I have to pick food
775
00:33:05,816 --> 00:33:07,950
out of Uday and Qusay Hussein's beards
776
00:33:07,985 --> 00:33:10,653
- with my teeth for the rest of eternity.
- Ew.
777
00:33:10,687 --> 00:33:12,822
So yesterday I marched
right up to the front desk
778
00:33:12,856 --> 00:33:14,690
and I'm like, "What do I
have to do to get to Heaven?"
779
00:33:14,725 --> 00:33:16,292
And do you know what Carl Sagan said to me?
780
00:33:16,326 --> 00:33:17,593
That I had to make
781
00:33:17,628 --> 00:33:19,162
things right with you, Chanel.
782
00:33:19,196 --> 00:33:21,097
So that's what I'm here to do.
783
00:33:21,131 --> 00:33:22,498
The truth is,
784
00:33:22,533 --> 00:33:24,500
I always admired you.
785
00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:26,702
I'm sorry I never told you.
786
00:33:26,737 --> 00:33:30,540
I guess I was just intimidated
by your beauty and intelligence.
787
00:33:32,142 --> 00:33:34,343
And I'm sorry I had sex with Chad Radwell.
788
00:33:34,378 --> 00:33:36,479
I was just jealous. I wanted what you had,
789
00:33:36,513 --> 00:33:39,282
and I really needed my tube packed.
790
00:33:39,316 --> 00:33:41,684
Well, why did you use
that satanic talking board
791
00:33:41,718 --> 00:33:43,453
to tell everyone he cheated on me
792
00:33:43,487 --> 00:33:44,787
and that I was the killer?
793
00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:46,489
I don't know. I'm sorry.
794
00:33:46,523 --> 00:33:48,324
I was just probably in a bad mood
795
00:33:48,358 --> 00:33:50,460
'cause Adolf Hitler was
motor-boating my boobs.
796
00:33:50,494 --> 00:33:53,663
Well, thank you, Chanel
797
00:33:53,697 --> 00:33:57,133
I accept your apology.
798
00:33:57,167 --> 00:33:59,535
And I'm sorry you got
murdered and are dead.
799
00:33:59,570 --> 00:34:02,205
There's something
else I should tell you,
800
00:34:02,239 --> 00:34:04,974
something important.
801
00:34:05,008 --> 00:34:06,476
The other Chanels are gonna
try to murder you, Chanel.
802
00:34:06,510 --> 00:34:08,244
They're gonna try to murder you tonight.
803
00:34:08,278 --> 00:34:09,879
What? They're on their
way back from the mall
804
00:34:09,913 --> 00:34:10,913
with a bowling ball they're gonna use
805
00:34:10,948 --> 00:34:12,315
to bash your skull in
806
00:34:12,349 --> 00:34:13,983
as soon as you pass out from your Prunex.
807
00:34:14,017 --> 00:34:15,685
Well, looks like I'll
have to kill them first.
808
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:17,186
No! Be the bigger person!
809
00:34:18,255 --> 00:34:19,388
These girls need you.
810
00:34:19,423 --> 00:34:21,023
Kappa House needs you.
811
00:34:21,058 --> 00:34:22,859
Now rise up
812
00:34:22,893 --> 00:34:24,761
and be the leader I know you can be.
813
00:34:50,474 --> 00:34:52,342
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I just,
814
00:34:52,376 --> 00:34:54,310
I just get a little faint when I see blood.
815
00:34:55,479 --> 00:34:57,347
All right, let's go.
816
00:34:57,381 --> 00:34:59,349
Which one do you think is hers?
817
00:34:59,383 --> 00:35:01,084
The pink one. It looks newer.
818
00:35:01,118 --> 00:35:03,186
Old people toothbrushes
are always super worn down
819
00:35:03,220 --> 00:35:04,854
and have that rubber tip thing at the end.
820
00:35:04,889 --> 00:35:06,589
Okay. so now we have
to give this to the cops
821
00:35:06,624 --> 00:35:08,791
so we can compare the DNA
and wait for the results.
822
00:35:08,826 --> 00:35:10,860
All right, all right, all right.
823
00:35:10,895 --> 00:35:12,762
A perfect DNA match.
824
00:35:12,797 --> 00:35:14,364
That is what the lab said.
825
00:35:14,398 --> 00:35:16,232
The person that used this toothbrush
826
00:35:16,267 --> 00:35:19,035
is the same person that bit
into that bologna sandwich.
827
00:35:19,069 --> 00:35:20,470
I should have figured it out myself.
828
00:35:20,504 --> 00:35:22,539
It always bugged me why someone
829
00:35:22,573 --> 00:35:23,940
would go through all that effort
830
00:35:23,974 --> 00:35:26,042
to make a sandwich and not finish it.
831
00:35:26,076 --> 00:35:27,210
It's pretty suspicious behavior.
832
00:35:27,244 --> 00:35:29,579
So the DNA on that toothbrush
833
00:35:29,613 --> 00:35:32,215
and the sandwich definitely
belongs to Feather?
834
00:35:32,249 --> 00:35:34,083
Without a doubt, she killed him.
835
00:35:34,118 --> 00:35:36,219
And I guess all of that killing
836
00:35:36,253 --> 00:35:37,754
and dismembering
837
00:35:37,788 --> 00:35:39,589
and pretending that it wasn't her
838
00:35:39,623 --> 00:35:41,057
made her
hungry...
839
00:35:41,091 --> 00:35:43,560
But not that hungry.
840
00:35:43,594 --> 00:35:45,662
If she would only have
had a bigger appetite,
841
00:35:45,696 --> 00:35:46,896
she might have gotten away with it.
842
00:35:46,931 --> 00:35:48,798
Anyway, great work guys.
843
00:35:48,833 --> 00:35:50,300
The force owes you one.
844
00:35:50,334 --> 00:35:51,935
The whole campus does, I suppose.
845
00:35:51,969 --> 00:35:54,904
Clearly Feather McCarthy is our Red Devil.
846
00:35:54,939 --> 00:35:56,306
But what about Dean Munsch?
847
00:35:56,340 --> 00:35:58,508
Oh, Mommy's home.
848
00:35:58,542 --> 00:36:01,477
I was released as soon
as Feather was arrested.
849
00:36:01,512 --> 00:36:02,645
I'm sorry
850
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:03,913
I didn't get to see her
851
00:36:03,948 --> 00:36:05,281
dragged away in chains.
852
00:36:05,316 --> 00:36:06,916
I heard she cried like a little bitch.
853
00:36:06,951 --> 00:36:08,451
Do you really think she's responsible
854
00:36:08,486 --> 00:36:10,186
for all of the killings on campus?
855
00:36:10,221 --> 00:36:12,922
And how is she related to
what happened here in 1995?
856
00:36:12,957 --> 00:36:14,591
Well, I can't be sure,
857
00:36:14,625 --> 00:36:17,093
but what I do know is that Feather McCarthy
858
00:36:17,128 --> 00:36:18,561
is Feather McNutty.
859
00:36:19,663 --> 00:36:21,164
I did a little digging,
860
00:36:21,198 --> 00:36:24,200
and it turns out that
Feather had a Web site
861
00:36:24,235 --> 00:36:27,670
called "ILoveBologna.org".
862
00:36:27,705 --> 00:36:29,305
And she's what a psychiatrist
863
00:36:29,340 --> 00:36:32,208
friend of mine refers
to as a "capicolaphilist"
864
00:36:32,243 --> 00:36:34,144
which is not, as I thought,
someone who's turned on
865
00:36:34,178 --> 00:36:35,445
by the sight and feel
866
00:36:35,479 --> 00:36:36,880
of lunch meats but,
867
00:36:36,914 --> 00:36:38,448
more disgustingly, someone who's turned on
868
00:36:38,482 --> 00:36:41,050
by someone who pronounces bologna
869
00:36:41,085 --> 00:36:42,986
the way it's
spelled... "bow-log-na."
870
00:36:43,020 --> 00:36:44,487
That is what we down at the station
871
00:36:44,522 --> 00:36:46,456
like to call an "orgy of evidence."
872
00:36:46,490 --> 00:36:47,857
Mmm.
873
00:36:47,892 --> 00:36:49,859
Now, we don't actually have a motive
874
00:36:49,894 --> 00:36:51,161
that ties her to all
875
00:36:51,195 --> 00:36:52,829
the other recent killings,
876
00:36:52,863 --> 00:36:54,631
but, you know, statistically speaking,
877
00:36:54,665 --> 00:36:56,466
the chances that there is a woman capable
878
00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:58,334
of murdering and dismembering
879
00:36:58,369 --> 00:37:00,203
her boyfriend and then a whole other
880
00:37:00,237 --> 00:37:01,671
crazy, creative killer
881
00:37:01,705 --> 00:37:04,807
on one campus at the
same time are pretty slim.
882
00:37:04,842 --> 00:37:07,844
I didn't run the numbers,
but they'd have to be, right?
883
00:37:07,878 --> 00:37:09,579
Yes.
884
00:37:09,613 --> 00:37:11,314
And thanks to you two go-getters,
885
00:37:11,348 --> 00:37:13,082
order has not just
been restored...
886
00:37:13,117 --> 00:37:15,084
It has been improved!
887
00:37:15,119 --> 00:37:16,719
Hold on.
888
00:37:17,721 --> 00:37:20,223
What? We had a deal.
889
00:37:20,257 --> 00:37:21,658
Tell me what happened to the baby.
890
00:37:21,692 --> 00:37:24,093
And how Feather is related to all this.
891
00:37:24,128 --> 00:37:25,495
No way she's the killer
892
00:37:25,529 --> 00:37:26,996
if she doesn't have a connection.
893
00:37:27,031 --> 00:37:29,566
Come to my office alone.
894
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:30,767
Next week.
895
00:37:30,801 --> 00:37:32,068
Next week?
896
00:37:32,102 --> 00:37:33,336
I'm running
897
00:37:33,370 --> 00:37:35,171
an institution of higher learning
898
00:37:35,206 --> 00:37:37,207
and designing dresses for awards season.
899
00:37:38,209 --> 00:37:40,043
Give me a break.
900
00:37:42,546 --> 00:37:44,514
I'm gonna cut to the chase.
901
00:37:44,548 --> 00:37:46,416
I know what you three are up to.
902
00:37:46,450 --> 00:37:47,811
You're plotting to murder me.
903
00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:49,231
- What?
- No!
904
00:37:49,262 --> 00:37:50,338
Chanel, that's insane.
905
00:37:50,357 --> 00:37:52,172
I would sooner kill my own mother.
906
00:37:52,184 --> 00:37:54,380
Can it, manatees!
I know the truth
907
00:37:54,396 --> 00:37:56,385
because I'm smarter than all of you.
908
00:37:56,427 --> 00:37:59,696
What I'm curious about is what,
exactly, is taking so long?
909
00:37:59,743 --> 00:38:01,926
- We couldn't agree on how to do it.
- Shh! Shut up, number three.
910
00:38:01,958 --> 00:38:03,759
Well, what method were you
leaning towards?
911
00:38:03,786 --> 00:38:05,726
We were going to put rat poison
in your Prunex.
912
00:38:05,743 --> 00:38:08,333
But I was worried you'd taste it
and know you'd been poisoned
913
00:38:08,370 --> 00:38:09,459
and run to the hospital.
914
00:38:10,022 --> 00:38:12,256
See, this is why you turdlets need me.
915
00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:16,366
You're not even competent enough
to kill one lousy sorority co-president.
916
00:38:16,385 --> 00:38:18,957
Newsflash, felchers:
Rat poison only works
917
00:38:18,982 --> 00:38:20,771
Because rodents
don't have a gag reflex.
918
00:38:20,891 --> 00:38:23,746
If you gave a human rat poison,
they would immediately puke it all up,
919
00:38:23,990 --> 00:38:25,904
So not only would I have survived
920
00:38:25,936 --> 00:38:29,733
Your attempt on my life,
it would have also made me skinnier.
921
00:38:29,853 --> 00:38:31,513
I'm so sorry, Chanel.
922
00:38:31,525 --> 00:38:32,876
It was stupid to try to murder you.
923
00:38:32,908 --> 00:38:34,741
We only did it because we thought
that you were the killer!
924
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,195
I'm willing to
let bygones be bygones
925
00:38:38,226 --> 00:38:40,948
and chalk this attempted murder
up to youthful enthusiasm.
926
00:38:40,979 --> 00:38:43,025
And I'm sorry, too.
You're not the only ones
927
00:38:43,050 --> 00:38:44,514
who think I could be a better leader.
928
00:38:44,548 --> 00:38:46,012
Chanel
929
00:38:46,031 --> 00:38:49,134
in a prunex fever dream and said
essentially the same thing.
930
00:38:50,173 --> 00:38:52,769
So in an effort to buy back
your friendship,
931
00:38:53,126 --> 00:38:54,797
I got you all presents.
932
00:39:05,518 --> 00:39:08,258
We are gonna use these
Nancy Drew-looking sleuthing caps
933
00:39:08,283 --> 00:39:10,079
and enormous magnifying glasses
934
00:39:10,091 --> 00:39:11,824
and catch the killer as a team.
935
00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:13,426
But they already caught the killer.
936
00:39:13,451 --> 00:39:15,685
Trust me. That Feather didn't kill anyone.
937
00:39:15,710 --> 00:39:16,892
She's too stupid.
938
00:39:16,928 --> 00:39:18,830
When I first met her,
she asked me what my name was
939
00:39:18,855 --> 00:39:20,607
and then asked me
what her name was.
940
00:39:20,727 --> 00:39:22,860
Wait, if Feather's not
the killer, who is?
941
00:39:22,885 --> 00:39:26,082
There are two killers, and their
names are Grace and Zayday.
942
00:39:26,563 --> 00:39:28,590
I'll remind you that this
killing spree began
943
00:39:28,609 --> 00:39:30,279
when those two walked
into this house.
944
00:39:30,542 --> 00:39:32,338
They're trying to bring
down this sorority
945
00:39:32,363 --> 00:39:34,183
And steal our hot,
popular boyfriends.
946
00:39:34,759 --> 00:39:36,279
The four of us are gonna expose
947
00:39:36,298 --> 00:39:38,169
those sluts for the killers they are
948
00:39:38,195 --> 00:39:40,416
and restore order to Kappa Kappa Tau.
949
00:39:40,635 --> 00:39:43,175
Do I make myself clear,
you whores?
950
00:39:44,464 --> 00:39:45,277
Good.
951
00:40:00,478 --> 00:40:03,313
♪ Beware of young girls ♪
952
00:40:03,398 --> 00:40:04,948
♪ Who come to the door ♪
953
00:40:04,983 --> 00:40:08,284
♪ Wistful and pale ♪
954
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,403
♪ Of 20-and-four ♪
955
00:40:10,488 --> 00:40:14,157
♪ Delivering daisies ♪
956
00:40:14,242 --> 00:40:17,160
♪ With delicate hands... ♪
957
00:40:17,245 --> 00:40:18,745
Munsch:
I'm not gonna lie.
958
00:40:18,830 --> 00:40:20,330
I'm feeling good.
959
00:40:20,382 --> 00:40:23,833
♪ Beware of young girls... ♪
960
00:40:23,918 --> 00:40:25,635
And not because
that little bitch feather
961
00:40:25,670 --> 00:40:26,836
Is going to prison
962
00:40:26,888 --> 00:40:28,871
After killing my ex-husband.
963
00:40:28,940 --> 00:40:31,140
I'm feeling good
because she's going to prison
964
00:40:31,176 --> 00:40:33,009
After not killing him.
965
00:40:33,094 --> 00:40:36,562
Feather didn't kill my hubby.
966
00:40:36,648 --> 00:40:39,399
I did.
967
00:40:39,484 --> 00:40:41,484
With a serial killer
on the loose,
968
00:40:41,519 --> 00:40:43,686
It was perfect timing.
969
00:40:43,772 --> 00:40:46,072
I knew the murder would
probably just get lumped in
970
00:40:46,157 --> 00:40:47,907
With all the others.
971
00:40:47,993 --> 00:40:49,909
And with the cops desperate
to stop the killer
972
00:40:49,995 --> 00:40:51,828
Before he killed again,
973
00:40:51,863 --> 00:40:53,162
I knew they'd be sloppy
with the evidence.
974
00:40:53,198 --> 00:40:59,285
♪ She admired my wedding ring ♪
975
00:40:59,371 --> 00:41:02,705
♪ She was my friend,
my friend, my friend ♪
976
00:41:02,791 --> 00:41:05,541
Oh, I had the bologna idea
years ago,
977
00:41:05,593 --> 00:41:07,677
When a cherubic little co-ed
978
00:41:07,712 --> 00:41:09,846
Wandered into my office.
979
00:41:09,881 --> 00:41:11,381
I think that I should get
at least
980
00:41:11,433 --> 00:41:13,266
Three credit hours
of foreign language
981
00:41:13,351 --> 00:41:15,218
Because my family
just summered in bologna.
982
00:41:15,303 --> 00:41:17,387
Do you know
where bologna is?
983
00:41:17,439 --> 00:41:18,554
It's in Italy.
984
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:19,889
Bologna's amazing.
985
00:41:19,941 --> 00:41:21,307
Bologna's my favorite.
986
00:41:21,393 --> 00:41:22,725
I love bologna.
987
00:41:22,811 --> 00:41:25,028
Bologna, bologna, bologna.
988
00:41:25,063 --> 00:41:26,813
I could go on about bologna
all day long.
989
00:41:26,898 --> 00:41:29,615
You know,
990
00:41:29,701 --> 00:41:33,403
If you love bologna so much,
991
00:41:33,455 --> 00:41:35,538
Why don't you start a blog
about it?
992
00:41:36,991 --> 00:41:38,074
I could definitely get you
993
00:41:38,159 --> 00:41:39,876
Some class credit for that.
994
00:41:39,911 --> 00:41:41,994
That's a really good idea!
995
00:41:43,081 --> 00:41:43,913
Thank you!
996
00:41:43,965 --> 00:41:45,798
You're welcome.
997
00:41:45,884 --> 00:41:48,751
♪ I thought her motives
were sincere, oh, yes... ♪
998
00:41:48,837 --> 00:41:51,304
You know, dean munsch,
999
00:41:51,389 --> 00:41:53,172
You're really lucky.
1000
00:41:54,392 --> 00:41:56,092
Your husband is really cute.
1001
00:41:57,846 --> 00:41:59,645
Bye!
1002
00:41:59,731 --> 00:42:01,514
♪ She admired my own sweet man ♪
1003
00:42:01,599 --> 00:42:04,984
♪ We were friends,
oh, yes, we were ♪
1004
00:42:05,070 --> 00:42:08,071
Munsch:
Sorry, Feather,
1005
00:42:08,106 --> 00:42:12,525
But you messed with
the wrong dean of students
1006
00:42:12,610 --> 00:42:14,327
I didn't do it!
1007
00:42:14,412 --> 00:42:18,448
You have to believe me!
1008
00:42:18,533 --> 00:42:19,866
No, no, no, no!
1009
00:42:19,951 --> 00:42:21,701
Please!
1010
00:42:21,786 --> 00:42:23,336
Please, I'm innocent!
1011
00:42:23,421 --> 00:42:24,504
I loved him!
1012
00:42:24,589 --> 00:42:26,422
I loved him!
1013
00:42:26,458 --> 00:42:28,374
Munsch:
Here's to young girls
1014
00:42:28,460 --> 00:42:30,877
Getting what
they had coming to them.
1015
00:42:30,962 --> 00:42:33,596
♪ Wistful and pale ♪
1016
00:42:33,631 --> 00:42:35,798
You know what they say--
1017
00:42:35,884 --> 00:42:39,602
"nothing tastes as good
as revenge feels."
1018
00:42:39,637 --> 00:42:41,220
Actually, they don't say it.
1019
00:42:41,306 --> 00:42:43,189
I just sort of made that up.
1020
00:42:43,274 --> 00:42:44,640
But here's something
they do say...
1021
00:42:44,726 --> 00:42:47,310
"hell hath no fury
1022
00:42:47,362 --> 00:42:50,113
Like a woman scorned."
1023
00:42:50,148 --> 00:42:52,448
You can't do this! Please!
1024
00:42:52,484 --> 00:42:54,951
No! No!
1025
00:42:54,986 --> 00:42:58,955
No, no, no.
1026
00:42:58,990 --> 00:43:01,374
...Was so cute,
but you know me.
1027
00:43:01,459 --> 00:43:02,708
I've got to stay focused.
1028
00:43:02,794 --> 00:43:04,377
I cannot have him...
1029
00:43:04,462 --> 00:43:06,078
Oh, Zayday!
1030
00:43:06,164 --> 00:43:08,164
Are you hungry,
'cause I'm hungry.
1031
00:43:08,216 --> 00:43:11,501
♪ Beware of young girls ♪
1032
00:43:12,887 --> 00:43:17,077
♪ Beware of young girls. ♪
1033
00:43:17,723 --> 00:43:20,232
♪ Beware ♪
1034
00:43:20,733 --> 00:43:25,869
Sync and corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com