1 00:00:06,928 --> 00:00:09,188 - Previously on "Reginald the Vampire..." 2 00:00:09,213 --> 00:00:10,525 - You really like her, don’t you? 3 00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:11,689 - Her name is Sarah. 4 00:00:11,714 --> 00:00:13,180 - Maybe you should do something about that. 5 00:00:13,204 --> 00:00:14,382 - Are you busy Friday night? 6 00:00:14,407 --> 00:00:15,827 - No, no, I’m not busy. 7 00:00:15,852 --> 00:00:17,307 - I think it would be fun if we went out. 8 00:00:17,331 --> 00:00:18,428 - Sure. 9 00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:20,280 - How have you never been on a date before? 10 00:00:21,540 --> 00:00:23,183 Leave him alone! 11 00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:24,495 - I can fix this, Reggie. 12 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:25,998 - I had the weirdest dream last night. 13 00:00:26,022 --> 00:00:27,272 - No, you’re not dreaming. 14 00:00:27,312 --> 00:00:28,852 - I’m a mother... vampire! 15 00:00:28,877 --> 00:00:30,287 - Being a fat vampire, 16 00:00:30,312 --> 00:00:31,746 that’s gonna cause some problems 17 00:00:31,771 --> 00:00:32,874 within the vampire community. 18 00:00:32,898 --> 00:00:34,078 - I’m going to be like this forever. 19 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:35,192 - Vampires can’t glamour 20 00:00:35,217 --> 00:00:36,257 other vampires, all right? 21 00:00:37,364 --> 00:00:38,664 You need to feed, man. 22 00:00:38,746 --> 00:00:40,996 - But I don’t want to kill anyone. 23 00:00:41,021 --> 00:00:42,163 - You don’t have to. 24 00:00:42,188 --> 00:00:43,228 - We need to break up. 25 00:00:43,253 --> 00:00:45,503 - I reject your imaginary break up 26 00:00:45,528 --> 00:00:47,568 and think that you and I need to have 27 00:00:47,593 --> 00:00:49,474 an open and honest conversation 28 00:00:49,499 --> 00:00:51,113 about what’s going on between us. 29 00:00:53,212 --> 00:00:56,267 Could I come in now please? 30 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,450 - Okay. 31 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,485 - Okay. 32 00:01:06,512 --> 00:01:09,281 - Um, the best way to have an honest conversation 33 00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:14,314 is to just dive in without hesitation or fear. 34 00:01:15,261 --> 00:01:16,918 Are you... 35 00:01:18,475 --> 00:01:19,939 all right? 36 00:01:21,507 --> 00:01:23,177 Reginald? 37 00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:28,006 Better now. 38 00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:29,473 Good. 39 00:01:29,653 --> 00:01:32,631 Because, um... - Stop right there. 40 00:01:32,656 --> 00:01:34,196 Don’t come any closer. 41 00:01:34,376 --> 00:01:35,969 - Can’t break up if we were never together. 42 00:01:35,993 --> 00:01:38,750 - That’s a fair point, semantically sound. 43 00:01:38,775 --> 00:01:40,695 We’re on the same wavelength here. 44 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,550 - I feel like there’s something that you’re not telling me, 45 00:01:43,575 --> 00:01:47,705 and Reginald, you can tell me anything. 46 00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:50,650 - I know how you could assume that, 47 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:54,595 but there’s just some things a man can’t share. 48 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,960 Try me. 49 00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:15,494 What’s the story, morning glory? 50 00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:24,070 - Sarah, there is nothing I’d rather do 51 00:02:24,112 --> 00:02:26,475 than be with you, 52 00:02:26,528 --> 00:02:28,368 but I can’t. 53 00:02:34,205 --> 00:02:35,921 Because... 54 00:02:36,207 --> 00:02:39,427 the timing’s wrong, or the gods are against us, 55 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,880 or the stars are out of alignment. 56 00:02:42,922 --> 00:02:45,389 Probably all of those things at the same time. 57 00:02:47,719 --> 00:02:50,429 We can’t be together. 58 00:03:03,295 --> 00:03:06,677 No, no! Sarah, what was I thinking? 59 00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:10,890 I was wrong! I don’t care about the stars. 60 00:03:11,405 --> 00:03:15,955 Of course we can be together. We have to be. 61 00:03:15,997 --> 00:03:20,087 There’s nothing in the world I want more. 62 00:03:21,461 --> 00:03:24,857 However, in the interest of full disclosure, 63 00:03:24,882 --> 00:03:27,536 I have to tell you something, so brace yourself 64 00:03:27,561 --> 00:03:29,349 because, again, fully aware 65 00:03:29,374 --> 00:03:32,968 of what a shocker this is gonna be, but... 66 00:03:33,306 --> 00:03:35,976 the thing I wasn’t telling you, 67 00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:40,357 my big, bold, impossible secret is... 68 00:03:42,273 --> 00:03:44,193 I’m a mother... vampir... 69 00:03:44,233 --> 00:03:46,708 - No, no, I’m still not entirely on board 70 00:03:46,733 --> 00:03:48,651 with that catchphrase. 71 00:04:06,618 --> 00:04:08,457 - She didn’t hear a word I said? 72 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,438 - Sorry, no. 73 00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:11,540 - How did you even know she was here? 74 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:14,393 - The sire bond, man. It’s like an alarm bell. 75 00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:15,720 What you feel, I feel. 76 00:04:15,765 --> 00:04:19,025 - You don’t wanna feel what I feel. 77 00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,180 - Understood. 78 00:04:20,228 --> 00:04:22,608 - You made her go. 79 00:04:22,647 --> 00:04:25,357 - I just put a different thought in her head. 80 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,569 - What will she remember from tonight? 81 00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:29,030 - I went a little deeper than that. 82 00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:30,650 - What? 83 00:04:30,696 --> 00:04:32,656 - No first date for her to miss, 84 00:04:32,698 --> 00:04:34,358 no reason for her to come here, 85 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,158 no conversation once she did, 86 00:04:36,202 --> 00:04:37,872 and no catchphrase. 87 00:04:37,912 --> 00:04:39,792 - Is Sarah gonna remember that she likes me? 88 00:04:39,831 --> 00:04:41,308 - Well, I didn’t tell her not to, man, 89 00:04:41,332 --> 00:04:42,582 but it’s an inexact science. 90 00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,835 - So summing up again, 91 00:04:44,877 --> 00:04:46,717 body issues for an eternity, 92 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,794 unable to control my most basic urges, 93 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:51,710 and unfit for human interaction including, of course, romance. 94 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,549 - Well, hey, hey, none of that is permanent 95 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:55,554 except for the body part. 96 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,106 - Something to look forward to then. 97 00:04:58,141 --> 00:04:59,931 - Look, you need to feed, Reggie, okay? 98 00:04:59,976 --> 00:05:03,026 Nothing changes until you get your teeth into someone. 99 00:05:04,522 --> 00:05:06,352 - What if I don’t? 100 00:05:06,399 --> 00:05:08,649 - Well, it won’t kill you, but some very inconvenient 101 00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:10,193 shit will start to happen. 102 00:05:10,236 --> 00:05:13,246 - Define "inconvenient shit." 103 00:05:13,281 --> 00:05:16,071 - Drop your fangs, bite, and drink. 104 00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:17,577 Oh, and don’t forget, 105 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,578 make them forget after it’s over. 106 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,411 - I’ve never glamoured anyone before. 107 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,126 - Well, it’s a part of your nature now. 108 00:05:25,686 --> 00:05:28,356 - Then come with me. Show me how to feed. 109 00:05:29,714 --> 00:05:32,134 - I can’t do that. - Why? 110 00:05:32,175 --> 00:05:33,675 - Sorry, tradition. 111 00:05:33,718 --> 00:05:36,598 There comes a time when baby birds gotta leave the nest, 112 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,397 even if they need a little push. 113 00:05:38,431 --> 00:05:41,601 - I am not a baby bird. - No. 114 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,812 No, you’re a mother... vampire! 115 00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:51,003 00:08:06,449 - Employ the direct approach when necessary. 162 00:08:13,127 --> 00:08:15,257 Dude, they slapped me. 163 00:08:15,296 --> 00:08:16,926 Wh... 164 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,424 What the f... 165 00:08:33,314 --> 00:08:34,443 Hi. 166 00:08:35,301 --> 00:08:36,349 Hey. 167 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:41,401 - Hey? - Reginald. 168 00:08:43,282 --> 00:08:46,122 Sorry I’m late. It was so weird. 169 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,120 I forgot how to get here. 170 00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:50,492 I mean, well, I didn’t forget, 171 00:08:50,539 --> 00:08:53,027 but, like, I did. 172 00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:55,849 - So what did you do last night? 173 00:08:56,712 --> 00:08:59,583 - Not much. Nothing. 174 00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,633 I don’t know. 175 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,584 - I was just thinking about what we were talking about 176 00:09:04,608 --> 00:09:06,542 at work yesterday. 177 00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:08,301 - Oh. 178 00:09:08,349 --> 00:09:12,099 Well, I don’t really remember what we talked about. 179 00:09:12,144 --> 00:09:13,789 - Follow-up question. 180 00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,908 Have you been on any dates lately? 181 00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:20,533 - No. I don’t think so. 182 00:09:20,986 --> 00:09:24,156 I mean, no, I haven’t. 183 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,713 But, uh, why would you ask me that? 184 00:09:29,078 --> 00:09:31,628 - Um, nothing, just collegial interest 185 00:09:31,664 --> 00:09:33,914 in your social calendar. 186 00:09:33,958 --> 00:09:35,758 - Oh. 187 00:09:37,689 --> 00:09:39,360 What’s the story, 188 00:09:39,385 --> 00:09:43,089 morning glory? - Okay. 189 00:09:43,134 --> 00:09:45,384 That’s a Blur song, right? 190 00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:48,438 - What do you see when you look at me? 191 00:09:48,472 --> 00:09:50,182 - Are you okay? 192 00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:52,564 - I’m Reginald. 193 00:09:52,601 --> 00:09:55,231 I’m Sarah. 194 00:09:55,271 --> 00:09:58,191 Is there a reason you’re acting like we never met? 195 00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:17,375 - Gah! 196 00:10:18,613 --> 00:10:20,393 - Have we met? 197 00:10:20,510 --> 00:10:22,167 - You killed my brother. 198 00:10:22,192 --> 00:10:23,671 - I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to be more specific. 199 00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:25,155 - You killed Isaac. 200 00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:26,680 - Again, my apologies. 201 00:10:26,705 --> 00:10:28,561 The funny thing is I actually killed more than one Isaac, 202 00:10:28,585 --> 00:10:30,416 so fill in the details for me. 203 00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:31,981 Are we talking about Dallas Ike 204 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,941 or maybe the Isaac I killed in Berlin? 205 00:10:48,657 --> 00:10:50,827 Come on, man. - You killed my brother. 206 00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:52,946 - Which we established, and... and did I mention 207 00:10:52,971 --> 00:10:54,384 how sorry I was about that? 208 00:10:56,582 --> 00:10:58,332 - Hey, hey, hey! 209 00:10:58,375 --> 00:10:59,875 Look, if we’re gonna fight, 210 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,599 first we gotta establish some rules, right? 211 00:11:01,629 --> 00:11:03,039 - We’re not gonna fight. 212 00:11:03,088 --> 00:11:05,274 I’m gonna rip your head off your body. 213 00:11:05,299 --> 00:11:07,063 - No, no, no, I-I like my head. 214 00:11:07,088 --> 00:11:09,547 It’s been on my body for over 75 years. 215 00:11:09,572 --> 00:11:12,268 Look, Isaac wasn’t a bad guy. 216 00:11:12,455 --> 00:11:15,078 He was just mean and... And a little vain, 217 00:11:15,103 --> 00:11:18,182 and in a lot of ways, that’s worse, right? 218 00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:19,689 He didn’t have to die. 219 00:11:19,730 --> 00:11:21,560 He wasn’t really a threat to me. 220 00:11:21,607 --> 00:11:24,625 In truth, he had his hands up to surrender. 221 00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:27,461 - But he hurt a friend of mine, okay? 222 00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:30,244 And my feeling was, I was putting Isaac down for good. 223 00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:33,009 Ugh. 224 00:11:53,514 --> 00:11:56,314 - Maurice, let me in! 225 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,196 I’m not a baby bird! 226 00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:00,776 I’m a man! Now let me in! 227 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,229 Hey! 228 00:12:03,274 --> 00:12:05,314 - He’s not in here. 229 00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:07,938 - Oh. - You’re Reginald. 230 00:12:07,963 --> 00:12:10,339 - Who... who are you? - I’m Mike. 231 00:12:10,364 --> 00:12:13,305 - Do you... I-I need help. 232 00:12:13,330 --> 00:12:15,000 - Sounds like it. 233 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,446 - Do you know where Maurice went? 234 00:12:16,471 --> 00:12:18,275 - Well, he comes and he goes. 235 00:12:18,510 --> 00:12:21,000 - Do you... do you know when he’ll be back? 236 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:24,291 - Why don’t you come inside, and we’ll wait together? 237 00:12:24,336 --> 00:12:26,136 - Thank you. 238 00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:40,971 - You’re late. - Yeah, sorry. 239 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,350 I ran into somebody. 240 00:12:46,442 --> 00:12:49,243 - Angel’s Blood, you’re going in hot. 241 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,697 - It’s what I need. - Going after her. 242 00:12:52,058 --> 00:12:53,843 I never took you for the death wish type... 243 00:12:53,868 --> 00:12:55,908 - Look, can you get it for me or not? 244 00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:57,755 - Sure, but, I mean, 245 00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:59,410 you gotta understand the risks involved. 246 00:12:59,435 --> 00:13:01,057 The weight of something like this is... 247 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,596 On the other hand, happy to oblige. 248 00:13:12,302 --> 00:13:13,722 - It’s like he erased her. 249 00:13:13,747 --> 00:13:16,268 I mean, sure, she remembers who I am, 250 00:13:16,439 --> 00:13:19,435 but what if she never remembers how she felt about me? 251 00:13:19,943 --> 00:13:21,743 What if it’s just an empty space? 252 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:25,730 - The thing about glamouring, the essential comes back. 253 00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:28,344 Sarah forgot what she did last night, 254 00:13:28,369 --> 00:13:30,399 but one way or another, 255 00:13:30,424 --> 00:13:32,338 she’ll reclaim how she feels about you. 256 00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:35,888 - Is there, like, a timetable that I can consult 257 00:13:35,913 --> 00:13:37,308 that will let me know when that happens? 258 00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:39,252 - When you measure your life in centuries, 259 00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,629 patience is a virtue. 260 00:13:43,587 --> 00:13:45,441 - This would be a lot easier if you could just glamour 261 00:13:45,465 --> 00:13:47,713 a comprehensive undead life hack into my head. 262 00:13:49,088 --> 00:13:52,008 - Vampires can’t glamour other vampires. 263 00:13:52,049 --> 00:13:54,259 Told you that. 264 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,431 What are we talking about? 265 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,090 - Love. 266 00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,468 Love. 267 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,443 Love is constant. Only the names change. 268 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,850 How you doing, Reggie? 269 00:14:07,898 --> 00:14:10,190 - Other than thinking vampires have a pretty convenient 270 00:14:10,215 --> 00:14:12,816 gestalt for love, I’m not doing great, thank you. 271 00:14:12,933 --> 00:14:15,683 - Reggie’s special. He just hasn’t realized it yet. 272 00:14:16,754 --> 00:14:18,027 Hey. 273 00:14:18,409 --> 00:14:22,713 What’s the square root of 65,894? 274 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,756 - 256.698. 275 00:14:26,259 --> 00:14:28,259 - What’s the first sentence of the seventh chapter 276 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,704 of the last book you read? 277 00:14:29,729 --> 00:14:31,229 "War and Peace." 278 00:14:31,254 --> 00:14:34,508 "The rustle of a woman’s dress was heard in the next room." 279 00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:36,866 He’s smart. 280 00:14:36,891 --> 00:14:38,721 - That’s his superpower. 281 00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:40,751 - It feels like a parlor trick. 282 00:14:40,776 --> 00:14:42,026 - No, it’s not a trick. 283 00:14:42,051 --> 00:14:43,262 Okay, that’s function. 284 00:14:43,308 --> 00:14:45,018 - You’re exceptional. 285 00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:46,980 Take advantage of that. 286 00:14:47,418 --> 00:14:51,121 - Gee, I had no idea how amazing I was. 287 00:14:52,443 --> 00:14:54,323 - All right, it’s time for you to go. 288 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,441 Feed or fall apart. 289 00:14:57,012 --> 00:14:58,022 Hey. 290 00:14:58,225 --> 00:15:01,565 Drop your fangs, bite, and drink. 291 00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:03,511 - Make them forget when it’s over. 292 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,915 - Exactly. 293 00:15:39,907 --> 00:15:42,473 Ugh, come on. What’s wrong with me? 294 00:15:43,696 --> 00:15:45,656 Come on. 295 00:15:46,914 --> 00:15:49,044 Almost there. 296 00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:50,359 Ah. 297 00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:06,614 Oh, f... 298 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,157 So the baby bird returns to the nest. 299 00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:17,614 - No, that’s not Reginald. 300 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,897 - Back so soo... 301 00:16:21,424 --> 00:16:23,142 - Hi, I’m Angela. 302 00:16:25,658 --> 00:16:26,963 Maurice home? 303 00:16:30,855 --> 00:16:32,384 - Come on in. 304 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,497 - What the... 305 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,163 Nice night. 306 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,701 I love a warm breeze. 307 00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:54,470 - You about to jump me? - Not exactly. 308 00:17:54,495 --> 00:17:57,336 - You think I’m prey for a dude like you? 309 00:17:58,089 --> 00:17:59,579 - That’s actually closer to the truth 310 00:17:59,604 --> 00:18:00,814 than you might understand. 311 00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:04,233 - Educate me, little man. 312 00:18:05,611 --> 00:18:07,361 - I want to drink your blood. 313 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:11,098 - Excuse me? - I need to drink your blood. 314 00:18:11,653 --> 00:18:13,851 - Get away from me. - I could break your neck 315 00:18:13,876 --> 00:18:15,354 before you even knew what hit you. 316 00:18:15,379 --> 00:18:16,754 - Only thing’s neck you can break off 317 00:18:16,778 --> 00:18:19,578 is a bucket of fried chicken. - Make it easy on yourself. 318 00:18:19,603 --> 00:18:22,102 Come with me, and I will let you live. 319 00:18:22,127 --> 00:18:23,695 - I don’t think so. 320 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,689 - You... you don’t know who you’re messing with. 321 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,628 I am vampyre. 322 00:18:28,885 --> 00:18:30,555 I-I own the night. 323 00:18:31,072 --> 00:18:32,891 I’ll... I’ll pay you $25. 324 00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:34,492 - $25 for my blood? 325 00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:37,336 - $50, but we’d have to go to an ATM first. 326 00:18:37,361 --> 00:18:39,998 - Hang on. If you a vampire, where are your damn fangs? 327 00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:43,109 - Ah-ah. 328 00:18:44,509 --> 00:18:46,179 Ah. 329 00:18:47,831 --> 00:18:49,341 They’re temporarily unavailable. 330 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,505 I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, 331 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,613 but vampires are all Patterson and shit. 332 00:18:54,638 --> 00:18:56,218 Where your cheekbones, fool? 333 00:18:56,257 --> 00:18:59,146 - Well, in truth, vampires come in all shapes and sizes now... 334 00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:00,834 - I’m done talking, understand? 335 00:19:00,859 --> 00:19:02,473 Comic-Con is next month. 336 00:19:02,497 --> 00:19:03,843 - Listen to me! 337 00:19:03,867 --> 00:19:05,187 - Oh, I’m listening, mother... 338 00:19:15,727 --> 00:19:17,415 - So... 339 00:19:20,996 --> 00:19:23,246 - How long has it been 340 00:19:23,271 --> 00:19:25,691 since you two last saw each other? 341 00:19:27,277 --> 00:19:29,867 - A very long time. 342 00:19:31,399 --> 00:19:33,563 - I saw you in New York 343 00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,506 the night David Dinkins got elected mayor. 344 00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:38,743 - I didn’t see you. 345 00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:42,310 - No. No, you didn’t. 346 00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:50,264 - I hear you met Isaac’s brother, Erich. 347 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:51,879 - Man needs a weapons designation, 348 00:19:51,904 --> 00:19:53,505 not a name. 349 00:19:53,685 --> 00:19:58,848 Well, I just wanted you to know face-to-face, 350 00:19:58,873 --> 00:20:02,710 personally, that Erich will no longer be a problem. 351 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,044 You have my word. 352 00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,996 - Well, Angie, if we got your word... 353 00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:14,364 - I smell home cooking. 354 00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:17,150 Etouffee. 355 00:20:17,189 --> 00:20:18,677 Oh. 356 00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:21,927 Like Maurice’s mother used to make. 357 00:20:24,485 --> 00:20:28,615 - Well, it was nice meeting you, Angela. 358 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,057 Is there anything else we can do for you tonight? 359 00:20:31,082 --> 00:20:32,912 - I should go. 360 00:20:32,937 --> 00:20:35,273 It was lovely to meet you too. 361 00:20:35,789 --> 00:20:37,664 Mike, is it? 362 00:20:45,975 --> 00:20:49,105 I really didn’t mean to intrude. 363 00:20:49,130 --> 00:20:52,174 I just wanted to see you in the flesh 364 00:20:52,199 --> 00:20:54,349 after all of these years. 365 00:20:55,177 --> 00:20:58,661 Don’t be a stranger, young soldier. 366 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:04,255 - I remember we were gonna break ’em. 367 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,771 Who you breaking now? 368 00:21:06,796 --> 00:21:08,636 - Wait and see. 369 00:21:44,139 --> 00:21:45,559 - Late for work? 370 00:21:45,584 --> 00:21:47,374 - Something like that. 371 00:21:49,212 --> 00:21:50,462 - Chocoholic Blast, 372 00:21:50,487 --> 00:21:52,521 just a pinch of Tropical Coconut. 373 00:21:52,546 --> 00:21:54,256 I feel the need to feed. 374 00:21:55,764 --> 00:21:57,684 - You and me both. 375 00:22:11,951 --> 00:22:13,345 - Reginald? 376 00:22:17,514 --> 00:22:19,384 - I appreciate the customer service, 377 00:22:19,409 --> 00:22:22,450 but I’m perfectly capable of riding home by myself. 378 00:22:27,838 --> 00:22:30,136 - There’s a creepy vibe to what’s happening here. 379 00:22:30,161 --> 00:22:32,459 You get that, right? 380 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,130 I-I can’t do this. 381 00:22:37,034 --> 00:22:38,449 I can’t. 382 00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:41,151 - Can’t do what? 383 00:22:44,991 --> 00:22:46,571 - Back the... up! 384 00:22:46,596 --> 00:22:47,758 - Language. 385 00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:50,048 - Dude, you have fangs. 386 00:22:50,354 --> 00:22:52,142 - They have a mind of their own. 387 00:22:52,167 --> 00:22:54,527 Out they come, in they go. 388 00:22:54,552 --> 00:22:56,172 I’m helpless to control them, 389 00:22:56,197 --> 00:22:58,220 and you’d think after all this time... 390 00:22:58,245 --> 00:22:59,598 I-I mean, it hasn’t been a ton of time... 391 00:22:59,622 --> 00:23:01,002 - Are you a vampire? 392 00:23:03,681 --> 00:23:06,078 - Regrettably, yes. 393 00:23:06,103 --> 00:23:07,617 - But you’re fat. 394 00:23:07,642 --> 00:23:09,608 - I don’t know why that’s relevant, 395 00:23:09,633 --> 00:23:11,033 but everyone keeps harping on it, 396 00:23:11,058 --> 00:23:12,647 so hey, thank you. 397 00:23:12,672 --> 00:23:14,978 I’m fully aware of my body issues. 398 00:23:16,870 --> 00:23:18,978 - You were gonna feed on me. 399 00:23:19,235 --> 00:23:21,398 - It felt like my last available option. 400 00:23:21,423 --> 00:23:23,462 - Well, I’m not letting you do that. 401 00:23:24,243 --> 00:23:25,656 - As you wish. 402 00:23:26,583 --> 00:23:28,463 - I forbid you entry into my home. 403 00:23:28,488 --> 00:23:30,248 - Sounds about right. 404 00:23:30,273 --> 00:23:33,103 - Be gone, undead creature of the night. 405 00:23:33,128 --> 00:23:35,548 - Is that really necessary? 406 00:23:44,861 --> 00:23:47,385 - Reginald, are you okay? 407 00:23:47,410 --> 00:23:49,120 - No. 408 00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,014 - What are you gonna do? 409 00:23:52,418 --> 00:23:55,973 - I’m gonna sit here and wait for the sun to rise. 410 00:23:56,015 --> 00:23:58,740 - But won’t that burn you up? - If I’m lucky. 411 00:23:58,765 --> 00:24:00,698 And sorry in advance for the mess. 412 00:24:00,723 --> 00:24:02,591 I’ll probably wash right off the sidewalk. 413 00:24:05,018 --> 00:24:07,308 - What’s it like being a vampire? 414 00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:09,333 - How does it look? 415 00:24:11,886 --> 00:24:13,466 - Who made you? 416 00:24:13,491 --> 00:24:16,081 - Long story. 417 00:24:16,676 --> 00:24:19,520 - Well, JFTR, I know all about vampires, 418 00:24:19,545 --> 00:24:21,941 so I won’t let you glamour me. - Not to worry. 419 00:24:21,966 --> 00:24:23,639 The last time I tried to glamour someone, 420 00:24:23,664 --> 00:24:25,210 I got punched in the face. 421 00:24:26,148 --> 00:24:27,571 - Will you promise not to bite me 422 00:24:27,596 --> 00:24:29,437 if I get you something good to eat? 423 00:24:30,161 --> 00:24:31,371 - Yes. 424 00:24:31,396 --> 00:24:32,896 - How do I know I can trust you? 425 00:24:33,314 --> 00:24:35,774 - I’m a vampire, not an asshole. 426 00:24:36,097 --> 00:24:37,882 - Right. 427 00:24:41,632 --> 00:24:43,787 Weak as a kitten too. 428 00:24:45,863 --> 00:24:47,523 - Are... aren’t you gonna invite me in? 429 00:24:47,548 --> 00:24:49,758 - I was just kidding about you not entering. 430 00:24:49,783 --> 00:24:51,993 Pretty sure that’s just something they made up on TV. 431 00:24:52,018 --> 00:24:53,978 I mean, think about it. 432 00:24:58,555 --> 00:24:59,675 - Mom will be back soon. 433 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,160 That’s when her second job ends, 434 00:25:01,185 --> 00:25:02,595 so you have to eat and run. 435 00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,415 - And she leaves you all alone like this? 436 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,151 - Perfectly capable of taking care of myself. 437 00:25:09,096 --> 00:25:11,775 Not sure if this will help, but it can’t hurt. 438 00:25:14,487 --> 00:25:16,174 There’s blood in there, right? 439 00:25:16,525 --> 00:25:18,562 - Technically, it’s not blood. 440 00:25:18,587 --> 00:25:22,351 It’s just water and a protein called myoglobin. 441 00:25:42,432 --> 00:25:45,188 - My grandmother says chew your food 32 times 442 00:25:45,213 --> 00:25:46,462 before you swallow. 443 00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:50,062 Oh. 444 00:25:50,416 --> 00:25:52,336 That was an emergency. 445 00:25:52,361 --> 00:25:54,201 - Pretty gross, to be honest. 446 00:25:54,226 --> 00:25:56,686 - Sorry. Mm. 447 00:25:59,658 --> 00:26:00,772 Well... 448 00:26:01,374 --> 00:26:03,553 I’m gonna go 449 00:26:04,445 --> 00:26:06,188 before your mom comes home. 450 00:26:06,213 --> 00:26:08,796 - This is the weirdest fairy tale ever told. 451 00:26:10,124 --> 00:26:12,474 Uh, will you come back and visit? 452 00:26:12,499 --> 00:26:14,388 I mean, outside of the Slushy Shack. 453 00:26:14,413 --> 00:26:16,156 Mom’s got extra long hours all week, 454 00:26:16,181 --> 00:26:18,748 so I get bored. 455 00:26:18,773 --> 00:26:20,194 Plenty of steaks in the freezer. 456 00:26:20,219 --> 00:26:22,099 I’ll thaw some out. 457 00:26:22,124 --> 00:26:24,861 - It’s a date. - Still a little creepy. 458 00:26:24,886 --> 00:26:27,176 - I’m a vampire. Creepy’s my brand. 459 00:26:27,201 --> 00:26:29,581 - Up high, big guy. 460 00:26:37,403 --> 00:26:38,573 - Oops. 461 00:26:57,575 --> 00:26:59,995 - What is it? 462 00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:02,230 - An invitation. 463 00:27:05,859 --> 00:27:07,569 It’s from Angela. 464 00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:46,240 - What the what? 465 00:27:51,825 --> 00:27:53,835 - What the hell are we doing here? 466 00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:55,490 You hate this woman. 467 00:27:55,515 --> 00:27:57,265 After everything she did to you? 468 00:27:57,290 --> 00:28:00,790 - If I’m gonna destroy Angela, end her for good, 469 00:28:00,815 --> 00:28:02,757 then I need to know everything there is to know 470 00:28:02,782 --> 00:28:04,312 about her world. 471 00:28:04,337 --> 00:28:05,957 It’s like she taught me, 472 00:28:05,982 --> 00:28:09,032 knowledge is power. 473 00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:22,219 - Have a great night. - Have a good night. 474 00:28:22,971 --> 00:28:26,101 I’m giving Reginald ten minutes to get here, 475 00:28:26,126 --> 00:28:29,426 suit up, and get to work, 476 00:28:29,451 --> 00:28:31,371 or else... 477 00:28:32,593 --> 00:28:34,221 Hi, welcome to Slushy Shack. 478 00:28:34,246 --> 00:28:36,206 How can I help you? - Hi, welcome to Slushy Shack. 479 00:29:02,317 --> 00:29:03,668 - Reginald. 480 00:29:05,601 --> 00:29:06,931 Whoa. 481 00:29:06,977 --> 00:29:08,567 - I’m having a bad skin day. 482 00:29:08,604 --> 00:29:09,734 - I’d say so. 483 00:29:09,772 --> 00:29:12,062 Maybe you should get that looked at? 484 00:29:12,108 --> 00:29:14,528 - Yeah, first thing in the morning. 485 00:29:14,568 --> 00:29:16,398 - Okay. 486 00:29:16,445 --> 00:29:18,745 Uh, Todd’s getting pretty impatient, 487 00:29:18,781 --> 00:29:21,281 so you should probably get out front 488 00:29:21,325 --> 00:29:23,665 or see a dermatologist? 489 00:29:23,703 --> 00:29:27,123 Uh, whatever you think is best. 490 00:29:27,164 --> 00:29:28,704 - Did you ever hear of the story 491 00:29:28,749 --> 00:29:31,669 of the ant and the horse? 492 00:29:31,711 --> 00:29:33,331 - The what now? 493 00:29:33,379 --> 00:29:35,539 - The ant and the horse. 494 00:29:35,589 --> 00:29:39,259 - I... can’t say that I have. 495 00:29:40,469 --> 00:29:42,469 There’s this horse, 496 00:29:42,513 --> 00:29:44,473 and it’s totally beautiful 497 00:29:44,515 --> 00:29:47,725 a-and the envy of all other horses. 498 00:29:47,768 --> 00:29:50,428 - So a pretty good horse. 499 00:29:50,479 --> 00:29:51,939 - Best horse possible. 500 00:29:51,981 --> 00:29:55,811 And every day, the horse runs past this anthill, 501 00:29:55,860 --> 00:30:00,070 and an ant waits for the horse every day. 502 00:30:00,114 --> 00:30:02,364 Now, the horse doesn’t know the ant exists, 503 00:30:02,408 --> 00:30:06,878 but for the ant, the horse is the most important thing 504 00:30:06,912 --> 00:30:10,202 in the world, so it waits, 505 00:30:10,249 --> 00:30:12,409 but the horse just runs on by. 506 00:30:12,460 --> 00:30:15,750 - Not sure how I feel about this whole insect-horse story. 507 00:30:15,796 --> 00:30:19,516 - And then, one day, the horse stops to graze, 508 00:30:19,550 --> 00:30:21,420 like, right next to the anthill, 509 00:30:21,469 --> 00:30:24,339 and the ant who’s been waiting 510 00:30:24,388 --> 00:30:26,678 and hoping for so long, 511 00:30:26,724 --> 00:30:27,854 this is his moment. 512 00:30:27,892 --> 00:30:31,312 He... he walks up to the horse, 513 00:30:31,353 --> 00:30:34,103 and there’s so much he wants to tell her, 514 00:30:34,148 --> 00:30:36,368 a tidal wave of feeling, 515 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,530 but then he notices that the horse is about 516 00:30:39,570 --> 00:30:42,360 to eat arrowgrass. 517 00:30:42,406 --> 00:30:43,996 - Is that bad? - The worst. 518 00:30:44,033 --> 00:30:45,533 - Oh. - Arrowgrass has a high 519 00:30:45,576 --> 00:30:48,126 cyanide content, totally poisonous for the horse. 520 00:30:48,162 --> 00:30:49,202 - Oh, that’s not good. 521 00:30:49,246 --> 00:30:52,546 - So the ant races right up her nose, 522 00:30:52,583 --> 00:30:54,753 like, deep up in there, 523 00:30:54,794 --> 00:30:58,544 and the horse rears back and sneezes, 524 00:30:58,589 --> 00:31:01,209 shaking its head, and it just trots off, 525 00:31:01,258 --> 00:31:02,798 leaving the grass behind. 526 00:31:02,843 --> 00:31:05,053 - What happened to the ant? 527 00:31:05,095 --> 00:31:08,895 - He shot right out of her nose and bounced off a tree, 528 00:31:08,933 --> 00:31:11,893 but he limps back to his hill, 529 00:31:11,936 --> 00:31:15,566 and that’s where he waits every day 530 00:31:15,606 --> 00:31:19,946 for the horse to return because... 531 00:31:19,985 --> 00:31:24,615 he’ll save her life again and again 532 00:31:24,657 --> 00:31:27,117 if that’s what it takes. 533 00:31:27,159 --> 00:31:29,199 - So... 534 00:31:29,245 --> 00:31:33,165 slushy counter or emergency dermatologist? 535 00:31:36,126 --> 00:31:36,876 - Let’s go back to work. 536 00:31:46,387 --> 00:31:51,267 - Dude, you look like the shit a shit took. 537 00:31:51,308 --> 00:31:54,428 All right, maybe you should just take a sick day. 538 00:31:54,478 --> 00:31:56,098 - Uh, hey, excuse me? 539 00:31:56,146 --> 00:31:59,066 Could I grab... - Just one second, sir. 540 00:31:59,108 --> 00:32:01,368 That hat is not regulation, and I’m gonna have 541 00:32:01,402 --> 00:32:03,982 to ask you to remove the sunglasses pronto. 542 00:32:04,029 --> 00:32:06,859 - Welcome to the Slushy Shack. How may I help you? 543 00:32:08,367 --> 00:32:10,957 - Big guy, you need to feed, and you need to feed now. 544 00:32:10,995 --> 00:32:13,295 - Tell me something I don’t know. 545 00:32:24,633 --> 00:32:26,173 - Your face looks like toxic waste. 546 00:32:26,218 --> 00:32:27,668 - I know, thank you. 547 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,090 - Here you go. 548 00:32:30,723 --> 00:32:32,103 - Feed on Todd. 549 00:32:32,141 --> 00:32:33,931 - What? No, that’s disgusting. 550 00:32:33,976 --> 00:32:35,476 - He’s young. He’s fit. 551 00:32:35,519 --> 00:32:37,639 I bet his blood tastes awesome. 552 00:32:37,688 --> 00:32:40,778 - Regi-wide, you stink. 553 00:32:42,234 --> 00:32:43,524 - Feed on Todd. 554 00:32:45,821 --> 00:32:48,491 - What the hell happened to your face? 555 00:32:49,742 --> 00:32:51,122 There you go. 556 00:35:32,321 --> 00:35:34,991 - Thanks for coming. We’ll see you again real soon. 557 00:35:35,032 --> 00:35:37,452 Yep. Thanks. 558 00:35:37,493 --> 00:35:40,083 Uh, maybe I should check on Reginald. 559 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,660 - You want to check, check on your own time. 560 00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:46,581 Welcome to Slushy Shack. How can I help you? 561 00:35:46,627 --> 00:35:48,047 - Hey. 562 00:35:48,087 --> 00:35:49,147 - What are you doing back there? 563 00:35:49,171 --> 00:35:50,273 That break room... - I can help you. 564 00:35:50,297 --> 00:35:51,347 - Is for employees only. 565 00:35:51,381 --> 00:35:53,381 - Reginald is very, very sick. 566 00:35:53,425 --> 00:35:55,015 - Tell someone who cares, okay? 567 00:35:58,430 --> 00:35:59,930 - I think he’s dead. 568 00:36:05,104 --> 00:36:07,484 - Don’t move. I’ll be right back. 569 00:36:10,067 --> 00:36:14,197 Dude, get your ass out of here. 570 00:36:14,238 --> 00:36:15,538 Whatever mess you’re making, 571 00:36:15,572 --> 00:36:17,702 I do not want to clean it up, you understand me? 572 00:36:22,996 --> 00:36:24,546 Oh. 573 00:36:24,581 --> 00:36:26,461 You’re disgusting. 574 00:36:29,419 --> 00:36:30,879 Oh. 575 00:36:30,921 --> 00:36:32,881 Something’s wrong with your eyes, man. 576 00:36:34,883 --> 00:36:36,723 - What the hell happened to your mouth? 577 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,640 Je... Jesus! 578 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,550 You know what? That does it, okay? 579 00:36:41,598 --> 00:36:43,218 You’re fired. 580 00:36:46,728 --> 00:36:49,558 What’s with the eye..., friendo? 581 00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:51,906 - Listen to me! 582 00:36:51,942 --> 00:36:53,572 - What? 583 00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:55,030 - Listen to me. 584 00:36:55,070 --> 00:36:56,750 Listen, listen, listen. 585 00:36:56,780 --> 00:36:58,900 I’m going to bite your neck and drink your blood, 586 00:36:58,949 --> 00:37:01,029 and that fills you with joy and happiness. 587 00:37:01,076 --> 00:37:03,496 It is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you, 588 00:37:03,537 --> 00:37:05,087 and when I’m done, 589 00:37:05,122 --> 00:37:07,542 you will forget that it ever happened. 590 00:37:23,432 --> 00:37:24,762 - Ooh. 591 00:37:53,712 --> 00:37:56,462 What did you do? 592 00:37:56,506 --> 00:37:58,466 You drugged me? 593 00:38:00,010 --> 00:38:01,550 Where’s Mike? 594 00:38:07,684 --> 00:38:09,734 Why? - Aw, baby, 595 00:38:09,770 --> 00:38:12,810 you know the answer to that. 596 00:38:19,446 --> 00:38:21,576 - Todd? 597 00:38:27,704 --> 00:38:29,374 - Hello, Sarah. 598 00:38:31,750 --> 00:38:35,580 What do you say we get ourselves back to work, huh? 599 00:38:41,551 --> 00:38:43,261 - Okay. 600 00:38:46,556 --> 00:38:48,516 - Nice. 601 00:39:06,159 --> 00:39:08,119 Maurice. 602 00:39:32,436 --> 00:39:33,396 - Comfortable? 603 00:39:33,437 --> 00:39:35,697 - A coffin, seriously? 604 00:39:35,731 --> 00:39:36,958 And you always said 605 00:39:36,982 --> 00:39:38,442 I didn’t have a sense of humor. 606 00:39:38,483 --> 00:39:40,983 - Do I look amused? 607 00:39:41,028 --> 00:39:42,078 Where am I? 608 00:39:42,112 --> 00:39:43,362 - You’re in a wooden box 609 00:39:43,405 --> 00:39:45,745 about to incinerate, 610 00:39:45,782 --> 00:39:47,782 but if it’s any consolation, as your maker, 611 00:39:47,826 --> 00:39:50,916 I will know the exact moment when you burn. 612 00:39:50,954 --> 00:39:52,334 I’ll feel it. 613 00:39:52,372 --> 00:39:54,452 I made you in Oakland. 614 00:39:54,499 --> 00:39:56,789 You were such a beautiful boy, 615 00:39:56,835 --> 00:40:00,425 but your hunger for revenge almost ended us, 616 00:40:00,464 --> 00:40:03,214 and I followed you all the way home 617 00:40:03,258 --> 00:40:05,628 where I begged you to leave your family behind, 618 00:40:05,677 --> 00:40:07,437 but you would not listen to me. 619 00:40:07,471 --> 00:40:08,641 - Do not speechify me 620 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,140 before you shove me into this fire. 621 00:40:10,182 --> 00:40:12,762 - And now you show up in Ohio without any good reason 622 00:40:12,809 --> 00:40:14,099 except for that’s where I am. 623 00:40:14,144 --> 00:40:16,434 Did you think I wouldn’t see you coming? 624 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,810 Angel’s Blood? 625 00:40:17,856 --> 00:40:20,066 What the hell were you thinking, young soldier? 626 00:40:20,108 --> 00:40:22,768 Is that how you honor the gift that I gave you? 627 00:40:22,819 --> 00:40:24,989 I gave you forever, 628 00:40:25,030 --> 00:40:28,740 and that vampire you made is an abomination. 629 00:40:28,784 --> 00:40:31,664 Perfection is what keeps our nation safe, 630 00:40:31,703 --> 00:40:33,993 and not only is he less than perfect, 631 00:40:34,039 --> 00:40:36,539 but he is defective, grotesque, 632 00:40:36,583 --> 00:40:39,173 and an insult to our purity. 633 00:40:41,171 --> 00:40:44,251 Reginald Andres will not survive the night. 634 00:40:45,717 --> 00:40:48,557 Angela! Angela! 635 00:41:21,586 --> 00:41:23,346 Oh, my sweet Lord. 636 00:41:23,380 --> 00:41:27,340 - Don’t mind the rotund vampire of very little importance. 637 00:41:27,384 --> 00:41:29,054 He’s just passing through. 638 00:41:29,094 --> 00:41:31,304 - Angela! - It’s like I was never here. 639 00:41:31,346 --> 00:41:32,846 - Who are you? 640 00:41:32,889 --> 00:41:34,969 - Nobody, trust me on that. 641 00:41:35,016 --> 00:41:37,276 Everyone thinks so. 642 00:41:37,310 --> 00:41:39,680 - You don’t belong here. 643 00:41:39,729 --> 00:41:40,639 - I mean, if you think about it, 644 00:41:40,689 --> 00:41:43,099 does anyone really belong here? 645 00:41:43,150 --> 00:41:45,110 - You’re lying to me. 646 00:41:45,152 --> 00:41:46,902 - Again, not to argue semantics, but... 647 00:41:46,945 --> 00:41:48,615 - I’m gonna rip your head off. 648 00:42:00,375 --> 00:42:01,965 - Geronimo! 649 00:42:21,605 --> 00:42:23,025 Listen to me! 650 00:42:23,064 --> 00:42:24,625 Listen, listen, listen. 651 00:42:29,488 --> 00:42:31,408 - Maurice! 652 00:42:31,448 --> 00:42:33,788 You won’t believe what I just did. 653 00:42:39,247 --> 00:42:40,308 - My damn feet are on fire! 654 00:42:40,332 --> 00:42:42,252 - Got it.