1 00:00:14,906 --> 00:00:17,411 ♪ Girl, I'm 'bout to have a panic attack ♪ 2 00:00:17,411 --> 00:00:20,417 ♪ I did the work, it didn't work, ah, ah ♪ 3 00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:23,381 ♪ That truth, it hurts, goddam, it hurts Ah, ah ♪ 4 00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:25,886 ♪ That lovey-dovey shit Was not a fan of it ♪ 5 00:00:25,886 --> 00:00:29,561 ♪ I'm good with my friends I don't want a man, girl ♪ 6 00:00:29,561 --> 00:00:32,900 ♪ I'm in my bed I'm way too fine to be here alone ♪ 7 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,823 ♪ On other hand, I know my worth, ah, ah ♪ 8 00:00:35,823 --> 00:00:37,159 ♪ And now he callin' me ♪ 9 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:38,704 ♪ Why do I feel like this? ♪ 10 00:00:38,704 --> 00:00:41,042 ♪ What's happenin' to me? Oh, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:44,131 ♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪ 12 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,387 ♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪ 13 00:00:47,387 --> 00:00:50,435 ♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪ 14 00:00:50,435 --> 00:00:53,776 ♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪ 15 00:00:53,776 --> 00:00:56,573 ♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪ 16 00:00:56,573 --> 00:00:58,786 ♪ 'Cause I want it That's what I'm talkin' about ♪ 17 00:00:58,786 --> 00:01:00,080 Ooh! 18 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,708 ♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪ 19 00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:03,211 Morning. 20 00:01:03,211 --> 00:01:06,133 ♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪ 21 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,679 ♪ How am I supposed to Love somebody else? ♪ 22 00:01:08,847 --> 00:01:11,728 ♪ When I don't like myself, like, ooh ♪ 23 00:01:11,728 --> 00:01:13,439 ♪ Guess I better learn to like this, ooh ♪ 24 00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:17,990 ♪ It might take my whole life just to Let me know ♪ 25 00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:21,163 ♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪ 26 00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:24,336 ♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪ 27 00:01:24,336 --> 00:01:27,593 ♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out To be loved ♪ 28 00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:33,605 ♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪ 29 00:01:33,605 --> 00:01:36,778 ♪ 'Cause I want it That's what I'm talkin' about ♪ 30 00:01:36,778 --> 00:01:38,239 ♪ Am I ready? ♪ 31 00:01:42,122 --> 00:01:43,416 Wait, why are you happy? 32 00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:45,671 Why shouldn't I be? Boom! 33 00:01:45,671 --> 00:01:47,550 - You don't remember last night? - Nah. 34 00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:50,138 Must've gotten too drunk and blacked out. 35 00:01:50,138 --> 00:01:52,350 You kept turning back time to try and stop me from breaking up with you. 36 00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:53,352 But she did anyway. 37 00:01:57,068 --> 00:01:58,488 Oh, that rings a bell. 38 00:01:59,156 --> 00:02:00,910 I think we should break up. 39 00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:05,628 Oh, no. Oh, God. No, no, no. It's all coming back to me. 40 00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:06,755 No, no, no. Unring the bell. 41 00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:08,424 - Unring the bell. - Don't be sad. Uh, look. 42 00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:10,930 Gordon gave Jen his come money for the clinic. 43 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,516 A-And Jizzlord and I are a couple. 44 00:02:12,516 --> 00:02:13,936 A couple of what? 45 00:02:13,936 --> 00:02:16,315 A couple. A couple, couple. A romantic pairing. 46 00:02:16,315 --> 00:02:19,321 - What? - I know. It is adorable. 47 00:02:19,321 --> 00:02:22,035 No-- What? It's gross. What-- Isn't that illegal? 48 00:02:22,035 --> 00:02:24,039 - You can't fuck your cat. - Hey! No. 49 00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:25,668 He's a man that can turn into a cat. 50 00:02:25,668 --> 00:02:28,924 Not a cat that turns into a man. Totally different. Right? 51 00:02:28,924 --> 00:02:30,260 Mm-hmm. 52 00:02:30,886 --> 00:02:31,888 I need to lie down. 53 00:02:35,061 --> 00:02:37,107 Where is he anyway? He went out to the shops ages ago. 54 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,460 - Hello. - Hi. 55 00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:54,266 That man looks like Daddy. 56 00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:10,758 Rob, I-- 57 00:03:14,222 --> 00:03:17,270 Rob, it's me. Nora, your wife. 58 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,694 Mmm. Yeah. 59 00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:28,250 Maybe he's got a secret family. 60 00:03:30,171 --> 00:03:31,465 Oh, we were just talking about you. 61 00:03:31,465 --> 00:03:33,177 I haven't got a secret family! 62 00:03:33,804 --> 00:03:36,266 Stop eavesdropping on us, you big weirdo. 63 00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,605 Anything interesting happen at the shops? 64 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,525 Nope. 65 00:03:40,525 --> 00:03:41,986 Huh. 66 00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:54,762 11,970. 11,990. 67 00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:58,144 If your power is category five, 68 00:03:58,144 --> 00:04:01,316 please remember to sign in and out of security. 69 00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:02,444 Oh. 70 00:04:12,590 --> 00:04:13,800 12,000. 71 00:04:14,969 --> 00:04:16,931 Welcome to the Power Discovery programme. 72 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:21,691 - Yes, yay. - Okay. Wh-What now? 73 00:04:21,691 --> 00:04:22,818 Is there a machine? 74 00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:25,364 No. You're going to be having weekly 75 00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:27,452 one-on-one sessions with a qualified coach. 76 00:04:28,079 --> 00:04:30,541 Oh. So, who's my coach? 77 00:04:31,544 --> 00:04:35,134 Uh, George. Oh, that's him over there, actually. 78 00:04:38,809 --> 00:04:40,896 He's a bit of a DILF, right? 79 00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:43,652 - Carrie! - What? He is. 80 00:04:43,652 --> 00:04:46,532 You've been single for two minutes and you're already perving on local DILFs. 81 00:04:46,532 --> 00:04:48,536 He's giving sexy professor. 82 00:04:48,536 --> 00:04:49,622 He's 85. 83 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,418 I'd still ride him, though, yeah. 84 00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:54,799 - He's coming over. - What? 85 00:04:55,634 --> 00:05:00,561 Denise. Do you have discharge forms for Mr Lowry? 86 00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,440 One minute. You have a new client. 87 00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:05,486 Oh. 88 00:05:05,486 --> 00:05:07,031 Hello. 89 00:05:07,031 --> 00:05:10,121 Uh, me, Jen. Me Jen. My name's Jen. Sorry. 90 00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:13,377 No power. Twenty five. A lot of work. 91 00:05:13,377 --> 00:05:16,593 - So, when do we start? - Well, um, how's right now? 92 00:05:16,593 --> 00:05:17,761 Now, now? 93 00:05:19,514 --> 00:05:21,476 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. 94 00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:23,732 After you. 95 00:05:23,732 --> 00:05:25,736 Thanks, Dad. 96 00:05:27,488 --> 00:05:30,746 ♪ Yeah, I'm confident More than competent ♪ 97 00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:32,833 ♪ Think I'll probably Put my name on a monument ♪ 98 00:05:38,553 --> 00:05:41,391 - I see you've met Denise. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great. 99 00:05:41,391 --> 00:05:44,649 Hmm, really? I think she's a sour-faced dickhead. 100 00:05:44,649 --> 00:05:46,861 Oh, my God, isn't she? Sulphureous bitch. 101 00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:50,661 So. Do you know what I'm here to do? 102 00:05:50,661 --> 00:05:51,788 Fix me? 103 00:05:51,788 --> 00:05:53,290 Not quite, no. 104 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,338 Some people think powers are a physical thing. 105 00:05:56,338 --> 00:05:59,094 A chemical or some bullshit. I don't. 106 00:05:59,094 --> 00:06:01,098 I think they come from up here, 107 00:06:01,098 --> 00:06:03,394 and it's likely there is some psychological blockage 108 00:06:03,394 --> 00:06:05,774 we have to overcome before you can get your power. 109 00:06:05,774 --> 00:06:11,619 Because it is in there. And it's my job to take you inside your mind and find it. 110 00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:14,332 So, is that like talk therapy or-- 111 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,627 Oh, no. I mean literally. 112 00:06:16,629 --> 00:06:17,798 May I? 113 00:06:26,774 --> 00:06:27,776 Mmm. 114 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,576 Welcome to your mind. 115 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:36,126 Or at least the physical space your subconscious has rendered your mind into. 116 00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,677 - This is my mind? - Mm-hmm. 117 00:06:49,945 --> 00:06:50,906 It's a shithole. 118 00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:54,537 And somewhere in this shithole is the thing that's blocking your power. 119 00:06:54,537 --> 00:06:55,665 And the books are-- 120 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:59,005 I'd imagine they're everything you've ever felt, thought or done. 121 00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:03,973 Found something useful? 122 00:07:57,246 --> 00:08:00,461 ♪ You have to stand up for yourself ♪ 123 00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,064 Subtle. 124 00:08:15,784 --> 00:08:17,328 Where do you even begin? 125 00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:20,627 Well, let's take it slow. Give yourself a few days to prepare. 126 00:08:20,627 --> 00:08:24,551 Reassess your environment, your habits. Make space for the journey. 127 00:08:25,135 --> 00:08:27,849 - That sounded really wanky, didn't it? - Yeah, but I know what you mean. 128 00:08:29,185 --> 00:08:31,816 This is a fresh start. Everything's gonna change. 129 00:08:33,151 --> 00:08:34,153 I'm going to change. 130 00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:43,589 Let's set realistic expectations. 131 00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:46,094 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Totally. 132 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,337 - What are you doing? - Clean slate. 133 00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:06,259 Anything that might hold me back from the new Jen is going into the void. 134 00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:09,098 The pit of unwanted things. The Mystery Hole. 135 00:09:09,098 --> 00:09:11,519 What? That thing people fly-tip into in Walthamstow? 136 00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:12,731 Yeah. 137 00:09:12,731 --> 00:09:15,235 We're doing it too, Kash. Out with the old. 138 00:09:15,235 --> 00:09:17,657 We could sit around moping about breaking up, 139 00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:22,416 or we see this as an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. A fresh start. 140 00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:25,339 No, no, no. You can't throw that out. No. 141 00:09:25,924 --> 00:09:26,926 Kash, come on. 142 00:09:28,345 --> 00:09:29,556 What-- And this? 143 00:09:29,556 --> 00:09:30,975 What even is it? 144 00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:34,315 And-And these. Come on. What's wrong with these? 145 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,029 - Kash. - What? They're still good. 146 00:09:39,868 --> 00:09:42,749 See? They still go on. 147 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,005 You can't just change everything overnight. 148 00:09:46,005 --> 00:09:47,174 Course you can! 149 00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:49,888 It's not possible to escape your past. 150 00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:53,980 It clings to you like dust settling into the once clean carpet of your future. 151 00:09:54,857 --> 00:09:57,821 And the Hoover of change has poor suction. 152 00:09:58,488 --> 00:10:01,035 Jizz? Scratchin' the sofa. 153 00:10:02,204 --> 00:10:03,206 Oh. 154 00:10:06,212 --> 00:10:07,381 Jizz? Jizzlord? 155 00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:09,636 They don't even cover your bumhole! 156 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,980 - Even better. - How is that better? 157 00:10:19,238 --> 00:10:22,788 - You okay? - Me? Yeah. Okay as a clam. 158 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,503 You haven't been eating. 159 00:10:26,503 --> 00:10:29,300 You're hiding away in small spaces, excessively grooming. 160 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:30,553 You're obviously stressed. 161 00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:33,308 And I think I know why. 162 00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:37,316 Uh, I don't know how to do this either. The whole relationship thing. 163 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,074 So, let's just start by going on a date. 164 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:44,497 Like a proper date. A first date, technically. Just you and me. 165 00:10:44,497 --> 00:10:47,419 Yeah, because there isn't another person involved. 166 00:10:48,129 --> 00:10:49,550 Um, true. 167 00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:51,845 So, I'll book a restaurant. 168 00:10:52,764 --> 00:10:55,018 Just-- Just let me show you! 169 00:10:55,018 --> 00:10:56,104 Here? 170 00:10:57,398 --> 00:11:01,197 Trousers down, squat, wipe, trousers up. 171 00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:03,828 No fuss. Maximum efficiency. 172 00:11:03,828 --> 00:11:06,416 The life of these pants is only just beginning. 173 00:11:09,297 --> 00:11:11,175 - They are a health hazard! - It's good bacteria. 174 00:11:13,138 --> 00:11:14,432 ♪ Hello, world, let me tell you who I am ♪ 175 00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:15,935 ♪ Hello, world I don't think you understand ♪ 176 00:11:18,941 --> 00:11:21,404 Oh, I love a breakup makeover. 177 00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,491 When Danny Fruss dumped me right before Italia 90, 178 00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:25,913 I went out and got the whole works. 179 00:11:25,913 --> 00:11:29,045 Perm, boobs, adult braces. 180 00:11:29,045 --> 00:11:32,969 I thought, when this man sees me again, he won't know what hit him. 181 00:11:32,969 --> 00:11:34,138 What happened? What'd he do? 182 00:11:34,138 --> 00:11:37,144 He drowned. Scuba diving accident in Turkey. 183 00:11:37,144 --> 00:11:39,357 Very, very sad. 184 00:11:40,777 --> 00:11:44,910 I want a completely different look. Something totally new. 185 00:11:44,910 --> 00:11:46,162 But what is that specifically? 186 00:11:46,162 --> 00:11:50,379 I don't know. I have no idea who I am or what I want. 187 00:11:51,214 --> 00:11:53,594 - Please tell me who I am and what I want. - Carrie, no. 188 00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:56,725 The point of a breakup makeover is to relearn how to be a new person. 189 00:11:57,309 --> 00:12:00,107 I could use a little guidance. 190 00:12:00,107 --> 00:12:04,365 Do we know anyone who has absolutely smashed a breakup? 191 00:12:05,576 --> 00:12:07,121 Mm-hmm. 192 00:12:07,121 --> 00:12:10,670 Yes, well he sounds like an absolute little shit, darling. 193 00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:13,174 Uh, no, Diana. He's not that bad. He just needs to grow up a bit. 194 00:12:13,174 --> 00:12:14,093 Mm-hmm. 195 00:12:14,093 --> 00:12:16,139 I closed the shop for a week when you died. 196 00:12:16,139 --> 00:12:18,017 Woolworths was open the whole time. 197 00:12:18,017 --> 00:12:21,357 Oh! Can you sign me plates? Wait here. 198 00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:24,530 So, uh, what do you think I should do, Your Highness of a-- 199 00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:28,246 Miss, Miss, Mrs, Miss, Mrs, Miss Princess. 200 00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:29,415 Mmm. 201 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:33,339 Let's go total tart. 202 00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:38,308 - And I should get a fringe. - Oh, my God. No. 203 00:12:38,308 --> 00:12:41,189 Absolutely do not do that. 204 00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:43,443 ♪ I got a whole lot of confidence ♪ 205 00:12:43,443 --> 00:12:45,530 ♪ Don't be mad at my competence ♪ 206 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,493 ♪ 'Cause you shower me in compliments ♪ 207 00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:55,050 Kash, can I ask you for some advice? 208 00:12:57,179 --> 00:13:00,645 I've been expecting this. You want to know how to have a girlfriend. 209 00:13:00,645 --> 00:13:02,649 Why would I ask you? You don't have a girlfriend. 210 00:13:07,867 --> 00:13:10,748 I'd usually go on my smoke break now, but I don't even miss it. 211 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,417 - I actually feel really energised. - Mmm. 212 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,463 Oh, yes, straight in with the leather. 213 00:13:14,463 --> 00:13:16,259 Self-improvement is a piece of piss. 214 00:13:19,683 --> 00:13:20,685 Oh, hi. 215 00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:22,521 Sorry. 216 00:13:23,732 --> 00:13:25,945 I'm looking for someone. 217 00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:28,324 Uh, I was wondering if you could put this poster up in your window. 218 00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:31,707 - Yeah. Who are you looking for? - My husband. 219 00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:34,086 Well, if I can help in any way, I will. 220 00:13:34,086 --> 00:13:36,967 You don't have the context, but basically, I'm good now. 221 00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:47,237 Robert Clutton? 222 00:13:48,072 --> 00:13:49,074 Do you know him? 223 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,924 No. 224 00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:03,938 Well. Thank you anyway. 225 00:14:08,404 --> 00:14:10,408 I can't breathe, Your Highness. 226 00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:12,580 That's how you know it's working, darling. 227 00:14:13,999 --> 00:14:15,085 What do you think? 228 00:14:18,007 --> 00:14:20,972 I ain't got a Sharpie, but I found a very wet biro. 229 00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:31,952 I did have a girlfriend though. 230 00:14:31,952 --> 00:14:36,795 I've had three girlfriends, if you count pen pals. So, I'm kind of an expert. 231 00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:41,888 Oh, great. That's exactly what I need. Because, um, basically, um... 232 00:14:41,888 --> 00:14:43,182 Jizzlord has a wife. 233 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,602 And a son? 234 00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:46,188 And she came in here, she's looking for him. 235 00:14:46,188 --> 00:14:48,861 And I bumped into them yesterday, and they remember me. 236 00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:50,530 But I didn't tell her that I know him. 237 00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:51,825 And I haven't told Jen. 238 00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:55,833 It's okay. It's okay. We can figure this out. 239 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:57,670 Oh, my God, you're fucked. 240 00:14:57,670 --> 00:14:59,549 You're absolutely fucked. 241 00:14:59,549 --> 00:15:02,471 This kicks up so many emotional and moral questions, like-- 242 00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:05,101 - Is she hot? - She did seem quite symmetrical. 243 00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:07,982 Pretty. Like toothbrush ad pretty. 244 00:15:09,359 --> 00:15:10,445 What are you gonna do? 245 00:15:10,445 --> 00:15:12,617 I thought you'd tell me. You said you were the expert! 246 00:15:12,617 --> 00:15:13,744 I don't know! 247 00:15:13,744 --> 00:15:15,288 You have to tell him. 248 00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:18,169 Uh, but what if I just, like, don't? 249 00:15:19,213 --> 00:15:22,595 As somebody who knows who he actually is, you can't keep that from him. 250 00:15:24,098 --> 00:15:27,020 - What if he likes her more than me? - It's your new chapter, remember? 251 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,068 You really want to start it lying to someone you care about? 252 00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:34,326 I keep meaning to tell her, 253 00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:37,457 but every time I start thinking about it, 254 00:15:37,457 --> 00:15:41,006 and then I can't stop thinking even though I tell my brain not to. 255 00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:44,764 Hey! Don't let your brain push you around like that. 256 00:15:44,764 --> 00:15:45,850 Look, I used to be anxious. 257 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:48,605 And now, when I think about having a thought, I just don't. 258 00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:51,360 The next time you see Jen, you're going to look her in the eye, 259 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,655 and you're going to tell her. 260 00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:54,199 - But-But what if-- - Ah, ah. 261 00:15:55,451 --> 00:15:57,247 That sounds a lot like thinking. 262 00:16:06,808 --> 00:16:08,687 Oh. 263 00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,570 - Happy date. - Happy date. 264 00:16:13,529 --> 00:16:15,241 So, where's the restaurant? 265 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,245 Should be here. 266 00:16:20,961 --> 00:16:21,838 Hmm. 267 00:16:25,345 --> 00:16:26,765 You look for Little Italy? 268 00:16:26,765 --> 00:16:27,850 Yeah. 269 00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:29,144 It's there. 270 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:34,989 Whoa. 271 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,377 How do we get in? 272 00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:44,091 - I boop. - Huh? 273 00:16:45,385 --> 00:16:46,846 Ooh. 274 00:16:48,057 --> 00:16:51,355 He needs booping too. Por favor! 275 00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:58,244 Thank you! 276 00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:14,026 Ow! Is this the void pile? 277 00:17:18,284 --> 00:17:19,746 What are you wearing? 278 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:24,004 Oh, it's my new edgy look. I'm edgy now. 279 00:17:24,004 --> 00:17:28,262 If there's an edge out there, I'm on it. Not over it, but right up there. 280 00:17:28,262 --> 00:17:30,433 Well, you looked fine before. 281 00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:32,772 Why can't people just stop messing with things? 282 00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:36,445 Look, I know you're feeling uncertain about the future. 283 00:17:36,445 --> 00:17:41,246 So, I have drawn up a super-casual list of stuff we should do 284 00:17:41,246 --> 00:17:43,794 and shouldn't do post-breakup or, you know, whenever. 285 00:17:43,794 --> 00:17:47,425 - A contract? - Not a contract. 286 00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:52,937 A vibe check. A formal, legally binding vibe check. 287 00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,778 So, we're in agreement that the social media announcement 288 00:17:56,778 --> 00:17:59,909 shall take place on the 28th in the form of a story. 289 00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:02,205 No use of emojis. Just plain text. 290 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,046 Sidebar. What about one broken heart? 291 00:18:06,046 --> 00:18:07,550 - What colour? - Black. 292 00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,804 That is classy. I will allow it. 293 00:18:10,597 --> 00:18:12,058 Mm-hmm. 294 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,104 ♪ Things just really aren't that bad ♪ 295 00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:16,275 ♪ I just stay in my room too long ♪ 296 00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:19,114 ♪ But I finally got a girlfriend And she's the bomb ♪ 297 00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:21,786 ♪ Hi, hello ♪ 298 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,342 Right, there's something I have to tell you, 299 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,388 and I'm just going to come right out with it. 300 00:18:31,388 --> 00:18:32,641 I've stalled long enough. 301 00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:34,896 So, yesterday, I'm in the shop... 302 00:18:41,283 --> 00:18:46,502 which is a building with four walls and, of course as we know, a roof. 303 00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:50,301 Eh, it-it was a grey day. Maybe 12, 13 degrees Celsius. 304 00:18:50,301 --> 00:18:52,055 And as I approached a customer, 305 00:18:52,055 --> 00:18:55,562 putting one foot in front of the other as is the fashion, 306 00:18:55,562 --> 00:18:58,777 left, then right, then left and, uh, 307 00:18:58,777 --> 00:19:01,031 as you might imagine, followed by right again. 308 00:19:01,031 --> 00:19:02,701 Jen, I know who I am. 309 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:13,180 I'm, uh, your boyfriend. 310 00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:17,272 And that's all I want to be. 311 00:19:18,942 --> 00:19:21,530 Oh, hey, look. That's how couples eat. 312 00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:23,242 We should, um-- 313 00:19:24,286 --> 00:19:25,581 Let's-- Yeah. 314 00:19:32,135 --> 00:19:34,807 Uh-uh. 315 00:19:36,728 --> 00:19:37,938 Oh, now this is egregious. 316 00:19:37,938 --> 00:19:41,738 Both parties may enter into a sexual act with another partner or partners 317 00:19:41,738 --> 00:19:44,159 no sooner than six weeks post-separation. 318 00:19:44,159 --> 00:19:48,000 Sexual acts include but are not limited to fellatio, cunnilingus, penetration, 319 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,298 handjobs, fisting, 69ing, nipple stimulation, 320 00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:53,803 touching with the intent of stimulation 321 00:19:53,803 --> 00:19:56,768 and open-mouthed kissing lasting more than 30 seconds. 322 00:19:57,811 --> 00:19:59,064 Okay, okay. 323 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,655 Sexual interaction will be permitted four weeks post-separation. 324 00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:05,117 - Which is a good faith concession. - With the exception of hand stuff. 325 00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:07,163 - Over the jeans. - No, it's got to be under. 326 00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:08,708 Not to completion. 327 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,796 I can work with that. 328 00:20:10,796 --> 00:20:12,090 Mmm. 329 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,553 Mmm. Hmm. 330 00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:20,314 'Kay. Clause two. Moving out. 331 00:20:20,857 --> 00:20:23,278 I've suggested a very generous eight-week search time, 332 00:20:23,278 --> 00:20:26,034 because flat hunting in London is horrendous and, 333 00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:27,328 you're very bad with numbers. 334 00:20:27,328 --> 00:20:30,585 Wait, you want me to move out? Why am I the one moving out? 335 00:20:30,585 --> 00:20:32,756 Well, I mean-- Well-- 336 00:20:32,756 --> 00:20:35,136 - It's 'cause I have the penis, isn't it? - No, no. 337 00:20:35,929 --> 00:20:37,808 Well, I mean-- Yeah, but-- 338 00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:40,689 No, but you broke up with me. I'm the victim here. 339 00:20:42,525 --> 00:20:45,364 It's not just moving out. It's moving on. 340 00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,245 - You're clinging to the past. - No, I'm not. 341 00:20:48,245 --> 00:20:52,378 Really? Then throw away just one thing. 342 00:20:53,088 --> 00:20:54,340 - Just the pants. - No. 343 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:58,725 No, I forbid you to throw anything out. And I'm not signing. 344 00:21:09,496 --> 00:21:10,999 Jesus, I'm starving. 345 00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:12,961 Have the leftovers. 346 00:21:17,053 --> 00:21:18,472 It's a lovely spaghetto. 347 00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:21,061 One sec. 348 00:21:25,194 --> 00:21:26,906 Hello. 349 00:21:26,906 --> 00:21:29,494 Hey. Ooh, some of these. Yes. 350 00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:31,666 What else have we got? 351 00:21:41,268 --> 00:21:43,230 - Fabulous. - Thank you. 352 00:21:48,031 --> 00:21:49,075 Ready? 353 00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:50,996 Mm-hmm. Oh. 354 00:22:16,923 --> 00:22:18,593 ♪ No in-between ♪ 355 00:22:18,593 --> 00:22:21,348 ♪ They want me to look pretty And they want me to look clean ♪ 356 00:22:21,348 --> 00:22:24,354 ♪ Big no, big yes No in-between ♪ 357 00:22:24,354 --> 00:22:26,191 ♪ They want me to be happy ♪ 358 00:22:41,388 --> 00:22:42,683 Where are they? Where's my pants? 359 00:22:42,683 --> 00:22:45,354 Oh, uh, Carrie put them in one of her big bags and left. 360 00:22:45,354 --> 00:22:46,774 She's taking my stuff to the void. 361 00:22:46,774 --> 00:22:49,780 She's gonna throw it all into the void, and then it'll be gone forever. 362 00:22:52,869 --> 00:22:56,627 ♪ Don't change just for the trend It's too quick to end ♪ 363 00:22:58,380 --> 00:23:02,723 ♪ Keep on tryin' to grow In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪ 364 00:23:02,723 --> 00:23:05,310 ♪ Don’t wait for the world to end ♪ 365 00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:07,273 ♪ Before you give a hand ♪ 366 00:23:07,273 --> 00:23:11,741 ♪ Keep on tryin' to grow In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪ 367 00:23:11,741 --> 00:23:15,749 ♪ Don’t change just for the trend It’s too quick to end ♪ 368 00:23:17,043 --> 00:23:18,128 What's going in? 369 00:23:18,128 --> 00:23:19,631 The old Carrie. 370 00:23:20,257 --> 00:23:22,596 You can't throw bodies in. That's, like, rule number one. 371 00:23:22,596 --> 00:23:24,892 No, no. It's metaphorical. 372 00:23:24,892 --> 00:23:26,896 - See, me and my boyfriend-- - I don't care. Oi. 373 00:23:26,896 --> 00:23:28,231 Five quid. 374 00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:33,325 I really think I'd suit it. There's a fringe for every face shape. 375 00:23:33,325 --> 00:23:35,955 ♪ L-O-V-E I-T, I love it ♪ 376 00:23:35,955 --> 00:23:38,669 ♪ I'm a boss with a card out So run it ♪ 377 00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:41,550 ♪ Right now ♪ 378 00:23:43,178 --> 00:23:45,474 ♪ L-O-V-E I-T I love it ♪ 379 00:23:45,474 --> 00:23:47,771 ♪ Cut the price tag off now and bag it ♪ 380 00:23:49,482 --> 00:23:50,401 ♪ Right now ♪ 381 00:23:50,401 --> 00:23:53,156 Ah! 382 00:23:53,866 --> 00:23:55,244 Ah, that felt good. 383 00:23:55,244 --> 00:23:57,331 Yeah, this is healthy! I think. 384 00:23:59,127 --> 00:24:01,131 Bye-bye, girlfriend Carrie! 385 00:24:02,551 --> 00:24:05,598 Oh, I feel so free! 386 00:24:06,642 --> 00:24:08,478 ♪ How we gonna have fun? How we gonna have fun? ♪ 387 00:24:12,612 --> 00:24:15,367 ♪ How we gonna have fun? How we gonna have fun? ♪ 388 00:24:15,952 --> 00:24:18,248 - Jen, I'm gonna do it. - Carrie, no. 389 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,877 - I'm gonna do it. - Don't do it! 390 00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:21,254 It's happening. 391 00:24:21,254 --> 00:24:22,549 Aw. 392 00:24:24,469 --> 00:24:25,847 Oh, my God. 393 00:24:29,688 --> 00:24:31,984 How does it look? 394 00:24:33,153 --> 00:24:34,155 I-- 395 00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:37,996 Is that-- 396 00:24:37,996 --> 00:24:40,125 I-I'm just going to go check something over there. 397 00:25:06,469 --> 00:25:08,265 You need to go. 398 00:25:09,141 --> 00:25:10,519 My sexy little carafe. 399 00:25:10,519 --> 00:25:11,521 Aw. 400 00:25:14,653 --> 00:25:18,703 - I'm so proud of you! - Oh! 401 00:25:21,959 --> 00:25:23,003 Hey! 402 00:25:24,422 --> 00:25:25,550 Those are my pants! 403 00:25:25,550 --> 00:25:26,509 Kash. 404 00:25:26,509 --> 00:25:28,764 Now, under UK law, they are my property, 405 00:25:28,764 --> 00:25:30,643 and I will not hesitate to sue for damages. 406 00:25:30,643 --> 00:25:33,691 - Kash. - They have immense sentimental value and-- 407 00:25:34,693 --> 00:25:35,695 I know. 408 00:25:35,695 --> 00:25:37,741 I thought I could just move forward, but... 409 00:25:40,495 --> 00:25:41,539 ...this is really sad. 410 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:43,794 Well, yeah, we broke up. 411 00:25:43,794 --> 00:25:46,049 Yeah, but I did the breaking off. 412 00:25:46,049 --> 00:25:49,931 I'm supposed to feel new and free like a... 413 00:25:49,931 --> 00:25:52,687 ...like a sexy spring lamb. 414 00:25:52,687 --> 00:25:54,523 Well, it's sad when things end. 415 00:25:54,523 --> 00:25:57,655 Even if your boyfriend was terrible and dumb 416 00:25:57,655 --> 00:26:00,578 and held you time captive to stop you from breaking up with him. 417 00:26:00,578 --> 00:26:02,832 God, it gets worse every time I try and describe it. 418 00:26:04,711 --> 00:26:08,176 ♪ It's makin' my head decay, head decay ♪ 419 00:26:08,886 --> 00:26:10,430 ♪ When I walk by, they screamin' ♪ 420 00:26:10,430 --> 00:26:14,898 ♪ Isn't anybody home in there Home in there, I know ♪ 421 00:26:15,983 --> 00:26:19,115 ♪ When they wind me up I can make it through hell and back ♪ 422 00:26:19,115 --> 00:26:20,492 ♪ Hell and back ♪ 423 00:26:20,492 --> 00:26:22,956 ♪ Me in my horror ♪ 424 00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:25,878 ♪ A day in my horror ♪ 425 00:26:27,381 --> 00:26:28,634 - Do you-- - How do-- 426 00:26:28,634 --> 00:26:29,719 So, we both... 427 00:26:42,369 --> 00:26:43,581 I don't know why we're laughing. 428 00:26:44,248 --> 00:26:45,877 Oh, we're going to be okay. 429 00:26:45,877 --> 00:26:48,758 I lied to you. You lied to me. Isn't lying bad? 430 00:26:48,758 --> 00:26:51,763 Yes. Except when we do it for a good reason. 431 00:26:51,763 --> 00:26:52,849 Right! 432 00:26:53,433 --> 00:26:55,103 No. Hmm. 433 00:27:00,948 --> 00:27:03,328 I don't really care about the pants. It's just-- 434 00:27:04,121 --> 00:27:06,668 Well, it's just, at first, it's me throwing away a pair of pants, 435 00:27:06,668 --> 00:27:09,507 but then it's me moving out, and then I stop getting invited to things, 436 00:27:09,507 --> 00:27:11,219 and then you all forget about me. 437 00:27:14,935 --> 00:27:17,439 You don't have to move. We can figure something out. 438 00:27:25,413 --> 00:27:26,415 Are you sure? 439 00:27:27,417 --> 00:27:28,503 We can't live in the past. 440 00:27:59,189 --> 00:28:00,400 But why didn't you tell me? 441 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,158 I'm afraid of you. 442 00:28:05,368 --> 00:28:06,663 Okay, but more than that. 443 00:28:06,663 --> 00:28:10,838 And, uh, I'm scared it might ruin this. 444 00:28:11,798 --> 00:28:14,596 And that's why you didn't tell me. 445 00:28:14,596 --> 00:28:18,019 Which is a good thing because-- 446 00:28:18,019 --> 00:28:20,398 We actually care enough to lie to each other. 447 00:28:20,398 --> 00:28:23,404 Do you know how much effort that is to go to for a relationship? 448 00:28:23,404 --> 00:28:25,910 Normally I don't even travel outside of Zone 2. 449 00:28:25,910 --> 00:28:29,083 So really, this is a good thing. 450 00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:31,212 No. No, no, no, no, no. 451 00:28:31,212 --> 00:28:33,091 This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 452 00:28:33,091 --> 00:28:36,305 I hate it. I hate it so much. Actually-- 453 00:28:37,725 --> 00:28:40,271 Think I'm gonna be sick. 454 00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:41,942 They're coming. 455 00:28:45,532 --> 00:28:47,160 It's okay. We both know. 456 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,246 Jen threw up. 457 00:28:48,246 --> 00:28:49,833 Hey, don't tell them that. 458 00:28:51,544 --> 00:28:53,882 Why do I hate looking at you now? 459 00:28:54,592 --> 00:28:56,262 My hair! 460 00:28:56,262 --> 00:28:58,349 I-I forgot. Is it bad? 461 00:28:58,349 --> 00:29:00,228 I'm definitely not your boyfriend anymore, right? 462 00:29:00,228 --> 00:29:01,940 Oh, my God, it's bad. 463 00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:04,779 It's really bad, Carrie. It's disgusting. 464 00:29:04,779 --> 00:29:06,825 Honestly? The worst thing I've ever seen. 465 00:29:08,954 --> 00:29:11,960 Uh, turn back time. Fix it. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it. 466 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,630 Right, okay. It's been awhile. 467 00:29:13,630 --> 00:29:16,553 Try to push for a new PB. 468 00:29:16,553 --> 00:29:20,101 Five minutes. 469 00:29:24,151 --> 00:29:26,573 Maybe if I cut it more to even it out. 470 00:29:27,658 --> 00:29:30,455 Do you think she's pretty? I swear, I really don't care. I promise. 471 00:29:30,455 --> 00:29:32,960 - Yeah, she is. - Oh. Well. 472 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,925 Why don't you just go and marry her again then if I'm so repulsive to you? 473 00:29:35,925 --> 00:29:37,010 You're pretty too. 474 00:29:37,010 --> 00:29:39,641 Okay, so now I'll just cut more on this side to even it up. 475 00:29:39,641 --> 00:29:41,018 Oh, you should write poetry. 476 00:29:41,018 --> 00:29:42,103 Well, that's new. 477 00:29:42,103 --> 00:29:45,443 Okay and now this side's shorter. That's okay. I'll just cut it even more. 478 00:29:50,537 --> 00:29:51,915 I think I can make it work. 479 00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:53,961 Okay, give me the scissors. 480 00:29:53,961 --> 00:29:56,758 ♪ Chilled in the kitchen of a city tomb ♪ 481 00:29:56,758 --> 00:29:58,637 ♪ The light would flicker Like a violent womb ♪ 482 00:29:58,637 --> 00:30:01,935 Just to check. There's no other massively important things you want to tell me 483 00:30:01,935 --> 00:30:05,483 - before I meet your secret wife? - No. 484 00:30:05,483 --> 00:30:08,699 ♪ Ben, he loved her like he loved no one ♪ 485 00:30:08,699 --> 00:30:10,995 ♪ The way she laughed And held a smoking gun ♪ 486 00:30:10,995 --> 00:30:13,082 Daddy! Daddy! 487 00:30:14,251 --> 00:30:16,631 Oh, yeah. One more thing. 488 00:30:21,015 --> 00:30:22,309 ♪ You wish You were ♪ 489 00:30:23,604 --> 00:30:24,814 ♪ Like her ♪ 490 00:30:43,351 --> 00:30:44,353 Breakup? 491 00:30:45,229 --> 00:30:47,067 Someone said I could pull it off. 492 00:30:47,067 --> 00:30:50,448 Been there. 493 00:30:52,452 --> 00:30:54,039 ♪ Joni is a punk babe Joni is the second wave ♪ 494 00:30:54,039 --> 00:30:56,335 ♪ Joni is a black jean jacket ♪ 495 00:30:56,335 --> 00:30:58,715 ♪ Joni's in the first band Joni has a cool hand ♪ 496 00:30:58,715 --> 00:31:00,970 ♪ Joni knows the problem is systematic ♪ 497 00:31:00,970 --> 00:31:03,558 ♪ Joni cut the tour line Joni doesn't have time ♪ 498 00:31:03,558 --> 00:31:05,562 ♪ Joni likes to dart on stage ♪ 499 00:31:05,562 --> 00:31:08,234 ♪ Joni's on a juice cleanse Joni doesn't need friends ♪ 500 00:31:08,234 --> 00:31:10,071 ♪ 'Cause Joni's Got the whole room trained ♪ 501 00:31:11,281 --> 00:31:14,454 ♪ You wish You were ♪ 502 00:31:15,666 --> 00:31:17,670 ♪ Like her ♪ 503 00:31:17,670 --> 00:31:20,801 ♪ I bet she never cared about you ♪ 504 00:31:23,305 --> 00:31:24,976 ♪ You wish ♪ 505 00:31:25,644 --> 00:31:27,147 ♪ You were ♪ 506 00:31:28,232 --> 00:31:30,194 ♪ Like her ♪