1 00:00:03,554 --> 00:00:07,189 � Is violence in movies and sex on TV � 2 00:00:07,291 --> 00:00:10,792 � But where are those good old-fashioned values � 3 00:00:10,862 --> 00:00:13,795 � On which we used to rely? � 4 00:00:13,865 --> 00:00:17,266 � Lucky there's a family guy � 5 00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:20,536 � Lucky there's a man who positively can do � 6 00:00:20,638 --> 00:00:22,137 � All the things that make us � 7 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,539 � Laugh and cry � 8 00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:29,144 � He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! � 9 00:00:34,819 --> 00:00:36,218 Well, here we are. 10 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,220 Time for everyone to get new shoes. 11 00:00:38,322 --> 00:00:39,955 Hi. Can I help you find something? 12 00:00:40,057 --> 00:00:41,423 What's she gonna do? 13 00:00:41,492 --> 00:00:42,958 This place doesn't even have a back room. 14 00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:44,693 All the inventory's just out on the floor 15 00:00:44,762 --> 00:00:46,495 in ceiling-high library stacks. 16 00:00:46,597 --> 00:00:48,964 Yup, we got it, Stewie. You're better than this place. 17 00:00:49,066 --> 00:00:51,633 Yeah, I know that. I'm better than every place. 18 00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:54,036 Yes, my son needs a new pair of shoes. 19 00:00:54,105 --> 00:00:56,071 Okay, let's just see what his size is. 20 00:00:57,575 --> 00:00:59,575 Looks like a ten and a half. 21 00:00:59,677 --> 00:01:02,044 They're perfect. I'll take 'em. 22 00:01:02,113 --> 00:01:04,046 No, those aren't the shoes. 23 00:01:04,115 --> 00:01:07,449 (robotic): Do not speak in that tone to the Iron Giant. 24 00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:10,552 Must destroy shoebox city. 25 00:01:11,622 --> 00:01:13,655 Sorry. He's a little out of sorts. 26 00:01:13,724 --> 00:01:16,591 He saw a bra in the window of Lane Bryant on the way over. 27 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,593 They're, um... they're pretty big. 28 00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,929 They are a remarkable feat of engineering. 29 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,732 That and the Ferris wheel I will never understand. 30 00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:25,467 Yeah, for me, it's paper bags. 31 00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:27,469 I mean, there's a door in it, but no exit? 32 00:01:27,538 --> 00:01:29,672 -What's that about? -(laughs) 33 00:01:29,774 --> 00:01:31,473 I was serious about the bag, but, hi. 34 00:01:31,575 --> 00:01:32,941 -I'm Brian. -Holly. 35 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,344 Holly... are you free on Friday night? 36 00:01:35,413 --> 00:01:37,479 Well, I don't know. Are you a shoe store murderer? 37 00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:39,281 N-N-No. 38 00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,016 There's more than you'd think. 39 00:01:41,118 --> 00:01:43,285 Like, if you were me, that's not a ridiculous question. 40 00:01:43,387 --> 00:01:44,954 See you Friday. 41 00:01:45,056 --> 00:01:46,689 Good for you, Brian. 42 00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:48,557 Maybe you can take her to the Cheesecake Factory. 43 00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:50,092 People seem to like that place. 44 00:01:51,128 --> 00:01:53,162 Did you folks find something on the menu you'd like? 45 00:01:53,264 --> 00:01:57,165 No. 110 pages, and no. 46 00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,802 � � 47 00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,443 -What's all this? -Oh, hey, guys. 48 00:02:08,512 --> 00:02:10,846 Uh, sadly, my Uncle Ray passed away last week, 49 00:02:10,915 --> 00:02:13,315 but he left me his vintage sports car. 50 00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:15,784 Joe, that's amazing that your uncle died. 51 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,920 But I'm really sorry to hear about the car. 52 00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:19,788 He means that the other way around. 53 00:02:19,857 --> 00:02:21,990 Uncle Ray also left strict instructions 54 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,059 for me to show his car at the Classic Car Show 55 00:02:24,161 --> 00:02:25,461 in Providence this weekend. 56 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:26,995 Classic Car Show? 57 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,530 Isn't that one of those gatherings 58 00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:30,532 of a bunch of guys whose penises don't work? 59 00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:33,535 Correct. Anyone with a perfectly-restored classic car 60 00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:35,204 for sure has a bum wiener. 61 00:02:35,306 --> 00:02:37,006 Uh, he also left me everything I'd need 62 00:02:37,108 --> 00:02:41,276 to convert my garage to a 1950s-style diner. 63 00:02:42,313 --> 00:02:46,181 See, here are all the 1950s Coke signs from the 1980s. 64 00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:51,086 Oh, cool, and a jukebox! 65 00:02:51,155 --> 00:02:53,288 Yeah, but since the songs are from the '50s 66 00:02:53,357 --> 00:02:54,956 they're all about men in their 40s 67 00:02:55,026 --> 00:02:56,825 wanting to have sex with teenagers. 68 00:02:56,894 --> 00:02:59,895 � I wanna... be-bop a teeny bopper � 69 00:02:59,997 --> 00:03:01,963 � At the sock hop � 70 00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:04,833 � Or maybe after work behind the malt shop... � 71 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,769 (new 1950s song intro begins) 72 00:03:06,871 --> 00:03:10,639 � 13 candles � 73 00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:13,842 � Is probably enough... � 74 00:03:13,911 --> 00:03:16,578 � Nine, ten, 11-year-old, 12-year-old sex � 75 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,381 � I'm gonna sleep with all the kids tonight! � 76 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,583 Joe, stop pressing buttons. 77 00:03:21,652 --> 00:03:24,720 ("Somethin' Stupid" playing in distance) 78 00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:26,722 � And then I go and spoil it all � 79 00:03:26,824 --> 00:03:29,191 � By saying somethin' stupid � 80 00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:32,394 � Like "I love you." � 81 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:33,929 (scattered applause) 82 00:03:33,998 --> 00:03:36,065 Boy, I forgot how great that song is. 83 00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:38,600 I know, right? It's definitely my favorite romantic love song 84 00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:40,202 sung by a father to his daughter. 85 00:03:40,271 --> 00:03:41,470 Ooh, we should put in our next song. 86 00:03:41,539 --> 00:03:43,071 Good thinking. 87 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,007 Yes, we'd like to request "Witchcraft," 88 00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:47,342 as arranged by Mr. Nelson Riddle. 89 00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:48,877 (sighs) Okay, give me a minute. 90 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,479 You should just know 91 00:03:50,581 --> 00:03:52,081 there's a 21st birthday party here, 92 00:03:52,183 --> 00:03:54,483 and you're ruining it for them. 93 00:03:56,787 --> 00:03:58,554 Wow. 3:00 a.m. 94 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,889 We practically shut the place down. 95 00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:04,092 And quite a night. We got to sing two songs. 96 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,760 Do you mind if I kiss you? 97 00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,497 Actually, I should chew some gum first. 98 00:04:08,566 --> 00:04:10,165 I had bologna for dinner. 99 00:04:10,234 --> 00:04:11,633 Get over here. 100 00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:13,702 (both moaning) 101 00:04:15,473 --> 00:04:17,606 Oh, yeah, that's good kiss bologna. 102 00:04:21,245 --> 00:04:23,245 Oh, hey, guys, what's the word? 103 00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,847 Uh, bird. Bird is the word. 104 00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:27,649 But we were wondering if you'd take us 105 00:04:27,718 --> 00:04:29,317 for a spin in your new car. 106 00:04:29,386 --> 00:04:31,220 Yeah, that's a great idea. Hop in. 107 00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:37,593 Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! 108 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:41,329 (imitates clicking, engine revving) 109 00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:44,133 (imitates gear shifting) 110 00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:45,934 Uh, what-what... what's happening right now? 111 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,070 Close your eyes, gang, as we hit the Kancamagus Highway. 112 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:50,805 Just four miles to Mount Washington. 113 00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,341 What the hell are you doing, Joe? 114 00:04:52,443 --> 00:04:54,009 We want to go for a real drive. 115 00:04:54,111 --> 00:04:56,278 This is a real drive. Just imagine it. 116 00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:58,347 Feel that New Hampshire air. 117 00:04:58,449 --> 00:05:00,616 Joe, we're not in New Hampshire. We're in your driveway. 118 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:03,151 Oh, great, some knucklehead is tailgating us. 119 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,953 What's the hurry, pal? 120 00:05:05,022 --> 00:05:07,422 Oh, I see so many birds. 121 00:05:07,525 --> 00:05:10,158 Well, we're in a tunnel, so I'm not sure how that's possible. 122 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,960 Joe, stop this car right now. 123 00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:14,296 -The car is stopped. -(imitates gears grinding) 124 00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:16,298 (sighs) Always have trouble finding third. 125 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,433 (imitates brake squeaking) Okay, what's up? 126 00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:20,769 You got this amazing car. Why can't we take it out? 127 00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:22,304 Well, ever since I was nine, 128 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,838 I've dreamed of driving this car someday. 129 00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:25,707 But I'm not allowed. It's in my uncle's will. 130 00:05:25,809 --> 00:05:27,242 Even when I take it to the car show, 131 00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:28,910 I have to put it up on a trailer. 132 00:05:28,979 --> 00:05:30,912 Malcolm in the Middle, five nights a week 133 00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:33,448 on Manchester's Channel 12. 134 00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:35,117 Cleveland, stop reading fake billboards. 135 00:05:35,219 --> 00:05:36,919 Now, if you'll excuse me, 136 00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:41,456 I'm off to taste the delights of downtown Nashua. 137 00:05:41,559 --> 00:05:42,925 I don't care what Joe says. 138 00:05:43,027 --> 00:05:45,060 This is too nice a car not to drive it. 139 00:05:45,162 --> 00:05:47,930 Are you suggesting we take it out without telling Joe? 140 00:05:48,032 --> 00:05:49,598 He's left us no choice. 141 00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:51,866 I can't just sit in a car and pretend to drive, 142 00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:53,535 like-like I had to pretend to be impressed 143 00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:56,404 by Quagmire's new big, green grill. 144 00:05:56,473 --> 00:05:58,406 This is the largest high-performance 145 00:05:58,475 --> 00:06:00,342 ceramic cooker available, Peter. 146 00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:02,878 -NSF Certified. -Ah, yeah, cool. 147 00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,013 I'm starving. When do we... when do we fire this thing up? 148 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,216 (laughing): Fire-fire this thing up? 149 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,752 Get a load of this guy. You don't just fire it up. 150 00:06:10,854 --> 00:06:12,554 You slowly bring it to temperature. 151 00:06:12,656 --> 00:06:13,956 (sighs) Okay. 152 00:06:14,058 --> 00:06:15,557 When do we put the burgers on? 153 00:06:15,659 --> 00:06:18,159 B-B-Burgers? Are you hearing this? 154 00:06:18,229 --> 00:06:21,430 You don't put burgers on a grill of this quality, Peter. 155 00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:24,299 I've been brining a heritage breed chicken for three days. 156 00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:26,234 (sighs) Then can we put that on? 157 00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,437 Yes. At midnight, when it's reached temperature. 158 00:06:28,539 --> 00:06:30,171 Then why am I here now? 159 00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:33,175 Because I need your help to move the grill a single inch. 160 00:06:33,277 --> 00:06:35,277 (both grunting) 161 00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:38,847 (sighs) Well, let's just listen to music 162 00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:41,049 on my high-end stereo system. 163 00:06:41,118 --> 00:06:42,784 Nice. Let's crank it. 164 00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:44,986 (laughing): C-C-Crank it? 165 00:06:45,055 --> 00:06:46,588 You hear this clown? 166 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:48,323 I only use it to listen to podcasts. 167 00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:50,191 MAN: Today on The Moth, 168 00:06:50,261 --> 00:06:53,528 how a single pair of shoes reunited two sisters. 169 00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,735 So, big date, huh? 170 00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:02,804 You must really like this girl. 171 00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:06,074 Honestly, I think Holly could be... the one. 172 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,411 Brian, you strike me as a very selfless lover. 173 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,414 Is that true? Are you a selfless lover? 174 00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:14,216 Stop saying "selfless lover." 175 00:07:14,318 --> 00:07:16,084 Have you been reading Lois' romance novels again? 176 00:07:16,153 --> 00:07:17,953 A few, but I'm just saying I bet 177 00:07:18,055 --> 00:07:21,623 your coital congress will send Holly into paroxysms of ecstasy. 178 00:07:21,725 --> 00:07:24,092 -Knock it off. -What? I'm being supportive. 179 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,761 After all, confidence will help you 180 00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,297 maintain optimal stamina during your lovemaking. 181 00:07:28,399 --> 00:07:30,299 -That's enough. -Have it your way, Brian. 182 00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:34,569 I myself am a student of the pleasures of the flesh. 183 00:07:34,638 --> 00:07:37,939 (slurping) 184 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:42,611 Listen to your lover, Brian. 185 00:07:48,319 --> 00:07:49,718 (stomach gurgling) 186 00:07:49,787 --> 00:07:51,186 Ugh, damn it. Anxiety dump. 187 00:07:51,288 --> 00:07:53,188 (stomach gurgling) 188 00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:56,425 -(unzips) -Ah, that's better. 189 00:08:06,637 --> 00:08:09,604 Oh, uh, is-is Holly here? 190 00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:12,207 You must be the new jerk my mom is dating. 191 00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,142 Uh, and you must be the kid 192 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,577 she never told me about. 193 00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:21,750 I host Family Guy repeats in Germany. 194 00:08:21,819 --> 00:08:23,418 GERMAN ANNOUNCER: German Family Guy is brought to you 195 00:08:23,487 --> 00:08:25,954 by rail-thin men in Internet pornos going, 196 00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:32,444 "Ooh-aah, ooh-aah, ooh-aah!" 197 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,846 I'm sorry I never told you I had a son. 198 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,314 Some guys get scared off. 199 00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,116 No, no, that-that's great. 200 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,518 I'm-I'm terrific with kids. 201 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,985 I actually have a kid. 202 00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:43,255 Aw, that's sweet. How old is he? 203 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,724 Uh, I don't know. How long ago was Ratatouille? 204 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,392 Well, I'm gonna go finish getting ready. 205 00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:50,062 Why don't you guys get to know each other a little? 206 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:59,070 So, uh, is there a dad that you spend weeks of your time with? 207 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,939 My dad moved to Florida. 208 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,942 Sounds right. What, um... what grade are you in, bud? 209 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,078 -Second. -You don't say. 210 00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:08,346 Boy, I bet things are different than they were in my day. 211 00:09:08,449 --> 00:09:10,282 Lot of school shootings now. 212 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,484 -What?! -Oh, no. No, no, I... No, I just meant... 213 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,619 Like-like, people bring guns to school? 214 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,288 What? No, no, I'm-I'm not saying... 215 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,889 And they just shoot kids?! 216 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,624 Well, you can hide under your desk. 217 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:22,027 The desks won't be enough! (crying) 218 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,162 All set. You guys getting along? 219 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,898 Yup, just great. All right, let's go eat at a waffle house, 220 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,434 and then I'll show you all my bow-hunting carcasses. 221 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,770 That sounds like a perfectly normal date. 222 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,575 � � 223 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,849 Okay, I got a perfect way 224 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,984 to distract Joe while we take his car. 225 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,721 There's literally no phone survey he won't take. 226 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,589 -(phone ringing) -Hello? 227 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,325 Yes, Joe Swanson? 228 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:54,993 On a scale of one to ten, 229 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,662 how happy are you with your Wi-Fi service? 230 00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:02,200 Well, I'd say it's Wi-Fine. (chuckles) 231 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,668 I came up with that ten months ago 232 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:06,004 in anticipation of this very call. 233 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,273 Ha. Terrific. And would you be willing 234 00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,008 to take a half-hour survey 235 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:13,077 in your far upstairs bedroom while facing the wall? 236 00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,614 Also, how loud does your TV get? 237 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,216 BONNIE: Don't be long, Joe! I'm expecting a call. 238 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,352 I'll take the time I need! 239 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,554 This is the Wi-Fi call. 240 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,689 (engine starts) 241 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,225 Great job hot-wiring the car, Cleveland. 242 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,827 The key was in the ashtray, 243 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,696 but your presumption will not be forgotten. 244 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,799 (engine revving) 245 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:42,240 (sighs) You know, you're the Cub Scout. 246 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,776 We're supposed to be making this Pinewood Derby car together. 247 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,244 I don't care. 248 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:50,182 Hey, you're one kid, and we're four kids, 249 00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:52,584 -so we're gonna bully you. -(grunts) 250 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:53,718 Knock it off. 251 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,520 Or what, Kyle-Kyle-Dog-Poop-Pile? 252 00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,522 Hey, guys? Let's take it easy 253 00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:01,392 and maybe not use canine feces as a taunt. That's hurtful. 254 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,994 What? (chuckles) 255 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,730 He's just saying that Kyle's a little baby 256 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,800 who's too stupid to even know how to stand up for himself. 257 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,203 What are you gonna do, baby-- cry? 258 00:11:11,305 --> 00:11:12,604 -(growling) -(screaming) 259 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,806 Let go of me! Stop! 260 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,541 -You're crazy! -You leave him alone! 261 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,643 (barking) 262 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,146 Whoa. Thanks, Brian. 263 00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:24,816 Nobody's ever stood up for me like that before. 264 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,085 Well, I think my instincts just kicked in. 265 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,953 Want to help me sand your car? 266 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,456 Yeah. Definitely. 267 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,627 Animal control? 268 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,231 I'd like to schedule an emergency neutering. 269 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:41,333 � � 270 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,837 Man, I can't get over how old-timey 271 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,238 everything in this car is. 272 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,240 I know. Check out what's on the radio. 273 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,242 NEWSWMAN: President Kennedy has been shot. 274 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,645 NEWSMAN 2: The martians are now traveling to New Jersey. 275 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,647 MAN: � Beatles song, Beatles song � 276 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:58,449 � La, la, la, la, la. � 277 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,718 Ah, that last one brings back a lot of memories. 278 00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,654 Wow, this baby handles like a dream. 279 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,722 Do you guys mind if I drive with my knees 280 00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:08,393 while I make some last-minute fantasy football changes? 281 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,828 -Look out! -(tires screeching) 282 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,465 -Oh, my God! -Holy crap! 283 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,868 Aw, man, Joe is gonna be so pissed. 284 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,070 Thank God all we hit were those trash cans. 285 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,306 Oh, my God. Oscar! 286 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,946 (grunts) Tell my ex-wife... 287 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,348 to go (bleep) herself. 288 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,018 Very on-brand. 289 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,053 Right up to the end. 290 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,960 Thank you so much for having Kyle and me over for dinner. 291 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,895 Everything is delicious, Mrs. Griffin. 292 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,364 Well, I wasn't sure what a divorc�e eats, 293 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,366 so I just assumed fried things. 294 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,768 No, that's perfect. 295 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,637 What about this guy? Did he help with any of the cooking? 296 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,839 Brian is not allowed to touch communal food 297 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,841 because his feet smell like the street. 298 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,510 I like when you measured my feet at the store, 299 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:00,979 Brian's girlfriend. 300 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,848 Well, it... it was my pleasure, Chris. 301 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:07,118 I'm not actually sure if my shoes fit right now. 302 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,187 Um, could you do that thing 303 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,657 where you push your thumb on my big toe? 304 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,259 Chris, you're within six years of the same age 305 00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:17,929 as this kid you've never met and have nothing in common with. 306 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,464 Why don't you go up to your room 307 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:21,399 and have an awkward time together. 308 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,935 Um, okay. Want to go upstairs 309 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,071 and accidentally break one of my toys and I'll hit you? 310 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,239 I guess. 311 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,075 CHRIS: Hey, don't touch that! 312 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,277 -(thud) -(slap) 313 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:36,081 Mom! He blocked my punch and hit me! 314 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,682 I knew they'd get along. 315 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,818 You know, Kyle and I actually have to get going anyway, 316 00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:43,221 but thanks so much. 317 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,889 Hey, Holly, before you go, 318 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,824 settle an argument between me and my wife. 319 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:50,028 When measuring yourself, what do you count as the base? 320 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,364 -Peter. -What? She measures stuff for a living. 321 00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:55,767 Let me start by saying I am taint inclusive. 322 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,837 All right, I like where this is heading. 323 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,105 Well, thanks again for coming. 324 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,639 Oh, hey, you know, I was thinking 325 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,309 we could take Kyle to Bob's Funland on Saturday. 326 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,244 Oh. Really? 327 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,846 Yeah, I have to go there to buy Adderall anyway, so I thought... 328 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,983 Brian, stop. I just... We can't go. 329 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,253 -What? Why? -Honestly, I've been thinking... 330 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,788 STEWIE: Uh-oh! 331 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,323 Wh... W-What are you saying? 332 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,792 Well, Brian, I'm still young. 333 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,727 STEWIE: Oh, she's saying you're not. 334 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,862 And the truth is I'd like to date other people. 335 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,931 STEWIE (chuckles): Oh, nail, meet coffin. 336 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,067 In fact, my old boyfriend is single again, 337 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,269 and he happens to be a very selfless lover. 338 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,737 STEWIE: Dude, I told you. 339 00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:35,073 But i-if we break up, 340 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,509 does that mean I won't get to see Kyle, either? 341 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,146 I guess not. 342 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,418 I'm sorry, Brian. 343 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,953 � � 344 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,496 Touch my feet! 345 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:01,266 -Touch my feet! -Aah! 346 00:15:08,892 --> 00:15:10,992 (sighs) 347 00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:15,029 (sighs) 348 00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:33,748 -Oh. Hey, Stewie. -Hey... you. 349 00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:36,151 -Feeling down? -Yeah. 350 00:15:36,253 --> 00:15:38,419 Ah, don't worry about Holly. 351 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,555 "There are other fish in the sea" 352 00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:43,224 is what is usually said at a time like this. 353 00:15:43,326 --> 00:15:46,294 -That's the thing. It's not even Holly. -Ugh. There's more? 354 00:15:46,396 --> 00:15:49,097 I mean, the person I actually miss hanging out with is Kyle. 355 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,832 We'd formed a real connection, 356 00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,768 and I sort of liked being a father figure to him. 357 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,304 That's... that's nice, Brian. 358 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,506 Kyle and I had actual fun together. 359 00:15:58,608 --> 00:16:00,041 I mean, most kids suck. 360 00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,310 They just want to sit around and play Candy Land. 361 00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:05,180 -Yeah. Hell of a game. -No, it's not. Candy Land is terrible. 362 00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:06,714 There's not even any skill to it. 363 00:16:06,783 --> 00:16:09,183 Uh, okay. Um, you know what, Brian? 364 00:16:09,252 --> 00:16:10,718 You're hurt right now, 365 00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:13,054 and you're-you're saying things that you don't mean. 366 00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:15,456 But listen, if you miss Kyle that much, 367 00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:18,193 -you should go find him. -Thanks. Maybe I will. 368 00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:19,527 Just hope he doesn't want to play 369 00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:21,128 some stupid game like Go Fish. 370 00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:23,264 Go Fish is a thinking man's game 371 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,066 of inquiry and consequence. You know what? 372 00:16:25,168 --> 00:16:27,402 You know, I-I don't... I don't have to explain myself to you. 373 00:16:27,504 --> 00:16:29,537 Go-go on. Go find your kid. 374 00:16:34,978 --> 00:16:36,210 Damn it, what the hell are we gonna do? 375 00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,546 -Joe's gonna be furious. -Relax, Quagmire. 376 00:16:38,615 --> 00:16:40,348 From what I know about car accidents, 377 00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,884 you can total your car, completely walk away from it 378 00:16:42,986 --> 00:16:44,485 and still be Caitlyn Jenner. 379 00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:47,155 Besides, I'm pretty sure I can pound this out. 380 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,759 What the hell are you doing? 381 00:16:51,828 --> 00:16:54,629 -Crap, Joe's gonna kill us. -Quagmire's right. 382 00:16:54,698 --> 00:16:57,498 Remember how upset he got when they canceled Psych? 383 00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:58,833 (crying) 384 00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,701 Now who's gonna expose charlatans 385 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,439 by pretending to be psychic in the greater Santa Barbara area? 386 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,579 Oh, my God. 387 00:17:13,416 --> 00:17:15,249 What? What is this? 388 00:17:15,318 --> 00:17:17,518 Is this Ferris Bueller? 389 00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:20,188 Yeah, it's Ferris Bueller. 390 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,657 Hundred percent on Ferris Bueller. 391 00:17:22,726 --> 00:17:25,593 Well, I'm glad we got that settled. 392 00:17:25,662 --> 00:17:27,995 It's Fast Times at Ridgemont High, you idiot! 393 00:17:28,064 --> 00:17:30,197 Joe, we all watched it a week ago. 394 00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:33,668 Oh, yeah. You know, I enjoy movies while I'm watching them, 395 00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:36,137 but the second they're over, I can't remember a thing. 396 00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:37,538 Except Forrest Gump. 397 00:17:37,607 --> 00:17:39,474 (imitating Forrest Gump): "Try one of my candies. 398 00:17:39,576 --> 00:17:42,143 It'll tell you about life." 399 00:17:42,245 --> 00:17:44,879 (chuckles) I can't forget that beauty. 400 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,881 But what happened to my car?! 401 00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:48,215 We're really sorry, Joe. 402 00:17:48,285 --> 00:17:50,885 We took it without asking and wrecked it. 403 00:17:50,954 --> 00:17:52,553 I like When Harry Met Sally... 404 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:56,223 "I'll have the food what made that lady came." 405 00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:58,092 You guys ruined my uncle's car. 406 00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,161 We're so sorry, Joe. 407 00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:03,298 -It's okay. I'm not mad. -You're not? 408 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,633 No. In fact, uh, 409 00:18:05,702 --> 00:18:07,635 all I feel is relief. 410 00:18:07,704 --> 00:18:10,438 Caring for a car like that requires round the clock effort. 411 00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,373 Do you know how much of a pain in the ass that is? 412 00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:13,641 BONNIE: Yes! 413 00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:14,976 I mean, cars are meant to be driven, 414 00:18:15,045 --> 00:18:16,310 not kept in a garage. 415 00:18:16,379 --> 00:18:19,513 But it's too late now. I mean, look at it. 416 00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:22,417 I couldn't drive this car even if I wanted to. 417 00:18:23,453 --> 00:18:25,787 I'm not so sure about that. 418 00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:27,121 � � 419 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,124 I'm doing it! I'm doing it! This is awesome! 420 00:18:30,226 --> 00:18:31,592 I'm really d... Oh, 421 00:18:31,661 --> 00:18:33,461 stop sign, Quagmire, stop sign! 422 00:18:33,563 --> 00:18:35,263 (tires screech) 423 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,866 Joe's legs are, um... colder than I expected. 424 00:18:38,935 --> 00:18:40,702 No blood. 425 00:18:55,118 --> 00:18:56,451 (cheering) 426 00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:01,222 Brian, you made it! 427 00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:03,758 -Hey, buddy. -What are you doing here? 428 00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:06,361 Holly, I was a terrible dad with my own son, 429 00:19:06,463 --> 00:19:09,296 but I feel like I've made a true connection with Kyle. 430 00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,832 Whoa, did you earn a ribbon? 431 00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:13,568 No, it's a bookmark with a Bible verse on it. 432 00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:14,969 The priest was giving them out. 433 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,305 Oh. Weird. Well, how'd our car do? 434 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,108 Second to last. But I don't care. 435 00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:22,176 I had so much fun making it with you. 436 00:19:22,278 --> 00:19:23,911 Me too, Kyle. 437 00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:26,113 (whistle blows) 438 00:19:26,182 --> 00:19:27,982 Okay, thanks for a great event, everyone, 439 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,450 but we need to clear out. 440 00:19:29,519 --> 00:19:31,652 There's a sex offender meeting in ten minutes, 441 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:33,654 and we can't have any overlap. 442 00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:36,657 Thank you, Brian. It was sweet of you to come. 443 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,598 Aw. 444 00:19:46,569 --> 00:19:51,606 Say, Brian, what are you doing Saturday night? 445 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,080 Hi. I'm almost ready. 446 00:19:59,182 --> 00:20:01,482 Great. 447 00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:06,954 -How you doing, champ? -(knocking) 448 00:20:08,858 --> 00:20:10,892 Okay, Cliff and I should be back by midnight. 449 00:20:10,994 --> 00:20:12,960 I left money for you two to order a pizza. 450 00:20:13,063 --> 00:20:14,262 Sounds perfect. 451 00:20:15,498 --> 00:20:16,764 All right, Kyle, what do you say you and me 452 00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:19,100 watch some Stranger Things ? 453 00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:22,236 MORGAN FREEMAN: Brian made Kyle bread and butter, 454 00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,139 and kept the pizza money. 455 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,463 Ich bin froh, dass alles wieder normal ist. 456 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,732 Sorry about deinem Auto, Joe. 457 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,133 It's okay. 458 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,669 From the east Jerome mit that wiener? 459 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,172 (giggles) Wiener. 460 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,082 Goodnight, 461 00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:53,551 from the Disney Corporation. 462 00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:28,586 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH