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00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,999
Well, I guess I'll
start from the beginning.

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00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:23,919
It was just before liberation, and colleges
in Lanzhou were accepting students.

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00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:30,799
I had no trouble getting into the Lanzhou
University department of foreign languages

4
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:37,199
as an English major because
I'd done well in English classes

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00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:43,799
All through high school,
I'd dreamed of going to college.

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00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,519
I'd always been a good student,

7
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:54,879
and I figured that if I went to college,

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I could use that knowledge
to make a contribution to society.

9
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:12,840
So I took the entrance exam, passed
and was accepted to Lanzhou University.

10
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,639
Then on August 26, 1949,
Lanzhou was liberated.

11
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:27,680
When the PLA troops entered the city,
we all turned out to greet them.

12
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:37,280
Not long after that, I went to visit
Lanzhou University with some friends.

13
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:45,959
The PLA was already there,
passing out revolutionary songbooks

14
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:52,599
with songs like You are a Beacon
and The East is Red.

15
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:59,959
It didn't take us long to
learn the songs by heart.

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00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:07,639
We felt so liberated, like the skies were
blue again and everything had changed.

17
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:17,680
Suddenly, going to college
seemed pointless and boring.

18
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Joining the Revolution
seemed the way to go,

19
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,439
so I gave up on college.

20
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:34,119
At the time, the Gansu
Daily was recruiting staff.

21
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:38,839
I was a decent writer in high school,

22
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and the journalists and editors at the
Gansu Daily were said to be the best.

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I figured I'd better throw myself into the
Revolution and start serving the people,

24
00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:04,799
so I gave up on college and applied
for a job at the paper instead.

25
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,959
The hiring process was simple.

26
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All they wanted was a
brief background statement.

27
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:18,719
Of course, at seventeen, I didn't
have much background to write about.

28
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I wrote about my family, why I wanted
the job and my hopes for the Revolution.

29
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:33,119
They hired me straight away, and that
was the start of my revolutionary career.

30
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:39,879
I remember that I wore a
cheongsam to the interview,

31
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:47,880
but when I got hired, they issued me
a grey uniform, same as everyone else.

32
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,519
Back then, uniforms came with the job.

33
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I felt so proud wearing that uniform,
like a real revolutionary.

34
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:10,560
In May of 1957, I got to attend the
national agricultural exhibition in Beijing.

35
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:18,719
all the papers sent representatives. I was
chosen to represent the Gansu Farm Report,

36
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and was sent to Beijing with a
deputy director from the Gansu Daily.

37
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:30,359
At the time, there weren't many
opportunities to go to Beijing,

38
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much less attend a big
agricultural exhibition.

39
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I felt very lucky to be chosen.

40
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No one else from the paper got to go.

41
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,519
I'd been doing good work
for the second section,

42
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so it was a kind of reward,
an encouragement of sorts.

43
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:03,399
On May 1, the papers announced a new
directive from the Central Committee.

44
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That was the start of the anti-
rightist rectification campaign.

45
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:18,240
At the time, none of us gave it much thought. We
were too busy sightseeing and visiting other people.

46
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:29,039
After all, it was my first time in Beijing and I
went to see all the famous sights with a friend.

47
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the Forbidden City and the
Summer Palace, etcetera.

48
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:46,680
I also met up with some of my
old classmates from Lanzhou.

49
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:53,599
I remember being surprised
to see lychees in the markets.

50
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:58,609
You couldn't buy them in Lanzhou,
but in Beijing, they were everywhere.

51
00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:06,599
Back then, lychees only cost
5 or 6 jiao (6 cents) a pound.

52
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:13,439
Right when we left Beijing,

53
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:19,119
The People's Daily published a major
anti-rightist editorial, <i>Why is This Happening</i>,

54
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:26,399
but again, I didn't pay it much mind. I
certainly didn't think it would affect me.

55
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:33,719
After that, I returned to
my post in Lanzhou.

56
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:42,160
But that editorial had signaled the start
of the anti-rightist struggle to come.

57
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:51,639
At that point, the Party was still
mobilizing and soliciting viewpoints.

58
00:10:52,120 --> 00:11:00,120
I was so naive back then. Since
Party leaders were soliciting opinions,

59
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and I considered myself an activist,
I wrote some big character posters

60
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:15,359
and spoke out against the small
minority of cadres who had erred.

61
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,479
I really didn't give it much thought.

62
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:24,799
While I was in Beijing, my husband Wang
Jingchao had written several essays,

63
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,879
at the request of the
leadership, of course.

64
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:36,880
At the time, Chairman Mao was calling for
The People's Daily to publish more essays,

65
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to change to tenor of the paper.

66
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:46,639
In those days, The Cultural
Reporter was in the vanguard,

67
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and The People's Daily
was lagging behind.

68
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:55,759
When the center called for essays,
of course, Gansu Daily followed suit.

69
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,639
They mobilized some staffers,

70
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the most talented and progressive ones,

71
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to write essays about the new campaign.

72
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:18,199
After that, my husband wrote his first
essay, "A Brief Critique of Bureaucracy".

73
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It created quite a
sensation within the paper.

74
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:32,960
That was about the time Chairman
Mao gave his famous speech

75
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on contradictions among the people on Feb.,

76
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and later, came out against
bureaucratic excess.

77
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:53,439
"Whether in culture or in academic discourse,
let a hundred schools of thought contend,

78
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,279
a hundred flowers bloom. Don't
stifle the people with bureaucracy.'

79
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:06,280
In his essay, my husband was just
responding to Chairman Mao's call.

80
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It was an incisive essay, very frank,

81
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a powerfully worded critique.

82
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:28,119
He felt bureaucracy
was stifling the people,

83
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and that bureaucrats were "arrogant
with position, alienated from talent.'

84
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:40,319
That one really hit a nerve,
and caused quite a stir.

85
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,919
A lot of people expressed their support.

86
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:49,359
After that, he wrote his second essay.

87
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:57,079
I think it was called something like.
"On Thrice-Estranged Cadres".

88
00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:03,839
It was about cadres estranged from the
Party, the Leadership and the Masses.

89
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:11,840
He pointed out that some cadres were
unwilling to accept constructive criticism.

90
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:19,639
Of course, this essay didn't
endear him to the leadership.

91
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:26,479
Certain cadres and their toadies began
to distance themselves from Jingchao,

92
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,319
and the masses followed suit.

93
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:36,999
By this point, the leaders were
already unhappy with my husband.

94
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:43,479
They'd branded his writings "poisonous
weeds", but he was still unaware of this.

95
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:49,759
Then he wrote his third essay.

96
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:57,319
I think it was called
"On Conflicted Morale"

97
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:03,759
That third essay was never published.

98
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:12,199
At the time, Wang Jingchao was one
of Gansu Daily's leading writers.

99
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:20,159
Originally, the leadership thought
quite highly of him and his writing.

100
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:26,679
He had studied at Xian's
Northwest University.

101
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:32,359
When Xian was liberated, he joined up
with a revolutionary unit from Gansu,

102
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and marched with them into Lanzhou.

103
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:42,879
In September of 1949, he
helped establish Gansu Daily

104
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:49,319
with a group of other alumnae
from Northwest University.

105
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:56,439
He was part of this core group,
one of their best writers.

106
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:02,919
Whenever there was an important
interview, he was the one they sent.

107
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:13,799
But during the anti-rightist struggle,
his third essay was branded subversive.

108
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:19,759
At the time, I was down in
Wushan conducting interviews.

109
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:26,239
I had no idea that an anti-rightist
struggle had begun at the paper,

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or that I'd become caught up in it.

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00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:37,439
When I was doing interviews out there
My boss sent a letter telling me

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00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:42,839
to come back right away
and take part in the struggle.

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00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:48,679
While I was in Wushan, I'd been
writing regularly to my husband.

114
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:54,879
It was during the Hundred Flowers
movement, and I remember asking

115
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him in a letter whether we harbored
any rightist tendencies ourselves.

116
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Back then, we were still soul searching,
questioning, trying to improve ourselves.

117
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:14,559
Then I got that letter telling me to
come back and join the struggle.

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never imagined how
it would affect my life.

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I took the train back to Lanzhou.

120
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:33,278
I got home at about midnight, just as
my husband was getting ready for bed.

121
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I just washed up and
prepared to go to bed.

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It wasn't until after we went
to bed that he calmly told me...

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00:17:39,673 --> 00:17:44,239
There was an anti-government
"little black clique" at Gansu Daily,

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and he was the accused ringleader!
I was absolutely shocked.

125
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:57,999
How could anyone even think that
we were anti-Party or anti-Socialist,

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much less part of some
so-called "little black clique"?

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Supposedly there were 6 or 7 members.

128
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:15,999
He told me they'd been struggling against
him for ten days, day and night.

129
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:23,399
These were huge struggle sessions,
involving up to two hundred people.

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00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:28,799
At that time, there were about 100
people in the editorial department,

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and another 100 in other departments.

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all those people struggling against him,
and this had been going on for days!

133
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:43,319
As if he were some evil mastermind.

134
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:51,719
We tried to imagine how anyone could
think him capable of such a thing.

135
00:18:52,320 --> 00:19:00,320
At the time, I never imagined I'd
eventually be branded a rightist too.

136
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,599
I just couldn't believe it.

137
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:13,680
I couldn't believe he'd become the
target of such political persecution.

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00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:21,719
That night, we hardly slept a wink. He
told me all about the struggle sessions.

139
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,679
The next morning, we both
went to work as usual.

140
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:33,680
His office was in the cultural section,
and I was with the Gansu Farm Report.

141
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:42,600
I still remember the socialist labor
competition chart hanging above my desk,

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with all the red flags our team had earned.

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00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:57,999
When I got back, my colleagues handed off
some work but didn't really speak to me.

144
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:03,119
That afternoon, while I was
working on the second floor,

145
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my husband was in a
struggle session on the third.

146
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Though I wasn't allowed to attend,
I could hear them shouting at him,

147
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:18,079
trying to get him to confess.

148
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:24,713
"Why do you have such deep hatred towards
the party and society?" He couldn't explain.

149
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:31,715
People cursed him, saying "You
should go meet God with your granite head."

150
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:39,560
When they shouted that he was full of shit, he
dared to shout back that they were full of shit.

151
00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:45,670
He didn't admit that he was
against the party and socialism.

152
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,919
But in a situation like that..

153
00:20:53,160 --> 00:21:00,719
. you couldn't get a word in edgewise.
You couldn't even defend yourself.

154
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:06,599
Struggle sessions were supposed to be about
dialogue, but the dialogue was one-sided.

155
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It went on like that for about a week.

156
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,799
Then came the big
character posters about me.

157
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:22,519
They wanted me to make a clear class
distinction and denounce my husband.

158
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:30,520
They wrote things like, "Why do you two
always speak and march in lock step?"

159
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:37,959
They wanted me to make a clear
class distinction, but how could I?

160
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:45,679
In my heart, I knew he was innocent.
How could I denounce my own husband?

161
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:53,999
A week later, they started holding
struggle sessions against me.

162
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I need to use the bathroom.

163
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Shall we continue?

164
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:54,480
A week later, the struggle sessions started.
I was considered a "minor rightist".

165
00:22:54,520 --> 00:23:02,520
But from the day I joined the revolution,
I'd always toed the party line.

166
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Whatever the leaders said to do, I did.

167
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I was conscientious and obedient,
and worked hard at my job.

168
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:18,799
So the sessions against me were
small, never more than 20 people,

169
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and most of those were colleagues.

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00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:31,799
But already, I'd been branded a rightist.

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00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:39,920
I had to stand while everyone else sat,
just stand there with my hands at my side.

172
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:47,159
I had to listen to every
criticism, every slur.

173
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,239
It was a very painful experience.

174
00:23:52,560 --> 00:24:00,560
I wanted to die of shame! Hadn't I
forsaken college for the Revolution?

175
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Hadn't I served the Revolution well?

176
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:12,760
From 1949 to 1957, I'd earned
nothing but praise for my work.

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00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,559
How could I possibly be anti-Party?
Standing up there, I just wanted to die.

178
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:22,879
Suddenly I was a class enemy!

179
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Someone to criticize and denounce.

180
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:37,640
They even accused me of
collaborating on Jingchao's essays.

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00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:45,359
asked how that was possible,
since I was in Beijing at the time.

182
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:50,159
Then someone said we must
have talked about it at home,

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00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:56,279
plotted out beforehand
what we were going to say.

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00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:03,999
They wanted me to confess our secrets, tell
them everything we talked about at home.

185
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:09,759
But there weren't any secrets to confess.

186
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Our whole union

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00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:22,359
was based on a shared love
of Socialism and the Party.

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00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,799
We were both outstanding at our jobs.

189
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,519
He'd dropped out of college
to join the Revolution,

190
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:34,359
and I'd sacrificed my college dreams..

191
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,559
In those days, not just anyone
could get into Lanzhou University.

192
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:48,560
A lot of my classmates didn't get in.
I was one of the few who did,

193
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:56,559
but I gave it all up for the Revolution.
I'd devoted my life to the Party!

194
00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:02,039
And now to be branded a class enemy?
It was more than I could bear.

195
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:08,879
How could I face anyone?
Better to die than go on living like that.

196
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:14,239
But I wasn't allowed to talk
during those struggle meetings.

197
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,439
I couldn't even.

198
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:23,519
.couldn't even try to defend myself.

199
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:28,159
I had to listen as they twisted the facts

200
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,319
into all sorts of horrible accusations.

201
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,799
When I got home that night, I was so upset.

202
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:43,319
I told Jingchao about the struggle session.

203
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:49,119
He'd been going through it for weeks,
so he knew exactly how it felt.

204
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:54,959
I remember that he hugged me and said:

205
00:26:55,280 --> 00:27:02,839
"How could they struggle against my
little Jiao Jiao, my little sweetheart?"

206
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,159
We were still quite young then.

207
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:11,799
He had all sorts of pet names for me,
but he'd never called me that before.

208
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:19,800
It was only after the struggle sessions
began that he started calling me that.

209
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:32,160
Of course, he could say that at home,
but in the cruel world, he was powerless.

210
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,279
He couldn't speak out.

211
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:43,839
How could he comfort me?
There was nothing he could say.

212
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:53,279
At the time, I figured
I was better of dead.

213
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,199
Life was just too hard.

214
00:27:56,360 --> 00:28:04,360
The only thing that stopped me from suicide
was the thought that it was too selfish.

215
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,759
If I died, Jingchao would be left alone.

216
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:16,399
We already had two small children. I
couldn't leave him to raise them all alone.

217
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:23,079
What would happen to my children if I died?
What would they do without a mother?

218
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:28,119
I couldn't leave them without a mother.

219
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:34,839
So whenever I felt like dying,
I thought of my husband and children.

220
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:42,840
I couldn't leave my husband and
children to face all that hardship alone.

221
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:52,159
After that came more struggle sessions.

222
00:28:53,800 --> 00:29:01,800
They usually took place in the afternoon.
In the mornings, I sat in the office

223
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,679
one morning in the office,

224
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:14,680
after one of those interrogations,
I decided that I did want to die.

225
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:23,159
"Forget it, life's too painful,"
I thought, "I'd rather die.'

226
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:31,520
In the valley of death, maybe
all the pain would disappear.

227
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:40,239
I didn't even stop to think about my
family. I just couldn't stand the pain.

228
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:48,480
So I left the office and went to a
pharmacy to buy some sleeping pills.

229
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:55,759
Because I'd never had insomnia,

230
00:29:55,760 --> 00:30:01,799
I didn't even know what pills to buy.

231
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:06,239
When the pharmacist
asked how many I needed,

232
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:14,240
I must have told him ten or
twenty times the normal dosage.

233
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:22,800
Then I went straight home
and swallowed all the pills.

234
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,599
I took the pills and lay down.

235
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:34,479
Leaving the office, I had run into
my youngest son in the nursery.

236
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:39,719
I remember him crying out for
his mama, but I just ignored him.

237
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:45,799
I didn't care about anything
anymore, not even my own son.

238
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:51,199
In my pain, I'd made up
my mind. I wanted to die.

239
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:56,719
So I went home, swallowed
all all those pills and lay down.

240
00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:01,719
When I didn't come back to the office,
my colleagues started to get worried.

241
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,999
They came knocking at my dormitory,

242
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,639
wanting to know why I'd left the office.

243
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:17,679
Then they saw the empty packet of pills
and asked me what had been in it.

244
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:24,119
You see, there was already some concern
that people might attempt suicide.

245
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:29,319
I told them it was nothing, so they
made me go back to the office.

246
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:36,359
I didn't want to go, but they forced me.

247
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,559
As it turns out, the pills didn't work.

248
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:49,279
They just made me drowsy
for a few days, then it passed.

249
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:54,639
Nobody ever found out what I'd done.

250
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,959
Because Jingchao was
considered a major rightist,

251
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:10,960
his struggle sessions were expanded
to include the whole media syndicate.

252
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:22,520
At that time, the syndicate included
both print and broadcast media.

253
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:31,279
They started holding big
sessions in an auditorium.

254
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,119
At that time

255
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:45,759
my name hadn't appeared in print.

256
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:53,759
So at meetings, I tried to stay in the back
where I wouldn't attract too much attention.

257
00:32:54,240 --> 00:33:02,240
Starting with Jingchao, they called the
major rightists up onstage, one by one.

258
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:13,079
Then they made them stand on
stools and strike various poses.

259
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:17,919
That's what they called
it, "striking a pose"

260
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:22,879
After that, someone started shouting:

261
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:27,359
"Wang Jingchao's wife should be up there!"

262
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:33,599
So I got dragged from
my inconspicuous corner

263
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,479
and made to stand
onstage with the others.

264
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:42,399
And strike a pose, of course.

265
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,999
The sessions could become very heated.

266
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:56,919
But the worst that happened to me was that
I got called up front and made to pose.

267
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:04,479
There were three or four
other sessions like that.

268
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:11,719
Some involved the whole syndicate,
others just the newspaper staffers.

269
00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:19,199
Of course, Jingchao was always painted
as the mastermind of the "black clique".

270
00:34:19,359 --> 00:34:26,838
They tried to get him to confess to
some dark plot, some secret scheme.

271
00:34:27,359 --> 00:34:31,519
After that, things began to escalate.

272
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:38,799
I remember after one session,

273
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,959
he'd left the office before me,

274
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:48,439
I came home to the smell of pesticide.

275
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,759
Our dorm was infested with bedbugs,

276
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:58,039
so we'd gotten a bottle of
66 Powder" to kill them.

277
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:05,279
I remember coming home to find the
bottle missing from under the bed,

278
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:12,519
and the whole house reeking of pesticide.
I was so scared he'd taken it.

279
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,959
I said, "You took it, didn't you?"

280
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:20,639
I kept crying and asking,
"You took it, didn't you? You took it."

281
00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:28,119
He admitted that he'd thought of
taking it, but then decided not to.

282
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:35,639
He said he was under a lot of pressure
to confess to an anti-government plot.

283
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:41,519
But how could he confess, when the
charges were fabricated to begin with?

284
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:47,399
When they saw he wouldn't confess,
the struggle session turned violent.

285
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:53,719
That's when he started feeling
like maybe he'd be better of dead.

286
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:57,759
That's when he thought of suicide.

287
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:02,719
When I realized he hadn't
taken the poison after all,

288
00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:06,119
I can't tell you how relieved I was.

289
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:12,599
That night, we didn't eat a bite,
didn't even turn the lights on.

290
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:17,479
We just lay in bed together.

291
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:25,239
Jingchao cried on my shoulder.

292
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:30,639
In our whole seven or
eight years of marriage,

293
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,279
he'd never cried in front of me.

294
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:38,839
It was the only time I ever saw him cry.

295
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:46,759
He told me he wouldn't confess
to a plot that didn't exist.

296
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:53,319
The "black clique" was a fabrication,
and the "secret plot" even more so.

297
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:02,839
Both of us were so miserable then.

298
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,199
We really felt like
we'd be better off dead,

299
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:11,519
but we couldn't bear to leave each other

300
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:15,599
to face the pain alone.

301
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:24,599
In the midst of all that hardship,
our love seemed sweeter than ever.

302
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:32,879
It was sweeter than anything
we'd ever known.

303
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:43,199
During that time, our
love seemed to blossom

304
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:49,439
into something very beautiful.

305
00:37:55,600 --> 00:38:00,639
It was all the more precious
because it belonged only to us.

306
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:05,199
It was something no one else could share,

307
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:10,799
something only we could understand.

308
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:17,799
That night was so bittersweet,

309
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:23,679
a moment of joy in the midst of our sorrow.

310
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:34,520
Eventually, the anti-rightist struggle
ended just the way the leaders had intended.

311
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,959
The "black clique", of course,

312
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:51,319
was found to be guilty, and the
"membership roster" made public.

313
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:56,679
Innocent or not, you had to confess.

314
00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:05,240
Everyone in the black clique had to have
signed confessions in their dossiers.

315
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:14,239
Like it or not, you had to sign.
You had no choice.

316
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:21,519
Once you signed, your fate was sealed.

317
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:33,920
Finally, in late April of 1958,
our sentences were handed down.

318
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:42,559
Of the 7 or 8 rightists at Gansu Daily,

319
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:47,719
one was a man named Chen Shuren.

320
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,959
He didn't live in the dormitory with us.

321
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:57,479
He was already dead when
they pronounced him guilty.

322
00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:02,759
I heard he committed suicide by taking
an overdose of sleeping pills.

323
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:07,959
They called that proof of guilt, and said
he killed himself to escape punishment.

324
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:13,959
One day, when he didn't show up for a
struggle session, they went to his house.

325
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:20,399
That's how his family found
out that he had killed himself.

326
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:25,879
But the struggle sessions didn't end,
even after you were dead.

327
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:33,839
They'd just claim you killed
yourself to escape justice.

328
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:43,239
Anyway, seven or eight of us
at the paper were sentenced as rightists.

329
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:47,759
They kept adding people to the list.

330
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:53,279
Five were said to belong
to the black clique.

331
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:57,839
Most of them I'd never even talked to,

332
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:02,639
but somehow my name got dragged into it.

333
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:07,399
Because I was "Wang
Jingchao's stinking wife",

334
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:11,119
I guess that made me part of the gang.

335
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:16,159
When the verdicts were handed down,

336
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:20,879
my husband was named as
Gansu Daily's biggest rightist.

337
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:27,119
They said he had a vile attitude because
he'd dared to curse back at his accusers

338
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:31,199
That was proof enough, I guess.

339
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:35,159
He was branded an ultra-
rightist, fired from his job

340
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:40,879
and sentenced to Jiabiangou
labor camp in Jiuquan.

341
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:44,839
I was also accused of
having a bad attitude,

342
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,639
but my punishment was less severe.

343
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:54,399
I was demoted five pay grades,

344
00:41:54,640 --> 00:42:00,519
from grade 23 down to grade 18.

345
00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:07,159
Because we had two children then,

346
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:13,119
one in kindergarten and
one in nursery school,

347
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:18,559
Jingchao asked his boss if I could
serve my sentence in Lanzhou,

348
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:22,279
so he could look after the children.

349
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:28,999
My mother had been ill for a few years,
and she relied on us to support her.

350
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:34,399
With her health problems,
she couldn't possibly

351
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,959
look after the children on her own.

352
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:43,479
Jingchao's boss refused his request,

353
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,639
but said there were other options.

354
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,879
Jingchao could go back
to his hometown and work,

355
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:57,359
or find some other way
to support himself.

356
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:02,959
He didn't have to go to the Jiabiangou labor
camp. But the advantage of labor reform

357
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:08,199
was that he could rid himself of the
rightist label sooner rather than later,

358
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,519
and be accepted back into society.

359
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:18,159
We were so naive back then.

360
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:26,919
We really believed that the sooner we
were politically rehabilitated, the better.

361
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:32,239
Jingchao hadn't been back
to his hometown in years.

362
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:36,639
To go back now would be a loss of face,

363
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:43,159
and might set his political
rehabilitation back indefinitely.

364
00:43:43,240 --> 00:43:48,719
That's how simple we were.
If I'd known how it would end,

365
00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:54,439
I'd have never let him go to that camp..

366
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:58,719
. it was a death sentence.

367
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:06,399
But we naively believed in the Party,
and all its promises of rehabilitation.

368
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:13,239
So on the 28th or 29th of April,

369
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:18,959
we boarded a train together,

370
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:27,400
a train that would take us
to our separate labor camps.

371
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:34,114
We didn't arrive in Jiuquan until two
or three in the afternoon the next day

372
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:39,673
When we were close to
Jiuquan, he had an idea. He said,

373
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:44,879
"Let's talk to the cadre who
took us to the personnel department."

374
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:50,238
He first thought of going to Anxi to check on
me. Mainly because he was worried about me.

375
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:55,079
In my twenties, I was very thin and frail.

376
00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:02,839
The girls at the paper used to tease me
that a strong wind could blow me over.

377
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:08,119
Although my family wasn't wealthy,
we had always had enough to eat.

378
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:13,439
And after joining the Revolution,
of course, I had everything I needed.

379
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:19,599
Unlike Jingchao, I'd never
had to weather any hardships.

380
00:45:20,240 --> 00:45:25,233
Therefore, he is very worried about me. He
said he wants to send me to Anxi Mountain.

381
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:30,195
After sending me to Anxi, he will return to
Jiuquan and then go to Jiabiangou (Dry Gulch).

382
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:36,359
But the cadre wouldn't allow it.

383
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:43,279
Since Jingchao had lost his job and
couldn't afford the extra train fare,

384
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:47,558
So he didn't make it. He
got off the train in Jiuquan.

385
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:54,639
There were five or six other
people traveling with us,

386
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:59,279
They were the only
rightists in their families.

387
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:06,199
Because we were the only couple,
I think the others felt sorry for us.

388
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:14,960
When we got to the station, they helped
Jingchao unload all of his bags and boxes,

389
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,519
then shook his hand goodbye.

390
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:21,519
I was the last to say goodbye.

391
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:28,479
Then we left him at the station,
and continued on our journey.

392
00:46:28,720 --> 00:46:34,719
When I saw him standing all alone
on that platform, my heart just..

393
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:41,319
. .he looked so sad and pale.
He couldn't even wave goodbye.

394
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:46,639
I was so distraught, because I knew

395
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:53,599
it might be a very long time
before we saw each other again.

396
00:46:54,040 --> 00:47:00,319
But I think at that moment..

397
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:06,879
.he was more afraid
for me than for himself.

398
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:13,919
I was his world, his heaven, his sun.

399
00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:23,240
And now suddenly,
that sun had gone away.

400
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:32,999
I think he was afraid of losing me forever.

401
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:40,319
I think he was afraid that if he
lost me, he'd fall into the abyss.

402
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:50,319
As for me..

403
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:57,279
.I felt like I'd been struck by lightning.

404
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:01,399
The future seemed bleak.

405
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:06,959
How would I ever get through this alone?

406
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:14,799
At least during all those
struggle sessions in Lanzhou,

407
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:18,239
we had our sweet whispers,

408
00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:22,999
things the outside world
wouldn't allow us to say.

409
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:27,999
But now that we were far apart,

410
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:32,279
who could I confide in?

411
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:39,319
Who could I pour my troubles out to?

412
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:48,159
It seemed like we'd hit rock bottom.

413
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,319
We'd lost our freedom,

414
00:48:52,720 --> 00:49:00,079
even lost the right to confide
in the people we loved.

415
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:11,600
That's.. that's what I remember thinking

416
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:21,559
as we left him and continued
on to our camp in Anxi.

417
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:29,319
The No. 10 Collective Farm was about
a dozen miles from Anxi township,

418
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:34,879
and it wasn't connected by rail.

419
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:43,000
We had a lot of luggage,
so we stayed for a while at a local inn.

420
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:50,439
You know that saying: "Weep, all ye
who travel beyond the Jiayu Pass"?

421
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:57,279
We'd traveled far beyond it, but I was still
naive enough to think it didn't apply to me.

422
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:04,479
I figured this place was my
ticket out of being a rightist.

423
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:11,999
If I worked hard, in a few years
the Party would rehabilitate me,

424
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:16,919
and I'd be welcomed back
into the arms of the masses.

425
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:23,079
Then I could make a new start.

426
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:30,759
I never imagined what hardships lay ahead.

427
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:39,320
A few days later, we loaded all of our
luggage and bags onto a pull tractor.

428
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:50,040
It was a long trip, twelve miles,
so we set out right after breakfast.

429
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:59,680
The farm seemed nice. They even
held a little welcoming ceremony.

430
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:06,639
It was a brand new collective, started by

431
00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:11,199
demobilized soldiers and local farmers.

432
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:19,280
I remember they welcomed us as
'our comrades who have erred"

433
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:25,399
We were all a bit surprised to hear that.

434
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:31,839
After we were branded class enemies,
most people refused to call us "comrade".

435
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:38,839
That was one of the most painful things for
me, not being called "comrade" anymore.

436
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:45,039
So I was very moved to hear the camp
director welcome us as "comrades".

437
00:51:45,240 --> 00:51:52,119
He said that as long as we
worked to the best of our ability,

438
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:58,999
we would be treated the same as
everyone else, no distinctions.

439
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:04,759
I remember thinking I had heard him wrong.

440
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:12,719
Because back in Lanzhou, we were
no longer comrades, but class enemies.

441
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:19,639
But I guess the anti-rightist struggle
hadn't reached this far yet.

442
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:25,919
To the people here, we were just

443
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,679
comrades who had made some mistakes.

444
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:35,399
After that, everyone called us "comrade".

445
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,799
For two or three years.

446
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:43,119
about two years, I guess..

447
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:47,119
.we really did work hard.

448
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:51,279
That's how society worked back then.

449
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:58,279
If you made a political mistake,
if you offended the Party in some way,

450
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:03,719
you could still work hard
and try to reform yourself.

451
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:09,759
You figured a little hard work would
do you good, only make you stronger.

452
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:14,759
Those first few years, we always ate
our fill. Hunger wasn't a problem yet.

453
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:19,599
And if a rightist had special skills,

454
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:27,599
say in teaching or accounting,
the leaders always made an effort

455
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:33,359
to get them transferred to a job
where they could utilize their skills.

456
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:38,799
Although the work was physically tiring,

457
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:44,519
we didn't have to deal with too
much political discrimination.

458
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:51,279
All in all, I spent two fairly
happy years on that farm.

459
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:58,079
In late summer of 1959, as part
of the National Day celebrations,

460
00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:04,799
several of the rightists on
our farm were rehabilitated.

461
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:09,839
That was a glimmer of hope for all of us.

462
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:17,479
But in late 1959, they decided to transfer
all the rightists to the No. 4 Work Farm.

463
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:22,239
That was when our troubles really began.

464
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:27,719
Because the No. 4 Work Farm
was mainly for ex-convicts,

465
00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:32,879
the cadres and wardens were stricter.

466
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:39,759
They made very clear class distinctions.
To them, we were the class enemy.

467
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:44,359
From the moment we arrived,
we never had enough to eat.

468
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:47,879
The cadres ate white flour.
We got the bran.

469
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:55,759
I didn't want to transfer, because I
was afraid of political recriminations.

470
00:54:56,160 --> 00:55:03,439
At the No. 10 farm, we didn't
always have to be on our guard.

471
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:08,919
We could laugh and talk as we worked.

472
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:16,239
But at No. 4, most of the workers were
male ex-convicts, and that scared me.

473
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:22,919
The sexes were segregated, because
the wardens didn't want any trouble.

474
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:28,799
I told my foreman I
didn't want to transfer,

475
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:35,839
because I thought I was making real
progress with my labor re-education.

476
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:40,479
I didn't think he would mind.

477
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:43,999
After all, isn't that why we came?

478
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:48,799
But he reported me to the farm director.

479
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:52,679
Xu Fulian was the first female
rightist to be transferred.

480
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:57,439
One day when I ran into her, she told me:

481
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:05,359
"You'd better hurry up. I heard Director Li say:
'if those lady rightists don't transfer soon,

482
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:10,759
I'll have them trussed and bound
and brought over here in ropes! '"

483
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:15,799
You've talked to other camp
survivors, so you know

484
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:21,119
they could truss you up so tight
you'd be paralyzed for life.

485
00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:29,240
I was so terrified that I asked for a
transfer the minute I got back to camp.

486
00:56:30,720 --> 00:56:36,719
I transferred with two other women,
Shi Tian'ai and Wang Guifang.

487
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:41,119
It was easier than working in the fields,

488
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:44,759
but there was a lot of political pressure.

489
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:50,239
I wasn't allowed to talk to my colleagues,
and they weren't allowed to talk to me.

490
00:56:50,240 --> 00:56:55,519
No one ever said a word to me.
I was just an accounting machine.

491
00:56:55,520 --> 00:57:01,519
You worked and you worked,
until they told you to stop.

492
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:07,079
It wasn't physically tiring,
but the workload was heavy.

493
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:13,079
I worked every night from 7:30 to midnight.

494
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,119
I was always hungry.

495
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,079
Would you mind turning the light on?

496
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:19,119
Okay.

497
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:40,959
I could tell my eyesight was getting worse

498
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:45,799
from poring over account books all day.

499
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:49,959
I couldn't get new glasses way out there

500
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:55,839
so I had to put my face as close

501
00:57:56,200 --> 00:58:03,919
as I could to whatever I was reading.

502
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:09,759
My myopia was getting worse,
but there was nothing I could do.

503
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:16,999
Then I met a former convict from
Wushan who worked in the hospital.

504
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:22,359
I'd been in Wushan, too,
so we started talking.

505
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:30,319
mentioned I was thinking about taking
cod liver oil to improve my eyesight.

506
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:34,759
When I asked if he had any,

507
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:39,999
he said "Sure, do you want
some?" and I said I did.

508
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:44,639
Then he gave me a little bottle of it.

509
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:50,079
At the time, I knew.

510
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:57,119
.I really ought to have a prescription,

511
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:04,999
but what doctor would give me one?
So I went ahead and took it anyway.

512
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:13,120
No one but my roommates saw me
drinking it, but a few days later

513
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:21,039
the accounting section chief
called me in for a little chat.

514
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:28,159
He said;"What's this I hear about an
ex-convict giving you cod-liver oil?"

515
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:33,079
Of course, I had to admit it.

516
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:40,079
Then he said someone had seen me take it.

517
00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:47,639
He kept saying what were you thinking,
don't you know nothing's free?

518
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:53,999
Now this guy will think you owe him,
he'll expect all kinds of favors.

519
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,919
It was awful, all the things he said.

520
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:02,599
Sure, I took a bottle of cod liver oil.

521
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:10,039
But I was still drawing a salary, wasn't I?

522
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:16,159
was entitled to medical care. Who
cared about a little bottle of fish oil?

523
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:22,719
But he made it sound like
I'd compromised the office,

524
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:26,199
and gave me a big long lecture.

525
01:00:26,240 --> 01:00:33,159
remember it like it was yesterday,
so I wrote about that story in my book.

526
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:40,679
Later, I started to doubt that
anyone had seen me take it.

527
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:45,239
figured one of my roommates
must have turned me in.

528
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:50,919
That happened a lot in camp,

529
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:56,679
people informing on each other.

530
01:00:56,920 --> 01:01:04,920
After my transfer, I learned about the
food shortages at Dry Gulch Farm.

531
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:12,319
Of course, I was very anxious
for a letter from my husband.

532
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:17,639
About two weeks later, I got a letter.

533
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:22,879
It was only one page long.

534
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:32,560
It didn't say much, just that he
was busy digging irrigation ditches.

535
01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:40,559
He said he got a food subsidy
of a few yuan per month.

536
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:48,359
But he was only allowed
two letters a month,

537
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:56,640
so he asked me not to write
him more than twice a month.

538
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:01,319
was so disappointed.

539
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:06,879
Because Chairman Mao had promised us

540
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:13,639
that rightists wouldn't be
stripped of their civil liberties.

541
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:22,080
Before we left Lanzhou, we promised
to write each other as often as possible.

542
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:29,919
Letters were our only
means of communication.

543
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:38,440
I could tell the censors had read his
letter, because it wasn't even sealed!

544
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:48,239
knew right then that our right
to privacy had been violated.

545
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:56,079
How could we write anything
personal in our letters now?

546
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:01,399
My communication wasn't censored.

547
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:06,999
so I wrote him back a nice long letter

548
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:15,000
telling him all about my job and my
roommates and where they came from.

549
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:23,319
After that I wrote him two letters a month.

550
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:31,480
Both he and I had always signed
our letters: "With kisses'

551
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:38,959
When he was away doing interviews, we
wrote each other long letters once a week.

552
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:47,160
But I could tell right away
that this letter was different.

553
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:53,279
All he wrote about was work and daily life.

554
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:58,279
The letters I wrote him were longer.

555
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:03,959
I always signed them "with kisses"

556
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:10,359
I figured if the censors
wanted to censor that, let them!

557
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:18,559
In his second letter, he wrote:

558
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:25,399
"Today I got paid; so l
bought a pound of biscuits.

559
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:31,679
l ate them all at one siting.

560
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:38,879
I think I might have lost some weight.
My glasses don't fit like they used to."

561
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:46,199
When I read that letter, I knew
for sure that he was starving.

562
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:53,959
He'd gone hungry as a child,

563
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:58,279
also when he was in the military hospital
and the National Middle School

564
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:05,279
But at least when he was young,
he could steal food if he had to.

565
01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:12,959
He and his school friends used to dig up
sweet potatoes from farmers' fields.

566
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:21,320
But now, as a rightist, he had no choice.
He couldn't afford to break the rules.

567
01:05:21,600 --> 01:05:26,479
He had to sit around and starve.

568
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:33,879
Of course, it broke my heart
to know he was going hungry.

569
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:39,239
But there wasn't much I could do.

570
01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:45,759
After my salary cut, I was only
earning 58.24 yuan a month.

571
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:51,479
Of that I sent 35 to the kids in Lanzhou,

572
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:55,519
which left about 20 a month.

573
01:05:55,520 --> 01:06:03,039
decided to start sending him
10 yuan a quarter, 3 yuan a month,

574
01:06:03,240 --> 01:06:09,479
so that he could at
least buy some biscuits.

575
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:14,999
I figured that would help a little.

576
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:27,479
Most of the letters I got
from him weren't even sealed.

577
01:06:27,640 --> 01:06:32,559
always made a point of "reminding'
him to seal his letters,

578
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:36,559
so the censors would see it,

579
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:39,639
but they still arrived unsealed.

580
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:47,519
The censors knew those letters were
worth their weight in gold to us.

581
01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:52,159
but to them, we were no better than dogs.

582
01:06:52,160 --> 01:06:55,639
After reading our letters,

583
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:59,399
they couldn't be bothered to reseal them.

584
01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:05,199
So you didn't want to
write anything too personal.

585
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:09,719
I could write all about my life,

586
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:15,079
but Jingchao couldn't even
tell me what he was suffering.

587
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:18,879
Anything he wrote.

588
01:07:19,800 --> 01:07:22,919
.could be used against him.

589
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:26,919
Of course, he knew that.

590
01:07:27,920 --> 01:07:35,920
When our rations were cut to 15 pounds
of grain per month, I wrote him about it.

591
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:42,439
I knew his situation was much worse
than mine, but it was important news

592
01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:46,039
and I thought he'd want to know.

593
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:52,639
At that point, it was all
we could do to stay alive.

594
01:07:53,120 --> 01:07:56,679
Soon I stopped writing letters,

595
01:07:56,680 --> 01:08:01,959
and he stopped writing back.

596
01:08:02,320 --> 01:08:09,759
After our rations were cut, I worked in
the accounting office until one day,

597
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:15,479
a cadre named Zhang told me I didn't
have to come to work the following day.

598
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:19,919
He said the hospital ward
was full of patients,

599
01:08:19,920 --> 01:08:26,518
and they needed help stoking the fires
under the "kangs", the platform beds.

600
01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:34,800
It was a makeshift hospital, housed in
a building on the other side of camp.

601
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:44,279
So the next day after breakfast,
walked across camp.

602
01:08:44,479 --> 01:08:49,079
I brought along a tin of gasoline,

603
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:54,639
in case l had trouble lighting the fires.

604
01:08:54,840 --> 01:09:00,518
When I walked into the hospital,

605
01:09:00,519 --> 01:09:08,239
saw that all five rooms
and all five kangs were full.

606
01:09:09,400 --> 01:09:14,518
The blankets were filthy,

607
01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:20,518
the whole place crowded with patients.

608
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:28,800
I knew at once I'd need more kindling,
so I took a scythe and went outside

609
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:34,719
to cut some wild grass.
then used the grass

610
01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:39,799
to light the fires under each kang.

611
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:47,598
Of course, I wasn't happy about
being sent to work in the hospital.

612
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:54,119
I'd just eaten breakfast, and I
knew I'd be hungry again soon.

613
01:09:54,479 --> 01:10:00,439
But I had a job to do, so I did it.

614
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:08,239
Al of the patients were men, workers
who had graduated from labor reform.

615
01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:11,959
They knew the camp rules,

616
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:18,839
so none of them said a word to me
or asked me any questions.

617
01:10:19,480 --> 01:10:27,119
just concentrated on my work
stoking the fires beneath the kangs.

618
01:10:30,240 --> 01:10:38,240
That first day, there were some young
men working there, not patients,

619
01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:46,479
just workers called in to patch
the windows with newspapers.

620
01:10:46,840 --> 01:10:51,839
They looked better fed than the others.

621
01:10:51,840 --> 01:10:58,839
remember one of them offered me
some of the flour paste he'd been using.

622
01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:04,159
'Do you want to eat some?"
That's what he asked me.

623
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:11,759
said no. Even though I was starving,
I wasn't going to eat that filthy paste.

624
01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:16,639
On the second day,

625
01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:23,319
someone came up behind
me while I was working.

626
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:29,879
remember hearing this voice
ask: "What are you doing here?"

627
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:38,120
It was Ouyang Xia, a rightist who had
been our foreman at the other camp.

628
01:11:39,480 --> 01:11:44,959
I told him I'd been sent here
to light and stoke the fires.

629
01:11:45,320 --> 01:11:48,599
Then he said something I'll never forget:

630
01:11:48,640 --> 01:11:54,319
"Right now, all we're
struggling for is survival.'

631
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:59,839
He stood there for a moment, then left.

632
01:11:59,920 --> 01:12:05,879
Those words were so important to me,

633
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:08,719
so very important.

634
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:14,279
Ours was a life or death struggle,

635
01:12:14,560 --> 01:12:19,719
but I'd never dared to
think it, much less say it.

636
01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:27,840
Back then, we were always "struggling against
factionalism" or "struggling for the Party".

637
01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:35,599
But "struggling for our own survival"..
who would dare to say such a thing?

638
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:41,439
But the more I thought about it,
the more I realized he was right.

639
01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:46,119
This was a struggle for survival.

640
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:50,799
Our lives were in danger,

641
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:58,639
and we had to find a way to go on living,
a way to fight for our survival.

642
01:12:59,160 --> 01:13:04,799
I couldn't stop thinking about those
words, but I was still too afraid

643
01:13:04,960 --> 01:13:08,599
to say them out loud.

644
01:13:08,720 --> 01:13:14,319
That morning, I finished
my work at the hospital,

645
01:13:14,320 --> 01:13:20,599
then went back home to
wait for my next meal.

646
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:25,199
All of us were starving.

647
01:13:25,520 --> 01:13:31,879
But there was no way I could tell
my roommates what I'd heard.

648
01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:39,599
If you even complained of hunger, that
was criticizing the Party's grain policy,

649
01:13:39,680 --> 01:13:42,359
something to add to your crimes.

650
01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:46,679
To say you were "struggling for
survival" was practically treason.

651
01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:53,039
But in my heart, I knew he was right.

652
01:13:54,320 --> 01:13:59,559
One night, my roommates
and I-got to talking

653
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:03,759
about how bad things had gotten.

654
01:14:03,760 --> 01:14:09,759
We were trying to think of
some way to feed ourselves.

655
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:19,919
At the time, I was still worried
about my rightist status,

656
01:14:19,920 --> 01:14:23,479
so l said something stupid about

657
01:14:23,480 --> 01:14:29,439
not wanting to break the rules.
if it might set back my labor reform.

658
01:14:29,520 --> 01:14:36,359
As soon as I said that, the other
women started scolding me.

659
01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:42,599
Tian'ai said, "How can you worry about
your political status at a time like this?"

660
01:14:42,760 --> 01:14:50,279
"With so many people dying, that's
the last thing on the cadres' minds!"

661
01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:56,519
In the end, we all agreed.

662
01:14:56,520 --> 01:15:03,239
We had to do something drastic
if we wanted to survive.

663
01:15:03,640 --> 01:15:09,359
We all knew Wang Guifang's
husband had escaped starvation

664
01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:13,919
by running away from his camp
and hiding out in Xinjiang.

665
01:15:13,920 --> 01:15:19,479
She said we ought to
put our heads together.

666
01:15:20,760 --> 01:15:26,639
In the end, we decided
stealing was our best option.

667
01:15:26,760 --> 01:15:30,479
I could hardly bring
myself to say the word!

668
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:35,239
To the cadres and wardens in our camp,

669
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:41,639
stealing was the worst offence you
could commit against the party.

670
01:15:41,720 --> 01:15:47,359
Taking more than one's share
at meals was bad enough,

671
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:51,999
but stealing was far, far worse.

672
01:15:53,280 --> 01:15:58,239
But we had to steal, if we wanted to live.

673
01:15:58,240 --> 01:16:06,240
Right behind the accounting office,
there was a big pile of cottonseed.

674
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:14,919
The girls suggested that l go out
that night and try to steal some.

675
01:16:18,400 --> 01:16:25,119
Since I worked in the accounting
office, no one would think it strange

676
01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:29,079
if they saw me hanging around out back.

677
01:16:29,080 --> 01:16:35,279
At least it wasn't as bad as stealing
grain, violating the rationing policy.

678
01:16:35,400 --> 01:16:41,359
This was just a little cottonseed, right?

679
01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:49,919
Since I was the only one who could do it,
that night I took my big handkerchief

680
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:56,359
and snuck out to steal some cottonseed.

681
01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:05,000
But when I got there, I saw that the
pile was covered with a big tarp.

682
01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:11,319
Finally, I managed to find a loose corner

683
01:17:11,320 --> 01:17:17,559
and started stuffing-seed
into my handkerchief.

684
01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:23,559
Suddenly, I heard someone
shout "Hey, who's there?"

685
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:27,519
But when I turned around,

686
01:17:27,520 --> 01:17:34,999
saw it was a cadre I knew
from the No. 4 camp.

687
01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:43,240
We'd even acted in a play together.
As soon as I saw it was him,

688
01:17:43,960 --> 01:17:47,959
I knew he wouldn't tun me in.

689
01:17:47,960 --> 01:17:54,319
so I just kept stealing seed and
then went back to my dorm.

690
01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:57,919
Of course, he never told on me.

691
01:17:58,160 --> 01:18:01,159
He was a rightist, too.

692
01:18:02,240 --> 01:18:09,199
We ate the cottonseed, but it didn't
seem to make any difference.

693
01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:16,479
The seeds were too small to fill you up,

694
01:18:16,480 --> 01:18:20,799
and they weren't nutritious enough.

695
01:18:20,800 --> 01:18:26,759
We decided we had to
find something else to eat.

696
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:33,439
Shi Tian'ai said scavenging for
seeds wasn't going to feed us.

697
01:18:33,440 --> 01:18:41,119
She'd found that out back in October
when they cut our rations to 24 pounds.

698
01:18:41,360 --> 01:18:47,039
But if we didn't get some
nutrition soon, we'd collapse.

699
01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:52,519
She said she used to
steal flour from the mill.

700
01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:59,559
She'd stuff a little bit in her pocket and
then, when she got back to the dorm,

701
01:18:59,720 --> 01:19:04,799
mix it with hot water and drink it.

702
01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:11,039
She said it was a lot-better
than cotton or grass seeds.

703
01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:19,240
She suggested that we try to
steal some flour from the mill.

704
01:19:20,160 --> 01:19:23,519
It was better than nothing.

705
01:19:23,920 --> 01:19:31,079
All of us were aware of the
high death toll in other camps.

706
01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:36,799
I'd seen a few deaths in our hospital, too,

707
01:19:36,800 --> 01:19:40,679
but I never told my roommates about it.

708
01:19:40,800 --> 01:19:47,119
Anyway, since Wang Guifang and
Shi Tian'ai worked in the mill,

709
01:19:47,320 --> 01:19:53,319
we agreed that they should try
to steal some flour for all of us.

710
01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:59,479
Of course, none of us wanted to die.

711
01:20:00,440 --> 01:20:05,079
Survival was what mattered.

712
01:20:05,240 --> 01:20:08,919
Shi Tian'ai was a single mother
with a daughter to raise.

713
01:20:08,920 --> 01:20:13,199
I didn't want to die, either.

714
01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:17,359
had to stay alive for my family.

715
01:20:17,360 --> 01:20:24,199
I didn't even know if my
husband was dead or alive..

716
01:20:24,640 --> 01:20:32,640
but I wanted the chance to see
my children and parents again,

717
01:20:34,040 --> 01:20:37,519
to tell them I'd been falsely accused.

718
01:20:37,520 --> 01:20:43,039
If we died, who would speak for us?

719
01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:49,639
No matter what, we had to survive.

720
01:20:50,600 --> 01:20:55,319
But even if we managed
to steal some flour,

721
01:20:55,360 --> 01:20:58,839
how were we going to cook it?

722
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:05,759
Shi Tian ai said she was good
at making boiled dumplings.

723
01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:11,199
She could make dumplings,
and no one would be the wiser.

724
01:21:11,320 --> 01:21:14,479
But how to boil them?

725
01:21:14,520 --> 01:21:20,759
Then someone suggested pancakes.

726
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:29,039
But our dorm was so close to
the salaried workers' quarters,

727
01:21:29,160 --> 01:21:33,239
we were afraid they-might
smell us baking them.

728
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:37,519
We talked about making noodles,

729
01:21:37,560 --> 01:21:42,759
but if anyone walked in
while we were cooking them,

730
01:21:43,240 --> 01:21:47,679
we'd get caught red-handed.

731
01:21:47,760 --> 01:21:54,079
If we got caught, our roommates
would get fired from the mill.

732
01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:58,559
They'd lose their jobs and

733
01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:02,559
we'd lose our access to flour.

734
01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:06,919
We racked our brains thinking

735
01:22:07,000 --> 01:22:12,439
how to turn that raw flour
into something edible.

736
01:22:13,200 --> 01:22:17,919
Finally, we found a solution.

737
01:22:17,920 --> 01:22:23,719
One day when I came home,

738
01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:29,879
saw that Wang Guifang had
stolen some flour from the mill.

739
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:35,199
That night, we brought home
soup from the canteen.

740
01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:41,079
mixed in some stolen flour
while the soup was still hot,

741
01:22:41,600 --> 01:22:47,239
and drank it down just like that.

742
01:22:49,960 --> 01:22:56,959
From then on, that's what we did.

743
01:22:57,520 --> 01:23:02,359
Steal a bit of flour here and there,

744
01:23:02,360 --> 01:23:06,399
never too much;
in case anyone noticed.

745
01:23:06,560 --> 01:23:12,359
We'd wait until we were
alone in our dorm,

746
01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:17,679
then mix it with hot water and drink it.

747
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:21,879
That seemed to do the trick.

748
01:23:22,040 --> 01:23:25,119
We were all so relieved.

749
01:23:25,400 --> 01:23:32,279
At that time, I was still working
in the hospital every morning.

750
01:23:32,600 --> 01:23:39,759
One day while I was working,
l broke out in a cold sweat.

751
01:23:41,040 --> 01:23:48,319
I knew it was the first sign of collapse.

752
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:54,639
When I got back home, I told
Xu Fulian what had happened.

753
01:23:54,640 --> 01:23:58,918
The doctor, who was also a labor camp
worker, gave me some medicine.

754
01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:02,356
But it didn't work. I
asked her what to do.

755
01:24:03,160 --> 01:24:09,039
She said most of the cadres
and salaried workers

756
01:24:09,240 --> 01:24:15,399
had stopped showing up for work.

757
01:24:15,560 --> 01:24:19,359
If they weren't working,
why should we?

758
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:22,519
She suggested we take a day of.

759
01:24:22,680 --> 01:24:28,559
So the next day
Xu Fulian and I stayed home.

760
01:24:28,960 --> 01:24:35,519
We hadn't had a day off since we
got there, and we were exhausted.

761
01:24:35,840 --> 01:24:40,599
Our roommates asked the cadres
if we could have the day off,

762
01:24:40,680 --> 01:24:45,519
and we stayed in bed and rested.

763
01:24:45,840 --> 01:24:50,799
Xu Fulian had a watch, and
she woke me up around 9:30

764
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:55,879
so that we could go line up for food.

765
01:24:56,080 --> 01:25:04,080
The salaried workers still got
15 pounds of rations a month,

766
01:25:04,480 --> 01:25:09,839
though they hadn't worked in weeks.

767
01:25:09,920 --> 01:25:16,839
We had to wait in line ourselves.
If you asked someone else,

768
01:25:17,360 --> 01:25:22,079
half your food would be gone
by the time it got to you.

769
01:25:22,160 --> 01:25:28,079
When people are starving,
they do things like that.

770
01:25:28,640 --> 01:25:34,199
was afraid they might not serve
me, but I got a decent portion.

771
01:25:34,200 --> 01:25:40,159
Back then, everyone kept a
careful eye on that ladle!

772
01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:46,239
You wanted to make sure
you got your fair share,

773
01:25:46,360 --> 01:25:51,079
that every serving was the same size,

774
01:25:51,080 --> 01:25:56,559
and that the gruel wasn't
too thin or watery.

775
01:25:56,680 --> 01:26:01,879
Of course, you never said anything,
but you sure paid close attention.

776
01:26:01,920 --> 01:26:07,519
When I got to the front of the line,
I was happy with what they gave me.

777
01:26:07,520 --> 01:26:12,879
Xu Fulian thought her gruel
was more watery than mine,

778
01:26:12,960 --> 01:26:17,399
but she couldn't really complain.

779
01:26:17,720 --> 01:26:23,639
We went back to the dorm and
waited for the others to return.

780
01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:31,119
They came back with a little raw flour,
which we split among the four of us.

781
01:26:32,240 --> 01:26:38,119
After eating; we felt a lot better.

782
01:26:38,880 --> 01:26:45,439
At least we had a little raw
flour to supplement our diets.

783
01:26:45,680 --> 01:26:52,119
We were fortunate to have two
roommates who worked at the mill.

784
01:26:52,360 --> 01:26:56,039
Not everyone was so lucky.

785
01:26:56,320 --> 01:27:03,319
That little bit of stolen flour
probably saved our lives.

786
01:27:04,280 --> 01:27:07,319
Then in.

787
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:14,559
.I think it was on December 20, 1960.

788
01:27:15,040 --> 01:27:21,519
they raised our rations from
15 to 24 pounds a month.

789
01:27:21,680 --> 01:27:27,199
We weren't aware they'd already
decided to disband the worst camps.

790
01:27:27,280 --> 01:27:32,879
The cadres from the northwest region
held a big meeting in Lanzhou

791
01:27:32,960 --> 01:27:40,279
and started disbanding Dry Gulch,
my husband's camp, in December 1960.

792
01:27:40,400 --> 01:27:45,399
By then Dry Gulch was a disaster area.

793
01:27:45,520 --> 01:27:50,839
We had some deaths in our camp, but
not nearly as many as at Dry Gulch.

794
01:27:50,920 --> 01:27:56,639
But from December 20; our monthly
rations were back up to 24 pounds.

795
01:27:56,920 --> 01:28:03,519
Since coming to the No. 4, I'd given up any
hope of visiting my husband at his camp.

796
01:28:03,680 --> 01:28:08,959
The atmosphere at No. 4 was
a lot stricter than at No. 10.

797
01:28:09,120 --> 01:28:14,079
I figured the cadres
would turn down my request.

798
01:28:14,240 --> 01:28:19,799
Another problem was money.

799
01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:26,679
Dry Gulch was far away, and
couldn't afford a train ticket.

800
01:28:26,800 --> 01:28:32,879
Besides, I was a hated rightist,
with no freedom of movement

801
01:28:33,040 --> 01:28:37,159
They wouldn't let me leave.

802
01:28:37,320 --> 01:28:43,039
Even if they did, how could I
possibly help him, with no money?

803
01:28:43,200 --> 01:28:48,439
Then in late December,
I got a letter from my father.

804
01:28:48,880 --> 01:28:55,359
He said he wished he could help
Jingchao, but the kids were

805
01:28:55,520 --> 01:29:01,239
too small, and my parents
too old, to make the trip.

806
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:07,519
He suggested that I try to save him,
because I was a lot closer.

807
01:29:07,760 --> 01:29:14,759
I showed the letter to our Party
Secretary, a man named Liu Zhigui.

808
01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:20,319
He gave me permission to leave
right away, which surprised me.

809
01:29:20,320 --> 01:29:25,359
By this time, the cadres were aware of
the crisis in the camps, but I wasn't.

810
01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:31,439
My parents weren't party members,
so they didn't know either.

811
01:29:31,600 --> 01:29:35,839
I went straight home and
wrote a letter to my parents,

812
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:40,839
telling them I was going
to save my husband.

813
01:29:41,160 --> 01:29:48,159
still needed money for the trip,
so I asked Du Bo for a loan.

814
01:29:48,160 --> 01:29:52,879
However, he was also
demoted at that time.

815
01:29:52,880 --> 01:29:56,270
But he still had a salary of 58.24 yuan.

816
01:29:57,040 --> 01:30:02,797
Another thing is, once he became a
cook, he didn't have any family burden.

817
01:30:07,280 --> 01:30:12,999
As soon as I got permission to leave,

818
01:30:13,200 --> 01:30:16,679
I asked him for a loan
and he lent me 100 yuan.

819
01:30:16,800 --> 01:30:17,559
asked him for a loan
and he lent me 100 yuan.

820
01:30:17,680 --> 01:30:21,559
It had snowed a lot before I left,

821
01:30:21,560 --> 01:30:27,759
but I had to sit on the roof of the truck.

822
01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:34,439
The only person who got to sit in the cab
was the wife of a canteen worker.

823
01:30:34,600 --> 01:30:39,439
There was a pecking order in camp,
and everyone wanted to

824
01:30:39,440 --> 01:30:42,599
get in good with the canteen workers.

825
01:30:42,640 --> 01:30:49,959
So I sat on the roof, with
my coat wrapped around me.

826
01:30:50,480 --> 01:30:53,359
A few hours later, we got to the station.

827
01:30:53,360 --> 01:30:58,639
managed to get a ticket right away.

828
01:30:58,800 --> 01:31:06,800
I got of at Clearwater Station.
I think it was a one-minute stop.

829
01:31:08,240 --> 01:31:15,959
I had one bag full of food, money
and grain coupons for Jingchao.

830
01:31:16,040 --> 01:31:20,479
And another with clothes in case

831
01:31:20,560 --> 01:31:25,119
I had to go back to Lanzhou,
in case Jingchao wasn't there.

832
01:31:25,240 --> 01:31:29,839
Clearwater Station was so small
it didn't even have a platform.

833
01:31:29,840 --> 01:31:37,079
It was. already dark when
hopped of the train with my bags.

834
01:31:37,880 --> 01:31:45,880
asked for directions to the camp
at a shack near the station.

835
01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:53,799
The man there pointed to
a little path in the snow,

836
01:31:53,800 --> 01:31:58,559
and said that if I followed it west
I'd eventually reach the camp.

837
01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:02,319
By this time, it was completely dark.

838
01:32:02,400 --> 01:32:10,400
The path was covered in snow
and I was the only person around.

839
01:32:11,520 --> 01:32:17,799
From the time I left the station,

840
01:32:17,840 --> 01:32:22,039
I didn't meet another soul.

841
01:32:22,160 --> 01:32:30,160
must have walked for three
or four miles in the snow.

842
01:32:30,920 --> 01:32:37,599
My luggage was heavy.
but all I could think was

843
01:32:38,080 --> 01:32:45,239
that Jingchao was waiting for me,
waiting for me to save him.

844
01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:49,879
Maybe he was on his last breath,

845
01:32:50,000 --> 01:32:55,399
so I couldn't waste a minute,
I had to keep on walking.

846
01:32:55,400 --> 01:33:01,479
Finally, I reached a stand of date trees,
and the path started to disappear.

847
01:33:01,480 --> 01:33:08,719
I set my luggage down,
looked left and right

848
01:33:34,440 --> 01:33:40,159
All I could see for miles
around was snow,

849
01:33:40,480 --> 01:33:43,079
and not another person in sight.

850
01:33:43,200 --> 01:33:47,879
Years later, I met Gao Jiye,
another camp survivor.

851
01:33:47,880 --> 01:33:53,159
He wrote a book called
"Flight", about his escape.

852
01:33:53,440 --> 01:33:57,399
He said I was lucky not to have
run into any wolves that night.

853
01:33:57,400 --> 01:34:04,879
But that night, wolves were
the last thing on my mind.

854
01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:09,199
I had to save my husband.

855
01:34:09,440 --> 01:34:13,559
He was waiting for me

856
01:34:13,960 --> 01:34:20,999
If only I could reach him in time,
while he had breath left in his body,

857
01:34:21,440 --> 01:34:26,479
I knew that I could save him.

858
01:34:26,920 --> 01:34:32,599
So. didn't think about
wolves or any of that.

859
01:34:33,360 --> 01:34:38,759
I was focused on saving my husband.

860
01:34:39,240 --> 01:34:44,479
Remember how in the book,
Gao's mentor is eaten by wolves?

861
01:34:44,480 --> 01:34:49,359
Gao always said I was lucky not to
have met up with any wolves.

862
01:34:49,400 --> 01:34:52,559
It never occurred to me.

863
01:34:52,640 --> 01:34:57,199
At camp, I knew a man
named Feng Shiwei.

864
01:34:57,200 --> 01:35:05,200
Once he went into town to buy
supplies, and got chased by wolves.

865
01:35:05,640 --> 01:35:11,839
They followed his ox cart
the whole way, pacing him,

866
01:35:12,320 --> 01:35:18,559
speeding up when he did,
slowing down when he did.

867
01:35:18,760 --> 01:35:26,199
I'd heard that story, but I wasn't
thinking about my own survival.

868
01:35:27,080 --> 01:35:33,199
All could think was that Jingchao
was waiting for me to save him.

869
01:35:34,680 --> 01:35:42,319
So when I lost sight of
the road, I looked around

870
01:35:42,680 --> 01:35:47,759
and finally saw something that
looked like it might be a road,

871
01:35:47,840 --> 01:35:52,839
so I picked up my bags and kept walking.

872
01:35:53,520 --> 01:35:58,359
A while later, I ran into
a man on the road:

873
01:35:58,480 --> 01:36:03,279
asked if he knew the way to camp.

874
01:36:03,320 --> 01:36:09,719
He said, "See those lights up
ahead? That's the camp office.

875
01:36:11,520 --> 01:36:19,520
I was concentrating so hard on the road
that I hadn't even noticed the lights.

876
01:36:20,880 --> 01:36:26,679
I'll bet the man came to the camp
looking for a family member.

877
01:36:26,880 --> 01:36:34,880
Maybe he hadn't found them,
and was on his way back home.

878
01:36:35,880 --> 01:36:41,079
I doubt he was a cadre, because
the cadres didn't do night patrols

879
01:36:41,360 --> 01:36:45,239
I followed the lights to the office

880
01:36:45,240 --> 01:36:52,719
When I walked in, I saw
two men sitting inside

881
01:36:54,000 --> 01:36:59,359
I told them I was
looking for Wang Jingchao.

882
01:36:59,640 --> 01:37:07,479
They took out a thick ledger and
started flipping through the pages

883
01:37:07,680 --> 01:37:12,959
I figured the camp must be huge

884
01:37:13,200 --> 01:37:20,599
if they had to look through that big
book to find out where he was

885
01:37:22,000 --> 01:37:27,559
Finally, they found the page
they were looking for,

886
01:37:27,760 --> 01:37:32,519
and told me he'd died on December 13th

887
01:37:32,920 --> 01:37:37,559
That hit me like a thunderbolt.

888
01:37:37,760 --> 01:37:45,760
Here I thought I was rescuing my
husband, and he was already dead!

889
01:37:46,800 --> 01:37:51,399
I sat down on a wooden bench.

890
01:37:51,520 --> 01:37:55,639
There wasn't much furniture.

891
01:37:55,760 --> 01:38:00,959
At first I was in shock.

892
01:38:01,200 --> 01:38:03,999
I couldn't even cry.

893
01:38:04,000 --> 01:38:06,319
Then it hit me.

894
01:38:06,360 --> 01:38:14,360
my husband was gone,
gone from this world.

895
01:38:15,840 --> 01:38:20,999
He was gone forever.

896
01:38:24,880 --> 01:38:27,799
I cried and I cried..

897
01:38:27,880 --> 01:38:33,919
The two cadres just ignored me
and went on with their work.

898
01:38:34,080 --> 01:38:39,679
They didn't offer a single word of comfort.

899
01:38:41,720 --> 01:38:47,319
They'd seen so many bereaved families.

900
01:38:47,400 --> 01:38:53,279
I guess this was how they
dealt with grief, by ignoring it.

901
01:38:55,440 --> 01:39:02,479
don't know how long I cried. Finally,
they called in one of the "small rightists"

902
01:39:02,720 --> 01:39:08,039
to find me a place to sleep for the night

903
01:39:08,640 --> 01:39:12,599
So I left the office with him.

904
01:39:13,000 --> 01:39:16,679
By then, it was dark.

905
01:39:19,040 --> 01:39:27,040
We walked for I don't know how long
before we reached a sort of cave

906
01:39:27,920 --> 01:39:31,439
The office had proper kerosene lamps

907
01:39:31,440 --> 01:39:35,719
but here in the cave they used
lamps made from ink bottles,

908
01:39:35,720 --> 01:39:39,359
just like at our camp.

909
01:39:39,720 --> 01:39:42,759
It was a large cave.

910
01:39:43,120 --> 01:39:46,599
with a long dirt platform
covered with blankets.

911
01:39:47,280 --> 01:39:50,839
He led me into the back of the cave

912
01:39:51,160 --> 01:39:54,319
gave me two blankets

913
01:39:54,480 --> 01:40:00,879
and said to wrap up in those
if I got cold in the night.

914
01:40:01,200 --> 01:40:05,879
A while later, another man came in.
Another small rightist, I guess.

915
01:40:06,000 --> 01:40:11,599
In the cave, they had
a makeshift brick stove

916
01:40:11,760 --> 01:40:15,199
and a few sticks of kindling.

917
01:40:15,280 --> 01:40:20,319
They heated up a pan of water on that

918
01:40:20,720 --> 01:40:24,519
and made some rice noodles

919
01:40:24,680 --> 01:40:30,079
One of the men said his aunt
in Wuhan had sent them.

920
01:40:30,080 --> 01:40:34,199
He asked if I was hungry and I said yes

921
01:40:34,400 --> 01:40:40,159
that I hadn't had a thing to eat all day

922
01:40:40,880 --> 01:40:46,199
I thought it was nice of him to offer.

923
01:40:47,160 --> 01:40:55,160
Those cadres in the office hadn't
cared enough to offer me any food.

924
01:40:56,160 --> 01:40:59,439
They couldn't be bothered.

925
01:41:00,200 --> 01:41:07,839
So when the men offered
to share theirs, I said yes.

926
01:41:08,040 --> 01:41:13,999
really was hungry, because
I hadn't eaten a thing all day.

927
01:41:14,000 --> 01:41:20,839
Of course, I didn't eat much because
I knew they didn't have much to spare.

928
01:41:21,080 --> 01:41:25,599
I knew what it must have cost
them to share those noodles.

929
01:41:25,680 --> 01:41:29,839
So I just ate a little.

930
01:41:30,280 --> 01:41:36,439
I had some little bread rolls with
me, so I gave them one each.

931
01:41:36,640 --> 01:41:41,839
They kept saying over and over
how delicious they were.

932
01:41:41,840 --> 01:41:47,599
By then, our rations were up to
30 pounds, same as the cadres

933
01:41:47,720 --> 01:41:51,719
But these men had
never seen food like this.

934
01:41:51,800 --> 01:41:58,919
After eating, they went straight to bed.

935
01:41:59,080 --> 01:42:07,079
They were at one end of the
cave, and I was at the other.

936
01:42:07,720 --> 01:42:12,639
They said to roll out my
bedroll anywhere l wanted.

937
01:42:12,760 --> 01:42:17,119
They went right to sleep,

938
01:42:17,240 --> 01:42:21,799
but I felt uncomfortable.
I was still a young woman then.

939
01:42:21,840 --> 01:42:28,239
How could I get any sleep, alone
in a cave with two strange men?

940
01:42:28,760 --> 01:42:34,959
So I just sort of sat there,
wondering what I should do.

941
01:42:35,560 --> 01:42:40,919
The man who brought me must have
noticed I was nervous, because he said:

942
01:42:41,000 --> 01:42:44,719
"Sister, you need your rest.
Don't worry, you're safe here.

943
01:42:44,760 --> 01:42:50,239
By that time, it was already quite late,
so I figured I might as well.

944
01:42:50,400 --> 01:42:56,479
I spread out my two blankets.

945
01:42:56,880 --> 01:43:01,159
I was sure that they had
belonged to someone who'd died.

946
01:43:01,240 --> 01:43:04,959
The cave was almost empty,

947
01:43:05,080 --> 01:43:09,279
but it was full of blankets and quilts.

948
01:43:11,280 --> 01:43:18,039
Anyway, I spread out my blankets
and covered myself with my coat.

949
01:43:18,520 --> 01:43:22,359
The roof of the cave was covered
with boards and tree branches.

950
01:43:22,360 --> 01:43:28,039
but you could still see
the stars through the cracks.

951
01:43:28,560 --> 01:43:35,239
And it was drafty, like there was an
ill wind blowing through the cave.

952
01:43:35,920 --> 01:43:41,839
I couldn't get to sleep that night.

953
01:43:42,720 --> 01:43:47,919
I was exhausted from my long
trip, and from crying all day,

954
01:43:48,480 --> 01:43:52,039
but I kept tossing and turning.

955
01:43:52,120 --> 01:43:59,039
I remember lying awake
and looking up at the stars.

956
01:44:01,920 --> 01:44:06,999
I kept thinking about all the
men who had died in this cave.

957
01:44:07,120 --> 01:44:13,079
Maybe they were still here.
maybe their spirits never left.

958
01:44:14,520 --> 01:44:21,999
Maybe they were peeping down
into the cave through the cracks

959
01:44:23,280 --> 01:44:28,279
wondering what was happening here.

960
01:44:29,720 --> 01:44:33,839
All those angry ghosts..

961
01:44:37,080 --> 01:44:43,519
They didn't leave this world willingly.

962
01:44:44,240 --> 01:44:48,279
The world rejected them.

963
01:44:51,360 --> 01:44:56,839
Now they were in another, darker place,

964
01:44:57,920 --> 01:45:03,079
and they didn't want to be there

965
01:45:05,880 --> 01:45:11,279
They were in no hurry to walk
that road into the netherworld.

966
01:45:11,280 --> 01:45:14,959
They still loved this world.

967
01:45:22,680 --> 01:45:28,999
But the world had already
turned its back on them.

968
01:45:32,920 --> 01:45:40,159
It had separated them from
their loved ones, forever.

969
01:45:43,120 --> 01:45:48,879
They must have had so
many hopes and dreams.

970
01:45:53,640 --> 01:45:56,519
But now those hopes..

971
01:45:56,880 --> 01:46:00,319
..were lost to them.

972
01:46:05,040 --> 01:46:09,559
Of course, I also thought of my husband.

973
01:46:16,680 --> 01:46:20,399
He had hoped to reform himself.

974
01:46:20,800 --> 01:46:26,719
to be welcomed back into
the arms of the people.

975
01:46:27,600 --> 01:46:32,439
He had hoped to continue his writing.

976
01:46:32,880 --> 01:46:38,359
to make a fresh start, but
now he was gone forever

977
01:46:39,160 --> 01:46:43,719
We'd never see him again.

978
01:46:48,920 --> 01:46:55,759
I remembered how, during the
worst of the struggle sessions,

979
01:46:58,600 --> 01:47:02,119
he would hold me in his arms,

980
01:47:04,080 --> 01:47:09,359
and call me his little "Jiao Jiao"

981
01:47:09,760 --> 01:47:13,319
I thought of the sound of his heartbeat,

982
01:47:13,640 --> 01:47:18,879
and of our hearts beating together.

983
01:47:21,280 --> 01:47:29,280
But now his heart had stopped beating.

984
01:47:30,880 --> 01:47:36,359
and I would never hear that sound again.

985
01:47:39,200 --> 01:47:45,639
He had left me and the children
to face all that hardship alone.

986
01:47:45,920 --> 01:47:49,479
And I was still a rightist.

987
01:47:49,920 --> 01:47:55,799
My husband was gone,
and I was still a rightist.

988
01:48:01,480 --> 01:48:07,119
I didn't know how I could go on.

989
01:48:09,640 --> 01:48:14,799
I couldn't bear the burden alone.

990
01:48:17,320 --> 01:48:22,519
I was weak, frail, a rightist..

991
01:48:22,520 --> 01:48:28,359
..how was I going to raise
those two kids all by myself?

992
01:48:38,840 --> 01:48:44,919
remember before we left Lanzhou,
he quoted a line from War and Peace:

993
01:48:45,120 --> 01:48:48,719
"While there is life there is joy".

994
01:48:49,440 --> 01:48:55,519
But now his life was gone

995
01:48:57,240 --> 01:48:59,599
And that joy..

996
01:49:01,520 --> 01:49:08,999
.. that joy that everyone deserves,
was something he would never know.

997
01:49:12,360 --> 01:49:17,559
I wondered if he knew I was here,

998
01:49:17,560 --> 01:49:24,799
if maybe he was up there
somewhere, looking down at me.

999
01:49:28,320 --> 01:49:35,119
still don't know how I managed
to get through that night.

1000
01:49:35,120 --> 01:49:41,199
I just remember tossing and
turning, tossing and turning..

1001
01:49:46,120 --> 01:49:51,479
..until finally the sun came up.

1002
01:49:55,880 --> 01:50:00,759
The next morning,
one of the men left early.

1003
01:50:01,280 --> 01:50:07,359
I got dressed and told the other man

1004
01:50:08,440 --> 01:50:11,479
that I wanted to see my husband's grave.

1005
01:50:11,480 --> 01:50:15,719
He had to ask the cadres for permission.

1006
01:50:15,720 --> 01:50:21,759
When he came back, he said
Jingchao's grave was far away,

1007
01:50:21,760 --> 01:50:27,479
but that I shouldn't worry,
he'd been given a proper burial.

1008
01:50:28,720 --> 01:50:31,799
I said didn't care how far it was,

1009
01:50:31,800 --> 01:50:34,359
but he tried to talk me out of going.

1010
01:50:34,480 --> 01:50:39,319
That's when I got suspicious.

1011
01:50:39,360 --> 01:50:46,919
We had a lot of deaths in our camp
too, and the burials were hasty.

1012
01:50:47,520 --> 01:50:53,959
I figured they probably
couldn't-find his grave.

1013
01:50:54,360 --> 01:51:00,479
But I didn't want to stand
at some stranger's grave.

1014
01:51:01,320 --> 01:51:04,199
crying.

1015
01:51:06,080 --> 01:51:08,799
and-mourning

1016
01:51:08,880 --> 01:51:11,599
Sol told him to forget it:

1017
01:51:11,640 --> 01:51:17,679
figured-there was no point,
if we couldn't find his grave.

1018
01:51:19,160 --> 01:51:24,279
That night they moved me to
a new place, another cave.

1019
01:51:25,800 --> 01:51:29,519
There were three other people inside.

1020
01:51:29,520 --> 01:51:37,520
A brother and sister from Gansu,
Pei Zifeng's children.

1021
01:51:38,880 --> 01:51:43,919
The other was a female postal worker.

1022
01:51:43,920 --> 01:51:50,839
The kids said their father, a former
schoolteacher, had died in the camp.

1023
01:51:51,160 --> 01:51:55,319
The postal worker also lost her husband.

1024
01:51:55,400 --> 01:52:00,439
I told them I was a journalist and
that my husband -had died here, too.

1025
01:52:00,520 --> 01:52:05,919
After that, we didn't have
much else to talk about..

1026
01:52:07,200 --> 01:52:11,759
mostly we just cried.

1027
01:52:12,680 --> 01:52:16,959
What else was there to say?

1028
01:52:18,400 --> 01:52:25,679
That cave was full of quilts, too,
from all the people who had died.

1029
01:52:25,960 --> 01:52:31,519
Some had been buried in their quilts,
but for others, no one had bothered,

1030
01:52:31,680 --> 01:52:35,359
so there were a lot left over.

1031
01:52:37,320 --> 01:52:40,839
That night, we slept under those quilts.

1032
01:52:40,840 --> 01:52:47,319
assume there must have been other
widows and orphans in those caves,

1033
01:52:47,560 --> 01:52:52,159
and some camp survivors, too,

1034
01:52:52,320 --> 01:52:55,919
but we didn't meet any of them.

1035
01:52:55,960 --> 01:53:02,799
As for the camp cadres, their job was
finished. they didn't care about us.

1036
01:53:06,880 --> 01:53:11,959
Before I came, l had prepared
myself-for the worst

1037
01:53:11,960 --> 01:53:17,639
If Jingchao were dead, I'd
go straight-back to Lanzhou.

1038
01:53:17,760 --> 01:53:22,919
When I left Lanzhou, my sons
were four and seven years old,

1039
01:53:23,040 --> 01:53:29,359
and I hadn't seen them in a few years.

1040
01:53:30,200 --> 01:53:35,559
After leaving my camp
was free to go home.

1041
01:53:35,560 --> 01:53:39,639
Back then, train tickets
were hard to come by,

1042
01:53:39,760 --> 01:53:45,319
so I asked a cadre to help me get one.

1043
01:53:49,560 --> 01:53:52,479
He said okay

1044
01:53:52,480 --> 01:53:57,079
A few hours later, he came back

1045
01:53:57,200 --> 01:54:01,919
and said we didn't
have to pay for tickets.

1046
01:54:02,360 --> 01:54:05,879
Under a new policy,
everyone in the camps,

1047
01:54:06,000 --> 01:54:12,759
whether staff or prisoners,
would be sent home together.

1048
01:54:12,840 --> 01:54:20,840
He said there was a train
leaving later that same day

1049
01:54:21,240 --> 01:54:28,919
and that I could go home with
everyone else, without buying a ticket.

1050
01:54:29,320 --> 01:54:34,599
We left that same day.

1051
01:54:35,480 --> 01:54:41,079
We left from Butte Station
instead of Clearwater Station,

1052
01:54:41,360 --> 01:54:45,399
because the trains only stopped
at Clearwater for a minute,

1053
01:54:45,400 --> 01:54:50,879
and there wasn't even a platform.

1054
01:54:51,360 --> 01:54:56,439
That's when I met Wang Zhi.

1055
01:54:56,800 --> 01:55:03,599
I had so many bags I asked the camp
if they could send someone to help,

1056
01:55:03,800 --> 01:55:07,319
and they sent Wang Zhi.

1057
01:55:08,520 --> 01:55:12,639
The scene at the station
was like a refugee camp,

1058
01:55:12,720 --> 01:55:16,519
with everyone pushing and
shoving to get onboard.

1059
01:55:16,560 --> 01:55:20,399
I knew Wang Zhi had to stay behind,

1060
01:55:20,560 --> 01:55:27,399
so I gave him my last little bread roll.
Years later, he still remembered that!

1061
01:55:28,560 --> 01:55:31,839
He never met Jingchao:

1062
01:55:33,880 --> 01:55:41,159
Later, on the train, a man came up
and asked if I was Jingchao's wife.

1063
01:55:41,800 --> 01:55:48,079
He said he'd heard l was in camp, but
he wasn't allowed to talk to me there.

1064
01:55:48,560 --> 01:55:51,319
That's how I met Zhou Chunsheng.

1065
01:55:51,560 --> 01:55:56,559
He was a 38th Division cadre for years..

1066
01:55:58,720 --> 01:56:06,319
until he had a child out of wedlock.

1067
01:56:07,080 --> 01:56:13,959
Then he lost his military commission
and got sent to a labor reform camp.

1068
01:56:15,360 --> 01:56:19,799
He said her and Jingchao
had been friends,

1069
01:56:19,880 --> 01:56:25,039
and that everyone respected
Jingchao and called him "Specs".

1070
01:56:25,240 --> 01:56:32,319
We didn't talk much, because
of course I was still in mourning.

1071
01:56:33,320 --> 01:56:38,839
It was a very long trip.
Back then, trains were slow.

1072
01:56:40,840 --> 01:56:48,840
What made it worse was that
they didn't give us any food.

1073
01:56:50,960 --> 01:56:56,079
The bread that was meant
for our group went missing.

1074
01:56:56,960 --> 01:57:02,959
They were supposed to
feed us, but-they never did.

1075
01:57:03,160 --> 01:57:07,999
I'd already eaten all the food I'd brought.

1076
01:57:09,320 --> 01:57:13,239
There was a farmer sitting next to me.

1077
01:57:14,320 --> 01:57:17,799
He had some noodles,

1078
01:57:18,080 --> 01:57:25,399
so I traded him some money and grain
coupons for half-a bowl of noodles.

1079
01:57:25,640 --> 01:57:28,799
That's all I had to eat.

1080
01:57:29,320 --> 01:57:33,559
I don't know how the others managed.

1081
01:57:33,640 --> 01:57:41,640
They lied to us through the whole trip,
kept telling us to wait a while longer.

1082
01:57:47,800 --> 01:57:55,800
But by the time we got to
Lanzhou, all the food was gone.

1083
01:57:57,520 --> 01:58:01,119
We never got any of it.

1084
01:58:01,240 --> 01:58:06,759
I figured at least I could
eat when I got home.

1085
01:58:10,080 --> 01:58:17,079
I didn't know there was
famine in Lanzhou, too.

1086
01:58:17,320 --> 01:58:23,919
In the years that I'd been gone,
the city had been starving.

1087
01:58:26,440 --> 01:58:34,313
Later, my sisters told me that at that time, one was
in elementary school and the other was in junior high.

1088
01:58:34,440 --> 01:58:40,515
At that time, the eldest
sister had been admitted into university.

1089
01:58:41,440 --> 01:58:46,355
On Sunday, the two younger ones would walk for
miles to the vegetable market to pick radish leaves.

1090
01:58:46,680 --> 01:58:48,955
Who would eat radish leaves?

1091
01:58:50,000 --> 01:58:56,439
They'd gather up whatever
leftover leaves the farmers had,

1092
01:58:56,440 --> 01:59:01,959
and carry them home in burlap bags.

1093
01:59:02,480 --> 01:59:06,839
Before that, no one in the
city ate radish leaves.

1094
01:59:06,920 --> 01:59:12,999
All that time in Lanzhou, my sisters
and sons had been going hungry.

1095
01:59:13,160 --> 01:59:16,519
The minute I walked in the door,

1096
01:59:20,520 --> 01:59:25,239
It was during winter break,
so my sisters were home.

1097
01:59:25,280 --> 01:59:30,639
They hadn't known conditions
in the camps were so bad.

1098
01:59:32,040 --> 01:59:38,039
My parents had even offered
to send one of my sisters

1099
01:59:38,040 --> 01:59:43,559
to Jingchao's camp with
supplies, if it came to that.

1100
01:59:44,080 --> 01:59:49,799
But by the time I got there,
he'd already been dead a month.

1101
01:59:51,760 --> 01:59:53,719
Even so,

1102
01:59:54,880 --> 02:00:01,559
I think just knowing l was home
safe was a comfort to them.

1103
02:00:05,600 --> 02:00:09,559
It could have been worse.

1104
02:00:11,520 --> 02:00:15,119
After that, I went back to the paper,

1105
02:00:16,120 --> 02:00:19,119
and spent a few years doing odd jobs.

1106
02:00:20,320 --> 02:00:26,999
Then in late September of 1961

1107
02:00:28,120 --> 02:00:34,839
the leadership announced that we
former rightists would be rehabilitated.

1108
02:00:35,480 --> 02:00:40,639
It was the day we'd all been waiting for.

1109
02:00:40,640 --> 02:00:45,359
But when I heard that Jingchao
and all the others who had died

1110
02:00:45,360 --> 02:00:50,559
would be posthumously rehabilitated,

1111
02:00:50,600 --> 02:00:53,399
all I could do was cry.

1112
02:00:54,920 --> 02:01:01,639
What did it matter now?
We'd lost a husband and father!

1113
02:01:13,640 --> 02:01:18,199
Even though I had survived

1114
02:01:18,280 --> 02:01:24,759
and I had my sons back, we
would always be a broken family.

1115
02:01:25,120 --> 02:01:30,479
The paper gave us a little apartment,
and I moved in there with my sons.

1116
02:01:31,000 --> 02:01:34,159
Later, after my rehabilitation,

1117
02:01:34,160 --> 02:01:41,319
was transferred into
the archives department.

1118
02:01:42,280 --> 02:01:48,679
Raising a family of three on a salary
of 58.24 yuan a month wasn't easy.

1119
02:01:49,240 --> 02:01:55,959
There were times we went hungry.
Even as late as '62, food was scarce.

1120
02:01:56,600 --> 02:02:02,239
But the three of us managed to get by.

1121
02:02:04,280 --> 02:02:08,879
Then during the Cultural Revolution,
it happened all over again!

1122
02:02:08,880 --> 02:02:11,439
I haven't told you about that yet.

1123
02:02:11,440 --> 02:02:15,439
I was branded a rightist again.

1124
02:02:15,440 --> 02:02:18,319
By March of 1969,

1125
02:02:18,320 --> 02:02:23,679
the paper was under military control,
taken over by ultra-leftists.

1126
02:02:23,680 --> 02:02:27,679
Sixty or seventy of us
were detained in cowsheds.

1127
02:02:28,040 --> 02:02:30,359
One was arrested.

1128
02:02:30,360 --> 02:02:36,679
Because of my so-called bad attitude,
my punishment was relatively severe.

1129
02:02:36,680 --> 02:02:44,039
was branded a rightist, lost my job
and got sent down for labor reform.

1130
02:02:44,640 --> 02:02:50,959
got sent down my dad's hometown of
Huining, though I'd never lived there.

1131
02:02:51,240 --> 02:02:55,079
I had no choice.

1132
02:02:57,040 --> 02:03:02,599
They said our family were landlords,

1133
02:03:03,520 --> 02:03:09,390
During the Cultural Revolution, I wrote materials in the cowshed,
saying that our family was not a landlord and had no land

1134
02:03:09,391 --> 02:03:11,279
We were working class.

1135
02:03:11,400 --> 02:03:17,679
They asked a lot of questions about
my father's hometown of Huining.

1136
02:03:18,400 --> 02:03:24,399
But I didn't even know the
name of the nearest commune!

1137
02:03:24,680 --> 02:03:28,239
I hadn't been back in decades.
How on earth would I know?

1138
02:03:28,240 --> 02:03:32,959
Then they asked me about a
commune called "Gangou".

1139
02:03:32,960 --> 02:03:40,960
said I'd heard my dad talk about a
place by that name when I was little.

1140
02:03:41,840 --> 02:03:49,239
From that, they managed to get in touch
with some relatives on my father's side.

1141
02:03:49,760 --> 02:03:52,519
Then in early April,

1142
02:03:54,040 --> 02:04:00,399
got sent down to Huining for labor reform.

1143
02:04:00,720 --> 02:04:07,319
I remember there was a huge
blizzard the day I arrived.

1144
02:04:07,440 --> 02:04:13,079
You know that woman from Huining,
Auntie Wang Xiulan? She said:

1145
02:04:13,160 --> 02:04:19,239
"As long as we have two hands.
we needn't live idly in the cities.

1146
02:04:19,240 --> 02:04:25,279
That started the whole trend of
sending down the urban unemployed,

1147
02:04:25,480 --> 02:04:30,079
shipping them off to the countryside.

1148
02:04:31,960 --> 02:04:37,839
Anyway, I was sent down in early April.

1149
02:04:37,840 --> 02:04:44,559
My older son had been sent down already,
and my younger son was in junior high.

1150
02:04:44,760 --> 02:04:49,079
The plan was to send down
my younger son as well,

1151
02:04:49,240 --> 02:04:55,119
because I was unemployed and he
needed someone to look after him.

1152
02:04:55,520 --> 02:04:59,319
But he was smart for his age.

1153
02:04:59,320 --> 02:05:03,759
He knew conditions in
the countryside were bad,

1154
02:05:03,760 --> 02:05:09,799
so he asked his advisor on the Mao Zedong
Thought Propaganda Team for advice.

1155
02:05:09,800 --> 02:05:13,919
He told my son he didn't
have to go if he didn't want to.

1156
02:05:13,920 --> 02:05:18,639
After that, I transferred
my son's residence permit

1157
02:05:18,640 --> 02:05:22,919
so that he could stay with
my mother in Lanzhou.

1158
02:05:22,920 --> 02:05:29,999
The school gave him a few days off
to help me get settled in Huining.

1159
02:05:31,720 --> 02:05:37,719
I had some uncles in Huining,
my father's half-brothers.

1160
02:05:37,720 --> 02:05:43,039
Same father, different mothers.

1161
02:05:43,440 --> 02:05:49,919
They'd moved back to Huining when..

1162
02:05:51,080 --> 02:05:54,919
.here it gets a little complicated.

1163
02:05:54,920 --> 02:05:59,239
You see, my grandfather had
a wife and a concubine.

1164
02:05:59,240 --> 02:06:04,479
My father was born to the first wife,
and my uncles to the concubine.

1165
02:06:04,720 --> 02:06:11,439
When my grandfather died in 1947,
the concubine had to leave Lanzhou.

1166
02:06:11,440 --> 02:06:17,239
Her people had some land in Huining,
20 or 30 mu, that they rented out.

1167
02:06:17,240 --> 02:06:23,719
Later, when she was branded a
landlord for having that bit of land,

1168
02:06:23,720 --> 02:06:30,399
the whole family found themselves
stuck with a bad class background.

1169
02:06:30,440 --> 02:06:38,440
Even though my uncles were considered
"landlords", they were all very poor.

1170
02:06:39,120 --> 02:06:47,039
When I got sent down, the paper assumed
one of my uncles would have room for me,

1171
02:06:47,200 --> 02:06:54,679
that I would "be provided for".
That's what they always said, right?

1172
02:06:55,120 --> 02:07:00,559
But when I got there, I realized that
none of them had any room to spare.

1173
02:07:00,600 --> 02:07:06,719
My oldest uncle was only seven
or eight years older than me.

1174
02:07:07,040 --> 02:07:13,639
He had a wife and four or five kids.

1175
02:07:13,800 --> 02:07:19,599
The whole family lived in one room
and slept on one big platform bed.

1176
02:07:19,920 --> 02:07:26,079
The other uncles weren't any better of.
They lived in single rooms or caves.

1177
02:07:26,080 --> 02:07:31,399
None of them had any room for me.

1178
02:07:32,240 --> 02:07:35,919
Of course, my uncle also
knew that I was a rightist,

1179
02:07:35,920 --> 02:07:40,159
and as a landlord, he faced
enough class tension as it was.

1180
02:07:40,680 --> 02:07:46,119
I remember him saying..

1181
02:07:48,080 --> 02:07:52,399
. oh, but the house is so small.

1182
02:07:52,400 --> 02:07:57,879
and we're probably better off

1183
02:07:58,240 --> 02:08:02,319
not "eating at the same trough".

1184
02:08:02,520 --> 02:08:06,479
Do you know that phrase?

1185
02:08:06,480 --> 02:08:11,959
He meant that if we lived together,
we'd both be guilty by association.

1186
02:08:12,320 --> 02:08:17,239
He said I'd be better off
in a non-landlord household.

1187
02:08:17,560 --> 02:08:24,079
The cadre who had traveled with me,
Captain Zhang, was a nice man.

1188
02:08:24,240 --> 02:08:32,240
He was still in the village, staying
overnight with one of the local cadres.

1189
02:08:33,800 --> 02:08:41,800
My uncle said I'd better hurry up
and catch him before he left,

1190
02:08:42,360 --> 02:08:47,479
and see if he could arrange
someplace else for me to live.

1191
02:08:47,720 --> 02:08:54,079
So my uncle dragged me over there,

1192
02:08:54,360 --> 02:08:58,599
and we asked to speak to Captain Zhang.

1193
02:08:58,840 --> 02:09:05,759
told Captain Zhang that there was
no room for me at my uncle's house.

1194
02:09:05,960 --> 02:09:08,359
Naturally, he understood.

1195
02:09:08,360 --> 02:09:15,639
There wasn't enough room for me,
let alone all of my things.

1196
02:09:15,960 --> 02:09:20,719
I'd brought along

1197
02:09:21,120 --> 02:09:27,839
a whole carload of things, and
there wasn't any place to store them.

1198
02:09:28,440 --> 02:09:34,799
The captain said he'd think
it over, and sent us home,

1199
02:09:34,920 --> 02:09:40,559
so I spent that night at my uncle's house.

1200
02:09:40,680 --> 02:09:46,119
The next day, the captain told me there
was a family of farmers named Wang

1201
02:09:46,320 --> 02:09:49,599
who were wiling to take me in.

1202
02:09:49,720 --> 02:09:56,719
That same day, my younger uncles came
over to help me move my things.

1203
02:09:57,000 --> 02:10:04,439
The Wangs were "lower-middle peasant"
class. When my uncle heard the news,

1204
02:10:04,520 --> 02:10:10,719
he said the Wangs were nice people,
and that they'd take good care of me.

1205
02:10:10,800 --> 02:10:16,159
So that day, we loaded all of my things
into a handcart and took them over.

1206
02:10:16,160 --> 02:10:22,799
The family lived in an "arch cave".
Do you know what that means?

1207
02:10:23,200 --> 02:10:29,839
Right, it's shaped like an arch, made of
mud bricks. I'd never seen one before.

1208
02:10:29,840 --> 02:10:33,319
The walls were just packed dirt.

1209
02:10:33,320 --> 02:10:39,479
The family was so poor they
couldn't afford rafters or roof tiles,

1210
02:10:39,720 --> 02:10:45,839
so the ceiling was made of mud bricks,
rounded like an archway in a city wall.

1211
02:10:46,720 --> 02:10:53,199
They had an empty room, so
moved my things in there.

1212
02:10:53,400 --> 02:10:55,879
You could cook in there, too.

1213
02:10:55,880 --> 02:11:03,119
The whole room was only two
or three meters in diameter,

1214
02:11:04,360 --> 02:11:10,119
and about six or seven meters
long, with a kang for sleeping.

1215
02:11:10,120 --> 02:11:15,159
For cooking, I'd brought along a steel wok.

1216
02:11:15,440 --> 02:11:18,919
In the countryside,
they used those big woks,

1217
02:11:18,920 --> 02:11:21,359
but mine was smaller, about this big.

1218
02:11:21,360 --> 02:11:29,360
My uncle helped me set up a small
brick stove in the corner of the cave,

1219
02:11:30,560 --> 02:11:33,399
so I could do my own cooking.

1220
02:11:33,400 --> 02:11:35,239
After that..

1221
02:11:35,240 --> 02:11:42,799
..he used some kindling to make a fire,

1222
02:11:43,280 --> 02:11:50,279
and helped me boil some water in the wok.

1223
02:11:50,640 --> 02:11:57,399
I had a thermos I'd brought from home,
so after that, I always had hot water.

1224
02:11:57,960 --> 02:12:01,799
The Wangs were really good to me.

1225
02:12:02,520 --> 02:12:08,879
We were actually distant relatives,
several times removed.

1226
02:12:09,280 --> 02:12:13,799
The grandfather of the family
told me to call him "Grandpa Wang"

1227
02:12:14,000 --> 02:12:22,000
I can't remember exactly how we were
related, but they treated me like family.

1228
02:12:22,840 --> 02:12:28,839
l was in my 30's, and the parents in their
50's, so I called them "Mother and Father Wang".

1229
02:12:28,920 --> 02:12:36,920
At that time, I still
hadn't received a ration card,

1230
02:12:38,400 --> 02:12:45,279
so the first night, the family
shared their dinner with me.

1231
02:12:45,480 --> 02:12:50,319
.I think it was buckwheat
noodles and homemade pickles.

1232
02:12:50,960 --> 02:12:58,960
As I said, the Wangs were
distant relatives of ours.

1233
02:12:59,560 --> 02:13:07,079
One of my uncles knew them well.
That night, mother Wang told me

1234
02:13:07,440 --> 02:13:15,440
they hadn't used that empty room in a
while, but they'd heat the kang for me.

1235
02:13:16,160 --> 02:13:19,599
So I had a warm bed to sleep in that night.

1236
02:13:19,600 --> 02:13:23,759
After dinner, I went straight to bed.

1237
02:13:24,760 --> 02:13:29,959
The next morning..

1238
02:13:31,800 --> 02:13:38,319
I had to go to the commune offices
to apply for a ration card.

1239
02:13:38,320 --> 02:13:44,479
The commune was several miles away, and
there was a lot of red tape to sort out,

1240
02:13:44,560 --> 02:13:51,639
so I didn't do any work that day.

1241
02:13:54,320 --> 02:14:00,439
Once I got my ration card, they gave
me a months' supply of wheat flour

1242
02:14:00,560 --> 02:14:07,519
so I could start cooking for myself.

1243
02:14:08,680 --> 02:14:13,679
Father Wang also told me to
buy a little wicker basket,

1244
02:14:15,720 --> 02:14:22,079
the kind you could tie onto your back.

1245
02:14:22,080 --> 02:14:28,719
Everyone in the village used those baskets
for work, and for carrying things around.

1246
02:14:28,920 --> 02:14:35,959
Our work was mostly hauling manure
from one place to another.

1247
02:14:36,800 --> 02:14:42,759
Also, you had to gather
wild grass for kindling,

1248
02:14:43,240 --> 02:14:51,240
and donkey and horse
dung to fuel the stoves.

1249
02:14:54,040 --> 02:15:00,439
started work on the third day.
My job was mostly carrying manure.

1250
02:15:01,400 --> 02:15:08,039
The leader of our work brigade had
already told everyone about me,

1251
02:15:08,040 --> 02:15:13,119
so from the start, they knew
was a rightist from Lanzhou.

1252
02:15:13,320 --> 02:15:18,679
But the farmers didn't seem to mind
as much as the brigade leader.

1253
02:15:18,800 --> 02:15:25,119
He was the type who used the Cultural
Revolution as an excuse to be a bully.

1254
02:15:25,240 --> 02:15:31,439
But the women I worked with
were very friendly and curious,

1255
02:15:31,440 --> 02:15:36,879
and asked me all sorts of questions.

1256
02:15:38,880 --> 02:15:46,039
At first I worked with the brigade leader,

1257
02:15:46,360 --> 02:15:54,360
until the other women told me that
he loaded the baskets too heavily.

1258
02:15:56,080 --> 02:16:03,839
They said if I joined up with them,
the work would be much lighter.

1259
02:16:04,000 --> 02:16:10,479
It wasn't like the labor farm, where you had
to work quickly, and couldn't stand around:

1260
02:16:10,720 --> 02:16:15,999
The farmers said, "You're working
for the state now..take it easy.

1261
02:16:16,160 --> 02:16:23,799
That's how it was then. No matter how hard you
worked, you earned the same amount of points.

1262
02:16:23,880 --> 02:16:29,839
So the work was easier
than at the labor camp.

1263
02:16:30,120 --> 02:16:35,679
The brigade leader could quit
work whenever he wanted to,

1264
02:16:35,680 --> 02:16:42,079
call over some of the men to play Go
with clods of dirt on a homemade board.

1265
02:16:42,400 --> 02:16:48,159
He was just putting on a show of working.

1266
02:16:48,560 --> 02:16:56,560
Since this was my second strike, I figured
there wasn't much chance of rehabilitation.

1267
02:16:57,120 --> 02:17:05,120
The farmers in the commune
never treated me like an outsider.

1268
02:17:07,280 --> 02:17:15,199
I remember one day we were goofing off,
when someone saw the boss coming.

1269
02:17:15,320 --> 02:17:21,799
They said, "Careful, the boss is here.
Don't let him see you not working.'

1270
02:17:21,839 --> 02:17:28,519
They knew it didn't mater if they
slacked of, but if I got caught

1271
02:17:28,560 --> 02:17:33,119
I'd be seriously punished.

1272
02:17:33,560 --> 02:17:41,519
The farmers really looked out for me.
They treated me like family.

1273
02:17:41,720 --> 02:17:49,199
I remember right after I arrived, Mother
Wang told everyone they shouldn't treat me

1274
02:17:49,440 --> 02:17:52,559
differently because I was a rightist.

1275
02:17:52,560 --> 02:17:58,519
She said I wasn't an "ist", and that

1276
02:17:58,520 --> 02:18:01,838
they shouldn't treat me as one,

1277
02:18:01,960 --> 02:18:07,559
but as a guest, a member of the family.

1278
02:18:08,680 --> 02:18:16,680
The first day I was there, when I
didn't know how to light the stove,

1279
02:18:17,080 --> 02:18:23,519
they helped me light it.
They were always very kind.

1280
02:18:23,560 --> 02:18:28,998
Every day, Mother Wang left
a pile of kindling at my door.

1281
02:18:29,080 --> 02:18:34,279
They always called me "sister"
and always made sure that

1282
02:18:34,280 --> 02:18:41,199
I had a warm bed to sleep in.

1283
02:18:41,360 --> 02:18:49,360
After so many years in cold labor camps,
it was like I'd gone to heaven,

1284
02:18:50,999 --> 02:18:55,199
like I'd found some personal freedom.

1285
02:18:55,240 --> 02:19:02,079
But life was hard for the farmers.
They didn't even have wells.

1286
02:19:02,280 --> 02:19:06,279
They relied on stored rainwater.

1287
02:19:06,560 --> 02:19:10,599
If you wanted to wash your face,

1288
02:19:10,839 --> 02:19:17,279
you'd splash a bit of water
on your face, and that was it.

1289
02:19:17,400 --> 02:19:25,239
But they made an exception for me,
they let me use a wash basin.

1290
02:19:25,360 --> 02:19:29,479
The family took good care of me.

1291
02:19:30,040 --> 02:19:35,159
But after that first month,
things got more difficult.

1292
02:19:35,240 --> 02:19:40,879
After I finished my ration of flour,
I had to grind the wheat myself.

1293
02:19:41,120 --> 02:19:48,559
There weren't any machines
or donkeys to turn the millstone.

1294
02:19:48,720 --> 02:19:55,719
The donkeys were commune property,
so you had to turn the millstone by hand.

1295
02:19:55,840 --> 02:20:00,759
The others would help
winnow and prepare the wheat,

1296
02:20:00,960 --> 02:20:05,279
but you had to grind
it into flour yourself.

1297
02:20:05,440 --> 02:20:11,879
The work made me feel faint,
because I wasn't used to it.

1298
02:20:12,160 --> 02:20:18,639
It wasn't strenuous work, but
for some reason it made me dizzy.

1299
02:20:18,680 --> 02:20:22,799
One day I broke out in
a sweat while working,

1300
02:20:22,920 --> 02:20:27,319
and Mother Wang came in
and asked me what was wrong.

1301
02:20:27,400 --> 02:20:34,279
She said, 'Why are you sweating?
You don't look so good."

1302
02:20:34,400 --> 02:20:38,319
So I told her I felt faint.

1303
02:20:38,400 --> 02:20:44,919
I don't know why, but all
that grinding made me dizzy.

1304
02:20:45,040 --> 02:20:50,879
She told me to sit down,
and finished the job herself.

1305
02:20:50,880 --> 02:20:58,239
The work at the labor camp
was hard, but I got used to it.

1306
02:20:58,280 --> 02:21:03,799
This was lighter work, but for
some reason I couldn't handle it.

1307
02:21:03,840 --> 02:21:08,999
was so worried about
what I was going to do.

1308
02:21:09,120 --> 02:21:14,679
I couldn't even grind a little
wheat without feeling faint!

1309
02:21:14,880 --> 02:21:19,079
But the family rescued me again.

1310
02:21:19,160 --> 02:21:23,759
Mother Wang knew a family up on
the mountain who owned a donkey.

1311
02:21:23,880 --> 02:21:28,999
There are no donkeys in our team, we
borrowed them from farmers on the mountain.

1312
02:21:29,000 --> 02:21:34,119
I spoke kindly and they lent them to us.

1313
02:21:34,240 --> 02:21:42,119
Even when I couldn't do my work, the
family still found a way to help me.

1314
02:21:42,200 --> 02:21:48,279
After that, I never had to grind
my wheat by hand again.

1315
02:21:48,440 --> 02:21:55,839
The year I arrived, Huining had a lot
of rain, so the harvest was good.

1316
02:21:55,920 --> 02:22:03,920
was young and healthy then,
and was able to work a lot.

1317
02:22:05,440 --> 02:22:12,439
managed to earn enough grain that year

1318
02:22:12,480 --> 02:22:17,719
to last me well into the second year.

1319
02:22:17,800 --> 02:22:25,639
But the third year, there were
droughts and food shortages.

1320
02:22:26,200 --> 02:22:32,319
In Huining, the farmers didn't
harvest the wheat with sickles.

1321
02:22:32,480 --> 02:22:33,159
They pulled it up from the roots.

1322
02:22:33,160 --> 02:22:40,839
I learned how to cut wheat on the farm,
but pulling it out by hand is difficult

1323
02:22:41,840 --> 02:22:45,239
And it causes blisters

1324
02:22:47,120 --> 02:22:54,039
Mother Wang is a "middle-lower" level farmer and doesn't do
much work in the fields. She does some household chores instead.

1325
02:22:54,160 --> 02:22:58,039
Mother Wang took a look at
my blistered hands and said,

1326
02:22:58,040 --> 02:23:05,519
"How are you going to work
tomorrow, with those hands?"

1327
02:23:05,920 --> 02:23:11,519
When I told her I only
knew how to use a sickle,

1328
02:23:11,840 --> 02:23:19,840
she said, "Why didn't you say so?
We've got a sickle you can borrow."

1329
02:23:21,320 --> 02:23:26,239
The wheat was so low you had
to squat down to harvest it.

1330
02:23:26,280 --> 02:23:31,239
But because the women there had
bound feet, they couldn't squat.

1331
02:23:31,240 --> 02:23:36,199
Instead, they'd kneel on the ground
to take the pressure of their feet.

1332
02:23:36,240 --> 02:23:41,919
Most of the women used
homemade kneepads.

1333
02:23:42,520 --> 02:23:46,919
Mother Wang had them
because she had bound feet

1334
02:23:46,960 --> 02:23:52,999
she lent me her kneepads and the sickle.

1335
02:23:54,480 --> 02:24:00,439
It wasn't heavy work,
like at the labor camp.

1336
02:24:00,720 --> 02:24:04,719
And the others in the commune.

1337
02:24:04,840 --> 02:24:12,840
.were very good to me. They treated
me like a person, not a class enemy.

1338
02:24:17,360 --> 02:24:21,319
Then came the drought,

1339
02:24:21,600 --> 02:24:24,719
and there wasn't enough to eat.

1340
02:24:25,040 --> 02:24:27,519
Times were tough.

1341
02:24:27,640 --> 02:24:33,839
Even the dogs had no water to drink.

1342
02:24:34,560 --> 02:24:41,999
People used to let their dogs out at night
so they could go drink from the river.

1343
02:24:42,160 --> 02:24:48,039
The river water was bitter, but people
barely had enough water for themselves,

1344
02:24:48,200 --> 02:24:51,879
let alone their dogs.

1345
02:24:54,360 --> 02:24:59,159
The first winter, we got
a large ration of potatoes,

1346
02:24:59,480 --> 02:25:02,839
several hundred pounds of them.

1347
02:25:03,080 --> 02:25:11,080
We stored them in the cellar,
so we always had potatoes handy.

1348
02:25:13,320 --> 02:25:20,119
Even the noodles we ate were
made from potatoes and flour.

1349
02:25:20,120 --> 02:25:25,799
To this day, I can't eat potatoes
because I got so sick of them!

1350
02:25:28,320 --> 02:25:33,839
But the next year, we had a drought,
and the peasants were starving.

1351
02:25:33,840 --> 02:25:39,559
got by on grain coupons sent from home.

1352
02:25:40,880 --> 02:25:46,719
It was worse for the peasants.
Even their dogs died.

1353
02:25:47,560 --> 02:25:53,519
The brigade leader never
went hungry, because he stole.

1354
02:25:53,680 --> 02:25:58,479
While the peasants' dogs
were starving to death,

1355
02:25:58,880 --> 02:26:06,119
Rumors had it that he was fattening up his
pigs, made 40 bowls of lard from the pigs.

1356
02:26:06,680 --> 02:26:12,559
His kids always got the
easiest jobs in the commune,

1357
02:26:12,560 --> 02:26:17,039
but received the most work points.

1358
02:26:17,040 --> 02:26:22,839
They could steal grain,
so they never went hungry.

1359
02:26:23,240 --> 02:26:26,879
By then, the class
struggle had intensified.

1360
02:26:27,080 --> 02:26:31,279
I think it was Lin Biao who said..

1361
02:26:32,000 --> 02:26:36,799
there was some directive or other,
I can't remember the number..

1362
02:26:37,120 --> 02:26:41,279
. something about evacuating
urban residents to the countryside.

1363
02:26:41,360 --> 02:26:46,759
I think that's what it was.
I can't remember exactly.

1364
02:26:47,200 --> 02:26:52,959
At any rate, quite a few people were
evacuated from Lanzhou to the countryside.

1365
02:26:54,440 --> 02:26:59,719
Our brigade leader liked
to lecture us about that.

1366
02:26:59,760 --> 02:27:05,239
Once a war breaks out now,

1367
02:27:05,760 --> 02:27:11,519
If these "ists" dare to have activities,

1368
02:27:11,520 --> 02:27:18,559
We can handle them anytime and
execute them, that's how serious it was.

1369
02:27:20,720 --> 02:27:23,719
But by 1972,

1370
02:27:23,960 --> 02:27:28,159
some Cultural Revolution
cases were being reopened.

1371
02:27:28,560 --> 02:27:34,719
A lot of us from paper had
been arrested and sent down

1372
02:27:35,040 --> 02:27:39,359
there were rightists like me,

1373
02:27:39,360 --> 02:27:44,959
and so-called "bad elements'
and counter-revolutionaries.

1374
02:27:45,280 --> 02:27:51,479
There was one man who'd
been accused of pilfering.

1375
02:27:52,440 --> 02:27:57,759
His wife was unemployed
and the family was poor.

1376
02:27:59,640 --> 02:28:03,199
They said he'd been stealing.

1377
02:28:03,880 --> 02:28:08,559
.. oh, coal or something like that.

1378
02:28:08,960 --> 02:28:16,239
For stealing that little bit of coal, he
was branded a "bad element" and sent down.

1379
02:28:16,840 --> 02:28:24,159
At that time, it was a double punishment.

1380
02:28:24,160 --> 02:28:29,599
You lost your job as well
as your party membership.

1381
02:28:29,760 --> 02:28:37,519
My relatives in Lanzhou wrote me a letter

1382
02:28:38,440 --> 02:28:43,799
suggesting I come back and
have my case reopened.

1383
02:28:44,080 --> 02:28:46,319
But how could I?

1384
02:28:46,320 --> 02:28:51,679
Then my sister sent a telegram
saying I had to come home

1385
02:28:51,920 --> 02:28:56,959
because my younger son had pneumonia.

1386
02:28:57,080 --> 02:29:01,159
He needed me to look after him.

1387
02:29:01,200 --> 02:29:07,879
But my supervisors said
the telegram wasn't "official"

1388
02:29:08,880 --> 02:29:15,079
because it didn't have an
official work-unit seal.

1389
02:29:15,800 --> 02:29:20,399
My sister's work-unit was a small factory,

1390
02:29:20,480 --> 02:29:24,599
but she was on good terms with her boss.

1391
02:29:24,680 --> 02:29:29,079
So she was able to send another telegram

1392
02:29:29,760 --> 02:29:33,879
with the factory's official seal.

1393
02:29:34,000 --> 02:29:41,359
asked again if I could go back to Lanzhou,
and this time they gave me permission.

1394
02:29:42,080 --> 02:29:49,839
Of course, my real motive for
going home was to try to reopen my case.

1395
02:29:51,680 --> 02:29:58,439
At that time, Lanzhou had a
strict residence permit policy.

1396
02:29:58,640 --> 02:30:05,319
Once, my son and I were
staying at my mother's house,

1397
02:30:05,320 --> 02:30:10,399
At that time my mother was
staying at my second sister's house

1398
02:30:10,400 --> 02:30:14,439
inspectors came knocking in the middle of
the night to check our residence permits.

1399
02:30:14,880 --> 02:30:19,199
One of them was a relative.

1400
02:30:19,360 --> 02:30:24,479
Of course he knew who I was,
but he asked my son anyway.

1401
02:30:24,600 --> 02:30:30,359
Then he winked at us, and left
without checking our permits.

1402
02:30:30,600 --> 02:30:38,039
After that, we moved into my second sister's dorm,
who worked in a government agency at the time.

1403
02:30:38,360 --> 02:30:43,639
She'd just had a baby, and needed help

1404
02:30:43,840 --> 02:30:48,079
with babysitting and housework. And they
don't check permits in government agency.

1405
02:30:48,400 --> 02:30:55,839
So I helped her out around the house
while I waited for news on my case.

1406
02:30:56,200 --> 02:31:04,200
The paper was under military control,
so of course, things moved slowly.

1407
02:31:04,600 --> 02:31:12,600
They were very cold to me,
not at all helpful.

1408
02:31:14,040 --> 02:31:22,040
all the paperwork had to go
through the public security bureau.

1409
02:31:24,720 --> 02:31:31,239
The first time I applied to be
reinstated, my request was denied,

1410
02:31:31,480 --> 02:31:36,959
and they said I had to go back to Huining.

1411
02:31:37,320 --> 02:31:45,320
Fortunately, I had a cousin whose husband
worked in the public security bureau.

1412
02:31:46,000 --> 02:31:52,759
Although he hadn't worked there long,

1413
02:31:52,840 --> 02:31:56,999
his supervisor had some influence.

1414
02:31:57,040 --> 02:32:01,359
By going through that back channel,

1415
02:32:01,400 --> 02:32:09,400
I finally managed to have my
case heard, and get my job back.

1416
02:32:10,840 --> 02:32:16,559
came back to Lanzhou in April of 1972,

1417
02:32:17,040 --> 02:32:20,879
but it wasn't until August of 1974

1418
02:32:21,000 --> 02:32:28,439
that I was able to get
reinstated at the paper.

1419
02:32:29,840 --> 02:32:33,239
I knew I couldn't stay there long.

1420
02:32:33,240 --> 02:32:38,319
It was too politicized an environment,

1421
02:32:38,440 --> 02:32:44,639
and I was a recently rehabilitated
rightist. I knew the paper didn't want me,

1422
02:32:44,760 --> 02:32:49,759
so I thought I'd find
another job in Lanzhou.

1423
02:32:50,160 --> 02:32:52,839
My mother was already in her sixties then,

1424
02:32:52,880 --> 02:32:56,399
and she was in very poor health.

1425
02:32:56,520 --> 02:33:01,639
My sister had worked
in hydroelectric design,

1426
02:33:01,800 --> 02:33:06,479
but when the Cultural Revolution came,

1427
02:33:06,680 --> 02:33:11,079
she was transferred to a factory.
She had a young child,

1428
02:33:11,360 --> 02:33:17,559
but my mother was too ill to help
much with housekeeping or babysitting.

1429
02:33:17,680 --> 02:33:24,559
was working at the paper then,
in the archives department.

1430
02:33:24,720 --> 02:33:32,239
decided to apply for
a transfer to another job,

1431
02:33:32,680 --> 02:33:38,039
so that I could help
more around the house.

1432
02:33:38,200 --> 02:33:45,839
The Cultural Revolution had left Lanzhou
with a shortage of educated workers,

1433
02:33:46,040 --> 02:33:49,599
particularly junior high school teachers.

1434
02:33:49,600 --> 02:33:57,600
told the paper that I had a heart
condition and that my mother was ill,

1435
02:33:58,400 --> 02:34:05,439
so I wanted to leave the paper
and find work as a teacher.

1436
02:34:06,080 --> 02:34:09,919
They didn't want me anyway,

1437
02:34:10,640 --> 02:34:17,439
but they gave me an ultimatum:

1438
02:34:17,920 --> 02:34:22,199
I had to transfer to southern Gansu.

1439
02:34:22,400 --> 02:34:30,119
If I didn't transfer within three
months, I'd lose my job.

1440
02:34:32,000 --> 02:34:38,959
I'd only just been reinstated,
so how could I protest?

1441
02:34:39,320 --> 02:34:47,320
I just got my job back..
I couldn't afford to lose it again.

1442
02:34:48,200 --> 02:34:56,200
So in the end, I had no choice
but to accept the transfer.

1443
02:34:57,680 --> 02:35:03,359
I had another reason for going.
By then I'd remarried,

1444
02:35:03,440 --> 02:35:09,239
and my second husband was
living in southern Gansu.

1445
02:35:09,360 --> 02:35:16,879
He'd worked at the Northwest
Institute of Minority Studies

1446
02:35:16,880 --> 02:35:22,999
until it was disbanded and most of
the faculty sent to southern Gansu.

1447
02:35:23,080 --> 02:35:31,080
Southern Gansu was freezing, and
the high altitude only made it worse.

1448
02:35:31,640 --> 02:35:38,279
I couldn't stand the altitude.
It was 2900 meters above sea level.

1449
02:35:38,360 --> 02:35:45,439
If it had been anyplace else,
I could have brought my mother.

1450
02:35:45,520 --> 02:35:52,559
But if I couldn't stand the altitude,
I knew it would be worse for her.

1451
02:35:52,960 --> 02:35:57,799
Even though I had to transfer,

1452
02:35:58,040 --> 02:36:05,119
I put it off for as long as
I could, until April of 1975.

1453
02:36:05,240 --> 02:36:10,959
Although she never told me,
my mother told friends

1454
02:36:11,160 --> 02:36:14,959
she didn't think she'd
live very long if I left.

1455
02:36:14,960 --> 02:36:21,599
You see, she lived in a
house with no indoor plumbing.

1456
02:36:21,760 --> 02:36:26,919
After I left, it was just
her and my two boys.

1457
02:36:27,040 --> 02:36:30,759
If she wanted to go to the bathroom,

1458
02:36:30,760 --> 02:36:36,999
she had to walk 7 or 8 minutes
to the nearest public toilet.

1459
02:36:37,080 --> 02:36:42,519
She was already blind in one eye,

1460
02:36:42,560 --> 02:36:48,119
and the other eye wasn't much better.

1461
02:36:48,240 --> 02:36:53,559
She could hardly take
care of herself anymore.

1462
02:36:53,680 --> 02:36:58,519
She knew she wouldn't live long if l left,

1463
02:36:58,640 --> 02:37:05,599
but we didn't have any choice.
When I arrived in Gansu, they asked

1464
02:37:05,720 --> 02:37:13,159
what I could do, and I said I'd like
to teach junior high school Chinese.

1465
02:37:13,280 --> 02:37:20,279
They knew I'd only graduated high school.
but I told them I could handle the job.

1466
02:37:20,360 --> 02:37:27,679
So they posted me to a new school
that needed a language teacher.

1467
02:37:27,800 --> 02:37:34,919
Then I got a letter from my sister
saying that mother was seriously ill.

1468
02:37:35,160 --> 02:37:42,039
I wrote back and told my sister
that we should try treatment,

1469
02:37:42,240 --> 02:37:49,359
but to send me a telegram if
mother's condition didn't improve.

1470
02:37:49,680 --> 02:37:54,799
Less than a week later,
a telegram came.

1471
02:37:54,880 --> 02:38:00,359
My sister hadn't even
received my letter yet,

1472
02:38:00,600 --> 02:38:05,199
but her telegram said
to come home right away.

1473
02:38:05,200 --> 02:38:09,599
I'm sure my colleagues were suspicious.

1474
02:38:09,600 --> 02:38:17,600
I'd only just arrived, and already
I was asking for leave to go home.

1475
02:38:18,240 --> 02:38:24,519
By the time I got back home,
mother was seriously ill.

1476
02:38:24,640 --> 02:38:32,519
She couldn't walk, so my my brother-in-law
had to carry her to the hospital.

1477
02:38:32,680 --> 02:38:40,239
But because she was dying,
the hospital wouldn't admit her.

1478
02:38:41,520 --> 02:38:47,359
was a rightist, my sister
was a factory worker,

1479
02:38:47,440 --> 02:38:54,999
and her husband had been sent down to
Zhangye. None of us had any influence.

1480
02:38:55,320 --> 02:39:03,079
We finally managed to get her into a
hospital of Chinese traditional medicine,

1481
02:39:03,640 --> 02:39:11,119
where they diagnosed her condition
as a retinal-hemorrhage.

1482
02:39:11,120 --> 02:39:16,639
perhaps brought on by excessive stress.

1483
02:39:16,640 --> 02:39:20,919
The prognosis wasn't at all good.

1484
02:39:21,080 --> 02:39:27,359
I think that when I left, my
mother knew she was going to die.

1485
02:39:27,520 --> 02:39:32,599
later told a friend
blamed the Gansu Daily

1486
02:39:32,680 --> 02:39:36,919
for driving two members of
my family to their deaths:

1487
02:39:37,080 --> 02:39:40,599
first my husband, then my mother.

1488
02:39:40,720 --> 02:39:45,559
If I hadn't been sent away, my
mother wouldn't have died so soon.

1489
02:39:45,760 --> 02:39:51,919
Because I hadn't officially started
work, I didn't have classes to teach.

1490
02:39:52,360 --> 02:40:00,360
My one sister couldn't afford to take
a leave of absence from her factory.

1491
02:40:01,240 --> 02:40:09,240
My other sister had two young kids at
home, a newborn-baby and a toddler.

1492
02:40:11,800 --> 02:40:17,799
So I took a leave of absence
to look after our mother.

1493
02:40:18,400 --> 02:40:22,439
Two or three months later,

1494
02:40:22,640 --> 02:40:29,199
after a long illness, my mother died.

1495
02:40:32,080 --> 02:40:40,039
The funeral arrangements
were fairly simple:

1496
02:40:40,360 --> 02:40:44,759
It was just the two of us
my second sister and l:

1497
02:40:44,920 --> 02:40:49,879
She was able to take a few days of work,

1498
02:40:50,040 --> 02:40:55,359
but my other sister couldn't come.

1499
02:40:56,560 --> 02:41:02,279
Later, during winter break,
my sisters-came home

1500
02:41:02,480 --> 02:41:09,719
and we placed a simple headstone
at my mother's gravesite.

1501
02:41:12,200 --> 02:41:19,639
Finally, in December of 1978,
I was politically rehabilitated.

1502
02:41:20,000 --> 02:41:27,559
Because Jingchao was considered a major
rightist, his case wasn't resolved until 1979.

1503
02:41:27,760 --> 02:41:35,239
In the end, all of the dozen or so rightists
at the Gansu Daily were fully rehabilitated.

1504
02:41:35,560 --> 02:41:43,439
Then in 1979, I was transferred
to the Nationalities Institute.

1505
02:42:25,440 --> 02:42:28,519
In 1990, I finally

1506
02:42:28,600 --> 02:42:35,039
got back in touch with some
of the survivors of Gaotai camp,

1507
02:42:37,120 --> 02:42:43,319
including Cao Zonghua and Xu Denghao,
who lived near Gaotai.

1508
02:42:43,600 --> 02:42:48,719
I sent Cao a letter, and he
wrote me back immediately.

1509
02:42:48,840 --> 02:42:53,759
He wrote: "Dear Sister,
I am now back in Gaotai,

1510
02:42:54,640 --> 02:43:00,795
I led a group of
workers in Gaotai recently.

1511
02:43:01,320 --> 02:43:05,029
I know that your husband

1512
02:43:05,880 --> 02:43:10,396
...died in one of the camps in Gaotai
or Mingshui. But I don't know his name.

1513
02:43:10,800 --> 02:43:17,679
I thought I might be able to help you find
his grave, but until I got your letter

1514
02:43:17,840 --> 02:43:22,279
I didn't know how to look.

1515
02:43:22,360 --> 02:43:29,679
For so many-years now, I've
hoped to help you find his grave.

1516
02:43:30,160 --> 02:43:38,160
All those years, I'd been
hoping for the same thing.

1517
02:43:38,400 --> 02:43:44,039
When I left the camp in 1961,
the cadres had lied to me.

1518
02:43:44,200 --> 02:43:51,599
I never found his grave, never got
to say goodbye, or make offerings.

1519
02:43:51,880 --> 02:43:57,559
For decades, I'd waited for the chance.

1520
02:43:57,720 --> 02:44:04,319
Finally in 1991, my oldest son and I

1521
02:44:04,480 --> 02:44:12,480
went to Gaotai-to look
for his father's grave.

1522
02:44:15,320 --> 02:44:22,000
to give him a proper burial at last.

1523
02:44:22,720 --> 02:44:30,720
There weren't any roads leading
out to the graveyard,

1524
02:44:32,480 --> 02:44:40,480
but Cao Zonghua knew the area well,
so he led us there on bicycles.

1525
02:44:41,560 --> 02:44:49,560
My son Faxia rode a borrowed bike, and I
rode on the back of Cao Zonghua's bike.

1526
02:44:51,560 --> 02:44:55,679
Although thirty years had passed,

1527
02:44:56,120 --> 02:45:02,719
I still hoped we'd be able to find
where they had buried my husband.

1528
02:45:02,880 --> 02:45:10,880
For fear that some family members might
come to find the graves, the camp cadres

1529
02:45:15,320 --> 02:45:23,320
had placed stones with the names
of the dead on the grave mounds.

1530
02:45:25,840 --> 02:45:32,439
Some were written in black
ink, some in red paint.

1531
02:45:32,760 --> 02:45:40,760
They put the names face down
so that the writing wouldn't fade.

1532
02:45:43,080 --> 02:45:47,599
Seeing all those graves, I felt so sad.

1533
02:45:48,080 --> 02:45:56,039
After all this time, I wasn't sure if
I could even find my husband's grave.

1534
02:45:56,680 --> 02:46:01,439
When I'd left here, my boys were babies.

1535
02:46:01,560 --> 02:46:03,279
Now I'd brought my adult son

1536
02:46:03,280 --> 02:46:05,759
who had already started working

1537
02:46:05,880 --> 02:46:09,919
to see where his father was buried.

1538
02:46:10,400 --> 02:46:16,719
The moment we entered the
graveyard, I started crying.

1539
02:46:17,680 --> 02:46:25,680
It was enormous, filed with grave mounds.
We walked from mound to mound,

1540
02:46:26,680 --> 02:46:31,919
turned over every stone,
but all the names had faded.

1541
02:46:32,040 --> 02:46:40,040
Cao Zonghua said that when he'd last visited
in 1979, the names were still visible.

1542
02:46:41,480 --> 02:46:49,480
But that was years ago, and
too much time had passed.

1543
02:46:50,400 --> 02:46:58,400
picked up every stone to read the name,

1544
02:47:04,040 --> 02:47:09,479
but we couldn't find my husband's.

1545
02:47:09,600 --> 02:47:16,959
It was the same for every grave.
Al of the names had faded.

1546
02:47:17,400 --> 02:47:25,400
In the end, we made our funeral offerings
in a little clearing in the graveyard.

1547
02:47:26,520 --> 02:47:34,520
We had some fruit-and peaches that
Cao Zonghua had bought locally,

1548
02:47:34,880 --> 02:47:41,679
and some funeral scrolls
we'd brought from Lanzhou.

1549
02:47:42,080 --> 02:47:45,920
There was a long poem I'd written,

1550
02:47:46,280 --> 02:47:54,280
and some funeral couplets by fellow
survivors Yang Kang and Du Bozhi.

1551
02:47:56,200 --> 02:48:04,200
Before he read his poem, my son cried
out "papa" for the first time in 30 years.

1552
02:48:06,600 --> 02:48:11,719
He'd never called his father "papa"

1553
02:48:11,880 --> 02:48:19,519
He'd lost his papa before
he was old enough to speak.

1554
02:48:19,800 --> 02:48:26,959
To hear him calling for his papa for the
first time ever was so moving.

1555
02:48:27,600 --> 02:48:33,759
. by the time he finished reading
his poem, all of us were in tears.

1556
02:48:34,080 --> 02:48:40,879
The sky was overcast that day.

1557
02:48:42,120 --> 02:48:47,559
The graveyard was completely silent,

1558
02:48:47,800 --> 02:48:52,040
no birds or insects chirping.

1559
02:48:52,160 --> 02:48:58,799
In the midst of-that silence,
we burnt our funeral offerings.

1560
02:48:59,120 --> 02:49:05,919
and knelt on the ground, weeping.

1561
02:49:08,360 --> 02:49:15,879
Then I started to read
the poem I'd written,

1562
02:49:15,960 --> 02:49:21,799
but I kept breaking down in tears.

1563
02:49:31,400 --> 02:49:39,400
I knew that I should be the one to
read it, but I just couldn't go on.

1564
02:49:40,120 --> 02:49:48,120
Somehow, in the end,
I managed to read it through.

1565
02:49:50,680 --> 02:49:58,680
Then Cao Zonghua read the couplets that
Yang Kang and Du Bozhi had written.

1566
02:50:00,080 --> 02:50:08,080
They talked about my husband's three
great essays, the persecution he'd faced,

1567
02:50:10,800 --> 02:50:16,959
and the hope that he would rest in peace.

1568
02:50:18,040 --> 02:50:26,040
We also burned some paper offerings
in the local tradition.

1569
02:50:34,120 --> 02:50:40,056
Cao Zonghua lived far from the graveyard,

1570
02:50:40,080 --> 02:50:45,079
but he was ten years younger than me,

1571
02:50:45,280 --> 02:50:50,559
so he gave me a ride back on his bicycle.

1572
02:50:50,560 --> 02:50:58,560
It was a bumpy ride, but at least
we'd done what we set out to do.

1573
02:50:59,080 --> 02:51:05,239
We'd made our funeral offerings
and taken a lot of photos

1574
02:51:05,720 --> 02:51:12,519
including pictures of the cave
I'd stayed in so many years ago.

1575
02:51:12,920 --> 02:51:20,920
We wanted to record every detail.

1576
02:51:24,280 --> 02:51:31,999
Though it was painful, at least
we got the chance to say goodbye

1577
02:51:32,080 --> 02:51:36,079
before we went home.

1578
02:51:36,200 --> 02:51:41,199
After 30 years, we'd made our peace

1579
02:51:41,200 --> 02:51:45,639
but not all of the families were so lucky.

1580
02:51:45,640 --> 02:51:50,519
We may have been the only ones.

1581
02:51:51,000 --> 02:51:57,999
Some of the grave mounds
were surrounded by stones,

1582
02:51:58,080 --> 02:52:03,200
as if the families had been there

1583
02:52:03,280 --> 02:52:09,559
but hadn't been able to move the remains.

1584
02:52:09,560 --> 02:52:17,359
How many must have traveled the
same road, suffered the same loss.

1585
02:52:17,600 --> 02:52:21,879
I never found my husband's grave.

1586
02:52:21,920 --> 02:52:28,519
They'd found their loved ones, but hadn't
been able to give them a proper burial.

1587
02:52:28,560 --> 02:52:33,719
On some of the graves.

1588
02:52:33,720 --> 02:52:38,319
we saw remains, skeletons,

1589
02:52:38,320 --> 02:52:44,039
skulls with their mouths open,

1590
02:52:44,160 --> 02:52:48,199
bones half-buried in the sand.

1591
02:52:48,280 --> 02:52:52,439
It was as if they were crying out

1592
02:52:52,520 --> 02:53:00,520
about the injustices they'd suffered
that wouldn't let them rest in peace.

1593
02:53:03,160 --> 02:53:11,160
After the 1978 Central Committee Directive
No. 55, most rightists were rehabilitated,

1594
02:53:13,680 --> 02:53:18,359
or the cases against them overturned.

1595
02:53:18,680 --> 02:53:23,279
According to official figures,

1596
02:53:23,480 --> 02:53:28,719
552, 877 rightists were
politically rehabilitated,

1597
02:53:28,880 --> 02:53:36,880
That number accounts for 99.98
percent of the total accused.

1598
02:53:39,240 --> 02:53:47,240
Only 96 people weren't rehabilitated. The
book "Leftist Calamity" confirms this number.

1599
02:53:48,360 --> 02:53:53,959
Nowadays, some people will tell
you that only 5 or 6 were left,

1600
02:53:54,080 --> 02:53:57,319
but it was actually 96.

1601
02:53:57,400 --> 02:54:03,439
Dai Huang's book "Nine Lives"
cites the same number, 96 people.

1602
02:54:03,680 --> 02:54:09,759
But the scope of the entire movement
was much greater than reported.

1603
02:54:10,000 --> 02:54:17,799
In the end, 99.98 percent were
either rehabilitated or found innocent.

1604
02:54:18,960 --> 02:54:24,879
I think that the remaining .02 percent,

1605
02:54:24,880 --> 02:54:31,039
those 96 people, were left as examples,

1606
02:54:31,120 --> 02:54:35,999
so as not to repudiate the
entire anti-rightist movement.

1607
02:54:36,000 --> 02:54:41,279
But I believe it should
have been fully repudiated.

1608
02:54:41,280 --> 02:54:48,879
And that figure of 550, 000 
only includes recorded cases.

1609
02:54:49,320 --> 02:54:54,679
Many others went unrecorded.

1610
02:54:54,760 --> 02:55:02,760
College students, for example,
were often dealt with harshly.

1611
02:55:04,200 --> 02:55:12,200
Many students in Lanzhou were accused
as rightists and sent to labor camps.

1612
02:55:14,560 --> 02:55:19,039
Some never made it back alive.

1613
02:55:20,000 --> 02:55:24,959
Our family wasn't the only one persecuted.

1614
02:55:25,040 --> 02:55:29,399
I knew a lot of people who
had suffered just as badly,

1615
02:55:29,600 --> 02:55:33,959
so I had to write the truth about it.

1616
02:55:34,280 --> 02:55:39,839
That's why, when I retired in
1989, I started writing my book.

1617
02:55:40,160 --> 02:55:47,079
At first I encountered a lot of
resistance, even from my sisters.

1618
02:55:47,960 --> 02:55:51,919
"Why write this?" they asked.

1619
02:55:52,000 --> 02:55:56,399
"Why bother writing a book
that might never get published?"

1620
02:55:56,480 --> 02:56:04,480
Some of my friends worried that the
experience was too painful to relive.

1621
02:56:07,680 --> 02:56:15,399
They didn't understand why I would want
to dredge up all those old memories.

1622
02:56:15,840 --> 02:56:23,119
"Why dredge up the past? Wasn't
it painful enough the first time?"

1623
02:56:24,120 --> 02:56:32,120
But that's exactly why I had to
record that period in history.

1624
02:56:34,280 --> 02:56:38,679
The fact that I'd lived
through it personally

1625
02:56:38,840 --> 02:56:44,999
was all the more reason to write it.

1626
02:56:45,600 --> 02:56:49,799
After all, it was my own story.

1627
02:56:50,080 --> 02:56:55,399
Who better to tell it than me?

1628
02:56:56,720 --> 02:57:01,799
And if I didn't write it, would else would?

1629
02:59:47,480 --> 02:59:51,159
I should answer that.

1630
02:59:55,480 --> 02:59:56,480
Hello?

1631
02:59:57,720 --> 02:59:59,719
Yes, this is she.

1632
03:00:02,600 --> 03:00:06,799
No, I hadn't heard that.

1633
03:00:10,080 --> 03:00:11,519
Yes.

1634
03:00:14,600 --> 03:00:16,039
Yes.

1635
03:00:17,880 --> 03:00:20,159
Another survivor.

1636
03:00:20,440 --> 03:00:21,679
Yes.

1637
03:00:26,480 --> 03:00:27,519
Right.

1638
03:00:27,520 --> 03:00:31,479
Yes, he and my husband
were in the same camp.

1639
03:00:35,840 --> 03:00:38,799
Oh, about seventy-four.

1640
03:00:42,320 --> 03:00:45,119
No, he's older than me.

1641
03:00:49,360 --> 03:00:55,599
I had two sons. My oldest died in 2003

1642
03:00:56,560 --> 03:00:59,039
It's just the youngest now.

1643
03:00:59,400 --> 03:01:01,879
Were you rehabilitated?

1644
03:01:02,360 --> 03:01:04,639
Were you a rightist?

1645
03:01:05,040 --> 03:01:06,839
No, I mean..

1646
03:01:07,080 --> 03:01:08,719
Oh, they did?

1647
03:01:09,000 --> 03:01:13,599
And you were rehabilitated later?

1648
03:01:17,760 --> 03:01:23,039
So you were okay during
the Cultural Revolution.

1649
03:01:24,200 --> 03:01:29,799
Why don't I take your name and number?

1650
03:01:30,000 --> 03:01:33,519
Let me get a pen.

1651
03:01:49,480 --> 03:01:51,679
Okay.

1652
03:01:52,480 --> 03:01:55,639
That's "Zheng" as in "correct"?

1653
03:01:56,480 --> 03:01:58,959
Shao Zhengxiang?

1654
03:01:59,200 --> 03:02:00,559
Okay.

1655
03:02:00,960 --> 03:02:03,559
Thank you for calling.

1656
03:02:03,800 --> 03:02:05,879
Goodbye.

1657
03:02:15,400 --> 03:02:21,519
That was a call from Kunming.
Another survivor.

1658
03:02:50,400 --> 03:02:56,736
This film is dedicated
to all those who lived through the revolution
those who made it and those who suffered it