1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,800 Well, there are lots of exciting options, but I like Sex On The Beach. 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,720 Is that vodka-based or...? Oh, are we talking about drinks? 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,400 It would be a port and lemon for me. Bitter, tart. 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,560 You said it, mate. 5 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,360 What if was puddle water mixed with river water? 6 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,560 It's still not a cocktail, Robin. 7 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,680 It's all I've ever drunk! Right. 8 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,040 And seeing as Mary doesn't partake... 9 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,760 Tis devil's juice! 10 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,120 ..that just about wraps up our Inaugural Cocktail Society. 11 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,560 Cock Soc. No, we're not calling it that, mate. 12 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,240 When I was fucdut as CO of Ick... Those aren't real words! 13 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,720 ..it was the highlight of our week on a Friday night... 14 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,960 SINGING 15 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,280 16 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,120 Is that me? 17 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,240 Good morning! Good morning! 18 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,360 19 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,400 Oh, Kitty! What pretty hair you have today! 20 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,600 And, Robin, looking very sprightly. 21 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,240 And a lovely smile as always, 22 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,600 from my dearest Patty Cake! 23 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,760 Huh? What just happened? 24 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,480 And then pages seven and nine. OK. 25 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,520 Nice. 26 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,600 This, um, rosewood? 27 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,320 That's my granola. Mm. 28 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,760 OK. Marvellous. Well, your driveway is now 29 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,800 officially your driveway. 30 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,160 Sorry, again. This really should have come up in our searches. 31 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,880 These things happen. To us. 32 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,880 Hopefully, we won't find any more skeletons in the... Basement. 33 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,760 ..closet. Closet. Hm? Mm. 34 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,400 Well, we should get going. My sister's coming over. 35 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,560 But... Sister? I didn't think you had a sister. 36 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,800 Oh, yeah. No. Recent development. 37 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,600 Yeah. Long-lost sister. 38 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,280 Well, actually, half sister. 39 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,720 Which half? On which side? 40 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,200 My dad's. Older, younger? 41 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,680 Uh, older? 42 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,320 Oh, dear. Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. 43 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,040 Is there...? Is there a problem? 44 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,560 Well, she may have a claim to the estate, so either 45 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,680 you'd have to buy her out, which you don't have the money for, or sell 46 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,280 the house and split the proceeds. 47 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,320 Admittedly, those are worst-case scenarios, 48 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,440 but it's a very serious situation. 49 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,120 Oh, I mean... So, what can we do? 50 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,800 Well, first things first. You need to confirm her identity. 51 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:31,280 A birth certificate at least, if not a DNA test. A DNA test? 52 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,640 You're not serious. 53 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,040 I'm always serious. Ask my wife. 54 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,520 ALL TALKING AT ONCE 55 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:42,840 No, no, look, look! I know Fanny better than any of you. 56 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,680 She does have a lighter side, you know. Not that light! 57 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,440 No, something's up. 58 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,840 Perhaps she's unwell. 59 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,560 She's dead, Kitty. There you are, then. 60 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,320 Perhaps she has been possessed. 61 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,040 There's no such thing as possession. 62 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,320 Well, there's no such thing as ghosts, but... 63 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,000 He's right, isn't he? THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE 64 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,080 Well, can't you just drop it in conversationally? 65 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,280 Oh, yeah. "Oh, hi, Lucy. Nice weather. 66 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,440 "Can I test your DNA?" 67 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,280 Look, she might not even want the house. 68 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,960 He did say it was just worst-case scenario. He knows he screwed up 69 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,560 the driveway thing, so he's just being super cautious. 70 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,000 Anyway, I want to get back to work. 71 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,720 Hey, look at me. 72 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,400 I've got the kind of work that people have got to get back to. Mm! 73 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,000 I'm really growing as a person. 74 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,080 Don't know whether to be proud or depressed. 75 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,360 Ah! Alison! I couldn't help but overhear... Well, you could. 76 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,000 ..something about Lucy. A test? 77 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,720 Oh, yeah. I just... 78 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,120 I have to sort of confirm she is who she says she is. 79 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,680 You mean like a spy? 80 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:46,960 No, that's not... 81 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,280 Now, I happen to have a very particular set of skills 82 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,240 when it comes to rooting out bad apples. Yep. 83 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,600 If someone wanted, someone could conduct some covert 84 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,760 surveillance on a certain someone, if someone 85 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,680 didn't want to get their hands dirty, if you know what I mean. 86 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,920 I don't want you to spy on my sister, if that's what you mean. 87 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,960 So, you DON'T want me to spy on her? Jolly good. 88 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,320 No, no, really, Captain. 89 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,880 I really... I really don't want you to spy on her. What? 90 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,920 I don't. I'm just going to talk to her and, you know, ask 91 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:23,360 for some clarity and, uh, some ID and a DNA swab, 92 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,600 and then just ruin our relationship before we've even... 93 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,080 OK, actually, do you know what? 94 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,520 Maybe a little light surveillance wouldn't be the worst idea. 95 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,280 OK, do it. Do you mean do it as in 96 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,520 "don't do it" or do it as in "do it"? 97 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,760 Do it. So, don't. No, do. Yes. 98 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,040 Do. 99 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,920 Ah, all right. Erm... 100 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,080 Don't. Jolly good, right. 101 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:48,320 Sorry. Is that actual don't or...? How did we win the war? 102 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,160 All right, young lady! All right. 103 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,960 I'll make it simple for you. If you want to green light 104 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,920 this mission say "eiderdown". 105 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,440 Eiderdown. Shh! Ah. 106 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,840 WHISPERING: For goodness' sake! 107 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,280 All right. We'll soon find out if she's a German. 108 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,320 I mean, she is who she says she is. 109 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,320 OK. Good luck. 110 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,480 Thank you? Mm. 111 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,280 Right. Let's get in amongst them. 112 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,400 Stop it! 113 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:28,720 Well, I'm bored! I miss the office, the banter, the secretaries. 114 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:33,000 Whir of the fax, the secretaries, photocopier, the secretaries 115 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,400 ON the photocopier. 116 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,120 Oh! JULIAN GRUNTS 117 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,440 Right. Do you know what a line manager is? 118 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,240 Because mine is very serious. Yeah? 119 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,720 I'm sure that you find this stuff hilarious. What's up with him? 120 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,280 Oh, just being a square. 121 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,720 He's having a square meal and he's off to a square dance 122 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,080 in Trafalgar Square. 123 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,120 So, please just let me get on! Huh. 124 00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,960 Oh, my! 125 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,720 Oh! Like bum? Yeah! 126 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,960 Exactly like bum. Just stop it! 127 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,400 All right? Or I'm telling Alison. Ooh! Ooh! 128 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,520 Thank you. 129 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,760 No! LAUGHTER 130 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,000 No, no, no, no. Unsend. Unsend! 131 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,680 GRAVEL CRUNCHING UNDER TYRES 132 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,120 Oh, joy! The other one. Kitty. 133 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,280 To think my head was turned by such 134 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,760 a pale imitation of perfection. It's so nice she's back. 135 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,080 When she's leaving? 136 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,720 She's staying the night. A sleepover? Mm-mm. 137 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,040 Which I'm fine about, actually. Yeah. 138 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,720 Not jealous at all. 139 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,120 The opposite of jealous. If anything, I'm happy. 140 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,480 And if you see me crying, it's because I'm so happy. 141 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,360 SHE SOBS 142 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,200 I'm going to kill him! I'm going to resurrect him 143 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,520 and I'm going to kill him. Robin. It wasn't me! 144 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,920 So, I'm typing an email, right, to my boss and old Mr Funny Fingers 145 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,680 starts messing with the keyboard, 146 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,600 changing words to rude words. 147 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,080 Made annual review anal review. 148 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,200 Like bum! 149 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,680 ALISON CHUCKLES 150 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,200 Yes. No. That... That's not funny 151 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,440 at the end of the day. I mean, you can't... You really can't. 152 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,520 I asked him to stop. I begged him. 153 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,640 And what does he do? Puts a kiss on it. 154 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,880 Best wishes, Michael, kiss. Mwah! 155 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,160 And we do not have that kind of relationship at all! 156 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,160 OK, yeah, he really shouldn't have done that. 157 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,720 But I doubt they'll even notice. Well, she better not or I'll... 158 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,840 You'll what, mate? What are you going to do? 159 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,920 Oh, it's so hard to threaten dead people! 160 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,920 Yeah, keep walking! Toodle-oo! 161 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,800 It was funny, really funny. 162 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,400 It's given me a stitch! Aha! 163 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,240 Hey! Hey! How are you? So lovely... Sorry. 164 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,640 Oh. No, it's... 165 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,800 And I feel nothing. Less than nothing. 166 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,000 Oh, I thought you were only coming for one night. 167 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,600 Oh, yeah. I always over-pack. Dressing gown, slippers, 168 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,880 a couple of books. What are you reading? 169 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,480 Just some poetry. Oh, right. 170 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,040 Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, 171 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,600 and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. 172 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,080 Thomas, if you could just dial down the flirting while my sister 173 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,760 is here, please, because it's... 174 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,720 Thomas? Oh. 175 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,760 Mm. 176 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,360 If you just go through, we're heading up the stairs to the blue room. 177 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,000 Oh, and I brought this 178 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,440 for a few. Well, for us. Ah, Sancerre. 179 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,560 A woman of taste. Flinty! 180 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:36,520 I knows of what I speaks. I'm telling you, Fanny be the devil. 181 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,240 I saw her head make turns of full circle. 182 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,320 Really? 183 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,000 Well, no, but she did that and she did that. 184 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,280 So, how long till they meet in the middle? 185 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,200 I normally just pick the nicest label. 186 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,400 Bless you. What a charming young lady. So polite. 187 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,200 Oh, her you like. Sorry? 188 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,640 Uh... I heard you like to... 189 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,680 Do you...? Do you like to travel? 190 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,240 Erm, when I can. Yeah. 191 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,320 Oh. I just got back from Berlin. OK. 192 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,800 I knew it! She's German. 193 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,400 Oh, no. We're not doing that, are we? Carry on. 194 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,280 But a demon wouldn't make her act happy, Mary! 195 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,200 They're not jolly things, demons! 196 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,120 Oh, I don't know. Vice, decadence, fornication. 197 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,480 Nice work if you can get it. 198 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,640 Begone, foul demon! 199 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,560 Mary, you gave me a start! 200 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:25,960 Oh, you are a card. 201 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,560 Right! Something's up 202 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,880 and I'm going to find out exactly what it is, young lady. 203 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,280 Old lady. Lady! Patrick, 204 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:36,560 I'm afraid I have no idea to what you might be... Be not fooled. 205 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,280 She be in the throne of some chucklesome imp! 206 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:44,400 I'm quite sure there's been no change to my... Aha! 207 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,960 I recognise that glint in your eye. 208 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,520 I've seen it many times in mirrors. 209 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,480 You're having an affair. 210 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:55,840 I am not! How dare you! 211 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:56,880 Oh! 212 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,480 Oh-ho-ho! LAUGHTER 213 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,040 No, hang on. Hang on! 214 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:08,360 Well, she ghost. Huh? So, she can only... 215 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,800 ..with other ghosts. 216 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,880 Which mean whoever she... 217 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,520 ..with must be someone in this room. 218 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,080 GASPING 219 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,760 Or the Captain. 220 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,360 Someone in this room. 221 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,000 Do you ever get lost in here? 222 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,720 Well, no, I mean, you get used to... 223 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,440 Yeah, yes, actually. Yeah, yeah. All the time. It's awful. 224 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,480 It's actually too big, if anything. 225 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,400 So much space! 226 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,320 Yet also quite small, 227 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,000 weirdly, once you're in. It's sort of one of those places it's better 228 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,040 to visit than to... Well, anyway, you're in here. 229 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,600 Oh, my... Wow! 230 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,720 Well, it's a bit bleh. I'll let you get settled in. 231 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,680 I'll see you downstairs in ten? Great. 232 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,400 OK. All right. Oh, my God! 233 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,600 Excellent. 234 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,160 Square room, one exit. 235 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,440 I'll keep her on nightwatch. 236 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,840 Fingers crossed for a little pillow talk. 237 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,040 Well, no, she's on her own, so there won't be any pillow talk. 238 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:09,640 So? You do know what pillow talk is? 239 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,040 Talking to your pillow. 240 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,400 Who talks to their pillow? 241 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,280 Yes. Yes. 242 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,160 I mean... I mean, who on Earth would do something like that? Ha-ha. 243 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,680 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Mm. Yeah. Mm-mm. 244 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,080 EMAIL PINGS 245 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,240 Doesn't mention the kiss. No thanks to you! 246 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,640 Could have been Mikey No Job. Then what? 247 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,120 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 248 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,880 Two kisses. That's a kiss more than my kiss. 249 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,960 What does that mean? Do I reply with three kisses? 250 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,680 I can't do no kisses after two kisses. 251 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,400 If I reply with three, does she reply with four? Where does this end? 252 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,040 You see what you've done?! Huh? 253 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,880 You see? Your actions have consequences! Yeah? 254 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,680 You walk around this house, touching stuff, pushing stuff. 255 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,440 Fanny Button, how dare you? 256 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,440 I mean, I've had my dalliances, hasn't everyone? 257 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,600 But even I draw the line somewhere. 258 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,680 I think the lady doth protest too much. 259 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,880 Although there are those who say, "Man who point finger." 260 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,520 Me? I've never even thought about it. 261 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:21,000 Well, I did have one dream, but in my defence, she had your head. 262 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,120 What? OK. Well, what about Thomas? Oh! 263 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,480 Where's he all of a sudden? 264 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,560 Yeah! Unless he's behind me. Is he behind me? 265 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,600 He's only got eyes for Alison. No, no, no, no. 266 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,200 I don't think he does. 267 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,800 THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE 268 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,000 Did you miss me? 269 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:51,520 GIGGLING 270 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,280 It's not me! No way, Jose! Well, it could be him. Could be the ape. 271 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,080 Ape? Read some Darwin! 272 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,080 Not a demon. It be not a demon! 273 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,600 What? I did see Fanny locked in the tryst. She have herself 274 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,280 a bawcock, a fancy man. Ooh! Ha! 275 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,320 Told you! Well, who is it? 276 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,880 It be... 277 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,200 ..Humphrey. 278 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,080 Huh? No, it's not. 279 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,120 Not that bit. Huh? 280 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,680 Aw. 281 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,160 You see! 282 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,160 Mm. It's complicated. 283 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,480 You're telling me! 284 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:32,920 Ah, changing for dinner? 285 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,400 Well, yeah, I'm trying to, but, Thomas, we've spoken about this. 286 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,920 OK? You can't be in here when I'm trying to... Nice to make an effort 287 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,600 when one has guests. 288 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,320 Is she's not around, Lucy? Mm? 289 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,120 Oh, no. No. I put her in the Blue Room. 290 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,200 Now, if you don't mind, I'm actually trying to get ready for my evening, so... 291 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:50,680 Thomas? 292 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,200 Mm. 293 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,600 Look, I appreciate it may be a little unorthodox. 294 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,080 Unorthodox? It's not like you're courting my brother 295 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,400 or something. That's me! 296 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,280 OK, OK, OK, let's not lose our heads. No offence. 297 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,160 JULIAN AND ROBIN LAUGH Fanny, 298 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:15,680 is it not possible that you feel so drawn to that bit of Humphrey 299 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,680 because he doesn't argue with, judge or upset you, 300 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,760 what with him not having a head? He's got a head! Yeah. 301 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,480 Look, you can think what you like. I know how I feel. 302 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,880 I am in love with some of this man and I don't care who knows it. 303 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,600 Good for you, girl. 304 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,520 CELLPHONE BUZZES 305 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,880 Mm, interesting. 306 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,080 Most interesting. 307 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,960 Ah! 308 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,440 MUFFLED: Very interesting. 309 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,240 You know what, honesty's the best policy. 310 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,680 Pfft! 311 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:10,760 No, no. Policy and honesty, two very different things, mate. 312 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,120 "Kisses? 313 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:18,040 "Just to clear up any confusion... 314 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,880 "I want you to know there was a typo in my previous email. 315 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,480 "I want you..." 316 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,000 JULIAN GRUNTS 317 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,680 Yeah! You son of a...! 318 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,400 SINGING: That's fun, that's fun! It's fun, it's fun, it's fun! 319 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,960 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 320 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,840 Just a cheeky bit of fun! It's office japes! 321 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,400 Wait till she reads that. 322 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,880 EMAIL PINGS 323 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:55,400 "This is a wholly inappropriate use of corporate communications. 324 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,520 "This is now a matter that we will need to discuss in person." 325 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,480 Great. You've got me fired. 326 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,640 I'm going to get fired! You happy now, mm? 327 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,040 I'm going to get fired. 328 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,560 Fired? For that? 329 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,720 Gah! Whatever next? 330 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,040 No bottom patting? 331 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,840 Honestly! 332 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,960 MUSIC: Fantasy Overture - Romeo and Juliet 333 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,400 HE GASPS 334 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,720 Keeps happening. 335 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,920 It's a sort of cafe-cum-art space, I suppose. 336 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,360 Well, that's the plan anyway. 337 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,360 Coffee and paint, but not in the same cup. 338 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,840 Same cup! That's... That's a really great idea. 339 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,280 Yeah. And perfect location. 340 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,040 Were you...? Were you born near there? 341 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,240 Oh, no. No. Heavens, no. 342 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,160 And, I mean, it's just a small space. 343 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,520 I mean, compared to this, this is... Ah, it's not really. 344 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,800 Are you kidding? 345 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,760 I mean, just look at the size at that cooker! 346 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,120 It's too hot or it's too cold. It's unreliable. 347 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,240 It's unsafe, probably. It's homely, though, isn't it? 348 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,800 It's like a real fire. 349 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,880 I like a real fire. Oh, she's hot. 350 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,120 And sensitive. Oh, yes. 351 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,640 Look at her with her perfect hair 352 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,880 and her shiny teeth and her flawless skin. 353 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,280 I far prefer you. 354 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,360 Cheers. Yeah, cheers. 355 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,000 If you'd had told me 400 years ago 356 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,960 that, one day, I'd be watching my decapitated body 357 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,840 having an affair with a 60-year-old dead woman, 358 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,160 I'd have said you were mad. 359 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,800 PATRICK: And that would be fair enough, mate. 360 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,760 MARY: She does look happy, though. 361 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,320 I've not seen Fanny like it. 362 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,160 She's right. 363 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,760 I mean, call me an old romantic, 364 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,600 but is it not possible that there could be something in this? 365 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,160 Are you having a laugh? 366 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,720 I'm just saying, mate, you know, some part of you... 367 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,400 Well, most of you, proportionally speaking, feels quite content 368 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,200 with the situation. 369 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,240 And, likes it or not, it be that bit which hath the heart. 370 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,320 I never really knew where I was with him. 371 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,080 He's a damn fool! I should probably put myself back out there. 372 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,280 I'm not getting any younger. Oh, no! 373 00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,080 Well, I mean, you're only... 21. 108. 374 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,960 What year were you born? 375 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,800 Don't. It's depressing. 376 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,040 I still feel like I'm 25. Whereas, of course, 377 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,920 in fact, you are...? Oh, I'm holding up OK, I suppose. 378 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,920 Got Dad's skin. Yeah. 379 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,520 Looks like we both did. Yeah. 380 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,640 Alison. 381 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,440 Eiderdown, de-brief. Corridor. 382 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,680 Quick as you like. 383 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,360 I've just... I've got to nip to the loo. Yeah. 384 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,200 I kept my dad's skin. 385 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,240 Surveillance briefing, day one, 386 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:36,400 the time is, erm... I don't have a watch. Do you have the time? 387 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,560 It doesn't matter. OK. Present, Alison Cooper and Captain... 388 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,240 Great. Just great. What is it? 389 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,240 It's my boss. She's here to fire me. 390 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,720 What? Not because of... 391 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,720 Yep, forget what I said earlier. 392 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,120 Worst-case scenario, that's what will happen every time. 393 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,800 Come on along then! I said no pushing! I'm going! 394 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,960 Don't mind me. Just borrowing that. 395 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,280 Right, do you want this briefing or not? Uh, yeah. 396 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,360 Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah. What did you find? Right. 397 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:05,640 Well, for starters, I discovered that she carries secreted about her 398 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,320 person a field telephone. 399 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,880 Do you mean a mobile? Precisely. 400 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,840 But that's not all. She has this bag. Within that bag 401 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,960 is a smaller bag, and within that bag 402 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,040 a bag smaller still, that contains a stick of lipstick stick, 403 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,640 a tiny mirror and a comb. 404 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,680 OK, just to save us both a lot of time, is the gist of this 405 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,040 that you didn't find out anything about her of any consequence whatsoever? 406 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,920 Well, we wouldn't put it quite like that 407 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,840 in the intelligence community, but... 408 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,880 Great, great, great. Thank you. Thank you so much for your help. 409 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,080 You're very welcome. Yeah. 410 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,680 Oh, no! I see what you're doing. 411 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,120 Yeah, very clever. 412 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,160 I don't appreciate that tone, Alison. 413 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,480 Look, if I didn't find anything, then there wasn't anything to find. 414 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:48,000 I can assure you, nothing gets past me. Throughout the entirety 415 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,080 of my military career, 416 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,680 not a single spy ever infiltrated my unit. Or loads did and you just 417 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,600 never found them. Right. OK, OK. 418 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,040 So, it comes down to me. Well, I'm just going to have to come out 419 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,280 and ask her. How the hell am I going to do this? 420 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,360 Jacqui. Michael. Now, before you say anything, can I firstly 421 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,000 just apologise? 422 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,720 I didn't mean... Michael, stop talking. 423 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,560 I feel the same way. 424 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,840 What? Come on! 425 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,120 No time like the present. 426 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,520 Right, the thing is, Lucy, is that I need to know 427 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,600 if you would... 428 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,440 ..like tea? 429 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,360 Would you like some tea? 430 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,840 Because I've got a range. 431 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,080 Yeah, if you're making one. Right, that's it! 432 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,160 Enough puttyfoosing around... Pussy! 433 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,520 It's time for you to come clean, young lady. The thing is... 434 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,800 Well, it's... Uh, if I could... Time to come in from the cold. 435 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,880 The real question is... Are you OK? 436 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,520 Yeah. HE SPEAKS GERMAN 437 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,600 And feel free to answer in your native tongue. I just need to... 438 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,000 You tell her, Captain. She's not welcome here. 439 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,040 How dare you insult this gentlewoman, sire! 440 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,320 No, no, no. I disagree. ALL TALKING AT ONCE 441 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,760 LOUDLY: It's more of like a legal question. 442 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,040 More than... Alison, what's going on? 443 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,720 SHOUTING 444 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,680 No, no, I just thought I could just print them out 445 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,040 and then I won't have to send them through. Michael! 446 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,840 Mike, that can wait. 447 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,840 I think we should talk about us. 448 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,280 Oh. Well, yes, actually, I think there's been some confusion, 449 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,040 so I just want to be absolutely clear. 450 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,760 ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS 451 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:24,800 Oh! 452 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,240 LUCY LAUGHS 453 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,680 You've made yourself quite clear. 454 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,280 LOUD CHATTERING 455 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,520 Right! 456 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:47,800 The thing is, so my solicitor has asked me, advised me, 457 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,560 to confirm your identity 458 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:56,560 and any, well, intentions with regards 459 00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:01,680 to... Well, like in terms of inheritance on the house. 460 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,600 What? I don't want your house! 461 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,520 How could you think that? 462 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,640 I don't want anything from you. 463 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,360 I found out I had a sister and I wanted that. 464 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,840 And I thought that you might want that. 465 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,120 No, I do. I just... 466 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:22,840 Do you know what? I think I was better off on my own. 467 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,600 No, Lucy, wait! Lucy! 468 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,760 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Your hand! 469 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,960 I'm married. 470 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,200 Oh, that's fine. So am I! 471 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,920 No, no, I'm happily married. 472 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,040 This is all just a misunderstanding. 473 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,520 Those emails, they were typos. 474 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,760 I've got this annoying keyboard and it cut out that line 475 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,840 and it added the X, and this is really... It's not what I meant. 476 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,840 Really. 477 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,760 Oh, not again. 478 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,520 I'm sorry, I thought you were coming here to fire me. 479 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,240 I could fire you. What? 480 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,640 God, I said that out loud! No, no, 481 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,400 of course I wouldn't fire you. Not after I... Not that I did! 482 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,880 Don't tell HR! 483 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,920 Well, that took a turn. Hang on. Surely it's me that would... 484 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,080 OK, OK, OK. 485 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,480 If you promise to keep this strictly between ourselves, 486 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,920 here's what I can do for you. 487 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,440 I'm really sorry again. 488 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,120 Yeah, you said. Are you sure that you won't stay 489 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,160 cos we've barely had pudding? Yes, stay. 490 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,880 Pray, stay! I think it's better that I just clear my head a bit. Byron? 491 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,720 Take some time, you know? Urgh! 492 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,560 No, let her go. I'm better off without her. 493 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:27,960 No taste, no class. 494 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,440 Are you wearing lipstick? Urgh. 495 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,360 Well, I mean, if you're sure, then... I'm sure. Sure, sure. 496 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:47,800 Call me! 497 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,920 I think you were rather snappy with the mission there, Alison. 498 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,880 Well, thanks and sorry. 499 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,960 Fired? Promoted. 500 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,120 What? Long story. 501 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,280 I thought she was staying. Long story. 502 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,640 Is it Damson Red? 503 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:09,320 Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah. Beautiful. Oh, thanks. 504 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:16,960 Like two crimson rivers curling into a turtle... Oh, God. 505 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,400 MOANING 506 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,000 Knock, knock. Only me. 507 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,000 And me. Look, top of Humphrey, 508 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,920 I don't know you don't approve of... Please, just let me speak. 509 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,960 I can't pretend all this didn't take me by surprise. 510 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,480 But what do I know about love? My marriage ended with me 511 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,760 getting me head chopped off. 512 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:43,680 So, if some part of me likes some part of you, 513 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,240 then couldn't we all just give this a chance? 514 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,120 Oh. 515 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,120 I don't know where we go from here. 516 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,680 But if there's one thing I do, is that love... 517 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,920 No! Eh? No, no, that's ruined it for me. 518 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,040 Oh, and I don't know what I ever saw in... And to think there was... 519 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,480 Urgh! No! Out of my way! 520 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:18,160 She's back. 521 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,000 Well, I guess it's just you and me... 522 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:27,520 Fair enough. 523 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,360 Interesting day. It's so easy to make assumptions about people 524 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:36,280 and then you find... Well, you don't really know them at all. 525 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,880 Half the time, we don't even know ourselves. 526 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,840 I suppose that we all have our little secrets. 527 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:46,840 Well, good night, old thing. 528 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,680 Mm. 529 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:52,800 Ah!