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Invader Zim
The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever
s02e01 (s06e05_s06e06)

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Subtitles: Ainee

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"So raise the shields
and have you some joy,

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'cause Christmas
time is here!"

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That was great,
Mr. Sludgy!

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Now, will you tell us the story of
the most horrible Christmas ever?

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No, little girl.
No I won't.

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Wait... yes, I will!
Well, it's a little hazy,

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but it all started
2 million years ago

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with a little green nuclear
mole, named Zim!

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"Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells...!"

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Now, Zim hated humans
more than anything!

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Stink, stink, stink,
stinking humans!!!

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But he didn't know much
about Christmas now, did he?

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Watch my dog eat snow!

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You! Watch
the snow-eating!

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The amazing snow-eating
trick isn't working!

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The filthy horrible humans
aren't giving us any Earth moneys.

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We need Earth moneys to
appear as normal Earth-pigs.

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MiniMoose!

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How much have
we earned?

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Tuna?! Tuna is
worth nothing!!!

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Why does no one
give moneys to Zim?!

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There! That grubby
red human!

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He's taking
all my moneys!

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You! Stop
stealing all the...

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He's got
reinforcements!

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They're everywhere!
What are they?!

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And what do you want,
little boy or girl?

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I wants me a
barrel of floss!

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I wants me two
balls of glue...

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...to be my friends! And I
wants to go dancing naked!

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And I wants...

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And a chair
made 'a cheese...

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And a table made
'a cheese and a...

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No more! Get this
kid away from me!

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My little child just loves
you and I just...

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now, GIR!

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Let's go! Before
anyone notices!

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What is that?!

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Oh, that's MiniMoose,
my other sidekick.

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Yep! Been with me
the whole time!

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No candy for you,
chub-monster!

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Until you tell me everything
you know about these

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red bearded men who
smell of ham, and vomit!

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Oh... you must
mean... Santa!

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You are... San-ta?

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No no, we're just
Santa's helpers!

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And you all report
to this... San-ta?

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Well, nobody's ever
seen the real Santa,

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but the world
over loves Santa.

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And everyone waits with hope
in their hearts for the day

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when he returns
to his people.

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Everyone?!

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Computer! Drain the human's
brain of all Santa knowledge!

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X-mas?

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You stare at that dog
every Christmas, Gaz!

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Come on, already!
It's creepy.

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Three Christmases ago,
that dog ate the head off

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Bitey the Vampire!
You said so yourself!

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I haven't forgotten.

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Well, fixing an alien
spaceship is hard enough

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without you
distracting me.

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Besides, any moron could
fix this ship faster than you.

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Well...

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Can any moron
do... this?!

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Sorry, everyone!

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Again!

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Power is restored to
the Earth once more.

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It's a good
thing I exist!

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Oh no!
Santa!

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Yes, Santa Claus himself
has returned to his people

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and just in time for Christmas!
Check out this footage!

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The response has
been overwhelming!

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I can't believe
he's back!

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My heart explodes
with joy!

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And even our Presidentman
has given up his power,

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making room for Santa.

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It's all yours, Santa!

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We have Santa himself
in an exclusive interview!

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Santa, speak to us!

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People of Earth,
I have returned!

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To reclaim my rightful
place as ruler of this world!

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All will obey Santa in
this new world order!

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Oh yeah!
Rejoice, brothers!

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That sounds
like a lot of fun.

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I've never trusted
that jolly, fat man!

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Oh boy! I asked Santa to bring
me 12 cases of Uranium 238!

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No!!! Santa
has let me down!

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I will turn my back on him
and devote a portion

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of my life to
destroying Santa!

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Jeez, Dad...

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Oh yeah! And I command
all you Earth monkeys

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to gather at the jolly Christmas rallies
I'm holding all over the globe...

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to receive further
instructions!

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Earth monkeys?!

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- Oh no!
- Oh yeah!!!

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We don't have
much time!

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I only hope the suit can
absorb all the Santa data!

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This is not going
to be easy, GIR!

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Look at all those...

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...children!

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People of Earth!
I give you... Santa Claus!

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"Santa! Santa!
Santa! Santa!"

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Ho ho ho!
Santa has returned

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for all the good little boys
and girls of the world,

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to announce a new
Christmas tradition!

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It's the yuletide "helping of Santa
to build a giant teleporter capable

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of sending all humans
to their doom"!

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My Labor Sleighs will
take you to the North Pole,

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where you will
build the teleporter!

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Will being teleported to our
doom be fun and Christmasey?

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Ho ho ho
ho ho ho!

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Of course it will,
you hideous fool!

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Hail Santa!
Hail Santa!

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Santa Master?
These cute kids

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would love to sit on your
lap and beg for presents!

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Pweeeease, Santa?
Pweeeeeeee...

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...eeeease?

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Great ghost
of dooky!!!

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Of course, filthies.
Come to Santa.

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Ho ho ho! Ow ow
ow ow ow! Ew, ew!

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Drool!!!
Get off!!!

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Wait!

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What's happening?!

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What is the
suit doing?!

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Ho ho ho,
children!

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I love you!
All of you!

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Elves! Wrap up everything I have
and give it to these good people here!

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No! Give that
stuff back!

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And get off of
Santa! Now!

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Get off! Get off!
Get off!

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I didn't tell the suit
to do any of that!

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What's the matter,
Santa?!

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Dib!

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How do we know this
is the real Santa?!

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Of course I'm Santa!
I have robot elves!

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Robot elves! Just
like in the stories!

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What stories had
robot elves?!

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Everyone, remember last
Christmas when you thought

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that escaped Gorilla
was Santa?

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He wasn't?!

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Now, now. Christmas
is a time to be kind

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to all the boys and
girls of the world.

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Unless their heads
are filthy with lies!

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To the jingle jail
with the non-believer!

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No! No!!!

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You won't get away with this,
Zim! I won't let you ruin Christmas!

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Ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho!

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Merry Christmas, Dib!

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Merry Christmas!

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Ho ho ho ho ho!

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Ho ho ho ho ho!

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Ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho!

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Well, things
looked bad for Dib.

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Zim had fooled
the whole world.

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But he didn't know much
about Christmas now, did he?

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I don't get it!

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Why does he want to take
over the Earth so badly?

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What does he have
to gain, or to loose?!

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And the mechanizations of
this malfunctioning Santa suit

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completely elude me!

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As I was saying,
things looked bad for Dib.

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Zim was already preparing for
his trip to the North Pole when...

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Hurry it up! All this horrible
jolliness is getting to me!

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You!
Stop being jolly!

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Something has Zim worried.
If I could just get out of this cell, I...

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Hey!

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These are made
of real candy cane!

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It's funny, robot Elf.
I've never seen you before...

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but you're the only one I can
talk to right now, you know?

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It all seemed
so perfect!

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If there's one thing
humans can't resist,

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it's a fat man
with presents!

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So, I became
that fat man!

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The hardest part was
making the Santa suit!

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I used a Vortian
liquid substance.

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Every molecule is a tiny
hard drive I filled up

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with all the Santa
data I could find.

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Look at that, that's my favorite
part, there he gets all jiggly!

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Jiggly!

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An ingenious brain interface
allows me to command the suit!

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Thus, I become Santa!

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But I think I'm losing control.
I programmed it too well!

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'Cause I'm amazing.
And now it thinks it is Santa!

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Anything Christmasey
makes it go crazy!

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And it takes over, filling
me with hideous jolly feelings!

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I'd destroy it but I need to
play Santa 'til I beam humanity

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to the Tallest as slaves!

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Slaves?!
That's awful!

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Isn't it? But if this suit takes
over, it'll ruin everything!

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00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:53,800
We wish you a merry jingly,
we wish you a merry jingly,

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00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,800
we wish you...
- No, GIR!

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00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,000
No! Stop singing!
No!

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Ho ho ho! Little fellow,
you're so cute!

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I am!

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00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,500
Whho ho ho ho! More
Christmas power for Santa!

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00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,500
Dib! Elves!
Seize him!

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00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:23,700
This time throw him in the
actually strong jingle jail!

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00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:26,200
Why didn't you throw me in the
strong one in the first place?

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00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,700
You can never understand
my amazing brain!

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00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,700
Hope you like
snow, Dib!

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00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,400
Gaz! I'm trapped in
a frozen wasteland!

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- Who isn't?
- And Zim's posing as Santa

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00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,300
and he's gonna
take over the world!

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00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:49,300
That's great, Dib.
Look, I gotta go.

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00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,900
Okay, Gaz. I think
it's time I told you.

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00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:55,300
The dog's innocent!
I used Bitey the Vampire

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00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:59,300
for a teleporter experiment and
switched his head onto a fly's body!

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00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,500
So, if you wanna beat
me up, you're gonna

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00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,800
have to rescue me
first because...

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00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,000
- Gaz?
- Get in!

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00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,000
Wow! Tak's ship!
How did you...?

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00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,600
A little that way.
No, a little back.

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00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,200
Good, good.

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00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,800
GIR! The teleporter
is almost built, GIR!

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00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,300
This stabilizer should keep
the suit from going crazy

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00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:37,900
and ruining the ceremony!

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00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:41,400
"Jingly bells, jingly bells,
jingly all the way..."

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00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,400
No!!! Not the
jingly bells!

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00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,300
Enough jolly! Back
to work, all of you!

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00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,100
Christmas is almost here!
The masses are coming!

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00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,500
I need that teleporter!

224
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,900
I can't believe it!
I finally fixed it!

225
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:06,400
I'm actually flying in
my own alien ship!

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00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:10,600
- You fixed it?!
- Well... I fixed most of it!

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00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,000
Dad! I need your help!

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00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,700
Look son, I'm right
in the middle of...

229
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,000
But it's Santa!
He's...

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- Santa?!
- He's evil!

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00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,400
And he wants to
annihilate all mankind!

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00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,200
I knew this day would come!
Son, I'm giving you full access

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00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,700
to the anti-Santa arsenal
I made when I was a child!

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00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:26,900
Good luck destroying Santa!
And merry Christmas.

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00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,800
Well said,
MiniMoose.

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00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,500
People of Earth!
The teleporter is ready!

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00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,000
So get inside it,
hurry up!

238
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,900
But Santa!
It's Christmas Eve!

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00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,700
Aren't you gonna
sing Christmas carols?

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00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,800
No! No more singing!
Time to teleport!

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00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,300
And aren't you gonna
give us any presents?

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00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,600
There's plenty of presents
for you in the teleporter!

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00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:07,600
Now go!

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00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:27,700
But, Mr. Santa, before I go
to my doom, can I have a hug?

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00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,100
Child... so cute!
I'm infested!

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00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:40,100
Must resist!
No! No!!!

247
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,900
Of course you can have a hug,
you cute little woogy!

248
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,800
And lets all
sing more songs!

249
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,900
I am Santa!
I am Santa!

250
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,500
No!!!

251
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:59,800
Help! It's all lost.
There's no way

252
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:04,800
I can get out of this suit
now! The Santa has won.

253
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:11,000
Ho ho ho, ho ho ho,
ho ho ho ho ho.

254
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,500
Ho ho ho,
ho ho ho...

255
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,200
Zim! Your Christmas
time is up!

256
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:49,200
Malfunction overload!
Ho ho ho!

257
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,800
You've been
a bad little boy!

258
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,800
Now Santa is
going to destroy you!

259
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,000
Rough him up real
good, Johnny! Yeah!

260
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,100
The suit is weakened!
Excellent!

261
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,300
Now, Dib!
Throw it into space!

262
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,800
I did it!
Christmas is saved!

263
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:04,500
Hey! That boy threw Santa
into the cold void of space!

264
00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:08,000
Chwismas is
wuined fowever.

265
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Wait! Would the real Santa have
mutated into a horrible blob?

266
00:22:12,900 --> 00:22:15,400
And would Santa have
teleported you into space?

267
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,000
You were so desperate for
a real Santa that you believed

268
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,000
a monster in a costume!
That's not Christmas!

269
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,000
Go home!
Forget about this!

270
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,600
And spend time with your
families... or whatever.

271
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,700
The giant metal
boy is right!

272
00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:31,500
What fools we've been!

273
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:37,000
Wait! Will you listen to the evil
robot boy who destroyed Santa,

274
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,200
or will you listen to...
the Easter Platypus?

275
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,800
Easter shrimp for all if you tackle
the boy who destroyed Santa!

276
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:49,300
Easter Platypus,
we love you!

277
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,800
No! No! Wait!

278
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,800
Well, my evil mission
was a success.

279
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:01,900
No it wasn't!

280
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:07,400
Silence!!! And, merry
Platypus one and all!

281
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,800
That's the story of the most
horrible Christmas ever!

282
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,300
But Zim and Dib
were wrong that day!

283
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:24,500
Santa wasn't destroyed.
Santa lives on.

284
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,700
In the hearts and
minds of us all?

285
00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:31,000
No! In space!
Gathering power!

286
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,400
And every Christmas
he returns to Earth

287
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,900
and that's why we all live
in this protective dome!

288
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:40,000
Looks like
Santa's here!

289
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,500
Raise the shields,
children!

290
00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:56,100
Subtitles: Ainee

291
00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:38,400
He's gonna 'splode!