1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:04,069 Knock, knock. 2 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,070 What do you want, Bill?. 3 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,572 No, Dave. Knock, knock.. 4 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,574 Oh, okay. Who's there?. 5 00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:09,575 Bill McNeal.. 6 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:10,576 Bill McNeal who?. 7 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,078 That's really all I have so far.. 8 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,580 Dynamite there, Bill.. 9 00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,582 Actually, that was just a cheap trick to get into your office. 10 00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:18,083 I need to talk to you about something.. 11 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:20,085 Okay, shoot.. 12 00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:23,088 My agent's been talking with some publishers, 13 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:26,091 and apparently, there's more than a little interest 14 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,593 in me writing an autobiography.. 15 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,094 Oh, well, that's great, Bill.. 16 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,596 Thank you.. 17 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,097 Anyway, I need you to sign this release.. 18 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,099 Uh, sure. What is this?. 19 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,601 It's just a legal form granting me permission 20 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,103 to work on an outside project, blah, blah, blah.. 21 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,105 Okay, I'll look it over, all right?. 22 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,108 Take your time. All right, thanks.. 23 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,611 Can you sign off on my editorial?. 24 00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,613 Uh, oh, sure, yeah.. 25 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:48,614 What's this?. 26 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,115 Bill has a deal to write a book.. 27 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:51,617 What kind of book?. 28 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:53,118 An autobiography, 29 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,120 sort of like the Howard Stern thing, I guess.. 30 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,122 You mean about the ins and outs 31 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,124 of lesbianism and sport-spanking? 32 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:00,626 I certainly hope so.. 33 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:01,627 Yeah, I'm sure you do.. 34 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,128 Just hungry for knowledge.. 35 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,130 Uh-huh. 36 00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,132 I'm sorry, Bill, 37 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,634 I haven't had a chance to sign it yet.. 38 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:09,635 That's all right, chief.. 39 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,136 You know, I was just thinking, 40 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:14,139 could you kind of keep this book thing under your hat?. 41 00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,141 Sure, why? 42 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,144 I would just rather not have it be public 43 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,646 until we finalize negotiations.. 44 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,147 You haven't told anyone, have you? 45 00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,649 I mentioned it to Lisa. 46 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,651 I asked you not to tell anyone. 47 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,152 I'm sorry, Bill. 48 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:30,155 I didn't realize this was like the Pentagon Papers.. 49 00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,156 What? 50 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,659 I'll talk to Lisa.. 51 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,162 Um, Lisa, can I talk to you for just a second?. 52 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,664 Yeah. Thanks.. 53 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:42,167 But first, I believe congratulations are in order.. 54 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,169 No, they're not. What's going on?. 55 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,672 Bill just signed a deal to write his autobiography.. 56 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,674 Congratulations, Bill.. 57 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:53,178 Thank you, Lisa, for that wonderful reception, 58 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,682 and, more importantly, thank you, Dave, buddy.. 59 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:31,717 Well, you didn't tell me it was supposed to be some big secret. 60 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,218 I didn't know myself at the time.. 61 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:36,221 Hey, Bill, look, I'm really sorry, 62 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,724 but, you know, Lisa had no idea you wanted to keep this thing a... . 63 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:41,727 It's okay. I'm glad you told them.. 64 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,229 The excitement and enthusiasm I felt out there just now, 65 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:47,232 well, it was the shot in the arm I needed.. 66 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:48,734 Really?. 67 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,236 No, I'm being incredibly sarcastic.. 68 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,739 What is this, the Pentagon Papers?. 69 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,741 What?. 70 00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:59,745 Look, I don't know if you've tried to write a book, 71 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,747 but it's not easy.. 72 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:04,249 Look, Bill, if you're asking one of us to ghostwrite the book, 73 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,250 then ask us.. 74 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752 How much have you written, Bill?. 75 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:07,753 Just the outline.. 76 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,755 Okay, well, how long is it?. 77 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,257 Two words... "the outline." . 78 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,760 There's a big, blank sheet of paper underneath it.. 79 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,763 Well, how long have you been working on it?. 80 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,265 Three months.. 81 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,767 Oh. Okay.. 82 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,268 You know what.. 83 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,770 You're probably just overwhelmed 84 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,772 by all the stuff that you want to get in there.. 85 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:27,773 Yeah.. 86 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:31,276 You should just pick one point and take off.. 87 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,778 Yes, start with radio.. 88 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,780 What's interesting about radio?. 89 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,282 Well, I think it's a fascinating medium.. 90 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,283 You're from Wisconsin.. 91 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,884 Artificial light is fascinating to you.. 92 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,790 Did you know that when Dan Rather was 19, 93 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:48,293 he was the youngest photographer for the Associated Press?. 94 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,796 Okay, what were you doing at 19?. 95 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,799 Drinking.. 96 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,301 How about talking about how hard it was 97 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,803 to break into the industry, you know?. 98 00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:58,804 All the struggles.. 99 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,807 My aunt owned a radio station.. 100 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,310 She hired me to try to get me to stop drinking.. 101 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,814 Staff meeting.. 102 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:11,316 Lisa, would you care to go out there 103 00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:14,320 and warm them up for me again?. 104 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:18,824 Okay, let's get to it. 105 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,325 Matthew, Matthew, Matthew... 106 00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,327 do you have the New Hampshire piece ready for me?. 107 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,829 Yeah, yeah. I finished that yesterday.. 108 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,831 Do you have a title yet? 109 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:26,832 I'm awfully good with titles.. 110 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:30,335 It's not really at the title stage yet, Matthew. 111 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,336 Matthew, Matthew... 112 00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,839 do you have the tape ready or just the hard copy? 113 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,340 I got the tape.. 114 00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:38,343 Hey, how about The Camera Never Blinks?. 115 00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,846 Uh, that's the title of Dan Rather's book, honey.. 116 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,347 Oh, yeah, yeah. I read it.. 117 00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,349 How about "The Microphone Never Blinks"?. 118 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,852 That makes no sense at all.. 119 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,854 Yes, but it is catchy.. 120 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,356 People? People, please, can we just focus on the work at hand?. 121 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:54,860 Now, Matthew, do you have that tape for me or... . 122 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:55,861 "Radio Bill." . 123 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:56,862 That's not bad. 124 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,865 I appreciate everyone's enthusiasm, 125 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,868 but it's important that we not let personal endeavors 126 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,369 interrupt our daily routine. 127 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,370 Dave?. 128 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:06,872 Thank you, Bill. Now, for the local update... . 129 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,874 Radio Days. 130 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:09,875 Woody Allen movie.. 131 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:12,377 But if you spelled it D-A-Z-E, 132 00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:14,379 it would have, like, a Spike Lee feel.. 133 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,882 Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.. 134 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,885 "Give me 12 minutes, I'll give you my life.". 135 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,387 People, please.. 136 00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,889 Hang on, Dave.. 137 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,891 That one's actually intriguing me.. 138 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:26,892 Wh... what was it again, Matthew?. 139 00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,895 "Give me my life..." . 140 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,897 What was it again?. 141 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,398 "And I'll give you 15 minutes." . 142 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,399 No, no. Yeah, yeah.. 143 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,902 "Give me 12 minutes of my life... ". 144 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,403 "Time of my life." . 145 00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,405 Meeting's over.. 146 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:43,408 Why doesn't everyone just... Just go back to work.. 147 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,769 Hey, that includes you, Matthew.. 148 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:47,412 So, how's the book going so far?. 149 00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,414 Fantastic! Yeah? 150 00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:52,417 I never knew the writing process could be so invigorating. 151 00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,921 I can't believe someone's letting you write a book.. 152 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,423 You mean, you can't believe 153 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:01,426 someone's paying me to write a book.. 154 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,928 Bill, guess what. 155 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,429 I keep a diary.. 156 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,931 Do you you now?. 157 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,432 Yeah, so I guess in a way, 158 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,935 me and you are doing something similar.. 159 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,437 Sort of, except my book will be sold 160 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,941 in bookstores and airports nationwide, 161 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:19,444 while your diary will be tucked alone 162 00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:22,448 under its mattress with other baubles and trinkets.. 163 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,450 Exactly.. 164 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,954 Sometimes, I write, like, 20-25 pages a night.. 165 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957 Yeah. I have my slow days too.. 166 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:37,462 He's strutting around out there like he's Norman Mailer.. 167 00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,965 Hasn't punched anyone out, has he?. 168 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,968 No, not yet, but he's totally out of control.. 169 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,470 All right. Beth!. 170 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,471 Boss.. 171 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:49,474 Tell Mr. Hemingway I'd like to see him.. 172 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,977 No problem. Hey, Ernie, . 173 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,980 F. Scott and Zelda would like to speak with you.. 174 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,982 You know, he just overcompensates 175 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:57,983 because he feels insecure.. 176 00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,484 So does Norman Mailer.. 177 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:03,989 But at least he manages to get a few words on the page.. 178 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,491 No, I really prefer writing in longhand. 179 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,493 I find it to be more intimate.. 180 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,997 Computers can be so... un-intimate.. 181 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:16,001 Hey, really, I just want to thank you both once again 182 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,503 for getting everyone really excited 183 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,505 about my impending failure.. 184 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,507 Settle down, Bill.. 185 00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:25,510 You know, I think I have a solution to the problem.. 186 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,012 Here, take this tape recorder.. 187 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,513 Just carry it with you through the day, 188 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,515 and just talk into it 189 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,017 whenever anything pops into your head.. 190 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,019 It can't hurt, I guess. How's this thing work, anyway. 191 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,520 ♪ I've been through The desert ♪ 192 00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,022 ♪ On a horse with no name ♪ 193 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:41,526 ♪ It felt good To be out of the rain... ♪ 194 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:45,030 Let me get you a fresh tape.. 195 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,033 What is your obsession with that song?. 196 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,534 It wasn't me.. 197 00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,536 It's just the tape that this thing came with. 198 00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:54,539 I'll give it a try. 199 00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,541 I just wish... 200 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,543 I just wish you hadn't told all of them about the book.. 201 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,545 Oh, look, come on, Bill, lighten up. 202 00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,547 I know you may find this hard to believe, 203 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,049 but not everybody 204 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,550 spends their whole day thinking about Bill McNeal.. 205 00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,053 You're a true source of comfort, Lisa.. 206 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,057 Bill!. 207 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:15,560 Get over here, you old son of a biscuit eater!. 208 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:16,561 Hi, Jimmy.. 209 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,563 Hey, I heard about your book.. 210 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,065 Let me tell you, I am pleased. 211 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,567 I am pleased as Christmas punch.. 212 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,069 This is going to be great for the station.. 213 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,570 You really think so?. 214 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:29,074 Oh, I got my own publicist working on it.. 215 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:32,577 Yeah. We're going to spread your kisser all over this city.. 216 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,080 You are going to be big, my friend. Bigger.... 217 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,081 Than, uh... 218 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,083 Dave, who's that really big guy? 219 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,584 Andre the Giant?. 220 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,087 The one that's not dead yet.. 221 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,088 Oh, Hulk Hogan.. 222 00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,589 Bingo!. 223 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,092 So, when can I see some pages, big guy?. 224 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,095 Well, I'm still at the outline stage, Jimmy.. 225 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,596 Oh, yeah, yeah. I understand. I understand.. 226 00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:52,597 No pressure. No pressure.. 227 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,099 But, as a little surprise, 228 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,601 I had something made up for you.. 229 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,103 You ready?. 230 00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,106 Ta-dah!. 231 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,611 I said, "Ta-dah!" . 232 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,613 Yeah, sir, that really is something.. 233 00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,116 Ain't that a pisser?. 234 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,117 Indeed.. 235 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:15,120 Bill, I thought of a great story for your book.. 236 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,122 Yeah, yeah. Remember when we were 237 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,624 sitting at Tavern on the Green... 238 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,127 this was a few years ago... 239 00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,628 and Ross Perot comes in?. 240 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,630 And Ross Perot... 241 00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,132 Ross Perot comes in, 242 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,634 and he says he wants to re-enter the presidential race.. 243 00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,137 See, Bill, that's a great story.. 244 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,638 Yeah, it's perfect.. 245 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,141 When was this exactly?. 246 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,643 Oh, what the hell am I thinking about?. 247 00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:41,146 That wasn't you. That was Dan Rather.. 248 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,648 Yeah, that was me and Dan Rather.. 249 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,150 That's a great story, though.. 250 00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,152 Yeah, the best.. 251 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:50,155 Yeah, that Rather... "Courage." . 252 00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:51,656 Had a million of them.. 253 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:55,160 Of course, you got a million and one, huh? Attaboy. 254 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,167 Chicago, 1968. 255 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,169 Democratic convention.. 256 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,671 Hippies and yippies alike fill the streets, 257 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:10,175 waging a war of peace against Mayor Daley's thugs.. 258 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,676 There I was... 259 00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:15,681 watching it on TV in my dorm and drinking.. 260 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:28,694 Hey... looks like somebody's been burning the candle at both ends.. 261 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,697 Well, you know, 262 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:35,700 they say a lot of writers do their best work at night.. 263 00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,702 Me, I'm a morning person, 264 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,704 but whatever works best for you, Bill. 265 00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:42,707 I think I've got a title.. 266 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,209 What is it? 267 00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:49,714 "I suck... The Bill McNeal story.". 268 00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:52,217 Hey, hey, Dave, look, look.. 269 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,219 That's very good.. 270 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,220 Thank you.. 271 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,721 Hey, Bill, 272 00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,224 how's the book going?. 273 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,226 Oh. 274 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:05,230 I guess the tape recorder didn't help, huh?. 275 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,731 See for yourself.. 276 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,734 Right. 277 00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,736 ♪ You can't Remember your name ♪ 278 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:15,240 ♪ 'Cause there Ain't no one for... ♪ 279 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,242 That helped me get to bed last night.. 280 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,244 My stuff's on the other side. 281 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,747 I recorded my thoughts 282 00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,249 while I drove home from work yesterday.. 283 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,750 Bill... . 284 00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,752 Shh. I'm almost to the part 285 00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:32,257 where I get so depressed, I swerve into oncoming traffic. 286 00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,262 Listen, Bill... 287 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:40,765 this book is obviously causing you a great deal of pain, 288 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:43,268 and I think I have a solution.. 289 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,770 Does it involve a gun with a built-in mouthpiece?. 290 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,272 Don't write it.. 291 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,273 Hey.... 292 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:52,777 Hey, Bill, that is an excellent suggestion, huh?. 293 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,279 Yeah.. 294 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,281 Just give up. Who cares?. 295 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:57,782 Just give up. 296 00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:01,786 I'll tell you who cares... Those people out there.. 297 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,289 Sure, they'll be disappointed for a little while... . 298 00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,790 Disappointed? They'll be overjoyed.. 299 00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:08,793 This is just what they've been waiting to see.. 300 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,795 Bill McNeal falling on his ass.. 301 00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:11,796 That's not true.. 302 00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,298 Who cares what they think?. 303 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,802 Yeah, that's not true.. 304 00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,804 Yeah, those people have always been very.... 305 00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:22,307 Tolerant... Supportive.. 306 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:25,810 Are you telling me you have never once 307 00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:28,313 wished for the day you could see me fail 308 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816 so you could laugh and laugh and laugh?. 309 00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,320 Not once.. 310 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,322 You're laughing right now... 311 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,324 on the inside. 312 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,326 I am not.. 313 00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:42,827 No, she really isn't, Bill. 314 00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:45,830 I've seen her laughing on the inside, 315 00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,332 it looks nothing like this.. 316 00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,337 I don't believe you. What?. 317 00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,339 You are laughing on the inside.. 318 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,840 No, I'm not. Yes, you are.. 319 00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:58,843 Now, you're doing it on the outside now.. 320 00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,846 Okay, all right, come on.. 321 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,848 Look, uh, Beth... Beth, come here. 322 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,350 Matthew?. 323 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,352 What's up? Come here.. 324 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,354 Look, we need to have a talk, okay?. 325 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:12,857 Shouldn't we wait until Bill and Catherine are off the air?. 326 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,359 No, no. This is about Bill.. 327 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,860 Don't look, don't look.. 328 00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,362 What's up?. 329 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,364 We're playing some kind of game 330 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,366 where we can't look at Bill.. 331 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,868 Now, I just wanted to let you guys know 332 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:26,371 that Bill is feeling very vulnerable right now, so it's really important... . 333 00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,873 What's going on, you guys?. 334 00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,375 We're talking about what's bothering Bill.. 335 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,377 Don't look, don't look. 336 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:35,380 I don't get it. What's wrong with Bill?. 337 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:39,884 Well, he's having certain difficulties in... in writing his book.. 338 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:44,389 He hasn't written a word, has he?. 339 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,391 Yeah, that's pretty much the case. 340 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,892 I knew it.. 341 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,894 And he's very afraid you're all going to laugh at him, 342 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,397 which I'm sure you won't.. 343 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,899 Look, look, what's so funny? 344 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,401 Beth, come on.. 345 00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,902 What?. 346 00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,904 Oh, my God.. 347 00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:03,908 Nothing, nothing's funny.. 348 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:07,412 Oh, it's all so sad.. 349 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,415 No, it is... No, it's not funny.. 350 00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,417 It really isn't. Come on, seriously.. 351 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,919 Yeah, Bill can be very, very arrogant, but... 352 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,924 to see him fail so publicly is.... 353 00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:23,428 Okay, okay, I get it now.. 354 00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,431 All right, this isn't just embarrassing for Bill.. 355 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,933 This is a real life-crisis for him.. 356 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,935 And as crazy as it sounds, 357 00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:32,437 Dave thinks that it's important 358 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:33,438 that we stand behind him.. 359 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:34,439 Okay. Yeah.. 360 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,940 We'll all stand behind him.. 361 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,442 Thanks.. 362 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,943 Hey, Bill. Hey, Bill.. 363 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:43,948 Hey, how's it going, you big loser?. 364 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:44,949 Come on, guys.. 365 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,451 Ahem.. 366 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:53,458 Hey, guys, let's make a real effort when Bill gets here 367 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,460 because he's really feeling down.. 368 00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,462 Well, he sure hasn't been acting down.. 369 00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,464 In fact, he's been cockier than ever. 370 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,965 Catherine.. 371 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,967 What? He has been cocky.. 372 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:06,471 Oh, I thought you said something else.. 373 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,473 Hi, gang. Sorry to keep you waiting.. 374 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,975 It's not a party until you get here, Bill. 375 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,978 I was just finishing up the section on my college years.. 376 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,480 It wouldn't have taken me so long, 377 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:18,983 but I was just laughing myself silly over some of those old stories.. 378 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,486 That's just terrific, Bill.. 379 00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,488 Good work there, Bill.. 380 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,989 You don't have to tell us 381 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,491 what the stories are about or anything.. 382 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,992 We totally believe you.. 383 00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,994 Don't try to butter me up 384 00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:32,497 so you can get on the dedication page.. 385 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,999 Who are you going to dedicate it to?. 386 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,000 My mother.. 387 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,503 Oh! That is so sweet.. 388 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:42,507 Or maybe the guy who invented the microphone.. 389 00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,008 Good choices, good choices.. 390 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,510 Mm-hmm. Yeah.. 391 00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,512 You know what?. 392 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,014 That tie looks really good on you. 393 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,517 I've been meaning to tell you that. 394 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,519 I like your haircut.. 395 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,021 Yeah. Not too long, not too short.. 396 00:15:57,022 --> 00:16:01,025 It's just perfect.. 397 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:04,028 You told them, didn't you?. 398 00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,030 Told them what?. 399 00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,032 That I haven't written a word.. 400 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:12,036 That my life couldn't fill up a haiku much less a book.. 401 00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,037 Bill, come on.. 402 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,039 Hey, everybody. Hey, Bill.. 403 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,542 Hey, man, I just wanted to tell you 404 00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:21,546 the way you read the weather today, it was just great.. 405 00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:24,048 You know, it was, like, the best weather 406 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,050 I've ever heard you do.. 407 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:30,054 Oh, come on, Bill. A man like you.. 408 00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:33,558 You must have a ton of fascinating stories.. 409 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:36,561 Just how exactly would you describe a guy like me?. 410 00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,564 Well, okay, a guy who... 411 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:42,066 you know... 412 00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,569 works in radio.... 413 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,070 And has a great voice.... 414 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,573 Great hair.... 415 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:52,076 Um, great tie, great clothes.... 416 00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,078 Um.... 417 00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,580 God, this is hard.. 418 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,582 It's tough.. 419 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,584 The problem, as I see it, 420 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,587 is I have absolutely no personality of my own.. 421 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,088 No. No. No.. 422 00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,090 Bill, come on.. 423 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,592 Seriously, I envy you people.. 424 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:11,596 There's something distinct and individual about each one of you. 425 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,097 Beth... 426 00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,600 the red-headed firebrand with a lust for life, 427 00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:20,104 despite her go-nowhere job. 428 00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,606 Joe... 429 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:25,610 two-bit hood manqué with a can-do attitude 430 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,112 that borders on delusional psychosis. 431 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:32,617 Matthew... 432 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,118 I don't exactly know what you are, 433 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,120 but there aren't many like you.. 434 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,623 Wow, thank you.. 435 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,124 Okay, well, what about me, Bill?. 436 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:44,128 Now, all I have is a good radio voice, just like you.. 437 00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:47,131 Just like me, except you're a woman, and you're black.. 438 00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,633 Ooh, what I wouldn't give.... 439 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:52,637 It's not everything it's made out to be, Bill.. 440 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,140 Sorry I had to play the race card.. 441 00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:57,642 Okay.. 442 00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,143 Where you going, Bill? 443 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,645 I need a drink.. 444 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,647 Well, have a drink with us.. 445 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:06,150 Sometimes, a man just has to drink alone.. 446 00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,152 Wow, right there, there you go.. 447 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,155 That is a perfect opening line for a book.. 448 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:16,160 "Sometimes, a drinking man..." . 449 00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:18,162 How did that go again?. 450 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,164 "Needs to be alone with his drink.". 451 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,667 "A drink needs..." Where'd he go? 452 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,168 I don't know.. 453 00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,671 Exactly how depressed is he?. 454 00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,673 Well, he's still not in yet.. 455 00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,675 Yeah, I'm getting worried.. 456 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:33,177 This isn't like Bill to be this late.. 457 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:35,179 God, you don't think he killed himself, do you?. 458 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,180 That is so morbid.. 459 00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:37,682 Who killed himself?. 460 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,683 Bill.. 461 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,184 Wow.. 462 00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,185 Maybe... Probably not. 463 00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:43,187 I wish you guys had told me 464 00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,690 he was having trouble with the book.. 465 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,191 We didn't know ourselves. 466 00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,694 I probably made the poor guy feel worse, you know, 467 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:53,698 with all the huzzahs and hooplas about the book deal. 468 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,199 I mean, this... This stupid thing. 469 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,702 I've got to get it out of here. 470 00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:01,707 I don't want him feeling any more miserable than he already is.. 471 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:08,713 Et tu, Jimmy?. 472 00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,715 Just kidding, of course.. 473 00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:13,718 Are you feeling better, Bill?. 474 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:14,719 Better than better.. 475 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,220 Well, what happened? 476 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,722 I'm glad you asked. It's quite a story.. 477 00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:18,723 Hey, Bill.. 478 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,725 Come on over here, sweetheart. 479 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,727 I'd like you to hear this.. 480 00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,228 Last night, I... 481 00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,229 Beth, move over here 482 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:28,232 so you can better see my face.. 483 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:31,736 Last night, I hit my emotional bottom, 484 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,738 and I have you people to thank for that.. 485 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:36,741 We're really sorry, Bill.. 486 00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:37,742 No, you're not.. 487 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:38,743 Yes, they are, Bill.. 488 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,745 Whatever, it's not relevant. Anyway.... 489 00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,246 After I hit the bottom, 490 00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:45,249 I looked up, and you know what I saw?. 491 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,251 The top?. 492 00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,252 That's right!. 493 00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:50,254 So I started climbing 494 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,756 toward the top.. 495 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:56,761 Slowly, but surely, climbing, climbing.... 496 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,763 Dude, can you hurry this up?. 497 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,765 Climbing, climbing, climbing, climbing.. 498 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:04,268 And when it was over, I had this... 499 00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:08,272 the first three chapters of my book.. 500 00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:11,776 So for those of you who have just been waiting to see me fall on my ass... 501 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,278 get comfortable, because it's going to be a long wait.. 502 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:18,282 Bill, try to remember that everyone here put in a sincere effort 503 00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,785 to help you through a difficult time.. 504 00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:24,288 Right. Thanks for your help, everyone.. 505 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,290 Look, Bill, don't go getting cocky again.. 506 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,792 It's hard not to.. 507 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,294 You'd be cocky too, if you had this, 508 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,797 because it's that good.. 509 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,299 Okay. That's it. That's it. You're not writing your book.. 510 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,301 Lighten up, Dave. He's just overcompensating 511 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,303 because he's a little nervous about finishing it.. 512 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,305 He wishes, my dear.. 513 00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,307 Look, Bill, I'm sorry, but it's getting disruptive.. 514 00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:47,311 We can't rush off to a bar every time you get writer's block. 515 00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:48,813 I could. 516 00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,315 I'm writing the book. End of story.. 517 00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,316 You can write all you want, Bill, 518 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,818 but you're not going to publish 519 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,820 because I'm not signing the release. Remember this?. 520 00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,822 Issue's closed. 521 00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,823 Dave, that's not fair. 522 00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,324 I don't care, Catherine.. 523 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,326 Oh, don't worry, this isn't over.. 524 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:05,329 Heck no. You get in there and fight for your rights. 525 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,332 I think I'll do that.. 526 00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:15,840 Do you think they bought it?. 527 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,842 Yeah... yeah, I think they did.. 528 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,844 Oh, thank you, thank you.. 529 00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,345 You don't think I overplayed it, do you?. 530 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:24,348 No. It was a thing of beauty.. 531 00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,851 Thanks. What did you use for your manuscript?. 532 00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:29,353 Oh, this is just an old term paper of mine. 533 00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:32,357 I guess that explains why it smells of beer. 534 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,362 Dave, on behalf of the staff, 535 00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,864 I'd like to say 536 00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,867 that we think you're being very unfair to Bill.. 537 00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:45,870 Well, I'm sorry, but the issue is closed. 538 00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:48,873 I'm impressed. I was sure you'd tell her.. 539 00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:49,874 Tell me what?. 540 00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,375 Nothing.. 541 00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:53,878 Nothing I can do will change your mind?. 542 00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,379 No, Bill.. 543 00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:59,383 What? Wait a minute. Tell me what?. 544 00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:00,885 Very good. That was very convincing.. 545 00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,887 Very good. That was nice.. 546 00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,388 Do you think he bought it?. 547 00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:06,391 Of course, I didn't.