1 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,332 ♪ I see deep brick red Slick cherry red ♪ 2 00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:38,790 ♪ Shiny rosy red Candy apple red ♪ 3 00:00:38,791 --> 00:00:41,124 ♪ A stellar deep red On your face... ♪ 4 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,165 Welcome to New York City, 5 00:00:43,166 --> 00:00:44,541 the capital of the world. 6 00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:49,249 Ew, gag wad, not Times Square! 7 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:53,499 That's for crusty Elmo costumes and fanny-packing tourists. 8 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,874 Uptown, please. Much better. 9 00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:58,790 Here's my little slice of the juicy Big Apple. 10 00:00:58,791 --> 00:01:01,499 The Upper East Side. We've got it all. 11 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,040 Blonde WASPs, rhinoplasty patients, 12 00:01:04,041 --> 00:01:06,249 crypto bros, third wife hoes, 13 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:07,874 bums, mums. 14 00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:09,665 If aliens landed on Fifth Avenue, 15 00:01:09,666 --> 00:01:12,790 they think the dominant form of life was nannies. 16 00:01:12,791 --> 00:01:16,207 But I digress. My name is Dzanielle. 17 00:01:16,208 --> 00:01:17,790 I was one of those people who said 18 00:01:17,791 --> 00:01:19,415 they grew up 20 minutes from the City, 19 00:01:19,416 --> 00:01:21,249 but really it was an hour and a half. 20 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:24,915 I finally clawed my way to the 212 and never left. 21 00:01:24,916 --> 00:01:29,665 I'm a mom-fluencer with 999,000 followers. 22 00:01:29,666 --> 00:01:32,582 I'm gonna get to a mil if it fucking kills me. 23 00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:35,915 I have famous actors who follow me, models, 24 00:01:35,916 --> 00:01:38,124 but mostly it's moms and gays who want to see 25 00:01:38,125 --> 00:01:40,499 the Upper East Side lifestyle. 26 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,790 This is my street. I've just come from my fave market, Eli's. 27 00:01:43,791 --> 00:01:47,790 71 bucks a pound, but worth it. 28 00:01:47,791 --> 00:01:49,665 Who wants to mess up their 29 00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:51,874 Tom Ford come-fuck-me red lipstick on the leaves? 30 00:01:51,875 --> 00:01:54,707 If Marty Scorsese can make an entire "Netflick" 31 00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:57,915 about Fran "I Never Heard of Moisturizer" Lebowitz, 32 00:01:57,916 --> 00:02:00,000 then I can have my own Dzanielle movie. 33 00:02:00,750 --> 00:02:03,582 ♪ Slick cherry red Shiny rosy red ♪ 34 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:06,249 ♪ Candy apple red A stellar deep red ♪ 35 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,207 ♪ On your face ♪ 36 00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:11,415 ♪ Face ♪ 37 00:02:11,416 --> 00:02:12,957 ♪ Face... ♪ 38 00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,499 - Dzanielle, look here! - Beautiful! 39 00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,249 Okay, now I want a full shot! 40 00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:20,749 For those of us who don't work-- 41 00:02:20,750 --> 00:02:22,457 like work in an office-- 42 00:02:22,458 --> 00:02:24,707 we throw ourselves into philanthropy. 43 00:02:24,708 --> 00:02:26,457 Some are intimate ladies-who-lunch things, 44 00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,540 and some are huge galas, 45 00:02:28,541 --> 00:02:31,499 so big even the kinetic cunts from Greenwich schlep in. 46 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:33,290 Guess what? I went out and got the face mask 47 00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:34,874 and used it and it worked wonders. 48 00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:37,332 It's like, legit skin of a fetus afterwards. 49 00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:40,457 I am so glad. There's something really grodisime in it, like snail jizz. 50 00:02:40,458 --> 00:02:41,874 - But that shit works. - Well... 51 00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:44,457 No, look at you, Guantanamo slay. 52 00:02:44,458 --> 00:02:47,040 - Can we take a picture together? - Of course. 53 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:49,415 - Okay. - My assistant Caroline has my selfie. 54 00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:52,165 - Can I borrow-- Thanks, Caroline. - I can't miss this moment. 55 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:53,832 Dzanielle! Dzanielle! 56 00:02:53,833 --> 00:02:56,249 Bye, honey. I'll DM you my number. 57 00:02:56,250 --> 00:02:57,999 Love her! 58 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,082 Obesity doesn't just affect humans, 59 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:03,874 which is why Lipo For Manatees needs your help. 60 00:03:03,875 --> 00:03:06,374 Um, hi. 61 00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:08,915 My entire family, like, worships your Instagram. 62 00:03:08,916 --> 00:03:11,540 - Can I trouble you for a quick selfie? - Of course! 63 00:03:11,541 --> 00:03:15,082 The packed social season is where I see all my friends and fans 64 00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:17,415 and connect with everyone while looking fab 65 00:03:17,416 --> 00:03:19,915 to raise money for a good cause. 66 00:03:19,916 --> 00:03:23,999 Thank you for supporting FAB, the Food Allergy Ball. 67 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:29,290 Capri is the Nantucket of Italy, and we must fight to SCIRF. 68 00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:33,707 So grateful you could all join me today at the 12th Annual FUTI Luncheon, 69 00:03:33,708 --> 00:03:36,915 to fight urinary tract infections. 70 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:40,290 Ladies, burning clits are no joke. 71 00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:42,957 But the highlight of my life is none of that. 72 00:03:42,958 --> 00:03:44,624 It's my family. 73 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,415 My two amazing kids, Jared and Dakota, 74 00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:49,332 are the lights of my life. 75 00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:52,165 And, well, I used to have an amazing husband, 76 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,374 but now I have a beautiful divorce, 77 00:03:54,375 --> 00:03:56,082 - since a year and half ago. - Hello. 78 00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:58,790 Hi, my loves! How was your dad's? 79 00:03:58,791 --> 00:04:01,999 My bar mitzvah tutoring goes by so slowly. It's torture. 80 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,708 - Jared. - Natalay! 81 00:04:04,958 --> 00:04:06,832 - Hi. Hi. - Hi. 82 00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:08,416 Oh. 83 00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,999 I still love him, 84 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,457 but he cheated on me, so also I despise him. 85 00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:16,790 You said I should get my boobs done! 86 00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:19,457 No, no, no, bullshit. You said, and I quote, 87 00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:21,915 "Do you think I should get a boob job?" 88 00:04:21,916 --> 00:04:24,040 And I said that I supported you. 89 00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:27,207 You didn't tell me that we wouldn't be able to touch each other for a month. 90 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:28,707 I'm not Gandhi. 91 00:04:28,708 --> 00:04:30,874 I'm pretty sure he was like a sex addict, 92 00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:32,499 and he banged his niece. 93 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,124 That can't be true. 94 00:04:34,125 --> 00:04:36,999 Okay, well, whatever, a priest. 95 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,665 - Have you seen Spotlight ? - I knew that was a bad example. 96 00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:42,082 It meant nothing. It wasn't a big deal. 97 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,332 You have to believe me, I love you. 98 00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:46,290 You're making a mountain out of a molehill. 99 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:49,290 Going to the special massage place is not a fucking molehill. 100 00:04:49,291 --> 00:04:51,665 Just jerk off like everybody else. 101 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:55,249 You couldn't even make it a month without getting a happy ending shiatsu? 102 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:58,582 - You suggested the place. - I was joking! 103 00:04:58,583 --> 00:05:01,374 Okay, I should... I should probably get going. 104 00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:07,375 I had to perp walk a V.P. out of the office for using the company card on... 105 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,499 Charming. 106 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,457 I have a really big day, too. I'm meeting with General Mills. 107 00:05:13,458 --> 00:05:16,832 They want to sponsor a post, and then Bronson Van Wyck, 108 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,750 the event planner for the party. 109 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,624 You know... 110 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,457 I think it might be nice if... 111 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,374 I was involved a little in the planning of the b'nai mitzvah. 112 00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:30,582 The kids are so excited. It's the biggest day of their lives, 113 00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:33,540 and, you know, I wouldn't want you doing everything by yourself. 114 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,249 Oh, I got it covered. 115 00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,207 I'm gonna do like, a whole kids area 116 00:05:37,208 --> 00:05:39,915 with the Dylan's Candy bar pop up, 117 00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:45,041 and then stations with, like, pigs in blankets and sliders, only bigger. 118 00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:52,290 Okay. Kids, I have to get going. 119 00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:54,374 All right. Oh, sweetheart. 120 00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:57,624 This last year has been hard on Jared and Dakota. 121 00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:01,207 Since our divorce, we've been playing a game of guilt chess. 122 00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:04,707 His big move was giving us our dog, Natalay. 123 00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:06,874 Natalay. 124 00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:09,165 Come, come. Come, come. Come, come. Natalay! 125 00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:10,999 My community of followers 126 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,832 has really gotten me through some tough times. 127 00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:15,165 Especially when my cousin/best friend, 128 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,540 Kim, moved to California 129 00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:21,249 during her midlife crisis in search of spiritual enlightenment, 130 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,290 right after my divorce was final. 131 00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:25,041 I was gonna call you yesterday. 132 00:06:25,416 --> 00:06:28,999 I did this ayahuasca trip with this shaman in Topanga, 133 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,832 and it was a-fucking-mazing! 134 00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:33,874 I mean, I vomited all over the chick next to me, 135 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:37,290 and I was, like, diarrhea-ing out of my asshole. 136 00:06:37,291 --> 00:06:40,207 But I fit into my high school jeans the next morning. 137 00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:42,290 Sounds great. 138 00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:44,415 I'm trying to embrace a new chapter 139 00:06:44,416 --> 00:06:46,749 and Marie Kondo my life to spark joy. 140 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,749 In your town, you might make friends 141 00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,999 at your church or your little cul-de-sac, 142 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,415 but here it's all about your kids' private school. 143 00:06:53,416 --> 00:06:55,874 That's how I met my pedicure posse. 144 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:57,582 It was so stressful. 145 00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,415 We get home, we're totally drenched, drowned rats. 146 00:07:00,416 --> 00:07:05,540 I bust into my bedroom, and my nanny is in bed shtufing my massage therapist. 147 00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:07,624 I'm deceased! 148 00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:09,624 So, I fire them on the literal spots 149 00:07:09,625 --> 00:07:12,999 they were 69-ing on, on my 2000 thread counts. 150 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,540 Now, I have no nanny and no massage therapist. 151 00:07:15,541 --> 00:07:18,165 My rectum muscles are killing me! I'm so uncomfortable. 152 00:07:31,125 --> 00:07:33,124 Karen. So sorry. 153 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,540 Do you mind making the corners, 154 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,457 like, less square and more rounded? 155 00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:39,124 - I call it squoval. - Yes, Ms. Dzanielle. 156 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,207 Uh, time out. Your nails are amazing. 157 00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,332 - What color is that? - It's three layers. 158 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:45,540 One coat of hot tub harlot, 159 00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:47,040 one coat of Tinkerbell's Labia 160 00:07:47,041 --> 00:07:48,707 and one coat of elevator blowjob. 161 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:50,332 Très chic. 162 00:07:57,041 --> 00:08:00,499 It's just, planning the b'nai mitzvah has been so crazy. 163 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:02,624 The theme, by the way, is candy. 164 00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:05,332 And I've been begging to get one of those viral TikTok cakes. 165 00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:07,832 Wedding size. 166 00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:10,374 You know the rainbow when you slice into it and it shits out Skittles? 167 00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:14,040 Oh, look. It's my baby, Voltaire. 168 00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:17,124 Hi, Voltaire. Hello, Voltaire, Care Bear. 169 00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:19,040 Wait. Hold on. Oh, my God. 170 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,999 - Your dog is walked by Yuki? - The one and only. 171 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,165 I texted him, and he just never wrote me back. 172 00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:27,624 Is he, like, that busy? 173 00:08:27,625 --> 00:08:30,540 He accepts no one. Jessica Chastain is wait-listed. 174 00:08:30,541 --> 00:08:32,540 He's so sexy. 175 00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:36,707 He's like an Asian Harry Styles mixed with an Asian Idris Elba. 176 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:39,999 I heard he does omakase five times a week. 177 00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:45,165 Yeah, and he gets front row seats at Fashion Week. 178 00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:48,166 Oh, and Matt Damon goes to him for life coaching. 179 00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:50,749 Yuki, what would I do without you, man? 180 00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:54,040 - You're my sage. - You have to let it go, Matt. 181 00:08:54,041 --> 00:08:56,457 He monitors every single dog log 182 00:08:56,458 --> 00:08:58,707 for fecal consistency and disease control, 183 00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:01,582 then every Friday sends me a laminated report 184 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,707 in a leather-bound monogram notebook. 185 00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:07,249 He's 1,500 a week, per pooch. 186 00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:11,582 So... 187 00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:14,415 McKinley, would you ever consider 188 00:09:14,416 --> 00:09:17,624 speaking to Yuki on our behalf? 189 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,124 Natalay is a thoroughbred Pomeranian. 190 00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:22,290 She's from those lesbian breeders in Wisconsin. 191 00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:23,999 They have a seven-year wait list. 192 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,416 Oh, I love the lesbian breeders. They're so focused. 193 00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:31,165 I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to do it 194 00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:35,374 because if it doesn't work out, it'll reflect poorly on Voltaire, and... 195 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,166 I'm sorry. You understand? 196 00:09:38,666 --> 00:09:41,540 Yeah, of course. 197 00:09:41,541 --> 00:09:45,415 You guys, work is insane for me right now. 198 00:09:45,416 --> 00:09:48,124 Being a matchmaker for high net worth individuals, 199 00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:49,707 Spring is the season. 200 00:09:49,708 --> 00:09:51,707 One of my clients is over there right now. 201 00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,665 - You set up the Hammermans? - Mm-hmm. 202 00:09:53,666 --> 00:09:56,624 - I always wondered where he found her. - In a crib. 203 00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:59,332 You guys, she's right there. Be quiet. 204 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,790 Whatever. It's not like English is her first language. 205 00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:05,832 His late wife, Maud Hammerman, was the height of taste. 206 00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:08,374 Blagdanorova is not like us, 207 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:12,165 and it's not because she's from Czechoslovakia or whatever. 208 00:10:12,166 --> 00:10:15,665 It's because she's flashy, she's cheesy. 209 00:10:15,666 --> 00:10:19,332 She's super rich, but she's tacky super rich. 210 00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:21,582 Nouveau. 211 00:10:21,583 --> 00:10:24,290 Yeah, but I mean, you could say that about me. I'm from Long Island. 212 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:27,499 One doesn't necessarily have to have old money, 213 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:31,874 but one has to have some sense of refinement. 214 00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:36,250 I heard she tried to bribe my abalone dealer to cut the wait list. 215 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:40,749 All right, ladies, 216 00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:43,165 I should go. I have my BBC Studios class. 217 00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:44,874 - It's been a plezh. - Yes! 218 00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,707 And I'll see you all on Thursday 219 00:10:46,708 --> 00:10:49,415 at Eliza's very, very wonderful cause. 220 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,375 - Bye, Dzanielle. - Namaste. Bye. 221 00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:02,124 My membership to New York's top 222 00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:04,124 agony-focused bespoke trainers 223 00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,665 will help me release some of this tension I'm feeling. 224 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,082 Sometimes it feels like my IRL friends 225 00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:10,957 don't even care about my RL. 226 00:11:10,958 --> 00:11:13,290 And the way they were talking about Blagdanorova 227 00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:15,582 was just so mean. 228 00:11:15,583 --> 00:11:18,499 Talking shit on people can be fun when they deserve it, 229 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,124 but she didn't do anything to them. 230 00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:21,957 What clams! 231 00:11:21,958 --> 00:11:24,165 Come on! Do you want a fupa? 232 00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:26,499 That's a fat upper pussy area! You don't want that. 233 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:30,874 Um, FYI, my daughter, Dakota, said that fupa's canceled now. 234 00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:33,707 Apparently, we're supposed to use the term "gunt." 235 00:11:33,708 --> 00:11:35,165 Shut the fuck up! 236 00:11:35,166 --> 00:11:36,832 Damn, she's the best. 237 00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:38,999 Push, unless you want those back wings. 238 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,415 You want to look like that flying rodent 239 00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:41,999 that gave us the goddamn plague? 240 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,665 I mean, they're my friends and everything, 241 00:11:43,666 --> 00:11:45,915 but they were so catty casting aspersions 242 00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:48,665 on this poor woman just because she's different. 243 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,332 And, like, what are they saying about me behind my back? 244 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,749 - It's a good question. - We all live in the same nabe. 245 00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:57,332 Why can't we just Sesame Street this shit and get along? 246 00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:59,333 Okay, now, feet together for me. 247 00:12:00,916 --> 00:12:02,957 Deep breath. 248 00:12:02,958 --> 00:12:04,499 And exhale. 249 00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,249 Ow. Pierre, be careful. 250 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,832 I just got my vajay re-tightened at V-Spot. 251 00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:11,915 - Hmm. - My cooter was so stretched out, 252 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:15,165 you could insert a tampon with a t-shirt cannon. 253 00:12:15,166 --> 00:12:18,999 Why didn't you just C-section those babies like the rest of my clients? 254 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,540 Hello. Obviously, I booked a cesarean. I'm not an animal. 255 00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:25,499 But Jared had other plans. He was crowning in the lobby. 256 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:29,124 - Holy shit. - Fucking kids. 257 00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:32,832 But it's so worth it. I love my little semen demons. 258 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:35,750 My box was busted, but now I'm re-virginized. 259 00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:38,290 The murdered ghost of Jeffrey Epstein 260 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,499 would rise up and beg to fuck me. 261 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,749 They do asses? 262 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,707 I fucked up my nails 263 00:12:45,708 --> 00:12:48,332 and had to go get another coat of Tinker Bell's Labia. 264 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,957 While I was sitting there, I realized 265 00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:52,332 there's room in this town for everyone, 266 00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,582 and excluding people because they aren't like you 267 00:12:54,583 --> 00:12:56,165 is the lamest. 268 00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,499 So, I decided to become the Mr. Rogers 269 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,416 of East 74th Street. 270 00:13:09,958 --> 00:13:12,457 Hi, how are you? 271 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,958 Good afternoon. 272 00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:18,333 You're Mrs. Hammerman's... 273 00:13:19,291 --> 00:13:23,249 I'm Connor, the house manager. What can I do for you? 274 00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:26,999 Oh, hi, I'm Dzanielle. I'm just dropping off this invitation. 275 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,791 Sorry, I just had my nails done. Still tacky. 276 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,707 - Mm-hmm. - Thanks. 277 00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:34,707 I'm having a luncheon, and if you 278 00:13:34,708 --> 00:13:36,915 could just give her that for me. 279 00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:38,041 Thank you. 280 00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:41,040 Of course, madam. 281 00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:47,916 Come, come. 282 00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:50,041 Thank you, Connor. 283 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,249 How's Mr. Hammerman holding up today? 284 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,250 Making the Cryptkeeper look like Timothée fucking Chalamet. 285 00:13:58,166 --> 00:14:01,082 Aw, is that my baby? 286 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:02,875 That's my baby! 287 00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,582 What's this? 288 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:08,166 "Please join me..." 289 00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,957 Oh, my God. 290 00:14:11,958 --> 00:14:15,499 Is the happiest lady! She invited me for ladies' luncheon! 291 00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:20,916 Yes! Oh, would you please call my hair and make-up peoples? 292 00:14:22,625 --> 00:14:26,416 Oh! What I wear? What I wear? Morty! 293 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,500 Morty! 294 00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:39,457 Oh, my angel. 295 00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:41,000 Hello, morning, darling. 296 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:47,457 You look so beautiful, my love. 297 00:14:47,458 --> 00:14:52,457 - How are you feeling? - Better, now seeing you. 298 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,916 Morty. And look, she invite me. 299 00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,457 Ahh. 300 00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:02,457 I always feel invisible with these people. 301 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:07,082 Blaggi, most people, they're jealous. 302 00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:10,582 They don't know us. They don't know you. 303 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:15,290 They don't know what a kind, beautiful heart you have. 304 00:15:15,291 --> 00:15:18,332 Oh, are you okay? 305 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,415 Should I call nurse? 306 00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:22,708 Nurse! Oh, no. 307 00:15:25,708 --> 00:15:28,290 I need to rest a little bit, my love. 308 00:15:28,291 --> 00:15:29,874 - Okay. - All right. 309 00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:30,916 I love you. 310 00:15:32,166 --> 00:15:33,790 Okay. 311 00:15:33,791 --> 00:15:36,165 I'll be back after you take nap. 312 00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:38,874 I see you later, and I... I feed you soups. 313 00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:40,166 Okay. 314 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,165 I knew I was doing the right thing 315 00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,082 by including Blagdanorova. 316 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:48,124 I watched the master class in hostage negotiation, 317 00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:51,457 so I knew damn well how to make everything copacetic 318 00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:54,165 while rocking out my new Alice and Olivia. 319 00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:58,040 320 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,999 Mike! How's that Knicks game last night? 321 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,582 It was a goddamn embarrassment. 322 00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:05,665 - Ma'am. - Hi, Mike. 323 00:16:05,666 --> 00:16:09,290 Where in Satan's hairy nut sack is my Uber? 324 00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:11,374 Hey, could you spare a dollar? 325 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:13,540 I'm not a junkie. I just need money for food. 326 00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:17,207 Oh, I would, but I'm late for a charity lunch. 327 00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:18,832 You could buy me a charity lunch. 328 00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:23,707 Is that tee from the Weiss' rap-themed bar mitzvah? 329 00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:25,582 Yeah, it is. 330 00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:28,374 My whole wardrobe consists of cast-off bar mitzvah swag. 331 00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:31,624 The Jews, they leave them on the corner for me. Yeah. 332 00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:34,374 - You're hilarious. Take care. - You too, thank you. 333 00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:38,249 Have a-- Thank you for helping someone... else. 334 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,624 - So simple, right? - Mm-hmm. 335 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:43,165 I mean, where did she come from? 336 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:51,875 Blagdanorova, hi! 337 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:57,540 - Hello. - Thank you. 338 00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,999 Ah, you can call me Blag. 339 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,915 Oh, hello, Blag. 340 00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:04,165 Please come sit down. I'm so glad the invitation got to you. 341 00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,832 I know how busy you and Mr. Hammerman must be. 342 00:17:06,833 --> 00:17:09,707 Very happy to have invitation. 343 00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:12,165 I usually read to him all day, 344 00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:14,540 so it's very nice to get out of the house. 345 00:17:14,541 --> 00:17:17,957 Oh, I'm so glad you did. Let me introduce you to everyone. 346 00:17:17,958 --> 00:17:19,749 This is Amy and Pam. 347 00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:21,540 - Hi! - Ben? 348 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,957 Pam, P as in psychologist, 349 00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:27,040 A as an aesthetic, M as in I used to be a model. 350 00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:29,624 Of course, you know McKinley. 351 00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:31,832 Oh, yes, my fairy godmother. 352 00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,790 I love love. 353 00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:36,374 And this is Eliza and Liz. 354 00:17:36,375 --> 00:17:38,874 Hi, Liz Hittler. Two T's, no relation. 355 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:40,582 Thought we weren't doing last names. 356 00:17:40,583 --> 00:17:42,415 Hello. 357 00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:44,249 I chair this benefit. 358 00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,457 Thank you for having me. It's a beautiful event. 359 00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:47,500 So... 360 00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,750 How... How did you get here? 361 00:17:53,166 --> 00:17:54,332 To America? 362 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:57,790 Oh, for most women from Latvia, 363 00:17:57,791 --> 00:18:00,499 - the only way out is on your back. - Oh. 364 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:04,457 I was a famous ballroom dancer in Riga 365 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:07,207 with my partner Sigmar. 366 00:18:07,208 --> 00:18:11,457 We danced and loved all day and night. 367 00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,749 We get visa 368 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:17,374 to come to the United States for a special ability. 369 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:22,832 And when we arrive, he leave me for bitch in Brooklyn. 370 00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,540 She own vegan bakery. 371 00:18:24,541 --> 00:18:26,083 Sigmar hate carb. 372 00:18:26,833 --> 00:18:29,207 You guys get together. 373 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,749 What a colossal dick hole. 374 00:18:30,750 --> 00:18:33,290 God. Fuck that guy in the eye socket. 375 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,249 - I am so sorry. - Oh, no. 376 00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:38,207 It fine. I meet husband, and I have life 377 00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:39,874 I never would have had. 378 00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:42,374 Ladies. 379 00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:43,540 Hello. 380 00:18:43,541 --> 00:18:45,874 Perimenopausal hot flash! 381 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,165 Any allergies? 382 00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:49,624 - Dairy? - No moo, bah, or oink. 383 00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:52,665 I'm allergic to cilantro, blue cheese, 384 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:55,290 those boots with open toes, 385 00:18:55,291 --> 00:18:57,082 and the song "Sweet Caroline." 386 00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:58,832 Make it stop. 387 00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:00,290 Got you. 388 00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:02,874 Looks like Eliza sprung for Tier Ones. 389 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,332 - You're welcome. - What is this Tier Ones? 390 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:06,707 It's the cater waiters. 391 00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:09,290 So for $30, you get Bilbo Baggins. 392 00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:13,332 40 bucks an hour, you get like, um, like, attractive... ish. 393 00:19:13,333 --> 00:19:15,165 50 bucks an hour, and you get models. 394 00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:18,457 Yeah. Studies have shown that food tastes much better 395 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,999 when served by a long-lost Hemsworth brother. 396 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,749 So true! 397 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,540 I'm not going to be able to eat the food 398 00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:27,374 because I just started the GG cracker fast. 399 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,290 It's a little bit like anal bulimia. 400 00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:31,415 - Facts. - Well, good for you. 401 00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:33,832 I just started reading Dr. Melanie's latest book. 402 00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:36,124 Oh, my God, it's not that hard. Just eat less food. 403 00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:37,790 - Yeah. - Changed my life. 404 00:19:37,791 --> 00:19:39,165 - I have an autographed copy. - She's a visionary. 405 00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:40,874 I just finished the fourth chapter 406 00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,165 where she says don't reward yourself with food 407 00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:45,290 - because you are not... I know. - ...you are not a dolphin. 408 00:19:45,291 --> 00:19:47,624 - It's so simple! - What is this book? 409 00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:48,874 Are you, like, from Mars? 410 00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:53,124 - Close. Latvia. - It's great. 411 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:56,082 - Blag, I'll give you my copy. - Thank you, Dzanielle. 412 00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:59,249 So... tell me about yourselves. 413 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:01,499 Well, I make bespoke luggage 414 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,915 using the entire hide of one crocodile 415 00:20:03,916 --> 00:20:05,582 with your monogram. 416 00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:07,707 - Ohh. - In Sanskrit. So... 417 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:09,915 I commissioned one for my 43rd birthday, 418 00:20:09,916 --> 00:20:12,207 and then everyone wanted one. 419 00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:13,707 Oh. You're sweet. 420 00:20:13,708 --> 00:20:14,957 You're so-- You flatter. 421 00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:17,165 - You have 43 years? - Mm. 422 00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:18,499 You look amazing. 423 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,040 Black don't crack. 424 00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,582 Yeah, Black don't crack, Asian don't raisin, 425 00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:25,874 and Jews get face lifts. 426 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,582 You're very funny. 427 00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:33,540 Hi, again. Liz Hittler, two T's, no relation. 428 00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:36,040 I volunteer. 429 00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:37,374 Ohh. 430 00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,332 - How kind. - Well, when I'm in town. 431 00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,707 - Mm. - And not traveling within the Platinum Triangle 432 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,207 of Aspen, Palm Beach and Southampton. 433 00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:46,790 I'm just a girl boss, 434 00:20:46,791 --> 00:20:47,874 to be honest. 435 00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:50,749 Oh, and what about you? 436 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,707 My most important job is a mom to my five angels. 437 00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:55,915 Clementine, Jasper, Juno, Hopper, and Anais. 438 00:20:55,916 --> 00:20:57,415 Very nice. 439 00:20:57,416 --> 00:20:59,624 I just pet-parent. 440 00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:01,124 Ohh. 441 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,332 - And stepmother. - Ohh! 442 00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,790 How old are your husband's kids? 443 00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:08,207 57 and 59. 444 00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:10,375 - Oh. - Ohh. 445 00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,540 Okay. Showtime, ladies. 446 00:21:13,541 --> 00:21:14,790 - Ohh! - Break a leg! 447 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,207 Thank you. Thank you all for coming, and good afternoon. 448 00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:21,832 All right, ladies, 449 00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:24,624 America's children are getting dumber every day. 450 00:21:24,625 --> 00:21:26,499 - It's true. - Yeah. 451 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:29,124 We can't let our children lose a single brain cell more. 452 00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:30,999 That's why I created MAVE, 453 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,999 Mothers Against Vaping and Edibles. 454 00:21:35,791 --> 00:21:37,832 Ladies, after we pretend to eat, 455 00:21:37,833 --> 00:21:40,332 we are going to shop like nobody's watching-- 456 00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:43,540 or checking their credit card bills. Am I right? 457 00:21:43,541 --> 00:21:46,457 Nothing dries up a pussy faster than going over the AMEX bill. 458 00:21:46,458 --> 00:21:48,415 Am I right? Sahara! 459 00:21:48,416 --> 00:21:51,332 Sand's all I got in my cooter, right? 460 00:21:51,333 --> 00:21:55,124 ...7% of all proceeds go to MAVE. 461 00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:56,499 Amen. 462 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,499 Thank you. No, thank you. 463 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,749 So, I got to run and pick up the twins at water polo. 464 00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:06,499 Oh, your kids are lucky to have you. 465 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,749 Oh, I'm crazy about those little nut jobs. 466 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,582 As they say, it take a "willage." 467 00:22:10,583 --> 00:22:12,707 It takes a vineyard, is what it takes. 468 00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:14,041 Ha. I like. 469 00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:17,332 Thank you, Dzanielle, for having me. 470 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,540 It's so nice to make so many new friend. 471 00:22:19,541 --> 00:22:21,582 Oh, well, I'm thrilled you could be here. 472 00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:23,374 And if you want to get more involved 473 00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:24,957 with philanthropy, just let me know. 474 00:22:24,958 --> 00:22:27,624 Oh, yes! I think it would be wonderful. 475 00:22:27,625 --> 00:22:29,416 Oh. 476 00:22:33,541 --> 00:22:35,749 My dog, Pretoria. 477 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:38,707 Yuki, my dog walker, send me pictures all day. 478 00:22:38,708 --> 00:22:40,915 Oh, my God, your dog is with Yuki? 479 00:22:40,916 --> 00:22:44,707 Not to brag, but I'm kind of a well-known influencer, 480 00:22:44,708 --> 00:22:46,832 and I've begged my friends to hook me up with him. 481 00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:48,874 Dzanielle, let me help fix. 482 00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:51,040 Seriously, that would be amazing. 483 00:22:51,041 --> 00:22:52,957 I'm fixing right now. 484 00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:55,832 - Come on. - You are a goddess. 485 00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:57,957 - I got it. - Thank you! 486 00:22:57,958 --> 00:23:00,165 Dogs are a great icebreaker. 487 00:23:00,166 --> 00:23:01,999 Every family has a paw print 488 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,874 on their Printery at Oyster Bay holiday cards. 489 00:23:04,875 --> 00:23:07,332 And it's not social climbing if your pooch is 490 00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:10,790 sniffing a CEO's dog's nut sack. They don't know. 491 00:23:10,791 --> 00:23:12,457 So when Jordy gave us Natalay, 492 00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:14,415 I said okay, but he wasn't going to be 493 00:23:14,416 --> 00:23:16,082 some deadbeat dog dad. 494 00:23:16,083 --> 00:23:18,915 He owes us love and support. 495 00:23:33,583 --> 00:23:35,582 Dzanielle. Hi. 496 00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:38,415 Cary, what are you watching today, porn or lacrosse? 497 00:23:38,416 --> 00:23:40,165 Get Jordan now. 498 00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,415 Uh, he's in kind of an important meeting right now. 499 00:23:42,416 --> 00:23:45,874 Unless that meeting is solving world peace, I need him now. 500 00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:47,957 - This takes precedence. - I'm, like, 501 00:23:47,958 --> 00:23:52,249 70%... sure... that it isn't. 502 00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:54,500 Tell him it's a family emergency. 503 00:23:55,666 --> 00:23:58,207 Hey. You okay? Kids okay? 504 00:23:58,208 --> 00:24:00,208 Of course. We're fine. I'm going to get them now. 505 00:24:00,916 --> 00:24:03,415 Wh-- Why did you tell Cary it was a family emergency? 506 00:24:03,416 --> 00:24:05,290 Because it is! 507 00:24:05,291 --> 00:24:08,499 I scored an appointment with Yuki, the famous dog walker. 508 00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:10,415 What the fuck is a Yuki the Dog Walker? 509 00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:12,332 5:00 sharp. You have to be there. 510 00:24:12,333 --> 00:24:14,124 I don't want him knowing that Natalay 511 00:24:14,125 --> 00:24:15,541 comes from a broken home. 512 00:24:19,666 --> 00:24:22,125 Okay. I'll be there. 513 00:24:22,958 --> 00:24:24,499 All right. See you later. 514 00:24:33,916 --> 00:24:36,499 Dude, you got the coolest box I've ever seen. 515 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,040 You like my box, huh? 516 00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:40,999 - Is it paper-maché or...? - Uh, I don't know. 517 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,374 You know, every year, the second graders from St. Bernard's, they do this 518 00:24:44,375 --> 00:24:46,957 elaborate diorama that I end up using as a makeshift shelter. 519 00:24:46,958 --> 00:24:49,165 And this year's theme is Art Deco, so I kind of... 520 00:24:49,166 --> 00:24:50,749 It's pretty cool, right? 521 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:52,582 - Sweet! - Nice. 522 00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:55,582 And I, you know, listen, I'd rather be here 523 00:24:55,583 --> 00:24:57,540 than the panhandle of Oklahoma, 524 00:24:57,541 --> 00:24:59,290 which is where I'm from. 525 00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:01,207 I have all this free time to think about... 526 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,457 ♪ How incredibly ♪ 527 00:25:03,458 --> 00:25:05,124 - ♪ Fucked... ♪ - Wow. 528 00:25:05,125 --> 00:25:07,374 ♪ I am ♪ 529 00:25:07,375 --> 00:25:09,290 - Amazing. - Our mom does that. 530 00:25:09,291 --> 00:25:10,707 She sucks, though. 531 00:25:10,708 --> 00:25:12,540 I was in an indie rock band. 532 00:25:12,541 --> 00:25:15,208 Um... the Princes of Paleolithic. 533 00:25:16,291 --> 00:25:19,124 You seem so normal. 534 00:25:19,125 --> 00:25:20,500 How-- How come you're homeless? 535 00:25:21,250 --> 00:25:23,540 So we prefer the term "unhoused." 536 00:25:23,541 --> 00:25:25,040 It's fine. Don't worry about it. 537 00:25:25,041 --> 00:25:27,832 Just from now on, maybe, say unhoused. 538 00:25:27,833 --> 00:25:29,415 - Of course. - Uh... 539 00:25:29,416 --> 00:25:30,582 But the band broke up. 540 00:25:30,583 --> 00:25:32,415 You know, you lose a gig, 541 00:25:32,416 --> 00:25:35,791 one thing leads to another, and you're on the street. 542 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:38,165 - Hi. Hi, kids. - Hi, Mom. 543 00:25:38,166 --> 00:25:39,957 What have I told you about talking to strangers? 544 00:25:39,958 --> 00:25:42,540 This is Gary. We see him every day. 545 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,040 How you doing? I'm Gary. How was your luncheon? 546 00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:47,415 Oh, thank you for asking. 547 00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:49,457 Um... it was a huge success. 548 00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:51,249 Vapes and edibles won't know what hit 'em. 549 00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,290 - Oh. - Okay. Kids, we gotta go home. 550 00:25:53,291 --> 00:25:55,040 We have a very special visitor. 551 00:25:55,041 --> 00:25:56,290 - Bye, Gary. - Bye, Gary. 552 00:25:56,291 --> 00:25:58,124 You have wonderful children. 553 00:25:58,125 --> 00:26:00,457 Thank you. I'm Dzanielle, by the way. 554 00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:06,124 Mom, how come you don't ever give Gary any money 555 00:26:06,125 --> 00:26:08,207 or invite him up for dinner? 556 00:26:08,208 --> 00:26:10,332 Because that's not how it works, honey. 557 00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:12,790 You-- You don't go around handing out cash, you know. 558 00:26:12,791 --> 00:26:15,832 You don't know if they're gonna blow it on drugs or alcohol. 559 00:26:15,833 --> 00:26:18,790 You-- You give it to a charity or a foundation, 560 00:26:18,791 --> 00:26:20,708 and they disperse it. 561 00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:23,207 Mom, how rich are we? 562 00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:25,832 You two with the questions today! 563 00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,457 We are very, very fortunate. 564 00:26:28,458 --> 00:26:31,999 Pilar? Pilar? 565 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,415 I need you to take Natalay to her bathroom 566 00:26:34,416 --> 00:26:36,124 and get the new Oribe spritz, okay? 567 00:26:36,125 --> 00:26:37,832 I want her fur to shine 568 00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:39,957 like she just stepped out of Julian Farel. Okay? 569 00:26:39,958 --> 00:26:42,374 And I also need you to clean her butthole, spritz it 570 00:26:42,375 --> 00:26:45,374 until there are cartoon twinkles coming out of it. Okay? 571 00:26:45,375 --> 00:26:47,124 Of course, Miss Dzanielle, 572 00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:49,540 and the fresh mints you asked for are on the table. 573 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:50,874 You're a lifesaver! 574 00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:52,249 Hello, hello! 575 00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:54,790 - Jord, you're late. - I'm here, okay? 576 00:26:54,791 --> 00:26:56,790 I ditch my meeting and bump my call 577 00:26:56,791 --> 00:26:58,125 with Howard Schultz for you. 578 00:26:58,833 --> 00:27:00,332 - Dad! - Hey, Dad! 579 00:27:00,333 --> 00:27:04,249 Oh, bube. How you doin'? Hi, bube. 580 00:27:04,250 --> 00:27:05,957 - What's going on? - How's it going? 581 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,874 Can we do anything? 582 00:27:07,875 --> 00:27:10,832 Um... yes, you can go and get the Baccarat crystal balls, 583 00:27:10,833 --> 00:27:12,915 and we'll swap out these food and water dishes. 584 00:27:12,916 --> 00:27:15,290 Yuki needs to see that Natalay only gets the best. 585 00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:17,165 And then... 586 00:27:17,166 --> 00:27:20,415 You smell like horse. Change out of your jodhpurs. Okay? 587 00:27:20,416 --> 00:27:22,040 This is all for the dog? 588 00:27:22,041 --> 00:27:23,707 The dog walker. 589 00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,999 And he's like the Meryl Streep of dog walkers. 590 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,957 Don't give me that look, Jordan. 591 00:27:27,958 --> 00:27:29,957 I am on the Godfather Day of my period, 592 00:27:29,958 --> 00:27:32,040 like flag of Japan situation. 593 00:27:32,041 --> 00:27:33,749 Okay? So do not mess with me. 594 00:27:33,750 --> 00:27:35,707 My hormones are raging, and I can't even 595 00:27:35,708 --> 00:27:39,832 put in a slender regular tampon 'cause I just got re-virginized. 596 00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:41,332 You have schmutz here. 597 00:27:41,333 --> 00:27:42,957 Wait, wait, you did that? 598 00:27:42,958 --> 00:27:44,332 Wouldn't you love to know? 599 00:27:44,333 --> 00:27:46,582 I've always wanted to go to Japan. 600 00:27:46,583 --> 00:27:48,915 You're not coming near my sashimi. 601 00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:02,957 ♪ Yes, yes, yes ♪ 602 00:28:02,958 --> 00:28:04,625 ♪ Hoo, hoo, hoo ♪ 603 00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,540 Pilar, thanks for doing this. 604 00:28:07,541 --> 00:28:09,415 If he says no, 605 00:28:09,416 --> 00:28:11,415 I'm not doing this anymore. 606 00:28:11,416 --> 00:28:13,749 I'm allergic, and I don't like animals. 607 00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,790 I know. You've been amazing. 608 00:28:15,791 --> 00:28:17,957 Let's just hope this works. 609 00:28:17,958 --> 00:28:20,457 Oh, my God, that's him, that's him. Okay. 610 00:28:20,458 --> 00:28:21,665 Deep breaths. 611 00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:22,708 All right. 612 00:28:24,875 --> 00:28:26,374 Jord, Yuki's arrived. 613 00:28:26,375 --> 00:28:27,457 Great. 614 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:30,124 Hello! 615 00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,790 Welcome, welcome. 616 00:28:31,791 --> 00:28:33,250 Come on in. 617 00:28:36,875 --> 00:28:39,374 Hey. How are you? Jordan. 618 00:28:39,375 --> 00:28:40,915 Make yourself comfortable. 619 00:28:40,916 --> 00:28:44,374 We invited your friend, Monsieur Perignon. 620 00:28:44,375 --> 00:28:46,999 And we got some Kappo Masa. 621 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,457 This will do. 622 00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:49,874 - Jordan. - Yeah. 623 00:28:49,875 --> 00:28:51,041 - Yuki, have a seat. - Yeah. 624 00:28:52,708 --> 00:28:55,165 So, uh, what... what can we tell you? 625 00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:58,332 First, the name of your dog. 626 00:28:58,333 --> 00:29:00,457 Oh, um, it's Natalay. 627 00:29:00,458 --> 00:29:01,665 Hm. 628 00:29:01,666 --> 00:29:03,124 Curious. 629 00:29:03,125 --> 00:29:05,749 Traditionally, I do not work with dogs 630 00:29:05,750 --> 00:29:07,665 that have human names. 631 00:29:07,666 --> 00:29:09,749 My clients are 632 00:29:09,750 --> 00:29:11,375 Fluffy Schwarzman, 633 00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:13,749 Diamond LeFraque, 634 00:29:13,750 --> 00:29:17,457 Batches Butter Astin. 635 00:29:17,458 --> 00:29:18,874 Things like that. 636 00:29:18,875 --> 00:29:20,208 Oh. 637 00:29:21,625 --> 00:29:25,207 If I were to call a dog's name 638 00:29:25,208 --> 00:29:28,665 and 15 human people turn around, 639 00:29:28,666 --> 00:29:30,665 I hate that. 640 00:29:30,666 --> 00:29:32,749 I accepted Kevin Bacon's dog, 641 00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:34,540 Francis, only because 642 00:29:34,541 --> 00:29:38,290 he promised me he would reedit Mystic River 643 00:29:38,291 --> 00:29:41,833 so the ending... wasn't... so... 644 00:29:42,750 --> 00:29:44,250 depressing. 645 00:29:47,250 --> 00:29:50,499 Well, actually, Natalay is my dead mother's name. 646 00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,458 I wanted to honor her memory. 647 00:29:54,250 --> 00:29:57,040 That is somewhat compelling. 648 00:29:57,041 --> 00:29:59,250 Deepest condolences. 649 00:30:00,458 --> 00:30:02,207 - May I see her? - Of course. 650 00:30:02,208 --> 00:30:04,915 She's in a picture frame on the Steinway. 651 00:30:04,916 --> 00:30:06,957 The dog. 652 00:30:06,958 --> 00:30:09,000 Oh. Pil... ar! 653 00:30:10,083 --> 00:30:11,624 Moth... er! 654 00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:13,625 Ah, there she is. 655 00:30:14,416 --> 00:30:16,333 Hi, Natalay! 656 00:30:21,041 --> 00:30:22,665 We will need some time. 657 00:30:22,666 --> 00:30:24,458 Yeah, go for it. 658 00:30:25,333 --> 00:30:26,583 Alone. 659 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:29,915 Oh, you-- you mean we should leave? 660 00:30:29,916 --> 00:30:34,540 Yes, I will need anywhere from ten minutes 661 00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:36,374 to seven hours. 662 00:30:36,375 --> 00:30:38,540 Okay, obviously. Whatever you need. 663 00:30:38,541 --> 00:30:40,790 Take all the time you need. 664 00:30:40,791 --> 00:30:42,665 Make yourself at home. 665 00:30:42,666 --> 00:30:45,832 We will be in the great room should you need us. 666 00:30:45,833 --> 00:30:47,499 Mm. 667 00:30:52,708 --> 00:30:54,332 Take the strippers' pole! 668 00:30:54,333 --> 00:30:56,165 Um, no, you have to do that. 669 00:30:56,166 --> 00:30:58,957 Oh, my God, what could he possibly be doing in there? 670 00:30:58,958 --> 00:31:01,540 Jord, the man is a legend, okay? 671 00:31:01,541 --> 00:31:04,082 He has a process. You have to respect it. 672 00:31:06,791 --> 00:31:08,707 He's eating your dinner. 673 00:31:12,916 --> 00:31:15,249 Grab her loop. You missed the first. 674 00:31:15,250 --> 00:31:16,707 Get the one in the blue. 675 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,082 Babe, he needs the job, okay? 676 00:31:19,083 --> 00:31:20,249 Not you. 677 00:31:33,875 --> 00:31:35,790 What are you, the Dalai Lama now? 678 00:31:35,791 --> 00:31:38,332 Jord, this is the only way I can calm down, all right? 679 00:31:38,333 --> 00:31:39,749 Maybe if you were onboard with all this, 680 00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:41,249 I wouldn't be so stressed. 681 00:31:41,250 --> 00:31:43,165 - I'm rudderless. - Oh, rudderless? 682 00:31:43,166 --> 00:31:45,665 Maybe you're rudderless because you're paying some schmuck 683 00:31:45,666 --> 00:31:47,124 $1,500 to walk the dog. 684 00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:48,999 Which, by the way, would have been nice 685 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,624 if you gave me a little advance warning and consulted me. 686 00:31:51,625 --> 00:31:54,999 Well, it would have been nice if you had consulted me before getting your dog walked. 687 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,332 What the fuck? 688 00:31:56,333 --> 00:31:57,957 Why? 689 00:31:57,958 --> 00:31:59,749 I gotta get this. 690 00:31:59,750 --> 00:32:01,582 - Cary? What? - All right, grab her loop. 691 00:32:01,583 --> 00:32:04,040 Kids! Kids, shush your mouth! 692 00:32:04,041 --> 00:32:06,957 Listen, hold on one second. Hold on. 693 00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,999 No, don't go out there! Don't go out there! Natalay has sensory issues. 694 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,707 Oh, come on, stop it. 695 00:32:11,708 --> 00:32:13,499 - Hey, hey, you hear me? - Jordan. 696 00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:15,082 - All right, where'd they land? - We need you. 697 00:32:15,083 --> 00:32:16,999 They just finished the merger terms. 698 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,041 No! 699 00:32:18,875 --> 00:32:21,290 So what you're saying is the board approved the merger? 700 00:32:21,291 --> 00:32:24,082 First vote was split, but then... yeah, you totally sold 'em. 701 00:32:24,083 --> 00:32:25,957 Yes! Fuck, yes! 702 00:32:25,958 --> 00:32:27,207 Cary! 703 00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:29,582 Oh, my God! That's amazing. 704 00:32:29,583 --> 00:32:32,790 Okay, okay, this is big. 705 00:32:32,791 --> 00:32:34,582 - This is big. - You killed it. 706 00:32:34,583 --> 00:32:36,624 This is so good. This is so fucking good. 707 00:32:36,625 --> 00:32:38,165 Shares are about to go through the roof. 708 00:32:38,166 --> 00:32:40,249 Paris Capitals board is going to be ecstatic. 709 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,540 Ohh! Oh, that's good. 710 00:32:44,541 --> 00:32:46,040 Oh, my God, there's cayenne pepper in there. 711 00:32:46,041 --> 00:32:47,415 Don't tell anyone until I get back. 712 00:32:47,416 --> 00:32:49,124 Yes! 713 00:32:49,125 --> 00:32:50,832 Dad! Dad! 714 00:32:50,833 --> 00:32:53,374 Come on, let's go. Give it to me. Bam, bam. 715 00:32:53,375 --> 00:32:54,665 Come on, let's go, let's go. 716 00:32:54,666 --> 00:32:56,999 Give it to me... a third time. 717 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,665 Are we still doing this? Hello. 718 00:32:59,666 --> 00:33:00,999 What, am I a hologram? 719 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,749 I'm here, aren't I? 720 00:33:02,750 --> 00:33:04,540 In fact, I should be celebrating 721 00:33:04,541 --> 00:33:07,290 the most important moment of my entire career. 722 00:33:07,291 --> 00:33:08,874 Okay, okay. I'm sorry. 723 00:33:08,875 --> 00:33:11,290 Congrats on your work making money thing. 724 00:33:11,291 --> 00:33:13,458 I don't even know what finance means. 725 00:33:33,958 --> 00:33:37,207 Hi. So, did we-- did we pass? 726 00:33:37,208 --> 00:33:39,665 May I please see your leash collection. 727 00:33:39,666 --> 00:33:41,374 Of course. Pilar! 728 00:33:41,375 --> 00:33:44,790 Can we please show Mr. Yuki the leash collection? 729 00:33:49,083 --> 00:33:50,707 I don't know if you're on Instagram, 730 00:33:50,708 --> 00:33:53,332 but I kind of have a lot of followers. 731 00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:57,999 My hairdresser has 1.2 million followers. 732 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,791 No one cares. 733 00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:04,915 They're all designer and monogrammed, as you'll see. 734 00:34:04,916 --> 00:34:07,540 I will call you after my deliberations. 735 00:34:07,541 --> 00:34:09,415 Yes. Of course. 736 00:34:09,416 --> 00:34:11,374 Deliberate as much as you need to. 737 00:34:11,375 --> 00:34:13,040 Is this 12 Angry Men? 738 00:34:13,041 --> 00:34:15,665 Let us know when the jury's reached a verdict. 739 00:34:15,666 --> 00:34:17,582 Domo arigato. 740 00:34:17,583 --> 00:34:20,165 Also, I should mention I just signed a huge... 741 00:34:20,166 --> 00:34:22,999 Well, at least if he deigns to gouge us with his services, 742 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,290 you won't have to walk the dog anymore. 743 00:34:25,291 --> 00:34:26,832 Thank God. 744 00:34:26,833 --> 00:34:28,457 Are you staying the night? 745 00:34:28,458 --> 00:34:30,290 I could make up the spare bedroom. 746 00:34:30,291 --> 00:34:31,957 ...special dog food. 747 00:34:31,958 --> 00:34:34,207 It's all locavore, seed to anus. 748 00:34:34,208 --> 00:34:35,874 - It's only the best. - Uh... 749 00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:37,624 You're the best. 750 00:34:37,625 --> 00:34:39,790 But no, I have a-- I have an early day tomorrow. 751 00:34:39,791 --> 00:34:41,207 Thank you, though. 752 00:34:41,208 --> 00:34:44,290 Good night, Pilar. Good night, kids! 753 00:34:44,291 --> 00:34:47,624 Oh, my God, oh, my God, I just said domo arigato, 754 00:34:47,625 --> 00:34:49,916 and I now think that might be Spanish. 755 00:34:51,458 --> 00:34:53,415 You're fine. You did great. 756 00:34:53,416 --> 00:34:54,750 Really? 757 00:34:55,583 --> 00:34:57,041 Really. 758 00:34:57,833 --> 00:35:00,415 - All right, I'll see you. - Thanks. 759 00:35:00,416 --> 00:35:02,000 Thanks for doing this, Jordan. 760 00:35:05,625 --> 00:35:08,374 Damn, I wish I could go to contortion school 761 00:35:08,375 --> 00:35:10,707 so I could chow my own box like that. 762 00:35:10,708 --> 00:35:12,541 Actually, ew, no. 763 00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:19,833 Yay! You're home. 764 00:35:22,291 --> 00:35:24,416 Oh, hi, honey. 765 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,540 Did you pick up the Torx key for the crib? 766 00:35:30,541 --> 00:35:33,707 I picked up brackets and Allen wrenches. 767 00:35:33,708 --> 00:35:37,415 The instructions clearly say a Torx key. 768 00:35:37,416 --> 00:35:41,290 I mean, the dude said Allen wrenches, so... 769 00:35:41,291 --> 00:35:44,415 Anyways, don't worry, I-I-I'll get it built. 770 00:35:44,416 --> 00:35:46,165 Oh, shit. Right. 771 00:35:46,166 --> 00:35:48,125 I need to make that dog call. 772 00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:56,874 Hello? 773 00:35:56,875 --> 00:35:59,790 I am calling to inform you 774 00:35:59,791 --> 00:36:03,582 that I will be taking on Natalay as a new client. 775 00:36:03,583 --> 00:36:06,707 Thank you, thank you! We will not let you down! 776 00:36:06,708 --> 00:36:10,374 But given the unfortunate name, 777 00:36:10,375 --> 00:36:14,499 there will be an increase in the weekly payment 778 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:18,332 to $2,000. 779 00:36:21,458 --> 00:36:24,208 Nothing is too good for our Natalay. 780 00:36:25,166 --> 00:36:28,124 Excellent. 781 00:36:28,125 --> 00:36:29,958 Okay. Thank you. 782 00:36:30,958 --> 00:36:33,290 We did it. We did it! 783 00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,790 We got Yuki! 784 00:36:35,791 --> 00:36:38,874 He said yes. We did it. 785 00:36:38,875 --> 00:36:40,290 We got him. 786 00:36:40,291 --> 00:36:43,040 Oh, and if Yuki ever says anything, 787 00:36:43,041 --> 00:36:46,207 Nana Pearl is not alive and well on Jupiter. 788 00:36:46,208 --> 00:36:48,916 She's dead, and her name was Natalay. 789 00:36:49,791 --> 00:36:52,040 I can't believe you got away with that. 790 00:36:52,041 --> 00:36:54,958 "Karen, I call it a squoval!" 791 00:36:56,166 --> 00:36:58,832 I mean, I can't believe that we landed a whale 792 00:36:58,833 --> 00:37:01,915 from Chilmark Olympus Point Capital. 793 00:37:01,916 --> 00:37:05,332 That stock is gonna shoot up once that merger is announced. 794 00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:08,040 Chatter on some message boards fits. 795 00:37:08,041 --> 00:37:11,457 One estimate has it jumping over 50% once they announce, 796 00:37:11,458 --> 00:37:13,457 probably in a couple of weeks. 797 00:37:13,458 --> 00:37:16,499 I just... There. 798 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,124 We could double our money. 799 00:37:18,125 --> 00:37:19,999 - Wow. - So, that gets us a master's 800 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,916 in aerospace engineering from Columbia. 801 00:37:23,708 --> 00:37:26,957 You're gonna get the best education that money 802 00:37:26,958 --> 00:37:28,958 from the worst people can buy. 803 00:37:41,416 --> 00:37:43,332 All right, love you guys. 804 00:37:43,333 --> 00:37:47,665 Don't stay up getting brainwashed by China on TikTok. 805 00:37:47,666 --> 00:37:50,624 Pilar, I'm still so giddy about today. 806 00:37:50,625 --> 00:37:52,707 Let's open this bottle of Dom. 807 00:37:52,708 --> 00:37:54,999 You want to stay and have some bubbles with me? 808 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,999 Thank you, Miss Dzanielle, but I must get home to Miguel. 809 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,874 He made his special papadzules. 810 00:38:01,875 --> 00:38:03,624 Enjoy Dom. 811 00:38:03,625 --> 00:38:05,457 Aah. 812 00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:07,165 Maybe call a friend. 813 00:38:07,166 --> 00:38:09,583 Good night. Thank you. 814 00:38:30,875 --> 00:38:33,790 Oh. A million followers. 815 00:38:33,791 --> 00:38:36,665 It doesn't pack the punch I thought it would. 816 00:38:36,666 --> 00:38:40,040 I feel like I got shot out of a camel's asshole. 817 00:38:40,041 --> 00:38:41,749 I miss talking to him. 818 00:38:41,750 --> 00:38:45,582 I miss telling him about my day and hearing about his. 819 00:38:45,583 --> 00:38:48,665 I mean, you think you'd be sick of it after all these years, 820 00:38:48,666 --> 00:38:50,915 but I never was. 821 00:38:50,916 --> 00:38:54,832 God, it's a really nice ring. Stephanie Gottlieb. 822 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,290 Maybe I can wear it on my right hand. 823 00:38:57,291 --> 00:39:01,083 It seems silly to keep it locked away in a drawer, collecting dust. 824 00:39:07,875 --> 00:39:11,249 Danni! Yo, sis, I miss you. 825 00:39:11,250 --> 00:39:14,415 I... I'm just back from Hot Lotty's. 826 00:39:14,416 --> 00:39:17,624 I saw that post you did about the facial 827 00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:20,790 with the stem cells from the baby dick tops. 828 00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:24,374 - How are you doing? - I'm a little down tonight. 829 00:39:24,375 --> 00:39:26,750 I miss you, and... 830 00:39:28,125 --> 00:39:29,790 I miss Jordan. 831 00:39:29,791 --> 00:39:33,332 Aw, honey, I get it. 832 00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:35,874 It's all part of the journey. 833 00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:40,124 I just wonder if maybe... maybe I overreacted. 834 00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:42,999 But Jordie knew that I would never 835 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:47,082 put up with being that humiliated first wife from Wolf of Wall Street. 836 00:39:47,083 --> 00:39:50,540 Look, you did what you did, what's done is done. 837 00:39:50,541 --> 00:39:52,332 Move on. 838 00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:55,082 That's what I always say. Never look back. 839 00:39:55,083 --> 00:39:57,457 Okay. Um... 840 00:39:57,458 --> 00:40:01,457 I just got hit with, like, a tsunami of exhaustion, so I'm gonna-- 841 00:40:01,458 --> 00:40:03,124 I'll call you tomorrow. 842 00:40:03,125 --> 00:40:05,540 Mwah. Love you. 843 00:40:05,541 --> 00:40:07,791 - Love you. - Love you. 844 00:40:12,416 --> 00:40:15,290 In other local news, a new high-end soup kitchen 845 00:40:15,291 --> 00:40:18,290 has opened on Fifth Avenue, serving only 846 00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:22,124 low-calorie, low-sodium miso soup to unhoused people 847 00:40:22,125 --> 00:40:24,374 who are battling high cholesterol. 848 00:40:24,375 --> 00:40:26,249 The next day, I decided to reboot 849 00:40:26,250 --> 00:40:28,790 by improving my mind with the news 850 00:40:28,791 --> 00:40:31,374 and my mindset with some self-care. 851 00:40:31,375 --> 00:40:33,499 Maybe Kim is right about moving on. 852 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:37,708 Maybe I do need someone new, just not the kind with a dick. 853 00:40:38,583 --> 00:40:41,708 Hey, Siri, call Blagdanorova. 854 00:40:42,375 --> 00:40:45,499 I went to see Evita when I was 8, and I knew I'd move here when I grew up 855 00:40:45,500 --> 00:40:47,499 and never go back to the 516. 856 00:40:47,500 --> 00:40:49,333 Do you have any family here? 857 00:40:50,708 --> 00:40:53,915 I am youngest of seven sister. 858 00:40:53,916 --> 00:40:57,290 I am ugliest. But luckily, I was best dancer. 859 00:40:57,291 --> 00:41:01,082 They stuck there. Not even in Riga. 860 00:41:01,083 --> 00:41:04,624 Kohadesburg. Like red state of Latvia. 861 00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:07,290 Well, you are the most gorge, 862 00:41:07,291 --> 00:41:10,832 and I will pay someone to Tonya Harding the kneecaps 863 00:41:10,833 --> 00:41:13,165 of anyone who tells you otherwise. 864 00:41:13,166 --> 00:41:17,207 My first house was like hole inside of cliff. 865 00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:23,207 And, Amy, your first husband was in a jam band, 866 00:41:23,208 --> 00:41:26,624 and your first Hamptons house was in Quahog, 867 00:41:26,625 --> 00:41:28,957 which isn't the Hamptons. 868 00:41:30,875 --> 00:41:32,790 Incorrect. 869 00:41:32,791 --> 00:41:34,332 It was West Hampton. 870 00:41:46,791 --> 00:41:49,707 Hello, little baby. Hello, monkey baby. 871 00:41:52,500 --> 00:41:56,499 Dogs. They can't resist the taste of dirt and regret. 872 00:41:56,500 --> 00:41:58,874 - What theory? - Oh. 873 00:41:58,875 --> 00:42:01,332 Must have got an extra by accident. 874 00:42:01,333 --> 00:42:03,665 - You wouldn't want it...? - Give it to me! 875 00:42:03,666 --> 00:42:06,374 Thank you so much. That is so kind of-- 876 00:42:06,375 --> 00:42:09,790 Mmm! Ah, Smoothies. 877 00:42:09,791 --> 00:42:13,415 One of the great pleasures of life, that and a standing O. 878 00:42:13,416 --> 00:42:15,000 And, uh... and blow. 879 00:42:16,125 --> 00:42:20,457 And a blowjob. Those were the days. 880 00:42:21,916 --> 00:42:25,791 How long have you been, um, unhoused? 881 00:42:26,791 --> 00:42:28,540 Well, 882 00:42:28,541 --> 00:42:30,332 after the band broke up, I had a little incident. 883 00:42:30,333 --> 00:42:33,374 I may have drunkenly staggered in front of a Segway. 884 00:42:33,375 --> 00:42:36,582 Medical bills up the ass. And I cheated on my ex. 885 00:42:36,583 --> 00:42:40,582 She kicked me out. I ended up couch surfing for a while, looking for gigs. 886 00:42:40,583 --> 00:42:43,541 No luck. That's how I ended up at La Casa del Gary. 887 00:42:45,041 --> 00:42:47,958 Oh, my God, this is incredible. 888 00:42:48,791 --> 00:42:51,332 What the fuck is in here? It's great. 889 00:42:51,333 --> 00:42:54,540 Today is all about party prep. 890 00:42:54,541 --> 00:42:58,290 The b'nai mitzvah was in two weeks, and I was so stressed out, 891 00:42:58,291 --> 00:43:01,832 I still had to confirm the blueprints from the balloon architects. 892 00:43:01,833 --> 00:43:05,832 I had to get the cards to the calligrapher and make sure Jared 893 00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:09,707 and Dakota's dvar torahs were in tip-top shape. 894 00:43:09,708 --> 00:43:12,582 I really want to invite Blag and her husband. 895 00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:15,665 Making adult friends IRL is so hard. 896 00:43:15,666 --> 00:43:18,415 Normally you just like their posts and they like yours, 897 00:43:18,416 --> 00:43:20,749 and you don't really know each other. 898 00:43:20,750 --> 00:43:22,874 Maybe I'll see if she wants to have a drink. 899 00:43:22,875 --> 00:43:25,957 She's so nice, like Dakota and Jared. 900 00:43:25,958 --> 00:43:27,832 You know, they're so sweet. 901 00:43:27,833 --> 00:43:30,499 That's why candy is the perfect theme for them. 902 00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:34,915 Unlike their little shit classmate Riley, whose theme was haute couture. 903 00:43:34,916 --> 00:43:37,915 All the tables were called Gucci, Chanel. 904 00:43:37,916 --> 00:43:41,291 I was seated over at Viktor and Rolf-- essentially Siberia. 905 00:43:47,333 --> 00:43:52,082 Hi, Connor. I just decided to pop over because I wanted to bring this to Mrs. Hammerman. 906 00:43:52,083 --> 00:43:55,582 I don't believe anyone has ever "popped over" to us here. 907 00:43:55,583 --> 00:43:58,290 The Hammermans prize their privacy. 908 00:43:58,291 --> 00:44:00,540 Oh, no. Yeah, I totally get that. 909 00:44:00,541 --> 00:44:02,707 I suppose there's a first time for everything. 910 00:44:02,708 --> 00:44:05,125 Why don't we give her assistant a ring? 911 00:44:12,708 --> 00:44:15,082 A thousand apologies for calling at this hour, 912 00:44:15,083 --> 00:44:17,915 but an acquaintance of Ms. Hammerman's has... 913 00:44:17,916 --> 00:44:20,832 ..."popped over." 914 00:44:20,833 --> 00:44:23,249 No, never heard of it either. 915 00:44:23,250 --> 00:44:26,332 - Her name is, uh... - Oh, Dzanielle. 916 00:44:26,333 --> 00:44:28,874 Ms. Dzanielle, 917 00:44:28,875 --> 00:44:32,165 and she has a bottle of mid-range champagne. 918 00:44:32,166 --> 00:44:34,124 So be it, then. 919 00:44:41,625 --> 00:44:43,125 You may... 920 00:44:43,875 --> 00:44:45,457 come in. 921 00:44:49,208 --> 00:44:51,999 Ohh! I'm so glad you came. 922 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,540 Mwah! Mwah! 923 00:44:53,541 --> 00:44:55,790 You have to meet Tess. 924 00:44:55,791 --> 00:44:58,165 She my left arm. 925 00:44:58,166 --> 00:45:02,374 When she leave for the weekend, I feel sick. It get lonely here sometime. 926 00:45:02,375 --> 00:45:04,832 Uh, do you want for some nibble? 927 00:45:04,833 --> 00:45:08,290 I have caviar dealer from Little Odessa. 928 00:45:08,291 --> 00:45:11,249 Oh, I am a total Roe Ho, to be honest. 929 00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:13,249 I mean, I could probably eat human flesh 930 00:45:13,250 --> 00:45:16,415 if it came with blini and creme fraiche and chives. 931 00:45:16,416 --> 00:45:19,040 Can I offer you a chilled rosemary-steeped towel? 932 00:45:19,041 --> 00:45:21,624 Oh. Uh... I'm okay. 933 00:45:30,125 --> 00:45:32,083 Dakota. 934 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,582 - Wake up. - Leave me alone. 935 00:45:36,583 --> 00:45:40,291 Do you think mom would ever date Gary if he wasn't homeless? 936 00:45:41,958 --> 00:45:43,958 Not in a million years. 937 00:45:45,625 --> 00:45:48,249 Why not? She likes funny guys. 938 00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:50,791 She's still in love with Dad, dummy. 939 00:45:51,583 --> 00:45:55,000 She's not. They're always mad at each other. 940 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,416 You don't understand women. 941 00:46:01,375 --> 00:46:02,875 Do you think he's happy? 942 00:46:04,125 --> 00:46:06,333 - Dad? - Gary. 943 00:46:07,458 --> 00:46:09,916 How could he possibly be happy? 944 00:46:10,708 --> 00:46:14,374 Well, he doesn't have to go to school or a job. 945 00:46:14,375 --> 00:46:15,874 He can do whatever he wants. 946 00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:18,082 You really don't understand guys. 947 00:46:18,083 --> 00:46:22,041 I'm pretty sure always having to ask people for money makes you sad. 948 00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:25,166 How? We ask Mom for money all the time. 949 00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:27,790 And she gives it to us. 950 00:46:27,791 --> 00:46:30,374 Imagine if we said, "Hey, Mom, can I have a dollar?" 951 00:46:30,375 --> 00:46:33,083 And she just walked away like she didn't know us. 952 00:46:35,750 --> 00:46:37,250 We should help him. 953 00:46:38,041 --> 00:46:42,165 - How? - All he has is his box, right? 954 00:46:42,166 --> 00:46:44,583 So he needs all the other things. 955 00:46:46,166 --> 00:46:47,625 What do we have? 956 00:46:51,833 --> 00:46:54,249 All the toys. 957 00:46:54,250 --> 00:46:57,457 Oh, what about my old Harry Potter scarf here? 958 00:46:57,458 --> 00:47:02,040 Yeah. He-- He's old, right? He probably doesn't care that JK's a TERF. 959 00:47:02,041 --> 00:47:03,374 Hmm. 960 00:47:03,375 --> 00:47:04,790 Uh... 961 00:47:06,541 --> 00:47:08,000 Old slime? 962 00:47:09,708 --> 00:47:11,791 Sensory entertainment's important. 963 00:47:12,875 --> 00:47:15,457 Oh, there's a ton of leftover sushi! 964 00:47:15,458 --> 00:47:18,290 Right! That'll last him, like, two weeks. 965 00:47:18,291 --> 00:47:21,583 I bet it's one of those things that Mom says gets better with age, like wine. 966 00:47:23,208 --> 00:47:25,499 So you're stylish. 967 00:47:25,500 --> 00:47:27,207 Funny. 968 00:47:27,208 --> 00:47:30,790 You talk lot. You walk lot. You very busy. 969 00:47:30,791 --> 00:47:33,040 You do all these thing. 970 00:47:33,041 --> 00:47:35,499 You take a picture, you pose. 971 00:47:35,500 --> 00:47:37,957 Really, why you do all this? 972 00:47:37,958 --> 00:47:42,707 My family split up, and it's been rocky. I'm not gonna lie. 973 00:47:42,708 --> 00:47:44,708 You're hurting for Jordan? 974 00:47:45,875 --> 00:47:47,499 Sometimes. 975 00:47:47,500 --> 00:47:49,582 But, you know, I'm good at compartmentalizing, 976 00:47:49,583 --> 00:47:52,749 so it'll enter my brain, and then I just shake that Etch A Sketch, 977 00:47:52,750 --> 00:47:55,749 flush it out, and I think of the positive stuff. 978 00:47:55,750 --> 00:47:57,415 I'm hashtag-blessed, you know? 979 00:47:57,416 --> 00:48:01,290 I always tell my followers you have to focus on 980 00:48:01,291 --> 00:48:04,249 gratitude and manifesting joy. 981 00:48:04,250 --> 00:48:07,207 This sound wonderful. You love your kid. 982 00:48:07,208 --> 00:48:09,999 Oh, yeah. My kids are my life. 983 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,999 Jared and Dakota are... they're my babies. 984 00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,082 I would do anything for them. 985 00:48:16,083 --> 00:48:17,832 You crack it wide open. 986 00:48:17,833 --> 00:48:20,333 Oh, see, this is like... 987 00:48:21,583 --> 00:48:25,666 you understand this... this goodness, right? 988 00:48:26,833 --> 00:48:30,375 I love Morty very much. 989 00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:33,499 Though he very good... 990 00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:37,582 But I could have married many very rich men. 991 00:48:37,583 --> 00:48:40,750 But I chose Morty for setup because... 992 00:48:41,791 --> 00:48:45,124 He have big heart. 993 00:48:45,125 --> 00:48:48,040 Yeah. You mentioned the, uh, cardiac distension. 994 00:48:48,041 --> 00:48:50,707 - It's unhealthily engorged. - That too, doctor say. 995 00:48:50,708 --> 00:48:53,624 But, no, I mean, for heart, for giving. 996 00:48:53,625 --> 00:48:56,958 Very, very generous and kind. 997 00:48:59,125 --> 00:49:02,415 Always giving money, 998 00:49:02,416 --> 00:49:05,791 investing in people for scholarship. 999 00:49:06,625 --> 00:49:08,375 Food bank. 1000 00:49:09,666 --> 00:49:10,875 This is why. 1001 00:49:11,875 --> 00:49:14,041 This is why I love him. 1002 00:49:14,875 --> 00:49:18,625 But... soon he will be gone, and... 1003 00:49:19,708 --> 00:49:21,958 I will be even more alone. 1004 00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:27,707 Look, you're not gonna be alone because I'm in your life now, 1005 00:49:27,708 --> 00:49:30,624 and I'm like herpes and political emails. 1006 00:49:30,625 --> 00:49:32,249 You're never gonna get rid of me. 1007 00:49:32,250 --> 00:49:34,208 Oh, it's so true! 1008 00:49:52,958 --> 00:49:55,624 - Everything okay, kids? - You know it, Mike! 1009 00:49:55,625 --> 00:49:59,290 Just going for a little stroll. See ya. 1010 00:49:59,291 --> 00:50:03,374 Little stroll with a wagon full of HomeGoods 1011 00:50:03,375 --> 00:50:05,458 and in your jammies? 1012 00:50:06,541 --> 00:50:08,874 Don't worry, we'll be right back. 1013 00:50:08,875 --> 00:50:10,375 Hmm. 1014 00:50:14,875 --> 00:50:17,291 - Mmm. - For you, Mike. 1015 00:50:19,083 --> 00:50:21,332 For your many years of dedicated service. 1016 00:50:21,333 --> 00:50:22,416 Mm. 1017 00:50:24,166 --> 00:50:26,457 And to not tell our mom. 1018 00:50:26,458 --> 00:50:29,540 Just going across the street. You know Gary. 1019 00:50:29,541 --> 00:50:32,207 Dropping some food and stuff off for him. 1020 00:50:32,208 --> 00:50:33,624 It'll take two seconds. 1021 00:50:33,625 --> 00:50:35,999 I'm not taking any of these 20s. 1022 00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,290 It's nice of you kids. I'm coming with you. 1023 00:50:39,291 --> 00:50:40,875 Don't ever tell your parents. 1024 00:50:42,125 --> 00:50:45,041 Thank you, Mike. You the man. 1025 00:51:14,958 --> 00:51:17,374 "Dear Gary, sorry you're unhoused. 1026 00:51:17,375 --> 00:51:19,665 We thought you could use some food and other stuff. 1027 00:51:19,666 --> 00:51:21,916 Your friends, Dakota and Jared." 1028 00:51:44,250 --> 00:51:46,332 Five minutes, angels. 1029 00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:50,415 Hey, Mom. How come we don't have any poor friends? 1030 00:51:50,416 --> 00:51:52,915 Okay. I know you like Gary, 1031 00:51:52,916 --> 00:51:56,332 and I know you snuck out to see him last night. 1032 00:51:56,333 --> 00:51:59,707 And while I appreciate the gesture, 1033 00:51:59,708 --> 00:52:03,500 if you ever do that again, you'll be grounded till prom. 1034 00:52:04,416 --> 00:52:06,040 Pilar! 1035 00:52:06,041 --> 00:52:07,874 Can you make sure that Natalay finishes 1036 00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:09,374 all that wheatgrass juice? 1037 00:52:09,375 --> 00:52:12,415 We need to make sure that she sprays diarrhea 1038 00:52:12,416 --> 00:52:14,250 before Yuki arrives. 1039 00:52:18,875 --> 00:52:21,165 Your mama, 1040 00:52:21,166 --> 00:52:24,707 she wants you to be safe, children. 1041 00:52:24,708 --> 00:52:26,415 Hmm? 1042 00:52:26,416 --> 00:52:30,332 But I could tell she was proud of you. 1043 00:52:30,333 --> 00:52:33,415 But don't do this again, eh? 1044 00:52:33,416 --> 00:52:36,082 - But, Pilar... - Mm. 1045 00:52:36,083 --> 00:52:38,665 ...isn't it wrong for some people to have so much 1046 00:52:38,666 --> 00:52:41,249 when others don't have anything? 1047 00:52:41,250 --> 00:52:44,999 Ay, mia. You should get to school. 1048 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,999 Okay? Have a good day. 1049 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:48,166 Let's go. Come on! 1050 00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:51,207 Come on. Buh-bye. 1051 00:52:51,208 --> 00:52:53,707 Vamonos a la escuela. 1052 00:52:53,708 --> 00:52:55,541 Rapido. 1053 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,999 Look at this. 1054 00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:01,749 "The Jewish perspective on poverty is best described 1055 00:53:01,750 --> 00:53:04,915 by a single word of Hebrew text... 1056 00:53:04,916 --> 00:53:06,832 Achi-ha." 1057 00:53:06,833 --> 00:53:09,999 "Through this word, the Torah insists that we view the poor 1058 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,290 as no different from ourselves. 1059 00:53:12,291 --> 00:53:15,665 Maybe we should do something good with our b'nai mitzvah money. 1060 00:53:15,666 --> 00:53:18,040 Yes, right after we get new sneakers. 1061 00:53:18,041 --> 00:53:20,333 I already have six pairs of Golden Gooses. 1062 00:53:21,083 --> 00:53:23,541 Wouldn't that make it Golden Geese? 1063 00:53:24,625 --> 00:53:26,624 I honestly don't know. 1064 00:53:26,625 --> 00:53:29,374 A la escuela! Vamonos, vamonos! 1065 00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:34,166 It is time. 1066 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,249 I couldn't stop thinking about how my kids 1067 00:53:41,250 --> 00:53:43,165 wanted to help Gary, 1068 00:53:43,166 --> 00:53:44,832 and all my friends have their charities 1069 00:53:44,833 --> 00:53:47,415 that they use to help in some way. 1070 00:53:47,416 --> 00:53:51,207 I realized it's time to use my platform for good. 1071 00:53:51,208 --> 00:53:54,915 Over a million followers isn't exactly chump change, 1072 00:53:54,916 --> 00:53:57,457 even if Yuki's hairdresser has more. 1073 00:53:57,458 --> 00:54:01,250 And Blag said she wanted to get more involved in charity work. 1074 00:54:02,958 --> 00:54:05,625 So we decided to start our own. 1075 00:54:07,041 --> 00:54:10,874 If you're gonna start a charity, you want to do something that's never been done before. 1076 00:54:10,875 --> 00:54:14,665 - So we helping people. - Yeah. 1077 00:54:14,666 --> 00:54:17,957 - I love helping people. - Totally. 1078 00:54:17,958 --> 00:54:20,457 How 'bout seeking a cure for Ozempic sharts? 1079 00:54:20,458 --> 00:54:23,790 - It's a problem. - Ahh... no. 1080 00:54:23,791 --> 00:54:26,749 Maybe we should come up with something like, more high profile. 1081 00:54:26,750 --> 00:54:30,457 Absolutely killing it, ladies. - What is this, high profile? 1082 00:54:30,458 --> 00:54:33,499 I want you to think that somebody lined your taint with razor blades, 1083 00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:35,915 and the mat is lined with pubes. 1084 00:54:35,916 --> 00:54:39,332 Shave the mat with your taint razor. 1085 00:54:39,333 --> 00:54:41,540 - Yes! - She very good. 1086 00:54:41,541 --> 00:54:45,415 Replace Confederate statues with Manolo Blahnik pop-ups. 1087 00:54:45,416 --> 00:54:48,332 - I don't know this Confederate-- - Climate change. 1088 00:54:48,333 --> 00:54:51,749 I mean, hello, there's so many hundred-degree days. 1089 00:54:51,750 --> 00:54:53,790 My hair is frizzing to Staten Island. 1090 00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:58,083 Maybe there is something more with fashion. 1091 00:55:02,083 --> 00:55:05,915 What about an advocacy group for more Sawgrass? 1092 00:55:05,916 --> 00:55:09,332 - Is this big problem, isn't it? - Oh, horrific. 1093 00:55:09,333 --> 00:55:11,582 What about Uber for colonics? 1094 00:55:11,583 --> 00:55:14,249 It would leak out while driving. 1095 00:55:14,250 --> 00:55:16,957 Why everybody love this orchid painting? 1096 00:55:16,958 --> 00:55:19,540 I hear they all vagina. 1097 00:55:19,541 --> 00:55:22,624 I've always called her Georgia O'Queef. 1098 00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:25,749 Maybe art school to teach people to paint better. 1099 00:55:25,750 --> 00:55:27,665 They have those already. 1100 00:55:27,666 --> 00:55:31,165 What about hair transplants for the needy bald? 1101 00:55:31,166 --> 00:55:33,915 Morty already sponsored this. 1102 00:55:33,916 --> 00:55:37,165 All right, brainstorming. Let's pivot. 1103 00:55:37,166 --> 00:55:39,332 What's, like, a really common affliction? 1104 00:55:39,333 --> 00:55:42,250 Oh, what about a museum for eating disorders? 1105 00:55:47,041 --> 00:55:49,040 Maybe we switch to shots. 1106 00:55:49,041 --> 00:55:51,165 ♪ Ooh, baby ♪ 1107 00:55:51,166 --> 00:55:54,665 ♪ You know I'll always be a freak ♪ 1108 00:55:54,666 --> 00:55:57,999 ♪ It's just the language that I speak ♪ 1109 00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:02,165 ♪ Don't want the things you see every day of the week ♪ 1110 00:56:02,166 --> 00:56:05,082 ♪ I'll always be your freak ♪ 1111 00:56:05,083 --> 00:56:08,457 Ah, excuse me. I... eh... 1112 00:56:08,458 --> 00:56:11,332 Just... How do you know that song? 1113 00:56:11,333 --> 00:56:15,124 Oh, when I was young, I loved indie rock. 1114 00:56:15,125 --> 00:56:16,790 Oh. 1115 00:56:16,791 --> 00:56:19,874 That's... That's crazy, 'cause, um... 1116 00:56:19,875 --> 00:56:22,082 that was... That was my band. 1117 00:56:22,083 --> 00:56:25,165 Shut the fuck up! You're lying. 1118 00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:27,082 - No. - You're the lead singer 1119 00:56:27,083 --> 00:56:30,040 - of Princes of the Paleolithic. - ...Paleolithic. 1120 00:56:30,041 --> 00:56:32,124 Teen me would have shimmied 1121 00:56:32,125 --> 00:56:34,540 into that box and blown you. 1122 00:56:34,541 --> 00:56:37,457 - You have an amazing voice. - Well, thanks. 1123 00:56:37,458 --> 00:56:40,332 I used to. That was in the before time. 1124 00:56:40,333 --> 00:56:43,499 Now I'm just a shadow of my former baritoniness. 1125 00:56:43,500 --> 00:56:46,000 - Drugs. - Straight LSD. 1126 00:56:47,083 --> 00:56:51,124 Well, I love New York. There's so much talent on every corner. 1127 00:56:51,125 --> 00:56:54,999 Well, in your case, literally. But, uh... 1128 00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:57,249 have a good day. 1129 00:56:57,250 --> 00:56:59,332 The, um, the blowjob thing, though... 1130 00:57:01,208 --> 00:57:02,790 Blaggie! 1131 00:57:02,791 --> 00:57:04,957 Oh M God. 1132 00:57:04,958 --> 00:57:06,749 ♪ Light bulb emoji ♪ 1133 00:57:06,750 --> 00:57:08,999 I just had an idea for a charity. 1134 00:57:15,333 --> 00:57:17,249 Hey. Hey, Dzanielle. 1135 00:57:17,250 --> 00:57:20,415 Cary, you preppy reversible-named little shit. 1136 00:57:20,416 --> 00:57:23,874 Tell Jordan to call me. I need to know what finance is. 1137 00:57:23,875 --> 00:57:26,165 I will be sure to give him the message. 1138 00:57:26,166 --> 00:57:27,749 Fuck off, Cary! 1139 00:57:27,750 --> 00:57:30,207 Jordan is so helpful and handsome. 1140 00:57:30,208 --> 00:57:31,749 You think you'll be with him again? 1141 00:57:31,750 --> 00:57:33,499 And of course I thought about it. 1142 00:57:33,500 --> 00:57:35,915 I knew he was getting jerky from not banging box, 1143 00:57:35,916 --> 00:57:38,457 but, like... it still wounded me. 1144 00:57:38,458 --> 00:57:40,665 He doesn't get to tell me when to heal. 1145 00:57:40,666 --> 00:57:41,957 Right? 1146 00:57:41,958 --> 00:57:44,582 Men always think they know best. 1147 00:57:47,708 --> 00:57:51,165 My husband, he was telling me to quit here. 1148 00:57:51,166 --> 00:57:54,624 - Ah. - And I constantly have to remind him-- 1149 00:57:54,625 --> 00:57:57,999 "I will tell you when I'm a-ready to quit." 1150 00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:00,499 Exactly. Good for you. 1151 00:58:00,500 --> 00:58:02,749 What does your husband do, Karen? 1152 00:58:04,625 --> 00:58:06,457 Get on the ground. On the ground! 1153 00:58:06,458 --> 00:58:08,415 Okay, little rich bitches. 1154 00:58:08,416 --> 00:58:10,249 This is exactly what you think it is. 1155 00:58:10,250 --> 00:58:12,999 I want all of your jewels, your iPhones, your wallets. 1156 00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:15,249 I want you to put them in the bag. Let's go, in the bag. 1157 00:58:15,250 --> 00:58:16,915 Everything. That thing too. What is that? 1158 00:58:16,916 --> 00:58:18,707 What is that? Just fucking put it in the bag. Okay. 1159 00:58:18,708 --> 00:58:21,207 Let's go. iPhone. iPhone, please. Thank you. 1160 00:58:21,208 --> 00:58:23,540 Really, lady, you think I don't see that ice rink on your finger? 1161 00:58:23,541 --> 00:58:26,624 Come on, Tara Lipinski could do a fucking triple Salchow on that shit. 1162 00:58:26,625 --> 00:58:29,915 - Put it in the bag. Let's go. - My Morty gave me this ring. 1163 00:58:29,916 --> 00:58:33,874 "Morty gave me these rings." I don't give a shit! Just put it in the bag. Hurry up! 1164 00:58:33,875 --> 00:58:36,332 Whenever you're ready, lady. Come on. 1165 00:58:36,333 --> 00:58:38,124 Thank you. Thank. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1166 00:58:38,125 --> 00:58:40,540 Where are you going? Let's go. Come back, come back. 1167 00:58:40,541 --> 00:58:43,124 - Come back, join the party. - She's pregnant. She's scared. 1168 00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:45,332 - You're scaring her. - Okay, well, if you cooperate, 1169 00:58:45,333 --> 00:58:48,165 she'll be fine, okay? And you. 1170 00:58:48,166 --> 00:58:51,040 I see that ring. Take it off. Put it in the bag. Let's go. 1171 00:58:51,041 --> 00:58:52,457 Why are you doing this? 1172 00:58:52,458 --> 00:58:55,040 - Do you really want to know? - Yeah. 1173 00:58:55,041 --> 00:58:58,374 I used to be a plastic surgeon, okay? Right up here. 1174 00:58:58,375 --> 00:59:02,374 Right up here. Park Avenue. Park Avenue, bitches! 1175 00:59:02,375 --> 00:59:04,457 I used to have a thriving practice. 1176 00:59:04,458 --> 00:59:06,582 Faces, tummies, titties. I did it all. 1177 00:59:06,583 --> 00:59:09,375 Didn't I do a consult with you for my boob job? 1178 00:59:11,250 --> 00:59:12,915 Ah. Dr. Oren? 1179 00:59:12,916 --> 00:59:16,249 - Yes! - Shoulda come to me. Anyway. 1180 00:59:16,250 --> 00:59:19,124 One botched facelift. "Botched"! 1181 00:59:19,125 --> 00:59:22,040 I mean, you can still kind of recognize her. 1182 00:59:22,041 --> 00:59:24,082 Decides to sue me for malpractice. 1183 00:59:24,083 --> 00:59:26,624 And here I am. 1184 00:59:26,625 --> 00:59:29,624 All right, shut up. I got to get to Zihuatanejo ASAP. 1185 00:59:29,625 --> 00:59:31,957 So, like, all the fugitives go there? 1186 00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:35,874 Oh, my God, you sound just like my ex-wife. It's cliched for a reason, lady. 1187 00:59:35,875 --> 00:59:38,582 I don't need to explain this shit to you. Just fucking come on. 1188 00:59:38,583 --> 00:59:41,124 Let's go. Put in here! Come on, put it in. Ooh! Birkin. 1189 00:59:41,125 --> 00:59:44,290 Can I have the Birkin? Why am I asking you? Give me the fucking Birkin. 1190 00:59:44,291 --> 00:59:46,915 - You beggar! - Gah! You don't have to be so aggressive. 1191 00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:50,290 If anyone tries to call the police, 1192 00:59:50,291 --> 00:59:52,832 I will burn this place to the fucking ground. 1193 00:59:52,833 --> 00:59:55,874 Oh, can you help me put this back on? 1194 00:59:55,875 --> 00:59:58,040 Can you do it? So... yeah, so I can see... 1195 00:59:58,041 --> 00:59:59,582 - Is that okay? - Yeah, that's better. 1196 00:59:59,583 --> 01:00:02,082 Okay. Congratulations. So sweet. Mazel tov. 1197 01:00:02,083 --> 01:00:03,999 See you guys. 1198 01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,791 Oh, my God, you poor thing. Are you okay? 1199 01:00:07,875 --> 01:00:10,415 Are you okay? 1200 01:00:16,083 --> 01:00:17,208 Oh, my God. 1201 01:00:18,083 --> 01:00:20,374 You're having this baby today. 1202 01:00:20,375 --> 01:00:22,582 No, no, no, it's-- Don't worry. 1203 01:00:22,583 --> 01:00:24,874 I just need to call Yuki. 1204 01:00:24,875 --> 01:00:26,624 You're married to Yuki? 1205 01:00:26,625 --> 01:00:28,290 Really? 1206 01:00:28,291 --> 01:00:31,124 - That guy stole my phone. - Well, the landline! 1207 01:00:31,125 --> 01:00:32,499 Ohh... 1208 01:00:32,500 --> 01:00:34,499 - We need towels! - Towels! 1209 01:00:36,875 --> 01:00:39,207 Ugh! Ugh! 1210 01:00:39,208 --> 01:00:41,499 What are they fucking feeding you? 1211 01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:45,040 Shh. 1212 01:00:45,041 --> 01:00:47,040 - Yuki? - Hi, honey. 1213 01:00:47,041 --> 01:00:49,165 - There was a robbery. They took everyone's money. - What? 1214 01:00:49,166 --> 01:00:50,999 Wait, what are you talking...? Hey, hey. 1215 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:53,665 Oh, yeah, I'm coming down, honey. 1216 01:00:56,166 --> 01:00:58,124 Natalay! 1217 01:00:58,125 --> 01:01:00,624 - Hey! It's your little necklace! - Do you... 1218 01:01:00,625 --> 01:01:04,499 - You know this dog? - Yeah, sure, this is Natalay. Dzanielle's dog. 1219 01:01:04,500 --> 01:01:06,415 My wife's about to have a baby right now. 1220 01:01:06,416 --> 01:01:08,582 You think you could take her up? 1221 01:01:08,583 --> 01:01:11,249 - No problem. - Thank you. 1222 01:01:11,250 --> 01:01:13,207 - Thank you, uh... - Gary. 1223 01:01:13,208 --> 01:01:15,750 Gary. Uh... Yuki. 1224 01:01:16,583 --> 01:01:18,624 - Okay. - Congratulations! 1225 01:01:18,625 --> 01:01:21,790 Yeah, get out of here. Go have a baby. 1226 01:01:21,791 --> 01:01:23,790 - I got aromatherapy. - Ahh. 1227 01:01:23,791 --> 01:01:26,207 Honey, what happened? Hi! 1228 01:01:26,208 --> 01:01:27,624 How is it... How's everything? 1229 01:01:27,625 --> 01:01:29,582 What even happened with...? 1230 01:01:29,583 --> 01:01:33,040 I am... Yuki is here to... 1231 01:01:33,041 --> 01:01:35,124 We're way past that, babe. 1232 01:01:35,125 --> 01:01:37,457 We know, and we think it's wonderful. 1233 01:01:39,375 --> 01:01:41,999 Lavender and lanolin. It's very calming. 1234 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,749 Honey, I'm going to go get us a cab! 1235 01:01:44,750 --> 01:01:49,457 Go home! I need my gold bag and my birthing playlist! 1236 01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:01,040 - Can I help you? - I'm Gary. 1237 01:02:01,041 --> 01:02:02,290 Hi... Gary. 1238 01:02:02,291 --> 01:02:04,374 Do you work in the building? 1239 01:02:04,375 --> 01:02:06,790 No, sir. I, uh... 1240 01:02:06,791 --> 01:02:08,290 I have your dog. 1241 01:02:08,291 --> 01:02:09,957 - Oh, Natalay. - Yeah. 1242 01:02:09,958 --> 01:02:11,999 And I'm friends with your children. 1243 01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:13,915 - I-I'm sorry? - Yeah. 1244 01:02:13,916 --> 01:02:15,790 Loo, loo, loo, loo, loo. 1245 01:02:15,791 --> 01:02:18,790 She loves to lick me, and I kind of love it, too. 1246 01:02:18,791 --> 01:02:20,165 - Gary! - Gary! 1247 01:02:20,166 --> 01:02:21,499 Hey, do you know this man? 1248 01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:22,957 This is our friend, Dad. Gary. 1249 01:02:22,958 --> 01:02:24,957 He's unhoused, but he's really cool. 1250 01:02:24,958 --> 01:02:26,707 Wh... Uh... 1251 01:02:26,708 --> 01:02:27,790 Here you go. 1252 01:02:27,791 --> 01:02:29,916 Uh... Oh. Uh... 1253 01:02:30,666 --> 01:02:31,832 Okay. 1254 01:02:31,833 --> 01:02:33,457 Thanks. All right. 1255 01:02:33,458 --> 01:02:35,915 Oh, right. Yeah. No, I've... 1256 01:02:35,916 --> 01:02:37,915 I've seen you in the neighborhood. Right? 1257 01:02:37,916 --> 01:02:40,290 - Mm. - Right. Or, um... 1258 01:02:40,291 --> 01:02:42,832 pretended not to see you in the neighborhood, 1259 01:02:42,833 --> 01:02:44,540 if I'm being honest. 1260 01:02:44,541 --> 01:02:46,374 No, I-- It's okay. I get it all the time. 1261 01:02:46,375 --> 01:02:48,457 Do you want to come in and play Stardew Valley? 1262 01:02:48,458 --> 01:02:50,665 - Or take a nap, or a shower... - Oh, kids... 1263 01:02:50,666 --> 01:02:53,165 - ...or a shower-nap? - Mom loves shower-naps. 1264 01:02:53,166 --> 01:02:56,207 Uh... no... No. I'll see you guys later. 1265 01:02:56,208 --> 01:02:57,333 Please. 1266 01:02:57,958 --> 01:03:00,333 Uh, no, I'm sorry, I gotta go. 1267 01:03:09,291 --> 01:03:11,041 Hey, Gary. 1268 01:03:11,750 --> 01:03:13,957 Why don't you... Why don't you come in? 1269 01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:15,499 I'm sure it's been a long time 1270 01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:18,249 since you've had a hot meal, warm shower. 1271 01:03:18,250 --> 01:03:20,915 It has 360 water jets... 1272 01:03:20,916 --> 01:03:21,999 You'll love it. 1273 01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:24,290 No, no. 1274 01:03:24,291 --> 01:03:25,375 Thank you. 1275 01:03:26,291 --> 01:03:28,874 I thought homeless people want to be inside, though. 1276 01:03:28,875 --> 01:03:30,415 Unhoused! 1277 01:03:30,416 --> 01:03:32,040 "Unhoused" people want to be inside. 1278 01:03:32,041 --> 01:03:33,083 No! 1279 01:03:34,291 --> 01:03:35,625 No, they want homes. 1280 01:03:36,208 --> 01:03:39,291 Homeless people want homes. 1281 01:03:40,666 --> 01:03:42,165 I'm sorry, kids, you know... 1282 01:03:42,166 --> 01:03:45,665 I know you mean well, but, uh... 1283 01:03:45,666 --> 01:03:49,207 Getting a sneak peek into someone else's fabulous life 1284 01:03:49,208 --> 01:03:51,374 and then going back to the streets 1285 01:03:51,375 --> 01:03:54,375 kind of hurts more than it helps. 1286 01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,250 He's right. 1287 01:04:00,250 --> 01:04:01,416 Let him go. 1288 01:04:03,375 --> 01:04:05,958 All right, come on, come on. 1289 01:04:10,458 --> 01:04:11,625 Excuse me. 1290 01:04:13,208 --> 01:04:15,499 Twenty-two... Twenty-two minutes! 1291 01:04:15,500 --> 01:04:17,665 Come here. It's much more comfortable. 1292 01:04:17,666 --> 01:04:19,165 I did it very Zen. 1293 01:04:21,583 --> 01:04:23,582 Oh, no, no, no, that's not sanitary. 1294 01:04:23,583 --> 01:04:26,415 There's the toenail clippings and heel skins. 1295 01:04:26,416 --> 01:04:28,707 No time. Baby is knock-knock knocking 1296 01:04:28,708 --> 01:04:29,874 on cervix door. 1297 01:04:31,833 --> 01:04:34,540 You strong! You strong like a chipmunk. 1298 01:04:34,541 --> 01:04:38,082 Holy fucking shit. 1299 01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:40,540 - I see a head. - Oh, I'm calling 911. 1300 01:04:40,541 --> 01:04:43,125 Good, 'cause I'm not going to make it to hospital. 1301 01:04:44,666 --> 01:04:47,499 Yuki, abandon all hope of getting a taxi. 1302 01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:49,415 The stork is in flight. 1303 01:04:49,416 --> 01:04:51,249 I am on 74... 1304 01:04:51,250 --> 01:04:53,624 Just like my mother, all seven, cut open, no anesthesia. 1305 01:04:53,625 --> 01:04:56,207 You can do it. 1306 01:04:56,208 --> 01:04:57,957 Hi. Um... 1307 01:04:57,958 --> 01:05:00,165 Think of your happy place. Okay? 1308 01:05:00,166 --> 01:05:03,249 My happy place is my foot up your ass. 1309 01:05:03,250 --> 01:05:05,124 So nice to see you all together. 1310 01:05:05,125 --> 01:05:07,832 We should do double date sometime. 1311 01:05:07,833 --> 01:05:10,040 - Oh. Yeah. - What are you doing? 1312 01:05:10,041 --> 01:05:12,582 Go get the ice. Go get the towel. 1313 01:05:12,583 --> 01:05:15,124 ...time pushing, okay? Hold on. 1314 01:05:15,125 --> 01:05:16,582 I find something to tie it down. 1315 01:05:16,583 --> 01:05:17,957 Okay, you've got this. 1316 01:05:17,958 --> 01:05:20,082 We are in a little goddess circle, 1317 01:05:20,083 --> 01:05:21,374 circling you with love. 1318 01:05:26,166 --> 01:05:28,332 - What did she say? - She said you're very kind. 1319 01:05:28,333 --> 01:05:29,457 Oh. 1320 01:05:29,458 --> 01:05:30,500 Ice. 1321 01:05:38,291 --> 01:05:40,207 She love you very much. 1322 01:05:45,791 --> 01:05:49,290 We love you, too, girl. You got this. 1323 01:05:49,291 --> 01:05:50,541 Bite down! 1324 01:05:51,041 --> 01:05:53,332 You are a strong, brave, 1325 01:05:53,333 --> 01:05:55,540 badass New Yorker! 1326 01:06:02,541 --> 01:06:04,457 Oh, my God! 1327 01:06:04,458 --> 01:06:05,999 It's a baby! 1328 01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:09,166 Oh, my God, Karen, you did it. Mazel tov! 1329 01:06:13,500 --> 01:06:15,125 Aww! 1330 01:06:18,416 --> 01:06:20,165 I know. 1331 01:06:24,708 --> 01:06:26,290 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1332 01:06:32,375 --> 01:06:33,790 Okay. Sounding great. 1333 01:06:33,791 --> 01:06:35,207 Let's try the blessing one more time. 1334 01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:36,750 Doing great. Here we go. 1335 01:06:40,666 --> 01:06:42,790 Oh, you sound like a dying horse. 1336 01:06:42,791 --> 01:06:44,915 It's so nasal. 1337 01:06:44,916 --> 01:06:46,957 Tell her to stop. 1338 01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:51,790 No, Jared. Hello? 1339 01:06:51,791 --> 01:06:53,207 There you are. 1340 01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:56,040 Where have you been? We were worried. 1341 01:06:56,041 --> 01:06:59,332 You have no idea. I need a shot. 1342 01:06:59,333 --> 01:07:01,083 You could have called. 1343 01:07:02,166 --> 01:07:04,749 Could I have? It's kind of hard 1344 01:07:04,750 --> 01:07:08,665 when your iPhone is stolen at gunpoint. 1345 01:07:08,666 --> 01:07:10,249 - What? - Mom, are you okay? 1346 01:07:10,250 --> 01:07:11,707 I'm fine, I'm fine. 1347 01:07:11,708 --> 01:07:13,832 It's just my nerves are julienned. 1348 01:07:13,833 --> 01:07:15,915 - Are you serious? - Jord... 1349 01:07:15,916 --> 01:07:18,540 Jord, my ring was stolen. 1350 01:07:18,541 --> 01:07:21,957 I was feeling kind of, like, just depressed and down 1351 01:07:21,958 --> 01:07:24,707 and I put it on, and this gunman robbed 1352 01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:26,707 the whole mani-pedi place, and he took it. 1353 01:07:26,708 --> 01:07:28,165 - He took everything. - What? 1354 01:07:28,166 --> 01:07:29,833 And then a baby was born on the floor. 1355 01:07:30,625 --> 01:07:32,665 - Baby? Whose... - I'm so sorry. 1356 01:07:32,666 --> 01:07:33,915 Hey, hey, hey. 1357 01:07:33,916 --> 01:07:36,875 It's okay, it's okay. 1358 01:07:40,541 --> 01:07:43,457 God, your hugs 1359 01:07:43,458 --> 01:07:45,333 always made me feel so safe. 1360 01:07:46,291 --> 01:07:47,665 Well... 1361 01:07:47,666 --> 01:07:49,666 Well, you'll always have them. 1362 01:07:52,041 --> 01:07:53,957 I'll always be here for you. 1363 01:07:53,958 --> 01:07:58,125 You're a true friend and baby daddy. 1364 01:07:59,708 --> 01:08:00,958 And a mensch. 1365 01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,707 You okay? 1366 01:08:09,708 --> 01:08:11,500 Yeah, I will be. 1367 01:08:20,625 --> 01:08:22,875 Morty! 1368 01:08:31,958 --> 01:08:34,041 Oh, my love. 1369 01:08:38,583 --> 01:08:42,999 I had the most amazing and crazy day. 1370 01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:44,708 You would not believe. 1371 01:08:46,166 --> 01:08:48,290 But I missed you. 1372 01:08:48,291 --> 01:08:51,000 I'm so delighted for you, my heart. 1373 01:08:52,291 --> 01:08:54,624 You deserve all the happiness. 1374 01:08:54,625 --> 01:08:57,832 As do you, my love. 1375 01:08:57,833 --> 01:08:59,625 You know what I think? 1376 01:09:00,583 --> 01:09:02,250 In my lifetime... 1377 01:09:04,458 --> 01:09:09,583 I've had all the good fortune that one man can have. 1378 01:09:11,541 --> 01:09:14,416 And having you here at the last... 1379 01:09:15,458 --> 01:09:18,000 is more than I could ever wish for. 1380 01:09:19,500 --> 01:09:21,166 What are you saying? 1381 01:09:24,708 --> 01:09:27,540 It's time for me to say goodbye, Blag. 1382 01:09:27,541 --> 01:09:28,708 No. 1383 01:09:29,208 --> 01:09:31,291 No, I still need you. 1384 01:09:32,458 --> 01:09:35,749 You are first man to really love me. 1385 01:09:35,750 --> 01:09:37,791 I won't be the last. 1386 01:09:38,458 --> 01:09:41,790 Your heart is as big as this city. 1387 01:09:41,791 --> 01:09:44,750 I promise, someday... 1388 01:09:45,750 --> 01:09:47,374 you'll love again. 1389 01:09:47,375 --> 01:09:50,000 No, Morty. 1390 01:09:56,291 --> 01:09:58,375 I love you, Blag. 1391 01:10:01,875 --> 01:10:04,040 I love you. 1392 01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:29,457 Everyone think I wait for him to die. 1393 01:10:29,458 --> 01:10:31,041 But they know nothing. 1394 01:10:33,166 --> 01:10:36,166 I would fall asleep listening to him sleep. 1395 01:10:37,333 --> 01:10:39,749 It was comfort. 1396 01:10:39,750 --> 01:10:41,708 But now he's gone, and... 1397 01:10:43,125 --> 01:10:45,582 - All is quiet. - No. 1398 01:10:45,583 --> 01:10:47,415 He was just as lucky to have you 1399 01:10:47,416 --> 01:10:48,708 as you were him. 1400 01:10:50,416 --> 01:10:53,165 I think he hold on... 1401 01:10:53,166 --> 01:10:54,916 till he know I am okay. 1402 01:10:56,375 --> 01:10:59,416 Till I have friend. Like you. 1403 01:11:08,208 --> 01:11:10,249 Yeah, yeah. 1404 01:11:10,250 --> 01:11:11,541 Here she is. 1405 01:11:12,333 --> 01:11:14,082 Hi. 1406 01:11:14,083 --> 01:11:17,333 I can't believe she's finally here. 1407 01:11:18,250 --> 01:11:20,083 And those women. 1408 01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,957 They actually were really nice. 1409 01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:24,582 Yeah. 1410 01:11:24,583 --> 01:11:26,665 I mean, I can't believe that 1411 01:11:26,666 --> 01:11:30,332 you all got robbed by a crazy, gun-toting thief. 1412 01:11:30,333 --> 01:11:31,749 Hmm. 1413 01:11:31,750 --> 01:11:33,250 This fucking country. 1414 01:11:34,541 --> 01:11:37,708 Are you sure we should raise our baby here? 1415 01:11:39,791 --> 01:11:41,625 We are her parents. 1416 01:11:42,625 --> 01:11:44,416 She'll be just fine. 1417 01:11:49,750 --> 01:11:51,375 Yeah. 1418 01:11:52,291 --> 01:11:54,124 After the Shiva, 1419 01:11:54,125 --> 01:11:56,540 I was the busiest person in all of New York City. 1420 01:11:56,541 --> 01:11:58,040 Blag and I were building up 1421 01:11:58,041 --> 01:12:00,124 to the big launch for our charity. 1422 01:12:00,125 --> 01:12:02,415 Did you know that to give people stuff for free, 1423 01:12:02,416 --> 01:12:04,458 you have to do, like, tons of paperwork? 1424 01:12:05,375 --> 01:12:08,499 Jared and Dakota's b'nai was basically minutes away, 1425 01:12:08,500 --> 01:12:11,332 so I was in a frantic frenzy running to all the B's, 1426 01:12:11,333 --> 01:12:14,499 Bloomie's, Bergdorf's, RIP Barneys. 1427 01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:17,332 I went to Julien Farel for a hair rehearsal, 1428 01:12:17,333 --> 01:12:19,749 makeup application. 1429 01:12:19,750 --> 01:12:21,624 Thank God for Botox and Georgia Louise, 1430 01:12:21,625 --> 01:12:23,500 or I would look like utter dreck. 1431 01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:26,749 We got it. 1432 01:12:26,750 --> 01:12:29,207 Today is the day 1433 01:12:29,208 --> 01:12:31,958 you become a woman and a man. 1434 01:12:33,541 --> 01:12:34,915 My kids are all grown up. 1435 01:12:34,916 --> 01:12:38,207 So proud of you. Group hug. 1436 01:12:38,208 --> 01:12:39,625 Aw. 1437 01:12:40,833 --> 01:12:43,540 Remember, no matter what, your mom and dad love you. 1438 01:12:43,541 --> 01:12:46,332 Okay? Just don't fuck it up. 1439 01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:12,124 - Oh, you look gorgeous! - That dress! 1440 01:13:12,125 --> 01:13:14,290 Good to see you. Thanks for coming. 1441 01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:15,582 Get yourself a drink. 1442 01:13:23,291 --> 01:13:25,290 Jord. Hi, Jord. 1443 01:13:25,291 --> 01:13:27,874 - Hey. - So what do you think? 1444 01:13:27,875 --> 01:13:29,999 Well, I gotta say... 1445 01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:31,832 pretty perfect. 1446 01:13:31,833 --> 01:13:35,041 Well, Bronson did most of the heavy-lifting. 1447 01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:41,582 Stunning. 1448 01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:43,583 Well, you're not so bad yourself. 1449 01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:51,333 Kim! 1450 01:13:58,208 --> 01:13:59,457 Hi, everyone. 1451 01:14:06,125 --> 01:14:09,374 Jared and I wanted to thank you all so much for coming tonight. 1452 01:14:09,375 --> 01:14:12,624 And we wanna thank our awesome parents for throwing us this party. 1453 01:14:12,625 --> 01:14:16,249 And we wanna talk to you about what we learned as we prepared for tonight. 1454 01:14:16,250 --> 01:14:19,290 If we leave you with one word tonight, it is achi-ha. 1455 01:14:19,291 --> 01:14:22,040 Your brother. It's easy for me to see Jared as my brother. 1456 01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:25,749 I mean, the first room we shared was literally in my mom. 1457 01:14:25,750 --> 01:14:28,124 She evicted us. Not cool. 1458 01:14:30,041 --> 01:14:31,749 But it's hard to see people 1459 01:14:31,750 --> 01:14:33,665 who seem different from you as your brother. 1460 01:14:33,666 --> 01:14:36,499 And yet the Torah commands us to do just that. 1461 01:14:36,500 --> 01:14:39,999 Genesis describes all humans as created B'tzelem Elohim, 1462 01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:41,832 in the image of God. 1463 01:14:41,833 --> 01:14:43,790 We're all created in the same image, 1464 01:14:43,791 --> 01:14:45,957 and to deny that is an affront to God. 1465 01:14:45,958 --> 01:14:47,790 What asshole wants to do that? 1466 01:14:47,791 --> 01:14:51,165 So tonight, my brother and I have taken on a challenge, 1467 01:14:51,166 --> 01:14:52,790 and we're inviting you all to do the same. 1468 01:14:52,791 --> 01:14:54,665 We're proud to announce 1469 01:14:54,666 --> 01:14:57,291 that everything you have so generously given us tonight... 1470 01:14:58,458 --> 01:15:00,082 ...we're giving away. 1471 01:15:01,666 --> 01:15:04,165 To a kickass new charity, founded by our mom 1472 01:15:04,166 --> 01:15:05,790 and Ms. Blagdanorova Hammerman. 1473 01:15:05,791 --> 01:15:08,124 Mom, Blagdanorova, take it away. 1474 01:15:11,666 --> 01:15:13,124 Thanks, kids. 1475 01:15:13,125 --> 01:15:14,915 As you all can imagine, 1476 01:15:14,916 --> 01:15:17,374 these two have given me a lot to think about lately. 1477 01:15:17,375 --> 01:15:20,415 I was scared on the Upper East Side that I'd be raising the Bling Ring, 1478 01:15:20,416 --> 01:15:24,374 but I found out I got a couple tiny Bonos on my hands. 1479 01:15:24,375 --> 01:15:25,665 Now there's three too many. 1480 01:15:26,750 --> 01:15:28,207 Kidding, I kid. 1481 01:15:28,208 --> 01:15:30,082 As my wonderful kids have shown, 1482 01:15:30,083 --> 01:15:32,082 we need to lead by example. 1483 01:15:32,083 --> 01:15:35,957 Yes, I've influenced people to buy B The Method workouts 1484 01:15:35,958 --> 01:15:39,999 and Drunk Elephant, but now I want to use my influencing for good. 1485 01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:41,457 For charity. 1486 01:15:41,458 --> 01:15:43,624 Tonight, Dzanielle and I, 1487 01:15:43,625 --> 01:15:47,832 we are going to announce new non-profit. 1488 01:15:47,833 --> 01:15:49,958 Y-IMBY. 1489 01:15:50,958 --> 01:15:54,082 - YIMBY. - YIMBY. 1490 01:15:54,083 --> 01:15:56,499 Yes In My Backyard. 1491 01:15:56,500 --> 01:15:59,040 Gary, please come up. 1492 01:15:59,041 --> 01:16:01,832 Gary inspired our new non-profit. Take it away, Gar. 1493 01:16:01,833 --> 01:16:03,707 Thank you, ladies. 1494 01:16:03,708 --> 01:16:07,790 Hi there, attractive rich people. 1495 01:16:07,791 --> 01:16:09,624 And the unattractive ones. 1496 01:16:09,625 --> 01:16:13,540 I've been unhoused for about two years, 1497 01:16:13,541 --> 01:16:15,457 which fucking sucks. 1498 01:16:15,458 --> 01:16:17,707 I'm sorry, I just... 1499 01:16:17,708 --> 01:16:19,582 No, actually, I'm not sorry. 1500 01:16:19,583 --> 01:16:22,165 It does. It sucks a duffle full of dicks. 1501 01:16:22,166 --> 01:16:23,415 So a few months ago... 1502 01:16:23,416 --> 01:16:24,790 Oh, fuck. 1503 01:16:24,791 --> 01:16:26,124 I am sitting on the street, 1504 01:16:26,125 --> 01:16:28,915 and I have a tremendous sharp pain, 1505 01:16:28,916 --> 01:16:32,540 uh, not in my asshole, but around the asshole. 1506 01:16:32,541 --> 01:16:35,291 Hemorrhoids are the wrong word. 1507 01:16:36,666 --> 01:16:39,207 Wonderful. Wonderful. 1508 01:16:39,208 --> 01:16:42,708 Um... so, uh... 1509 01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:46,041 Okay. 1510 01:16:46,708 --> 01:16:49,332 The problem was in my backyard, you see. 1511 01:16:49,333 --> 01:16:51,166 And the problem's in all our backyards. 1512 01:16:54,500 --> 01:16:57,040 So inspiring, Gary. 1513 01:16:57,041 --> 01:16:58,915 Thank you for sharing. 1514 01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:00,915 That's a lot to think about. 1515 01:17:00,916 --> 01:17:04,999 YIMBY will make the billionaire real estate tax a reality. 1516 01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:07,207 Yes In My Backyard's goal 1517 01:17:07,208 --> 01:17:10,999 is to take the current 1.5% mansion tax, 1518 01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:12,874 give it a spank, and with your help, 1519 01:17:12,875 --> 01:17:16,040 grow it into a flip tax of up to 10%. 1520 01:17:16,041 --> 01:17:19,124 So if you buy a 75-million-dollar apartment, 1521 01:17:19,125 --> 01:17:24,124 you have to give 7.5 million dollars towards housing the unhoused. 1522 01:17:24,125 --> 01:17:27,874 This billionaire real estate tax will change the city. 1523 01:17:27,875 --> 01:17:30,707 And we know how much everybody spend 1524 01:17:30,708 --> 01:17:32,999 for dog walk and fecal report, 1525 01:17:33,000 --> 01:17:36,582 so we know this doable! 1526 01:17:36,583 --> 01:17:38,540 So I'm thrilled to announce 1527 01:17:38,541 --> 01:17:41,124 that we're not just gonna wait for public policy. 1528 01:17:41,125 --> 01:17:42,957 We're starting right now. 1529 01:17:42,958 --> 01:17:46,165 I am putting my money where my Rejuvedermed mouth is. 1530 01:17:46,166 --> 01:17:47,541 Jord and I... 1531 01:17:48,583 --> 01:17:52,582 have just bought an apartment in our building for you, Gary, 1532 01:17:52,583 --> 01:17:54,915 as the inaugural YIMBY residence. 1533 01:17:56,500 --> 01:17:58,707 This great. This great. You clap. You clap. Yes. 1534 01:17:58,708 --> 01:17:59,750 Give hug. 1535 01:18:04,750 --> 01:18:05,915 Come here, Gary. 1536 01:18:07,041 --> 01:18:11,582 Yes In My Backyard. 1537 01:18:11,583 --> 01:18:13,582 - Please don't do this... - Gary, Gary. 1538 01:18:13,583 --> 01:18:17,707 Yes In My Backyard. 1539 01:18:17,708 --> 01:18:20,540 - All right. - Yes In My Backyard. 1540 01:18:20,541 --> 01:18:21,791 Oh, Morty. 1541 01:18:22,458 --> 01:18:24,874 And I hope all of you will join us. 1542 01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:30,999 - Girls, sorry... - Oh, mazel tov. 1543 01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:33,082 ...it took me so long to get over here. 1544 01:18:33,083 --> 01:18:35,374 Oh, it was beautiful. 1545 01:18:35,375 --> 01:18:36,500 Drop dead. 1546 01:18:37,750 --> 01:18:39,082 McKinley! 1547 01:18:39,083 --> 01:18:40,582 - Oh, hi, doll. - You look amazing. 1548 01:18:40,583 --> 01:18:43,165 Oh, you do, you're all so gorgeous. 1549 01:18:43,166 --> 01:18:44,915 I don't think we've met. 1550 01:18:44,916 --> 01:18:47,665 Liz Hittler. Two Ts, no relation. 1551 01:18:47,666 --> 01:18:52,374 Gary Pootin. Two Os no U. 1552 01:18:52,375 --> 01:18:54,957 - Come on. - Yeah! 1553 01:18:54,958 --> 01:18:57,124 Is this seat taken? 1554 01:18:57,125 --> 01:18:59,749 It is now. 1555 01:18:59,750 --> 01:19:02,707 I have an apartment uptown if you... 1556 01:19:02,708 --> 01:19:05,040 - Oh, yeah? - ...need a place to stay. 1557 01:19:05,041 --> 01:19:06,957 I could stay at an apartment anywhere. 1558 01:19:06,958 --> 01:19:10,499 I mean, any apartment would be fine for me. 1559 01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:14,624 And, uh, that circular motion you're making with your thumb, it, um... 1560 01:19:14,625 --> 01:19:16,415 - Let's go now. - Oh. 1561 01:19:16,416 --> 01:19:17,541 Okay. 1562 01:19:24,208 --> 01:19:25,915 You know... 1563 01:19:25,916 --> 01:19:28,874 I don't know if I've ever seen this many people, 1564 01:19:28,875 --> 01:19:32,874 at this many income levels, having this much fun 1565 01:19:32,875 --> 01:19:34,583 all at the same time. 1566 01:19:35,333 --> 01:19:37,124 You really put it together. 1567 01:19:37,125 --> 01:19:39,500 Well, the kids did it, Jord. 1568 01:19:40,208 --> 01:19:42,500 God, where did they come from, anyway? 1569 01:19:43,250 --> 01:19:44,333 From you. 1570 01:19:46,625 --> 01:19:49,665 You know... somewhere along the way, 1571 01:19:49,666 --> 01:19:53,207 you may have forgotten that you have a huge heart, but I never did. 1572 01:19:53,208 --> 01:19:56,250 Jord, I'm pretty sure you had something to do with it too. 1573 01:20:00,708 --> 01:20:02,000 I missed you. 1574 01:20:02,750 --> 01:20:04,458 I never stopped loving you. 1575 01:20:06,041 --> 01:20:09,582 You're my person. The one I always wanna call. 1576 01:20:09,583 --> 01:20:11,707 I promise you that I will never get whacked 1577 01:20:11,708 --> 01:20:14,208 by anyone else for the rest of my life. 1578 01:20:16,083 --> 01:20:17,749 I love you. 1579 01:20:17,750 --> 01:20:19,791 Will you please give me another chance. 1580 01:20:20,291 --> 01:20:22,999 Of course, I will. I love you. 1581 01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:25,040 - You will? - Of course! 1582 01:20:25,041 --> 01:20:26,332 Oh, thank goodness. 1583 01:20:26,333 --> 01:20:28,040 Thank goodness. 1584 01:20:28,041 --> 01:20:30,874 No, seriously. Thank goodness. 1585 01:20:30,875 --> 01:20:34,374 Because otherwise, I don't know what I would have done with this. 1586 01:20:36,750 --> 01:20:38,124 Jord! 1587 01:20:38,125 --> 01:20:40,082 Will you please do me the honor 1588 01:20:40,083 --> 01:20:42,874 of being my ex ex-wife? 1589 01:20:42,875 --> 01:20:45,207 Fuck yes! 1590 01:20:45,208 --> 01:20:47,207 She said fuck yes, kids! 1591 01:20:51,958 --> 01:20:53,165 Kids! 1592 01:20:56,833 --> 01:20:58,874 This so beautiful. 1593 01:20:58,875 --> 01:21:02,166 - You're not a kid. - Real happy ending. 1594 01:21:04,666 --> 01:21:06,833 - Hello. - Hi, tiger. 1595 01:21:08,250 --> 01:21:11,415 So, um, I was just thinking 1596 01:21:11,416 --> 01:21:13,375 about your... 1597 01:21:15,750 --> 01:21:17,624 procedure. 1598 01:21:17,625 --> 01:21:19,540 The re-virginization? 1599 01:21:19,541 --> 01:21:21,415 Mm-hm. 1600 01:21:21,416 --> 01:21:25,249 My doctor said it's gonna feel like the first time. 1601 01:21:25,250 --> 01:21:27,749 So you have to go really slow. 1602 01:21:27,750 --> 01:21:28,791 Huh... 1603 01:21:31,208 --> 01:21:32,791 I'll try. 1604 01:21:38,875 --> 01:21:40,915 Wait, wait, wait. 1605 01:21:40,916 --> 01:21:42,832 Shouldn't we... 1606 01:21:42,833 --> 01:21:45,040 save this for the wedding night? 1607 01:21:45,041 --> 01:21:46,832 Mm... 1608 01:21:46,833 --> 01:21:47,915 Fuck it. 1609 01:21:50,041 --> 01:21:52,708 I can't wait for our marriage ceremony. 1610 01:21:54,625 --> 01:21:58,040 Except this time, instead of walking down the aisle... 1611 01:21:58,041 --> 01:22:00,083 - Mm-hmm? - I'm gonna run. 1612 01:22:04,041 --> 01:22:05,583 Come here. 1613 01:22:08,166 --> 01:22:09,208 Wait. 1614 01:22:10,250 --> 01:22:13,124 Oh, my God, that's... tiny. 1615 01:22:13,125 --> 01:22:15,165 ♪ Ooh, baby ♪ 1616 01:22:15,166 --> 01:22:19,124 ♪ You know I'll always be a freak ♪ 1617 01:22:19,125 --> 01:22:21,540 ♪ It's just the language that I speak ♪ 1618 01:22:21,541 --> 01:22:23,707 ♪ Don't want the things you seek ♪ 1619 01:22:23,708 --> 01:22:26,000 ♪ I'll always be your freak ♪ 1620 01:22:28,791 --> 01:22:30,999 ♪ Ooh, baby ♪ 1621 01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:35,082 ♪ You know I'll always be a freak ♪ 1622 01:22:35,083 --> 01:22:37,749 ♪ It's just the language that I speak ♪ 1623 01:22:37,750 --> 01:22:39,832 ♪ Don't want the things you seek ♪ 1624 01:22:39,833 --> 01:22:42,207 ♪ I'll always be your freak ♪ 1625 01:22:42,208 --> 01:22:43,291 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1626 01:22:44,583 --> 01:22:46,957 ♪ Ooh, baby ♪ 1627 01:22:46,958 --> 01:22:51,165 ♪ You know I'll always be a freak ♪ 1628 01:22:51,166 --> 01:22:54,082 ♪ It's just the language that I speak ♪ 1629 01:22:54,083 --> 01:22:55,624 ♪ Don't want the things you seek ♪ 1630 01:22:55,625 --> 01:22:57,999 ♪ I'll always be your freak ♪