1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,468 So thoughtful of Nora to put all my stuff into storage. 2 00:00:04,468 --> 00:00:05,930 Give you ten quid for all of it. 3 00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:08,602 There's not going to be anything expensive inside to flip. 4 00:00:08,602 --> 00:00:10,188 100 and that's my best offer. 5 00:00:10,188 --> 00:00:11,274 Kash. 6 00:00:12,067 --> 00:00:13,111 300? 7 00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:21,168 All right. Let's find out what kind of man I was. 8 00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:48,139 400. 9 00:00:48,139 --> 00:00:49,726 Oh, my God, Kash. 10 00:00:49,726 --> 00:00:51,354 What? They're expensive. 11 00:00:51,354 --> 00:00:53,399 I don't think the resale value's very high. 12 00:00:53,399 --> 00:00:56,197 And unit 69. Nice. 13 00:00:57,407 --> 00:00:58,534 Wait, we're unit 65. 14 00:01:00,497 --> 00:01:02,919 Oh, sorry. Unit 65's this way. 15 00:01:02,919 --> 00:01:06,467 Wonder who does own it. 16 00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:26,711 "Happy birthday, Rob. 17 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,717 Your best mate always, Chris." 18 00:02:31,262 --> 00:02:33,099 I had a best mate. 19 00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:34,894 Who's sending us post? 20 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:40,363 Nora's invited us to her book launch. 21 00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:41,448 Oh! 22 00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:45,039 That's so nice of her. Wow. I mean, I-I have no idea what that is, 23 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,918 but, um, wow! 24 00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:48,296 Gosh, she's great, isn't she? 25 00:02:48,296 --> 00:02:50,926 Yeah, well. Sometimes people may seem nice on the outside, 26 00:02:50,926 --> 00:02:54,934 but in the inside they're a churning hot tub of venom and shit, so... 27 00:02:54,934 --> 00:02:57,355 I'm a pretty good judge of character when it comes to people. 28 00:02:57,355 --> 00:02:58,942 It's like animal instinct, so... 29 00:02:58,942 --> 00:03:02,157 Really? What do you think of this man? 30 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:06,248 Nice smile. He seems like a good lad. 31 00:03:07,627 --> 00:03:08,837 That's Osama bin Laden. 32 00:03:10,214 --> 00:03:12,093 So, you're saying Nora's like Osama bin Laden. 33 00:03:12,093 --> 00:03:15,809 No, no, no, no. I just-- She may not be as nice as she seems. 34 00:03:15,809 --> 00:03:17,772 Nora? 35 00:03:17,772 --> 00:03:19,483 Nah! 36 00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:22,740 Why would I marry someone who isn't nice? Think about it, Jen. 37 00:03:23,825 --> 00:03:25,119 I'll tell her we're busy that night. 38 00:03:25,119 --> 00:03:28,209 Oh, no, no, no, no. We have to go. My best mate might be there. 39 00:03:29,211 --> 00:03:31,215 Chris. I long for him, Jen. 40 00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:34,806 Okay. 41 00:03:35,808 --> 00:03:37,435 Whose dress code is beige? 42 00:03:37,435 --> 00:03:41,151 ♪ Let's pass the time Me and you, you and me ♪ 43 00:03:42,404 --> 00:03:45,326 ♪ Let's pass the time Just you and me ♪ 44 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:51,004 ♪ There's never ever been two friends Quite like we ♪ 45 00:03:51,004 --> 00:03:52,090 Ah. 46 00:03:53,719 --> 00:03:56,390 ♪ Let's pass the time Just you and me ♪ 47 00:03:57,601 --> 00:03:58,729 ♪ You're my best friend ♪ 48 00:03:59,897 --> 00:04:02,152 ♪ And I'm yours too ♪ 49 00:04:05,366 --> 00:04:07,036 Oh. 50 00:04:07,036 --> 00:04:08,665 Sorry. 51 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,170 Oh, there's only one left. 52 00:04:11,170 --> 00:04:13,215 Uh, you have it. 53 00:04:13,215 --> 00:04:14,509 Absolutely. 54 00:04:14,509 --> 00:04:15,763 No, I-I couldn't. 55 00:04:16,472 --> 00:04:18,517 I insist. My treat. 56 00:04:20,313 --> 00:04:22,233 I'm really grateful that you let me have it 57 00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:24,279 - because I can't have caffeine... - It's an absolute no-no. 58 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,033 - ...because I have IBS. - 'Cause of my IBS. 59 00:04:34,634 --> 00:04:37,138 Found you. Can you play bass? 60 00:04:37,138 --> 00:04:40,061 Is the pope a lizard wearing human skin? 61 00:04:40,061 --> 00:04:42,107 I know he's not. I'm just being whimsical. 62 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:43,568 Yes. 63 00:04:46,031 --> 00:04:47,701 Oh, I hope it's a new scheme. 64 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,375 - He can do it. - Yes! 65 00:04:57,763 --> 00:04:59,182 - You know the notes, right? - Got them. 66 00:04:59,182 --> 00:05:00,518 - Great. Listen. - Yeah. 67 00:05:00,518 --> 00:05:02,648 - All right-- - You're supposed to be digitising 68 00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,735 case records from 2003 to 2005. 69 00:05:04,735 --> 00:05:06,906 Okay, but what if, instead of doing that, 70 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:10,371 I develop something that will triple the company's profits overnight? 71 00:05:10,371 --> 00:05:13,043 Oh, my God. That is amazing. How? 72 00:05:13,753 --> 00:05:15,172 Original hold music. 73 00:05:16,008 --> 00:05:17,010 Clarks! 74 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:19,431 A one, two, three, four. 75 00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:26,738 ♪ We can't come to the phone right now ♪ 76 00:05:27,363 --> 00:05:30,621 ♪ You might ask why Well, I'll tell you why ♪ 77 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:34,211 ♪ There's a million reasons Like we're out of town ♪ 78 00:05:34,211 --> 00:05:38,010 ♪ Or we're on a call Maybe we're having a poo ♪ 79 00:05:38,010 --> 00:05:41,768 ♪ Or an active shooter situation ♪ 80 00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:45,483 ♪ And he's holding us hostage In the kitchen ♪ 81 00:05:46,986 --> 00:05:49,825 ♪ Susan's crying, she's got three kids ♪ 82 00:05:49,825 --> 00:05:52,665 ♪ There's a struggle for the gun ♪ 83 00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:58,217 ♪ But then it goes off And the gunman goes down ♪ 84 00:05:58,217 --> 00:06:03,102 ♪ But Richard's been hit in the gut ♪ 85 00:06:03,812 --> 00:06:07,736 ♪ And then there's so much blood But he makes it through ♪ 86 00:06:07,736 --> 00:06:12,328 ♪ We're all bonded through our trauma ♪ 87 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,372 Ah. 88 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:18,090 ♪ Or hosting a charity coffee morning ♪ 89 00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:20,762 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 90 00:06:23,977 --> 00:06:25,396 Well, it's all we got so far. 91 00:06:26,941 --> 00:06:27,943 It's... 92 00:06:27,943 --> 00:06:29,195 You hate it. 93 00:06:29,195 --> 00:06:30,824 Um... 94 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,118 I knew it. 95 00:06:32,118 --> 00:06:33,997 It's terrible. 96 00:06:33,997 --> 00:06:37,462 God! It's this office. This soul-sucking nine-to-five. 97 00:06:37,462 --> 00:06:39,675 I'm creatively stifled here, Carrie. 98 00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:41,219 Now, I need to express myself, 99 00:06:41,219 --> 00:06:44,059 but I'm selling my soul completing these mindless tasks. 100 00:06:44,059 --> 00:06:46,355 And for what? A measly £1,500 a week. 101 00:06:46,355 --> 00:06:47,649 Kash, that is for the whole month. 102 00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:49,360 - A month. - It's a month. Yeah. 103 00:06:52,576 --> 00:06:53,578 Well, then, 104 00:06:54,245 --> 00:07:00,216 I guess I need the afternoon off to return a dozen concert-grade instruments. 105 00:07:01,886 --> 00:07:03,848 Clarks! With me. 106 00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:12,991 I want to start dating again, but Kash is always just there. 107 00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:16,498 I feel bad coming onto someone in front of him. It's a bit soon. 108 00:07:16,498 --> 00:07:18,753 Why don't you come to Nora's stupid book launch? 109 00:07:18,753 --> 00:07:21,508 - Should be loads of stupid bachelors. - That's perfect. 110 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:24,180 I can flirt in total anonymity. 111 00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,309 Oh, I've missed watching you flirt. It's adorable. 112 00:07:26,309 --> 00:07:27,813 Don't say that. 113 00:07:27,813 --> 00:07:29,357 I don't want to be adorable. 114 00:07:29,357 --> 00:07:30,569 I want to be... 115 00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:34,409 Hmm. Hmm. 116 00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:35,494 Hmm. 117 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,458 Carrie, you instantly panic 118 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,047 and start asking them elaborate hypothetical questions. 119 00:07:41,047 --> 00:07:42,885 What if I just get the ladies out? 120 00:07:43,385 --> 00:07:44,512 Yeah, that would work. 121 00:07:44,512 --> 00:07:46,601 You'll have to wear beige though. 122 00:07:46,601 --> 00:07:50,316 I don't have anything beige because my style icon isn't a fucking baguette. 123 00:07:50,316 --> 00:07:51,318 Oh, God. I hate her. 124 00:07:51,318 --> 00:07:53,280 Why don't you just tell Jizz what Nora's actually like? 125 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,827 He totally buys her butter wouldn't melt routine. 126 00:07:56,453 --> 00:07:59,209 He needs to see it for himself. He needs to see her real side come out. 127 00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:00,712 Uh-huh. 128 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,845 What if I goad it out of her? 129 00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:06,724 Push all her little bitch buttons. 130 00:08:06,724 --> 00:08:08,352 - You wouldn't. - I would. 131 00:08:08,352 --> 00:08:10,941 I knew you would. I was just saying that for effect. 132 00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:14,197 I'm going to be a little fucking nightmare. 133 00:08:23,465 --> 00:08:25,469 - Are you on the guest list? - We're on there. 134 00:08:26,179 --> 00:08:27,641 ♪ I'm feeling like a riot ♪ 135 00:08:29,561 --> 00:08:30,855 ♪ If it's a cure to the cause, Then we have to get violent ♪ 136 00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:31,774 ♪ I'm not into starting fires ♪ 137 00:08:31,774 --> 00:08:34,404 ♪ Whoever sparked the match Broke perpetual silence ♪ 138 00:08:34,404 --> 00:08:35,699 ♪ Thunder and lightning ♪ 139 00:08:35,699 --> 00:08:38,579 ♪ Hear the sound of the dead choir's roar Still fighting ♪ 140 00:08:38,579 --> 00:08:40,667 ♪ And no, I'm not frightened ♪ 141 00:08:44,675 --> 00:08:47,556 Jen, Rob, so glad you could make it! 142 00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:50,477 Me and Jizzlord wouldn't miss it for the world. 143 00:08:51,354 --> 00:08:53,025 Where's Chris? 144 00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,031 Oh, did I misread the dress code? 145 00:08:56,031 --> 00:08:59,162 Oh, God. I hope you're not really, really, really annoyed. Are you? 146 00:08:59,162 --> 00:09:01,416 Not at all. It's refreshing. 147 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:05,925 You look like Pat Butcher shat out the teen whore section of River Island. 148 00:09:06,509 --> 00:09:09,140 Rob, you look very smart. 149 00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,896 - You're going to fit right in. - Chris. Is he here? 150 00:09:12,521 --> 00:09:16,363 - Oh, I hope he's here. - So, what is this book about then? 151 00:09:16,363 --> 00:09:19,285 It's about getting out of the "poor me" mentality 152 00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:21,456 and just filling your life with positivity. 153 00:09:21,456 --> 00:09:24,546 Now, we all have the same 24 hours in a day. 154 00:09:24,546 --> 00:09:26,634 Ooh, £18.99. That's my girl. 155 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:30,767 Desperate people will pay out the nose for any old trash they think will fix them. 156 00:09:30,767 --> 00:09:34,232 Yeah, I mean you're paying way more for that guy at The Clinic to get you a power. 157 00:09:36,654 --> 00:09:38,031 You don't have a power? 158 00:09:38,031 --> 00:09:41,121 Oh, it's not fun insulting you now. Feels like a hate crime. 159 00:09:41,121 --> 00:09:46,464 - It's really not a big deal. - You're so inspiring. Really. 160 00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:48,720 Must be so hard for you. 161 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,686 The fact that you're so confident, despite everything. 162 00:09:52,686 --> 00:09:54,188 Aw, oh, no. Don't cry. 163 00:09:54,188 --> 00:09:58,405 Oh, you're so sweet worrying about Jen. 164 00:09:58,405 --> 00:10:02,204 - It's just so tragic, you know. - It is tragic. A bit. Yeah, it is. 165 00:10:02,204 --> 00:10:05,210 - Aw, always so good at cuddles. - Okay. 166 00:10:28,173 --> 00:10:32,264 What section of IKEA would you use as a defensive base in a zombie apocalypse? 167 00:10:34,352 --> 00:10:36,147 What are you doing here? 168 00:10:36,147 --> 00:10:37,399 I'm in a creative rut. 169 00:10:37,399 --> 00:10:39,780 I need to fill the well with new experiences 170 00:10:39,780 --> 00:10:42,034 - if I'm ever going to write my musical. - Since when are you writing a musical? 171 00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:45,082 Well, I couldn't find the receipts for the instruments. 172 00:10:45,082 --> 00:10:47,461 I've got to make my money back, or I'll have to get another job. 173 00:10:47,461 --> 00:10:48,631 Why don't you just sell them? 174 00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:51,302 I'm already selling my soul to the Man. 175 00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:53,683 I need a project, or I'll wither. 176 00:10:53,683 --> 00:10:54,810 Well-- 177 00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:58,275 - Are you going to be here all night? - Yeah. I need to find inspiration. 178 00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,655 I need to find a muse. 179 00:11:01,615 --> 00:11:04,161 Now, I'm 4k in the hole, Carrie. It needs to be a hit. 180 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:08,420 ♪ Man with glasses walking past ♪ 181 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,048 ♪ Yes, you Have you got a story? ♪ 182 00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:11,134 Don't run! 183 00:11:13,471 --> 00:11:15,017 What a waste. 184 00:11:24,786 --> 00:11:25,788 Chris. 185 00:11:26,289 --> 00:11:27,291 Chris! 186 00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:28,628 - Rob! - Chris! 187 00:11:28,628 --> 00:11:30,130 Buddy! 188 00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:31,800 Aah! 189 00:11:32,384 --> 00:11:34,472 - Yay! - Chris. 190 00:11:35,057 --> 00:11:37,186 - Chris. - We thought you were dead. 191 00:11:37,186 --> 00:11:40,067 I-I was like, that's such a Rob thing to do, just bloody die. 192 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,277 That's so me! 193 00:11:41,277 --> 00:11:44,910 Nora called me soon as she saw you. hell, I almost myself. 194 00:11:46,245 --> 00:11:47,247 Are my ears broken? 195 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:51,297 Oh, yeah, she said you-you've got amnesia or something. 196 00:11:51,297 --> 00:11:53,510 - Yeah. - Power of censorship. 197 00:11:54,638 --> 00:11:55,723 Come on. Say a bad word. 198 00:11:55,723 --> 00:11:57,184 Rapist. 199 00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,813 No, like a swear word. 200 00:11:59,522 --> 00:12:01,109 Oh, I don't know any swear words. 201 00:12:02,319 --> 00:12:03,656 - That's fine. - Paedophile. 202 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,450 - No, that's still a-- - Right. 203 00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:10,962 ♪ Girl with the normal hair ♪ 204 00:12:10,962 --> 00:12:12,966 ♪ She needs new hair ♪ 205 00:12:14,093 --> 00:12:17,391 ♪ But from where? ♪ 206 00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:18,769 ♪ Wig heist ♪ 207 00:12:18,769 --> 00:12:21,734 ♪ We're going on a wig heist We-- ♪ 208 00:12:23,319 --> 00:12:24,948 Stupid, Kash. 209 00:12:26,117 --> 00:12:27,369 It's already been done. 210 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:30,333 Clock Man? 211 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,463 - Magnet Girl? - Are you still vigilante-ing? 212 00:12:32,463 --> 00:12:35,678 - After you ran away in disgrace twice. - Heroically relinquished power for love? 213 00:12:36,471 --> 00:12:38,224 Yeah-- Uh-- No, I'm not doing that anymore. 214 00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,938 Well, I guess giving up your dreams is worth it if you have love. 215 00:12:40,938 --> 00:12:43,819 Yeah, actually, she, uh, dumped me pretty much immediately after that. 216 00:12:43,819 --> 00:12:46,115 - Oh, no. - No, I'm doing really well though. 217 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,996 What are you up to now? 218 00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:50,666 Silver service. 219 00:12:50,666 --> 00:12:52,461 Can't drop it. Look. 220 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,595 Oh, no. 221 00:12:56,595 --> 00:12:58,974 Four years. That's a long time, that. 222 00:12:58,974 --> 00:13:01,020 - We got so much to talk about. - So much! 223 00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:06,239 - Whee! Hey! - Hey! 224 00:13:06,782 --> 00:13:09,411 Ah. 225 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,046 Uh, you're-you're back with Nora then? 226 00:13:14,046 --> 00:13:16,217 No, uh, she shares me with my girlfriend. 227 00:13:16,217 --> 00:13:19,724 How'd an ugly like you get two women? 228 00:13:19,724 --> 00:13:21,269 Do girls like tiny now? 229 00:13:21,269 --> 00:13:23,899 I-I thought friends supported each others' penises. 230 00:13:24,693 --> 00:13:27,740 I'm just ribbing you, mate. Uh, joshing, taking the. 231 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,537 We used to do it all the time. It's a sign of affection. 232 00:13:30,537 --> 00:13:33,001 Oh, right. 233 00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:35,338 So, if you like someone, you deeply insult them. 234 00:13:35,338 --> 00:13:36,633 Yeah. 235 00:13:36,633 --> 00:13:39,180 If I had to be you even for a second, I'd kill myself. 236 00:13:48,657 --> 00:13:50,786 Ouch! Uh, there's someone sitting here. 237 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,497 Oh, well, I-I-I'm so sorry. 238 00:13:52,497 --> 00:13:55,128 No, it's my fault. You can't go around being invisible 239 00:13:55,128 --> 00:13:57,466 and expect people not to sit on you now and again. 240 00:13:57,466 --> 00:13:59,178 You can turn invisible? 241 00:13:59,178 --> 00:14:00,640 Uh-huh. 242 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,812 Like no one here can see you. 243 00:14:03,812 --> 00:14:06,108 - Yeah. - Not even ex-boyfriends 244 00:14:06,108 --> 00:14:07,444 who weren't even invited? 245 00:14:07,444 --> 00:14:10,993 That's a very specific example, but yes. 246 00:14:10,993 --> 00:14:13,414 It's just a more honest way to meet new people, you know? 247 00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:23,727 What's the biggest animal you could kill with your bare hands? 248 00:14:23,727 --> 00:14:25,355 Um, what? 249 00:14:27,317 --> 00:14:30,407 No, that's so true. That's the funniest thing I've heard all night. 250 00:14:30,407 --> 00:14:33,371 So funny! 251 00:14:33,371 --> 00:14:34,749 Look who I found. Hey. 252 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,168 Oh. 253 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:37,839 Jen! I found him! 254 00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:39,551 Oh, ooh! 255 00:14:40,218 --> 00:14:41,763 Is this the girlfriend then? 256 00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:43,600 Enchantée. 257 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:48,401 Yes, I am the young, unburdened, child-free, young girlfriend. 258 00:14:49,361 --> 00:14:50,447 Oh, don't mind if I do. 259 00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:52,075 I might get smashed out of my mind tonight, 260 00:14:52,075 --> 00:14:54,371 'cause I don't have to get up in the morning. 261 00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:57,169 Do you, Nora? Do you have to get up in the morning? 262 00:14:57,169 --> 00:14:59,173 I'm very blessed to have a full schedule. 263 00:14:59,173 --> 00:15:01,553 Because I actually add value to society. 264 00:15:01,553 --> 00:15:03,974 Let's binge-drink together, like friends do. 265 00:15:03,974 --> 00:15:08,191 I brought our beer. 266 00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:10,654 Spontaneity. That's the best bit. 267 00:15:10,654 --> 00:15:13,493 If I want to go clubbing on a Tuesday, I can. 268 00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:16,123 Me and Jizz, we're out all the time just having loads of fun. 269 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,002 When did you last have fun, Nora? 270 00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:20,048 On top of your boyfriend, I suppose? 271 00:15:20,048 --> 00:15:21,092 Ooh. 272 00:15:21,092 --> 00:15:23,304 I think that's maybe out of date, mate. 273 00:15:23,931 --> 00:15:24,933 Friendship doesn't go off. 274 00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:27,270 I was actually a lot of fun at university, so... 275 00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:30,694 God, I bet your uni days seem like so long ago now. 276 00:15:30,694 --> 00:15:32,949 I'm sure I'll feel the same when I'm as old as you are. 277 00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:34,619 My skin age is 25. 278 00:15:34,619 --> 00:15:37,374 But for now, I can do whatever I want! 279 00:15:37,374 --> 00:15:38,543 Bottoms up! 280 00:15:56,162 --> 00:15:58,625 Jen, are you okay? 281 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:00,503 You look pale. 282 00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:01,673 Like dry dog shit. 283 00:16:01,673 --> 00:16:03,050 I'm having the time of my life. 284 00:16:05,639 --> 00:16:07,392 I'll take her to the ladies. 285 00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:10,649 You're a real evil genius, Jen. 286 00:16:10,649 --> 00:16:13,321 Spending the rest of the evening in the bathroom puking your guts up 287 00:16:13,321 --> 00:16:15,158 is really sticking it to me. 288 00:16:16,703 --> 00:16:19,291 - I'm not gonna get sick in the bathroom. - Don't you fucking dare. 289 00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:20,501 - I'm gonna do it. - Don't do it. 290 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,757 - I'm gonna do it. - Don't you do it, you greasy slut! 291 00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:26,055 Jen, you... 292 00:16:27,515 --> 00:16:29,269 ...poor thing. 293 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,357 Are you okay? 294 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,612 Oh, dear. 295 00:16:33,612 --> 00:16:36,367 Aren't you mad about your books? Your sicky books? 296 00:16:37,327 --> 00:16:39,874 Your health is much more important. 297 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,713 Stop it, all right? You are not going to ruin this evening for me. 298 00:16:42,713 --> 00:16:44,717 Do you know how much work I put into this book? 299 00:16:44,717 --> 00:16:47,598 - Pfft, anyone can write a book. - Well, you haven't. 300 00:16:47,598 --> 00:16:50,646 - How do you know? - Um, dogs can't write books. 301 00:16:50,646 --> 00:16:53,192 - I've written a book. - All right. Read it then. 302 00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:56,156 After our reading, read an extract of your book. 303 00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:58,035 - I will. - Fine. 304 00:16:58,035 --> 00:16:59,789 - Good. - Can't wait for you to read nothing. 305 00:16:59,789 --> 00:17:01,333 Can't wait to read your obituary. 306 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,712 You-- 307 00:17:02,712 --> 00:17:03,880 Oh, my God. Kiss. 308 00:17:10,310 --> 00:17:13,524 So, Gavin, the thing is, for me, I'm a gel pen kind of girl. 309 00:17:13,524 --> 00:17:16,781 But what I really need to know is pencils or pens for you? 310 00:17:16,781 --> 00:17:18,492 Pencils. I love a good 4B. 311 00:17:18,492 --> 00:17:20,622 - Really? Stop it. - Mm-hmm. 312 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,419 I know, I know. I'm a drama queen. 313 00:17:23,419 --> 00:17:28,179 - I'm having such a nice time. - Yeah. Oh, man. 314 00:17:30,475 --> 00:17:31,728 Carrie? 315 00:17:31,728 --> 00:17:32,813 - Carrie? - Hmm? 316 00:17:32,813 --> 00:17:34,817 Oh, hi. Sorry. You spaced out a bit. 317 00:17:34,817 --> 00:17:37,740 It was like you were looking right through me. 318 00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:38,950 Sorry. 319 00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:43,167 Bloody Kash. I can't believe he's just flirting with her out in the open, 320 00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,962 and now I look like a total loner. 321 00:17:45,547 --> 00:17:47,133 Should I ask Gavin to turn visible? 322 00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:49,513 It's risky. 323 00:17:49,513 --> 00:17:51,726 Every break-up has a winner and a loser. 324 00:17:51,726 --> 00:17:56,026 And that is decided by a very complex hierarchical matrix of social values. 325 00:17:56,527 --> 00:17:58,531 So, what you have to seriously consider is... 326 00:18:00,118 --> 00:18:01,537 What if he's an uggo? 327 00:18:02,288 --> 00:18:05,461 Jennifer Regan. Are you really that shallow? 328 00:18:05,461 --> 00:18:06,840 Someone has to be. 329 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,721 Can you imagine a world where everyone loved who they are on the inside? 330 00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,933 - We would all look like shit. - I'm gonna take the risk. 331 00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:12,977 You're a braver woman than I. 332 00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:16,358 Okay, visible flirting. You can do this. 333 00:18:16,358 --> 00:18:17,485 Okay, come on. 334 00:18:18,529 --> 00:18:20,450 Focus. Write something. No procrastinating. 335 00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:23,790 Hi. 336 00:18:23,790 --> 00:18:25,711 Oh, my God! Tell me everything. How's it going? 337 00:18:25,711 --> 00:18:27,673 What's Chris like? Are you best mates again? 338 00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,761 I don't think I'm mating with him correctly. 339 00:18:29,761 --> 00:18:31,346 Everything feels off. 340 00:18:31,346 --> 00:18:34,144 Why don't you try to reconnect with him over the dumb shit you both love? 341 00:18:34,144 --> 00:18:36,691 Like the wrestling. Men use hobbies to justify speaking to each other. 342 00:18:36,691 --> 00:18:39,362 The wrestling. Yeah, that makes sense. 343 00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:40,699 I love your big brain. 344 00:18:41,785 --> 00:18:42,953 Go get him. 345 00:18:47,504 --> 00:18:49,090 Kash, help me. 346 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:51,136 I need to write a book in the next 15 minutes. 347 00:18:51,136 --> 00:18:52,890 You've got a vivid imagination. Give me some ideas. 348 00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:54,434 Are you trying to hurt me? 349 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,396 He's having an artist crisis. I've seen this before. 350 00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,568 I have no muse. 351 00:18:58,568 --> 00:19:01,616 Why don't you base your musical on some of my fan fiction? 352 00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:02,868 You write fan fiction? 353 00:19:02,868 --> 00:19:03,912 Uh, yeah. 354 00:19:03,912 --> 00:19:05,833 Like gross sex fan fiction? 355 00:19:05,833 --> 00:19:09,757 No, there's character development and themes and-- Yeah, no, it's gross. 356 00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,845 That would really ruin the evening, wouldn't it? 357 00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:14,057 Megan, how would you like for your work to be read out 358 00:19:14,057 --> 00:19:17,188 to a room full of publishing industry professionals? 359 00:19:17,188 --> 00:19:18,733 Yeah. 360 00:19:19,401 --> 00:19:20,403 Yeah? 361 00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:27,877 Yes, but the cool thing about the membership 362 00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:29,462 is that it has the best points to cash value 363 00:19:29,462 --> 00:19:31,258 rewards system out of any of the Big 4. 364 00:19:31,258 --> 00:19:33,597 Oh. 365 00:19:34,849 --> 00:19:37,563 I want to see you. 366 00:19:37,563 --> 00:19:38,815 Why? 367 00:19:38,815 --> 00:19:40,861 Just, uh, you know, fun. 368 00:19:41,403 --> 00:19:42,405 Just for fun. 369 00:19:42,405 --> 00:19:44,367 Yeah, I always think it's a good idea to let girls 370 00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:46,748 fall in love with my personality before I, um-- 371 00:19:46,748 --> 00:19:50,797 Gavin, I-I already know what a beautiful soul you have. 372 00:19:50,797 --> 00:19:54,179 Okay. For you, Carrie. I'll do it for you. 373 00:19:54,179 --> 00:19:55,599 - Hmm. All right Wow. - Really? 374 00:19:58,520 --> 00:19:59,982 - Wait, wait. Uh-- - Um, what? 375 00:19:59,982 --> 00:20:01,401 - Just, um-- - What's wrong? 376 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:04,491 What if we go somewhere a little quieter first, 377 00:20:05,034 --> 00:20:06,078 and you show me there? 378 00:20:06,078 --> 00:20:07,998 Oh, my God. You're worried I'm ugly. 379 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,459 What? No. What? No. What? 380 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,673 You know, I really thought you were different. 381 00:20:11,673 --> 00:20:13,760 - I am. - Why does this always happen? 382 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,304 - No. That's really not-- - I'm so stupid. 383 00:20:15,304 --> 00:20:16,724 Please keep your voice down. 384 00:20:16,724 --> 00:20:18,185 I'm always falling for it. 385 00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:21,316 Shh. Shh. 386 00:20:21,316 --> 00:20:23,905 I'm gonna die alone. There's no true love for Gavin. 387 00:20:23,905 --> 00:20:26,243 - Shh. There, there. - 'Cause he's naive. It's all about looks! 388 00:20:26,243 --> 00:20:28,080 - Shh. Shh, shh, shh. - Well, that's it. 389 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,336 Gavin, Gavin, you're all right, Gavin. You are all right. 390 00:20:31,336 --> 00:20:34,342 - You having a breakdown? - Uh, no. It's fine. 391 00:20:34,342 --> 00:20:35,261 You can go now. 392 00:20:35,261 --> 00:20:37,098 If a girl asks to see what you look like, 393 00:20:37,098 --> 00:20:39,477 - is it because she's worried you're ugly? - Yeah, a hundred per cent. 394 00:20:39,477 --> 00:20:40,856 Yeah, I knew it. 395 00:20:40,856 --> 00:20:43,235 - No, no. That's really not it. - You know, you're shallow. 396 00:20:43,235 --> 00:20:45,281 And you're self-obsessed just like everybody else. 397 00:20:45,281 --> 00:20:47,160 - Hey! - I'm over here. 398 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,667 Hey! That woman is the least self-obsessed person I've ever met. 399 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:53,757 When we were together, she had to put up with all my crazy schemes, 400 00:20:53,757 --> 00:20:57,848 and what I now know to be highly illegal, extra-judicial crime fighting. 401 00:20:57,848 --> 00:21:01,773 I mean, I've been a constant source of drama. 402 00:21:02,941 --> 00:21:04,360 Oh, my muse! 403 00:21:06,073 --> 00:21:07,200 I've found my muse! 404 00:21:08,285 --> 00:21:11,458 Of course, it's her. You have been flirting with her all night. 405 00:21:11,458 --> 00:21:13,838 What? No, it's me. 406 00:21:13,838 --> 00:21:15,550 I am my own muse. 407 00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:17,930 Yeah, if I was flirting, believe me, you'd know it. 408 00:21:17,930 --> 00:21:20,434 - Oh. - Vigilante The Musical. 409 00:21:20,434 --> 00:21:23,315 Written, produced, directed by and starring Kash Varma. 410 00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:24,652 Well, uh, Gavin? 411 00:21:24,652 --> 00:21:26,446 We could still go out. Gavin? 412 00:21:26,446 --> 00:21:29,285 Uh, I don't care if you're ugly. Gavin? 413 00:21:29,285 --> 00:21:30,622 I think he left. 414 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:35,381 Poor guy. It cannot be easy being so hideously ugly. 415 00:21:35,381 --> 00:21:36,551 Hmm. 416 00:21:40,015 --> 00:21:41,518 - Mum? - Gavin? 417 00:21:41,518 --> 00:21:44,107 - Yeah, it happened again. - Aw, one day you'll find 418 00:21:44,107 --> 00:21:45,986 a girl who will love you for more than just your looks. 419 00:21:45,986 --> 00:21:47,363 I'm not a piece of meat. 420 00:21:47,363 --> 00:21:48,700 I know, pet. 421 00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:50,161 I know. 422 00:21:50,161 --> 00:21:52,248 - Thanks, Mum. - Bye, love. 423 00:21:55,296 --> 00:21:58,720 And I realised in that moment, 424 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,226 we are all responsible for our own happiness. 425 00:22:02,226 --> 00:22:05,107 You can't blame anyone else for your failings. 426 00:22:05,107 --> 00:22:06,861 Not bosses, parents, missing hus... 427 00:22:06,861 --> 00:22:08,907 Oh, Jesus. I don't think I can read this. 428 00:22:08,907 --> 00:22:10,492 There's so many orifices and-- 429 00:22:10,492 --> 00:22:12,121 God, the things that are happening to them. 430 00:22:12,121 --> 00:22:14,000 Remember, it is all for Jizz. 431 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,502 He's got to see Nora's true colours. 432 00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:16,547 Shh. 433 00:22:16,547 --> 00:22:20,262 If your goals don't scare you, then you're not dreaming big enough. 434 00:22:20,262 --> 00:22:23,268 You should be waking up every day thinking, 435 00:22:23,268 --> 00:22:25,732 -"How can I challenge myself today?" - Are you ready to rumble? 436 00:22:25,732 --> 00:22:27,068 - Because when you... - What? 437 00:22:27,068 --> 00:22:28,696 Are you ready to rumble? 438 00:22:28,696 --> 00:22:30,491 I don't know what you're-- 439 00:22:30,491 --> 00:22:31,744 What're you doing? 440 00:22:31,744 --> 00:22:35,167 Anxiety isn't... a disorder. 441 00:22:35,167 --> 00:22:36,837 It's your heart's way of telling you... 442 00:22:39,342 --> 00:22:40,553 Embrace the fear. 443 00:22:41,179 --> 00:22:43,851 - I used to be afraid. - Co-operate with my smack down! 444 00:22:45,647 --> 00:22:47,358 Do you feel the heat? 445 00:22:50,657 --> 00:22:51,867 Sorry, sorry. 446 00:22:52,953 --> 00:22:54,205 Continue. 447 00:22:54,205 --> 00:22:56,334 - I demanded it. - From the ropes! 448 00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:57,754 I-- 449 00:22:58,881 --> 00:22:59,883 Whoo! 450 00:23:01,011 --> 00:23:03,265 Why are you doing this? 451 00:23:03,265 --> 00:23:05,185 Old times! Wrestling buddies. 452 00:23:05,185 --> 00:23:07,858 Get off me, you weirdo! 453 00:23:10,279 --> 00:23:12,617 Do you wanna hang out tomorrow? 454 00:23:14,913 --> 00:23:17,043 I think I'm busy tomorrow. 455 00:23:17,043 --> 00:23:18,588 Okay. Day after then. 456 00:23:18,588 --> 00:23:19,798 I think I'm still busy. 457 00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:20,884 How 'bout the day after that? 458 00:23:20,884 --> 00:23:23,973 Maybe we shouldn't be best friends anymore. 459 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,418 Hey, hey. 460 00:23:43,095 --> 00:23:46,184 Oh, God, Nora. This must be so embarrassing for you. 461 00:23:46,769 --> 00:23:48,648 Please do tell him how much he's ruined your big night. 462 00:23:48,648 --> 00:23:50,109 Yeah? Don't hold back. 463 00:23:52,113 --> 00:23:55,494 Not at all. He has been through a lot. 464 00:23:55,494 --> 00:24:00,547 He's adjusting, and I will always support him. 465 00:24:00,547 --> 00:24:02,717 Aw. 466 00:24:04,555 --> 00:24:08,395 Um, would you like to do your reading now, Jen? 467 00:24:08,395 --> 00:24:11,902 Or are you a tubby little liar? 468 00:24:11,902 --> 00:24:13,363 Yes. Yes, I would. 469 00:24:16,161 --> 00:24:17,706 Jen Regan, everyone. 470 00:24:18,331 --> 00:24:20,169 - Oh-- - Whoo! 471 00:24:20,169 --> 00:24:22,549 This is called Bonded in Brine. 472 00:24:26,389 --> 00:24:29,103 "The waves crashed on the sullen rocks. 473 00:24:29,103 --> 00:24:31,567 'Another day by the sea', 474 00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:34,071 growled the lighthouse keeper in his brain. 475 00:24:34,071 --> 00:24:37,704 But, lo! What's that on the rocks? A man? A fish? 476 00:24:38,246 --> 00:24:40,375 No. A fishman." 477 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,173 I'm sorry you and Chris didn't reconnect. 478 00:24:43,173 --> 00:24:45,260 I ruined it. I ruin everything. 479 00:24:45,260 --> 00:24:47,473 I don't think that was your fault. It's-- 480 00:24:47,473 --> 00:24:48,643 Hmm. What do you mean? 481 00:24:48,643 --> 00:24:50,312 Oh, ignore me. It-It's nothing. 482 00:24:50,312 --> 00:24:51,941 No, tell me. I want to fit in. 483 00:24:51,941 --> 00:24:53,736 "From the waist up, a beautiful boy. 484 00:24:53,736 --> 00:24:57,827 But the waist down, a slab of scaly muscle. 485 00:24:57,827 --> 00:24:58,913 A merman. 486 00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:01,919 Crash! 487 00:25:01,919 --> 00:25:04,591 The wet and desperate tide was rushing in." 488 00:25:04,591 --> 00:25:06,762 I'm so grateful for her taking you in. 489 00:25:06,762 --> 00:25:08,891 She did a great job getting you back on your feet. 490 00:25:08,891 --> 00:25:11,271 But maybe she isn't the best role model. 491 00:25:11,271 --> 00:25:13,693 "The only shelter he could find, a rocky cove. 492 00:25:13,693 --> 00:25:15,655 'A hole', thought the fisherman." 493 00:25:15,655 --> 00:25:17,701 I mean, look around you. 494 00:25:17,701 --> 00:25:18,911 Who's causing a scene? 495 00:25:18,911 --> 00:25:20,497 "The lighthouse keeper groaned 496 00:25:20,497 --> 00:25:24,213 when a clammy palm touched his exposed forearm." 497 00:25:24,213 --> 00:25:25,925 Is it always like this when you're together? 498 00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:27,011 No, no. 499 00:25:27,011 --> 00:25:30,017 I mean, actually, yeah, it kind of is. 500 00:25:30,017 --> 00:25:33,106 But isn't everyone getting into weird schemes and stealing dogs? 501 00:25:33,106 --> 00:25:35,820 "The lighthouse keeper took in his scaly length." 502 00:25:35,820 --> 00:25:40,997 Most people just have a nice, quiet life with their families and their friends. 503 00:25:40,997 --> 00:25:44,755 No chaos. No feeling like an outsider. 504 00:25:44,755 --> 00:25:46,299 "'You saved me. 505 00:25:47,217 --> 00:25:48,554 How can I repay you?'" 506 00:25:48,554 --> 00:25:50,725 And you think Jen's the reason I can't have that. 507 00:25:50,725 --> 00:25:52,478 "'There's only one way I can think of.'" 508 00:25:52,478 --> 00:25:55,150 Oh, I didn't even think about that. 509 00:25:55,150 --> 00:25:57,572 It's something to consider, isn't it? 510 00:25:57,572 --> 00:26:01,789 "The merman flipped onto his briny belly and reached back to"... 511 00:26:03,500 --> 00:26:08,426 Disgusting. 512 00:26:08,426 --> 00:26:13,353 "'Oh, ! Oh, me, Poseidon! 513 00:26:13,353 --> 00:26:17,403 Stick your filthy fish into my filthy hole. 514 00:26:17,403 --> 00:26:21,119 Fill me up with your eggs like the salty I am!'" 515 00:26:22,079 --> 00:26:23,666 Is Jen a bad influence? 516 00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:30,429 "And nothing ever compared to the allure of that briny fish cock!" 517 00:26:32,934 --> 00:26:34,855 Oh, that guy must have left then. 518 00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:40,616 "But the sea gets what the sea wants. 519 00:26:42,411 --> 00:26:43,789 The end". 520 00:26:43,789 --> 00:26:46,085 Oh, Jen. Is that all you've got? 521 00:26:47,129 --> 00:26:48,924 That was great, Jen. 522 00:26:48,924 --> 00:26:52,139 Avant-garde, sex-positive. I loved it. 523 00:26:52,139 --> 00:26:55,479 She can't hear this, but she hasn't got a power, poor thing. 524 00:26:55,479 --> 00:26:57,817 So let's give her a pity clap. 525 00:27:02,493 --> 00:27:03,621 Whoo! 526 00:27:04,330 --> 00:27:05,875 That was a waste of time. 527 00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:06,960 Absolutely mortified. 528 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,507 You can always come home, Rob. 529 00:27:43,366 --> 00:27:45,621 Gavin.