1 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:42,651 [ Siren blaring, tires screeching ] 2 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:46,588 [ Helicopter flying by ] 3 00:00:49,858 --> 00:00:53,294 [ Man on radio ] Go ahead and disregard the chase. We got him. 4 00:00:53,294 --> 00:00:56,264 That, uh-- [ Indistinct ] 5 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:59,768 [ Man ] You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. 6 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:03,738 * [ Rap ] [ Radio, indistinct ] 7 00:01:03,738 --> 00:01:06,841 *I'm Coming Straight Out of compton * 8 00:01:06,841 --> 00:01:10,979 *When Something Happens In south central Los Angeles nothing happens * 9 00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:14,148 *It's Just Another Nigger Dead, dead, dead * 10 00:01:14,148 --> 00:01:15,817 *Straight Out Of Compton 11 00:01:15,817 --> 00:01:17,719 *Crazy Motherfucker Name ice cube * 12 00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:20,288 *From The Gang Called Niggers with attitude * 13 00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,757 *Ak-47 Is The Tool 14 00:01:22,757 --> 00:01:24,158 *Don't Make Me Out The motherfucking fool * 15 00:01:24,158 --> 00:01:26,895 *As I Leave Believe I'm scarred, baby * 16 00:01:26,895 --> 00:01:30,298 *When I Come Back, Boys I'm coming straight out of compton, compton, compton * 17 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,934 [ Speaking spanish ] 18 00:01:32,934 --> 00:01:36,838 My friend said he saw you with ramon comacho. Shut up, ho! It ain't true, ricco. 19 00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:43,912 It's time to teach both of you a lesson. 20 00:01:43,912 --> 00:01:47,281 I wouldn't do that if I was you. [ Squeaking ] 21 00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:51,285 You better step back,ese, unless you want me to bust a cap in your ass. 22 00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:55,724 This is my 'hood. And these girls belong to me. 23 00:01:55,724 --> 00:02:00,695 Belong? That is a very sexist way to talk about these bitches. 24 00:02:01,896 --> 00:02:06,000 [ Speaking spanish ] 25 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,037 Bonjour. Je m'appelle ali. 26 00:02:09,037 --> 00:02:11,339 J'habitein staines. 27 00:02:19,981 --> 00:02:22,784 [ Hawking ] 28 00:02:31,993 --> 00:02:34,829 You made me use me last tissue. 29 00:02:34,829 --> 00:02:36,765 Me ain't got another one now. 30 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:39,600 [ Speaking spanish ] 31 00:02:45,239 --> 00:02:48,643 You what? Speak to the hand, 32 00:02:48,643 --> 00:02:51,145 'cause the face, it ain't listening. 33 00:02:51,145 --> 00:02:53,347 [ Speaking spanish ] 34 00:02:55,416 --> 00:02:57,318 - [ Yells ] - [ Yells ] 35 00:02:57,318 --> 00:03:01,155 Sorry. 36 00:03:01,155 --> 00:03:03,257 No! 37 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,780 [ Speaking spanish ] 38 00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:30,919 REMEMBER: Life is the most precious gift that jah has given us. 39 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,794 [ Guns cocking ] 40 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,669 [ Imitating machine gun ] 41 00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:57,912 [ All laughing ] 42 00:04:11,926 --> 00:04:13,895 [ Yelling ] 43 00:04:13,895 --> 00:04:16,264 Unlucky. 44 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:24,338 Mm, you saved us. I justreally want to thank you. 45 00:04:24,338 --> 00:04:26,741 Mm. [ Zipper unzipping ] 46 00:04:26,741 --> 00:04:29,844 I'ah, dios mio! That's gonna need the two of us. 47 00:04:32,246 --> 00:04:36,785 Mmm. Here. Let me help you with that. 48 00:04:36,785 --> 00:04:39,888 *Boy, I'm Gonna Make you love me make you want me * 49 00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:43,191 *And I'm Gonna Give You Some attention * Mm, that's nice. 50 00:04:43,191 --> 00:04:48,863 * [ Continues ] That's very nice. Oh, yes, please. 51 00:04:48,863 --> 00:04:52,133 Mmm. Thank you very much. 52 00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:54,836 Oh, that's good, babe. [ Chuckles ] 53 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,941 - oh, 2 pac, no! - [ Licking ] 54 00:04:59,941 --> 00:05:03,511 [ Dog whimpers ] Whatever. 55 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:07,782 [ Rapid licking ] 56 00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:11,119 - oh, yeah, baby. Play with the balls. - [ Rapid licking ] 57 00:05:11,119 --> 00:05:13,221 Oh, good dog. [ Knocking on door ] 58 00:05:13,221 --> 00:05:15,556 [ Woman ] Ali, are you awake? For real. 59 00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:17,926 Ally pally, do you know how very late it is? 60 00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,128 And you're still in bed all asleep. 61 00:05:20,128 --> 00:05:23,564 - sorry, nana. - *It's Nice To Get Up In the morning * 62 00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:25,867 [ Growling ] Get off. 63 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:29,804 *Four Or Five Or Six O'clock In the good old summertime * [ Growling ] 64 00:05:29,804 --> 00:05:33,842 *But When The Winter Comes And it's snowing out * [ Growling continues ] 65 00:05:33,842 --> 00:05:36,978 *It's Nice To Get Up In the morning * 66 00:05:36,978 --> 00:05:40,481 [ Growling stops ] *But Better To stay in bed * 67 00:05:40,481 --> 00:05:43,417 - [ Whimpers ] - ah, that's better. 68 00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:49,023 Ally pally, it's not nice to play with yourpupik when nana's in the room. 69 00:05:49,023 --> 00:05:51,960 - come on. You're teaching your class today. - oh, wicked. 70 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,495 Out of bed, choppy-chop. 71 00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:11,212 *Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive 72 00:06:11,212 --> 00:06:14,082 *Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive 73 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,851 *Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive 74 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,488 *Wicked Original * [ Reggae ] 75 00:06:37,305 --> 00:06:40,574 - *Booyaka, Booyaka - * [ Reggae Continues ] 76 00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:43,978 *Booyaka, Booyaka Booyaka, booyaka * 77 00:06:45,379 --> 00:06:46,881 *Booyaka, Booyaka 78 00:06:48,249 --> 00:06:51,385 * [ Reggae Continues ] 79 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,962 [ No dialogue ] 80 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,333 * [ Fading ] 81 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:08,469 - yo, yo. A'ight. A'ight. A'ight. - [ Belches ] 82 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:13,641 Respect. So, what's goin' down in staines town, my nigga? 83 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:17,245 Yo, nigga, we just be cold chillin', kicking back, suckin' on some gin and juice, 84 00:07:17,245 --> 00:07:19,213 laid back. Laid back? 85 00:07:19,213 --> 00:07:21,115 All right. For real. 86 00:07:21,115 --> 00:07:23,451 Jezzy, is you wearing green? 87 00:07:23,451 --> 00:07:28,056 I knew it. You is defecting to the iver heath posse, isn't it? 88 00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:30,491 Come on, let's stab him. Hold on, wait! 89 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,627 Me mum put me yellow top in the wash with my brother's blue football socks, 90 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:36,130 even though they ain't colorfast. 91 00:07:36,130 --> 00:07:40,101 All right, but you tell that slag that in the ghetto... 92 00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:45,206 Washing non-colorfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life. 93 00:07:45,206 --> 00:07:48,609 Will you boys move? I've told you before. It's a fire risk. 94 00:07:48,609 --> 00:07:51,479 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, my brother. What's the problem? Huh? 95 00:07:51,479 --> 00:07:54,282 We just four brothers chillin' out on the sidewalk, maxin', relaxin'. 96 00:07:54,282 --> 00:07:57,185 It ain't too taxin'. Boof. Move! 97 00:07:57,185 --> 00:08:00,388 Okay. Yeah. We'll just sit on the bench. Yes. 98 00:08:01,489 --> 00:08:04,625 * [ Rap ] 99 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,330 De east staines massiv. 100 00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:14,668 Well, if it ain't the west staines massiv outside their precious center. 101 00:08:17,305 --> 00:08:19,107 [ All ] Booyakasha! 102 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:22,376 [ All ] Wikity-waketysha! Boo! 103 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,613 Eastside is the best. Shhhh. 104 00:08:25,613 --> 00:08:29,984 Westside is the best. [ Squeaks ] 105 00:08:29,984 --> 00:08:33,254 - eastside is the best. - westside is the best. 106 00:08:33,254 --> 00:08:35,656 - westside is the best. - eastside is the best. 107 00:08:35,656 --> 00:08:39,460 - [ Laughing ] - shit. I meant westside is the best. 108 00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:43,097 Anyways, you is on our turf. 109 00:08:43,097 --> 00:08:45,733 Once you past the bumblebees day nursery, 110 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:49,603 just before you get to the mini-roundabout-- you know, on elmsleigh gardens-- 111 00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:53,041 then you is in the westside, oh, yeah? We don't care. 112 00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:55,409 Your mama is so fat... 113 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:59,380 That when she volunteered to clean the cages at the zoo, 114 00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:04,118 people walk by and say, "look at that hippopotamus." 115 00:09:04,118 --> 00:09:07,055 That ain't fair. It's glandular. 116 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:13,461 Let's leave these batty boys behind. Hey, your mama don't think so. 117 00:09:13,461 --> 00:09:16,097 * [ Hip-hop ] 118 00:09:25,406 --> 00:09:27,275 - slow down! - [ Tires screeching ] 119 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,645 [ Horn beeps ] 120 00:09:33,214 --> 00:09:35,283 Stop! 121 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:38,519 - eastside! - what a flippin' loon. He's gonna get himself killed. 122 00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:41,389 Hey, yo, yo, g. It's the lapd, man. 123 00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:44,192 Yeah? And? 124 00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:48,729 [ Laughs ] Oh, man! You are one bad mofo, man. 125 00:09:48,729 --> 00:09:51,499 - *I Is Feelin' It You rockin' it * - *I'm Feelin' It 126 00:09:51,499 --> 00:09:53,101 *I'm Checkin' It *I'm Doin' It 127 00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:54,535 *I'm Feelin' It *I'm Kissin' It 128 00:09:54,535 --> 00:09:56,337 *I'm Checkin' It *Nice 129 00:09:56,337 --> 00:09:59,473 * [ Rap Beat ] *Wicked 130 00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,444 *Wicked *Follow Me 131 00:10:04,678 --> 00:10:07,115 *Wicked Now, Wicked Now Wicked * 132 00:10:07,115 --> 00:10:09,350 *Me Got The Chicken Me like the chicken * 133 00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:12,720 *Me Got The Chicken Wicked A rockin' and a flickin' * 134 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,522 *We Got With The [ Scatting ] 135 00:10:14,522 --> 00:10:16,390 *A To The L To the I to the g * 136 00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:17,691 *Ali G That's me, that's me * 137 00:10:17,691 --> 00:10:19,260 *A To The L To the I to the g * 138 00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,129 *That's G That's me, that's me * 139 00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:23,264 *R To The I To The C To the k to the y * 140 00:10:23,264 --> 00:10:25,666 *That's Ricky C Ricky c to the c to the c * 141 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:30,204 *Ricky C, Ricky-- Oh, wait a sec. I's gonna be late for me class. Let's go. 142 00:10:30,204 --> 00:10:34,542 [ Ali g ] Crack cocaine is destroying our community. 143 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:38,546 So when a brother makes it through, they deserve our respect. 144 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:40,648 So let's big it up for darren, 145 00:10:40,648 --> 00:10:45,353 who's been clean and off the crack now for eight years. 146 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,522 - eight and three-quarter years. - whatever. 147 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:53,794 Me don't want to say this, but most of you ain't never gonna see 11. 148 00:10:53,794 --> 00:10:57,865 Booka! Drive-bys. 149 00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:01,735 [ Sobbing ] Look, he's crying. Homo, homo. 150 00:11:01,735 --> 00:11:05,139 Hey! We'll have none of that language here. 151 00:11:05,139 --> 00:11:08,909 - the word is "batty boy." - batty boy! 152 00:11:08,909 --> 00:11:11,879 Batty boy! Better! Now, everybody up. 153 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:14,648 'Cause it's time to give out this week's badges. 154 00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:17,818 First, big it up for me main man andy... 155 00:11:17,818 --> 00:11:20,854 Who has finally got his hot-wiring badge... 156 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:25,393 And his advanced swearing badge. Shit off, you hairy dog's cock. 157 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:29,530 Respect. And since you is got your fifth badge, 158 00:11:29,530 --> 00:11:32,500 you has also earned your second slit. 159 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:36,404 Hopefully one day, you'll get to be tyrone's level. 160 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:41,209 Tryrone, if you's get any better, we is gonna have to start doing your pubes, a'ight? 161 00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:43,411 I don't have any. 162 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,180 Well, I have got millions. 163 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,817 Now, remember, without realness, we is nothing. 164 00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:53,254 So, posse, keep it real. 165 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:57,425 [ All ] Keep it real! Keep it real! 166 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,793 Now on the streets, you is gotta know that your homey... 167 00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:02,296 Will take a cap in his ass for you. 168 00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:07,201 So let's start with a very basic trust exercise. 169 00:12:07,201 --> 00:12:10,471 One, two, three. 170 00:12:10,471 --> 00:12:13,941 - ali, can I have a word? - sure. 171 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,377 It's about the center. 172 00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:19,947 Now I know how much these classes mean to you... 173 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:23,817 - and how much the kids enjoy them. - [ Groans ] 174 00:12:23,817 --> 00:12:27,321 But I'm afraid the government is withdrawing our funding. 175 00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:29,723 They're closing down the john nike leisure center. 176 00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:35,896 You what? 177 00:12:35,896 --> 00:12:38,632 How is these kids gonna make it out of the ghetto now? 178 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:42,436 They'll have to go somewhere else. Somewhere else? 179 00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:46,674 Do you know what this center means to them? And to me? 180 00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:50,244 This is the spiritual home of the west staines massiv. 181 00:12:50,244 --> 00:12:53,381 This is like what mecca is to the jews. 182 00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:56,484 It's like what Kentucky is to chickens. 183 00:12:56,484 --> 00:13:01,489 And it was here where me first felt me julie's... [ Whistles ] 184 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:06,260 Ali, there's nothing you can do. 185 00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:08,896 Now, you better go and tell the kids. 186 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:32,420 I ain't never gonna let them close us down. 187 00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,855 Keep it real. Yeah? 188 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:37,458 [ Thud ] [ Groans ] 189 00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:40,294 [ Woman ] Dinner with the belgian prime minister at 8:00. 190 00:13:40,294 --> 00:13:42,330 Nato briefing in half an hour. 191 00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:45,299 And the deputy prime minister urgently wishes to speak to you. 192 00:13:45,299 --> 00:13:48,769 Has he heard the poll results yet? Excuse me. I wish I hadn't. 193 00:13:48,769 --> 00:13:51,071 Gallup's putting us 22 points behind. 194 00:13:51,071 --> 00:13:53,774 What about mori? Twenty-three points behind. 195 00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:56,710 The youth vote's deserting us in droves. 196 00:13:56,710 --> 00:14:00,348 All our focus groups suggest we're out of touch. Maybe we are. I know I am. 197 00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:03,551 Don't be ridiculous. Are we gonna lose this by-election, david? 198 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:07,655 No chance. We haven't lost staines in 20 years, and we're not about to start now. 199 00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:09,957 We just have an image problem. 200 00:14:09,957 --> 00:14:13,394 We have to find a candidate who will improve that image. 201 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,463 Somebody young. 202 00:14:16,864 --> 00:14:19,733 Somebody ethnic. Somebody in touch. 203 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,802 Exactly, prime minister. You're absolutely right, david. 204 00:14:21,802 --> 00:14:24,104 What we got to find is an outstanding candidate... 205 00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:27,575 Who's intellectually superior, who can guarantee us victory. 206 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,043 Easy now, Mrs. Hugh. Booyakasha. 207 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:33,714 Is me julie about? Safe. She's upstairs. 208 00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:37,651 Hello, baby. I's been missing you so much today. 209 00:14:37,651 --> 00:14:40,521 You is looking so fine. 210 00:14:40,521 --> 00:14:42,990 - all I want to do is pull your panties down-- - ali? 211 00:14:42,990 --> 00:14:45,125 Oh, hello, me julie. 212 00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,728 Stop feeling up nina and get in here. 213 00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:51,399 Sorry. I got confused. Strange how you never get confused with tracy, isn't it? 214 00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:54,602 - hello, ali. - hello. 215 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,771 You know you's me only bitch-- ho. 216 00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:03,110 Lady? When me close me eyes, you's the only girl me ever think about. 217 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,913 * [ Hip-hop ] 218 00:15:10,984 --> 00:15:13,521 * [ Ends ] Ali, open your eyes. 219 00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:15,589 Sorry. There was something in them. 220 00:15:15,589 --> 00:15:17,691 Because there's these fleas that is going around. 221 00:15:17,691 --> 00:15:19,727 And two of them, and they're coming. 222 00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:22,963 They're coming in again. They're in me eyes. 223 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,733 - * [ Hip-hop Resumes ] - [ Whip cracks ] 224 00:15:25,733 --> 00:15:28,769 Ali g, you've been a very bad boy and you need to be punished. 225 00:15:28,769 --> 00:15:32,005 - are you a bad boy? - yes, I am. 226 00:15:32,005 --> 00:15:35,876 My skin is so dry. So for being a bad boy, 227 00:15:35,876 --> 00:15:38,712 I want you to rub oil into me. 228 00:15:38,712 --> 00:15:42,115 Paying special attention to my breasts and my batty crease. 229 00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:45,453 Okay. I will do that. 230 00:15:45,453 --> 00:15:49,623 But first, I want you to take your hat off, you naughty, naughty boy. 231 00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:52,760 But me never take me hat off. You take that off, 232 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,629 - and I'll take these off. - okay. 233 00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:06,607 Now I'm going to milk you. [ Julie's voice ] Ali. 234 00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,876 Give me one more sec. 235 00:16:08,876 --> 00:16:14,214 - behave, alistair. - j.lo, they is closing down the center. 236 00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:17,150 So I was gonna go on a hunger strike until they save it. 237 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:20,688 Or until I die. So just in case I do join... 238 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,957 Tupac and biggie in dat ghetto in the sky, 239 00:16:23,957 --> 00:16:27,628 I's come here to bone you one last time. 240 00:16:27,628 --> 00:16:30,230 I think Mr. Johnson might have something to say about that. 241 00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:32,866 - can I watch? - I ain't got no problem with that. Has you? 242 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:36,904 Ali. Don't do nothing stupid, all right? 243 00:16:44,011 --> 00:16:48,081 Hear me now. She ain't really me julie. 244 00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:51,051 Obviously, in real life, I's going out with someone much fitter. 245 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:54,788 But they do that to make me more accessible. 246 00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:57,157 Which means that you girls out there will think that I will knob you, 247 00:16:57,157 --> 00:16:58,926 even if you was a minger. 248 00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:09,036 Okay, you got ten seconds till you start, mac daddy. 249 00:17:09,036 --> 00:17:10,904 [ Muffled ] More, more! More! 250 00:17:12,873 --> 00:17:15,843 Okay, and go! 251 00:17:15,843 --> 00:17:18,145 Mr. G, why are you on hunger strike? 252 00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:20,914 [ Muffled ] In the struggle for-- 253 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:27,287 in the struggle for justice, I's willing to lay down me life. 254 00:17:27,287 --> 00:17:30,924 Just like martin luther... Vandross did. 255 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:36,764 This is local party chairman, alan swan. 256 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:39,533 He's been putting together a list of names for the by-election. 257 00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:42,603 This is a great honor. I've always, um, been a particular admirer-- 258 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:47,708 - the names, swan. - right. Uh, well, uh, there are, um-- 259 00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:51,311 there are three really outstanding candidates that match all your criteria. 260 00:17:51,311 --> 00:17:55,215 Top of the list is andrew hamilton. PHD., political science, 261 00:17:55,215 --> 00:17:58,886 studied PP. At oxford, gained a starred first. 262 00:17:58,886 --> 00:18:01,689 Have you tried these new chicken dippers? They're quite good, aren't they? 263 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:04,592 Oh, yeah, they're really good. What sauce are you going for? 264 00:18:04,592 --> 00:18:06,860 Ooh. Uh, I think it's barbecue. 265 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:10,864 [ Yelling ] 266 00:18:14,768 --> 00:18:16,937 I can't take it. I can't take it. 267 00:18:16,937 --> 00:18:20,007 [ Yelling ] 268 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,547 Chicken dippers! 269 00:18:31,084 --> 00:18:33,621 - good. We can go home now. - ah, nips. 270 00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:35,989 I'll get the keys, yeah? 271 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:40,260 Starting again from... Now! 272 00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,295 * [ Rap ] 273 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,998 No. 274 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,806 Well, what has we got here then? 275 00:18:52,806 --> 00:18:55,643 I's doin' a serious protest, if you don't mind. 276 00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:58,078 Well, in that case, we'll leave you to it. 277 00:18:58,078 --> 00:19:00,914 Oh, thanks. 278 00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:03,917 There was just one thing, though. 279 00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:10,323 - [ All laughing ] - * [ Rap ] 280 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:13,260 *And Y'all Gonna See That the hottest nigger out there * 281 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:16,296 *Was, Is, Will Be Me 282 00:19:16,296 --> 00:19:19,933 *Just Like That I can go away for a minute do some other shit * 283 00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:23,771 - *But Bounce Right Back - [ Groans ] 284 00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:27,207 Grow, biggy, grow. I just gotta get a semi-lob on. 285 00:19:28,408 --> 00:19:33,113 Jennifer lopez. Jennifer lopez. 286 00:19:33,113 --> 00:19:37,818 Jennifer lopez lezzing off with the one from destiny's child with the big thighs. 287 00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:42,656 [ Giggles ] 288 00:19:42,656 --> 00:19:45,292 Look here now! Look here now! 289 00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,761 Look at my massive beast. [ All screaming ] 290 00:19:49,129 --> 00:19:52,666 You filthy animal! 291 00:19:59,039 --> 00:20:02,776 Oh, shep, this rail is very dirty. 292 00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:05,245 It's going to need a lot of polishing. 293 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,681 [ Moaning ] 294 00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:11,785 PHD. In economics, three years at harvard, age 34-- 295 00:20:11,785 --> 00:20:15,789 swan, is there any reason why there should be an absurdly dressed, 296 00:20:15,789 --> 00:20:17,791 half-naked man chained to a fence... 297 00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:20,994 Being tossed off by an old blind council worker? 298 00:20:23,030 --> 00:20:26,266 - [ Moaning ] - ignore him. 299 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,902 It's the local idiot making some pathetic protest. 300 00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:32,806 Have him unchained and bring him in here. 301 00:20:32,806 --> 00:20:35,208 But I'm trying to go through the whole-- bring him in, swan. 302 00:20:39,212 --> 00:20:41,248 Straight ahead at the top of the stairs. 303 00:20:43,884 --> 00:20:47,855 *Freak Me, Baby *Yeah, Just Like That 304 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:50,257 *Freak Me, Baby *Come On, Come On 305 00:20:50,257 --> 00:20:53,393 *Freak Me, Baby 306 00:20:53,393 --> 00:20:56,296 *Let Me Lick You Up and down * 307 00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:58,398 *Till You Say Stop 308 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,336 *Let Me Play With your body, baby * 309 00:21:03,336 --> 00:21:05,705 *Make You Feel Hot 310 00:21:07,274 --> 00:21:10,477 [ Off-key ] *Let Me Do All The Things 311 00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,813 *You Want Me To Do 312 00:21:15,348 --> 00:21:17,751 *'Cause Tonight, Baby 313 00:21:17,751 --> 00:21:22,790 *I Wanna Get Freaky with you * 314 00:21:24,424 --> 00:21:27,327 I'm kate hedges, the deputy prime minister's private secretary. 315 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:31,264 Please, come in. And, uh, you can pull your pants up now. 316 00:21:37,871 --> 00:21:41,241 Hello. I'm david carlton, the chancellor of the exchequer and the deputy prime minister. 317 00:21:41,241 --> 00:21:45,045 *Hello, I's Ali G The dominatin' MC. * 318 00:21:45,045 --> 00:21:48,015 *Makin' Bitches Touch Their punani * 319 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:51,952 *The Number After Two It be * Three. 320 00:21:51,952 --> 00:21:55,122 *No Ali A, No Ali B No ali c, no ali d * 321 00:21:55,122 --> 00:21:58,191 *No Ali-- 322 00:21:58,191 --> 00:22:00,327 *E 323 00:22:00,327 --> 00:22:02,896 *No Ali-- 324 00:22:02,896 --> 00:22:05,065 Uh... 325 00:22:05,065 --> 00:22:08,501 *F But ali * G. 326 00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:12,539 Po! Your rhymes is tight for a honky. Yes, sir. 327 00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:16,443 - that's his full name and address. - tell me, ali, 328 00:22:16,443 --> 00:22:20,380 - do you have a job? - unfortunately, I's recently gone on the dole. 329 00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:23,516 - really? When? - eight years and three months ago. 330 00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:26,820 It says here you claim disability benefit. Are you-- 331 00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:30,090 yes, I is actually spasticated. 332 00:22:30,090 --> 00:22:32,459 I's got a terrible dj-ing injury. 333 00:22:32,459 --> 00:22:35,362 Me still ain't got full mobility on me main mixing finger. 334 00:22:35,362 --> 00:22:37,530 [ Scratching ] Ow! 335 00:22:39,099 --> 00:22:41,268 Everything down there is still working. 336 00:22:41,268 --> 00:22:43,403 Oh, yes. Yes. 337 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:45,572 Ali, um, would you sit down? 338 00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:47,807 Um, please, sit down. 339 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,513 Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament? 340 00:22:53,513 --> 00:22:56,349 What would me want to do that for? It's full of pricks. 341 00:22:56,349 --> 00:23:01,121 Oh, that's a little harsh. I'm an MP. Am I a prick? Yes. 342 00:23:01,121 --> 00:23:04,591 Let's try approaching this from a different angle. 343 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:08,495 Um... Is there nothing in the world that you would like to change? 344 00:23:08,495 --> 00:23:12,365 Yeah. Me'd wanna save the john nike leisure center, obviously. 345 00:23:12,365 --> 00:23:16,103 Well, as the MP. For staines, you could achieve that. 346 00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:18,438 Would you stand as our candidate in this by-election? 347 00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:22,342 Well, me gotta be honest. Me ain't actually bi. I mean, 348 00:23:22,342 --> 00:23:25,445 obviously, I done it with two girls. 349 00:23:25,445 --> 00:23:27,881 Well, I seen it on the internet. 350 00:23:27,881 --> 00:23:29,616 But me would never feel completely comfortable... 351 00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:32,519 Being bummed by a man, or even bummin' a man. 352 00:23:32,519 --> 00:23:35,555 I know a lot of people say, "never say ever," But me feel so strongly... 353 00:23:35,555 --> 00:23:40,327 That me exit hole should always stay me exit hole and never become me entry hole. 354 00:23:40,327 --> 00:23:44,331 You know what I's saying? Yes. 355 00:23:44,331 --> 00:23:48,035 Yes. Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you. 356 00:23:48,035 --> 00:23:49,970 Later. 357 00:23:54,241 --> 00:23:56,443 Later, sweetheart. 358 00:24:12,292 --> 00:24:15,996 David? What are you doing? 359 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,531 He was the biggest idiot I have ever met. 360 00:24:18,531 --> 00:24:21,101 Choose him and there is no way we can win the by-election. 361 00:24:21,101 --> 00:24:23,503 I know. But there will be a leadership crisis. 362 00:24:23,503 --> 00:24:26,473 A vote of no confidence. The PM. Will be out. 363 00:24:26,473 --> 00:24:28,408 And who could possibly replace him? 364 00:24:31,979 --> 00:24:35,648 Ali has two weeks to lose us 18,000 votes. 365 00:24:35,648 --> 00:24:38,285 Let's get him on the campaign trail. 366 00:24:42,089 --> 00:24:44,524 Easy now, rude boy. Me name be ali g... 367 00:24:44,524 --> 00:24:47,394 And me is here representing staines. 368 00:24:47,394 --> 00:24:49,596 Me wanna know if me can count on your vote. What ya say? 369 00:24:49,596 --> 00:24:52,532 - definitely not! - hairy muff. 370 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:57,104 Well, seein' as I is here, I couldn't interest you in a quarter of moroccan black? 371 00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:58,571 It's well good shit. 372 00:24:58,571 --> 00:25:03,410 Dave, it's your turn to shit through the letter box. 373 00:25:03,410 --> 00:25:06,613 Our anti-bullying program has won paise throughout the county. 374 00:25:06,613 --> 00:25:11,518 And incidents of bullying in this school are at an all-time low. 375 00:25:11,518 --> 00:25:14,687 Ah, this is jonathan, who used to suffer terribly at the hands of bullies. 376 00:25:14,687 --> 00:25:18,125 I ain't surprised. Look at him. 377 00:25:18,125 --> 00:25:22,362 Hey, fatty boom-boom. Hey, fatty boom-boom. 378 00:25:22,362 --> 00:25:27,534 Hey, want another cream cake? Boing, boing, boing. 379 00:25:27,534 --> 00:25:32,172 [ Chuckles ] Oh. He is well fat, though, isn't he? 380 00:25:32,172 --> 00:25:34,674 All you motherfuckers, fu-fu-fu-fuckers. 381 00:25:34,674 --> 00:25:37,477 All you motherfuckers. Fu-fu-fu-fuckers. 382 00:25:37,477 --> 00:25:41,381 Vote for the g. The motherfucking g. That's me. The motherfucking g. 383 00:25:41,381 --> 00:25:43,750 All the bitches in the house say "yo." 384 00:25:46,453 --> 00:25:50,590 Vote for me, 'cause me know what you lezzers want. 385 00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:53,560 I's a big supporter of your cause. 386 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,664 And I's got many, many of your videos. 387 00:25:57,664 --> 00:26:00,400 If you vote for me, me give you me pledge... 388 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,170 To lower taxes on strap-ons. 389 00:26:03,170 --> 00:26:08,375 - [ Booing ] - why's you getting so eggy? Is you all on? 390 00:26:08,375 --> 00:26:12,779 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, to commemorate the extension of the town hall, 391 00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:15,582 we're asking all the candidates to lay down a brick. 392 00:26:15,582 --> 00:26:19,252 Ali, we wonder whether you'd be good enough to lay one for us now? 393 00:26:19,252 --> 00:26:21,788 - what? Here? - we would be honored. 394 00:26:21,788 --> 00:26:23,723 In front of everyone? Well, yes. 395 00:26:25,192 --> 00:26:27,094 All right. 396 00:26:33,533 --> 00:26:36,336 [ Crowd groaning ] 397 00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:40,673 Not bad. 398 00:26:40,673 --> 00:26:43,310 This is absolutely vital. 399 00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:45,612 Ten days ago, we were 14 points ahead. 400 00:26:45,612 --> 00:26:48,415 With one day to go, we are eight points behind. 401 00:26:48,415 --> 00:26:52,051 Listen, did you get the manifesto that I sent you? 402 00:26:54,287 --> 00:26:57,324 Have you got another roach? Uh, for real. 403 00:27:04,197 --> 00:27:08,101 You got another roach? Uh, yeah, for real. 404 00:27:08,101 --> 00:27:11,438 Wicked. Wicked. Yeah. [ Chuckles ] 405 00:27:11,438 --> 00:27:14,541 Yes. It was very helpful. 406 00:27:14,541 --> 00:27:17,477 Thirty seconds till we're on air. Would you like to come with me? 407 00:27:17,477 --> 00:27:21,181 Good luck. Don't hold back. 408 00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:23,583 * [ Fanfare ] 409 00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:27,520 Shh, shh, shh, shh. [ Giggles ] [ Mumbling ] 410 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:32,459 In what is possibly the most crucial by-election of the past decade, 411 00:27:32,459 --> 00:27:35,128 we're joined tonight by ex-environment secretary and political heavyweight... 412 00:27:35,128 --> 00:27:37,864 David griffiths, and newcomer ali g. 413 00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:39,866 If you haven't made your mind up yet, 414 00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:42,202 you will have done by the end of this debate. 415 00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:46,239 Ali, if elected, what would you do for staines? 416 00:27:46,239 --> 00:27:48,775 Well, me'd save the john nike leisure center, isn't it? 417 00:27:48,775 --> 00:27:51,544 You can't suggest that your sole policy... 418 00:27:51,544 --> 00:27:56,516 Is to save a center that's barely used and a terrible drain on funds. 419 00:27:56,516 --> 00:27:59,319 What are your other policies? 420 00:27:59,319 --> 00:28:01,588 My other policies? 421 00:28:01,588 --> 00:28:04,524 Yes. You must have some. 422 00:28:04,524 --> 00:28:06,393 [ No sound ] 423 00:28:06,393 --> 00:28:09,462 Well. 424 00:28:09,462 --> 00:28:13,200 Oh, I think it is well important to reduce... 425 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,802 "Inflat-ee-on." 426 00:28:15,802 --> 00:28:20,440 And, also, to invest in the "nehuss." 427 00:28:22,375 --> 00:28:24,544 The naha... Nahus. 428 00:28:24,544 --> 00:28:27,180 Oh, the NH.S. 429 00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:29,949 - you're reading from my sheet. - no, I ain't. I was for them things myself. 430 00:28:29,949 --> 00:28:34,421 You has obviously copied from me. It wasn't me. 431 00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:37,557 Well, then, perhaps you'd like to tell me where you stand on the ER.M.? 432 00:28:37,557 --> 00:28:41,328 No problem. Me thought their first album was whack. 433 00:28:41,328 --> 00:28:43,496 And to be honest, me hate all indie music. 434 00:28:43,496 --> 00:28:45,698 Quick frankly, the voters of staines deserve better. 435 00:28:45,698 --> 00:28:47,700 You're making a mockery of this debate. 436 00:28:47,700 --> 00:28:52,205 What? Is you looking in the mirror? All you're doing... 437 00:28:52,205 --> 00:28:54,407 Is making it obvious to all the voters out there... 438 00:28:54,407 --> 00:28:58,311 - what an absolute buffoon you are. - talking about yourself again? 439 00:28:58,311 --> 00:29:00,213 [ Ali ] I think so, yes. 440 00:29:00,213 --> 00:29:03,550 You are an embarrassment to your party and to the people of staines. 441 00:29:03,550 --> 00:29:06,219 That is not a very nice way to talk about your mum. 442 00:29:06,219 --> 00:29:08,588 I put it to you... 443 00:29:08,588 --> 00:29:11,424 That you are the worst possible candidate... 444 00:29:11,424 --> 00:29:14,427 Ever put forward by your miserable party. 445 00:29:14,427 --> 00:29:16,463 Well, I put it to you... 446 00:29:25,972 --> 00:29:28,741 - that you sucked off a horse. - [ Gasps ] 447 00:29:31,611 --> 00:29:34,414 I did not, uh, suck off a horse. 448 00:29:36,349 --> 00:29:39,419 I have already dealt with this issue with the party chairman. 449 00:29:39,419 --> 00:29:42,289 And as I explained to him, 450 00:29:42,289 --> 00:29:46,559 I was out hunting with a friend... 451 00:29:46,559 --> 00:29:51,531 And I slipped on to the end of a horse's phallus, 452 00:29:51,531 --> 00:29:56,903 which, unfortunately, owing to it being the mating season, 453 00:29:56,903 --> 00:29:59,539 was... Aroused. 454 00:30:03,543 --> 00:30:06,513 [ Ali ] Why is he going? Does he need to do a pony? 455 00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:10,717 - [ Laughing ] Oh. That's cold. - is that a yes or a neigh? 456 00:30:10,717 --> 00:30:13,586 Why ain't you speaking? Is you a bit hoarse? 457 00:30:13,586 --> 00:30:16,723 Was that a lie or was that the tr-hoof, hoof? 458 00:30:16,723 --> 00:30:20,693 [ Ali over speaker ] I don't want to read the "gallop" polls tomorrow. Giddyup! 459 00:30:20,693 --> 00:30:23,396 Another dramatic day in the staines by-elections... 460 00:30:23,396 --> 00:30:26,899 Saw the unexpected withdrawal of opposition candidate david griffiths. 461 00:30:26,899 --> 00:30:30,537 Tomorrow's vote now becomes a two-horse race between thomas alvarez... 462 00:30:30,537 --> 00:30:33,573 And ali g, with the result too close to call. 463 00:30:33,573 --> 00:30:36,709 Thomas alvarez, liberal democrats, 464 00:30:36,709 --> 00:30:38,911 five thousand and eighty votes. 465 00:30:42,649 --> 00:30:44,784 Alistair leslie graham, [ Laughing ] 466 00:30:44,784 --> 00:30:47,854 Who? What a stupid name. 467 00:30:47,854 --> 00:30:50,723 Five thousand and eighty-six votes. [ Screams ] 468 00:30:50,723 --> 00:30:52,792 You won! You did it! 469 00:30:52,792 --> 00:30:55,462 Selector! 470 00:30:55,462 --> 00:30:57,697 [ Man ] And I now declare ali g... 471 00:30:57,697 --> 00:31:02,335 Has been duly elected as member of parliament for staines. 472 00:31:08,441 --> 00:31:11,444 Now, do you wanna see the new member of parliament, a'ight? 473 00:31:11,444 --> 00:31:13,746 [ Both laughing ] 474 00:31:13,746 --> 00:31:15,014 - [ Zipper unzipping ] - [ Feedback ] 475 00:31:15,014 --> 00:31:18,985 [ Ali on PA. ] Look, I is touching myself. Do you like that? 476 00:31:18,985 --> 00:31:21,788 Is that turnin' you on? 477 00:31:21,788 --> 00:31:24,123 [ Julie on PA. ] Not really. Hmm. 478 00:31:24,123 --> 00:31:27,560 [ Ali ] Would you like to give a kiss to Mr. Gherkin? 479 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,030 [ Julie ] Oh, baby, you're so long and hard. 480 00:31:31,030 --> 00:31:35,702 - [ Ali ] That's the hand brake. - now let's get jiggy. 481 00:31:35,702 --> 00:31:39,005 [ Ali ] *Mm, Mr. Bombastic Reggae fantastic * 482 00:31:39,005 --> 00:31:41,408 *Take It And De doogie doogie doogie * 483 00:31:41,408 --> 00:31:43,142 *Mr. Ro-ro-ro-ro-ro 484 00:31:43,142 --> 00:31:46,579 *Mmmmmmantic 485 00:31:46,579 --> 00:31:48,681 [ Softly moans ] 486 00:31:50,850 --> 00:31:52,552 Is it in yet? 487 00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:11,704 Big up yourself. Respect. Safe. Big up yourself. 488 00:32:11,704 --> 00:32:15,174 - [ Indistinct ] - hey, hey, I know you. 489 00:32:15,174 --> 00:32:18,411 You is the geezer that did it with that prozzie, isn't it? 490 00:32:19,779 --> 00:32:21,414 Respect. 491 00:32:23,850 --> 00:32:27,019 - [ Man ] ...because this government's conduct-- - order! Order! 492 00:32:27,019 --> 00:32:32,992 - [ All shouting ] - this government's conduct of economic policy... 493 00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:37,564 Has not only been incompetent, it has been unscrupulous, 494 00:32:37,564 --> 00:32:41,634 untrustworthy and untruthful. 495 00:32:41,634 --> 00:32:44,504 They is dissin' our posse. I's gonna sort this. 496 00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:47,940 [ Man ] Order! Order in the house! 497 00:32:47,940 --> 00:32:50,610 - and look at this. - order! Order! 498 00:32:50,610 --> 00:32:54,747 Will the member from staines return to his seat? 499 00:32:54,747 --> 00:32:58,985 Will the member from staines return to his seat? 500 00:32:58,985 --> 00:33:03,923 Order! Order in the house! 501 00:33:07,226 --> 00:33:11,063 What is he doing? I'm-i'm not sure, prime minister. 502 00:33:11,063 --> 00:33:14,066 Order in the house! 503 00:33:14,066 --> 00:33:16,869 And for you, sir, to come down and step up to me... Shh. 504 00:33:16,869 --> 00:33:20,206 And have the-- relax, ya batty. 505 00:33:20,206 --> 00:33:22,208 [ Snaps fingers ] 506 00:33:27,514 --> 00:33:29,949 Look at you. 507 00:33:29,949 --> 00:33:33,185 All you ever do all day long is cuss each other. 508 00:33:33,185 --> 00:33:38,625 R-e-s-t-e-c-p. 509 00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,627 Do you even know what that spells? 510 00:33:40,627 --> 00:33:42,962 "Restecp"? 511 00:33:46,265 --> 00:33:50,169 - yes. "Restecp." - restecp. 512 00:33:50,169 --> 00:33:54,106 How's anyone out there meant to restecp each other... 513 00:33:54,106 --> 00:33:56,108 If you lot in here... 514 00:33:56,108 --> 00:34:01,013 Don't even start restecping one another? 515 00:34:01,013 --> 00:34:03,215 Sergeant, eject the gentleman. 516 00:34:03,215 --> 00:34:05,885 Do you wanna know how to make this country better? It's simple. 517 00:34:05,885 --> 00:34:09,255 Two WORDS: Keep it real. 518 00:34:09,255 --> 00:34:12,525 - that's three words. - don't be a spanner. "It" ain't a real word. 519 00:34:12,525 --> 00:34:15,995 It's short for "innit," innit? Keep it real! 520 00:34:15,995 --> 00:34:19,165 The member of staines will be banned from the house. 521 00:34:19,165 --> 00:34:21,267 Is it 'cause I's black? 522 00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:24,704 What in god's name have you done to me? 523 00:34:24,704 --> 00:34:27,640 I want that idiot in my office in the morning with his letter of resignation. 524 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,508 Is that clear? Yes, prime minister. 525 00:34:30,710 --> 00:34:32,278 - [ Knocking on door ] - come in. 526 00:34:34,881 --> 00:34:37,750 Listen. Me know me done wrong. 527 00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,786 Ali, haven't you read the papers? 528 00:34:50,229 --> 00:34:53,900 I can't believe it. 529 00:34:53,900 --> 00:34:55,802 There's a dog that can play table tennis. 530 00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:58,304 Ali, it's the press. They love you. 531 00:34:58,304 --> 00:35:00,139 But how can he hold the bat? 532 00:35:00,139 --> 00:35:03,042 Ali, the deputy prime minister and I were wondering... 533 00:35:03,042 --> 00:35:07,046 What would you say if I asked you to join the cabinet? 534 00:35:07,046 --> 00:35:10,917 No. Think about it. Ali joins the cabinet. 535 00:35:10,917 --> 00:35:13,285 The two of them are publicly allied together. 536 00:35:13,285 --> 00:35:16,155 Ali slips up and he takes that old prat with him. 537 00:35:16,155 --> 00:35:18,257 What makes you think ali will join? 538 00:35:18,257 --> 00:35:20,693 Because I've suggested to the prime minister... 539 00:35:20,693 --> 00:35:24,631 That he offers to save his leisure center. Are you mad? That would-- 540 00:35:24,631 --> 00:35:27,934 let me finish. Offers to save his leisure center... 541 00:35:27,934 --> 00:35:32,271 If ali can secure him a 20-point lead in the polls. 542 00:35:32,271 --> 00:35:35,174 Yo, boss man, now I's in the cabinet and all that, 543 00:35:35,174 --> 00:35:37,677 could I have a look at the red button? 544 00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:39,712 - can I trust you? - yes. 545 00:35:39,712 --> 00:35:42,649 All right, here we are. 546 00:35:42,649 --> 00:35:48,220 Now, one touch on that red button could destroy the whole world. 547 00:35:48,220 --> 00:35:51,157 That is very interesting that you say that because-- no! No! 548 00:35:51,157 --> 00:35:53,693 [ Laughs ] Fell for it, fell for it. 549 00:35:53,693 --> 00:35:56,162 Ali, please stand away, please. 550 00:35:56,162 --> 00:35:58,164 Dear me. Can't we just blow up something? 551 00:35:58,164 --> 00:36:00,633 Of course not. Please? 552 00:36:00,633 --> 00:36:03,035 No! Come on, just somewhere shitty, like wales. 553 00:36:03,035 --> 00:36:06,706 Ali. I heard the prime minister of wales called your mum a slag. 554 00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:09,208 Iamthe prime minister of wales. 555 00:36:09,208 --> 00:36:11,343 Well, you shouldn't talk that way about your mum, isn't it? 556 00:36:11,343 --> 00:36:14,647 Now, look, your first cabinet meeting is next thursday. 557 00:36:14,647 --> 00:36:17,750 [ Prime minister ] We're going to be discussing asylum seekers. 558 00:36:17,750 --> 00:36:21,420 I'm sending you on a fact-finding mission. 559 00:36:21,420 --> 00:36:24,156 If anybody wants to smuggle anything into britain, 560 00:36:24,156 --> 00:36:26,793 chances are they'll come through here. 561 00:36:26,793 --> 00:36:29,762 And it's not just immigrants. Take a look at this. 562 00:36:31,263 --> 00:36:33,299 You'll be appalled. 563 00:36:33,299 --> 00:36:36,769 Look at this crap. 564 00:36:36,769 --> 00:36:39,438 Thirty kilos of marijuana smuggled in from europe, 565 00:36:39,438 --> 00:36:41,440 south America and the middle east. 566 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:45,077 That is terrible. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. 567 00:36:45,077 --> 00:36:47,313 - is there any skunk? - yes. 568 00:36:47,313 --> 00:36:50,917 Some scumbag managed to smuggle in 15 kilos of this. 569 00:36:50,917 --> 00:36:54,721 Turns out it's the strongest super skunk ever discovered. 570 00:36:56,789 --> 00:36:59,358 Over here is where we keep the confiscated weapons. 571 00:36:59,358 --> 00:37:01,928 And this is where we keep the-- [ Yelling ] 572 00:37:05,932 --> 00:37:08,701 You must have such a laugh here, what? 573 00:37:09,869 --> 00:37:12,905 - no, we don't. - oh. 574 00:37:12,905 --> 00:37:16,375 This next section is where we keep the mountains of hard-core pornography. 575 00:37:16,375 --> 00:37:18,410 Most of it coming from germany. 576 00:37:18,410 --> 00:37:20,446 You may want to look away at this bit. 577 00:37:20,446 --> 00:37:23,850 No, I's got a job to do. 578 00:37:25,151 --> 00:37:28,888 [ Whimpers ] I know. 579 00:37:28,888 --> 00:37:32,224 It makes me feel sick too. 580 00:37:32,224 --> 00:37:34,426 Well, I's gonna have to compile me report now. 581 00:37:34,426 --> 00:37:38,064 So if you wouldn't mind fucking off. Certainly, sir. 582 00:37:38,064 --> 00:37:41,067 Oh, westminster will be sending down a couple of experts... 583 00:37:41,067 --> 00:37:44,403 To help me with me research. [ Ricky c ] jezzy, glasses. 584 00:37:45,938 --> 00:37:48,340 Hello. We is experts. 585 00:37:51,210 --> 00:37:55,281 [ Music plays, man, woman moaning ] 586 00:37:57,917 --> 00:37:59,986 [ Man on tv speaking german ] 587 00:38:03,189 --> 00:38:07,393 Well, now, ali, tells us. What did you find out in dover? 588 00:38:07,393 --> 00:38:10,462 Well, we saw a lot of stuff-- most of it from germany-- 589 00:38:10,462 --> 00:38:14,333 of these blokes all goin' in through the back door. 590 00:38:14,333 --> 00:38:17,937 Absolutely right. I've been to germany and experienced it myself. 591 00:38:17,937 --> 00:38:21,040 Respect. I remember one time... 592 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,343 There were these two huge african men... 593 00:38:24,343 --> 00:38:28,380 Who managed to squeeze themselves into... This tiny box. 594 00:38:30,282 --> 00:38:33,252 - how long was they in there for? - fifteen hours. 595 00:38:33,252 --> 00:38:36,522 It was incredibly emotional. It must have hurt, what? 596 00:38:36,522 --> 00:38:40,126 - it still does. - sorry. 597 00:38:40,126 --> 00:38:45,131 So, john, what are we going to do about these asylum seekers? 598 00:38:45,131 --> 00:38:48,935 Well, we can't just let them all in. It'll cripple the economy. 599 00:38:48,935 --> 00:38:51,437 - ooh. Ooh. - ah, yes, ali. 600 00:38:51,437 --> 00:38:53,840 Let's think about this, right? 601 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,909 What is the main thing we ain't got enough of in this country? 602 00:38:56,909 --> 00:38:59,211 - hospitals. - no. - libraries? 603 00:38:59,211 --> 00:39:04,216 Behave! We ain't got enough fit women. 604 00:39:04,216 --> 00:39:07,887 And we's got too many mingers. No offense, karen. 605 00:39:09,321 --> 00:39:12,491 So why don't we just let in all the fit refugees... 606 00:39:12,491 --> 00:39:14,493 And turn away all the rank ones. 607 00:39:14,493 --> 00:39:16,595 That way we solve both problems. 608 00:39:16,595 --> 00:39:20,566 We's knobbin' two birds with one connie, isn't it? [ Chattering ] 609 00:39:20,566 --> 00:39:22,501 - this is ludicrous. - what do you think? 610 00:39:24,436 --> 00:39:27,373 I think we should "keep it real." 611 00:39:28,340 --> 00:39:31,277 Fit. Fit. 612 00:39:32,211 --> 00:39:34,981 Fit. Wait. 613 00:39:36,916 --> 00:39:39,518 Back to slovenia. Fit. 614 00:39:42,955 --> 00:39:46,392 As I was saying, education standards are at their lowest for 15 years. 615 00:39:46,392 --> 00:39:50,529 Yeah, well, that is because kids is learning stuff that ain't no use to them. 616 00:39:50,529 --> 00:39:55,401 I mean, who here has ever used maths? Or english? 617 00:39:57,036 --> 00:40:02,341 Exactly. Let's start making education relevant. 618 00:40:02,341 --> 00:40:07,346 So, if kevin buys six ounces of jamaican sinsemilla from fat tony... 619 00:40:07,346 --> 00:40:10,416 For 6480, cash in hand, 620 00:40:10,416 --> 00:40:13,953 and has to divide it amongst 11 of his customers, 621 00:40:13,953 --> 00:40:16,155 how much should he charge for an eighth... 622 00:40:16,155 --> 00:40:20,359 So he can make 6100 profit to pay off his child support? 623 00:40:20,359 --> 00:40:23,195 Prime minister, the situation in northern ireland... 624 00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:26,198 Is threatening to spiral out of all control. 625 00:40:26,198 --> 00:40:29,936 Hear me now. The only way you is ever gonna get those hindus... 626 00:40:29,936 --> 00:40:33,973 To stop killing them islams-- it's actually catholics fighting protestants. 627 00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:38,377 Whatever-- is if you get some really fit woman... 628 00:40:38,377 --> 00:40:41,347 To get her babylons out for peace. 629 00:40:41,347 --> 00:40:43,582 Prime minister-- not you, love. 630 00:40:43,582 --> 00:40:49,621 The army is costing the british taxpayer 64.2 billion a year. 631 00:40:49,621 --> 00:40:51,958 How does the government intend to reduce this figure? 632 00:40:51,958 --> 00:40:56,228 We is gonna hire the a-team. 633 00:40:56,228 --> 00:40:57,529 [ Man ] Her majesty, the queen. 634 00:40:59,932 --> 00:41:02,969 Your majesty. 635 00:41:02,969 --> 00:41:05,437 May I introduce ali g, member of parliament for staines. 636 00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,042 *Come On, Baby Girl Will you show me your twirls * 637 00:41:10,042 --> 00:41:12,244 *Come On, We both on the floor * 638 00:41:12,244 --> 00:41:14,280 *I Will Rock Your World 639 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:18,117 *I Will Wind And Go Down Wind and come up * 640 00:41:18,117 --> 00:41:20,119 *I'll Watch The People On the way * 641 00:41:20,119 --> 00:41:23,289 * [ Fading ] 642 00:41:23,289 --> 00:41:28,627 Hello, cheeky. You is much fitter than you look on them coins. 643 00:41:28,627 --> 00:41:32,131 Me tell you, next time I put a 50 pence piece in me pocket, 644 00:41:32,131 --> 00:41:36,969 me'll feel honored having your head so close to me nuts. 645 00:41:36,969 --> 00:41:40,706 Nothing's working. The jobless figures are at their highest level-- 646 00:41:44,076 --> 00:41:46,678 this country has a special relationship with the united states. 647 00:41:46,678 --> 00:41:48,647 What do you think of bush? 648 00:41:48,647 --> 00:41:50,983 Me love bush. I mean, 649 00:41:50,983 --> 00:41:55,321 me love anything that gives foliage to the punani area. 650 00:41:56,655 --> 00:41:59,325 Would you do a dance for me, please? 651 00:42:05,998 --> 00:42:09,635 - oh, my god. - shaven heaven. Respect. 652 00:42:09,635 --> 00:42:12,638 As ali g's influence grows ever stronger-- 653 00:42:12,638 --> 00:42:14,640 [ Reporter Ali g storms the palace. 654 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,143 [ Man speaking foreign language ] 655 00:42:17,143 --> 00:42:20,479 [ Applause, cheering ] 656 00:42:29,188 --> 00:42:33,125 "As of 12:00, all rizlas will be free. 657 00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:35,527 "To discourage their use, there will be a levy... 658 00:42:35,527 --> 00:42:38,530 "Of 25 pence in the pound on panties. 659 00:42:38,530 --> 00:42:41,400 "This will exclude thongs. 660 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,136 "As for the health service, 661 00:42:44,136 --> 00:42:47,339 "marijuana will be made available free on the NH.S... 662 00:42:47,339 --> 00:42:51,310 For the treatment of chronic diseases, such as itchy scrot." 663 00:42:54,380 --> 00:42:58,284 "Furthermore, I am a bellend--" [ Laughing ] 664 00:43:03,755 --> 00:43:07,426 - prime minister, I can't be expected-- - get on, david. 665 00:43:08,827 --> 00:43:12,364 "I like to take it up de batty. 666 00:43:12,364 --> 00:43:17,436 Yes, I do. It feel really nice and is me favorite." 667 00:43:19,771 --> 00:43:23,142 "I used to be a girl and wear knicks. 668 00:43:23,142 --> 00:43:25,043 Honest." 669 00:43:26,545 --> 00:43:28,580 "Ask me mum." [ All laughing ] 670 00:43:31,417 --> 00:43:34,420 * [ Theme ] 671 00:43:37,489 --> 00:43:39,691 War looms in central africa. 672 00:43:39,691 --> 00:43:42,661 Britain is to host a last-minute peace conference. 673 00:43:42,661 --> 00:43:46,532 A triumphant budget framed by britain's most controversial MP. 674 00:43:46,532 --> 00:43:48,767 [ Turns tv off ] 675 00:44:11,623 --> 00:44:14,493 Just because you bought me a fancy frock doesn't make up for three months of neglect. 676 00:44:14,493 --> 00:44:17,663 Me know. Listen, ali, I ain't never been to nothing like this before, 677 00:44:17,663 --> 00:44:21,233 so don't leave me on my own tonight, all right? Don't worry, baby. 678 00:44:21,233 --> 00:44:23,802 * [ Classical ] 679 00:44:27,406 --> 00:44:30,509 Look, there's the prime minister. I seen him on the telly. 680 00:44:30,509 --> 00:44:32,478 Let me get his autograph. Yo, boss man, this is me julie. 681 00:44:32,478 --> 00:44:34,713 Oh, yes, right. Shall we meet the delegates? 682 00:44:34,713 --> 00:44:37,583 Ah. This is president wattana from thailand. 683 00:44:37,583 --> 00:44:39,685 It is an honor to meet you. 684 00:44:39,685 --> 00:44:44,456 Thai. A'ight. Present. [ Pops lips ] 685 00:44:44,456 --> 00:44:47,459 Ali, let's move along. Do forgive me. 686 00:44:47,459 --> 00:44:49,395 Ah. This is the mongolian delegate. 687 00:44:50,696 --> 00:44:53,465 Is you a genuine mong? 688 00:44:53,465 --> 00:44:57,569 Oh, that is fantastic that you lot is also being represented here. 689 00:44:57,569 --> 00:45:01,207 [ Speaking native language ] 690 00:45:01,207 --> 00:45:03,842 [ Slowly ] I will go and get you... 691 00:45:03,842 --> 00:45:06,278 Some nice crayons. 692 00:45:06,278 --> 00:45:08,680 [ Chuckles ] Shall we-- shall we carry on? 693 00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,716 Thank you. Do-do forgive me. 694 00:45:10,716 --> 00:45:12,718 They really can do anything, what? 695 00:45:12,718 --> 00:45:14,820 Oh, this is borat from kazakhstan. 696 00:45:14,820 --> 00:45:18,190 [ Speaking native language ] Bless you. 697 00:45:18,190 --> 00:45:21,593 It is nice to meet you. 698 00:45:21,593 --> 00:45:24,730 Get off, you batty boy! Oh, no! Ali, ali. 699 00:45:24,730 --> 00:45:27,633 - it's all right. - that's ridiculous. - you're a cocksucker. 700 00:45:36,208 --> 00:45:38,710 Bonjour. 701 00:45:38,710 --> 00:45:40,679 Canape, sir? 702 00:46:00,366 --> 00:46:03,369 [ Nickers ] 703 00:46:17,316 --> 00:46:19,685 Me julie. 704 00:46:21,887 --> 00:46:23,922 Julie? 705 00:46:23,922 --> 00:46:25,824 [ Sobbing ] 706 00:46:27,025 --> 00:46:29,861 Hello? 707 00:46:29,861 --> 00:46:31,730 [ Sniffles ] 708 00:46:35,434 --> 00:46:39,905 What you doing up here with me? Why don't you just stay downstairs with that posh girl? 709 00:46:39,905 --> 00:46:42,574 We was just talking about the politics. 710 00:46:42,574 --> 00:46:44,910 I ain't interested in what you got to say. Just shut up! 711 00:46:46,678 --> 00:46:48,847 For real, me won't speak no more. 712 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:58,424 Oh, you really are a prat. 713 00:46:58,424 --> 00:47:01,026 Now come here. [ Chuckles ] 714 00:47:01,026 --> 00:47:03,962 Hey, we can't. This is the PM.'s bedroom. 715 00:47:05,331 --> 00:47:07,399 Well, 716 00:47:09,701 --> 00:47:12,538 why don't you pretend to be the prime minister then? 717 00:47:14,005 --> 00:47:15,941 Cheeky. 718 00:47:20,512 --> 00:47:22,948 Uh, ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, please. 719 00:47:22,948 --> 00:47:25,551 Uh, in advance of tomorrow's summit, 720 00:47:25,551 --> 00:47:28,019 I shall be having private talks with both parties. 721 00:47:28,019 --> 00:47:31,657 So, so first, president mwepu, 722 00:47:31,657 --> 00:47:35,361 - would you care to join me upstairs? - a pleasure. 723 00:47:35,361 --> 00:47:37,763 Thank you. 724 00:47:41,032 --> 00:47:44,370 [ Banging ] [ Julie moaning ] 725 00:47:44,370 --> 00:47:48,740 [ Glass clinking ] 726 00:47:52,911 --> 00:47:55,747 [ Banging, moaning ] 727 00:48:00,118 --> 00:48:04,356 - [ Banging, faster ] - [ Ali, muffled ] Boombayeh! Boombayeh! 728 00:48:04,356 --> 00:48:06,758 [ Banging stops ] 729 00:48:11,062 --> 00:48:14,466 I must say, I enjoyed that. So did I. 730 00:48:14,466 --> 00:48:17,002 I'm so glad we thrashed it out. 731 00:48:17,002 --> 00:48:20,138 Mm-hmm. Ladies and gentlemen, I want everyone to know... 732 00:48:20,138 --> 00:48:24,710 That president mwepu, here, is a very big man. 733 00:48:24,710 --> 00:48:28,079 - [ Disgusted moaning ] - and I would like you to know that the prime minister... 734 00:48:28,079 --> 00:48:30,382 Was very hard... [ Crowd ] ohh! 735 00:48:30,382 --> 00:48:32,418 - but very straight. - [ Moaning continues ] 736 00:48:32,418 --> 00:48:35,153 The president here was very muchon top to start off with. 737 00:48:35,153 --> 00:48:37,623 [ Sickened gasping ] But I don't mind telling you... 738 00:48:37,623 --> 00:48:40,626 I was in a deep hole. Oh, very deep. 739 00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:45,864 But even though we had some sticky patches, 740 00:48:45,864 --> 00:48:49,034 I'm delighted to say we came together, finally, in the end. 741 00:48:49,034 --> 00:48:52,471 - [ Violent moans ] - yes, I lapped up everything that you had to offer. 742 00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:58,009 Now, President oempeba, would you care to join me upstairs? 743 00:48:58,009 --> 00:49:02,380 - no bloody way! - can I come? 744 00:49:07,819 --> 00:49:09,788 Hmm. 745 00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,693 Come on, honey. Let's go home. 746 00:49:14,693 --> 00:49:16,895 I'll cook you up your favorite. 747 00:49:16,895 --> 00:49:21,166 What, angel delight? Yeah. Butterscotch. 748 00:49:21,166 --> 00:49:25,471 Mm. Mm. Butterscotch. 749 00:49:25,471 --> 00:49:27,739 This bit is for the girls. 750 00:49:27,739 --> 00:49:31,510 To show that me can be well sensitive. 751 00:49:31,510 --> 00:49:35,781 By the way, if any of you bitches is fit and into doggie... 752 00:49:35,781 --> 00:49:38,550 Then 'ere is my mobile number. 753 00:49:38,550 --> 00:49:42,120 Callers must be over 16. 754 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:43,989 But not by too much, obviously. 755 00:49:46,925 --> 00:49:49,495 Me can't. 756 00:49:49,495 --> 00:49:52,698 They need me at the peace conference tomorrow. 757 00:49:52,698 --> 00:49:56,902 You wha'? What about the people who really need ya? 758 00:49:56,902 --> 00:50:00,071 What about ricky? What about dave? 759 00:50:00,071 --> 00:50:02,508 What about me, ali? 760 00:50:02,508 --> 00:50:06,945 [ Sighs ] Please come back to staines. 761 00:50:08,847 --> 00:50:13,051 The world is bigger than staines. 762 00:50:13,051 --> 00:50:14,853 And me gotta save it. 763 00:50:17,823 --> 00:50:19,825 You'll have to do it on your own, then. 764 00:50:19,825 --> 00:50:21,893 Julie-- 765 00:50:21,893 --> 00:50:24,162 julie? [ Sighs ] 766 00:50:24,162 --> 00:50:26,532 Uh, let me call you back. 767 00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:32,704 We've got to get rid of him before this bloody center's saved. 768 00:50:32,704 --> 00:50:35,674 - well, what I thought-- - youthought? 769 00:50:35,674 --> 00:50:38,610 [ U.s. Delegate ] The united states will do everything in its power... 770 00:50:38,610 --> 00:50:42,047 To support chad in its struggle against its neighbors! 771 00:50:42,047 --> 00:50:46,785 Russia will not allow this western oppression to continue, 772 00:50:46,785 --> 00:50:50,055 and in order to support burkina faso... 773 00:50:50,055 --> 00:50:54,793 Is prepared to utilize all our military capabilities. 774 00:50:54,793 --> 00:50:57,529 - [ Gasping, chattering ] - that's outrageous! 775 00:50:57,529 --> 00:51:00,231 - [ All talking together ] - how can you make a statement like that? 776 00:51:00,231 --> 00:51:04,102 Ali, ali, ali! * [ Music On Headphones ] 777 00:51:04,102 --> 00:51:06,872 Could be armageddon breaking out. Please help me, will you? 778 00:51:06,872 --> 00:51:10,809 - chill, bro. Me'll sort it. - the united states will not be intimidated! 779 00:51:10,809 --> 00:51:13,879 We are prepared to meet any show of force with our full military might. 780 00:51:33,064 --> 00:51:35,801 Oi! Do you know why they is all shoutin' in there? 781 00:51:35,801 --> 00:51:37,836 It's because they ain't been fed their teas. 782 00:51:37,836 --> 00:51:39,738 Come on! Choppy-chop! 783 00:51:39,738 --> 00:51:42,608 [ Pandemonium ] 784 00:51:51,783 --> 00:51:55,787 Moving to a motion. All those in favor of sending iran... 785 00:51:55,787 --> 00:51:59,157 Down to the gas station to get some potato chips and chocolate, 786 00:51:59,157 --> 00:52:01,827 raise your hands. [ All agreeing, laughing ] 787 00:52:03,929 --> 00:52:07,032 -[ man ] bye-bye. - oh, bummer. 788 00:52:07,032 --> 00:52:10,301 *Tease Me, Tease Me Tease me, baby * 789 00:52:10,301 --> 00:52:13,004 I'm sorry we invaded you. 790 00:52:13,004 --> 00:52:15,974 It wasreallyuncool. 791 00:52:15,974 --> 00:52:19,077 You know, who cares? It's all in the past. 792 00:52:19,077 --> 00:52:22,113 And hey, if I was going to be invaded by anyone, 793 00:52:22,113 --> 00:52:24,783 I am happy it was you. [ Chuckles ] 794 00:52:24,783 --> 00:52:27,653 You are really cool. 795 00:52:27,653 --> 00:52:29,921 And you have nice clothes. 796 00:52:29,921 --> 00:52:33,024 You saved my white ass, ali. 797 00:52:33,024 --> 00:52:35,193 No problem, "bredrin." 798 00:52:35,193 --> 00:52:38,697 Big up the 'erbal tea, a'ight? A'ight. 799 00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:41,833 - hey, you, britain! [ Grunts ] - [ Cork popping ] 800 00:52:41,833 --> 00:52:44,770 Respect. 801 00:52:44,770 --> 00:52:47,305 -*I will never forget the first time we kissed * - how does he do it? 802 00:52:47,305 --> 00:52:50,809 *Catching A Big Fish 803 00:52:50,809 --> 00:52:53,812 *Yes, You Are On Top Of my romance list * 804 00:52:53,812 --> 00:52:57,282 *Second To None You defeat the favorite * 805 00:52:57,282 --> 00:53:01,119 *Woman, Your Love Is Like Burnin' fire on me soul * 806 00:53:01,119 --> 00:53:04,355 *Woman, Tease Me Till me lose control * 807 00:53:04,355 --> 00:53:08,927 *Woman Your Love Is Like Burnin' fire on me soul * 808 00:53:08,927 --> 00:53:11,963 *Woman, Tease Me Till me lose control * 809 00:53:11,963 --> 00:53:15,701 *Tease Me, Tease Me Tease me, baby * 810 00:53:17,335 --> 00:53:19,671 [ Prime minister ] You know, we're quite a team, ali. 811 00:53:19,671 --> 00:53:22,941 It's thanks to you we're 22 points ahead. 812 00:53:22,941 --> 00:53:24,910 I'm gonna save that center of yours. 813 00:53:24,910 --> 00:53:27,913 [ Ali ] Wicked! Boo! Boo! Boo! 814 00:53:27,913 --> 00:53:31,049 Check out all the "pepperami." [ Prime minister ] They're for you, ali. 815 00:53:31,049 --> 00:53:33,051 This is your moment. 816 00:53:33,051 --> 00:53:35,721 [ All shouting ] 817 00:53:40,792 --> 00:53:43,929 Will you comment on accusations that you drugged the leaders of the world? 818 00:53:47,298 --> 00:53:50,301 - you what? -Well, we have evidence that proves you're guilty. 819 00:53:52,103 --> 00:53:55,206 Uh, "well, we have evidence that proves you guilty." 820 00:53:55,206 --> 00:53:58,844 - this is just childish. - "this is just childish!" 821 00:53:58,844 --> 00:54:01,179 Aren't you, by employing this absurd rhetorical tactic, 822 00:54:01,179 --> 00:54:03,181 merely incriminating yourself further? 823 00:54:03,181 --> 00:54:06,985 Aren't you, by... Blah, blah, tactic, just blah, blah your father? 824 00:54:06,985 --> 00:54:10,221 This bag was sent to my office anonymously this morning. 825 00:54:10,221 --> 00:54:13,491 Do you deny that you stole it from customs and excise? 826 00:54:13,491 --> 00:54:16,361 That could be anyone's! What's that to do with me? Come on. 827 00:54:18,363 --> 00:54:20,465 I's got to go. I's turtlin'. 828 00:54:20,465 --> 00:54:22,700 I's actually touchin' cloth. 829 00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:27,839 Oh, dear. There goes your leisure center. 830 00:54:27,839 --> 00:54:30,408 Clear your desk before you go, will you? Prime minister! 831 00:55:10,115 --> 00:55:12,851 [ John ] Big up yourself, ali. Good-bye, Mr. G. 832 00:55:12,851 --> 00:55:15,987 Won't be the same without you. We'll Miss you, Mr. G. 833 00:55:15,987 --> 00:55:17,956 Respect. Big up yourself. 834 00:55:20,025 --> 00:55:22,427 You're all right. Westside. 835 00:55:26,364 --> 00:55:29,034 [ Children playing ] 836 00:55:32,337 --> 00:55:35,073 Flippin' heck. 837 00:55:35,073 --> 00:55:38,009 Nan, can I borrow your car? 838 00:55:38,009 --> 00:55:40,946 [ Hip-hop ] *Where Would I Be Without My *Baby 839 00:55:40,946 --> 00:55:43,014 *The Thought Alone Might *Break Me 840 00:55:43,014 --> 00:55:45,550 *And I Don't Want To Go *Crazy 841 00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:48,253 *But Every Dog Needs A *Lady 842 00:55:48,253 --> 00:55:51,556 *And I Feel Like You and I been * *Moanin' Together 843 00:55:51,556 --> 00:55:53,925 *Inseparable You chose pain over pleasure * 844 00:55:53,925 --> 00:55:55,526 *For That, You'll Forever Be part of me * 845 00:55:55,526 --> 00:55:57,963 *My Body And Your Soul They know I can't wait * 846 00:55:57,963 --> 00:56:00,866 *Baby *What Would I Be Without you * 847 00:56:00,866 --> 00:56:03,835 *Uh, Yeah *I Only Think About You 848 00:56:03,835 --> 00:56:05,436 *I Know You're Tired Of bein' lonely * 849 00:56:05,436 --> 00:56:08,106 *Lonely *So, Baby Girl Put it on me * 850 00:56:08,106 --> 00:56:10,541 *Put It On Me *What Would I Be Without you * 851 00:56:10,541 --> 00:56:13,378 *Uh *I Only Think About You 852 00:56:13,378 --> 00:56:15,380 [ Sucks lip ] 853 00:56:16,581 --> 00:56:20,852 [ Commodores ] *Thanks For The Times 854 00:56:20,852 --> 00:56:24,389 [ Mouthing words silently ] *That You've Given Me 855 00:56:26,057 --> 00:56:31,897 *The Memories Are All In my mind * 856 00:56:38,203 --> 00:56:40,939 *You're Once 857 00:56:40,939 --> 00:56:44,275 *Twice 858 00:56:44,275 --> 00:56:47,946 *Three Times A Lady [ Doorbell ringing ] 859 00:56:49,948 --> 00:56:52,317 *And I Lo-- [ Beeping ] 860 00:56:55,887 --> 00:56:59,290 Having a bad day? Maybe I can help. 861 00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:04,462 - is it nippy outside? - very. 862 00:57:06,431 --> 00:57:08,633 Wha' is you doin' here? 863 00:57:08,633 --> 00:57:11,269 [ Clears throat ] Let me show you. 864 00:57:11,269 --> 00:57:15,340 So, today's main news AGAIN: The prime minister has resigned, 865 00:57:15,340 --> 00:57:18,443 after the discovery of a videotape from a security camera... 866 00:57:18,443 --> 00:57:22,413 Showing him having perverse sexual intercourse with an unknown prostitute. 867 00:57:22,413 --> 00:57:25,984 [ Julie moaning ] 868 00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:28,219 That ain't no prostitute, that's me ho! 869 00:57:28,219 --> 00:57:31,489 As of 11:00 this morning, the deputy prime minister, david carlton, 870 00:57:31,489 --> 00:57:33,624 will be acting prime minister. 871 00:57:33,624 --> 00:57:36,995 What? That ain't fair. That weren't the PM.! 872 00:57:36,995 --> 00:57:39,998 - why ain't they showin' the rest of the tape? - unfortunately, 873 00:57:39,998 --> 00:57:42,934 my boss has locked it in his safe, in his new office at chequers, 874 00:57:42,934 --> 00:57:45,636 - and that's where it's staying. - you ain't gonna get away with this. 875 00:57:45,636 --> 00:57:48,974 If you keep your mouth shut, 876 00:57:48,974 --> 00:57:51,676 david's willing to be very generous. 877 00:57:51,676 --> 00:57:56,314 I'm... Willing to be verygenerous. 878 00:57:56,314 --> 00:57:58,216 [ Loud sucking ] 879 00:57:58,216 --> 00:58:00,685 All that you have to do... 880 00:58:00,685 --> 00:58:04,956 Is keep... Your mouth... Shut. 881 00:58:04,956 --> 00:58:06,657 [ Groaning ] 882 00:58:11,662 --> 00:58:13,999 I'm tuning up my engine, ali. 883 00:58:13,999 --> 00:58:17,268 [ Sucking sound ] Fill me with petrol. 884 00:58:17,268 --> 00:58:20,705 I's gonna pump you with me five-star unleaded, a'ight? 885 00:58:20,705 --> 00:58:24,042 - let me see your nozzle. - what? 886 00:58:24,042 --> 00:58:26,744 Oh, you wanna see me knob? All right. 887 00:58:26,744 --> 00:58:29,680 - [ Turns on music ] -*Freak me, baby 888 00:58:31,316 --> 00:58:34,219 *Let Me Lick You Up And Down 889 00:58:34,219 --> 00:58:36,087 *Till You Say Stop 890 00:58:38,123 --> 00:58:41,259 *Let Me Play With your body, baby * 891 00:58:41,259 --> 00:58:43,128 *Make You Real Hot 892 00:58:44,529 --> 00:58:48,266 *Let Me Do All The Things 893 00:58:48,266 --> 00:58:50,435 *You Want Me To Do 894 00:58:53,138 --> 00:58:55,673 *'Cause Tonight, Baby 895 00:58:55,673 --> 00:59:00,411 *I Want To Get Freaky with you * 896 00:59:00,411 --> 00:59:03,348 *Baby, Don't You Understand 897 00:59:03,348 --> 00:59:06,517 *I Wanna Be Your Nasty Man 898 00:59:06,517 --> 00:59:10,088 [ Turns off music ] [ Panting ] Give me your fuel injection. 899 00:59:12,057 --> 00:59:14,425 And in tomorrow's phone-in, we'll be asking this QUESTION: 900 00:59:14,425 --> 00:59:17,662 "Have you ever slept with a pig?" I know I certainly have. 901 00:59:17,662 --> 00:59:22,567 [ Woman on tv ] and we'll be finding out what turns girls like this into slags. 902 00:59:22,567 --> 00:59:25,170 No one calls me julie a slag. 903 00:59:25,170 --> 00:59:27,572 - [ Clicks off tv ] - come to mama. 904 00:59:39,350 --> 00:59:41,586 Take them off. 905 00:59:53,698 --> 00:59:57,835 * [ Disco, Indistinct ] 906 00:59:57,835 --> 01:00:00,305 *Where Are You, Baby We used to have so much fun * 907 01:00:00,305 --> 01:00:02,207 *You Drive Me Crazy 908 01:00:02,207 --> 01:00:04,309 *Somebody Tell Me Where he's gone * 909 01:00:04,309 --> 01:00:07,712 *Where Are You, Baby We used to have so much fun * 910 01:00:07,712 --> 01:00:09,647 *You Drive Me Crazy 911 01:00:12,550 --> 01:00:15,720 [ Cub scouts, chanting ] Keep it real. Keep it real. 912 01:00:17,388 --> 01:00:19,557 This ain't right. Here. 913 01:00:19,557 --> 01:00:22,727 Set it to vibrate and finish yourself off. 914 01:00:37,442 --> 01:00:39,510 [ Groaning, panting ] 915 01:00:39,510 --> 01:00:42,547 Open up, open up! Yo, blood, I needs your help. 916 01:00:42,547 --> 01:00:45,316 Everyone on the telly is callin' me julie a slag. 917 01:00:45,316 --> 01:00:47,185 What, they heard about her three-header at derek jamal's 18th? 918 01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:49,287 What three-header? Nothin'. No. No. 919 01:00:49,287 --> 01:00:52,557 Anyways, I can prove that she ain't. "Bredrin." 920 01:00:52,557 --> 01:00:56,093 We got to restart "drive-by fm." What you say? 921 01:01:00,231 --> 01:01:02,867 "Drive-by fm" is back 'pon the road! 922 01:01:02,867 --> 01:01:06,171 Wicked! Let's do it. Let's go. Is you any good at knots? 923 01:01:06,171 --> 01:01:09,607 Yo, yo, yo, 'ear me now. Rewind, bubba dubba, 'ear now. [ Gibberish ] 924 01:01:09,607 --> 01:01:12,310 This is drive-by fm, the sound of the ghetto, 925 01:01:12,310 --> 01:01:14,879 coming to you from deep in the heart of berkshire. 926 01:01:14,879 --> 01:01:20,185 [ Both imitating drums, gunshots ] 927 01:01:20,185 --> 01:01:23,521 [ Clicking ] 928 01:01:23,521 --> 01:01:25,523 [ Stops ] What was dat? 929 01:01:25,523 --> 01:01:29,160 A helicopter. Oh, you was doin' the wings? 930 01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:31,429 [ Whispers ] Oh, that's good. 931 01:01:31,429 --> 01:01:35,166 'Ear me now, gangsters. There is some serious shit goin' down. 932 01:01:35,166 --> 01:01:37,768 Da prime minister-- check it-- 933 01:01:37,768 --> 01:01:42,340 has been chucked out by a geezer who is a m-massive dong. 934 01:01:42,340 --> 01:01:45,376 He is even more "eviller" Than skeletor. 935 01:01:47,745 --> 01:01:51,316 To get the PM. Back in, me needs to get 'old of this tape... 936 01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:53,818 Of me knobbin' me bitch. 937 01:01:53,818 --> 01:01:56,387 If you 'elp me rescue this video, 938 01:01:56,387 --> 01:01:59,657 we can save da country. 939 01:01:59,657 --> 01:02:01,626 Plus, you will get to see me julie's babylons. 940 01:02:01,626 --> 01:02:04,195 [ Laughs ] Wicked! 941 01:02:04,195 --> 01:02:06,797 That is why I's callin' all of you... 942 01:02:06,797 --> 01:02:10,568 To end the berkshire turf wars. 943 01:02:10,568 --> 01:02:13,438 There's been enough brothers slain. 944 01:02:13,438 --> 01:02:16,274 So, put down your AK.S. 945 01:02:16,274 --> 01:02:18,276 Lay down your uzis. 946 01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:23,814 And unite into one massive massiv. 947 01:02:25,416 --> 01:02:28,353 So big up the eton wick crew. Hold tight. 948 01:02:28,353 --> 01:02:30,688 Hold tight the iver heath posse. One love. 949 01:02:30,688 --> 01:02:33,458 Shout goin' out to the englefield green massiv. 950 01:02:33,458 --> 01:02:37,762 -Two time! - and me never thought me would ever say THIS: 951 01:02:39,464 --> 01:02:42,333 But big up... 952 01:02:42,333 --> 01:02:46,604 The east staines massiv. 953 01:02:46,604 --> 01:02:48,506 Hey, what you doin', man? Shh. 954 01:02:51,976 --> 01:02:54,445 Hear this, hassan "b". 955 01:02:54,445 --> 01:02:57,482 If you join us, 956 01:02:57,482 --> 01:03:01,452 then I is prepared to hand over... 957 01:03:01,452 --> 01:03:04,489 The boris the spider climbing frame in leagrove park. 958 01:03:08,393 --> 01:03:11,496 Let's do what tupac and biggie never managed, a'ight? 959 01:03:17,935 --> 01:03:20,738 There it is, there it is, if you is joining us for this military operation, 960 01:03:20,738 --> 01:03:22,840 then meet up wearing your camouflage and combat gear. 961 01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:26,811 The venue is outside the john nike leisure center at 9:00 tomorrow morning. 962 01:03:26,811 --> 01:03:28,879 Actually, that's a bit early. Could we make it 12:00? 963 01:03:37,455 --> 01:03:40,024 Sorry I is late. 964 01:03:40,024 --> 01:03:43,561 But there was something on the telly about monkeys. 965 01:03:43,561 --> 01:03:46,797 Dey is well funny, what, with all their arms and their-- 966 01:03:50,301 --> 01:03:53,571 respect to all of you for wearin' your "camelflage." 967 01:03:53,571 --> 01:03:54,972 It will help you go undetected. 968 01:03:57,007 --> 01:04:00,378 Now, let's go to chequers and rescue that tape. 969 01:04:00,378 --> 01:04:02,347 Let's do this for britain. 970 01:04:02,347 --> 01:04:04,482 Let's do this for me julie. 971 01:04:04,482 --> 01:04:06,617 And let's do this for hip-hop! 972 01:04:06,617 --> 01:04:08,619 - selector! - [ All ] selector! 973 01:04:08,619 --> 01:04:11,322 *Fight The Power 974 01:04:11,322 --> 01:04:13,324 *Fight The Power 975 01:04:13,324 --> 01:04:14,925 *Fight The Power 976 01:04:16,093 --> 01:04:17,728 *Fight The Power 977 01:04:17,728 --> 01:04:20,030 *Fight The Power 978 01:04:20,030 --> 01:04:21,999 *Fight The Power 979 01:04:21,999 --> 01:04:25,436 Hear me now. I's drawn up a detailed plan of chequers. 980 01:04:25,436 --> 01:04:28,639 The tape is in the PM.'s office. In a safe. 981 01:04:28,639 --> 01:04:33,478 Right? First up, ricky, dave and me will go in. 982 01:04:33,478 --> 01:04:36,747 Jezzy, you stay here. We's gonna be like the a-team. 983 01:04:36,747 --> 01:04:38,983 And I is BA. Baracus. 984 01:04:38,983 --> 01:04:41,619 I wanna be BA. Baracus. [ Deep grunting ] 985 01:04:41,619 --> 01:04:44,121 But I is very muchlikehim. 986 01:04:44,121 --> 01:04:47,124 [ Imitating ] "I ain't gettin' on no plane!" "I ain't gettin' on no plane!" 987 01:04:47,124 --> 01:04:48,893 "I ain't gettin' on no plane!" 988 01:04:48,893 --> 01:04:51,496 "Shut up, fool! I ain't gettin' on no plane!" 989 01:04:51,496 --> 01:04:54,432 What? Look, it's gold. "I ain't gettin' on no plane." 990 01:04:54,432 --> 01:04:57,568 "I wanna step back, kiss myself. I ain't gettin' on no plane." That's james brown. 991 01:05:00,004 --> 01:05:02,740 You'll be murdoch. And dave, you'll be face. 992 01:05:02,740 --> 01:05:06,043 - and what do we do? - you lot stay 'ere, and we all hide.. 993 01:05:06,043 --> 01:05:08,913 And blend into the natural habitat. [ Owl hooting ] 994 01:05:08,913 --> 01:05:12,617 Then, when it gets dark, me will make the secret signal. 995 01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:16,421 * [ Imitating Hip-hop ] 996 01:05:18,989 --> 01:05:23,160 [ Imitating DJ. Scratching ] *Fresh, Fresh, Fresh, Fresh A'ight * 997 01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:27,131 - let's go! -At that point, you will tune in all your radios... 998 01:05:27,131 --> 01:05:29,767 To the baddest speed garage station, 999 01:05:29,767 --> 01:05:31,636 and crank up the volume to the max! 1000 01:05:31,636 --> 01:05:35,105 This will bring out the guards. 1001 01:05:35,105 --> 01:05:39,644 And at that point, we will use ourcunning to overpower them. 1002 01:05:40,745 --> 01:05:43,448 - bundle! - [ Screaming ] 1003 01:05:45,049 --> 01:05:46,851 * [ Rap, Indistinct ] 1004 01:05:57,027 --> 01:05:59,730 [ Phone ringing ] 1005 01:05:59,730 --> 01:06:02,633 - sir? - what the hell's going on? 1006 01:06:02,633 --> 01:06:05,703 I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, sir. But I've sent some men out to check. 1007 01:06:05,703 --> 01:06:08,806 Well, see that you do. I want maximum security. Patrol the house. 1008 01:06:13,077 --> 01:06:17,515 [ Ali ] The great hall is exactly like the one in lara croft's house. 1009 01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:19,884 You know, in "tomb raider ii" On playstation. 1010 01:06:19,884 --> 01:06:22,186 So, dave, if you run at the pillar, 1011 01:06:22,186 --> 01:06:25,923 that will take us through to the underwater kingdom, and onto the next level. 1012 01:06:27,592 --> 01:06:30,628 [ Banging head, grunting ] 1013 01:06:30,628 --> 01:06:32,597 If for some reason that don't work, 1014 01:06:32,597 --> 01:06:35,199 we must find a way to cross the touch-sensitive floor. 1015 01:06:35,199 --> 01:06:38,736 If we lift our feet at all, we're dead. 1016 01:06:38,736 --> 01:06:42,640 [ Mechanical, raspy voice ] *Break Dance Electric boogie break dance * 1017 01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:46,611 *Electric Boogie Break Dance Electric boogie break dance * 1018 01:06:46,611 --> 01:06:48,979 *Break It Off 1019 01:06:51,982 --> 01:06:54,018 Nothing. We'll keep on looking. 1020 01:06:56,053 --> 01:06:59,590 [ Ali ] next stop, we's got to go through the laser room. 1021 01:06:59,590 --> 01:07:02,827 Dave, you'll use your special skills to help us through. 1022 01:07:19,510 --> 01:07:22,913 -[ dave coughs ] - remember, if we break any of these beams, 1023 01:07:22,913 --> 01:07:26,016 it will set the alarms off-- so extra careful. 1024 01:07:26,016 --> 01:07:27,885 Now, let's do it. 1025 01:07:29,754 --> 01:07:31,221 *This Is The Funk Now hit me * 1026 01:07:33,057 --> 01:07:36,060 *Just Get On Down And hit me * 1027 01:07:36,060 --> 01:07:38,963 *Their Bodies Gettin' So funky, now hit me * 1028 01:07:38,963 --> 01:07:42,967 * [ SAMPLE: Kraftwerk, "Trans-europe express" ] 1029 01:07:53,944 --> 01:07:55,112 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop it * 1030 01:07:55,112 --> 01:07:57,081 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop it * 1031 01:07:57,081 --> 01:07:59,750 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop it * 1032 01:07:59,750 --> 01:08:03,588 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop * This must be the PM.'s office. 1033 01:08:03,588 --> 01:08:05,690 The tape is in there. 1034 01:08:08,025 --> 01:08:11,762 Intruders in my office. This is a terrorist attack. 1035 01:08:11,762 --> 01:08:15,232 Shoot on sight. Repeat, shoot on sight. 1036 01:08:17,334 --> 01:08:20,237 The safe! No, the safe. Yeah, safe, man. 1037 01:08:20,237 --> 01:08:22,940 [ Ali ] Yeah, I is safe, man. Open it up. No, the safe. 1038 01:08:22,940 --> 01:08:25,776 Yeah, man. I is feeling fine. I told you. 1039 01:08:25,776 --> 01:08:28,613 [ Ricky ] The safe, the safe. Yeah, man, I's safe. 1040 01:08:28,613 --> 01:08:31,782 [ High, squeaky voice ] Behind you! 1041 01:08:36,186 --> 01:08:40,190 Hold on. I thought you couldn't speak. 1042 01:08:40,190 --> 01:08:42,126 [ Squeaking ] It's not really that. It's just I've always been... 1043 01:08:42,126 --> 01:08:44,328 Terribly embarrassed about my voice. 1044 01:08:44,328 --> 01:08:46,664 All right. Don't go on about it. 1045 01:08:46,664 --> 01:08:48,799 Stop givin' it "all that." 1046 01:08:48,799 --> 01:08:53,103 Now, if me can just interrupt your life story for one second. 1047 01:08:53,103 --> 01:08:55,272 [ Pretending to yawn ] Let's tie these geezers up, 1048 01:08:55,272 --> 01:08:57,574 and get that safe open, hmm? Safe. 1049 01:09:00,310 --> 01:09:02,813 [ Sighs ] No. 1050 01:09:02,813 --> 01:09:06,050 I got it. Why don't we link up the batteries... 1051 01:09:06,050 --> 01:09:09,687 Of all the cars outside here, and then transfer the electrical current... 1052 01:09:09,687 --> 01:09:11,956 Through a human chain, and blow this mother open! 1053 01:09:11,956 --> 01:09:13,858 But won't we get "electrical-o-cooted"? 1054 01:09:13,858 --> 01:09:16,193 We'll blow the batteries, but we won't get fried, 1055 01:09:16,193 --> 01:09:19,196 long as the chain don't break, 'cause we're all wearin' rubber-soled trainers. 1056 01:09:19,196 --> 01:09:22,667 - trust me, man, I got a "d" in physics. - wicked. I'll text 'em. 1057 01:09:22,667 --> 01:09:27,972 - [ Beeping ] - [ Beeping ] 1058 01:09:31,676 --> 01:09:36,313 - "b--"? - no, "b-8-2-rez." 1059 01:09:36,313 --> 01:09:39,784 "Be-attories"? Batteries! 1060 01:09:39,784 --> 01:09:44,655 "2-Ger-4," Two-gef-for? Together! 1061 01:09:44,655 --> 01:09:49,393 Me was tryin' to save time. Bumbaclot. 1062 01:10:05,375 --> 01:10:07,712 Switch on the engine. Pass it on. 1063 01:10:07,712 --> 01:10:09,880 [ High voice ] Switch on the engine. Pass it on. 1064 01:10:09,880 --> 01:10:12,950 [ Laughs ] your voice. [ Whispers ] switch on the engine. Pass it on. 1065 01:10:12,950 --> 01:10:16,386 [ Passing it on ] 1066 01:10:21,391 --> 01:10:23,694 Bitch on a pension. Suck my dong. 1067 01:10:23,694 --> 01:10:26,831 - what? Should I turn the engine on? - yeah. 1068 01:10:28,165 --> 01:10:30,935 [ Starting engines ] 1069 01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:36,707 *This Is The Funk Now hit me * 1070 01:10:36,707 --> 01:10:38,843 *Just Get On Down And hit me * 1071 01:10:48,719 --> 01:10:50,821 What is you doin'? I can't help it. I'm bein' pulled! 1072 01:10:54,291 --> 01:10:56,260 No! 1073 01:10:58,095 --> 01:11:00,831 [ Choir ] *Be Our Saviors 1074 01:11:05,302 --> 01:11:08,773 [ Laughing ] Bo, bo, bo! Yes! 1075 01:11:08,773 --> 01:11:10,440 We up on the a-team! 1076 01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:16,981 - peace, man. - peace, "bredrin." 1077 01:11:23,487 --> 01:11:25,923 Ali! Ali! 1078 01:11:25,923 --> 01:11:28,826 Fuckin' hell! The tape ain't here! 1079 01:11:28,826 --> 01:11:30,828 What you talkin' about, willis? Well, look for yourself. 1080 01:11:32,529 --> 01:11:35,399 All it is is some... Photographs... 1081 01:11:39,036 --> 01:11:41,806 And this, uh, map of staines. 1082 01:11:45,843 --> 01:11:48,512 Jah rastafari haile selassie I-and-i! 1083 01:11:48,512 --> 01:11:50,948 Dey's extendin' heathrow airport. That means... 1084 01:11:52,783 --> 01:11:54,985 They's gonna destroy staines! 1085 01:11:54,985 --> 01:11:58,355 And they's startin' in... Three hours. 1086 01:11:58,355 --> 01:12:00,825 Two hours, fifty-seven minutes, to be precise. 1087 01:12:05,462 --> 01:12:07,965 Why is you got to build this terminal over staines? 1088 01:12:07,965 --> 01:12:10,935 Because I have bought 600 acres of land there. Can I have those, please? 1089 01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:21,278 Now, don't try escaping from here, because this room doubles as a nuclear bunker. 1090 01:12:21,278 --> 01:12:24,481 It is completely impenetrable to the outside world. 1091 01:12:24,481 --> 01:12:28,485 [ Inhales, sighs ] And I've forgotten to put on the air supply. 1092 01:12:28,485 --> 01:12:30,921 Why don't you just nip outside now and stick it on? 1093 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:35,459 Do you know, you really are unbelievably stupid. 1094 01:12:35,459 --> 01:12:37,327 [ Beeps ] 1095 01:12:45,102 --> 01:12:48,973 Oi! Knob-end! 1096 01:12:48,973 --> 01:12:51,275 - what? - gimme them plans. 1097 01:13:00,017 --> 01:13:04,254 Or what? Or nipple cripple, that's what. 1098 01:13:04,254 --> 01:13:08,325 [ Grunting, breathing hard ] 1099 01:13:09,393 --> 01:13:12,596 Chinese burn! 1100 01:13:20,470 --> 01:13:23,207 [ Sobbing ] 1101 01:13:23,207 --> 01:13:26,076 You hit me on the nose, you fuckin' nutcase! 1102 01:13:34,251 --> 01:13:36,586 I ain't bein' funny, but you should look behind you. 1103 01:13:36,586 --> 01:13:39,289 Uh, because there's like a thousand police officers behind you-- 1104 01:13:45,129 --> 01:13:47,998 look behind you. There's jennifer lopez! 1105 01:13:47,998 --> 01:13:51,135 What? You want to bone him right this second, 'cause you is feelin' so horny... 1106 01:13:51,135 --> 01:13:53,870 That if you don't get it now-- 1107 01:13:56,006 --> 01:13:58,342 look, there's 20 squid on the floor. 1108 01:14:01,011 --> 01:14:03,680 There is a squirrel, with the head of a chicken, 1109 01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:06,984 and with, like, wings and everything. 1110 01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:09,186 There's ju-- [ Sighs deeply ] 1111 01:14:09,186 --> 01:14:11,388 Is you gonna hit me again? Mm-hmm. 1112 01:14:17,394 --> 01:14:19,596 Now I'm going to shoot you. 1113 01:14:35,145 --> 01:14:38,315 Booyakasha! 1114 01:14:42,953 --> 01:14:45,322 [ Groans ] 1115 01:14:50,995 --> 01:14:54,564 This is from the people of staines. 1116 01:14:57,001 --> 01:15:00,537 [ Passing gas quietly, then loudly ] 1117 01:15:00,537 --> 01:15:03,740 Ooh. I think I followed through. 1118 01:15:03,740 --> 01:15:06,643 [ Beeping ] Me julie, you there? 1119 01:15:06,643 --> 01:15:08,612 Me know what you must think of me. 1120 01:15:08,612 --> 01:15:11,015 I been a piece of knob cheese. 1121 01:15:11,015 --> 01:15:13,017 But me got to save staines, and me can't do it on me own, 1122 01:15:13,017 --> 01:15:15,685 and-- and I shat meself. 1123 01:15:18,055 --> 01:15:20,524 Shit. Ricky and dave! 1124 01:15:32,702 --> 01:15:35,739 - ricky? - [ Panting ] 1125 01:15:37,674 --> 01:15:41,678 We thought if we was gonna die, we might as well give it a go. 1126 01:15:41,678 --> 01:15:44,448 - well, what's it like? - it's not bad, you know. 1127 01:15:44,448 --> 01:15:47,751 - dave? - [ High voice ] Quite nice, actually. 1128 01:15:47,751 --> 01:15:51,055 We'll talk about this later. Now we got to save staines. 1129 01:15:51,055 --> 01:15:53,323 Two minutes. See you in the car? 1130 01:15:53,323 --> 01:15:55,592 All right. Be quick. The feds is comin'. 1131 01:15:55,592 --> 01:15:57,694 - and you don't want to finish up inside. - well-- 1132 01:16:00,464 --> 01:16:03,700 [ Me julie ] Save our center! Save our center! 1133 01:16:03,700 --> 01:16:05,502 Hold on tight, we gotta delay 'em. 1134 01:16:05,502 --> 01:16:08,372 Leave 'em alone, you pigs! They're senile! 1135 01:16:13,110 --> 01:16:15,679 Send it in. Send it in. 1136 01:16:28,558 --> 01:16:31,661 I wouldn't do that if I was you. 1137 01:16:31,661 --> 01:16:36,266 Ali! I love you! 1138 01:16:36,266 --> 01:16:38,702 Julie! 1139 01:16:41,638 --> 01:16:44,374 - hello. - ignore them and start the demolition. 1140 01:16:44,374 --> 01:16:47,311 Wait! Don't listen to him! He's a criminal. 1141 01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:51,148 And not even the good kind, that sell drugs or do drive-bys. 1142 01:16:51,148 --> 01:16:54,551 I is got proof here that he is tryin' to destroy staines. 1143 01:16:54,551 --> 01:16:57,754 So what? It's a shithole. 1144 01:16:57,754 --> 01:17:00,824 - arrest them. - oh, shit! 1145 01:17:00,824 --> 01:17:03,493 We's goin' to jail. Every day for the next twenty years, 1146 01:17:03,493 --> 01:17:06,062 we is gonna get bummed in the showers. [ Siren wailing ] 1147 01:17:07,664 --> 01:17:12,302 - hold it. Release him. -Under what authority? 1148 01:17:12,302 --> 01:17:15,172 In case you forgot, I am the acting prime minister. 1149 01:17:15,172 --> 01:17:17,174 You are the disgraced one. [ Car door slamming ] 1150 01:17:17,174 --> 01:17:21,578 Disgraced by you. And this tape proves it. 1151 01:17:21,578 --> 01:17:25,149 - kate-- - no, david. 1152 01:17:25,149 --> 01:17:28,618 When I first entered politics, it was to create a better world. 1153 01:17:30,687 --> 01:17:34,658 A world of honesty, integrity and truth. 1154 01:17:34,658 --> 01:17:37,827 But somewhere along the way, that vision was lost. 1155 01:17:37,827 --> 01:17:43,433 My dream was tarnished, and instead, I discovered greed, avarice and-- 1156 01:17:43,433 --> 01:17:45,835 bo-ring! [ Yawning ] 1157 01:17:45,835 --> 01:17:48,538 Arrest him. 1158 01:17:48,538 --> 01:17:51,575 Enjoy your life with this fool. 1159 01:17:51,575 --> 01:17:54,844 You two deserve each other. Piss off. 1160 01:17:54,844 --> 01:17:57,714 - oh, nice! - and you can rest assured, ali, 1161 01:17:57,714 --> 01:18:00,317 we're not gonna build terminal five over staines. 1162 01:18:00,317 --> 01:18:02,586 We're gonna demolish slough instead. 1163 01:18:02,586 --> 01:18:06,556 Wicked. As of right now, I'm gonna need a new deputy prime minister. 1164 01:18:06,556 --> 01:18:08,425 How would you feel about being my right-hand man? 1165 01:18:08,425 --> 01:18:13,697 [ Laughing ] Right-hand man! Batty boy, batty boy! 1166 01:18:13,697 --> 01:18:15,732 What do you say, ali? 1167 01:18:17,434 --> 01:18:20,437 I's shown you the way. 1168 01:18:20,437 --> 01:18:23,807 You will have to carry on the journey by yourself, now. 1169 01:18:23,807 --> 01:18:27,344 As for me, I is gonna stick with me posse. 1170 01:18:27,344 --> 01:18:29,513 And me bi-- 1171 01:18:29,513 --> 01:18:32,482 me lady. 1172 01:18:43,660 --> 01:18:47,397 Ahem, "hactually," There is one thing you could do for me. 1173 01:18:47,397 --> 01:18:49,499 * [ Reggae ] 1174 01:18:52,602 --> 01:18:54,838 This way, ambassador. 1175 01:18:54,838 --> 01:18:58,675 *Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1176 01:18:58,675 --> 01:19:00,710 Your crop is ready for inspection. 1177 01:19:00,710 --> 01:19:04,714 Bo. *I'm Mr. Reggae Ambassador 1178 01:19:04,714 --> 01:19:09,319 *Hey, Me Play Me Reggae Music In any condition * 1179 01:19:09,319 --> 01:19:11,855 *Drop It In A Style Drop it in a fashion * 1180 01:19:11,855 --> 01:19:15,592 -*Everywhere I go - good morning, ambassador. 1181 01:19:15,592 --> 01:19:18,262 Ambassador, will you try the harvest? 1182 01:19:18,262 --> 01:19:22,399 *Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1183 01:19:23,867 --> 01:19:28,505 *Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1184 01:19:30,340 --> 01:19:34,578 *Ah, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1185 01:19:34,578 --> 01:19:38,782 This... Is good shit. 1186 01:19:38,782 --> 01:19:41,518 The man from staines, he say yes! 1187 01:19:41,518 --> 01:19:43,887 *This Is How We Do It 1188 01:19:46,556 --> 01:19:48,392 *This Is How We Do It 1189 01:19:54,298 --> 01:19:56,666 - ice, please? - huh! [ Popping ] 1190 01:19:58,568 --> 01:20:01,505 Ali, this is a great jacuzzi. 1191 01:20:01,505 --> 01:20:03,973 That... Ain'ta jacuzzi. 1192 01:20:03,973 --> 01:20:07,344 *It's Friday Night Sorry. 1193 01:20:07,344 --> 01:20:09,913 *And I Feel All Right 1194 01:20:09,913 --> 01:20:11,615 *The Party's Here On the westside * 1195 01:20:11,615 --> 01:20:13,817 *So I Reach For My 40 And I turn it up * 1196 01:20:13,817 --> 01:20:16,620 *Designated Driver Take the keys to my truck * 1197 01:20:16,620 --> 01:20:18,722 *Hit The Shore 'Cause I'm faded * 1198 01:20:18,722 --> 01:20:20,924 *Honeys In The Street Say Monty, oh, we made it * 1199 01:20:20,924 --> 01:20:26,296 *It Feels So Good In my 'hood tonight * * [ Bongoes, Bass Drum ] 1200 01:20:26,296 --> 01:20:28,598 *The Summertime Skirts And the guys in kani * 1201 01:20:28,598 --> 01:20:31,401 *All The Gang-bangers Forgot about the drive-bys * 1202 01:20:31,401 --> 01:20:34,003 *You Gotta Get Your Groove On Before you go get paid * 1203 01:20:34,003 --> 01:20:37,374 Bring her in. 1204 01:20:37,374 --> 01:20:40,310 *Throw Your Hands Up And let me hear the party say * 1205 01:20:40,310 --> 01:20:42,879 Dance for me, bitch. 1206 01:20:42,879 --> 01:20:46,015 *This Is How We Do It *South Central Does It Like nobody does * 1207 01:20:46,015 --> 01:20:48,652 *This Is How We Do It 1208 01:20:48,652 --> 01:20:50,654 *To All My Neighbors You got much flava * 1209 01:20:50,654 --> 01:20:52,856 *This Is How We Do It 1210 01:20:52,856 --> 01:20:57,694 *Let's Flip The Track Bring the old school back * *This Is How We Do It 1211 01:20:57,694 --> 01:21:00,597 -*I'm kinda buzzed - me julie. 1212 01:21:00,597 --> 01:21:02,499 Me got something to ask you. 1213 01:21:04,601 --> 01:21:07,671 [ Giggling ] Will you make me... 1214 01:21:07,671 --> 01:21:10,106 The happiest man in the world? 1215 01:21:14,344 --> 01:21:16,946 Yeah, I will. [ Giggling ] Let me shag her, then. 1216 01:21:18,615 --> 01:21:21,618 *This Is How We Do It In a UK. Vibe * 1217 01:21:21,618 --> 01:21:25,655 *This Is How We Do It Come on, sue, to the floor and sabrina to the mic * 1218 01:21:25,655 --> 01:21:27,724 *This Is How We Do It 1219 01:21:27,724 --> 01:21:31,628 *This Is How We Do It It's friday night * 1220 01:21:31,628 --> 01:21:34,498 *And I Feel All Right 1221 01:21:34,498 --> 01:21:37,434 *Party's Here On The Westside 1222 01:21:37,434 --> 01:21:39,903 So, what did you think of the film? 1223 01:21:39,903 --> 01:21:41,838 It weren't bad, was it? 1224 01:21:41,838 --> 01:21:43,907 It was easily better than harry potter, 1225 01:21:43,907 --> 01:21:46,676 which me thought was very childish. 1226 01:21:46,676 --> 01:21:50,647 If you is watchin' this, potter, I's better than you. 1227 01:21:50,647 --> 01:21:53,116 You probably ain't even slept with a girl. 1228 01:21:53,116 --> 01:21:55,819 I's slept with three. 1229 01:21:55,819 --> 01:21:58,788 And I got one of 'em to play with herself. 1230 01:21:58,788 --> 01:22:00,890 Anyways, whatever you thought of this film, 1231 01:22:00,890 --> 01:22:03,760 please tell your mates that it waswicked. 1232 01:22:03,760 --> 01:22:05,629 'Cause if this flops, 1233 01:22:05,629 --> 01:22:08,598 me won't be able to get me nan a new hip. 1234 01:22:08,598 --> 01:22:12,502 So the choice is yours. No pressure. 1235 01:22:12,502 --> 01:22:14,671 Come here, nan, and tell them about it. 1236 01:22:14,671 --> 01:22:18,041 What? You is fallin' over again? 1237 01:22:18,041 --> 01:22:21,044 What, you done the other one in as well? 1238 01:22:21,044 --> 01:22:25,181 Don't cry there, all mashed up, a lump of bones. 1239 01:22:25,181 --> 01:22:28,084 Me will get you the cash to make it better. 1240 01:22:28,084 --> 01:22:30,520 Somehow. 1241 01:22:33,089 --> 01:22:35,592 Don't be selfish. 1242 01:22:35,592 --> 01:22:37,694 Buy the merchandise and all. 1243 01:22:39,863 --> 01:22:41,498 *Ali G 1244 01:22:41,498 --> 01:22:44,067 *Shaggy 1245 01:22:44,067 --> 01:22:45,935 *Last Time, Babylon You A ride, now yeah, you man * 1246 01:22:47,771 --> 01:22:50,106 *A To The L To The I To the g-issey * *Ali G 1247 01:22:50,106 --> 01:22:53,176 *J To The U To the L-i-e-issey * *Julie 1248 01:22:53,176 --> 01:22:56,480 *S To The H To the a double g-issey, y * *Shaggy 1249 01:22:56,480 --> 01:22:58,515 *Rude Boys Get Busy 1250 01:22:58,515 --> 01:23:00,984 *I Need A Cure For this thing I'm feelin' * 1251 01:23:00,984 --> 01:23:03,620 *Shaggy Need Some Sexual healin' * 1252 01:23:03,620 --> 01:23:05,922 *I Want To Reach And touch the ceilin' * 1253 01:23:05,922 --> 01:23:08,625 *When I'm Knobbin' My julie * 1254 01:23:08,625 --> 01:23:10,994 *Me Am The King Of the late-night dealin' * 1255 01:23:10,994 --> 01:23:13,630 *Worse Now, It's Just A piece I'm stealing * 1256 01:23:13,630 --> 01:23:16,132 *Safe Sex It's just a lover believin' * 1257 01:23:16,132 --> 01:23:18,902 *When I'm Loggin' My Julie 1258 01:23:18,902 --> 01:23:22,706 *Julie, Truly *You Know Me Love-a You 1259 01:23:22,706 --> 01:23:25,174 *From My Head Down To My *Goolie 1260 01:23:25,174 --> 01:23:28,745 *Uh, Uh *Woman, You Turn Me On With your big babylons * 1261 01:23:28,745 --> 01:23:32,816 *Julie, Truly *You Got To Treat Her 1262 01:23:32,816 --> 01:23:34,651 *When Me Touch You With Me *Goolie 1263 01:23:34,651 --> 01:23:36,586 [ Ali ] *Hey, Mr. Shaggy Me can rap too * 1264 01:23:36,586 --> 01:23:40,156 *Yo, Yo, Yo [ Ali ] *You Is Better Than J.lo 1265 01:23:40,156 --> 01:23:42,659 *Sexy You, She's Just A Minger Fit as destiny's child * 1266 01:23:42,659 --> 01:23:44,193 *Well, Apart From The lead singer * 1267 01:23:44,193 --> 01:23:46,963 *You's Fitter Than the spice girls including the ginger * 1268 01:23:46,963 --> 01:23:49,633 *Give It A Shake 'Cause me wanna be in ya * 1269 01:23:49,633 --> 01:23:52,035 *They Was Claimin' That Our love was wrong, uh * 1270 01:23:52,035 --> 01:23:54,037 *The People Just Stared And said it was too long * 1271 01:23:54,037 --> 01:23:56,039 *But It Ain't A Crime To have a 12-inch * 1272 01:23:56,039 --> 01:23:59,242 *A What *Dong, Da-dong, Dong-dong 1273 01:23:59,242 --> 01:24:03,580 *Julie, Julie *You Know Me Love-a You 1274 01:24:03,580 --> 01:24:06,149 *From My Head Down To My *Goolie 1275 01:24:06,149 --> 01:24:09,619 *Woman You Turn Me On With your big babylons * *Hey Yo, Hey Yo 1276 01:24:09,619 --> 01:24:13,657 *Me Julie, Truly *You Got To Sweet Talk 1277 01:24:13,657 --> 01:24:17,193 *That's Right *When Me Touch You To me goolie * 1278 01:24:17,193 --> 01:24:19,963 *But You Turn Me On With your big babylons * 1279 01:24:19,963 --> 01:24:23,733 *Whoa *This Is How We Do It In a UK. Vibe * 1280 01:24:23,733 --> 01:24:28,037 *This Is How We Do It *Ha, It's The Mis-teeq Mis-teeq, mis-teeq * 1281 01:24:28,037 --> 01:24:30,640 *This Is How We Do It 1282 01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:34,611 *This Is How We Do It It's friday night * 1283 01:24:34,611 --> 01:24:37,280 *And I Feel All Right 1284 01:24:37,280 --> 01:24:39,816 *Party's Here On The Westside 1285 01:24:39,816 --> 01:24:42,118 *So I Reach For My 40 And I turn it up * 1286 01:24:42,118 --> 01:24:44,721 *Designated Driver Turn the key to my truck * 1287 01:24:44,721 --> 01:24:46,790 *Hit The Shore 'Cause I'm faded * 1288 01:24:46,790 --> 01:24:49,693 *Guys In The Street Say Girls, oh, you made it * 1289 01:24:49,693 --> 01:24:53,897 *It Feels So Good In my 'hood tonight * 1290 01:24:53,897 --> 01:24:56,032 *The Summertime Skirts And the guys in kani * 1291 01:24:56,032 --> 01:24:59,202 *All The Gang-bangers Forgot about the drive-bys * 1292 01:24:59,202 --> 01:25:03,039 *You Gotta Get Your Groove On Before you're gonna get paid * 1293 01:25:03,039 --> 01:25:05,208 *So Tip Up Your Cup And throw your hands up * 1294 01:25:05,208 --> 01:25:07,811 *And Let Me Hear The party say * 1295 01:25:07,811 --> 01:25:10,146 *I'm Kinda Buzzed And it's all because * 1296 01:25:10,146 --> 01:25:12,181 *This Is How We Do It 1297 01:25:12,181 --> 01:25:15,118 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * 1298 01:25:15,118 --> 01:25:17,186 *This Is How We Do It 1299 01:25:17,186 --> 01:25:19,689 *To All My Neighbors You got much flava * 1300 01:25:19,689 --> 01:25:21,791 *This Is How We Do It 1301 01:25:21,791 --> 01:25:24,227 *So Flip The Track Bring the old school back * 1302 01:25:24,227 --> 01:25:26,763 *This Is How We Do It 1303 01:25:26,763 --> 01:25:29,132 *Oh, I'm Buzzin' Because 1304 01:25:29,132 --> 01:25:31,167 *This Is How We Do It 1305 01:25:31,167 --> 01:25:35,338 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1306 01:25:35,338 --> 01:25:38,074 *L-o-n-d-o-n 1307 01:25:38,074 --> 01:25:40,376 *This Is How We Do It 1308 01:25:40,376 --> 01:25:43,079 *I'll Never Come Back On an old school track * 1309 01:25:43,079 --> 01:25:45,081 *This Is How We Do It *Check It Out 1310 01:25:45,081 --> 01:25:49,686 * [ Rap, Indistinct ] 1311 01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:08,337 *But I'm Buzzin' Because *This Is How We Do It 1312 01:26:08,337 --> 01:26:12,976 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1313 01:26:12,976 --> 01:26:15,244 *L-o-n-d-o-n 1314 01:26:15,244 --> 01:26:17,747 *This Is How We Do It 1315 01:26:17,747 --> 01:26:20,216 *I Never Come Back On an old school track * 1316 01:26:20,216 --> 01:26:22,652 *This Is How We Do It 1317 01:26:22,652 --> 01:26:27,123 *I'm Kinda Buzzed And it's all because * *This Is How We Do It 1318 01:26:27,123 --> 01:26:31,360 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1319 01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:36,299 *All My Neighbors You got much flava * *This Is How We Do It 1320 01:26:36,299 --> 01:26:40,970 *So, Flip The Track Bring the old school back * *This Is How We Do It 1321 01:26:40,970 --> 01:26:45,809 *This Is How We Do It *This Is How We Do It 1322 01:26:45,809 --> 01:26:50,413 *Mis Teeq Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1323 01:26:50,413 --> 01:26:55,051 *All My Neighbors You got much flava * *This Is How We Do It 1324 01:26:55,051 --> 01:26:59,823 *And We'll Never Come Back On an old school track * *This Is How We Do It