1 00:00:00,430 --> 00:00:03,350 What do you think? Your dad and I went to that place where you paint your own 2 00:00:03,350 --> 00:00:04,790 ceramics and we made this pot. 3 00:00:06,550 --> 00:00:08,490 All right. How'd you screw up this time? 4 00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:13,650 I didn't. Your mother and I just wanted to spend four hours of quality time 5 00:00:13,650 --> 00:00:14,650 together. 6 00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:18,030 It was one hour. No way. You don't get a headache like this in one hour. 7 00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:23,690 Why are you making a sandwich out here? 8 00:00:23,950 --> 00:00:26,390 Because Grandma Benny stunk up the whole downstairs. 9 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,200 Well, that's Grandma's special perfume. 10 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:35,380 It's a secret blend of whiskey, tobacco, sweat, and a dead tooth. 11 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,400 It's called... No, 12 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,860 keep coloring your hair in the sink and the dye reeks. 13 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,120 Oh, I can't even breathe in here. 14 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,420 Oh, man, Mom. 15 00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:54,940 That's the price of beauty. 16 00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,580 Whatever you spend, it costs more. 17 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,900 Why are you doing this here? Why can't you go to your salon? 18 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,100 I got no way to get there. My car burned up. 19 00:01:09,020 --> 00:01:12,700 Maybe if someone who owes me their life could loan me some money, I could buy a 20 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:13,700 used car. 21 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,640 Look, you're living here rent -free. 22 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,400 You should have enough money saved up by now to get your own car. 23 00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:23,820 I had a bunch of money saved up, but then I had some unforeseen expenses. 24 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:26,980 Are you gambling again? No. 25 00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:31,020 Mom! It's not gambling when it's the sure thing. 26 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,120 That stupid horse broke its leg. 27 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,960 The jockey fell off and got paralyzed. It's always me. Something always happens 28 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:41,960 to me. 29 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:46,460 George, can you help me in here for a minute? I'm done for the day. 30 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,740 I painted your damn pot. 31 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:52,220 I listened to your Sounds of the Ocean CD in the car. 32 00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:56,180 Angie, whales should not make albums. 33 00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,310 I could just see him in the recording studio like that. 34 00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:04,730 George, come here. 35 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:07,350 Look, 36 00:02:07,750 --> 00:02:10,830 when I said we should take your mom in, I did not know she'd be here all the 37 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,410 time. She's driving me crazy. 38 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,110 We should help her get a car. No. 39 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:18,630 Stay strong, Angie. Eventually she'll give up and buy her own car. 40 00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:23,130 What? George Lopez, I am telling you right now, if I do not get some alone 41 00:02:23,130 --> 00:02:25,770 in my own house, your mom and I will come to blows. 42 00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:37,900 I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck. 43 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,640 And you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi. 44 00:02:44,940 --> 00:02:48,680 So, George, if you're not going to loan me any money, could you at least let me 45 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:49,680 borrow your car tonight? 46 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,020 Sorry. I'm going to the fight downtown with Ernie, and I won't be home till 47 00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:54,020 late. 48 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:55,700 Fine. 49 00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:58,990 I guess I'll just have to hang around the house. Yeah? Upside down? 50 00:03:12,470 --> 00:03:15,730 No, we are people, damn it! Outside, outside! 51 00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,810 Angie, Angie, Angie, I'm so sorry. 52 00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:22,010 You know, I have been caged up in here so long, I forgot my manners. 53 00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:24,350 Say, now, here's an idea. 54 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,260 Maybe you will let me borrow your van so I could get out tonight. 55 00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,700 No. Why not? 56 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:49,360 Because... you will suck your thumb and milk a cow. 57 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:15,700 you to a bunch of bars. 58 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,700 You know what? I just wanted to go to the pharmacy to pick up my medication, 59 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,860 forget it. Well, I'm sorry. Of course I'll take you. 60 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:26,220 Which pharmacy? 61 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,420 Anyone that has a happy hour. 62 00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:41,420 I'll be two beers. 63 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:42,880 Come on, George. 64 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:50,600 was great. And those seats were amazing. Hey, I think I got blood from one of 65 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:51,600 the boxers on me. 66 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,960 Yeah, they say women can't fight, but damn, that one could. 67 00:04:55,200 --> 00:05:01,880 Yeah, not too much 68 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:02,880 talent here tonight. 69 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,100 Oh. 70 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,360 Oh, I spoke too soon. 71 00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:11,200 Check out that hottie. 72 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,600 Harmon? You can call her whatever you like, but that's 200 pounds of 73 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,040 beautiful... Oh, hey, 74 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,240 that's Carmen. 75 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:28,400 Oh, that's cool. So you've got your own car. 76 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,120 What does the mortgage broker do? 77 00:05:30,340 --> 00:05:33,480 He goes to prison for picking up 17 -year -old girls. 78 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,480 Carmen, what the hell are you doing here? Dad, Grandma Benny called. She's 79 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,480 and she needed a ride home. 80 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,360 Damn it, Mom. 81 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,120 explain what my daughter's doing here? George, thank God you found Carmen. 82 00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:53,940 I followed her here, but she gave me the slip. 83 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,560 You know what? You got too far this time, you old bat. 84 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:05,280 You can stand there and yell at me, or you can get your daughter out of this 85 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:09,300 harmful environment. George, there are a lot of drunk people here, right? 86 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,160 I'm your boss. 87 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,880 No, you're not. 88 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:54,230 It's after midnight. You do not sneak out of this house. I know, but Grandma 89 00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:56,170 Benny called and said she had no way to get home. 90 00:06:57,410 --> 00:06:59,910 And then I thought, what would Mom do? 91 00:07:02,730 --> 00:07:06,730 Because you always do the right thing, and if I could be more like you, then I 92 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:07,730 would be a better person. 93 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,510 Why don't I get a shovel from the yard so I can fertilize it with all this 94 00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:18,410 Yeah, I didn't buy it either. 95 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:42,200 It's the most irresponsible thing you have ever done. How could you take our 96 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,480 -year -old daughter to a bar? 97 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:49,740 You're right. I took advantage of Carmen. I feel so guilty. Oh, I don't 98 00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:51,680 to be conscious right now. 99 00:07:58,800 --> 00:07:59,800 Mom? 100 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:03,800 Okay, hear me out. 101 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,590 We have eight hours till she comes. till we can get her deep into Mexico. 102 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,930 We'll put her in a Pikachu costume. 103 00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:15,690 We'll leave her with a stick and a note that says, beat me, I have candy inside. 104 00:08:17,970 --> 00:08:21,850 Honey, she's making us all miserable. Would it be the end of the world if we 105 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:22,890 helped her buy a car? 106 00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:25,470 It doesn't even have to have airbags or brakes. 107 00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,390 Then she gets what she wants. She wins. 108 00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:35,169 It's not about winning or losing. It's about being an adult and... 109 00:08:37,239 --> 00:08:39,640 You are so unattractive to me right now. 110 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:47,800 Okay. If we don't buy her a car, then we are both going to have to suck it up 111 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,040 and drive her around. 112 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,300 I'm willing to do my share. 113 00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:57,740 All right. I guess if you're willing to take that on, I guess I can too. 114 00:08:58,920 --> 00:08:59,920 Thank you. 115 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,620 You see what happens when we act like adults and compromise? 116 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:05,250 We come up with solutions. 117 00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:07,450 You're right, baby. 118 00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:11,170 Oh, by the way, I've got to work late for the next month, so have fun driving 119 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:12,170 mom around. 120 00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:22,170 How was 13? 121 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:23,630 Of course, be cool. 122 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,730 What? 123 00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:26,710 Nope. Hey, babe. 124 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:29,949 Babe, sunny. 125 00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:30,950 Like the sun. 126 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:32,090 Because I'm hot. 127 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,360 Everything revolves around me. 128 00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:40,040 Oh, Sonny, are you a diplomat or a professor? 129 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:44,280 Just private to Magnolia and Woodman. We're going to his place. 130 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:45,960 Are we? 131 00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:50,140 Have we thought through all the consequences of our actions? 132 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,920 I asked for a ride, not a bus kill. 133 00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:57,460 Fine. 134 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,400 So, uh, how'd she rope you into driving, anyway? 135 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,120 I'm Benny's daughter -in -law. 136 00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:05,780 Okay, I'll buy it. Who's Benny? 137 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:12,880 Actually, I forgot to tell you, but Benny is my middle name. 138 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,980 So Crystal is your first name. 139 00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:19,780 Yes, it is. 140 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,460 Crystal Benny Carrington. 141 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,800 So tell me, what do I need to know about this lady here? 142 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,020 Well, Sonny, 143 00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:36,790 Crystal needs someone who's honest, who doesn't rush things. 144 00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:42,850 Someone who expresses his affection for her in a gentlemanly way. 145 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,050 You think you can handle that, Sonny? 146 00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:47,110 Sonny? 147 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,110 Don't believe this! 148 00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,110 Sorry, I'm being a little rude here. 149 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,530 Thank you. 150 00:10:57,130 --> 00:10:58,950 Why don't you pull over and join the party? 151 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,260 It may be chilly up front, but back here, it's sunny and hot. 152 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:10,559 That's it. 153 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:14,160 I'm dropping you off at the filthiest, most disgusting motel I can find. 154 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,940 Oh, the safari on Sepulveda's pretty nasty. 155 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:20,500 I hear. 156 00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,460 Where's the checkbook? 157 00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:30,340 I left it by the computer. Why? We're buying your mom a car. No! 158 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,640 She, uh... 159 00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:35,810 Picked up a guy at Thirsty's, and they were making out in the backseat of the 160 00:11:35,810 --> 00:11:38,630 minivan, and then they asked me if I wanted to join them. 161 00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,910 Mom! Not me. He did. 162 00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,910 If I swung that way, I could do better than her. 163 00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:55,070 This should be enough. No. 164 00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:57,810 Don't cave in. We're not giving her a cent. 165 00:11:58,130 --> 00:11:59,670 Yeah? Do you have another idea? 166 00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:01,170 Pikachu! Pikachu! 167 00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:11,610 something out because I'm not driving her anymore. 168 00:12:14,210 --> 00:12:17,250 From now on, I'll drive you. 169 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:19,110 And things will be different. 170 00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:22,370 Not giving rides to any of your boyfriends. 171 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:30,740 One of them is fine. 172 00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:50,370 Gina, there are some jobs even Mexicans won't do. 173 00:14:57,510 --> 00:15:00,850 Stop it. 174 00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:10,090 So help me God, I will turn this car around if you don't stop throwing fries 175 00:15:10,090 --> 00:15:11,090 me. 176 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:22,840 It's the library. 177 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,800 No, I think it's the gas company. 178 00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:30,180 Oh, no. 179 00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:34,620 Amagina. 180 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,500 Okay, my eyes are burning. Nobody light a cigarette. 181 00:15:58,220 --> 00:15:59,260 I'm not getting sucked into this. 182 00:16:00,340 --> 00:16:05,320 George, come on. What are you waiting for, you priss? Just kick off your high 183 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,540 heels and floor it. 184 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,600 Take this. Take this. Take this. Take this. Take this. 185 00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:11,679 Come on, George. 186 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:12,680 Shut up. 187 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:18,180 You want some punk? 188 00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:21,480 Yeah, I'll race you, fool. 189 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,460 But the loser takes your women home. 190 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,839 Reckless endangerment, had open containers in the car, too many 191 00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:14,040 of them wearing seatbelts, and someone reached for my gun. 192 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:23,000 That was my friend Gina, and she wasn't reaching 193 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,000 for your gun. 194 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,040 Thanks, officer. 195 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,080 Honey, what is going on? 196 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:38,120 She tricked me into racing a guy and I lost my license for 30 days. 197 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:44,380 You know, I feel pretty responsible for this. I will drive George around. You're 198 00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:45,380 not touching my car. 199 00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:47,380 Wait a minute. 200 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:52,100 You would keep your car in a garage for a whole month instead of letting me 201 00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:53,140 drive it? That's right. 202 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,200 And you know what? Just to make sure. 203 00:17:57,620 --> 00:18:03,020 What are you going to do in 30 days when you can drive again? 204 00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:16,820 Let her drive your car. Why should I? 205 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,360 She never let me drive hers. 206 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,440 What? 207 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,900 That's what all this is about? 208 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,320 Yeah, that's what all this is about. 209 00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:26,880 I had my license and everything, and you never let me touch your car, not once. 210 00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,500 I was the only one of my friends who never got to drive. 211 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,180 You big baby. 212 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,960 That was 20 years ago, and I was working two jobs. If you had wrecked that car, 213 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,200 we would have been screwed. 214 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:38,820 Yeah, what about prom night? 215 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,020 The hotel was by the airport. I had to take the shuttle there. 216 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,900 If I had let you drive, you could have ended up like Jimmy Ortega. 217 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:51,020 Who? 218 00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:54,740 Jimmy Ortega. He lived down the street from us. He was a couple of years older 219 00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:57,960 than you. He died in a car accident. He was real smart. 220 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,480 I couldn't let my dyslexic kid drive. 221 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,740 You flunked Jim. 222 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,660 Why does it matter which way I ran the laps? I ran them. 223 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:17,680 I didn't want to get a call saying that my son had died driving the wrong way on 224 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,680 a freeway. 225 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,040 So you were worried about me? 226 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:25,280 Don't flatter yourself. 227 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,480 I got grandkids now if I need bone marrow. I'm not so into you anymore. 228 00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:33,360 Mom. What? 229 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,160 Wait. 230 00:19:48,430 --> 00:19:51,110 But you have to promise me that you'll never, ever drink and drive. 231 00:19:56,490 --> 00:19:56,890 I 232 00:19:56,890 --> 00:20:03,990 can't 233 00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:06,770 believe all this time you wouldn't let me drive because you were afraid I'd get 234 00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,170 hurt. Just drop it. 235 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,390 Is that why you wouldn't let me play football? 236 00:20:14,070 --> 00:20:15,070 Look, George. 237 00:20:15,790 --> 00:20:19,190 For a helmet to fit your head, they would have had 238 00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:26,550 to 239 00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:28,010 take out the padding. 240 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:36,490 Now, I was already growing tomatoes in the backyard. I did not want another 241 00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:37,830 vegetable in the house. 242 00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:42,530 You know what? 243 00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:44,070 Thanks, Mom. 244 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,080 I never thought I'd see this. 245 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,660 You two are actually communicating. 246 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:56,720 You know, this might be a great opportunity to clear the air about other 247 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,720 you guys have. 248 00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:03,720 Fair enough. 249 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,700 Your wife is a tool. 250 00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:14,020 Is that enough for now, or do you want more?