1 00:00:00,291 --> 00:00:01,624 Previously on Scream Queens... 2 00:00:01,659 --> 00:00:03,807 Today is the day that I declare my intention 3 00:00:03,927 --> 00:00:05,726 to run for president of Kappa House. 4 00:00:05,846 --> 00:00:07,245 All of your lives are in danger. 5 00:00:07,281 --> 00:00:08,246 There are dead bodies. 6 00:00:08,282 --> 00:00:09,347 Real-life dead bodies. 7 00:00:09,383 --> 00:00:10,549 WESTON: Dean Munsch, 8 00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:12,384 you got to shut down this campus immediately. 9 00:00:12,419 --> 00:00:14,820 GRACE: We have to file a missing persons report. 10 00:00:14,855 --> 00:00:16,354 Someone's kidnapped Zayday. 11 00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:19,291 Ladies, we have a pumpkin patch fund-raiser to attend to. 12 00:00:21,228 --> 00:00:24,807 HESTER: I am so excited. I cannot wait to meet Cliff Woo. 13 00:00:24,927 --> 00:00:25,967 CHANEL Who's Cliff Woo? 14 00:00:25,976 --> 00:00:27,676 CHANEL He did Chanel's Sweet 16. 15 00:00:27,711 --> 00:00:29,044 The theme was "Let Them Eat Cake," 16 00:00:29,079 --> 00:00:30,912 so my dad bought me this foreclosed McMansion 17 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,140 down the street, and, like, 18 00:00:32,262 --> 00:00:33,394 500 of my closest friends came dressed 19 00:00:33,429 --> 00:00:35,229 in 18th century attire, and, oh, 20 00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:38,032 the pool was filled with this, like, caviar slurry. 21 00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:40,434 And then at midnight, we just burnt the house down. 22 00:00:40,470 --> 00:00:42,370 When the firefighters came, they were actually strippers, 23 00:00:42,405 --> 00:00:44,472 and they put out the fire with champagne. 24 00:00:44,507 --> 00:00:46,544 Chanels, this is Cliff Woo. 25 00:00:46,664 --> 00:00:47,864 So walk me through this, honey. 26 00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:48,931 Well, as you can see, 27 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,033 every pumpkin in the patch is artisanal. 28 00:00:51,068 --> 00:00:52,668 Ooh, good. 29 00:00:52,703 --> 00:00:54,136 Love the warty white ones. 30 00:00:54,172 --> 00:00:57,139 They look like Number Five when she runs out of concealer. 31 00:00:57,175 --> 00:00:58,607 Then we move past the ice sculptures 32 00:00:58,643 --> 00:00:59,942 of demonic peeing cherubs-- 33 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,944 and yes, they will all be peeing 34 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,146 vodka and Red Bull. Love! 35 00:01:04,182 --> 00:01:06,148 And that brings us right over here to the corn maze. 36 00:01:06,184 --> 00:01:07,716 I'm sorry. Corn maze? 37 00:01:07,752 --> 00:01:09,218 I know. It's just that 38 00:01:09,253 --> 00:01:11,061 doing an exact replica maze from The Shining 39 00:01:11,181 --> 00:01:13,128 would have taken us way over budget on man power alone. 40 00:01:13,248 --> 00:01:15,191 I told you money was no object. 41 00:01:15,226 --> 00:01:16,855 I am gross rich, Cliff. 42 00:01:16,975 --> 00:01:18,227 So get me, with great haste, 43 00:01:18,262 --> 00:01:20,296 my exact replica 44 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,452 of the maze from The Shining 45 00:01:21,485 --> 00:01:23,299 with knee-deep snow drifts. 46 00:01:24,338 --> 00:01:26,202 I'll see what I can do. 47 00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:29,705 Okay, music. 48 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:30,739 Go. 49 00:01:30,775 --> 00:01:32,141 I contacted Adam Levine 50 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,709 and Maroon 5 is in. 51 00:01:33,744 --> 00:01:35,144 Great. Go. 52 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,812 Okay, well, the good news is, 53 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,681 I talked to Fergie's agent, and she's in. 54 00:01:38,716 --> 00:01:40,916 The bad news is-- and this is totally on me-- 55 00:01:40,952 --> 00:01:42,718 but I Googled "Fergie's agent" 56 00:01:42,753 --> 00:01:44,253 and ended up talking to this British guy 57 00:01:44,288 --> 00:01:46,488 before I realized his client was actually 58 00:01:46,524 --> 00:01:48,511 Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York. 59 00:01:48,631 --> 00:01:50,031 So, my bad, both Fergies are coming. 60 00:01:50,098 --> 00:01:51,038 So stupid. 61 00:01:51,158 --> 00:01:52,695 But go. 62 00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:53,829 Okay, so, um, 63 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,698 I wasn't able to get Led Zeppelin. 64 00:01:55,733 --> 00:01:58,500 - What?! - Well, apparently, one of them died or something. 65 00:01:58,536 --> 00:01:59,702 Damn it, Number Five. 66 00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:02,338 Do you have any idea what's at stake here? 67 00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:05,341 If this Black Hairy Tongue Pumpkin Patch Maze Concert 68 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:06,909 isn't the biggest thing to ever happen to this campus, 69 00:02:06,944 --> 00:02:09,011 I will lose the Kappa House presidency 70 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,142 and Chad Radwell will dump me. 71 00:02:10,244 --> 00:02:12,310 Okay, well, it's not my fault that some guy died in the '70s. 72 00:02:12,346 --> 00:02:15,147 Excuse me? Then whose fault is it, 73 00:02:15,182 --> 00:02:16,148 mine? 74 00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:18,550 I am tired of the excuses, Number Five. 75 00:02:18,585 --> 00:02:21,286 I am tired of your sad-sack, 76 00:02:21,321 --> 00:02:22,921 I'm-a-total-downer-all-the-time schtick. 77 00:02:22,956 --> 00:02:25,457 I ask you to reunite 78 00:02:25,492 --> 00:02:27,592 one legendary rock and roll outfit 79 00:02:27,628 --> 00:02:29,294 so that guys will show up to my patch, 80 00:02:29,329 --> 00:02:31,797 and you're all like, "Oh, some guy died." 81 00:02:31,832 --> 00:02:33,719 (stomps) I'm over it! 82 00:02:36,603 --> 00:02:38,118 We still have one more thing to do. 83 00:02:47,363 --> 00:02:48,328 Oh, my God, 84 00:02:48,364 --> 00:02:49,630 why are you so depressed? 85 00:02:49,665 --> 00:02:52,266 My husband was shot in Dallas, idiot. 86 00:02:52,301 --> 00:02:53,467 For this year's Halloween, 87 00:02:53,502 --> 00:02:54,801 the Chanels will be going 88 00:02:54,837 --> 00:02:57,371 as the wives of fallen presidents. 89 00:02:57,406 --> 00:02:59,640 I am Jackie Kennedy. 90 00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:01,341 Number Six, you will be going 91 00:03:01,377 --> 00:03:03,777 as the emotionally fragile Ida McKinley, 92 00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:06,146 whose husband was felled by an anarchist's bullet. 93 00:03:06,182 --> 00:03:07,281 Number Three, 94 00:03:07,316 --> 00:03:08,649 you will be going 95 00:03:08,684 --> 00:03:10,951 as homely and religious Lucretia Garfield, 96 00:03:10,986 --> 00:03:12,686 the bereaved wife 97 00:03:12,721 --> 00:03:14,021 of President James Garfield. 98 00:03:14,056 --> 00:03:15,055 Hold up. No way. 99 00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,456 Why do I have to be the homely one? 100 00:03:16,492 --> 00:03:18,358 There's only so many murdered presidents, Number Three. 101 00:03:18,394 --> 00:03:19,193 What about Mary Todd Lincoln? 102 00:03:19,228 --> 00:03:21,061 Chanel 103 00:03:21,096 --> 00:03:22,462 Wait, what do you mean, obvi? 104 00:03:22,498 --> 00:03:23,497 Just a second, nutbag. 105 00:03:23,532 --> 00:03:25,499 If you're gonna be a pain about it, 106 00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,034 I guess we could open it up to presidents 107 00:03:27,069 --> 00:03:28,302 who were almost assassinated, 108 00:03:28,337 --> 00:03:30,337 so you can either be Betty Ford-- 109 00:03:30,372 --> 00:03:32,239 which means you'll have to get wasted 110 00:03:32,274 --> 00:03:33,540 and stay wasted all night-- 111 00:03:33,576 --> 00:03:34,741 or you can be 112 00:03:34,777 --> 00:03:37,010 alleged Hollywood mattress Nancy Reagan. 113 00:03:37,046 --> 00:03:38,212 Dibs. I'm Nancy Reagan. 114 00:03:38,247 --> 00:03:41,148 Wait, why am I Mary Todd Lincoln? 115 00:03:41,183 --> 00:03:43,050 God, do I have to spell it out for you? 116 00:03:43,085 --> 00:03:44,218 You're out of your frigging gourd, Number Five. 117 00:03:44,253 --> 00:03:46,687 You're a weird, psycho lunatic 118 00:03:46,722 --> 00:03:48,488 who's gonna end up in an asylum somewhere, 119 00:03:48,524 --> 00:03:50,357 staring at a wall, trying to nurse a watering can. 120 00:03:50,392 --> 00:03:52,192 You're a Mary Todd Lincoln if ever there was one. 121 00:03:52,228 --> 00:03:54,027 That's it! I can't take this anymore! 122 00:03:54,063 --> 00:03:56,263 That is such a Mary Todd Lincoln thing to say. 123 00:03:56,298 --> 00:03:57,598 No! 124 00:03:57,633 --> 00:04:00,267 I am done with you, Chanel, and I mean it. 125 00:04:00,302 --> 00:04:02,169 Do you mean it, Number Five? 126 00:04:02,204 --> 00:04:05,572 Because you scream "I'm done with you" kind of a lot, 127 00:04:05,608 --> 00:04:06,969 and yet you're still standing here. 128 00:04:06,976 --> 00:04:09,076 Do you know what I think? 129 00:04:09,111 --> 00:04:11,011 I think you know you have a good thing going. 130 00:04:11,046 --> 00:04:12,713 You get to bask in my starlight 131 00:04:12,748 --> 00:04:14,581 as I do all the work 132 00:04:14,617 --> 00:04:17,251 and you get to grumble behind my back 133 00:04:17,286 --> 00:04:19,519 about how disrespected you are. 134 00:04:19,555 --> 00:04:22,756 Well, you know what you can do? 135 00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:26,126 You can either dress up as Mary Todd Lincoln 136 00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:28,695 and help me win this presidency, 137 00:04:28,731 --> 00:04:31,265 or you can pack your things and leave. 138 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,566 There's the door. 139 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:36,403 There's the door, bitch! 140 00:04:41,777 --> 00:04:43,877 I am so sorry, Chanel. 141 00:04:43,912 --> 00:04:47,781 You did not deserve to be spoken to like that. 142 00:04:47,816 --> 00:04:49,816 Ever. 143 00:04:54,123 --> 00:04:57,658 ♪ Don't close your eyes ♪ 144 00:04:57,693 --> 00:05:00,160 (screaming) 145 00:05:00,195 --> 00:05:04,564 ♪ Don't fall asleep ♪ 146 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,100 (screaming continues) 147 00:05:08,804 --> 00:05:13,473 ♪ Don't turn around ♪ 148 00:05:15,277 --> 00:05:20,213 ♪ I'll bury you deep ♪ 149 00:05:23,819 --> 00:05:26,987 ♪ Whispers turn to screams ♪ 150 00:05:31,226 --> 00:05:34,461 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 151 00:05:41,637 --> 00:05:44,671 ♪ You belong to me ♪ 152 00:05:46,642 --> 00:05:48,575 ♪ To me. ♪ 153 00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:52,897 Sync and corrections by honeybunny 00:06:54,875 or something like that. 185 00:06:54,910 --> 00:06:56,877 And they taught us about a man 186 00:06:56,912 --> 00:07:00,680 named John Fitzpatrick Kennedy, Jr. 187 00:07:00,716 --> 00:07:02,582 And that dude wrote a book about the time he served 188 00:07:02,618 --> 00:07:05,285 in Vietnam called Profiles in Courage. 189 00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:10,290 Is that not what we are talking about right now? 190 00:07:10,325 --> 00:07:12,325 Courage? 191 00:07:14,396 --> 00:07:17,063 Halloween is the greatest night of the year. 192 00:07:17,099 --> 00:07:18,899 Greatest night. 193 00:07:18,934 --> 00:07:20,367 Because on this night, 194 00:07:20,402 --> 00:07:22,402 even kind of shy, kind of homely girls 195 00:07:22,438 --> 00:07:24,371 dress up like total sluts. 196 00:07:24,406 --> 00:07:26,606 I mean, every costume is just a slutty version of something. 197 00:07:26,642 --> 00:07:27,874 Slutty teacher, 198 00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:29,109 slutty nurse, 199 00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:30,811 slutty nun. 200 00:07:30,846 --> 00:07:33,413 I saw a girl last year dressed as slutty al-Qaeda. 201 00:07:33,449 --> 00:07:35,449 Are we gonna deny ourselves 202 00:07:35,484 --> 00:07:38,251 the sluttiest night of the whole year 203 00:07:38,287 --> 00:07:40,654 out of fear? 204 00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,756 Will you look at Caulfield? 205 00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:44,925 This dude got his arms 206 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,394 sawed off; he's not hiding out. 207 00:07:47,429 --> 00:07:48,595 He is down to rage! 208 00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,397 Hell, yeah, I am. 209 00:07:50,432 --> 00:07:51,665 See, Halloween... 210 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:54,768 it's a night for dudes with killer bods 211 00:07:54,803 --> 00:07:56,236 to walk around with our shirts off. 212 00:07:56,271 --> 00:07:58,772 And it's totally appropriate, as long as we call ourselves 213 00:07:58,807 --> 00:08:00,807 gladiators, 214 00:08:00,843 --> 00:08:01,942 Chippendales. 215 00:08:01,977 --> 00:08:03,143 As our great 60th president 216 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,879 John Kennedy Jr. said... 217 00:08:07,716 --> 00:08:09,182 "The only thing we have to fear 218 00:08:09,218 --> 00:08:11,685 is fear itself." 219 00:08:13,489 --> 00:08:16,189 Well, in this case, serial murderers, too. 220 00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:20,026 But we are not afraid of either of those things, uh-uh. 221 00:08:20,062 --> 00:08:21,661 So... 222 00:08:22,865 --> 00:08:24,164 ...canceling Halloween sucks. 223 00:08:26,468 --> 00:08:28,134 Thank you. 224 00:08:29,338 --> 00:08:32,339 I have no idea how you got into this college. 225 00:08:34,176 --> 00:08:37,878 And, sorry, curfew is on. 226 00:08:37,913 --> 00:08:40,146 Halloween, canceled. 227 00:08:40,182 --> 00:08:42,182 (indistinct shouting) 228 00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,517 Girls, it's okay! 229 00:08:43,552 --> 00:08:46,386 Look, we'll just hang out and play charades! 230 00:08:46,421 --> 00:08:48,121 No! No! We won't! 231 00:08:48,156 --> 00:08:49,556 This cannot be happening! 232 00:08:49,591 --> 00:08:51,157 Hey, what about Black Hairy Tongue Disease? 233 00:08:51,193 --> 00:08:53,660 I mean, does nobody here care about Black Hairy Tongue? 234 00:08:53,695 --> 00:08:55,028 What about my pumpkin patch? 235 00:08:55,697 --> 00:08:56,663 Sorry. 236 00:08:56,698 --> 00:08:57,731 Not sorry. 237 00:09:00,936 --> 00:09:02,068 Chanel. 238 00:09:02,104 --> 00:09:03,403 I blame you for this. 239 00:09:04,373 --> 00:09:07,340 Hester, nice boobs. 240 00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:13,413 CHANEL: Dear Student Body, 241 00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:14,814 As you all know by now, 242 00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:17,517 Dean Munsch has decided to cancel Halloween. 243 00:09:17,553 --> 00:09:18,852 My daddy's lawyers said there wasn't enough time 244 00:09:18,887 --> 00:09:20,020 to file an injunction 245 00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:21,321 and that I clearly don't understand 246 00:09:21,356 --> 00:09:22,656 what an injunction is 247 00:09:22,691 --> 00:09:24,357 if I asked them to file one in this situation. 248 00:09:24,393 --> 00:09:25,559 That said, 249 00:09:25,594 --> 00:09:27,227 I refuse to allow Dean Munsch to keep us 250 00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:28,395 from stopping the scourge 251 00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:29,863 that is Black Hairy Tongue Disease 252 00:09:29,898 --> 00:09:31,431 in its black hairy tracks. 253 00:09:31,466 --> 00:09:34,100 So, while I will honor the Halloween curfew, 254 00:09:34,136 --> 00:09:37,337 I will not let anyone miss out on coming out in costume 255 00:09:37,372 --> 00:09:38,905 to support a great cause 256 00:09:38,941 --> 00:09:40,373 and to make me look really good. 257 00:09:40,409 --> 00:09:42,576 That is why I am opening my charity pumpkin patch 258 00:09:42,611 --> 00:09:44,878 at 12:01 a.m. on November 1. 259 00:09:44,913 --> 00:09:46,379 It will be on the corner 260 00:09:46,415 --> 00:09:48,281 of Awesome Street and Totally Bitchin' Avenue. 261 00:09:48,317 --> 00:09:50,250 Join me in saying you are not afraid! 262 00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:51,451 And remember... 263 00:09:51,486 --> 00:09:52,586 Chanel Oberlin 264 00:09:52,621 --> 00:09:53,620 is above the law. 265 00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:55,455 (computer beeps) 266 00:10:00,662 --> 00:10:02,862 Hey, Chanel What are you doing? 267 00:10:02,898 --> 00:10:04,764 Just baking some cookies 268 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:05,966 for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters. 269 00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,134 Mmm, what kind? 270 00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:09,703 Uh, they're toenail cookies. 271 00:10:09,738 --> 00:10:11,738 What?! 272 00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:14,074 I noticed last year that a lot of neighborhood children 273 00:10:14,109 --> 00:10:15,742 have been dressing up for Halloween as Chanel. 274 00:10:15,777 --> 00:10:17,310 Wearing classic Chanel looks 275 00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:18,812 that I helped come up with. 276 00:10:18,847 --> 00:10:20,213 Pink fur coats 277 00:10:20,248 --> 00:10:21,948 worn in all weather-- 278 00:10:21,984 --> 00:10:23,116 my idea. 279 00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,784 Flapper dresses made out of feathers-- 280 00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:26,086 also my idea. 281 00:10:26,121 --> 00:10:27,320 Oversized sunglasses worn everywhere-- 282 00:10:27,356 --> 00:10:30,557 my idea, my idea, my idea! 283 00:10:30,592 --> 00:10:34,227 So why are you baking toenail cookies 284 00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,096 and giving them to children? 285 00:10:37,499 --> 00:10:41,301 Why are you hurting them, instead of hurting Chanel? 286 00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:42,936 Okay, whose side are you on? 287 00:10:42,971 --> 00:10:44,471 Because very recently, 288 00:10:44,506 --> 00:10:46,506 you called me a bitch and then showed me 289 00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:47,841 where the door was. 290 00:10:47,876 --> 00:10:49,843 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 291 00:10:49,878 --> 00:10:52,812 I'm what you call a "switch-hitter." 292 00:10:52,848 --> 00:10:54,014 Wait, are you bisexual? 293 00:10:54,049 --> 00:10:55,081 Because that's what "switch-hitter" means. 294 00:10:55,117 --> 00:10:56,349 Do you mean "double agent"? 295 00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:57,784 Okay, what, yeah. 296 00:10:57,819 --> 00:10:59,586 A double agent. 297 00:10:59,621 --> 00:11:02,722 See, I have an idea. 298 00:11:06,782 --> 00:11:09,013 Jennifer, can we talk to you for a second? 299 00:11:10,097 --> 00:11:10,969 What are you writing? 300 00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:13,038 A tart missive to Dean Munsch for canceling Halloween. 301 00:11:13,158 --> 00:11:14,200 Do you know how big 302 00:11:14,236 --> 00:11:16,169 Halloween is in the candle community? 303 00:11:17,339 --> 00:11:18,905 (gasps) 304 00:11:21,043 --> 00:11:22,509 Is this an ant farm? 305 00:11:22,544 --> 00:11:24,344 Actually, it's an ant family, 306 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:25,612 This is the Sandberg family. 307 00:11:25,647 --> 00:11:26,813 There's about a million of them. 308 00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:29,015 There's a mom ant, Deborah, 309 00:11:29,051 --> 00:11:31,051 who mostly just lies around and she has about 100 husband ants, 310 00:11:31,086 --> 00:11:33,053 who come around and give it to her good, 311 00:11:33,088 --> 00:11:35,221 which she really enjoys. 312 00:11:35,257 --> 00:11:37,457 And then there's about a million sterile daughter ants 313 00:11:37,492 --> 00:11:39,859 who feed her and are her slaves. 314 00:11:39,895 --> 00:11:42,796 So, an ideal family. 315 00:11:42,831 --> 00:11:44,297 So Zayday is running for president. 316 00:11:44,332 --> 00:11:46,533 And she's going to lose. 317 00:11:46,568 --> 00:11:48,234 There are only eight girls in this house. 318 00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:51,037 You guys, Chanel and Chanel 319 00:11:51,073 --> 00:11:52,706 will all vote for Chanel, 320 00:11:52,741 --> 00:11:55,975 which means Zayday would need Sam and me and Grace 321 00:11:56,011 --> 00:11:58,378 to all vote for her, and then it'd be a tie 322 00:11:58,413 --> 00:12:00,180 and Chanel remains president. 323 00:12:00,215 --> 00:12:03,516 But if Chanel 324 00:12:03,552 --> 00:12:04,718 throw the votes to Zayday... 325 00:12:04,753 --> 00:12:06,352 She'd win. 326 00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:08,888 And then I'd beg to be her second-in-command, 327 00:12:08,924 --> 00:12:10,323 while quietly pull the strings behind the scenes 328 00:12:10,358 --> 00:12:11,825 like Dick Cheney. 329 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,493 Chanel by getting to run 330 00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:16,062 the Pumpkin-Patch-Shining- Fergie-and-Fergie-Concert. 331 00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:17,597 I don't really want that. 332 00:12:17,632 --> 00:12:20,900 And maybe you will get a really exciting job 333 00:12:20,936 --> 00:12:22,869 like treasurer. (slow gasp) 334 00:12:22,904 --> 00:12:26,339 This plan involves a lot of circuitous logic. 335 00:12:26,374 --> 00:12:28,708 Like, why would Zayday just make you vice president? 336 00:12:28,744 --> 00:12:31,511 Wouldn't she ask Grace? I mean, they're, like, best friends. 337 00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:33,213 Chanel has a closet full of Diptyque candles 338 00:12:33,248 --> 00:12:34,714 that she lights once 339 00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,583 and then throws away because they're used. 340 00:12:36,618 --> 00:12:37,951 What?! 341 00:12:37,986 --> 00:12:39,619 Show me. 342 00:12:42,257 --> 00:12:45,391 (screaming) 343 00:12:45,427 --> 00:12:47,527 Oh, my God! Those are, like, $100 each! 344 00:12:47,562 --> 00:12:49,729 They're the highest quality candles 345 00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:51,731 that can be purchased retail. 346 00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:54,868 I could melt them down into one large candle! 347 00:12:54,903 --> 00:12:57,704 What a brilliant and revolutionary idea. 348 00:12:57,739 --> 00:13:00,140 So what do you say? 349 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:11,284 (indistinct whispering) 350 00:13:18,627 --> 00:13:21,661 Excuse me, Ms. Oberlin? 351 00:13:21,696 --> 00:13:22,495 Are you cheating? 352 00:13:22,531 --> 00:13:23,563 God, no. 353 00:13:23,598 --> 00:13:24,631 Kai Zi is my Asian. 354 00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:26,299 Excuse me? 355 00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:27,734 He's not in this class. 356 00:13:27,769 --> 00:13:29,335 He's not even enrolled in this school. 357 00:13:29,371 --> 00:13:31,004 I keep him on retainer to come take tests with me. 358 00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:32,639 Anything math or science... Hand in your test. 359 00:13:32,674 --> 00:13:34,174 I'm reporting you to Dean Munsch. 360 00:13:34,209 --> 00:13:36,075 This is a clear violation of the honor code. 361 00:13:36,111 --> 00:13:37,577 You must be new here. 362 00:13:37,612 --> 00:13:39,679 Who are you calling? 363 00:13:39,714 --> 00:13:41,181 My daddy. I'm gonna get you fired. 364 00:13:41,216 --> 00:13:42,315 (knocking) 365 00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:44,050 MAN: Excuse me, Professor? 366 00:13:45,453 --> 00:13:47,020 Hi, it's Chanel. 367 00:13:47,055 --> 00:13:48,822 Yes, thank you so much. 368 00:13:48,857 --> 00:13:51,291 Chanel Oberlin. 369 00:13:57,332 --> 00:13:59,432 Chanel Oberlin? 370 00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:01,901 You are under arrest for the murder of Ms. Agatha Bean. 371 00:14:03,705 --> 00:14:07,006 (crowd clamoring) 372 00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:08,775 CHANEL: Chin up, Chanel. 373 00:14:08,810 --> 00:14:10,643 At least you wore something nice today. 374 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:12,378 Remember to smile for your mug shot. 375 00:14:12,414 --> 00:14:13,614 It'll be on Gawker by sundown. 376 00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:15,849 CHANEL: Oh, my God! 377 00:14:15,884 --> 00:14:17,450 I'm burping uncontrollably like Robert Durst. 378 00:14:17,485 --> 00:14:19,052 They'll know I'm guilty! 379 00:14:30,999 --> 00:14:33,199 (siren wailing) 380 00:14:33,235 --> 00:14:35,602 (faint music playing) 381 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,511 Hello? 382 00:14:45,547 --> 00:14:47,347 Hello?! 383 00:14:47,382 --> 00:14:49,883 Somebody help me! 384 00:14:55,423 --> 00:14:57,857 (music gets louder) 385 00:15:02,464 --> 00:15:07,200 ♪ Do you really want to hurt me? ♪ 386 00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:12,005 ♪ Do you really want to make me cry? ♪ 387 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:16,910 ♪ Do you really want to hurt me? ♪ 388 00:15:16,945 --> 00:15:21,214 ♪ Do you really want to make me cry? ♪ 389 00:15:24,886 --> 00:15:28,955 ♪ Do you really want to hurt me? ♪ 390 00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:31,391 (screaming) 391 00:15:31,426 --> 00:15:35,061 ♪ Do you really want to make me cry? ♪ 392 00:15:53,688 --> 00:15:55,132 Ah, I'm glad you're all here. 393 00:15:55,237 --> 00:15:57,537 It's lunchtime. Where else would we fake eat? 394 00:15:57,572 --> 00:15:59,939 Now that Chanel is finally under arrest, 395 00:15:59,975 --> 00:16:02,442 we can start doing things the way we want around here. 396 00:16:02,477 --> 00:16:03,877 And the first matter of business should be 397 00:16:03,912 --> 00:16:05,211 to find our kidnapped sister Zayday. 398 00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:06,546 Actually, as Number Three, 399 00:16:06,581 --> 00:16:08,381 I'm next in line and in charge here. 400 00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:10,577 And you can sum up my viewpoint on this with one word-- 401 00:16:10,585 --> 00:16:11,885 indifference. 402 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,686 Guys, Zayday is out there. 403 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,288 Probably getting tortured right now. 404 00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:16,756 We are her only hope. 405 00:16:16,791 --> 00:16:18,291 Look, I'm all for Zayday not being tortured 406 00:16:18,326 --> 00:16:20,393 or killed or whatever, but don't you think 407 00:16:20,428 --> 00:16:22,395 a girl who wants to be president of this house 408 00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:23,630 should be able to prove her abilities 409 00:16:23,665 --> 00:16:24,964 by escaping from the lair 410 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,466 of a psychopath? 411 00:16:26,501 --> 00:16:27,934 That has nothing to do with 412 00:16:27,969 --> 00:16:29,369 being sorority president. 413 00:16:29,404 --> 00:16:31,204 Actually, in this sorority, it would be 414 00:16:31,239 --> 00:16:32,939 a pretty powerful campaign platform. 415 00:16:32,974 --> 00:16:35,441 Sometimes, in order for a person to achieve their full potential, 416 00:16:35,477 --> 00:16:37,076 they have to do things on their own. 417 00:16:37,112 --> 00:16:38,945 Are you guys seriously going to desert 418 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:39,946 our friend like this? 419 00:16:39,981 --> 00:16:42,282 I am in charge here! 420 00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:44,250 Need I remind you that there is a curfew on this campus 421 00:16:44,286 --> 00:16:46,386 and this house is already on Dean Munsch's poop list? 422 00:16:46,421 --> 00:16:48,421 What do you think is going to happen if she catches us all out 423 00:16:48,456 --> 00:16:50,924 checking every closet and killer's lair to find Zayday? 424 00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:53,626 She'll finally have grounds to kick us all off campus. 425 00:16:53,662 --> 00:16:55,328 How do you think making all of us 426 00:16:55,363 --> 00:16:57,330 get expelled is protecting us? 427 00:16:57,365 --> 00:16:58,665 Now, please leave. 428 00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,967 It's time for the entrée. 429 00:17:05,006 --> 00:17:07,440 Come on, let's go ask my dad for help. 430 00:17:07,475 --> 00:17:08,808 I thought you two were fighting. 431 00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:10,643 He's my best friend. 432 00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:13,313 He's the one person my whole life who's never let me down. 433 00:17:13,348 --> 00:17:16,449 (moaning) 434 00:17:16,484 --> 00:17:19,352 It's... it's hard 435 00:17:19,387 --> 00:17:21,187 because I'm a man, you know? 436 00:17:21,223 --> 00:17:23,089 I love that you're a man. 437 00:17:23,124 --> 00:17:24,857 But it's just ever since Grace's mom died, 438 00:17:24,893 --> 00:17:26,459 I just haven't found... 439 00:17:26,494 --> 00:17:27,827 I haven't found the one. 440 00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:29,862 Yeah, Grace's mom, yeah. 441 00:17:29,898 --> 00:17:31,664 I know what you mean. 442 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,000 ♪ The way he moved, it was a sin ♪ 443 00:17:34,035 --> 00:17:35,702 ♪ So sweet and true... ♪ 444 00:17:35,737 --> 00:17:37,270 Oh, my God, is this "Black Velvet"? 445 00:17:37,305 --> 00:17:38,605 Oh, you know it. 446 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,940 This is the most sensual song ever written. 447 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,476 We need to do this right now! Oh, okay... 448 00:17:43,511 --> 00:17:44,978 ♪ Black velvet... ♪ 449 00:17:45,013 --> 00:17:46,613 It's just so unlike her. 450 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,114 If you call Zayday, she's gonna call you back 451 00:17:48,149 --> 00:17:50,617 while you're leaving a message. 452 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,018 Hey, Dad? 453 00:17:52,053 --> 00:17:53,052 I think he's home. 454 00:17:53,088 --> 00:17:54,787 I hear his '90s music playing. 455 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,189 Oh, my God! 456 00:17:56,224 --> 00:17:58,157 (excited clamoring) 457 00:17:58,193 --> 00:17:59,559 ♪ Black Velvet... ♪ 458 00:17:59,594 --> 00:18:01,828 Go in... another room. 459 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,029 Dad? 460 00:18:03,064 --> 00:18:05,531 High, we were h-high-fiving. 461 00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:07,800 What are you doing? I just saw her boobs. 462 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,135 Hang on, I can explain. 463 00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,471 Your father and I were on a salad date, 464 00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,873 and we just started talking... 465 00:18:13,908 --> 00:18:15,041 A "salad date"-- what is that? 466 00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:16,209 Is that, like, a thing? 467 00:18:16,244 --> 00:18:18,645 Oh, a salad date is, it's like, 468 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,180 it's more casual than dinner, 469 00:18:21,216 --> 00:18:23,716 but more formal than coffee. 470 00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:25,518 Sure. Um... 471 00:18:25,553 --> 00:18:27,820 I just wanted 472 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,323 to come by and let you know that Zayday is still missing. 473 00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:31,357 Oh, no... oh, no. 474 00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:32,892 Grace, that's terrible. 475 00:18:32,927 --> 00:18:33,726 We got to find her. 476 00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:34,727 I'll help. 477 00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:35,728 So will Gigi. 478 00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:36,562 Mm-hmm. 479 00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:37,864 Yeah, yep. 480 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:41,000 As soon as I find my Cavaricci's. 481 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:43,236 Whose pants are these? That's weird. 482 00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:45,605 They're in the kitchen. I don't know why. 483 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,041 Look, hey. 484 00:18:48,076 --> 00:18:50,710 I'm really... I'm really sorry, honey. 485 00:18:50,745 --> 00:18:52,445 We should talk about this. 486 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,013 Hey, Dad, I'm cool, I promise. 487 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,748 You know, you're a human being 488 00:18:55,784 --> 00:18:57,216 with feelings and needs, right? 489 00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:58,551 I get it. 490 00:18:58,586 --> 00:19:00,119 You know, and I'm totally fine 491 00:19:00,155 --> 00:19:01,954 that you've moved on from Mom... really. 492 00:19:01,990 --> 00:19:03,956 Um, but enough about me 493 00:19:03,992 --> 00:19:05,958 and my confusion and sad dead feeling inside. 494 00:19:05,994 --> 00:19:08,795 We need to find Zayday. 495 00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:11,531 Right, we should talk to Dean Munsch about this. 496 00:19:11,566 --> 00:19:13,900 Yeah. 497 00:19:23,178 --> 00:19:25,078 And then I asked my dad to bail me out and he's all like, 498 00:19:25,113 --> 00:19:26,713 "We have a big stockholders meeting 499 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,581 "coming up in a couple of weeks 500 00:19:28,616 --> 00:19:30,616 "and I'm about to endorse Ted Cruz, so I'd rather not 501 00:19:30,652 --> 00:19:32,452 "do anything that could get me bad press right now, 502 00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:34,253 like being the father of a murderer and stuff." 503 00:19:34,289 --> 00:19:37,557 And so he needs to pretend that I don't exist...again. 504 00:19:37,592 --> 00:19:39,759 It just really hurt my feelings. 505 00:19:39,794 --> 00:19:41,194 Anyway, I'm pretty sure my so-called 506 00:19:41,196 --> 00:19:42,962 friends are the ones that turned me in 507 00:19:42,997 --> 00:19:44,917 so I'm just feeling, like, super alone right now. 508 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,299 Don't worry, Chanel. 509 00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:48,768 We got your back. Thank you, Millie. 510 00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:50,603 Look, I don't know if you remember this, but, uh, 511 00:19:50,638 --> 00:19:54,273 you sent me the most amazing fake severed foot 512 00:19:54,309 --> 00:19:56,242 filled with jelly beans for Chanel-o-ween 513 00:19:56,277 --> 00:19:58,778 last year right before I killed that gas station attendant. 514 00:19:58,813 --> 00:20:01,481 Man, I am your biggest Instagram fan! 515 00:20:01,516 --> 00:20:05,351 I-I just think you are a style genius. 516 00:20:05,387 --> 00:20:06,686 Stop! And I'm here to tell you, 517 00:20:06,721 --> 00:20:09,021 any friendships you make on the inside 518 00:20:09,057 --> 00:20:11,157 is the real kind. 519 00:20:11,192 --> 00:20:12,425 Thank you, guys. 520 00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:14,260 I will never be able to repay you 521 00:20:14,295 --> 00:20:15,528 for the kindness you've shown me in here. 522 00:20:15,563 --> 00:20:17,530 Besties for life, I say. 523 00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:18,531 MAN: Oberlin. 524 00:20:18,566 --> 00:20:20,633 Your bail's been posted. 525 00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:22,435 Later, losers. 526 00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:24,303 Uh, wha...? 527 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:29,709 ♪ Set me free, why don't you, babe? ♪ 528 00:20:29,744 --> 00:20:32,879 ♪ Get out of my life, why don't you, babe? ♪ 529 00:20:37,318 --> 00:20:40,620 ♪ But you keep me hanging on ♪ 530 00:20:40,655 --> 00:20:41,888 I knew you'd bail me out. 531 00:20:41,923 --> 00:20:43,556 Well, technically, my dad did. 532 00:20:43,591 --> 00:20:45,191 I told him college textbooks are getting crazy expensive, 533 00:20:45,226 --> 00:20:48,060 so he wired me $300,000 no questions asked. 534 00:20:48,096 --> 00:20:50,530 Chanel you are true friends. 535 00:20:50,565 --> 00:20:52,465 I'm famished. 536 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,200 I wouldn't mind stopping at Wendy's for some barbecue sauce 537 00:20:54,235 --> 00:20:56,569 to dip our cotton balls in and then finding Chanel 538 00:20:56,604 --> 00:20:59,541 It's high time for a little GD payback. 539 00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:03,005 Can I just say what a relief it is 540 00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:06,569 to be able to share it with somebody and not feel judged? 541 00:21:06,689 --> 00:21:08,522 You know, I mean, all my girlfriends 542 00:21:08,557 --> 00:21:10,057 are like, "That's immoral." 543 00:21:10,092 --> 00:21:11,492 "You should be ashamed of yourself!" 544 00:21:11,527 --> 00:21:12,893 Ashamed? 545 00:21:12,928 --> 00:21:14,628 What the hell you got to be ashamed for? 546 00:21:14,663 --> 00:21:16,296 You should be proud. 547 00:21:16,331 --> 00:21:17,497 A foxy lady your age 548 00:21:17,533 --> 00:21:20,200 getting some sweet coed tail. 549 00:21:20,235 --> 00:21:22,169 I could've lost my job. 550 00:21:22,204 --> 00:21:24,471 And it wasn't even good, you know? 551 00:21:24,506 --> 00:21:27,841 I mean, it lasted, like, 45 seconds, and the whole time, 552 00:21:27,876 --> 00:21:30,544 it just felt like I was getting stabbed in the abdomen. 553 00:21:30,579 --> 00:21:34,314 Wait, hold on-- are we talking about Chad Radwell here? 554 00:21:34,349 --> 00:21:36,883 Yeah. Chad Radwell? 555 00:21:36,919 --> 00:21:38,652 What you talking about? 556 00:21:38,687 --> 00:21:40,887 I slept with Chad, too, 557 00:21:40,923 --> 00:21:42,355 and it was amazing! 558 00:21:42,391 --> 00:21:44,524 I tied him up and I kept my uniform on 559 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,393 and proceeded to read him his rights. 560 00:21:46,428 --> 00:21:48,361 My favorite being: "You got the right 561 00:21:48,397 --> 00:21:50,497 to remain sexy." 562 00:21:50,532 --> 00:21:51,832 (laughs) 563 00:21:51,867 --> 00:21:52,933 Give me some! 564 00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:54,034 You know he's sexy! 565 00:21:54,069 --> 00:21:56,703 (laughing) 566 00:21:56,739 --> 00:21:59,740 That was one of the best nights of my life. 567 00:21:59,775 --> 00:22:02,175 Granted, when Chad and I get together, 568 00:22:02,211 --> 00:22:03,710 it's mostly about the role-play. 569 00:22:03,746 --> 00:22:06,179 I mean, we go on for a while. 570 00:22:06,215 --> 00:22:09,616 But that's because we both do extensive character research. 571 00:22:09,651 --> 00:22:12,886 So there's a surprising amount of dialogue. 572 00:22:12,921 --> 00:22:14,121 Dean Munsch? 573 00:22:14,156 --> 00:22:15,422 We need your help with Zayday. 574 00:22:15,457 --> 00:22:17,190 We don't know who else to turn to. 575 00:22:17,226 --> 00:22:19,292 Well, I've already contacted 576 00:22:19,328 --> 00:22:21,528 the police department, despite the fact 577 00:22:21,563 --> 00:22:22,863 that a person can't be considered "missing" 578 00:22:22,898 --> 00:22:25,766 until at least 72 hours has passed. 579 00:22:25,801 --> 00:22:26,933 She could be dead by then. 580 00:22:26,969 --> 00:22:28,235 She could be dead now! 581 00:22:29,438 --> 00:22:31,037 I'm sorry. That's morbid. 582 00:22:31,073 --> 00:22:32,272 But she could be. 583 00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:33,306 She probably is. 584 00:22:33,647 --> 00:22:36,409 Zayday Williams ain't dead. 585 00:22:36,445 --> 00:22:37,744 I keep tellin' y'all-- 586 00:22:37,780 --> 00:22:38,979 Zayday is the killer! 587 00:22:39,014 --> 00:22:40,247 No, that's insane. 588 00:22:40,282 --> 00:22:41,103 There is no way she's the killer. 589 00:22:41,226 --> 00:22:43,092 Bitch had a chain saw 590 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:45,328 in her room. Yeah, well, if the police can't help us, 591 00:22:45,363 --> 00:22:46,596 we gotta figure something else out. 592 00:22:46,631 --> 00:22:47,864 I don't know, the FBI. 593 00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:49,365 A private investigator... 594 00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:51,668 I've already hired an investigator. 595 00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,169 I placed a call 596 00:22:53,204 --> 00:22:54,542 to a company I trust, 597 00:22:54,658 --> 00:22:57,125 Secure Enforcement Solutions. 598 00:22:57,161 --> 00:22:58,493 Oh, good Lord. Yes. 599 00:22:58,529 --> 00:22:59,795 (chuckles) 600 00:22:59,830 --> 00:23:01,263 Denise Hemphill 601 00:23:01,298 --> 00:23:02,964 is gonna find Zayday Williams. 602 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,600 And then I'm gonna throw her in the slammer 603 00:23:05,636 --> 00:23:07,469 for murder in the first. 604 00:23:07,504 --> 00:23:09,438 Hold on. If she thinks Zayday's the killer, 605 00:23:09,473 --> 00:23:10,872 which is absolutely insane... 606 00:23:10,908 --> 00:23:12,874 Chain saw under the bed. 607 00:23:12,910 --> 00:23:15,210 ...then she shouldn't be leading the manhunt to find her! 608 00:23:15,245 --> 00:23:17,446 I would think that that would make her 609 00:23:17,481 --> 00:23:19,815 extra motivated to find her. 610 00:23:19,850 --> 00:23:21,983 Thank you. WES: Well... 611 00:23:22,019 --> 00:23:23,285 I'll tell you this much: Gigi and I 612 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,519 are going to do everything we can 613 00:23:24,555 --> 00:23:26,188 to find her. Right, honey? 614 00:23:26,223 --> 00:23:27,222 Right. 615 00:23:27,257 --> 00:23:29,991 What, are you two a couple now? 616 00:23:30,027 --> 00:23:31,059 Mm-hmm. 617 00:23:31,095 --> 00:23:32,327 Oh! 618 00:23:32,363 --> 00:23:33,895 (huffs) Come on. 619 00:23:33,931 --> 00:23:35,163 We need to go find her. 620 00:23:35,199 --> 00:23:36,998 The sun sets in an hour. 621 00:23:37,034 --> 00:23:38,166 DENISE: That's right. 622 00:23:38,202 --> 00:23:39,534 Halloween is upon us. 623 00:23:39,570 --> 00:23:41,570 And the Devil is gonna come a-runnin'. 624 00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,397 What the hell are you doing? 625 00:24:08,432 --> 00:24:10,918 Where's your Mary Todd Lincoln outfit, Number Five? 626 00:24:11,038 --> 00:24:13,435 There can't be two Jackie Kennedys. 627 00:24:13,470 --> 00:24:16,071 You sold me down the river, bitch. 628 00:24:16,106 --> 00:24:18,707 You lied and told Munsch that I killed Ms. Bean. 629 00:24:18,742 --> 00:24:20,175 Well, you did kill Ms. Bean, 630 00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:21,276 but I wouldn't rat you out to anyone! 631 00:24:21,311 --> 00:24:23,044 Liar! (gasps) 632 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,846 Hester told me everything. 633 00:24:24,882 --> 00:24:26,922 And then Number Five said she was gonna turn you in, 634 00:24:26,950 --> 00:24:28,550 she just didn't know who to tell first, 635 00:24:28,585 --> 00:24:30,185 Dean Munsch or the cops. 636 00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:31,686 Isn't that right, Jennifer? 637 00:24:31,722 --> 00:24:33,789 And then she said once you were behind bars, 638 00:24:33,824 --> 00:24:35,390 she was going to spread a rumor 639 00:24:35,426 --> 00:24:37,058 that the only reason you're skinny 640 00:24:37,094 --> 00:24:38,860 is because your parents stole your kidneys 641 00:24:38,896 --> 00:24:41,296 just like Gary Coleman's did. 642 00:24:41,331 --> 00:24:43,465 Wait, Gary Coleman's parents stole his kidneys? 643 00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:45,100 I would never say that, 644 00:24:45,135 --> 00:24:46,368 because I'm pretty sure that never even happened. 645 00:24:46,403 --> 00:24:48,370 Well, why does it feel so true? 646 00:24:48,405 --> 00:24:49,738 And why does ratting me out 647 00:24:49,773 --> 00:24:51,540 sound like exactly something you would do? 648 00:24:51,575 --> 00:24:53,442 Because Hester's trying to frame me, obviously! 649 00:24:53,477 --> 00:24:56,278 Her name is Chanel Chanel 650 00:24:57,648 --> 00:24:59,114 You know, 651 00:24:59,149 --> 00:25:00,982 I've never thought of myself as a killer, 652 00:25:01,018 --> 00:25:02,651 but I am seriously considering 653 00:25:02,686 --> 00:25:04,886 ramming this pick into the back of your eye socket. 654 00:25:04,922 --> 00:25:06,922 Or, you can elect 655 00:25:06,957 --> 00:25:09,891 a different punishment. 656 00:25:09,927 --> 00:25:11,593 Go get that pumpkin patch ready. But there's a curfew tonight, okay? 657 00:25:11,628 --> 00:25:13,795 The killer is obviously going to be out. 658 00:25:13,831 --> 00:25:15,630 Maybe you'll get your head sawed off. 659 00:25:15,666 --> 00:25:17,933 I can't think of a better Chanel-o-ween treat than that. 660 00:25:17,968 --> 00:25:21,269 You're a psychopath, Chanel. 661 00:25:21,305 --> 00:25:22,504 I'm not doing it. 662 00:25:22,539 --> 00:25:25,807 Interesting. 663 00:25:25,843 --> 00:25:27,442 Well, fine, then. 664 00:25:27,478 --> 00:25:30,145 I guess I'll just have to resort to plan "B." 665 00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:32,681 I'll show Roger and Dodger video proof 666 00:25:32,716 --> 00:25:34,149 that their hot new girlfriend 667 00:25:34,184 --> 00:25:36,585 regularly rubs it out in her room 668 00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:38,086 while watching Dora the Explorer. 669 00:25:38,121 --> 00:25:39,688 You have cameras in my room? 670 00:25:39,723 --> 00:25:43,291 I have eyes everywhere, bitch. (pick clatters to floor) 671 00:25:43,327 --> 00:25:45,861 The name of my future perfume is Revenge. 672 00:25:45,896 --> 00:25:48,598 Remember... I want candles 673 00:25:48,718 --> 00:25:50,704 in every jack-o'-lantern! 674 00:25:53,114 --> 00:25:54,651 Okay. This is a map of town. 675 00:25:54,771 --> 00:25:56,538 This is where Zayday was last seen. 676 00:25:56,573 --> 00:25:58,440 I say we fan out in a radius around this point 677 00:25:58,475 --> 00:26:00,275 and go door to door, asking if anyone's seen her. 678 00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:02,444 GIGI: Well, buckle up, 'cause I've got one. 679 00:26:02,479 --> 00:26:04,412 Yeah. You ever heard of glaciers? 680 00:26:04,448 --> 00:26:07,916 When the glaciers melted in the last ice age, 681 00:26:07,951 --> 00:26:09,718 they left several different soil types 682 00:26:09,753 --> 00:26:10,952 scattered about the region. 683 00:26:10,988 --> 00:26:12,220 Now, I happen to know 684 00:26:12,256 --> 00:26:13,955 that the house on Shady Lane, 685 00:26:13,991 --> 00:26:15,824 where Zayday was last seen, 686 00:26:15,859 --> 00:26:18,627 had a red clay substrate 687 00:26:18,662 --> 00:26:20,161 in both the front and back yard 688 00:26:20,197 --> 00:26:21,630 and poor drainage. 689 00:26:21,665 --> 00:26:24,966 How is that something you just happen to know? 690 00:26:25,002 --> 00:26:27,836 Look, if Zayday was kidnapped outside the house 691 00:26:27,871 --> 00:26:29,671 and put up any kind of struggle, 692 00:26:29,706 --> 00:26:32,774 there would be wet clay all over the getaway car. 693 00:26:32,809 --> 00:26:34,576 Okay? And the kidnapper 694 00:26:34,611 --> 00:26:36,278 would probably want to get rid of that, 695 00:26:36,313 --> 00:26:39,648 so I'm thinking we should go to every local car wash 696 00:26:39,683 --> 00:26:42,784 and ask them if they've had any customers 697 00:26:42,819 --> 00:26:45,320 with weird red stains in their trunk. 698 00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:48,590 That is stupidest thing I've ever heard. PETE: Wait, wait. 699 00:26:48,625 --> 00:26:50,158 Zayday's grandmother. 700 00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:51,826 Have you... have you tried calling her? 701 00:26:51,862 --> 00:26:53,094 No, but maybe she knows something. 702 00:26:53,130 --> 00:26:54,296 Last week Zayday called her from my phone 703 00:26:54,331 --> 00:26:55,530 because her phone died. 704 00:26:55,566 --> 00:26:57,499 (gasps) Hold on! That's it! 705 00:26:57,534 --> 00:26:59,868 "Find My Device." It's an app. 706 00:26:59,903 --> 00:27:01,536 Every smartphone has a GPS in it. 707 00:27:01,572 --> 00:27:03,672 Even if it's dead, it can still tell us where it is. 708 00:27:03,707 --> 00:27:05,707 We just have to log into her account. PETE: Got it. 709 00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:06,942 What's the password? 710 00:27:06,977 --> 00:27:08,643 GRACE: Ah, crap! Uh... 711 00:27:08,679 --> 00:27:10,145 God, I feel like I should know this. 712 00:27:11,181 --> 00:27:12,881 Uh, Zee, I can't... 713 00:27:12,916 --> 00:27:14,683 I just can't eat any more of these. 714 00:27:14,718 --> 00:27:16,017 You don't love Oakland Nachos? 715 00:27:16,053 --> 00:27:17,285 They're amazing! 716 00:27:17,321 --> 00:27:18,653 I mean, I love 'em so much, 717 00:27:18,689 --> 00:27:20,021 they're my password to everything. 718 00:27:21,758 --> 00:27:24,025 Oakland Nachos! Her password is "Oakland Nachos." 719 00:27:24,061 --> 00:27:26,027 Okay, it's searching. There it is. We've got an address! 720 00:27:26,063 --> 00:27:27,696 1283 North Haverbrook Court. 721 00:27:27,731 --> 00:27:29,965 All right, boom. Y'all come and help me 722 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,366 load up the car. 723 00:27:31,401 --> 00:27:33,368 I got all manner of spy gear needed 724 00:27:33,403 --> 00:27:35,236 to catch that murdering 725 00:27:35,272 --> 00:27:36,738 Zayday Williams. 726 00:27:36,773 --> 00:27:38,039 Come on! 727 00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:41,743 Hey, Grace? Can-can we talk 728 00:27:41,778 --> 00:27:43,845 for two seconds? 729 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,747 Look, I-I'm sorry that you're upset 730 00:27:45,782 --> 00:27:47,315 and you saw... 731 00:27:47,351 --> 00:27:49,351 I'm fine, Dad, 732 00:27:49,386 --> 00:27:52,487 I just think it's weird. You know? 733 00:27:52,522 --> 00:27:54,522 We tell each other everything, 734 00:27:54,558 --> 00:27:56,691 and you couldn't give me a heads-up 735 00:27:56,727 --> 00:27:59,494 that the first person you choose to date 736 00:27:59,529 --> 00:28:02,702 is A) somebody I know 737 00:28:02,822 --> 00:28:04,199 and B)... 738 00:28:04,234 --> 00:28:06,935 (whispering): obviously mentally disturbed. 739 00:28:06,970 --> 00:28:09,929 Probably... Shoot, guys, I can hear you. 740 00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:13,241 Oh, my God, what is going on? 741 00:28:13,276 --> 00:28:15,010 Why are y'all still in here? 742 00:28:15,045 --> 00:28:16,244 This ain't The Marriage Ref! 743 00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:18,079 This ain't Judge Joe Brown. 744 00:28:18,115 --> 00:28:19,848 We ain't on the Maury Show! 745 00:28:19,883 --> 00:28:21,216 We ain't standin' in line 746 00:28:21,251 --> 00:28:22,784 trying to get tickets to Dr. Phil! 747 00:28:22,819 --> 00:28:24,753 I am not Steve Harvey, people, 748 00:28:24,788 --> 00:28:26,621 and this ain't the Family Feud! 749 00:28:26,657 --> 00:28:28,790 I'm tryin' to catch a killer. 750 00:28:28,825 --> 00:28:30,959 Now, come on! Help me get the spy gear 751 00:28:30,994 --> 00:28:33,094 in the car! Damn! 752 00:28:33,130 --> 00:28:34,763 ♪ ♪ 753 00:28:37,834 --> 00:28:39,367 Honestly, Chanel 754 00:28:39,403 --> 00:28:40,902 you have nothing to be afraid of. 755 00:28:40,937 --> 00:28:44,105 Seriously. We fought the Red Devil before. 756 00:28:44,141 --> 00:28:45,373 And only one of us 757 00:28:45,409 --> 00:28:46,741 got his arms sawed off, so, I mean... 758 00:28:46,777 --> 00:28:48,476 Thanks, guys. 759 00:28:48,512 --> 00:28:50,078 Look, let's just light all these jack-o'-lanterns 760 00:28:50,113 --> 00:28:52,147 and then get the hell out of here. All right. 761 00:29:04,828 --> 00:29:06,127 (whispering): Dodger... 762 00:29:06,163 --> 00:29:07,462 let's go in there. 763 00:29:26,183 --> 00:29:28,483 (screams) 764 00:29:32,522 --> 00:29:34,456 (screams) 765 00:29:34,491 --> 00:29:36,958 Please help me! Chanel 766 00:29:36,993 --> 00:29:38,426 It's the Red Devil! Let's bash his car! No! 767 00:29:38,462 --> 00:29:40,395 First, let's protect Chanel 768 00:29:47,204 --> 00:29:50,004 (panting) 769 00:29:59,916 --> 00:30:01,950 (Chanel 770 00:30:01,985 --> 00:30:03,351 Which way? 771 00:30:03,386 --> 00:30:05,320 This way. No, it's this way. 772 00:30:05,355 --> 00:30:07,222 I promise. How can you promise? 773 00:30:07,257 --> 00:30:08,843 We're in a maze, you don't know where you're going! 774 00:30:08,963 --> 00:30:10,077 Ah! 775 00:30:11,895 --> 00:30:13,194 ROGER: Brother against brother. 776 00:30:13,230 --> 00:30:14,462 I always knew it would come to this. 777 00:30:14,498 --> 00:30:15,730 What are you doing? 778 00:30:15,766 --> 00:30:16,998 The killer is right behind us. 779 00:30:17,033 --> 00:30:18,700 We have to go! 780 00:30:18,735 --> 00:30:20,301 No, Chanel 781 00:30:20,337 --> 00:30:22,203 You need to pick one of us. Forever. Right now. 782 00:30:22,239 --> 00:30:24,072 What? Why? 783 00:30:24,107 --> 00:30:25,373 And why are we doing this right now? 784 00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:27,008 ROGER: He's right, Chanel 785 00:30:27,043 --> 00:30:29,010 Spit-roasting you caused my brother and I 786 00:30:29,045 --> 00:30:30,045 to fall in love with you. 787 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:31,179 Neither of us are content 788 00:30:31,214 --> 00:30:32,214 with sharing you anymore. 789 00:30:32,215 --> 00:30:33,414 That's right, Chanel 790 00:30:33,450 --> 00:30:34,983 You need to choose one of us. 791 00:30:35,018 --> 00:30:36,518 And if you choose my brother, you're choosing 792 00:30:36,553 --> 00:30:38,019 his side of the Eiffel Tower forevermore. 793 00:30:38,054 --> 00:30:39,673 Why are we doing this right now? 794 00:30:39,793 --> 00:30:40,759 Choose, Number Five. 795 00:30:40,794 --> 00:30:42,594 Pick a side of the Eiffel Tower. 796 00:30:42,629 --> 00:30:43,995 Fine, Roger! 797 00:30:44,031 --> 00:30:45,096 You. I'm coming with you. 798 00:30:46,633 --> 00:30:47,899 So be it. 799 00:30:58,249 --> 00:30:59,404 Our footprints. 800 00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:01,046 In the snow! 801 00:31:01,081 --> 00:31:03,014 We're leaving footprints in the snow. 802 00:31:03,050 --> 00:31:05,183 The Red Devil's just going to follow the trail. 803 00:31:05,218 --> 00:31:06,851 Just walk backwards in our footsteps 804 00:31:06,887 --> 00:31:08,586 and we'll throw him off. 805 00:31:09,890 --> 00:31:12,090 In your own footsteps. 806 00:31:12,125 --> 00:31:13,525 Okay. 807 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:14,626 I've got to warn Dodger, though. 808 00:31:14,661 --> 00:31:17,028 Shh! 809 00:31:17,064 --> 00:31:18,496 ROGER: Dodger! 810 00:31:19,362 --> 00:31:20,928 Watch out for your footprints! 811 00:31:21,337 --> 00:31:22,536 Watch out for them how? 812 00:31:22,572 --> 00:31:24,472 ROGER: Be sure to walk backwards 813 00:31:24,507 --> 00:31:25,706 so the Devil won't find you! 814 00:31:25,742 --> 00:31:26,974 Oh, I get it. 815 00:31:27,009 --> 00:31:28,242 Thanks, Roger! 816 00:31:58,708 --> 00:32:00,241 (Dodger screaming) 817 00:32:00,276 --> 00:32:02,643 DODGER: Oh, God! 818 00:32:02,678 --> 00:32:05,913 Help me! Oh, God, help! This way. 819 00:32:05,948 --> 00:32:07,581 Dodger! No, come on! 820 00:32:07,617 --> 00:32:09,717 We have to go! (Dodger continues screaming) 821 00:32:17,518 --> 00:32:19,485 I rented my cellar 822 00:32:19,605 --> 00:32:21,588 to a dream tenant. 823 00:32:21,708 --> 00:32:23,983 I rarely see him. 824 00:32:24,103 --> 00:32:26,747 They pay the rent on time, 825 00:32:27,176 --> 00:32:30,583 in cash, every month. 826 00:32:31,483 --> 00:32:33,280 Okay, everybody take a Taser. Yeah. 827 00:32:33,383 --> 00:32:36,317 Also got some compasses and some decoder rings. 828 00:32:36,353 --> 00:32:37,352 What about flashlights? 829 00:32:37,387 --> 00:32:38,753 Aw, crap! 830 00:32:38,788 --> 00:32:40,255 I forgot the flashlights! 831 00:32:40,290 --> 00:32:41,589 Grace, when we get down there, 832 00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:43,858 you stay close to me, all right? 833 00:32:43,893 --> 00:32:45,360 What am I supposed to do with this? 834 00:32:45,395 --> 00:32:47,762 Not a damn thing, darling little old lady. 835 00:32:47,797 --> 00:32:49,731 What's wrong with you? 836 00:32:58,074 --> 00:33:00,041 I think we need to split up into teams. 837 00:33:00,076 --> 00:33:01,743 Okay, I'll go with Denise. 838 00:33:01,778 --> 00:33:03,544 You guys go right and we'll keep to the left. 839 00:33:03,580 --> 00:33:06,180 If anybody gets scurred, scream real loud, 840 00:33:06,216 --> 00:33:07,915 and I will come a-runnin'. 841 00:33:21,298 --> 00:33:23,564 (Pete and Wes shout) 842 00:33:24,388 --> 00:33:26,057 This is so creepy. 843 00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:38,413 Not as creepy as that. 844 00:33:41,351 --> 00:33:43,351 WES: What the hell is this place? 845 00:34:05,442 --> 00:34:07,809 (metal clangs) 846 00:34:07,844 --> 00:34:09,143 (gasps) 847 00:34:09,179 --> 00:34:10,311 Oh, my God. 848 00:34:10,347 --> 00:34:11,479 Oh, my God, Zayday! 849 00:34:11,514 --> 00:34:13,047 Zayday! 850 00:34:31,067 --> 00:34:32,500 DENISE: Uh-uh. 851 00:34:32,535 --> 00:34:34,869 It smell like booty in here. 852 00:34:34,904 --> 00:34:36,671 Yeah. 853 00:34:36,706 --> 00:34:38,506 I'm getting a nervous feeling in my stomach. 854 00:34:38,541 --> 00:34:41,008 I might start farting. 855 00:34:41,044 --> 00:34:43,111 If I cut some, you promise not to tell anyone? 856 00:34:43,146 --> 00:34:46,481 I... No, I won't tell anyone. 857 00:35:05,034 --> 00:35:06,501 Geez. 858 00:35:06,536 --> 00:35:09,137 GRACE: Zayday! 859 00:35:09,172 --> 00:35:10,538 It's empty. 860 00:35:10,573 --> 00:35:12,206 Zayday isn't down there. 861 00:35:13,276 --> 00:35:14,675 (they shout) 862 00:35:14,711 --> 00:35:16,477 DENISE: (shouts) The lights went out. 863 00:35:16,513 --> 00:35:18,513 (gasps) 864 00:35:49,712 --> 00:35:51,679 (saw buzzes) 865 00:35:51,714 --> 00:35:52,680 (screams) 866 00:35:53,459 --> 00:35:57,347 *** 867 00:36:00,657 --> 00:36:03,430 You tased the Red Devil. 868 00:36:03,550 --> 00:36:05,486 GRACE: Denise! Denise, where are you? 869 00:36:05,606 --> 00:36:06,861 Stay where you are! 870 00:36:06,896 --> 00:36:08,262 I'll come and get you! 871 00:36:08,298 --> 00:36:09,697 I'll be right back. 872 00:36:09,732 --> 00:36:11,365 Don't... don't go nowhere. 873 00:36:11,401 --> 00:36:12,467 ALL: Over here! 874 00:36:16,105 --> 00:36:17,472 Ooh, I got to catch my breath. 875 00:36:17,507 --> 00:36:18,473 What's happened? What's going on? 876 00:36:18,508 --> 00:36:19,941 Hold on. 877 00:36:22,445 --> 00:36:23,411 Ooh, this is nice. 878 00:36:23,446 --> 00:36:24,879 Um... 879 00:36:24,914 --> 00:36:26,881 Gigi tased the Red Devil. 880 00:36:26,916 --> 00:36:30,885 Well, first I accidentally tased Gigi right in the boobs. 881 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,787 That had to hurt. 882 00:36:32,822 --> 00:36:34,222 But she didn't let that stop her, uh-uh. 883 00:36:34,257 --> 00:36:35,656 She got that Taser and bop! 884 00:36:35,692 --> 00:36:38,893 She hit the Red Devil right in the throat. 885 00:36:38,928 --> 00:36:40,294 Why are we still standing here? 886 00:36:40,330 --> 00:36:41,295 Come on! Let's go. 887 00:36:41,331 --> 00:36:42,463 This way! 888 00:36:42,499 --> 00:36:44,098 What happened? 889 00:36:44,133 --> 00:36:46,400 Where'd the Red Devil go? 890 00:36:46,436 --> 00:36:47,768 He got away. 891 00:36:47,804 --> 00:36:48,970 WES: Are you okay? 892 00:36:49,005 --> 00:36:50,338 Yeah, he just jumped up 893 00:36:50,373 --> 00:36:51,639 and hit me across the head with a bat 894 00:36:51,674 --> 00:36:52,940 and then ran up the chute. 895 00:36:52,976 --> 00:36:55,343 Crap! I'm-a get that murdering bitch. 896 00:36:55,378 --> 00:36:56,777 No, call the police. 897 00:36:56,813 --> 00:36:58,179 Tell them we found the Red Devil's lair. 898 00:36:58,214 --> 00:36:59,494 WES: Hey, Gracie, look, I got it. 899 00:37:01,484 --> 00:37:03,284 GRACE: Gigi, I-I can't believe you did that. 900 00:37:03,319 --> 00:37:05,620 You risked your life for us. 901 00:37:05,655 --> 00:37:07,021 Oh, no, I didn't. 902 00:37:07,056 --> 00:37:08,856 I mean, I did, and it hurt a lot. 903 00:37:08,892 --> 00:37:11,792 But, you know, I care about you girls. 904 00:37:11,828 --> 00:37:15,196 No, no, no-no, it's 1283 North Haverbrook Lane. 905 00:37:15,231 --> 00:37:16,631 North. 906 00:37:16,666 --> 00:37:18,232 Yes, I actually do have the coordinates. 907 00:37:21,137 --> 00:37:23,104 I guess I knew the day was always gonna come 908 00:37:23,139 --> 00:37:25,106 when my dad met somebody, 909 00:37:25,141 --> 00:37:28,442 and now I'm actually glad that that somebody is you. 910 00:37:28,478 --> 00:37:30,845 Aw, that's so sweet. 911 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,922 Guys, she's saying... 912 00:37:33,221 --> 00:37:37,284 Really sweet stepdaughter- stepmother moment. 913 00:37:37,857 --> 00:37:39,887 It's really beautiful. 914 00:37:39,923 --> 00:37:43,824 I ran all around this house real fast. 915 00:37:43,860 --> 00:37:46,661 And the Red Devil is nowhere to be found. 916 00:37:46,696 --> 00:37:48,062 Uh, uh, wait a minute. 917 00:37:48,097 --> 00:37:50,498 Neither is Zayday Williams. 918 00:37:50,533 --> 00:37:52,199 Coincidence? 919 00:37:54,219 --> 00:37:55,703 I think not. 920 00:37:59,884 --> 00:38:02,684 CHANEL: Okay, ho-bags, tonight we cast our votes 921 00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:04,420 for the next president of Kappa House. 922 00:38:06,557 --> 00:38:08,857 Don't Grace and Zayday need to be here for us to vote? 923 00:38:08,893 --> 00:38:09,992 According to the Kappa Kappa bylaws 924 00:38:10,027 --> 00:38:12,795 written over 175 years ago 925 00:38:12,830 --> 00:38:14,396 just before the War of Northern Aggression, 926 00:38:14,432 --> 00:38:16,231 the president can call for an election 927 00:38:16,267 --> 00:38:17,733 at any time and for any reason. 928 00:38:17,768 --> 00:38:19,301 It looks like you just crossed some stuff out 929 00:38:19,336 --> 00:38:20,769 and wrote that in in marker. 930 00:38:23,941 --> 00:38:26,341 This has been the worst night of my life. 931 00:38:26,377 --> 00:38:29,144 My pumpkin patch was canceled because one of those idiot twins 932 00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:32,481 decided he'd rather get killed than keep boning Number Five... 933 00:38:32,516 --> 00:38:33,882 Okay, can we talk about that for a second? 934 00:38:33,918 --> 00:38:35,519 Because it just happened a few hours ago, 935 00:38:35,553 --> 00:38:37,519 and I'm still really traumatized. 936 00:38:37,555 --> 00:38:39,688 What about me? I have to live with the fact 937 00:38:39,723 --> 00:38:41,690 that no one got to see how awesome my maze was 938 00:38:41,725 --> 00:38:43,592 and that I've done nothing to stop the spread 939 00:38:43,627 --> 00:38:45,828 of Black Hairy Tongue Disease. 940 00:38:45,863 --> 00:38:47,229 I need some cheering up right now. 941 00:38:47,264 --> 00:38:48,597 And if that means rigging an election 942 00:38:48,632 --> 00:38:49,998 so that I can be president again, 943 00:38:50,034 --> 00:38:51,400 I expect you all to be my friends 944 00:38:51,435 --> 00:38:52,801 and accept that. 945 00:38:53,804 --> 00:38:55,604 Everybody, grab two marbles. 946 00:38:55,639 --> 00:38:57,439 You drop a white marble in the box for me 947 00:38:57,475 --> 00:38:58,907 and a black one for Zayday. 948 00:39:01,078 --> 00:39:02,277 Let the voting begin. 949 00:39:02,313 --> 00:39:03,712 Not so fast. 950 00:39:03,747 --> 00:39:04,713 You're alive. 951 00:39:04,748 --> 00:39:06,548 Damn straight, I'm alive. 952 00:39:06,584 --> 00:39:08,704 Can't be the next president of this joint if I'm dead. 953 00:39:12,256 --> 00:39:13,355 Excuse me, darling, I'm exhausted. 954 00:39:13,390 --> 00:39:15,357 Thank you. 955 00:39:15,392 --> 00:39:18,260 May I have a Diet Coke, please? On the rocks. 956 00:39:18,295 --> 00:39:19,928 Actually, make it regular-- I've been through a lot. 957 00:39:19,964 --> 00:39:21,463 Is Grace with you? No. 958 00:39:21,499 --> 00:39:23,632 Good, then we can still vote. 959 00:39:23,667 --> 00:39:26,235 Wait, we need to hear what happened to you. 960 00:39:26,270 --> 00:39:29,638 The Red Devil kidnapped me and took me to his evil lair. 961 00:39:29,673 --> 00:39:31,722 He kept me in a pit. Did he dig the pit himself? 962 00:39:31,842 --> 00:39:32,450 How should I know? 963 00:39:32,570 --> 00:39:33,858 Just wondering where you find a house with a pit. 964 00:39:33,978 --> 00:39:35,377 The market for them would be pretty limited. 965 00:39:35,412 --> 00:39:37,079 HESTER: Did you escape, or did you kill him? 966 00:39:37,114 --> 00:39:38,914 Because if you did, you need to tell us 967 00:39:38,949 --> 00:39:40,916 all of the details, 968 00:39:40,951 --> 00:39:42,417 including what his eyes looked like 969 00:39:42,453 --> 00:39:43,418 when he took his last breath. 970 00:39:43,454 --> 00:39:44,820 They say in that moment, 971 00:39:44,855 --> 00:39:46,255 the soul tells all of its secrets. 972 00:39:46,290 --> 00:39:48,323 No, they don't-- no one says that. 973 00:39:48,359 --> 00:39:50,659 Yeah, they do. This story is boring 974 00:39:50,694 --> 00:39:52,094 unless it involves him torturing you. 975 00:39:52,129 --> 00:39:53,929 He didn't do anything to me at all. 976 00:39:53,964 --> 00:39:56,465 Except send me down little treats in a basket. 977 00:39:56,500 --> 00:39:58,300 Uh, a Nintendo game, Kiehl's products. 978 00:39:58,335 --> 00:40:00,002 It was actually quite lovely. 979 00:40:00,037 --> 00:40:01,103 Then, suddenly, 980 00:40:01,138 --> 00:40:03,105 a ladder came down. 981 00:40:03,140 --> 00:40:07,543 I climbed up, and what I saw made my blood run cold. 982 00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:31,610 Oakland Nachos? 983 00:40:39,310 --> 00:40:41,276 Huh. 984 00:40:41,312 --> 00:40:43,278 I get it. 985 00:40:43,314 --> 00:40:45,280 You like the chocolate swirl, don't you? 986 00:40:45,316 --> 00:40:49,618 I've always had a thing for bad boys. 987 00:40:49,653 --> 00:40:50,686 (chuckles) 988 00:40:50,721 --> 00:40:52,220 But I hate little bitches 989 00:40:52,256 --> 00:40:53,755 that kill my friends! 990 00:40:57,728 --> 00:41:00,028 Wait a second, the Red Devil is in love with you? 991 00:41:00,064 --> 00:41:02,030 Okay, that is so unfair, 992 00:41:02,066 --> 00:41:03,865 because it literally took me, like, three years here 993 00:41:03,901 --> 00:41:05,300 for a guy to even look at me. 994 00:41:05,336 --> 00:41:06,576 Wait, if he ran here from there, 995 00:41:06,604 --> 00:41:07,836 then you know where he lives. 996 00:41:07,871 --> 00:41:09,071 We need to call the police. 997 00:41:09,106 --> 00:41:10,539 No, kitty puncher, that can wait. 998 00:41:10,574 --> 00:41:11,974 We need to vote now before Grace shows up 999 00:41:12,009 --> 00:41:13,842 and makes it harder for me to win. 1000 00:41:13,877 --> 00:41:15,344 We are all very impressed 1001 00:41:15,379 --> 00:41:16,878 by your alleged escape from the Red Devil. 1002 00:41:16,914 --> 00:41:19,081 I, for one, think we should take 1003 00:41:19,116 --> 00:41:20,717 this tall tale into account when we vote. 1004 00:41:20,751 --> 00:41:22,250 I don't believe a word of it, 1005 00:41:22,286 --> 00:41:24,252 and I would have a really hard time 1006 00:41:24,288 --> 00:41:25,721 casting my vote for a liar. (door closes) 1007 00:41:25,756 --> 00:41:26,755 She's telling the truth. 1008 00:41:26,790 --> 00:41:27,990 I was there. 1009 00:41:28,025 --> 00:41:29,257 I saw the pit and everything. 1010 00:41:29,293 --> 00:41:31,893 My God, Zayday, I am so glad you're okay. 1011 00:41:31,929 --> 00:41:34,262 We went to go rescue you, but you'd already escaped. 1012 00:41:34,298 --> 00:41:35,664 Aw, thanks for trying, 1013 00:41:35,699 --> 00:41:36,765 but you know you shouldn't worry about me. 1014 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:37,766 I'm like black Die Hard. 1015 00:41:37,801 --> 00:41:39,601 Ugh, fine, you didn't lie-- 1016 00:41:39,637 --> 00:41:41,603 or you're both lying-- I don't care. 1017 00:41:41,639 --> 00:41:44,006 I can't believe Deaf Taylor Swift and Number Two are dead 1018 00:41:44,041 --> 00:41:45,440 and you two are still alive. 1019 00:41:45,476 --> 00:41:47,275 Now, if you're done, grab some marbles. 1020 00:41:47,311 --> 00:41:49,144 It's time to vote. 1021 00:41:52,483 --> 00:41:54,483 ♪ ♪ 1022 00:42:26,250 --> 00:42:28,250 GIGI: You're late. 1023 00:42:30,254 --> 00:42:32,254 That got way out of hand. 1024 00:42:33,691 --> 00:42:35,490 He's got to go. 1025 00:42:35,526 --> 00:42:37,325 Do you understand me? 1026 00:42:40,464 --> 00:42:43,432 Good, take care of it. 1027 00:42:43,467 --> 00:42:45,434 Now, if you'll excuse me, 1028 00:42:45,469 --> 00:42:50,346 I've got a salad date with a very special someone. 1029 00:42:51,504 --> 00:43:02,266 Sync and corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com