1
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Fuego del Culo.
2
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Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.
3
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♪ I switched the game
No time for playing ♪
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♪ I'm redefined ♪
5
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♪ Now I'ma transform ♪
6
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♪ Right in front
Of all your eyes ♪
7
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♪ I shapeshift ♪
8
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Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?
9
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Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.
10
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Tequila it is.
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Here you go.
Mm.
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¡Viva la revolución!
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Now, that shit right there make
14
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my pussy pop on a handstand!
15
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So, what are you doing here
anyway?
16
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What do you think
I'm doing here?
17
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I'm starring
in the opening scene.
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Been there, done that.
19
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Pick up the phone!
Pick up the pho...
20
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Richie?
Teyana. Hi.
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I thought it'd be easier
for the audience
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if they didn't have to read
more texts.
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Yeah, that makes sense. 'Cause you
know these motherfuckers can't read.
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I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.
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Well, it's nice
to phone-meet you
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in this super awkward way.
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Likewise.
But I got to be honest.
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When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left
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because you look mad goofy.
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But surprisingly,
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you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.
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I take you for a Jersey girl.
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A Jersey girl?
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Listen, I love Jersey down.
35
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But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.
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Real niggas only. Yeah.
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Oh, so you're Black.
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No, motherfucker!
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I'm BLACK!
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All caps.
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No cap, but caps.
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Fuck all y'all!
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Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.
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I ain't want your shit.
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Hello.
So tell me,
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what's your favorite
scary movie?
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Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.
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All the stupid tropes and shit.
49
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Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?
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Because they know it
is too hard to kill a sista.
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Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive
52
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government cheese,
we can survive anything.
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You know, it might help
if you met me outside.
54
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Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!
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What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.
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How'd you know?
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Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.
58
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Hey, is the restaurant
near an alley?
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00:03:03,943 --> 00:03:06,885
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.
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Roses?
Ah! Not today.
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Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.
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Okay, I'm...
I'm coming down the alley now.
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I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.
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No.
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The person I'm looking at
is not waving.
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In fact,
they're just staring at me.
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Well, stare at his ass back!
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And don't blink. Never blink.
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You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"
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No, they're walking
towards me now.
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Hold on.
Oh no, they have a knife!
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Well, don't lead his ass
over here.
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And that's not the worst part.
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The worst part
is you know so much
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about horror movies
and yet you still
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walked into the alley alone.
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Yeah, well the worst part is,
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you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!
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Yeah!
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Cuckoo, cuckoo!
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Cuckoo!
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00:04:06,742 --> 00:04:09,512
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!
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Seriously, Larry?
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I ain't recognize
your bird call.
85
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Thought you was going
more with a...
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That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"
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Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!
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My bad.
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Are you done?
90
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What the hell?
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Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.
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Get him!
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Ow! My arm! My arm!
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Get in there!
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Come on, guys,
we can work this out.
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Somebody help me!
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Do it, Larry!
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No, no, no...
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Hi-yah!
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Ow! Oh, God!
101
00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:06,513
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
102
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We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.
103
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Welcome to New York, sucker!
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Hey, Teyana.
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You might have kicked my ass,
106
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but you still didn't win
that Oscar.
107
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What you say about my Oscar?
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Did I stutter? You lost!
109
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You right.
110
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But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.
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Oh, my God! Really?
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That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.
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It's fucking terrible.
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Just a bunch of celebrity
cameos and fart gags.
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So, you don't like parodies?
116
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I'm more into Judd Apatow films.
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You know, elevated comedy.
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And what is elevated comedy?
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Mm.
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The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,
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but makes white people
feel smart.
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Tuesday,
don't answer that!
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It could be Ghostface.
124
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Oh, come on, Elle!
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Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.
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Oh, hey.
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I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.
128
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What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?
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Ah, here it is.
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Hello, Tuesday.
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♪ I really wanna get messy ♪
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♪ Don't care what I'm doing
Next week ♪
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♪ You really don't wanna
Test me ♪
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♪ Just pass the drinks
And get sexy ♪
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♪ Get messy
Baby, get messy ♪
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Hey, miss.
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What'd you take?
138
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Just Ritalin for my ADHD.
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Adderall for PTSD.
140
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A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.
141
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And your boner pills.
142
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So good luck getting it
up now.
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Jesus, Sara, how many did
you take? Do you want to touch it, baby?
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Yes, but no. Okay.
Come on. You know you want it.
145
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Take it. Take it like a good
boy. Okay. Maybe just a little bit.
146
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That feels really interesting.
147
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I'm about to bust a nut.
Wow.
148
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Hey, Jess.
Sara,
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Tuesday's in the hospital.
150
00:07:06,285 --> 00:07:09,719
She was stabbed. By a killer...
you know, Ghostface.
151
00:07:09,855 --> 00:07:11,021
Wait. From Wu-Tang?
152
00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:13,498
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney
153
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aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?
154
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God, Sara,
it wasn't Ghostface Killah.
155
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It was somebody
in a Ghostface mask.
156
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Oh!
157
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Okay, that makes more sense.
158
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Hah!
159
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I ain't the one!
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Oh!
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Jesus, Jack!
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What?
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I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.
164
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My estranged
flat-chested half-sister
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was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.
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I got to go see her
and make up for the past.
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Whoa... Hey, hey, hey.
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I'm going with you.
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Not because
I'm the obvious killer
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trying to lure you back
to your hometown.
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I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.
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Yeah.
That's all.
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Okay, let's go. Get in the car.
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Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.
175
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I survived.
176
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All thanks to my lucky penny.
177
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,721
♪ The world would be
Boring as fuck ♪
178
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,822
♪ Without big booty
Real hoochie mamas like me ♪
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00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,987
♪ Grabbing ankles
Throwing ass on ATVs ♪
180
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♪ Make 'em say "uh"
I got Master P ♪
181
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♪ Doggy-style, look here,
That's masterpiece ♪
182
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♪ I don't wanna be
In no sausage fest ♪
183
00:08:20,726 --> 00:08:22,963
♪ Where my ladies at?
Throw it east to west ♪
184
00:08:23,099 --> 00:08:25,436
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow
I'm impressed ♪
185
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:26,743
♪ Booty up down, up down... ♪
186
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I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.
187
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Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.
188
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It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.
189
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It's not embarrassing.
190
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I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.
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I'm lit!
Don't forget,
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I got practice later
so I'll be home late.
193
00:08:47,826 --> 00:08:49,299
You only made the team
because you're Black
194
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and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.
195
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Mm.
It's 2026.
196
00:08:53,763 --> 00:08:55,265
I don't think race is an issue.
197
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Do you read Black Twitter?
198
00:08:57,267 --> 00:08:58,903
No.
199
00:08:59,038 --> 00:08:59,731
Ugh, Brad,
200
00:08:59,934 --> 00:09:01,598
are you still dating that ho?
201
00:09:01,734 --> 00:09:02,734
Okay.
202
00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:03,936
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.
203
00:09:04,072 --> 00:09:05,709
Just because Darrel and them
204
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,709
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.
205
00:09:07,845 --> 00:09:10,645
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".
206
00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:13,013
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.
207
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,681
Hey, girl! Look at you!
208
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,114
Early for Halloween, huh?
209
00:09:17,249 --> 00:09:19,352
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?
210
00:09:19,487 --> 00:09:20,487
Ho-ey ho?
211
00:09:20,556 --> 00:09:22,357
Hi, Ms. Meeks.
212
00:09:22,492 --> 00:09:24,293
Love the hair. Very...
213
00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:25,790
Octavia Spencer.
214
00:09:25,925 --> 00:09:27,197
Well, thank you very much.
215
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,566
I got to invite you over
216
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,675
and make you a little shit
pie. Ooh.
217
00:09:30,763 --> 00:09:33,864
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.
218
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,176
We're learning about slavery.
219
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,802
Come to find out,
it was a choice.
220
00:09:37,938 --> 00:09:39,273
You see that right there?
221
00:09:39,876 --> 00:09:41,546
That's Kanye?
That's right.
222
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,346
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.
223
00:09:44,481 --> 00:09:45,482
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!
224
00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:48,418
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.
225
00:09:48,553 --> 00:09:49,618
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.
226
00:09:49,887 --> 00:09:51,719
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!
227
00:09:51,855 --> 00:09:53,583
You know how they try
to trap y'all.
228
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,055
Ma!
229
00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,761
Okay, seriously, "Sheriff Greg",
230
00:09:58,963 --> 00:10:00,709
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.
231
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,361
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.
232
00:10:03,497 --> 00:10:06,435
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.
233
00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:08,533
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!
234
00:10:08,668 --> 00:10:09,938
I'm sorry!
235
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:11,854
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.
236
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:15,473
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.
237
00:10:15,609 --> 00:10:16,678
Okay?
238
00:10:16,981 --> 00:10:19,044
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.
239
00:10:19,180 --> 00:10:21,680
Slap fight.
Oh.
240
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,019
You call that a slap?
241
00:10:24,486 --> 00:10:25,522
Whew.
242
00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:26,998
What the hell
did you do that for?
243
00:10:27,022 --> 00:10:30,226
Don't act like such a bitch.
244
00:10:30,361 --> 00:10:31,690
Bitch.
245
00:10:34,896 --> 00:10:37,196
Yeah, not bad.
246
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,838
Who the hell lives like this?
247
00:10:53,312 --> 00:10:56,419
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!
248
00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,116
Come in! Do you want some tea?
249
00:10:58,252 --> 00:11:01,085
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!
250
00:11:01,221 --> 00:11:02,727
Babe, please.
251
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,433
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.
252
00:11:04,457 --> 00:11:06,758
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place
253
00:11:06,893 --> 00:11:08,194
is booby-trapped.
254
00:11:08,329 --> 00:11:10,598
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.
255
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:12,530
Come in.
256
00:11:12,666 --> 00:11:14,101
Okay.
257
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:25,409
I hate this job.
258
00:11:27,716 --> 00:11:29,283
Mrs. Campbell,
259
00:11:29,753 --> 00:11:31,918
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.
260
00:11:32,053 --> 00:11:33,851
I've heard so much about you...
261
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:35,422
Uh, none of it good.
262
00:11:36,025 --> 00:11:38,321
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.
263
00:11:38,457 --> 00:11:40,229
I assume you're a piece of shit.
264
00:11:40,498 --> 00:11:43,597
But how would I know when I
haven't heard from my daughter
265
00:11:43,732 --> 00:11:45,334
in, what, six months?
266
00:11:45,536 --> 00:11:47,030
Six years, Mother.
267
00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:48,632
And whose fault is that?
268
00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:52,009
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!
269
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,245
That's fair.
270
00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:56,376
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.
271
00:11:56,512 --> 00:11:57,512
Look...
272
00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:59,046
Scary Movie 3 and 4
273
00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:00,947
paid me
a lot of money for a girl...
274
00:12:01,083 --> 00:12:02,646
There is nothing to learn there.
275
00:12:02,781 --> 00:12:05,916
But if you want to talk
about The House Bunny, shoot.
276
00:12:06,118 --> 00:12:07,418
It's happening again!
277
00:12:07,554 --> 00:12:11,461
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.
278
00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:13,356
You're not ready, lovebug.
279
00:12:13,492 --> 00:12:16,663
I have been preparing
for this for years.
280
00:12:16,865 --> 00:12:18,396
Sacrificed everything.
281
00:12:18,531 --> 00:12:21,735
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey
282
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,369
we had some good times.
283
00:12:23,504 --> 00:12:27,773
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.
284
00:12:29,177 --> 00:12:31,275
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
285
00:12:31,410 --> 00:12:34,447
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
286
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:37,318
♪ O'er the fields we go... ♪
Your turn, Sara.
287
00:12:37,454 --> 00:12:38,650
Move!
288
00:12:38,785 --> 00:12:40,086
Hi, Santa.
289
00:12:40,288 --> 00:12:43,557
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.
290
00:12:43,693 --> 00:12:45,061
You creep me out.
291
00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:48,261
♪ How fun it is
To ride and sing... ♪
292
00:12:52,799 --> 00:12:54,038
Mom?
293
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:56,571
Santa gave me a severed arm!
294
00:12:56,773 --> 00:12:59,277
Be sure to thank him.
295
00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:07,043
Is that a foot?
296
00:13:07,178 --> 00:13:08,882
Ew, that's gross.
297
00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:10,287
♪ One horse open... ♪
298
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:11,454
What the fuck?
299
00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:15,387
I am sorry
300
00:13:15,522 --> 00:13:18,561
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.
301
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,361
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!
302
00:13:20,563 --> 00:13:23,994
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?
303
00:13:24,196 --> 00:13:25,769
Oh, God, no.
304
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,570
No, to kill Ghostface!
305
00:13:28,705 --> 00:13:30,306
Do you have any guns?
306
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:34,071
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.
307
00:13:34,206 --> 00:13:36,146
I've got millions of guns!
308
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:36,942
But, um,
309
00:13:37,144 --> 00:13:38,682
none of them are registered
310
00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,610
due to my mental health issues.
311
00:13:40,746 --> 00:13:44,786
So, if you could just keep that
on the low...
312
00:13:44,922 --> 00:13:46,918
-Okay.
-Oh!
313
00:13:47,054 --> 00:13:48,287
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
314
00:13:48,489 --> 00:13:50,201
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.
315
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:55,262
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
316
00:13:55,464 --> 00:13:58,229
♪ Me and you
We're sitting in a tree ♪
317
00:13:58,365 --> 00:14:00,297
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.
318
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:01,835
Oh, is she coming?
You know,
319
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,541
I did hear a buzzing sound.
320
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,108
So it's possible.
No.
321
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:08,313
I meant to Woodsville,
dumbass. Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.
322
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:09,812
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!
323
00:14:09,947 --> 00:14:10,952
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!
324
00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:12,811
Oh!
325
00:14:12,947 --> 00:14:14,415
Sweet!
326
00:14:14,851 --> 00:14:16,082
Speaking of going deep...
327
00:14:16,218 --> 00:14:18,052
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.
328
00:14:18,188 --> 00:14:19,748
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers
329
00:14:19,785 --> 00:14:21,495
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.
330
00:14:21,519 --> 00:14:23,191
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.
331
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:25,891
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.
332
00:14:26,093 --> 00:14:28,293
Pepper spray, check.
333
00:14:28,495 --> 00:14:30,260
Taser, check.
334
00:14:30,395 --> 00:14:32,031
Butt plug,
335
00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:33,733
double check.
336
00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:34,903
Goddamn!
337
00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:36,770
You just carry that thing
around?
338
00:14:36,905 --> 00:14:38,635
It's easy to hide.
339
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,278
In your butt.
340
00:14:44,714 --> 00:14:46,280
I'm impressed.
341
00:14:55,321 --> 00:14:58,922
What's up, y'all? I'm back!
342
00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:01,630
Shit, son!
343
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,295
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?
344
00:15:03,431 --> 00:15:06,132
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas
345
00:15:06,268 --> 00:15:08,300
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".
346
00:15:08,435 --> 00:15:10,940
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,
347
00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:13,038
trying to make my generation
sound old.
348
00:15:13,174 --> 00:15:14,439
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!
349
00:15:14,575 --> 00:15:17,044
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,
350
00:15:17,179 --> 00:15:18,881
technically, you are our uncle.
351
00:15:19,016 --> 00:15:21,578
Oh.
My bad.
352
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,487
Crazy that they let you
teach here.
353
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,851
Teach? Nah, nigga.
354
00:15:26,986 --> 00:15:28,256
I attend.
355
00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:32,328
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.
356
00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:35,533
As a matter of fact, nigga,
you were in my Sex Ed class.
357
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,667
Boy, you're really smart.
358
00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,332
You know a lot about penises.
359
00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:42,901
You should be like,
like a veterinarian,
360
00:15:43,036 --> 00:15:44,604
but for dick.
361
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,937
When are you
finally gonna graduate?
362
00:15:47,373 --> 00:15:49,758
By the time we do a sequel and I
got to follow you little young niggas
363
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:50,862
to college to get my check.
364
00:15:50,948 --> 00:15:52,445
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!
365
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:55,049
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?
366
00:15:55,184 --> 00:15:56,464
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.
367
00:15:56,584 --> 00:15:59,015
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.
368
00:15:59,151 --> 00:16:00,787
Private jet?
369
00:16:00,922 --> 00:16:01,922
Yeah. Jealous?
370
00:16:02,058 --> 00:16:03,224
Man, you smoke weed all day.
371
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,930
Just play video games,
you live-stream.
372
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,439
You literally got money
doing nothing.
373
00:16:07,463 --> 00:16:10,864
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.
374
00:16:10,999 --> 00:16:12,600
Shit, son!
375
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,005
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.
376
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,621
Check my crypto, nigga.
377
00:16:17,703 --> 00:16:19,809
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!
378
00:16:21,474 --> 00:16:23,778
Damn, now I'm down five million.
379
00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:26,578
This shit crazy, son.
380
00:16:50,536 --> 00:16:53,510
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
381
00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:57,276
♪ This little light of mine ♪
382
00:16:57,411 --> 00:17:01,285
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
383
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:02,081
Ray!
384
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,954
Sister Brenda, it's okay.
385
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:06,217
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.
386
00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:07,518
But the Lord has called on us
387
00:17:07,654 --> 00:17:10,254
to show men
such like you the way.
388
00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:13,529
Come on, son! Come with us.
389
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:14,665
Come on us.
390
00:17:14,827 --> 00:17:17,563
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.
391
00:17:17,698 --> 00:17:21,939
We need you to come
like you never came before.
392
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,701
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.
393
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:25,968
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.
394
00:17:26,104 --> 00:17:29,011
-God is good, man!
-Yes, sir.
395
00:17:29,146 --> 00:17:30,386
Thank you, Jesus.
396
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:31,077
Amen.
397
00:17:31,279 --> 00:17:32,045
Hallelujah.
398
00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:33,413
There you go.
399
00:17:33,549 --> 00:17:38,887
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!
400
00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:39,819
Nigga!
401
00:17:39,955 --> 00:17:41,954
Oh, my bad.
402
00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:43,427
Last time.
403
00:17:45,991 --> 00:17:49,626
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.
404
00:17:49,762 --> 00:17:51,299
Let the people know
405
00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:53,736
how you feel, brother.
There you go.
406
00:17:58,271 --> 00:18:00,436
I'm not gay no more.
407
00:18:00,572 --> 00:18:03,439
Hallelujah!
408
00:18:03,575 --> 00:18:04,681
Yes, sir!
409
00:18:04,816 --> 00:18:05,980
I'm not gay no more!
410
00:18:06,183 --> 00:18:07,383
Praise the lord!
411
00:18:07,412 --> 00:18:08,982
I'm not gay no more!
412
00:18:09,184 --> 00:18:10,347
He not gay no more.
413
00:18:10,482 --> 00:18:12,856
I've been delivered!
414
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,088
I'll no longer date a mans!
415
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,389
Even if he's sexy as hell
416
00:18:16,658 --> 00:18:19,029
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!
417
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,493
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.
418
00:18:20,628 --> 00:18:24,328
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,
419
00:18:24,463 --> 00:18:25,666
walk around in high heels.
420
00:18:25,802 --> 00:18:26,802
What?
421
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:29,269
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle
422
00:18:29,404 --> 00:18:30,767
on the side.
Those is my shoes.
423
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:35,009
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right
424
00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:36,813
at Black mens...
Hmm?
425
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:38,645
White mens, Asian mens.
426
00:18:38,781 --> 00:18:41,282
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips
427
00:18:41,418 --> 00:18:44,251
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.
428
00:18:44,387 --> 00:18:47,356
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.
429
00:18:47,492 --> 00:18:49,655
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.
430
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:52,094
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.
431
00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:53,890
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.
432
00:18:54,025 --> 00:18:56,330
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror
433
00:18:56,532 --> 00:18:58,162
with my penis
tucked between my legs...
434
00:18:58,331 --> 00:19:00,966
...dancing like the
dude from Silence of the Lambs.
435
00:19:01,102 --> 00:19:03,448
"It puts
the lotion in the basket, Precious."
436
00:19:03,472 --> 00:19:06,337
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!
437
00:19:06,472 --> 00:19:08,238
Shit.
I will!
438
00:19:08,373 --> 00:19:10,047
I said I will!
439
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,879
I will love a woman!
440
00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:15,332
Womans, womans, womans!
441
00:19:15,383 --> 00:19:17,150
You can take that "W-O" off.
442
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:18,723
Womans, womans, womans!
443
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,922
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.
444
00:19:21,124 --> 00:19:23,425
Womans...
445
00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:28,532
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.
446
00:19:35,038 --> 00:19:36,573
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
447
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,668
Whoa, nigga.
448
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,809
Hawk tuah, hawk tuah, hawk tuah!
449
00:19:41,011 --> 00:19:42,479
You hocking on it?
450
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,659
I've been delivered!
451
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,614
♪ Work, work, working it
For Jesus ♪
452
00:19:46,749 --> 00:19:49,819
♪ No, the devilry is gonna
Stay beneath us ♪
453
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:52,657
♪ The good praise Really
bumping Out your speakers ♪
454
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,062
♪ I'ma dance 'Cause His glory
Make me feel some type of way ♪
455
00:19:55,086 --> 00:19:56,920
♪ So we be
Twerk, twerk, twerkin' it ♪
456
00:19:57,122 --> 00:19:58,791
♪ For Jesus ♪
I've been delivered!
457
00:19:58,927 --> 00:20:01,757
♪ No, the devilry is gonna
Stay beneath us ♪
458
00:20:01,893 --> 00:20:03,263
♪ Who make it happen? ♪
459
00:20:03,398 --> 00:20:04,830
♪ That's Jesus ♪
460
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:06,667
♪ Who have us clapping?
That's Jesus ♪
461
00:20:06,803 --> 00:20:09,838
♪ And the devil can't ever
Come between us ♪
462
00:20:09,973 --> 00:20:13,140
♪ We out here clap, clap
Clapping it for Jesus ♪
463
00:20:13,276 --> 00:20:16,141
Tuesday, Tuesday.
464
00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:18,749
Oh, my God.
465
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:20,576
Her face. All contorted.
466
00:20:20,712 --> 00:20:22,411
Oh, my God, and the moaning.
467
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:31,025
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.
468
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,891
How you feeling, Tues?
469
00:20:33,026 --> 00:20:35,596
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that...
470
00:20:35,731 --> 00:20:38,000
Is that morphine or...?
471
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,066
Bitch.
Let's see.
472
00:20:42,037 --> 00:20:44,072
Oh, yeah!
473
00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:47,176
Oh, this that good, good.
474
00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:48,606
This that Britney Spears shit.
475
00:20:48,742 --> 00:20:50,022
Makes me want to get half-naked,
476
00:20:50,074 --> 00:20:52,612
dance around
and juggle some knives.
477
00:20:52,747 --> 00:20:55,184
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?
478
00:20:55,386 --> 00:20:58,085
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.
479
00:20:58,221 --> 00:21:00,456
Really nice to meet you.
480
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,389
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
481
00:21:02,524 --> 00:21:05,057
But that ain't
none of my business.
482
00:21:05,259 --> 00:21:06,726
Mm-hmm. Mm!
483
00:21:06,861 --> 00:21:09,229
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.
484
00:21:09,364 --> 00:21:11,668
So y'all get the fuck out!
485
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:12,869
Yes, ma'am.
486
00:21:13,471 --> 00:21:15,169
Oh, not you, Sara.
487
00:21:15,372 --> 00:21:17,803
Why? What did I do?
488
00:21:18,470 --> 00:21:20,407
I'm so scared.
489
00:21:20,542 --> 00:21:24,114
Oh, Tues, you should be.
490
00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:26,678
You've been stabbed nine times.
491
00:21:26,814 --> 00:21:28,914
And the killer knows
where you live.
492
00:21:29,049 --> 00:21:31,751
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but
493
00:21:31,886 --> 00:21:34,583
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.
494
00:21:34,719 --> 00:21:35,885
For all we know,
495
00:21:36,021 --> 00:21:38,659
he's standing
right outside that door.
496
00:21:43,662 --> 00:21:46,002
That's comforting, Sara.
497
00:21:46,137 --> 00:21:47,298
I thought I was gonna die.
498
00:21:47,433 --> 00:21:49,404
I know, me too!
499
00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:51,804
I planned your funeral.
500
00:21:51,939 --> 00:21:54,571
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.
501
00:21:54,707 --> 00:21:56,847
More like ChatGPT wrote it.
502
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:57,840
But you're still here.
503
00:21:57,976 --> 00:22:00,846
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.
504
00:22:02,218 --> 00:22:04,822
Oh, yum! Ice chips!
505
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,049
Oh, God!
506
00:22:06,184 --> 00:22:08,055
Get off me!
507
00:22:10,158 --> 00:22:11,261
Help!
508
00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:13,159
This white girl can't die
on my shift!
509
00:22:13,294 --> 00:22:14,596
I'm a DEI hire!
510
00:22:14,731 --> 00:22:17,334
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.
511
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:19,596
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!
512
00:22:19,731 --> 00:22:21,197
Again!
513
00:22:21,332 --> 00:22:24,108
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!
514
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:25,868
It's not working!
Clear!
515
00:22:26,003 --> 00:22:28,844
We're losing her.
516
00:22:29,046 --> 00:22:30,946
Harder!
517
00:22:33,615 --> 00:22:34,712
Oh, boy.
518
00:22:34,847 --> 00:22:36,716
Look like there ain't
nothing left
519
00:22:36,852 --> 00:22:39,555
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.
520
00:22:40,254 --> 00:22:41,290
Dear Lord.
521
00:22:41,459 --> 00:22:43,053
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!
522
00:22:43,188 --> 00:22:45,622
The Wire was the shit, baby.
That's my show.
523
00:22:45,757 --> 00:22:47,563
Drugs and that Idris Elba
524
00:22:47,698 --> 00:22:50,097
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!
525
00:22:50,233 --> 00:22:52,062
Dear Lord, please
526
00:22:52,264 --> 00:22:54,034
accept this white bitch's...
527
00:22:54,236 --> 00:22:55,634
Oh!
528
00:22:55,769 --> 00:22:58,909
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.
529
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:00,139
I'm going on break.
530
00:23:00,341 --> 00:23:01,737
Oh, Tues.
531
00:23:01,873 --> 00:23:03,377
I will never let anyone
532
00:23:03,513 --> 00:23:06,181
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.
533
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,382
Ooh! My bad.
534
00:23:23,264 --> 00:23:24,397
Hello?
535
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:26,968
Hello, Sara.
536
00:23:27,104 --> 00:23:28,197
Who is this?
537
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:31,935
Someone
who knows your little secret.
538
00:23:32,071 --> 00:23:34,945
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!
539
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,105
Okay? I won Prom Queen
540
00:23:36,441 --> 00:23:38,286
and I was... I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!
541
00:23:38,310 --> 00:23:43,314
No, I'm talking
about your family secret.
542
00:23:44,721 --> 00:23:47,558
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.
543
00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:49,733
Well, I had
to get you to come back here.
544
00:23:49,826 --> 00:23:52,457
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,
545
00:23:52,592 --> 00:23:54,064
then come and get me!
546
00:23:54,199 --> 00:23:55,733
With pleasure.
547
00:23:59,203 --> 00:24:01,700
Help!
548
00:24:01,835 --> 00:24:04,007
Somebody help!
549
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:07,104
Please, somebody help!
550
00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:09,210
Bitch!
551
00:24:09,345 --> 00:24:10,573
This the break room.
552
00:24:10,708 --> 00:24:11,540
Mm-hmm.
553
00:24:11,676 --> 00:24:12,676
We on break.
554
00:24:12,812 --> 00:24:14,476
-Oh, God.
-Preach.
555
00:24:21,091 --> 00:24:22,490
Take that!
556
00:24:22,625 --> 00:24:24,486
Oof!
557
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:27,429
Please, save me!
558
00:24:27,631 --> 00:24:30,264
I've been saving people all day!
559
00:24:30,399 --> 00:24:32,167
So you handle yours.
560
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:33,766
I'll be right over here
561
00:24:33,902 --> 00:24:36,869
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.
562
00:24:37,004 --> 00:24:39,202
I look like your mama?
563
00:24:40,711 --> 00:24:44,009
-Try me now!
-Break's over.
564
00:24:50,287 --> 00:24:51,852
You're welcome.
565
00:24:54,191 --> 00:24:57,687
It really looks like you got hit
with something hard. Like metal.
566
00:24:57,822 --> 00:24:59,897
I told you, I fell.
567
00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:04,568
Now where exactly are we
going? To talk to an expert.
568
00:25:16,246 --> 00:25:17,348
Go away!
569
00:25:17,483 --> 00:25:18,963
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just...
570
00:25:19,047 --> 00:25:20,607
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
571
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,383
Give me one good reason
572
00:25:22,519 --> 00:25:24,052
why I should talk to you.
573
00:25:24,187 --> 00:25:25,014
I'm white.
574
00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:27,057
How white?
Oh, I'm talking
575
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:28,856
Candace Owens white.
576
00:25:29,657 --> 00:25:31,054
Oh.
Six feet.
577
00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:32,673
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant
578
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:33,968
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or...
579
00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:35,130
Shut up.
580
00:25:35,266 --> 00:25:36,534
I'm Sara Campbell.
581
00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:38,909
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.
582
00:25:39,003 --> 00:25:41,669
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?
583
00:25:41,805 --> 00:25:43,125
Please, come on. Just...
Let's go.
584
00:25:43,203 --> 00:25:44,712
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.
585
00:25:44,736 --> 00:25:45,835
No. No.
586
00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:47,776
I'll give you eight minutes.
587
00:25:49,313 --> 00:25:50,480
And another thing.
588
00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:52,944
I got to test you for Covid.
589
00:25:55,019 --> 00:25:56,281
Ohh!
590
00:25:56,417 --> 00:25:57,417
Ahh...
591
00:25:57,519 --> 00:25:58,820
You guys are good.
592
00:25:59,156 --> 00:26:00,802
When did the work week
become the "woke week"?
593
00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:03,824
We've got Black Friday.
What's next, Mulatto Monday?
594
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,660
I mean, Yellow Thursday?
595
00:26:05,795 --> 00:26:08,393
Tan Tuesday? Come on.
596
00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,267
Let me get this out of your way.
597
00:26:12,403 --> 00:26:13,934
Oh!
Sorry.
598
00:26:15,835 --> 00:26:18,339
Oh, you, uh, have a cat.
599
00:26:18,474 --> 00:26:20,039
I don't have a cat.
600
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,142
Gail has cats.
601
00:26:24,478 --> 00:26:26,247
You know, she's got
really nice cats. Oh, no.
602
00:26:26,382 --> 00:26:27,814
A nice pussycat.
603
00:26:27,950 --> 00:26:30,016
Sometimes it can be
a little stinky.
604
00:26:30,152 --> 00:26:32,623
Oh!
Covid tests are done.
605
00:26:33,357 --> 00:26:34,684
Yup! You're good.
606
00:26:36,726 --> 00:26:38,326
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
607
00:26:38,462 --> 00:26:39,829
Yeah.
Yeah.
608
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:43,594
I don't know him. This
is Jack. My love interest.
609
00:26:43,729 --> 00:26:45,031
No! No, no, no.
610
00:26:45,266 --> 00:26:48,472
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,
611
00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:50,941
"Never trust
the love interest."
612
00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:52,077
Look at him!
613
00:26:52,205 --> 00:26:55,844
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way
614
00:26:55,979 --> 00:26:59,315
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.
615
00:26:59,517 --> 00:27:00,947
He's got that stump leg.
616
00:27:01,149 --> 00:27:03,280
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.
617
00:27:03,415 --> 00:27:06,552
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.
618
00:27:06,687 --> 00:27:09,855
Oh, I'm looking at me.
619
00:27:10,057 --> 00:27:13,157
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.
620
00:27:13,292 --> 00:27:16,291
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.
621
00:27:16,427 --> 00:27:18,395
No. I can't go back
to that life.
622
00:27:18,530 --> 00:27:21,372
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!
623
00:27:21,507 --> 00:27:22,783
Okay, I hate to break it to you,
624
00:27:22,807 --> 00:27:25,505
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.
625
00:27:25,641 --> 00:27:27,542
Hmm.
Really?
626
00:27:27,677 --> 00:27:29,207
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
627
00:27:31,578 --> 00:27:32,914
Damn it!
628
00:27:33,050 --> 00:27:36,216
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?
629
00:27:37,152 --> 00:27:40,289
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.
630
00:27:40,424 --> 00:27:41,956
And don't come back!
631
00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:55,831
It's the sound of the police.
632
00:28:00,945 --> 00:28:04,176
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.
633
00:28:04,311 --> 00:28:07,382
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that...
634
00:28:07,517 --> 00:28:08,684
No, I didn't shower.
635
00:28:08,887 --> 00:28:10,983
I just take water
from my mouth and...
636
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:12,985
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.
637
00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:15,252
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.
638
00:28:15,387 --> 00:28:17,794
Watch your step.
Okay. I'm watching.
639
00:28:36,446 --> 00:28:38,980
Brain freeze!
640
00:28:52,128 --> 00:28:53,995
Sara, is your
ghetto-ass mom coming
641
00:28:54,130 --> 00:28:55,690
or can we start talking
about this plot?
642
00:28:55,798 --> 00:28:57,933
Uh...
643
00:28:59,731 --> 00:29:01,137
Hi.
644
00:29:01,272 --> 00:29:02,097
You came.
645
00:29:02,233 --> 00:29:04,033
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.
646
00:29:04,169 --> 00:29:06,469
But I did buy this new rose,
647
00:29:06,671 --> 00:29:08,944
so fingers crossed.
648
00:29:12,382 --> 00:29:13,709
Oh.
649
00:29:13,911 --> 00:29:14,911
Oh!
650
00:29:15,046 --> 00:29:17,112
Oh, my old friend!
651
00:29:17,248 --> 00:29:19,719
You taught me how to dance.
652
00:29:19,855 --> 00:29:22,284
How to make a high N-word pie.
653
00:29:22,420 --> 00:29:25,127
Nigga, I'm right in back of you.
654
00:29:25,263 --> 00:29:25,789
Shorty!
655
00:29:25,925 --> 00:29:27,364
What's up, Cindy?
656
00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:29,500
How you doing? My nigga.
657
00:29:29,635 --> 00:29:32,165
Shit, son!
658
00:29:33,030 --> 00:29:34,232
I love the hair.
659
00:29:34,434 --> 00:29:37,238
It's very Mickey Rourke
in The Wrestler.
660
00:29:37,374 --> 00:29:38,374
Yeah.
661
00:29:38,503 --> 00:29:40,138
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.
662
00:29:40,274 --> 00:29:42,977
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke,
663
00:29:43,113 --> 00:29:45,516
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,
664
00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:46,946
I didn't think you had a chance.
665
00:29:47,082 --> 00:29:49,417
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.
666
00:29:49,953 --> 00:29:52,387
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!
667
00:29:55,086 --> 00:29:56,623
Shit! WorldStar!
668
00:29:56,758 --> 00:29:58,661
WorldStar! WorldStar!
669
00:29:58,796 --> 00:30:01,060
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!
670
00:30:01,196 --> 00:30:03,366
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.
671
00:30:03,568 --> 00:30:04,359
Hey, hey, hey!
672
00:30:04,495 --> 00:30:06,062
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.
673
00:30:06,197 --> 00:30:07,363
C'mon, have some respect.
674
00:30:07,532 --> 00:30:10,505
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.
675
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,839
I'm not very likable,
676
00:30:11,974 --> 00:30:14,008
so it must be
some kind of curse.
677
00:30:14,143 --> 00:30:15,938
Hey, everybody!
She's high.
678
00:30:16,073 --> 00:30:17,414
Look what I got.
679
00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:19,045
Non-branded gelatin shots
680
00:30:19,181 --> 00:30:21,651
made with grain alcohol and GHB.
681
00:30:21,853 --> 00:30:23,062
So ain't nobody sipping nothing
682
00:30:23,086 --> 00:30:24,621
they didn't consent to
like last time,
683
00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:25,823
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.
684
00:30:26,056 --> 00:30:27,651
Take one.
I love roofying myself.
685
00:30:29,092 --> 00:30:29,753
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?
686
00:30:29,889 --> 00:30:31,024
Hi, Brenda.
687
00:30:31,293 --> 00:30:33,055
Please do not call me
by my government name.
688
00:30:33,191 --> 00:30:35,294
Call me Ma.
689
00:30:36,301 --> 00:30:36,894
Cindy!
690
00:30:37,029 --> 00:30:38,561
Oh, my God!
691
00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:40,504
You dropped the tray.
692
00:30:40,571 --> 00:30:41,430
Oh, my God, Cindy,
693
00:30:41,565 --> 00:30:43,399
I haven't seen you in forever!
694
00:30:43,535 --> 00:30:46,508
My God, look at you!
You look the same!
695
00:30:46,643 --> 00:30:47,938
Minus the crow's feet.
696
00:30:48,141 --> 00:30:50,043
And your hair is so dry.
697
00:30:50,245 --> 00:30:53,081
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.
698
00:30:53,283 --> 00:30:55,980
Other than that,
you look the exact same.
699
00:30:56,116 --> 00:30:57,885
What have you been up to?
700
00:30:58,021 --> 00:30:59,749
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children
701
00:30:59,884 --> 00:31:03,286
so I can prepare to kill
Ghostface should he ever return.
702
00:31:03,421 --> 00:31:04,995
What about you?
703
00:31:05,130 --> 00:31:07,290
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk
704
00:31:07,328 --> 00:31:08,861
in a desperate attempt
to stay young
705
00:31:08,997 --> 00:31:10,128
and keep my kids at home.
706
00:31:10,264 --> 00:31:11,830
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.
707
00:31:11,965 --> 00:31:13,132
Oh, Cindy!
708
00:31:13,301 --> 00:31:15,302
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,
709
00:31:15,437 --> 00:31:18,536
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.
710
00:31:18,671 --> 00:31:21,577
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.
711
00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:22,840
Come here.
Okay.
712
00:31:22,975 --> 00:31:24,410
Mm!
Oh!
713
00:31:24,545 --> 00:31:27,509
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.
714
00:31:27,712 --> 00:31:29,953
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool
715
00:31:30,088 --> 00:31:32,687
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,
716
00:31:32,890 --> 00:31:34,090
and maybe, like, a snack wall.
717
00:31:34,324 --> 00:31:35,796
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,
718
00:31:35,820 --> 00:31:38,394
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,
719
00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:39,696
P. Diddy, Diddy.
720
00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:41,262
All the Seans.
721
00:31:41,398 --> 00:31:43,960
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak
722
00:31:44,096 --> 00:31:45,096
in the freak-offs.
723
00:31:45,299 --> 00:31:46,769
Shit, son!
724
00:31:46,904 --> 00:31:48,144
You want to see something cool?
725
00:31:48,204 --> 00:31:50,901
I'ma show you something cool.
726
00:31:57,780 --> 00:31:58,877
God, that's cool.
727
00:31:59,012 --> 00:32:00,249
What are you doing?
728
00:32:00,385 --> 00:32:00,977
What?
729
00:32:01,179 --> 00:32:02,047
No, not like that.
730
00:32:02,182 --> 00:32:03,214
Like this.
731
00:32:03,416 --> 00:32:04,680
Oh, yeah.
732
00:32:04,815 --> 00:32:07,557
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.
733
00:32:07,693 --> 00:32:08,756
The gun ain't even loaded.
734
00:32:08,891 --> 00:32:10,360
Shit!
735
00:32:10,562 --> 00:32:12,656
Oh, shit, son!
736
00:32:13,158 --> 00:32:14,858
Uh-oh. I did it again.
737
00:32:18,169 --> 00:32:19,929
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.
738
00:32:20,001 --> 00:32:21,001
Help me move this body.
739
00:32:21,067 --> 00:32:22,067
Yeah, you got it.
740
00:32:22,199 --> 00:32:23,432
That was fun.
741
00:32:23,634 --> 00:32:25,041
Oh, so, what are you doing
742
00:32:25,243 --> 00:32:27,544
-after this?
-I want to go to Cabo.
743
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,412
Oh, I love Cabo!
744
00:32:29,547 --> 00:32:30,873
You know what?
745
00:32:31,109 --> 00:32:33,327
I used to put cocaine up my
hoo-hah and travel there all the time.
746
00:32:33,351 --> 00:32:36,316
Well, that's because you're
so smart. Yeah.
747
00:32:41,689 --> 00:32:42,689
Oh.
748
00:32:44,061 --> 00:32:46,961
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.
749
00:32:47,097 --> 00:32:48,796
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.
750
00:32:48,932 --> 00:32:50,132
Looking like a school shooter.
751
00:32:50,230 --> 00:32:51,230
I think you the killer.
752
00:32:51,397 --> 00:32:52,462
-Oh, me?
-Mm-hmm.
753
00:32:52,731 --> 00:32:54,331
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?
754
00:32:54,404 --> 00:32:57,566
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?
755
00:32:57,702 --> 00:32:59,340
You were the killer
in the first movie.
756
00:32:59,475 --> 00:33:01,871
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.
757
00:33:02,073 --> 00:33:05,307
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.
758
00:33:05,443 --> 00:33:07,279
Oh.
I got proof.
759
00:33:07,415 --> 00:33:10,013
-This is me. And it's framed.
-Oh.
760
00:33:10,149 --> 00:33:11,455
That's a cool hat.
761
00:33:11,590 --> 00:33:13,852
What about Jess?
762
00:33:13,987 --> 00:33:14,855
What about me?
763
00:33:14,990 --> 00:33:16,190
If anybody here has issues
764
00:33:16,359 --> 00:33:17,737
that could lead to murder...
765
00:33:17,761 --> 00:33:19,125
Okay, I get it!
766
00:33:19,260 --> 00:33:21,128
Trans-shaming is not cool, okay?
767
00:33:21,263 --> 00:33:23,198
They... He's just a dude.
Yeah.
768
00:33:23,333 --> 00:33:26,201
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.
769
00:33:26,336 --> 00:33:28,671
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?
770
00:33:28,807 --> 00:33:30,640
I do.
Hey, hey.
771
00:33:30,776 --> 00:33:32,402
Listen, what we know so far
772
00:33:32,537 --> 00:33:34,076
is everyone who's been attacked
773
00:33:34,278 --> 00:33:36,877
is related to
the original characters.
774
00:33:37,012 --> 00:33:38,052
He wants to kill the kids.
775
00:33:38,180 --> 00:33:42,017
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.
776
00:33:42,153 --> 00:33:43,817
-A what now?
-Yeah. It's like,
777
00:33:43,952 --> 00:33:45,119
a reboot and a sequel.
778
00:33:45,422 --> 00:33:47,287
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters
779
00:33:47,422 --> 00:33:50,255
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia
780
00:33:50,391 --> 00:33:51,821
and bring more fans
to the theaters.
781
00:33:52,090 --> 00:33:54,463
Just like last year's I Know
What You Did Last Summer.
782
00:33:55,959 --> 00:33:58,498
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?
783
00:33:58,633 --> 00:34:01,000
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.
784
00:34:01,136 --> 00:34:02,401
-Yeah.
-Ray,
785
00:34:02,603 --> 00:34:04,123
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.
786
00:34:04,434 --> 00:34:06,753
I was just hanging out by the men's
room.
787
00:34:06,777 --> 00:34:07,875
Oh.
My room?
788
00:34:08,077 --> 00:34:09,510
Okay, so that means
789
00:34:09,712 --> 00:34:12,677
that our killer is writing his
own version of Horror Movie.
790
00:34:12,812 --> 00:34:16,817
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,
791
00:34:16,952 --> 00:34:17,952
who's the killer?
792
00:34:19,220 --> 00:34:21,487
I think it's pretty obvious.
793
00:34:24,022 --> 00:34:24,892
Who?
794
00:34:25,028 --> 00:34:26,927
You, bitch.
Me?
795
00:34:27,062 --> 00:34:28,693
Guys, I am not the killer.
796
00:34:28,895 --> 00:34:31,794
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.
797
00:34:31,929 --> 00:34:35,298
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here
798
00:34:35,434 --> 00:34:37,333
so he could get me back here.
799
00:34:37,468 --> 00:34:39,807
He wants to kill the OGs.
800
00:34:39,942 --> 00:34:41,073
That was a flex.
801
00:34:41,209 --> 00:34:42,545
Yeah, that sounds better.
802
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:43,705
Aw, fuck this!
803
00:34:43,841 --> 00:34:46,979
And fuck you, Mother!
804
00:34:47,114 --> 00:34:48,346
To your mother?
805
00:34:48,481 --> 00:34:52,082
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!
806
00:34:52,217 --> 00:34:53,754
And call me Mom!
807
00:34:53,889 --> 00:34:54,924
Or Mommy.
808
00:34:55,126 --> 00:34:57,556
Or whatever's more comfortable.
809
00:34:58,823 --> 00:35:00,257
All units, be advised:
810
00:35:00,392 --> 00:35:01,962
Suspect is still at large.
811
00:35:02,097 --> 00:35:03,428
Black cloak, white mask...
812
00:35:03,563 --> 00:35:05,160
big-ass knife.
813
00:35:17,711 --> 00:35:20,848
-Talk to me.
-Hello, Sheriff.
814
00:35:20,983 --> 00:35:22,150
Agent Underwood?
815
00:35:22,353 --> 00:35:23,745
I'll give you one hint.
816
00:35:23,881 --> 00:35:26,384
What's your favorite
scary movie?
817
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,390
Well, I'm gonna go
with Saltburn.
818
00:35:28,525 --> 00:35:31,153
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.
819
00:35:31,355 --> 00:35:34,895
Ken Jeong's junk in The Hangover
was a much better depiction
820
00:35:35,030 --> 00:35:36,526
of the male anatomy.
821
00:35:36,661 --> 00:35:38,234
Now what do you want, fuckface?
822
00:35:38,369 --> 00:35:40,079
Well,
I'm just calling to tell you
823
00:35:40,103 --> 00:35:41,567
that by the time you get home,
824
00:35:41,702 --> 00:35:44,433
I'll have gutted your baby girl!
825
00:35:44,568 --> 00:35:47,742
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!
826
00:35:56,885 --> 00:35:57,885
Jess!
827
00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:14,666
Looking for this?
828
00:36:15,773 --> 00:36:17,304
Let me help you.
829
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:21,871
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.
830
00:36:30,650 --> 00:36:32,822
All right.
Here we go.
831
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,356
What do you want, fuckface?
832
00:36:34,491 --> 00:36:38,054
Well,
like father, like, uh, son?
833
00:36:38,190 --> 00:36:39,593
Uh...
834
00:36:39,795 --> 00:36:41,342
I understand you're home
alone.
835
00:36:41,366 --> 00:36:44,430
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener
836
00:36:44,565 --> 00:36:47,465
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.
837
00:36:47,601 --> 00:36:49,536
Look out your window.
838
00:36:52,406 --> 00:36:53,772
ICE!
839
00:36:53,974 --> 00:36:56,674
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!
840
00:36:56,810 --> 00:36:59,314
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.
841
00:36:59,450 --> 00:37:01,147
Let's cut to the chase.
842
00:37:01,349 --> 00:37:03,253
I'll ask you one question.
843
00:37:03,388 --> 00:37:06,189
If you answer correctly,
you live.
844
00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:09,720
Who was the killer
in Horror Movie?
845
00:37:09,856 --> 00:37:13,161
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray,
846
00:37:13,364 --> 00:37:15,229
the guy who was
totally into dudes,
847
00:37:15,364 --> 00:37:16,603
even though
he claimed he wasn't.
848
00:37:16,627 --> 00:37:18,768
Classic 2000s homophobia.
849
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:19,995
But I got you, bitch.
850
00:37:20,197 --> 00:37:23,106
Wrong! You forgot
Special Officer Doofy.
851
00:37:23,242 --> 00:37:26,408
Now you die.
852
00:37:33,784 --> 00:37:35,279
Bumbaclot!
853
00:37:36,917 --> 00:37:38,598
You should
probably answer that.
854
00:37:38,622 --> 00:37:42,224
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.
855
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,989
Oh, shit!
856
00:37:46,260 --> 00:37:47,764
Ah, that was easy.
857
00:37:50,335 --> 00:37:52,231
Uh, someone
order steaks?
858
00:37:52,367 --> 00:37:54,298
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.
859
00:37:55,934 --> 00:37:58,108
-Wait a sec.
-Careful.
860
00:37:58,243 --> 00:38:00,275
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.
861
00:38:00,411 --> 00:38:05,282
You are about to identify
as dead.
862
00:38:07,884 --> 00:38:08,952
You...
863
00:38:09,154 --> 00:38:11,720
stab like...
a girl.
864
00:38:18,957 --> 00:38:21,529
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.
865
00:38:21,731 --> 00:38:23,960
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.
866
00:38:24,095 --> 00:38:26,597
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.
867
00:38:26,733 --> 00:38:28,401
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".
868
00:38:28,603 --> 00:38:30,438
You don't even have a cameraman!
869
00:38:30,574 --> 00:38:32,375
My equipment!
870
00:38:33,371 --> 00:38:34,839
Excuse me.
871
00:38:36,342 --> 00:38:37,614
Oh, my. You're...
872
00:38:37,749 --> 00:38:38,947
Yes, yes.
873
00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:40,383
Three-time Emmy nominee
874
00:38:40,585 --> 00:38:42,946
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.
875
00:38:43,081 --> 00:38:45,187
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,
876
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,486
but shorter and with less Botox.
877
00:38:47,622 --> 00:38:48,996
Oh. Is that
what you were
878
00:38:49,020 --> 00:38:50,456
"gonna say"?
Yeah.
879
00:38:50,591 --> 00:38:51,911
You seriously don't know
who I am?
880
00:38:51,991 --> 00:38:54,696
-Babygirl, I am Gail...
-Gail swallows!
881
00:38:54,831 --> 00:38:55,831
Hey.
882
00:38:55,934 --> 00:38:56,934
Hailstorm. Gail...
883
00:38:56,995 --> 00:38:59,264
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.
884
00:39:03,537 --> 00:39:06,976
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.
885
00:39:07,112 --> 00:39:09,040
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
886
00:39:09,176 --> 00:39:12,478
You've aged like a million
days. That's this many. Five...
887
00:39:12,613 --> 00:39:14,009
Your fingers
smell like genitals.
888
00:39:14,145 --> 00:39:16,113
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?
889
00:39:16,315 --> 00:39:20,151
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.
890
00:39:20,353 --> 00:39:21,422
Well, um,
891
00:39:21,557 --> 00:39:24,026
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...
892
00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:25,689
Um.
893
00:39:25,891 --> 00:39:27,155
Wow.
Are there any suspects
894
00:39:27,291 --> 00:39:30,230
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?
895
00:39:30,366 --> 00:39:31,698
I-I'm not allowed to say.
896
00:39:31,867 --> 00:39:34,167
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
897
00:39:34,302 --> 00:39:35,798
Not... Yeah...
898
00:39:35,933 --> 00:39:37,173
You can tell me.
899
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,483
Um, ah, oh, my God.
900
00:39:38,507 --> 00:39:39,840
What the f...
901
00:39:39,975 --> 00:39:41,037
Hey!
902
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:43,144
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs
903
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,876
for sensitive information?
904
00:39:45,078 --> 00:39:48,817
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.
905
00:39:49,019 --> 00:39:50,019
Okay. Sorry.
906
00:39:50,181 --> 00:39:52,555
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.
907
00:39:52,691 --> 00:39:56,558
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
908
00:40:07,201 --> 00:40:08,504
What the...
909
00:40:15,877 --> 00:40:18,675
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!
910
00:40:18,811 --> 00:40:20,444
Ray?
You got my outfit,
911
00:40:20,579 --> 00:40:22,012
you little critter.
912
00:40:25,223 --> 00:40:27,589
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.
913
00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:31,791
Fuck yeah, it should!
914
00:40:41,601 --> 00:40:43,405
Hello, Shorty.
915
00:40:43,541 --> 00:40:46,969
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.
916
00:40:47,105 --> 00:40:48,737
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.
917
00:40:48,873 --> 00:40:52,111
You got Vitamin T, C and H,
918
00:40:52,247 --> 00:40:53,876
C, B and D.
919
00:40:54,012 --> 00:40:55,677
What's the matter, Shorty?
920
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,587
You look a little antsy.
921
00:40:58,723 --> 00:41:02,288
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer
922
00:41:02,423 --> 00:41:03,590
sipping tea in my den.
923
00:41:03,726 --> 00:41:05,457
Shorty, you're my nigga.
924
00:41:05,593 --> 00:41:08,259
I mean, friend. Please, sit.
925
00:41:08,461 --> 00:41:10,362
All right.
926
00:41:12,767 --> 00:41:14,501
Do you want to quit smoking?
927
00:41:14,637 --> 00:41:16,704
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.
928
00:41:16,839 --> 00:41:20,709
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."
929
00:41:21,178 --> 00:41:22,345
So I quit quitting.
930
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:24,514
We could try hypnosis.
931
00:41:24,649 --> 00:41:26,480
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches
932
00:41:26,616 --> 00:41:28,449
you try and wave
in front of my face,
933
00:41:28,585 --> 00:41:30,014
it ain't gonna work, son.
934
00:41:30,149 --> 00:41:32,850
-You can't magmetize me.
-Sleep.
935
00:41:36,125 --> 00:41:38,059
Shorty.
936
00:41:38,261 --> 00:41:40,061
Hmm?
937
00:41:40,196 --> 00:41:41,363
What's up?
938
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:44,000
Tell me about your mother.
939
00:41:45,432 --> 00:41:46,567
Damn, nigga.
940
00:41:46,703 --> 00:41:48,434
Let's start
with something light, like:
941
00:41:48,570 --> 00:41:50,534
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"
942
00:41:50,669 --> 00:41:52,267
The answer's yes.
943
00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:55,306
So what
happened to her, Shorty?
944
00:41:58,182 --> 00:42:00,115
She was coming home.
945
00:42:00,784 --> 00:42:03,117
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.
946
00:42:03,253 --> 00:42:05,252
Someone was in it.
947
00:42:05,788 --> 00:42:07,150
And something bad was happening.
948
00:42:11,727 --> 00:42:13,456
Why didn't you call anyone?
949
00:42:13,592 --> 00:42:14,426
I couldn't.
950
00:42:14,561 --> 00:42:15,791
I had warrants.
951
00:42:15,927 --> 00:42:17,529
You were 11.
952
00:42:17,665 --> 00:42:19,866
I started young, nigga.
953
00:42:20,665 --> 00:42:21,903
Oh.
954
00:42:22,272 --> 00:42:24,233
What do you see?
955
00:42:25,536 --> 00:42:26,636
I...
956
00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:32,010
I see a big explosion of water.
957
00:42:33,277 --> 00:42:35,585
It was like a Civil Rights hose.
958
00:42:39,283 --> 00:42:41,987
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.
959
00:42:42,787 --> 00:42:44,221
She killed that man.
960
00:42:44,357 --> 00:42:48,664
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.
961
00:42:51,295 --> 00:42:54,337
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.
962
00:42:54,472 --> 00:42:55,966
I just didn't want it
to be real.
963
00:42:56,102 --> 00:42:58,806
What don't you want to be real?
964
00:42:59,509 --> 00:43:01,443
That my mother was a squirter!
965
00:43:01,578 --> 00:43:03,776
Okay! She was a squirter.
966
00:43:03,912 --> 00:43:06,110
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.
967
00:43:06,245 --> 00:43:09,613
-I can't move.
-You're paralyzed.
968
00:43:09,749 --> 00:43:11,279
Now...
969
00:43:11,415 --> 00:43:13,718
sink into the chair.
Wait, no.
970
00:43:13,854 --> 00:43:15,190
-Wait.
-Sink!
971
00:43:21,065 --> 00:43:23,864
Nigga!
972
00:43:31,501 --> 00:43:37,513
I'm in a K-hole, son!
973
00:43:37,648 --> 00:43:42,151
No, you're in a K-pop hole.
974
00:43:54,627 --> 00:43:56,864
Oh, shit, son!
975
00:44:02,636 --> 00:44:03,970
Nigga, I'm numb.
976
00:44:07,512 --> 00:44:09,745
That's what they do in the hood.
977
00:44:18,487 --> 00:44:20,250
Luke Skywalker!
978
00:44:35,065 --> 00:44:37,003
♪ Ohh ♪
979
00:44:47,584 --> 00:44:49,415
That's some good shit, son.
980
00:44:50,981 --> 00:44:52,519
That dream was wild.
981
00:44:52,655 --> 00:44:54,685
I must've been Elon Musk high.
982
00:45:08,900 --> 00:45:10,366
Tuesday?
983
00:45:10,769 --> 00:45:12,269
Tuesday?
984
00:45:15,311 --> 00:45:16,779
Bobby?
985
00:45:18,646 --> 00:45:20,816
Bobby, what the...?
986
00:45:21,714 --> 00:45:23,516
She's gonna die.
987
00:45:23,718 --> 00:45:24,946
Our daughter, Sara?
988
00:45:25,081 --> 00:45:26,382
You're probably right.
989
00:45:26,584 --> 00:45:29,290
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.
990
00:45:29,425 --> 00:45:30,657
I'm gonna die.
991
00:45:30,792 --> 00:45:32,827
Bobby, you're already dead.
992
00:45:32,962 --> 00:45:34,489
This hallucination
is a manifestation
993
00:45:34,691 --> 00:45:36,865
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.
994
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,934
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.
995
00:45:40,701 --> 00:45:41,898
You're gonna die.
996
00:45:42,034 --> 00:45:45,401
Bitch, you ain't killing me.
997
00:45:50,810 --> 00:45:52,610
You're gonna die.
998
00:45:52,745 --> 00:45:54,976
Stop smiling!
999
00:45:55,111 --> 00:45:57,650
I can't. Botox.
1000
00:45:57,785 --> 00:45:59,018
Hey!
Oh.
1001
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:02,354
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.
1002
00:46:02,490 --> 00:46:03,584
What?
1003
00:46:03,953 --> 00:46:05,860
How... Um...
1004
00:46:05,996 --> 00:46:08,056
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?
1005
00:46:08,192 --> 00:46:09,794
Is it that way or that way?
1006
00:46:09,930 --> 00:46:11,294
Uh, visiting hours are over.
1007
00:46:11,429 --> 00:46:13,928
Oh, yes, of course.
1008
00:46:14,597 --> 00:46:16,277
The network wants me to clarify
1009
00:46:16,468 --> 00:46:18,741
that Black Friday
has nothing to do with race.
1010
00:46:18,877 --> 00:46:20,905
Well, just tell that
to my Black friend Benita
1011
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:22,339
who's probably clocking someone
1012
00:46:22,508 --> 00:46:24,544
over the head
at Target as we speak!
1013
00:46:24,679 --> 00:46:25,947
Right, Benita?
1014
00:46:41,299 --> 00:46:42,662
Shamone!
1015
00:46:42,798 --> 00:46:44,433
Man, you ain't Michael.
1016
00:46:44,569 --> 00:46:46,195
Michael got that Jheri curl.
1017
00:46:46,330 --> 00:46:48,102
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?
1018
00:46:48,238 --> 00:46:51,201
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.
1019
00:46:51,337 --> 00:46:52,909
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.
1020
00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:55,117
I just wanna dip some fruit
and marshmallows in it.
1021
00:46:55,141 --> 00:46:57,142
Go on and dip.
Indoo-dy.
1022
00:46:57,278 --> 00:46:59,513
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.
1023
00:46:59,649 --> 00:47:01,513
And he can beatbox.
1024
00:47:04,388 --> 00:47:05,481
That's Suds.
1025
00:47:05,616 --> 00:47:09,521
Yeah, he stink.
But when he spit, it's bars.
1026
00:47:11,428 --> 00:47:12,294
Come on, now.
1027
00:47:12,429 --> 00:47:13,555
Fuck Michael!
1028
00:47:13,691 --> 00:47:16,199
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.
1029
00:47:16,334 --> 00:47:17,862
Oh! Whoa!
1030
00:47:17,998 --> 00:47:19,399
Jeez.
1031
00:47:20,737 --> 00:47:21,899
Yeah!
1032
00:47:22,035 --> 00:47:23,604
Bong! Ow!
1033
00:47:23,740 --> 00:47:26,702
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.
1034
00:47:26,837 --> 00:47:27,837
Ooh.
1035
00:47:27,876 --> 00:47:29,712
Where is this nigga goin'?
1036
00:47:31,811 --> 00:47:32,612
Ow!
1037
00:47:32,747 --> 00:47:34,714
Whoo!
1038
00:47:34,849 --> 00:47:36,485
"Jermaine".
1039
00:47:38,252 --> 00:47:42,188
Coming Juneteenth, only on Tubi.
1040
00:47:44,094 --> 00:47:46,121
I'ma bootleg that shit.
1041
00:47:48,728 --> 00:47:50,064
Hello?
1042
00:47:51,060 --> 00:47:52,231
Fuck this.
1043
00:47:57,169 --> 00:47:59,304
I'm gonna miss you all.
1044
00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:05,773
Oh, hell no!
1045
00:48:05,975 --> 00:48:08,610
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.
1046
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:19,693
Oh!
1047
00:48:19,829 --> 00:48:21,797
Goddamn it!
Jack?
1048
00:48:21,933 --> 00:48:23,763
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...
1049
00:48:23,898 --> 00:48:26,397
Yeah! That's why I'm here.
1050
00:48:26,532 --> 00:48:29,805
Not to murder you
or anything like that.
1051
00:48:29,941 --> 00:48:32,133
Then why are you wearing gloves?
1052
00:48:32,268 --> 00:48:33,869
Would you believe I...
1053
00:48:34,071 --> 00:48:37,709
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
1054
00:48:37,844 --> 00:48:39,476
But those fit.
1055
00:48:40,077 --> 00:48:41,279
Look out!
1056
00:48:41,414 --> 00:48:43,551
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.
1057
00:48:43,686 --> 00:48:45,112
I-I mean...
Help!
1058
00:48:49,090 --> 00:48:51,187
Oh, yes!
1059
00:48:54,398 --> 00:48:55,398
Oh...
1060
00:48:59,368 --> 00:49:04,006
Whew.
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!
1061
00:49:08,277 --> 00:49:10,074
I'm gonna...
1062
00:49:10,210 --> 00:49:12,177
I'm gonna...
1063
00:49:12,379 --> 00:49:13,977
What a stupid line.
1064
00:49:16,083 --> 00:49:17,349
That is so true!
1065
00:49:17,484 --> 00:49:20,588
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?
1066
00:49:25,094 --> 00:49:26,368
I got to get better writers.
1067
00:49:26,392 --> 00:49:28,723
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.
1068
00:49:28,858 --> 00:49:32,600
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!
1069
00:49:39,273 --> 00:49:41,575
I'm crying over here.
1070
00:49:41,710 --> 00:49:42,979
I got to go
1071
00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:45,123
before you really kill me.
Here I come.
1072
00:49:45,147 --> 00:49:47,811
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!
1073
00:49:49,449 --> 00:49:53,055
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.
1074
00:50:14,174 --> 00:50:16,639
I want what they're on.
1075
00:50:18,579 --> 00:50:21,449
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.
1076
00:50:27,822 --> 00:50:29,285
No, no.
1077
00:50:29,420 --> 00:50:31,489
No.
1078
00:50:33,295 --> 00:50:34,897
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
1079
00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:36,152
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!
1080
00:50:36,264 --> 00:50:38,630
Step aside.
Official police business.
1081
00:50:38,766 --> 00:50:39,766
Doofy!
1082
00:50:40,038 --> 00:50:42,502
I like doing that.
1083
00:50:42,637 --> 00:50:43,637
Ooh!
1084
00:50:44,170 --> 00:50:46,240
Smile, you son of a bitch.
1085
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:49,710
What the f...?
My psycho mother said
1086
00:50:49,845 --> 00:50:52,081
always keep a strap.
1087
00:50:53,245 --> 00:50:54,411
Go! Go!
Okay.
1088
00:50:54,547 --> 00:50:55,947
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.
1089
00:50:55,978 --> 00:50:57,785
I'll get your love interest.
1090
00:50:57,921 --> 00:51:00,953
Ow, the pain, the agony.
1091
00:51:01,089 --> 00:51:03,091
Sara, if I don't make it...
1092
00:51:03,226 --> 00:51:05,456
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.
1093
00:51:05,591 --> 00:51:08,029
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.
1094
00:51:08,165 --> 00:51:10,533
Just ask Demi Moore.
1095
00:51:10,668 --> 00:51:12,894
No! No!
1096
00:51:13,029 --> 00:51:14,898
I got him. I got Jack.
1097
00:51:17,141 --> 00:51:19,172
Doofy! What the fuck?
1098
00:51:19,374 --> 00:51:21,506
The fuck?
I can't help myself.
1099
00:51:23,607 --> 00:51:26,282
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.
1100
00:51:26,417 --> 00:51:28,213
Hm.
1101
00:51:28,348 --> 00:51:30,283
You got to shoot them
in the head.
1102
00:51:30,418 --> 00:51:32,418
Shoot them in the head.
1103
00:51:34,387 --> 00:51:37,291
Oof. Ow.
1104
00:51:40,063 --> 00:51:42,162
Die!
1105
00:51:42,297 --> 00:51:44,124
Die, you little dumb dunce.
1106
00:51:44,260 --> 00:51:45,598
Smell...
1107
00:51:45,734 --> 00:51:46,828
my...
1108
00:51:47,605 --> 00:51:48,797
finger.
1109
00:51:49,333 --> 00:51:50,365
Oh, God!
1110
00:51:50,501 --> 00:51:53,068
What the fuck was that? Ugh.
1111
00:51:53,204 --> 00:51:54,943
My ass.
1112
00:51:55,145 --> 00:51:57,077
Fuck your ass! Pause.
1113
00:51:59,382 --> 00:52:00,855
Oh, God,
that's... that's my ass.
1114
00:52:00,879 --> 00:52:03,815
-Oh, God.
-Any last words?
1115
00:52:03,951 --> 00:52:05,719
I go poopy.
1116
00:52:10,426 --> 00:52:13,089
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!
1117
00:52:13,291 --> 00:52:14,559
I'm on break.
1118
00:52:14,828 --> 00:52:18,296
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.
1119
00:52:18,431 --> 00:52:20,398
What you say?
Never mind.
1120
00:52:20,533 --> 00:52:22,099
Yo, what's up, chat?
1121
00:52:22,234 --> 00:52:23,534
This your boy Shorty.
1122
00:52:23,669 --> 00:52:25,385
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.
1123
00:52:25,409 --> 00:52:28,337
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money
1124
00:52:28,539 --> 00:52:30,572
for doing absolutely nothing
1125
00:52:30,708 --> 00:52:32,445
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.
1126
00:52:32,580 --> 00:52:34,910
And they call me dumb!
1127
00:52:35,045 --> 00:52:38,347
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:
1128
00:52:38,549 --> 00:52:40,855
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.
1129
00:52:42,289 --> 00:52:44,886
They got mad apples, son.
1130
00:52:47,860 --> 00:52:50,626
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!
1131
00:52:50,762 --> 00:52:52,866
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon
1132
00:52:53,001 --> 00:52:54,168
without a dope guest.
1133
00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:55,442
He's a legend
in the streaming game.
1134
00:52:55,466 --> 00:52:58,371
Give it up for Kai Cenat!
1135
00:52:58,507 --> 00:53:00,976
We gonna break the Internet!
1136
00:53:01,112 --> 00:53:03,074
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1137
00:53:03,209 --> 00:53:04,812
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1138
00:53:07,147 --> 00:53:08,147
Let's get serious.
1139
00:53:08,282 --> 00:53:10,151
What brings you to the chat?
1140
00:53:10,287 --> 00:53:11,887
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.
1141
00:53:11,916 --> 00:53:14,620
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.
1142
00:53:14,755 --> 00:53:17,353
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.
1143
00:53:17,489 --> 00:53:19,192
That's... That's my bad.
1144
00:53:19,327 --> 00:53:21,357
And speaking of ghosted...
1145
00:53:21,493 --> 00:53:23,293
Somebody wants to talk to you.
1146
00:53:23,429 --> 00:53:24,727
Hello?
1147
00:53:24,863 --> 00:53:26,900
What's your favorite
scary movie?
1148
00:53:28,698 --> 00:53:30,466
Nah!
Oh!
1149
00:53:30,601 --> 00:53:33,774
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!
1150
00:53:39,743 --> 00:53:41,716
We breaking the Internet, son!
1151
00:53:41,852 --> 00:53:42,710
What's up, my guy?
1152
00:53:42,846 --> 00:53:44,286
You got some Angry Orchard
1153
00:53:44,454 --> 00:53:45,560
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.
1154
00:53:45,584 --> 00:53:47,281
They got mad apples.
1155
00:53:47,483 --> 00:53:48,986
Oh!
1156
00:53:49,122 --> 00:53:50,152
Wassup?
1157
00:53:50,354 --> 00:53:51,827
Wassup?
1158
00:53:54,758 --> 00:53:56,460
We about to do
my favorite thing:
1159
00:53:56,663 --> 00:54:00,297
Spin the... wheel!
1160
00:54:00,433 --> 00:54:02,337
Extreme Noodle Game!
1161
00:54:02,539 --> 00:54:04,139
We gonna go back there
with these noodles
1162
00:54:04,270 --> 00:54:05,270
and we gonna smack
1163
00:54:05,473 --> 00:54:06,553
the fuck out you!
1164
00:54:06,672 --> 00:54:07,914
Then you gotta guess who did it.
1165
00:54:07,938 --> 00:54:08,809
That doesn't even make sense.
1166
00:54:09,905 --> 00:54:11,105
This is a dumb game.
1167
00:54:12,381 --> 00:54:13,713
Oh!
1168
00:54:13,849 --> 00:54:14,880
Uh...
1169
00:54:15,382 --> 00:54:16,382
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?
1170
00:54:16,449 --> 00:54:17,181
Yeah.
1171
00:54:23,524 --> 00:54:25,794
Wait... No, no, no...
1172
00:54:27,794 --> 00:54:32,163
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.
1173
00:54:33,532 --> 00:54:35,132
We making history, son!
1174
00:54:36,371 --> 00:54:37,768
Money, money, money!
1175
00:54:57,025 --> 00:54:58,657
Oh, thank God.
1176
00:55:02,729 --> 00:55:04,658
It's about time
you guys got here!
1177
00:55:04,794 --> 00:55:07,063
Now you're gonna get it.
1178
00:55:07,533 --> 00:55:08,869
Oof!
1179
00:55:09,999 --> 00:55:11,439
Hold still!
1180
00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:13,353
So that's our suspect.
1181
00:55:13,377 --> 00:55:15,741
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.
1182
00:55:15,877 --> 00:55:20,277
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.
1183
00:55:20,946 --> 00:55:22,577
Is there anything
you're not telling me?
1184
00:55:22,713 --> 00:55:24,513
That your wife hates you,
1185
00:55:24,716 --> 00:55:26,288
you believe the Earth is flat
1186
00:55:26,423 --> 00:55:28,117
and you voted for Trump
three times.
1187
00:55:28,253 --> 00:55:31,054
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?
1188
00:55:31,189 --> 00:55:32,326
Huh?
1189
00:55:32,595 --> 00:55:35,692
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.
1190
00:55:37,495 --> 00:55:39,497
What that mouth do?
1191
00:55:39,633 --> 00:55:40,963
Stop resisting!
1192
00:55:41,099 --> 00:55:43,399
He did look pretty sketchy.
1193
00:55:47,072 --> 00:55:48,806
They got the wrong guy.
1194
00:55:48,941 --> 00:55:50,772
And you know that
because you're psychic?
1195
00:55:50,907 --> 00:55:53,448
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.
1196
00:55:55,452 --> 00:55:56,732
I don't know.
1197
00:55:56,816 --> 00:55:59,151
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...
1198
00:55:59,353 --> 00:56:00,554
not that Black.
1199
00:56:00,756 --> 00:56:02,436
Like gravy brown.
1200
00:56:02,489 --> 00:56:03,989
Ugh!
1201
00:56:04,125 --> 00:56:05,427
Get him!
1202
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:07,434
Hit him with your strong hand!
1203
00:56:07,458 --> 00:56:08,693
Boom!
1204
00:56:08,895 --> 00:56:12,128
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?
1205
00:56:12,598 --> 00:56:14,568
Turn off your body cams!
1206
00:56:26,575 --> 00:56:28,076
Miss you.
1207
00:56:30,514 --> 00:56:32,249
Poppa's here.
1208
00:56:32,384 --> 00:56:33,922
Tupac's here.
1209
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:36,590
And Tekashi69 is here.
1210
00:56:37,425 --> 00:56:39,928
Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead.
1211
00:56:40,063 --> 00:56:43,124
No, but his career is.
1212
00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:45,467
True that.
1213
00:56:45,603 --> 00:56:48,870
Can't let these
old-school rappers go, huh?
1214
00:56:49,539 --> 00:56:52,273
Kids today put "lil"
in front of their name
1215
00:56:52,408 --> 00:56:54,209
and think they got a lil talent.
1216
00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:56,308
You should give
Lil Nas X a shot.
1217
00:56:56,444 --> 00:56:58,308
Dude really speaks to me.
1218
00:56:58,444 --> 00:56:59,674
That nigga's hard.
1219
00:56:59,810 --> 00:57:01,250
What you back here for, Ray?
1220
00:57:01,385 --> 00:57:02,905
I thought you was done
with Woodsville.
1221
00:57:02,946 --> 00:57:04,649
I thought you were
a northern man.
1222
00:57:04,851 --> 00:57:05,958
I'm through with San Francisco.
1223
00:57:05,982 --> 00:57:09,023
Is San Francisco
through with you?
1224
00:57:09,159 --> 00:57:10,255
What are you asking me?
1225
00:57:10,458 --> 00:57:12,121
Do you have pride, Ray?
1226
00:57:12,256 --> 00:57:14,823
I think we should all
take pride in who we are.
1227
00:57:14,958 --> 00:57:18,399
Do you like
to taste the rainbow?
1228
00:57:18,534 --> 00:57:20,799
Skittles are my favorite candy.
1229
00:57:23,271 --> 00:57:24,705
Ray, I prayed for you.
1230
00:57:24,874 --> 00:57:27,013
Then how come none of those
prayers worked for our baby?
1231
00:57:27,037 --> 00:57:29,973
Mr. Pickels was 18
when he died, Ray.
1232
00:57:31,279 --> 00:57:33,310
That's old for a cat.
1233
00:57:33,445 --> 00:57:34,579
He was packing.
1234
00:57:34,714 --> 00:57:36,077
Now, what you want with me, Ray?
1235
00:57:36,212 --> 00:57:41,052
I'm back, Brenda,
'cause I love you.
1236
00:57:41,187 --> 00:57:42,788
Ray!
1237
00:57:55,501 --> 00:57:56,931
He's so sneaky, Ray.
1238
00:57:57,067 --> 00:57:59,739
I'm gonna get it.
1239
00:57:59,874 --> 00:58:03,578
I got you! I got you!
You got me, yeah!
1240
00:58:06,745 --> 00:58:08,647
Oh, yes.
Put this on.
1241
00:58:08,783 --> 00:58:11,719
You sure, Ray?
Yeah, girl. Go on.
1242
00:58:12,455 --> 00:58:14,415
You wild, Ray.
You make me blush.
1243
00:58:14,618 --> 00:58:16,324
So sexy.
1244
00:58:16,460 --> 00:58:19,325
I wish you had a beard.
Hmm?
1245
00:58:19,527 --> 00:58:23,094
Here. Take this.
Oh.
1246
00:58:23,230 --> 00:58:24,230
What?
1247
00:58:24,268 --> 00:58:26,366
Turn around.
Oh! Sure.
1248
00:58:26,502 --> 00:58:27,763
Bend over.
Uh-huh.
1249
00:58:27,898 --> 00:58:32,205
Now drop it.
Okay. Okay.
1250
00:58:32,407 --> 00:58:33,607
I've dropped it, Ray.
1251
00:58:33,742 --> 00:58:35,142
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
1252
00:58:35,407 --> 00:58:37,846
Whose cell block is this?
Huh, Brenda? Ray! Ray!
1253
00:58:37,982 --> 00:58:40,375
You didn't want to share
your tater tots, nigga, at lunch?
1254
00:58:40,577 --> 00:58:42,478
Now you sharing this
bootyhole, nigga. Yeah!
1255
00:58:42,613 --> 00:58:46,652
You not in prison
no more, Ray. You free now, Ray.
1256
00:58:46,787 --> 00:58:48,056
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Yeah.
1257
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:49,224
Okay. Now you get me.
1258
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:50,788
My turn.
Let me drop the soap.
1259
00:58:50,924 --> 00:58:53,193
On three. One, two, three.
Wait.
1260
00:58:53,328 --> 00:58:54,329
Oops, I dropped it.
1261
00:58:54,564 --> 00:58:55,992
Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah!
Okay.
1262
00:58:56,127 --> 00:58:57,626
Like this?
Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda.
1263
00:58:57,761 --> 00:58:59,295
You still freaky, Ray.
1264
00:58:59,531 --> 00:59:02,133
Lower your voice. Make it
deeper. You still freaky, Ray.
1265
00:59:02,269 --> 00:59:03,269
Yeah!
1266
00:59:03,507 --> 00:59:05,707
Miss Hailstorm, welcome back.
1267
00:59:05,843 --> 00:59:08,774
Doc, I'm begging you. You
got to help me look younger.
1268
00:59:08,910 --> 00:59:10,654
These little bitches
are killing me out there.
1269
00:59:10,678 --> 00:59:11,820
They're wearing nothing but a...
1270
00:59:11,844 --> 00:59:13,749
a sausage casing
and a ring light.
1271
00:59:13,951 --> 00:59:18,450
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,
1272
00:59:18,586 --> 00:59:20,686
and I will make you whole.
1273
00:59:20,822 --> 00:59:22,290
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special
1274
00:59:22,425 --> 00:59:23,785
coming right up.
Thanks.
1275
00:59:23,921 --> 00:59:25,086
I'm gonna play a quick video
1276
00:59:25,289 --> 00:59:26,729
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,
1277
00:59:26,862 --> 00:59:29,565
and then we'll get started.
1278
00:59:32,397 --> 00:59:35,404
Do you wish
you weren't so old and saggy?
1279
00:59:35,539 --> 00:59:38,205
Do you wish you were younger?
Sexier?
1280
00:59:38,341 --> 00:59:39,706
Fuckable again?
1281
00:59:39,842 --> 00:59:43,277
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
1282
00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:46,408
creating a new, better you.
1283
00:59:46,810 --> 00:59:49,216
This is The Stuff.
1284
00:59:50,687 --> 00:59:52,720
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap
1285
00:59:52,855 --> 00:59:55,184
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?
1286
00:59:59,161 --> 01:00:00,161
I like it.
1287
01:00:07,799 --> 01:00:09,198
♪ I feel... ♪
1288
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:11,338
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1289
01:00:11,473 --> 01:00:12,473
♪ New ♪
1290
01:00:12,508 --> 01:00:13,508
♪ New ♪
1291
01:00:13,609 --> 01:00:15,303
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1292
01:00:16,413 --> 01:00:18,680
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.
1293
01:00:19,942 --> 01:00:21,443
Oh, a mask on a mask.
1294
01:00:21,879 --> 01:00:23,819
Safety first, right, Doc?
1295
01:00:25,618 --> 01:00:27,548
Oh, no!
1296
01:00:28,788 --> 01:00:30,591
I'm having second thoughts!
1297
01:00:30,793 --> 01:00:33,222
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.
1298
01:00:36,294 --> 01:00:37,798
♪ I feel ♪
1299
01:00:37,933 --> 01:00:39,695
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1300
01:01:36,590 --> 01:01:38,488
Oops. Wrong movie.
1301
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:43,993
-You were thinking it.
-But you said it.
1302
01:01:44,128 --> 01:01:45,933
White Chicks 2, my ass.
1303
01:01:46,068 --> 01:01:47,462
♪ I feel ♪
1304
01:01:47,664 --> 01:01:49,224
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1305
01:01:49,269 --> 01:01:50,375
♪ New ♪
1306
01:01:50,399 --> 01:01:53,742
♪ I feel brand fucking new ♪
1307
01:01:54,608 --> 01:01:56,437
Hey, Sara.
1308
01:01:57,479 --> 01:01:58,807
Tuesday, I...
1309
01:01:58,942 --> 01:02:00,843
I tried to visit you.
1310
01:02:00,978 --> 01:02:03,416
I am sorry for everything.
1311
01:02:03,551 --> 01:02:05,180
Especially your name.
1312
01:02:05,315 --> 01:02:07,921
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.
1313
01:02:08,123 --> 01:02:11,793
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!
1314
01:02:11,995 --> 01:02:13,400
-It's fine, really, we're cool.
-I'm gonna...
1315
01:02:13,424 --> 01:02:14,838
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.
1316
01:02:14,862 --> 01:02:16,224
I'm going to take you
to the car!
1317
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:18,864
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumbass!
1318
01:02:18,999 --> 01:02:21,970
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!
1319
01:02:22,606 --> 01:02:24,104
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.
1320
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:26,701
I tried to run, too, but...
1321
01:02:26,837 --> 01:02:29,042
it follows!
1322
01:02:29,177 --> 01:02:31,847
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,
1323
01:02:31,982 --> 01:02:34,310
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.
1324
01:02:34,445 --> 01:02:36,817
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD
1325
01:02:37,019 --> 01:02:38,379
and then it haunts them
in the form
1326
01:02:38,488 --> 01:02:39,353
of their naked grandma.
1327
01:02:39,489 --> 01:02:41,490
It's like a STD biopic.
1328
01:02:41,625 --> 01:02:42,865
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.
1329
01:02:42,889 --> 01:02:44,457
Why doesn't he just kill us?
1330
01:02:44,660 --> 01:02:45,857
Uh, speak for yourself.
1331
01:02:46,059 --> 01:02:47,489
Like, what are you waiting for?
1332
01:02:47,691 --> 01:02:51,360
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.
1333
01:02:52,228 --> 01:02:55,634
What are you waiting for, huh?
1334
01:02:55,769 --> 01:02:58,505
What are you waiting for?
1335
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:01,068
What are you waiting for?
1336
01:03:01,203 --> 01:03:02,908
What are you waiting for?
1337
01:03:03,044 --> 01:03:04,643
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!
1338
01:03:04,778 --> 01:03:07,544
What are you waiting for?
1339
01:03:09,046 --> 01:03:10,313
Candyman.
1340
01:03:10,946 --> 01:03:12,381
Candyman.
1341
01:03:12,981 --> 01:03:14,417
Candyman.
1342
01:03:14,619 --> 01:03:18,156
-You sure about this?
-Yeah, keep saying it.
1343
01:03:18,987 --> 01:03:21,089
Candyman.
1344
01:03:21,224 --> 01:03:23,193
Candyman!
1345
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,244
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?
1346
01:03:42,380 --> 01:03:45,718
-I got weed gummies.
-Yeah.
1347
01:03:45,854 --> 01:03:47,119
-K-nuts.
-Yeah.
1348
01:03:47,287 --> 01:03:48,966
-Shroom chocolates.
-Shit, son!
1349
01:03:48,990 --> 01:03:50,956
And what take you so long
to show up?
1350
01:03:51,092 --> 01:03:53,955
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.
1351
01:03:54,091 --> 01:03:55,390
Nigga, show up in three.
1352
01:03:55,525 --> 01:03:57,663
You ain't even call me
on the phone.
1353
01:03:57,865 --> 01:03:59,031
Luckily I was walking by
1354
01:03:59,167 --> 01:04:01,100
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.
1355
01:04:01,235 --> 01:04:03,599
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.
1356
01:04:03,802 --> 01:04:06,368
You need to go to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.
1357
01:04:06,503 --> 01:04:09,637
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.
1358
01:04:09,773 --> 01:04:12,047
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.
1359
01:04:12,182 --> 01:04:14,782
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.
1360
01:04:14,984 --> 01:04:16,982
We gonna party, son!
1361
01:04:19,217 --> 01:04:21,467
♪ Coming in hot They better
watch it... ♪ Happy Halloween, y'all.
1362
01:04:21,491 --> 01:04:23,034
Watch out for Ghostface. ♪
If they come For my spot... ♪
1363
01:04:23,058 --> 01:04:25,757
-That's right. Drink up!
-Hey!
1364
01:04:25,893 --> 01:04:28,660
Hey! I love it. Look at that.
1365
01:04:28,862 --> 01:04:30,057
You're looking good.
1366
01:04:30,192 --> 01:04:31,460
You seen your sister?
1367
01:04:31,628 --> 01:04:33,599
♪ You always better ♪
1368
01:04:33,868 --> 01:04:35,775
-♪ When you at the top But I had...
-Ray, you seen Dei?
1369
01:04:35,799 --> 01:04:38,469
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.
1370
01:04:38,872 --> 01:04:41,338
No.
1371
01:04:41,473 --> 01:04:45,108
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Toy Story!
1372
01:04:45,311 --> 01:04:47,145
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.
1373
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:50,181
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.
1374
01:04:50,317 --> 01:04:54,455
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."
1375
01:04:54,590 --> 01:04:56,689
You love that movie!
1376
01:04:56,891 --> 01:04:58,157
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?
1377
01:04:58,359 --> 01:05:00,279
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?
1378
01:05:00,325 --> 01:05:03,626
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.
1379
01:05:03,995 --> 01:05:04,995
I-It's gone missing.
1380
01:05:05,130 --> 01:05:06,295
No, no, no, it's not missing.
1381
01:05:06,431 --> 01:05:08,296
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.
1382
01:05:08,432 --> 01:05:11,803
Brenda, that's my stash!
1383
01:05:22,786 --> 01:05:26,614
I'm so fucking high!
1384
01:05:29,590 --> 01:05:30,384
Whoo-hoo!
1385
01:05:30,519 --> 01:05:33,654
I can't feel my face!
1386
01:05:35,460 --> 01:05:39,662
I'm on that Naruto shit!
1387
01:05:40,331 --> 01:05:44,037
Six-seven! Six-seven!
1388
01:06:09,291 --> 01:06:11,296
Fuck.
1389
01:06:18,973 --> 01:06:20,239
Why is she looking at me?
1390
01:06:21,871 --> 01:06:23,149
♪ Fucking with a boss, yeah
It costs ya ♪
1391
01:06:23,173 --> 01:06:25,106
A little disturbing.
1392
01:06:25,241 --> 01:06:26,442
I'm here for it.
1393
01:06:26,644 --> 01:06:28,281
♪ Yeah
It's all there ♪
1394
01:06:28,484 --> 01:06:29,554
♪ Bend it over
Touch your paws, yeah ♪
1395
01:06:29,578 --> 01:06:30,384
♪ Make it talk, yeah ♪
1396
01:06:30,519 --> 01:06:31,519
Oh. Okay.
1397
01:06:31,648 --> 01:06:33,681
♪ Make that ass jump
Uh-huh ♪
1398
01:06:33,817 --> 01:06:35,064
♪ Make that ass jump ♪
Hey, hey!
1399
01:06:35,088 --> 01:06:36,354
♪ You better ♪
1400
01:06:36,556 --> 01:06:37,917
♪ You better
Make that ass jump ♪
1401
01:06:38,053 --> 01:06:40,128
♪ My nigga sleep so you know
I'm outside tho ♪
1402
01:06:40,263 --> 01:06:42,329
♪ Jet skis ass out
Crop top hoe... ♪
1403
01:06:42,464 --> 01:06:43,526
Hey!
1404
01:06:43,794 --> 01:06:47,761
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?
1405
01:06:55,071 --> 01:06:55,907
Shit.
1406
01:06:56,042 --> 01:06:57,774
It's Ghostface!
1407
01:07:02,313 --> 01:07:03,951
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!
1408
01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:07,081
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".
1409
01:07:07,283 --> 01:07:08,651
He stabbed "them"!
1410
01:07:08,854 --> 01:07:11,692
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?
1411
01:07:11,828 --> 01:07:12,908
She's not wrong.
1412
01:07:12,992 --> 01:07:14,426
It's Karens like you
1413
01:07:14,762 --> 01:07:18,030
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!
1414
01:07:18,165 --> 01:07:20,596
Now you're playing
the race card?
1415
01:07:20,732 --> 01:07:23,764
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!
1416
01:07:26,774 --> 01:07:27,776
And to be clear,
1417
01:07:28,045 --> 01:07:30,241
my real name is Karen!
1418
01:07:30,376 --> 01:07:32,580
Oh, shit. This is too good.
1419
01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:33,715
Ignore the insults.
1420
01:07:33,876 --> 01:07:36,517
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".
1421
01:07:36,653 --> 01:07:37,985
Toxic masculinity
1422
01:07:38,187 --> 01:07:40,853
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!
1423
01:07:41,055 --> 01:07:42,888
How is my masculinity toxic?
1424
01:07:43,090 --> 01:07:44,420
I love women and sports.
1425
01:07:44,556 --> 01:07:47,322
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.
1426
01:07:47,458 --> 01:07:49,097
My turn!
1427
01:07:49,232 --> 01:07:50,912
-Me next!
-They ain't ready for
1428
01:07:50,999 --> 01:07:51,999
this!
1429
01:07:52,233 --> 01:07:53,433
Let me at them!
Me next!
1430
01:07:53,465 --> 01:07:54,506
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.
1431
01:07:54,530 --> 01:07:55,570
Suck knife.
1432
01:07:59,274 --> 01:08:00,594
I blame the manosphere.
1433
01:08:00,705 --> 01:08:02,205
♪ Hit the bar
Rock side-to-side ♪
1434
01:08:02,341 --> 01:08:03,839
♪ And lean in a bit ♪
1435
01:08:04,108 --> 01:08:05,553
♪ Shining like a star
'Cause every night... ♪
1436
01:08:05,577 --> 01:08:07,340
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?
1437
01:08:07,476 --> 01:08:09,648
Can I ask you something?
1438
01:08:09,850 --> 01:08:11,284
Yeah, shoot.
1439
01:08:11,954 --> 01:08:13,853
It's about, y-you know,
1440
01:08:13,988 --> 01:08:15,318
how to go down on a girl.
1441
01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:17,384
You talking about eating pussy?
1442
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:19,791
That's so cringe, but yeah.
1443
01:08:19,926 --> 01:08:23,126
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl,
1444
01:08:23,261 --> 01:08:24,963
you could learn something.
1445
01:08:25,099 --> 01:08:26,198
All right, so listen up.
1446
01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:27,808
First thing you got to do,
you got to...
1447
01:08:27,832 --> 01:08:29,509
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.
1448
01:08:29,533 --> 01:08:30,931
Then you want
to use your fingers.
1449
01:08:31,066 --> 01:08:34,474
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.
1450
01:08:34,610 --> 01:08:35,610
Yeah?
1451
01:08:35,673 --> 01:08:37,809
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...
1452
01:08:38,211 --> 01:08:39,714
you got to use your tongue.
1453
01:08:39,849 --> 01:08:41,044
You can't be afraid of it.
1454
01:08:44,381 --> 01:08:45,680
Yeah, lean into it.
1455
01:08:45,815 --> 01:08:47,620
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.
1456
01:08:48,991 --> 01:08:50,156
What are you, a lizard?
1457
01:08:50,392 --> 01:08:52,122
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.
1458
01:08:52,258 --> 01:08:53,557
"Hey there, little guy,
1459
01:08:53,893 --> 01:08:55,994
"how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.
1460
01:08:56,296 --> 01:08:58,898
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.
1461
01:08:59,034 --> 01:09:01,301
All you got to do, nephew...
1462
01:09:04,403 --> 01:09:06,232
Is hit that shit.
1463
01:09:06,635 --> 01:09:08,136
Got it?
Mm-hmm.
1464
01:09:08,271 --> 01:09:09,540
All right, now,
1465
01:09:09,675 --> 01:09:12,875
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.
1466
01:09:13,010 --> 01:09:14,510
Ma!
1467
01:09:14,645 --> 01:09:18,146
Now, this is a fantastic party.
1468
01:09:18,281 --> 01:09:19,348
Well, thank you.
1469
01:09:19,550 --> 01:09:22,255
You and me, we're drinking.
1470
01:09:22,391 --> 01:09:24,757
No, I don't... I don't drink.
One shot.
1471
01:09:24,892 --> 01:09:26,456
Ma! Ma! Ma!
1472
01:09:26,592 --> 01:09:29,763
Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!
What? Come on.
1473
01:09:29,899 --> 01:09:32,200
Okay, okay. I'll do one.
1474
01:09:40,139 --> 01:09:42,175
I'ma do one more.
1475
01:09:42,310 --> 01:09:44,773
Just one more.
That's all you.
1476
01:09:47,810 --> 01:09:51,048
I'm gonna have
one motherfuckin' more.
1477
01:09:51,184 --> 01:09:52,184
No, no, no, no. Maybe...
1478
01:09:52,386 --> 01:09:54,414
One, two, three!
No, no.
1479
01:09:56,924 --> 01:09:58,358
Here. Take that.
1480
01:09:59,090 --> 01:10:00,921
Whoo!
1481
01:10:12,540 --> 01:10:16,072
♪ Everybody was
kung fu fighting ♪
1482
01:10:31,753 --> 01:10:33,924
Uh! Oh!
1483
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:35,659
Oh!
1484
01:10:35,794 --> 01:10:39,033
Bitch-ass generation
don't even know how to party.
1485
01:10:41,366 --> 01:10:44,033
You feel so good.
1486
01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:46,705
Oh, yeah.
1487
01:10:46,841 --> 01:10:48,238
Elle.
1488
01:10:48,374 --> 01:10:49,640
I want to try something.
1489
01:10:49,842 --> 01:10:52,141
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.
1490
01:10:52,277 --> 01:10:53,976
What? No.
1491
01:10:54,112 --> 01:10:55,311
Relax.
1492
01:10:55,514 --> 01:10:57,046
I just want to taste you.
1493
01:10:59,755 --> 01:11:00,952
Okay.
1494
01:11:02,256 --> 01:11:03,891
Dinner time.
1495
01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:06,790
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.
1496
01:11:09,431 --> 01:11:11,832
Careful. My kitty is gangster.
1497
01:11:11,967 --> 01:11:13,526
Oh! Oh...
1498
01:11:13,661 --> 01:11:15,632
It is gangster. Okay.
1499
01:11:15,768 --> 01:11:18,837
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!
1500
01:11:22,910 --> 01:11:23,910
Oh!
1501
01:11:24,140 --> 01:11:26,673
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.
1502
01:11:26,808 --> 01:11:28,045
Choo-choo!
1503
01:11:28,181 --> 01:11:29,182
Get back in there!
1504
01:11:29,317 --> 01:11:30,445
Yeah! Lick it!
1505
01:11:30,581 --> 01:11:33,049
Yeah! Lick it hard!
1506
01:11:34,321 --> 01:11:35,656
Finish her.
1507
01:11:36,952 --> 01:11:40,387
Oh, my God!
1508
01:11:42,691 --> 01:11:44,390
Just like rolling a blunt.
1509
01:11:45,563 --> 01:11:48,530
Now all I got to do is hit it.
1510
01:11:50,135 --> 01:11:51,598
Oh... Oof!
1511
01:11:51,734 --> 01:11:53,374
Elle!
1512
01:11:55,306 --> 01:11:56,508
What the fuck?
1513
01:11:56,810 --> 01:11:59,275
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.
1514
01:11:59,410 --> 01:12:01,244
You did now, did you?
1515
01:12:01,379 --> 01:12:02,413
We're here to drink,
1516
01:12:02,749 --> 01:12:05,311
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.
1517
01:12:05,614 --> 01:12:07,480
Why just half gay?
1518
01:12:07,615 --> 01:12:08,483
Can I help you?
1519
01:12:08,618 --> 01:12:10,925
If you just invite us in.
1520
01:12:11,060 --> 01:12:12,326
Why you need a invitation?
1521
01:12:12,461 --> 01:12:13,968
White folks show up
to parties uninvited
1522
01:12:13,992 --> 01:12:16,464
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.
1523
01:12:16,599 --> 01:12:18,795
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.
1524
01:12:18,997 --> 01:12:21,128
Mm-hmm. And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?
1525
01:12:21,263 --> 01:12:24,301
Look like you was walking
around porn sets all day.
1526
01:12:24,437 --> 01:12:25,565
Got them trailer park toes.
1527
01:12:25,700 --> 01:12:27,001
Shit, son!
1528
01:12:27,136 --> 01:12:30,543
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?
1529
01:12:31,210 --> 01:12:32,245
No.
1530
01:12:32,447 --> 01:12:35,180
We believe in music
and equality.
1531
01:12:35,316 --> 01:12:36,481
How about we show y'all?
1532
01:12:36,650 --> 01:12:38,313
It's okay, no.
1533
01:12:38,515 --> 01:12:40,885
♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1534
01:12:41,021 --> 01:12:44,417
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1535
01:12:44,553 --> 01:12:46,692
♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1536
01:12:46,828 --> 01:12:49,228
♪ In the sky ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1537
01:12:49,364 --> 01:12:50,758
♪ We're movin' on up ♪
1538
01:12:50,893 --> 01:12:52,731
They gentrified the Jeffersons?
1539
01:12:52,933 --> 01:12:54,831
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.
1540
01:12:54,966 --> 01:12:57,769
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.
1541
01:12:57,904 --> 01:13:02,575
♪ We finally got
A piece of the pie! ♪
1542
01:13:05,445 --> 01:13:06,874
Boo!
1543
01:13:07,010 --> 01:13:08,648
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!
1544
01:13:08,984 --> 01:13:10,923
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit out of here!
1545
01:13:10,947 --> 01:13:12,387
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!
1546
01:13:12,551 --> 01:13:14,884
Come on. Let us in.
1547
01:13:17,054 --> 01:13:18,756
Oh, my God! They're vampires!
Oh, my God!
1548
01:13:18,891 --> 01:13:20,560
Here, take her.
No, wait, wait. No, Ray!
1549
01:13:20,696 --> 01:13:22,694
No, baby, you got this.
We're not vampires.
1550
01:13:22,829 --> 01:13:25,195
Just hard
to sing with these in.
1551
01:13:25,331 --> 01:13:28,999
Oh, girl, you know I got you. I ain't
gonna let nothing happen to you.
1552
01:13:29,135 --> 01:13:30,471
Nigga.
1553
01:13:30,707 --> 01:13:32,781
Look, why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties
1554
01:13:32,805 --> 01:13:34,409
where they drink until
they black out
1555
01:13:34,544 --> 01:13:36,050
and wake up
with their booties hurting,
1556
01:13:36,074 --> 01:13:38,372
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?
1557
01:13:38,508 --> 01:13:39,846
Yeah! What?
1558
01:13:39,982 --> 01:13:40,841
Okay.
1559
01:13:40,977 --> 01:13:42,775
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.
1560
01:13:42,911 --> 01:13:44,111
But we're gonna walk real slow
1561
01:13:44,312 --> 01:13:46,680
just in case
y'all change your minds.
1562
01:13:48,953 --> 01:13:50,784
-Change your minds yet?
-No.
1563
01:13:50,986 --> 01:13:52,024
Not at all.
Hell no.
1564
01:13:52,159 --> 01:13:53,389
How about now?
1565
01:13:53,591 --> 01:13:54,754
Fuck no!
No!
1566
01:13:54,890 --> 01:13:56,297
Yes?
Hell to the nah.
1567
01:13:56,432 --> 01:13:57,562
Definitely not!
Keep walking!
1568
01:13:57,697 --> 01:13:58,827
-Now git!
-Let's go.
1569
01:13:59,029 --> 01:14:00,501
Sara, come on!
White folks
1570
01:14:00,636 --> 01:14:02,833
is getting weird again.
1571
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:07,139
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.
1572
01:14:07,274 --> 01:14:08,403
That window's closed.
1573
01:14:08,605 --> 01:14:09,839
Not for long.
1574
01:14:16,348 --> 01:14:17,348
Wicked.
1575
01:14:17,450 --> 01:14:18,650
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.
1576
01:14:20,116 --> 01:14:22,051
♪ Bad, bad, bad to the bone ♪
1577
01:14:22,186 --> 01:14:24,292
♪ We can play
But you can't take me home ♪
1578
01:14:24,494 --> 01:14:25,694
♪ Bad, bad shows off the... ♪
1579
01:14:25,756 --> 01:14:30,030
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!
1580
01:14:30,233 --> 01:14:31,591
Yeah, I left my inhaler.
1581
01:14:31,859 --> 01:14:34,862
Honestly, Tuesday, that inhaler is
the worst plot device in movie history.
1582
01:14:34,997 --> 01:14:36,570
That's true,
should've been a vape.
1583
01:14:36,705 --> 01:14:39,304
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.
1584
01:14:39,440 --> 01:14:41,606
Now where them White Claws at?
1585
01:14:46,613 --> 01:14:48,044
Sara?
Hello.
1586
01:14:48,180 --> 01:14:51,714
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?
1587
01:14:51,916 --> 01:14:54,521
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.
1588
01:14:54,657 --> 01:14:56,427
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.
1589
01:14:56,451 --> 01:14:58,586
That's the house where
your psycho father
1590
01:14:58,789 --> 01:14:59,855
killed those people.
1591
01:15:00,057 --> 01:15:01,377
Someone wanted to get you there.
1592
01:15:01,492 --> 01:15:03,394
Which means...
1593
01:15:03,530 --> 01:15:05,893
someone wants to get me there.
1594
01:15:06,028 --> 01:15:07,727
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!
1595
01:15:07,930 --> 01:15:08,996
Why are you yelling?
1596
01:15:09,132 --> 01:15:12,032
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!
1597
01:15:12,168 --> 01:15:15,036
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?
1598
01:15:15,172 --> 01:15:16,554
You're breaking up.
1599
01:15:16,578 --> 01:15:17,974
Uh... Yeah.
1600
01:15:22,783 --> 01:15:25,246
Happy Birthday!
1601
01:15:25,381 --> 01:15:29,216
Hey, that's my car!
1602
01:15:32,358 --> 01:15:33,893
What the fuck?
1603
01:15:34,029 --> 01:15:35,596
Elle!
1604
01:15:36,295 --> 01:15:37,398
I'm sorry!
1605
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:40,194
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.
1606
01:15:40,695 --> 01:15:41,697
Oh, shit.
1607
01:15:45,400 --> 01:15:47,433
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slave shit?
1608
01:15:47,569 --> 01:15:50,974
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?
1609
01:15:51,110 --> 01:15:54,142
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.
1610
01:16:00,386 --> 01:16:01,714
Come on, bro!
1611
01:16:01,850 --> 01:16:03,386
That's even worse.
1612
01:16:04,122 --> 01:16:06,558
I didn't mean it that way.
1613
01:16:06,693 --> 01:16:09,025
Some of my best victims
are Black.
1614
01:16:11,164 --> 01:16:15,634
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.
1615
01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:17,799
Turns out
race is still an issue.
1616
01:16:17,934 --> 01:16:19,400
That's not fair!
1617
01:16:19,602 --> 01:16:22,142
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.
1618
01:16:25,106 --> 01:16:26,614
Damn!
1619
01:16:26,783 --> 01:16:29,413
This give whole new meaning
to Dead By Daylight.
1620
01:16:29,548 --> 01:16:31,416
Yeah.
1621
01:16:31,552 --> 01:16:34,385
Oh. Get them, son.
1622
01:16:34,520 --> 01:16:36,957
Goofy ass out of here.
1623
01:16:39,592 --> 01:16:41,294
Hello, Shorty.
1624
01:16:41,496 --> 01:16:43,560
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!
1625
01:16:45,130 --> 01:16:49,133
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.
1626
01:16:49,269 --> 01:16:51,669
♪ Party ♪
♪ Aw, yeah, aw, yeah ♪
1627
01:16:51,805 --> 01:16:52,843
♪ Ain't nobody standing... ♪
1628
01:16:52,867 --> 01:16:53,702
Nigga!
1629
01:16:53,871 --> 01:16:57,439
Ah, shit, son!
1630
01:16:58,109 --> 01:17:00,042
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?
1631
01:17:00,177 --> 01:17:02,249
I don't know.
It's not me.
1632
01:17:02,385 --> 01:17:03,505
Something's wrong with this.
1633
01:17:03,686 --> 01:17:05,006
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!
1634
01:17:05,050 --> 01:17:07,016
You're fucking high, son.
1635
01:17:07,152 --> 01:17:08,815
-Game on, bitches!
-Yeah.
1636
01:17:14,429 --> 01:17:15,595
Oh!
Wrong nigga.
1637
01:17:15,898 --> 01:17:17,472
Black Lives Matter!
1638
01:17:17,496 --> 01:17:18,825
Not you, Shorty!
1639
01:17:18,960 --> 01:17:19,994
Oh, my... I need you.
1640
01:17:20,263 --> 01:17:21,801
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!
1641
01:17:21,936 --> 01:17:24,633
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?
1642
01:17:24,769 --> 01:17:26,034
Ghostface was just here!
1643
01:17:26,170 --> 01:17:28,634
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.
1644
01:17:28,770 --> 01:17:30,007
Stop!
1645
01:17:30,643 --> 01:17:33,540
One of you is the killer.
1646
01:17:33,676 --> 01:17:34,982
Elle...
1647
01:17:35,585 --> 01:17:37,377
why do you have blood
on your hands?
1648
01:17:38,653 --> 01:17:40,747
I found Brad outside.
1649
01:17:40,883 --> 01:17:42,520
She's the killer!
1650
01:17:42,655 --> 01:17:44,624
I am not the killer, okay?
1651
01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:47,656
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.
1652
01:17:47,791 --> 01:17:49,025
No way.
1653
01:17:49,161 --> 01:17:50,835
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.
1654
01:17:50,859 --> 01:17:52,533
Fuck you!
1655
01:17:52,668 --> 01:17:54,301
Whoa!
1656
01:17:54,437 --> 01:17:57,029
The butt doesn't count.
1657
01:17:57,165 --> 01:17:59,173
Oh!
1658
01:17:59,308 --> 01:17:59,999
Shit, she shot Ashton!
1659
01:18:00,135 --> 01:18:04,140
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.
1660
01:18:05,411 --> 01:18:07,072
What?
1661
01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:09,245
What does that even mean?
1662
01:18:09,881 --> 01:18:12,150
It's when the shit goes down.
1663
01:18:12,286 --> 01:18:13,286
Oh.
1664
01:18:13,515 --> 01:18:15,064
I still don't really know
what she means,
1665
01:18:15,088 --> 01:18:16,916
but I think we should run!
Run!
1666
01:18:32,834 --> 01:18:33,834
Cindy!
1667
01:18:34,005 --> 01:18:35,474
Brenda.
1668
01:18:35,610 --> 01:18:37,105
Cindy, they in there shooting!
1669
01:18:37,240 --> 01:18:38,746
These kids are wild!
1670
01:18:38,881 --> 01:18:40,518
I blame it on video games,
1671
01:18:40,542 --> 01:18:43,111
not the liquor or lack
of parental supervision.
1672
01:18:43,247 --> 01:18:44,585
You're gonna need this.
Oh.
1673
01:18:44,721 --> 01:18:46,846
Do you have one bigger in black?
1674
01:18:46,981 --> 01:18:49,053
Oh, wrong bag.
1675
01:18:49,820 --> 01:18:50,620
Here.
Ooh.
1676
01:18:50,823 --> 01:18:52,289
Who are you, Joan Wick?
1677
01:18:52,425 --> 01:18:55,488
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.
1678
01:18:56,331 --> 01:18:57,197
Let's do this.
1679
01:18:57,332 --> 01:18:58,560
Okay.
1680
01:19:01,469 --> 01:19:03,264
Help! He stabbed me!
1681
01:19:03,399 --> 01:19:06,404
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!
1682
01:19:06,540 --> 01:19:07,767
What do you think?
1683
01:19:08,303 --> 01:19:09,877
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
1684
01:19:10,012 --> 01:19:13,072
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?
1685
01:19:13,208 --> 01:19:15,007
That's such a bitch-ass move.
1686
01:19:15,209 --> 01:19:17,245
About this situation.
1687
01:19:17,447 --> 01:19:19,116
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.
1688
01:19:19,251 --> 01:19:21,322
She don't know we already
been here, done that.
1689
01:19:22,624 --> 01:19:24,556
Brenda!
1690
01:19:24,692 --> 01:19:25,692
Brenda!
1691
01:19:25,826 --> 01:19:28,492
Cindy! It hurts!
1692
01:19:29,095 --> 01:19:31,628
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.
1693
01:19:31,764 --> 01:19:34,499
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.
1694
01:19:34,635 --> 01:19:36,633
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!
1695
01:19:36,768 --> 01:19:38,870
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.
1696
01:19:39,072 --> 01:19:42,902
Now you go back in there
and finish it.
1697
01:19:43,037 --> 01:19:44,072
For me, Cindy.
1698
01:19:44,241 --> 01:19:46,710
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.
1699
01:19:51,150 --> 01:19:53,919
Oh, yes! She bought it.
1700
01:19:54,121 --> 01:19:56,722
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.
1701
01:19:56,857 --> 01:19:58,166
That bitch is crazy
if she thought
1702
01:19:58,190 --> 01:20:00,720
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.
1703
01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:05,466
Attention all killers!
1704
01:20:05,560 --> 01:20:10,332
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.
1705
01:20:22,211 --> 01:20:23,314
Shorty!
1706
01:20:23,450 --> 01:20:24,748
Bitch!
1707
01:20:24,883 --> 01:20:26,651
You shot my favorite bong.
1708
01:20:26,854 --> 01:20:29,419
Go find your own damn closet!
1709
01:20:29,555 --> 01:20:30,924
Sorry.
1710
01:20:43,068 --> 01:20:47,968
Wow, this is so nice.
1711
01:20:48,103 --> 01:20:51,043
Brenda's been ballin'.
1712
01:20:53,976 --> 01:20:55,311
What the...
1713
01:20:59,454 --> 01:21:00,454
Red light!
1714
01:21:01,386 --> 01:21:04,354
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1715
01:21:05,424 --> 01:21:08,192
Oh. Okay, so we're
playing the hood version.
1716
01:21:09,394 --> 01:21:11,965
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1717
01:21:13,897 --> 01:21:15,328
Ha! You moved!
1718
01:21:15,463 --> 01:21:18,337
No, I didn't.
1719
01:21:22,143 --> 01:21:25,374
Ghostface 249, eliminated.
1720
01:21:29,884 --> 01:21:34,347
Ooh. You got some
hot breath, sir.
1721
01:21:44,533 --> 01:21:48,232
Someone's cleaning those
handprints off the mirror, and it isn't me.
1722
01:21:48,367 --> 01:21:53,369
I'll do it.
Don't leave any streaks.
1723
01:22:00,712 --> 01:22:02,114
No!
1724
01:22:15,429 --> 01:22:18,224
I knew swallowing the clip
would eventually come in handy.
1725
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:21,133
Who's smiling now, bitch?
1726
01:22:31,945 --> 01:22:34,146
Hello, Cindy.
1727
01:22:34,713 --> 01:22:35,782
Hello.
1728
01:22:35,918 --> 01:22:37,198
Looks like you forgot
1729
01:22:37,284 --> 01:22:39,818
the first rule
of surviving a horror movie.
1730
01:22:39,953 --> 01:22:43,420
Never answer the phone!
1731
01:22:43,556 --> 01:22:47,423
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.
1732
01:22:48,355 --> 01:22:49,589
Oh, really?
1733
01:22:49,725 --> 01:22:52,364
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?
1734
01:22:52,834 --> 01:22:55,964
Go fuck yourself.
1735
01:22:56,099 --> 01:22:57,099
Wait, wait!
1736
01:22:58,768 --> 01:23:01,135
Why do you
hate closets so much?
1737
01:23:01,271 --> 01:23:02,843
I told you to come out.
1738
01:23:02,978 --> 01:23:04,972
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!
1739
01:23:05,108 --> 01:23:07,243
Ironic, isn't it?
1740
01:23:07,379 --> 01:23:09,714
You missed me, bitch.
1741
01:23:09,850 --> 01:23:11,584
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!
1742
01:23:11,720 --> 01:23:12,780
Didn't sound believable.
1743
01:23:14,420 --> 01:23:15,899
You think you're John Wick,
1744
01:23:15,923 --> 01:23:17,123
acting like I killed your dog?
1745
01:23:22,391 --> 01:23:24,224
The dog is just a metaphor.
1746
01:23:24,427 --> 01:23:26,132
It was about losing his wife!
1747
01:23:26,334 --> 01:23:28,596
You sure it's not
an allegory?
1748
01:23:39,515 --> 01:23:40,746
Let us begin.
1749
01:23:49,891 --> 01:23:51,621
Oh.
1750
01:24:01,837 --> 01:24:04,368
Oh, that stunt girl is good.
1751
01:24:20,951 --> 01:24:21,753
Whoa.
1752
01:24:26,389 --> 01:24:28,656
Oh, oh...
1753
01:24:44,173 --> 01:24:45,673
Eat a dick.
1754
01:24:55,956 --> 01:24:57,955
Shoot him, Sara. End this.
1755
01:24:58,091 --> 01:24:59,824
Don't tell me what to do!
1756
01:24:59,960 --> 01:25:01,290
This isn't the best time
1757
01:25:01,426 --> 01:25:03,461
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,
1758
01:25:03,663 --> 01:25:08,168
but, Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.
1759
01:25:08,303 --> 01:25:10,833
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday...
1760
01:25:10,969 --> 01:25:12,104
Oh, Tuesday.
1761
01:25:12,239 --> 01:25:15,238
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.
1762
01:25:15,373 --> 01:25:17,237
But I've prepared you for this.
1763
01:25:17,372 --> 01:25:18,912
So go on, baby.
1764
01:25:19,047 --> 01:25:20,813
You kill him.
1765
01:25:20,949 --> 01:25:22,111
Sara?
Jack!
1766
01:25:22,247 --> 01:25:23,510
-Sara!
-Jack!
1767
01:25:23,713 --> 01:25:25,114
-Sara!
-Oh, Jack!
1768
01:25:25,250 --> 01:25:26,250
Sara!
Jack!
1769
01:25:26,382 --> 01:25:27,248
-Sara!
-Jack!
1770
01:25:27,383 --> 01:25:28,383
-Sara!
-Jack!
1771
01:25:28,451 --> 01:25:29,461
Thank God you're okay.
1772
01:25:29,485 --> 01:25:30,645
Because I really wanted to be
1773
01:25:30,719 --> 01:25:31,958
the one to kill you!
1774
01:25:32,127 --> 01:25:33,220
Ooh, take it, baby.
1775
01:25:34,625 --> 01:25:37,257
See,
I told you it was about me.
1776
01:25:37,392 --> 01:25:39,496
No, Sara.
1777
01:25:40,529 --> 01:25:42,734
You were just the bait.
1778
01:25:42,869 --> 01:25:44,438
It's about her.
1779
01:25:44,874 --> 01:25:45,973
-Fuck!
-Aw.
1780
01:25:46,175 --> 01:25:47,767
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.
1781
01:25:47,903 --> 01:25:49,669
You should've
listened to Doofy.
1782
01:25:49,804 --> 01:25:52,409
The love interest.
1783
01:25:52,545 --> 01:25:55,015
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?
1784
01:25:55,151 --> 01:25:57,849
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.
1785
01:25:57,984 --> 01:25:58,818
Same page, honeybunch.
1786
01:25:58,987 --> 01:25:59,987
Right.
1787
01:26:00,021 --> 01:26:01,481
Yeah, well, that's the twist!
1788
01:26:01,616 --> 01:26:03,054
Now get in the kitchen. Go!
1789
01:26:03,189 --> 01:26:04,419
Hey!
Move!
1790
01:26:04,554 --> 01:26:06,821
Okay, listen up!
1791
01:26:06,956 --> 01:26:10,290
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie
1792
01:26:10,425 --> 01:26:11,959
since the first one.
1793
01:26:12,195 --> 01:26:15,701
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.
1794
01:26:17,599 --> 01:26:19,965
Hollywood is out of ideas!
1795
01:26:20,101 --> 01:26:22,641
Why else would there be
a Scary Movie 6?
1796
01:26:22,777 --> 01:26:25,374
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?
1797
01:26:25,509 --> 01:26:28,144
We need the legacy characters.
Oh...
1798
01:26:28,280 --> 01:26:29,709
And there wouldn't be a Cindy
1799
01:26:29,912 --> 01:26:33,419
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.
1800
01:26:33,555 --> 01:26:36,988
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.
1801
01:26:37,124 --> 01:26:39,754
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?
1802
01:26:40,321 --> 01:26:41,557
Did I?
1803
01:26:41,759 --> 01:26:45,665
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!
1804
01:26:45,800 --> 01:26:47,198
Ooh, what He do?
1805
01:26:47,334 --> 01:26:48,564
Stop dancing!
All the time!
1806
01:26:48,700 --> 01:26:50,197
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!
1807
01:26:50,332 --> 01:26:51,332
All the time!
1808
01:26:51,536 --> 01:26:52,332
Oh!
1809
01:26:52,468 --> 01:26:55,006
Oh.
Mom! No!
1810
01:26:55,142 --> 01:26:57,706
You called me "Mom".
1811
01:26:58,814 --> 01:27:00,212
You care about me.
1812
01:27:00,415 --> 01:27:02,474
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,
1813
01:27:02,609 --> 01:27:03,617
sure.
Go...
1814
01:27:03,752 --> 01:27:04,752
Go get Tuesday.
1815
01:27:04,819 --> 01:27:06,186
Okay, ladies,
1816
01:27:06,322 --> 01:27:08,418
time to stage the bodies.
1817
01:27:08,554 --> 01:27:10,750
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!
1818
01:27:10,886 --> 01:27:12,958
Please don't do this!
1819
01:27:13,094 --> 01:27:14,325
What? Who are you people?
1820
01:27:14,461 --> 01:27:15,668
We're the motherfuckers
1821
01:27:15,692 --> 01:27:18,291
that are taking over
this franchise.
1822
01:27:18,427 --> 01:27:19,427
Oh, yeah? You are?
1823
01:27:19,527 --> 01:27:21,433
Okay! Oh, my God.
1824
01:27:21,568 --> 01:27:24,169
That was not part of the plan.
1825
01:27:24,304 --> 01:27:26,271
Oh, God. Shit.
1826
01:27:26,407 --> 01:27:28,707
-Oh.
-Neither was this.
1827
01:27:32,113 --> 01:27:33,376
Wait, Ray got one of those!
1828
01:27:33,511 --> 01:27:35,708
Whoa! Hot damn!
1829
01:27:35,843 --> 01:27:39,244
Anthony Anderson!
1830
01:27:39,380 --> 01:27:40,583
Yeah.
1831
01:27:40,718 --> 01:27:43,523
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.
1832
01:27:50,459 --> 01:27:51,860
What?
Shaq?
1833
01:27:51,995 --> 01:27:54,998
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.
1834
01:27:55,134 --> 01:27:56,266
And Kevin said no.
1835
01:27:56,401 --> 01:27:57,700
Kevin Hart said no?
1836
01:27:57,869 --> 01:27:59,509
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.
1837
01:27:59,533 --> 01:28:00,601
Yeah, he does.
1838
01:28:00,737 --> 01:28:02,275
But wait!
1839
01:28:02,410 --> 01:28:05,073
There's more.
1840
01:28:05,208 --> 01:28:07,075
Ta-dah...
1841
01:28:07,211 --> 01:28:08,373
bitches!
1842
01:28:08,509 --> 01:28:10,113
Ray? Shorty?
1843
01:28:10,248 --> 01:28:11,645
Yeah, that's right.
1844
01:28:11,847 --> 01:28:14,814
Four Black killers.
Yeah.
1845
01:28:14,949 --> 01:28:16,321
We're making history.
1846
01:28:16,524 --> 01:28:19,823
This a new definition
of Black excellence.
1847
01:28:20,292 --> 01:28:21,892
But why would you do this?
1848
01:28:22,028 --> 01:28:23,363
Question is:
1849
01:28:23,565 --> 01:28:25,631
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?
1850
01:28:25,767 --> 01:28:26,767
Yeah!
1851
01:28:26,963 --> 01:28:28,899
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,
1852
01:28:29,035 --> 01:28:30,697
I was there.
1853
01:28:30,833 --> 01:28:32,772
That's facts.
What about me?
1854
01:28:32,974 --> 01:28:33,632
What about you?
1855
01:28:33,768 --> 01:28:35,139
You were in one scene
1856
01:28:35,275 --> 01:28:36,703
in Part 4.
Oh!
1857
01:28:36,838 --> 01:28:38,022
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker
1858
01:28:38,046 --> 01:28:39,346
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
1859
01:28:39,548 --> 01:28:41,310
-And he crazy now.
-Yeah, he got weird.
1860
01:28:41,445 --> 01:28:42,545
Mm.
But you...
1861
01:28:42,747 --> 01:28:44,043
Y-You see
what they trying to do?
1862
01:28:44,212 --> 01:28:45,993
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.
1863
01:28:46,017 --> 01:28:48,550
They trying to start Black
on... on very Black crime.
1864
01:28:48,685 --> 01:28:49,816
Oh.
That's right!
1865
01:28:50,018 --> 01:28:52,590
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.
1866
01:28:52,726 --> 01:28:55,121
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator
1867
01:28:55,256 --> 01:28:56,991
since retiring from
basketball. Mm-hmm.
1868
01:28:57,193 --> 01:29:00,730
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!
1869
01:29:00,866 --> 01:29:02,841
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.
1870
01:29:02,865 --> 01:29:04,301
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout...
1871
01:29:08,140 --> 01:29:08,905
"Kobe."
1872
01:29:09,108 --> 01:29:10,108
Enough.
1873
01:29:10,270 --> 01:29:14,309
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.
1874
01:29:14,678 --> 01:29:16,744
But I never got over Kazaam.
1875
01:29:16,879 --> 01:29:18,345
Fuck all that shit!
1876
01:29:18,480 --> 01:29:19,782
Kick his ass!
1877
01:29:20,017 --> 01:29:22,148
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!
1878
01:29:22,283 --> 01:29:23,929
Why did you leave the Lakers?
1879
01:29:23,953 --> 01:29:26,685
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!
1880
01:29:26,821 --> 01:29:28,355
That motherfucker traded me!
1881
01:29:28,490 --> 01:29:29,592
Sha-kweel!
1882
01:29:29,761 --> 01:29:32,566
How big is your foot?
1883
01:29:32,701 --> 01:29:33,701
22.
1884
01:29:33,831 --> 01:29:35,896
Then how big is your dick?
1885
01:29:36,031 --> 01:29:37,335
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!
1886
01:29:37,470 --> 01:29:38,801
-Pause.
-What the fuck
1887
01:29:39,003 --> 01:29:40,610
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.
1888
01:29:40,634 --> 01:29:41,835
What culture?
1889
01:29:41,971 --> 01:29:44,111
-The Culture Club. Nigga!
-Bro.
1890
01:29:44,246 --> 01:29:45,489
Come on, Ray, we killing people.
1891
01:29:45,513 --> 01:29:46,687
Stay focused.
All right, all right.
1892
01:29:46,711 --> 01:29:48,175
All right. We back.
1893
01:29:48,310 --> 01:29:51,380
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you...
don't you worry. We family.
1894
01:29:51,516 --> 01:29:53,486
Ant, mad respect, y'all.
1895
01:29:53,621 --> 01:29:55,855
Hey, Black-ish nominated
1896
01:29:55,990 --> 01:29:56,990
for eight Emmys!
1897
01:29:57,092 --> 01:29:58,123
My nigga!
1898
01:29:58,258 --> 01:29:59,358
Well, actually,
1899
01:29:59,493 --> 01:30:01,159
the show was only nominated
for five.
1900
01:30:01,294 --> 01:30:03,094
I was nominated for eight.
1901
01:30:03,229 --> 01:30:04,229
Ooh.
Wow.
1902
01:30:04,465 --> 01:30:05,606
Oh, thank you.
1903
01:30:05,630 --> 01:30:06,461
A thespian!
1904
01:30:06,597 --> 01:30:08,894
Is that so? Eight nominations.
1905
01:30:09,030 --> 01:30:11,135
Crazy!
Yeah, man.
1906
01:30:13,000 --> 01:30:15,272
But you never won.
What?
1907
01:30:17,177 --> 01:30:18,036
Et tu, Brute?
1908
01:30:18,172 --> 01:30:19,941
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.
1909
01:30:20,076 --> 01:30:22,811
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3 and 4!
1910
01:30:22,946 --> 01:30:25,413
I didn't know
they fired the family!
1911
01:30:25,549 --> 01:30:27,048
And this is for copying
1912
01:30:27,183 --> 01:30:30,221
our Good Times episode
on Black-ish!
1913
01:30:30,357 --> 01:30:32,720
But you guys were on The WB!
1914
01:30:32,855 --> 01:30:35,458
Nobody saw that shit!
1915
01:30:38,066 --> 01:30:39,066
That's kinda true.
1916
01:30:39,166 --> 01:30:40,960
What are you doing?
1917
01:30:41,163 --> 01:30:43,299
They didn't create
the franchise, you did.
1918
01:30:43,434 --> 01:30:45,031
Yeah.
No!
1919
01:30:45,167 --> 01:30:48,701
Creating franchises
doesn't make you a killer.
1920
01:30:48,836 --> 01:30:50,403
Stealing franchises does.
1921
01:30:50,605 --> 01:30:52,804
Scary Movie was our
franchise... Motherfucker!
1922
01:30:52,940 --> 01:30:54,139
And they stole it from us!
1923
01:30:54,374 --> 01:30:56,375
And they started
doing those bad parodies.
1924
01:30:56,511 --> 01:30:59,453
Epic Movie. What the fuck?
Disaster Movie.
1925
01:30:59,588 --> 01:31:01,116
Date Movie.
This is for Date Movie.
1926
01:31:01,319 --> 01:31:03,460
And then the one with the
little... the dude with the hooves.
1927
01:31:03,484 --> 01:31:05,284
Nigga, that's Epic Movie.
He deserves twice...
1928
01:31:05,355 --> 01:31:06,966
Give him double stabs now.
Hate that Narnia shit.
1929
01:31:06,990 --> 01:31:08,921
He's already dead.
So much blood.
1930
01:31:09,057 --> 01:31:11,223
Friedberg and Seltzer, nigga.
1931
01:31:12,598 --> 01:31:14,263
Ooh.
No, no, no.
1932
01:31:14,399 --> 01:31:16,067
And you, and you...
1933
01:31:16,202 --> 01:31:19,132
Y'all went and did
Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us!
1934
01:31:19,267 --> 01:31:21,873
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!
1935
01:31:22,008 --> 01:31:26,043
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.
1936
01:31:27,248 --> 01:31:28,780
And what about you?
1937
01:31:29,483 --> 01:31:31,581
Well, I had a chance
to work with
1938
01:31:31,716 --> 01:31:34,521
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
1939
01:31:35,719 --> 01:31:37,354
That's good. He's a legend.
1940
01:31:37,489 --> 01:31:39,591
And his dick game's crazy.
1941
01:31:39,793 --> 01:31:41,758
You know he slept with
47,000 women?
1942
01:31:41,893 --> 01:31:44,195
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.
1943
01:31:44,397 --> 01:31:46,127
Lucky guy.
1944
01:31:46,896 --> 01:31:49,364
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?
1945
01:31:50,966 --> 01:31:52,639
Nah.
1946
01:31:52,774 --> 01:31:55,575
What would Halloween be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?
1947
01:31:55,710 --> 01:31:57,170
Or Scream be
without Neve Campbell?
1948
01:31:57,305 --> 01:31:58,840
That would be Scream VI.
1949
01:31:58,975 --> 01:32:01,847
How did you guys
pull all of this off?
1950
01:32:01,983 --> 01:32:02,983
Cindy!
1951
01:32:03,112 --> 01:32:05,845
You know how many Wayanses
there are?
1952
01:32:05,981 --> 01:32:07,785
Nigga, billions!
Billions!
1953
01:32:07,921 --> 01:32:11,856
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.
1954
01:32:12,492 --> 01:32:14,223
Okay, in the middle, on three:
1955
01:32:14,425 --> 01:32:15,526
Core Four.
1956
01:32:15,728 --> 01:32:17,124
What?
Nah, nah. We... That...
1957
01:32:17,259 --> 01:32:18,770
That... That's corny shit.
That's wack.
1958
01:32:18,794 --> 01:32:20,061
Ooh, uh, w-what about...
1959
01:32:20,263 --> 01:32:22,795
What about,
The Young and The Restless?
1960
01:32:22,931 --> 01:32:24,800
Yeah, or The... or The Old
1961
01:32:24,936 --> 01:32:26,176
and then The Beautiful.
1962
01:32:26,200 --> 01:32:28,375
Or... or The...
The Cute and The Crusty.
1963
01:32:28,510 --> 01:32:31,341
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.
1964
01:32:37,213 --> 01:32:39,448
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!
1965
01:32:39,583 --> 01:32:40,650
That's right. I mean,
1966
01:32:40,886 --> 01:32:43,022
you guys are, like,
70 years old!
1967
01:32:43,157 --> 01:32:44,858
Not in my mouth!
1968
01:32:45,060 --> 01:32:45,719
Aw, fuck!
1969
01:32:47,256 --> 01:32:49,222
I just dragged that one
from the subway.
1970
01:32:49,357 --> 01:32:51,760
Oh, my back hurts.
1971
01:32:51,895 --> 01:32:54,765
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.
1972
01:32:54,901 --> 01:32:57,301
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.
1973
01:32:57,436 --> 01:32:58,967
Oh, no. Not this time.
1974
01:32:59,103 --> 01:33:01,573
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go. Let's go.
1975
01:33:01,709 --> 01:33:03,005
Who got a match?
1976
01:33:03,140 --> 01:33:07,445
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!
1977
01:33:07,580 --> 01:33:09,148
Yeah, whoo!
1978
01:33:13,454 --> 01:33:14,515
Sara, tell me what do to.
1979
01:33:14,651 --> 01:33:16,953
Blow, bitch, blow!
1980
01:33:24,725 --> 01:33:25,995
Yeah.
1981
01:33:27,527 --> 01:33:30,269
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?
1982
01:33:30,405 --> 01:33:31,732
I mean, those are our kids.
1983
01:33:31,868 --> 01:33:33,571
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!
1984
01:33:33,707 --> 01:33:35,608
This is our franchise.
Yeah!
1985
01:33:35,744 --> 01:33:38,541
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways
1986
01:33:38,677 --> 01:33:40,146
with the fire in back of us.
1987
01:33:40,281 --> 01:33:41,745
But, damn, it's hot.
1988
01:33:41,881 --> 01:33:44,815
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
1989
01:33:44,950 --> 01:33:47,013
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.
1990
01:33:47,148 --> 01:33:49,148
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?
1991
01:33:49,284 --> 01:33:51,118
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.
1992
01:33:51,253 --> 01:33:53,358
Y'all feel a draft?
1993
01:33:53,661 --> 01:33:55,869
" BY
CHRIS PATRICK PLAYS) ♪ Bigger than ever ♪
1994
01:33:55,893 --> 01:33:56,724
♪ We back
Woo ♪
1995
01:33:56,859 --> 01:33:58,256
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1996
01:33:58,392 --> 01:33:59,859
♪ We back
We back ♪
1997
01:34:00,061 --> 01:34:01,194
♪ Okay, okay ♪
1998
01:34:01,329 --> 01:34:02,834
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
1999
01:34:02,969 --> 01:34:04,397
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2000
01:34:04,600 --> 01:34:06,099
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2001
01:34:06,235 --> 01:34:07,904
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2002
01:34:08,039 --> 01:34:09,874
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2003
01:34:11,675 --> 01:34:12,974
♪ Uh-huh ♪
2004
01:34:13,110 --> 01:34:14,339
♪ We back
We back ♪
2005
01:34:14,742 --> 01:34:16,410
♪ Back like respawn ♪
♪ Respawn ♪
2006
01:34:16,545 --> 01:34:18,147
♪ Back like
Reversin' out the whip ♪
2007
01:34:18,282 --> 01:34:20,052
♪ Forward drive ♪
♪ Drive ♪
2008
01:34:20,187 --> 01:34:21,531
♪ Back like I'm Marty ♪
♪ Marty ♪
2009
01:34:21,555 --> 01:34:22,620
♪ Back like McFly ♪
2010
01:34:22,822 --> 01:34:24,152
♪ Double back for dinero ♪
2011
01:34:24,354 --> 01:34:26,226
♪ 'Cause it's back
Like I slide ♪
2012
01:34:26,428 --> 01:34:27,659
♪ We outside ♪
2013
01:34:27,795 --> 01:34:29,923
♪ We ain't never really left ♪
2014
01:34:30,059 --> 01:34:31,123
♪ Write ambidextrous ♪
2015
01:34:31,259 --> 01:34:32,861
♪ Both hands need a check ♪
2016
01:34:32,996 --> 01:34:34,665
♪ Whole fam need respect ♪
2017
01:34:34,801 --> 01:34:36,430
♪ More bands, nothing less ♪
2018
01:34:36,632 --> 01:34:40,267
♪ Tax season 'cause I got
The plan to collect ♪
2019
01:34:41,672 --> 01:34:42,973
♪ Uh ♪
2020
01:34:43,175 --> 01:34:44,335
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
2021
01:34:44,471 --> 01:34:46,209
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2022
01:34:46,445 --> 01:34:48,345
♪ My foot on the pedal
My eyes on the crown ♪
2023
01:34:48,481 --> 01:34:49,782
♪ Uh ♪
2024
01:34:49,984 --> 01:34:51,111
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
2025
01:34:51,247 --> 01:34:52,685
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2026
01:34:52,820 --> 01:34:54,914
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2027
01:34:55,049 --> 01:34:56,750
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2028
01:34:56,886 --> 01:34:58,319
♪ We back ♪
2029
01:34:58,555 --> 01:35:00,358
♪ Okay, okay ♪
♪ Bigger than ever ♪
2030
01:35:00,494 --> 01:35:01,761
♪ We back ♪
2031
01:35:01,896 --> 01:35:03,291
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2032
01:35:03,493 --> 01:35:04,893
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2033
01:35:04,997 --> 01:35:06,277
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2034
01:35:06,361 --> 01:35:08,295
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2035
01:35:09,304 --> 01:35:10,402
♪ Mm ♪
2036
01:35:10,538 --> 01:35:11,967
♪ Look at me now ♪
2037
01:35:12,103 --> 01:35:13,801
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2038
01:35:13,937 --> 01:35:15,102
♪ Look at me now ♪
2039
01:35:15,237 --> 01:35:16,773
♪ My foot on the pedal ♪
2040
01:35:16,909 --> 01:35:18,776
♪ My eyes on the crown ♪
2041
01:35:18,912 --> 01:35:20,577
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2042
01:35:20,780 --> 01:35:21,780
♪ Look at me now ♪
2043
01:35:21,914 --> 01:35:23,648
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
2044
01:35:23,784 --> 01:35:25,112
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
2045
01:35:25,248 --> 01:35:27,149
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2046
01:35:30,386 --> 01:35:32,854
♪ Bigger than ever
We back, whoo ♪
2047
01:35:32,989 --> 01:35:34,656
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2048
01:35:34,792 --> 01:35:36,395
♪ We back ♪
2049
01:35:36,530 --> 01:35:37,663
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2050
01:35:37,865 --> 01:35:39,128
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2051
01:35:39,263 --> 01:35:40,800
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2052
01:35:41,069 --> 01:35:42,340
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2053
01:35:42,364 --> 01:35:43,934
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2054
01:35:44,069 --> 01:35:45,965
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2055
01:35:46,101 --> 01:35:48,472
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2056
01:35:48,608 --> 01:35:49,608
♪ We back ♪
2057
01:35:49,710 --> 01:35:51,740
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2058
01:35:51,875 --> 01:35:52,875
♪ We back ♪
2059
01:35:52,943 --> 01:35:55,006
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2060
01:35:55,142 --> 01:35:56,275
♪ We back ♪
2061
01:35:56,477 --> 01:35:57,915
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2062
01:35:58,050 --> 01:35:59,852
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2063
01:36:07,162 --> 01:36:09,756
Coming soon
to a theater near you...
2064
01:36:09,958 --> 01:36:11,626
Come to me...
2065
01:36:11,828 --> 01:36:12,896
Count Brolock.
2066
01:36:13,165 --> 01:36:15,197
From the studio that brought you
2067
01:36:15,332 --> 01:36:18,497
every Black version
of a white movie...
2068
01:36:20,775 --> 01:36:24,072
I am but an appetite,
nothing more.
2069
01:36:24,208 --> 01:36:26,304
That's not what you said
last night
2070
01:36:26,439 --> 01:36:28,345
when you were
sucking on my chest.
2071
01:36:30,650 --> 01:36:31,980
The sisters may hear you.
2072
01:36:32,115 --> 01:36:33,880
Too late.
2073
01:36:34,015 --> 01:36:35,082
You trifling sellout.
2074
01:36:35,285 --> 01:36:36,614
I don't know this bitch!
2075
01:36:36,750 --> 01:36:38,394
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!
2076
01:36:38,418 --> 01:36:40,758
-Negro ain't shit.
-Mm-hmm.
2077
01:36:40,894 --> 01:36:44,028
Behold the Black vampire.
2078
01:36:44,497 --> 01:36:46,393
Brosferatu.
2079
01:36:47,161 --> 01:36:49,396
Coming this Kwanzaa.
2080
01:38:03,609 --> 01:38:07,046
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
2081
01:38:07,616 --> 01:38:10,644
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.
2082
01:38:10,847 --> 01:38:13,882
-Something isn't right here.
-Happy birthday...
2083
01:38:14,018 --> 01:38:16,087
He's definitely Ghostface.
2084
01:38:16,620 --> 01:38:17,620
Sit.
2085
01:38:18,492 --> 01:38:19,752
I agree, Berger.
2086
01:38:19,921 --> 01:38:22,156
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.
2087
01:38:22,291 --> 01:38:23,889
That little hand, man. I mean...
2088
01:38:24,025 --> 01:38:27,896
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.
2089
01:38:28,032 --> 01:38:30,500
Off the chain, guaranteed.
2090
01:38:30,702 --> 01:38:31,702
Tight grip.
2091
01:38:31,973 --> 01:38:33,010
Make your meat
look two times bigger.
2092
01:38:33,034 --> 01:38:34,136
Yeah.
2093
01:38:34,305 --> 01:38:35,579
I don't want a handjob from him.
2094
01:38:35,603 --> 01:38:37,119
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.
2095
01:38:37,143 --> 01:38:39,043
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.
2096
01:38:39,179 --> 01:38:41,575
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun...
2097
01:38:41,711 --> 01:38:43,976
You're done.
2098
01:38:45,515 --> 01:38:46,995
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?
2099
01:38:47,019 --> 01:38:48,652
Okay.
It might be a day,
2100
01:38:48,788 --> 01:38:49,854
two weeks, I don't know.
2101
01:38:49,990 --> 01:38:51,298
I don't know how long
this movie is.
2102
01:38:51,322 --> 01:38:53,190
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.
2103
01:38:53,325 --> 01:38:55,792
But what I want you to do
is go in there
2104
01:38:55,928 --> 01:38:57,892
and show him what you got.
2105
01:38:58,094 --> 01:38:59,795
Cock it and rock it.
2106
01:39:02,935 --> 01:39:04,267
Ah.
2107
01:39:05,498 --> 01:39:08,372
Oh!
2108
01:39:08,875 --> 01:39:10,739
There she is.
2109
01:39:10,875 --> 01:39:13,276
The birthday girl.
2110
01:39:16,144 --> 01:39:17,544
I brought a cake.
2111
01:39:18,816 --> 01:39:20,217
Make a wish.
2112
01:39:21,690 --> 01:39:23,652
My germs!
2113
01:39:27,092 --> 01:39:29,590
Finger-licking good.
2114
01:39:29,726 --> 01:39:33,864
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.
2115
01:39:33,999 --> 01:39:35,702
No!
But it's a meme.
2116
01:39:35,837 --> 01:39:40,070
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?
2117
01:39:40,206 --> 01:39:42,368
Here we go...
2118
01:39:42,503 --> 01:39:45,577
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of...
2119
01:39:45,712 --> 01:39:46,712
Whoo.
2120
01:39:46,781 --> 01:39:48,110
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.
2121
01:39:48,245 --> 01:39:49,580
Can I talk to you for a second?
2122
01:39:49,715 --> 01:39:51,111
Yeah, o-okay.
2123
01:39:53,117 --> 01:39:54,784
This table needs an airbag.
2124
01:39:54,919 --> 01:39:55,718
It should...
2125
01:39:55,853 --> 01:39:57,586
Goddamn!
2126
01:39:57,722 --> 01:39:58,791
Whoo!
2127
01:39:58,994 --> 01:40:00,394
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.
2128
01:40:00,426 --> 01:40:03,455
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.
2129
01:40:03,590 --> 01:40:05,226
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.
2130
01:40:05,361 --> 01:40:07,258
Oh, yeah!
2131
01:40:07,460 --> 01:40:08,460
You know, it's what...
2132
01:40:08,561 --> 01:40:10,000
Oh, shit!
2133
01:40:10,135 --> 01:40:11,737
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.
2134
01:40:11,939 --> 01:40:13,538
Let me tell you some...
2135
01:40:13,674 --> 01:40:15,468
What do we do now?
2136
01:40:15,604 --> 01:40:17,274
Back out slowly.
2137
01:40:17,409 --> 01:40:19,253
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.
2138
01:40:19,277 --> 01:40:20,677
Where are you guys going?
2139
01:40:20,776 --> 01:40:22,189
They're still together?
2140
01:40:22,213 --> 01:40:23,781
Unfortunately.
2141
01:40:23,917 --> 01:40:25,047
Ow!
2142
01:40:25,183 --> 01:40:27,053
Sorry, man.
It's okay.
2143
01:40:27,188 --> 01:40:28,748
We're a throuple now.