1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,049 [♪ Dramatic music playing] 2 00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:10,552 Lester likened all the tenants to birds, his favorite hobby. 3 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:13,514 And you were the cuckoo chick! 4 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,682 The neediest bird of all, a taker. 5 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,850 The taker? 6 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,561 Mabel, what's the first word that comes to mind 7 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,728 when you think of me? 8 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,481 -[Mabel Mora] Oh, narcissist. -What the hell? 9 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,649 Oh, my God. 10 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,109 Mabel Mora? 11 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,444 Althea? 12 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,197 Actually, it's THĒ now. I shortened it, T-H-Ē. 13 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,573 [Oliver grunting and panting] 14 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,158 Something's not adding up. 15 00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,494 Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a little peek. 16 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:36,745 We're doing an autopsy? 17 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,248 A meat cleaver to the chest. Maybe cocaine? 18 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,083 I got it! Money amounts. 19 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,751 "Brown-headed cowbird." 20 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,545 Maybe these are code names. 21 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,673 There might be a game tonight. We have to go. 22 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,384 Lester and Nicky have both been here. 23 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,677 -[keypad beeping] -[door unlocks] 24 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,595 -[Charles gasps] -[Oliver grunting] 25 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,557 [Oliver Putnam] You're gonna get us killed by a bunch of murderous mobsters. 26 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,475 They're all billionaires. 27 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,812 This isn't the mob. This is the new mob of New York. 28 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,896 [fingers tapping] 29 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,900 [♪ Intriguing music playing] 30 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:11,280 [Camila White] How does it feel to be worth a billion dollars? 31 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,157 If I'm honest, not as good as it felt 32 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:18,787 to win my first hundred dollars on a perfect bluff. 33 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:23,083 That was the day I fell in love with parlor games, 34 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,459 and with winning. 35 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,590 I was five years old when I first beat my father at chess. 36 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,885 Before that, I thought he was the smartest person in the world. 37 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:38,348 Broke my heart to learn that I was, 38 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,143 that no one would beat me for the rest of my life. 39 00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,395 What fun is that? 40 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,024 The problem for most rich people is that there's no amount of money 41 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,650 that can make 'em stop wanting more. 42 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,486 Money's a game, and they love to win. 43 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:54,531 I know people see me as a rich guy, but I barely even think about money, 44 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,033 which is why I'm so normal. 45 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,910 -[phone chiming] -Alright, good. 46 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,204 Take that. Throw the ball. 47 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,664 -[dog barking] -[guard] Go get it. 48 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,041 [barking] 49 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,876 It's great getting out with the pup. 50 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,961 -[dog barking] -He can't find it. Go get it. 51 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,047 [barking continues] 52 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,258 [ambient city street noise] 53 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,762 [♪ light mysterious music playing] 54 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,309 [sighs] Not a typical Saturday night. 55 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,395 I think our days of typical nights here are behind us. 56 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,563 Let's be fast about this. 57 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,527 -Are we going to talk about... -[glass clanking] 58 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,110 -What was that? -[Sebastian "Bash" Steed] Maybe a rat? 59 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,445 [poker chips rattling] 60 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,447 [chips clacking] 61 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,075 [♪ Tense suspenseful music playing] 62 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,161 Who's in here? 63 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,498 [♪ Suspenseful music continues] 64 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,250 [door closes] 65 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,089 Why are the richest people in the world in our basement? 66 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,049 And did they kill our doorman? 67 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,467 -[phone dings] -Find out next season on... 68 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,552 Oh, I'm taking a panorama. 69 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,639 [♪ Suspenseful music continues playing] 70 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,933 [secret closet door rattling shut] 71 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:08,397 [♪ lively theme song playing] 72 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,355 [♪ Theme song concludes] 73 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,108 -[♪ light mysterious music playing] -[door opens] 74 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:55,444 [birds twittering] 75 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,614 Jay Pflug has a bandaged nub, and we have a finger. 76 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:03,493 I don't think it's a huge leap to assume that our finger goes on his nub. 77 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,788 Oh, he's definitely a suspect. At the least, he was involved. 78 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:09,040 Maybe the cleaver that was in Nicky's chest 79 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,542 also chopped off Jay's finger. 80 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,294 And Lester was down there. Maybe he saw something 81 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,837 -he shouldn't have. -[robot] Hello. 82 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,547 [electronic beeping] 83 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,840 What the hell? 84 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,341 I'm LESTR. 85 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,470 Aw, look how moved everyone is. 86 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,221 Meet our new doorman. We named him 87 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,098 after the dead one, in tribute. 88 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,434 L-E-S-T-R. 89 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,146 Logic Engineered Secure Tenant Robot. 90 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,981 Those words don't even make sense together. 91 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,233 They're trying to trick us into thinking it's a tribute 92 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:38,028 -instead of the rise of the machine. -[LESTR robot] That's true. 93 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,323 My greatest challenge is my unsettling effect on humans. 94 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:44,576 Well, I've seen The Terminator, so I'm on Team Machine. 95 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,163 As the keeper of the building's secrets, the board hired me to train LESTR. 96 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,249 This is so sad. A robot doorman. 97 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,668 The beginning of the end of old New York. 98 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,295 -No! -[pen clatters] 99 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:59,925 See, the machine will just handle things like deliveries or reminders. 100 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,010 Thanks to the union... my union... 101 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,387 there will always be a human face at the door. 102 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,432 Just, hopefully this human. 103 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,143 He's right. We couldn't get rid of him. 104 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:13,855 [LESTR robot] I just need to scan everyone's iris and fingerprint. 105 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,775 That thing's not getting anywhere near my irises. 106 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,444 -[electronic whirring] -Alright, I'm gonna get my hair done. 107 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,113 God knows why, since nobody ever notices. 108 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,994 What's happening to our sweet little murder building? 109 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,581 Yeah. Things are changing fast. 110 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:33,959 [shoes squeaking] 111 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,545 -Are you doing toe raises? -Yeah, I do toe raises. 112 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,213 I've never seen you do a toe raise. 113 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,674 Have you ever seen me brush my teeth? I do that too. 114 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,259 [elevator dings] 115 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,553 [♪ light plucky music playing] 116 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,763 [Mabel sighs] 117 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,976 I took Winnie's doggy Ritalin, stayed up all night, 118 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:54,145 -and basically solved this. -You two are a lot for me today. 119 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,647 -Vince. -What are you doing here? 120 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,607 And look at you with two eyes. 121 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,777 Hiya, guys. Lester and I were birding buddies. 122 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,405 So, Oliver invited me up here to decode the ledger, 123 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,574 figure out which one of the birds was playing cards 124 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,909 -on the night that he died. -You birded with Lester? 125 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,452 Well, he was the expert, 126 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,413 I just followed along to keep him honest. 127 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,166 He had a knack for turning a robin into a bushtit... 128 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,835 [chuckles] ...if you know what I mean. 129 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,461 No one has any idea what you mean. 130 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,046 Well, he was an optimist. 131 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,049 Very good at life, but not so at birding. 132 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,261 But I miss him. I miss our days in the park. 133 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,554 Sit, sit. 134 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:29,931 Okay. 135 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,474 [gasps dramatically] 136 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,893 [Mabel] Oh-ho, wow! 137 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:36,479 An Oliver Putnam murder board. Love the sari. 138 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,316 Yeah, from my '70s Rajneesh days. 139 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,067 Please let that be a hash stain. 140 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:44,112 That's a lot of work. Oliver, what happened to you? 141 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,406 Well, I thought about what you said to me the other day 142 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,700 when you complimented me. What'd you call me? 143 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,536 -Self-centered narcissist. -[Oliver] Yes, that... that was it. 144 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,538 Anyway, I heard it. 145 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:57,125 So, last night, as I lay there thinking about myself... 146 00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,878 the strangest thing happened. 147 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,588 I suddenly thought about you 148 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,174 and how you always make the murder boards. 149 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,594 So, I thought to myself, I'll do it, for you. 150 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,220 Bravo, Oliver. Bravo. 151 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,139 -What growth. -Okay. 152 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,724 We did solve one mystery: 153 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,352 why Lester wrote down the player's names 154 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,479 using a secret bird code. 155 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,189 They're the most powerful people in the world. 156 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,107 He was scared of them. 157 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,736 Somebody be recordin', because I am about to get birdie with it. 158 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,655 -[recorder dings] -Per Lester's notes, 159 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:30,700 the gaming parlor usually hosted a whole flock of birds. 160 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,494 But last Saturday, 161 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:33,620 there were only five. 162 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,247 Now, first, Nicky. 163 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,375 He is the Brown-headed cowbird, 164 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,671 known for their mafia-like retaliatory behavior. 165 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,714 [mimics Brown-headed cowbird call] 166 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,424 -[shouting caw] -Oof! Okay, 'kay, 'kay, 167 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,759 you don't have to do the calls. 168 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,552 Well, it sounds like a mobster, doesn't it? 169 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:53,223 Next, Jay Pflug, heir to the Pflug fortune, 170 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,977 maker of Pflug faucets, which gave everybody lead poisoning. 171 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,270 So, they founded Pflug Pharma, 172 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,649 which invented a medicine to cure lead poisoning. 173 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,234 Made billions. 174 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,946 He branded himself as, uh, this black sheep philanthropist, 175 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,990 but the guy is a monster. 176 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:13,284 His last nonprofit funneled money to guerrilla groups. 177 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,203 The terrorists, not the primates. 178 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,622 L-Let's... let's keep it on birds. 179 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,040 He's the Eurasian Jay. 180 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,250 [mimics Eurasian jay call] 181 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,961 -[Charles and Vince mimicking loudly] -[both laughing] 182 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,170 I, too, get my bird on. 183 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,881 Okay, lotta new colors on you. 184 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:31,761 Anyway, since the Jay bird is missing a claw... 185 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,805 No, I'm sorry, I'm done. 186 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,765 He's missing a finger, so, it's obviously... 187 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,976 No, no, no. We're not done. 188 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,185 Bash Steed. 189 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,313 AI genius, longevity freak. 190 00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,941 Way older than he looks, but no one knows how old 191 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,317 because he owns the internet. 192 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,361 Now, I have to find out how old he is. 193 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,655 He is the kākāpō. 194 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,033 [mimics kākāpō gulping call] 195 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,703 They are known to live up to 90 years in the wild. 196 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,122 And finally, Camila White. 197 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,500 Lifestyle queen, hotel magnate, 198 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,377 duchess of cashmere. 199 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,589 You can buy a candle that smells like the inside of her nose. 200 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,966 She is the queen of decor. 201 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,803 The bowerbird, maker of beautiful nests. 202 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,556 [Vince and Charles mimicking bowerbird call] 203 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,682 [screeching] Ah! 204 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:22,520 Okay, anyways, there's a finger in Charles's freezer 205 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,731 and we have a suspect missing a finger. 206 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,942 So, how do we get to Jay? 207 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,195 [Oliver sighs] 208 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:33,073 -We let him know we're onto him. -[Oliver] Ahh. 209 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:34,991 Yes. 210 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,494 [Oliver] [on computer] And while we here at Only Murders in the Building 211 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,955 -aren't pointing fingers just yet... -[♪ podcast theme music playing] 212 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:44,125 ...we're wading into the dangerous waters of both old mob and new. 213 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,794 [Charles-Haden Savage] Uber rich powerbrokers 214 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,879 who don't have to break an arm to get what they want. 215 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,464 They just write a check. 216 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,091 [Mabel] No one writes checks anymore. 217 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,594 [Charles] We already have some ideas about who has a partial hand 218 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,722 in these two deaths, so don't miss season five. 219 00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,099 This is so good. 220 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,684 Oh, we're definitely gonna hear from him. 221 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,143 He'll wanna defend himself. 222 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,853 -Post, young one! -[computer key clicks] 223 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,231 I do wish we'd worked in the word "phalange." 224 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,110 Okay, for the last time, Charles, phalange-thropist is not a good pun. 225 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,486 -That's funny. -[Oliver sighs] 226 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,655 -To you. -[Oliver] Mm. 227 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,492 [birds cawing, wings fluttering] 228 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,746 [elevator dings] 229 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,081 Oh, my God, hi! 230 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,874 Althea... THĒ. 231 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,501 Um, this is Oliver. 232 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,921 -Oh, hello. How are you? -Hi. Cute pillows. 233 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,674 Yes, I'm bequeathing them to young Mabel for her new apartment. 234 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,843 That is so kind of you. 235 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:39,764 I mean, I could buy myself pillows, it's just, these are vintage Missoni. 236 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,975 THĒ! Hi! 237 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,102 -Howard Morris. -[both chuckles] 238 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,437 [whispering] That's THĒ. 239 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,022 -Uh, hello, Howard. -Hi. 240 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,775 [LESTR robot] THĒ is the number one most downloaded artist... 241 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,527 -[THĒ chuckles] -...for 13 weeks in a row. 242 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,029 -[Howard giggles] -Here's her current hit. 243 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,531 -[♪ Upbeat pop music playing] -♪ Oh, that's cute ♪ 244 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,951 -♪ You're thinking 'bout me all day ♪ -Oh, excuse me, pardon me. Ah! 245 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,412 Glamorous! Okay. 246 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,122 [laughing] Oh, my God, stop it! 247 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,624 -[♪ Music stops abruptly] -Wait, why did it stop? 248 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,918 Oh, I'm just... I'm just kidding. 249 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,255 Anyway, Mabel, how are you? How's your little podcast going? 250 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:16,009 Great. We dropped our season five teaser a few days ago. 251 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,178 [LESTR robot] Their listens are 24% lower 252 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,055 -than their season four teaser. -[voice distorting] 253 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:24,267 Oh, did you all hear the new podcast Drunk Sluts Do Murder? 254 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,394 Oh, my God, yes. I love the sluts. 255 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,605 -Do people say "slut" again? -Sluts do. 256 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,773 Did you hear the one where they play strip beer pong 257 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,734 -with the forensics expert? -Beyond. 258 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,486 -[kiss smacking] -[LESTR robot] Drunk Sluts Do Murder 259 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,446 are ranked 19 spots higher than Only Murders... 260 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,656 No. No, don't feel bad. 261 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,575 Don't feel bad. It's just 'cause Wondify is, like, 262 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,452 shoving the sluts down our throats, you know? 263 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,538 It's so hard to get noticed when you're indie, right? 264 00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:49,083 We actually just signed a huge deal at Wondify. 265 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:52,170 So, be prepared to have us down your throats, too. 266 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,922 We did? 267 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,965 I mean, I... I still can't believe it. 268 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,052 That is amazing! Oh my God, so you know what you need? 269 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,970 You need my publicist. He's so intuitive. 270 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,389 -[elevator dings] -He's psychic, and he's a hired assassin. 271 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,725 But you did not hear that from me, okay? [laughing] 272 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,352 Bye, Howard! Bye, robot. 273 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,686 -Bye, girl! -Bye, girl. 274 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,731 [Mabel scoffs] 275 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:17,070 So, I lied, but maybe that's not a bad thing, 276 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,323 because now I'm sending in this kick-ass pitch, 277 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,784 and they'll offer us a podcast deal, right? 278 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,953 I mean, there's already a movie about us, 279 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,830 and I... I'm, you know, just shocked 280 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:31,000 that they haven't come to us already, you know? 281 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,253 Mabel, why did you do this? 282 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,089 Okay, fine. 283 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:40,093 Althea and I were each other's only friend in middle school. 284 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,096 I trusted her with everything. 285 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,223 And we'd make these stupid little videos 286 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,142 where we'd play these characters, Sunny and Cloudy. 287 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,354 Sunny was optimistic. Cloudy was, well, cloudy. 288 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,731 -And you were Cloudy. -No, I was Sunny. 289 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,525 [laughing] Oh, so that's the joke. 290 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,152 -What do you mean? -Uh, just continue. 291 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,948 Anyway, then when Zoe died... 292 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,034 Zoe... is a familiar name. 293 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,204 Oliver, Mabel's friend. The roof. 294 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,206 Oh, from season one! 295 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,916 Oh, my God, that was so sad. 296 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,211 Yeah, well, I... I wasn't doing that great. 297 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:19,173 I stayed here for the summer and depressed. 298 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,428 And then, when I went home, Althea had completely changed. 299 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,015 She had made all new friends and turned everyone against me. 300 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:30,810 I kind of spiraled and spent the rest of high school 301 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,478 in my room with Tumblr. 302 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,105 That's a pornography site. 303 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,316 Not anymore. They ruined it. 304 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:41,029 Well, now, the person who has turned me off having friends... 305 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,906 -[phones buzzing and chiming] -...is here at number one 306 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,199 while we are 32, and... 307 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,537 Um, are my old-men friends texting while I trauma dump? 308 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,081 Jay Pflug just sent us a video. 309 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,541 [♪ Intriguing music playing] 310 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,710 Hey, podcasters, heard your teaser. 311 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:59,547 Sounds like you have some thoughts. I'll be by at 7:00 to clear things up. 312 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,091 -[gong ringing] -Oh, shit. 313 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,594 [humming] Om... 314 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,513 -[video stopping] -A billionaire is coming to dinner. 315 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,016 [phone lock clicks] 316 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,936 [♪ Dramatic orchestra music playing] 317 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:17,023 Champagne, caviar, Godiva. 318 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,192 This is what you're serving a billionaire for dinner? 319 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,943 No, no, no, we don't serve dinner. 320 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,321 We serve salty sweets to make him thirsty, 321 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,406 then offer him nothing to drink but bubbly. 322 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,992 He'll get blackout and tell us everything. This is my way. 323 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:32,622 Yes, let's get a possible murderer hangry and drunk. Great plan. 324 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,125 If you invite someone over at 7:00, you have to serve 'em dinner. 325 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,044 It's a rule of society. And that's why I brought... 326 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,255 What is that, the Magna Carta? 327 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,008 No, it's my great-gran's recipe for duck à I'orange. 328 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,802 It's a billionaire's delight. 329 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,638 Charles, no one needs your 17th-century old lady food 330 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,390 and outdated social rules. 331 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,059 Do you know how many billionaires I've entertained here? 332 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,896 Well, technically none, but plenty of millionaires, 333 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,731 which were the billionaires of the '80s. 334 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,734 Alright, we are interrogating, not entertaining. 335 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,320 Ah, yeah, but you need one for the other. 336 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,279 This is one of the richest people on Earth. 337 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,865 He wants courses. Many, many courses. 338 00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,451 -Etiquette is not dead. -I think etiquette died 339 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,662 four months after the internet was invented, 340 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,915 and that guy's head went into an elephant's ass. 341 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,792 -Ah, well. -[knocking at door] 342 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,502 [whispering] He's early. He's an early bird. 343 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,920 [Oliver] [whispering] Okay, okay. 344 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,466 Oh, Jay, welcome. Come in. 345 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,009 I come bearing gifts. 346 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,386 -Ah. -Never show up empty-handed. 347 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,764 Though, I'm a little handicapped, if you don't mind grabbing that. 348 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,766 Oh-ho. Beer, how generous. 349 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,896 Ah, stoked to meet you all. 350 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,984 One of the reasons why I play cards here is because it's the murder building, 351 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,695 and that is all because of you. 352 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,239 Well, we give a lot of credit to the murderers. 353 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:52,243 Say, so, uh, what has you playing cards in our famous Velvet Room? 354 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,163 -You know, I started a few months ago... -[doorbell ringing] 355 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,582 -[scoffs] -[sighs] 356 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:03,212 Man, I knew I was being followed. 357 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,297 [sighs] 358 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,634 Good evening. Camila White. 359 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,720 [♪ Plucky curious music playing] 360 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:15,266 Oh, isn't this an assaulting amount of everything? 361 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,268 [sighs deeply] 362 00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,352 Better. 363 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,233 Oh, my goodness. 364 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,861 Jay, is that you? 365 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,614 -I had no idea you'd be here. -Mm-hmm. 366 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,866 Well, I heard the podcast, and it seemed like these people 367 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,035 thought you were involved in the mob killing. 368 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:37,497 Camila White, charmed. Camila White. 369 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,833 Oh, dear God. A plum plaid. 370 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,087 So, I'm here to clear Jay's name. 371 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,381 Fuck off, Camila, I'm here to clear my name. 372 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,259 You were worried about what I'd say about you. 373 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,636 That is certainly not true, 374 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:55,431 and I don't like the ugly use of words that end in hard Ks. 375 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,058 Shall we begin again? 376 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,976 -Softer consonants? -[doorbell ringing] 377 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,979 [whispering] Our host brought four chocolates. 378 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,859 Hello. Sebastian Steed. 379 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,113 No... I'd invite you in if I had more chocolates. 380 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,823 [Oliver sighs] 381 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,827 Oh, my God. You're spying on us. 382 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,431 Of course he is, he owns the internet. 383 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,957 Just stopping by for a drink, Bash? 384 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,460 No. I'm here because they're investigating you. 385 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,337 Naturally, I've been having you followed. 386 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,422 I knew you'd try to pin it on me. 387 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,175 Thanks for your robot-like honesty. 388 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,385 You're welcome. 389 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,933 Well, we're really having a party here. 390 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,268 Please, have a seat. 391 00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:41,352 [Charles] Whoo! 392 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,774 Who needs champagne? 393 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,651 -[grunting] -[cork popping] 394 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,403 Oh, I'll have a '97 Bordeaux. 395 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,281 -I don't think I have that. -[Camila] Oh, truly, 396 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,242 any '97 Bordeaux will do. [softly chuckles] 397 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,786 I don't have any'97 Bordeaux. 398 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:05,293 So, I'm noticing three of the richest people in the world 399 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:07,295 are here in our little building. 400 00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,046 I'm top three, they're top 20. 401 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,132 Sebastian, on many lists I'm four. 402 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:14,302 Uh, the point is that you all seem a little nervous 403 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:17,221 about what our little investigation has uncovered. 404 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,889 No one's nervous. 405 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,809 We're all here for one reason. Yeah? 406 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,145 Yes. To give you the opportunity 407 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:27,398 to keep us out of your podcast before we sue you for libel. 408 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,275 [Oliver spits out champagne, chuckles] 409 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,402 Libel, wow. [laughing] 410 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,530 Let's... let's just turn down the temp a tad, 411 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,741 and, uh, let's nibble some caviar... 412 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,908 -[snorts] -[Jay crunching] 413 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,619 [Oliver] Oh. 414 00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,120 [Jay Pflug] Oops. I'm so sorry. 415 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,497 There really wasn't very much. 416 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:47,251 It's not libel to say we found you sniffing around a murder scene. 417 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,671 What do you mean? 418 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,423 The news said that the body was found 419 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,884 hanging from a rack in his own dry cleaners? 420 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,970 Yes, I... I don't know why you're even looking into this. 421 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:01,223 I mean, my people say you do murders in the building. 422 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,893 It's an odd business model, this "in the building" rule. 423 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,687 Your metrics would improve with a wider net. 424 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,315 Bash, always be talking metrics. 425 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,442 Well, the dry cleaners is on the street level, 426 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,778 so technically, it is "of" the building. 427 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:17,073 Listen, nobody wants to sue anyone. 428 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,742 We just can't have our names tied to secret card games 429 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,535 -and dead mobsters, you know? -[Camila] Mm. 430 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,413 My stock crashes, and tens of thousands 431 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,540 of indigenous weavers go hungry. 432 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:27,833 Because she fires 'em. 433 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,336 Yes, why else would they go hungry? 434 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,965 So, the three of you knew the "Dry Cleaning King of Brooklyn"? 435 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,551 The dead mobster? Not at all. 436 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,595 I know he owned the gaming parlor. 437 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,808 The mobby shit's always been part of what makes the place so cool. 438 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,685 What's there to investigate? 439 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,188 A mob hit is very open and shut. Won't be your best season. 440 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,274 Well, we're also investigating the death of our doorman. 441 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,359 Did you know him? 442 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:58,781 I mean, there was a guy who always covered the door 443 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,117 for the Saturday games. Uh, gray mustache? 444 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,619 That was Lester. It was ruled natural causes 445 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,912 because of a fall. 446 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:08,999 Yes, falls are the leading cause of injury deaths in the elderly. 447 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:11,585 -You two, be careful. -Our Pilates instructor says we have 448 00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,629 -the gait stability of 46-year-olds. -It's true. 449 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,131 [Bash] If you're serious about age-reversal, 450 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,800 you have to consider plasma replacement therapy. 451 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,678 I own a stable of teen plasma donors. 452 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:26,016 We have reason to believe that Nicky died last week when Lester died. 453 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,310 There were signs that Nicky was frozen. 454 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:32,231 Someone hid his body to make it look like they were unrelated. 455 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,900 Oh, you got your hands on the body. 456 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:35,985 [Jay] Wow. 457 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,278 I mean, can you admit that 458 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,822 on a podcast? That's a felony, right? 459 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,241 I'm sure they went to the authorities immediately. 460 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,325 [Camila] Mm. 461 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,829 [♪ Soft suspenseful music playing] 462 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,290 Mm-hmm. Um, you know what, let's get you some more caviar. 463 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,250 -Mm. Absolutely. -Let's get it, I think there's more caviar 464 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,335 -in the kitchen. -I'm good. 465 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,170 -[Oliver] We definitely have bologna. -[Charles] And, uh, 466 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,255 I think there's a fresher bottle. 467 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:59,884 Okay, okay, okay, I was not prepared for all three. 468 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,803 Are they making veiled threats or being charming? 469 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:02,970 I can't tell. 470 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,765 Let's split them up and see what they say about Jay's finger. 471 00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,558 I'll take Jay because we're not old. 472 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,811 And Charles should take Bash because they're both, well, 473 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,771 what we used to call "the weird kid." 474 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,148 [clicking tongue] Aw. 475 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:20,196 Camila! I... I just have a few more questions. 476 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,989 Can I give you a tour? 477 00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,073 Fine. 478 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:27,995 If you can stop yelling, a tour before dinner. 479 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,748 Dinner! I said we need dinner. 480 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,250 Of course, a party at 7:00 means dinner. 481 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:36,128 Thank you, Bash! Gimme a hand? 482 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,215 If the servants don't mind. 483 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,176 [chuckling] Oh, the servants aren't gonna mind. 484 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,222 [Jay] Beer? 485 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,687 So, Jay... 486 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:55,773 [can popping] 487 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,817 How'd you lose the finger? 488 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,070 How'd those two old guys become your best friends? 489 00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:03,864 Nice. 490 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,909 [♪ Plucky curious music playing] 491 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,327 [gasps] 492 00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,664 So, how well do you know Jay? 493 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,416 Have you... have you two been playing together for long? 494 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,710 All I know about Jay 495 00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:20,005 is he has a tantrum like a toddler when he loses... 496 00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:22,716 -Ooh. -...which is tragic and amusing. 497 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,845 I'm sorry, but every room 498 00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:28,722 -in this house needs me. -Oh. 499 00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:32,184 Are those the Statler and Waldorf balconies on your wall? 500 00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:35,980 Ha! Well, I'm... I'm a theater director. [chuckles] 501 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:39,400 So, you thought, "I should put theater directing on my walls"? 502 00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:40,860 [inhales sharply] 503 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:44,864 Well, but, the... the beauty of this place is really its stories. 504 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,991 Uh, like my ex-wife, uh, loved these drapes, 505 00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:50,244 so I fought to keep them out of spite. [laughing] 506 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,496 Not necessarily my finest moment, 507 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:56,750 but, uh, not all the stories in here are great. 508 00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:01,797 [gasps] Well, this looks great. 509 00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:06,010 This is great. It's my new wife. 510 00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:09,805 And she moved in... to all this? 511 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,976 Uh, well, n... Uh, not yet, 512 00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:17,062 but, uh, you know, I mean... 513 00:23:17,146 --> 00:23:18,147 [food sizzling] 514 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,232 I love duck à I'orange. 515 00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,693 During the war we only had duck at Christmas. 516 00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:24,653 Oh, and... and which war was that? 517 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:28,198 "Three sprigs of parsley." Uh, I'll chop. 518 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,368 [knife clinking] 519 00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:34,872 [knife banging] 520 00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:37,875 Haven't cooked in decades. 521 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,836 So, you haven't used a... a cleaver in a while. 522 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,797 You know anybody else who might have used a cleaver? 523 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,381 -Anybody? -Isn't it interesting? 524 00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,635 None of us will leave behind written recipes. 525 00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:50,930 Future generations will just have bookmarks on chef robots. 526 00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:53,641 Yeah, it's, uh... it's true, it's sad. 527 00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:55,476 You know, the... the times are changing, 528 00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:58,562 especially for us old guys in our... How old did you say you were? 529 00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,022 That depends on the organ. 530 00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:05,986 Charles, wallowing takes six years off your life. 531 00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:09,323 Dorothy Parker told me that. She took my virginity. 532 00:24:09,406 --> 00:24:12,993 Point is, you're only old if you don't change with the times. 533 00:24:13,077 --> 00:24:15,913 You know, technology's helped me stay young. 534 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,165 But reinvention is the real key. 535 00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:22,252 Yeah, that... it... it takes a lot of energy keeping up. 536 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,421 Yeah, it does. 537 00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:27,508 Every time I've put a wife in assisted living and had to start over, 538 00:24:27,591 --> 00:24:29,593 I've had moments of doubt that I could do it. 539 00:24:29,677 --> 00:24:30,970 But I did. 540 00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,054 And you can. 541 00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:34,640 Well, thank you. 542 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,977 Now, how much orange zest goes in great-gran's... 543 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,061 -[knife banging] -[yelps] 544 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,939 Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 545 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,899 [sauce simmering] 546 00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,985 My great-gran is gone! 547 00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:47,611 It's gone. 548 00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:49,530 -No! -[phone pings] 549 00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:50,614 How much orange zest 550 00:24:50,698 --> 00:24:53,659 is in Charles-Haden Savage's great-gran's duck à I'orange recipe? 551 00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:54,868 [phone pinging] 552 00:24:54,952 --> 00:24:56,829 [chat voice] There are one-and-a-half teaspoons 553 00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:59,456 of orange zest in that recipe. 554 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,250 How did it know that? 555 00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:03,961 -[phone pings] -Show me Charles-Haden Savage 556 00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:05,629 making duck à I'orange. 557 00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,924 [Regis Philbin] [on phone] That sounds like a lot of zest, Brazzos. 558 00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:09,425 [Charles] I'm zesty, Regis. 559 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,051 Yes, you're a multi-talented guy. 560 00:25:11,135 --> 00:25:13,346 I admire guys like that, that could do more than one thing. 561 00:25:13,429 --> 00:25:15,014 -I just revel in it. -[audience laughter] 562 00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:17,350 Probably in ten minutes, something unbelievable is gonna happen. 563 00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:20,519 [Regis] Why do I think it's gonna be me making your duck à I'orange? 564 00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:22,688 [Charles] Well, Regis, because you're psychic. 565 00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:23,981 We're gonna take a commercial break 566 00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:26,233 -and make it happen in the next segment. -[audience applauding] 567 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:27,359 [video stops] 568 00:25:27,443 --> 00:25:29,528 I forgot I did that. 569 00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:31,572 My great-gran lives on. 570 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:32,656 Thank you. 571 00:25:33,574 --> 00:25:35,576 This is why I do what I do. 572 00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:39,747 In the right hands, technology should keep the past alive, preserved, 573 00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:43,333 like I'm preserved every night floating in my tank of collagen. 574 00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,753 [knife banging] 575 00:25:45,836 --> 00:25:48,839 -I also had a sad home. -[Oliver] Ah. 576 00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:50,674 My first one. 577 00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:53,677 A young girl with a deep love of beauty, 578 00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:57,514 born to a casino magnate and his former showgirl wife, 579 00:25:57,598 --> 00:26:00,350 raised amidst a sea of hot pink 580 00:26:00,434 --> 00:26:02,269 in Reno. 581 00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:03,812 Eww, so sorry. 582 00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,482 The moment I turned 18, 583 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:09,610 I moved... to Connecticut. 584 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,779 -Oh. -Leaving that home 585 00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:14,114 jump-started my mission to beautify the world, 586 00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:16,784 and it turned me into a billionaire. 587 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:20,204 -[gasps softly] -And I started with nothing. 588 00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:24,833 So, are... are you saying that Loretta and I 589 00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,127 should start fresh? Get a new place? 590 00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:30,506 -These bones are remarkable. -Ah. 591 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,842 You just need to change everything. 592 00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:38,597 -[can popping] -[Jay sighs] 593 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,183 [Mabel] So, uh, come on, the finger? 594 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:42,476 I gotta know. 595 00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:43,560 [sighs] 596 00:26:43,644 --> 00:26:46,230 The only crime I'm guilty of is being an embarrassing nepo baby 597 00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:50,400 who's trying to do some good with his ancestors' blood money. 598 00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:51,860 Yeah, and how's that going? 599 00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:55,280 I started my own nonprofit, hired a CEO, 600 00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:59,284 a friend of mine I trusted, who then took all the money. 601 00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:01,036 Everyone thinks I'm a swindler, 602 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,622 but really, I'm just shit at knowing who to trust. 603 00:27:04,706 --> 00:27:06,959 I'm sure it'll happen again. 604 00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,585 Then, why keep trying? 605 00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:15,134 Because I wanna prove to everyone that I'm not a... fuck up. 606 00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:20,430 [sighs deeply] 607 00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:24,852 Are you aware of the pop sensation THĒ? 608 00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:28,522 Uh, the "The" girl? Yeah, why? 609 00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:32,442 She is someone I incorrectly trusted. 610 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:36,738 She couldn't be more frustrating, 611 00:27:36,822 --> 00:27:40,826 and I... I can't stop wanting to impress her. 612 00:27:40,909 --> 00:27:45,372 So, I lied and said we were getting a deal at Wondify, 613 00:27:45,455 --> 00:27:46,832 and we aren't. 614 00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,251 So, now I have to try to make that happen. 615 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:50,961 I'm sure it won't. 616 00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:53,714 And I hate myself for that. 617 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,342 [singing] ♪ Wish that you were me, bet you wish that you were me ♪ 618 00:27:57,426 --> 00:27:59,136 -I will literally kill you. -[Jay laughs] 619 00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:01,096 She wrote that, I feel like, about me. 620 00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,931 [Jay] It's really good. It's catchy. 621 00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,353 I was playing with these bozos the night Nicky died, 622 00:28:08,437 --> 00:28:10,230 but I did not kill anyone. 623 00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:13,358 So, what happened with your finger? 624 00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:19,740 Just another bad decision in a long line of bad decisions. 625 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,826 [♪ Bubbly music playing] 626 00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:26,747 [Oliver] While we have a quiet moment, 627 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:30,209 I wanna help you make sure you stay out of our little story. 628 00:28:31,001 --> 00:28:33,378 But what happened to Jay's finger? 629 00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:36,882 Fine. 630 00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:40,219 The night Lester died, 631 00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:42,888 Nicky showed up with this cleaver. 632 00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:44,181 [knife banging] 633 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:46,099 Wa... Was he mad at someone? Maybe Jay? 634 00:28:46,183 --> 00:28:50,354 He was livid and raving about the film "Goodfellows"? 635 00:28:50,437 --> 00:28:53,857 He had an inordinate amount of white powder 636 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,484 under his nose. 637 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:58,237 I'd call it a Snow White white, 638 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,281 or perhaps a Santa's beard white. 639 00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,699 He was nuts. 640 00:29:02,783 --> 00:29:04,952 He was gonna hit someone. I tried to stop him. 641 00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:07,037 I mean, Bash is covered in baby skin, 642 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,580 but he's pretty old. 643 00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,792 Well, I tried to calm him down, but Jay had to be the hero, 644 00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:14,294 and so Nicky... "chh!"... chopped off his finger. 645 00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:15,379 [stifled chuckle] 646 00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:18,465 I obviously left because of the mess. 647 00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:22,219 And also, it's rude to be the last to leave a party, so... 648 00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:26,223 I told Jay not to escalate, but chop-chop. Then we all ran out. 649 00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:29,351 There wasn't time to look for it, which is why I went back. 650 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,730 It'd be nice not to have a finger floating around, ya know? 651 00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:34,315 You didn't happen to see it in there, did you? 652 00:29:34,398 --> 00:29:36,066 -[door opens] -[oven chimes] 653 00:29:36,149 --> 00:29:37,943 Okay. Duck à I'orange 654 00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:39,945 is ready in two hours and 45 minutes. 655 00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:42,489 -Who's hungry? -I don't eat after 11 a.m., 656 00:29:42,572 --> 00:29:44,533 but have we answered all your questions? 657 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:47,869 Well, yes, I learned that Nicky chopped off Jay's finger, 658 00:29:47,953 --> 00:29:51,373 and then Bash, Camila, and Jay ran out. 659 00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:53,667 -[Mabel] Yeah, that's what Jay said. -[Oliver] And Lester and Nicky 660 00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:55,043 were still alive, so... 661 00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:57,796 Huh, look at you two not lying to pin it on me. 662 00:29:57,879 --> 00:30:00,340 -You do care. -Case closed. 663 00:30:00,424 --> 00:30:02,050 And now that we've cleared this up, 664 00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,178 I trust I won't hear my name on future episodes. 665 00:30:05,262 --> 00:30:08,890 Okay, duck à I'orange in two hours and 44 minutes. 666 00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:11,351 Ah. [sucking teeth] Next time. 667 00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:14,646 Forgot I have some friends coming over to do some rock climbing. 668 00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:16,273 Mabel... 669 00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:17,357 thanks. 670 00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:19,943 It was a really nice talk. 671 00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:26,491 Touching food again was pleasant. 672 00:30:26,575 --> 00:30:28,493 [door opens] 673 00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:30,078 Enjoy the remodel. 674 00:30:31,330 --> 00:30:32,748 [Oliver] Wait, what remodel? 675 00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:36,209 [♪ light music playing] 676 00:30:36,293 --> 00:30:37,294 [door closes] 677 00:30:38,462 --> 00:30:40,839 Wow, this really is much better. 678 00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:42,507 [Charles] How did we not hear anything? 679 00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:44,885 She's a home decor witch! 680 00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:47,596 [Mabel sighs] 681 00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:51,391 [cutlery clinking] 682 00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,728 [mouth full] This is better. The hot glue fumes 683 00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:57,397 from my apartment jump-started my hangover. 684 00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,149 Does champagne expire? 685 00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:01,735 Oh, you should really lay off the alcohol. 686 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,279 Uh, Bash says it inflames your enzymes. 687 00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:06,406 Now, which war would you think was going on 688 00:31:06,490 --> 00:31:09,159 when Dorothy Parker was in her sexual prime? 689 00:31:09,242 --> 00:31:11,286 First sexual prime, or second? 690 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:15,165 How crazy is it that we have Jay Pflug's finger in your freezer? 691 00:31:15,248 --> 00:31:17,084 At least we figured that out. 692 00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:20,045 So, we're gonna believe these three? 693 00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:22,255 Oh, please, Camila is no killer. 694 00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:25,300 Although, I felt like I was spending a couple of hours 695 00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:28,970 with a cross between Ann-Margret and Nanette Fabray, so I almost died. 696 00:31:29,054 --> 00:31:30,972 [laughing, barking] 697 00:31:32,599 --> 00:31:33,892 Jay didn't do it. 698 00:31:33,975 --> 00:31:35,977 He was just trying to protect everyone. 699 00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:39,731 He's, um... sweeter than I expected. 700 00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:41,066 Mabel... 701 00:31:42,234 --> 00:31:44,069 did your eyelashes just flutter? 702 00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:47,489 Oliver, Jay makes Mabel's eyelashes flutter. 703 00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:50,367 No, I'm n... Shut up, I'm not fluttering. 704 00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:53,620 It's just maybe we should give him his finger back. 705 00:31:53,703 --> 00:31:55,664 Crushing on a suspect, Mabel? 706 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,541 This is really a Charles storyline, 707 00:31:57,624 --> 00:31:58,834 -isn't it? -Ugh. 708 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,753 -[email notification chimes] -If both of you couple up, 709 00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:04,548 that leaves me birding with Vince, or getting a drink with a robot. 710 00:32:04,631 --> 00:32:07,676 [gasps] Oh, my God, you guys, Wondify wants to sign us. 711 00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:09,761 -[gasps] -They said that they would love to have us 712 00:32:09,845 --> 00:32:13,056 come see the studio and become part of the Wondify family. 713 00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:14,391 -Your email worked! -You're kidding. 714 00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:16,059 Oh, take that, THĒ. 715 00:32:16,143 --> 00:32:18,562 [in valley girl accent] Whoa, wish that you were us, bitch! 716 00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:20,356 [normal] Whoa, I didn't mean for that to come out. 717 00:32:20,439 --> 00:32:22,691 Wish that you were us, ma'am. 718 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:25,569 -I'm very excited. -[chuckles] Me too. 719 00:32:25,652 --> 00:32:27,863 [♪ Bright upbeat music playing] 720 00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:29,114 [elevator dings] 721 00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:31,324 -[people chattering] -[office phones ringing] 722 00:32:31,408 --> 00:32:34,536 [clapping] Welcome, OMITB! 723 00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:36,788 Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby podcast. 724 00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:38,248 Oh, we're so excited. 725 00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:40,750 Let me give you a tour, okay? I love the stripes. 726 00:32:40,834 --> 00:32:42,252 -[Oliver] Oh, thanks. -It's fab. 727 00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,088 Some of our smaller studios are that way. 728 00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:48,383 Oh, you're gonna love this. Those are the Drunk Sluts. 729 00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:51,094 Such champs, recorded seven episodes today. 730 00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:52,554 -[knocking] -[Drunk Slut 1] Oh my God... 731 00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:54,264 You're killin' it, ladies! 732 00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:55,682 -[Drunk Slut 1] Hi! -[Drunk Slut 2] Ah! 733 00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:56,766 [podcast executive] Okay. 734 00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:57,934 [muffled chatter] 735 00:32:58,018 --> 00:33:00,687 -This is your studio. -[Charles ] Whoa. What? 736 00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:02,314 -[chuckles] -[laughing] Oh, really? 737 00:33:02,397 --> 00:33:03,440 -Okay. -Yeah. 738 00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:05,066 -Oh, my God. -[Charles laughing] 739 00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:06,985 -Yeah. Mm-hmm. -[Charles] Thank you. Oh, water. 740 00:33:07,068 --> 00:33:08,653 [Oliver] Hello, how are you? 741 00:33:08,737 --> 00:33:10,239 -[executive] Oh, your camera operator. -Hi. 742 00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:11,823 -[executive] Your engineer. -Hi. 743 00:33:11,907 --> 00:33:13,200 -[Mabel] Hi. -Look at the awards. 744 00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:15,911 -It's insane. -Okay, uh, this'll do. [chuckles] 745 00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:16,995 [executive] Okay. 746 00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:20,248 So, per the contract, we'll relaunch you 747 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,834 with a month-long stint on our welcome page. 748 00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:25,045 -[Charles] Uh-huh. -I told your lawyer between makeup lines 749 00:33:25,128 --> 00:33:27,589 and elder safety devices, you're an advertising juggernaut. 750 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,259 Well, the timing couldn't be better. 751 00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:32,260 I mean, considering who we're investigating, 752 00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:35,096 we could use a little extra firepower. 753 00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,098 And it's a cast of characters you dream of. 754 00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,392 You know, an... an adulterous mob wife. 755 00:33:39,476 --> 00:33:41,853 Sebastian Steed and Camila White running for their lives 756 00:33:41,937 --> 00:33:44,105 after a mobster chops off Jay Pflug's finger. 757 00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:47,734 Incredible. Just one thing... 758 00:33:47,817 --> 00:33:49,361 [Mabel] Sorry. Guys? 759 00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,323 Which way do your pointers curve? 760 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:56,660 They point away from each other. 761 00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:58,343 -Huh, never noticed that. -[Oliver] Yeah. 762 00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:01,164 Jay lost his right finger. 763 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,668 The finger we have curves left. 764 00:34:05,961 --> 00:34:07,546 That lying piece of shit. 765 00:34:07,629 --> 00:34:10,131 -This isn't his finger. -So, who... Whose finger is it? 766 00:34:10,215 --> 00:34:12,134 You mean, they were lying when they told us what happened? 767 00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:13,760 [Oliver] They had gotten their stories straight. 768 00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:16,263 Someone else was in the room that night, 769 00:34:16,346 --> 00:34:19,224 someone that Lester didn't put in his little bird ledger. 770 00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:21,101 Well, I'm ready to start recording. 771 00:34:21,184 --> 00:34:23,478 I'm gonna take that little nepo baby down. 772 00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,188 Wow, what a twist. 773 00:34:25,272 --> 00:34:28,316 Just keep in mind the restrictions of the corporate machine we have here. 774 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,026 Sorry? What restrictions? 775 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:32,028 Well, per the contract you just signed, 776 00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,447 you're unable to podcast about management of the company. 777 00:34:34,531 --> 00:34:36,199 Conflict of interest. 778 00:34:36,283 --> 00:34:39,536 And we have new majority stakeholders as of very recently. 779 00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:42,497 Um, who? 780 00:34:42,581 --> 00:34:45,584 [♪ Dramatic suspenseful music playing] 781 00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:56,595 [Camila] The easiest way to win a game 782 00:34:56,678 --> 00:34:58,555 is to make your opponent think they're playing 783 00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:00,640 a different game entirely. 784 00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:05,186 -I confided in Jay. -They joined forces. 785 00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:07,022 They're all dirty. 786 00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:09,065 [Bash] While focused on that game, 787 00:35:09,149 --> 00:35:11,735 your opponent may give you just what you need 788 00:35:11,818 --> 00:35:13,695 to win the real prize. 789 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:16,990 Oh God, don't worry. 790 00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:20,243 If eliminating those three takes the teeth out of this story, 791 00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:23,580 your deal can be rolled to any other podcast ideas. 792 00:35:23,663 --> 00:35:25,999 You know, you're family now, 793 00:35:26,082 --> 00:35:29,252 and will remain exclusively so for three years. 794 00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:32,339 [♪ Dramatic suspenseful music continues playing] 795 00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,596 By the time they realize what you've done... 796 00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:43,016 game's over. 797 00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:45,393 [elevator doors thud] 798 00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:49,564 [♪ light mysterious music playing] 799 00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:39,656 [♪ Music stops] 800 00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:42,659 [♪ Fanfare playing]