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FUNNY BOY
A MUSICAL VERSION OF HAMLET
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PREMIERE
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premiere
it's the premiere
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it's the latest show
by Max Bialystock
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will it be a success or not?
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The cast bows for the last time
here comes the audience
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the doors are open
they are on their way
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what do they think?
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he did it again
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Max Bialystock has done it again
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we think it's incredible
you can't comprehend it
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how did he do it?
it's the worst show in town
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we were sighing
to moan and cry
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you can't deny it
it's the worst show in town
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we wanted to stand up and whistle
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we have seen rubbish
but never anything like this
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Max Bialystock has done it again
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the songs were terrible
the script was really bad
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he did with Shakespeare
what Booth did to Lincoln
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We made this special
for Max Bialystock.
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LAST EVENING
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we couldn't leave earlier
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FUNNY BOY NOT REAL...
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what a disaster
we are still shocked
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who produced this rubbish?
that worthless Max Bialystock
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what a bag
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MAX BIALYSTOCK
THEATER PRODUCER
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Mr Bialystock?
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Is anyone there?
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Who are you? What are you doing here?
What do you want?
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Quit it, stupid.
Why don't you say anything?
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Scared. Can't talk.
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Okay, sorry. Calm down, pull yourself together.
Come with me.
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Come on.
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This way.
Watch out for the step.
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Just take a deep breath.
Exhale slowly.
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Who are you?
- Leopold Bloom.
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I work at Whitehall and Marks...
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and I will come and do your accounting.
- Oh, yes? Listen...
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Who's there?
-Hold me-Touch me.
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That's one of my financiers.
I have an important appointment.
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Please go to the toilet.
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But I don't have to.
- Just think of a waterfall.
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I'll be right there, my darling.
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Where do I have her?
Kiss Me-Feel Me, Hug Me-Squeeze Me...
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Lick Me-Bite Me, Suck Me...
Here she is.
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It worked.
I was thinking of a waterfall...
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and it was no trouble at all for me.
- Go back and don't make a sound.
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I'm coming.
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Hello, beautiful.
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Hold me, touch me.
- Close the door first.
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Do you have the check with you?
Otherwise Bialy cannot produce anything.
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Look at that.
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Can we play a game first?
A dirty game.
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Okay, my naughty pussy.
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What shall we play?
The Debutante and the Bricklayer?
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The Rabbi and the Contortionist?
That keeps you nice and flexible.
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We play the Virgin Milkmaid
and the Hefty Groomsman.
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I don't have the strength for that.
- I'll be careful with you.
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This milk is so heavy.
I never come home.
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You there, Well-Hunged Groomsman...
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Will you please help me?
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Of course, my dairy queen.
First I'll grab your milk...
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and then I'll deflower you.
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No, never.
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Take me, well hung.
- Wait, I haven't had coffee yet.
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Calm down.
- My goodness.
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Treat me well, animal.
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Yes dear, Thursday.
Come back on Thursday.
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I will spoil you on Thursday.
Maybe I'll join in.
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But now first the check.
Where is he? Find the check.
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Look at that.
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I wrote it out by name
from the play: Cash.
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What a crazy name.
- The Iceman Cometh too.
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See you Thursday.
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Dirty old cake.
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Can I come from the toilet now?
- Naturally.
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Sorry I caught you
while you were sitting with that old woman.
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Thank you, Mr. Tact.
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Shall I take your coat?
- Thank you.
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So you're an accountant?
- Yes, sir.
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Then why do you look under skirts?
old ladies? Are you a bit perverted?
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I know what you're thinking. How dare you
judge without knowing all the facts?
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But I'm totally in judgment...
- Shut your mouth.
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I'm having a rhetorical conversation.
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Do you know who I used to be?
- Yes, you are Max Bialystock...
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the king of Broadway.
- No, I'm Max Bialy... Indeed.
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I just want to say...
Don't take this the wrong way...
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You are more than a pervert. You are
also a major Broadway producer.
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There's something you need to know about me.
When I was little...
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I was lucky enough to be
taken to Bialy-Hoos or '42.
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Bialy-Hoos.
- I still have the ticket.
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Just look.
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00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:59,135
It has been my secret wish ever since
to become a Broadway producer.
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Secret?
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Shall I give you some advice?
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Keep it a secret. Do the accounting.
98
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Top drawer left.
99
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My goodness, look at that.
100
00:10:21,627 --> 00:10:26,703
If so, honey.
Show me what you've got.
101
00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:35,091
Do you have a minute?
- Just a minute?
102
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In your books...
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00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:40,469
Quick, you have 58 seconds left.
You wasted two.
104
00:10:40,645 --> 00:10:42,970
Are you keeping track of time?
- Time is money.
105
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I just got the columns
viewed 'money received'...
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and it's not right.
- 48 seconds, hurry up.
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The numbers are wrong.
- 28, time is running out.
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Fifteen seconds.
- I can't do it like that.
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I can't
under these circumstances.
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You make me very nervous.
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00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:10,755
Is that a handkerchief?
- No, this is nothing.
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If it's nothing,
why can't I see it?
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My blanket, my blue blanket.
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Give me back my blue blanket.
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Give my blanket, give here.
Give back my blanket.
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Give here.
- Here, here.
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Don't panic. Don't panic
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Sorry. I don't like it
if someone touches my blanket.
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It's not important,
a small compulsive neurosis.
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I can heal from it if I want...
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but I've had it all my life
and he reassures me.
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I need to lie down for a while now.
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They all come here.
How do they find me?
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Just look.
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What can I do for you?
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What is?
- You're going to jump on me.
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You're going to jump on me
and squash me like an insect.
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My goodness.
- Don't, please.
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I'm not going to jump on you.
Just pull yourself together.
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Stand still. Calm.
- Don't touch me.
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What's up now?
- I suffer from hysteria.
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I can't stop anymore.
I'm hysterical.
133
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I see that.
Okay, calm down.
134
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I'm coming. Calm down.
135
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I'm wet.
I'm hysterical and wet.
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I'm in pain.
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00:13:13,506 --> 00:13:18,252
I'm in pain, I'm wet
and I'm still hysterical.
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00:13:19,137 --> 00:13:22,921
What can I do?
You're making me hysterical.
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Go away, you scare me.
- Do I scare you?
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Go there and don't touch me.
Sit down.
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00:13:29,856 --> 00:13:32,145
I'm already sitting.
142
00:13:32,317 --> 00:13:37,026
You still look angry.
- Sorry. And now?
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Who is my accountant?
144
00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:48,493
Who is my accountant?
145
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Are you my accountant?
- That's me.
146
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Yes, you are.
147
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Thanks for the laugh.
That helped a lot.
148
00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:06,632
You know what they say:
Laughter is contagious.
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He should wear a straitjacket.
150
00:14:10,229 --> 00:14:13,065
Are you feeling better yet?
- Yes, it's working again. Thank you.
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00:14:13,233 --> 00:14:15,724
Nice.
- Can I speak to you for a moment?
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00:14:15,902 --> 00:14:21,738
Yes, Prince Myshkin, say so.
- Don't be so disrespectful.
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There is an error in the accounting
from your last show Funny Boy.
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The list of financiers includes...
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that you pocketed $100,000,
while the show only cost 98,000.
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00:14:35,339 --> 00:14:39,799
$2,000 is missing.
- I went to the sauna, so?
157
00:14:39,968 --> 00:14:42,256
The show flopped.
158
00:14:42,428 --> 00:14:45,963
Mess around with the numbers.
You can do it, you are an accountant.
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00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:50,091
You have a noble profession.
160
00:14:50,270 --> 00:14:54,978
That's cheating.
- Not true. It's charity.
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Do you see this tie pin?
It used to contain a large pearl.
162
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I wore handmade before
shoes, $500 suits.
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00:15:07,203 --> 00:15:12,827
Look at me now.
I wear a cardboard belt.
164
00:15:17,463 --> 00:15:21,711
You have to save me.
I beg you.
165
00:15:21,885 --> 00:15:28,504
Don't send me to jail.
Help me.
166
00:15:32,938 --> 00:15:35,855
Good, good. I'll do it.
167
00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:40,401
Real?
- Yeah, $2,000 isn't that much.
168
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:42,527
I can probably cover it up.
169
00:15:42,697 --> 00:15:46,232
The tax authorities are not interested anyway
in a flopped show.
170
00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:48,485
Indeed. Smart thinking.
171
00:15:48,662 --> 00:15:52,326
Just think about it,
then I take a nap.
172
00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:57,750
Let's see.
If we add up these deductions...
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Incredible.
174
00:16:05,178 --> 00:16:09,425
It's really incredible,
but under the right circumstances...
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00:16:09,599 --> 00:16:14,427
can be a flop for a producer
yield more than success.
176
00:16:14,604 --> 00:16:18,103
That's possible. If he knows
that a show is going to flop...
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00:16:18,274 --> 00:16:20,682
he can make a fortune.
178
00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:25,781
Continue your story.
- What did I say?
179
00:16:25,949 --> 00:16:30,028
That a producer can earn more
with a flop then a success.
180
00:16:30,203 --> 00:16:31,863
That is possible, yes.
181
00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:38,326
But how?
- Just with creative accounting.
182
00:16:38,503 --> 00:16:43,461
Suppose you are a dishonest man.
- Go ahead.
183
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:47,002
When you had your last show
Funny Boy produced...
184
00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:49,965
you raised $2,000 more
than you needed.
185
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,966
A million would also have been possible.
186
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:54,894
Make the $100,000 show
and keep the rest.
187
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:58,062
And if the show catches on?
- Then you go to jail.
188
00:16:58,231 --> 00:17:02,774
Instead of 100 percent of the show
you would have sold 1000 percent.
189
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:06,527
If the show is a success, you can
do not repay the financiers.
190
00:17:06,698 --> 00:17:08,240
Do you understand?
- Yes.
191
00:17:08,408 --> 00:17:11,658
So our little plan only succeeds
with a certain flop.
192
00:17:11,828 --> 00:17:18,875
Our plan? What plan?
- Your plan, genius that you are.
193
00:17:19,044 --> 00:17:22,578
I don't have a plan.
That was just a theory.
194
00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:28,261
It was just a thought.
- You can change everything with that.
195
00:17:28,428 --> 00:17:32,011
Don't you understand,
sweet, wonderful Bloom?
196
00:17:32,182 --> 00:17:35,965
It's that simple. We find
the worst play ever.
197
00:17:36,144 --> 00:17:41,305
We'll arrange the worst director.
I'm raising two million dollars.
198
00:17:41,483 --> 00:17:44,934
One for me and one for you.
There are many old ladies.
199
00:17:45,111 --> 00:17:48,445
We hire the worst actors
and we're going to Broadway.
200
00:17:48,615 --> 00:17:54,369
The show is stopped immediately
and we are going to Rio with 2 million.
201
00:17:54,538 --> 00:17:59,744
Rio? That won't work.
- How little confidence you have.
202
00:18:01,461 --> 00:18:05,162
what did Lewis say to Clark
when everything looked bleak?
203
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:10,132
what did Sir Edmund say to Tenzing
when they climbed Everest?
204
00:18:10,303 --> 00:18:14,348
what did Washington say to his troops
when they crossed Delaware?
205
00:18:14,516 --> 00:18:18,264
you know best
206
00:18:18,436 --> 00:18:20,228
What did they say?
207
00:18:20,397 --> 00:18:25,272
we can do it
208
00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:29,572
we can do it
you and me
209
00:18:29,739 --> 00:18:33,488
we can do it
210
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:36,909
we can have our dreams
make it come true
211
00:18:37,079 --> 00:18:43,498
everything you've ever wanted
is ready for you
212
00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:47,085
beautiful women
who wear only pearls
213
00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:50,092
they caress you
undress you and drive you crazy
214
00:18:52,846 --> 00:18:55,218
Wait a minute, Bloom.
215
00:18:55,390 --> 00:18:59,008
Listen, just think about it
think about it for a moment.
216
00:19:10,571 --> 00:19:12,280
Stop.
217
00:19:12,491 --> 00:19:15,195
we can do it
218
00:19:15,368 --> 00:19:18,571
this is not the time to leave
219
00:19:18,746 --> 00:19:21,700
we can do it
you won't regret it
220
00:19:21,874 --> 00:19:24,995
say goodbye to the clerk
221
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:28,290
hello, producer
yes, producer
222
00:19:28,465 --> 00:19:31,880
I'm talking to you, sir
go berserk
223
00:19:32,051 --> 00:19:35,219
we can do it
224
00:19:35,389 --> 00:19:39,718
I know it will work
225
00:19:39,893 --> 00:19:42,016
What do you say, Bloom?
226
00:19:42,187 --> 00:19:43,729
what do I say?
227
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:47,396
finally an opportunity
to be a Broadway producer
228
00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:48,943
what do I say?
229
00:19:49,111 --> 00:19:52,396
finally an opportunity
to make my dreams come true
230
00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:55,489
what do I say?
231
00:19:55,658 --> 00:19:59,573
I'll tell you
232
00:20:00,664 --> 00:20:04,079
I can't
233
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:07,701
I can't
I'm not like that
234
00:20:07,879 --> 00:20:10,916
I'm a weakling
I'm a coward
235
00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:14,257
I'm a coward
don't you see that?
236
00:20:14,427 --> 00:20:20,964
when it comes to picking up women
there are some things I'm missing
237
00:20:21,142 --> 00:20:24,393
like beautiful women
who wear only pearls
238
00:20:24,563 --> 00:20:27,766
chase after me
and hugging me drives me crazy
239
00:20:27,941 --> 00:20:31,440
You stupid, cowardly,
miserable little caterpillar.
240
00:20:34,448 --> 00:20:36,274
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
241
00:20:36,449 --> 00:20:40,399
Don't you want to spread your wings
and fly away?
242
00:20:46,585 --> 00:20:48,127
Where to?
-Central Park.
243
00:20:48,295 --> 00:20:51,046
I have to breathe.
244
00:20:57,679 --> 00:21:00,135
we can do it
- stop that song
245
00:21:00,307 --> 00:21:02,346
I'm not like that
I'm leaving
246
00:21:02,517 --> 00:21:04,390
I'm not as strong as you think
247
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,932
look at me
I'm not a scammer
248
00:21:07,104 --> 00:21:10,391
drink champagne, not gingerale
- I'm a real wimp
249
00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:13,318
come on, can't you see?
- I can't
250
00:21:13,486 --> 00:21:17,151
you see Rio, I see the prison
251
00:21:17,323 --> 00:21:19,613
Stop it, driver.
252
00:21:22,078 --> 00:21:23,656
Here.
253
00:21:29,627 --> 00:21:32,748
we can do it
- I can't
254
00:21:39,387 --> 00:21:42,258
we can do it
- I can't
255
00:21:42,432 --> 00:21:47,853
I know it will fail
256
00:21:49,022 --> 00:21:52,188
How could things go wrong?
You just need some courage.
257
00:21:52,358 --> 00:21:54,932
Do you know what you are?
You're like a...
258
00:21:57,113 --> 00:22:01,325
You're like a fountain
is about to squirt up.
259
00:22:01,492 --> 00:22:04,030
Am I a fountain?
- Yes.
260
00:22:04,203 --> 00:22:08,996
Don't you see?
You have much more to offer.
261
00:22:09,167 --> 00:22:13,034
I'm afraid you
makes a wrong assessment.
262
00:22:13,212 --> 00:22:15,703
You mistake me for someone
with a backbone.
263
00:22:15,882 --> 00:22:18,587
I'm going back now
to Whitehall and Marks.
264
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:22,129
Goodbye.
- Wait a minute, Bloom.
265
00:22:22,305 --> 00:22:27,679
You'll never get a taxi now.
266
00:22:32,148 --> 00:22:35,398
Good heavens.
267
00:22:36,235 --> 00:22:39,402
I want that money.
268
00:23:01,469 --> 00:23:04,636
unfortunate
269
00:23:04,806 --> 00:23:08,056
extremely unhappy
270
00:23:11,312 --> 00:23:16,555
very very very very
very very unhappy
271
00:23:25,076 --> 00:23:26,619
Where were you now?
272
00:23:26,787 --> 00:23:32,706
You're six minutes late.
This isn't a tea party.
273
00:23:32,876 --> 00:23:37,087
Yes, Mr. Marks.
- Remember you are a nobody.
274
00:23:37,255 --> 00:23:41,087
An OA, a public accountant.
275
00:23:41,259 --> 00:23:46,633
I am a GOA, a certified one
public accountant.
276
00:23:47,807 --> 00:23:52,019
That's how high a measly worm reaches
if you never.
277
00:23:52,187 --> 00:23:56,480
Thanks for talking to me.
- Don't mention it.
278
00:23:56,649 --> 00:24:00,944
What are you watching? Never anyone
to be humiliated?
279
00:24:01,113 --> 00:24:05,062
Get to work, everyone.
280
00:24:05,241 --> 00:24:08,159
unfortunate
281
00:24:08,328 --> 00:24:13,405
very very very very unhappy
282
00:24:21,799 --> 00:24:24,505
I have always been busy with bookkeeping
283
00:24:24,678 --> 00:24:28,177
with numbers and such
unhappy
284
00:24:28,348 --> 00:24:31,183
what does my life actually mean?
285
00:24:31,351 --> 00:24:34,885
not much, that's clear
- unhappy
286
00:24:35,062 --> 00:24:41,433
I have a secret wish
somewhere deep inside
287
00:24:41,611 --> 00:24:44,861
It really warms me up
288
00:24:45,031 --> 00:24:50,239
when I see myself in that role
289
00:24:52,372 --> 00:24:54,245
LEO BLOOM
PRESENTS
290
00:24:59,129 --> 00:25:05,926
I want to become a producer
with a success on Broadway
291
00:25:06,094 --> 00:25:12,512
I want to become a producer
and have lunch at Sardi'severy day
292
00:25:13,059 --> 00:25:19,726
I want to become a producer
with a top hat and a walking stick
293
00:25:19,899 --> 00:25:26,317
I want to become a producer
and drive those chorus girls crazy
294
00:25:45,676 --> 00:25:52,424
I want to become a producer
and sleep in until after two
295
00:25:52,598 --> 00:25:58,472
I want to become a producer
and say: you you you...
296
00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:03,025
Not you.
297
00:26:03,234 --> 00:26:10,530
I want to become a producer
and wear a suit to the premiere
298
00:26:15,288 --> 00:26:17,957
I want to become a producer
299
00:26:18,124 --> 00:26:20,580
and my name Leo Bloom
see in neon
300
00:27:26,859 --> 00:27:33,858
he wants to become a producer
from a major Broadway hit
301
00:27:34,033 --> 00:27:41,164
he wants to become a producer
every pocket filled with money
302
00:27:41,333 --> 00:27:47,086
he wants to become a producer
and pinch our butts
303
00:27:50,258 --> 00:27:56,676
he wants to become a producer
with a large casting bench
304
00:28:34,677 --> 00:28:37,880
I want to become one
- he wants to be
305
00:28:38,056 --> 00:28:44,972
I want to become the most famous
the best producer in the world
306
00:28:46,022 --> 00:28:48,939
he has to dine
with a duke and a duchess
307
00:28:50,444 --> 00:28:55,686
I just have to become a producer
drinking champagne until I burst
308
00:28:55,865 --> 00:29:00,028
drink champagne until it bursts
- I want to become a producer
309
00:29:00,202 --> 00:29:03,619
show the world
what I have at home
310
00:29:03,790 --> 00:29:07,657
I'm going to do shows
who will enchant them
311
00:29:07,835 --> 00:29:10,622
I'll be in Winchell's column
312
00:29:11,130 --> 00:29:14,630
I want to become a producer
313
00:29:25,604 --> 00:29:31,973
it's everything I'm not
- unhappy
314
00:29:32,151 --> 00:29:33,527
unfortunate
315
00:29:33,694 --> 00:29:39,401
I want to become a producer
- very very unhappy
316
00:29:39,576 --> 00:29:43,525
unfortunate
- I want producer...
317
00:29:43,705 --> 00:29:47,120
Wait a minute. Stop it.
318
00:29:47,291 --> 00:29:48,952
Stop it.
319
00:29:49,127 --> 00:29:52,827
What am I doing here?
Mr. Bialystock was right.
320
00:29:53,006 --> 00:29:56,125
I have much more to offer.
321
00:29:56,300 --> 00:30:00,678
Stop the world, I want to come.
322
00:30:02,474 --> 00:30:04,680
What's going on here?
323
00:30:04,851 --> 00:30:09,927
I smell the horrible stench here
of self-esteem?
324
00:30:10,106 --> 00:30:16,690
Where do you think you're going, Bloom?
You've already had your bathroom break.
325
00:30:16,863 --> 00:30:21,026
I don't go to the toilet.
I'm going into show business.
326
00:30:21,993 --> 00:30:25,362
And I have some news:
I'm resigning.
327
00:30:25,538 --> 00:30:28,112
You are indeed a GOA...
328
00:30:28,291 --> 00:30:31,576
a certified one
public retard.
329
00:30:31,752 --> 00:30:36,545
Here's my sun visor
my Dixon Ticonderoga pen...
330
00:30:36,716 --> 00:30:39,088
and my spectacular ending.
331
00:30:39,260 --> 00:30:44,965
I will become a producer
- he becomes a producer
332
00:30:45,142 --> 00:30:48,178
watch out, Broadway
333
00:30:48,353 --> 00:30:53,809
I'm coming
334
00:31:11,584 --> 00:31:15,913
I'm back.
I changed my mind.
335
00:31:16,089 --> 00:31:18,414
Gee, you're good.
336
00:31:18,925 --> 00:31:22,839
Who are you talking to?
- Just an old friend.
337
00:31:23,430 --> 00:31:25,221
What happened?
- Only this...
338
00:31:25,390 --> 00:31:29,055
When I said I was scared
to have to go to jail...
339
00:31:29,227 --> 00:31:33,095
I didn't realize that I already...
was in prison.
340
00:31:33,273 --> 00:31:36,108
I've been counting my whole life
other people's money.
341
00:31:36,276 --> 00:31:40,439
I'm smarter than those people
and better than them.
342
00:31:40,613 --> 00:31:43,531
When does Leopold get Bloom
his share?
343
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:48,575
When is Bloom's day?
I want... I want...
344
00:31:50,748 --> 00:31:55,577
I want everything
what I see in movies.
345
00:31:56,588 --> 00:31:59,458
You'll get it too, because...
346
00:31:59,632 --> 00:32:04,128
we can do it, we can do it
- I will become a producer
347
00:32:04,303 --> 00:32:07,340
say goodbye
against despair and misery
348
00:32:07,516 --> 00:32:10,801
with your smarts and my resilience
- I will become a producer
349
00:32:10,977 --> 00:32:17,229
we will go to the top together
we can do it, we can do it
350
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,567
I will every show
make it a failure
351
00:32:20,737 --> 00:32:24,070
it was fate
that we came together
352
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:30,658
we are Bialystock and Bloom
353
00:32:47,889 --> 00:32:51,008
Let's stop.
I can't read anymore.
354
00:32:51,183 --> 00:32:54,719
How many pieces can one read?
- Stop complaining.
355
00:32:54,896 --> 00:32:57,069
We're looking for the worst play
ever written.
356
00:32:57,190 --> 00:32:59,147
We've been reading all night.
- Yes, and?
357
00:32:59,317 --> 00:33:02,567
If you want to become a producer,
you must read. Keep reading.
358
00:33:04,865 --> 00:33:08,364
I have one.
Act one, scene one.
359
00:33:08,535 --> 00:33:11,108
Gregor Samsa woke up
and discovered...
360
00:33:11,287 --> 00:33:15,700
that he had changed
into a huge cockroach.
361
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,166
No, it's too good.
362
00:33:22,298 --> 00:33:26,165
'But how could you see me?
There was ice on the windows.'
363
00:33:26,344 --> 00:33:30,212
Wait a minute.
I already know this one.
364
00:33:30,390 --> 00:33:34,601
I've read this one before.
What's the title?
365
00:33:34,769 --> 00:33:36,393
Ice On the Windows.
366
00:33:36,562 --> 00:33:39,232
I read pieces
which I already read yesterday.
367
00:33:39,399 --> 00:33:45,235
I can't anymore. It's too much.
We never find it.
368
00:33:53,496 --> 00:33:56,532
We never find it.
369
00:33:59,919 --> 00:34:03,253
Do you see this? Smell it.
370
00:34:03,423 --> 00:34:06,175
Touch it. Kiss it.
371
00:34:06,342 --> 00:34:09,925
This is the gold mine.
- Have you found a mistake?
372
00:34:10,096 --> 00:34:13,797
That's putting it mildly.
This is a disaster.
373
00:34:13,975 --> 00:34:18,471
One that peoples of all races,
denominations and religions.
374
00:34:18,646 --> 00:34:21,896
A beauty that after one evening
can pack.
375
00:34:22,066 --> 00:34:24,854
Let's see then.
376
00:34:27,822 --> 00:34:29,898
'Springtime for Hitler...
377
00:34:30,074 --> 00:34:33,941
a romp with Eva and Adolf
in Berchtesgaden.'
378
00:34:36,373 --> 00:34:40,453
My god.
- That's right.
379
00:34:40,627 --> 00:34:43,663
It's just about
a love letter to Hitler.
380
00:34:43,838 --> 00:34:47,456
Max, this has been running for less than a week.
-Are you crazy?
381
00:34:47,633 --> 00:34:52,711
The curtain falls on page four.
What's the screenwriter's name again?
382
00:34:52,889 --> 00:34:57,301
'Franz Liebkind. 61 Jane Street,
New York, New York.”
383
00:34:57,476 --> 00:35:00,597
Franz Liebkind. 61 Jane Street.
384
00:35:00,772 --> 00:35:05,315
Come along. We acquire there
the Broadway rights to...
385
00:35:05,485 --> 00:35:08,485
even if we have to pay Hitler for it.
386
00:35:08,654 --> 00:35:12,984
Come.
- That other hat, can I wear it?
387
00:35:13,159 --> 00:35:15,235
No.
- Why not?
388
00:35:15,411 --> 00:35:19,705
Because it's a hat
for Broadway producers.
389
00:35:19,874 --> 00:35:24,833
You're only allowed to wear a hat like that
if you're a Broadway producer.
390
00:35:25,005 --> 00:35:26,831
And you are only that if...
391
00:35:27,006 --> 00:35:30,457
I know. If I'm there
produced a show.
392
00:35:30,635 --> 00:35:34,336
But I'll wear that hat,
and quickly too, because...
393
00:35:34,514 --> 00:35:41,809
we become the producers
of a major Broadway flop
394
00:35:51,197 --> 00:35:54,780
Yes, my Lovelies.
395
00:35:55,451 --> 00:35:59,663
I'm grabbing you.
We have to get started.
396
00:35:59,831 --> 00:36:04,042
Hilda, my dear. I have
an important message...
397
00:36:04,210 --> 00:36:08,159
that to Ernst Schlongdorf
must be sent.
398
00:36:08,339 --> 00:36:15,053
West Santiago Boulevard 29,
Buenos Aires, Argentina.
399
00:36:15,221 --> 00:36:19,005
ASAP
As quickly as possible.
400
00:36:22,354 --> 00:36:25,888
Fly, Hilda. Fly.
401
00:36:26,441 --> 00:36:31,233
Where are you going?
Argentina is heading that way.
402
00:36:32,155 --> 00:36:33,982
Dinner time.
403
00:36:34,157 --> 00:36:36,066
do not enter the roof
404
00:36:39,996 --> 00:36:42,569
Enjoy, enjoy.
Right into your belly.
405
00:36:42,748 --> 00:36:45,750
I think this is our guy.
406
00:36:45,919 --> 00:36:50,331
He wears a German helmet
and lederhosen.
407
00:36:50,506 --> 00:36:53,377
I know. Don't pay attention.
Don't pay attention to anything.
408
00:36:53,551 --> 00:36:57,419
Looking in front of you.
Remember, we need that piece.
409
00:36:58,681 --> 00:37:00,923
Franz Liebkind?
410
00:37:01,100 --> 00:37:05,976
I was never a member of the Nazi party.
I was just following orders.
411
00:37:06,147 --> 00:37:10,477
I had nothing to do with the war.
I didn't know one was raging.
412
00:37:11,611 --> 00:37:15,145
We lived
on the other side of Switzerland.
413
00:37:15,323 --> 00:37:17,648
We only heard yodelling.
414
00:37:24,749 --> 00:37:26,788
Who are you?
- Calm.
415
00:37:26,959 --> 00:37:31,622
We are not from the government, but
producers. Bialystock and Bloom.
416
00:37:31,798 --> 00:37:37,468
We want to talk about your piece.
- Do you mean Springtime for...
417
00:37:37,929 --> 00:37:40,135
you-know-who?
- That part, yes.
418
00:37:40,306 --> 00:37:43,426
What's with that?
- We love it. Right?
419
00:37:43,601 --> 00:37:47,053
A masterpiece.
- We want to take it to Broadway.
420
00:37:47,230 --> 00:37:50,812
Broadway. What a joy.
421
00:37:50,983 --> 00:37:56,144
I can't believe it.
I have to tell my birds that.
422
00:37:56,322 --> 00:37:59,987
Otto, Bertha, Heinz,
Heidi, Wolfgang...
423
00:38:00,159 --> 00:38:04,026
Adolf.
Do you hear that?
424
00:38:04,206 --> 00:38:07,657
We're finally going
to clear the Fuhrer's name.
425
00:38:09,377 --> 00:38:11,085
Broadway.
426
00:38:12,171 --> 00:38:14,744
You know,
not many people know...
427
00:38:14,924 --> 00:38:18,673
but the Führer was an excellent dancer.
- Really?
428
00:38:18,845 --> 00:38:22,712
We didn't know that, did we, Leo?
- Definitely not.
429
00:38:22,890 --> 00:38:26,639
That's because you
had it packed up by the BBC.
430
00:38:26,811 --> 00:38:29,931
Dirty British lies.
431
00:38:30,106 --> 00:38:34,684
But they once said indignantly
word about Winston Churchill?
432
00:38:34,861 --> 00:38:37,186
Churchill.
433
00:38:37,988 --> 00:38:44,359
With his cigars, cognac
and ugly paintings. Ugly.
434
00:38:44,537 --> 00:38:47,740
Hitler.
Now that was a painter.
435
00:38:47,915 --> 00:38:52,993
He painted an entire apartment
in one afternoon. In two layers.
436
00:38:55,673 --> 00:39:01,011
Of course he could, Mr. Liebkind.
That's why we want to produce your piece.
437
00:39:01,178 --> 00:39:04,382
Showing the true Hitler,
the Hitler you loved...
438
00:39:04,557 --> 00:39:08,222
the Hitler you knew,
with a song in his heart.
439
00:39:08,394 --> 00:39:13,899
Sign here, Franz Liebkind,
and make your dream come true.
440
00:39:15,068 --> 00:39:17,144
No.
- That means 'nein'.
441
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:21,317
Prove it first
that you believe as I do...
442
00:39:21,491 --> 00:39:26,070
with me his favorite song
to sing and dance:
443
00:39:26,246 --> 00:39:28,238
'Der Guten Tag Hop-Klop'.
444
00:39:29,082 --> 00:39:30,576
I know.
445
00:39:30,750 --> 00:39:33,075
'Der Guten Tag Hop-Klop?'
- That one, yes.
446
00:39:33,252 --> 00:39:36,669
I would never be his favorite...
- I'd love to.
447
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,509
...can sing a song.
- He's almost drawing.
448
00:39:39,676 --> 00:39:43,091
First you roll
up your trouser legs.
449
00:39:46,015 --> 00:39:50,393
Roll up.
Put your best foot forward.
450
00:39:52,021 --> 00:39:53,978
In E?
- Is there something different?
451
00:39:58,277 --> 00:40:01,777
Guten Tag hop hop
Guten Tag knock knock
452
00:40:01,948 --> 00:40:05,566
ah, du lieber,
and boy
453
00:40:05,743 --> 00:40:09,444
Guten Tag clap clap
Guten Tag chat chat
454
00:40:09,622 --> 00:40:12,244
ah, du lieber,
what fun
455
00:40:12,417 --> 00:40:16,877
o, wir essen und fressen
und tanzen und trinken
456
00:40:17,046 --> 00:40:20,629
tanzen und trinken
until we stink
457
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,505
All of them.
- Guten Tag hop hop
458
00:40:23,678 --> 00:40:25,172
Guten Tag knock knock
459
00:40:25,638 --> 00:40:29,173
Guten Tag
mein lieber Schatz
460
00:40:29,350 --> 00:40:32,885
we're hopping
and we clap
461
00:40:33,062 --> 00:40:37,475
and we drink our Schnapps
until we burst
462
00:40:37,650 --> 00:40:44,068
Are you joining in?
- We're swaying along.
463
00:40:51,414 --> 00:40:53,157
Just imitate me.
464
00:40:53,332 --> 00:40:55,206
Fine.
465
00:41:11,893 --> 00:41:14,016
You name it.
466
00:41:14,646 --> 00:41:17,682
this is a tough one
467
00:41:32,539 --> 00:41:36,370
Oh, the Hop-Klop.
What a long time ago.
468
00:41:41,172 --> 00:41:43,664
A kind of Nazi dance.
469
00:41:51,224 --> 00:41:54,058
Gentlemen, you can produce my piece.
470
00:41:55,353 --> 00:41:56,847
Excellent.
471
00:41:57,022 --> 00:41:59,347
Please.
472
00:42:00,024 --> 00:42:03,358
But only if you
take the Siegfried oath.
473
00:42:03,528 --> 00:42:05,401
What is that?
474
00:42:05,571 --> 00:42:09,023
Swear eternal loyalty
to our beloved Führer.
475
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,818
Never...
I have taken that oath before.
476
00:42:12,995 --> 00:42:16,447
One for me, one for you,
and one for you.
477
00:42:16,624 --> 00:42:19,994
Never...wore something like that before.
Thank you.
478
00:42:20,170 --> 00:42:22,495
Don't mention it.
- Nice colors.
479
00:42:22,672 --> 00:42:27,084
You can turn it over.
- You're right.
480
00:42:27,260 --> 00:42:29,834
We should never have done this.
481
00:42:30,013 --> 00:42:34,390
We get into trouble.
- This is nothing yet.
482
00:42:34,559 --> 00:42:37,263
I'll say so
when we get into trouble.
483
00:42:37,436 --> 00:42:38,979
Okay then.
484
00:42:39,146 --> 00:42:43,939
First you insert your right one
index finger and you repeat after me:
485
00:42:44,110 --> 00:42:50,362
I solemnly swear...
- I solemnly swear...
486
00:42:50,533 --> 00:42:53,618
...the holy Siegfried oath
to obey.
487
00:42:53,787 --> 00:42:57,784
...the holy Siegfried oath
to obey.
488
00:42:57,957 --> 00:43:01,207
Und...
- Und...
489
00:43:01,377 --> 00:43:07,416
...never, never, never...
...never, never, never...
490
00:43:09,177 --> 00:43:14,882
...the spirit of and the memory of
To dishonor Adolf Elizabeth Hitler.
491
00:43:15,057 --> 00:43:19,803
...the spirit of and the...
Elizabeth?
492
00:43:19,979 --> 00:43:25,815
That was his baptismal name.
A lot of people don't know this...
493
00:43:25,985 --> 00:43:32,320
but the Führer was descended from
a long line of English queens.
494
00:43:36,787 --> 00:43:38,863
Is that so?
495
00:43:42,210 --> 00:43:44,997
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler.
496
00:43:45,171 --> 00:43:48,587
Nice. Now I sign your contract.
- Excellent.
497
00:43:48,758 --> 00:43:51,878
Please.
Here on the dotted line.
498
00:43:52,679 --> 00:43:57,673
You won't regret this.
Thank you.
499
00:44:02,856 --> 00:44:04,932
Never mind.
500
00:44:05,108 --> 00:44:06,768
Halt.
501
00:44:06,943 --> 00:44:14,025
I forgot to say
that upon breaking the oath...
502
00:44:14,201 --> 00:44:16,359
the Todesstrafe state.
503
00:44:16,536 --> 00:44:22,905
Is that like the death penalty?
- Jawohl.
504
00:44:24,502 --> 00:44:29,497
Annoying. Don't worry, we iron
the folds are smooth with a Strudel.
505
00:44:29,674 --> 00:44:31,832
Greetings, old giant.
Let's go.
506
00:44:35,554 --> 00:44:38,556
We are trapped.
507
00:44:39,100 --> 00:44:42,551
It's already opening.
Let's have lunch sometime.
508
00:44:45,815 --> 00:44:49,765
What nice guys.
Broadway.
509
00:44:49,944 --> 00:44:54,156
I haven't been this happy since
since we crushed Poland.
510
00:44:57,535 --> 00:45:00,406
With the living room
in the elegant cottage...
511
00:45:00,580 --> 00:45:03,415
from the famous director
Roger DeBris...
512
00:45:03,583 --> 00:45:09,703
on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June.
Who can I say?
513
00:45:10,339 --> 00:45:14,836
Listen, decrepit pliers.
He was drunk and horny. You were lucky.
514
00:45:15,011 --> 00:45:17,217
Never call again.
- Who was that?
515
00:45:17,388 --> 00:45:19,464
Wrongly connected.
516
00:45:56,761 --> 00:45:58,968
Hello there.
517
00:45:59,139 --> 00:46:02,554
I'm Max Bialystock.
My partner Mr Bloom.
518
00:46:02,725 --> 00:46:05,477
We have an appointment
with director...
519
00:46:05,645 --> 00:46:08,314
Roger DeBris.
- Come on.
520
00:46:21,453 --> 00:46:23,908
I'm Carmen Ghia...
521
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,449
Mr. DeBris's assistant
without a butter note.
522
00:46:27,625 --> 00:46:29,831
You are expected.
523
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:40,841
Can I have your hats, coats?
and adopt swastikas?
524
00:46:41,389 --> 00:46:44,509
Oh, that one. We...
525
00:46:44,684 --> 00:46:48,432
have just come from a big meeting.
Everyone wore them.
526
00:46:49,939 --> 00:46:52,644
Why didn't you say anything?
- I didn't see them.
527
00:46:52,817 --> 00:46:58,523
I had to look in front of me.
- Fine, let's not argue.
528
00:47:02,410 --> 00:47:08,034
Oh, Roger.
We are not alone.
529
00:47:18,551 --> 00:47:22,715
Here's Roger.
530
00:47:27,476 --> 00:47:31,475
Max, he's wearing a dress.
- You mean it.
531
00:47:31,648 --> 00:47:33,640
Roger, nice to see you again.
532
00:47:33,816 --> 00:47:36,983
Messieurs Bialystock and Bloom?
Blooming.
533
00:47:37,153 --> 00:47:39,062
Forgive the joke.
534
00:47:41,115 --> 00:47:43,245
What joke?
- Shut up. He thinks he's funny.
535
00:47:43,410 --> 00:47:48,071
Roger, I dare say
that you look enchanting.
536
00:47:48,247 --> 00:47:53,587
Thanks. By the way, Max,
we liked Funny Boy. Right?
537
00:47:53,753 --> 00:47:56,078
to be or not to be
you mean a lot
538
00:47:56,256 --> 00:47:58,544
Success number.
- Fantastic.
539
00:47:59,425 --> 00:48:02,545
Good heavens, Mr. Bloom
stares at my dress.
540
00:48:03,345 --> 00:48:05,255
Well...
- I'll explain.
541
00:48:05,432 --> 00:48:09,263
I'm going to the choreographer's ball.
The most beautiful suit wins.
542
00:48:09,435 --> 00:48:13,385
We always win.
- I'm not so sure this year.
543
00:48:13,564 --> 00:48:16,649
I have to
Introducing Grand Duchess Anastasia...
544
00:48:16,818 --> 00:48:20,103
but I seem more
at the Chrysler Building.
545
00:48:21,406 --> 00:48:25,273
As far as I'm concerned
you walk half naked without a wig.
546
00:48:25,451 --> 00:48:32,498
Then go grab him
evil witch of the west.
547
00:48:35,336 --> 00:48:41,956
If your intention was to
to shoot an arrow through my heart...
548
00:48:43,303 --> 00:48:45,425
then he was on the bull's-eye.
549
00:48:49,308 --> 00:48:52,808
Let's face it, Roger:
that building is you.
550
00:48:52,979 --> 00:48:58,139
I only sent it to you this morning, but
have you read Springtime for Hitler?
551
00:48:58,317 --> 00:49:03,110
Read? I devoured it.
And I think it's special.
552
00:49:03,281 --> 00:49:07,231
I think it's an important piece
full of historical goodies.
553
00:49:07,410 --> 00:49:12,914
For example, I never knew that
the Third Reich stood for Germany.
554
00:49:13,082 --> 00:49:15,490
Look at that.
So you do it?
555
00:49:15,668 --> 00:49:19,880
Of course not. It's not
my thing. I mean, Max, come on.
556
00:49:20,047 --> 00:49:24,211
The Second World War?
Too dark, too depressing.
557
00:49:24,385 --> 00:49:27,256
the theater is so full
of dramas so gloomy
558
00:49:27,430 --> 00:49:30,466
You hardly wear any tickets
on Broadway
559
00:49:30,641 --> 00:49:34,141
shows should be more beautiful
shows need to be wittier
560
00:49:34,312 --> 00:49:38,392
shows need more
what's it called again?
561
00:49:38,566 --> 00:49:41,484
Airy?
- Precisely.
562
00:49:41,653 --> 00:49:45,484
whatever you do on stage
563
00:49:45,656 --> 00:49:48,990
keep it light, keep it cheerful
keep it light
564
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:52,944
whether it is murder
or noise or frenzy
565
00:49:53,122 --> 00:49:57,369
don't complain that it's annoying
keep it light
566
00:49:57,543 --> 00:50:00,877
people want to laugh
when they see a show
567
00:50:01,047 --> 00:50:04,381
the last thing they want
is a litany of suffering
568
00:50:04,550 --> 00:50:08,382
a cheerful ending
spices up your piece
569
00:50:08,554 --> 00:50:12,138
Oedipus does not flop
- when he ends up with mother
570
00:50:12,309 --> 00:50:16,388
keep it light
- keep it light
571
00:50:16,562 --> 00:50:19,729
Totally agree.
From us you can...
572
00:50:19,899 --> 00:50:23,897
Springtime for Hitler
make it as fluffy as you would like.
573
00:50:24,070 --> 00:50:28,862
So do it for us. Come on.
- I'm sorry. It's not for me.
574
00:50:29,033 --> 00:50:34,240
But fair's fair. I will my
ask the production team what they think.
575
00:50:34,413 --> 00:50:38,246
Who are they?
- You'll see that for yourself. They live here.
576
00:50:38,418 --> 00:50:41,751
Guys, come see Bialystock and Bloom
greet.
577
00:50:41,921 --> 00:50:45,503
This is my set designer Brian.
578
00:50:45,674 --> 00:50:48,878
keep it crazy, keep it happy
keep it light
579
00:50:49,053 --> 00:50:52,921
Here's my costume designer Kevin.
580
00:50:53,099 --> 00:50:56,847
keep it cheerful, keep it fresh
keep it light
581
00:50:57,019 --> 00:51:00,638
we are smart, creative
we have to take care of it
582
00:51:00,815 --> 00:51:04,350
that everything is perfect
for Mr. DeBris
583
00:51:04,527 --> 00:51:08,607
Scott, my choreographer.
584
00:51:24,797 --> 00:51:27,668
And in conclusion...
585
00:51:27,842 --> 00:51:31,791
my lighting designer
Shirley Markowitz.
586
00:51:33,264 --> 00:51:39,385
keep it light, keep it light
keep it light
587
00:51:43,649 --> 00:51:46,983
They just finished reading Springtime.
And, guys?
588
00:51:47,153 --> 00:51:49,146
it needs glamour
- and glitter
589
00:51:49,322 --> 00:51:52,655
it needs sequins
- and tits
590
00:51:52,825 --> 00:51:56,325
Leo, I think they're going astray.
591
00:51:56,496 --> 00:52:03,791
Say something nice to Roger. He finds
you nice. It's just show business.
592
00:52:09,134 --> 00:52:12,134
Mr. DeBris. Roger.
593
00:52:12,303 --> 00:52:15,838
Roger, I actually like your dress
dazzling.
594
00:52:16,015 --> 00:52:19,847
Thank you, Mr. Bloom. Leo.
595
00:52:21,146 --> 00:52:25,522
What kind of enchanting scent are you wearing?
- I'm out of breath.
596
00:52:25,691 --> 00:52:31,481
Do you mean you smell like that yourself?
597
00:52:31,656 --> 00:52:37,908
If I could put you in a bottle,
I put you under my armpits every day.
598
00:52:47,380 --> 00:52:49,538
We should never have done this.
599
00:52:49,715 --> 00:52:53,879
We get into trouble.
- This is nothing yet.
600
00:52:54,054 --> 00:52:56,627
I'll say so
when we get into trouble.
601
00:52:56,806 --> 00:53:01,218
the rule goes
when you stage a piece
602
00:53:01,394 --> 00:53:05,522
keep it funny, keep it sunny
keep it light
603
00:53:05,690 --> 00:53:09,770
What should we do?
- Calm. You have to pay attention.
604
00:53:09,944 --> 00:53:12,233
Roger, I...
605
00:53:12,405 --> 00:53:17,233
I think Springtime for Hitler
would be a great opportunity for you.
606
00:53:17,410 --> 00:53:22,570
Until now you have been associated with...
frivolous musicals.
607
00:53:22,748 --> 00:53:27,743
You're right. I often found that I
wasted my life on stupid entertainment.
608
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,625
Silly show girls in tacky dresses.
609
00:53:30,798 --> 00:53:35,377
Two, three, kick, turn, turn,
turn, kick. To make you vomit.
610
00:53:35,553 --> 00:53:38,922
Nevertheless: I can
Don't do Springtime for Hitler.
611
00:53:39,098 --> 00:53:42,764
Why not? Remember the respect.
To the prestige.
612
00:53:42,936 --> 00:53:44,430
Think of the Tony.
613
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:49,263
Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony
614
00:53:49,442 --> 00:53:52,562
What is it?
- He's having a raid.
615
00:53:52,737 --> 00:53:54,943
A genius.
- Only now I see it.
616
00:53:55,114 --> 00:53:57,237
The chance of something important.
617
00:53:57,408 --> 00:54:00,528
Roger DeBris presents
history
618
00:54:00,703 --> 00:54:02,779
The second act must be repeated.
619
00:54:02,956 --> 00:54:06,325
Are they losing the war?
Sorry, that's too gloomy.
620
00:54:06,501 --> 00:54:09,834
Roger DeBris presents
history
621
00:54:10,004 --> 00:54:11,664
But maybe...
622
00:54:12,548 --> 00:54:16,000
It's a wild idea,
but maybe it will work.
623
00:54:16,177 --> 00:54:17,885
I
624
00:54:18,054 --> 00:54:19,928
see
625
00:54:20,097 --> 00:54:23,965
a row
626
00:54:24,143 --> 00:54:26,599
beautiful girls
627
00:54:26,771 --> 00:54:29,642
dressed as shock troops
each a jewel
628
00:54:29,816 --> 00:54:32,935
with leather boots
and whips on their hips
629
00:54:33,110 --> 00:54:39,232
bold, if I may say so, SM
German soldiers dance through France
630
00:54:39,409 --> 00:54:42,160
played by choir boys
in tight pants
631
00:54:42,328 --> 00:54:45,329
and wait, there's more
they win the war
632
00:54:45,498 --> 00:54:48,913
the dances they do
are daring and new
633
00:54:51,754 --> 00:54:56,665
keep it bold, keep it classy
- That's brilliant.
634
00:54:56,842 --> 00:55:01,588
I speak for Mr Bloom and myself
When I say you're the only one...
635
00:55:01,765 --> 00:55:06,391
die Springtime for Hitler right
can do. Will you do it, please?
636
00:55:06,561 --> 00:55:10,772
Wait. That big decision
can affect the course of my life.
637
00:55:10,940 --> 00:55:13,431
I have to think about it.
I'll do it.
638
00:55:13,610 --> 00:55:16,147
I'll do it
639
00:55:16,988 --> 00:55:18,446
Sabu, champagne.
640
00:55:19,448 --> 00:55:22,698
if you want
that they cheer at the end
641
00:55:22,868 --> 00:55:25,786
keep it light
keep it light
642
00:55:25,955 --> 00:55:29,039
whether it is Hamlet,
Othello or Lear
643
00:55:29,208 --> 00:55:32,624
keep it light
644
00:55:32,795 --> 00:55:35,750
comedy is joy
a constant delight
645
00:55:35,924 --> 00:55:38,296
dramas irritate
ruin the evening
646
00:55:38,468 --> 00:55:41,718
so keep your Strindbergs
and Ibsens at a distance
647
00:55:41,888 --> 00:55:46,632
I sign
648
00:55:46,809 --> 00:55:50,759
Sign.
-Roger Elizabeth DeBris.
649
00:55:50,938 --> 00:55:58,020
keep it light
650
00:55:59,864 --> 00:56:02,569
Conga.
- All.
651
00:56:07,997 --> 00:56:09,990
the rule reads
652
00:56:10,166 --> 00:56:13,037
when you stage a piece
keep it light
653
00:56:13,211 --> 00:56:16,046
keep it light
- Leave that.
654
00:56:16,214 --> 00:56:18,455
keep it light
655
00:56:24,555 --> 00:56:27,307
The rights
for the worst show ever...
656
00:56:27,475 --> 00:56:31,093
and a contract
with the worst director ever.
657
00:56:31,270 --> 00:56:36,561
We're participating.
- And in what industry.
658
00:56:36,734 --> 00:56:42,606
In one day I will take the Siegfried oath
and dance with a cop, a sailor...
659
00:56:42,781 --> 00:56:45,700
and an extremely friendly Cherokee.
660
00:56:45,869 --> 00:56:50,910
A Broadway producer
it's not easy.
661
00:56:51,082 --> 00:56:54,367
Together we will make it.
Companions through thick and thin.
662
00:56:55,085 --> 00:56:59,463
Nothing or no one comes between us.
- Nothing or no one, Max.
663
00:56:59,632 --> 00:57:01,589
Inside.
664
00:57:03,135 --> 00:57:04,927
Bialystock and Bloom?
665
00:57:09,142 --> 00:57:12,392
What?
- Excuse me.
666
00:57:15,106 --> 00:57:18,272
Swedish.
Cast today?
667
00:57:18,442 --> 00:57:22,061
Cheese stone?
668
00:57:22,238 --> 00:57:26,318
Casting. No, miss.
We're not casting yet.
669
00:57:26,492 --> 00:57:28,983
We don't even know when the...
670
00:57:29,161 --> 00:57:32,329
Yes, we are today
started casting.
671
00:57:32,499 --> 00:57:35,950
Oh yes?
- We're casting, yes.
672
00:57:36,127 --> 00:57:38,582
I want once in my life...
673
00:57:38,754 --> 00:57:43,381
saw someone sitting on that couch
who is not yet 85.
674
00:57:47,805 --> 00:57:50,592
What's your name, dear?
- My name is Ulla Inga...
675
00:57:50,766 --> 00:57:54,350
Hansen Benson Yonsen
Tallen-Hallen Svaden Svanson.
676
00:57:54,521 --> 00:57:56,809
Guard. What is your first name?
677
00:57:56,981 --> 00:58:00,397
That was my first name.
Would you like to hear my last name?
678
00:58:00,568 --> 00:58:04,696
We don't have time for that.
We'll call you Ulla.
679
00:58:04,863 --> 00:58:09,740
Good? What do you do?
- Singing and dancing Ulla.
680
00:58:09,911 --> 00:58:12,864
Would you like Ulla to audition?
681
00:58:13,039 --> 00:58:16,656
That's not now...
- It is. Hoogno.
682
00:58:16,834 --> 00:58:21,164
Just audition.
Just do it throughout the office.
683
00:58:22,673 --> 00:58:25,045
What are you going to sing?
684
00:58:25,217 --> 00:58:31,054
Yesterday, when I got out a big white
Rolls-Royce limousine stepped...
685
00:58:31,224 --> 00:58:37,059
some crazy thing shouted out the window
that made me write this song:
686
00:58:43,361 --> 00:58:47,987
if you have it
then show it off
687
00:58:48,157 --> 00:58:51,526
show what you've got
688
00:58:52,787 --> 00:58:55,871
modesty is a virtue, they say
689
00:58:57,124 --> 00:59:01,038
but in the theater
it can harm you
690
00:59:01,212 --> 00:59:05,921
if you have it
then show it off
691
00:59:06,092 --> 00:59:10,172
show what you've got
let them know you're proud
692
00:59:10,346 --> 00:59:14,426
promote your treats
stick your chest out, shake your ass
693
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:18,930
if you have it
then shout it out
694
00:59:19,272 --> 00:59:21,181
Now Ulla dancing.
695
00:59:36,413 --> 00:59:40,578
if you have it
then show it
696
00:59:40,752 --> 00:59:44,535
display your hidden treasures
697
00:59:44,714 --> 00:59:48,248
violinists like to play the violin
698
00:59:48,425 --> 00:59:51,961
but the public
would rather see something frivolous
699
00:59:52,138 --> 00:59:55,970
if you have it
then shout it
700
00:59:56,142 --> 01:00:00,139
let the whole world hear
what kind of person you are
701
01:00:00,312 --> 01:00:03,480
Clothes make the man
the complexion makes the girl
702
01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:08,063
if you have it
then show it
703
01:00:08,237 --> 01:00:11,653
Do you remember when Ulla danced?
Ulla dancing again.
704
01:00:12,324 --> 01:00:15,492
Ulla dancing again.
705
01:00:31,719 --> 01:00:35,586
when I was a little girl
in Sweden
706
01:00:35,765 --> 01:00:39,679
gave my caring mother
me this advice
707
01:00:39,852 --> 01:00:43,684
when nature blesses you
from head to toe
708
01:00:43,856 --> 01:00:46,773
then show it
don't hesitate
709
01:00:46,942 --> 01:00:49,101
Now Ulla roar.
710
01:00:49,279 --> 01:00:53,193
don't hesitate
711
01:00:53,366 --> 01:00:57,493
if you have it
then share it
712
01:00:57,661 --> 01:01:01,576
let the audience indulge themselves
to your charms
713
01:01:01,749 --> 01:01:05,450
people say to be prudish
is neat
714
01:01:05,628 --> 01:01:08,961
but every show girl knows
that this is holding her back
715
01:01:09,131 --> 01:01:13,461
if you have it
then give it
716
01:01:13,636 --> 01:01:18,630
don't be selfish
give it all away
717
01:01:23,396 --> 01:01:27,061
don't be so shy, be brave and kind
show your eva costume
718
01:01:27,233 --> 01:01:34,363
if you have it
when you have it
719
01:01:35,158 --> 01:01:40,744
once you have it
then shout
720
01:01:43,165 --> 01:01:47,329
hooray
721
01:01:54,593 --> 01:02:00,098
Okidoki. Did you like it?
- Nice?
722
01:02:00,266 --> 01:02:03,849
You should know that we
even though we are...
723
01:02:04,020 --> 01:02:08,100
give a standing ovation.
724
01:02:12,862 --> 01:02:15,613
She's on the show.
725
01:02:15,781 --> 01:02:20,776
Wait, Max. We don't even know
whether there is a role for her.
726
01:02:20,954 --> 01:02:23,954
Would you excuse us for a moment?
727
01:02:24,123 --> 01:02:25,950
Nonsense, Bloom.
728
01:02:26,125 --> 01:02:30,751
Do I have to teach you everything? The girl
from the producer always participates.
729
01:02:30,921 --> 01:02:33,627
We don't even know
a rehearsal date.
730
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:37,844
So what?
We're producers, right?
731
01:02:38,012 --> 01:02:41,013
Until then
she can work for us here.
732
01:02:41,181 --> 01:02:45,974
Because we have...
no, we deserve to...
733
01:02:47,313 --> 01:02:51,393
a beautiful Swedish one
have a secretary/receptionist.
734
01:02:51,567 --> 01:02:55,482
One that doesn't speak English?
What will they say?
735
01:02:55,655 --> 01:02:57,482
People will say:
736
01:02:59,575 --> 01:03:02,244
Please offer her that job.
737
01:03:03,204 --> 01:03:07,783
Just a moment, miss.
We may have a job for you.
738
01:03:07,959 --> 01:03:11,956
We may have
multiple jobs for you.
739
01:03:12,129 --> 01:03:18,334
Until the show starts you can stay here
work as a secretary/receptionist.
740
01:03:18,511 --> 01:03:21,927
Secretary/receptionist?
741
01:03:22,098 --> 01:03:26,095
Okildoki.
I can.
742
01:03:28,145 --> 01:03:34,599
Answer the phone.
Bialystock and Bloom.
743
01:03:34,777 --> 01:03:38,395
Very intelligent.
You're accepted.
744
01:03:43,286 --> 01:03:47,034
Well, okay then.
If he says so, I don't have one...
745
01:03:49,166 --> 01:03:54,208
Secretary/receptionist. Maybe
you can also tidy up a bit here.
746
01:03:54,380 --> 01:03:56,289
Clean up?
747
01:03:56,466 --> 01:03:58,837
What a funny word.
What does it mean?
748
01:03:59,010 --> 01:04:01,714
Cleaning.
- Make it look nice.
749
01:04:01,887 --> 01:04:05,387
Oh yes, Ulla can clean up.
- Nice.
750
01:04:05,558 --> 01:04:07,716
What time can you get here in the morning?
751
01:04:07,894 --> 01:04:11,179
Ulla wakes up every morning
awake for five hours.
752
01:04:11,355 --> 01:04:13,846
From five to seven
Ulla does exercises.
753
01:04:14,024 --> 01:04:17,192
From seven to eight
Ulla takes a long shower.
754
01:04:17,362 --> 01:04:21,441
From eight to nine
Ulla eats a big Swedish breakfast.
755
01:04:21,615 --> 01:04:23,572
Many different herrings.
756
01:04:23,742 --> 01:04:27,575
From nine to eleven
Ulla practices her singing and dancing.
757
01:04:27,747 --> 01:04:31,365
At eleven o'clock Ulla likes to have sex.
758
01:04:31,542 --> 01:04:33,914
What time will I be here?
759
01:04:34,086 --> 01:04:38,166
Eleven o'clock.
- Good. Ulla comes at eleven o'clock.
760
01:04:38,341 --> 01:04:41,176
Ulla comes at eleven o'clock.
761
01:04:50,228 --> 01:04:52,933
God bless America.
762
01:04:55,316 --> 01:04:58,067
God bless Sweden.
763
01:04:58,402 --> 01:05:04,737
Max, she's fantastic. The most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.
764
01:05:04,909 --> 01:05:09,867
I've never felt like this before.
Like a volcano erupting inside me...
765
01:05:10,039 --> 01:05:15,116
and the hot lava comes higher and higher...
766
01:05:15,295 --> 01:05:19,588
What is that, Max? What is that?
767
01:05:21,300 --> 01:05:25,001
That's an erection.
And otherwise it's malaria.
768
01:05:25,805 --> 01:05:28,130
But they have now
remedies for everything.
769
01:05:28,307 --> 01:05:30,804
Come here,
I want to show you something.
770
01:05:32,019 --> 01:05:33,810
What do you see?
- Nothing.
771
01:05:33,979 --> 01:05:37,396
Precisely. But now that we're sure
from our flop...
772
01:05:37,567 --> 01:05:40,900
we need to fill that safe
with two million dollars.
773
01:05:41,070 --> 01:05:44,902
Two million?
Gosh, how much do we put in?
774
01:05:55,334 --> 01:05:59,118
How much do we put in?
775
01:05:59,297 --> 01:06:04,635
Bloom, there are two golden rules
for Broadway producers.
776
01:06:04,802 --> 01:06:08,171
First, never invest
your own money in a show.
777
01:06:08,347 --> 01:06:09,592
And secondly?
778
01:06:09,765 --> 01:06:15,436
Never invest your own money
in a show.
779
01:06:17,023 --> 01:06:18,433
Understood?
- Yes.
780
01:06:18,607 --> 01:06:20,647
Well done.
- How do we get the money?
781
01:06:20,818 --> 01:06:23,523
I'll tell you.
782
01:06:24,781 --> 01:06:28,232
From my investors.
Hundreds of old ladies...
783
01:06:28,409 --> 01:06:33,533
which was given one last time by Max
Bialystock want to get excited.
784
01:06:33,705 --> 01:06:37,574
You will in the coming days
don't see much of me, Bloom.
785
01:06:37,752 --> 01:06:42,330
And now I don't want to see much of you.
Get out, because I'm going to get ready.
786
01:06:42,506 --> 01:06:49,008
Max Bialystock is going to move in
in old lady country.
787
01:06:50,389 --> 01:06:53,425
the time has come
788
01:06:53,601 --> 01:06:58,014
to be an Argentinian lover
789
01:06:58,189 --> 01:07:02,732
and oil my hair
with brillantine
790
01:07:02,902 --> 01:07:09,404
and gargle with listerine
791
01:07:15,206 --> 01:07:18,409
it's time for Max
792
01:07:18,584 --> 01:07:23,542
makes his sponsors work for him
793
01:07:23,714 --> 01:07:29,135
and she shows incredible skills
794
01:07:29,303 --> 01:07:32,055
those elderly nymphomaniacs
795
01:07:41,857 --> 01:07:45,440
they were helpless
they were hopeless
796
01:07:45,611 --> 01:07:49,110
and then Bialy came
797
01:07:49,281 --> 01:07:52,946
they were joyless
they were guyless
798
01:07:53,118 --> 01:07:56,570
and then Bialy came
799
01:07:56,748 --> 01:08:00,412
they are my angels
and I their devil
800
01:08:00,584 --> 01:08:04,285
and I keep the coals glowing
801
01:08:04,463 --> 01:08:08,046
who makes love to them
won't lose them
802
01:08:08,217 --> 01:08:11,882
for I bewitch them and they cry
'it's burning down there'
803
01:08:12,054 --> 01:08:15,589
the romance
was so unique
804
01:08:15,766 --> 01:08:23,347
then their prayer was heard above
and heaven sent them Bialy
805
01:08:23,524 --> 01:08:30,238
I am the epitome of love
806
01:08:37,580 --> 01:08:40,497
who is it? who's there?
807
01:08:40,666 --> 01:08:42,493
Max Bialystock.
808
01:08:46,631 --> 01:08:48,540
Maxy.
809
01:10:06,252 --> 01:10:07,580
It's burning down there.
810
01:10:07,753 --> 01:10:14,088
we capsized, we sank
and then came Bialy
811
01:10:14,260 --> 01:10:17,380
we were desperate
we were drinking
812
01:10:17,555 --> 01:10:20,924
and then came Bialy
- Who's your daddy?
813
01:10:21,100 --> 01:10:24,266
the romance
was so unique
814
01:10:24,436 --> 01:10:27,853
then prayer was heard above us
815
01:10:28,024 --> 01:10:31,060
it's Bialy
hey, Bialy
816
01:10:31,235 --> 01:10:36,610
he is the culmination and restoration
the completion
817
01:10:36,783 --> 01:10:39,700
the stimulation
ejaculation
818
01:10:39,869 --> 01:10:44,661
he is the epitome of love
819
01:11:01,641 --> 01:11:03,717
Thank you.
820
01:11:14,695 --> 01:11:19,108
Bloom.
- What, Max?
821
01:11:19,283 --> 01:11:21,987
I did it.
I have the two million.
822
01:11:22,161 --> 01:11:25,032
Now we go to the biggest flop
ever make.
823
01:11:25,206 --> 01:11:27,495
Fantastic.
824
01:11:37,760 --> 01:11:39,088
it can't go wrong
825
01:12:00,616 --> 01:12:03,451
I have to pay at three o'clock, otherwise...
826
01:12:03,619 --> 01:12:07,035
Sorry, wrong office.
-Bialystock. Bloom.
827
01:12:08,165 --> 01:12:09,625
Max. Leo.
828
01:12:25,057 --> 01:12:27,299
Ulla?
- Yes.
829
01:12:27,852 --> 01:12:32,561
What happened to the office?
- Ulla cleaned up.
830
01:12:32,732 --> 01:12:37,228
Tidy up?
Where do you find the time?
831
01:12:37,403 --> 01:12:40,854
I didn't have lunch.
- Of course not.
832
01:12:41,031 --> 01:12:43,784
Very nice.
- She didn't have lunch.
833
01:12:43,952 --> 01:12:47,451
Almost 3 hours. The Shubert Payment.
I take the money from the safe.
834
01:12:47,622 --> 01:12:51,239
Make sure the contracts are signed.
- Yes, Max.
835
01:12:53,002 --> 01:12:55,291
She talks about the numbers
painted over.
836
01:13:09,227 --> 01:13:11,303
Hello guys.
837
01:13:13,397 --> 01:13:16,232
Nobody knows what I had to do
to get you.
838
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:17,894
Ulla knows.
839
01:13:18,068 --> 01:13:22,280
You have all the old ladies
shot in New York.
840
01:13:24,283 --> 01:13:26,608
That's right, yes.
841
01:13:27,369 --> 01:13:30,406
I'm still under
the denture impressions.
842
01:13:31,874 --> 01:13:35,457
Work, work, work.
843
01:13:36,962 --> 01:13:44,460
Well, Mr. Bloom.
We are all alone now.
844
01:13:45,012 --> 01:13:47,550
Yes, we are.
845
01:13:53,313 --> 01:13:56,764
Why does Bloom
that far camera right?
846
01:13:57,650 --> 01:14:03,154
Bloom doesn't like Ulla?
Ulla likes Bloom.
847
01:14:03,530 --> 01:14:05,773
Bloom definitely likes Ulla.
848
01:14:05,950 --> 01:14:08,986
Maybe a little too much.
- Good.
849
01:14:09,161 --> 01:14:11,284
I'm happy.
850
01:14:13,165 --> 01:14:17,163
Why do you need a Bloom blue blanket?
- That's not important.
851
01:14:17,337 --> 01:14:22,378
A little compulsive disorder that I have
Ever since I was little and...
852
01:14:22,550 --> 01:14:25,503
You're getting a little too close.
853
01:14:26,929 --> 01:14:31,508
the compulsion to go together
can baffle our minds
854
01:14:31,684 --> 01:14:36,392
the compulsion to mate
can make a man lax
855
01:14:36,563 --> 01:14:41,025
we must be alert
and be ready
856
01:14:41,194 --> 01:14:44,527
because every skirt wearer tests
857
01:14:46,323 --> 01:14:49,526
testosterone
858
01:14:49,701 --> 01:14:53,534
I knew this
and broke every bond
859
01:14:53,706 --> 01:14:57,122
with all creatures
in silk or lace
860
01:14:57,293 --> 01:15:01,705
I went clearly
in the right direction
861
01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:06,128
then suddenly
came up against
862
01:15:06,302 --> 01:15:09,718
that face
863
01:15:13,685 --> 01:15:20,221
that dangerous face
let me be sensible
864
01:15:20,399 --> 01:15:24,895
those lips, that nose
those eyes
865
01:15:25,070 --> 01:15:31,572
could mean the end of me
that face
866
01:15:31,744 --> 01:15:33,783
that beautiful face
867
01:15:33,954 --> 01:15:38,249
I better not start
868
01:15:38,418 --> 01:15:42,747
those cheeks, that neck, that chin
869
01:15:42,922 --> 01:15:47,251
completely wraps me up
870
01:15:47,426 --> 01:15:49,585
I better hide my heart
871
01:15:49,762 --> 01:15:51,968
when she comes close to me
872
01:15:52,139 --> 01:15:54,974
I won't duck away
then I'm out of luck
873
01:15:55,142 --> 01:16:00,268
her smile is deadly
874
01:16:05,528 --> 01:16:09,774
that face
that fabulous face
875
01:16:09,948 --> 01:16:16,486
I clearly have to be careful
because if I fell in love
876
01:16:16,664 --> 01:16:20,115
I am completely lost
but it's worth it
877
01:16:20,292 --> 01:16:23,543
for that face
878
01:16:24,881 --> 01:16:26,920
Bloom helps Ulla down?
879
01:16:27,300 --> 01:16:31,131
Okay then. Bloom helps Ulla
down.
880
01:18:57,825 --> 01:18:59,568
that face
881
01:19:01,453 --> 01:19:07,243
that lovely face
882
01:19:07,668 --> 01:19:15,046
melts my Swedish heart
883
01:19:15,467 --> 01:19:19,548
because if I fell in love
884
01:19:19,722 --> 01:19:25,392
I am completely lost
885
01:19:25,561 --> 01:19:29,096
but it's worth it
886
01:19:29,273 --> 01:19:34,612
for that face
887
01:19:50,544 --> 01:19:53,629
open auditions this afternoon
for the role of Adolf Hitler
888
01:19:53,798 --> 01:19:55,589
experience not required
889
01:19:56,759 --> 01:20:01,800
And again. Arabesque
and ready and pirouette and turn.
890
01:20:01,972 --> 01:20:06,266
And goose step, goose step,
waltz and kick. Again.
891
01:20:06,435 --> 01:20:10,018
Arabesque and ready
and pirouette and spin.
892
01:20:10,189 --> 01:20:14,483
And goose step, goose step,
waltz and kick. Again.
893
01:20:14,652 --> 01:20:17,439
Arabesque and ready and pirouetted.
894
01:20:17,613 --> 01:20:19,155
Halt.
895
01:20:19,323 --> 01:20:22,359
Halt.
896
01:20:22,534 --> 01:20:24,859
It's a madhouse here.
897
01:20:27,957 --> 01:20:29,784
Shut your heads.
898
01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:32,584
We really need to have order.
899
01:20:32,753 --> 01:20:35,588
Want all the dancing Hitlers
wait on the right...
900
01:20:35,756 --> 01:20:39,339
and all the singing Hitlers
left of stage.
901
01:20:39,969 --> 01:20:41,712
That way.
902
01:20:41,887 --> 01:20:44,888
Carmen, show a singing Hitler
come, please
903
01:20:45,057 --> 01:20:47,548
Yes dear...Roger.
904
01:20:56,235 --> 01:20:58,726
Jacques LaPidus.
905
01:21:02,617 --> 01:21:05,190
Jacques LaPidus.
906
01:21:08,414 --> 01:21:10,655
Jack Lapidus.
907
01:21:11,083 --> 01:21:14,037
What are you going to sing for us, Jack?
908
01:21:14,212 --> 01:21:19,087
I would like to
Singing 'A Wandering Minstrel I'.
909
01:21:19,466 --> 01:21:21,375
If you absolutely have to.
910
01:21:25,765 --> 01:21:31,435
I am a wandering minstrel
in rags and...
911
01:21:31,603 --> 01:21:32,801
Thank you.
- rags.
912
01:21:32,980 --> 01:21:34,771
Next.
913
01:21:36,067 --> 01:21:38,474
Donald Dinsmore.
914
01:21:38,653 --> 01:21:40,941
Well, Donald, if we...
915
01:21:42,698 --> 01:21:43,943
Donald, I...
916
01:21:44,116 --> 01:21:46,274
How are you doing?
- Never mind, Donald.
917
01:21:46,452 --> 01:21:47,697
Hello, yes.
918
01:21:47,870 --> 01:21:50,076
What are you going to sing for us?
919
01:21:50,247 --> 01:21:55,324
I would like 'The Little
Wooden Boy' singing.
920
01:21:56,879 --> 01:21:58,623
Thank you.
921
01:22:07,473 --> 01:22:09,430
Next.
922
01:22:10,977 --> 01:22:13,265
Jason Green.
923
01:22:15,314 --> 01:22:17,721
Jason, what have you
done lately?
924
01:22:17,900 --> 01:22:22,112
I have been touring for the past 16 years
with No No Nietzsche.
925
01:22:22,280 --> 01:22:24,652
Did you play Nietzsche?
- No, no.
926
01:22:24,824 --> 01:22:26,401
What are you going to sing for us?
927
01:22:26,575 --> 01:22:28,900
'Do you have the German band
ever heard him play?'
928
01:22:29,078 --> 01:22:33,574
No.
- That's the name of the song I'm going to sing.
929
01:22:35,167 --> 01:22:36,626
Just play, please.
930
01:22:40,464 --> 01:22:41,875
Faster please.
931
01:22:42,049 --> 01:22:47,922
haben Sie gehört
das Deutsche Band?
932
01:22:48,097 --> 01:22:49,472
with a bim
933
01:22:49,640 --> 01:22:50,968
with a bam
934
01:22:51,141 --> 01:22:53,846
with a bim bam bim bam bomb
935
01:22:54,353 --> 01:22:56,726
oh, haben Sie heard...
936
01:22:56,898 --> 01:23:02,733
Halt. No.
937
01:23:02,903 --> 01:23:05,738
That man can't play Adolf Hitler.
938
01:23:05,906 --> 01:23:08,694
The Führer was not
weak mother's boy.
939
01:23:08,868 --> 01:23:10,362
The Führer was tough.
940
01:23:10,536 --> 01:23:13,905
And that's how you sing 'Haben Sie gehört
das Deutsche Band?' not.
941
01:23:14,081 --> 01:23:16,702
This is how you sing 'Haben Sie
gehört das Deutsche Band?'
942
01:23:16,875 --> 01:23:21,205
In B flat. Two second measure.
Modulate during transition.
943
01:23:24,717 --> 01:23:28,382
haben Sie gehört
das Deutsche Band?
944
01:23:28,554 --> 01:23:30,547
with a bim
with a bam
945
01:23:30,723 --> 01:23:32,632
with a bim bam bim bam bomb
946
01:23:32,808 --> 01:23:36,806
oh, haben Sie heard
das Deutsche Band?
947
01:23:36,979 --> 01:23:38,888
with a bim
with a bomb
948
01:23:39,064 --> 01:23:41,472
with a bim bam bim bam bomb
949
01:23:41,650 --> 01:23:45,399
Russian folk songs
and French o la la
950
01:23:45,571 --> 01:23:48,940
don't make it
at the German hoempapa
951
01:23:49,116 --> 01:23:50,159
we say
952
01:23:50,325 --> 01:23:53,529
haben Sie gehört
das Deutsche Band?
953
01:23:53,705 --> 01:23:55,614
with a bit
with a zam
954
01:23:55,790 --> 01:23:57,996
with a zim
955
01:23:58,167 --> 01:24:01,915
Polish polkas
are stupid and worthless
956
01:24:02,087 --> 01:24:05,421
it means nothing without it
957
01:24:05,591 --> 01:24:11,760
schweigen-reigen-schone-
schutzen-schmutzen Sauerbraten
958
01:24:11,931 --> 01:24:13,923
Different key.
959
01:24:14,558 --> 01:24:18,224
we say
960
01:24:18,396 --> 01:24:23,686
haben Sie gehört
das Deutsche Band?
961
01:24:23,859 --> 01:24:25,686
with a bit
with a zam
962
01:24:25,861 --> 01:24:27,272
with a zim
963
01:24:27,446 --> 01:24:29,320
es ist the only music
964
01:24:29,490 --> 01:24:33,784
we sulks and our sweethearts
like to sing
965
01:24:34,578 --> 01:24:36,736
That's our Hitler.
966
01:24:37,873 --> 01:24:39,581
SHUBERT THEATER
PRESENTS
967
01:24:39,751 --> 01:24:41,790
THE NEONAZI MUSICAL
'SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER'
968
01:24:41,961 --> 01:24:43,953
LAST PERFORMANCE
969
01:24:44,130 --> 01:24:45,374
PREMIERE
970
01:24:45,548 --> 01:24:49,212
Have your tickets ready.
971
01:24:49,384 --> 01:24:51,923
This way.
972
01:24:52,096 --> 01:24:54,338
Please sit down.
973
01:24:58,310 --> 01:25:00,766
Good evening sir.
Glad you're here.
974
01:25:00,938 --> 01:25:03,476
Have fun.
- Thank you.
975
01:25:09,655 --> 01:25:11,197
Oh, Mr. Bloom.
976
01:25:11,365 --> 01:25:14,817
You look so handsome.
- Thank you.
977
01:25:15,578 --> 01:25:17,155
Leo.
978
01:25:19,123 --> 01:25:22,077
Leo, who said you have that hat
can wear?
979
01:25:22,251 --> 01:25:25,869
Nobody, Max. But now I'm the producer
I'm from a Broadway show...
980
01:25:26,047 --> 01:25:27,671
Is the curtain up yet?
- No.
981
01:25:28,049 --> 01:25:29,792
Has the curtain fallen yet?
- No.
982
01:25:29,967 --> 01:25:32,339
Then you are not yet a producer.
Give here.
983
01:25:32,511 --> 01:25:37,886
Mr. Bloom. Leo.
Your tie is all crooked.
984
01:25:38,059 --> 01:25:42,720
Crooked. Thank you, Ulla.
Success.
985
01:25:49,487 --> 01:25:54,611
Bend the audience.
- Okidoki. I'll try.
986
01:25:54,783 --> 01:25:57,820
But there are so many.
987
01:26:01,082 --> 01:26:04,083
I thought we were partners
and share everything.
988
01:26:04,251 --> 01:26:07,537
Now I'm out in the cold
and the two of you skewed each other.
989
01:26:07,713 --> 01:26:09,207
Scheven? Never, Max.
990
01:26:09,381 --> 01:26:12,715
Hugs and kisses, yes,
but I won't go any further.
991
01:26:21,977 --> 01:26:25,596
Gunter, pick me up here
when the curtain has fallen.
992
01:26:29,568 --> 01:26:33,103
Would they love it?
or terrible? I can't handle it.
993
01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:36,614
I know, it feels
like a difficult birth.
994
01:26:39,620 --> 01:26:44,329
Messrs Bialystock and Bloom.
Gentlemen, merde.
995
01:26:45,250 --> 01:26:48,335
And I want to wish everyone good luck.
996
01:26:48,504 --> 01:26:51,588
What? What did you say there?
- Bite off your tongue.
997
01:26:51,757 --> 01:26:54,165
Then what is it?
I just said 'good luck'.
998
01:26:54,343 --> 01:26:57,593
He said it again.
- Didn't anyone tell you that?
999
01:26:57,763 --> 01:27:00,433
Saying 'success' brings bad luck
at a premiere
1000
01:27:00,600 --> 01:27:03,269
if you do it, it's for sure
1001
01:27:03,435 --> 01:27:05,677
that it had already been viewed the same evening
1002
01:27:05,854 --> 01:27:06,897
Good luck.
1003
01:27:07,064 --> 01:27:12,355
Saying 'success' brings bad luck
say it and you're done
1004
01:27:12,528 --> 01:27:14,817
and you get
the worst reviews ever
1005
01:27:14,989 --> 01:27:16,031
Good luck.
1006
01:27:16,198 --> 01:27:21,358
even at the Comédie Française
they are afraid at the premiere
1007
01:27:21,537 --> 01:27:24,289
'bonne chance, mes amis'
no one ever says
1008
01:27:24,457 --> 01:27:27,126
the only thing you ever hear is
- merde
1009
01:27:27,293 --> 01:27:28,703
Success, success, success.
1010
01:27:28,877 --> 01:27:31,582
it is verboten to wish good luck
at the premiere
1011
01:27:31,755 --> 01:27:34,507
take my advice at any cost
1012
01:27:34,675 --> 01:27:37,510
otherwise the show will definitely end
in the Scheiss
1013
01:27:37,678 --> 01:27:43,301
at the famous La Scala in Milan
is the rule at the premiere
1014
01:27:43,475 --> 01:27:47,888
'al bocca lupo', they say with élan
and for happiness they cry
1015
01:27:48,064 --> 01:27:49,641
'vaffanculo'
- I get it already
1016
01:27:49,815 --> 01:27:52,602
I will never say 'good luck' again
at a premiere
1017
01:27:52,776 --> 01:27:56,395
I now know what the rules are
1018
01:27:56,572 --> 01:27:59,241
but tell me
what should I say?
1019
01:27:59,408 --> 01:28:04,200
what you are saying is break a leg
1020
01:28:04,371 --> 01:28:05,865
Break a leg?
- Yes.
1021
01:28:06,039 --> 01:28:07,581
Break a leg.
1022
01:28:07,750 --> 01:28:09,826
if you're smart
1023
01:28:10,002 --> 01:28:11,165
Good luck.
1024
01:28:11,337 --> 01:28:13,329
you always try
1025
01:28:14,006 --> 01:28:17,754
never, ever
to say 'success'
1026
01:28:17,926 --> 01:28:20,632
at a premiere
1027
01:28:20,805 --> 01:28:23,759
Five more minutes. The cloth
goes on in five minutes.
1028
01:28:24,350 --> 01:28:26,307
I'm going to be late, I have to hurry.
1029
01:28:26,685 --> 01:28:28,843
Break a leg.
1030
01:28:45,454 --> 01:28:50,365
Franz, what happened?
- I broke my leg.
1031
01:28:50,626 --> 01:28:54,458
The show can't go on. We have to
people got their money back.
1032
01:28:54,714 --> 01:28:59,007
Money back? Money back.
1033
01:28:59,176 --> 01:29:03,043
Don't ever say that again. Money back?
No, we have to think of something else.
1034
01:29:03,222 --> 01:29:06,722
But Franz plays Hitler, Max,
and has no replacement.
1035
01:29:06,893 --> 01:29:09,727
But what should we do?
Is there no solution?
1036
01:29:09,895 --> 01:29:12,600
If only I could think of something.
1037
01:29:12,981 --> 01:29:15,899
Wait a minute.
Roger, you can play Hitler.
1038
01:29:16,068 --> 01:29:17,527
You know his whole text.
1039
01:29:17,695 --> 01:29:21,692
I did see you during the
rehearsals was murmuring along.
1040
01:29:21,866 --> 01:29:24,570
It's embarrassing. I try there
to get rid of.
1041
01:29:24,743 --> 01:29:27,412
But playing Hitler?
I can't do that tonight.
1042
01:29:27,579 --> 01:29:32,076
I don't have the strength, I don't have the courage.
I can't.
1043
01:29:32,251 --> 01:29:37,874
That hurt.
-Roger, listen. You can do it.
1044
01:29:38,048 --> 01:29:40,172
You know you can do it and so can I.
1045
01:29:40,343 --> 01:29:42,750
You've been waiting all your life
on such an opportunity.
1046
01:29:42,928 --> 01:29:45,598
And I won't let you screw that up.
1047
01:29:46,765 --> 01:29:51,261
You go on stage like a fool,
hysterical, screaming cousin.
1048
01:29:51,436 --> 01:29:58,934
But you'll come back as a great one
apparently straight Broadway star.
1049
01:29:59,611 --> 01:30:03,941
Well then, you're right.
I'll do it. I'm going to do it.
1050
01:30:04,116 --> 01:30:07,366
I have to go to the grime.
Quick, Franz's Hitler mustache.
1051
01:30:07,536 --> 01:30:11,581
And my lucky one
Gloria Swanson birthmark.
1052
01:30:12,624 --> 01:30:14,166
Hebbes.
1053
01:30:18,964 --> 01:30:20,756
Leo, the overture.
1054
01:30:20,925 --> 01:30:22,834
Come along.
1055
01:30:36,648 --> 01:30:39,270
Max.
- What?
1056
01:30:39,485 --> 01:30:41,394
It's going to happen.
1057
01:30:42,947 --> 01:30:46,362
Good luck, Leo.
- Good luck, Max.
1058
01:30:59,296 --> 01:31:02,831
Germany had problems
what a sad story
1059
01:31:03,009 --> 01:31:06,840
they needed a leader
to restore their honor
1060
01:31:07,012 --> 01:31:10,048
where, oh where was he?
1061
01:31:10,224 --> 01:31:13,427
where could that man be?
1062
01:31:13,603 --> 01:31:21,432
we looked around and found
the man for you and me
1063
01:31:35,040 --> 01:31:41,244
and it is now
1064
01:31:41,422 --> 01:31:48,172
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1065
01:31:48,346 --> 01:31:54,964
Germany is cheerful and happy
1066
01:31:55,144 --> 01:32:01,147
we march with a quicker step
1067
01:32:01,859 --> 01:32:07,564
be careful
here comes the superior race
1068
01:32:08,532 --> 01:32:14,902
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1069
01:32:15,414 --> 01:32:21,916
the Rhineland has been restored to its former glory
1070
01:32:22,088 --> 01:32:27,330
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1071
01:32:28,427 --> 01:32:30,051
beware, Europe
1072
01:32:30,220 --> 01:32:35,428
we're going on tour
1073
01:32:35,601 --> 01:32:40,761
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1074
01:32:41,023 --> 01:32:42,268
look, it's spring
1075
01:32:42,441 --> 01:32:48,859
winter for Poland and France
1076
01:32:49,073 --> 01:32:54,233
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1077
01:32:54,411 --> 01:32:55,905
spring
1078
01:33:02,294 --> 01:33:03,872
come on, Germans
1079
01:33:04,046 --> 01:33:06,963
go and dance
1080
01:33:14,765 --> 01:33:18,893
I was born in Düsseldorf
and that's why they call me Rolf
1081
01:33:20,563 --> 01:33:24,607
don't be stupid, just go
join the Nazi club
1082
01:33:34,160 --> 01:33:37,409
Incredible.
Talking about bad taste.
1083
01:33:42,250 --> 01:33:44,920
Get out before they kill us.
1084
01:34:04,856 --> 01:34:06,351
the Führer is coming
1085
01:34:12,531 --> 01:34:15,697
heil Hitler
1086
01:34:18,955 --> 01:34:28,920
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1087
01:34:30,716 --> 01:34:33,124
heil Hitler
1088
01:34:39,224 --> 01:34:43,602
heal myself
1089
01:34:43,896 --> 01:34:47,478
hail me
1090
01:34:47,649 --> 01:34:52,561
this boss is out
to change history
1091
01:34:52,738 --> 01:34:55,988
heal myself
raise your hand
1092
01:34:56,158 --> 01:34:59,858
there is no greater dictator
in the country
1093
01:35:00,037 --> 01:35:03,073
Everything I do, I do for you
- that's true
1094
01:35:03,248 --> 01:35:05,954
if you want war
then here is number Two
1095
01:35:06,127 --> 01:35:09,376
heal myself
raise your beer
1096
01:35:09,546 --> 01:35:12,084
stand up, hip Nazis, and cheer
1097
01:35:12,257 --> 01:35:13,716
hooray
1098
01:35:15,261 --> 01:35:18,012
heal myself
1099
01:35:19,974 --> 01:35:23,923
stand up, hip Nazis, and cheer
1100
01:35:24,102 --> 01:35:28,599
he's so funny
give him a greeting and good luck
1101
01:35:28,774 --> 01:35:31,265
heal myself
1102
01:35:37,157 --> 01:35:38,782
I love you
1103
01:35:48,877 --> 01:35:53,623
I was just a wallpaperer
1104
01:35:53,799 --> 01:35:57,298
no one was less famous
1105
01:35:57,469 --> 01:35:59,925
I received a call from the Reichstag
1106
01:36:00,097 --> 01:36:03,134
and they said I was the Führer
1107
01:36:03,309 --> 01:36:04,969
Germany was in trouble
1108
01:36:05,144 --> 01:36:08,643
what could I do about it?
1109
01:36:08,814 --> 01:36:10,806
I put my pants on
1110
01:36:10,983 --> 01:36:13,272
went to France
1111
01:36:13,444 --> 01:36:19,316
and now Deutschland can laugh again
1112
01:36:20,325 --> 01:36:25,782
it doesn't matter if it
about politics or history
1113
01:36:25,957 --> 01:36:28,910
what everyone needs to know is
1114
01:36:29,084 --> 01:36:33,331
that everything revolves around showbiz
1115
01:36:34,631 --> 01:36:38,001
heal myself
1116
01:36:38,177 --> 01:36:40,134
watch my show
1117
01:36:40,304 --> 01:36:43,673
I am the German Ethel Merman
did you know?
1118
01:36:43,849 --> 01:36:45,509
we cross borders
1119
01:36:45,684 --> 01:36:50,263
the New World Order is here
1120
01:36:50,439 --> 01:36:51,981
laugh with us
1121
01:36:52,149 --> 01:36:56,312
and 'Sieg Heil' me all
1122
01:36:56,486 --> 01:37:03,024
fantastic me
1123
01:37:03,202 --> 01:37:07,330
and it is now
1124
01:37:07,497 --> 01:37:13,204
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1125
01:37:14,004 --> 01:37:20,089
goose step
- goose step is what we all do
1126
01:37:21,553 --> 01:37:27,923
the bombs are falling from the sky again
1127
01:37:29,061 --> 01:37:34,897
Germany is rising again
1128
01:37:41,240 --> 01:37:47,029
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1129
01:37:48,831 --> 01:37:56,043
U-boats are at sea again
1130
01:37:56,254 --> 01:38:02,423
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1131
01:38:04,513 --> 01:38:06,754
that means
- that we will soon
1132
01:38:06,932 --> 01:38:10,764
that we will go
- you know we will go
1133
01:38:10,936 --> 01:38:12,561
Just believe we will
1134
01:38:12,730 --> 01:38:16,348
you know we will go
1135
01:38:16,525 --> 01:38:23,442
to battle
1136
01:38:37,713 --> 01:38:39,124
Roger.
1137
01:38:53,770 --> 01:38:56,642
CONGRATULATIONS
it's a hit
1138
01:39:28,847 --> 01:39:30,591
'A satirical masterpiece.'
1139
01:39:31,225 --> 01:39:32,470
No way out.
1140
01:39:34,353 --> 01:39:36,061
'A surprising hit.'
1141
01:39:36,230 --> 01:39:38,518
No way out.
1142
01:39:38,690 --> 01:39:41,312
'It was shocking,
scandalous, insulting...
1143
01:39:41,485 --> 01:39:43,359
and I loved it.”
1144
01:39:43,529 --> 01:39:45,023
No way out.
1145
01:39:45,197 --> 01:39:47,106
How could this happen?
1146
01:39:47,282 --> 01:39:51,529
The play was wrong, the director
was wrong, the cast was wrong.
1147
01:39:51,703 --> 01:39:54,195
What have we done well?
1148
01:39:55,708 --> 01:39:58,281
'Congratulations.'
1149
01:40:08,429 --> 01:40:12,806
What are you doing now?
- I'll grab those books and leave.
1150
01:40:12,975 --> 01:40:15,680
Don't stop me.
I'm determined.
1151
01:40:15,853 --> 01:40:17,513
Guard. Where are you going?
1152
01:40:17,688 --> 01:40:21,555
I'm going to turn myself in. I'm going honest
are against the tax authorities.
1153
01:40:21,734 --> 01:40:23,643
I will cooperate with the government.
1154
01:40:23,819 --> 01:40:26,606
Maybe I'll get out sooner
for good behavior...
1155
01:40:26,780 --> 01:40:28,690
or can I work in the library.
1156
01:40:28,866 --> 01:40:31,653
Stay in touch.
I enjoyed working with you.
1157
01:40:32,661 --> 01:40:36,705
Leo.
1158
01:40:37,249 --> 01:40:41,033
Scared Leo. Nervous Leo,
calm down now.
1159
01:40:41,212 --> 01:40:45,043
You are tense. You don't know
what you do. Don't panic.
1160
01:40:45,215 --> 01:40:47,623
Give me those books.
Give here.
1161
01:40:47,801 --> 01:40:51,930
Give here.
- I shouldn't have listened to you.
1162
01:40:52,098 --> 01:40:54,386
I was always an honest man.
1163
01:40:54,558 --> 01:40:57,594
An honest man?
You were an honest mouse.
1164
01:40:57,769 --> 01:41:00,556
Give here.
- I hate you.
1165
01:41:00,730 --> 01:41:04,065
Double.
1166
01:41:13,411 --> 01:41:16,447
Thick.
1167
01:41:16,622 --> 01:41:18,199
I'm not that fat.
1168
01:41:18,374 --> 01:41:19,916
Fat bastard.
1169
01:41:22,336 --> 01:41:23,995
Fat bastard.
1170
01:41:26,924 --> 01:41:30,756
Fat bastard. Big, fat walrus.
1171
01:41:30,928 --> 01:41:32,303
Give me those big books.
1172
01:41:32,471 --> 01:41:36,339
Never.
- Fat fat bastard.
1173
01:41:36,726 --> 01:41:38,469
Jesus.
- Give up.
1174
01:41:38,644 --> 01:41:40,019
Give me those books.
1175
01:41:40,187 --> 01:41:41,562
Congratulations.
1176
01:41:41,730 --> 01:41:43,639
Give up.
- No.
1177
01:41:43,815 --> 01:41:46,389
Give up.
- No.
1178
01:41:46,568 --> 01:41:48,478
Now that's what I call celebrating.
1179
01:41:50,030 --> 01:41:52,402
Stupid fool.
1180
01:41:52,574 --> 01:41:55,492
You ruined me.
- Ungrateful breeder.
1181
01:41:55,661 --> 01:41:58,745
After he saved your show,
I can't... My chains.
1182
01:41:58,914 --> 01:42:01,999
Leave him alone.
- My Italian chains.
1183
01:42:06,797 --> 01:42:11,044
You violated the Siegfried Oath.
You must die. All of you.
1184
01:42:18,517 --> 01:42:21,387
What are you doing now
Neo-Nazi loser?
1185
01:42:21,561 --> 01:42:23,970
Your show is a great success.
- So what?
1186
01:42:24,148 --> 01:42:25,939
You embarrassed Hitler.
1187
01:42:26,108 --> 01:42:28,350
He didn't need our help.
1188
01:42:31,530 --> 01:42:34,697
I can't shoot you guys
when you move?
1189
01:42:35,868 --> 01:42:37,362
Come back.
1190
01:42:37,536 --> 01:42:39,529
Under the desk.
1191
01:42:40,372 --> 01:42:43,456
Honey, back in the closet quickly.
- Good.
1192
01:42:48,047 --> 01:42:49,790
This is no good.
1193
01:42:49,965 --> 01:42:52,503
I don't kill anyone.
1194
01:42:52,801 --> 01:42:55,636
You must cooperate.
1195
01:42:57,890 --> 01:43:00,642
Good, Bialystock und Bloom.
1196
01:43:00,809 --> 01:43:02,387
Now I have you.
1197
01:43:02,561 --> 01:43:04,139
Go ahead and pray.
1198
01:43:04,730 --> 01:43:08,728
I would say so if we did
would get into trouble? The time has come.
1199
01:43:09,777 --> 01:43:12,232
Franz, don't do it. I beg you.
1200
01:43:17,200 --> 01:43:19,572
Bunch of sniveling cowards.
1201
01:43:19,744 --> 01:43:21,572
Hiding under a desk?
1202
01:43:21,747 --> 01:43:25,875
Clinging to life
like young butterflies?
1203
01:43:26,043 --> 01:43:29,412
Franz Liebkind will show
how to die like a real man.
1204
01:43:37,221 --> 01:43:39,890
He's stuck.
Boy, when things go wrong...
1205
01:43:42,058 --> 01:43:45,179
Now it's over.
No author next time.
1206
01:43:47,439 --> 01:43:49,646
Why are you even shooting at us?
1207
01:43:49,817 --> 01:43:51,441
Teutonic fool.
1208
01:43:52,944 --> 01:43:54,938
Wait a minute.
1209
01:43:55,114 --> 01:43:56,608
I have an idea.
1210
01:43:56,782 --> 01:43:59,107
A way to end the show.
1211
01:44:03,121 --> 01:44:07,914
Calm down.
- But what?
1212
01:44:08,419 --> 01:44:10,210
Franz, listen to me.
1213
01:44:10,379 --> 01:44:12,751
Use this where necessary.
1214
01:44:12,923 --> 01:44:15,592
Shoot the actors anyway.
- The actors?
1215
01:44:15,759 --> 01:44:17,253
Yes, the actors.
1216
01:44:17,427 --> 01:44:20,512
Everyone laughed at your beloved Führer
out, and why?
1217
01:44:20,681 --> 01:44:23,551
Because the actors
ridiculed him.
1218
01:44:23,726 --> 01:44:28,304
You're right.
- Yes. Here, go buy bullets.
1219
01:44:28,480 --> 01:44:32,430
Kill all the actors.
- I have to kill the actors.
1220
01:44:32,610 --> 01:44:35,147
Wait a minute.
1221
01:44:35,696 --> 01:44:37,487
What are you talking about?
1222
01:44:37,656 --> 01:44:40,443
You can't kill the actors.
1223
01:44:40,617 --> 01:44:42,906
Actors are people, not animals.
1224
01:44:43,079 --> 01:44:45,201
Is that so?
Ever had dinner with an actor?
1225
01:44:45,372 --> 01:44:47,993
Here. Listen...
- Police, open the door.
1226
01:44:48,166 --> 01:44:50,123
The police.
1227
01:44:52,964 --> 01:44:55,454
I didn't belong to the Nazis.
I had nothing...
1228
01:44:55,633 --> 01:44:57,506
Drop that weapon.
1229
01:44:58,844 --> 01:45:00,338
What's happening here?
1230
01:45:00,512 --> 01:45:02,006
This bastard is crazy.
1231
01:45:02,180 --> 01:45:04,340
He came in and wanted to kill us.
1232
01:45:04,517 --> 01:45:07,767
What beautiful alliteration.
- Thank you, honey.
1233
01:45:09,605 --> 01:45:11,930
Okay, you can go.
1234
01:45:15,026 --> 01:45:16,687
Did you try to kill him?
1235
01:45:18,280 --> 01:45:20,024
O'Rourke, arrest this man.
1236
01:45:20,199 --> 01:45:21,693
Next stop, Sing Sing.
1237
01:45:21,867 --> 01:45:26,778
Sing Sing?
You're not going to take me alive.
1238
01:45:31,877 --> 01:45:36,289
What happened?
- My other leg is broken.
1239
01:45:42,096 --> 01:45:45,714
Well who are you
and why did he want to shoot you?
1240
01:45:45,891 --> 01:45:49,723
I haven't the slightest idea,
Sergeant O'Toole.
1241
01:45:49,895 --> 01:45:53,062
The name is O'Bialystock.
1242
01:45:53,232 --> 01:45:57,229
I was on my way
to the Pat O'Brien Film Festival...
1243
01:45:57,402 --> 01:46:01,151
and I popped in to see
what was going on.
1244
01:46:01,323 --> 01:46:06,234
I'll just go
before my voice gets even higher.
1245
01:46:08,080 --> 01:46:11,246
As we say in the old country:
Taxi.
1246
01:46:11,416 --> 01:46:14,418
Wait a minute.
- Look at this.
1247
01:46:14,587 --> 01:46:16,793
What?
- These two accounts.
1248
01:46:16,964 --> 01:46:22,384
It says here: Show to the IRS.
- What's on the other one?
1249
01:46:22,552 --> 01:46:25,507
“Never show it to the IRS.”
1250
01:46:25,681 --> 01:46:28,433
The three of you are coming along
to the desk.
1251
01:46:28,601 --> 01:46:33,061
Three?
- Yes, you and those two books.
1252
01:46:45,492 --> 01:46:47,781
Where are you?
1253
01:46:47,953 --> 01:46:51,785
Everyone is waiting for you
at the premiere party.
1254
01:46:51,957 --> 01:46:55,160
Ulla, help me.
1255
01:47:00,633 --> 01:47:03,302
What happened?
1256
01:47:04,386 --> 01:47:05,845
I already know.
1257
01:47:06,013 --> 01:47:10,057
You hung up your coat
while you were still wearing it.
1258
01:47:21,528 --> 01:47:24,233
Thanks for your help.
1259
01:47:32,914 --> 01:47:35,999
What were you doing there?
- Hide.
1260
01:47:36,168 --> 01:47:39,667
I hid.
- For whom? For what?
1261
01:47:39,838 --> 01:47:44,500
The police just got here.
They arrested Max.
1262
01:47:44,676 --> 01:47:48,425
Do they have the books?
- What should I do? Poor Max.
1263
01:47:48,597 --> 01:47:51,349
I can turn myself in
and go with him.
1264
01:47:51,517 --> 01:47:55,929
My dear darling,
we both love Max...
1265
01:47:56,271 --> 01:48:00,519
but I think you have two options:
1266
01:48:00,943 --> 01:48:05,189
You can go to jail
with Mr Bialystock...
1267
01:48:05,364 --> 01:48:09,611
and sit for years and years and years.
1268
01:48:09,785 --> 01:48:12,454
Your second option is...
1269
01:48:12,621 --> 01:48:18,125
that you take that two million dollars
and goes to Rio with Ulla.
1270
01:48:18,293 --> 01:48:22,374
My goodness, what a dilemma.
1271
01:48:22,631 --> 01:48:24,540
What should I do?
1272
01:48:24,717 --> 01:48:28,761
To prison or to Rio?
1273
01:48:31,306 --> 01:48:33,632
Mail.
1274
01:48:34,018 --> 01:48:37,102
Hey, fat guy.
1275
01:48:37,855 --> 01:48:41,899
I'm not that fat.
- That's what you say.
1276
01:48:42,108 --> 01:48:44,232
You have a postcard.
1277
01:48:44,528 --> 01:48:46,485
A map? From where?
1278
01:48:46,906 --> 01:48:48,649
Brazil.
1279
01:48:51,993 --> 01:48:54,531
Who do I know in Brazil?
1280
01:48:55,414 --> 01:48:57,905
Why am I asking you that?
1281
01:49:02,879 --> 01:49:08,087
'Dear Max, Rio is everything
what you said and more.
1282
01:49:08,260 --> 01:49:10,929
Ulla and I think of you when we can.
1283
01:49:15,434 --> 01:49:18,435
In the morning when we have breakfast
on our terrace...
1284
01:49:18,604 --> 01:49:20,229
with many types of herring.
1285
01:49:21,148 --> 01:49:25,442
In the afternoon when we meet each other
to rub sun-drenched bodies...
1286
01:49:25,611 --> 01:49:31,780
with banana-coconut oil,
number fifteen.
1287
01:49:33,118 --> 01:49:37,994
And in the evening when we dance the samba
in the moonlight.'
1288
01:49:38,165 --> 01:49:41,450
you will be happy in Rio
1289
01:49:41,627 --> 01:49:44,877
the beaches are full of pearls
1290
01:49:45,047 --> 01:49:48,380
the tropical wind always blows
1291
01:49:48,550 --> 01:49:52,133
and the women wear suspenders
1292
01:49:52,470 --> 01:49:55,887
'Sorry, I have to go. Ulla is waiting
1293
01:49:56,141 --> 01:49:59,142
It's almost eleven o'clock.
1294
01:50:01,188 --> 01:50:03,145
Wish you were there.
1295
01:50:03,315 --> 01:50:07,645
Your friend, Leo.'
1296
01:50:08,987 --> 01:50:10,814
just like Cain and Abel
1297
01:50:10,989 --> 01:50:13,397
it was a surprise attack
1298
01:50:13,575 --> 01:50:16,149
I thought we were brothers
1299
01:50:16,329 --> 01:50:19,911
but you were just a jellyfish
1300
01:50:20,082 --> 01:50:24,079
deceived
1301
01:50:24,252 --> 01:50:27,752
Boy, I'm so deceived
1302
01:50:28,632 --> 01:50:31,419
just like Samson and Delilah
took away your love
1303
01:50:31,593 --> 01:50:34,263
I'm crying in jail
you will fail in Rio
1304
01:50:34,429 --> 01:50:36,422
deceived
1305
01:50:36,598 --> 01:50:40,347
be honest, I have been cheated
1306
01:50:40,686 --> 01:50:46,190
boy, you are so mean
1307
01:50:46,566 --> 01:50:50,516
boy, I'm so alone
1308
01:50:50,695 --> 01:50:53,982
I didn't see it coming
I've been tricked
1309
01:50:54,158 --> 01:50:56,731
I feel like Othello
all is lost
1310
01:50:56,910 --> 01:50:59,745
Leo is lago
Max gets the wind from the front
1311
01:50:59,913 --> 01:51:01,537
you lied to me
1312
01:51:01,706 --> 01:51:03,866
oh yes, I was cheated too
1313
01:51:04,043 --> 01:51:07,043
I'm going to jail for that
no one is paying my bail
1314
01:51:07,212 --> 01:51:10,996
I can't cry to anyone
I can't say goodbye to anyone
1315
01:51:11,758 --> 01:51:13,667
I'm drowning.
1316
01:51:13,843 --> 01:51:15,386
I'm drowning.
1317
01:51:15,554 --> 01:51:17,381
I'm drowning here.
1318
01:51:17,556 --> 01:51:21,221
I'm going under for the last time.
1319
01:51:21,852 --> 01:51:26,395
My life flashes before my eyes
over.
1320
01:51:26,690 --> 01:51:32,396
I see a weathered farmhouse
with a white fence.
1321
01:51:32,613 --> 01:51:37,109
I run through the alfalfa fields
with my collie, Rex.
1322
01:51:37,284 --> 01:51:40,202
No, Rex, not on the alfalfa.
1323
01:51:42,581 --> 01:51:44,408
And I see my mother.
1324
01:51:44,583 --> 01:51:48,248
I see mom on the porch...
1325
01:51:48,420 --> 01:51:51,338
in a worn,
but a clean floral dress.
1326
01:51:51,507 --> 01:51:54,757
I hear mom calling me.
1327
01:51:54,927 --> 01:51:58,461
Alvin. Don't forget your chores.
1328
01:51:58,638 --> 01:52:01,593
The wood must be stacked,
and milked the cows.
1329
01:52:06,104 --> 01:52:07,433
Wait a minute.
1330
01:52:07,606 --> 01:52:09,764
My name isn't Alvin at all.
1331
01:52:10,066 --> 01:52:12,143
That's not my life.
1332
01:52:12,570 --> 01:52:16,188
Someone else's life
flashes before my eyes.
1333
01:52:17,783 --> 01:52:21,068
What the hell does that mean?
1334
01:52:21,328 --> 01:52:24,448
I'm not a country bumpkin.
I grew up in the Bronx.
1335
01:52:24,623 --> 01:52:28,621
Leo took everything,
even my past.
1336
01:52:28,836 --> 01:52:34,708
my past is nothing anymore
1337
01:52:34,884 --> 01:52:39,426
wait, now I remember
1338
01:52:39,596 --> 01:52:42,004
how did it start?
he came into my office
1339
01:52:42,182 --> 01:52:43,806
with his idiotic plan
1340
01:52:43,975 --> 01:52:46,384
you earn more on a flop
then a hit
1341
01:52:46,562 --> 01:52:48,887
we can do it
we can do it
1342
01:52:49,064 --> 01:52:51,140
I can't
we can do it
1343
01:52:51,316 --> 01:52:53,985
I can't
See you soon, Max
1344
01:52:54,152 --> 01:52:56,643
God, I want that money
I'm back, Max
1345
01:52:56,821 --> 01:53:00,321
Come on, Leo, it will be fine
step one, find the play
1346
01:53:00,492 --> 01:53:03,493
see it, smell it, kiss it
hello, Mr. Liebkind
1347
01:53:05,163 --> 01:53:06,788
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler?
1348
01:53:09,084 --> 01:53:12,121
step two, hire a director
keep it light
1349
01:53:12,296 --> 01:53:14,419
two, three, step, turn, kick
1350
01:53:16,883 --> 01:53:18,757
step three, find the money
1351
01:53:19,052 --> 01:53:21,259
then came Bialy
1352
01:53:21,430 --> 01:53:23,755
step four, hire the actors
1353
01:53:23,933 --> 01:53:26,221
A Wandering Minstrel I
in rags and...
1354
01:53:26,393 --> 01:53:28,516
next
The Little Wooden Boy
1355
01:53:28,687 --> 01:53:30,514
next
that's our Hitler
1356
01:53:31,106 --> 01:53:33,183
break a leg
I broke my leg
1357
01:53:33,359 --> 01:53:35,435
Spring for Hitler and Germany
1358
01:53:35,611 --> 01:53:38,814
a surprising hit
spring for Hitler and Germany
1359
01:53:38,989 --> 01:53:43,318
it will run for years
what have we done well?
1360
01:53:43,535 --> 01:53:45,244
give me those books
fat guy
1361
01:53:45,412 --> 01:53:47,120
give me those books
fat guy
1362
01:53:50,042 --> 01:53:53,327
kill the actors
ever had dinner with an actor?
1363
01:53:53,503 --> 01:53:56,505
then you fled to Rio
and you ended up in safety
1364
01:53:56,674 --> 01:54:03,043
I'm behind bars
you take Ulla on the beach
1365
01:54:03,305 --> 01:54:06,804
just like Julius Caesar
1366
01:54:06,975 --> 01:54:09,217
was tricked by Brutus
1367
01:54:09,436 --> 01:54:12,770
unbelievable, my accountant
was a straight up Judas
1368
01:54:12,940 --> 01:54:15,477
I have been deceived behind my back
1369
01:54:15,650 --> 01:54:19,898
Do I get this in return?
1370
01:54:22,241 --> 01:54:29,536
I have been cheated
1371
01:54:34,378 --> 01:54:37,877
Gentlemen of the jury, you are
have you reached a decision?
1372
01:54:38,423 --> 01:54:41,590
Yes, Your Honor.
1373
01:54:41,886 --> 01:54:44,044
We find the suspect...
1374
01:54:44,221 --> 01:54:46,427
terribly guilty.
1375
01:54:49,601 --> 01:54:51,890
Hold me, touch me.
1376
01:54:53,104 --> 01:54:55,347
I'm quite busy.
1377
01:54:55,649 --> 01:54:59,896
Does the suspect want to say anything?
1378
01:55:01,446 --> 01:55:03,818
Yes, Your Honor.
1379
01:55:04,783 --> 01:55:09,575
I have been for the past twenty years
a lying, dishonest...
1380
01:55:09,746 --> 01:55:13,115
hypocritical, conniving
and a mean villain.
1381
01:55:13,291 --> 01:55:14,785
But I had no choice.
1382
01:55:16,127 --> 01:55:19,129
I was a Broadway producer.
1383
01:55:19,965 --> 01:55:21,507
A man without conscience...
1384
01:55:21,758 --> 01:55:24,214
and who no one cares about.
1385
01:55:24,386 --> 01:55:27,221
Your Honor,
that's what hurts the most.
1386
01:55:27,681 --> 01:55:31,549
I thought I was a faithful partner
had found.
1387
01:55:32,186 --> 01:55:34,676
A man I cared about...
1388
01:55:34,980 --> 01:55:36,972
and who also cared about me, I thought.
1389
01:55:37,482 --> 01:55:38,893
What breaks my heart...
1390
01:55:39,067 --> 01:55:41,440
is that he left
when I needed him.
1391
01:55:41,612 --> 01:55:44,150
I probably will
never see again.
1392
01:55:44,323 --> 01:55:45,781
That's not true.
1393
01:55:50,412 --> 01:55:51,823
Silence in the room.
1394
01:55:52,373 --> 01:55:55,124
And stop with the samba.
1395
01:55:56,335 --> 01:55:59,501
Who are you?
- I'm Leopold Bloom...
1396
01:55:59,671 --> 01:56:02,541
Max Bialystock's partner.
1397
01:56:02,717 --> 01:56:05,005
And who are you, girl?
1398
01:56:05,177 --> 01:56:08,760
I am Ulla Inga Hansen Benson...
1399
01:56:08,931 --> 01:56:14,137
Yonsen Tallen-Hallen
Svaden Svanson Bloom.
1400
01:56:14,311 --> 01:56:15,889
Bloom?
1401
01:56:16,063 --> 01:56:18,684
Are you his wife?
- Yes, Your Honor.
1402
01:56:18,857 --> 01:56:21,644
He did it alone
if we were married.
1403
01:56:22,819 --> 01:56:24,230
What a schmuck.
1404
01:56:26,240 --> 01:56:28,647
Mr. Bloom, why
for God's sake will you come back...
1405
01:56:28,826 --> 01:56:31,198
to turn themselves in?
1406
01:56:31,370 --> 01:56:34,039
Why? To speak for him.
1407
01:56:34,956 --> 01:56:39,915
We all know that Max Bialystock
a lying, dishonest...
1408
01:56:40,087 --> 01:56:44,630
hypocritical, slippery,
manipulative, sneaky...
1409
01:56:44,800 --> 01:56:46,424
Please...
1410
01:56:46,885 --> 01:56:48,343
don't try to help me.
1411
01:56:50,389 --> 01:56:53,390
Your Honor,
may I speak to the court?
1412
01:56:54,643 --> 01:57:00,229
The law is there for people
to protect against injustice.
1413
01:57:00,398 --> 01:57:04,231
But who has Max Bialystock
wronged?
1414
01:57:04,403 --> 01:57:07,487
Certainly not these lovely ladies.
- No.
1415
01:57:07,656 --> 01:57:09,779
And neither do I.
1416
01:57:10,242 --> 01:57:12,200
Not me.
1417
01:57:12,578 --> 01:57:14,736
And I was nobody.
1418
01:57:14,913 --> 01:57:18,247
No one ever called me 'Leo'.
1419
01:57:18,417 --> 01:57:21,536
Your Honor, I know
that it is not a legal argument...
1420
01:57:21,711 --> 01:57:25,923
but from kindergarten onwards
everyone already calls me 'Bloom'.
1421
01:57:26,383 --> 01:57:30,428
What I'm saying is,
that even when I was in Rio...
1422
01:57:30,595 --> 01:57:35,341
and I had everything
what my heart desired...
1423
01:57:38,604 --> 01:57:41,059
I suddenly realized that...
1424
01:57:41,231 --> 01:57:43,354
this man...
1425
01:57:44,359 --> 01:57:46,067
this man...
1426
01:57:46,862 --> 01:57:50,196
I used to see myself
never for full on
1427
01:57:50,657 --> 01:57:52,650
until he came
1428
01:57:55,162 --> 01:57:58,745
life was so sad
I didn't like it
1429
01:57:58,916 --> 01:58:02,332
until he came
1430
01:58:03,170 --> 01:58:06,954
my existence seemed more
on a tragedy
1431
01:58:07,382 --> 01:58:10,716
I was timid
never dared to do anything
1432
01:58:11,470 --> 01:58:13,463
until I felt its power
1433
01:58:13,639 --> 01:58:18,265
and my heart started beating faster
1434
01:58:19,686 --> 01:58:23,269
I was always anxious
and full of worries
1435
01:58:23,482 --> 01:58:25,771
until he came
1436
01:58:27,986 --> 01:58:31,485
I always postponed everything
see you tomorrow
1437
01:58:31,656 --> 01:58:36,118
until he came
1438
01:58:36,412 --> 01:58:40,658
he brightened up my life
1439
01:58:40,999 --> 01:58:46,160
the glass was half full again
1440
01:58:46,338 --> 01:58:52,506
there never will be, never
could be a second
1441
01:58:54,304 --> 01:59:00,010
as he
1442
01:59:13,282 --> 01:59:15,737
I never knew...
1443
01:59:17,077 --> 01:59:20,861
that you can sing so well.
- Thank you.
1444
01:59:21,040 --> 01:59:25,369
You're like a professional.
- I sang it for you.
1445
01:59:25,544 --> 01:59:28,580
I sang it
because you're my friend.
1446
01:59:29,798 --> 01:59:31,423
Really and truly?
1447
01:59:32,468 --> 01:59:35,385
I've had many relationships...
1448
01:59:35,554 --> 01:59:37,630
but they weren't friends.
1449
01:59:37,806 --> 01:59:39,845
Now that I think about it...
1450
01:59:40,058 --> 01:59:43,428
No one ever has me
really get to know you.
1451
01:59:43,604 --> 01:59:47,055
until he came
1452
01:59:48,984 --> 01:59:52,851
everyone always took me
In the mold
1453
01:59:53,029 --> 01:59:57,074
until he came
1454
01:59:58,327 --> 02:00:02,656
never met a man
who I could trust
1455
02:00:02,914 --> 02:00:07,292
I only have
known both
1456
02:00:07,503 --> 02:00:09,875
things will turn out fine now
1457
02:00:10,047 --> 02:00:16,215
because I found a friend in him
1458
02:00:20,057 --> 02:00:22,096
Better not help me.
1459
02:00:22,267 --> 02:00:26,596
always on my own
never a duo
1460
02:00:26,771 --> 02:00:29,607
until he came
1461
02:00:44,123 --> 02:00:48,618
never a size
to share everything
1462
02:00:48,793 --> 02:00:53,456
until he came
1463
02:00:54,008 --> 02:00:58,634
he brightened up my life
1464
02:00:59,221 --> 02:01:04,464
the glass was half full again
1465
02:01:04,852 --> 02:01:07,521
there never will be, never
1466
02:01:07,688 --> 02:01:13,441
could be a second
1467
02:01:15,821 --> 02:01:23,116
as he
1468
02:01:31,086 --> 02:01:33,125
Gentlemen, it breaks my heart...
1469
02:01:33,296 --> 02:01:35,704
to destroy your friendship.
1470
02:01:35,882 --> 02:01:37,625
So I don't do that.
1471
02:01:37,802 --> 02:01:40,506
Five years in Sing Sing Prison.
1472
02:01:42,681 --> 02:01:49,680
come on and sing, sing
1473
02:01:49,855 --> 02:01:51,729
just lock us up
1474
02:01:51,899 --> 02:01:54,057
and lose the key
1475
02:01:54,234 --> 02:01:55,812
for who knows love
1476
02:01:55,986 --> 02:01:58,559
lives in freedom
- Come on, guys.
1477
02:01:58,738 --> 02:02:00,316
captivated by our hearts
1478
02:02:00,490 --> 02:02:02,033
we know no smart
1479
02:02:02,201 --> 02:02:05,570
because we are captivated by our hearts
1480
02:02:05,787 --> 02:02:07,863
Congratulations.
1481
02:02:09,541 --> 02:02:12,745
You now own 45 percent...
1482
02:02:14,922 --> 02:02:17,210
from In the Spell of Our Heart. Next.
1483
02:02:17,382 --> 02:02:19,707
How much have you sold?
- 600 percent.
1484
02:02:19,885 --> 02:02:23,467
Is that all? Continue selling.
1485
02:02:24,056 --> 02:02:28,184
You guys stop. Silence. Give here.
1486
02:02:28,352 --> 02:02:30,391
How many times do I have to say it?
1487
02:02:30,562 --> 02:02:33,314
No knives during rehearsal.
1488
02:02:35,901 --> 02:02:37,977
What are you in for? No sense of rhythm?
1489
02:02:38,153 --> 02:02:40,561
Everyone get in line, right now.
1490
02:02:40,739 --> 02:02:43,028
All right, bunch of animals, at the same time.
1491
02:02:43,200 --> 02:02:46,034
From the beginning. Come on, Franz.
1492
02:02:47,371 --> 02:02:49,198
captivated by our hearts
1493
02:02:49,373 --> 02:02:51,164
we know no smart
1494
02:02:51,333 --> 02:02:55,282
Our hearts don't belong in the cell
- Keep up the pace.
1495
02:02:55,462 --> 02:02:57,004
captivated by our hearts.
1496
02:02:57,172 --> 02:03:00,209
hardened by torture
- Now just the murderers.
1497
02:03:00,384 --> 02:03:02,008
You there.
1498
02:03:02,177 --> 02:03:05,427
The director also wants to participate.
1499
02:03:08,141 --> 02:03:11,262
Then he now owns 100 percent
from In the Spell of Our Heart.
1500
02:03:11,437 --> 02:03:13,892
Thank you.
- Sing, criminals.
1501
02:03:14,064 --> 02:03:17,349
They don't hear you in solitary confinement.
Do your best.
1502
02:03:17,526 --> 02:03:21,570
The premiere is Saturday evening
in Leavenworth.
1503
02:03:21,739 --> 02:03:25,570
Bialystock, Bloom, Liebkind,
I have good news.
1504
02:03:25,742 --> 02:03:27,284
This comes from the governor.
1505
02:03:27,452 --> 02:03:29,741
Gentlemen, you are hereby pardoned...
1506
02:03:29,913 --> 02:03:33,032
because through song and dance,
joy and fun...
1507
02:03:33,208 --> 02:03:37,123
in the heart of every murderer
and rapist.
1508
02:03:37,296 --> 02:03:39,703
You are free.
- Free?
1509
02:03:39,881 --> 02:03:42,633
Next stop: Under the Spell of Our Hearts
on Broadway.
1510
02:03:42,801 --> 02:03:47,297
Broadway.
- Adolf, tell the other birds.
1511
02:03:47,473 --> 02:03:53,261
because who knows love
lives in freedom
1512
02:03:58,400 --> 02:04:02,445
come on and sing, sing
1513
02:04:06,449 --> 02:04:09,736
captivated by our hearts
we know no smart
1514
02:04:10,120 --> 02:04:13,655
our hearts do not belong in the cell
1515
02:04:13,832 --> 02:04:15,492
captivated by our hearts
1516
02:04:15,667 --> 02:04:19,500
hardened by torture
- that deposit will be there
1517
02:04:19,672 --> 02:04:22,507
away from hell
- just lock us up
1518
02:04:22,674 --> 02:04:24,667
and lose the key
1519
02:04:24,843 --> 02:04:28,675
for whoever knows love,
lives in freedom
1520
02:04:28,847 --> 02:04:30,471
captivated by our hearts
1521
02:04:30,640 --> 02:04:32,100
we know no smart
1522
02:04:32,268 --> 02:04:34,011
because we are under a ban
1523
02:04:34,353 --> 02:04:35,763
we are banned
1524
02:04:36,230 --> 02:04:38,899
we are captivated by our hearts
1525
02:05:07,928 --> 02:05:09,802
Leo and Max
1526
02:05:09,972 --> 02:05:11,929
stand upright again
1527
02:05:12,099 --> 02:05:15,882
things are going in the right direction
1528
02:05:16,061 --> 02:05:18,054
Leo and Max
1529
02:05:18,230 --> 02:05:19,890
received a kick
1530
02:05:20,065 --> 02:05:23,398
but are back at the top
1531
02:05:23,568 --> 02:05:27,780
so we collect your money
then have no fear
1532
02:05:27,947 --> 02:05:31,732
we're beating Broadway down
1533
02:05:31,910 --> 02:05:33,737
a large cast
great script
1534
02:05:33,912 --> 02:05:35,620
but we tell you one thing
1535
02:05:35,789 --> 02:05:37,449
it is so
there is no show
1536
02:05:37,624 --> 02:05:40,828
without the producers
1537
02:05:43,589 --> 02:05:46,376
we don't give up
1538
02:05:46,550 --> 02:05:47,925
stay at the top
1539
02:05:52,097 --> 02:05:57,257
the producers
Leo and Max
1540
02:07:46,753 --> 02:07:48,877
after the overture
1541
02:07:49,048 --> 02:07:51,289
the curtain goes up
1542
02:07:51,467 --> 02:07:53,589
you are someone of allure
1543
02:07:53,760 --> 02:07:56,085
it is a feast for the eyes
1544
02:07:56,263 --> 02:07:58,385
there you are sitting in your chair
1545
02:07:58,557 --> 02:08:00,799
with a smile on your face
1546
02:08:00,976 --> 02:08:02,933
what is this magical thing?
1547
02:08:03,103 --> 02:08:07,314
and then you realize
1548
02:08:07,482 --> 02:08:10,567
there is
1549
02:08:10,736 --> 02:08:14,899
There is nothing more beautiful than a show
on Broadway
1550
02:08:15,073 --> 02:08:19,118
nothing better than a Broadway show
1551
02:08:19,286 --> 02:08:22,869
your heart skips a beat
on Broadway
1552
02:08:23,040 --> 02:08:25,578
you're feeling a bit sad
I give you this tip
1553
02:08:25,751 --> 02:08:27,660
you really have to go there
1554
02:08:27,836 --> 02:08:29,912
movies are lame
their ending duf
1555
02:08:30,088 --> 02:08:31,748
on TV everything is make believe
1556
02:08:31,923 --> 02:08:33,917
go, one, two
so come along
1557
02:08:34,093 --> 02:08:35,635
to where we love to be
1558
02:08:35,803 --> 02:08:40,381
There is nothing more beautiful than a show
on Broadway
1559
02:08:40,557 --> 02:08:44,506
nothing better than a Broadway show
1560
02:08:44,687 --> 02:08:46,430
it is alleged
the theater is dead
1561
02:08:46,605 --> 02:08:48,313
critics like to say it
1562
02:08:48,482 --> 02:08:50,309
but the theater is alive
and survives
1563
02:08:50,484 --> 02:08:52,108
although it is a terrible plague
1564
02:08:52,277 --> 02:08:54,104
you're finally in
1565
02:08:54,279 --> 02:08:56,154
May the show begin
1566
02:08:56,323 --> 02:08:58,150
that guy on the right is quite sturdy
1567
02:08:58,325 --> 02:09:00,614
that guy on the left who is sneezing so heavily
1568
02:09:00,786 --> 02:09:02,695
the music is crap
the lyrics are rubbish
1569
02:09:02,871 --> 02:09:04,745
the casting is nothing again
1570
02:09:04,915 --> 02:09:08,284
and if you want to go to the toilet,
the line is also quite long
1571
02:09:08,461 --> 02:09:12,754
There is nothing more beautiful than a show
on Broadway
1572
02:09:12,923 --> 02:09:16,837
nothing better than a Broadway show
1573
02:09:17,010 --> 02:09:20,795
you swear never to go there again
you won't find anything in it anymore
1574
02:09:20,973 --> 02:09:23,049
you swear that oath
but before you know it
1575
02:09:23,225 --> 02:09:27,768
you're at the front again
1576
02:09:27,938 --> 02:09:31,189
so there is
1577
02:09:31,358 --> 02:09:35,226
There is nothing more beautiful than a show
on Broadway
1578
02:09:35,404 --> 02:09:37,895
nothing better than a Broadway show
1579
02:09:38,073 --> 02:09:39,484
except for the bios
1580
02:09:39,658 --> 02:09:43,905
nothing better than a Broadway show
1581
02:09:44,079 --> 02:09:48,243
and it costs a fortune
it costs a hundred dollars
1582
02:09:48,417 --> 02:09:51,086
nothing more beautiful
1583
02:09:51,253 --> 02:09:57,790
than a Broadway show
1584
02:13:09,869 --> 02:13:13,154
Don't forget to buy Mein Kampf...
1585
02:13:13,330 --> 02:13:15,572
in paperback.
1586
02:13:17,209 --> 02:13:20,375
Available...
1587
02:13:21,380 --> 02:13:24,001
at Borders Books...
1588
02:13:24,174 --> 02:13:26,796
or Barnes and Noble...
1589
02:13:27,177 --> 02:13:31,009
and amazon.com.
1590
02:13:42,567 --> 02:13:45,355
thanks for watching
to our show
1591
02:13:45,529 --> 02:13:48,198
we have to go
we are so sorry
1592
02:13:48,365 --> 02:13:50,737
take your hat
and get away
1593
02:13:50,993 --> 02:13:53,910
didn't you understand?
this was all, you know
1594
02:13:54,079 --> 02:13:56,653
you were in stitches
then spread the word
1595
02:13:56,916 --> 02:14:00,534
but you didn't like it
then shut your mouth
1596
02:14:00,836 --> 02:14:03,587
thanks for coming
but we shout now
1597
02:14:03,755 --> 02:14:06,590
adios, au revoir,
wiedersehen, ta-ta-ta
1598
02:14:06,758 --> 02:14:09,001
see you later
- fuck off
1599
02:14:09,178 --> 02:14:12,796
go away
1600
02:14:13,265 --> 02:14:14,676
It's over.