1 00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,404 Troops, we're running low on fresh water, 2 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,889 so I must speak against this ridiculous new trend 3 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,265 of handwashing. 4 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,893 Sir, I heard that handwashing prevents dysentery. 5 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,230 Oh, I'm sorry, Collins, are you a physician or a barber? 6 00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:24,733 I didn't think so. 7 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:27,945 Now, time for my newest invention. 8 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,781 One that shall surely turn the tide in this conflict. 9 00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:36,703 A musket with a spy glass attached. 10 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:39,540 I'm calling it the "eyesaac." 11 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,041 - —So just your name? - Right. 12 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,751 But instead of the letter "I," 13 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,503 I'm spelling it with the word "eye"... 14 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,505 E-y-e... at the front. 15 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:51,677 Point is, close combat will soon be a thing of the past, 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,762 because the eyesaac, e-y-e, 17 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:57,224 allows for accurate targeting of up to... 18 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,309 And I kid you not... 50 yards. 19 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:05,732 Glory be, I've got eyes on a British officer. 20 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:08,777 Now, of course it would be dishonorable to engage 21 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,821 while, you know, he's unarmed. 22 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,490 Quite a striking fellow. 23 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,158 He's fit of body, 24 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,327 well-groomed, 25 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,705 ready for action. 26 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:26,128 Right. 27 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:29,047 Well, lots of war stuff to do. 28 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,174 Battle is nigh. And remember, 29 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:36,305 do not shoot them until you see the green of his eyes. 30 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,848 Their eyes. 31 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,516 Till you see the green of their eyes. 32 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,518 I actually didn't notice if he had green eyes. 33 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,562 They had green eyes. 34 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,118 Oh, I gotta find a way out of this crypt. 35 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,215 I'm not getting eaten by a purple worm. 36 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,408 Eaten by a worm? 37 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:59,202 This game seems stressful. This is what Jay does to relax? 38 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,079 Dungeons and dragons isn't about relaxation, 39 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,205 it's about adventure. 40 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:06,084 Yeah. Nothing says adventure like eating a family-size bag of chips by yourself. 41 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:09,296 Okay, Jay, you're gonna have to make a decision. Do you... 42 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,714 Oh, come on. Not again. 43 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,194 I'm sorry, guys, my Internet cut out again. 44 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,305 Yeah, we know. It's happened, like, 20 times already. 45 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,241 Yeah, well, what do you expect? It's rural Internet. 46 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,185 You guys get it. You're from queens. That's practically the country. 47 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,020 Jay, we moved downtown, by Brett and Shayla. 48 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,439 You did? Wait. Who's Brett and Shayla? 49 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,942 You haven't met Brett yet? Okay. He is hilarious. He fits right in. 50 00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,861 We met him at a pub quiz. 51 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,613 Oh... 52 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,573 I'm confused. Is this part of the game? 53 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,201 Unfortunately, I think the only game being played here 54 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,828 is an adult man trying to maintain long-distance friendships. 55 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,140 I don't get it. Couldn't... A hot spot or something? 56 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,625 Oh, great, you're back. Hey, can you hear me? 57 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,728 - Do we just ask Brett to take Jay's spot? - What? 58 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,072 Brett can't have my spot. No way. 59 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,547 What are you thinking, should we just kill Jay's character? 60 00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,257 No, guys, I can hear you. 61 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,052 I'm sad to lose Jay. But Brett? Hello? 62 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,136 I hate Brett. 63 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:01,348 Wow. Hard to imagine feeling this betrayed by friends. 64 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,475 Didn't your best friend sleep with your wife? 65 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,937 Yes, sasappis. Thank you for that helpful example. 66 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,022 So you want me to just take down the whole shed? 67 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,732 Yeah, it's kind of an eyesore. 68 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:19,074 What on earth is the meaning of this? 69 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,953 Oh, yeah, this place will come down real easy. 70 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,539 Come down? I'll have you know these barracks 71 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:28,667 are the sovereign territory of his royal highness king George III. 72 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:30,961 And look at this one. 73 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,295 - Gawking. - Sorry. 74 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,464 Mark. 75 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,926 Sorry, Mark. Uh, just leave the shed. 76 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:41,263 I have a meeting. We'll talk later. 77 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,348 - —She can see us. - Remarkable. 78 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,975 Indeed. 79 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,186 Hey. Uh, did you guys know there's three British soldiers 80 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,248 from the revolutionary war living in our garden shed? 81 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,472 Don't worry about them. They mostly stick to themselves. 82 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,004 They come up to the main house 83 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,319 once every year or so with some dispute or complaint. 84 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,655 They've never gotten over losing the war. 85 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,717 Well, those limeys can wipe their eyes with crumpets. 86 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:04,035 'Cause this land is, and has always been, American. 87 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,221 Said the guy from massapequa. 88 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,414 Ever since the war, the agreement's been 89 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,517 the Americans get the house, the brits get the shed. 90 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,418 No, no, no, no. 91 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,712 Oh, no. What is it, Jay? 92 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,380 Hitch died. 93 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,340 Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. 94 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,761 That's awful. He was a... really... 95 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,280 You have no idea who hitch is, do you? 96 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,556 - I do not. - He was my dandd character. 97 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,017 Oh. No, not to be insensitive, it's just, 98 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,145 doesn't he exist entirely in your head? What is it, Pete? 99 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,106 I-I just wanted to say, as a long-time adventurer myself, 100 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:37,402 the bond between dandd creator and character can be very real. 101 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,738 I know I shed a few tears when I lost gelvin monkspear 102 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,198 to the demogorgon. 103 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,009 Pete's saying he can relate, 'cause he got upset 104 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,993 about losing some character to a demidragon. 105 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,661 - Demogorgon. - Demogorgon? 106 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,205 Pete plays dandd? 107 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,332 Heck yeah. It was really popular in the '80s. 108 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,834 Hey, maybe Jay and I could play together. 109 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,271 Oh, that's really sweet. Pete wishes he could play with you. 110 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,714 Whoa, we totally could do that. Hey, Pete. 111 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:02,052 Pete, listen, you pick a character and I'll dm, and then Sam... Sam, 112 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,846 all you have to do is translate, like you're doing right now. 113 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,640 - I love this idea! - Oh, no, no, no. 114 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,601 I mean, I love you, obviously, but fantasy role-playing games 115 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,436 are at the far end of that affection. 116 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,438 Yeah. Okay, cool. 117 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,192 All my best friends just broke up with me, but, uh, 118 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:21,530 I can see that playing a game is... Is too big of an ask. 119 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,198 Okay, we can play tonight. 120 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,325 Yes! Oh! 121 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,035 Pete, saddle up, baby! 122 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,954 - Oh, no. - Whoo! 123 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,498 Tonight we ride! Rrroo! 124 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,126 We demand parley at once! 125 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,545 Ugh, these fools. 126 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,481 Oh, boy. What's going on here? 127 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,673 She can see us. 128 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:44,386 My god, what foul deal with the devil hath provoked such a power? 129 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,197 She fell down the stairs, and when she woke up 130 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,764 she could talk to ghosts and animals. 131 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,267 Uh, no. I'm not sure where she got the animals thing. 132 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,476 But I'm Samantha. Hi. 133 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,144 Lieutenant-colonel Nigel chessum. 134 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,732 I've come to discuss the unprovoked attack on our land. 135 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,293 I don't know if I'd say this is your land. 136 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,486 Yeah, give 'em hell, sass! Usa! 137 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,446 - Usa! - Are you talking about the door? 138 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:07,117 This is about dignity and decorum and... 139 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,702 Yes, the door. 140 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,805 We want it put back, and we won't accept anything less. 141 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,664 Sam? 142 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,917 Have you seen my yellow Decepticons shirt? 143 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,252 Oh, I think it's in the dryer. 144 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,296 - Uh-uh, I checked. - I'll come help you in a sec. 145 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,941 I'm just dealing with some British ghosts from the revolutionary war. 146 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,258 Okay. I'll check the hamper. 147 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,303 Sorry, you were saying? 148 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,264 Our barracks. This affront shall not go UN... 149 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,641 - Oh, fine, I'll do it. - Pardon? 150 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,811 I'll tell the contractor to put the door back on. Anything else? 151 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,772 Oh. Um, I... 152 00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:41,318 Had sort of a lengthy diatribe planned, but, uh, splendid. 153 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,778 Well, shall we get out of here, sir? 154 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,113 Oh, yes. 155 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,532 I suppose there's no reason to linger. 156 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,576 No other reason I can think of. 157 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,859 Sam, I believe that shirt that Jay's looking for 158 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,623 is in the hallway closet upstairs... 159 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,460 Lieutenant-colonel chessum. 160 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,670 Captain higgintoot. 161 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:05,091 What, um... what fortune prompts such an unexpec-pected visit? 162 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:08,553 A... trivial matter, now concluded. 163 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:11,181 - Hmm. - I do hope my presence, 164 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,267 though unexpected, is not entirely unpleasant. 165 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,436 Oh, no, I think it's fair to say 166 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,064 that your presence is the furthest thing from unpleasant. 167 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,525 Okay, am I nuts, or is there, like, crazy chemistry between these two? 168 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,444 This has been going on for centuries. 169 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,405 Every year they find some reason to "redraw the border" 170 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,491 or "extend the truce," and neither one of them 171 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,825 ever makes a move. 172 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,202 Well, I, uh, suppose 173 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,079 I shall bid you adieu. 174 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:37,207 Yes, yes, and I shall bid adieu to you. 175 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,668 Oh. What a droll little rhyme. 176 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,086 Oh! 177 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,506 Splendid. 178 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,007 Well... 179 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,469 I guess I'm not going to fife myself out, am I? 180 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,804 Oh, no. 181 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,431 Baxter? 182 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,110 - Well, back to the closet. - What? 183 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,903 To look for Jay's shirt. 184 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,989 Right. 185 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:12,033 You cross the icy river 186 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,954 only to find what nightmares lurk on the other side. 187 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:21,501 From forth the darkness of the cave emerges an abominable yeti! 188 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,671 Oh, not good. 189 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,524 We probably should have taken the mountain pass. 190 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,842 Pete says they should have taken the mountain pass. 191 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:31,112 That's what we get for accepting a map from a frost giant. 192 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,304 Sass is second-guessing the frost giant. 193 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:36,307 Well, I'm not messing with a yeti. I'm getting back in the boat. 194 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,035 And alberta wants to get back in the boat. 195 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,187 Ooh, unfortunately, you turn around to see 196 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,982 that the boat has sunk into the icy river. 197 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,859 - Oh. - Escape... 198 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,777 Is no longer an option. 199 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,697 Well, then combat it is. 200 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,366 Sam, please tell Jay that gelvin monkspear ii 201 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,368 has unsheathed his sword. 202 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,998 Sam? A little focus? We're about to be devoured 203 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,458 by a ferocious beast over here. 204 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,877 Right. Sorry, it's just, it's been a few hours. 205 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,378 So is the game almost done? 206 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,673 Well, I mean, this particular session could be close to done. 207 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,008 This session? 208 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,927 What do you mean? Doesn't somebody win and then, like, we're done? 209 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,139 No. This isn't candy land, Sam. 210 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,348 Dungeons and dragons 211 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,559 is not a game that just ends in one night. 212 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,437 Every campaign is a multi-chaptered quest. 213 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,314 They could last months or even years. 214 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,523 Years? 215 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:29,694 That's what makes it so fun. Now, where were we with that yeti? 216 00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,280 A little too close for comfort, I'd say. 217 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:35,116 Repeat that for Jay. I think he'd get a kick out of it. 218 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,536 How about those brits stopping by, hmm? 219 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,372 Probably won't have to see them for another few years. 220 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,252 Uh, I have to say, though, that... 221 00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:49,255 That Nigel fellow seems like a really good guy. 222 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:53,343 Oh, well, can't say I agree with his politics, but, uh... 223 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,761 He's a man of honor. 224 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:58,264 Interesting, because you're also kind of a man of honor. 225 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,684 Well, the truth is, is that there's a secret 226 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,895 that I've been keeping from Nigel, 227 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,858 and to share it would release an immense burden, 228 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:10,026 but I have a feeling he is not going to take it very well. 229 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,654 Okay, I hear you, but there's also a chance 230 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,281 that something that seemed so unthinkable all those years ago 231 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,158 might not be a big deal now. 232 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,369 You're right. 233 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,788 What am I so afraid of? 234 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:22,872 I'm gonna do it. 235 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,250 Really? You'll talk to him? 236 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,585 Uh-huh. I'm gonna do it. 237 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,296 - Oh, I'm so proud of you. - What do I wear? 238 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,508 Wait, no, can't change, so itchy shirt it is. 239 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,177 Break a leg! 240 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,304 Man... 241 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,390 We were up so late last night, huh? 242 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,393 Were we? Gosh, I was having so much fun, I didn't notice. 243 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,686 I could have gone all night. 244 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,689 You want to know what my favorite part was? 245 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,415 It was just getting to know the ghosts a little bit. 246 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,691 Pete? Are you kidding me? 247 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,734 That guy is great. I didn't think anyone knew more 248 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,278 about '80s basketball than I did. 249 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:56,197 Well, early '803, and then... 250 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,867 You know, if we're gonna get to the fortress anytime soon, 251 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,053 we're gonna have to play a few times a week, at least. 252 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,413 And each of those sessions would last about...? 253 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,665 - Not long. Five, six hours. - Wow. 254 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,917 Well, let me check my schedule. Available. 255 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,461 And that could go on for potentially years? 256 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,588 Yeah. 257 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:16,843 Jay, I don't know exactly how to tell you this, but... 258 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,387 The ghosts don't want to play with you anymore. 259 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,889 What? 260 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,307 I know. I'm sorry. 261 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,601 But I thought they had fun. 262 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,686 We did have fun. What are you doing, Sam? 263 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,731 Well, I guess that not being able to move the pieces or roll... 264 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,817 - Some of them just got a little bored. - Bored? That's not true. 265 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:35,528 - Okay. - Yes, it's disappointing. I'm upset, too. 266 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,282 I... I love this game! Those darn ghosts! 267 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,659 Well, if they didn't like it, then... they didn't like it. 268 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:42,994 Vvelovedit 269 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,038 liar! — Huh. 270 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,956 I guess I'll just put all this away, then. 271 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,584 You know, maybe we could watch a movie later. 272 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,960 Yeah. 273 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,921 Sure, that sounds fun. 274 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,339 Hmm. 275 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,884 And I thought the mind flayer 276 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,470 would be the greatest monster I'd encounter this week. 277 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,474 Or the gelatinous cube. That one was tough, too. 278 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,690 So she just straight—up lied to him? 279 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,817 - Like it was nothing. - We have to fix this. 280 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,319 Last night was so fun, 281 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,881 and I don't know if you've noticed, but we don't have a ton going on here. 282 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,217 Yeah, I just wish there was a way we could talk to Jay directly 283 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,242 and set this straight. 284 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,535 If only there was some way we could get a message across 285 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,162 the celestial plane. 286 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,960 I think I have an idea. 287 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,505 Uh, perhaps we discuss 288 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,174 whatever it is you... wanted to talk about. 289 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:41,386 Well, well, the truth is, is it's quite personal, 290 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:44,514 and I've been keeping a secret from you 291 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,475 for, oh, 250 years. 292 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,559 Oh? 293 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,853 I'm just really nervous about how you're gonna take it. 294 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,898 Well, I... think I might take it... 295 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,067 Just fine. 296 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,902 Really? 297 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,031 All right, here it goes. 298 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,493 - Nigel? - Yes, Isaac? 299 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:07,912 I killed you. 300 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,709 Excuse me? 301 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,339 Hello, officer. 302 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,676 {Gunshofl 303 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:24,971 oh, boy. 304 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,764 Are you telling me 305 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,934 the cowardly sniper that took my life was you? 306 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,353 Well, th-that was not at all my intention. 307 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:36,274 To have murdered in cold blood a fellow officer! 308 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,692 My hope was to apologize. 309 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,902 I've had enough of this. 310 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,362 Uh... 311 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,948 Baxter? 312 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,867 Oh, god. 313 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,335 All right, no Sam in sight. Hurry up and do your thing. 314 00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,973 Just a little faster, buddy. I think Jay's rinsing off. 315 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,651 Lied about what? 316 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,945 Seriously, dude, this is gonna kill me. 317 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,489 We've come too far, man. 318 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,657 Fine. 319 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,916 Hey, babe. Got a better Internet connection, 320 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,044 so now I can play dandd with my boys in the city. 321 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,128 That's amazing. 322 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,631 Yeah, and even better, one of the guys had to drop out, 323 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,509 so there's room for you to join permanently. 324 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,803 -No way. —super cool, huh? 325 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,222 'Cause I know how much you love playing the game, 326 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,849 because that's what you told me. 327 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,269 I know you lied! 328 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,271 - But how? No, I didn't! - Uh—huh! 329 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,524 The ghosts told me. And it was genuinely haunting. 330 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:00,900 I was in the shower, I was nude, 331 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,586 and then letters just appeared in the steam! 332 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,611 Trevor. 333 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:06,364 The ghost without pants is watching me shower? 334 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,698 Gotta love that. 335 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,617 Sam, why did you lie to me? 336 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,702 I wanted to help you play with the ghosts, 337 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,830 but I really don't like your favorite game. 338 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,633 - Why didn't you just tell me? - —because I didn't want to upset you. 339 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,709 And it just seemed easier to blame the ghosts. 340 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,587 I don't care if you like playing the game or not, okay? 341 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,923 Objectively, you should, because it's awesome. 342 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,843 - But honestly, I just miss my friends. - I know. 343 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,637 And you have this whole group of people that you can talk to 344 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,013 that I can't even see. 345 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,991 So the other night when we were all playing together, 346 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,892 I actually felt like I was part of the gang. 347 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,389 The British are coming! The British are coming! 348 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,940 I do hear you. 349 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:48,072 So I guess things with Nigel didn't go so great, huh? 350 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,740 No, Sam, they didn't. 351 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,535 It has come to my attention that I, 352 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,872 an officer in his majesty's armed forces, 353 00:15:55,955 --> 00:16:00,460 was murdered by the shameful American war criminal Isaac higgintoot. 354 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,004 Wait, that was the secret? 355 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,174 This horrifying breach of decorum shall not go unpunished. 356 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,300 We are taking the house. 357 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,594 Well... 358 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:13,890 If you insist that the time for words has passed... 359 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,016 Just coming through... 360 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,978 Then, no matter the cost in blood or treasure, 361 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:24,400 my army and I will defend this house to the bitter end. 362 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,446 If it's war you want... 363 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:30,990 Then war you shall have. 364 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,201 So be it. 365 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,827 It's time for battle! 366 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,996 Oh! 367 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,168 Get out of here. 368 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,212 This is the war? 369 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,338 I'm a pacifist, 370 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,381 but even I would like to see a little more action. 371 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,635 Oh! Damn this impotent existence! 372 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:54,096 If I was alive, I would wipe you and your boys off the face of the earth. 373 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,973 No, you wouldn't. You'd shoot me in the chest 374 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,159 while I was reading my poems! 375 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,519 Oh, wait. You already did that. 376 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,437 Well. 377 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,022 If we can't fight, 378 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,233 then how the hell do we resolve this invasion, hmm? 379 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,320 If only there were some way to simulate actual combat. 380 00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,657 What? 381 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,536 Damn it, I may have the solution. 382 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,830 Okay, I don't really understand what's happening here, 383 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,308 but I'd just like to say for the record, 384 00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:24,293 I am happy to solve all future ghost conflicts this way. 385 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,712 Okay, Pete, you are now face-to-face with... 386 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,089 - Who's that guy? - Oh, Jenkins. 387 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,441 That's one of the British ghosts. 388 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,969 Okay, you find yourself face-to-face with Jenkins' tiefling bard. 389 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,138 Okay. Well, then I unsheathe my moonblade 390 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,849 and whisper the phrase "swift defeat to my enemies," 391 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,269 thus marking him as a sworn enemy, and giving myself 392 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,145 an extra 3d6 damage. 393 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,189 Gadzooks, this is boring. 394 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,732 Why would anyone play this? 395 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,277 Okay. This is silly. 396 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,820 Nigel, 397 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,738 my killing you was an accident, 398 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,449 but not telling you about it for the last two centuries, 399 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,326 that was just plain wrong. 400 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,162 And for that I'm truly sorry. 401 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,749 Why didn't you just say something? 402 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,587 - I-I was afraid you'd be mad. - Aw... 403 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,755 Isaac and the British commander are making up. 404 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,757 Aw, that's nice. What did Isaac do? 405 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,677 - He murdered him. - Ooh, that is hard to bounce back from. 406 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,930 I can see why that might be a hard subject to broach, but... 407 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,017 How does one even accidentally shoot another? 408 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,643 Well... 409 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:26,439 H was really intending to spy on you... ur camp, 410 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,942 using a musket looking glass that I had invented. 411 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,028 Some people are calling it the "eyesaac." 412 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,947 Like your name? But with... E-y-e at the beginning? 413 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:39,076 - Yes. How did you know? - Well, what else would it be? 414 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:40,620 Simply brilliant. 415 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:42,913 I love it. 416 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:43,998 I mean... 417 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,833 For an instrument of my demise. 418 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,419 And I love you... 419 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,838 Loving it. 420 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:51,964 I love you loving it. 421 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,092 We shall consider the matter water under the bridge. 422 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,428 The invasion is canceled. 423 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,555 - But we can keep playing, right? - Yeah. 424 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,642 Mama has a fourth-level spell slot she's itching to use. 425 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,852 Thank you for your gracious hospitality. 426 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,480 Until we next parley. 427 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,399 Baxter? 428 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,656 A-About that, 429 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,950 maybe it would help keep the peace if we, um... 430 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,036 Parleyed more often. 431 00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,205 Interesting. 432 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,291 Perhaps, say, we could walk the grounds sometime 433 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,960 to discuss the peace... 434 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,545 Among other matters. 435 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:36,467 I'm... actually not... Doing anything right now. 436 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,386 Oh, uh, s... 437 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,512 Splendid. 438 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,847 To the grounds. 439 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,104 Uh, as you were, Baxter. 440 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,398 Stand down. 441 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,612 Okey dokey, conflict resolved. 442 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,882 Cool. All right, well, I guess we're done playing, then. 443 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:03,703 No. Jay, dandd is not one of those games that's just done in an hour. 444 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:07,998 It's a rich, multi-chaptered campaign. It could last for months. 445 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,334 Are you serious? Do you really want to keep playing? 446 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,669 No. 447 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,462 But I will, for you. 448 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,049 Good. 'Cause I joined that book club last year for you. 449 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,926 All right, let's roll for initiative! 450 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,888 - All right! - 20! 451 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,607 Come on. Guys, we're not doing this. 452 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,735 This is not the new system. 453 00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,129 I really want to smell some pepperoni. 454 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,913 There is no way that I'm writing "pepperoni." 455 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,157 Seriously, this is super creepy! 456 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,034 Are you guys still in here? 457 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,411 Please leave.